Episode 6 The Graham Norton Show

-Hi, I'm Guy Ritchie.

-I'm Charlie Hunnam.

-Welcome to The Graham Norton Show!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Oh!

For me? Is that for me?

Thank you.

Thank you so much!

No... No.

It's getting silly now. Hello and welcome!

Ladies and gentleman, we have a packed sofa tonight.

Sadly two people we HAVEN'T got on the show are the Prime Minister

and her lovely husband, Philip.

LAUGHTER

Have you seen them on The One Show? Woohoo(!)

Yeah! Riveting.

They spent most of the interview speaking about their marriage.

Guess what? It's strong and stable.

Who knew? They also spoke about their home life.

She's a good cook, he takes out the bins.

And she's never had a red box in the bedroom.

LAUGHTER Bit more than I wanted to know, if I'm honest.

Hey, the election campaign REALLY hotted up this week.

Who am I kidding?!

Yeah, the draft Labour manifesto got leaked.

Jeremy Corbyn's proposal is a massive increase

in education spending.

He says there are too many people in the country who can't even count.

I mean, here he is with one of them.

Yeah.

APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron... There he is!

That's Tim Farron. He said he has completely ruled out

a coalition with any other parties.

Yeah, in much the same way that I've completely ruled out marrying

Brad Pitt. Yeah, all MY decision. Yeah.

New Ukip leader, Paul Nuttall...

He laid out his plans - well done, him. In order to cut immigration,

Ukip have proposed a "one in, one out" system in Britain.

So, say we'd take in a Polish nurse and then we could swap them for...

Oh, yeah, lovely. Yeah, it's good. This is working.

In European news, France has a new president. Un president.

Yes, that is President Macron, with his wife, Brigitte.

Now, there were raised eyebrows that Brigitte is 24 years older than him.

But, hey, Donald Trump is 24 years older than HIS wife,

and who is really bothered by that?

Oh, yeah. Hey, let's get some guests on!

Later, we will have music from Ireland's own Imelda May!

CHEERING

But first, he's one of the funniest men in Britain.

It's a warm welcome back to my favourite comedian, Jason Manford, everybody!

-CHEERING Suited and booted. Looking very smart.

-Hello.

VERY smart! Yeah, lovely, lovely.

From teenage pop star to award-winning actress,

we've loved her in Doctor Who and Penny Dreadful,

now she's back on the stage as Yerma, it's Billie Piper.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-How are you?

-I'm good!

-Jason Manford, Billie Piper.

And they're the men behind the biggest British movie of the year -

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword.

Please welcome iconic British director Guy Ritchie

and King Arthur himself, Charlie Hunnam!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on, come on!

Come on, here you go!

Hello, sir, very nice to see you. Have a seat.

Hello, hello. Come in, sit down.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Feel the love.

-Welcome, all. Cheers.

-Chin-chin.

Cheers, sir, yeah. I like that, yeah, straight in.

-No messing about.

-It's what got you to the sofa!

This is the reason I came.

Ladies and gentleman, something very special tonight -

this is the first time on the sofa,

we've had someone who has won both an Olivier Award

and a Smash Hits award, ladies and gentleman. It's Billie Piper

has done both those things.

APPLAUSE Yes!

It's good.

Should I get... Could I get an award for THAT?

You know, when you were getting your Smash Hits award,

it seemed pretty unlikely you would ever be getting an Olivier Award.

-Correct.

-That's amazing.

-I know, it was great.

Jason, you hosted the Olivier Awards.

I did, yes. The closest I'M going to get to one.

It was a fun night.

-You were brilliant.

-You won five awards, I think, that night,

for Yerma. It was amazing. Just kept coming up.

You were on stage more than me.

I think we won two, but...

-Did you?!

-Yeah, but it was a good night.

That was one LONG speech!

When people come round to your house,

are they impressed that you've got an Olivier Award?

Yeah, they are. But they love the Smash Hits award,

cos it's that big... gold, iconic award.

They love it. They have pictures with it, everything.

I have to tell you I've never heard of the Olivier Award, but I've heard of the Smash Hits award.

LAUGHTER First time for Guy and Charlie.

They have not been here before.

But you had the premiere of your movie this week, King Arthur.

-How did it go?

-Very well.

We had a couple of them. We had one in LA on Monday.

Oh, smell you!

I know right, very fancy. Then one last night in Leicester Square.

You do the red carpet and then do you actually watch the film?

I can't. It's such a pressure cooker situation.

I can.

I can, I'm not being funny.

It's a little bit embarrassing but I like my films!

Billie's incredulous. "What?!"

I like your films.

But I have this funny thing that I completely forget that I make them.

I have that memory like Dory.

It starts and I think, "Oh, what happens next?! Oh, look behind you!"

I'm that guy. I'm surprised about how many times I can see them.

Do you annoy people at your own film?

"Shut up, I'm trying to watch this!"

Yeah!

And, Guy Ritchie, you're not afraid of casting non-actors.

This is the man who gave us Vinnie Jones, the actor.

CLAPPING Yes. One lady there very happy with Vinnie Jones, the actor.

He's in the pantheon of thespians.

And you have another footballer in this one.

Is it annoying that he's getting so much press for this film?

It must be annoying YOU.

"I'm King Arthur! David Beckham is in it for two seconds!"

-Cos you guys are mates, right?

-Yeah, sort of.

CHUCKLING

Don't back away now!

Oh, he's in it.

-He is in it.

-I'm not making this up!

Am I allowed to speak?

That's great.

Our kids go to the same school.

And we go to the same pub and we go to the same sort of gay gym.

Isn't that just "gym"?

I think the "gay" is silent.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-I set you up nicely there, didn't I?

-Thanks.

Yeah, and one thing led to another.

As they do...

-LAUGHTER

-As they do

in...gyms.

-Yeah.

-Erm...

And I've used him before in the previous film that I did,

Man From UNCLE.

-GIGGLING

-And I've...

What's going on?

They're still in the gym.

Um, yeah, I've done a couple of commercials with him.

I love him. He is...

He's not here. He is genuinely such a nice, nice man.

A lovely chap. It made sense, one thing led to another.

You did attempt to make him less beautiful in the film.

We tried. Have you got...?

This is the Instagram picture on the day he was shooting.

That was down to me. I walked on set and said,

"I think you should check the contracts - I have to be

"the most handsome man on set at any given time.

"Becksy is not going to work for me."

So that's what we did to him.

-But he still...

-He looks fit.

Yeah. He still looks fit.

You'd still give him one, right?

Oooh.

-Yeah.

-I tell you what -

-I

-would.

I thought he was terrific.

Not only just a lovely, kind, humble fella,

but showed up so determined to do a good job.

He's not an actor and I don't think has any real aspiration

to be an actor. And yet he'd hired an acting coach.

He's so prepared and sort of nervous and determined.

I thought, "Wow, good for you, David Beckham."

-No, he is.

-Not that he needs MY praise, obviously.

He's cracking on quite well.

I think it's about time somebody gave him a leg-up.

He's needed that.

Finally, a break.

God love him. He'll be in Corrie next.

A lot of actors, when they get a big hero movie like this,

they have to get into shape.

But you were incredibly ripped before this, weren't you?

I wasn't actually.

I'd been doing the last season of a TV show I did in the States,

Sons Of Anarchy. And I'd lost a lot of weight.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The character that I played was going through a great trauma

during that last season. So I had lost a lot of weight.

That actually was a bit of stumbling thing for me getting the role.

Cos Guy had wanted a quite formidable Arthur.

-And so he was very concerned.

-I was after Seth Rogan.

He was very concerned about this.

He would bring it up a lot through the auditioning process.

And I finally thought... I had a eureka moment.

We've all heard about the casting couch,

let's implement the casting cage.

-Where are we going with this, Charlie?!

-You know where we're going

with this, boss, don't play coy!

So I said, "Let's implement the casting cage."

The last time that Guy said, "Are you sure you can be formidable?"

I said, "You know what, pal, if you're so concerned about it..." Cos there was a big audition.

Lots of other little movie stars milling about this hotel,

going in and out auditioning for Guy.

It's very awkward, these things.

You walk past each other in the corridor saying,

"All right? Good luck, mate."

So I'd seen who the competition was.

When Guy brought it up one more time, his concern

about my physicality, I said,

"Let's just forget this. Turn the camera off."

Bring those chimpanzees in here who are auditioning against me

and we'll have a little fight and whoever walks out

the room gets the role.

And I maintain, although Guy denies it,

that was the moment that I got the part. Cos I saw a little glint

in his eye and he thought, "That's the cocky..."

APPLAUSE

Hold on. Before you go any further.

He lost. They were much bigger, and I gave him the role out of charity.

King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword, it opens next Friday, 19th of May.

We have a clip. Here's one of the big fights.

On my command!

SHOUTING AND YELLING

Whoa!

Yeah.

Yeah!

It's nothing like the cartoon, is it?

I thought it was like Beauty And The Beast, like a remake.

It's actually totally different,

there's no dragon turning into a cat or anything.

-Oh, there...

-Oh, really?

No.

Moving into movies like this,

Sherlock Holmes or the King Arthur legend and away from the gangster

movies, do you get fewer visits?

Cos you used to get visits from real-life gangsters.

-I still get visits.

-Oh, do you?

Like knock-on-the-door visits?

Sort of, you know, those sort of things.

They see you in the pub or they...

Already-in-your-house visits?

"What time do you call this, Guy?!"

Yeah, there's quite a lot that goes on.

There's a lot of old gangsters that want to share their stories with

the world, and I am the default setting if anyone wants to share

their story with the world, that has done really nefarious

and nasty things to people - they come straight to me first.

You've put some of the stories in the movies, haven't you?

Yeah, I mean, just about all the stories,

like the fact that Charlie was born in a brothel

in Arthur, that came from a chap that I knew.

He was born and raised under the bed in a brothel until he was 15.

And he had a wonderful way about him that he was tremendously protective

of all the ladies. And he was quite camp.

But when it came to being a bit of a chap, he was like an uber-geezer.

-Yeah.

-So he had this wonderful cashmere-caveman quality about him.

And I'd imagine, very pale.

LAUGHTER

Yeah.

Because, Charlie Hunnam, you are a little bit of a crim yourself.

-A crim?

-You've done nicking, haven't you?

-Um...

-Sons Of Anarchy, you did serious nicking on that.

The occasional prop.

No, Sons Of Anarchy, you did SERIOUS nicking on that.

I stole the motorbike.

You stole a motorbike!

-Is that the one you stole?

-Yes. The cat's out of the bag now.

-But they must have given you that.

-Well,

I just drove it off and took it home and then said,

"Is there any way you could send me the pink slip,

"cos it's not coming back, so we may as well just make it official now."

I was on that show for eight years.

I made them a fortune! Come on, the bike's the least I could take.

I tried to nick a sword on King Arthur,

and there was a lovely old chap

whose job it was to look after the swords.

And he rumbled me mid-theft,

which is where I realised I'm much better off being an actor

than trying to be a thief. He rumbled me.

He said, "Charlie, I think you're a lovely fella and you've been so

"nice to everyone, I would actually happily let you take this sword,

"but Guy has requested a brand-new beautiful sword that he's going

"to present you upon wrap."

And then wrap came and passed,

and no sword arrived.

-LAUGHTER

-So...

Two things happened.

Either the old sword wrangler bamboozled me

or Guy still has my sword.

Sorry, mate.

DO you have a sword for him?

That was, like, the least heartfelt apology!

I don't even know if that constituted an apology.

Nah. By the way, this has been going on for...about a year.

He won't let go of it.

And I don't intend to, until I get my sword.

Do you have an apology for Charlie - I think you do.

Or sword. One or the other.

I can do better than that. Well, sort of better than that.

Yeah, you know what's coming, you naughty girl!

-Is it coming?

-It's coming, son.

Where is it? Who's got it? Here it is!

APPLAUSE

Nice.

Wow! Oh, wow!

I really did not expect that.

-That's proper.

-Oh, it's proper!

-Yeah.

-Charlie Hunnam, old boy.

Ah, thank you, old girl.

APPLAUSE

I'm not sure how this is going to work in Customs when I try to go

-home tomorrow, but there you go.

-You could always give it back to me!

That's a proper bit of kit. Would you like to touch Excalibur?

I'd LOVE to hold your sword.

LAUGHTER

That's good, yeah. I'll let you deal with it.

-There you go.

-Wow. I'm really glad I came tonight.

I got a gin and tonic and a sword.

-Lovely.

-We'll put that there, in case anyone gets out of line.

Beautiful.

What a beautiful moment.

-That was wonderful.

-Also, you didn't do it like a joke version of it.

-That is the sword.

-No, that is it.

That took these little Japanese geezers

six months to cobble that together,

and they worked tirelessly day and night.

It's a big deal. I'm telling you it cost the price of a small aeroplane.

-Shall we have a little look.

-Yes, get it out.

It's proper. You could actually challenge someone to a duel

-with this.

-Can I touch it?

Anyone else happen to have a sword on them?

I'll just stroke the tip.

LAUGHTER

- What? Pack it in! Unbelievable. - You've corrupted it.

-Have you played with it?

-I have, I played with it previously.

-He had a go first.

-Graham and I go way back.

Do you still have the lava lamp that you bought.

You know, I'm afraid I don't.

Oh.

-These two have history.

-That was anti-climactic.

You know what - I might.

That might be in the attic.

-It might be in the attic.

-That's only marginally better.

-Do you want it back?

-No, but I was so pleased at the time.

You were the first really famous person I met. Right after we did

Queer As Folk, there was a charity auction and you bid on

the lava lamp from Nathan Maloney's bedroom, and paid £1,000 for it.

-Did I pay that much?!

-Yeah, you did, mate!

-I blame wine.

That's coming out of the attic tomorrow!

It's going back on eBay.

Keep talking about it, Charlie!

A little YouTube clip,

a picture of the lamp.

No, I think I don't have it.

LAUGHTER

Billie Piper is back on stage with her Olivier Award-winning

performance in Yerma at the Young Vic.

It opens July 26th.

So you should be really good by then.

I mean, REALLY.

I'll be good by then, I promise.

Then till the end of August. And I do think this is a great thing that

they're doing now. It's going to be one of those plays that's shown

-in cinemas.

-NT Live.

-On August 31st.

Yerma, I don't know this play - tell us about the play.

Well, there's the original and then there's our adaptation.

But it's about a woman who finds it incredibly hard to conceive a child.

And in the end, finds it impossible,

and it's about how it destroys her life, her marriage, her home,

everything.

So it's upbeat!

The staging sounds extraordinary.

You're all inside a glass box.

We're all inside... yeah, this glass box.

So you really have no sort of relationship with the audience.

It's all contained. You're there with your actors.

And it feels great, actually.

What sounds exciting, hearing you talk about these blackouts.

-They do these blackouts.

-Yeah, there's like a tandem show going on.

In the blackouts, they move the set.

We undress and put something else on

and then they give us our props and we go.

And we're doing it in, like, 15 seconds.

So there's loads of guys in those blackouts in night-vision goggles

just leading us around the set.

And your immediate reaction is to just punch them.

It's really threatening.

It feels very unnatural.

But then you get used to it and it's a good laugh.

For the audience it must be amazing.

The lights come on and you're all in different places

-and different clothes.

-And you just hope you have the right prop.

The baby comes on in darkness - a real baby.

-There's a real baby in it?

-A real baby, yeah.

-That seems a mistake.

-Yeah.

The mother's in the wings, heart in her throat.

It's fine, it goes well.

How many babies are there?

Actually, like three or four babies.

Three or four, that's what you want to hear - "Ah, three or four."

-Who counted them in?

-Who's counting?

-Do you have a favourite?

-Yeah.

The one that cooperates the most.

It's terrible to say, but this baby is something else.

It's like he's been here five times before.

And he really works the audience.

He sort of gets - and I...

-LAUGHTER

-He really does. So he comes out...

Is it a small man?

He has the wisdom of a small man

and he comes out and the lights go on and he coos

and it's this sort of, without giving it away,

sort of dream sequence or whatever you want it to be, I suppose,

but it's supposed to look like a loving and fertile environment.

And so it really helps when the baby's really digging me...

And he goes with it, most of the nights.

Then I take him to the glass and he knocks on the glass.

Like a little knock, and the audience go...

You have to move around with him. He's just a joy.

And he was at the wrap party.

LAUGHTER

Some of us, we were offering to babysit.

Ally McBeal, that dancing baby!

Yeah, Brendon, who plays my husband, has had play dates with him since.

We were offering to babysit for this child.

-He's just amazing.

-And back in the Smash Hits days,

did you and Charlie know each other, Billie?

-No.

-That was kind of Queer As Folk days and you were a big pop star.

You'd have thought you would have been at the same showbiz bashes.

I can't remember you.

-The only famous person...

-Wow, that's cold.

No, I know who you are now, of course.

And I used to watch you in Queer As Folk all the time,

and Russell T Davies wrote it.

But I can't remember anything from those early '90s.

Great, wonderful, thanks for that.

-Brilliant.

-There's more.

I'm sure.

In my head, I thought Queer As Folk was your big break,

but in fact it was before that, wasn't it?

Oh, it was indeed.

The old illustrious Byker Grove days.

Byker Grove! Were you ever in Byker Grove?

No, I wasn't. But I LOVED it.

-I was a huge Byker Grove fan.

-Great show.

You weren't an actor. You just showed up in Byker Grove?

Yeah, pretty much.

I had the aspiration to be an actor.

I was at film school at that point.

But I was discovered in a shoe shop on Northumbria Street,

a JD Sports, on Christmas Eve.

I had a foolproof strategy with Christmas shopping.

I would go to the pub on Christmas Eve at 12, and at 4pm,

one hour before the shops shut, I would start my Christmas shopping.

And I had the 60-minute frenzied shop.

-This is good.

-I was in JD Sports trying on some trainers

for my brother, having a bit a dance around -

drunk, obviously - as you can see.

And there was a lady staring at me.

So I blew her a kiss and gave her a little wink.

And it turned out she was production manager of Byker Grove.

She said, "I think you're quite lovely."

I said, "I do too."

She invited me in. And I did an audition and they gave me a part,

which I haven't seen since I did it, which is 20 years ago.

Now I think you're probably going to humiliate me.

I think you're right! You are excellent as King Arthur.

Probably not so great in Byker Grove!

I think you'll agree that it was all here, it was all here,

in slightly raw form.

So, this is... It's a very traumatic scene.

You didn't shoot Ant out of Ant and Dec with a paintball gun?

- That's not you. - No, that wasn't me, no!

-That was harrowing, that.

-They were long gone, long gone!

This is... You're doing...

"I'm blind, Dec!" Horrible - ruined me childhood, that.

"I can't see a bloody thing, man!"

Awful! Awful!

Children's telly, that was.

When they rolled in stinging nettles to get out of school - I did that!

I copied that!

-That was awful, terrible outcome!

-Well, this is a strange...

I think it's a strangely adult storyline for Byker Grove.

You play a model,

and I think you're initiating a younger boy into the ways of

-being a model.

-Oh, my God.

Look right now.

Fantastic. Right...

Now, straight ahead.

Smile!

Well done, lads.

-What's that?

-Cheese and scallion.

-Do you want one?

-There's a finger buffet upstairs, man.

Oh, right. Well, it's just...

You know, my girlfriend made them for us.

It's all laid on in this game -

all we have to do is look good and cash the cheques.

Don't worry, mate, I'll soon sort you out!

Oh, no! You sue the sandwich!

Oh!

-Wow!

-Wow!

Are you in awe? Don't be nervous now, I'm still the same old Charlie!

I've never heard a finger buffet sound so rude!

"There's a finger buffet upstairs!"

-Oh, boy!

-What the hell is going on upstairs?!

Would you have cast him, off that?

I have to tell you, I only wish

I could have derived such a performance, Charlie.

Had I known the talent was there!

You were sexy when you were young, Charlie!

You've got to have confidence to work a ponytail like that!

Yeah, you do!

Now, Jason Manford - Jason Manford is back on the road on tour.

The new tour is called Muddle Class.

-Yes.

-And Muddle Class, it's a good...

-Does it mean what I think it means?

-Yeah, it's a phrase that I came up

with to describe a lot of things,

muddling along and getting through those things,

but it sort of describes me,

I'm from a working-class background, you know...

But then, my kids are sort of a bit middle-class.

So, we're in this muddle space, where I don't know where I am,

trying to keep your roots but at the same time aspire for something else

for them. And they're always correcting me.

It's "ga-rahge", Daddy.

It's "ga-ridge" - get to bed!

And so, yeah, came up with that.

And I discussed it with my brother,

who was a plumber at the time and a friend of mine, who is a teacher.

And there's quite a lot of people seem to be in this middle place,

that didn't really have a name.

You couldn't say, "I'm middle class," because I'm definitely not.

But it's been fun, because you find yourself doing muddle-class things,

and you'll all do it at some point.

Often it comes with food, like,

I'll have a pork pie and a bit of quinoa on the side.

You know. You'll drink champagne, you know,

-but it's in a mug that you won at the bingo.

-Yeah!

My favourite was actually my brother, when I mentioned it to him,

he said, "Oh, I've done that!" When he signed on last,

all he had was a fountain pen.

So, you know, there's a lot of fun to be had with it.

But also, I suppose, with your kids, you could spoil them,

but you have to try and be strict with them?

Yeah, it's tough, like, because, you know, as you're doing all right,

you want to give them the life that you didn't have.

But you have to be strict, because you don't want to turn them into

children that you hated when you were a child.

-Mmm.

-Yeah.

-You know what I mean? You don't want them to be those kids.

So, it's tough. I remember taking my daughter to get new school shoes.

I took all five... I don't know if you've done this, Guy,

when you have taken all of them out just by yourself, like an idiot.

We've gone to buy new school shoes,

and it's a dead busy day in the department store,

and most of them have been fine,

and then just one daughter is just kicking off, going for it.

You've not got the skills that your parents had, because, you know,

laws have changed...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And... So, you've got to like find other ways,

you've got to talk to them like a children's TV presenter,

haven't you? "What seems to be the problem?"

You get a bit closer - "When you get home, you are dead!"

Do it so nobody sees you!

So, she was being a nightmare and I just couldn't wrangle her,

I just couldn't work it out. And what happens is, the other thing,

when you've got many children,

is that your other children start being good, really good,

but not good cos they want to be good -

they want to be good to highlight how bad the bad one is being.

"We're being good, aren't we, Daddy?"

"Yeah, but it's not coming from a good place."

And then in the end, I had to do that thing that parents do

sometimes, where you go overboard with the punishment.

So, when they're not eating their dinner.

"Right, then, you'll never eat again!"

"Aw! Can't back that up!"

And I did it to my daughter, she was like, "I want these..."

I said, "Right, then, you'll have NO shoes!"

So, I got shoes for the other kids, and so,

I've got these four pairs of shoes and none for her.

Very rare that I stand by a punishment.

Even when I send them upstairs,

they're halfway down before they've got there.

So, I'm in this queue and my daughter's gone from being naughty

to turning the waterworks on.

And of course, it's a new crowd around her.

So these people just think she's like Cinderella,

not getting any shoes. "No shoes for you!"

And she goes...

And then she said the worst thing, and, as parents, you'll feel this.

It's the worst thing that anyone can say to you, your child.

She said, "Daddy." And I went, "What?"

She said...

There's all these people looking. She just went, "Daddy...

"Why do you make the rest of the world laugh, but you make me cry?"

"Oh, you got me good!"

She got three pairs of shoes that day!

Jason Manford, you're also, you're on the telly.

-Yes.

-Bigheads on Sunday night, ITV.

-That's me!

-This show, honestly, this show is a funny show.

Everyone enjoyed it, apart from Billie Piper.

-Oh, no. Why?

-Well, I thought

you didn't like things like those things?

Oh, the mascots, yeah.

-Have you got a phobia?

-Yeah.

I inherited this fear of mascots.

Well, our show will not help that.

Absolutely terrifying!

I mean, there's not a lot of explaining to do, but do explain.

As I said, episode one, I said,

this is the show where contestants run around for money,

wearing massive celebrity heads.

It can't all be Broadchurch!

I mean, you've got to have light and shade, haven't you?

It certainly doesn't work on more than one level.

-But it's...

-What are they doing?

Well, it's... Have you seen, like, remember Gladiators,

-Ninja Warrior, stuff like that?

-Yeah.

-So they're doing...

-Assault courses.

-Assault courses, yeah, but wearing these heads

that they can only really see out of this bit.

It's as funny as it's simple.

Here's a clip of Bigheads.

Camilla has got...!

-Oh!

-Camilla, on your feet!

There's just one more space left through those doors!

-High-five!

-Who will join Victoria and Russell?!

Oh, no!

He's catching his breath there.

That's not even the slippy bit!

-Come on!

-You're from Stockport, come on! Get up there!

Both trying to get their breath back.

Charles makes another dash...

Oh!

APPLAUSE

-So funny.

-That's so funny!

-I'm sorry, television!

-That is funny! Listen, it's time for music.

This lady is one of Ireland's most-celebrated artists,

and now she's back with a new groove,

performing Should've Been You, it is Imelda May!

# I could tell you all the things I do for you

# But it's no surprise when you just roll your eyes

# And say here we go again

# She's going to moan again

# I should spare you love just a thing or two

# But you don't disguise it when I'm just white noise

# And it's done before it begins

# Cos your temper's getting thin

# But there's just one thing I want to know

# Just one little thing before I go

# Before I go

# It's who takes care of me?

# Tell me, who takes care of me?

# Should've been you

# Oh-oh!

# Should've been you

# Do you realise?

# No, you never will

# Cos your head's held high

# And you've got your pride

# I got a little of mine still

# Yeah, the bit you couldn't kill

# I'll never blame you and I always will

# I can't explain it but it hurts like hell

# And I'm feeling so alone

# Yeah, I'm lonely to the bone

# But there's just one thing that I want to know

# Just one little thing before I go

# Before I go

# It's who takes care of me?

# Tell me, who takes care of me?

# Should've been you

# Oh-oh!

# Should've been you

# Oh-oh!

# And I'm angry

# And I'm sad

# I'm the best thing

# That you ever had

# All I wanted

# Was your touch

# But you told me

# What I wanted was just too much

# Oh, who takes care of me?

# Tell me, who takes care of me?

# Should've been you

# Oh-oh

# Should've been you

# Should've been you

# Should've been you. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Imelda May, everybody!

Beautiful job, come on over!

Beautiful! Beautiful! Thank you so much! Imelda May!

Come and join us, do!

That's Jason, Billie, Guy, Charlie, marvellous!

Thank you so much for that, that sounded great.

And fabulous to have that big band and everything.

Yes. Live band.

Live. And that is off the new album, Life Love Flesh Blood.

-Which is out now, isn't it?

-It is, it's out now.

-It's out a week or so now.

-Yeah. It's in the actual shops!

And I was listening to it on the radio, that sound,

it's almost like a kind of Roy Orbison sound, that song.

Well, T Bone Burnett produced it,

and he produced a lot of Roy Orbison,

-so maybe you're right!

-Well, there you go! It's like I'm not stupid!

It's almost as if...! And we should say

that the reason you've got a big band is because

you are on tour right now.

Right in the middle of it, yeah.

We cancelled a gig tonight to come to see you.

-Oh, no, you didn't!

-And lots of people are very cross with you.

-Cos that's my fault!

-No, they're cross with me.

But I explained to them, and once I said your name,

-they all were very happy.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Because you probably saw it, the tour bus is parked outside.

-Yeah.

-The tour is around here,

Ireland, then it's going to America,

but will it be going to Paris at all?

Yes, we will be going to Paris.

Because the May family have been to Paris, haven't you?

-I know where you're going with this.

-I love this story, this is so Irish.

Well, I think... I'm actually thinking,

because I've so many crazy stories of my family,

that I might write a book and possibly,

if you ever want to turn it into a movie,

I think this is a really good opening scene.

So, yes, my dad, my parents used to bring us travelling when...

Nobody went travelling that I knew, and they used to just pack...

Should I sit back, sorry, am I blocking...?

-No, I'm looking at YOU!

-You're OK?

And the big gang of us, anyway, we went,

all seven of us in the little Rover...

There's travelling and there's travelling.

Yeah, we...

Yeah, not like Snatch.

I think you just mean actually travelling.

We camped all over the world.

My parents, we had this giant big orange tent that slept seven of us.

My mam had a little stove,

my dad never got the tent up the way it was shaped on the box.

And I remember, we woke up to...

massive, erm, just,

it was crazy and noisy and my dad was getting dragged out by the

gendarmes, by the police.

And there was whistles going, and my mam was saying,

"Get your hands off him!"

And we were starting to cry, my mam had her little stove out,

doing breakfast, and my dad was saying,

"Yous are very uptight altogether!"

And he was dragging them out.

And apparently, you're not allowed to camp

underneath the Eiffel Tower.

APPLAUSE

-Frying an egg!

-Literally, yes, frying an egg, the kettle was on,

we were all sitting...

She brought dressing gowns and slippers,

we were all sitting... "This is a great view!"

And he was getting dragged off!

-Thank you very much for that, Imelda May.

-Thank you very much.

Terrific! Imelda May, everybody.

That's nearly it. But before we go, just time for

a visit to the Big Red Chair.

-Who's there?

-Hiya.

-Hi - what's your name?

-Matt.

-Matt. And where are you from?

-I'm from Cambridgeshire.

Cambridgeshire. OK. Do you live here or up in Cambridgeshire?

No, just up for the day visiting. Well, for this, yeah.

Up for the day! The excitement!

-Off you go with your story.

-Well,

a few years ago we went on a holiday with a couple of friends to Crete.

Extremely hot. On the first day,

I forgot to take my sun cream to the beach.

So my "mate" had this huge budget cheap family-sized packet

of sun cream. So I asked him, could I borrow it?

And he told me no, because he would require it for the rest

of the holiday. So, I spent the whole day in the shade.

So that evening in the apartment,

his budget sun cream was on the bathroom cabinet,

so I went to the kitchen,

took a fork, took the little plastic bung out, and I peed in it.

For revenge. So, I put the bung back in,

put it back on the shelf and the rest of the holiday,

there he was slathering his sun cream in,

doing this all week long.

And I told everyone at the pub when I got home,

and everyone said what a lovely golden tan he'd got!

That's a fun story!

Yeah, you walk! Go on, go on, go on!

He turned it round at the end there.

Let's have one more. One more, here we go.

-Hello.

-Hiya.

-Hi, what's your name?

-My name's Sebastian.

Sebastian. And where are you from?

-I'm from Newcastle.

-Newcastle, OK.

Do you live there or here?

-I live in Newcastle, yeah.

-OK, off you go with the story, Sebastien.

Well, many moons ago... I actually went to school in Newcastle,

and there was a disco coming up.

There was a really popular girl at school,

usual type of scenario,

all the guys after her.

I sort of waited till the last moment, last couple of days,

and asked a girl, this popular girl, a question,

if she'd like to go with me. She said yes.

This was literally I think the day before the disco.

Lo and behold, it turns out she was actually going to go with somebody

else. Erm...

And that other person was actually Charlie.

Sebastian Lippiatt!

That's the one, man!

You dirty bastard!

I didn't know, I...!

I was just thinking... "How could this have happened to two people?!"

-Rachel Gould!

-The very same, yes, you know who it is.

Wow!

-You look older than me!

-You know, at the time...

We're the same age?!

And did you end up marrying Rachel Gould?

-No, not yet, no.

-Oh, OK.

-There's still time!

-You don't happen to have a sword with you, do you?

You could have revenge, if you want to.

Do you want to...?

There you go!

All those years!

That was good! I wondered when you'd twig!

If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in the Red Chair,

you can contact us via the website at this very address...

That is it for tonight.

Please say a huge thank you to my guests Imelda May...!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Jason Manford! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Billie Piper! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Guy Ritchie! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

And Charlie Hunnam! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Join me next week, with musical guest Sheryl Crow,

actor Alan Cumming, singing star Keith Urban

and Oscar-winner Nicole Kidman.

I'll see you then, goodnight, everyone, bye!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING