Episode 5 The Graham Norton Show

On the show tonight, the stars of the new X-Men film,

so I've got my Wolverine claws.

Actually, while they run the titles, I'll just nip to the loo.

Oh! Would you mind helping me?

Would you? No?

Let's start the show!

Oh, so sweet.

Hello, good evening, welcome one, welcome all.

A great line-up for you tonight. In fact, it's "Xtra" special.

Oscar-nominated star of Les Mis, the incredible Hugh Jackman is here!

-AUDIENCE CHEERS

-I know!

Star of Prometheus, Inglourious Basterds, and 12 Years A Slave,

the fabulous Michael Fassbender is here!

Plus, the star of Filth, Atonement and The Last King Of Scotland,

the brilliant James McAvoy is with us.

Yeah!

Plus, it is Eurovision time again. Yes, it is.

So, we'll be hearing this year's British entry from Molly, everybody!

Cheer her on! Cheer her on!

Molly, Molly, Molly!

I don't know why people dismiss Eurovision

as a load of camp nonsense, I don't!

In fairness, this year, some serious entries.

Take Iceland, for example.

Eh-oh! Maybe not Iceland.

What about Austria? Beautiful!

Did you...? Was there a little...?

A little more powder, she'll be fine!

I've got so many questions to ask this evening.

Obviously I'll ask Hugh Jackman about the challenge of playing Wolverine,

a man with titanium spikes growing out of his knuckles.

Still, it comes in handy in his other job.

Apparently he can do six lamb koftas at once!

Chilli sauce, anyone?

Pop a shirt on!

Hopefully I'll be finding out from Michael Fassbender

why his fans call him The Shark.

Apparently it's because of his smile.

Really, is that like a shark? Is it?

It's quite like a shark.

Have you heard about this weird bromance between James McAvoy

and Michael Fassbender? The fans love it.

They've drawn these rather sweet pictures of them.

For example, here they are sharing a strawberry Calippo.

There's James and he's just going to offer Michael a suck.

Not so sure. Here they are helping each other with their costumes.

Hey, who hasn't done that? Here they are just doing some baking together.

Don't forget to wash your hands!

All that's to come, plus some more stories from the Big Red Chair,

so let's get some guests on!

He's got the X Factor, it's James McAvoy, everybody!

Hello, sir. Lovely to see you. Sit, sit, sit.

Here's Michael Fassbender!

Hello, sir. How nice to see you.

And it's Hugh Jackman!

Lovely to see you.

Sit!

AUDIENCE CHEER

Thank you for the fruit. Pineapple, anyone?

-This is like deja vu.

-What, the fruit?

No, talking about pineapple for 20 minutes.

The last time I was on your show,

apparently it improves the flavour of your sperm

and we spent about 25 minutes talking about this.

We've been on air for a second!

Apparently celery increases it.

Increases the count.

If only I had a pen, I'd write some of this down!

So, all X-Men together.

Walking onto a chat show, the music goes and on you come,

but is it true, on set, you would play music when you came on set?

I don't know if you know this about Michael.

Michael is one of those actors you have to coax out of the trailer.

He will wait in there for hours and hours.

He's very difficult, very ornery on set,

so to get him out, there was really only one song,

so I used to get the sound guy to play it very loud in the studio

as he came in, just so he could get his mojo up.

Actually, it was Blurred Lines. Do you guys know Blurred Lines?

I don't know what it was about that song or video that got Michael going.

-Do you want to come back on again to Blurred Lines?

-OK.

OK, all do it!

OK, so we'd be like, Michael, Michael, Michael,

come on, we've got a shoot.

Michael, come on.

MUSIC: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke

Very good, well done!

-It did the trick every time!

-I feel good.

-I'd love to see you doing that dance in the outfit!

-Which one?

-The lack of outfit!

-We did that movie!

The odd thing is, I don't know if this is true,

but apparently it's not the only music that you really love.

I've heard there's a particular song that is very special to you, Michael Fassbender.

Sure. What is it?

Apparently you know all the words.

-HE HUMS TUNE

-Yes!

I don't know all the words, but I can do the synthesiser.

I can jump in on some of the words.

