Episode 3 The Graham Norton Show

Hi, I'm Harry Styles and welcome to The Graham Norton Show.

This programme contains some strong language

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, yes! Yes! Yes!

Oh-ho-ho-ho! This is it! We're doing a show! We are!

Hello! Good evening!

Welcome, everyone. Yes, Harry Styles is here.

CHEERING Yep.

Oh! I'm with you, I am so excited! I am.

I'm like Kim Jong-un on fireworks night.

Plus, Mrs Brown is here and one of the stars of Line Of Duty.

Are you watching Line Of Duty?

Oh! Thrilling, isn't it?

Never knowing who you can trust from a cast of increasingly

dubious characters.

Ooh, that reminds me, we're having an election.

Everybody excited about that? AUDIENCE GROANS

LAUGHTER

I wonder if the politicians are as excited as we are?

Yep, they are.

Theresa May wants the country to go to the polls.

Theresa, there aren't any Poles left,

they all went home after Brexit.

Of course, while Theresa was secretly planning her

election strategy, Jeremy Corbyn was visiting a school

where he took part in a cookery class.

Aw! Look, he's found something he can beat.

LAUGHTER

I know. Jeremy Corbyn has admitted it's going to be hard for him to

win the election. He has.

In other news, this man announced he was a Catholic

and this creature had a shit in the woods.

APPLAUSE

In American news, the White House has its annual Easter event.

Ooh!

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Can everyone see that rabbit? Yeah, it's not just me. Yeah.

"Look, everyone, it's fun standing next to a dumb cartoon animal,"

the rabbit's saying.

During the week, North Korea let off a test rocket called a Nodong.

That's what it's called, a Nodong.

But Kim Jong-un was left embarrassed after his

Nodong exploded after just four seconds.

Don't worry, Kim, just have a cuddle and try again later. Yeah, relax.

And then finally, congratulations to Victoria Beckham.

-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Yay!

-Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Who went to Buckingham Palace this week to receive her OBE

from Prince William. Aww!

"Hello, I'm posh," they're saying to each other.

Victoria said it was like a Spice Girls reunion.

Yeah, because while she was there, she bumped into Ginger and Scary.

Let's get some guests on!

Later we will have an exclusive performance of the new

solo single by Harry Styles.

CHEERING Yeah.

But first, from Gavin & Stacey to Would I Lie To You,

this man is a comedy favourite.

Now he's back on the road in the new series of The Trip To Spain,

it's Rob Brydon, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Whoo!

-Hello.

-You look so dapper. Hugging, hugging! Better at hugging!

-Dapper, dapper, dapper.

-Good to see you. Good to see you.

All right. Sit down.

This BAFTA-winning actress rose to fame in This Is England and

has won rave reviews for her roles in The Replacement and

Line Of Duty, which is currently thrilling the nation.

It's Vicky McClure, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Whoo! Hello!

-Hello! Lovely to see you! Rob Brydon, Vicky McClure.

-Rob!

And this award-winning Irish comedian

has created one of the UK's most successful sitcoms.

Please welcome Mrs Brown herself, it's Brendan O'Carroll!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hey!

Hello! Hi! Lovely to see you.

There you go. Sit down.

Very good. You're very welcome.

-Vicky McClure has got some shoes.

-I know.

But I've only got to sit down, so it's fine.

I'd never usually wear these, but all I've got to do is sit,

-so it's fine.

-They're impressive, they are.

Now, there's been a lot of screaming already.

Are you all looking forward to seeing Harry Styles?

The answer is yes.

-Yes.

-I'm looking forward to it, Graham, yes.

-Have you met Harry? You must have met...

-I've met Harry Styles.

-Yeah?

-I've met Harry Styles.

-Have you met Harry Styles?

I've never met Harry, but I have seen him on TV and...

I think he's... He's very small. He was only this size on TV.

And actually, I live in the States and I saw him doing Jimmy Fallon.

-Ooh, right.

-And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

LAUGHTER

You've got the expensive cable.

But he was excellent on Jimmy Fallon.

They did some sketch stuff and some comedy stuff.

He does comedy really, really well.

Now, here's the thing,

because we know that you know Harry Styles, Vicky McClure,

because, please explain this, Harry Styles tweeted Vicky McClure.

Now, might have been, like, "Hiya, nice to see you."

-No, he tweeted Vicky McClure, "Bargain bucket?"

-Yeah.

-What's that about?

-The picture's missing and I don't know why,

but basically we went to an event and we were sat at the same table

and, you know, it was a really nice place in London,

so the food should be quite posh, but it looked like shit.

I was, like, "I'd prefer to go and get some chicken,"

so he tweeted me and then, all of a sudden,

I gained about 20 million followers, people going, "Tell Harry, please!"

And I'm, like, "Oh, my God! What am I meant to do? Shut it down?"

So I unfollowed him because I just thought...

-Get a bargain bucket.

-Yeah!

Send it to me, I'll deliver it to Harry, don't worry.

-And do Harry Style's fans like Line Of Duty?

-I don't think...

I don't know, I haven't noticed.

All I've noticed since being on this and tagging us all in,

-I'm, like, "I don't think they're really bothered I'm coming."

-I was.

-Aww, thanks, Brandon.

-And so was I, Vicky.

-Thanks, Rob.

-And I.

-Thank you.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-And I backed it up.

I was looking forward to seeing Vicky more than you were.

-Well, I don't know.

-LAUGHTER

Listen, let's quickly get on with things,

because we've got lots to talk about.

Brendan O'Carroll, Mrs Brown back on Saturday nights,

All Round To Mrs Brown's.

It's on Saturday nights, BBC One, tomorrow night it's 9.20 and

it's one of those shows, it looks like a hoot and a holler to make.

-It is, yeah.

-Is it fun to make?

-Yeah, no, it literally is...

mayhem and then they edit it together and make a show out of it.

LAUGHTER

From the very first time we did the pilot,

the only thing I was sure of,

I wanted one of the guests to bring their mother on, so that would

kind of validate, Cathy Brown doing a talk show,

it would validate,

they have their mother with them and then the mothers

can go away and chat, but other than that we had

a very loose framework and music-wise at the end,

I didn't want it to be... I'm sure Harry's going to be amazing tonight,

but you're going to say, "Ladies and gentlemen, Harry Styles,"

and he's going to sing and I didn't want it to be like that.

No, no, let's get him in first and chat to him.

So what I did was, I decided any guest that's coming on

to sing musically has to sing one of Mrs Brown's favourite songs.

So, you know, it has to be a Tony Bennett or Frank Sinatra

and they've got to do a bit of that.

So James Blunt was the first one to come in and

he was great! And he started singing, I think it was Moon River.

# Moon River, wider than a mile... #

And of course that would turn Mrs Brown on, her nipples were... Pop!

You're so method.

I'm so method.

So as he's singing, I leaned into him like that.

And he kissed me.

And I mean, he put his tongue down my throat.

And genuinely, my wife, who plays my daughter, is there going,

"Oh, my God!"

And she said, "You must've been really embarrassed."

I said, "Actually, it was really nice."

I'm going to get James to teach her some tricks.

-He's a lovely kisser, James Blunt.

-Listen, we've got a clip.

This is from tomorrow night's show and this...

Well, we'll talk about it afterwards.

This is you with Peter Andre.

Oh, right. Lovely boy.

-Beautiful voice.

-Yes, agreed.

-Beautiful.

-Go for it.

-I'm sorry.

-He came over and abused me!

He just... He abused me!

If I wasn't posh, I'd be saying, "I'm arriving! I'm arriving!"

If you'd died doing it, you'd come and go at the same time.

LAUGHTER

Very good. Now...

Had Peter Andre forgotten

that Brendan O'Carroll was in the cardigan?

-Yes.

-Yes?!

-They all do.

The Kaiser Chiefs was the same, Ricky and the Kaiser Chiefs.

I don't think it would've made it OK, though,

if Mrs Brown was a woman.

I don't think that would've justified what he did.

-Good point well made.

-I think it's was what he was doing

rather than the fact it was Brendan, surely?

Having said that, my thoughts on it would be,

if that was a woman who was of that age and of that ilk

and was a widow for 35 years,

she might have enjoyed a little bit of frottage.

With Peter.

-A little bit of Peter.

-A little bit of Peter.

-Nibble on Peter.

And the transformation into Mrs Brown, so...

-Because it's not a huge... make-up job.

-Nope. No.

Thanks very much!

LAUGHTER

-You are kind of, you know, recognisable-ish.

-Yeah.

Because normally when you're Brendan, you've got a beard,

but I guess you're touring so much, you can't.

No, I have to shave it off, otherwise I'd look like me mother.

LAUGHTER

We have a picture here.

But physically, is it easy to get into it?

-Many actors - and, Rob, Rob, you'll be the same.

-Mm.

Obviously, it's something - when you're doing character,

there's something in the character

-that you go for that's a hook.

-Yeah, yeah.

And a lot of people, sometimes, it's the way they move their arms

or move their head, or whatever - for me, it's a walk.

If I can get the walk of the character,

I can usually get the rest of the character,

and Mrs Brown's walk is, to me, it's the key to it.

She has this walk like she's on a waiting list for a hip operation.

It could happen any minute, but it's not happening.

So, she has that walk.

And there's a little bit of Norman Wisdom in there, as well,

-the Norman Wisdom walk. Can I show you?

-Yeah, please do.

-She kind of... Where, up here? Where do you...?

-Yeah... Yes.

-There's a step there, be careful.

-OK!

So, she would walk -

she just drags that leg a little bit, kind of...

Oh, that is!

And as well as that, she also has a little shake in her head

about halfway through her walk, so, she's going to answer the door,

she goes, "Who the hell is that, for God's sake?"

-It's, er... It reminds me of all the old dears I knew...

-Yeah, yeah.

That lumbago walk.

Presumably, if you are doing impersonations of people,

it's the voice - do you... I mean, is the rest of it...?

I... First of all, the people I impersonate

tend to be people I like,

so, for me, it's almost a form of affection, in a way.

You know, if I'm doing somebody's voice - and you hear...

I'll just hear something that I go,

"Oh, yeah, that's on my sort of..."

It's like a musicality, you just hear it,

so, I don't know, Hugh Grant, I can just sort of...

-AS HUGH GRANT:

-"Ah, you sort of hear that sort of thing,

"sort of going on in the voice,

"and the sort of patterns that he has, and rhythms, you know?

"Gosh, gosh, crikey, crikey, excellent, gosh."

And you just hear it.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Cos the really interesting thing about all three of you

is that success did not come calling immediately,

or that early, for any of you.

Certainly not, no!

Now, Vicky McClure, you're so sweet,

because actually you did get a big break early on,

but it seems like, reading about you,

every time you got a job, you thought, "This is it!"

-"This is it!" Yeah.

-"I've made it!"

-Yeah.

-And, er, no.

No!

No - until about six years ago.

It still frightens me - "Why am I on the Graham Norton show?!"

It's just, you know, it's bizarre - but, yeah, it started off,

I did a film with Shane Meadows called A Room For Romeo Brass,

-that I thought, that was it.

-Oh, fantastic.

-So, how old were you then? 17?

-15.

-15, were you?!

Yeah, I was at school, so I thought I was it,

and then I found out it was at six cinemas across the country,

I was like, "what?!"

Tell them about what you did - I think this is...

because presumably you got a bit of cash for doing that.

Oh, yeah, I got a bit of cash, so...

I thought, "Right, I'm going to share the love,"

so I wrapped up 500 quid in different sized boxes for my sister,

and went, "Piss it up the wall!" Yes!

I just love it, giftwrapping money...

It was just... You're never going to get a chance to do that,

and you think to yourself, "That's never going to happen again," so...

-Yeah.

-I was on the dole, and...

-And...

-See, I've never been on the dole.

Ooh!

LAUGHTER

I can't believe I just did that!

I can't believe that you said that.

Bitch.

Um, yeah, I was on the dole when I started,

and, of course, you go in and they say, "Have you worked this week?"

"No.

"No."

And I would have done a few gigs,

because at the time was only getting a bit of cash in,

that nobody knew about, and...

-Brendan, we're on the television.

-Yeah!

Rob, he does a lot for charity. He does a lot for charity.

And also, I found out, seven years is the...is the limit.

-Is that the limit?!

-Yeah.

-It's OK, it's OK.

-All right.

But I'm on the dole queue, and, I mean, the dole queue,

it was like what you'd see in The Full Monty,

-it was that kind of dole queue, you know?

-Yeah.

So, I get up to the window and she said,

"Have you worked at all this week?"

And as I looked up at her,

behind her was a notice on the notice board,

was, "Staff Christmas party, add your name here if you're coming."

On a poster of me going...

And I...

She looked up at me, and said, "Have you worked this week?"

LAUGHTER

And she went, "OK." Boom, boom, boom. "There you go."

APPLAUSE

That business has gone rather well.

Cos Rob, sort of similarly, you had work, you are doing radio work...

Yeah, I went to drama school in Cardiff,

and while I was there - I left early,

because I got spotted by Radio Wales, BBC Wales,

and they gave me my own radio show,

so I left the college a year early, I was a disc jockey,

I mean, to me it seemed like I was earning a fortune.

You know, I bought a little house -

to me, it was like Graceland, you know?

I thought it was amazing - but then, the work all dried up,

so I went from having some money

-to actually selling our furniture...

-Been there.

-..to pay the bills.

We defaulted on the mortgage and we were having to advertise

the sofa and a table in the paper

because I just could not get arrested, you know?

It's that horrible thing, especially when I was working in the office,

you'd go, "I've got a big audition, it's massive, I have to go.

"I have to go and do this audition."

And then the next day, it's like, "Oh, did you get the audition?"

"Don't know yet."

Weeks later, "Did you get...?" "No!"

And then that's it, for eight years.

Constantly going, "No, I didn't."

Like you were saying, Vicky, you'd get a job and you'd sort of think,

-"Right, here we go."

-Yeah. Yeah.

Because you had this image that if you could get a part in something,

it would lead... But what's really hard to get is any momentum,

to get any traction, and get anybody talking about you.

I was very lucky, because - because I was stand-up,

-I was generating my own work.

-Yes.

So, I was going round knocking on... I had one guy worked for me -

"worked for me", he managed me for a while - Joe.

We trained together in the hotel business.

He became a barman and I became a waiter, and he was quite a genius,

he's a great guy, but he worked for me -

he said, "I'll get you gigs. I'll get you gigs."

So, we used to go into pubs with this cassette tape

and he'd say, he'd say to the owner, "Listen, you've got a guy,

"this guy is magnificent, he's hilarious,

"he's going to pack this place," blah, blah, blah,

"he's going to do it," and he'd put the tape on...

and say, "Listen to this," and then we'd all listen,

and you'd hear - clunk, clunk, cha-ching,

clunk, clunk, cha-ching, ching-ching,

and he'd go, "What's that?"

He said, "That's your fucking till the night he's here."

LAUGHTER

-APPLAUSE

-And it worked! It worked!

That's brilliant!

Now, show business, ladies and gentlemen,

brings with it many, many honours.

Brendan, you had a statue in Dublin, didn't you?

Mrs Brown did.

-Yes - sorry, yes - Mrs Brown. You didn't.

-Oh, wow!

That's brilliant!

Those women look like they think it's actually you.

They seem so delighted by a statue.

It's women like that who come up to me and go to me,

"Here, I know a woman just like Mrs Brown."

And I go, "Obviously you have a mirror."

And, Rob, you have a sort of statue in Wales.

Yeah, I do...! Yes.

We have a picture of it, here we are.

-Now...

-Yeah!

-What's that made out of?

-I think it's made out of iron, or...

some sort of... it corrodes, it becomes...

-I don't know the word. It's ferrous, so it's aged since then.

-Rusts.

-Much like me...

-It rusts.

-It rusts, much like me.

But there's three of them - that's just above Port Talbot,

in the hills behind Port Talbot.

-It's beautiful.

-It is rather lovely.

No, it is!

Even if I say so myself!

Well, I didn't make it! I didn't do it!

I'm allowed to compliment it, I didn't build the bloody thing.

Who's the artist?

Oh... Thanks, Brendan(!)

You did make it yourself!

-Whoever it is, they're fantastic.

-They're brilliant.

Ladies and gentlemen, Vicky McClure,

tell the people the extraordinary honour

the City of Nottingham has bestowed upon you.

-They've named a tram after me.

-Woohoo!

Wow.

Here is Vicky McClure with Vicky McClure the tram.

APPLAUSE

Now, is it a temporary thing,

-or is it - that's it now?

-I hope not!

So, that tram, as long as it's running, is Vicky McClure.

-Yeah, hopefully.

-No jokes, Brendan. No jokes.

The best thing is, in Nottingham...

I'd get to say, - if I go there, I get to say,

-"I had a great night last night, I had a few drinks..."

-Yeah!

"..and then I rode home on Vicky McClure."

That's what my dad said. He went, "Oh, that's brilliant.

"All my mates are going to be like, 'Yeah, I just rode Vicky McClure.' "

"Oh, God, yeah, that's a point."

-It's pretty cool, though.

-Yeah.

-It's very cool. It's very cool.

-Yeah.

-Did you, like, break champagne on it, or anything?

-No, just sort of...

you know, unveiled my name and then got on a tram with my mum,

because we were doing Christmas shopping,

and they'd said, "Oh, we'll give you free ride," you know what I mean?

-One free ride?

-One free ride.

Cut to...

We're pulling in to our spot, and I can see the ticket man

coming towards us, and he's like, "Can I get your tickets?"

"Well... The thing is...

"I've actually just been given my own tram."

Presenting plaque, "224 belongs to..."

"Get off the tram."

-I was like, "Oh, my God!

-Seriously?

-Get out of here!

"You're throwing me off the tram for tram evasion?!"

-I was mortified!

-It's not tram evasion, is it, really?

-Sorry, no, it's...

-That would be evading the tram.

Which is a good thing to do.

-You're very presence would have been your defence on that charge.

-Right.

-Right...

-Fare evasion.

-Fare evasion.

-Fare evasion.

-Fare evasion, yeah.

Cos I've evaded trams for years.

Right, Vicky McClure, the latest Line Of Duty is...

Oh, it's... Well, you know, it's such a good show.

It's a great, great, great show.

Four in, two to go, Sundays, nine o'clock.

So, anything...?

-Like, we've got two hours of it left...

-No, I know.

..but anything can happen.

So much happens as well. Cos I actually...

I obviously know what happens, but I watched them the other day,

because you never know what they're going to do in the edit.

And, yeah, it's great.

Because even, like, this last one, the...

-Are we allowed to talk about it?

-Spoilers!

-Are people still watching it on thingy?

-Yeah...

-iPlayer?

They must have seen it.

I mean, there were pictures of Martin being resurrected on...

LAUGHTER

..on Sunday, because everybody was worried about him.

-And it was Easter.

-Oh, what a nice Easter touch.

It was!

And how much... Because you don't get the whole series, do you?

No, we get the first three eps, we shoot it in two blocks.

And, you know, to be fair, if they gave me all six,

I think I'd be a bit overwhelmed.

Because it's Lines And Lines Of Duty.

To have all those six out in front of you is a bit daunting.

And things change, so....

You've been joined this time by Thandie Newton,

who's so good in this.

-So good, and such a great laugh.

-Is she fun?

Honestly, she's really naughty.

You know, like, I thought, "Oh, God, Thandie Newton, that's brilliant.

"But, oh, God, the dramas and the potential diva things that might..."

And it just wasn't like that at all.

That's interesting, is that a worry? Because the rest of you,

this is your fourth series. It's your show.

And then, in she waltzes and has this great big part.

Is that annoying?

We love it, because we've always had really great people.

Lennie James kicked it off incredibly. And Keeley Hawes...

We've always had really strong actors. And Thandie's great.

So when a big actress like that comes in, it doesn't bother you?

-It's just a bit nervous, do you know what I mean?

-You're such a liar!

LAUGHTER

No, honestly, honest to God, if it was somebody I wasn't that

sure of, I just wouldn't talk about them that much.

Listen, we've got a clip for Sunday night's episode.

And this is Buckells being accused - look away, Rob -

this is Buckells being accused of dobbing you in it.

Oh, no!

Remain at attention.

DS Fleming here, someone blew her cover.

Thanks to whoever that was,

Huntley's entrapped me into discrediting the investigation.

Now, I told you, fella, if ever there was a leak,

we'd know it was you.

Do you have any evidence?

You've got a bloody nerve.

See, undercover officers have a lifespan.

There comes a time when they've been deployed once too often.

They get recognised or they lose their touch.

She knows stuff about my personal life. She got that from someone.

How the hell would I know anything about your personal life?

It wasn't me, sir.

Get out! Get out of me sight, go on.

You lot treat everyone like mugs.

-Who's the mug now?

-Get out!

It's worse than I thought, sir.

How?

They're not scared of us any more.

APPLAUSE

-But now, Buckells...

-Yeah.

..despite his hair and suit, has a good point.

No, he does!

Because you can only be undercover so many times,

particularly in the police force.

It's like I'm the worst undercover cop ever,

because I get caught every series!

Now, the other thing, of course,

that comes with being in shows is publicity photo shoots.

I know you don't like them, Rob, do you?

Only because the only thing I can ever do in a photograph is smile.

-In fact, I'd love to look, you know, moody and...

-But you look very...

Every time I've seen a photograph of you, you look very James Bond-ish.

Yeah, right.

I don't know where you're going with that, Brendan, but I don't want to.

You actually do, you've got a great face...

Well, all I can ever do is, I can show you,

if there's camera, that one there?

-Yeah, yeah.

-I have to go like this.

HE CHUCKLES

And I make the noise as well.

Because if I try to be moody, watch this.

-LAUGHTER

-I just look confused.

So every picture, I'm going...

We were looking at the Line Of Duty still there.

There you are. Now, that's good, moody drama.

Very good, moody drama. And do you enjoy doing these, Vicky?

The photo shoots, not so much, no.

Because in showbiz, you can do jazz hands,

you could be holding a chicken...

But in drama, presumably there are only so many poses available?

Yeah, and Martin always bags the pockets first.

So you get on the shoot, and then you go to go in your pockets,

-and he's already done it.

-Because we noticed you folded your arms here.

And then, as you say, another Line Of Duty, you must have got

into the photo shoot, and look at these bastards.

Pockets, pockets. You can't do pockets.

-So you're stuck with the arm folding again.

-I know!

Then, come into another room, look at this, Adrian Dunbar,

he literally sees a bar, he's on it!

Martin in the corner, poor Vicky, still folding her arms.

There's nothing else available to her!

Then, they go, OK, tell you what, let's break it up.

Let's do one sitting at a table.

Folding her arms!

You could've been plugging in the tape recorder, anything!

No, folding her arms.

-Then we get to The Replacement.

-Oh, shut up...

It's a whole new, fresh thing.

-A fresh start for Vicky.

-Oh, no!

Fresh start. Look, the co-starring bitch,

hands in pockets!

Poor old Vicky, still folding.

APPLAUSE

Oh, my gosh.

Then, in a weird twist of fate, ladies and gentlemen,

they take another picture.

It's catching!

They've both folded their hands! But now...

now it's exciting because she...she goes for a break. Now it's solo.

It's just Vicky McClure by herself, ladies and gentlemen.

She could pose any way she wants.

Oh, my God, no!

Mortifying!

But now... Wait, though!

Now there's a huge cast, a huge cast of Broadchurch, right? Broadchurch.

They're doing a big group shot, all on the beach. Here they all are.

We'll just pan along here now. So, there they all are.

There's one family. Oh, look, she's got the one hand in.

Hands down, hands down.

Person standing in a tent.

Other family, other family, what have we got? Holding a hand, nice.

There she is!

-Do you know what, though? I've got pockets tonight.

-Oh, look at you!

Beautiful!

-I predict we will never see you...

-You won't now!

We will never see you do that again.

Yeah, I'm now absolutely buggered because what am I going to do?

Oh, dear. Now, ladies and gentlemen,

-Rob Brydon back with Steve Coogan in The Trip, this time to Spain.

-Spain.

It's Thursdays, 10pm on Sky Atlantic. Also on Now TV.

And is this one of these no-brainer things where they come to you,

and they go, "Would you like...?" "Yes. I would like to do that."

It is now but the first time, Michael Winterbottom,

who created it, directed it, comes up with the stories,

and we improvise most of the dialogue, but he came up to us,

we'd done a film with him and he said, "Look, I've got this idea.

"Six half hours, the two of you in restaurants, and you just talk."

And we said, "What?" I said to him, "You may get enough good stuff

"for one half hour." I said, "But six?"

But it's interesting because Steve and I have a chemistry, and we...

We have a sort of simpatico with timing and we're quite

different in many ways but we've got lots of areas where we overlap,

and we're actually very similar. And it...it's become a lovely thing.

And how... I mean, I know everyone must ask you this,

but, you, you know...

He's Steve Coogan, you're Rob Brydon.

You are versions of yourself?

Yeah, a lot of it is very truthful. It is how we would be.

It's a real mix of totally, yeah, that's totally how we are.

But then there's a lot of stuff...

I mean, we would never sit over lunch and do the impressions

-back and forth. We would never be...

-No-one believes you.

-No-one believes you.

-Not for a moment!

If you sat in on our real meals, the meals we have in the evening,

we ended up in tears one night,

talking about getting older, and family, and relationships.

-But that's in!

-No, I don't think...

Episode one, episode one, you do do a thing about age, and marriage,

-and all that stuff.

-No, but in the real meal, it was hugs and tears.

It was full-on.

But it's one of the things that people find interesting

about it, you know, is it real or is it not?

Let's have a taste.

This is the two of you, well, walking around Spain.

Lindsay Kemp was the guy in The Wicker Man who invited

Edward Woodward into the pub

and he's also the guy who taught David Bowie mime.

That's where I know him from.

-He's teaching Dancing In The Street with Mick Jagger.

-Doubtful.

That's very... No, he was much more refined than that.

-AS JAGGER:

-Had a great time, remember, David? Do you remember?

Yeah, I do remember. It was...

You wore a really long coat, do you remember?

-Yes, I do, it was very much improvised on the day.

-That's right.

-Low-budget.

-It was for Comic Relief so we just...

-Very long coat, remember, David?

-Yeah, I do. Are you all right, Mick?

You seem to be talking in a rather exaggerated way.

No! I'm just remembering a good time.

-Do you remember, David, really long coat?

-Have you dropped some speed?

-What?

-You sound like you've done some speed.

I'm Mick Jagger, you know.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-I think, is it in episode one you talk about Mick Jagger?

-Oh, yeah.

-Is that a true story?

-Now, that's true.

Again, some of the stories are true.

Now this is a true story that I was...

This was about a Christmas and a bit ago.

I was at a party in a house, and he was there.

And I'd met him before at something, so he came over, and he's chatting.

And he's a remarkable man.

He's 73, but... I think I'm right in saying that.

He's as thin and wirey as anything. But he's got energy.

It's like in Cocoon, you know when that light goes "Psh!"

He has energy emanating from him. It's remarkable!

And we talked, and it was all nice.

And my wife and I were leaving,

went down the stairs from the first floor.

As we were heading towards the door, I heard, "Rob! Rob!"

And I looked around, "What, what?"

And he was on the landing, and he went,

"Don't throw those bloody spears at me."

And I looked and I thought, "What?" And I said, "What?"

He went, "Don't throw those bloody spears at me. Aah!"

And I had no idea. I was thinking, "What is going on?

"Is he having a stroke?" He's in the age range, you know.

And then I realised, "Oh, he's doing Michael Caine in Zulu."

He's doing me from The Trip doing... So I realised, so I went,

-AS MICHAEL CAINE:

-"I've told you before.

"If you're not going to sing, I don't want to bloody know.

"Now get back in the other room!"

And he went, "A-a-a-h!"

And he was gone. It's true.

And what's the David Bowie story?

Well, that's another true one that's in the show.

Some years ago, I was in my kitchen at home. I'd never met David Bowie.

And he was on the radio being interviewed.

And the interviewer said, "What you do when you're on the tour,

"on the bus? Do you watch stuff?"

And he said... I can't really do David Bowie. He goes,

-AS BOWIE SINGING:

-"Yes, I do."

Him singing, that's all I can do.

He said, "I watch this thing called Cruise Of The Gods."

Which is a show I was in with Steve, actually.

He said, and it was Mark Radcliffe,

and he said, "I don't know that one."

And Bowie said, "Oh, it's really good, you know, it's with that guy,

"what's his name?" I was going, "It's me!"

He said, "I don't know."

He said, "You know, the one from Marion And Geoff,"

which is a show that I did. And he went, "I don't know."

I was going, "It's Rob Brydon! It's me!"

It was the most bizarre...

David Bowie is struggling to get your name.

I was shouting at the radio, "It's me!"

And Mark Radcliffe, I thought a producer's going to tell

Mark Radcliffe, he's going to say. And he didn't!

They just went on, that was it. But then...

And we say this in the show as well, when he died, and it was just

awful, I looked on Twitter, and he followed about 250 people.

-And I was one of the people he followed.

-Oh, wow!

-Wow!

And when I told Steve this, and we do it on camera as well,

he was so cheesed off.

He said,

-AS STEVE:

-"I-I-I have to say, he's now slightly diminished in my eyes."

Very good.

Quickly, we must mention the tour because Good Mourning Mrs Brown,

you've done a big chunk of it,

but there's more to come in this country.

Yeah, we've got a middle section,

five weeks in the summer which finishes at the O2, and then

we've got the end section, which finishes in Dublin on 17th December.

-Then we open in Sydney on 15th January.

-Wow.

And the fans who come to the show...

So, there's a bunch of Harry Styles fans here.

LOUD CHEERING

-Yes. You know, those sorts of fans...

-We don't get that.

But you kind of do because where was this?

-Was this Manchester when you met this guy outside?

-Oh, yeah.

-This guy...

-What?

So, those are... They're not drawings, those are tattoos.

-They're real tattoos.

-You've got pride of place, in fairness.

-So, he's got everybody.

-All the characters. And...

You can see Gary Hollywood is the closest one to his arse.

Rory was a bit disappointed with that. But, no, he had all the faces.

Not only that, if you look at the picture,

-it looks like we've signed them.

-Yes.

-We haven't! We haven't.

He got our signatures.

They're all our signatures but he got our signatures on

something else and got them tattooed in heavy black. I mean, that is...

You know... If he's watching...

get a fucking life.

It is time for music. Yes.

All right.

Once a member of the biggest boyband in the world,

his debut solo single has just stormed to the top of the charts

in, get this, 84 countries.

Here, performing Sign Of The Times, is Mr Harry Styles!

LOUD CHEERING AND WHOOPING

# Just stop your crying It's a sign of the times

# Welcome to the final show

# Hope you're wearing your best clothes

# You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky

# You look pretty good down here

# But you ain't really good

# We never learn, we've been here before

# Why are we always stuck and running from

# The bullets

# The bullets

# We never learn, we've been here before

# Why are we always stuck and running from

# The bullets

# The bullets

# Just stop your crying It's a sign of the times

# We gotta get away from here

# We gotta get away from here

# Just stop your crying It'll be all right

# They told me that the end is near

# We gotta get away from here

# Just stop your crying Have the time of your life

# Breaking through the atmosphere

# And things are pretty good from here

# Remember, everything will be all right

# We can meet again somewhere

# Somewhere far away from here

# We never learn, we've been here before

# Why are we always stuck and running from

# The bullets

# The bullets

# We never learn, we've been here before

# Why are we always stuck and running from

# The bullets

# The bullets

# Just stop your crying It's a sign of the times

# We gotta get away from here

# We gotta get away from here

# Stop your crying Baby, it'll be all right

# They told me that the end is near

# We gotta get away from here

# We never learn, we've been here before

# Why are we always stuck and running from

# The bullets

# The bullets

# We never learn, we've been here before

# Why are we always stuck and running from

# The bullets

# The bullets

# We don't talk enough

# We should open up

# Before it's all too much

# Will we ever learn?

# We've been here before

# It's just what we know

# Oh, o-o-h

# Stop your crying, baby It's a sign of the times

# We gotta get away

# Oh, we got to get away

# We got to get away

# We got to get away

# We got to get away

# We gotta get away

# We gotta, we gotta get away

# We got to

# We gotta get away. #

APPLAUSE

Harry Styles, everybody!

Brilliant job. Come over.

And the band, let's hear it for the band. Well done, sir, well done.

Come and have a sit here. That's Rob Brydon. Vicky McClure.

Brendan O'Carroll, there they all are. Woo!

Very good. Sit, sit, sit.

Thank you so much for doing that. It was great.

-It was really, really good.

-Thank you.

-Epic.

-Do you know people on the couch? Do you know Brendan O'Carroll?

-I do.

-Have you met?

-I've met Vicky a few times.

-That I know.

Old bargain bucket there.

-Of the...

-Yes, she does that.

-You have met?

-We have met before.

You've got the pyjamas I sent you, I'm pleased to see.

And they look better on you than they would on me.

We were talking about celebrities having honours.

There is a few statues and a beautiful tram -

but do buy a ticket!

But, Harry, I don't know if you are aware of this.

In LA there is a beautiful monument.

Are you familiar with the monument?

-Is it the puke thing?

-It is.

There it is...

It was a few years ago.

But they're replacing it. If it ever rains, the fans replace it.

-Is it true? Did you throw up there?

-I did throw up there, yeah.

I think my mum put that sign up.

-That is so odd.

-It's interesting, for sure.

A little niche, maybe.

But, yeah, they're amazing.

-Yeah.

-I don't know what to say!

There were these people on eBay selling your hair.

I didn't know what you were going to say!

Selling your vomit. It comes out of a bottle.

Harry Vomit.

What's that smell? What did you do with your pocket money?

AUDIENCE GROANS

-This solo thing is going quite well so far.

-Thank you.

SCREAMING

That is now in 84 countries or 84 territories.

Are you now more excited for the album than nervous?

Erm, I am excited because I'm really proud of it.

And I have worked quite hard on it.

Aw!

He worked so hard...so hard!

-I am proud of it. There it is.

-Jealous much? Look what I've got!

SCREAMING

Yeah, yeah.

-I actually don't have one of those.

-I do. It's really good.

You worked really hard on it.

It's out on the 12th of May. That is the important thing.

-Here is the question. You are solo now.

-Yes.

This is all new to you.

Is it just lovely being by yourself or is there a bit of,

"I kind of a tiny bit miss being in the band"?

There's a lot more room in dressing rooms. But I don't feel on my own.

I have an amazing band, who I feel very lucky to get to play with.

-They're amazing.

-Yeah.

APPLAUSE

I know you love them. I don't doubt that.

But...when you are travelling with them,

do they stay in as nice a hotel as you?

Or are they in a slightly, slightly fewer stars after its name than you?

-Be honest.

-Where are they?

-They're gone now.

They're back in the Travelodge!

They're already stealing soap!

I know you love them and you feel a great kinship with them.

But do they stay in the same hotel as you? No, they don't.

APPLAUSE

Moving on!

Here's the thing - being a cultural icon,

all sorts of stories get printed about you.

So, last week, Warren Beatty was here and we did this thing with him

where we just read out some of the mad stories

that have been in papers about him over the years...

This could be fun.

..and we tried read your expression.

-There will be a camera very close on your face as I read these out.

-OK.

We will try to gauge, from your face...

And you're young. Your face moves!

LAUGHTER

-Let's see. Are you ready?

-No.

It's the Warren Beatty Deadpan Challenge.

You took a carrot cake to a Fleetwood Mac concert?

That's a yes.

-That is a yes.

-I did. I like carrot cake.

-And Fleetwood Mac, hopefully?

Love.

You and Liam got chlamydia from a koala bear?

-I'd like to confirm that's not true, by the way.

-OK.

You were thinking of becoming an estate agent?

That's a no.

Set your face for this one. I really want to see this one.

-Hang on.

-Here we go.

You had a sexual relationship with Barack Obama?

LAUGHTER

-You are wavering.

-I'm legally not allowed to say.

-Do you want to see a picture of him?

-Don't, it hurts!

You keep your skin in check with sheep placenta?

-That's not true.

-OK, fair enough.

LAUGHTER

Finally, you auditioned to be the new Hans Solo?

-That might be a yes!

-I think that's a yes.

THEY SHOUT

You just smile and everybody thinks, "He is! That's all true!"

-Well done.

-Thanks.

-Listen, good luck with the album. 12th of May!

APPLAUSE, SCREAMING

Right. No time for Red Chairs, I'm afraid.

So, please thank my lovely guests - Mr Harry Styles...

Rob Brydon...

Vicky McClure...

and Brendan O'Carroll!

Join me next week, with Eurovision hopeful Lucie Jones,

Star Wars' John Boyega,

Pirate of the Caribbean Orlando Bloom,

and a great comedy double act of Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn.

I'll see you then! Goodnight and bye-bye!