Episode 11 The Graham Norton Show

Why, Mr Jackson - what a splendid show we have tonight.

A renowned actress of period drama, a popular dance band

There are too many famous as people on this show tonight.

Hollywood legend, Samuel L Jackson is here.

The Star of Atonement and Pirates of the Caribbean, the beautiful

And we?ve got music from the fantastic Kasabian!

And Formula One fans, we were hoping to have Jenson Button

Sadly, he's literally just told us he can't make it

but I will talk to him on the phone and find out what's wrong.

You know, it's Formula 1. I'm edging it's a glamorous story. Sipping

champagne. It'll be something good. Formula 1, it is a glamorous sport.

The hunky drivers? The gorgeous pit girls? And the sexy man in charge

It's welcome back to Samuel L Jackson.

He's been in so many big films, like Star Wars.

He needs to be careful with that, he?ll have someone?s eye out.

That?s Samuel playing the role of superhero Nick Fury.

It?s a great look but there?s something missing.

And lovely Keira Knightley - of course her big breakthrough was

Thanks to that film, women?s football got record crowds.

Of course, the World Cup started this week in Brazil.

The locals have all got World Cup Fever - isn't that malaria?

What was making that catchy samba beat?

"Keep hammering, the match starts in five minutes!"

But here's a nice little link between Keira and Samuel.

One of Keira?s earliest roles was also in Star Wars.

She played the lookalike decoy of Princess Padme.

I hear in the new Star Wars movie lots of the characters are

And his decoy? Here?s Jar Jar Binks? And

And his decoy?

Plus some more of your stories in the red chair.

Later we?ll be having music from Kasabian.

But first, be still my beating heart.

Wow! You look beautiful. Hello, my darling. Nice to see you.

And he's an L of a guest - it's Samuel L. Jackson!

Hello, Sir. You are very welcome. Sit down. Are you both well?

Remember, you are chatting for three. This is my first time being

on collision with no socks. It is kind of odd. It is quite risque.

I've thought it was a fashion statement. I have got no socks

either. Annually showed my pants there. You have at least got pants.

Listen, we are very sorry that Jenson Button is not here. Are you

fans of Formula 1? Not really, no? I am in. My uncle got me a cap from

Honda and he got Jenson Button to sign it. That was a pretty lame

Christmas. I was quite impressed. I'm guessing you're not a fan. I've

played golf with Lewis Hamilton. Is he at the back? Because I have a lot

of Formula 1 questions I could ask. Other than that, I don't know

anything about it. Let's find out what happened to Jenson Button.

07, seven, seven... Five... OK, this is it. I wonder who I will actually

talk to? Anybody getting back? -- getting that. Hello? Is that Jenson

Button? It is Jenson Button. This is Graham Norton and a very

disappointed audience. You cannot believe how devastated I am in to

not appear on the show. We want the excuse and it better be good. Well,

I was out on my push-bike and this be came along and stung me. On the

bridge of my nose. Obviously, it is a big shock, initially, massive

pain. And suddenly I got a massive headache, and I'd feel sick and I

look like a balloon. I am not buying that. Is that actually Jenson

Button? You were attacked by a hive, you need to pick it up! A single

bee? I am not buying the story. I want to see his face! Listen,

Jensen, I know you have got the Austrian Grand Prix later in the

month, will you be OK for that? I hope so. That is the crazy thing,

I'd drive at 220 miles an hour and get taken out by a bee and a wasp.

Yes, it is unbelievable. Seriously, we hope you feel better and thank

you for calling. Good luck with the Grand Prix. I know know something

about them. Change that Kelowna! -- command.

Actually, we are lucky that anybody's here because you have been

in lots of action pictures, so you must have had dramatic injuries. No.

None? No. I have never had a dramatic injury. I have actually

been completely fine doing sword fighting and stuff but then added a

film in November were I had to run from a chair to a door and I got up

from the chair and took two steps and ripped my quad muscle. It was

one of those where we had been joking... You're what muscle? Court.

The British accent got me for a second. -- chords. I've entered not

walk for about a month. So that was it. Apart from that, have been fine.

What about you? You had a really bad one. I have been injured a few times

but last October I was shooting a film in Germany and they got thrown

from a freezer about 15 feet from a 12 foot height onto my shoulder and

ended up with that. That is my collarbone. Oh, my! NEC that? -- can

you see that. That is broken. It is all the ligaments that hold your

shoulder down, they have snapped. So my collarbone is up now. But I still

have full function. Does it hurt? No, it's awesome. Jenson Button, if

you are watching, that is an injury. That's right, JB! Now we have lots

to talk about. We have film, fashion, music, but we begin with

fashion and Samuel and, you have been a huge -- because Samuel L

Jackson, you have been on a huge fashion campaign. Yes, trying to get

men to talk about cancer, basically, finding out how to get themselves

checked and speaking to each other about pain. Women talk about it, I'd

got up this morning and I've found a lump... They talk about it. They do.

And they say, how was your Pap smear, all that stuff, but guys

don't. We will talk about a sports injury but not about a nagging pain.

Guys think that we'll me get prostate cancer but guys get breast

cancer, guys get... More men dummy from stomach cancer than anything in

this country. It is a big thing. We're trying to get men to be more

aware of things and go and get checked for this, that and the other

that might be cancer related. Hopefully, they will start to do

that. We're having a big fashion ball on Sunday, kicking off men's

fashion week. And the slogan we've got, do I have its? The slogan is

love the glove. Can you tell what this is about? Some people! Why

would I love the glove? Because that is the most fearful part of getting

checked for cancer for most guys. Guys feel invaded. We were talking

about this and stupidly, I should know, but can you check it yourself?

No. OK. Unless you know what you are feeling for? If you check it every

day and then you noticed a difference... Then it is not a

checkup. That's something else, that's a habit. Well, listen, to

give us more information you have brought along a clip from one of

your promotional films. We asked 212 men to volunteer for a

prostate exam. These are the only ones that said yes.

There is no need to be scared of one little finger.

Love the glove. That is all real? Yes. Those guys actually agreed to

be taped while they were getting a prostate exam. Those were honest

reactions. The fashion show, it is all men's fashion. Because you are

sitting beside a fashion icon, Keira Knightley. Is it true, you all dress

up, but you are not that interested in clothes? Irony like getting

dressed up every now and again but I am a real scruff. You do a lot of

work with Chanel, you do their adverts. Is this Chanel? Don't ask

me, because I do not know who made this. It is lovely. That is the

sound of a gunshot as a designer kills themselves. This was my big

break! It is a lovely thing, so whoever did make it, it is lovely.

Look, maybe we can see if a label. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Not one

label. That was our first mistake. One of the last red carpets you were

on it was a Chanel dress which is amazing looking. You look like a

Christmas cracker. That has been pulled, and the prize was your feet.

Yes, it was a corset, so it is not an optical illusion. It is like you

are made of Lego. The mistake I made was going out to lunch in it

afterwards, and we went to an Italian restaurant and I heard

Bolognese because why wouldn't you? Suddenly you realise, normally in

clothes your tell me might get bigger if you meet Bolognese but you

cannot do it in a corset. It just stays up here. So the belching that

was happening afterwards was absolutely disgusting. You would

think I would know that, having done so many period films, but I did not.

You've had a lot of looks over the years. Perhaps none older than this.

What is going on there? I was hosting the BET awards one year and

channelling Nicky Minage doing bees in the trap. I started with my back

to the camera so it's just the hair and the lyrics, you know

# Bees in the trap # Bees in the trap #

I turned around and everybody had a good laugh. This is a more recent

one, the story behind this is fabulous. You're wearing this

T-shirt. Oh, that T-shirt. Yeah, I was doing press for Captain America

and I was in Atlanta in a studio alone. I was doing press all

morning, you know, the remote things that you don't see the people, just

me and a camera in a studio. This guy came on, Sam Ruben, from LA, and

the Super Bowl had been that past Sunday. He asked me about the

commercial that I was in. Dienjoy the commercial I was in that Sunday.

I wasn't in a commercial. The only commercial I remembered was Lawrence

Fishburn doing a car commercial dressed up. So I just happened to

say, well, I'm not Lawrence Fishburn and I'm not in a commercial and I'm

not the black guy in this commercial or the black guy in that other

commercial. And you should know who you're interviewing. I had a good

time and everybody said I was aye rate and I embarrassed him. I got a

lot of calls from people in Hollywood who really hate him and

said, "That was so great. So great! I can't believe you did that." You

could be forgiven for losing your temper, because it's been going on a

long time. Fish and I have been going through this for, like you

said, a very long time. He and I have been standing together when

people came up to him and start to talking to him about Pulp Fiction. I

just stood there and... LAUGHTER

Like this. At the end, you know, he signed my name and it was great. We

both just look at each other and kind of go... But the Pulp Fiction

thing, it's 20 years ago this year, isn't it? Yes. That part written for

you, but even at the audition... Yeah even at the audition, it was

down to me and another actor, one of the producers came in and they were

about to introduce him to me, he said, "I love your work Mr

Fishburn." OK, fine. I went in angry. Got the job. I also had the

privilege of firing that produce frer another movie like four years

later. Lovely. That's a good feeling. That was kind of good.

Weirdly, Keira, there's the Natalie Portman thing, you started as a look

alike. Yeah. You were mistaken for really odd Natalie Po people. Rtman

I get a lot. She must get chased a lot because it's happened about five

times where somebody has been like "Natalie. Natalie." I'll always sign

and have a picture as Natalie Portman. I get Kate Winslett a lot.

But the surprising one is Britney Spears. That is very surprising. It

is. I quite like the idea that I could kind of do all that, which I

can't do, but you know, and so I've been Britney spears about three Do

you times. Sign for her? Yeah, and have a picture, absolutely. Wow. Not

when it's me. If somebody says me, I go a bit like oh, no, this is really

embarrassing. Every time Britney comes up, definitely. Sometimes you

can't win. I've been every black actor in the world. The funniest one

my wife and I were in Scotland. The driver was taking us back to the

airport. "This is so great. I now have the whole set." My wife was

like, "Set of what? He said, "I've driven Mr Freeman, I've driven Mr

Washington and now you." What is the whole set of?

APPLAUSE Going back to Pulp FORCEDYELLOW no.

Fiction for a second, when they reformat these films, you swear a

lot in films. Me? Even I've noticed. Really? When they have to reformat

these films, is it really you insist on doing it yourself? I'm usually

there, because they always go, well, you know, we have TV and the movie

is on TV and they asked you to dot aeroplane version and it's always

something. -- do the aeroplane version, and it's always something.

Most of the times it's me. I'm Do you there. Get to choose the

replacement words? Sure. You always try to do something as stupid as

possible because you want the audience, well the audience already

knows what the word was. They want something that fits. Yeah. It always

ends up, if it's a tame version, you will say something like Marilyn

Farmer. Maryland Farmer. Or you say monkey fighter. Or I say things like

money feelers. You make up something that's horrid, that doesn't fit. We

have a clip from Snakes on a Planement Yes. Let's see if you can

tell what the words were originally. Enough is enough. I have had it with

these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane.

APPLAUSE So stupid. But the swearing thing,

because I read somewhere, talking in an interview, at home you don't

censor yourself. No, I never have. As a dad, you're quite uncensored

with your daughter. I was. Well she's 32 now. When she was a child,

we spent ape lot of time together. She talked like I talked to her

friends. Or to other people. I remember we were at a wedding once,

and my daughter was, I guess she was maybe one, almost two, and this lady

held her and she said, baby, do you want something to eat? What is that

hit? -- shit? Huh? That shit looks fucked up. Whose baby is that? That

was the beginning of, you know, OK we can't talk to this child. There

must have been that in-between time, when she wasn't a child and before

she was 32, still living at home and like boys... By the time she started

dating, yeah, but she knew who I was. They didn't. They had an idea.

They must have been freaked out when they came and found you. They'd seen

the poofies and all this other stuff. When they came over, I was

not open and like, "Hi, young man, so nice to meet you." We were

talking about this through the week, how intimidating to see you. Do you

remember the Ezekial speech from Pulp Fiction. Could you do that for

us? Imagine, you're about 17 or 18, coming around to the Jackson

residence to pick up lovely Zoe. You get Samuel L Jackson doing this. The

path of the richous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the

selfish and tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of

charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness

for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And

I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger

those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers and you will

know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So smooth. Wow. That was quite

frightening sitting next to him. That was like a privilege. Yeah, it

was. That was good. My friendly speech, you know. I have a couple of

friends that called me and asked me to do that on their answering

machines. I'm glad Jenson wasn't here. He probably would have wet

himself. JB! Ouch. Ouch. His owie from a bee. I get stung by bees four

times a year on the golf course. I keep playing. We must be kind. Now,

listen, Keira, your new movie, we see a whole new side to Kiera

Knightley, Keira sings. Yeah. Take it away. A little burst of

something, now. Couldn't imagine anything worse. Go on. You do it.

He's done his party trick. No, no don't worry. I won't make you sing.

The movie is called Begin Again, opens on July 11. You do Yeah, I

sing. Do. But you're good at it. That was amazing, "You're good at

it!" Like it is a surprise. You seem to hate singing. I actually don't

like singing. I mean I do, if I'm not my own in a shower. But I don't

like singing in front of people. Which I didn't realise until I said

yes to the femme and -- film and suddenly found myself singing in

front of people. Not karaoke? No, hate it! When you go on those

junkets to Japan, don't they take you to a karaoke place. No, they

didn't. What do you sing? I have a karaoke song. What's your karaoke

song? That good, huh? Let's just kiss and say goodbye, yeah. Nice.

Any how, back to you singing. Does Mark sing in this? No, he plays the

guitar. He produces it, in the We should film. Explain a bit more.

It's Nobody understand nonsense. S. So, it's you... I'm a singer-song

writer and I sing. Is that enough? Your boyfriend is a big rock Yes and

star. He dumps me. That's not giving much away. Then I'm suddenly left in

New York not really knowing what to do. I bump into this alcoholic

played by Mark and we decide to produce an album together. We have a

clip. This is yourself and Mark and he's pipping the idea of the album

you're going to record. You don't need a demo, let's record an album.

Every song in a different location, all over New York city. We do it

through the summer. It becomes a tribute to this beautiful, goddamn

crazy fractured mess of a city, New York. OK, under the breath on the

lower east side Empire State Building. Central Park. Chinatown.

Cathedral St John divine. The subway. What happens if it starts

raining. Whatever happens, we record it. If we get arrested? Keep

rolling, it will be beautiful. APPLAUSE

It's not the same as your life, there are paralegals, in that you

are married to a rock Yeah, he'll star. Be very happy to hear himself

called a rock star. Yes, I am. I'm married to a rock star. It's It is

different. Different. But he did actually teach me how to play, well,

he tried to teach me how to play the guitar for this film, which nearly

ended in divorce and murder. I've never been more angry. It's like

nobody should ever do it, if you're married to someone don't get the

other to play a musical instrument. I can't really play the guitar. He

does it very There was well. One bit, where I thought, oh, Keira must

have done that. It's where you're watching him play and all the girls

are in the front going, "Yay-him." You must have had that experience?

Yeah, I have watched from the stage. Only with them it's more beefy dudes

than girls. There are occasions where it's like, yeah, there will be

a lot of girls around and they get very excited. They never got thrown

- I always think bands should have knickers thrown at them. I've never

seen knickers thrown at them. I've seen a bra thrown at them, which was

quite big. Never So not knickers. A threat? No, clearly he's not into

that! I might start going along with knickers so they can experience

that. I'll throw them. You want to get the party started. Yeah.

Supportive wife. Exact ly. Very, Klaxons, their album's out Monday,

by the way. Now very supportive, right? Very good. What would you

worse for you, having to sing in fronts of a large audience or do

your sex faces? Right now? I'm not asking you to do them now? I'm so

pleased. Which would be worse? Dangerous Methods you had to do a

lot of sex faces? Yeah, a lot of weird sex faces, that's not a weird

sex face, but she's a weird character. That's not it. No!

Like that movie. I had to go on Skype with David Cronenberg saw that

he could see what my planned weird sex faces were. It's awful on every

level because I've never met him before. To say, nice to meet you and

then get, so, what are your sex faces, which I'd just been

practising in the mirror. They were meant to be horrible sex faces. They

were. But Skype froze. So my meeting with this big director who I think

is amazing was suddenly just this kind of... Sexless. But it was

great. -- sex face. You seem to have... Are you saying I have bad

sex faces? I am not saying that. Do you mean bad sex faces or bad sex

faces? They are two very different things. Very different. At sex face

is just... -- bad sex face. Uncomfortable moments with

directors. Joe Wright in Atonement, again, making sweet love, and he is

directing you, shouting instructions. I don't know, there is

a scene and I'm having sex up against a book shelf, as you do,

with the lovely James McAvoy, who is lovely. It is always awkward because

he is a friend. Suddenly, this voice just goes, Keira, rank him off! --

wank. OK, no problem. That is what they don't know when they're sitting

there watching it. Look at that, 15 guys standing around and a guy with

a Sam which, like... -- sandwich. Faster! It's tough for us, too,

because you go in and you say, OK, where can touch you? Where can I'm

not touching? Want to apologise now for getting excited. Or I want to

apologise now for not getting excited. Because you don't know.

Actors can get upset either way. I'm not your type?

Right, before this week?s stories in the big red chair, it?s time

This band will be one of the headline acts

at this year?s Glastonbury and their new album is set to top the charts.

Performing their new single 'Eez-Eh', it is - Kasabian!

# I'm just trying to put the world to right

# And I got the feeling that I'm gonna keep you up all

# Gonna keep you up all # Gonna keep you up all night

# The wrong men have the power # It's turning my milk sour

# Turning my milk sour # Turning my milk sour

# I ain't easy # And I make you mad

to rights # And if you want to, I'll take you

out # Cause I got the feeling that I'm

gonna keep you up all night # I ain't easy

trying to set the world alight # You got problems, well so have I

# And I got the feeling that I'm gonna keep you up all

# Gonna keep you up all # Gonna keep you up all night

# Everyday is brutal # Now we're being watched by Google

# Being watched by Google # Being watched by Google

# Least I ain't sleazy # I'm just trying to put the world

to rights # And if you want to, I'll take you

out # Cause I got the feeling that I'm

gonna keep you up all night # I ain't easy

# But I ain't that bad # No rhyme or reason, I'm just

trying to set the world alight # You got problems, well so have I

# And I got the feeling that I'm gonna keep you up all

# Gonna keep you up all # Gonna keep you up all night. #

How good was that? Kasabian, everybody. Come on over. So rock 'n'

roll. Wonderful. Nice to see it. -- nice to see you. Do you know

everybody? Bonding, bonding, kissing, it's all lovely. She was

coveting your pants, I want you to know that. Was enjoying the pink

stripe. It is usually quite but they changed it to paint for Graham. A

nice gay joke. 4813 is the name of the new album. Explain it. We were

not trying to be clever or anything. It was just the sum of its parts. It

seemed perfect. Ridiculously, we came up with that before we had

finished the wreckage. So it was mad months of figuring out, changing

song lengths... You thought it was going to be the running time? Was it

a sweepstake? We fell in love with the number so everything at fit with

it. That everything had to fit with it. It informed of the wreckage. It

could not have been longer? Not by a second. 4814 did not sound as good.

Like the idea. Could you not just have called at 4813 and made it 50

minutes? Two, dated to even going to. It could've been a mystery and

no one would have known. You have to time it. Too late now. Tom, I think

you might be freaking out now. Because I'm next to Mace Windu?

Yet... Really? You are Mace Windu. Thank you. He has a collection.

Life-savers. Many? I have sex. Yours, your De's, Darth Vader's,

Luke skywalker's. I've got the other one. I do a virgin? -- argue a

virgin? That was the light sabre he could not remember. Unbelievable.

Well, good luck with the album, and thank you for the

I love that song. I am not your demographic. You do not want a

50-year-old man going, great song. You're thinking, Jesus, we're

finished! Norton likes it, what is it all about?! Let's find out who is

on the red chair. My name is Amanda. Where are you from? New York City.

One person likes you. Or a seal has escaped. Do you live here? I am

cabin crew for a US airline. So off you go with your story. Any years

ago, boarding an aircraft going to a Caribbean island, and women comes on

with her baby in a stroller and told her to fold the stroller up and the

stroller in the closet. And about five minutes later, a little man

comes up and me and starts pulling on my shirt and saying, Miss, there

is a baby in the closet. And there went over and she actually closed

the stroller around the baby and hung the child. It had these big

beautiful brown eyes, looking up at me. Amanda, you can what! That was a

good story. When she said she worked for an airline, I thought, one of

you will have been on the plane. It was in snakes. Next person. Hello.

Look at you, grabbing onto that share. Careful! -- grabbing onto

that chair. What is your name? Collett. Where are you from? New

Zealand. Wait, New Zealand stories are often very good and even not,

the accent is hilarious. Do you live here or there are? I live here. I am

in teacher. What subject do you teach? I am a PET chair. Unusual. --

PE teacher. Being a PE teacher, I find it inappropriate to wear a

thong to work. One night each, eyewear normal undies but when our

work-out, eyewear a thong because with kites, you do not want to get a

11... No, no. That story was every shade of wrong. A PE teacher is

considering wearing thongs to work? Should we attempt one more. One

more, OK. I was not actually asking you but thanks. Thank you for your

interest. Hello. You seem excited to be here. What is your name?

Catherine. I am in from Middlesex. What do you do? I am in uni. It is a

real place. Are you from Middlesex? Kind of. What are you studying at

university? Fine art. Lovely. That is exciting. Stop it, you are in a

frenzy. Come down. Tell your story. My mum used to be in the police and

her and her friends got a call out because these neighbours had not

seen this little old lady for a while and were getting worried. My

mum and her friend went over and broke in, thinking the worst. They

went upstairs and they saw this wardrobe had fallen over and these

little legs sticking out underneath it and they were like, she's dead.

Her nightie had written up, and my mums friend goes, look at the Bush

on that. And a voice from under the wardrobe goes, never mind my Bush,

get me out from underneath here! OK, she walks. Well done.

If you?d like to join us on the show and have a go

in the red chair, you can contact us via our website at this address.

Thank you to my guests, Kasabian, Keira Knightley and Samuel Jackson.

Join me next week with music from rock queen Chrissie Hynde,

comedian John Bishop, the man behind Mrs Brown, Brendan O'Carroll,

'Miami Vice' legend Don Johnson and pop princess Cheryl Cole.

I saw you before and I thought you were so beautiful.

I wish that love could come into my life.