Episode 16 The Graham Norton Show

On tonight's show, we're keeping up with the Joneses,

lovely couple, the amazing Mr Smith and the gorgeous Mr Reynolds.

All the big names are here, let's start the show!

CHEERING

This programme contains strong language.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Good evening, everybody!

You all in a good mood? Yes!

It's Friday night, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, it is!

Woohoo, I tell you.

Some great names on my sofa tonight. I feel so lucky.

I feel luckier than a 48-year-old granny

who's left her lottery ticket in the washing machine.

You can't blame a granny for trying, can you?

Did anyone see the nude picture?

Release the balls!

LAUGHTER

Let's get our guests on.

Later, we'll have music from our good friend,

the extraordinary Laura Mvula.

But, first, he is one of our finest character actors,

who is leading the charge as Captain Mainwaring

in the new Dad's Army film.

It's Toby Jones, ladies and gentlemen.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, sir. Very nice to see you.

Have a seat, do.

Toby Jones.

This lady went from the Welsh Valleys

to the Hollywood Hills,

and won an Oscar for her standout performance in Chicago.

Please welcome the fabulous Catherine Zeta-Jones!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Wowzer!

Wow! You look fabulous, darling!

Come in and sit down.

Catherine Zeta-Jones!

It's really her.

He's one of Hollywood's hottest leading men,

now he is turning the superhero genre on its head in Deadpool.

Please welcome, for the first time, Ryan Reynolds, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ryan Reynolds! Hello!

Very nice to see you. Come in. Sit down.

That's Ryan Reynolds.

And... And...

He's not just one of my favourite guests,

he is one of the biggest movie stars in the world,

from West Philadelphia, born and raised,

it's a warm welcome back to Will Smith!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh!

So good to see you.

Hello, hello, hello.

Sit down.

-Hey!

-Oh, man.

I tell you, not a bad haul.

Not a bad haul, ladies and gentlemen.

Very cool.

Ooh, but actually, very quickly, before we say another thing,

I should just say, if you are a Zayn Malik fan,

I am really sorry...

and he's not here!

LAUGHTER

I'm out of here!

-You were upset. Ryan was upset.

-I was.

I saw with your tweet.

You were hurt.

Zayn Malik is really making me regret

this Zayn Malik tattoo I have on my back.

He's making it difficult.

Ryan tweeted when he heard the news of the cancellation...

LAUGHTER

True story. True story.

-Maybe not for nothing.

-Maybe not for nothing.

-Hello!

-Anyway, we don't know where he is.

But, hey, lovely to see you all.

This is special, ladies and gentlemen.

In the world of show business, we don't often get to say this,

four happily married people on the couch.

Not to each other! The Joneses not related in any way.

I need to make an announcement before we...

LAUGHTER

That would be so weird, if down the sofa...

Anyway!

Totes awks.

So, Ryan, you and Blake have been married for...?

Oh, God. Don't do this to me.

Two...uh...four years.

-Three years!

-Are you guessing?

(Three-and-a-half!)

Yeah, three-and-a-half, you just go, you know...

OK, good luck with getting to four!

LAUGHTER

And Catherine and Michael, you have been together a long time now.

15. Together 17, married 15.

-How do you know that?!

-Will and Jada?

Together 22, married 18.

Very good.

But Toby and Karen beat you all.

Together 26, married 1.

Wow!

What happened there?

LAUGHTER

Like, were you saving?

-"I want it to be really nice."

-I have to be very careful what I say.

-No, What happened?

-Well...

-Sorry, this is none of my business!

It's just interesting.

We proposed and accepted about three or four times.

Every time I proposed once,

"Yeah, let's do that, let's do that." Then...

"Yeah, we'll do that..."

And then the next time nothing happened,

and the next time she proposed on a leap year.

I said, "Yeah, absolutely."

Nothing happened...

And then the third time, I proposed again, nothing happened.

Then we said we've got to stop proposing.

We couldn't really agree on how to do it.

We knew how to do it, obviously,

but didn't agree how to do it, as it were.

We're still talking about getting married now?

-Yes.

-Yes, OK. LAUGHTER

He's obviously good at proposing.

Proposing? Yeah, they've got that down!

He proposed the hell out of that woman!

You finally got there?

After 25 years, it seemed like a good thing to do.

Very good.

Of course, Ryan, married to beautiful Blake,

the sexiest man in the world.

She is the sexiest man in the world!

You've done well there.

That's a good shot right there.

-Look at you.

-Beautiful and happy.

So annoying!

Sorry about that, yeah.

No, but to cheer us up,

when you started kind of being interested in girls,

you weren't that cool or smooth with it.

-No! No, not at all.

-I don't believe it.

No, I really...

I went through puberty at, like, 27.

LAUGHTER

It was a freak thing. It was not good.

-The voice changing.

-Who was the girl in school?

The first girl?

-I was obsessed with this girl, Fiona Gorchinski, who...

-Mm!

She used to actually take the bus the opposite way of my actual home.

I would get on the bus just to sit next to her

for 45 minutes the wrong way.

There is something wonderful about that.

-Yeah...

-And moronic.

LAUGHTER

I love it - when you're young it's so cute,

when you're older, it's just stalking.

You're, like, on some kind of watch list.

But I remember, I couldn't have been more than,

I don't know, 11 years old.

I was just about to get off the bus, cos enough is enough,

I'm about to enter, like, Seattle or something.

I'm starting to get off the bus.

I decided to kind of hit her with this cool look or something.

Like one of these real, like, Don Johnson, Miami Vice things.

Let me feel it. Let me feel it.

-Yeah, you feel that?

-I threw up in my mouth a bit.

I do this move as I'm getting down off the bus

and I sort of delay a little too long

and the bus doors close on my backpack.

On my backpack.

The bus just starts to leave...

LAUGHTER

I'm sort of doing this dance, like...

I'm banging on the side of the bus.

The bus driver finally stops, opens the door,

releases my idiot backpack,

and I could never look at her again.

-Aw!

-It was terrible.

-Well, she's looking at you now.

-Yeah, she sure is.

LAUGHTER

Can you imagine? "He's the guy with the backpack?!"

"He's the idiot with the Ren And Stimpy backpack."

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael, obviously been married...

-15.

-..15 years.

Couples, when they've been together a long time,

they have rituals and ways to keep the relationship fresh,

but you have one involving golf. Is this right?

Yeah, that old thing.

-I'm pretty good.

-I don't think I can handle this.

-I can...kick his ass in golf, if I say so.

-Wow!

Don't you make these bets when you're playing golf?

Yeah, if he duffs a shot and can't get his ball

over the lady's tee, he has to take his pants off.

He will drop them.

-TOBY:

-On the pitch?

-On the pitch?!

LAUGHTER

You're worse than I am! Even I know that!

-On the course!

-On the course, yes.

It's pitch and putt!

Crazy golf.

-Well, expose himself in some way.

-And does he do it?!

But it's not just my husband, it's any man I play with.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

I have questions too.

He doesn't have a question, he was volunteering to play golf!

Drop them on the course? What are the paparazzi doing all day?!

There has been an issue with paparazzi,

but I made him go into the bushes and drop his pants.

A deal is a deal.

Will, you and Jada, you are kind of a real Hollywood couple,

power couple now, married 18 years.

That is my wife.

Still interested, look at that!

LAUGHTER

Are you looking at her boobs?

That is not a good... That picture - why did you do that?

I'm looking at her like food!

I'm looking like I'm still breast-feeding!

Jeez!

It's a good thing that's my wife!

Just before we move on, I must, of course, say to you, Will,

cos it's been a weird year because of the Oscars

and all the controversy and everything.

It must be odd for you talking about it,

because you are kind of part of it.

People are talking about your performance, that movie,

so where are you officially now, where are you standing?

The thing that is most important for me

is that the spirit of it has to maintain.

The media creates the us and them.

For me, there is no us and them, it's we.

I'm a member of the Academy.

I felt very seriously that there is a sort of a...

kind of a regression in America in general,

a regression towards separatism and racial and religious exclusion.

So, for me, it is more about putting my hand up

and reminding my community, the Hollywood community,

that we have to lead.

Diversity is America's superpower.

That is what makes our country great.

