Episode 19 The Graham Norton Show

-Hi, I'm Hugh Jackman.

-And I'm Patrick Stewart.

Welcome to The Graham Norton Show.

CHEERING

Oh! Oh!

Oh, yes!

Yes! Yes!

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Oh!

Just living in the moment, living in the moment.

Hello! Good evening, welcome to the show.

Yes, Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart are here. Yeah!

CHEERING

How exciting is that? They are the stars of Logan.

Logan, the new X-Men movie.

In this film, an elderly,

ailing Professor X is being cared for by Wolverine.

Aww. Remind you of anyone? Yeah.

LAUGHTER

You know what?

I'm not sure Wolverine caring for Professor X is a great idea.

I mean, I wouldn't want those hands wiping your bum.

"Could you...? No, don't worry."

Hey, did everyone watch non-league Sutton play Arsenal in the FA Cup?

CHEERING

Really? I didn't.

Hey, much controversy, though - basically, the Sun published

official odds on Sutton United's reserve goalie,

Wayne Shaw, eating a pie on camera before the end of the game.

I mean, you do wonder, why is he the reserve goalie?

LAUGHTER

Yes, I see.

So, interestingly, once the bet was official,

Wayne was clearly seen eating a pie, and it raises a lot of questions.

Mainly, who let him be in a football team? I mean...

In the end, poor Wayne was forced to resign from the team. Aww.

He said he's left the club with a heavy heart.

I imagine it's all the cholesterol.

So, we've got a great show for you, with some surprises along the way.

Later we'll have the new single from the marvellous James Blunt.

Yes. CHEERING

But first, let's meet the stars of Logan.

He's been captain of the Enterprise,

the world's most powerful professor

and is a real-life Knight of the Realm.

Please welcome the great Sir Patrick Stewart, is here.

CHEERING Yes! Yes!

Come round that way. Hello, sir, so nice to see you.

-Lovely to see you.

-You too.

-Look at you!

-No, you! You, you! Sit down.

That's Sir Patrick Stewart.

And he's one of Australia's greatest exports.

He sings, he dances, he kicks ass.

Please welcome Wolverine himself, it's the fabulous Hugh Jackman.

CHEERING

Hello!

So nice to see you.

Come in, sit down.

Good to see you.

Oh!

They're happy now. They're very happy now,

very happy.

-Welcome to you both.

-Where's my mum?

My mum's out there tonight.

Where's Mum? There's Mum.

-Hey!

-Hey, Mum!

Wow!

You're a lucky man.

Aww, and a lucky mother, it's all good.

Welcome to our shores.

-ENGLISH ACCENT:

-What do you mean, welcome to your shores?

Oh, careful, careful.

Trouble!

Uh-oh.

-Well, that was literally, like, a second into the show.

-Yes.

And it's gone horribly wrong. Welcome to the SHOW, I said.

-Don't get into it, it's too complicated.

-All right.

I trust you, you're a mother.

Anyway, lovely to have you here. Thank you.

-And thank you for your son. Now...

-Yeah, thanks, Mum.

Welcome to you both. And, now, you've been on the show a few times.

-I didn't know you had a nickname.

-Which one do you have?

The one beginning with G.

Oh.

LAUGHTER

Rhymes with puppy.

-Oh, Guppy.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

Because when I sleep I move around, and someone saw me on a plane,

who I know well, and I was sleeping on the plane.

I said I had a great sleep. They went, "Really?

"You were like a guppy out of water, like a fish out of water,

"just flip flopping around." So, Guppy.

-Have you seen him be a guppy?

-Sleeping?

-Yes.

-I've never seen him sleep.

-All right, all right, all right.

I'm not hiding anything.

My mum's here. Hi, Mum!

Restless sleeper. It's quite adorable, really.

It's adorable, it's a little guppy.

-Because you had nicknames growing up, didn't you?

-Yeah, I did.

Stewpot was one of my nicknames, Stewie was another one.

Of course.

It's different now. I'm now...

Well, social media, Sir Pat Stew,

and @SirPatStew.

-Nice plug.

-Nice.

-Seamless.

-Followers up.

-Seamless.

And there's another one too - Beef Stew, which I rather like.

Very appropriate.

LAUGHTER

-Very appropriate.

-Thank you.

-We'll call you Beef Stew for the rest of the show.

-Would you?

-Yeah, Big Beefer.

-And afterwards?

-And afterwards, yes, yes.

Excellent.

Now, the big movie tonight is Logan.

-Logan, it's out Wednesday 1st March.

-I like the way you said it.

-You should be doing the voice-over.

-You should!

-I'd love to do that.

That's great! Say it again.

-I don't think I could keep it up for a whole trailer, though.

-Really?

I'd drop that and it would be...

DEEP VOICE: Logan. SQUEAKY VOICE: Logan.

Logan. Logan.

Wednesday 1st March, and it's one of those films...

Because whenever one of these X-Men films comes out

there's huge excitement, but this one, it's exciting for the audience,

but it must be kind of tinged with sadness for both of you.

Well, it is my last outing.

I'm not saying... It's not your last outing.

You're not out, right?

I'll tell you about it in a moment, should the opportunity arise.

I think it's arisen. This is the opportunity.

Chat show, chatting.

LAUGHTER

Go.

Hugh has been on record for some time

that this is his last appearance as Logan, as Wolverine.

I never thought about that, whether it was mine -

it was another great opportunity to be in this franchise.

But on Friday night we were in Berlin at the film festival

and it screened there.

Hugh and I were sitting side-by-side,

although the other way around, and when it got into the...

LAUGHTER

Facing the screen, right?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-No, it wasn't like that at all.

-At all, at all.

We got into the last five or six minutes of the movie

and it's a very emotional ending,

and I saw Hugh just do this a little bit and I suddenly realised,

oh, Lord, I need to do the same thing.

And then this is what I felt.

Oh, really? Aww.

I swear, that was what happened, and Hugh held my hand.

And of course, I was done.

I was finished and just weeping and sobbing.

But then we had to wait for the credits to roll

before we could go up on stage and be introduced,

and while the credits were rolling,

because they are long in these movies, I realised,

if this is the end, there is no more perfect and beautiful way

to say au revoir, goodbye, adios,

than what has just happened.

So I think it's the end for me too.

-What? Wow, really?

-Yeah.

-Really?

Why would I want to do another go at this

after what we've done in this movie?

Because this movie is really, really good, and Hugh is amazing in it.

-It is terrific.

-Oh, that is...

-Are you going to show something?

-Don't worry, we'll get to that bit.

-You're not putting it off?

-Oh, no, we've got clips and all sorts.

-OK.

-Yeah, yeah.

-OK.

-We prepared.

-Of course.

I've got emotional... Sorry to interrupt, sorry.

No, but it is a very emotional film, it is.

Yeah, and I think, as we made it, as we prepared it,

James Mangold, the film-maker, who wrote it as well,

for two and a half years, and Patrick was there,

there was a small band of real believers...

I thought the studio would say no, to be honest, but they didn't.

Emma and Steve said yes and it was...

We made this film that was deeply personal

and a very different kind of X-Men film.

I kind of want people to go and see it who have never seen

an X-Men film, never seen the comic book movie.

We wanted to make a movie that was true to that character.

As I sat there in Berlin, I did,

I reached and I grabbed Patrick's hand.

A, because it was 17 years since we first started playing them.

I mean, you go to school for 12 years -

that's a long time at school, right?

This is 17 years and I couldn't quite believe that there I was,

sitting next to one of my heroes.

And I'm not just saying that to be nice,

I was at drama school watching the John Barton

How To Play Shakespeare tapes with Patrick playing Shylock,

and I thought, "One day I want to work with him," and there I was.

It was a dream come true and it was a very...

I realised how lucky I am and will forever be grateful to be

in this movie, and I was very emotional.

Why now, though? Because you could have...

Because Wolverine is such a popular character, won't you feel

just gutted if they recast and someone else is playing Wolverine?

I think I'll be fine. I mean, look, if I wake up one day

and I find out Daniel Day-Lewis is playing the part

and he wins the Oscar, I'm going to be a little bit upset, all right?

And everyone says, "Wow, now THAT is Wolverine."

-Curses!

-It won't happen.

-Curses!

-It won't happen.

I'll tell you what,

-let's have a taste of what to expect in the movie.

-At last!

You're in it, you'll love it, you'll love it.

You're excellent in this.

# And you could have it all

# My empire of dirt

# I will let you down

# I will make you hurt

# I would keep myself

# I would find a way. #

Logan, you still have time.

APPLAUSE Even that's emotional.

So good.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

No, but even that isn't like a normal kind of, you know,

Marvel trailer. It's fantastic. It's beautiful.

It's not, it's very different and I remember being there when

-they first played us that trailer, you remember?

-Oh, yeah.

With that Johnny Cash song, which just seemed so perfect.

And, of course, our director did Walk The Line,

so he didn't know they were going to use that Johnny Cash song.

