Episode 15 The Graham Norton Show

Tonight on our show, it's our hands across the ocean special.

-I've got stars from America... BOTH:

-USA! USA!

-..and stars from Britain.

-Hello.

LAUGHTER

Let's start the show!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

This programme contains strong language.

Hello! Hello!

Too kind, thank you very much. Thank you, thank you!

Very nice of you, welcome one, welcome all,

yes, it is a packed programme tonight. Not just those four stars.

Later in the show, we'll be joined by Sir David Attenborough, ladies and gentlemen!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes!

Ah! Sir David!

There's Sir David there, just securing his 2-for-1 cinema tickets.

LAUGHTER Erm, everyone...

What's happened to those animals? It's so...

Everyone loved the series Life On Earth,

where David met gorillas in their natural habitat.

Now, gorillas are expert communicators.

And apparently, they had a subtle way of letting David know

when they'd had enough of being filmed...

We hear ya. Let's get some guests on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Later, we'll have music from hot American export Elle King.

But first, as Dr House MD, he was the most watched star in the world.

Now he's back on the BBC in the new Le Carre thriller, The Night Manager.

It's Hugh Laurie, everybody! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Whoo! It is!

-Thank you.

-It is! Hello! Really nice to see you.

Thank you, thank you.

She is the double Bafta-winning star of Peepshow, 2012,

The Iron Lady and Broadchurch.

And one of the country's best-loved actresses.

It's Olivia Colman, ladies and gentlemen!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yay!

Look at you! It's like Extreme Makeover. You look fabulous.

-Thank you very much.

-Come and join your co-star.

-Say hello to your co-star.

-Hello!

Right, he's the most successful stand-up comedian in America

and a fully fledged movie star. Now he's in the sequel

to the smash hit Ride Along, it's Kevin Hart, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yeah!

-Hello, sir! Really nice to meet you.

-Hello, how you doing?

CHEERING DROWNS OUT SPEECH

And starring with Kevin, he's the Godfather of gangsta rap

turned Hollywood heavyweight, his films have grossed almost 2 billion.

Straight out of Compton, it's Ice Cube!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-It is Ice Cube!

-Hey! What's up?

-Really nice to see you.

CHEERING DROWNS OUT SPEECH

-Ah, everyone good?

-Yes, thank you!

-Whoo!

Now, the weird thing is, Ice Cube, we could be related.

Because, erm... LAUGHTER

Apparently, apparently there is some Irish stock in your past.

-No.

-LAUGHTER

I mean, there could be. You never know. Erm...

-But you have an Irish name.

-Do I? O'Shea.

-O'Shea is a Irish name!

It couldn't be more Irish. Has no-one told you that until now?

No, I've been told. But, you know, I think my mother just liked the name.

-OK, so, it's your Christian name?

-Yes, my...I think?

-Listen.

Let me educate you on something.

Black people, black people are notorious for picking things

that they saw one day and saying, "That's my baby's name."

LAUGHTER

That's all it was. That's all that was, Graham.

There was no amazing story behind it.

I would love to tell you, "Yes, it came from the Irish forefather that did this..."

That's not the case. His mother was reading the paper,

and she was eating some cereal, and somebody in the back said, "O'Shea!"

She said, "That'd be a good name for this baby." And that's it.

-That's how it happened! That's it.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Here's a thing. You are here promoting your movie, but, Kevin, you're working at the same time.

-You're doing stand-up gigs.

-Yeah, double dipping.

-Yes!

-LAUGHTER

-Uh, doing a ton of stand-up shows.

My What Now? Tour is here as well.

Uh, major thank-you to the UK fans. The tour sold out in, like,

-literally, two days. So, you guys are amazing. Way back when.

-Wow!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, we did that and then after that we came over here for promo.

What Cube and myself love doing

is really getting involved with the fans.

You know, we love putting our feet on the street and really being active

-and interacting. So, we've been doing a ton of pop-ups.

-Yeah.

Just delivering the movie, the best of our ability, which is live and in person.

-And we're splitting all the tour money.

-That is not true.

-LAUGHTER You got him here.

-And I'm here.

-That's not true.

-You know he bum-rushed my stage the other day?

-Oh, did he?

-Without telling me.

He tackled me from the back. Scared the living mess out of me.

-LAUGHTER

-It was one of the most frightening moments of my life, to be honest.

I think we may have another frightening moment for you. This is you in Manchester.

Now, do you even know the name of that show?

-LAUGHTER

-I was the only black guy there that day!

-I remember that.

-Or ever.

-Uh, that's Coronation Street, right?

-Well done!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's you and Beverley Callard.

But THIS picture, this looks like you have been Photoshopped in.

-Yeah!

-LAUGHTER

Are you really there? Roy's Rolls can't be that big.

First of all, it looks like I grew up there.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And Olivia, with Broadchurch,

presumably your kind of level of recognition has gone up.

-You must get recognised all the time now.

-Yes.

-Yes, I do.

Oh, I know where you're going with this.

-Yes. Yes, well, do tell them.

-Erm, I hope my mum's not watching.

-LAUGHTER

-There was a slight road-rage incident.

And you know those crossings where they're absolutely,

I don't know if it's the same rules apply, but they're not staggered,

they're straight crossroad thing... Do you know what I mean?

I have no idea what you're talking about,

-but keep going.

-So, to turn right, you have to turn in front of each other,

not behind each other on a staggered crossing.

-Do you know what I mean?

-No!

-Does anyone know what I mean?

-PEOPLE IN AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

-So, so...

-No, don't!

OK, and you've got to go behind each other.

No, you have to go in front because it was an equal thingy.

-You had to go in front of each other?

-Yes.

-OK.

So, this woman was coming towards me and wanting to go right, her right.

And I was going right. So, I turned to go in front of her.

And she went... And, as if I had tried to drive into her.

And I thought, "OK, well, there's no-one else coming.

"So, I'll just, to keep her happy, I'll do what's wrong

"but I'll go behind her." And she was, like, doing that...in the car.

And it was starting to really piss me off

because I was right and I was helping her out.

And then I suddenly got this red mist.

Just as our cars were coming next to each other, I suddenly went,

"Fuck you!"

-LAUGHTER

-And just as she was doing that, she went, "Ah!"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And now, Hugh Laurie, straight out of Oxford...

LAUGHTER You have had some rap experience.

LAUGHTER

-I think you, you may have been misinformed there.

-We've got evidence.

Well, well now, well now...

-Have you started?

-Yeah, that's the opening line.

Where can I take it from there? Well, now. It's called Well Now.

I... I dabbled.

-It was you and Stephen Fry.

-Yeah.

-And what was it actually called?

It was called... It was called I'm A Good-Ass Motherliker.

That's what I like to hear.

-Yes, it was nice, polite rap. It was polite, English rap.

-Yeah.

-We've got a little clip, just so you can enjoy it.

-Oh, no, you haven't!

Yes, here's Hugh Laurie doing his polite rap.

# Get home to my bitch She be waitin' all alone

# I put water in her bowl And I give her a bone

# Neighbours come callin' Holdin' out a cup

# So I get out the sugar And I fill it right up

# Be nice

# Be nice Cos I'm a good-ass motherliker. #

HE MOUTHS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That thing was hot! Everything was hot except the pants.

-Yeah, the pants was off.

-Everything else was great.

First of all, it was 1995, for God's sake.

I mean, your swag is on 1,000 right now!

Now, the guys are here because they've got the sequel to Ride Along,

entitled Ride Along 2...

-Yes.

-LAUGHTER

-Watch out, Graham. You nailed it. You nailed that.

-Sweet.

I've got the facts, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, it opens here tonight.

But, of course, it's already opened in America. Huge hit.

Knocked Star Wars off the top of the tree. All that.

So, what is the premise of the movie?

The premise of the movie, I play a crack detective out of Atlanta.

And I have this bug, mosquito, by the name of Kevin Hart.

-That's not it.

-He wants to marry my sister.

So, you know, it's the whole thing of, you always hate the guy

that wants to marry your sister, so, you know, I hate him over here.

That's a strong word. You dislike me.

-LAUGHTER

-And I'm trying to scare him from not being a cop by taking him

on a ride along and it doesn't work cos he ends up helping me

solve the case.

There's a lot of stuff that happens on that ride.

I mean, you're looking at a relationship with two guys that's a grounded, genuine relationship.

You know, my character, Ben Barber, aspires to be what James is.

What means the most to me is this man's approval.

But getting that approval is tough.

So, along this road, it's about me proving myself above and beyond

and eventually getting the attention of the guy that I look up to.

And reading interviews between you, it's unclear, like, do you get on, on set?

-Or do you genuinely annoy each other?

-That's my best friend.

-OK.

-Say it!

-LAUGHTER

Say it! Come on, man. Say it! We're in the UK.

Say it, let 'em know how you feel. Best friend touch, come on, man.