It is really important.

In Hollywood, we've got to be pushing forward,

even in a time of a wider regression.

-Well, hopefully something good comes out of it.

-It always does.

As my grandmother says, that's the only thing that can come out of it,

if you lead with love and light,

good is only going to come out of it.

Wise man!

Wise man, Will Smith.

APPLAUSE

Right, Will Smith, ladies and gentlemen,

you are here with a film - Concussion.

It tells an extraordinary true story.

Was this story well-known in America?

Cos it wasn't well-known here.

You know, it wasn't really well-known in America at the time.

Since I took the film, it has been really well-known.

But it's the story of essentially there's a brain disease

that American football players...

It's actually expanded beyond American football players -

rugby, and the Australian rules and soccer, even -

but this is the doctor who discovered the brain disease

that the players are getting.

-It opens here on...

-It's a big comedy!

It is a terrific story.

It opens here on the 12th of February.

I think often in this country if we hear a movie

is about American football or baseball or something,

we think we won't get it.

But this is really accessible because it is told from the doctor

who also doesn't know about football.

Absolutely, yeah. The doctor, he was a Nigerian immigrant.

He came and he discovered the disease.

He's a forensic pathologist.

So I had to see autopsies to prepare for this role.

-Oh!

-Yeah.

Don't go to autopsies.

LAUGHTER

That's as a general rule. As a general rule. If somebody,

"Hey, man, we're going to an autopsy tomorrow", just don't go.

It was definitely a jarring experience.

Yes.

-TOBY:

-Is there no solution to the problem?

What it is, is that for American football,

the helmet actually presents a greater problem.

Your brain is completely disconnected from the skull,

sitting in a fluid.

So in the film, we use the illustration

of an onion inside of a jar.

It is just free flowing. There is nothing you can do.

You can put an exoskeleton over it, you put the helmet over it,

but you still don't stop the onion from hitting inside,

and that's what happens to the human brain.

Also it's a multibillion dollar industry.

It's a very difficult thing to stop.

Toby, you should not play American football!

LAUGHTER

Just give that dream up, Toby!

Just give it up, give it up.

You can't take a man's dream like that!

We've got a clip. This is you as Dr Bennet Omalu pleading

with a representative from the governing body of football, the NFL.

Sir, I am not done.

History laughs.

If you continue to deny my work,

the world will deny my work.

But men, your men...

continue to die, their families left in ruins.

Tell the truth.

Tell the truth.

Are you sure you want to do this?

I would ask you that same question.

Powerful stuff.

Dr Omalu, he loves that this film has been made,

he loves that he is now you.

Oh, yeah, look at that.

That's what his face looks like all the time.

He is so completely happy. All the things that he suffered.

It's funny, he sent me a link.

There was a Nigerian comedian that was talking about my performance

in the movie, and he said...

-NIGERIAN ACCENT:

-"Will Smith is doing a Nigerian accent in his film,

"and the haters will say that it is no good,

"but I think that is not true.

"I think he sounds like a Nigerian with a concussion."

LAUGHTER

That's about the best compliment they can pay.

Four actors, you all have to do accents,

but, Ryan, we don't think of Canadians as having accents,

-and yet you...

-Oh, we do.

You've lost your accent, you would say?

Yeah, I sort of trained myself out of it.

But, you know, I go back home and it pops up again.

That's all Ottawa. I hear that's all Ottawa. I can hear it.

Oh, yeah, it gets that. Mm!

Say "about".

Well, in Canada it is "aboot".

That's what I'm saying. Say it the way you say it.

What are you talking aboot? What are you talking aboot? But...

It's a bad word, I'm sorry.

You handle everything with, "Oh, fuck, buddy."

Is it something about the Canadian accent

that makes you a really bad liar?

Well, yeah, we are not good at lying or fighting, really.

-That's good.

-It's all slappy, it's not very sexy.

Weren't you caught at the border...?

Yeah. My wife is a foodie, and she loves these apple pies they make

at this place in Vancouver, where I grew up.

We grabbed a bunch of them and headed...

We were driving back down to the States, we crossed the border.

You're not allowed to cross the border with vegetables,

-it is illegal.

-Yeah, it's illegal.

This guy knew something was going on.

-We get up to the border crossing...

-TOBY:

-Pie smugglers.

Yeah, pie smugglers. I'm an actor.

Most Hollywood actors, they have a kilo of cocaine in their car!

I've just got pies.

But he knew something was going on, right?

-You had the pie face.

-I totally had the pie face.

I've got the worst poker face... Worst pie face ever.

And, yeah...

And he says... And my voice always gets really high when I'm lying.

He said, "Have you got anything? Any fruit, any vegetables?"

-And I was like...

-HIGH-PITCHED TONE:

-No!

-HIGH-PITCHED TONE:

-Why the hell would I have fruits and vegetables, man?

-HIGH-PITCHED TONE:

-Crazy!

-HIGH-PITCHED TONE:

-Who would bring fruits and vegetables?

Basically, he just had me on the hook.

He looked at me and goes, "You remember that movie you did,

"that movie, Just Friends?" I was like, "Yeah, yeah."

He said, "You know that song at the end of it

"where you sing I Swear by All-4-One?" "Yeah, yeah."

He was like, "Go ahead."

LAUGHTER No!

Basically, he was saying, "Dance, monkey."

-I bet you danced.

-I danced.

I sang that thing in the best falsetto I had

and I was on my way through the border eating pie by the next stop.

Catherine Zeta-Jones, you, famously for us, you are from Wales.

From Wales!

There's loads of roles for Welsh girls around.

Finally!

After Mask Of Zorro...

Oh, they thought I was Spanish.

Yeah, I had to go to the red carpet and everyone would go, "Hola".

All I said was, "Gracias, gracias."

They could have been saying anything about me.

"Gracias. Muy bien. Muchas gracias."

-To me, you still have a Welsh accent.

-Yeah.

But is that because you are here?

I've been with my mam and dad this whole weekend and my brother,

and it gets stronger.

When I first met Michael, I'd be on the phone to my mother,

and I'd get off the phone and he'd say,

"Oh, it's a beautiful language, Welsh." I went...

-EXAGGERATED ACCENT:

-"What are you talking about?

-"I'm speaking English."

-LAUGHTER

I have to say, the night you won the BAFTA,

you were suddenly the Welsh-est woman alive.

I know!

It's that humble thing that comes on.

-EXAGGERATED ACCENT:

-"I'm from Swansea, I don't deserve this!"

Because you must have had friends there,

American friends in the audience

who mustn't have known what you were doing.

You did the big chant and everything.

I did "Oggy Oggy", didn't I?

I think Wales won that day, actually.

Was that what it was?

Something that jogged my memory

about how important "Oggy Oggy" was in my life.

These two are smiling and nodding.

Oggy oggy. Oggy oggy.

If I did the "Oggy Oggy", you'd know what to do, right?

-To show the Americans.

-AUDIENCE: Yeah!

All right. Ready?

Oggy oggy oggy.

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Oggy oggy oggy!

Oi! Oi! Oi!

-Oggy!

-Oi!

-Oggy!

-Oi!

Oggy oggy oggy!

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Now you can do it.

-I'm going to take that home.

-Yeah, we're going to take that back.

Ours is more like...

Say ho-ohh.

Ho-ohh!

It's really simple.

In Canada it's...

"Sorry about that".

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Finally, ladies and gentlemen, Ryan Reynolds brings us Deadpool.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I love that poster.

That poster tells you everything you need to know about this movie.

That is a really good poster.

A man in a very tight red body suit.

It opens here on February 10th.

This must feel great for you.

This has been a labour of love, getting this made.

Yes, yeah.

It's been the best and worst relationship I've ever been in.

11 years. 11 years I've been trying to get this movie made.

We wrote a script, we did that about six years ago.

Then we did a little bit of test footage for this movie.

That test footage sat on a shelf at Fox for four years.

Then about a year and a half ago,

somebody accidentally leaked it on the internet.

-(Was that you?)

-Super crazy.

Oh, no. It had nothing to do with me.

I had nothing to do with that.

Very un-Canadian of you.

My mum was like, "What does this button do?

"Ah!"

"Oh, well, I guess we're making the movie now."

It just went nuts. People started writing and flooding Fox,

begging and pleading for the Deadpool movie to get made.

Within 24 hours, we had a green light.

-It was that quick?

-It was that quick.

It was so undeniable, and it felt really good.

Also, you must be quite pissed off

that you couldn't make that decision for yourselves.

Exactly, we tried and tried, but the fans got it made.

It's a great story too, this is totally fan-driven in every way.

People who don't know, they'll be thinking,

"Why wouldn't the studio want to make this? It's a superhero movie.

"Everyone loves them." And it is a superhero movie

and it's got all those things, but it does also have

this kind of indie movie sensibility and edginess.

It is meta. The character knows he's in a comic book movie,

but he works in the X-Men universe,

so he's dealing with other X-Men, he's talking about other X-Men.

He's making jokes about Ryan Reynolds.

It is rated R, which is unusual for a Marvel, X-Men type movie.

I think it's a certificate 15 here in the UK.

Yeah, we can take it.

LAUGHTER

In China it's rated go fuck yourself!

-Basically, they're not showing it there at all.

-Washed their hands!

It's sad, I wish we could show it there.

But, yeah, it's a pretty unorthodox film.

Also, what's great is to reflect, like that poster,

but also you've done other posters that are unorthodox.

The marketing of this movie has been so much fun.

Are you involved in these things?

Completely. We love it.

We're, like, giddily texting and e-mailing each other

in the middle of the night. "What if we tried this?"

The emoji poster, I love the emoji poster.

-Deadpool.

-Deadpool... Ha!

Dead - poo - L.

That just started as a jokey text message

between me and a couple other people.

Then the Fox marketing guys said,

"We're going to make that into a billboard."

I said, "You don't have the balls." And there it is.

Also, you haven't forgotten that it's opening on Valentine's weekend.

Of course, yeah.

So we've got that.

True love never dies.

There are references to Valentine's Day in it.

It is. There is a big love story in this film.

The love story quickly turns into dick-kicking revenge,

but, still, it's a love story.

I like how it shocks me, cos on American TV

you can't say stuff like that.

No, you can't say it here either.

LAUGHTER

I'll just be saying "Hi" on the couch when it airs.

I'll just say, "Deadpool!"

Then I'll go, "On to Dad's Army."

Also, you didn't just work on the things,

you did the voice-overs for some trailers.

Yeah, I did.

Exactly, yeah. I love that stuff.

I do it at home all the time. It drives my wife nuts.

You know, it's that voice...

-DEEP AND GRAVELLY TONE:

-In a world divided by fear,

one man must stand alone.

Will Smith, Ryan Reynolds,

Catherine Zeta-Jones, Toby Jones,

in...Graham Norton's Pants, rated R.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

That's my ringtone.

That was really good.

Like Don LaFontaine. That guy's the best.

-Yeah, the trailer guy.

-I want to see that movie!

Listen, we've got a clip from Deadpool.

This is essentially...

This is you and your crew, a couple of the other X people,

-confronting your nemesis.

-Yes!

MUSIC: X Gon' Give It To Ya by DMX

Go get some.

She's going to do a superhero landing. Wait for it!

Whoo!

Superhero landing!

You know, that's really hard on your knees.

Totally impractical. They all do it.

You are a lovely lady, but I'm saving myself for Frances.

That's why I brought him!

I prefer not to hit a woman, so please...

METALLIC CLANG

I mean...that's why I brought her?

Oh, no, finish your tweet.

Just give us a second.

There you go, hashtag it.

Go get her, tiger.

I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.

LAUGHTER

You don't think about it watching the movie,

but there is a weird thing -

is it true the director based some of the fight moves on Muhammad Ali?

Some of the big fight scenes, yeah.

Sorry.

We've got the other Muhammad Ali right here.

Some of it was based on Muhammad Ali -

just that idea of how he sort of got in people's heads.

He was punching them in the brain

as much as he was punching them in the face.

A lot of it is that, that sort of floating thing that he does,

it's a psychological warfare as well.

Because when you were preparing to play Muhammad Ali,

watching tapes, how many hours did you spend watching tapes?

What I used to do was

there was a way that his arm moved, and Michael Mann, the director,

wanted me to burn neural passages.

So I would sit in a dark room for 20 minutes at a time,

but for two or three hours a day,

just in a dark room and I would watch a loop of him doing the jab,

-doing the jab, doing the jab.

-Whoa, wow.

-Trying to burn neural passages.

-Yeah.

It didn't work.

It was a bad idea from the beginning.

The movie was great, something worked.

Toby Jones, you've been in some big superhero movies.

Oh, I thought you were going to say as Captain Mainwaring,

did I burn some neural passages?

I wasn't asked to do that.

No, you were in Captain America and Hunger Games, you were in that.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Did you get to do stunts?

No, I get to watch people do stunts.

I contrived special powers, because in the Marvel stuff,

I'm Arnim Zola, a sort of German nefarious doctor, evil doctor.

Ooh.

I'm against Captain America.

-We may run into each other in the future.

-Oh, good.

But at the moment I'm just preoccupied with Captain America,

dealing with him.

Is it extraordinary for you now when parents tell their children

that you are Dobby from Harry Potter?

Well, it is, because I think they look at me

and think, "Well, he's not that big,

"maybe he could fit into a costume as Dobby... Around his eyes..."

There's always a slight moment of assessing whether I'm tall enough.

And then I say I'm only partly responsible, just for the voice.

Then there's always the kind of, "Can you do the voice on the phone?

"Can you speak to my mother?"

Apparently being Dobby brings with it

its own sort of fan mail.

Yes.

There is a certain kind of fan of Dobby, you think,

"Well, you're not really a child.

"You are an adult and you are asking me to write a little legend

"for your partner, in which you say

"you've been a really, really bad Dobby."

As you know, Dobby gets hit around.

Taken in the wrong context it could be implications of sadomasochism.

Yes. We never imagined Harry Potter would go there.

It's very dark, Toby.

Hey, man, I only sent that letter because I appreciate it.

LAUGHTER

Can I get your e-mail?

Very quickly, I am so sorry there won't be more Hunger Games.

This character... This character deserves a spin-off.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's...

That's its...

That's its own movie.

-That is an amazing...

-Who is that guy?

It looks like my aunt Kathy.

Yeah, she's not sending you a card now.

Catherine Zeta-Jones, you've done extraordinary stunt work.

You did a lot of the sword stuff in Mask Of Zorro?

A lot of the sword stuff in Zorro, yeah.

But I think probably my biggest stunt

was getting my ass through lasers in Entrapment.

Mm-hmm! I remember that.

Did you have to be able to do that?

LAUGHTER

I'm sorry, was that my external voice?!

We used to watch that trailer a lot.

I remember that scene.

I remember that scene. I was by myself...

-TOBY:

-That's burnt onto a neural passage.

-Yes, that one worked.

-Yeah, exactly!

APPLAUSE

Now, Dad's Army hits the big screens next Friday

with Catherine and Toby.

Toby, for you, taking on Captain Mainwaring,

I mean, Arthur Lowe is so loved and it's still on telly all the time.

-Yeah, every Saturday.

-How daunting?

It was 100% daunting.

It was something that I thought very, very carefully about it.

Then I saw the script.

I suppose, more importantly, it was seeing the other actors involved.

When you think, "Oh, I can't play that part,

"I loved Arthur Lowe doing it", then I saw the kind of actors

they were getting involved with the script,

and then Catherine came on board.

It became un-turn-down-able.

It became a selfish decision, it just looked so much fun to do.

Sometimes with a job, in the end, I just want to do

those stupid things with those great actors.

That's what makes it... Cos I think everyone was nervous,

but then when you saw the cast, you were like, "Hang on."

Yeah, I want to be in that gang.

I want to hang with you guys for a while.

Less pressure for you, I guess, Catherine,

-because your character is new.

-Yeah, completely new.

I get thrown into Walmington-on-Sea.

I'm a journalist doing an article on the Home Guard.

I cause a bit of havoc, really, throughout...

She falls for me!

LAUGHTER

I can see that. I can see that.

There is a big love affair that goes on.

But exactly the same as Toby said,

when I saw the plethora of fantastic actors, this one being right there,

I wanted to be a part of it.

Actually, what's nice about it is you don't...

I mean, it is a stand-alone.

It's not full of in-jokes.

Well, obviously a TV comedy is 25 minutes long -

in a movie, what is great about the script is they had to find a way

of extending it. They could do a scale,

a story of scale, in a way that you can't do

in a half-hour studio sitcom.

So, there's...

It's based on a true story, what happens in the movie.

It was Operation Bodyguard, where the Allies used... Can I say this?

-..inflatable tanks.

-Yeah.

Ugh! You blew everything!

Spoiler alert!

The inflatable tanks won't ruin your enjoyment.

Let's see a bit of Catherine, Toby and the boys in Dad's Army.

This is a taste of the trailer.

Bravo, Mainwaring.

Eyes front, soldiers back.

You're a sergeant in the Home Guard, not a sack of potatoes.

It's all hands on deck.

'An enemy spy is operating somewhere near here.'

I'll catch him, sir.

What does he look like?

We don't know, Frank, that's rather the point with spies.

Stupid boy.

HORN BLARES

Associated Press. I'm doing an article on the Home Guard.

You come highly recommended.

You remind me of someone...

Winston Churchill.

I like to think that if we met,

we'd both be the richer for it.

Oh, yes.

I took my mum, she loved it. Laughed like a drain.

-She like it, your mum?

-She did, laughed like a drain.

I was telling her to shut up.

Actually, Dad's Army, did they ever show it in America? No?

It replaced religion in Canada!

No, we don't know. Here it is, like, they're reverent of it.

They just love it. They were talking about it all day today on my junket.

When did they stop making it?

They stopped making it in '70-something?

It's still on every week on BBC Two.

It reruns and everyone watches it, though.

Yeah. The figures are great still.

-CATHERINE:

-Just when you think you've seen every episode,

you turn it on, another one pops up.

You might need some more promotion in the African-American community.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Right, it's music time.

I don't know if you are familiar with this lady, but she is stunning.

We have been waiting over three years for this moment.

But she is back now with her second album.

Here performing her current single, Overcome,

it is a warm welcome back to the lovely Laura Mvula!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# When your heart is broken down, down, down

# And your head don't reach the sky

# Take your broken wings and fly

# When your head is hanging low, low, low

# And the tears, they keep falling

# Take your broken feet and run

# Run

# Oh, oh

# Oh, oh, oh

# Run

# Oh, oh

# Oh, oh, oh

# With the world upon your shoulders

# Nowhere left to hide

# Oh

# Keep your head up, carry on

-# Oh, oh

-Keep your head up

# Oh, oh, oh

# Keep your head up

# Oh, oh

# Oh, oh, oh

-# Oh, oh

-Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, yeah

# Oh, oh, oh

# Oh, oh

# Oh, oh, oh

# Ain't no time to die, die, die

# Even though we suffer

# Come together, we pray

# Come together

# All God's children

# Round the mountain

# All God's children run

# Round the mountain

# All God's children run

# Round the mountain

# All God's children run

# Round the mountain

# All God's children run, run

# Round the mountain

# All God's children run, run, run

# Round the mountain

# All God's children run, run, run

# Round the mountain

# All God's children run, run, run, run

# Round the mountain run

# Round the mountain

# All God's children run

# All God's children

# Run round the mountain run. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Laura Mvula!

Simply stunning. Come and join us, do.

Thank you to the dancers and the singers. Thanks to all of them.

-Congratulations.

-Thank you very much.

Come and sit down.

That's Toby Jones. This is Catherine.

Ryan, Will.

It's all good!

Oh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Excited.

Now, I'm hoping Toby doesn't suffer from allergies!

Sorry!

Sorry.

That is gorgeous, thank you so much for that.

Really, really lovely.

-It's the new single, Overcome. It is out now.

-It is out now.

-It is!

-Oh, my goodness.

I've heard it on the radio and everything, Laura Mvula.

It must be so nice for you to have a new song out.

This is special, because remember, my first ever TV moment

-was with you.

-Yes, it was.

-You remember that?

-I do!

-Three years ago.

-And look at you now!

-Thank you. And I have feathers!

-You've killed a flock of something!

LAUGHTER

"Driving the countryside, picking up roadkill.

"And now I'm back!"

Well done, you. And there's a whole album. Finally.

The fans, I'm one of them, we have been waiting.

It is called The Dreaming Room, which is a lovely name.

That is out on the 6th of May.

-Yes, it is.

-Gorgeous.

Yeah, it took me three years to come up with some new songs.

I'm not ashamed of that.

It was a lovely song. I'd wait for it.

It's taken me, like, 14 years, so...

It would take me 100,000!

-Thank you!

-You'd have to die and be born again.

It is so lovely to have you back.

Congratulations on the single. I hope it does really well.

I can't wait for the album. Laura Mvula, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All right, before we head away,

there is just time for a visit to the big red chair.

Who is there? Hello, sir.

-Hey, Graham.

-Hi, what's your name?

-I'm David.

-David, lovely. Where are you from, David?

-Hungary.

Oh, Hungary. OK. What do you do here?

I have two jobs. My main one is a hospital job,

the other is a weekend job working as a receptionist at a gym.

He's got it covered, ladies and gentlemen.

Hospitals, gyms.

He has made Britain healthier while he's been here.

Thank you. We all thank you.

Off you go with the story.

I'm originally from Hungary, but my first visit to New York,

I was at a Christmas party

with a bunch of people I didn't know very long.

It was before cellphones.

There was a phone in the living room.

I made a phone call to my cousin,

had a brief conversation in Hungarian.

At the end of the conversation I was like,

"Pussy, pussy, mwah, mwah, mwah."

Oh.

Everybody in the room froze, looked at me.

I was like, telling my cousin, "Why is everyone looking at me?"

My cousin said, "Do you know what you said in English?"

Because in Hungarian, "puszi" means a kiss on the cheek.

It doesn't mean that here.

Exactly, but I didn't realise...

I doubt it means that in Hungary.

I didn't realise it either until everybody looked.

And there was children.

It was a Christmas party with kids in there...

Oh, that's wrong.

Dispose of him!

-WILL:

-Hold on. One second.

On the cheek, here we go.

Now you know what I can say!

-"Dear Diary..."

-I was just a speed bump on his way to "puszi" there.

You slowed him, but you didn't stop him.

OK, who is up next? Hello, sir.

-Hello.

-Who are you?

-I'm Paul.

Paul, lovely. What do you do, Paul?

-I'm a tour guide.

-A tour guide?

-Yes.

Oh, around what or where?

The BBC.

LAUGHTER

You want me to just flip him?

(If the walls could talk!)

"And in this room... No, never mind."

OK.

-Is your story about that, Paul?

-No, it's not.

-OK.

Off you go with your story.

My son Jay is about 18 now, so he will kill me for telling this story,

but when he was very little, I took him swimming.

It was his first time there out of nappies.

Before we headed to the pool, I said, "Do you need the toilet?"

-CATHERINE:

-I don't like toilet stories, can I flip him?

He said no. We got in the pool eventually

and as soon as we got in the pool, he needed the toilet.

We went to the toilet and came back.

I was a very bad father then. I whispered in his ear,

"If you need to wee again, just do it in the pool.

"No-one will know, everybody does it, it's OK."

Of course I regretted this five minutes later

when he stood very proudly on the side of the pool...

LAUGHTER

..peeing into the water very majestically,

like an ornamental fountain,

whilst all the swimmers dived for cover

and all the lifeguards blew their whistles.

Oh, you can walk. Well done, Paul! Very good.

Good story. Good story.

Well done, everyone.

If you'd like to join us on the show

and have a go in that red chair,

you can contact us via our website at this very address.

Sadly, that is it for tonight.

So just say a huge thank you to my guests tonight -

Laura Mvula!

Toby Jones, everybody!

Catherine Zeta-Jones!

Ryan Reynolds!

And Mr Will Smith!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join me next week with comedy actor Jack Black,

from Zoolander 2, Owen Wilson, Penelope Cruz and Ben Stiller,

plus the fabulous Sir Elton John.

I'll see you then! Goodnight, everyone. Bye-bye.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE