Episode 6 The Graham Norton Show

-Tonight on the show, Ant-Man actor Paul Rudd. Hi, Paul.

-Hi, Graham.

Hey, so can you transform yourself down to ant size whenever you want?

I certainly can.

Wow!

That's amazing.

Aw, look at that. Hey, everyone, it's Ant-Man.

Yay! CHEERING

Let's start the show.

This programme contains some strong language.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Hello.

Hello.

Hello-oh!

Oh. Oh.

What an amazing welcome.

A-A-Are there more people here than normal?

That's... LAUGHTER

That is a crazy welcome. Thank you very much.

Hey, everyone, it's Friday night!

CHEERING

Are you all looking forward to the bank holiday weekend?

-Are you? AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

-Yes.

Bank holiday Monday - DIY, spring cleaning, seeing the family...

Just some of the things I won't be doing.

I'll be sitting around in my pants watching Judge Rinder. Yay!

Got a packed show for you tonight.

I'll tell you - we've got superheroes, ladies and gentlemen.

CHEERING Yes.

We've got gross-out comedy.

CHEERING Yes.

And we've got Shakespeare.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

"Now you're talking."

"Did he say Shakespeare?"

Yes, I did.

Let's get some guests on.

CHEERING

Later, we'll have music from Birdy.

But first, this amazingly versatile British actress has played

everything from Twinkle in Dinnerladies

to a sterling performance as Myra Hindley.

Her TV hits include Shameless, Silk, and The Village.

Please welcome, for the first time, to the show,

Maxine Peake, everybody.

CHEERING I can't walk.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

Hello, darling.

Have a seat, have a seat, do.

He went from The Office to Sherlock

before his starring role as The Hobbit.

Now, he joins the world of the Avengers.

Please welcome Martin Freeman, everybody.

-CHEERING

-Hello.

Very suave. Hello again.

Maxine, Martin.

Anchorman, Role Models, the 40-Year-Old Virgin -

he has starred in some of the biggest comedies,

but now he's turned fully-fledged action star,

playing in the world's smallest superhero, Ant-Man.

Please welcome back to the show Paul Rudd.

CHEERING

Oh! Oh!

-They love Paul Rudd. Hello, come in, sit down.

-Hi, Graham.

Hello.

And this man started his comedy career at just 13 years old.

He's the star of Pineapple Express, Knocked Up and Superbad.

Now, he's back on the block in Bad Neighbours 2.

Please welcome Seth Rogen, everybody.

CHEERING

Nice to see you. Come in, sit down.

-Yeah! Yeah!

-Yay(!)

Yay for us(!)

-Good evening, gentlemen and lady.

-Hello.

You all right there, Maxine? Very good.

-You guys, you've been in a few films...

-Yes.

..Seth and Paul, together.

So are you friends in life, or is it just a work thing?

-We are very intimate in life.

-OK.

Very good friends, yes. Very good friends in real life.

-Good, good.

-Yes.

-Feels weird to be sitting here...

-On a talk show with you.

..yet I have nothing...

We have nothing to do with each other's film.

We have nothing to do with each other...

I specifically want his movie to fail.

-It's war.

-It is. There's no business here.

-It won't fail.

-I don't think it will.

-I don't think it will.

-It's OK.

Because, Paul and Martin, you're in the film together,

so presumably you know each other?

-No.

-LAUGHTER

I've been a big fan of Martin's for many years...

-Bless you.

-..and I was so excited to meet you.

But it's very strange because I'm meeting you now

-for the very first time...

-Very first time.

..sitting next to you on this show.

Apparently we're in the same film.

You wouldn't necessarily know that.

Was the shoot so long that your paths never crossed, or...?

Yeah. I mean, my path didn't cross with

an awful lot of people in that film.

I saw it for the first time today, and...

Would you two listen, or...?

LAUGHTER

Sorry about that. Very sorry.

They were distracted by booze.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

They were like, "Oh, there's a beer here."

-Or a Jameson?

-I know this story.

I-I just...

We welcome you into our country...

As you were saying?

"This will help me sleep."

Now, Seth and Paul, you may not know where Maxine's from,

-but it is generally accepted to be the Hollywood of the north.

-Ooh.

Bolton.

CHEERING You grew up with stars.

Oh, I did, yes.

I was a lifeguard with Paddy McGuinness,

who I'm sure you've heard of(!)

And Peter Kay was the projectionist at the local cinema.

-Is that true?

-That's true, yeah.

Vernon Kay used to stack shelves at a well-known superstore.

Well, he's built for it, isn't he?

Yeah, it's a place to be.

All the stars.

And Maxine, when it comes to, you know, red carpets and things,

do you like all of that?

Not really.

-I never get invited to any, to be honest.

-Oh, you do.

You know, glamorous opening nights, when you do an opening night,

-you have to pop a frock on?

-See, I'm the opposite. I'd rather just not, you know...

You saw - I couldn't even manage to get up the stairs in these shoes.

-No, jeans and a pair of trainers.

-Yeah, but you always wear nice jeans and trainers.

-Thank you.

-You've got an eye for what you wear.

Yeah, but it's... It's comfy. Comfy-casual.

Well, you should have just worn trainers.

I was trying to make an effort. I was trying to look

slightly sophisticated, and not so northern.

LAUGHTER

-Well, you're sitting now, we won't ask you to stand again.

-Please don't.

Just sit, put your hand... Look lovely.

I can't even pick that up.

-Oh!

-Would you like me to pass it?

-Well, I'm far too nervous.

-I'll wait till one of these fuckers is talking.

I get nothing from it.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-There you go.

That was no good moment.

There was no good moment.

-Right. Seth...

-Yes?

-Seth is currently starring in

Bad Neighbours 2 - Sorority Rising, which is out next Friday.

-This is all true, it's your film?

-It is true.

Here's an extraordinary truth - Bad Neighbours -

the first Bad Neighbours -

took 270 million.

-Yeah.

-No surprise they made another one.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

So obviously, most people saw the first Bad Neighbours,

where you were living next door to Zac Efron

and the fraternity. So what happens this time? Who are your neighbours this time?

A group of 18-year-old girls are our neighbours,

who are trying to start a sorority,

which is kind of the female version of a fraternity,

which they don't have here.

18-year-old girls are frightening - they scare me a lot.

I'm very uncomfortable around them. I don't know what to say about them.

So it was a horrifying experience, overall, for me.

Because you do have long scenes

-where they're just in wet bikinis and things...

-Yes.

-It's hard... I mean, I shouldn't...

-LAUGHTER

It was. It was difficult.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

-ALL:

-Cheers.

"It was difficult"?

It was difficult.

-WHINES:

-You don't get it, acting's hard.

But the last time, when you...

I think you were here to talk about the first one.

It's so embarrassing to do press in front of someone you know.

The last time you were here, you were talking about the first one, where you had a baby,

played by twins, obviously, but there was only one baby.

And it's got to see terrible things, and hear terrible language.

We thought, "Oh, baby won't get it." But this time, it's a toddler.

Yes, this time I think she got it.

But who are the parents? Who's letting this happen?

Her parents are very nice, well-paid people, who...

Yeah, there's a running joke in the movie

where our daughter plays with a pink dildo, essentially.

Yeah, there she is holding a dildo.

Yeah, and...

Martin's like, "Wow, how much did they pay those parents?"

They can afford therapy for their daughter one day,

which, erm, is a good thing, cos she'll probably need it.

-And is she twins?

-She... That one is not twins.

-She is one of twins.

-One of twins?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, how old is that little girl?

They're three-and-a-half or something?

I never talked to them, ever.

-I was very mean to them.

-You don't want your name coming up in therapy.

I said, "This is Hollywood, kid."

"You don't talk to number one."

"You hold your dildo, and you sit there."

APPLAUSE

Now, we've got a clip.

This is the former bad neighbour,

-Zac Efron, who's also in the film.

-Yes.

-This is him becoming a force for good.

-Yeah.

I want to help you guys stop that sorority before it gets too late.

-Really?

-That's right....

I'm switching sides.

-Nice.

-Yes!

-That's awesome.

-Yes!

-Cool.

They have 15 individuals -

they're not a cohesive unit.

They don't understand the most important rule of sisterhood -

"There's no I in sorority."

-Yeah, there is. There's two, actually.

-No, actually, there's just one.

-No, that's a Y.

-No, in the middle.

-That's an O.

Two I's straddling the Y.

-S-O-R-R-I-A-Y-O-RITY.

-LAUGHTER

-What?!

-There's a U in there that you guys are all missing.

S-O-R-R-I-R-O-I-T...I-T-Y.

Sorori-titty?

-The T's silent.

-You think the titty is silent?

That's wordplay.

You're very happy in your heterosexuality,

but even you could appreciate Zac Efron's body.

Oh, it's freakish. It is truly unbelievable.

CHEERING

He's even better-looking now - that's the first movie.

That's an old picture.

That's garbage compared to what he looks like now.

Did you say, "How did you have time to make a film?

"Because you must be in the gym all the time."

He's in a constant state of exercising.

I'm sure you've seen this on the Marvel movies, where it's like

there's a constant exercising happening.

Like, at all moments, he's exercising.

And I do the equal thing for NOT exercising.

I'm the inverse ratio of that, yeah.

You went for the easy option in the film, you just did that...

-LAUGHTER

-Exactly.

That's how they all do it.

That 300 movie? That's all they do.

-He looks like Homer Simpson.

-Yeah, I do.

It looks like Homer's face.

Looks like Homer and a lobster lying on my body.

No, cos, Martin, did you have a similar thing with Love Actually,

where suddenly, people were going, "Oh!"

Not with that face, no.

Going "oh!"

"I see. I never knew that was what was beneath

"those T-shirts and jeans."

No, I guess the point with Love Actually,

it was not meant to be sexy.

It was meant to be kind of innocent. It wasn't that...

When you do sex scenes that are where you are, giving THAT...

When you're acting THAT, that's a little bit more vulnerable-making.

It's a bit more vulnerable...

Inevitably, you're kind of giving away some of your own state secrets, you know?

-Whereas, I wasn't...

-Wow.

-In Love Actually, it was dialogue.

The funny bit about it was that it was two very ordinary people.

-It wasn't meant to be turning anyone on.

-OK.

So if it did, shame on you.

Sorry, you blew it, man.

I think we've got a picture of you in it.

Oh. Oh.

CHEERING

That's...

I wasn't expecting to see that.

-I'm naked at other parts.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Well, not fully naked - you get a little purse.

-You do, though, you get a little purse.

-A change purse, yeah.

-Yeah, and it's more humiliating.

-LAUGHS:

-Sorry!

Oh, is that what you call it?

And the woman gets a strip.

-Maybe. Sometimes.

-Depends who you're working for. (Saying nothing.)

Maxine Peake - in terms of fitness, oddly,

It was the late, great Victoria Wood...

-Wonderful Victoria Wood, yeah.

-..who encouraged you to get fit?

Look at that.

No, she...

At school, I was quite a large teenager,

and we sort of had a little chat.

She was so amazing.

She said to me, "Look, you're fat, you're blonde, you're northern,

"you're going to get typecast." She was being really honest,

cos it says what she felt she'd experienced.

So you know... I'd been told at drama school,

"If you don't lay off the chips, you'll never play Juliet."

To which, "I don't want t'play Juliet."

"Have you tasted chips?"

But when somebody like Victoria Wood says that to you, you take notice.

So I did, but I did it a bit too quick and I lost it between...

Between the two series of Dinnerladies,

which, I should have probably waited.

But, yeah. But, yeah.

How long had you...? Sorry.

-Please, Martin.

-No, can you shut up?

-This'll be a good question.

-Mate, there's a time and a place to interrupt.

How long had you been out of drama school before you did Dinnerladies?

-I was still at drama school.

-Oh, were you?

-Yeah. Yeah.

-I'd just...

-So that was a very good early doors kind of thing?

-It was amazing.

-You're sort of spoiled to work with somebody the calibre of Victoria.

-Amazing.

She's... Yeah, it's been such sad, sad news, you know.

She was such an inspiration, even from working with her,

-but even as a youngster growing up...

-Of course.

-That's who I wanted...

Woods and Walters were who I wanted to be.

That was the career you wanted to emulate.

I do like that you took her advice, but then you had to wear a fat suit for series two.

They got me a fat suit, yeah.

She was a bit like, "Whoa a minute.

"I've just written a second series

"that we think you might be pregnant because you've got fatter.

"And you're 4st lighter."

-So they made me a fat suit.

-Paul? You...

Honestly, it is weird - you don't seem to age.

CHEERING Does he?

Thank you.

I feel awful on the inside.

-Greatly.

-When we first met, I looked younger.

Now, I've surpassed... I think I could be his father.

To be fair, though, Seth, when we met you were 15

-and you looked like you were 37.

-I did, yeah.

I was about 20 years older.

Often, when people grow beards...

Well, clearly I do, but they are grey, or have grey in them.

But even yours - beautiful, beautiful beard.

Thank you, thank you. Well it's starting...

-Starting to come in a little bit right there on the chin.

-Oh, please.

Actually we've got a picture of you at Kansas University.

-I don't know how old you were here.

-Ah, '88. Yeah.

But look how beautiful you are.

As you can see, I don't just grow hair on my face.

Look how happy you are.

I remember taking that picture and I worked on my hair.

I worked on that.

I was greatly inspired by Michael Hutchence

who was my hero at the time.

And I think I tried to blow it dry and it came off

looking a little more Bon Jovi than I had anticipated.

There's a whiff of Julia Roberts off you, really.

You're just beautiful.

Just beautiful in that picture.

-Big toothy smile.

-Yeah.

Hey, but he's a superhero now, ladies and gentleman.

Yes, Ant-Man. AUDIENCE WHOOP

Ant-Man. Paul Rudd is in Captain America: Civil War,

alongside Martin. It opens tonight.

So, why there's a Civil War? Who are both of you?

-What?

-Who are you in this film? Why is it a Civil War?

Well, I need a little bit more introduction than Paul,

because Paul is actually a superhero.

But I am Everett Ross. And he works for the government.

And part of his remit is to kind of keep the superheroes in check

-a little bit. Yeah.

-OK. Yeah.

-When did you stop listening?

LAUGHTER

No. No. Well, I wasn't listening very hard because I knew.

-I've seen the film.

-Oh, right, OK.

So, there's a civil war between The Avengers.

Discuss.

Well, when you read the script, what do you think?

Was it like their...?

It becomes... That state of affairs comes around within the film.

And I saw it today.

I saw it today for the first time.

-Yes.

-And it's a really good film, isn't it?

-It's great.

And I don't... That's not meant to sound, that's... But it was so...

You are invested in the characters,

the action of course is amazing, as you would expect.

But I really got it.

I really understand everyone's motivation.

-And good jokes, good jokes.

-Some good jokes.

But proper high stakes, eh?

Yeah, and there are two kind of...

Two camps with differing opinions about how they should move forward.

Should these groups of superheroes be regulated?

Because there's a lot of collateral damage from saving the world.

And then there's another side

that feels they shouldn't have any kind of government supervision.

You understand both sides of the argument

and I think that makes it interesting.

And as we said earlier, you didn't meet making the film.

And that becomes obvious as we watch this clip that Martin's not in.

There's a lot of those.

But Paul is.

-Yep.

-One of you's in it, so, hey.

This is Paul Rudd as Ant-Man

meeting the other members of his team.

How about our other recruit?

He's raring to go.

Had to put a little coffee in him, but...

-DOOR BANGS OPEN

-..we should be good.

What time zone is this?

Come on. Come on.

-Captain America.

-Mr Lang.

It's an honour.

I'm shaking your hand too long.

Oh, this is awesome. Captain America.

I know you too, you're great.

Jeez.

Look, I want to say, I know you know a lot of super people,

so thinks for thanking of me.

-Hey, man.

-What's up, Tic Tac?

Erm, good to see you. Look, what happened last time...

It was a great audition, but it'll... It'll never happen again.

Did they tell you what we're up against?

Something about some psycho assassins.

We're outside the law on this one.

-So, if you come with us, you're a wanted man.

-Yeah, well.

What else is new?

Yeah, yeah, agreed.

I heard you talking, Paul, about...

That actually when you got to set you were a bit like that.

-You were kind of fan-girling around The Avengers.

-Yeah, yeah.

You know, after we shot Ant-Man...

But I was alone on that, it was like working in a bubble, pretty much.

And then all of a sudden I'm standing around

and seeing Robert Downey Jr and the Iron Man suit.

And seeing Chris Evans, and they're all there.

I've seen the movies, and I felt like I was ten years old.

It was crazy.

-It was pretty cool.

-Did you really do the touching the arm thing?

Yeah, yeah. I saw...

I saw Sebastian Stan getting his arm, the silver arm, on.

And it was weird. It was like I was watching somebody bathing.

"I'm not supposed to see this."

But I did, I went over and I just kind of felt the arm.

Chris Evans had to run to the bathroom really quick,

so he asked the prop guy, "Could you just hold this?"

He was holding his shield.

He ran off and I said, ("Can I?")

Run around with it.

I was like, "Wow."

It's heavier than I imagined.

But you know it's made of vibranium, of course it's going to be heavy.

Yeah, of course. Yes. Yes.

No, it was pretty cool, I must say.

Now, we've got a picture of Martin in his costume.

Here we go.

AUDIENCE CHEER

Thank you.

Erm, but I...

As you were saying... But you're now being fed into the universe.

You're going to be in some more of these adventure movies.

Yes, please, God. Yeah. Yes, that's the plan.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, that's the plan.

-But your team...

-It's a fairly...

-AUDIENCE WHOOPING

-Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, Mum. But it's a fairly small...

It is a fairly small role, at this stage.

And listen, we must just very quickly mention Sherlock

because you're back filming that right now, aren't you?

-Yes, I am. Yeah.

-Yeah. AUDIENCE CHEER

-Thank you. Thank you.

-They like Sherlock.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

See, that response, lovely in a studio,

-but when you're out and about filming Sherlock...

-Yes.

-..is it like that all the time?

-No, it has occasionally been.

Like, when we do our exteriors

for what our fake Baker Street is, in the West End,

it can be a little bit like that.

But we've tried to sort of say to them in the most respectful,

loving way that, you know, we need...

This is not a kind of live gig. Do you know what I mean?

It sort of needs to be quite small and focused.

But you're doing that in front of hundreds of people over the road.

You're getting people go, "Can't hear you!"

Yeah. So, it's a funny one. It's like...

It's almost sometimes like a cross between doing film and theatre.

-And how many are you doing this time?

-Same amount. Three.

-Three.

And when will they be out?

Erm, 2029.

-LAUGHTER

-Probably.

No, next year. I imagine January or Christmas.

-OK, excellent.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Now.

Paul Rudd, is this the first time your children are going to be

able to see one of your films?

Yes. Ant-Man was the very first one that they got to see.

And they're excited about seeing Civil War, which is weird.

They knew that I was an actor in theory.

They've never shown any interest.

-Yeah.

-In anything that I've done. I'll be honest with you,

they're showing a little bit of interest in this.

But, yeah, it was the first thing.

-Cos how many kids have you got? Two?

-Two.

And being a parent, it's difficult.

And I believe there's been times where you haven't

pitched things correctly. You've got things slightly wrong.

That's true. Yeah.

Just recently I thought, "You know what?

"I'm going to really do the family thing.

"I'm going to surprise my kids with a trip to Disney World."

-Lovely.

-Which was great.

But I thought, "Oh, this is going to be really fun."

And I sat them down and I was very serious and I said,

"You know, guys,

"you're not going to be able to go to school next Wednesday.

"Mom and I are going to take you out of school.

"Because...we are going...to Disney World."

And they were so freaked out by my tone that they were not excited.

My daughter started crying out of relief and my son said, "Oh, my God!

"I thought you were going to tell us that somebody had passed on."

And so there was... I was so excited about the joyous reaction

and I realised, "Oh, yes.

"That's a parental lesson right there.

"Don't make it about me."

Cos, Maxine, some of the parts you've played over the years

didn't thrill your family.

-No.

-Cos Shameless.

-Shameless was quite out there.

-Yeah, yeah.

AUDIENCE WHOOP

Yeah, I know. Shameless. Everyone loves Shameless.

Was it your mum that had the problem with Shameless?

Yeah, she didn't... When people used to say, "Oh, what have you been in?"

She'd go, "Dinnerladies." And that was it.

That was all she was proud of.

Shameless was a little bit too much.

You know, topless ironing and... Yeah. For anybody.

Anybody's mum, not even mine, would've been traumatised.

Other people's mothers.

Yeah. Traumatic. So, yeah.

-Because, Seth Rogen...

-Yes.

-Your parents... No, it's lovely. They're very supportive.

-They are.

I think we've got a picture of your mum, Sandy.

That's my mom.

Now, is she Mrs Rogen?

She is. Yeah. Mrs Sandy Rogen, yeah.

And now this is cool.

Like, what a cool mother she is, because you tweeted this,

a link to a video you did. You tweeted this thing...

-You did do this.

-I taught people how to roll joints.

As a... It's community service, technically.

So, yeah. That's good.

-You care too much.

-Exactly.

And knocked a few hours off my sentence.

So, that, erm...

And very sweetly, Mrs Rogen, your mom, tweeted this.

"That's so great..."

LAUGHTER

"So proud of your great abilities!"

She's proud of me.

Please, but please tell me, is this tattoo fake?

This is a picture of your mum.

Oh, this is horrific.

Yes. Thank God, that is fake.

I genuinely do not like looking at that picture.

There's something so weird...

That was made on Knocked Up, right?

No, it was... I don't know what it's from.

Wasn't it on Knocked Up? Cos we all had them.

-I think it might be, yeah...

-Really?

There was a point where that was a thing, I guess.

But my mum put it on her upper breast, which is horrific to say,

and it's horrible.

It looks like something a prisoner would send me.

LAUGHTER

"What happened, Mom?!"

-"Why, Mom?"

-Now, your mum seems...

-You know, she tweets, she's good at technology.

-She does.

But lots of examples out there of parents not quite

getting the hang of texting. I don't know if these are real,

but they're out there and they're quite funny.

So here are some of them. So here's a mother texting somebody.

LAUGHTER

Now, so many parents do this one.

This is somebody texting their mum...

-It should be.

-Those are good, but then this is so sweet.

So a mum...

I didn't know for a long time how to use emojis.

But the mother's found emojis and she's delighted with herself.

Off she goes...

And then the dreaded predictive text, which... That...

I mean, that's not just parents, that's the bane of all our lives.

This is from... To a father...

LAUGHTER

Well done, the parents! Very good!

But now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for some culture

on this show because Maxine Peake brings us

A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare.

It's out next month on BBC One as part of their Shakespeare season

and it's a... I mean, it's proper BBC One.

It's a big, accessible version of the play, isn't it?

Yes, Russell T Davies has done the adaptation...

-CHEERING

-..so it's fantastic,

and as you would imagine from Russell,

it's fun, it's irreverent, it's, you know, quite anarchic.

And, yeah, it's the Doctor Who studio,

so there's lots of special effects and...

-And you're Titania.

-I'm Titania, yes.

-Oh, there you are as Titania. AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Yes.

-And it's... You came to set with that look, I hear.

-Well, not...

Just driving by, "Hi, model's own."

I'd been doing a play in Manchester, The Striker by Caryl Churchill,

and I was playing this malevolent fairy and I had shaved...

It was a very attractive look. I had shaved hair and a nice mullet.

I looked like I should have worked on the waltzers, you know?

And so Russell came to see it

and offered me the part and then, "Oh, keep the hair."

And I was like, "Oh, you're joking?!" So for ages

I had this slightly horrendous haircut

that they used to wet shave every morning.

People used to go, "Oh, is your head cold?"

I'd go, "No, it's absolutely boiling." I don't know...

When you have it that close shaven it was just...

The heat emitting from having...

I don't know, maybe not. Maybe she was just doing it really badly.

Maybe she'd put a bit of Deep Heat on it first.

LAUGHTER It wasn't shaving foam.

So, yeah, it's a good introduction to people who wouldn't normally turn

on to Shakespeare or youngsters, just to get with the spirit of it.

And it's quick and it's economic and it's fun.

-And lots of famous faces.

-Yeah.

-Matt Lucas is your Bottom.

-Matt is my Bottom.

-There he is, yes.

-I get to slip him the tongue.

You do, don't you?

I think he said I'm the first...

It's the first sort of roll around he's had on set

with a lady. I think it was his first on-screen...

I could be wrong... I'm sure he was saying that he'd never...

-I don't think he'd done a sex scene before.

-Really?

I said, "Well, I've done loads of them, sweetheart."

"Just put your hand there and we'll all be happy!"

Yeah, "Mind my strip."

Yeah, he was lovely. He was, yeah.

-Well, look, we've got a clip.

-Oh!

This is, basically, the famous scene.

-Your first... Titania's first appearance.

-OK.

Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania.

My jealous Oberon!

Fairies, skip hence - I have forsworn his bed and company.

Tarry, rash wanton. Am not I thy lord?

Oh, then I must be thy lady!

CACKLING

But I know when thou has stolen away from Fairyland

and in the shape of Corin sat all day

playing on pipes of corn and versing love to amorous Phillida.

How canst thou thus for shame, Titania,

glance at my critic with fair Phillida,

knowing I know thy love to Hippolyta?

These are the forgeries of jealousy!

The bouncing Amazon.

Your buskin'd mistress and your warrior love

to Theseus must be wedded!

SCREAMING

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

It's good.

You're very kind.

They're loving it, loving it! Yeah.

Was that a real forest? That was a real forest.

-You can see your breath and everything.

-It was cold.

It was about five o'clock in the morning

somewhere outside of Bristol. But, yeah, we did...

It was beautiful, actually. It was one of those forests that you arrived and it felt like...

It was so sort of perfect, it could have been a set.

-But the majority of it was in... We filmed at Cardiff.

-OK.

-Yes.

Yeah, less idyllic, but lovely, I'm sure.

-And, Paul, you have done Shakespeare.

-Yeah, yeah, I have.

I was in the movie Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio.

CHEERING

And I did Twelfth Night at Lincoln Centre in New York.

Now, is that the picture with...

Because I feel bad but it is... It's just you and some purple pants,

-but is that you in Twelfth Night?

-Mm-hm, yes.

-Ah!

LAUGHTER

Yeah.

CHEERING

Just as the Bard intended it.

"I hope he's wearing purple Speedos."

That was a production Sir Nicholas Hytner directed

and that's with Helen Hunt.

Oh, is she over there, not looking?

-Yeah, not looking!

-Not...

..shielding her eyes.

So, Maxine, in this you...

Obviously you're acting with the donkey in the woods and everything.

Yes, yes... Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

Remember that bit? Yeah, donkey, yeah.

But, Seth Rogen, you've worked with an actual tiger.

-I did, yeah.

-But, like, a real, real tiger?

A real tiger, yeah. It was very counterintuitive, I'll be honest.

Yeah, I made a movie called The Interview that almost started a war,

you might have heard of it.

CHEERING

That must been have been the oddest time for you.

It was a horrible experience, yes.

It's bad to be blamed for almost starting a war.

-It's not fun.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. It's super weird.

No, you must have just been getting on with your life and,

"Hey, we've made this silly comedy..."

Yeah, and then the president was talking about it.

A lot. Yeah, it was really bizarre.

I had personal security and then one day they just went away.

I was like, "I guess I'm safe now."

-Yeah, but there was a tiger...?

-In your house and everything?

Well, the studio provided the film-makers with security in case

someone from North Korea was going to kill us, I guess.

And then, literally, one day they were just gone.

We didn't... And I called everyone else and was like,

"Is your guy still there?" And they were like, "No, my guy's gone."

I was like, "Maybe this is it!"

"This is the attack." But it wasn't.

The studio just didn't want to pay for security any more.

So no-one rang you to say, "We're leaving"?

No, it was just morning I came out and was like, "Hey, G..."

"Oh, no, he's not there any more."

Yeah, and I thought maybe a North Korean had taken him out

but, no, instead Sony just didn't want to pay for him any more!

But, yes, it was a weird, weird, weird experience.

But part of the weirdness was you actually wrote a scene...

-Yeah.

-You wrote this...

-Yeah.

-..with a real tiger.

Yes, and we thought we'd be able to use visual effects

like in Life of Pi and have a computer-generated tiger

and then we realised that we had no money and so we had to get

a real tiger from Toronto.

-The nicer tiger.

-No, I asked the guy where the tiger came from

and he said he got it from a stripper, which is...

LAUGHTER

-..crazy.

-That's quite the act.

-It was quite... That's what I said.

-It's hard to tip, though.

-Exactly!

And don't touch her!

The tiger trainer, God bless him... If you were to make a list

of the things you do not want to hear a tiger trainer say,

he systematically ticked every single thing on that list.

He would be like,... We'd be like, "Is it safe?"

He'd be like, "Well, they are killing machines, you know?"

That's cool. And so we're like, "Is this going to be OK to shoot?

He's like, "Yeah, you don't plan on shooting this at night, do you?"

We're like, "Yeah, it's at night."

He's like, "Well, they hunt at night."

We're like, "Is it more dangerous at night?"

He's like, "It's about 30-40% more dangerous."

And we're like, "30-40% more than what?

"Like, what's our baseline tiger level of danger?"

He's like, "As long as it's not in a big open space."

And we're like, "It is in a big open space."

And then we're just like, "Should we not do this?"

"Should we just not do it?"

There was, I'm not joking, 15 seconds of silence

and he goes, "No, we can do it."

LAUGHTER

And then the trainer's son, who was 18 years old, who was the guy who

was training it... And we were like,

"Why is your 18-year-old son doing it?"

He's like, "He has a much better relationship with the tiger."

LAUGHTER

There was one moment when he got in a fight with his dad

while they're holding the tiger. He was like,

"Shut up, Dad, I'm doing this."

We're just like, "There's a fucking tiger here!"

-No-one got killed by the tiger.

-Hooray!

-Thank you.

-Happy ending!

APPLAUSE

And film sets... I mean, filming's exciting in that...

But they can often be quite boring, all the waiting around that has to be done.

-Now, Martin, in The Hobbit was it you and Aidan Turner...

-Oh, Christ!

..that you found a way to while away

the many hours... WOLF WHISTLE

..you must've spent in New Zealand?

-I mean, yes, I like to engender good feeling, you know?

-Of course.

If we're waiting around, if we're hanging around.

One time I said to Aidan, OK, if there's a gun at your head...

-Shall I say this?

-What?

-Whatever I'm going to say?

LAUGHTER Do it then.

I had a baby with a dildo.

-That's true.

-That's in his film.

It wasn't even an accident.

That wasn't even an anecdote, it was written in by someone.

No, we were hanging around and we were in a very beautiful part

of New Zealand where there was a mountain over there

and lovely big plains of lush green grass,

and it was like a picturesque...

It was like a postcard of how beautiful New Zealand can be.

But I said, "OK, Aidan, if there was a gun at your head,

"you've got to do one of these two things.

"You've got to either walk away from this scene, not saying anything

"to Peter Jackson or anybody else.

"You've just got to walk away and go until you reach that mountain

"and not say anything to anyone."

"And when they say, 'Where's Aidan? He's got a line',

"you'll just be fired."

"That's over, because no-one would have explained it

"and that'll be this job over and your name won't be..."

-You know, he wouldn't have done Poldark, that's for sure.

-No.

"Or you've got to..."

HE EXHALES

"Or you've got to masturbate to completion

"just in front of everyone here.

"Don't say anything about it.

"There's no... There's no introduction, there is no caveat.

"You've got to do one of those, and if there was a gun at your head,

"which one would you do?"

And he thought about it and he chose the B - he chose B.

Just because he figured that he wouldn't get fired.

But he would get fired.

I don't think he's getting Poldark after that either.

You should be fired for that.

Yeah, I mean... If there's one thing I believe it's you should be

fired for wanking on set. I'm all against that. I'm dead against that.

-Were you an A or a B?

-I want that on the record.

-Were you A or B?

I think I might have chosen the mountain

because I don't want to masturbate on set.

-I don't want to.

-Why not?

-Well, because...

people look down on it. People say it's harassment and all that shit.

In Hollywood you're more likely to keep working

after masturbating on set, to be totally honest.

Maxine, I won't ask you, Maxine.

-What, about masturbating on set?

-No, I won't, no.

-No.

It's too long a story.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

How do you think she lost all that weight?!

Well, Paul Rudd, in the Ant-Man movie you went to

extraordinary lengths to amuse yourself.

Or were you trying to amuse other people, or just yourself?

-Well, this is quite close to that.

-Yeah, I think this is a perfect segue.

What did you do?!

Well, I was working opposite Michael Douglas in Ant-Man

and, you know, he's a legend and I could never completely relax

in front of him, even though he was very nice and cordial and sweet.

Finally, it was his last day of shooting and I thought,

"Ah, I want to be buddy-buddy with the guy,

"I want him to think I'm cool."

And I thought it would be funny if while it was on his close-up

I could somehow recreate that scene from Basic Instinct...

LAUGHTER

..sitting across from him.

So I didn't tell him, but I also didn't tell anybody.

And before, you know, we filmed the scene,

-I unzipped my jeans and, you know...

-Unfurled.

-Unfurled.

Not much of an unfurling, but I unfurled technically.

And I sat down and I guess I didn't really take into account

when sitting in a chair everything kind of like...

My boxer shorts and everything...

So while he's doing his scene, I'm trying to re-unfurl

while holding my T-shirt over everything,

so that he wouldn't see it,

and as I'm doing it he's saying his line and it looked as if

I was doing exactly what...

-..Martin says he would never do on set.

-Oh, God!

You picked option B.

As I'm trying to uncross my legs and it was like trying...

And he's such a pro -

he didn't... He didn't stop his, you know, monologue.

Er, flicked his eyes down real quick,

looked back at me and then just finally stopped in the middle

and said, "What are you, a fucking pervert?"

LAUGHTER

And in that moment I thought,

"This didn't play out as I'd anticipated."

-You sexually assaulted Michael Douglas.

-I did.

And it was... The whole thing just, kind of, you know...

blew up in my face, I guess.

Yeah, and...

Right, it is time for music.

This Grammy-nominated singer is only 19 years old and has already

released three albums and sold over ten million records worldwide.

Here performing Wild Horses, please welcome Birdy.

# I'm a dreamer

# But it's hard to sleep when your head's not in it

# I've been restless cos you disappeared

# And there's something missing

# The earth is loose

# Under my shoes

# There's an angel and he's shaped like you

# And I thought I know him

# There's a window and it's dark where the light was in it

# This can't be love if it hurts so much

# I need to let go

# And I will survive and be the one who's stronger

# And I will not beg you to stay

# I will move on and you should know I mean it

# Wild horses run in me

# I remember how we danced so close I would stand on your feet

# And the phone calls that would last all night

# They were lifeboats to me

# Our fading scars

# Just shooting stars

# They're here They're gone

# And I will survive and be the one who's stronger

# And I will not beg you to stay

# I will move on and you should know I mean it

# Wild horses run in me

# Our human hearts forget how strong they are

# And they get lost along the way

# It's not giving up It's letting go

# And moving to a better place

# I will survive and be the one who's stronger

# And I will not beg you to stay

# I will move on and you should know I mean it

# Wild horses run in me

# Yeah

# I will survive and be the one who's stronger

# And I will not beg you to stay

# Yeah

# I will move on and you should know I mean it

# Wild horses run in me. #

APPLAUSE

Birdy, everybody! Great job.

Take a bow, take a bow.

Come over and see us.

-Well done, my dear. Hello.

-Hello.

Have a seat beside Maxine there. You sit there.

-That's, everyone. Lovely. Very good. ALL:

-Hello.

Very good. Very good.

Have a seat, do. Look at you in your glittery clothes.

-How are you?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-Oh, excellent. Now, that is from the album Beautiful Lies.

-Yes.

-Which is out now, I believe.

-It is, yeah.

-Oh, congratulations.

-Thank you so much.

-19 and that's your third album, that seems crazy.

It has been a weird five years.

It's gone so quickly. I started when I was 14,

so I've literally just been travelling and...

Oh, successful young people... HE EXHALES

No, well done, I'm thrilled for you.

(Ten million records, she's 19 years old!)

No, that is fantastic.

-Aren't you in the middle of a tour right now?

-Yes, I am.

I've popped home quickly.

And it ends... Is it the 10th of May it ends London at the Roundhouse?

-Yeah, at the Roundhouse.

-Fantastic. Well, listen, thank you so much for

-coming to see us.

-Thank you.

-That's is a beautiful song.

Everybody loves it. Birdy, everybody! There you go.

APPLAUSE

Sometimes this happens, and it happened tonight -

-we don't have time for red chairs. AUDIENCE:

-Oh!

I'm very sorry. Oh, be quiet!

So please say a huge thank you to my guests tonight -

Birdy, everybody!

Maxine Peake.

Martin Freeman.

Paul Rudd.

And Mr Seth Rogen!

Join me next week with Hollywood legend John Malkovich,

the king of cool Samuel L Jackson,

and man of the moment Tom Hiddleston.

I'll see you then. Goodnight, everybody, bye-bye!

APPLAUSE