Episode 6 The Graham Norton Show

-On zee Graham Norton Show tonight.

-A brilliant actress.

A singer most incroyable.

An hilarious actor.

And zee world's most famous fashion designer. Oh, it's no good.

I can't keep up this silly French accent, can you?

-What silly French accent?

-Let's start the show!

APPLAUSE

This programme contains some strong language

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Very kind, thank you very much.

Hello, good evening, welcome, bonjour tout le monde.

Something for everyone on my sofa tonight.

Yes, my favourite TV detective, DCI Vera herself,

Brenda Blethyn is here!

APPLAUSE

Fashion icon Jean Paul Gaultier is on the show!

APPLAUSE

I know. That's what you wore!

And star of Episodes and Green Wing,

the hilarious Stephen Mangan is here!

APPLAUSE

Plus, ladies and gentleman,

a true showbiz legend, performing one of his greatest hits,

He not only writes the songs, he sings them as well,

it is Mr Barry Manilow! On this show!

I know!

Lovely.

Of course, I'll be talking to Jean Paul Gaultier about the infamous

conical bra he designed for Madonna.

Do you know what, it looks good on Madonna, doesn't it?

Less good on other women.

That's a hard one to wear.

The great thing about fashion designers like Jean Paul is

that they're full of brilliant, simple ideas

for everyday things to wear, chilling out at home...

Going to the office...

A spot of gardening, you know.

Just throw it in the washing machine.

Back in the '90s, Jean Paul also championed the kilt.

There he is in his kilt. Yeah, and everyone was wearing them.

Looking good, Barry Manilow!

Tell you. There he is at the start of the gig.

Here he is at the end. Oh!

I can see his Copacabana!

Barry and Brenda are both such icons.

Barry of Las Vegas, and, thanks to Vera, Brenda of Newcastle.

They're not so different. Vegas has hotels.

So does Newcastle.

Vegas has gambling.

So does Newcastle.

Vegas has scantily clad singers.

And so does Newcastle.

APPLAUSE

I'll also be chatting to Stephen Mangan about his new role as Postman Pat.

Someone close to Postman Pat is hell bent on world domination.

Don't want to give away any spoilers,

but here's Pat's black and white cat.

That's all coming up later,

plus more of your stories in the red chair.

Let's get some guests on.

Later, I'll be having chat and music from Barry Manilow!

First, it's Stephen Mangan.

APPLAUSE

It's Jean Paul Gaultier!

APPLAUSE

Asseyez-vous!

And it's time to say "aloe Vera" - it's Brenda Blethyn!

Beautiful. Beautiful. Hello, my darling.

Welcome all. Lovely to see you all.

Now, Jean Paul, if at any moment you are lost in the programme

or aren't following things, Brenda Blethyn speaks French fluently.

-Absolument.

-Perfect.

-You do, don't you?

-No!

-You do a bit!

-I do a bit! I'm just learning.

I found this wonderful teacher in Ramsgate and she's teaching me.

I'm making a film entirely in French at the end of the year. My God.

You have to learn quickly, no?

Yes, yes. Keep talking to me.

Oui...

It starts well. "Oui" is already there.

Stephen, you've done a French accent, in Chunky Monkey?

Yes, with Alison Steadman I played a French cabaret singer.

He was a bit of a love God, he thought he was a love God.

French is tough. It's a tough accent to do.

I just mumbled a lot and hoped I got away with it.

"You are so beautiful." That sort of thing. Oui, oui, oui.

I understand better, to be honest.

Brenda, were you worried when you heard Jean Paul was on the show?

-Of course.

-I think you look nice.

She looks fabulous. I love the jewellery.

-Thank you.

-Very elegant, classy.

-Stephen?

Fabulous, I love the blue and I love the shoes.

Shiny, look at myself.

They are superb.

Of the four of us, you look like you made the least effort.

I'm feeling like we needn't have bothered.

"Jean Paul is coming... Really?"

-Stephen, do you know who you are wearing?

-This is Spencer Hart.

I did catch a look in the mirror on the way in

and it looks like I work for Lufthansa.

I should be serving drinks.

I thought it was a nod to Postman Pat.

It's the Royal Mail blue.

It has a bit of Pat about it.

Total fluke, but it does, now you say that.

I thought it was good!

I don't want to put you on the spot, Jean Paul,

but if you were going to design a costume

for, say, a high-ranking, powerful police detective,

a female detective, no nonsense attitude, great mind,

how are you seeing her?

-What sort of outfit?

-A detective?

-Yes, very powerful, very clever.

No nonsense.

I should like to make like a version,

like a feminine version of Sherlock Holmes image, no?

-Who?

-Sherlock Holmes.

He's a very famous detective.

Corsetry, Sherlock Holmes type of...

Or something about a trench coat.

-This may help you.

-Trench coat.

Did you, in your mind's eye, see this at all?

Nothing to change. Perfect.

-Excellent. Perfect detective.

-Where did you find that hat?

I have never seen the like.

It looks like the sort of thing you get to go on safari

and even then you don't wear it.

I found it in a fishing shop in Newcastle.

It is all your own work?

-Yeah. That hat is.

-Good stylist.

I thought I'd lost it in the middle of the last series.

There were ructions trying to find it.

We'd already shot some scenes with it on, so we had to find it.

We did find it,

but meanwhile, I'd bought another four. Just to be on the safe side.

You wouldn't have thought that outfit was high fashion in any way.

But then your friend...

Yeah, he was on a theatre tour in Italy

and there was a whole window display.

It was like Vera standing in the window.

He took a picture of this.

It's like you're a trendsetter.

You've inspired designers' collections.

-"We've gone Vera."

-Are you wearing Vera?

Currently on Sundays, ITV at 8pm, I love this show.

It's one of those shows you just, "Oh, good, that's on."

Is it true, when you were reading the script,

you were waiting for the part you were playing to show up?

Yeah, I didn't know, from the novels of Ann Cleeves,

I didn't know her work.

I hadn't got a script yet, I rushed out and got the books.

I was halfway through before this character came in.

I thought, where is she? It was a tiny part.

Then it says, "The door of the church opened and in lumbered

"the scruffiest woman ever, with carrier bags, like a bag lady.

"She was huge." I thought, that can't be her.

I thought they're offering me like a Jane Tennyson.

Why have they thought of me for this part? It was a bit shocking.

Then I read on and I loved the character.

Obviously, because of the books, that's why it's in Newcastle.

-Did you think, Geordie, no problem, Brenda can do that?

-No.

I never think that. I had to work at it.

-You hadn't done it before?

-No.

Can you give Jean Paul a bit of Geordie.

You have to coach me.

-DCI...

-DCI.

Vera Stanhope.

-Huh?

-Vera.

-Dera.

-Vera.

-Dera.

-Vera!

Vera.

-Stanhope.

-Stanhope.

Let's just applaud that and say it was very good.

APPLAUSE

Let's hear Brenda in action.

This is a clip from this Sunday's episode of Vera.

Right, door knocking round the parish, house to house, pub,

Post Office, if they've still got one.

All the usual standard questions, did they know him,

what did he do, and when did you last see him?

-At this stage, let's say missing.

-Village folk will believe anything.

He's right. They'll all know.

Here we go. Uses of hair.

Voodoo, wig making.

Crop protection, acts as a repellent.

Explains a lot, our Ken.

Against deer. They won't go near anything that smells of people.

If hair repels them and fodder attracts,

confuse the beast, you've got him where you want him, right?

With me.

APPLAUSE

That's so beautiful. That part of the world is gorgeous.

How did they make your hair look that bad?

Well, actually, it shouldn't really look that bad.

I made a film in New Mexico and I had my hair bleached white for it.

And it all broke off. It started snapping.

So when it was dyed... It's been dyed,

because I start series five in a couple of weeks.

But it kept snapping off.

So it looked like a rat had been gnawing it.

Now, we know how good Brenda is at accents.

Your American accent, we heard that in a River Runs Through it,

which was flawless, with Brad Pitt, no less.

Films are fake but this really was filmed in the wilderness in America.

Yeah, it was in Montana.

Didn't you have wildlife encounters?

Oh, I tell you what, there was one time me and the make-up department

went for a walk up into the mountain into the wilderness,

in the mountain, and there was not another soul for miles.

We drove to the bottom of the mountain and walked up.

Halfway up, we had walked for an hour-and-a-half,

and I was getting a bit puffed.

I said, "I'll tell you what, I'll sit here and wait on this log

"and wait for you to come back."

They said, "We'll be 45 minutes, no more."

I kicked a log, made sure there were no snakes under it.

I sat down. It was so beautiful,

just me and nature.

It was beautiful.

I thought, I'll look in the brochure. There was an insert

in the brochure. It said,

"Ladies, attention, under no circumstances,

"venture into this area if you are menstruating

"because of the bears..."

LAUGHTER

That was the longest 45 minutes!

I thought they would come back and find my T-shirt.

I was so scared.

-But no bears.

-No, there were loads of bears.

They weren't attracted to you?

They're attracted to...

No! I get it!

I understood the brochure, Brenda.

You survived, that's the main thing.

It wasn't all bad because you got to be directed by Robert Redford.

Apparently, the first meeting with him didn't go that well?

I didn't audition for it. Somebody else saw me.

I first saw him on set. I turned up on location

and saw him coming out of a trailer and he went, "Brenda!"

I thought, "Oh, it's Robert Redford."

He came over and gave me a big hug and nearly winded me.

And said, "Let's talk about this character."

Went inside his trailer, he said, ""Now this woman, she works hard.

"She knows work and if things get tough, she just, she just..."

I said, "Gets on with it." He said, "Excuse me?"

I said, "She just gets on with it."

He said, "Oh, yeah, yeah."

He thought I said, "Oh, get on with it!"

Yakety yak, yak.

"I've got bears to meet."

Because, Jean Paul Gaultier,

you had a bizarre meeting with the diminutive pop star Prince

when you were... was it the Fifth Element?

You were designing costumes. He was supposed to be in it.

It was in Paris, he was coming for a show.

He phoned and says he would like to come

because he was supposed to play the role that did...

Chris Tucker. Get on with it.

He was supposed to do that role.

He arrived, Prince, with his bodyguard and that's it.

I say, "Hello, Prince, how are you? Welcome to Paris."

Hmm, mmm. Turning around.

He had these big, big high heels like that. Very elegant, in some way.

He looked and I say, "Hello, I show you the clothes," because nobody saw.

I thought maybe he wants me to present him myself. So if he likes.

I start, and I arrive to one, it was a sketch.

It was done like for him because it was quite extravagant.

I love him also to be like that. So like fishnet, all fishnet.

Like total suit in fishnet, with some hair, curly hair, like not rasta,

but like afro hair, here and here and here,

and I'm explaining, "Like hair here and here and here.

"It's made like that. Even like you have a faux-cul there..."

Alors...

"Make something like that." I said, "Yes, like a faux-cul."

He said three or four words and then he left.

After that, it was quite strange, the situation.

After, he received a phone call, like from Prince,

saying that he didn't like so much...

"It was too gay," the clothes,

because there was something like "fuck you."

He thought that I said...

like "fuck you," you know? He thought that I wanted to fuck him or whatever.

So that was it. A big mistake, a big faux pas.

But I still don't...

But Jean Paul, what were you saying?

It's my accent! I'm sorry, but a faux-cul.

It's something like a pompadour on Marie Antoinette.

I see! And while we're talking about meeting famous people,

Stephen Mangan, you got to meet Robert De Niro.

-Yes.

-In New York?

-At the Tribeca Film Festival.

A couple of times in my life, I've seen people I really admire

and not gone over to say hello but I thought I had to say hello,

so I sort of steeled myself. I'm really nervous.

And I walked up to him and I said, "Hello, I'm Robert De Niro."

LAUGHTER

And he said, "No, I'm Robert De Niro."

I said, "Sorry, you're Robert De Niro,"

and I left, that was it.

Blew it.

But you can see how that would happen.

Your brain goes to scramble.

And talking about meeting famous people, Brenda Blethyn is an OBE.

-Who did you meet when you got the OBE?

-Prince Charles.

-Who did you bring?

-I took my old aunt.

She was about 90 at the time.

What a lovely thing to do.

I said, "Do you want to come to Buckingham Palace with me?"

She said, "Oh, yes. Will I have to wear..."

I thought she was going to say "a hat."

"Will I have to wear my teeth?"

I said, "Not if you don't want to!

"But it will be a long day. I'll have to take the wheelchair.

"You'll get tired walking around."

She said, "All right." And we turned up, and when we got there,

they said because she was in a wheelchair,

she could go right to the front.

So she was wheeled by this bloke all done up, right to the front.

And when the trumpet fanfare started for the entrance of royalty,

Auntie Fran shot out of that chair and stood to attention!

"Sit down! Sit down"

They'll think you've come up here on false pretences!

Did Prince Charles know you?

I had met him before.

-I do stuff for the Prince's Trust.

-Old friends!

Showbiz mates.

Jean Paul, you are slightly obsessed by the British royal family?

You seem to like the British royal family.

Yes, I love them, definitely. I think they are fabulous.

In France, we are not educated with the royal family,

because we killed them, you know?

It's very exotic and I love it! I think it's fabulous.

The fact that at the same time we are fascinated, we killed them,

but after we took an emperor as well. Napoleon.

So it is the stupidity of the French.

I'm part of that stupidity.

We hate them and love them.

We admire them in England, but they have to stay in England.

They are fabulous, and love them.

I love the Queen Mother, how she was dressed, the hat.

I have a fixation, a fetishism about the hat of the Queen Mother.

But the opening of your big exhibition here in London,

is this supposed to be the Queen?

Yes...

She looks so tiny.

Because I am very tall!

I have changed a little of the look.

She is wearing a white motorbike jacket, like a shawl.

She was quite nice in leather with the white mink.

But you know she went in a helicopter for the Olympics,

so she can take a bike.

Yes. But listen, this exhibition, it is fantastic. I've seen it.

I really, really enjoyed it. It's called The Fashion World of Jean Paul Gaultier

from the Sidewalk to the Catwalk

and it's here in London at the Barbican

until 25th August.

-Then it continues around the world, no?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah. Very good.

Now, I didn't quite know what to expect.

You think an exhibition of clothes will slightly be like posh shopping.

-But it's so much more than that.

-Yeah. Yeah.

-Things like...

This is so special that they've lent us this,

this is your own teddy bear...

-Yes. My first muse.

-..which is very fragile.

-Tres.

Now, they very kindly lent it from the exhibition,

so if you saw the exhibition today, you didn't see this. Sorry.

-We had it.

-It's a real one.

-What's the name of your teddy bear?

-Nana.

-Nana.

-It's a little monster.

-My little monster.

-Here is Nana.

LAUGHTER

I explain. I explain why.

So, it was before Madonna having the cone bra. You know why?

Because I wanted to have a doll and to dress a doll.

My parents said that for a boy, it was not good to have a doll.

So I took my little teddy bear and tried to make it like a doll.

So it's a kind of transvestite...

LAUGHTER

-And this is the original cone bra?

-It is the original cone bra.

My first muse. I put him make up, like...

-It's adorable.

-Those eyebrows...

-His eyebrows.

-The shade of colour on here is called...

-Has he dyed his hair?

Yes. I dyed the hair. Exactly.

Sometimes it was... But it was not going well, the black.

-A little lipstick.

-You know what is this here? It's an operation.

It was a long time ago, it was the first operation,

open-heart, Professor Barnard in Canada.

I wanted to do the same thing.

But he has the cone bra, I couldn't. So I made it here.

It was my version, you know.

-How old is this bear?

-He must be, like...

a little younger than me, so he must be like 50, 50 something, 56.

Wow. Looking terrible.

LAUGHTER

You know, it's already... Bon, bon.

Does Madonna know that her bra was first modelled on this?

No, she thinks that it was done only for her. But no, I did it before.

-I think she would have loved it.

-I should put this down.

She would not have appreciated it.

She'll say, "I will look like that? No."

-Oh, dear. I'm putting Nana down.

-It's very fragile.

-Yes.

-Very, very fragile.

-But he is the star of the show.

-And thank you very much...

-Has he got a name?

-Nana.

-Nana.

-Nana. It was from a movie, of the '40s, '50s,

she was like a heroine.

A little prostitute.

LAUGHTER

-He has been busy.

-Et bon.

So, yeah. So, the Madonna thing, you worked together,

-you got her in the costumes and everything.

-Yep.

-But then I'd forgotten...

This picture was everywhere at the time, but I'd forgotten

this picture until you were coming on.

How do you get Madonna to do this? Cos that's real.

-That's all Madonna.

-Please, I didn't push her to do that.

-I didn't oblige her. She did it by herself.

-OK.

I must say that the dress, I did it,

but the idea to take off the jacket, it's her idea.

-She's a very good director.

-She wears it well. She wears it well.

Everything is real.

Oh, yes.

Now...

-We will not say names but...voila.

-That was then.

Now, actors do find themselves in these intimate situations.

Weren't you filmed in a bath, Brenda?

Oh. Yes.

How do you know that?

I was in a film for the BBC called Floating Off. It was about...

It was about selling a peer on the stock market

and there was one scene where I was in a bath, like a bubble bath,

and I thought I was supposed to get up, out of the bath.

The camera's like this height looking at me in the bath

and I stood up...

so there was a gasp...

from the entire studio and then a silence.

And I thought, "Nobody's said cut. What's going on?"

I was covered in bubbles...

and the camera was right here.

LAUGHTER

-Bit embarrassing.

-Bit embarrassing, yes. Does that film exist somewhere?

Somewhere, yes.

Stephen, this is quite shocking.

-What's the name of this play? Birthday?

-Birthday, yeah.

This is Stephen Mangan in Birthday.

LAUGHTER AND GROANING

What? What's wrong with that?

It's not as bad as it seems, ladies and gentlemen.

I know you just think you've seen Stephen Mangan naked,

but explain why we haven't.

There's a man over there who looks like he's seen a ghost.

Shocked and appalled.

Yeah, I play a pregnant man.

This was last year at the Royal Court. I played a pregnant man

and they made a prosthetic, full body costume.

The Dougie-like breasts,

the pregnant belly and a prosthetic penis.

I mean... It's...

Can I just say, by the way, Stephen brought this picture?

We didn't have this picture.

He decided we should see it.

I bring it with me everywhere.

-Yeah, my wife's not keen on that photo.

-Is it on the piano at home?

On the front door. At least they know what they're getting.

-Do you sign it for fans?

-People write in. Postman Pat fans...

-..will be getting that.

-Children rocking and sobbing.

-But did audiences realise that it was prosthetic?

-They... Well...

I mean, they see me give birth in the play. That was what happened.

-OK.

-We wanted to show the indignities of giving birth,

but it happening to a man and people might realise how unpleasant it is. At one point, I have to try and pee

in front of a lot of other people.

We thought, "Well, we've got this prosthetic penis, let's get it out."

We thought, "If people think it's fake, they'll laugh.

"If they think it's real, they won't."

It was the quietest...

I've ever heard 600 people in a theatre to be.

Just lots of jaws... People looking away in disgust.

A couple of people tutting.

And I have to stand there and pretend to try and pee for a while.

It went on. It was about 90 seconds of...

-I didn't get it out after that.

-No.

-Kept it in its cage.

-Keep it away.

Now, how to follow that? Well, I know.

Let's talk about Stephen Mangan's new movie, Postman Pat.

CHEERING

The toddlers have sat through quite a lot to get to this bit.

There's a lot of four-year-olds going, "Finally!"

-"Yakety yak, fashion."

-Whatever.

-"Yakety yak, prosthetic penis.

"Yakety yak...

"Finally, we get to my movie."

Yep. This is the target audience.

It's out on 23rd May.

Your own children must be so geeked, cos how old are your kids?

-I've got two boys. Six and three.

-This is perfect for them.

Perfect age. I was so excited when I got the job. I rushed home.

I said, "I'm Postman Pat!"

"No, you're not, Dad.

"That's Postman Pat. You're not Postman Pat."

I'm very excited that they're going to see I am actually Postman Pat.

In fact, we went to the Lego movie recently

and there was a trailer for Postman Pat

and during the trailer it said, "Starring Stephen Mangan,"

in letters about 60-foot wide.

The two of them were like that...

LAUGHTER

..in their seats. So I'm excited, yeah.

Now, in case any toddlers are listening, we don't want

-any plot spoilers. Don't ruin it for everyone.

-OK.

But give us a taste of what happens to Postman Pat.

Well, it's hard cos Postman Pat, in five-minute sections, it's one thing.

-But you've got to go on an emotional journey over an hour and a half.

-Yes.

He's the nicest character ever created.

-I mean, he hasn't got a nasty bone in his body.

-Or indeed any bones.

Any bones!

So...

So, he's seduced by fame and glamour.

There's troubles, there's troubles with his wife.

He falls out with his kids

and there's a bit of argy-bargy with Jess.

-AUDIENCE GASPS

-No!

-The gasps!

It turns out he has an amazingly, jaw-droppingly good singing voice.

-Wow.

-A bit of like a Susan Boyle.

He goes on a talent show

that's run by a man called Simon Cowbell.

-Are you making this up?

-This is the plot.

-It's improv.

Brenda's like, "No, no, but seriously, what happens?"

-And that's the story, yeah, he's seduced by fame.

-Wow.

-Auntie Fran used to do her exercises to Postman Pat.

-Did she?

-Yeah.

Sitting in the armchair.

# Postman Pat, Postman Pat

# Postman Pat is a very nice chap. #

It's the right sort of rhythm, isn't it?

Jean Paul, has Postman Pat made the journey across the Channel?

No.

LAUGHTER

You just looked a bit blank. I thought, "He's not following this,

"is he? He's following this."

Let's have a clip. Now...

this is complicated. Postman Pat...

-He does go to the dark side a little bit.

-Yes, he does.

There's also the Patbot which is a robot Postman Pat

which was introduced by an scrupulous character in the film.

I don't why I'm telling you this.

This is the clip and if you are of a nervous disposition, be warned.

This is Postman Pat trying to escape

the dreaded Patbots.

More Patbots. Carbuncle isn't taking any chances.

What do we do now, Jess? We have to get inside.

JESS MEOWS

Manoeuvre 17.

Hurry, Jess! Hurry!

Here they come, Jess.

What was that?

-Oh, my God.

-That's terrifying.

-Terrifying.

That's for children?! Children are going to watch that?

-My children will never sleep again.

-Oh, dear.

Now, listen, it is time to meet our singing guest tonight.

This man really is one of the all-time musical greats.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome,

Mr Barry Manilow.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Sit down. Barry Manilow, everybody!

Barry Manilow's here! Hello.

Always a pleasure, never a chore.

I've been enjoying the show down in the dressing room.

-You guys are great.

-And we have Mr Jean Paul Gaultier on the couch now.

-I know you love fashion.

-Are you going to bring up that picture?

Well, there's many pictures, in fairness, Barry.

There was a wide selection to choose from.

That... I got in such trouble with that Copacabana jacket.

That's what I was going to say. The Copacabana jacket. Look at it!

-I knew he was going to do that.

-Yeah, but it's a fabulous jacket.

-Wonderful.

-It's truly great. Honestly, I love it.

-I got in such trouble with that.

-No, it's great.

It's Copacabana, this fun, up-tempo, silly song.

I thought, "How am I going to stand there and sing it seriously?"

So, I had them make me a silly Ricky Ricardo rumba shirt.

Did I ever tell you the story about the Smithsonian?

-The Smithsonian Institute?

-Yeah.

They asked me... They wanted to put it at the Smithsonian.

I mean, how could I take that seriously?

This jacket at the Smithsonian?!

So, I gave an interview to somebody and I said,

"I always knew it would wind up in an institution someday."

LAUGHTER

And they got insulted and they sent it back to me.

-No!

-I still have it. Anybody want it?

-They put in the mail?

-They did.

They sent it back. They didn't like that joke.

-No sense of humour over at the Smithsonian.

-That's shock...

If I was you, I'd have sent it back again.

-"Sorry, I don't know..."

-I love that shirt now.

-It reminds me of really great times.

-Yeah, you should.

-Jean Paul, have you done the...?

-A little, but not that much.

I think he did truly a lot. I love it.

That's coming from Jean Paul Gaultier!

You have to be strong to wear all of those frills because it's like...

-It must be heavy.

-It weighed a tonne.

And to sing with it, fab.

-Fab, fab.

-Would you wear that, Stephen?

I might later, if you've got it with you.

I don't carry it with me.

We'll keep checking eBay. It'll show up eventually.

Now, what brings you to our shores?

I'm doing a tour here now and again. I come back every few years.

You can't get rid of me. I come back every few years and I do a tour.

-So, we begin in Wembley.

-These are big gigs.

-Next week, you're doing the 13th and 14th at Wembley Arena.

-Right.

-Now...

things I never thought I'd say.

Barry Manilow will be appearing at Ipswich football ground.

LAUGHTER

You know...

I don't know how I got so lucky.

I'll make them have a good time.

This year, it's a smaller band, not the royal philharmonic any more,

but it's a smaller band. A small, powerful band. It's fun.

Because the new album, Night Songs, which has done incredibly well,

that is a totally stripped-back sound.

It's an amazing experience, this Night Songs album.

It's just me playing the piano and singing

some of the most beautiful standards ever,

written by some of the greatest composers.

You know, I looked at the charts and it entered at the top ten,

I didn't know the people around me.

They're so young

and they're so different to this little album.

I'm so happy that people are getting to hear this great stuff.

Now, Brenda, do you have a favourite Barry Manilow song?

Um... Well, I like lots of them.

What was the one I was singing in the dressing room just now?

# Lola, she was a showgirl. #

Copacabana.

Now, Jean Paul Gaultier, are you familiar with Barry Manilow's songs?

-Yes. Copacabana is my favourite, of course.

-OK.

-Two votes for Copacabana.

-Even Kylie Minogue, she's singing it

in her last concert. She did it.

-It was great.

-Thief.

-And Stephen?

-The one sung to me at school by all the other kids...

# Oh, Mangan

# When you came... #

-Lovely song.

-I love that.

-Well, he's not singing any of those.

What are you singing for us tonight?

-You'll hear it when they first note comes out, I bet you know it.

-OK.

-Do you need to go get ready? Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-You're ready.

Audience, all ready?

CHEERING

Ladies and gentlemen, it is Mr Barry Manilow.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# I've been alive forever

# And I wrote the very first song

# I put the words and the melodies together

# I am music

# And I write the songs

# I write the songs that make the whole world sing

# I write the songs of love and special things

# I write the songs that make the young girls cry

# I write the songs

# I write the songs

# My home lies deep within you

# And I've got my own place in your soul

# Now when I look out through your eyes

# I'm young again

# Even though I'm very old

# I write the songs that make the whole world sing... #

I see you singing out there. Sing a little louder.

# And special things

# I write the songs that make the young girls cry

# I write the songs

# I write the songs

# Oh, my music makes you dance

# And gives you spirit to take a chance... #

That's it!

# And I wrote some rock 'n' roll

# So you can move

# Music fills your heart

# Well, that's a real fine place to start

# It's from me, it's for you

# It's from you, it's for me

# It's a worldwide symphony... #

Come on!

# I write the songs that make the whole world sing APPLAUSE

# I write the songs of love and special things

# I write the songs that make the young girls cry

# I write the songs

# I write the songs

# I write the songs that make the whole world sing

# I write the songs of love and special things

# I write the songs that make the young girls cry

# I write the songs

# I write the songs... #

Listen to the music!

# I am music

# And I write the songs

# And I write the songs

# I write the songs. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Wow.

Barry Manilow, everybody!

Genius. Come here, sir.

Barry Manilow!

Thank you so, so much. Grab a seat there.

Grab a seat there and we'll be out here in a second. You sit there.

That is so beautiful.

-What a treat.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very, very much.

You are lucky people! Yeah.

In another land, they're paying to hear that. OK.

Just time for a quick story or two in the red chair. Who's there?

Who's there?

-Hello!

-Hi.

-Hi. What's your name?

-Alexi.

-And where are you from, Alexi?

-I'm from London.

-OK. And what do you do in London?

-I'm an events manager.

She's an events manager, everyone!

Oh! Who knew we'd meet an events manager tonight?

I wasn't expecting it. Designers, singers, actors, event managers.

All human life is here.

What sort of events?

-I work for an accountancy firm.

-Oh.

LAUGHTER

Wow. And you managed to get the night off.

OK. Off you go with your story, Alexi.

OK. So, I was driving home for Christmas,

bringing back my grandparents.

My grandma was in the back of the car and she gets travel sick.

So we were driving along and she was feeling really bad,

-so we gave her a plastic bag and she unfortunately...

-Can I just stop you?

Actually, I'm just going to do that.

"We gave her a plastic bag?!"

You stop the car, you rude cow.

LAUGHTER

Your grandmother's feeling ill.

What is wrong with people?!

They didn't put it over her head, did they?

That would quieten her down.

-Let's see who's in the chair now. Oh, hello.

-Hello.

-What's your name?

-I'm Andy.

-Andy, are you from New Zealand?

-Yes.

-We love New Zealand.

-You must have toured New Zealand?

-I've never toured New Zealand, no.

-You're kidding?

-No.

-You're kidding?

-I would love to, but I never went.

-But you've been everywhere.

-I know. Everywhere but New Zealand.

Let's hear his story.

Let's hear his story.

Off you go with your story.

OK. So, I was out for a run with my friend, Dunc,

and we were running past...

LAUGHTER

..a park and Dunc really needed to go for a poo.

-We saw...

-Can I just stop you?

That's why you've never been to New Zealand.

So, we saw a toilet block and there was a men's

and a woman's and we ran over to the men's and he was busting,

he really needed to get this thing out of him.

The men's was closed. At this stage, he didn't even care,

so he went over to the women's toilet and that was closed as well.

So, he's frantically looking around, "Where can I go? Where can I go?"

So he ran over to this bush and crouched down behind this bush

and he went and about 30 seconds later,

I saw... This big German Shepherd, came bounding over

and Dunc pulled his pants up, jogged off.

Then about 20 seconds later, the owner of the German Shepherd

came over and she was like, "Oh, Roy, you naughty boy!"

-LAUGHTER

-Puts a bag on her arm,

picks up the poo, ties it to her belt

and then just wanders off with the poo dangling from her belt.

Well done! Very good story. Very good story.

Well done, everyone. If you'd like to join us on the show

and have a go in the red chair, you can.

Contact us via our website at this very address.

A huge thank you to my guests tonight, Mr Barry Manilow...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

..Stephen Mangan...

Jean Paul Gaultier...

and Brenda Blethyn...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And join me next week with music from Sam Smith,

action man Bear Grylls, comedian and writer Dawn French

and Hollywood star Kirsten Dunst.

I'll see you, then. Good night, everybody. Goodbye.