Episode 15 The Graham Norton Show

Excuse I. Excuse I.

Excuse I. Excuse I. Hello.

Yeah. Now, on the show tonight, we celebrate the return

of one of the most iconic British films ever.

Trainspotting is back!

They're here!

Hey, let's start the show! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

This programme contains strong language

Oh!

Oh!

Thank you!

HE CHUCKLES

Too kind!

Hello, good evening and welcome.

Oh, a great show for you tonight.

The stars of T2 Trainspotting are here, ladies and gentlemen!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes!

Plus, joining them is the director, Danny Boyle.

Of course, Danny didn't just direct both Trainspotting movies. No.

He's done other things.

He directed the opening ceremony of the London Olympics.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, yes. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Of course, that also featured a group of chronic drug addicts.

Another one of Danny's big hits was 28 Days Later,

where a guy wakes up in a post-apocalyptic world to find

the streets are completely deserted. Yeah.

Or as Donald Trump would call it, a very successful inauguration.

Good, that, wasn't it? I didn't see it coming.

I did not see that coming.

As we speak, Theresa May is visiting Donald Trump.

She'll be staying overnight at the White House, and has bought

some new pyjamas especially for the occasion.

It's KNIGHTWEAR! AUDIENCE GROANS

After taking office,

one of the first things Trump did was to restore

the Winston Churchill bust to the Oval Office.

Aw. He's also got plans on what to do with Theresa May's bust.

HORN HONKS

Let's get some guests on!

Later, we have music from rising solo star Izzy Bizu!

But first, let's meet the stars of T2 Trainspotting.

Ewen Bremner! Hey! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, sir. You're very welcome.

Robert Carlyle!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! Hello. Nice to see you.

Jonny Lee Miller! Oh! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ewan McGregor! Hello. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And director Danny Boyle! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello! Hi!

Sit down.

This is mad. Anyway...

Lovely to see you all. Welcome, welcome.

Danny, obviously, on set you're in charge.

Apparently, yeah.

On a night like tonight, are you in charge of the sofa?

Just wait and see. You'll quickly find out I'm not.

-The answer is "no".

-Yes!

So, er, welcome back, Trainspotting.

Sunday night was the big premiere in Edinburgh.

-Look at you all! That must have been a great night for you all.

-Yeah.

It was fantastic.

The whole of Edinburgh seemed to turn out on the streets.

It was wonderful.

At least... Now, Jonny and Ewan, can you remember this one now?

-This one we remember, I think, yeah.

-It was only on Sunday, in fairness.

Bits of it.

We've got the last one. This is you 20 years ago.

You guys don't remember this one?

-Bits.

-Not really.

Not really at all. I don't remember it.

I don't remember what...

You all look so happy and lovely.

You're scanning across, and then you get to Robert Carlyle...

Did no-one give you the dress code?

Was it "come as you are"?

You see, I DO remember it, because I'd been filming

in Nicaragua, in actual fact.

And, of course, there was no...

This was the days before real internet.

So we'd no idea that any of the build-up to the first film

was happening. So I came across the very night of the premiere.

I landed at Heathrow and I seen his face in all these magazines.

I thought, "This is... Something's happening here.

"This is bizarre."

-"I'll get my sheepskin jacket."

-Exactly.

LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

"This is a special night."

That's what I was wearing when I came off the plane.

It's all changed now. All changed now.

The person I must say hello to is Ewen.

Cos Spud was such a kind of strong visual look.

Like, so, people...

Even now, it's used as a kind of reference. Do you know...

Are you aware of what happened in Utah? Do you know this?

Ooh! Your researcher told me about this.

It does ring a bell, yes.

Basically, someone in Utah -

this was only a couple of years ago - committed a crime, OK?

And they didn't have a photograph of the criminal they were looking for.

So this is the genuine "wanted" poster.

"It's something like that.

"He probably looks like this."

Did they ever catch him, Graham?

"Don't go to Utah" would be my advice.

APPLAUSE

Oh, dear.

Listen, we're here to celebrate the release of T2 Trainspotting,

which opens everywhere tonight.

Let's start with a taste of what to expect.

'Choose life.

'Choose Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,

'and hope that someone, somewhere, cares.'

Missed you, man.

I missed you too, Spud.

'Choose looking up old flames,

'wishing you'd done it all differently.'

-Do you still take heroin?

-No.

'And choose watching history repeat itself.'

-Hello, Franco.

-Simon.

I'm home.

'Choose your future.'

-Call the police.

-What shall I say?

Just tell them we're dead.