But it is perfect. We're very proud of it and...yeah.

So, tell us about what the last film is, a taste of what happens.

Well, they've even given a date for this one.

It's 2029, so it's 12 years ahead of now.

We are a little older.

In my case, only a little older.

Charles is 90, 90-ish, thereabouts.

He's frail, weak,

defenceless, troubled,

aggressive, hostile,

confused, and most importantly...

-Funny.

-Oh, funny occasionally.

-Funny.

-Yeah, yeah, funny. Thank you for that.

-Yeah.

-And might I add, sexy.

-Ooh.

I'm just saying. I'm throwing them out there.

Beef Stew, don't look at me that way, Beef Stew!

No, the last adjective I was going to add was...

LAUGHTER

-Juicy.

-No!

OK, juicy. And very, very dangerous.

He has lost control of this power that he has in his brain

and so this guy has got a day-time and night-time job

trying to make a little bit of money,

living in this part of desert northern Mexico,

in order to pay for my medications.

Is that familiar to anybody at all?

That's the kind of movie this is, with storylines like that.

Normally when you see a film,

the film stars in the film look even better than they do in real life.

LAUGHTER

Not being rude...

-You both look a bit rough around the edges in this film.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

I mean, Patrick kind of said it was quite shocking,

-because you'd lost 21 pounds.

-Uh-huh.

And I remember you telling me you were this...

Like, you were, at 14, the same weight you've been your entire life.

-Uh-huh.

-And I spent about six hours every morning in make-up,

you know, to get...

No, it was literally like six seconds, get out of the car.

I said, "I'll go to make up?

They're like, "You're good. Let's go."

No, we've got to say, though, just in case people are worried,

when Wolverine takes his shirt off,

you're still in quite the condition.

CHEERING

For people who are kind of going,

"Oh, yeah, I'll go to the gym, I'll look like that,"

describe the lead-up to a day when you know

you're filming a shirt-off scene.

Well, yeah, there's a thing called dehydration.

So, do not try this at home, but you can lose up to ten pounds,

which is four kilos of weight on your surface.

So, all of this under here is water.

So you drink a lot of water for a week,

getting up to maybe ten litres a day,

and then you stop about 30 hours before you film.

And so, for the next ten hours,

you're just peeing constantly because you've been drinking,

so your body's used to it, and then all this water is going.

You have, like, half a baked potato

and a few other things that suck water from the inside.

And then it's kind of not fun,

but the results end up being pretty good.

Again, do not try this at home.

Unless you're getting married next weekend.

-Use it for the final push for the dress.

-Yeah.

But you will have a massive headache throughout the entire wedding.

Do you just feel awful? You must feel terrible.

-You feel bad and you have a headache.

-Tell them about the meals.

-You know, you standing on the set...

-You eat every two hours...

-A meal!

Like, 6,500 calories a day. So, for me, it was a lot.

And, Mum, not your cooking.

-Like, steamed chicken and steamed broccoli.

-That was it.

-Not like your beautiful stuff.

-But then...

-So, that's how you did it in a film.

-Yes.

-Patrick, how did you do...?

You're not even in a film in this picture.

This is just you hanging out.

What?!

Come on! Look at you!

That's last year, right?

CHEERING

Do you just gym? Do you gym all the time?

No, sir, I do not.

I just think clean thoughts and...

LAUGHTER

I'm embarrassed about that photograph.

The whole purpose of the photograph was that pink motif.

The shoes, the shorts, the cocktail.

It doesn't go with Beef Stew.

It doesn't suggest Beef Stew.

-But, no, you're in fantastic condition.

-Thank you.

-Is it yoga?

-No. You know, I was born...

Thank you, my mother and father,

they gave me great skin and they gave me this...

But you did do yoga. Maybe over the years you...

No, no, no, I tried it, it was not for me.

-Right.

-It hurt.

LAUGHTER Tell us about it.

And this is weird.

And don't answer this question if you don't want to, Patrick,

but I have...

I don't know why you brought this up, but I did hear you discuss,

you had an extraordinary disagreement

with your wife about yourself.

-Do you know what I'm talking about?

-By myself you mean...?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

Ooh.

Er...

-Yes.

-Listen, do you know this story?

-I do not know this story.

-Listen with interest.

-Well...

One night, as you do, we were talking about stuff and...

And I just happened to mention...

And of course, being circumcised, I said...

LAUGHTER

They were chatting. They're married! They're married, they're allowed.

And she said...

She said, "You're not circumcised."

I said, "What do you mean? "You've only known me a few..."

All my life, I remember my mother telling me why,

because it was fashionable at the time.

She said, "You're not circumcised." I said, "That's ridiculous!

"I should know if I'm circumcised. Of course I am.

"End of conversation."

But the next day, I happened to be seeing my doctor for...

Are you OK?

-I was seeing my doctor for my annual physical.

-Of course.

So, while he was down there...

LAUGHTER

-I said...

-"Excuse me, Doctor."

-"Oh, by the way, Irv,

"my wife and I had a little disagreement.

"I am circumcised, aren't I? Because she says I'm not."

And he goes...

"Not."

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

I said, "No, no, it's not possible!"

So he looked down again and he said,

"Hey, I'm Jewish, I know the difference."

-That is a bizarre story.

-Too much information.

I have grandchildren!

LAUGHTER

You're going to have to change your Facebook status now.

Oh, yes, no more Beef Stew.

Well, there's MORE Beef Stew.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Oh, dear.

But now, what is lovely,

because acting is a kind of transient thing -

you meet people and then you don't.

But one of the lovely things that came out of these films

is your friendship with Ian McKellen.

-It did.

-But you must have known Ian McKellen before the films.

Oh, yes, since I was a teenager.

He's two years older than me, by the way.

He said something the other day, really,

along with what he was just saying, one of the nicest things ever.

He said, "Yeah, Patrick Stewart and I,

"I really feel that last I have a brother."

Aww! That's adorable.

He might have said father, of course.

You have kind of a theory about the way he speaks,

the way Ian McKellen speaks.

-Well, we did an animated movie together as well as these.

-You did?

Yeah. It was called Flushed Away. I really loved...

My son often says, "Why was there no sequel to that?"

And I say, "Because it lost a lot of money," but...

I always remember he played the Toad.

"Rita. Hello, Rita."

And I was always like, he can get, like,

consonants where there's nothing.

Like, he can make a one-syllable word into 20.

-OK, here's a test for you, here's a test for you.

-Yes.

-If you shut your eyes.

-Yes.

-Shut your eyes, OK.

Is this the real voice of Ian McKellen or is it somebody

-doing Ian McKellen?

-OK.

Graham, is there room for another mutant on that sofa of yours?

-That's real.

-That's him.

-That was real, yeah.

-Yes, it is.

Come out, Ian McKellen!

CHEERING

-Are you all right?

-It's so good to see you.

Hello, darling. Hi. Lovely to see you.

Have a seat, have a seat. Have a seat.

My two brothers.

My three brothers.

I should just explain why I'm dressed as I am.

I have just come down from Scotland and it took longer to get

from City Airport to us than it took to go from Edinburgh

to City Airport, so I'm still in the clothes I was wearing up there.

Well, you're very welcome. You look lovely.

-Do you recognise this?

-Yes, I think I do.

-This is Magneto's coat.

-Is it really?

-Yeah, they gave it to me. Do you remember the red?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

Look at it now!

Oh, that is so good!

So I'm just hoping someone's watching,

a needle and thread can help me.

-Look, I think we can drape it somewhere.

-There's more.

My mum can do that, she's very good with that stuff.

No, you're not working tonight. I refuse, I refuse.

I'll drape it there, I'll drape it there.

Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down.

You're very welcome, you're very welcome.

-I've got more to tell you about my clothes!

-Please do, please do.

I was at Kirkcaldy High School,

telling them to be nice to each other.

I go around schools doing that.

-Gordon...

-Ramsay?

-No.

-Brown?

-Grey.

The Prime Minister, yes, he'd been in that school.

And they gave me their school tie and I said, "Well, I'm going

"on the Graham Norton show and I'll wear the tie," so I had to wear it,

-so that's for Kirkcaldy.

-Nice.

-They also gave me these...

LAUGHTER

-Do you know what these are?

-Shoelaces.

But they're rainbow coloured.

Are they footballer anti-bullying?

They are, and footballers who approve of gay people coming out

and being honest about themselves wear these to show their support.

So here we are, I'm wearing them.

CHEERING

Well, it's lovely to have you here. It's a lovely surprise.

Now, here's the thing, though, because the guys are talking

about this movie, Logan, which is part of the X-Men franchise...

I've never heard of it, to tell you the truth.

How come you're not in it?

Do you know? I think when you get to my age,

you want to leave aside those tired old franchises.

Move on to something fresh.

I sometimes cry myself to sleep.

I simply don't know how I... I don't know why I'm not in it, darlings!

-Um... When...

-Could you not do another one?

Leave this one out.

It's time you died. And I tell you...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I remember, Professor X, you did die in one of the movies.

-Yeah, I was vaporised.

-But he's resurrected.

Yeah, but that's nothing.

It was only at the level of DNA that he was vaporised.

-Of course, he can come back together.

-Oh, I see.

-Come on.

-Yeah, yeah.

-I remember...

Can I just say - because I wanted to say thank you to all these years,

I'm sure I have, I hope I have.

I was very nervous on that first film. I started three weeks in.

-It was my first movie.

-Yes, I know.

And there was a lot going on.

And there was a lot of people and I remember you

pulling me aside and saying,

"This, at times, is going to feel uncomfortable,

"it's going to feel overwhelming,

"but you're in good hands and everything's going to be OK."

And you, both of you, were such heroes of mine, I was a little

starstruck, but it was the first day I met you and you saying that

-to me, I never ever forgot it.

-Don't think I was in love with you.

-And then we kissed.

-I'd seen you at the National Theatre in a musical.

What was it?

It was Oklahoma!

# Oh, what a beautiful morning! #

-You know.

-I took your dressing room straight after you.

-Did you?

-I took a photo.

Did I leave anything behind?

-A surprise.

-Had I known it was you, I would have done.

-This is a very saucy show.

-It certainly is!

Patrick was talking before you came out about that you'd sort of

known each other over the years,

but were you kind of rivals in your careers or not?

No, only recently.

I've never thought of having rivals.

Everyone gets on with what they can do.

And there's plenty of room for everybody.

But sometimes I think I am Patrick Stewart, except that he's Yorkshire.

I'm sorry about that, but you are.

-Lancastrian.

-I'm from Lancashire.

But our interests are the same, as far as career's concerned.

We started with the RSC, we wanted to do Shakespeare,

wanted to be taken seriously as actors.

But given the chance of another sort of work,

a very popular sort of work, of course, we leapt at it and

-couldn't quite believe our luck that we'd been asked.

-Absolutely.

Or in your case, asked back again and again.

So young and so bitter!

But I heard you talking about Ian and talking about how you

-were intimidated by his beauty.

-Yes.

Well... Please tell me you have a photograph.

This was a long time ago.

-Gorgeous!

-I think we do have a photograph.

We've got a photograph of Ian as Coriolanus.

-Here you are.

-Look at that! Come on!

-My Lord!

Wolverine, eat your heart out!

Having said that, you do look great there, Ian,

but check out Patrick Stewart.

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

-Yeah.

-Well, you know.

-You know?

This is what you've got to look forward to.

I'll tell you something, you've been hearing about this amazing body.

It is absolutely amazing.

And a privilege to be so close.

But Magneto, the character I used to play in this tired old franchise,

-was also pretty muscular, wasn't he?

-Yeah.

-He was.

-And there, you can see.

But the trick is that I am wearing underneath my costume a suit which

is sculpted to look as if I've put all the effort as he has into it?

-What?!

-You knew that.

-Did you know that?

-No. I was told - you've got to work out.

McKellen's working out, you've got to work out.

I just put on the suit and I tell you what, I've still got it at home.

I do wear on occasion.

Why have you two got drinks and I don't?

-Yeah, that's a good point.

-Would you like a drink?

-We've got red wine, if you want it.

-Red wine.

-Red wine, red wine.

Oh, look at that.

-Psychic!

-Oh, Lord!

-Water and red wine.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

Let's just shout out drinks and see if they show up.

Any nibbles?

Rack of lamb?

-Oh, we're doing...

-Cheers, darling.

-Cheers.

-Cheers, cheers.

-It's lovely to see you.

-Lovely to see you.

Oh, look. People.

What's all this about you being circumcised?

-Come on, you shared a dressing room!

-I know.

-You know.

So, you worked together. You worked together on Broadway.

-You did two plays together on Broadway.

-They were brilliant.

-Oh, yes.

-Yes.

You know, there are not many plays where there are two wonderful

parts for actors of the same age.

So, you can go through your life never working with the people

you admire and the people who you have an awful lot in common with.

Shakespeare's not bad, to that extent.

But there are a few plays and one of them is Waiting For Godot,

there are two wonderful parts for people of the same age.

And another one is No Man's Land by Harold Pinter

and we've done them both.

And we've just finished doing No Man's Land in London.

Though don't despair, if you missed it, you can catch on NT Live.

-They record a performance.

-Oh, the cinema.

-They show it in cinemas.

-I have just had an idea.

-What?

This is awesome.

LAUGHTER

For some time now, I have been teasing Hugh but getting more

and more serious about a theatre job we might do together.

-Oh?

-I have been saying to this man for a long time,

he should play Stephen Sondheim's Sweeney Todd.

It is as if the role might have been written for him.

And I add a rider that if he plays Sweeney Todd, I will,

for a limited run, play the Judge, which is a two scene role,

but with two numbers, including a duet between the two of them.

Who should play Mrs Lovett?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

That is a good idea. CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

# Have a little priest

# Have a bit of priest... #

-That's a good idea.

-That's a really good idea!

And there's a nice juvenile part

-that Eddie Redmayne played in the movie.

-Yeah.

I could play a pie.

We very briefly must mention Beauty and the Beast, Ian's new film.

It's in cinemas from the 17th of March and it's not just you,

it's fabulous people -

Emma Watson, Dan Stevens, Emma Thompson, Ewan McGregor.

And who are you in the world of Beauty and the Beast?

Well, in my view, the film should be called Beauty and the Clock.

Does that give you a clue?

-I play Cogsworth the Clock.

-If it ain't BAROQUE, don't fix it.

There we go.

But you know, he is a great song and dance man.

That's how I first saw Hugh, on stage at the National Theatre,

singing his heart out.

And then he did a show on Broadway,

-which hasn't yet come to England, Boy From Oz.

-Yeah.

-And you've got a one-man show when you sing and dance.

-Mm.

Now, Patrick does a bit of singing.

You made a lovely record of your version of some standards,

haven't you, with Sunny?

And I thought it was time that I got into the musical side

-of the business.

-Yes!

-You're singing!

Well, yes.

-I think we've got a pic. There. This is you.

-Yes, that's me.

-LAUGHTER

-I voice that clock.

-Yes.

And at the end, I'm not giving away any secrets, I think,

-when the prince stops being a beast...

-The spell thing.

-I come back as myself and that's when you see me...

-Ah!

-Got it!

-But very briefly.

OK, OK.

-We do have a little taster. This features your clock in action.

-Oh!

LAUGHTER

Look out for it. There's two hands on it.

The jokes write themselves.

Here's a taste of Beauty and the Beast.

I've come for my father.

He's a thief.

Come into the light.

I will escape, I promise.

-Look! A girl!

-Who said that?

-Hello!

-You can talk?

-Well, of course. It's all he ever does.

How lovely to make your acquaintance.

Want to see me do a trick?

What happens when the last petal falls?

The master remains a beast forever.

And we become antiques.

Oh, very good! CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

You were talking about Hugh, but you've been in it.

That was one of my first shows.

-My first theatre show was Beauty and the Beast.

-Stage show?

-Gaston.

There he is as Gaston.

# Just one dream

# Nearly all your life

# Hoping, scheming, just one theme

# Will you be my wife? #

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Beautiful!

And, Patrick, now, you are getting into the animation world as well.

It's just been announced, your exciting new casting.

Yes.

-Tell us who you're playing.

-Why are you laughing?

Because I know what the answer is.

Well, there is to be an Emoji movie.

Yes, Patrick.

And among the top three most popular emojis of all time is one

that I will play and his name is...

Poop.

-There he is.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Wait for this, it's Professor X-crement.

-Oh, yes!

-Not my own.

-Have you got the voice for Poop yet?

-Yes, he sounds rather like this.

He's quite grand and very well spoken.

Very, very, very English, which I think is a clever idea. Not mine!

But the producer's, that he should be very English.

Listen, we're about to have music.

But very quickly, it is Oscars weekend this weekend.

And, Ian, would you mind telling us the story about when you were

nominated for Gandalf...?

-Oh, yes.

-And you had the beads, yes.

Aw!

Well, they weren't beads.

In New Zealand, where we filmed Lord of the Rings...

AUDIENCE WHOOP

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

If you're lucky, when you leave, you're given a piece of green stone,

carved, and you wear it often enough and your chances are that

you'll get back to New Zealand. That's the idea.

And it'll bring you a bit of luck.

So, when those films were nominated for something like 20 Oscars

on that night, everybody from New Zealand was wearing their

green stone, their Pounamu, they're called.

And when we're on the red carpet, going in to the ceremony,

I met Maggie Smith.

-AS MAGGIE:

-Hello, what are you here for?

LAUGHTER

I said, "Well, Lord of the Rings."

"Oh, yes," she said. "What's that round your neck?"

I said, "It's my Pounamu, Maggie."

"Oh, your Pounamu. What's that for?"

I said, "Well, if I wear it, it'll bring me luck."

"Oh, very nice."

At we went our separate ways and it lasts for three and a half

-or four hours. You know, don't you?

-Oh, yeah.

God, you sit there and sit there.

And at the end, of course, everyone else wins the Oscar apart from you.

And a bit dejected, you're coming out,

looking forward to a drink and you bump into Maggie Smith

and she points at you and she says,

"Didn't work, did it?"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, it is time for music. Since his breakthrough single

You're Beautiful went straight to number one,

he's sold over 20 million albums worldwide.

Performing his new single, Love Me Better, it's James Blunt, everybody!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

# People say the meanest things

# Yeah, I've been called a dick

# I've been called so many things

# And I know I've done some shit that I admit deserves it but that

# That don't mean it doesn't sting

# Saw you standing outside a bar

# Would have said you're beautiful but I've used that line before

# Now I've had my share of shallow nights

# Cos I was scared to get it right

# So I was hanging with whoever

# But, baby, then you

# You love, love, love me, love me better

# You love, love, love me, love me better

# There've been times I gave myself

# To someone else, to someone lesser than you

# Love, love, love me, love me better

# Love me

# Love me better

# Love me

# When I met you I was treading water

# And, baby, I know you know I got an eye that wanders

# But right now in this car that we're driving to your sister's

# All I'm lookin' for is something that's forever

# But, baby, then you

# You love, love, love me, love me better

# You love, love, love me, love me better

# There've been people that I've loved before

# But they were something lesser, cos you

# Love, love, love me, love me better

# Love me

# Love me better

# Love me

# Love me better

# People say the meanest things

# Yeah, but truth be told, I don't care what they think

# I got someone who is lying in my bed right next to me

# Yeah, she love, love, loves me

# Love, love, loves me

# Loves me better

# Loves me

# Loves me better

# Loves me

# Loves me better

# There's been times I gave myself

# To someone else, to someone lesser than you

# Love, love, love me

# Love me better. #

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

James Blunt, everybody! Great job!

Well done, sir, lovely to see you.

Come in, say hello to everybody.

Patrick, Ian, Hugh.

Nice to see you.

-How are you?

-Awesome.

-There you go. Have a seat, do.

-Thank you so much.

-Yeah, well done, you.

And that's off your new album, The Afterlove,

-which is released on the 24th of March.

-Yes, thank you for the plug.

Well, you know, that's why you're here.

So, that song is about kind of some of the hate

you've received over the years.

Yeah, it's a little bit about how deeply unpopular I am,

but it doesn't matter, because my wife loves me.

-AUDIENCE:

-Awww!

-But also...

-Don't say "awww" for me, say "awww" for her, poor girl!

No, but you have turned it into a strength,

-the way that people are rude about you.

-Yeah, I mess around, don't I?

-I mess around online, on Twitter, abusing myself before people...

-Yes.

-Have you guys...? Do you follow him on Twitter?

-No.

You should, he's very good. We've got some examples of James's tweets.

APPLAUSE

I like this one.

-Do you know what that means?

-No, I have no idea.

This is so weird.

Very good!

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

-Now, Hugh Jackman...

-Yes.

You share something with James Blunt

in that you have both done

one of the most difficult jobs in showbusiness -

you have both performed at an Australian sporting event.

Oh, wow! Oh, yes, you did...

-Was it the AFL Grand Final?

-I did the State of Origin.

-The State of Origin! That's...

-What's that?

Which is 40,000 Aussie, drunk Aussie men, very, very aggressive,

macho men and for the mid-game entertainment,

some guy, some comedian booked James Blunt

to sing to 40,000 people You're Beautiful.

# You're beautiful... #

-How did it go, James?

-I'm still alive, but only just.

-Did it turn ugly?

-I wore the kind of home team's top, just to...

-Well done.

-Just to try and, yeah, which I think was like a shield.

Cos which one did you do, Hugh?

I did the Bledisloe Cup so Australia-New Zealand at rugby,

that was the first thing I did, yeah,

singing the national anthem and I did the Rugby League Grand Final,

but both terrifying, absolutely...

I remember the...

I remember being introduced at the Bledisloe Cup

as "a star of stage and screen".

I'd done one stage show and one TV show at the time.

"Ladies and gentlemen, star of stage and screen, Mr Hugh Jackman!" Boo!

I realised I was stood in front of the Great Southern Stand

with 30,000 New Zealanders booing me

and the Australian captain standing next to me goes,

"You better bloody show 'em, mate."

No pressure! Anyway, yeah.

But you went for it.

I so went for it, it's...

If you ever see the tape of it, I finish singing.

I'm still singing and they cut off, the tape finishes,

they cut off the microphone and I was like...

HE MOUTHS

And I'm still singing. I've never been more nervous in my life.

You're right, an Australian crowd, if you do...

They take it very seriously.

Meatloaf isn't allowed back in the country

after his performance.

I have to ask, Ian,

have you ever sung before a national sporting event?

Not yet, I haven't, no.

Sign him up!

I did perform in front of 50,000 people

at the Gay Games in New York.

-Did you sing?

-But I didn't sing, no.

I had a very good line.

I said, "My name's Sir Ian McKellen, but you can call me Sir-Ian-a!"

That went down very well.

-Do you think that would go down in Australia...?

-Yes.

-Oh, sure!

-Oh, yes!

-Give it a whirl!

I mean, all Australian men are gay, aren't they?

There's always a little bit of ting of gay about them.

This is a minefield.

James Blunt, are you going on tour?

Ah, yes!

You can all thank me later.

Where are you going? Tell us, we're interested.

I'm going on tour round the UK in November.

Tickets are on sale now, Graham, but I'll get you a freebie.

Aww, that's very good of you!

And can we just say, James Blunt working on his birthday.

Happy birthday, James Blunt!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-ALL SING:

-# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you

-AUDIENCE JOIN IN

-# Happy birthday, dear James

# Happy birthday to you! #

The harmonies! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good! That's nearly it for tonight.

Before we go, just time for a visit to the Big Red Chair. Who's there?

-Hello!

-Hi, what's your name?

-Jenny.

-Lovely. And what do you do, Jenny?

I'm a wildlife veterinarian.

Well, now, we've never had one of those on the show before.

So, do you just go and look for sick animals?

Yes, OK.

That's Jenny. She's great with animals,

she's very good with animals. They love her.

-Where are you based?

-At the moment, at London Zoo.

Oh, right, so they're quite easy to catch there.

Not so hard!

"I wonder if I'll see any animals today."

All right, Jenny, off you go with your story.

I'd just started working

at a chimpanzee sanctuary in Sierra Leone.

And an old hand was showing me around and introduced me to Chippie,

a young male chimp, and she said,

"Chippie loves rubber boots, wellies,"

and I was wearing some beautiful flowered wellies that very day

so I kind of put them towards the cage

and an expression of delight came on Chippie's face

and he rushed over and I was like, "He really does like wellies!"

And he crouched down and immediately started

masturbating himself on the sole of my wellies.

I'm going to flip her!

It was in!

Everything about that story was hilarious.

Chippie the chimp - really,

you're running a sanctuary

and that's all you can come up with? Chippie?

Is it the only one you've got?

-OK, we have one more. One more, here we go. Hello!

-Hi!

Hi, what's your name?

-SLIGHT LISP:

-Fliss.

-Fliss?

Yeah, terrible name with a lisp.

No...

-Great opening(!)

-Fliss is your actual name?

-Well, Felicity.

-OK, but you went with Fliss, OK.

All right, Fliss, off you go with your story.

So, me and my sister were driving to Scotland and I needed the toilet

so we stopped at a service station.

I ran in, I went into the first cubicle

and there was a massive big floating shit in the toilet.

Patrick's right here!

I'm so sorry!

-Anyway, I left...

-I remember you!

From that angle.

But, yes, I walked straight out and went into the next cubicle

and went for a wee and then I stood washing my hands

and a lady walked in when I was washing my hands,

I caught her eye in the reflection

and she walked into the first cubicle,

obviously saw the big shit, Patrick, in the toilet...

-Oh, dear.

-Patrick!

And then walked out so I just casually went up to her, like,

"Oh, I did that," meaning I had walked in and walked out, but...

I did not... Like, really proud...

-That was a good story!

-Good story!

-You can walk, well done.

CHEERING AND APLAUSE

AUDIENCE DROWNS OUT COMMENT

Well done, everyone.

If you'd like to join us on the show

and have a go in that Red Chair, you can.

Just contact us via our website at this very address.

That is it for tonight.

Please say a huge thank you to our guests - Mr James Blunt!

-CHEERING

-Thank you.

Patrick Stewart! CHEERING

Ian McKellen! CHEERING

And Hugh Jackman! CHEERING

We're taking a short break, but we'll be back in April.

Do join me next week, though,

for a look back at some of the highlights from this series.

I'll see you then. Goodnight, everybody, bye-bye!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE