Episode 8 The Graham Norton Show

# The hills are alive

# With the sound of music... #

She's here, ladies and gentlemen. There's nothing like this day.

Let's start the show!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

This programme contains some strong language

CHEERING

Oh! Oh!

Oh, they sing, they cheer. They do it all.

They do it all!

Hello, everybody, and welcome.

There is only one word to describe tonight's show,

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Did I say it? I think I said it. I said it. I said it!

Yes, Mary Poppins herself, Dame Julie Andrews, is on our show.

-CHEERING

-I know!

Oscar-nominated star of The Wolf of Wall Street

Jonah Hill is here.

CHEERING

And his co-star in 22 Jump Street, Channing Tatum, is on the show!

-CHEERING

-I know! I know! I know!

Plus we've got music and chat from the uber-cool

producer and musician, Pharrell Williams.

-CHEERING

-Oh, you can scream!

Oh, you can scream!

Now, that is Pharrell.

More often he is seen with his trademark hat, of course.

By the way, if you do want to emulate Pharrell

and get a hat like that, be careful.

Cos apparently they come in a lot of different sizes.

LAUGHTER

The dangers of internet shopping!

I'm going to be asking Channing Tatum

about his varied film roles.

And, you know, his willingness to appear topless

but only if the role demands it.

You know, for instance, like a scene on a beach, obviously.

-CHEERING

-Maybe playing the part of a boxer.

Or just nipping down to the shops for a loaf of bread.

-We could keep doing this all night, couldn't we?!

-Please do!

Channing and Jonah are back together as undercover cops

for 22 Jump Street. Now, look at them there.

You've got to be careful just firing your guns in the air like that.

You never know what you're going to hit, do you?

LAUGHTER

Oh, yeah, I will be talking to Julie all about the iconic Mary Poppins.

There she is with Dick Van Dyke.

Actually, are we even allowed to say "Dick Van Dyke" on the BBC any more?

Let's call him "Van", OK?!

We're safe, we're safe!

He played Mary's best friend Bert, the chimney sweep.

It was a purely platonic relationship, although

there is evidence that Bert did once try it on during a power cut.

LAUGHTER

Of course, I'll be talking to Julie about The Sound of Music.

-CHEERING

-I know!

Nowadays, if she wanted to play the role

of a female singer in Austria,

she'd have to look like this.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

That's all to come, plus some more of your stories

in the big red chair. So let's get some guests on.

Later, we'll be joined by Pharrell Williams.

-CHEERING

-But first,

he's going to be one of my favourite things,

-it's Channing Tatum.

-CHEERING

Channing Tatum, everybody.

The Hill's alive with the sound of chat - it's Jonah Hill!

CHEERING

-So lovely to see you.

-Nice to see you.

Have a seat.

And I'd climb every mountain to get her on the show,

-it's Dame Julie Andrews.

-CHEERING

-Hello, lovely lady.

-Good to see you.

-So nice to see you.

-Thank you.

-Come and join the boys.

-Sit down!

-Hello.

-Lovely.

Hello, everyone. CHEERING

Everyone's suited and booted. It's good, I like it.

Dame Julie and I want to announce that we're engaged, officially.

-Was there a lot of bonding backstage?

-Yes, we...

About five seconds' worth, right?!

Yes, I just wanted to come to England

and on your television programme to announce our love.

-Now obviously you're familiar with the guys.

-Yeah, are you kidding?

Of course I am.

-And we've been very familiar. Haven't we, Jonah?

-Yes, yes.

-Wow, Channing, what's...

-I got nothing.

-Are you losing it?

Yeah, I'm chopped liver, here. I don't know!

It's early in the evening.

By the shank of the evening, we'll be...

-There's lots of Julie to go around.

-Oh, yeah.

OK. That is my future wife, so...!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

A joke's a joke but, you know...

But the thing is,

cos I was talking about the movies you've done,

-you kind of embody these, kind of, icons for us.

-Well, yes...

Thank you. You know...

That's my boy! That's my boy!

-Oh, that's great.

-Sorry!

-It's fine.

-No, where were you...

Were you in Switzerland when you bumped into the tourists?

Yes! Oh, this is a true story.

I was about to come to the London Palladium

and do an act for about a week or so.

And I needed to really get in shape.

So I used to go around the hills and down

and around the hills and down,

in the mountains and so on.

And I... Just to get the legs strong.

And then one day, I thought,

"Well, this is ridiculous. There's not a soul around."

So, honest to God, this is a true story,

I was doing # The hills are alive... #

And a whole bunch of Japanese tourists came over the hill,

with cameras and everything.

Honestly, you should have seen their faces!

And my heart went right down!

They must have thought, "This is good."

Well, they thought I did it every day, I'm sure.

-And I never did, you know!

-Talking of meeting the public,

the last time you guys were together,

doing your promotional tour for 21 Jump Street,

is it fair to say that got a bit out of control?

-Possibly.

-Yeah.

-Probably.

-Is it out?

-I would call it a legendary press tour.

-The first one, yes.

-No, no,

-I'm talking about the one you've just...

-No, not yet.

-That's not out yet?

-We're selling it now.

But when's it coming?

-When's it due?

-June...

-6th.

-..6th.

-OK.

-June 6th.

-You'll be at the premiere with me.

-Oh, yes, I will.

So they put you on a plane and just let you loose, it sounds like.

Cos was the fountain in Australia, Channing?

Yes, that's actually... Yeah.

-Absolutely. I ended up in a fountain.

-How come?!

I need to hear about this!

If we're going to be getting married. I mean...

-You need to know about my friends.

-Yes, your friends and what went on.

We were just walking home.

The fountain seemed like a good idea at the time.

-Other people ended up jumping in. So I didn't feel as awkward.

-Yeah.

-You started the revolution.

-And was it in Miami...?

It was raining, so everyone was wet already.

Was it in Miami you lost your trousers, Jonah?

I would say I lost them by choice.

-That was a...

-You threw them away?!

-We were in Miami and we went out...

-This was way before.

-Way before!

-Yes, well...!

You know what, I had to get it out of my system

before I found the one!

I was going to say, "What about the other night?"

No, well...

-He has a problem keeping it in his pants.

-Listen,

let's talk about it off television!

So we were in Miami. We went out dancing

and then we went swimming in the ocean at four in the morning.

-Of course.

-And I just stayed...

We got back in the car and I stayed in my boxers

and then we went to go to a diner.

And I didn't want to put on my pants

and Channing insisted that I put on pants.

And I didn't feel it was necessary

since Miami's the weirdest place on the planet.

-Do you guys know about this place?

-Nobody wears pants.

Literally, a guy will get out of a white Lamborghini

-wearing a white thong, just to go and buy milk.

-LAUGHTER

Crazy face plastic surgery. Like, it's the weirdest place ever.

And Chan put my pants on me by force.

-I had shoes and socks on.

-There's a lot of weird stuff going on here.

I'm trying to get clued in, here.

It was such a complicated evening, sweetheart, I don't want to...

We can't live in the past. We have to just go forward.

He was young.

But now, I don't know if your tour will be quite the same,

-Dame Julie. Cos you are touring.

-I WILL be going on tour.

Now, it kicks off in Birmingham tomorrow and then...

CHEERING No, not tomorrow!

-Oh, it is tomorrow!

-It is.

My God, sorry, jet lag.

Friday at 10:30.

It kicks off in Birmingham tomorrow, then Liverpool,

-two nights in London and then ends in Bournemouth.

-That's right.

-Quite short.

-Very short, yeah.

But long enough, you know!

-You'll have enjoyed it enough.

-A lot of zipping up and down.

-Yes.

It's really just chatting about everything I've done.

Lots of film clips, lots of outtakes. Silly stuff.

Some of it's very funny.

And it's a good night.

And the second half is all questions and answers.

And it's a great year for you to be doing this

cos it is 50 years this year since the Oscar for Mary Poppins.

That's right. And next year, 50 for Sound Of Music, too.

I mean, there's a lot of 50s in my life all of a sudden,

which I could do without!

The weird thing is that Mary Poppins

is such an important film for everyone...

I shouldn't be saying that in front of you

cos you're such a young boy and you don't know that, do you?

Yes.

Age is just a number. You know, I just figure it that way.

-I want this to be true.

-Yeah.

This is a very serious night for all of us.

-Will you be best man, Channing?

-I absolutely will. Thank you.

-"Mom, I'm marrying Julie Andrews."

-Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins!

What was the character in Wolf Of Wall Street you played?

-Donnie.

-Donnie marries Mary, yes.

-Yes, exactly!

-Donnie and Mary, there's a sequel there.

-Yes.

But that film, Mary Poppins, is so sweet and lovely

-and yet it was kind of dangerous to make.

-Yes.

-Which sounds ridiculous.

-Well, yes. I mean, there were a lot of stunts.

A lot of flying stunts

which they saved mostly towards the end of the film,

because by that time most of the film was in the can

and presumably if an accident happened it was safe, you know.

So...

Yeah, it's true, though.

They saved everything until the last two or three days,

the really high-flying stuff.

And I was hanging around much higher than this studio,

I can tell you, on wires.

You know, in an excruciating harness.

And it was my last day

and there were wires going along the back of the studio,

down to balancing equipment and sandbags and things.