Come on, man. There it is.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-But didn't he steal your catchphrase?

-He always steals everything.

-When people see me, they'd be like, "Yo, Cube! Yay-yay!"

-Hey-hey!

-LAUGHTER

-Good, good. I'm not going to say that.

-So, I say, "Hey, Cube! Yay-yay!"

-Hey-hey!

-That's so weak.

-It has no flavour to it.

-We're best friends.

We've got a clip from the movie, erm, Ride Along 2.

-This is, erm, you guys trying to get into a party under cover.

-Ah.

And your antagonism is barely concealed.

-Prince Admiral Steven Matumbe. And you're in consul.

-Plus 2.

-My two servants.

-I don't have you on the list.

-Well, could you...

Then check the VIP list. And do not look me in my eye.

Don't look at me. You look at the pad.

You read the names and you look at me and you close your eyes.

Look at me. Don't look at me. Look at me. That was a test. You failed.

-You...aren't on it.

-Stall him, guys. AJ is on it.

-Step aside, por favor.

-Wait!

This is all your fault.

I'm your bodyguard, not your servant.

You are what I SAY you are!

-A traditional sign of respect.

-'OK, try it now.'

Check the list one more time.

There it is. Sorry about that.

-You can head right in.

-I cannot feel my face!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And Ice Cube, we've got to mention Straight Outta Compton.

Congratulations. Oscar-nominated.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Oscar winner for best original screenplay.

-Yes.

And obviously, cos the Oscars have now got mired in this controversy this year...

So, where do you stand on all of that? Like, will you go? Are you going?

-I never used to go anyway. So...

-You're not boycotting?

You can't boycott something you never went to anyway.

-LAUGHTER

-That's kind of weird.

No, it's, you know, I look at it like a horse race, you know

what I'm saying? Once your horse loses a race,

you tear up your ticket and go on and just back on out.

Because it's nothing really to put that much energy into like that.

It's... We don't do movies for the industry.

We do movies for the fans, for the people, and, you know,

the industry, you know, if they give you a trophy or not, or pat you on the back or not,

it's nice but it's not something that you should dwell on.

You know, we got accolades from all levels, you know, from our core fans,

from our curious fans, from our fans or people who, you know,

didn't even think they wanted to see that movie.

You know, I think the older generation got a understanding on why we did

that kind of music and the younger generation got a history lesson.

And we got so much praise for the movie, and it's like, how could you

be mad cos ONE other Academy or guild or anybody didn't say it's the number one,

you know, it's like crying about not having enough icing on your cake.

-LAUGHTER

-I mean, it's just ridiculous.

-Because you guys have both seen the movie, haven't you?

-Yes.

Yeah, have to say I loved it. Absolutely loved it.

And I think, by the way, that that's about the sanest description of this whole process

of awards that I've ever heard. I mean, as a way of treating it, as a way of thinking about it.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And was the process of the making of the film,

did it kind of rebuild bridges with the existing members of NWA?

-Are you all kind of good and...?

-Yeah, we were already cool, you know?

It was water under the bridge by the time we started doing the movie.

It was great to get with everybody and hash up all those stories.

And, "No, that's not how that happened," "Yeah, yeah..."

And then going back and forth and creating a whole,

uh, you know, script. It was a load of work. It was a major process.

A lot of cooks in the kitchen. Erm, but we got nice meal out of that.

You're getting back together, is that right?

Are you going to play Coachella?

Well, we're going to definitely play The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame cos NWA was inducted.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-And now... Thank you.

So, that's great. And then, you know, I got Coachella.

I'm a try and get all the guys together and do an amazing show.

-I'll do it.

-LAUGHTER

I'll do it. You don't even have to ask. I'll do it.

And he's not joking, is he?

I'm here for my friend.

And great, sort of extraordinary that your son did such an amazing...

-Oh, yeah!

-..job playing you.

I mean, that's what I'm most proud of, you know,

more than having this movie, having Straight Outta Compton,

this, that and the other, is the fact that my son was able to take a opportunity, you know,

and run with it and hopefully set himself up and in, you know,

one of the greatest industries in the world.

Uh, and, you know, I'm so proud, just as a father, and,

oh, yeah, you know, it was a movie about NWA too. You know that?

But how much did he know, like, when he was doing scenes,

-was he going, like, "You did THIS, Dad?"

-Yeah, yeah.

In the hotel rooms, you know, some of them scenes, it was like...

-LAUGHTER

-Oh, man! Y'all took guns? Man! Y'all was doin' the most!

-Those were your favourite scenes too!

-But he did know.

How old was he when he knew the lyrics to Straight Outta Compton?

Oh, they was young, man, you know, my kids... Two? Three years old?

I mean, it was playing all the time.

And, you know, they were rapping and would censor themselves.

They would like rap the lyrics, like,

# Straight Outta Compton, Crazy mo...named Ice Cube

# From the...called...With Attitudes #.

Profanity, you know what I mean? It's just funny.

And, Hugh Laurie, you've got kids

but none of them have followed in your footsteps, have they?

-STERNLY:

-No.

LAUGHTER

-No, they haven't. I mean...

-Do they have proper jobs?

They all do different... proper jobs, yeah.

They all did a bit. They all tried it. And were good at it, actually, I thought.

But didn't want to, erm,

I just think it's an amazing thing to think of your son doing this.

Because I, you know, most men are in some version,

-trying to play their father anyway.

-Mm-hm.

You know, either imaginary or real,

they're trying to sort of play the role of their father,

until they find out, you know, if they ever DO, some don't,

if they ever find out who they are.

I think that's just an incredible thing.

I mean, I had a very, very sort of mild version of it.

Because I was playing,

I spent almost ten years playing a doctor and my father WAS a doctor.

And I felt like I was a fake version of what he really was

and I felt all this, sort of, constantly guilty about that.

Erm, because I think a lot of men do actually grow up feeling like that.

Feeling like fake versions of their own, until you hopefully get

to a point where you think that, "Well, I am the real thing, in some form."

-Yeah, yeah.

-It is, whatever it is, it's real.

-Because, Olivia, how many kids have you got now?

-Three!

-Three?

So, if one of them, or indeed all of them came to you and said, "Yay!

"We're going to be an actor or actress," would you be thrilled? Horrified?

I don't know, it's quite a hard thing to answer.

Because I love it. I love my job. But I know I've been lucky.

So, it would be quite hard for my kids to go into it and be less lucky or...

Yes, you wouldn't say, I'd like you to be a SUCCESSFUL actor.

-Teach them to be lucky.

-They're also very clever.

They're much cleverer than me, so, erm, well, it's hard to know with the baby but, erm...

It doesn't walk into walls or anything. That's good.

Yeah, I'd like to think that maybe they'll do something,

you know, save people or change the world.

-Oh, wow.

-No pressure!

LAUGHTER

And Kevin, your kids, do they aspire to be a performer like you?

Oh, yeah, I'm in trouble. My kids are just like me. It's scary.

It's so scary. No, my son, my son is a little slower.

My daughter is just...

That's my son. I catch my son...

I catch my son doing some of the stupidest stuff.

Son, why you licking that wall? Don't lick the wall, boy.

"I'm just playing." No! You're not playing, licking the wall, son!

Go over there and just play with that stuff.

My daughter is just, she's in love with what I do. She fully gets it.

My daughter is ten years old.

And, you know, I'm big on letting my kids see me in my work environment,

whether it's on set, whether it's on stage, tour,

I let them be around their dad, so they can really understand what I do.

My daughter sits, like, when I'm on stage, I don't let them,

they're only allowed to watch the first 7 to 10 minutes of my show

because that part is clean.

-Then it gets filthy after that.

-LAUGHTER

So, the first 10 minutes, she just sits and she watches

and she mimics me in the house. My daughter has got a tight 5 minutes.

She's like, "Dad, introduce me," like, she's got my mannerisms.

She comes on the stage and she's like, "What do you do?

"What's your job? What's your name?"

It's scary! It's really scary.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

So, Ice Cube had his son in this movie.

Olivia Colman has gone one further, ladies and gentlemen,

because in her new show, she had her daughter IN her,

in the thing, it's like Russian dolls!

-Yeah!

-LAUGHTER

-And your bump plays a role.

-Yes!

-This is The Night Manager, the new series that you're in.

-Oh, IN her! Oh!

-In her!

-LAUGHTER

-Where were you going?

-I don't know...

You guys nodding, going, "OK..."

It's a UK thing. All right. I got it. I got it.

But they wrote the bump in.

Yeah, when I first went to meet the director

and I had just found out I was pregnant and I thought, "Oh, I can't lie."

Because it's going to become obvious. And so I said I was pregnant.

And Susanne went, "Oh! Oh, OK..." She said, "I must talk to the producers."

This is my impression of Susanne.

-LAUGHTER

-Lucky she's not here cos then I can tell you it's really good.

-OK.

-It is. It's absolutely spot on.

And I was going, "If you remember Fargo, Frances McDormand

"was pregnant and it really added to it. I think it would help," sort of, fingers crossed.

And they came back and said, "Yeah, OK,

"we can do pregnant, yeah. Erm, yeah, we'll write it in." So...

And it's good because you didn't have to carry a bag in front of yourself or wear baggy coats or anything.

I got so big, there would have been no hiding it.

And also, I was waddling quite a lot.

And Susanne once said, "Could you walk less pregnant?"

LAUGHTER

My pelvis was like that!

-So, this is The Night Manager, coming up on BBC One next month.

-See that?

I looked like someone, like I've snuck into the back of shot.

-LAUGHTER

-It's clearly, it's like a model shoot.

-And then this spherical being.

-It's like when they left the paper cups on the mantelpiece in Downton.

-ICE CUBE:

-She looks like she's back there fixing his suit! A wardrobe person!

-OLIVIA:

-Exactly!

You shouldn't, if she didn't say it, but when she said that, I thought,

"It kind of does look a little bit like that!"

If anyone's watching in America, by the way, it's also on there.

It's on BBC America and it's on AMC.

And I guess because of all that involvement, it looks amazing.

-It's got a huge budget, it looks like, for it TV show.

-Yes.

Americans do know how to make things look very good! It's exciting!

Obviously, it's the famous John le Carre novel but,

if people don't know, what can you tell us about it?

Who do you play within the film?

-I play, I'm proud to say, the worst man in the world.

-Ooh!

-We actually play sworn enemies.

-Yes.

This is sort of the angel of vengeance

and I am the worst man in the world.

-And we... Let's say that, because there are no other actors here, let's say it's all about us.

-OK!

We wind up in, right at the end of the thing,

in a sort of final confrontation between, really, good and evil.

Erm, it's about arms dealing.

It's about a conspiracy to pull off a very terrible arms deal

with very terrible people.

And Olivia's character sets about trying to undo

the villain of the piece, the worst man in the world, which is me.

And why, because it's been changed, it wasn't a woman originally?

Yes, no, that's right. My character, Burr, was a man.

And they thought they'd like to...

Burr would be a good person to turn into a woman.

I think you probably were there more than me in that discussion.

I was a horse. And I thought, we could have a talking horse.

Or why don't we have a person?

ICE CUBE SNIGGERS

But Hugh Laurie, you love this book.

I love... Well, Le Carre is... This is holy text for me.

-Erm, and I loved...

-You know him, right?

Well, yes, I would like to say now I do, a little bit.

I don't think he'd blank me in the street.

-Weren't you at his birthday party?

-I did. I got taken.

-I didn't!

LAUGHTER

I got taken as Stephen Fry's date,

to his 70th birthday party, at a restaurant in Hampstead.

And at this party were... I don't quite know who these people were

because you're not supposed to know anyway.

But it was something like the head of the CIA

and the head of the KGB were at this dinner. Big, big cheeses anyway.

And the place was crawling with bodyguards.

There was a lot of earpieces and people were packing.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah.

Was this in Compton? Was this in Compton?

-I think I know that spot.

-LAUGHTER

-I have the lingo!

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

During the dinner, one of his sons went whispering round the table.

There was a piano in the room and he went whispering round the table,

he said, "Does anybody know how to play Happy Birthday?"

And I said, "Well, if no-one else does, yeah, I'll do it if you want."

So they said, "OK.

"You sneak over to the piano, no-one's looking, sneak over to

"the piano, sit down there, we'll signal the kitchen, they'll light

"the candles on the cake and then they'll bring it in,

"you start playing." I said, "OK," so I sort of snuck over,

I sat down and I lifted the lid like this and I was all poised

and I could see the kitchen where they were lighting the...

I could see them fussing over the cake.

And they lit the candles, 70 of them,

so I'll shorten that bit, obviously.

And then the last thing they did,

because obviously this was the restaurant's habit, the last thing

they did before they brought out the cake was switch off the lights.

So the place went dark and there was an eruption of guns

and walkie-talkies.

"Nobody move, everybody on the floor!"

And I had to sort of... "No, really!

"Honestly, I am literally just the piano player."

-But order was restored, nobody died.

-Wow.

Pretty exciting moment.

But it also shows you the respect in which le Carre is

held in the world of spying and intelligence.

We've got a clip but it's more of a taster of the whole series,

so here it is.

War's a spectator sport.

What do you want, Miss Burr?

I want to make you an offer. Bring down Richard Roper.

I want to put you inside his operation.

You will be in so deep, you'll worry that you'll never get out.

My name's Pine, I'm the night manager.

I think he may be playing both sides.

We need Richard Roper.

-I'm going to get you out of here.

-And you think you're safe?

We are pulling you out.

Without me, you don't have an operation.

If you step out of line, we'll make you howl for your mother.

Ooh.

APPLAUSE

-I'm going to watch that.

-Yeah, I'm going to watch that.

Watch it, wouldn't you? Yes.

-You're in that.

-I know, I can't believe it.

The last time she was on, she was promoting a film,

she didn't know who she was playing in the film.

It was finished, it was in the cinema.

It was a long time after we'd filmed it.

You might have checked before you came on a chat show!

I love how honest she is about it. "I have no idea. I don't know."

I don't know why they...

Also, cos contractually, no offence, but we're sort of asked to come...

All right, fine. Thank you(!) LAUGHTER

Wow.

-She doesn't mean that.

-I don't mean that. Oh, God!

She doesn't want to be here, ladies and gentlemen.

I do, that's not true. I love Graham.

But I do wonder why they ask me to do it.

I don't help, do I?

KEVIN CACKLES

Ice Cube's thinking, "She's never being in one of my films, ever."

She's good.

-I like her, I like her.

-Thank you very much. I like you.

All right, onto my next guest. He's been on our screens for 65 years.

And now, on the eve of his 90th birthday,

he's back at the Beeb with a new natural history special.

Please welcome broadcasting legend Sir David Attenborough.

CHEERING

Hello, sir. How are you? So nice to see you. Come in, sit down.

This is Ice Cube...Kevin Hart, you know Olivia, I'm sure.

CHEERING

Sit, sit, sit, everybody. Oh.

-Very nice to have you, thank you very much for joining us.

-Thank you.

You've said hello, you've met everybody.

I've been listening to you all. Laughing like anything.

You've met before, haven't you, Olivia?

Twice.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed. I was so excited to meet you.

Well, I didn't really meet you, I just sort of stumbled into you

and went, "I think you are amazing!"

You were very polite and then I realised I should leave

and then I did it a second time...

at a different occasion.

So third time lucky, there you go.

Friends now, friends.

Now, this new special, Attenborough And The Giant Dinosaur,

it's on on Sunday, BBC One, 6.30

and it's extraordinary that these discoveries,

really amazing discoveries, are still being made.

Why had this not been discovered before?

I suppose, it's comparatively rare. They lived in a rather remote place.

They lived in Patagonia, right at the far end of South America.

And, yeah, dinosaur fossils aren't all that common.

And a local man who had a big sand...sheep farm

saw this enormous bone sticking out of the cliff.

And he told local people and eventually a palaeontologist,

a fossil expert, came along and said, "Yeah, that's a dinosaur.

"And not only is it a dinosaur, it's a very, very big dinosaur."

And that particular bone was the thigh bone, this one,

and it's nine feet tall, three metres tall.

So it's huge, this animal.

It's incredible. I'll tell you what, before we talk about it some more,

because talking about it doesn't really convey the size of it,

so we've got a clip from the show that conveys just how big

these things were.

The first sauropods to appear on Earth

were comparatively small creatures.

This is a cast of the thighbone of one of them.

It's not even as big as my thighbone.

But after about 20 million years, SOME had become pretty big.

This is a thighbone from one of those creatures.

But then, after that,

our giant appeared. This is its thighbone.

-Isn't that nuts?

-Yeah.

You know... You know the dinosaur

-that's in the Natural History Museum?

-Yeah.

Diplodocus. Fills the entrance hall, you know?

-This one is half as big again, the new one.

-Oh, my God.

-Wow.

-Wow.

And what's more, old diplodocus,

the one in the Natural History Museum

could walk underneath this one's belly.

-And how many...?

-Mm-hmm!

-LAUGHTER

Because they didn't just find one of these. It wasn't like a freak.

It wasn't like, "Oh, he's very tall for his age."

-There were a lot of these guys.

-Well, there must have been

because otherwise there wouldn't be any more.

There were at least two.

-I'm with you.

-Actually, it so happened

this particular deposit where

they found those bones, there are the remains of

seven different individuals, all of the same kind.

So they were all whoppers.

And in your own house you have some...?

No, I don't have one in my own house.

No, you do have some dinosaur things.

-I've got the occasional thing.

-What have you got, what have you got?

-What do you want?

-Well, I don't know.

What will you give me?

You've got a dinosaur...footprint, is it a footprint you've got?

-I've got a dinosaur footprint.

-OK.

Footprints, dinosaur footprints are quite common in Texas.

You can buy 100 yards of dinosaur footprint.

Kevin Hart's shopping already.

I was about to ask the price for that thighbone.

I know what I want to do with my money.

Something good to show off to my friends.

There was a Texas millionaire...

It became the fashion to buy 50 yards of dinosaur footprint

and put them in your garden, you see.

So jealous now. Kevin Hart looks so jealous.

Bought 20 yards and laid them out and very proud of it

and then invited the next-door neighbour,

who was also a millionaire,

to come over and look at his dinosaur footprint.

So the visitor came in,

saw these immense footprints around and said, "My God, what are those?"

And he said, "They're dinosaur footprints."

And the millionaire visitor said,

"I had no idea they'd come so close to the house."

LAUGHTER

Now, I don't want to embarrass you but we have to mention you do

-have quite a large birthday very, very soon.

-Yes.

It's, well, 90, we can say it, it's 90. It's a thing to be celebrating.

APPLAUSE

How is it going to be marked personally?

How is it going to be marked by the BBC? What's happening?

I would like to ignore the whole issue.

The BBC is talking now about doing some kind of programme.

I don't know what but they're going to do something.

-They'll have to do something.

-Oh, something. A cake.

And Hugh Laurie can play Happy Birthday.

Well, I'm...I'm there, I'm there.

APPLAUSE

OK, it's time for music. Now this Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter

is destined for great things.

Here, singing her hit single Ex's & Oh's,

please welcome Elle King.

APPLAUSE

# I had me a boy Turned him into a man

# Showed him all the things that he didn't understand

# Whoa

# Then I let him go

# Now there's one in California who's been cursing my name

# Cos I found me a better lover in the UK

# Hey

# Until I make my getaway

# One, two, three They're going to run back to me

# Cos I'm the best baby that they never got to keep

# One, two, three They're going to run back to me

# Always want to come but they never want to leave

# Exes and the oh-oh-ohs They haunt me

# Like gho-o-osts They want me to make 'em a-a-all

# They won't let go

# Exes and ohs

# I had a summer lover down in New Orleans

# I kept him warm in the winter Left him frozen in the spring

# My, my, how the seasons go by

# I get high and I love to get low

# So the hearts keep breaking and the heads just roll

# You know that's how the story goes

# One, two, three They're going to run back to me

# Cos I'm the best baby that they never got to keep

# One, two, three They're going to run back to me

# They always want to come but they never want to leave

# Exes and the oh-oh-ohs They haunt me

# Like gho-o-osts They want me to make 'em a-a-all

# They won't let go

# My exes and the oh-oh-ohs They haunt me

# Like gho-o-osts They want me to make 'em a-a-all

# They won't let go

# Exes and ohs

# One, two, three They're going to run back to me

# Climbing over mountains and sailing over seas

# One, two, three They're going to run back to me

# They always want to come but they never want to leave

# My exes and the oh-oh-ohs They haunt me

# Like gho-o-osts They want me to make 'em a-a-all

# They won't let go

# Exes and the oh-oh-ohs They haunt me

# Like gho-o-osts They want me to make 'em a-a-all

# They won't let go

# Exes and ohs. #

APPLAUSE

Elle King, everybody. Come and join us, come and join us.

Come and join us, Elle King.

That was so fun, I love that song.

There you go, there you go, my dear.

Come and join us. We've got you a stool.

Amazing, thank you.

That's Hugh Laurie...Olivia...

-Hi, so nice to meet you.

-And you.

Hi, nice to meet you. Oh, so nice to meet you.

Oh, my goodness.

Everyone, sit down, sit down, sit down.

-Do you want to take your seat first?

-OK.

-Sit.

I thought you might have wanted to be part of the... I don't know.

Oh, see, I just automatically think,

"Oh, he's being mean, he wants my seat."

We're not in the back of a car!

"I'll sit in the middle, I don't mind."

-No. We must tell the people, that is from the album Love Stuff.

-Yeah.

Where did the name come from?

-Erm...

-SHE GIGGLES

A sex shop in Florida.

Anyone familiar?

Yup!

Yes, I am.

Can I just say that I'm a huge, huge, huge fan

and Express Yourself was the first rap song

-that I learned every word to.

-Oh, wow.

-Oh, you're talking to Cube?

LAUGHTER

Sorry, it's a mix-up. Got it.

-I know, my eyes are so big.

-Got it, go ahead. Sorry.

-Wide-eyed.

It was my first, like, favourite hip-hop song ever

and I've been a crazy hip-hop fan ever since,

so it's awesome to be really close to you.

And it's awesome. Your song was crazy.

We was over here just nodding our head.

-That bass line is sick.

-That's when we were talking about the bass line.

Thank you.

That's how you get to black people, with a strong bass line.

That's how you get us.

And you are a fan...

I know you are particularly a fan of Sir David Attenborough.

-I am, hi.

-Are you?!

-Yeah.

-Because you are a big animal lover.

I know collecting animals is a weird phrase to use.

No, don't make me sound crazy. People think I'm crazy enough.

No, I've rescued a lot of animals, I've found a lot of animals homes.

Crazy!

I only have three dogs right now, it's fine.

But over the years, you've rescued things that didn't

sound like they needed rescuing.

They did! To me.

-A rat?

-That rat was amazing.

But did it need rescuing?

I know, I see your eyes, someone told me

that you have a terrifying rat story.

I don't care for them.

They're very... Unbelievably smart, though.

I... I...

I've been sitting on a loo in India

and a rat comes up...

-GASPS

-Oh, my God!

It's not attractive.

Are you going to be over here for a while now, promoting and stuff?

What day is it? I don't know.

It's Friday now.

Oh, it IS Friday? Well, every day's Friday, right?

Yeah, on this show it is.

No matter when we do it, it's Friday.

Listen, just before we go, we've got

time for a visit to the big red chair, so let's do it.

-Who's there? Hello.

-Hello.

-Hi, what's your name?

-THICK COCKNEY ACCENT:

-Tony.

-Tony. Lovely Tony.

Nice to speak to you, Graham.

It's good, Tony, what do you do?

-I work in a secondary school. Teacher, Graham.

-Oh, yes?

A specific subject?

No, I work with mainly, now, behaviour,

-with all the little rascals.

-Oh, right.

LAUGHTER

Does anyone think Tony isn't a real person?

On you go with your story, Tony.

Yeah, what happened was, it was about five years ago...

LAUGHTER

..and we'd just gone back to school in January. I got me new suit.

-I always like to get a new suit for the new year.

-Of course.

Yeah, naturally.

And what's happened is, I've gone into the canteen as normal,

cos I always like to eat with the pupils and then go out on duty.

So I've gone down, it's my favourite,

there's a little roast dinner.

So I've gone into the queue, nice little bit of lamb,

roast potatoes, greens, gravy.

And I thought to myself... Cos normally I don't get an after.

So I thought, "I'll have a little after,

"little bit of apple pie and custard. Lovely."

I've got that, got me little tray,

walk round where you go to get the forks and knives and, as I've gone

round, there must have been a bit of water, I didn't see the water.

Me own foot's gone. I thought, "Shit, I'm going over."

And it went in slow motion. I can still remember it.

It was slow motion and I've got the tray,

I'm thinking, "I've got to hold that tray."

I've gone over, me back's hit the floor. The tray's gone over.

I've got gravy, custard, apple pie and a little bit of lamb.

And as I've looked up through the gravy and the custard,

I can see 100 teenagers going, "Sir's gone over, Sir's gone over!"

And that's me story, Graham.

Oh, he can walk. APPLAUSE

Give me a little flip, Graham, give me a flip.

I'll give you a flip. Here you go.

Very funny.

Do you think Tony was real?

I didn't understand one word he said.

-ATTEMPT AT TONY'S ACCENT:

-"I had me tuna, me gravy, me custard..."

LAUGHTER

There was no tuna.

There was no tuna!

Well done, everyone. If you'd like to join us

on the show and have a go in the red chair, you can contact us

via our website at this very address.

That's it for tonight,

so please say a huge thank you to my guests tonight.

Elle King, everybody. APPLAUSE

Hugh Laurie... APPLAUSE

..Olivia Colman... APPLAUSE

..Kevin Hart... APPLAUSE

..Ice Cube... APPLAUSE

..and Sir David Attenborough. CHEERING

Join me next week with the singer Laura Mvula,

from Dad's Army, Toby Jones and Catherine Zeta Jones,

ex-One-Directioner Zayn Malik,

movie star Ryan Reynolds and the one and only Will Smith.

I'll see you then, goodnight, everybody. Bye-bye.

APPLAUSE