'Choose reality TV, slut shaming, revenge porn.

'Choose a zero-hour contract, a two-hour journey to work,

'and choose the same for your kids, only worse.

'And smother the pain with an unknown dose of an unknown drug

'made in somebody's kitchen. And then take a deep breath.'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's so good.

So, we were...

So, when we were filming that,

that bit at the end where he's on the tower block...

-Spud?

-When Spud's on the tower block.

We were up there... It took, like, a morning.

And there was a guy watching us from the other tower block.

He was at the window of the other tower block and he was watching what we were doing,

and he's looking over at us. And eventually, he...

There was a lot of anticipation around Edinburgh

about what we were doing and eventually he looked at me,

caught my eye, and he pointed, and he said to me,

"This better not be shite, Danny."

And that's the biggest anxiety that you have,

is obviously that you follow up a really great success with shite.

Yes. And also, I think it's everyone's kind of...

I was saying to you backstage, I loved it. I loved it.

All those things you worry about - have you left it too long?

But, actually, the point is that it's 20 years later, isn't it?

It's kind of like our special effect, isn't it, age?

It's almost like...

our big-money special effect.

It's like watching children act - "What a convincing six-year-old."

But you all look 20 years older - it's excellent.

-Thank you.

-It's amazing.

Put a lot of work into it.

-REALLY worked on it.

-Really hard, yeah.

So at the end of the first film, Renton, you walked off

with all the money, 16 grand.

So, 20 years later, where are we now?

Where's Spud as the movie begins?

Spud is really not in a good place.

He's been trying his best,

struggling through the last 20 years to be a better man,

the man that his wife and child need him to be.

And it's devastating for him that he is crippled

with his addictions and is unable to break free of them.

Great for you, but it is kind of amazing he's still alive.

It is, it is amazing, but there's plenty of people

you could say that about.

Rock and roll's littered with those cats that

are still remarkably sprightly, you know,

in their 60s and 70s right now, so...

I think there's life in the old Spud yet.

And Begbie - what's happened to Begbie?

Begbie's exactly where you expect him to be - he's in the nick.

He's been there for the last 20 years, festering,

thinking about this guy and the day he can meet him and kill him.

I suppose, at the beginning,

Sick Boy is the most, kind of, surprising,

what's happened to him in the 20 years.

Yeah, I mean...

I kind of, like, was not that surprised that he's sort of

stuck in a rut, cos that's one thing I really loved

about where he is in the new film. He's...

His powers have waned.

People used to think Sick Boy was such a cool character

and I thought it was interesting to look at him, the fact he's stuck

in the same circles of behaviour, he's sort of struggling in life

and he thinks he's winning, and still a chancer,

but he's really making bad decisions

and that's led to a lot of frustration and bitterness.

So there are no parallels with my own life at all.

-Phew!

-Difficult.

Were you worried about the movie,

going back and doing a Scottish accent again?

Er, yes. I mean, not worried, but I approached it differently.

I kept up the accent the whole time filming the first one,

cos no-one knew who we were.

I could go to a pub in Glasgow and just wing it.

And if you can get away with it in a pub in Glasgow,

-you can get away with it anywhere, right?

-Have you ever done?

As I was saying...

Yeah, so I worked with a dialect coach this time round.

-Cos I...

-Cos you don't drink any more.

"Just practising my fucking accent."

"I can't do Scottish any more!"

And, Ewan, the story was kicked off by Renton. Renton kind of...

We find him in Amsterdam, where he's been for the last 20 years.

And he has a medical emergency,

has a cardiac issue,

which causes him to rethink his life and come home for the first time.

And when he comes home, we realise he hasn't even been home

for his mother's funeral,

and this is his coming back to face his mates again

and find out what he's going to do with his life.

And there's a lot of that feeling in the movie -

that sort of, er, search for the future through the past.

There's a nostalgia in it that I think you're right in saying

earlier wouldn't have existed if we'd made the film earlier.

You know, it's taken 20 years to have this beautiful weight

of looking back at our youth through these characters.

And, as people who played them, looking at our own,

which seems quite far away now. You know, sadly.

It's odd, cos you kind of think Trainspotting wasn't that long ago.

But you do all look like children in the flashbacks.

How much did you want this to stand alone,

and how much did you...

Cos it's a delicate balance, how self-referential it would be.

You can't just repeat it. In fact, if you're going to do that, you do one straightaway,

which is the tradition with a sequel.

You've got to let the 20 years that has passed stand for

the main element of the film, really. And the catch-up.

And I think it...

It does this weird thing. I mean, you know this as well -

if you look back at you

beginning this show compared to what you look like now...

All right, I'm a lot older. Thank you.

But television has that...

He's a guest!

Television has that amazing...

Film, television - it freezes you in time,

and people have an image... "I remember Graham on his first show."

-They have that image in their mind. And they meet you in the street...

-Yes.

..and they're like, "No, I don't want him to look like that."

LAUGHTER

What did I do to deserve this?

No, I meant...

All right, I've melted. I've melted, Danny!

Sh!

-But you know what I mean.

-Oh, I...

Yes, we've established - I understand I'm much older!

And then you unfreeze them in time

and bring them next door to each other like this and people can see them.

And you do see these occasional glimpses of them

back in the original film and it's very moving,

and it returns these guys to the common pool,

-cos it's something we all face.

-Yeah.

Whether we're aware of it or not yet,

it's in the post for everyone, this ageing thing.

Also the bonds of shared history. I was talking to you backstage -

that idea that those bonds of shared history, as you get older,

-take on an importance they never had.

-Absolutely, yeah.

You talk about the time being right now, but I suppose

one of the things about coming back was...

One of the problems about all of this was that you guys...

How many years did you not talk for?

-Yeah, quite a bit.

-A long time, yeah.

-Sadly, yeah.

I don't mean to trivialise it, because it's an awful thing.

You know, you really liked each other,

you loved working together, and then it...

What was it? Was it one bust-up, or was it a dribbling apart?

It was just over a film that was a misunderstanding

and a mishandling of...

-It was just over a film that I...

-This was The Beach.

It's a big regret of mine that it went on for so very long.

-It's a shame we didn't work together all those years, cos...

-Yeah.

Not because of any particular film.

It didn't really matter about The Beach.

It was never about The Beach - it was about our friendship

and how much I felt like Danny's...

I was in the first three movies, you know -

Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, then A Life Less Ordinary -

and then I wasn't in the fourth and I was a bit...

It made me a bit rudderless. I didn't quite get it.

And, er...

Yeah, we didn't speak for a long time, which was such a waste.

It began with a lunch?

Is the lunch when you told him he wasn't going to be in The Beach?

-Yeah, and I think we han...

-I

-handled it very, very badly

and I have apologised to Ewan

and I kind of feel a shame about it that's very difficult...

You know, it's one of the things, weirdly, that the film is about,

trying to express emotions.

And I felt a great shame about it, really.

I was not proud of the way I handled it.

And he, actually, handled it with enormous grace.

Cos, you know, you see these actors and they do big things

and you hear the stories about them,

and he handles all his world with enormous grace

and courage, actually.

Which is the definition of grace.

They say courage is grace under pressure,

which he showed enormously. So...

And we had this thing,

we had this film, this Slumdog Millionaire,

which was doing amazing, picking up all these amazing things,

and somebody asked him. They didn't tell me but somebody asked him

whether he'd present this kind of promotional award to me,

which is one of the things you do on the route to the Oscars

and stuff like that.

And he did and he stood up on stage and he made this amazing speech.

And I was in tears backstage.

It was like, "Oh, God!"

So, yeah...

I'm very grateful to him.

And when this happens in my life... If, friends of mine, this happens...

I always really unsuccessfully try to interfere and broker a peace.

Did any of you try to get involved?

Or did you just go, "Whoa, I'm leaving that alone!"?

We had our own feuds going on!

No-one spoke to Ewan for 15 years!

Yeah, I was really upset about it.

So upset I actually did The Beach with Danny!

Hashtag Team Danny!

But very quickly, I was reading...

Because they were coming on, I was reading about this...

Who's Danny's actor now?!

I was reading about this. There's a story...

I don't know who told the story or how it ended up in the papers...

I'm reading this story and I'm thinking,

"Aw, this is obviously the lovely moment

"when they buried the hatchet and came together."

Talk us through the flight back from... Was it Shanghai?

-God!

-Oh, dear!

-Was it a 15-hour flight?

I'm on the plane to Shanghai to promote a movie and someone says,

"You know who the head of the jury is?"

And I went, "No," and they went, "Danny Boyle,"

thinking I'd be delighted and I was like,

"Oh my God! What are we going to say?"

And we bumped into each other at things and it was a bit awkward.

Anyway, then we come back home and cos we're all showbiz celebrities,

-we were flying first class.

-Of course.

And there was only three of us in first class -

Danny, me and my wife Eve -

and we were flying back and we were scattered around,

and then Eve falls asleep and her light goes off.

And I'm sitting there

and Danny's light's on and my light's on and I'm thinking,

"This is it, this is the moment!"

And I'm slightly behind, so I can see Danny...

I'm thinking, "This is it, this is..."

HE EXHALES

"This is when we just get it all out.

"I'll say 'I'm sorry' and he'll say 'I'm sorry' and we'll get on with it."

And we couldn't. We just sat there with our lights burning...

till, eventually, Danny's went off and mine went off!

But you're back together now. It's all good now. Very good.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's... Hindsight's an amazing thing.

Now you look back and go,

"Of course Trainspotting was going to be a big hit."

Ewen, when you were in it, did you think, "Oh, this is a job,"

or did you kind of know,

"This is a good film. This is a really good film"?

Well, I had been working on the stage play, originally,

playing Ewan McGregor's part in the stage play.

And every night we were getting

this phenomenal, immediate response from audiences.

So I knew the material really was hitting a nerve.

And I was confident that this film was going to be

a strong piece and people were going to respond to it,

because I was seeing that every night on stage.

But none of us had any conception of the scale,

the profound effect and impact it was going to make on the culture.

And it was kind of overwhelming for myself

and I think probably for all of us.

You had The Full Monty coming out just like clockwork,

just, like, the next minute, so you were riding, like, sort of,

a double tidal wave.

It's interesting you mention The Full Monty.

Talking about "you don't know something's a hit when you're in it",

you REALLY didn't see "hit" written on The Full Monty?

I thought it was a load of fucking pish, to be honest!

I know a lot about this business!

It was a tough shoot. The Full Monty was a tough shoot.

It really, really was.

WOLF-WHISTLE

You've all heard this.

I don't mind hearing it again!

-How horrible was it?

-HORRIBLE horrible!

I tell you, it was so horrible that when the people...

Fox Searchlight, who made it, they saw the first cut of this thing

and they went, "Straight to video."

That's what they said.

-Wow!

-It was just very, very tough.

And the producer at the time, Uberto, he kind of begged

Fox Searchlight and said, "Look, we've got a hundred movies here -

"this guy's shot the ass off this thing.

"So give us a chance."

So he and...

They got rid of the editor, they got rid of the director,

and Uberto and Nick Moore, they brought on as an editor.

They cut together what you saw.

And this thing went from almost straight to video...

To date it's taken about 400 million or something.

Well, to the Oscars!

-It was up against Titanic...

-Astonishing.

-Astonishing.

-Crazy, yeah. It was amazing.

-Who knew? Who knew?

-Not you!

-Not me.

And, Jonny, you've got that rarest of things -

a really successful TV drama, Elementary, in America and here.

But even that... You said "no" to that, originally, didn't you?

Yeah, I said "no" to it cos of...

Sherlock was a great show - IS a great show -

and I was a big fan of it over here.

Oh, so that... Was Sherlock out first?

Yeah.

And so I was, like, "Oh, another incarnation of Sherlock Holmes?

"I don't think the world's ready for this at the moment."

And I said no.

And then I was persuaded by the differences in the show

and also the opportunity.

Really, I felt a bit arrogant to turn down the chance

to play such a wonderful character

with a great new script and there were enough differences.

I thought, "Who am I to turn down the lead in a network show?"

-Yeah.

-"At least give it a go."

And I'm glad I did!

It's such a lovely life now, cos you're settled,

-you're in New York...

-Ah, man!

Yeah, you get to have...

It's a tough schedule but I don't have to travel,

so I get to be a parent without having to disappear

for months at a time and I really dig that.

We're talking about that idea of what makes a hit.

Danny, you've made huge films -

28 Days Later, 127 Hours, Trainspotting, all those things -

but you've made films that...

Less successful and, er...

-Which ones?

-He's getting his own back now!

I can't name 'em!

I think you're looking great!

It's gloves off now!

I just wondered, as a director, what is the...

Maybe you never know,

or is there a bit in the process...

Is it in the edit? Is there a moment when you kind of go, "Oh..."?

Yeah. You...

You should believe in them all the time but I think,

deep down, you do know.

What's much more difficult to know is when you know

something's going to be a hit - no-one knows that.

It's like what Bobby said - you just don't know.

Otherwise there'd only ever be hit films.

Why would they release ones that wouldn't be a hit?

That's a very good point!

-And also, no-one tries to make a bad film.

-No...

Well, I don't know, actually. Sometimes...

But, no, you try not to.

And then, I suppose, the opposite of it is Ewan,

where you were being asked to do something that was a sure-fire

big hit with Star Wars.

Did you think long and hard about saying yes to that?

Oh, yeah, cos I didn't think it was me at all.

I felt like this sort of urban, indie, grungy actor, you know?

And I took an audition for it,

like almost every other young actor in the country did.

And then I didn't even think about it.

And then I got a bit closer and closer and then I think,

when I got to the last recall or something, I think called round.

I spoke to Danny, I spoke to my uncle,

who'd been in all three.

He said, "Don't do it!

"If you want a career after you're 30, don't do it!"

Anyway...

Cos I thought long and hard about it,

cos it didn't really feel like me at all.

But the closer I got to it, the more I wanted to do it.

When you got it, didn't you celebrate with your neighbours?

HE CHUCKLES

Yes, there was a birthday party at Noel Gallagher's place

round the corner from me in Belsize Park.

He is right in saying that he gave me my first lightsaber lesson.

It was at eight in the morning.

It must've been an early party!

-It was a pre-breakfast-type party!

-Yeah, yeah. Champagne?

We were in the back of the garden with plastic lightsabers,

having a ding-dong. It was funny.

Talking of Oasis, Oasis were the only one of

that generation of bands - they missed the Trainspotting boat.

Did they turn it down? Is that true, they turned it down?

I don't know. That's what they say. They say they didn't want

to get involved in a film about trainspotters!

I have no idea whether that's true.

I remember thinking, "We haven't got any Oasis on this."

And we couldn't fit any Oasis in.

So I don't know. They came to the party, anyway,

-which is the important thing!

-Yes!

Actually, people forget. That soundtrack... The CD...

I'm telling YOU. You know. Do you remember? That CD -

everybody had the Trainspotting soundtrack CD.

And the music on it was phenomenal.

David Bowie played some part in the music?

Oh, yeah, because we'd made a very small film, Shallow Grave,

which had done very well. But it wasn't, like, an international film.

And then suddenly we were asking for all these songs,

like Iggy Pop - Lust for Life, Lou Reed - Perfect Day.

And you can't really get at these people and you don't have the money

in our budget to pay for it. And suddenly we heard that David Bowie

had seen our film, Shallow Grave, and had waved through these tracks.

Cos he worked regularly with Lou Reed and was instrumental

in Iggy Pop's career. So, in the new film, we've got a little moment -

we thought, "How can we pay trib...?"

Cos he passed away the year we were making the film and we thought, "How can we pay a tribute to him?"

And you think about a song, and you think,

"Well, how can you just use one song?"

And there's a little moment where Ewan goes through

his old record collection and actually, what we did,

we turned all the sound off - which you're not meant

to do in movies - and it's just...

Even the sound of his finger on the record as he flips through the record pile.

And you just see a couple of his records and that is our silent

tribute to a man who filled the world with the most amazing

sounds for 50 years or more.

What a gorgeous thing.

Let's have another clip from the movie, T2 Trainspotting.

This is Begbie, hot on the heels of Renton.

MUSIC: Relax by Frankie Goes To Hollywood

# Relax

# Don't do it... #

Go, go, go!

# Don't do it

# When you wanna come

# Relax

# Don't do it

# When you wanna suck to it

# Relax

# Don't do it... #

Come on, then, you...! Aargh!

HE ROARS

Go! Go!

APPLAUSE

Very good.

Now, Begbie. We must talk about Begbie.

Because, for you, that must have been...

Everyone, presumably, after that film, was just scared of you?

Yes!

They still are!

No, I've played quite a few...

It was great because it gave me an awful lot of other

Begbie-type parts to play. It gave me a career's worth of that.

But anybody that knows me knows I'm absolutely nothing like that,

at all! At all!

-EWEN MOUTHS No, but...

-Honestly!

I like that on either side of Trainspotting,

you were being the nicest policeman in the world.

You were in Hamish Macbeth with your lovely little Westie terrier!

CHEERING Oh, we're getting cheers for Hamish!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Thanks very much.

No, it was lovely. It was a fantastic part to play.

These kind of parts, these psycho parts,

these are the... You can lose yourself.

Your imagination runs riot

and something like Begbie's just an absolute pleasure to play.

But even your son is aware of Begbie?

Yes, he is!

But how old is your son?

He's ten!

They're 10 and 12. I've got two sons, 10 and 12. My daughter's 14.

-Has he seen the film?

-No, he's not, but he...

He's aware of Begbie.

And he was certainly aware when I was shooting the film

last springtime.

Cos I didn't stay at home when I was playing the part.

Because you kinda... You've got a lot of stuff in your head

when you're playing a part like that.

And you don't necessarily...

You don't want to let it go every day when you go home,

because you need to dredge it back up the next day.

So it's best to stay away from the family during those moments.

Cos you don't want any chance of that slipping out at all.

But he was very aware that I was playing Begbie.

And he, er...

He dressed up accordingly when I went home one night.

I think we've got a little picture of him.

LAUGHTER

He disappeared up... He saw me coming in

and he disappeared upstairs and came back down with a moustache, going...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Now...Danny Boyle is here and we can't have you on the show

without mentioning the London Olympics 2012

and that incredible opening ceremony. Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's funny cos, actually, talking about the soundtrack,

I think people are nostalgic for IT because it was a moment when...

It did its job so brilliantly.

It made the UK love the UK and made us proud of being in the UK.

It was a massive privilege to do it and people were surprised that

I would want to do it because, you know,

the Beijing Olympics had been a huge thing and I thought,

"No, this is... We are amazing."

And we don't tell each other that very often

and that's a good thing, generally.

But occasionally we should take stock and say,

"We are absolutely amazing."

So we wanted to do that and we wanted to build it

round the volunteers, who came in their thousands

from everywhere, all over the country.

Everybody... These guys drove down from Glasgow.

They drove down through the night,

and then go back to work in hospitals in Glasgow.

It was an extraordinary kind of coming together of people.

It was really amazing.

And while we loved it, it sounds like it was an absolute

nightmare for you, though, to try to corral this thing

-and try to force it on.

-Well, I don't...

As these guys hopefully might testify,

I don't behave very kind of, like, dominantly as a...

-GRAHAM CHUCKLES

-as a director,

but occasionally on that thing, I had to.

In the worst kind of foot-stamping, screaming,

throwing-things-around kind of way, where you beat people over the head

with your awards and...

Anything you can muster to get your own way, you will do it.

Showing up with an Oscar.

Literally saying, "I will just... I'll go straight to the newspaper.

"I'll resign and go straight to the newspapers."

You'll do anything to get your way, you know, cos you have to kind of...

Cos there's this terrible sense of them trying to make it

the same as the last one and not letting our beauty shine through.

And we must just mention the Queen, cos you didn't think

the Queen was going to be in it, did you?

No, we had this idea, you know, the idea you saw in it,

but we thought, obviously, we should just tell her,

because it's a courtesy to say that we'll be impersonating her and,

you know, having this fun scene with James Bond and everything.

And then we got word through.

We were expecting, like, "Ooh, no,"

and, "We want to audition the double," or whatever,

"to make sure that it's tasteful."

And she said, no, she wanted to do it herself.

-Which was an astonishing moment, you know.

-Showbiz!

So I went to meet her, and I'm one of the few people

who've been in her private quarters, you know.

Well, there was that guy who jumped in Buckingham Palace.

Shouldn't really mention that.

Michael Fagan - good trivia question.

I didn't know it once - I've always known it since.

Michael Fagan.

Anyway, so I went in, cos we were setting up filming the sequence.

I went in and she said... She said,

"I'm not in a very good mood - I've just been to the dentist."

I thought, "Oh, right, OK."

She said, "What do you want me to do?"

And so we described the sequence, and then when we got on the set

and started doing it with Daniel Craig she said,

"I should say something, shouldn't I?

"Shouldn't I say something at this point?"

"Well, if you like."

So she said... Yeah, yeah, yeah,

so she said her line in the thing - that's her line. She improvised it.

And she's very sharp. Because you know, when you turn around...

You know this. When you turn round when you're filming and do it from

the other way, there's always a half-hour delay.

She remembered everything exactly like that.

You know, there were no continuity errors, guys. Like...

Wow! Cannot let it go.

And very... Yet, you did turn down the knighthood.

Lots of people walked away from that whole thing with honours.

No-one would have begrudged you a knighthood.

You know, I feel like you deserve to be Sir Danny Boyle after that.

It's just not my cup of tea. My dad would have spun in his grave.

He'd just been... Just, like, no.

So it just wasn't my cup of tea. I'm fine.

I'm very, very fortunate in what I do.

I already have plenty of rewards, like working with these guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even they're not buying it. And it's them.

Just before we finish tonight, there's one thing we haven't

talked about tonight.

That is that iconic poster, the 1996 publicity campaign.

Because, again, it broke the mould -

that isn't what a film poster looked like.

Is it true this was the day after...

Was it the wrap party?

-You're asking us like we would remember.

-Asking the wrong guys!

The story... The legend is that you weren't

feeling the best for this.

I think that's right. I think me...

I remember travelling in a taxi with you at, like,

5am in the morning to go to Glasgow Airport after the wrap party,

so that we could go down and do this shoot in London.

Is that when I blinded you with my Cockney accent?

Yeah, and then he started...

I'd only known Jonny, for the entire shoot, as a Scotsman,

and then in the taxi after the wrap party, he started talking

to me in his own accent and I was really disorientated and

a bit stunned, you know?

As a special treat... I notice...

I see Kelly, obviously not here. Diane, not here.

So I thought, just as a treat, if...

I... I could be Kelly.

If we could recreate this very, very quickly...

So if you stand up and get out...

Just to there.

So, in what order...

So, you're down this end. You're down this end, Robert.

Then what is it? It's...

Robert? Then I'd be in the gap. Then who's next?

You're at the end. OK.

Now, I do have some props.

I need to see this a bit clearer.

Embarrassingly, I'm dressed almost exactly the same way.

Oh, that's right!

Did you know we were doing this, Ewan?

Like, "I've shaved my head specially for this."

Yeah, I did.

That's for you, a little moustache and a cigarette.

Thank you very much.

-They are Spud's glasses.

-Wicked!

Now, Jonny, if you want to go... Do you want to go full blonde?

How can I not?

OK, do it, do it, do it!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I've got my Kelly wig.

OK. You're doing very well.

OK, now... Now...

We'll put up the graphics.

Move you that way... That way...

I'm this way, so you're there.

Yeah, you're good. OK.

And we're all doing it to that camera.

So, which one am I leaning against?

-I'm leaning towards you, aren't I?

-Seductively.

Are we all doing it? Are we all doing it?

-Yeah...

-CHEERING

We did it. Very good. Excellent.

Beautifully done. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. Have a seat, do.

That was amazing.

Nicely done, nicely done.

We won't compare them.

Listen, good luck with the film.

I must say... Trainspotting Three.

Now, people are already talking about Trainspotting Three.

Will we all be here in 20 years talking about that?

I hope not.

Not for the film - I'd love to see the film, I just...

That sounded rude - it wasn't meant to be.

I just can't imagine being here in 20 years.

Still going, "What was it like?"

This is your own private torment, Graham.

Imagine looking at old clips then! Jesus!

Well, the idea came from...

Scotch accent.

Ewan actually had a great idea about that,

for it to be a rest home for the junkies, called Skagdale.

Lying aboot.

T3, right there. Hey, it's time for music.

This singer-songwriter was last year crowned

the BBC's Introducing Artist Of The Year

and is tipped for the top in 2017.

Here performing Talking To You, it's Izzy Bizu.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you-oo-oo-ooh

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Just for what was you waiting?

# Let me see and feel your hesitating

# I'll be there when you wake up, darling

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# God knows just how you're feeling

# What a shot

# Did your system overload?

# I'll be there when you wake up, darling

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you-oo-oo-ooh

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Just the tears

# The pressure's building up

# I can't stand you wasting and giving up

# I'll be there when you wake up, darling

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Sometimes they don't know the answer

# She said there's nothing they can give you

# Oh, I'll be there when you wake up, darling

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you-oo-oo-ooh

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Like a needle right through your chest

# And if you just can't forget

# I'll be your pain relief

# Baby, the burn reliever

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# And if you feel like it gets too much

# And if it just gets too rough

# I'll be there when you wake

# Just another day

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you-oo-oo-ooh

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you-oo-oo-ooh

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Yeah, I'm talking to you-oo-oo-ooh

# Yeah, I'm talking to you

# Just the tears

# The pressure's building up

# I can't stand you wasting and giving up

# I'll be there when you wake up, darling. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you.

Izzy Bizu, everybody. Come and join me, do.

-That was gorgeous!

-Thank you.

-Thank you so much. Come here.

That's the cast of Trainspotting.

There you go.

There you go. Lovely.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

Aw, thank you so much.

Have a seat there.

-Hey, Izzy!

-Hi!

How old were you when the first Trainspotting movie came out?

Er, I think I was two.

There you go! In your face, Danny Boyle.

Thank you, Graham.

But you've seen it, haven't you?

Er, yeah. I'm not going to lie - I saw it two days ago.

I'm really late on the bandwagon, but it's so amazing.

-It's really, really good - blew my mind.

-OK.

Now, your album is out now - that's A Moment Of Madness.

-And the single is also out now.

-Mm-hm, yeah.

-But separately.

-Yes.

That is correct. OK, I'm just checking.

And so, when the BBC Introducing thing happened,

where had you been before that?

How did they find you?

I was literally, like, writing in my bedroom

with my guitarist, and we did, like, White Tiger there.

And then we decided to put the song up on the BBC Introducing website

and they picked it up and started playing it.

They've been really cool ever since, so...

That is fantastic. It's great that you CAN do it without reality,

-you can do it without all those things.

-Yeah, it's nice.

And I love that song. I think it's on the A list on Radio 2,

so we're playing it all the time.

-Oh, well...

-Congratulations.

-Thank you.

-Izzy Bizu, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Nearly time to go, but I believe

we can have a visit to the big red chair before that.

Who's there? Hello.

-Hi.

-Hello.

-Hi. What's your name?

-My name's Pam.

-Pam? Lovely, Pam.

What do you do, Pam?

I just retired, just before Christmas. I was an administrator.

An administrator. What did you administrate?

Yes, well, I was PA to a managing partner of a financial team.

-You must be so glad to be not doing that any more.

-I am.

Off you go with your story.

OK, well, I was going to take minutes at a very important

board meeting and my boss said,

"It's going to be an all-day meeting."

I said, "Well, that's fine, but can I bring my dog in?

"She won't be any problem."

I said, "Because I'm not going to be able to get home."

And he said, "Yes, but, Pam, you've got to realise

"it's a very important meeting and she's really got to be quiet.

I said, "You won't know she's here.

"She'll just sit by the telephone exchange and she'll be with Monica."

So I brought Woofer in and I put her...

-LAUGHTER

-..underneath the telephone...

Can I just say...

I can't imagine who you meet in the park shouting that! But...

We had to change it! We had to change it.

"Woofer!" The trees all part.

-Sorry, Pam.

-We used to call her Woof but when we were in the woods

going, "Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof," when she disappeared,

it did look a bit silly.

Anyway, so I put Woofer by Monica, and I said,

"She won't do anything. She'll be fine."

Went in to take the minutes.

Halfway through a very heated meeting and big debate,

all of a sudden, there was this agonising, hair-raising howl.

It was just awful.

I didn't know what had happened.

I looked at my boss and he looked at me

and all of us ran out to reception.

We looked at Woofer and she was lying there going,

"Ah-ya-ya-ya-ya! Ah-ya-ya-ya-ya!"

Because she'd actually bitten through the telephone cables

on the telephone exchange,

and I looked at my boss and I thought, "Oh, my God."

I picked her up but as I picked her up, I didn't know what to do.

Her bodily functions just worked like a machinegun.

I was looking at my boss and it was just...

SHE IMITATES MACHINEGUN

All over him. I don't know why I did this

but, in slow motion, I just carried on looking at everybody else.

And everybody was just...

"Oh, my God, this is disgusting!"

And I was so horrified.

And then after Woofer got over her trauma,

I was still holding her and I looked at my boss and said,

"Shall we carry on with the minutes?

"Do you want to do any other business?"

-And that's my story.

-Good story, Pam!

That was a good one. A stunt dog!

-You can walk. Sorry, you can walk.

-Oh, OK.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

Time for one more? Oh, go on.

-What's your name?

-Rosana.

-Where are you from?

-Spain.

-What do you do?

-I study a Masters in biomedical engineering.

Great! Er...

Best of luck with that.

Off you go with your story.

So, in Year Seven, when I was, like, 12 years old, my parents thought

it would be a great idea for me to learn English to come to the UK

in a boarding school.

At first, I knew no English at all.

So, one day, there wasn't a pillow on my bed,

so I asked a roommate how that was said,

so I could ask for one.

And she told me it was called a dildo.

-So...

-LAUGHTER

-I didn't...

-I like her!

Yeah, I loved her from that moment on!

So I didn't know, so I was going to ask the matron

but that night, the headmaster of the school came

to switch off the lights.

So me, innocently and as polite as I could,

went there to ask for a dildo so I could sleep.

That was a good story. You can walk.

Well done, everyone.

If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in the red chair,

you can join in via the website at this very address...

That is it for tonight. Please say a huge thank you to my guests...

Izzy Bizu! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ewen Bremner! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Robert Carlyle! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Jonny Lee Miller! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ewan McGregor! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And Sir Danny Boyle! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There you go. It's happening. It's happening.

Join me next week with musical guests Elbow,

rising star Asa Butterfield,

Oscar-nominated Andrew Garfield,

and Hollywood great Annette Bening.

I'll see you then. Goodnight, everybody. Bye-bye.