Episode 17 The Graham Norton Show

MUSIC: Don't You Want Me by The Human League

Tonight on the show -

one rock legend, four Hollywood stars,

including the man who invented Blue Steel. Can you do it?

Oohh!

Let's start the show.

Oh! Oh! It's me! Oh!

This is it! This is it, this is the show!

Good evening, one, good evening, all.

This show is so hot right now. It is so hot right now.

Do you feel it, do you feel it?

You're so hot right now. You're so hot right now.

Have a drink.

We'll talk. Yes, the stars of Zoolander 2 are here tonight -

Ben Stiller, Penelope Cruz and Owen Wilson will be joining us,

yes, they will.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

They will be arriving fashionably late from the big premiere.

Oh, Magnum!

LAUGHTER

Let's get our first guest on.

APPLAUSE

This man's movies have made over 3.5 billion worldwide,

he's the comedy powerhouse behind School Of Rock, Kung Fu Panda

and Tropic Thunder and now he's giving us Goosebumps

in his latest movie. Please welcome Mr Jack Black!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello! How are you?

Very nice to see you.

I didnt know, 3.5 billion!

You're rich. You're very, very rich.

And in a career spanning five decades,

this musical icon has sold over 250 million albums worldwide

and along the way collected a Tony, an Oscar and five Grammys.

He's back with his 33rd album, Wonderful Crazy Night -

it is the Rocket Man himself, Sir Elton John, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: Rocket Man by Elton John

It's impressive, it's impressive.

DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE

Welcome, gentlemen. You both well?

Yeah. I didn't have time to change, sorry.

-You just left the house.

-Yeah.

-You look lovely.

Looking at Elton's outfit and every inch of you

has another amazing moment.

Right here, the crown.

Down the leg, the golden bedazzlement. But then the shoes!

-The man who made the shoes is in the audience.

-Oh, really?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Where are you, Patrick?

-He's over there.

Patrick Cox is one of the greatest shoemakers in the world.

-Ever heard of the Wannabe shoe?

-No.

It was a huge shoe and Patrick invented it.

He has made all my stage shoes. He's a great cobbler.

Also, Cox is one of my favourite words.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Jack Black, you are a proper Elton John fan.

I am. From the beginning I've been obsessed.

I kind of wish I was Elton John.

To sing like that...

I read in an interview, the whole interview they kept asking you

questions and all you could do was sing an Elton John song

that you couldn't remember.

Well, I have trouble remembering lyrics just in general.

I remember jams, I remember the tunes.

Do you remember the one you did that goes like...

It's just you singing and piano...

HE SINGS INCOMPREHENSIBLY

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Wait, this part...

HE SINGS INCOMPREHENSIBLY

# With a one-eyed danger zone

# Take me to the... #

-HE SINGS INCOMPREHENSIBLY

-Oh, yeah!

Got you now.

-Take Me To The pilot!

-So good.

This guy is great.

I mean, you've all seen School Of Rock, anyway.

This guy is a real music guy, so I love him.

# Take me to the pilot... #

GRAHAM LAUGHS

-I want to get to the hook.

-Here's the thing, Jack Black,

you've just got back from - is it Korea you were in?

-I was in Korea and China, yeah.

-Doing Kung Fu Panda?

We were doing Kung Fu Panda promotion, yeah.

-It does seem odd because it's a cartoon.

-Yeah.

HE LAUGHS

I know where you're going - it's not my voice, they got a Chinese person

doing the voice, it's not my face, it's a cartoon - why am I there?

-Kind of, yeah.

-OK, well...

Because I think it helps to have a bona fide Hollywood legend there.

And then I do a high-five to the Chinese actor and I pass the torch.

And I don't know why I'm there!

It was a fun trip.

Have your children seen Kung Fu Panda?

I went to the first one and took my godson, Brooklyn Beckham

and all of the Beckham boys.

We went to the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood on Sunset Boulevard

and we had a blast.

They were in the back of the car. There's Romeo, Cruz and Brooklyn.

And they said, "Uncle Elton" I said, "Yes?"

"You write songs, don't you?" I went, "Yeah."

They said, "Sing us one."

LAUGHTER

What do you do?

"You wrote The Lion King? Oh, that's great. Sing Circle Of Life."

It was fantastic and the film was great.

And it was just a great experience, it's such a fun movie.

They are brilliant movies.

Now, the new album, Wonderful Crazy Night,

it's out today.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-You've got the big vinyl version.

-Yeah.

-Cos vinyl is back. Yeah!

Vinyl is so great. I've just started collecting it again.

I sold all my vinyl in 1991.

It was the first thing I did for the AIDS Foundation. I had so much of it

and I sold it all in one go to someone in St Louis.

And now I'm buying back all the old vinyl because it sounds better.

And it's the wonderful kind of process of doing it, it's the ritual

of getting the record, putting it on and it sounds amazing.

Did you call the guy in St Louis

-and say "I'd like to buy some of those back."?

-No, I shelled out.

Every record I sold, I bought back.

Jack Black seems like the sort of person who would collect vinyl.

I do play vinyl. I have a limited library.

I like just listening to an album that way,

listening to a full side the way it was intended -

instead of piecemeal, one at a time, 99 cents.

Exactly, it's the ritual. The kids are rediscovering it and love it.

Every new artist now releases their album on vinyl.

-But also record signings are a thing again.

-Yeah.

-I have a statistic here. You did a record signing this week.

-Yes.

The last one you did was 43 years ago.

-That's how long vinyl...

-That's when 78s were out.

There you are. I love these fans, it looks like they all went to the same

barbers and said, "I'd like a shitty '70s haircut, please."

LAUGHTER

And then, randomly, there's this person down here. Look at her!

LAUGHTER

-Was it fun to do a record signing?

-It was so great.

And people were so great.

People came from New Zealand, for a record signing!

I mean, really amazing.

People came from Spain, Germany, Japan. Amazing.

For a record signing. It was fun.

And when you tour now, do you still do the thing of booking hotels

-under ridiculous names?

-Yes, I do.

Tell us some of the names you've chosen over the years.

Um...oh, Sir Binky Poodle Clip.

Um...

There was one called Fanny Beaver Snatchclit.

LAUGHTER

Which the hotel operator wouldn't use.

And Sir Horace Pussy.

And in Las Vegas I'm usually - cos I'm at Caesars -

I'm Judas Fart.

"Judas Fart?" "No, I didn't. No."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I get it. I get it.

Does Sir Horace Pussy mean something when you put it together?

Sir Horace Pussy? It doesn't mean anything.

Cos Judas Fart... I thought maybe "Sir Horace Pussy."

My mother had to ring and ask for Sir Horace Pussy.

"I can't believe you asked me to ring Sir Horace Pussy."

-Did she do it?

-She did, yeah.

There was one in the Ritz Hotel in Paris where they had special

stationery made up.

So...yes, it's fun.

When you go on the road, it's so boring you have to do something

to make yourself cheerful.

-So every time they ring the room...

-I was the Marquis of Minge.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

It said, "For the visit of the Marquis of Minge."

I've still got it.

They made the writing paper up.

Now, here's the thing, you are performing for us tonight, but now

you've been in the papers saying you're winding down the performing.

Is this a kind of a last chance to see...

do we need to hurry and book and see you?

Yes, I'm entering a monastery tomorrow.

No, I'm gradually going to wind down

because I want to see my boys grow up. I mean, what's the point

of having children unless you don't spend time with them?

At the moment, I see a lot of them but not enough.

So we're getting to the point where, in the next few years,

we'll be winding down and I want to see them grow up.

I've had so many years on the road, I've had so many concerts

and the most important thing in my life - our life - are our children.

-I don't want to leave them behind.

-Yeah. Makes sense.

APPLAUSE And also you have that luxury.

It's not as if I'm in mid-career, I'm the Gracie Fields of rock.

No, it's...

They are so beautiful, so funny

and I don't want to miss it, I would hate to do that.

I want to be there for them.

Because you can have any hit record you want, any great tour,

any success in the world -

doesn't compare to one second with your kids. It doesn't.

So are you saying, Elton, you're gearing up for the farewell tour,

is that what's coming here?

-You're gearing down.

-I am gearing down.

-But not yet.

-Not yet.

I'm not old enough quite yet.

But when you announce that, then the people -

the people are flocking to you, anyway.

If you said it's the farewell tour, then everyone...

-There will be a time when that will happen.

-Wow.

Are you teaching the little ones how to tickle the ivories?

I'm not teaching them but Zachary takes piano lessons -

nothing to do with me - that's my eldest.

It's only because the girl who lives at the house on the grounds,

-he loves her and she takes piano lessons and so he wants to.

-Yeah.

-So they can do it together. It's a budding romance thing.

-Aw!

Everybody is fascinated on the idea of Elton John

being this hands-on dad. Like, you do the school run at home.

I do the school run, of course I do.

On Saturdays, our ritual is we go to Pizza Hut in Windsor for lunch,

then David and I take them to Waterstones and buy them a book.

They get to choose one thing they can have as a treat,

like a Lego thing. We walk round the town, come home,

they have an ice cream and a balloon, maybe.

Yeah, of course, that's what kids love to do.

We go to Lapland, we've been to Legoland, Disneyland.

It's what you do with children - that's the fun thing about it.

There must be so many parents here.

The great thing is watching them and see their faces.

It's like, "Oh, my God."

And you don't get really bothered by other people. You go to Legoland

and find people are so intent on watching their own kids

and they're so proud of them, they don't bother me.

-Do you dress down for Legoland?

-Of course.

LAUGHTER

Going to your wardrobe for Legoland.

LAUGHTER

Jack Black, how old are Tommy and Sammy?

-Sammy and Tommy are seven and nine.

-OK.

I take them to school, too, not to brag.

LAUGHTER

-We're so normal.

-I feel guilty that I should be taking them

to buy a book every time. I always take them to the frozen yoghurt.

Will you - cos seven and nine -

will you be taking them to see your new movie, Goosebumps?

Oh, they have seen it. They were the first in the world,

as a matter of fact. I pulled some strings and I got a screening

at their school, which was pretty thrilling for them.

-How cool to have a dad who can do that.

-It was cool.

But they didn't sit with me.

They wanted to sit with their friends over there.

Not the old guy who's in the film, yeah, we don't want him.

It just goes to show, no matter how cool your dad is,

it's still very embarrassing to sit with him.

It is a scary film, it has proper frights in it.

Yeah, it does, but we were careful not to traumatise.

Just enough to thrill, no nightmares, not a drop of blood.

-My guarantee.

-Just a little bit of wee.

Yeah, there's some goo.

No, I meant myself. I pissed myself.

LAUGHTER

-Was it the poodle?

-The poodle is terrifying.

-Spoiler alert!

-Beware the poodle. It's the scariest part.

-It opens tonight.

The Goosebumps series of books, RL Stine wrote them,

-but you've really opened it out. You are RL Stine in the movie.

-Yes.

It's a little confusing. I play RL Stine, the great author,

who has a magic typewriter.

One night, all of his monsters that he's ever created

escape from the original manuscripts.

And the whole movie is me and the kids from the neighbourhood

trying to recapture the monsters

-and get them back in the books from whence they came.

-That sounds good.

It is good. And here's the thing - there are a lot of these books,

like over 60 of these books.

ELTON LAUGHS

He's already on Kung Fu Panda 3!

Goosebumps 20 I can see.

We kinda blew it cos we put all of the monsters into this movie

so I don't know how we follow it up.

You have kind of spoiled it for yourselves.

In the sequel, it could be RL Stine

versus JK Rowling matchup.

You know what I mean?

-Wizards versus monsters.

-Sounds like a good idea.

Harry Bumps - I don't know. I'll think of a title later.

We've got a clip. This is you as a writer RL Stine

being reminded about one of the monsters you created.

Look out!

Are you OK? Everyone OK?

It came out of nowhere.

ALL SCREAM

I don't remember writing about a giant preying mantis!

MANTIS BELCHES

-Right, now I remember.

-Get us out of here!

-Oh, my God!

-Watch out!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's just incredible.

Very good. OK.

Is that overpriced cologne I can smell?

Yes, my next guests have arrived and they're so hot right now.

Please welcome the stars of Zoolander 2 -

Owen Wilson, Penelope Cruz and Ben Stiller!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Relax, don't do it

# When you want to go to it

# Relax, don't do it... #

DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE

In you go. Yeah, you stay there. They'll sit in the middle.

They're here! They're here!

MORE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We're guessing the premiere went very well?

-Yeah, it was exciting. Really exciting.

-Was it exciting?

It was exciting.

-There you go.

-We actually set a record.

We took, like, the world's longest selfie, I think.

What exactly was it?

Well, we took a selfie with the world's longest selfie stick.

-It's a Guinness Book of World Records record.

-Oh, wow. OK.

Have you ever set a Guinness Book of World Records record

-for the longest anything?

-No.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Now, no need for introductions, because you guys know each other.

-Yes, we do.

-Like properly, like friends.

Yeah, I was Elton's original drummer. Before Nigel.

We do have a picture of you drumming. There you are.

-That is at my Bar Mitzvah when I was 13.

-Is that really you?

-That is me.

I was in a band with a friend of mine.

What was the name of the band?

The band was called Capital Punishment.

-ELTON:

-Is that because you were well hung or not?

LAUGHTER AND SCATTERED APPLAUSE

We were sort of like an avant-garde sort of proto-punk,

you know, influenced by that Eno, Bowie, you know...

-You actually made an album. There it is.

-Yes, Road Kill.

LAUGHTER

That's me down the bottom right there. It was never released.

-But you made it, god dammit.

-We made it.

Now, do you guys all know Jack? Penelope, do you know Jack Black?

We kind of just met just now.

-I think I've seen you before here and there, briefly.

-Good to see you.

Great to see you.

LAUGHTER

He's a movie star.

LAUGHTER

And you are kind of the new member of the Zoolander gang.

Were you a fan of the original, did you know the original?

Yeah, I knew it and I was a huge fan of it.

I am one of those people that memorised the dialogue

and I have seen it, like, six, seven times. So when he called me,

I had no idea they were going to do the sequel,

so I was so happy cos I wanted to see it and then, on top of that,

I was going to be in it.

That's handy!

You made money out of it. So, Zoolander 2.

It's out next Friday.

Now, for anyone - and there are a couple of people in the audience

who didn't see the first Zoolander -

what's it about, what happens in this one? Go!

Well, Owen and I play two of the most incredibly good-looking

male models in the world.

-So, it's kind of a...

-LAUGHTER

Kind of a documentary...

In the first one, yeah, in the first one that's who we are.

In the second one, it's been 15 years and we're out of the limelight.

Derek is living in reclusion up in the mountains.

He's had a personal tragedy.

He opened a centre because he wanted to teach kids how to read,

called the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good

And Want To Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

There is a tragedy with that building and he has to start over.

Owen's character, Hansel, is living in the desert

with about 12 people he's in a relationship with.

They both get called back into the fashion world

to be back on the scene

and they don't understand why.

And Derek's lost his son.

His son, he lost him because he couldn't take care of him,

so he's trying to reclaim his son.

-It's a very serious movie.

-LAUGHTER

It's a very intricate plot.

Derek back. Hansel back. Penelope, who are you?

I play Valentina Valencia,

an agent for Interpol for the fashion division.

I take my job seriously and I have to...

-Can you just say Valentina Valencia again?

-Valentina Valencia.

I love it.

LAUGHTER

And I have to solve this mystery,

I have to figure out who is killing some of the pop stars in the world

and some of the most beautiful people in the planet.

-So I need their help to find out.

-Of course. Now it makes sense.

As they're dying, they're all flashing this look,

this Blue Steel look that... is a little bit of a clue.

Blue Steel is Derek's signature look. Which is...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-You wrote the part especially for Penelope?

-I did, yeah, when we were

thinking about the sequel and placing it in Europe

and we wanted this plot with Interpol

and we thought who could be the best sort of,

from the fashion police of Interpol, who would be the best agent?

-I thought, you know...

-Yes.

-Right?

-Yes.

I think Penelope is a very unique, incredibly beautiful person,

but she's also an amazing actor and she takes her work very seriously

and I just wanted to hang out with her.

LAUGHTER

-Thank you so much.

-You say Zoolander in a particular way.

I think it's written for you to say it in a particular way.

No, because when he called me and I said yeah, you are going to do

"Thoo-lander 2" and he said,

"By the way I want you to keep saying it like this in the movie.

"You are Spanish. You play a Spanish person that works in Italy

"and also speaks Italian. But you are Spanish."

So I got away with saying Thoolander...

Cos I didn't realise that when you went to Hollywood first

you really didn't speak English.

I spoke so little. I basically just knew my lines.

So I was really freaking out when everybody was talking, the actors,

and director and I had no idea what they were saying,

it was really frustrating.

-Apparently it led to embarrassment at the hairdressers?

-Yeah.

It is true that once I went to the hairdresser

and asked for a blow job instead of a blow-dry.

LAUGHTER

DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE

They were thinking, "He is so convincing."

I've done that, too.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And the cameos in this movie are insane.

Yeah, I think the fashion world first time around didn't really know

what we were doing. Nobody knew who the character was

and over the years, they've sort of taken to the movie.

So the second time, it was great to have real fashion icons

-be a part of the movie.

-Valentino is in it.

-Yes, Mr Valentino.

He was just there for the selfie.

-Yes.

-Oh, wow.

-And Anna Wintour.

Queen of laughter.

LAUGHTER

-She's pretty good in the movie.

-Now, I have to say...

-Why isn't Sir Elton in the film?

-I know.

-Yeah.

I feel like I took your outfits

and appropriated them for Derek in the movie.

I was going to say when people watch the movie, do they dress up

as the characters? They must do, right? Like Rocky Horror Show?

We have had that at some of the premieres in Australia,

people came dressed up like Derek which was fun.

They dress like that in Australia, anyway.

LAUGHTER

And looking at another fashion icon - Jack Black not in the film.

Thank you. Well, what happened?

-Didn't we talk about it the first time?

-We did. I was busy!

LAUGHTER

But we got to work together, anyway.

It's not kosher talk about the parts you turned down, but see, it's true.

"Gave it away, you son of a bitch!"

Let's watch a clip. This is your character, Penelope, meeting Derek

and Hansel for the first time.

Derek Zoolander.

Yes.

Valentina Valencia. Interpol.

Global Fashion division.

Fashion police? We're clean, lady, go harass somebody else.

Besides, I'm out of fashion.

I need to talk to you.

It has to do with the death of Justin Bieber.

His death is not my problem.

I can use the database on Interpol to help you find your son.

If you help me.

I think we got to play ball with her.

She's got some kind of database or something she says that will help us

find little Derek.

And she's hot. I trust her.

That's your motorcycle outfit there. You ride this motorbike around.

I should say that I did but...I can't.

You did have a have a stunt double but it must have been, for you,

-like looking into a mirror when you saw your stunt double.

-Yes.

I think we have a picture of your stunt double.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

That's the lamest stunt double!

He is one of the best motorcycle riders in Italy.

He got such a crush on Penelope

that they were just happy to see that guy.

GRAHAM LAUGHS

You must have been, "THAT'S my stunt double?!"

Those boobs are actually real.

LAUGHTER

Even he looks kind of like, "This is bad."

Now, Ben, obviously, you directed the film

and you have worked with Owen a lot in the past.

And yet it seems, just reading about the two of you,

that your approach to the concept of work is quite different.

Oh, well, Owen, I mean...

Owen, do you have an approach to the concept of work?

LAUGHTER

-I don't even know...

-Well, I just try to say the actor's prayer

and just show up and...

-What is the actor's prayer?

-It goes... What is it?

It's like, "God, grant me the serenity to let direction

"I disagree with go in one ear and out the other."

No... But with Ben as a director, sometimes it was hard to,

because he is dressed as Derek Zoolander,

so that you see Zoolander and the first instinct isn't "advice."

"That's who I want shaping my performance."

But, um...

Then I don't know if it was being in Rome,

but sometimes it seemed like it was almost like the ghost of Mussolini,

you had a very sort of dictatorial...

I guess it was the megaphone you would use to shout.

You were kind of a hands-on director.

Like literally just move you around.

LAUGHTER

-Does this all sound true, Penelope?

-Yeah, it is true.

It was really hard not to laugh.

He does get very serious

and he forgets he is wearing all the shiny stuff.

LAUGHTER

There you go.

Jack and I worked together.

We had a good time - we worked on Tropic Thunder together.

We did, it was amazing.

The movie turned out great, so who cares

if you're a little bit of a dictator?

LAUGHTER

I had fun the whole time, except for the one water buffalo incident

where I went flying off... I was naked on the back of a water buffalo

in my tighty whities, not naked.

And the water buffalo freaked out for some reason and just

buckin' bronco'd me off and I literally went head over heels

flying and landed precariously

between two boulders, miraculously uninjured.

There was, like, a few seconds for me to catch my breath

and then Ben over the megaphone,

"Can we take that from the top, Jack?"

LAUGHTER

He wasn't joking! He meant it! And I was saying,

"No, we will not take it from the top!" The stuntman got up on there.

It turned out the buffalo was pregnant. We didn't know.

We didn't know it was a female.

LAUGHTER

-She was pregnant.

-But the story had a happy ending, didn't it?

-We named the baby... It got named Jack.

-Oh, right, right.

They named the baby Jack.

Apparently, there is a water buffalo somewhere with my name.

That's a lovely story.

LAUGHTER

So, 15 years since the first movie.

A lot of things have changed in the cultural landscape

but one of the things Derek Zoolander gave us - the selfie face.

I guess he did, though he existed before the selfie actually existed.

When we made the first movie, there was no phone cameras,

they didn't really exist.

They emerged about 11 years ago. We made the movie 14 years ago.

So it felt like Derek needed a camera in front of his face

because the look he does is the look that people seem to do

-when they take a selfie now.

-But apparently even you do it now.

Me? Yeah. I do it... Lately, because we've been doing the movie,

or we'll go to a premier or something people say,

"Hey, can you do Blue Steel?" I'm trained to do it.

And someone will say.

"Can I take a picture?" And I just do the look.

They're not asking for the look. "Why are you doing that?"

I'm just like a trained animal.

You didn't do Blue Steel but do you get asked for it?

I do, I would try for a couple of years and say,

"That's not my character."

Then I just gave up and started doing my Blue Steel.

Let's see it, please.

Mine has a sound effect.

Everybody has a Blue Steel, they're like fingerprints.

-Give me a countdown.

-Three, two, one, go.

HE EXHALES

Beautiful, he breathed out.

APPLAUSE

,Earlier I was talking to Elton about the idea

of going to record signings. It's old-school.

It's all changed over the years. What is the least and most annoying?

Did you prefer signing things or do you prefer taking selfies?

I don't like camera phones very much. I don't mind signing things.

I don't own a phone. I'm not in the camera world at all.

OK. I guess at that signing, everyone also wanted a picture.

Yeah, but we told them they couldn't.

Otherwise I would still be there.

That answers that question.

A lot of people have been trying to do Blue Steel.

Ben, you created the Blue Steel how do you do it?

-It's a six-part process...

-Uh-huh.

-..that starts with a thought,

the inception of it and, secondly, it's starting to feel it

in the lower part of your body and allowing it to come up

and then really pushing through from the diaphragm up through the throat

and them out through the nose. Without thinking at all.

You have to clear your mind, that's the biggest thing.

Is it a pout or a jaw...?

It's a combination of...

It's really... It's...

LAUGHTER

It's more... It's not even the result,

-what you're doing with your face, it's what you are thinking.

-OK.

Which is just like... "OK, take it already."

LAUGHTER

-ELTON:

-It's Victoria Beckham.

-Very much so.

-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

No, I mean she's got that look right down.

All the girls know how to look and the right angle. They go...

-There it is.

-There it is.

You were talking about selfies earlier.

We have an official Blue Steel selfie stick.

But you've got the biggest selfie stick in the world

-with you apparently.

-Thank you.

LAUGHTER

-We do, this came directly from the premiere.

-How does this one work?

-Do you have it?

-Yeah.

-So this was at the premiere...

-Oh, my God!

-It's bigger than that.

It's not telescoped out.

-OK.

-Scope it out.

-Can you make it bigger, Ben?

LAUGHTER

If you can help me, Graham.

I think...

-I don't even know how... I guess...

-Oh, there you go.

-Here, hold on to it.

-Are we going to use this?

-Yeah, why not?

-Can we use this?

-JACK:

-# Let's do this. #

-But let's not go full...

-Not full.

-Otherwise we'll just be dots in the distance.

-That's a good length.

-OK.

-Dude, I broke it.

LAUGHTER

-You broke my selfie stick.

-I... I... I twisted when I should have...

-Do you have a camera?

-I have a camera. Is this going to work? OK.

-Let me take the camera.

-The cool thing is...

The cool thing would be to maybe do it facing the other way

-so the studio audience can be in the picture.

-That's a nice idea.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-OK.

-OK.

OK, so...

-Is it on there?

-Oh...

We nearly lost him.

-OK.

-Is it tightened?

-I'm OK.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, OK.

-So... Are you holding that?

-I'm holding it.

-OK, OK.

-So if you're there...

-OK. It's my second time with the stick.

-Oh, God.

That looks very precarious! OK. Are we all in?

Elton, you're in shot?

And the audience. See? Everybody's in there.

If you go a bit lower, we can get Elton in too. Oh!

AUDIENCE GASPS

Let's abandon that.

Let's abandon that.

-It was good while it lasted.

-OK, we'll just...

-Where is the little one?

-The selfie stick thing is really...

We're going to do it very quickly. I'm going to do one. Here we go.

Quick, quick, quick. Um, on here...

Duh-duh-duh. I've no idea what...

-We could just ask someone else to take the picture.

-Sorry?

-That would really be too much.

-Shall we do it from here?

Elton, is this making you reconsider your stance

on pictures?

LAUGHTER

OK. OK, here we go, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. So...

-Oh, I am taking a picture.

-It's happening.

So if you look away, look away, and turn back into it. So...

Three, two, one, in and...

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS Yay!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Elton.

-Yes?

-It's time. You may not sit down.

Because it's time for you to delight us with some music.

So your magicians are... "Your magicians"!

Your musicians are awaiting.

LAUGHTER

OK.

Shortly, we will have this week's visit to the big red chair,

but first, performing Blue Wonderful from

the album Wonderful Crazy Night,

it is Sir Elton John!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Every breath is a prayer of some kind

# I breathe in, I breathe out I just breathe

# And you're so well, blue wonderful

# Blue wonderful to me

# Like swimming in your eyes

# I dive in, I dive deep I just swim

# I lose myself in you, blue wonderful

# Blue wonderful again

# Don't you know, where you go I will follow?

# In your footsteps I find my own feet

# Addicted like I am to the blues

# Your kind of blues are all the blues I need

# Yesterday did someone else's song

# In '65, summertime, long ago

# Long before you came Blue wonderful

# Blue wonderful, I know

# Ain't just something I just left behind

# In the past, far away, used to be

# But your presence, my blue wonderful

# Blue wonderful to me

# Go where you want When you want to

# Just don't let the wind tear you free

# Stick around the light that brings you home

# Don't ever hang around with the breeze

# Don't you know, where you go I will follow?

# In your footsteps I find my own feet

# Addicted like I am to the blues

# Your kind of blues are all the blues I need

# Every breath is a prayer of some kind

# I breathe in, I breathe out I just breathe

# And you're so well, blue wonderful

# Blue wonderful to me

# Like swimming in your eyes

# I dive in, I dive deep I just swim

# I lose myself in you, blue wonderful

# Blue wonderful again

# I lose myself in you, blue wonderful, blue wonderful

# Blue wonderful

# Blue wonderful...

# Blue wonderful

# Again. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you!

Sir Elton John, everybody!

Thank you so much. Come on back.

There you go. That was fantastic. You did really well.

-Sir Elton John!

-Thank you.

Come up and sit in your seat. There we go.

-Great job!

-Thank you.

And that is the band that's on the album, that's exactly the sound?

-Exactly.

-Yeah, it's beautiful. Thank you so much for doing that.

Right, before we go, just time for a visit to the big red chair.

Who's there?

-Hello.

-Hello.

AUDIENCE WHOOPS Wow, they love you. What's your name?

-My name is Michael.

-Michael. And what do you do, Michael?

-I'm a teacher. I teach English to foreigners.

-OK. Lovely.

That's good of you(!)

LAUGHTER

-And where are you from?

-I'm from Poland, actually.

-You're from Poland?

-Yes, but I teach English.

-Are you really from Poland?

He's very good, isn't he? He is marvellous.

He knows all the English words. So...

Off you go, Michael, with your story.

So, when I was a student, I had a part-time job.

I worked as a film extra.

And I did this little film called

Gulliver's Travels, with Jack Black.

-Oh!

-Oh, my gosh.

So we were filming in this field outside Pinewood Studios

and it was very, very, very hot, and I had the flu.

So I wasn't feeling very well at all and...

Oh, I see where this is going.

-Oh, man.

-No, no. It was going to end badly.

He was going to get sick on somebody.

Do you remember somebody vomiting on you?

I have a vague recollection of... Yeah, some flu bug going around.

But not really.

Yeah, it was going to end in a horrible bodily function.

I spared you all. One more. Here we go.

-Oh, hello. Hi!

-Hi.

-Hi, what's your name?

-Yasmin.

-Yasmin.

-Lovely, Yasmin. And what do you do?

-I work in publishing.

-In publishing?

-Like books?

-Yes. Like books. Yeah, actual books.

-Oh, God.

Books, everyone!

-And...and where is that? In London?

-It is in London, yes.

-Just around the corner.

-Oh, right. And are they fiction books?

-They are fiction and non-fiction, and all kinds of...

-All the books!

-All of the books.

-Thank God for you, Yasmin, you know?

-I know, I know.

-Yes. Off you go with your story, Yasmin.

-OK.

So, my boyfriend Alan and I have been together for four years...

-Congratulations(!)

-Thank you.

And for about three and a half of those years,

I've been pestering him that, you know, we should get married.

-And...

-Wow...

Yeah, well, you know.

So we knew each other longer,

and, you know, he's been hinting that maybe he might do it.

We were in New York about a year and a half ago, and we went looking

at engagement rings with both our mums, so I'm thinking it's soon.

Like, it's coming, and I'm ready for it.

So a few weeks ago, we were in Paris, you know, super romantic.

And we went up to the Eiffel Tower.

So we were outside and it's beautiful, and I'm looking out

and from the corner of my eye, I see that Alan gets down onto one knee.

And I might, you know, "This is it! It's happening!"

And there's a crowd forming. And I'm just like, "I know it.

"I'm going to turn and there's going to be a ring

"and it's going to be perfect."

And I sort of get a little bit overexcited

and I just sort of turn around and go, "Alan, what are you doing?

"I do!" And he's like, "You do what?

-"I'm taking a picture of the top of the Eiffel Tower."

-Ohhhh!

On behalf of Alan.

Well done, everyone.

If you'd like to join us on the red chair, you can contact us

via the website at this very address. That is it for tonight.

Please say thank you to my guests - Mr Jack Black...

CHEERING

It's Owen Wilson, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Penelope Cruz!

CHEERING

Ben Stiller!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And...Sir Elton John!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join me next week

with pop sensations Little Mix, the hilarious Rebel Wilson,

dynamic duo Ant and Dec, and Oscar winner Julianne Moore.

I will see you then. Good night, everybody. Bye-bye!

APPLAUSE