HE HUMS TUNE

In case you don't recognise it, it's Africa by Toto.

THEY HUM ALONG WITH MUSIC

It's like I'm at a wedding with my two uncles!

Come on!

# He's waiting there for you! #

It goes on for ages, the intro.

Here's the thing, the three gentlemen on my couch,

a few weeks ago they were at the Empire Film Awards.

You all got a prize.

Here's the exciting thing,

all three of the men also appeared on Empire's Sexiest Man of the Year poll.

We are literally sitting on the poll?

Where on the poll?

Who was top of the poll?

I'm 45. Which year are we talking about?

-This one, the most recent one.

-I'm down, I'm way down.

James, where do you think you were?

Were you ahead of these two, or below these two?

-Good game, good game.

-You came to me first, didn't you?

If you could spend four hours with me and I could get you drunk,

I'd be topping that poll!

I'm going to hedge my bets, I'm going to be humble and say last.

And you're right!

You guys! It's over!

According to my wife, you are not at the bottom of that list.

-My wife has a serious crush on James.

-Serious?

It's actually serious.

You were 16th.

You two, what do you reckon? Who was top of these two?

-I will go third and...

-The old man on the end here?

I'm seeing second or fifth, that's what I'm seeing.

-That's nice of you.

-You're saying second and fifth?

Second or fifth for you, and third definitely for him.

You're wrong!

I'll tell you now. Hugh was ninth.

I was going to say ninth.

-And he was sixth?

-No.

-Third?

-No.

-He's eighth.

-What?

Can I just say, and this is no offence to the man,

because I do like him enormously,

but the whole poll is made a mockery of,

because apparently Benedict Cumberbatch is the first.

There you go. No, I'm sorry.

Look at that couch!

Look at that couch.

Benedict Cumberbatch, he's a very nice, man,

he's a very good actor, but no.

-No!

-Where were you? Where were you, Graham?

I was at home reading.

-And when I say "reading"...

-Very sexy!

No, I read a lot too, don't worry.

Hey, listen, you're all here for X-Men: Days Of Future Past.

Now, this is the second prequel. It opens on the 22nd of May.

Before we talk a bit, here is a taste of the action.

Use your power. Bring the X-Men together.

It's going to take the two of us, side-by-side,

at a time when we couldn't be further apart.

There is a new enemy out there. Mutants.

You'll need a new weapon for this war.

I know what I have to do. It's us or them.

CHEERING

They love it. They love it. They love it.

-You guys are...

-HE LAUGHS

OK, so obviously you had a lot of fun making the film.

But getting ready for this thing sounds quite gruelling,

particularly for you, Hugh.

-Yeah.

-I mean, what does it take?

Please call me Wolverine. Yep.

-It is easier.

-It is easier.

"You Hugh". "You Hugh".

So how hard is it to become like that?

It's a minimum six months,

and I luckily had Wolverine, the movie,

which I finished about six months before,

so I'd been going for about a year and a half.

And it takes me that long.

I stupidly, on X-Men I,

honestly thought it was about three or four weeks,

and if you ever look at a picture of me in X-Men I,

you'll see why I looked pretty crap.

You look amazing by the time you do your first scene.

Yes, which the first scene was five months later,

which Bryan pushed to the end.

So it takes a long time, a lot of...

We used to train together.

Yeah, I mean, the discipline's incredible.

I mean, he's up in the gym at, like, 4.30 in the morning.

You know, it's, like, every morning.

So, when we arrived... Seriously, though.

When we arrived, it was the Jackman effect,

because we all started training then to try and keep up.

No, because we know it's real,

because you've tweeted pictures of yourself training.

-Look at this.

-That is ridiculous.

Look at that. And I like your little motto at the end here.

Oh!

Is that how you get to number eight?

Is that how you get to number eight?

No, that's... I've literally just dropped to,

out of 100 right there, I'm down 183.

But the thing is, if you have to look like that,

the pressure is there.

Was it the Wolverine origin movie

that you had to do the running naked down the corridor?

-No, that was X-Men II.

-X-Men II.

Yeah. No, actually, first day of X-Men Origins, I ran naked.

I seem to... I quite enjoy it, really.

It's a very freeing feeling, actually.

Take your clothes off. It's wonderful. Shall we do it? No.

CHEERING

Oh, a running gag.

So...I remember we had to go down this hallway, and I had to run.

I was meant to be naked, and it was very dark.

I jokingly went in and said, "I want a closed set for this".

The 1st AD was laughing. Anyway, we did the first take.

I'm running. It's a very intense scene where I first realised

I had an Adamantium skeleton,

I'd been experimented on,

I'm naked, there's blood. I'm like, "Arggh".

And as I run around the corner,

the 1st AD had the entire crew of females -

all the females on the crew - with 5 notes going, "Whoo!"

And, of course, the first thing I did was, like, "Ohhh!"

I cut myself on the inner thigh.

I saw them, and like, "Ohhh!"

When you say the "inner thigh",

do you actually mean the thigh?

Thankfully.

DIY circumcision.

It's obviously PG-13,

so you can't have bits and pieces flying about, right?

The censors in America don't like that kind of stuff.

As my wrap gift from Bryan Singer, the director, he gave me a bag.

It was a little bag, and it was very light.

I looked inside, and it had film inside it.

I'm, like, "What's this film?"

I look up... "OK. That's my bits".

My bits in bits. That was it.

So, you've got the classic claws.

Then the boys have also come up with their signature poses.

So, James, yours is the finger.

-Fingering my brain.

-Yeah.

Was there much discussion about that?

Or did you just go, "I'll do this"?

No, I just did it. I thought, "Patrick never did it."

He's missed a beat.

"That old fool!"

There's a lot of... When he utilises his power,

there's a lot of close-ups of him going...

Like that. And I thought, "That's not dynamic.

"But you know what is? This."

-APPLAUSE

-That's how it began.

And I thought to myself, "If I'm aiming for number 16,

"that's the route - that's how we get there."

Did you and Patrick discuss it? Is Patrick a bit miffed

that now you've come up with a bit of a dynamic action?

The fingering myself move? No.

He's happy not to finger himself.

But he has said

that if I would like to ever finger him...

..and place my fingers on his head...

-Yes.

-..then I can.

-In this movie, you get to meet Patrick.

-I do.

I get to go nose-to-nose with Patrick Stewart.

Did you have to be much more conscious...?

Because in the first film, that was never going to happen.

So, in this one, were you much more conscious of,

"I'm going to have to turn into Patrick Stewart in a minute"?

No, I was kind of ignoring the fact that anybody else had ever played it,

and even when I was going face-to-face with him,

I was still trying to pretend it was only ever me that's ever going to play the part.

He's being modest.

By the way, it was his first day,

and he had about a three-page scene,

one of the pivotal scenes in the movie,

and it was phenomenal.

I'm at that point meant to be unconscious,

and I knew I was on camera,

so I was doing one of those - looking -

and he is absolutely brilliant.

-Thanks.

-Your first day was...

Honestly, you should clap him, because he is a genius.

CHEERING

Seriously, though.

Seriously, though, you should clap it, because it is good.

LAUGHTER

Michael, were you the same?

Were you kind of thinking,

"Oh, God, Ian McKellen - in a minute, it's going to be him"?

-Yeah.

-The voice and stuff?

Yeah, well, I just sort of steal. I stole everything from him, and...

No, I didn't actually get to do a scene with him.

We had to toss a coin -

it was either me and Ian, or James and Patrick.

So, I just got to meet him in Comic-Con.

But I'd spent quite a lot of time watching...

Really?

There's a clip of him on YouTube

giving, actually, a workshop on Shakespeare,

on The Scottish Play,

which I've just finished now,

so it was kind of weird.

But I just listened to that on a loop.

It's about ten minutes long, and it's a younger Ian McKellen.

And tell us about your signature pose.

Did you discuss it, or did you just come up with it yourself?

I just thought, you know, I figured jazz hands

combined with a suitable level of constipation.

I thought that would be the correct intensity.

Can I just say, you're not that wrong?

-Here is a picture of you doing it.

-Yeah, I know I'm not wrong.

-That's what I was doing, dude.

-It does look like jazz hands.

You can't see - I'm actually sitting on a toilet.

-You've cropped the rest of this.

-"Where's the toilet paper?"

My face really is, like, "Ugh, ugh. That's not good."

You're sitting going, "It's working, it's working."

"I can see the turtle's head."

AUDIENCE MEMBERS GROAN

No, I like James's face. James does look...

"Yep, it's working."

And Michael does look like he could burst into song at any time.

MUSIC: "Africa" by Toto.

# Hurry, boy It's waiting there for you... #

And, now, Wolverine, he in no way gets younger.

-The illusion is complete.

-Wolfy. Wolfy.

They call me Wolfy.

-Wolfy!

-"Wolverine. Wolverine." "I'm not a wolf, I'm a Wolverine."

"What?"

There's no end of disrespect on the set.

Nick Hoult was the best.

The first day of shooting, remember the very first shot in that trailer,

in that blue hallway, and Nick Hoult came on.

It's his first day, and he goes, "Oh, man, I'm freaking out."

I said, "What, man? It's OK, we're just doing a scene."

"No, I'm freaking out, man, because I saw you walk down this hall,

"and I was such a fan - I was, like, eight years old."

I said, "Stop right there!

"No more stories.

"Don't talk to me again."

"Sorry, Wolfy."

I read that you felt you had to keep up with the kids.

Yeah, I did feel like the uncle.

You all look the same age. You do look all the same age.

Yeah, I've had plastic surgery here myself.

Me too. I got these lines put in.

To match Ian McKellen.

-Exactly.

-Wonderful!

Yeah, no, I did feel like the old man.

I mean, these guys were running around the trailer park -

we call it "trailer park" because there were literally, like, 100 little caravans -

shooting each other with BB guns.

Awesome! They're amazing!

Until you shot one of the actors in the face, and he started to bleed.

If you watch the film really carefully...

We're all going to have a mark somewhere at some point.

We were all crack shots at one time or another.

There's an actor called Josh Helman, who played Striker,

the young Striker.

He was coming after me. He had it coming, man.

As I was running away,

I flicked one off behind me, so to speak...

LAUGHTER

I just popped it off, like that.

And it struck him right there, and it broke his skin.

I got told off by his fiancee.

I didn't tell anybody this.

She came round to my trailer and she was like, "Hey, how you doing?

"I'm Josh's fiancee. I heard that, like, you shot him in the face and things.

"You know, that's not cool."

I was like, "Oh, yeah, no, it was just a bit of fun."

She was like, "No, really, man, it's not.

"James, take it down a minute. It's really not cool."

I was like, "Oh, yeah, just a bit of fun and that."

"No, James, it's really not cool."

"Oh, right. Oh, right. OK. I'm just going to go and phone my wife and cry a bit."

LAUGHTER

-It was Josh, Nick and James and they had me trapped...

-And him.

Yeah, but not on that particular day.

They had me trapped in my trailer. It was like Ned Kelly. He was

trying to come in the skylight in the roof.

I heard this tampering in the roof. The next thing, he's trying to come in the skylight.

-They had other games. They had the punching game.

-What is that?

-Shall we illustrate?

-Yeah.

-I'm not looking.

-I'm not going to look.

-Do you want some of my drink?

No, cos it's one of those stupid games. You'll punch me!

Where's the fun in that?

-Anyone?

-What? Yeah, I just caught that one.

-There you go.

-He's looked, so I go...

Oh!

Where's the fun in that?

He's like Andy Murray trying to close out Wimbledon.

-He's like...

-You go like that and give it, "smack", and get a good punch.

I came up with this sort of thing here, which seems to work really well.

But it's just, "Ow." Do we have the picture of your bruise?

I e-mailed it because I was so proud of it.

-That was the comeuppance.

-Look at the look in his eye.

It's like, "I'm going to get you tomorrow."

I put too much into a punch with you.

-We'd hit each other hard, but not too hard.

-Well, no.

We'd hit each other not too hard.

We were always like...

I thought, "I'm going to nail Hugh, and because I'm smaller than him, he won't nail me back."

But he did nail me back and I ended up with that big bruise.

Again, no fun in that.

If you want to crack into the top ten sexiest, you can't punch too hard, right?

One day, mate, one day.

APPLAUSE

So, we have another clip from X-Men: Days Of Future Past.

This is the Professor and Magneto having an altercation on a plane.

-How did you lose them?

-The treatment for my spine affects my DNA.

You sacrificed your power so you could walk.

What do you know about it?

-I've lost my fair share.

-Dry your eyes.

-It doesn't justify what you've done.

-You've no idea what I've done.

I know you took the things that mean the most to me.

-Maybe you should have fought harder for them.

-If you want to fight,

-I will give you a fight.

-Sit down.

-Let him go.

You abandoned me. You took her away and abandoned me.

Angel, Azazel, Emma, Banshee.

Mutant brothers and sisters, you abandoned us all.

We were supposed to protect them.

Erik!

So, you were always an asshole.

Excellent. Very good. Beautifully done. Beautifully done.

On set, was there any sort of...?

Because earlier you mentioned The Scottish Play, so can we not

-say the M word?

-You can say it.

-I can say it. You can say it. We can all say it.

I don't say it any more.

I started saying it, but, yeah, just some things started to happen.

Macbeth. Macbeth. Fine. Great.

-Do you not say it, either?

-I don't say it either.

I thought you could just not say it in a theatre. I thought you could say it here.

Macbeth, Macbeth.

Light falls on your head!

You both... You did it on stage and you've finished the film.

-Yeah.

-We've both Macbethed.

-And Ian McKellen must have Macbethed.

-And Hugh's doing it next.

-Yes. It's a musical.

-Are you all signed up?

-Yes. It's a musical.

LAUGHTER

# Is this a dagger I see before me? #

LAUGHTER

I'm really excited.

I'm really excited by the title I've just come up with -

Macbeth The Musical.

It's called Something Wick-skid This Way Comes.

LAUGHTER

Now, you, on Broadway, you did The Boy From Oz, which I saw and

just thought was brilliant, but you encouraged the audience, didn't you?

There was ten minutes every night of ad-libbing.

CHEERING

# I bless the rain... #

No.

So, it ended up...

The character Peter, who most of you guys don't know, very flamboyant

and very naughty, so I got to do stuff I normally would never do.

There was this ten-minute period of ad-libbing every night,

so I would get some of the weirdest things.

I remember one night, this woman came running down the front.

"Peter, Peter, Peter." From the back,

she came right down to the front and took her top off.

So massive were her breasts.

Massive. And not in the fake way massive. Like, massive.

They almost were resting on the conductor's head.

You got the visual.

Another night as I was doing it, I just heard out of the corner of my...

the back of my... Where? Where did I hear it out of?

-I heard this thing.

-You heard it.

..this woman say, "Peter, I want to bite your ass."

I stopped and I said, "Really?"

She goes, "Yeah, I want to bite your ass."

I said, "All right, then, sweets, come on down here."

So, she comes down, I'm thinking,

"When she gets down there, I've called her bluff,

"she's going to just not do it." I literally go, "All right then..."

And she bit into my ass.

LAUGHTER

I had literally...like a welt.

"What the...? What?"

She was like, "You said I could."

There you go, I learnt my lesson.

Now, Michael, I know you want to mention your movie Frank.

-That's out next Friday.

-Yes.

-Now, are we sure you're in it?

I know, it was handy.

LAUGHTER

If I didn't come out of the trailer,

they just stuck somebody else there with a head on.

You could have sent your assistant. Do you talk?

-I do, yeah.

-Inside the head?

-Inside the head, yeah.

In fact...I'd love to do everything in the head...

Acting-wise, I mean.

It's...

LAUGHTER

-So, yeah. It was great fun. I got to do some singing as well.

-Singing?

BOTH: # It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you... #

Oh, Christ.

# More than a hundred men could ever do... #

We just went so out of the top ten right there. Oh, dear.

Now, listen, I mentioned in the monologue this thing

about the bromance between James and Michael, which presumably...

-Is that all based on X-Men? Is that where that comes from?

-I think so.

It was this one night, right.

LAUGHTER

-One night.

-A few too many Tia Marias, do you know what I mean?

No, but like all great relationships,

-the fans have given it names. Do you know these names?

-No.

OK. Some call it McFassey.

OK.

Others call it, I quite like this, Fassavoy.

-Fassavoy?

-Fassavoy.

-I'm liking that.

Or, of course, the classic, MacBender.

LAUGHTER

-That's the one.

-That's the name of Macbeth The Musical.

MacBender.

SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY LAUGHTER

-Our franchise.

-MacBender.

-Have you seen...? Have you guys seen the fan art?

-No.

-Seriously?

-Well, I saw something you showed us when we were back there.

Yes, I showed that, but there's other ones. This is nice.

Was that what you were reading?

That's nice.

Look at them.

They are such good pals.

Look at you, Michael.

I know.

It's much better than that real photo you showed of me

on the way in.

That's just scary.

Well, no.

And what if...what if you're at the services during filming,

one of them gets hungry?

Why, you could share a cherry.

-Different artist, though.

-Different artist.

You've never made me cupcakes.

-No.

-What are you wearing, James?

-Show me again.

Dungarees. Am I wearing dungarees?

Obviously you did the baking and I'm feeding you.

Why am I in dungarees?

-Have I've been in the workshop?

-It could be an apron.

You did the baking and I'm feeding you.

-Oh, man.

-Yeah, cos you've worked hard all afternoon, James.

-You deserve a treat.

-So, I'm taking your cherry.

LAUGHTER

Meanwhile...meanwhile, after filming, you were just relaxing.

Do you know what I'm saying?

What I'm saying is, "It's tough being number nine.

"It's tough in the top ten."

I'm saying I don't want to take a bath.

Shall we play Bucky?

LAUGHTER

Here you are baking. It's rather beautiful.

Now, for some reason...

Wait a minute, wait a minute, stop everything for a minute, mate.

Whoever's creating this artwork, I applaud your artistry,

by the way, it's beautiful work, but if anybody's giving...

LAUGHTER

CHEERING

Apparently not.

The other weird thing is...

I don't know what, but James looks incredibly like Sue Lawley here.

I also think I look a bit like...

No, it looks like what you're saying is, "If anyone's giving, it's me."

I'm trying to bake here.

Do you know what I think it really looks like?

It looks like a couple who've been together for 25 years

and they're like, "We've not had sex in a long time.

"Come on, let's try.

"Let's just try."

We don't even take our pants off any more.

But then...but then, this is even sweeter.

What they do is they've got these various scenarios

they dream up for you.

What you do is if you go to the fan fiction websites...

When I say fan fiction websites, this is nuts.

Some of these stories are 250,000 words long.

That's like two books.

-Wow.

-About him and I?

-Yeah.

-Amazing.

-Wow.

OK, so what they do is they summarise them.

So, here's a little one.

-Has Harvey Weinstein optioned them for a movie yet?

-He really should.

Here's one...

APPLAUSE Yeah!

I've printed some of them out.

-Would you mind reading some of them out?

-Oh, please.

-OK.

-I'm trying to stay away from this, but I'm happy to get involved.

OK, so this is... These are the little scenarios for you.

You go with the first one there now.

"After finding out James is pregnant with twins..."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Oh, my God!

IVF can do incredible things these days.

"..James and Michael start to learn

"how to balance upcoming parenthood and their careers

"with help from friends and family."

See, it's lovely!

OK, this one... Like I say, they are sweet. They're creepy, but sweet.

LAUGHTER

"James and Michael decide to knit scarves for each other."

Wait, wait. "James is very good at it."

LAUGHTER

"But Michael ends up with something that is definitely not a scarf."

LAUGHTER

-I don't know!

-Find out next week.

-I don't know!

-I've got to read on.

"Michael likes certain kinks in bed. Role play and costumes and scenes..."

I thought this was saying "scones" there.

"..and scenes..." LAUGHTER

-He's mad about his baking, mad about his baking!

-Oh, and the cream!

"James has never really minded before

"but this time, this night, he's tired.

"He feels a bit ridiculous in the outfit

"and he wants Michael to want him as himself for once, just for tonight!"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

As himself!

"I don't want to wear the dungarees!"

What about all the fan fiction?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, my God.

I think I have more illustrated moments in our relationship now

than I do with my wife.

LAUGHTER

That's pretty good. Listen, it's music time, everyone.

-So, Michael, if you want to go and get ready.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Erm, no, no, I'm joking. Sit ye down.

-You ARE going to make a musical at some point! You have to now.

-Yes!

-Frank.

-Oh, of course, you sing in Frank!

-Yeah.

-But that's inside the head.

-LAUGHTER

-Small steps, baby steps.

-Baby steps.

No, hey, next weekend, it is the Eurovision Song Contest. Yes, it is!

Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And carrying the hopes and dreams of a nation will be this young lady.

Performing the official UK entry for Eurovision 2014,

Children Of The Universe, please go wild for Molly.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Power to the people, oh, hey-hey

# Power to the people, oh, oh-oh-oh

-# I've been tired of this thinking

-Hey

-# So I've drowned it out by drinking

-Oh

# Tastes like a bitter pill But I'll just wash it down

# With the taste of something sweet that some doctor gave me now

# And this is a madness

# I'm not giving in

# We're shining like diamonds

# With fire in our bones

# And standing beside you

# I've the feeling that I'll never walk alone

# Whoa, oh-oh

# We are children of the universe

-# Don't you know

-Whoa, oh-oh

# Just dancing on the edge of time And it's ours to own

# Children of the uni... Children of the uni...

# Children of the universe

# Woo!

# Power to the people, oh, hey-hey

# Power to the people, oh, oh-oh-oh

# Power to the people, oh, hey-hey

# You know what we want and we've got to get it now

-# Something's stirring in the silence

-Hey, hey

-# And it reeks of passive violence

-Oh

# Hold on tight This opportunity we'll take

# Put an end to all the suffering before it gets too late

# Hope's on the horizon

-# I'm not giving in

-Whoa, oh-oh

# Yeah We're children of the universe

-# Don't you know

-Whoa, oh-oh

# Just dancing on the edge of time And it's ours to own

# Children of the uni... Children of the uni...

# Yeah We're children of the universe

# We're shining like diamonds

# With love in our hearts

# They said it's the end

# But I've a feeling it might just be the start

# As I am awakened

# With fire in my bones

# Standing beside you

# I've the feeling that I'll never walk alone

# We're children of the uni... Children of the uni...

# Children of the universe

# Don't you know, yeah, yeah

# Yeah, dancing on the edge of time And it's ours to own

# Children of the uni... Children of the uni...

# Yes We are the children of the universe

# Yeah, yeah

# Children of the uni...

# Children of the universe

# Power to the people. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you.

Molly, everybody! Come and join me, do!

Oh, well done, young lady!

Thank you very much!

Now, come and meet the boys.

-There's James McAvoy...

-How you doing? Nice to meet you.

-..Michael Fassbender...

-Mwah!

-..and Hugh Jackman.

-Hello!

-Hello, mwah!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-You sit there.

-You sit in the middle.

-Yes! Oh, please, please.

LAUGHTER

-This is like winning, isn't it?

-It really is.

She won't show up on the night.

"Yeah, I met James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender and Hugh Jackman.

"Yeah, screw you, Eurovision."

So, listen, the single... well, that song,

Children Of The Universe, is out now.

And it would be amazing, it would be so lovely

if it could get in the charts before you head off to Copenhagen

and feel like the nation is behind you!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Whoever agrees to do it, you just think, "Hats off to them,

"thank you very much."

And it's not a decision you take lightly.

So, who did you turn to for advice when they asked you?

-Erm, some of my friends.

-And what did they say?

-They said, "Oh, my God, you have to do it."

-Really?

-Yeah, and I was really surprised.

-That surprises me, yes.

It really surprised me as well.

No, no, cos it's a thing to do.

Yeah, no, I was really...

No, I'm really glad you're doing it, but it's a thing to do!

No, you're right, you're totally right.

No, and you'll have a great night.

It's all right, you don't have to

dig yourself out of the hole, it's fine.

LAUGHTER

You grew up in this country, you understand.

-I completely understand.

-But it's a really good song

and, look, millions and millions of people are going to hear you,

see you and hear your song, so it's a good thing to do.

And they weren't before, so...

-Exactly. Now, you guys, will you all...?

-Oh, I'll be watching.

Yes, we'll all be watching.

And look, you've got the Wolverine claws on, even, look.

-Was that a little homage?

-Yeah, obviously.

And, of course, growing up in Ireland...

-It was massive.

-Massive.

-Yeah.

-Your favourite Eurovision winner of all time?

-Er, Johnny Logan.

Of course, yes.

CHEERING

-James?

-Bucks Fizz, mate.

LAUGHTER

All the way. Cheryl Baker, can't get that image out of my head.

When I'm reading.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Back to the beginning.

Erm, well, listen, I will see you in Copenhagen,

and listen, best of luck.

And next time you see me, I won't look like this.

Erm, I will be drunk.

Er, right...

Before we go tonight, just time for a story in the Red Chair.

So, who be there?

-Hello, sir!

-Hi, how you goin'?

-Er, very good.

-Aussie!

His baby rocks him!

LAUGHTER

-Er, have you done this before?

-No, mate, no.

-No, mate!

Hold on there, mate!

This better be good!

-Better be good.

-So, where are you from originally?

Erm, Gold Coast.

Oh, right. And, er, are you here on holidays, or are you just...?

-Er, yeah, over here for 18 months, two years.

-Oh, right.

Did they kick him out, right?

Almost the length of a visa.

LAUGHTER

And, er, what are you doing while you're here?

-Erm, I'm a school teacher.

-A school teacher?

-Awesome.

-What age do you teach?

-Er, high school, secondary.

-Awesome.

-Wow!

-Yeah.

-Do you have a qualification?

-Er, yeah.

-Do you really?

-Yeah.

-To teach them what?

I teach science and PE.

Seems so unlikely, but all right.

LAUGHTER

-Here in England? You teach in England?

-Yeah. They... Yeah!

-Cool.

To secondary school...

Science and PE, I've never known that combination before.

It's clearly a private school.

All right, off you go with your story.

OK, basically, a couple of years ago

I had a serious knee injury and I went and got an X-ray done.

The X-ray was from the waist down and I went to my girlfriend's place,

and her parents wanted to see the X-rays,

so I held the X-rays up against the window,

I was showing them and they started laughing. I didn't realise what they were laughing at,

and then I looked at the X-ray and realised that as it was

from the waist down, there was a bit more on the X-ray than just my knee.

LAUGHTER

-I'm very impressed if it got to your knee!

-Yeah!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, who's up next?

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Hello, and what's your name?

-Amanda.

Amanda, and where are you from, Amanda?

-Er, Rickmansworth in Hertfordshire.

-Rickmansworth in Hertfordshire!

-Yes, wonderful!

-It's lovely.

-Lovely.

At this time of year, oh, the daffodils!

Er, all right, off you go with your story.

Erm, well, many moons ago I used to work as an events organiser,

in particular weddings,

and one particular wedding I had to MC the whole event,

so I had to announce all the guests in, and, erm,

get everybody into dinner and announce the toasts, et cetera,

and this particular wedding,

the mother of the bride was a real cow, she just did nothing

but complain about the room was too hot, too cold, things weren't right.

Anyway, I announced the toasts

and, er, she came up and said that the champagne was too warm,

so I said, "Oh, I'll sort it, I'll sort it,"

went out to the kitchens and then let rip

and screamed about what a complete and utter bitch she was,

and said that the poor groom... moving into that part of the family

and hope his wife didn't turn out like the mother-in-law bitch.

And at that point, one of the waitresses came up to me and went...

And I was holding the microphone in my hand.

-Oh, good story!

-Good story! Good story!

-You can walk.

-No, I want to be flipped!

-You want to flip?

-Yes, please.

-OK, your choice, there you go!

APPLAUSE

She wanted to be flipped. Well done, everybody.

If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go on the Red Chair,

you can contact us via our website at this very address.

Ladies and gentlemen, please thank my guests tonight.

Molly, everyone!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

James McAvoy!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Michael Fassbender!

And Mr Hugh Jackman!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join me same time next week. I'll see you then.

Good night, everyone, bye-bye!