But I felt myself, while I was hanging around up there

waiting for the shot to be set up,

I felt myself drop by about a foot, maybe six inches.

-And I thought, "Oh, my God, my luck is running out."

-"This is it!"

"This is it." So I called down to the floor manager and I said,

"Excuse me, I just felt the wire give, just a little bit.

"And when I come down, could you just be sure

"that you really let me down easy?"

And I heard the word go back along the length of the studio.

"Joe, when she comes down, let her down easy, Joe.

"Let her down really easy."

At which point I dropped like a tonne of bricks...

to the stage.

And there was this awed silence

and I let fly with a few Anglo-Saxon four letter words

that Disney had certainly never heard before!

And then Joe's voice from way at the back of the studio yelled,

"Is she down yet?!"

I never saw him again, poor fellow.

I bet you didn't.

No, cos we've all grown-up watching this movie.

-Now, Channing, you're a newish dad.

-Yes.

-You've got a baby too young to watch Mary Poppins.

-Way too young.

-A one-year-old, just going to be at the end of this month.

-Oh, wow!

But, now, I read you really like this being a dad thing.

-I really do.

-You've taken to it.

-Yeah,

it's a new task and challenge and it's fun.

But the first year, you're just sort of an assistant really.

You're just like, "Bottle? Bottle, OK.

"All right, got to get the bottle."

And it's really just all about the mother and the baby.

And we have a beautiful, beautiful little girl.

-AUDIENCE OOHS

-People like that!

Ovaries are popping all over the studio!

"I'm ovulating now!"

"Let's leave! Quick!"

We should have a baby!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-That would be nice.

-I assume we will.

-Yes.

-Yes, we will.

Let's just stop talking about it and...

Get on with it, yeah.

-After the honeymoon, though, OK?

-Yes, yes.

-Whatever you want.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

But is it true you can still say it backwards?

-Supercalifragi...

-Yes! Do you want to hear it?

-If you can.

If I can! What do you mean, if I can?!

-Said Mary Poppins, snippily.

-Come on!

Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupes.

CHEERING I'll remember that when you're ill.

Yes, please. Please!

Cos, Jonah, what was that...

I'm probably thick, but I've never understood the thing

that Morgan Freeman said to you, that...

Oh, so when I was... This was about ten years ago.

I did a film with Morgan Freeman. It was a really small film.

And the first ten pages, or ten minutes, of the film

are us two just driving together in a car

and talking.

And it took three days to shoot.

And he didn't talk to me the entire time.

Like, in between takes, right?

Cos he had so much dialogue, right?

-OK.

-So in between we wouldn't really chat

but we were in the car together for three days.

And then at the end of the third day,

he just turns to me and he goes,

"Jonah, Jonah, Bo-bonah, Bonana-fana, Fo-fonah,

"Mee-my, Mo-monah...

"Jonah!"

-That's it?

-That's it.

And then it was, like, super uncomfortable.

I didn't know what to say back.

It was one of the more weird moments of my life.

And I just didn't know what to say so I just said,

-"Thank you."

-LAUGHTER

And then he was quiet again and he said,

"Do me."

I said, "What?"

He was like, "Do my name."

And I was like, "Do your name?"

And he's like, "Yeah, do my name."

And I was like,

"Morgan, Morgan, Bo-borgan, Bonana-fana, Fo-forgan,

"Mee-my Mo-Morgan...

"Morgan!"

And he went, "All right."

-And then we never spoke again.

-LAUGHTER

-That's funny.

-I've seen him since

and he told me he was messing with me.

He was messing with me, which was hilarious.

-You know, it's hysterical.

-He's playing a long game, though.

-Yeah.

-This amusing three-day joke.

-Three days, though!

So, listen, Julie, I don't know

if you've got a night off on your tour but if you do,

you could do worse than going to see 22 Jump Street.

Yes, I want to!

It is out on June 6th, correct.

And it's the sequel to, obviously, 21 Jump Street.

-So you're back together this time.

-Yes.

-Now, I've seen it.

-It's really funny. It is a very funny film.

-Thank you.

So tell the people what happens this time.

So, basically, in the first one, we are cops,

Channing and I are partners,

and we go undercover in a high school.

And this time, we go undercover at a university.

Pretty clever, right?!

So...

So, the first one, we really take the piss out of ourselves

because we're saying that it's the most unoriginal thing ever

-to turn a TV show into a movie.

-Yeah.

-Right?

The movies are very self-aware.

And in this one, we're really taking the piss out of ourselves

for making a sequel.

And that "second missions" are always just worse

and more expensive than first missions.

And you can never recapture that magic.

So we kind of make fun of ourselves throughout the film

and it's just really funny, a lot of action

and just a popcorn summer movie

that you go and just laugh and have a good time.

Now, watching it, physically, Channing and Jonah,

I would say you are quite different as actors.

-LAUGHTER

-Is that fair?

-Yeah.

-They look different, too.

-They do look different, Julie.

LAUGHTER

OK, there's one sequence where you're both doing things

and Channing, you're very good at the things.

-And you are good at the things, aren't you?

-I'm OK, yeah.

-He is.

Depending on what the things are you're talking about.

That's not very specific on the things.

-Well, I don't want to spoil the film.

-All right.

-You know, the jumping and the...

-Yeah.

-All the stunts.

-You like all of that.

-I'm pretty good at jumping.

-Yeah.

He can actually fly!

-You too?!

-Like Mary...

CHEERING

Well done!

Maybe I should sit in the middle!

-Come on over, we might...

-No.

But seriously, guys, no.

Stay away from her.

So you like the running around and things.

And Jonah, I'm sensing you don't.

It's not that I don't like it, I just...

Whenever it is possible for Gianni, my stunt person, to do it,

I allow him to do it.

-Very big of you.

-He gets such joy out of it.

I wouldn't want to take away that joy from him.

-Are there girls in your movies?

-Yeah.

-Oh...

-Guess who gets the girl?

-Don't be jealous.

-Oh!

-This guy.

-Oh, oh, I see.

-OK.

-It's just acting, honey.

-But...

-It's not real life.

You would think that Channing, doing all the stunts,

that's how you would get hurt.

He's really good friends with the directors

so he gets the girl,

he doesn't have to do the hard stunts.

Also, I wrote the movie, so that really helps!

-CHEERING

-If you write the movies, you get the girl,

you don't do any of the stunts.

You just kind of chill out, be funny and relax a little bit.

But Channing, your worst injury wasn't a jumping thing,

-it was water.

-Yeah.

-Not on this movie, but, yes.

-So it sounds vile.

It's terrible. I was actually in Scotland...

-That isn't the story!

-LAUGHTER

But I was in a hypothermic river

and wearing a wet suit underneath the costume.

And they were pouring warm water down your...

down your wet suit all day to keep your core warm.

And we had finished the day and everyone was tired

and here comes the guy with the bottle to warm you up.

And what had happened was

he had forgotten to get down to the river

and fill up the bottle that had kettle water in it,

like boiling water, with river water.

And they poured it down my wet suit and...

It healed fine, though!

-Yeah, but what happened?

-It...

It burned all the skin on my pee-pee off.

-Yeah.

-You knew!

-Yeah!

-It's perfect, now, good!

It's really strange.

It's pretty resilient down there. You'd expect...

It's probably nicer cos there's new skin now.

-Yeah, it's so great!

-Oh, it looks beautiful.

-It looks beautiful.

-Excuse me!

-Sorry.

-A1!

It's like there never was an accident.

LAUGHTER

Listen, listen, let's distract ourselves.

We've got a clip from the movie.

This is from near the beginning of the movie,

when you're trying a bit of undercover role-playing.

-That's all I need to say.

-All you need to know.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, that's good.

-Role-playing!

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

We're trying to see that product. Yo, Sleepy. What's up, homey?

-You know my cousin, Sadboy.

-I think you got the wrong guy, homes.

Everyone say in the bar, "Sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine."

-And my partner here, he want to see that product.

-Why ain't he talking?

My name's Jeff.

LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

Hey, tell them about that crazy adventure you guys had.

Go into incredibly descriptive details of the stories we all know.

Oh, yes! Well, there was Dora and Diego

-and Swiper.

-Swiper?

And who was that you choked out, man? He had it coming. Who was that?

-Boots?

-No, man, start over from the top. That's a made-up name!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Was it hard to keep a straight face?

-Always.

-Yeah.

-Always, always.

It is a really funny film.

It is that weird thing,

cos particularly sequels for comedies, people do worry about them.

-They always suck!

-Not always.

-Pretty much all the time.

-Yeah, but this is really good.

Anchorman 2 was good and this...

Oh, yeah. No, there's lots of good ones but usually they suck.

Yeah, they do.

Now, talking of sequels, much excitement, Channing Tatum.

Magic Mike 2.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Er, so...is there anything... Can you tell us anything about it?

Er, it's going to be a road trip.

And it... It's probably going to be more of the movie

that you expected on the first one.

It's a little more bigger and funnier and crazy.

Just a good time on this one, I think. Er...

That's all I really want to say on that one.

OK. And do you kind of dread it, cos you have to get ready to do that movie?

It is, yes, for sure. It's not a fun process,

not eating anything good for about three months straight and, er, yeah.

And what I love about it...

Cos a lot of actors, if they had, you know, if they'd done stripping,

that would have been their "secret past", but you own it.

You've made a big, successful thing. Presumably, people told you, "Don't do this."

-WHOOPING

-Calm down, calm down.

Yeah, it was... It was one of the things that I was fine with.

I mean, I was 18, 19 years old and it was a crazy time in my life

and I've got a chance to live crazy things and somehow survive them,

so it was... I wasn't really afraid of it coming out.

And look who's laughing now!

-It's turned into a really successful franchise.

-Yeah, it was nice.

This amazes me, so...

In this country, when people are stripping,

there's very basic jobs that strippers do.

-Like, they're firemen, soldiers...

-Ours, too, for the most part.

-But you chose bizarre things to be.

-OK, well...

The first ones weren't chosen for me.

They were more like hazing things. I think I know what you're talking about.

-Because was your very first one a boy scout?

-Yes.

Now, you think that's bad. This is the song he would strip to.

# Hello, mother

# Hello, father

# Here I am at

# Camp Granada

# Camp is very... #

Then it stops and it's like... And you rip your shirt off.

That's fantastic.

The worst part about that story is,

my sister came the very first night that I ever...

She tried to shame me out of not doing it, I think,

and that was mortifying.

So she knew you were going to be...?

Yeah, her friends all basically brought her

and tried to shame me out of doing it but I followed through.

-In a good way?

-In a... I don't actually know if it was a good way.

It was probably pretty bad. It was terrible, actually.

-You WERE nervous!

-Yeah.

And it was cold. Very cold.

APPLAUSE

Talking about doing shocking things, of course, you, Dame Julie,

in your husband's movie SOB...

-Yeah.

-..you went topless.

-Husband?!

What, husband?!

We've all been around the block, Jonah.

-Is this Blake Edwards?

-Yes!

-Well, what a legend.

-You guys were married to each other?

-Yeah, are you kidding?

-Oh, my gosh!

Didn't you Google the other guests?

No, I didn't! I mean, she's such a legend and he's such a legend,

-what a legendary combination.

-That's right.

-I'm married to that lovely guy for 42 years.

-Wow!

-Honestly, Jonah.

Such a legendary couple!

That'd be the only person I'd be fine with being married to you except for me!

My friend wrote a book on him, Sammy Wasson. You know that name?

-Yes, I know Sammy.

-He wrote a book on Blake.

-Oh, God!

-Can you guys go away for a minute? So...

-No, yeah, that's crazy.

-Yeah.

I think maybe most of the audience know,

he did all the great Pink Panther movies.

-He did Breakfast At Tiffany's and The Great Race and...

-Such a legend.

And 10 and those kind of movies.

But, no, I had to go topless for him but it was very legitimate.

And I had... It took ten years to get...

-Super-legitimate.

-No, no.

-It was legitimately in the script, is what I'm saying.

-OK, OK!

No, yes, very legitimate, believe me!

Beautiful movie. Beautiful movie.

-Channing's seen it ten times.

-No, you haven't, have you?

LAUGHTER

He's too young! He's too young. You'd love it. It's all about...

-It's a real take-off on Hollywood. It's a very funny movie.

-SOB?

-SOB is, yeah.

-Cool.

-Have you not seen it, either?

-No, sorry.

-My God!

Well, we'll play it on our wedding night!

-You'll love it. You really will.

-I'm looking forward to seeing it.

I really am!

But were there people in Hollywood telling you,

-"Don't do this - you're Julie Andrews"?

-No, no, no.

I mean, I'd done an awful lot by then and I had... As I say,

it took ten years to get the movie made,

so I had ten years to think about it and it was in the script

and quite, as I say, legitimate.

And it just can be cold in the studio. Didn't you find that?

-And it's a lot worse when it's cold for us than...

-Yes! Yeah.

-Chills help ladies, don't they?

-No! I don't think so.

-Really?

I mean, goose bumps don't look particularly good on camera.

-I guess not but...

-This is so awesome!

-This is the funniest conversation I've ever been in!

-I can't believe I'm having this conversation!

-It'll be your turn one day.

-Well, in Wolf Of Wall Street, I had a...

-Yes, you did, you did.

-But that wasn't your own.

-No, it was not, it was not.

-It was someone else's?

It was someone else's, yeah.

That would be amazing!

No, it was a prosthetic.

It was your stunt double - you gave him the work. Make him happy.

You know what's weird about Wolf Of Wall Street?

All the really out-there stuff that happened - the nudity, the drugs, the language -

but the scene that really upset people was you and the fish.

Oh, yeah. I ate a goldfish.

Yeah, so the real-life person that one of the characters is

based on ate a co-worker's goldfish and fired him in this

really horrific, brutal scene, cos he's really degrading this guy.

-And we...

-And the goldfish!

-And the goldfish, exactly.

And so Martin Scorsese asked me if I...

what I wanted to do, how we wanted to do it.

And I said, "Well, the guy ate a goldfish, so I'll do it."

I try to do everything for real and I was like, "I'll eat the goldfish."

And he came back to me and said, "PETA won't allow..."

Do you know what PETA is? Like, an animal-protection organisation.

"They won't allow you to eat a goldfish."

And I said,

"That's weird." And so, er...

He's like, "You can keep it in your mouth for three seconds at a time

"and then have to spit it back into water."

And so we show up on the day and there's...

I'm not kidding, there's four goldfish wranglers -

-minders of the goldfish.

-Aw!

The goldfish has four assistants from PETA there.

Which is four more than I had.

And, er...

I put the goldfish in my mouth for the first take

and it immediately goes to the bathroom in my mouth.

Oh!

Yeah. And so, er, basically, I hate goldfish and, er...

..I'll never work with one again.

Even if it's tasteful and meant to be in the script.

-I've worked with cockroaches.

-Oh, wow!

I wondered what you were going to say there, Dame Julie. Wow!

It is all coming out tonight!

It's your mind, Graham. Your mind.

When we edit the show, that's what you'll say.

Ooh! I never thought about that.

APPLAUSE

Right, listen, we must get on. It is time to meet our singing guest.

He is the man behind the biggest-selling singles of the last two years.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Pharell Williams!

MUSIC: "Happy" by Pharell Williams

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hi! Sit down.

-Hello. How are you, Pharell?

-I'm good. So nice to meet you.

-What's up, bro? Good to see you.

-How's it going, man? What's up?

Boy! Look at that bling. My God, that's great!

CHEERING

-Look at all this. Isn't it beautiful?

-Yeah!

And, of course, actually, Pharell and Julie,

-you're both part of the Despicable Me family.

-Yes!

-Yes.

We never met, though, did we, on the film?

No, but I was honoured to know that I was working on the same project as you.

-Thank you, thank you.

-Whoa, what is going on?!

Hey, man, so she's kinda taken!

By me and Blake Edwards.

Now, listen, you are going to sing for us.

-You're singing your new single, Marilyn Monroe.

-Yes, sir.

-And that's off the new album Girl - both out now.

-Yes, sir.

Now, this album - it's sort of your... Is it your ode to women?

It's your love letter to women?

Yeah, it's like an open love letter to women

because they've been so amazing to me over the past 20 years.

They've been so supportive. They've never left my side and I just...

You know, when given the opportunity to make an album,

I just felt like, you know what? I know who I want to speak to.

I want to speak to that very special demographic that have been

holding me up for so long.

Mm. OK.

-So...Girl.

-Yeah.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And now half the audience is clapping!

But reading your biog, you seem like you are a fan of the older lady.

SHE CLEARS THROAT

This is such bullshit! This is such bullshit!

I'm not a singer - I can't compete with this.

Now that you put it that way...!

But you know what?

That's where I learned most of my, you know, real lessons from.

You know, I learned how to treat women based off of the older women

that I hung out with and they were so gracious

-and so generous and they taught me so many things!

-Oh!

-Hey!

-Hey, hey, hey!

But the thing is, though, you're not intimidated by women,

cos I read a thing where you...

-When you were working with Madonna on Hard Candy...

-Boy!

You stood up to Madonna and that's...

-She's sat there - she is not easy.

-But you know what?

To her credit, she likes that. She likes that.

She doesn't really like, like, a super-softy, you know?

And I'm not, like, you know, Hulk Hogan either.

But, you know, at the same time, like,

I was just very stern in my position and in terms of producing

and giving her advice, because that's what she hired me to do.

-So that was fine.

-Did she like it ALL the time?

She liked it.

But you know what? I liked it too. And it is...

It is a pleasure to work with, er, you know, an icon,

someone that I looked up to when I was young,

that I thought was hot then and, like, got a chance to work with her.

That was amazing.

Or like sitting here with her,

like, someone with such incredible, rich, regal musical history,

and I'm able to sit here - you know, The Sound Of Music...

Well, you've made a bit of your own!

And you really have, cos every record on the radio seems to be,

"Oh, it's featuring Pharell, produced by Pharell."

How do you physically find the time to do all this?

No social life.

Really? Just, that's it? Just work all the time?

Yeah, I mean, work and family and that's just, you know... That's...

-Really, at this point of my life... You know, I'm 41, so that's, like, the most important thing to me.

-Aw!

A little old for you, don't you think?

-Doesn't seem appropriate. What do I know?

-That's hilarious!

-Stop hating, Jonah!

-No, no, no!

-You're hating right now!

-You're a genius.

-I'm just saying...

-I'm not that!

You are, but, you know,

stay the fuck away from my girlfriend. That's all I'm saying!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You're too much!

So, you're going to sing for us but quickly, we must mention your tour

starts on the 9th of September in Manchester, then you go all over Europe

-and end up in London on the 9th of October.

-Yes, sir.

-Wow!

And you're about to give us a taste of what those nice people can experience on tour.

I'm going to do my best.

Well, I've seen your rehearsal - it looks amazing.

-So if you'd like to go and get ready...

-OK, I'll shuffle off.

-Will you come back?

-You'll come back, you'll come back.

-We'll see you in a bit.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very shortly we'll have this week's stories in the big red chair

but first, singing his new single, Marilyn Monroe,

it is Pharell Williams.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Dance with me.

Uh!

# Oh, oh

# Yeah

# Yeah

# This one goes out

# To all the lovers

# What can we do?

# We're helpless romantics

# We cannot help

# Who we're attracted to

# So let's all dance

# And elevate each other

-# Dear diary

-Oh, dear diary

-# It's happening again

-Happening again

-# This energy

-Oh, the energy

-# Like I'm 'bout to win

-I'm 'bout to win

-# Just close my eyes

-I close my eyes

-# And visions appear

-Visions appear

-# She's everything I want

-Everything that I want

# And it's crystal clear

-# Not even

-Marilyn Monroe

# Marilyn Monroe

# Cleopatra, please

# 'Patra, please

# Not even Joan of Arc

# Joan of Arc

# That don't mean nothing to me

# I just want a different girl

# Girl, girl

# Girl, girl

# Girl, girl

# But can't another good boy keep it this thorough?

# Why

# Why do I have to lie?

# Pretend, make believe or hide

# When I love what I've described

# But then again, I don't need no adjectives for this girl

-# Dear diary

-Oh, dear diary

-# It's happening again

-Happening again

-# This energy

-Oh, man, energy

-# Like I'm 'bout to win

-I'm 'bout to win

-# Just close my eyes

-I close my eyes

-# And visions appear

-Visions appear

-# She's everything I want

-Everything that I want

# And it's crystal clear

# Not even

# Marilyn Monroe

# Marilyn Monroe

# Cleopatra, please

# 'Patra, please

# Not even Joan of Arc

# Joan of Arc

# That don't mean nothing to me

# I just want a different girl

# Girl, girl

# Girl, girl

-# Girl, girl... #

-I want some girls to come up here and dance with me on stage.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Oh, girl

# Girl, girl

# Girl, girl

# But can't another good boy keep it this thorough... #

Put your hands up in the air if you want to come and dance with me down here.

CHEERING Come on.

We're going to have our own little party. Here we go.

Here we go.

-# Dear diary

-Oh, dear diary

-# It's happening again

-Happening again

-# This energy

-Oh, that energy

-# Like I'm 'bout to win

-I'm 'bout to win

-# Just close my eyes

-I close my eyes

-# And visions appear

-Visions appear... #

I love different girls! Here we go!

# Not even Marilyn Monroe

# Marilyn Monroe

# Cleopatra, please

# 'Patra, please

# Not even Joan of Arc

# Girl, Joan of Arc

# That don't mean nothing to me

# I just want a different girl

# Hey!

# Yeah

# I just want a different girl. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Pharell Williams, everybody!

Let's go and rescue him.

-Good job!

-Thank you very much.

-Pharell Williams, everybody!

CHEERING

That was...

-Great.

-Thank you.

-That was quite the stage invasion!

Those ladies - they didn't need asking twice. They were like drones.

"Pharell!"

-Lovely ladies behind you, too.

-Well, yeah, they are...

-Bravo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's a proper show. Like it. Like it.

They're the girl dancers.

We call 'em bays, and the singers that are there,

we don't call them background singers because they're just

as bright as we all are, so they're my singers, not background singers.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, before we go tonight,

just time for a story or two in the red chair.

-So, who's up first? Who's there? Hello.

-Hi!

Now, look, relax. This could go really well.

-It could go really well. What's your name?

-Phoebe.

-Veebee?

-Phoebe, like Phoebe from Friends.

-Oh, yes, yes, OK, very good.

And are you wearing... one short, one trouser?

No...

-Oh, oh,...

-It's fashion.

Oh, is it a split in your...

-Yeah, it's a little rip.

-Oh, I see.

Oh, look, they're pulling out to show us. Oh, yes, lovely.

-JONAH:

-Nice knee!

-Yeah!

-Thanks.

It looks like a small bald man is down there.

-So, er...what do you do, Phoebe?

-I work in property management.

-In property management?

-Yeah.

-But this is obviously dress-down Thursday.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Friday!

-LAUGHTER

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hmm...

Off you go with your story.

Me and my boyfriend went home for the weekend - my home -

and my parents are quite, sort of,

"Don't be in the same room together alone. You can't share a room."

Parents went out for lunch, weren't supposed to get back till later, so,

obviously, we went to my room and...

started, you know, doing stuff and it was getting going

when I heard the door slam, heard Mum back, screamed, jumped up,

panicking, couldn't find any of my clothes - I only had a towel.

Wrapped it round me, tried to go outside until I heard this pop and I was like...

Turned round and my boyfriend was spread-eagle,

completely naked on the floor, dislocated his shoulder.

I was screaming, I was crying. He was sweating.

I was like, "I have to get my mum." He was like, "No, don't get your mum!"

I was like, "I have to, I have to," cos she's a physiotherapist.

LAUGHTER

Went and got her. She came in, put boxers on him,

popped his shoulder back in and we drove to hospital.

It was really awkward. LAUGHTER

-It needed an ending. It needed an ending!

-Oh! Not cool, man.

-It was good - it needed an ending.

-That was a good story.

-"And then we drove to hospital."

-It was an awesome story.

That's a great story.

But what the hell were they doing?

He was sweating, he dislocated his shoulder... It was...

Yeah, it was all going on during that lunchtime.

Do we have someone else?

-Oh, we do. Hello.

-Hi.

-Hi, what's your name?

-It's Karim.

-And where are you from?

-He's definitely going.

-South of France.

-South of France! You...

Do you know him, Channing?

No, no, I'm just imagining where this is going to go.

-And what do you do, Karim?

-I'm a catering manager.

-Oh, right.

-In London or in the South of France?

-In London now.

-Oh, in London now.

-Oh, yeah. For, like, a big organisation?

-Not for...

-Can I mention it?

-Yes, please do.

-It's SMMT.

-HE GASPS

-Not SFMT?!

They're great.

-OK. Off you go with your story.

-Right. I'm...

I used to be quite a good runner before,

-so I did a 10K quite a few years ago.

-Yeah.

-And I was leading the race.

-Oh, wow! Very good.

-Very good.

And I felt something on my leg. I wasn't quite sure.

I thought it was the string of my shorts, so I carried on running.

A lot of people were cheering and cheering and cheering.

And I felt great. Unfortunately, I was second at the finish.

I crossed the line, everybody was cheering and everything.

And then my friend came and said, "Look down your pants."

And, actually, my wee-wee was hanging.

LAUGHTER

That's quite a good story.

I'm just going to call out one thing.

-Oh, Karim, wait...

-Before... You decide after this.

A string is a little thin.

You thought it was a string? I thought...

You make your decision. It's your show.

Should Karim walk or flip?

-AUDIENCE SHOUT OUT

-Let him go, let him go.

You can walk, you can walk away. Very good.

He doesn't look like it would be string. It looks like...

you know, there's a lot to Karim.

I was so fascinated with the story - I wasn't thinking about that.

Do we have one more? One more. OK, this is the last one.

-Hello.

-Hi!

-How you doing?

-What's your name?

-Sarah Jane.

-And what you do, Sarah Jane?

-I'm a nurse.

-Oh, lovely. In London?

YES! Yeah.

I work everywhere.

"London! I am, yes! I'm a nurse in London. It's great!"

Have you stolen drugs?

You seem high as a kite.

-All right.

-Nerves!

-All right, Sarah Jane. Off you go with your story.

All right, so when I was a student, I was working in a colonoscopy day-unit procedure place.

I'll stop you one second.

-I apologise in advance to Dame Julie Andrews.

-Yeah.

This story is not going to end well. Off you go, Sarah Jane.

All right, so I had a little old lady in her 80s come in. She was so cute!

We gave her some medication and we started the procedure.

And anyway, they started inserting the tube and she started...

She turned around, flailed her hands. She's like, "Now, stop it, Daniel!

"I've told you, you're not allowed to put it there!" LAUGHTER

That is a great story!

-You can walk, Sarah Jane.

-Thank you.

-You can walk!

Well done, everyone. If you'd like to join us on the show

and have a go at the red chair, you can.

Just contact us via our website at this very address...

Thank you so much to my guests tonight.

-Pharell Williams, everybody!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Mr Channing Tatum!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Jonah Hill!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-And Dame Julie Andrews!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join me next week with a packed sofa.

Musical guests Coldplay,

British star Emily Blunt,

Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane, Oscar winner Charlize Theron

and Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise all here. I'll see you then. Good night, everybody. Bye-bye.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE