Episode 9 The Graham Norton Show

-Hello, I'm Jennifer Lawrence.

-And I'm Chris Pratt.

-BOTH:

-Welcome to the Graham Norton Show!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

This programme contains strong language.

Oh! Oh! Ha-ha! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh! Thank you very much!

Thank you, thank you. Oh, too kind!

Oh, thank you. Whoop, whoop! Whoop, whoop!

Hello, good evening and welcome to the show.

We've got a great line-up for you tonight. Oh, I tell you, we have.

Our sofa couldn't be any cooler if we left it out overnight.

Chilly, isn't it? Ooh! Cold snap - break a hip.

Now... It's been quite a week, hasn't it, ladies and gentlemen?

Praise be, Honey G was voted off The X Factor,

Ed Balls left Strictly.

Sanity has been restored, ladies and gentlemen.

I say that - sanity has been restored(!)

Yeah, have you seen what's been happening at Ukip central?

Woohoo! There they are. Old and new together. Remind you of anyone?

LAUGHTER

The good news is, at last Nigel Farage has left party politics

and now, finally, he can go home and spend more time with his wife.

Noooo!

Listen, we've got another great line-up of guests for you tonight.

Later, we'll be joined by rapper and music mogul, will.i.am, ladies and gentlemen!

CHEERING

Yes! And, we will have music from the stunning Emeli Sande!

CHEERING

Yeah! But let's get my first guests on.

He went from Naked Chef to the most successful TV cook of all time,

and, just in time for Christmas,

he's back with his 19th cook book - it's Jamie Oliver, everybody!

APPLAUSE

Oh, oh, oh. Suited and booted. Hello. Sit down, sit down.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Jamie Oliver!

From Guardians of the Galaxy, to Jurassic World,

this Hollywood star is the go-to leading man of the moment.

Now, he's back in space in the sci-fi thriller Passengers -

it's Chris Pratt, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hey!

Hello. You're very welcome, have a seat.

Sit beside Jamie. Do. Yeah, love him.

And, starring alongside Chris,

she's the Oscar-winning star of Silver Linings Playbook,

American Hustle

and the block-busting franchises X-Men and Hunger Games.

It's always a pleasure to welcome, Jennifer Lawrence!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Whoo! Whoo!

Hello. I have done so much whooping already.

Have a seat, do!

-I didn't notice that.

-My seven foot tall shoes?

-They are incredible.

-Thank you.

How weird that I didn't even notice those earlier. That's incredible.

-It was very dark.

-It WAS very dark.

Just to check with our American friends, do you...you must know Jamie Oliver?

Have you met Jamie Oliver before?

It's the first time we've ever met, but, of course, I know who he is.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, good answer. LAUGHTER

Now, I don't mean to depress Jamie, but, Chris Pratt,

you've been less than kind about British cooking.

-Well...

-Chris, come on, man.

-I...

Look, I know that, in America, we're a real melting pot.

We've got great Italian restaurants and great Japanese restaurants

and like, Indian food,

but there's not like, "Hey, let's go get British tonight!"

Do you know what I mean? We don't have that.

You guys are good at the drinking, which I love!

Yeah, I'm with you there.

Your food is, basically, coat the stomach

so the ale and the whisky and the scotch

and all that stuff has a place to live.

An Irish friend of mine, she calls dinner "soakage."

-I cooked a whole meal and she went, "That was great soakage."

-Exactly.

Essentially, it's potatoes five ways.

Yeah. Fish, fried fish and chips.

I've got to be careful what I eat,

-cos I have got fat guy genes.

-So do I!

-I have to replace food with alcohol.

-Yeah!

-You know what?

-You balance that diet!

-It's a depressing choice at times.

-Let's have a little snack, shall we?

-Come on.

-Cheers, everyone!

-Yes, yay! Cheers...

-As you do.

Here's to sensible calories.

I get nervous that I'm going to say something

and then I'm nervous

and I'm like, "Ooh, I better drink." That doesn't help!

Oh, boy, I hope I don't go on TV and say something silly.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

The perfect recipe. Now, often on the show, ladies and gentlemen,

we check people's yearbooks and things.

And I have to say, tonight bodes well for a chat show.

On a chat show, what do you want?

Well, Jennifer Lawrence -

voted, back in high school, "most talkative".

-Whoo!

-Two years in a row!

-Oh!

-Two consecutive years.

-That's very impressive.

-Yeah, it was hard to get.

-Chris Pratt, he was voted "class clown".

-Oh, my God!

-Ideal!

-You were so handsome!

-We didn't have a yearbook in Essex.

Jamie Oliver didn't have a yearbook, but if they had, you might have got

-"most likely to win Princess Leia lookalike competition".

-Really? Why?

Wow.

-Is that your own hair?

-Yup.

-That's incredible!

-Yeah, I know. I'm trying to grow it again.

-Well, I wouldn't.

-Did you have to set that?

-Yep.

-Yourself?

-It was like...

It was like a bouffant. Jeez. I thought I was cool, as well.

You were cool. Trust me, you were cool.

I know my brother looked exactly like that,

-and he was the coolest guy. That was cool.

-Thank you.

And actually, here's the weird thing,

cos in school, I mean, joking aside, school can't have been easy,

because you're dyslexic, so that must have been...

Yeah, I wasn't...I had a pretty...

I wasn't very academic at school, let's put it that way.

I was in what you would call...

they called it "special needs" in those days,

so I did five years of "special needs".

I know. It wasn't the best for your confidence!

But - but, just to fast forward, what an inspiring thing.

So here is this guy, dyslexic in school.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bestselling non-fiction writer

in this country of all time ever.

EVER! CHEERING

-I'm quite proud of that!

-You should be really proud of that.

Mrs Murphy, bless you.

In fact, the only person who has outsold you at all is JK Rowling.

Yes, but by quite a lot! There's a big gap.

I did well, don't get me wrong, but, like, the next level!

-But, apparently, you're reading books now?

-Well...

OK, this is going to make me...

So I can read, but I really struggled with narrative books.

I always fell asleep after 12, 13 pages.

And then when I saw Jennifer in Hunger Games, I loved it so much,

and you were amazing, I wanted to see the next show straightaway,

but I couldn't be bothered to wait, so I got the book and I read it.

-Oh, my God!

-Which, for me, was a big deal.

And anyone that's dyslexic will know how that feels.

But...erm, so, yeah, and it was amazing to have a place,

a quiet place, where I could kind of get into it.

-Yeah!

-But also, I've just started wearing glasses,

so I realised I'm blind as well!

Life just got better, basically!

-The odds were stacked against you.

-APPLAUSE

Let's talk about our movie tonight -

Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt together at last in Passengers.

It's out on the 21st of December.

Somehow, it seems like you should have been in a movie already.

-Like, did you know each other before?

-We'd never even met.

-We'd never met.

-That's so weird. Yeah.

-Now, it's like I don't remember...

-We just met six months ago

and did a movie together. No, we never met.

-I was going to go really sweet. You were? Yeah.

-Go on, do it.

-Nah, fuck it.

-It's not too late.

Awww! Awww! We had a great time.

I, of course, knew her work and when I read the script it was...

It really was the greatest script I'd ever read. I loved it so much.

It's original. It's really complicated and interesting and,

when I read it, they said, you know,

I was instructed by my manager,

who said, "Imagine Jennifer Lawrence as the lead."

I was like, "Are you kidding me?" So I did and it just fit so well.

I just thought, if this thing came together and she was in it,

like, how awesome would that be?

And, you know, she loved it as well,

and so she did it and now we're best friends for life.

-Now we're blood brothers.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Not only...

It's one of those things, not only are you in this movie together,

you're kind of the only people in it.

-I know.

-Almost.

-For people who don't know,

explain the premise, how this happens?

Well, Chris is better at it than me,

but you're making eye-contact with me.

So, I'll say it.

We are both passengers on a ship...

That's not right.

On a ship, a 120-year journey, we are in a hyper sleep,

something goes wrong with the ship.

I'm trying to just vision the studio note in my head.

Something goes wrong with the ship.

We wake up and we're the only people awake on the ship for

a very mysterious and bad reason.

-Um...

-There's 90 years left to go.

90 years left to go, so we're basically going to just die

on this ship, but then I wake up and I'm like, "Well, he's cute."

-Every cloud!

-Yeah...

That's the movie. You're welcome, Sony.

-Yeah, pretty much.

-You can send me flowers later!

-Stuff happens after that, though.

-Yeah.

We're stuck together on this ship and alone and we don't know,

we're trying to unravel the mystery of why we woke up

and through the course of doing so, we start to fall for one another.

And then, uh, you know, that gets interrupted by, like,

-the imminent collapse of this...

-Robots!

No, again, she keeps thinking

that there's bad robots in the movie, and there aren't.

-I don't think she read the script!

-They're rising up!

-There's some apes, it's really bad.

-Yeah. A talking dog.

Again, no, there's not. Yeah.

Then all hell breaks loose and we have to, you know,

have an awesome action movie.

We've got a clip.

This is after you've both woken up

and you decide to finally go on a date.

'You have a visitor.'

Wow.

You clean up pretty good yourself.

You went shopping.

I went shoplifting.

You two look fine this evening.

-We're on a date.

-Very nice.

It took you long enough to ask.

-I was giving you space.

-Oh.

Space - the one thing I do not need more of.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Very good.

-And...our own Michael Sheen.

-Yes.

Was he there?

Yeah!

-You know what I mean?

-Um...

-You know how these things happen!

Yeah, he skyped it in. He was there.

He spent, you know, he spent a few weeks with us,

and he plays Arthur,

who is an android, and we're two people who are so in desperate

need of inter-personal connection and, like, a human connection

because we're essentially in this state of solitary confinement.

So we are seeking that with him.

There's some humour that comes from it.

It's a little ominous and a little dark. I mean, he's fabulous.

He's so great in the movie.

As you were saying, there's lots of kind of elements to this movie.

There's the romance, the action, the drama

and all that kind of, you know, what you want

-from a big science fiction movie.

-Yeah.

(But, I have to say. There was more sex in this film than I thought...)

-LAUGHTER

-Why are you talking like that?

-More sex than you thought?

-MORE sex than I thought. Yes.

Really? You didn't mention that bit.

That's all they want to know about, right?

-Oh, right.

-Hi, Dad!

-Chris Pratt offers up his butt.

-He does, really.

-Yeah!

-More than once.

Yeah, you see me fully naked in this movie.

-WHOOPING

-Come for the fully naked,

stay for the spaceship and shit.

LAUGHTER

Because you've talked on here, Jennifer, about when you

prepare for more intimate scenes about, particularly, your breath.

So, how did Chris fare in the breath control?

Well, I said, whenever I had to kiss Josh and Liam for the Hunger Games,

"Who cares?"

You know, I'd eat, like, mustard and tuna, who cares?

Then I went off and I did the American Hustle,

and it was like Christian Bale, I was like, "Oh, damn!"

And I was, like, really clean.

And...mints, mints, mints. And with Pratt...

-..I ate mints.

-Awww!

-No big deal...

-Did you see the suspense I built?

-Yeah, I know!

I was thinking mince as in mincemeat.

You really shouldn't eat mincemeat.

-Lovely. Mmm!

-But for Chris, it was corned beef!

Which I loved.

Actually, talking of sexy scenes, I don't know if you were aware,

when Jamie started, he was called The Naked Chef.

-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Whoo!

-Yes.

-Yeah, yeah.

One person remembers that! I know it's nearly 20 years.

We were talking about that back there.

-Because I don't think about that, it was about 20 years ago.

-Yeah.

-You never appeared naked.

-No, technically, no.

Why was it called the Naked...?

-I'd be pissed...

-It was all about stripping restaurant food

down to its bare essentials.

-Oh, come on!

-And it was a phenomenon. No, it is was great.

It was a moment when cooking was for girls and I was trying to

teach the British boys that cooking got you girls.

-And...

-You did do some naked cooking in your own house, though?

I've done that once, thank you very much for that.

-For Valentine's Day.

-Nice idea.

-I made a meal...

-Uh-huh.

-Whole sea bass, stuffed with herbs,

-a little red onion, in a bag...

-A little bit of Jamie?

-Yeah...

-LAUGHTER

A side of Oliver sauce?

I'm just hearing my wife going, "Don't embarrass the teenagers."

Don't embarrass them. So there was no sauce. But I did have a new oven.

-And it was fan assisted. And...

-LAUGHTER

And I laid the table. I put Sade on...

As if, you know, the full romance thing.

And when I opened the convection oven...

-Oh, by the way, I was naked...

-OK.

-..with a pinny.

When I opened the oven, a jet of hot steam attacked my penis,

and the pain was SO incredible.

I mean, honestly, have you ever burned...

Burned my dick on a sea bass?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Tell him - yes!

-Yes, I have!

Seriously, bearing in mind

it was supposed to be a night of romance,

I genuinely ended up sitting just in

-utter pain in a leather seat with...

-SINGS:

-Green Giant!

..on my old fella. Really bad.

So basically, the reason I'm happy to tell this story

is because it's a public service announcement.

-Yes.

-Do not cook in the nude.

-But the sea bass was delicious.

It was pretty good. Thanks for bringing that up, by the way!

And talking about getting naked, Chris Pratt,

you apparently like getting naked, and at one point,

you tried to turn that into your source of income?

-What?!

-Well, not...

-How...?

-Uh, you know...

-I'm real happy that question wasn't for me.

-Really?

-Yeah, for a while I stripped for money.

-Bless you, I love that.

-Yeah.

-No, you didn't!

-Successfully?

Well, I mean, how...? If, when you need 40 bucks and you get 40 bucks,

I consider that success!

I didn't do it like... It never got...like, un-innocent.

You know what I mean?

Like, I actually did it maybe three or four times,

and then decided I was going to go and, like, audition

at an actual nightclub, like a strip club for men.

And I... With male strippers, you know.

And I went and I did an audition, but when I was there,

there was like a guy sleeping in his car,

waiting for the club to open cos he was a dancer there,

and I just felt this darkness that I was like,

"This is about to turn,"

this is, like, going from fun, funny story-telling thing

that, you know, in 15 years I can tell on the Graham Norton Show

to, you know, I could be that guy.

-I should go do Guardians Of The Galaxy.

-Yeah.

-Yeah!

Anyways, moved in with the guy in his car...

We became roommates and he's now my manager!

That's worked out well!

APPLAUSE

Oh, dear.

Ladies and gentlemen, Christmas is coming,

and one man knows what to do - it is Jamie Oliver,

and it's his Christmas cookbook, everybody!

CHEERING Yay! It's...

It's in shops now.

We often get, you know, cookbooks and things on the show.

This, I was flicking through it yesterday thinking,

"I'll find some funny bits to show."

It's so good. It is just... This is your 19th book.

You don't need to write a 20th. Everything is in this.

It's like a Delia Smith. It is like a Bible.

Well, it's a Christmas cookbook. It had to be classic, greatest hits.

But it's not just Christmas. It's all...

-It's parties, really. Dinner parties.

-Dinner parties.

-And if you have eight people, ten people, it's all in here.

-Thank you.

Yeah, I'm chuffed with it, I've got to say.

I mean, I like to normally be humble,

-but it is probably...

-LAUGHTER

-It's probably the best book I've ever written.

-Yeah.

No, look, I think Christmas has got everything going for it.

It's emotional, it's family, it's about bringing people together.

It's that time of year when most people cook,

even the people that don't cook,

and, like, helping them get their plan of action together

is what it's all tuned in for.

And if you need any more convincing, ladies and gentlemen, page 106,

an entire chapter begins called The Wonderful World Of Potatoes.

-Yes! I had to convince my editor of that.

-And they are delicious.

No, they're ridiculous. And those roast potatoes are nuts.

-Look at this, look at this!

-What's that?

-Go to the mash, go to the mash!

-That's Champ pie!

Yeah, that's a new creation. Forget the body, Chris, forget it!

I'm getting that for Anna. She has a bunch of your books, by the way.

-Really?

-Yeah, you're naked on the cover.

-I didn't know about that one.

But that must be the bootleg variety.

Look, there's My Pommes Anna.

-Ooh!

-Oh!

We're going to make that for Anna. Actually, she's going to make it.

Yeah, she'll make it for Anna.

She'll make it for me - or she'll make it for her, yeah!

And the whole book is very sweet.

-You dedicated it to your nan.

-Yes, I did.

-Your nan loved Christmas...

-Yeah.

..but Christmas didn't love her quite so much.

Well, I dedicated it to her, and I thought,

you say a few words when you dedicate it to your late nan,

and, yeah, one of my earliest memories of Christmas was my nan

enthusiastically reaching for some Brussels sprouts.

And in Britain we have crackers. I know you don't know what they are.

You pull them and they snap, and then you have a present and a joke

and you put a hat on and it's very cheap, but it's nice.

And as you lean over, my nan's hat caught fire to the candle,

which by default caught fire to her hair-sprayed blue rinse,

-and then she became a human candle.

-LAUGHTER

My memory was looking up and my dad was, like, beating her up,

and I was like...

And I thought, "That's wrong!"

But I didn't realise he was putting her out.

And when he'd finally, you know, put her out,

we carried on eating our dinner

and I thought, that's Christmas. That is Christmas.

And it never necessarily goes the way you expect it,

there is always stress there but, you know...

You know what? It was a pleasure to write that book.

The last two books were very tough. This one was a pleasure to write.

OK, brilliant. And we've established, Chris,

-so Anna does the cooking in your house.

-Yeah, yeah.

Anna pretty much does the cooking.

Jennifer Lawrence, do you cook?

I do. Well, I mean, yeah...

-Well, you do Christmas?

-No. Oh, my God, no.

I roasted a chicken recently and no-one got sick.

LAUGHTER

But I'm hardly the candidate for cooking for young children.

LAUGHTER

Who invited THEM?

-I don't know...

-"It's Christmas. Look, there's small people!"

So where will you be for Christmas?

-I'll be in Kentucky.

-OK.

-I'll be in a swamp.

-Who will do the cooking?

My mom does the cooking.

I help, you know, I talk to her while I drink wine...

LAUGHTER

Chain-smoke out the window. "That looks miserable!"

Here's the thing, because, Chris, you worked in restaurants,

-didn't you?

-Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So you worked in Hawaii but then you worked in LA, as well.

-Yes, I worked at a restaurant in Beverly Hills.

-So, posh?

It was, it tried to be...

Look, it was a terrible restaurant and... It was.

It was just awful and I was a...

a major contributing factor to how terrible this restaurant was.

It was... It had... It was just real garbage.

-It's been revamped now, but I loved it.

-Tell us the name.

LAUGHTER

They'll give you free meals!

I mean, they will give me free meals, that's how I ate.

I mean, when you're in Hollywood, in other places, like...

You need a job that gives you your days free

so you can try to audition for projects,

so I'd work weekends and I'd work nights and I had no money,

no-one was coming to the restaurant so I wasn't making any tips.

I made, like, 20 or 30 bucks a day, maybe,

-and so it was really a place I'd go to...

-Nourishment.

-..to eat, yeah.

That kitchen fed me for the time that I was there. I used to...

Oh, man. Do you ever do this?

Where, like, a lady would come in and she'd be like,

"What do you recommend?" And I'm like, "32-ounce porterhouse."

LAUGHTER

I would always tell them, I said, "Listen, here's how you want it,

"medium rare with some mushrooms on the side.

"I'll get you some mashed potato. You're going to love this, ma'am."

She's like, you know, a 90-year-old woman

and so I bring this steak out to this lady.

I'm hiding in the corner watching, like, how much is she eating?

How much do I get? You know...

And I go back and she was like, "I can't eat another bite."

I was like, "Yes!" Maybe 80% of the steak is left

and we had this thing called the tunnel which is an area between

the dining room and the kitchen where they keep all the soft drinks

and the silverware and stuff, and that's...

I'd been busted so many times eating off people's plates

that they were like, "You have to stop doing that!

"Like, it's really, really bad."

So anything I ate, I had to eat in the tunnel.

Because it was my safe zone where...

-Safe zone!

-From judgment.

-From judgment!

The customers aren't going to see me eat their food and the chef's

not going to yell at me for eating the food, so it was like,

I had about 14, maybe, ounces of steak that I had to get down

in about ten feet and I'm just straight up like...

-Swallowing.

-Komodo dragon.

Like, wolf this steak down, you know? And then I'm like,

"Ha, cha-cha-cha! That's like, three days' worth of protein right there."

I walk back out and the lady

was like, "Listen, I'd love to get that steak to go."

And I'm...

"Oh, oh, gosh, ma'am...

"Let me go check. I'll go check."

And I was like, "Oh, fuck, what do I do, what do I do?"

And I said, "I'm so sorry, I already threw it in the trash.

"I threw it in the trash."

And she said, "It's for my dog. It's fine.

"If you don't mind, just fish it out, put it in a box.

"It's my dog who's eating it."

I was like, "You bet, you bet. Yes, ma'am, absolutely. Will do."

And I walked in, I'm like, "Freddie!

"I need a porterhouse on the fly, man. Don't ask any questions,

"just give me one right now!" And so he started cooking that steak

and I was like... I'm so full of shit, I went up to her,

I was like, "Ma'am, I'm going to get you that steak.

"They just took the garbage out to the dumpster.

"I'm going to roll up my sleeves.

"I'm going to jump in that dumpster and get it for you.

"What kind of dog? Pomeranian? No way, I love that, so sweet."

And so I walked out, I'm like, "Freddie, where's that steak?"

And she ended up being so, like, happy that I would be willing

to dig through the garbage for her dog that she gave me a giant tip

and she left early cos she couldn't wait for the steak to be done,

so I got another steak and, like...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, here's a thing. Jamie Oliver makes lovely food,

-he's saved Christmas...

-What is coming on now?

-No, no.

This is... This is extraordinary.

So you did one simple recipe

and it caused an international incident, right?

-Do you remember...

-Oh.

-Yes.

-Yes.

So on Instagram you posted this.

Perfectly nice, look at this...

There you go, perfect.

Turns out, Spanish people - quite fussy about their food.

Here's just one of the comments.

LAUGHTER

-No, but you don't realise, this was...

-Here's another one.

I like this one.

-Whoa!

-They went medieval on me, man. It was...

This one is genius. This one is genius.

They really put a lot of work into this one. They said, like...

Chorizo, your chorizo.

That painting, the restoration of that painting.

LAUGHTER

-No, it was...

-Some people also posted in Spanish. This one...

Apparently, if you translate that,

it says, "Chop off your fingers and turn them into nuggets."

By the way, it gets so much darker than that.

I mean, like, this trended for weeks, and I had death threats

-and all sorts because of a bit of sausage.

-What?

Honestly, I was in Canada at the time, I was talking to the president

and we were doing whole things about...great things -

childhood obesity strategies in Canada,

because our one fell to pieces,

and then as I went out of the BA lounge, they went,

"Oh, you're in the paper today."

I went, "Brilliant. Good, solid work."

And she went, "Yeah, chorizo, Spanish don't like you."

LAUGHTER

Whatever I did that month was overtaken by the chorizo.

Yeah, this kind of says it all. This is the final one.

That is Spanish for, "I shit on your ancestors."

LAUGHTER

-Lovely. Nothing better than a good old dirty protest.

-Wow.

-Don't mess. Don't mess.

-But you know what, I don't mind...

Chorizo sounds delicious right now.

-They haven't said anything for 15, 20 years.

-We were talking about it, now I really want it.

By the way, just FYI, it tastes better with chorizo.

Trust me or don't trust me.

You're starting it again! Stop it!

Actually, talking of sort of cultural differences,

-Jennifer Lawrence...

-Oh, no.

You filmed some of The Hunger Games in Hawaii.

Oh, God, how do you know about this?

You probably told it somewhere!

-Yeah.

-Cheers!

-Mustn't tell that story again!

-No.

No, so you were filming, and where were these rocks?

Were they kind of on the coast or in the mountains?

We were filming in Hawaii and there were sacred rocks and they were...

I don't know, their ancestors, who knows?

They were sacred and you're not supposed to sit on them

because you're not supposed to expose your genitalia to them.

-Bless.

-I, however, was in a wet suit for this whole shoot so...

So it doesn't count, right?

Oh, my God, they were so good for butt itching!

I'd just be like, "Ohhh..."

LAUGHTER

And, you know, one rock...

One rock, I was spud-scratching on...

..ended up coming loose

and it was a giant boulder and it rolled down this mountain

and almost killed our sound guy,

and there was a whole station that got destroyed. It was like, "Pow!"

Like, it was a huge dramatic deal and all the Hawaiians were like,

"Oh, my God, it's the curse from our ancestors!"

And I'm in the corner, like, going, "I'm your curse.

"I wedged it loose with my ass."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Never go back to Hawaii.

Right, it's time for our next guest.

This seven-time Grammy winner found fame with the Black Eyed Peas

and became one of the industry's biggest names.

It's a warm welcome back to will.i.am!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: Where is the Love? by the Black Eyed Peas

Hey! Hello. Lovely to see you!

Whew!

-Hello!

-Hey, are we good, guys?

-Now, do you have headphones in?

-No.

-OK.

LAUGHTER

Wow, you wedged a rock with your ass. That's awesome.

Listen, we played a bit of Black Eyed Peas.

So the Black Eyed Peas, are they back together again?

-We never broke up.

-Oh, didn't you?

-No, we just took a break.

-Oh, OK. For years.

LAUGHTER

No, like, we've been on since...

-since we started it.

-OK.

And Fergie wanted to have a baby, so I mean, that deserves a break.

-Yes, I agree.

-(So he's saying it was Fergie's fault!)

-No!

And then I'm producing her solo record,

and now we've started a new Black Eyed Peas album, that will be...

I don't like saying album. We're doing a new Black Eyed Peas project.

-OK.

-That will be out next year, so yeah, it's fresh, pretty fresh.

OK. Mmm! And you mentioned a few times now that you're interested in

technology and computers and all that sort of stuff.

You have big ideas about the future of food. Will.i.am...

No, those aren't my ideas.

Well, I hadn't heard them before, so you can tell me.

Oh, we were talking about 3D printing and how 3D printing

will change the food that we eat as well and how it's made, prepared.

I've seen awesome stuff in China and around the world where

they take protein, put it in a 3D printer and print things like beef.

-(What is a 3D printer? What?)

-Really?

-Yeah.

Jennifer isn't even au fait with a 3D printer,

-never mind the food coming out of it.

-What?

-Yeah, you can print, like, chocolate...

-What?

You can print, like, cake...

LAUGHTER

Could I send you the e-mail, like, of a recipe and it prints it out?

-Yes.

-I would download that book in a heartbeat. Can you imagine? Or...

Or you invite people over and you run out of ink -

like, that would be a disaster.

Well, it wouldn't be ink, ink.

So, for example, so this is like 20 years from now,

what the world would be like.

-OK, I'll invite people now.

-Oh, this isn't happening now.

-No, don't worry, it's the future.

-Oh, God!

Yeah, so, 20 years from now we will have 3D printers that print

all sorts of things as well as body parts like kidneys and stuff.

-CHRIS:

-Well, they're already doing that.

-Yeah.

-They've already started doing that.

-They sound delicious.

No, no, not eating kidneys!

Oh, sorry, my mistake! I feel awful.

Genome sequencing, you know,

you'll be sick and you need a new kidney or a liver,

you print it, choo-choo-choo, it will be your genome and...yeah.

You had me at liver. Very good.

But I've seen the future.

I saw their film. You don't eat like that in the Passengers movie.

-I can't wait to see that!

-Oh, thank you!

-Oh, thank you.

Really, I can't. I'm a movie...

I watch movies, like, all the time and, you know, I love your films.

-Thank you.

-And I love your films.

-Oh, thank you.

-It's pretty awesome

-that I'm sitting on the couch with y'all.

-Thanks.

Cos you guys are always on my TV and on my phone and stuff,

-so like, yeah, that's dope.

-Thank you, man.

-Thank you.

Don't watch Passengers on a phone.

I feel it deserves a bigger forum than your phone.

No, so, the phone is for when I miss the film, right?

And then I get the phone, slide it to my Apple TV,

boom it on my big TV and then boom it like that.

-Oh!

-What?

LAUGHTER

You don't have Apple TV?

-I have Apple TV but I have to use that damn remote.

-Yeah.

-It's taped to a wooden spoon.

-Yeah, so...

-I always lose it in the bed.

GRAHAM LAUGHS

-You tape it to a wooden spoon?

-Yeah.

-So you don't lose it?

-That's my invention.

-That's pretty smart.

-I like that.

It's old technology and new technology working together.

Yeah, we're all stealing that idea.

I'm embarrassed, he came on talking about genome sequencing,

I'm like, "I get it, I got an Apple TV remote taped to a wooden spoon!"

Listen, you are spending a long time in the UK because, of course,

-you're back with The Voice.

-Yes.

-The Voice is on ITV now.

Now, obviously it's got ads in it, but apart from that,

-will it be different? Will it be the same?

-It's different.

One of the things that's different, if we don't turn for somebody,

the chairs don't turn and then we don't get to say anything to them.

They're just standing there like, "What the fuck?"

-And so, that's the new rule.

-That's humiliating.

-Sorry...

-I like that, though.

-Oh, you can curse on here?

A little bit - but I like the idea they're just like,

their footsteps just going clunk, clunk, clunk.

Yeah, that sucks, cos you can't give them any feedback.

Do people clap, at least, as they walk off? No?

-Sometimes they're booing that we didn't turn.

-Oh, I see.

Oh, do the contestants think that they're being booed?

-No, they know it.

-Oh, they know.

-Yeah, they know that...

There's times when we should have turned but we're all,

you know, in our own head thinking that we're waiting for Jesus Christ

-to come singing and blow our ears off.

-Yeah.

-Wow.

But Jesus Christ doesn't come.

So then everybody starts booing.

Wouldn't that be interesting if that's how he came back, though?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

That would be. Yeah.

"And on the third verse they did not turn again."

LAUGHTER

So it returns on ITV in the New Year.

Obviously other programmes are available on BBC ONE.

But you brought us a little sneak peek,

and this is you and the other judges having a laugh at the auditions.

Whoever's coming up next, if you can hear me back there,

don't be nervous!

Just bring that fi-ah!

Well, we could do Great Balls of Fire.

-Come on!

-OK!

CHEERING

# You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain

# Too much love drives a man insane

# You broke my will

# Oh, what a thrill

# Goodness, gracious

# Great balls of fire!

# I laughed at love cos I thought it was funny

# You came along and moved me, honey

# I've changed my mind

# This love is fine

# Goodness, gracious Great balls of fire! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah!

Wow! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Er, listen, it's time for our musical performance.

This lady's first album was the biggest seller of 2012

and went seven times platinum.

Performing her new single, Breathing Underwater,

please welcome Emeli Sande!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# I believe in miracles

# Cos it's a miracle I'm here

# Guess you could call me spiritual

# Cos physical is fear

# And it's safe to say

# The storm's gone away

# And I'm dancing on the morning after

# Yes, I'd love to stay

# But my home's the other way

# And I miss the love and laughter

# Something like flying

# Hard to describe it

# My God, I'm breathing underwater

# Something like freedom

# Freedom

# My God, I'm breathing underwater

# Every moon and every star

# Knows who you are, you know

# So ever if it gets too dark

# You never are alone

# And it's safe to say

# You surrender your days

# To pay back all the love you borrowed

# Yes, hopes are high

# You survived yesterday

# And today is jealous of tomorrow

# Something like flying

# Hard to describe it

# My God, I'm breathing underwater

# Something like freedom

# Freedom

# My God, I'm breathing underwater

# Something like flying

# Hard to describe it

# My God, I'm breathing underwater

# Something like freedom

# Freedom

# My God I'm breathing underwater. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Emeli Sande, everybody!

Beautiful job! Please come and join us, do!

Oh, that was amazing!

Emeli Sande, hello, darling.

-Mwah, mwah, go and join the others, do.

-Thank you.

And the band, the singers, everybody there.

That's Jamie, we've got Chris, we've got Jennifer,

we've got will.i.am!

APPLAUSE

Very good.

OK, ooh, he's coming round, he's coming round.

-You're awesome, I love that song.

-Thank you.

-It was beautiful.

Now, if everyone squashes up, there's room for everybody.

There we go, lovely, marvellous.

-Congratulations on that, that was gorgeous.

-Thank you.

Thank you very much, and that's the new single,

-it's off the album Long Live The Angels, which is out now.

-Yes.

So, I was trying to figure out, is it four years since...?

Yeah, 2012 was the last album, so it's been a while, yeah.

Yeah, and I know people want to talk to you about it

and, blah, blah, blah,

but I suppose it is that thing when, you know,

people go out there, they look for success, they want success,

but nothing can prepare you for it.

So did it kind of freak you out when that album went so big?

Yeah, a little bit.

I mean, it was amazing to sing the songs and to perform

and connect with people, but I'm quite a shy, introverted person,

so to be out there all of a sudden, it was quite, erm,

unusual for me, and I felt like I had to go back to, er,

to real life to really get to grips with songwriting again,

get better at what I do. So it was important for me to take time away.

Also, I guess if you're writing music,

-you've got to have a bit of a life!

-Yeah, exactly.

You can't sing songs about waiting for your luggage

at the first class lounge!

Yeah, yeah, I want to talk about real life

and I want to talk about real feelings.

-It's true.

-I wrote a song about that last night!

LAUGHTER

Never record it. Erm, now, you've never...

In this country, you've never really toured before, have you?

Well, I've toured, but, erm,

not on the level where we're going to do next year.

Oh, so, what's happening? Tell us.

Well, I'm going to do my first arena tour, erm, and, yeah,

it's going to be announced and tickets go on sale next Wednesday,

so that's a dream come true for me, and, yeah, I can't wait.

Oh, wow, yeah...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Fantastic - and, seriously, thank you for that performance,

it was absolutely stunning.

Emeli Sande, everybody. Very good.

Now, er... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's nearly it,

but before we go we've got time for a visit to the Big Red Chair.

Who's there? Hello!

-Hello!

-Hi, what's your name?

-Pamela.

-Lovely, and where are you from, Pamela?

-St Albans.

St Albans! Oh, it's a game of two halves, St Albans.

Some of it's lovely. Erm... LAUGHTER

-And what do you do in St Albans, Pamela?

-I'm retired now.

Oh, right. What did you do?

-I was in education.

-In education?

-Yes.

Teacher, perhaps?

-Well, yes, and then I went into management and...

-OK.

-..exchange management.

-Well, I'm not a detective, I won't keep going.

All right, Pamela, off you go with your story.

Well, when I was a teenager, I was really naive,

and when I was about 17 or 18,

I was at a party and somebody told a joke.

And everybody laughed, but this joke went way over my head.

But I thought I'd better laugh,

because everybody else laughed, so it must be funny.

And then the next week, I was at another party, so I thought,

"Oh, I'll tell that joke."

So I said, "OK, everybody, how do you circumcise a whale?"

And somebody said, "I don't know, how do you circumcise a whale?"

And I said, "You send down five skin divers."

And there was absolute silence.

And I thought, "Oh, my God, everybody laughed last week."

And then somebody said, "Do you not mean FOUR?"

And I said, "Oh, well, that's what they said last week!"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

So I thought, the more the merrier!

That was really good! Can Pamela walk? Pamela can walk!

Come on, walk, Pamela! Very good.

Yeah, jokes can be in the details.

Er, OK, who have we got next?

-Hello!

-Hello, Graham!

-Hi, what's your name?

-Jackie.

-And where are you from, Jackie?

-I'm from Shoreham, near Brighton.

Shoreham, it's a very nice part of Brighton, that,

very nice part of Brighton.

-And what do you do down there?

-I'm a mother of two,

and I look after the accounts in my husband's company.

Ooh, Shoreham's a very nice part of the world, OK?

Er, all right, off you go with your story.

Right, so, my husband comes downstairs one day,

and announces he is in so much pain -

he thinks he's got piles and could I take a look?

-So I said...

-Great opening to any story!

LAUGHTER

-That's good.

-So I said, "Not happening.

"You think you've got piles, go to the doctor."

But he goes on and on and on, he's saying things like, "There's nothing

"I wouldn't do for you, I've seen you give birth, please take a look."

So, anyway, eventually, he wears me down, I said OK.

In the bathroom he goes, I'm at a safe three-metre distance.

He pulls his pants down,

and I see this huge, shiny red bubble, and I'm like,

"Oh, my God, Paul, you need to go to the doctor, this isn't good!

"We need to go to the hospital!"

And he starts laughing, and says,

"I don't need to go to the hospital for that,"

and pulls out a cherry tomato.

LAUGHTER

-Did you like it?

-I liked it.

-Jennifer Lawrence says you can walk, OK.

-Thanks, Graham!

APPLAUSE What a mad household!

Well done, everyone!

If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in the Big Red Chair,

you can contact us via website at this very address.

That's it for tonight,

please say thank you to my guests, Emeli Sande!

will.i.am!

Jamie Oliver!

Chris Pratt!

And Jennifer Lawrence!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join me next week with Bake-Off star Nadiya Hussain,

new QI host Sandi Toksvig, artist Grayson Perry,

and Princess Leia herself, Carrie Fisher.

I'll see you then. Goodnight, everybody, bye-bye!