Episode 10 The Graham Norton Show

Hey, everyone, this is Dwayne Johnson saying,

welcome to the Graham Norton Show!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

This programme contains some strong language.

Hello!

Hello! Hello! Good evening!

You're so welcome.

Lovely to see you! Hello! Hi!

We've got a great show for you tonight.

I know I always say it's a packed sofa, but tonight, it really is.

It's an embarrassment of riches.

Later we'll have a visit from three stars of the new Jumanji film,

Welcome To The Jungle - they are Jack Black,

Kevin Hart and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes! They will be here.

And we'll have music from Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, whip-crack-away, not a moment to waste.

Let's get my first guests on!

She's the Aussie star of Bridesmaids and How To Be Single,

now reprising her role as Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect 3, it's Rebel Wilson!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Whoa! Whoa!

They love you, they love you!

She's made us laugh for 30 years as one half of French and Saunders and

the whole of the Vicar Of Dibley,

it's always a pleasure to welcome... Dawn French, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So pretty, so pretty! Hello, darling.

Dawn, Rebel. Rebel, Dawn.

Move over a bit.

And she's the Oscar-nominated star of The Help,

Zero Dark Thirty and The Martian,

now she brings us the incredible true story, Molly's Game,

it's the fabulous Jessica Chastain!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Whoo!

-Whoo!

-Whoo!

Hello, darling. Lovely to see you!

-Whoo! Whoo!

-Whoo!

-Whoo!

-Hi, ladies. Hi!

-Yeah, hi!

I feel like I'm hosting Blind Date!

Are you going to match us with the other three that come on next?

-Yes, we'll do that, yes.

-OK.

-I'd be up for that.

I'D be up for that.

This is a good celebrity format.

You wouldn't be up for that because you just got married.

I did!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Nice rock!

-It looks like you married your finger.

"Yes, I got married!"

-That's very blingy.

-I know.

-We've got a picture of you with your husband, there he is.

-Oh, yes!

-Gian Luca.

-Gian Luca.

-Gian Lu-u-u-c-a-a-a!

Ciao! Come stai? Gianluca!

Now, are you hanging with Italians now?

I am and it's actually hysterical

because the more time I hang out with someone, I start to take on

their characteristics without really trying.

See, I just did it! "Try-ing-a!"

So I've had people come up to me and go, "Do you have an accent?"

And I'm starting to sound like an Italian,

which is not necessarily a bad thing except sometimes-a,

when you talk-a,

you end up with a little "a" at the end of every sentence.

Dawn, you don't really have an accent.

I don't have an accent. I'm from the West Country

so there are people down there that have an accent.

My family has a Cornish accent,

but I have actually just done a series called Delicious,

where I had to play an Italian chef

and my dad in it was played by Franco Nero, do you know him?

Wonderful actor, he was in the Guns Of Navarone years ago.

And anyway, he plays my dad and he's Italian-a,

and he told me you can say anything so long as you do this.

If you do that, you're Italian. It helps.

Because Rebel Wilson, working actress...

Oh, yeah, still.

Are you Italian at all, in any way?

No, I got my DNA tested

and they said I'm 100% white.

I was hoping for something.

-No.

-But you are working on an accent, though.

Yeah, I was just doing a South African accent

for a movie so I will do a little bit.

-IN STRONG ACCENT:

-It's a pleasure to meet a fellow wildlife enthusiast.

I love the Springboks myself.

APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER Very good!

That WAS good, yes.

Please, everybody, you come to my house and share in my "ahse-cream"!

LAUGHTER

-It's a good accent.

-It IS a good accent!

Talking of congratulations for getting married,

congratulations on your big court case win,

Erin Brockovich right there.

-Thanks! Yes!

-APPLAUSE

I mean, it must have been quite nervous-making

because once you've won, then it's like, "Yay!"

-Woohoo!

-But, you know...

-I mean, it's scary,

I've never committed a crime or anything,

so I've never been in court,

and it's a really weird experience.

You've got to testify and you've got to be really serious

in front of the judge.

But sometimes the judge would make jokes and then sometimes

he would quote Shakespeare, which was really interesting.

Yeah, and I was like, "I think I'm going to win."

But, yeah, it was actually the highest damages pay-out ever

in Australian history.

You took a magazine to court.

Yes, that was owned by German billionaires,

-so don't feel sorry for them.

-What did they do?

They defamed me.

Oh, I wish I'd been defamed.

Yeah, I know.

No-one wants to defame me.

You can make millions.

I'm giving it all away to charity, though,

but I won close to five million.

Woo! Well done, that lady!

Good for you.

Now, lots of stuff on tonight,

but the first film stars Jessica Chastain in Molly's Game.

It opens on the 1st of January.

It's not only written by the great Aaron Sorkin,

but it's also his first time directing.

It's a true story, so Molly Bloom... Describe who is Molly Bloom

and why are we interested in her story?

So Molly Bloom was ranked third in women's moguls,

she was on her way to the Olympics, on her way to law school,

and she had an accident.

So she ended up in Los Angeles and started running the most exclusive

high-stakes poker game in the world.

Unbeknownst to her, she lets in members of the Russian Mafia

and she gets indicted by the FBI.

So it sounds like a Hollywood fake story, but it's a true story.

Yeah, and she wrote a book but she was very careful in her book because

there were a lot of high-profile people in these card games

in Los Angeles, Hollywood types.

She didn't name them, but presumably, because of who YOU are,

you have now met...

Or have people come up to you and said, "Oh, I'm in your film,

-"you don't know this."

-Yes, I've met some people who have played

in her game. I knew some of the guys.

I mean, we're talking big celebrities,

big, you know, athletes.

So I met some of the guys in New York.

They took me to an actual poker game,

which was really stressful because I watched, this one guy who took me,

I watched him lose, like, 500,000

in a couple of hours, which first of all, that's just crazy

to lose that in a couple of hours,

but I really felt like I was the bringer of bad luck

-in that situation.

-Yes.

Rebel, are you a gambler?

My earliest memory,

I was out at a farm and I'm holding a horse and they said to me,

"Do you like that horse?" It was a racehorse, and I go, "Uh, yeah."

They go, "Good, cos it's your horse."

I remember, like, not knowing what they meant,

and they put it under my name

for tax evasion reasons.

So...my dad and nana had racehorses.

So I was at the track a lot

and I kind of was very good at maths

and I became very good at a young age at betting on the horses -

the gee-gees, as my nana would call them.

And when I was six,

I won a box trifecta at the races

and won, like, 1,600,

and my dad took all the money

and just gave me 5.

My uncle was like, "What are you doing?"

And he was like, "She'll never remember," but I remember.

LAUGHTER

-I lost, like, 1,595!

-APPLAUSE

In Australia, are they called the trots, the horse racing?

-Yeah, the trots.

-You bet on the trots.

-Yeah.

-That's a different thing here.

-Is it?

-Yeah, I wouldn't be betting on it.

You certainly don't want to win at the trots.

-No, you don't want to win.

-I have no idea what's going on here.

It's an upset tummy, basically.

Why's that? Is it because you trot to the loo?

-I guess so. You're trotting very, very fast.

-Oh, God!

Anyhoo!

We've got a clip. This is a scene with Idris Elba,

who plays your lawyer, and he's sort of urging you...

-Oh, Idris!

-Idris!

Did he say anything about me?

Every single day.

Did he say anything about me?

Every single day.

We're still in there!

We can have an Idris sandwich.

The rest of us will all be looking at you in this scene!

Idris Elba, who plays the lawyer and he's urging you to take the deal

that's been offered.

-You didn't do anything wrong.

-I threw four people under the bus

for 35,000, Charlie. I notice you kept that out of your speech

-to prosecutors.

-Don't do that to me.

I took advantage of gambling addicts.

Donnie Silverman, my brilliant find, he lost 6 million on my table...

-Stop! Stop!

-..moved to Florida,

got a job as a substitute teacher, then hanged himself in his shower.

-That's not your fault!

-Donnie Silverman is dead,

Harlan Eustace is in jail in Nevada wishing HE was,

but that's not why I'm saying no.

-You're not saying no...

-I was named after my great-grandmother...

-I don't care.

-Molly Bloom is my name.

-We will stay all night

until you understand

-nobody gives a shit about your good name.

-I do!

-Why?

-Because it's...

-Why?

-Because...

-Tell me why.

Because it's all I have left.

Because it's my name.

OK, now...

You may be aware that Christmas is coming, and Dawn French brings us

an ideal gift - and so easy to wrap.

SO easy to wrap!

It's Dawn French - Me, You, A Diary.

And this is a clever idea.

It's sort of your diary, your life, your thoughts,

but equally it works as the purchaser's diary.

That's exactly right. I've written it,

I've written 12 pieces about the months and four pieces

about the seasons, which are kind of metaphors for ages in our life,

but I've also written kind of lists in there

and written little tasks for people to do.

There's a page there where I invite you to write that letter

that you've been meaning to write, that you know you need to,

and if you don't know how to start it, I've given you some clues.

It might start with, "I'm sorry about..." or,

"How did we ever get to..."

or "Perhaps you could return my lawn mower," or whatever.

And then you can rip that page out.

If you look at the very back, there's a rather lovely flap.

I loved your flap. Yes!

Yes!

We ALL need a back flap.

But you put the letter in there, and by the time you get to December,

you can just read that letter again and decide if you want to post it or

if just having written it is enough.

-So it's an interactive book.

-That's a good idea.

You can use that book to write your dental appointments in,

you can write it as a journal,

and I hope by the end of the year that is a fatter, scruffier,

scrapbook of a book that becomes your treasure about you.

And it's funny because you're not claiming,

you know, "I know everything,"

but you are saying, "I've been around, here's some stuff I know."

Well, I turned 60 this year and...

No!

-APPLAUSE

-I think you missed your cue!

Because I did, I've written novels as you know, and I thought,

no, I want to write a book that's kind of a present.

I want to write a book that's celebratory

and enjoyable to take part in.

"Advice to be ignored," right,

so these are things people tell you

that you should do that you should ignore.

So, do you remember any of these?

I remember some things.

Don't go out with wet hair.

That's absolutely things that your parents have told you, yes.

Don't swim within eight hours of eating, that's nonsense.

Don't keep your coat on indoors

or you won't feel the benefit - nonsense.

-Nonsense.

-This one though - don't lick a cat's bottom.

That is GOOD advice, I would have thought.

It's good advice and I advise you to follow it.

I wish someone had told me that!

I thought it was lucky.

Funnily enough, there is an old wives' tale

that if you get a new cat... Ha-ha!

-And if you spread butter on its bum...

-Oh, my gosh.

..you let the cat lick the butter off,

in that time the cat gets used to the house where it is.

-But obviously...

-Oh, I see,

-so it won't move away because it's so enjoying its own bum.

-Exactly.

I'd heard this, and when we got our first kitten many, many years ago,

I remember saying to Len, my then husband,

my first husband, as I like to refer to him,

I said to him, "You know that old thing about the cat

"licking the butter off the bum?"

And his face

was so shocked, and I went, "Yeah, you have to lick it.

"As the owner, you have to lick the cat's bottom.

"Are you OK with that?"

And literally, he nearly did.

You know when you think,

"Oh, OK, this is something I don't understand but I'd better do it."

But anyway, he didn't do it, I didn't allow that.

As you say, 60 years old, you've got a lot of attention,

you've got this portrait done.

Did you get this done for your birthday?

-WOLF-WHISTLES

-Well, the thing was my friend Trevor Leighton, who's been, you know,

my friend for a lot of years and a wonderful photographer,

we were doing some other stuff for a magazine cover and he was staying

at my house and we did that at my house in the morning.

-So, yeah, he was there.

-Just got out of bed, yeah.

You know, it's horrible having your picture taken, isn't it?

But he is my friend and he's talking to me all the time and he's funny,

so it was very easy to do.

And he said, "Let's do a picture to celebrate being 60."

-And it's a fabulous picture. You look brilliant in it.

-Thanks.

And he actually took a picture of you,

is this from 1981, this picture?

This one. LAUGHTER

Yeah, God, that was the first house I shared with Jennifer, actually,

and that's Spider, our cat.

Now, I don't want to be rude, but did you know

a photographer was coming round?

Because there appear to be old tights and about a week's worth

-of newspapers hanging there.

-I thought they'd just crop it.

That bad mullet hairdo. It's appalling.

Hey, Dawn, who licked that cat's butt - you or Jennifer?

All I'm saying is, look how attached that cat is to me.

Yeah, that cat is going, "I'm ready."

-"I know who my bottom licker is."

-"Assume the position."

Now, if you want to see Dawn French, do not worry.

She will be on television over the festive period.

300 Years Of French And Saunders...

Yeah.

..which is on BBC One, Christmas Day at 10:35pm.

-Wow, good slot.

-Yes.

APPLAUSE

And I should mention, your comedy drama Delicious returns

for a second series on Sky One from Friday the 29th, at 9pm.

And this is a big hit for Sky.

It was, yes. Their biggest drama last year, thank goodness.

Oh, I love making this show.

We make it in Cornwall, that's Emilia Fox there,

who is my friend and enemy in this show.

And there's a woman, you know, my daughter's 20, Emelia's 40, I'm 60,

Sheila Hancock is 80,

and it's about these four women and how they rub along together,

what they have to forgive each other, what they keep secret

from each other and how they work it out in the end.

We have a clip. This is you and Emilia having an altercation.

-NOT working it out.

-OK.

-You disappeared earlier.

-Sorry, I had to see someone.

-And?

-And so we need to rearrange the interviews.

No need.

You hired someone without consulting me?

Well, the executive chef wasn't here,

so I made an executive decision.

-My staff...

-Our business, which you just walked out on.

His name's Adam, he starts tomorrow.

If he can't cook, he's fired.

I'm taking the night off.

Penrose is all yours.

Ooh...

Very good.

Now, Rebel Wilson brings us the third instalment in...

This is such a big film franchise, Pitch Perfect 3.

Yeah, number three. A trilogy.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

It's out on the 20th of December, and it's funny how you can talk

to some people and they don't get it,

like they don't understand how successful this franchise is.

Pitch Perfect 2 is the highest grossing musical comedy of all time.

Wow!

Yeah.

School Of Rock is number two, Jack Black.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, like, we can't believe how successful it's become.

And it's so cool, because we're all friends in the cast

and so we want to work together again.

Like, it would suck if they were all bitches.

I'd be like, "Oh, another movie."

I was the first person ever cast in Pitch Perfect,

I was cast four months before anybody else

and I DID have to sing in the audition

and I was a little nervous, but then I thought,

"Just crush it." So...

What did you sing for your audition?

I sang Lady Gaga, Edge Of Glory, but I did my own body percussion

-to accompany it.

-How do you do that?

Should I try to recreate it?

-Yes, please!

-All right.

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

So, I haven't done this in, like, seven years.

-OK, so...

-Do we need goggles?

-Are you going to be the casting director?

-Yeah.

-So, OK.

I'm Rebel, I'm five foot four,

still single.

Here's my song. OK.

# I'm on the edge of glory

# And I'm hanging on a moment of truth

# I'm on the edge of glory

# And I'm hanging on a moment with you

# I'm on the edge The edge, the edge, the edge

# The edge, the edge, the e-e-e-e-dge

# I'm on the edge of glory... #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Something like that.

-You've got the part!

-Very good.

-That was nerve-racking.

So, the Bellas are back. You're all a bit older,

cos you're not in college or anything any more.

-So what's going on?

-No, all the Bellas are kind of having

a quarter-life crisis, which is a thing now.

For the young people.

And they're all out of college and they're kind of

trying to get jobs or earn money and then they realise they miss

being in an a cappella group and get back together.

-Of course they do.

-Thank God they do.

Yeah, I mean otherwise it would just be a boring movie.

We had to get the group back together.

But in this movie, though, you are back as Fat Amy,

but we see a different side to Fat Amy.

She is action-packed in this film.

Yeah, not only is there singing, dancing,

but I do a lot of hard-core stunts in the movie.

And people wouldn't think that I could fight,

because, like, I look a bit more lazier,

but I can really get into it and throw down if I need to.

And I love that this movie,

they gave me the opportunity to show some of my skills.

I mean, I've shown some of my nunchuks on this show.

You did the nunchuks on here. It was excellent.

Yeah, one of my hidden talents.

And, yeah, I got to kick, punch.

We've got it, we've got a very exciting clip.

This is Fat Amy very much in action.

OK, you'll see my skills.

Mikhail, former jelly-wrestling coach/baby-sitter.

-Do you remember me?

-How could I forget the girl who gave me this?

You really shouldn't have put me on a time-out.

Let's dance.

MUSIC: Toxic by Britney Spears

Whoa, easy now, easy.

Easy.

Nunchuks!

-Sausage nunchuks, right there.

-Right, it's time to meet

our next guests.

They are the three stars

of the new Jumanji movie, Welcome To The Jungle.

Please welcome, Jack Black, Kevin Hart

and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

MUSIC: Welcome To The Jungle by Guns N'Roses

I've never seen you looking so smart!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back.

They're here. They're here!

Hello. Hello, how are you? How are you doing?

How are you doing? Pleasure to meet you.

Enough! Come on, that's over. Enough of it.

Hey!

-Anybody else? No.

-Sit, sit, sit.

-Hello, boys, how are you?

-Good, man.

-Good to see you.

You just got here from your premiere of Jumanji.

-Yes. How did it go?

-Amazing.

-Fantastic.

-People went crazy when...

For me! ..when they saw me, guys. When they saw me.

-Me and Jack.

-They lost it. It was fine, like, they walked out and

there was a different energy, and then I came

and everybody passed out. People were like... It was so unbelievable.

It was amazing. They were falling asleep, just...

HE SNORES

That's why it got so quiet. Everyone was passed out.

-That's why.

-THAT'S why.

I have to say, talking of crowds cheering, the rumours are,

the rumours are, Dwayne Johnson, President, 2020.

Oh, wow.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Yes, it's...

-That's a rumour. Don't clap too loud,

-it's a rumour.

-See, here's the problem,

which, it's been very flattering, right,

that there's been this really interesting uptick in public opinion

wanting that to happen, but the problem is this guy to my right

will completely sabotage the campaign.

-100%.

-2020.

-100%.

-2024.

I'm the guy that will take him down.

-He'll literally sabotage from the inside.

-Yes. I will take you down.

I don't want it to happen just because it would make you

that much better than me, and I just don't want that.

I will sabotage you.

I'd take you over what we've got right now, I'll tell you that.

No, because Jessica, you'd be a cheerleader for Dwayne,

-wouldn't you?

-Absolutely! Have you seen his Instagram?

-Yes, I have.

-He's so nice and he's always showing gratitude.

Ugh!

Graham, I'd be prepared to donate to the campaign.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Thank you so much.

Thank you. Cheers, ladies.

That's lovely. Now, Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle,

it opens on the 20th of December

and we must be clear, this isn't a remake, it isn't a sequel,

this is a kind of stand-alone movie about the game.

Yes, it is.

First of all, we wanted to make sure that we were paying homage

to the spirit of Jumanji,

which was such a big part of all of our lives growing up, and we also

wanted to make sure that we were respectfully paying tribute

to the man who started the entire - as Jack likes to articulate it -

the Jumanji magic, Mr Robin Williams.

Yes.

So the key with the movie was just trying to figure out

whatever a creative, fresh take on it would be

and I think once we cracked the device of

we are teenagers who get thrust into the game

into these Avatar bodies that have superpowers,

like myself and, you know, Jack has...

It was just, that's when we knew we had something special.

You know what, he can't say about it.

I mean, look, we wanted to do a continuation.

Actually, I did, so you don't have to say anything.

Well, you didn't say we did, so I'm going to fix it.

I'm going to say it a lot better. You know, what we wanted

to do, I think of the last Jumanji,

it's an action, it's adventure, it's comedy, it's everything,

and Jack Black really does steal this film.

-He's going to be modest.

-You guys!

-He plays a 16-year-old girl, he does it perfectly.

-Brilliantly.

OK, I've never put Jack on the spot but I have to do it now, since,

you know, I love this show, I love coming back. The girls are here,

they're going to appreciate it. The audience is going to appreciate it.

Oh, do it, I know what you're going to do.

Shirtless! Shirtless!

Jack does this incredible scene in the movie

where he shows Karen Gillan, who is a wonderful actress...

-Our own Karen Gillan.

-Your own Karen Gillan.

..how to flirt as a 16-year-old girl.

-Turn into her, Jack.

-Wait, I have to do acting right now?

You guys just say I stole the movie and now I have to show you

-how I did it?

-Exactly.

Um, this is not going to go well.

This is not my kind of environment

to release the Kraken.

Here goes.

-IN EFFEMINATE VOICE:

-The main thing is just being relaxed

and just sort of being yourself.

-IN NORMAL VOICE:

-That's... I'm sorry, that's all you're getting.

That's all you'll get for now.

APPLAUSE

Before we talk some more, let's have a clip.

This actually kind of explains... We see the four avatars,

well, the four characters getting into the avatars,

and learning the ropes of the game.

Maybe we are all in a coma.

Together? We are all in a coma together?!

It's the only explanation.

That old game machine must have electrocuted all of us...

-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

-Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! You'd better go in there and go save him.

I'm not getting in there. YOU get in there.

I'm not going anywhere. I've got a backpack on.

You don't get in water with a backpack. Everybody knows that.

JINGLING

Ow.

This was shot in Hawaii, all the jungles in Hawaii, which you loved.

-Were you born in Hawaii?

-I wasn't born in Hawaii,

I was born in San Francisco but I did a lot of my growing up there.

-So yes, it was...

-I thought you were born there.

-No, I don't think...

-You told me! I swear you told me.

-I didn't, no.

-I could have sworn you said.

-I've known you for years, I've always said I was born

-in San Francisco.

-But when we were there, you gave me a big speech. "This is my land. I started it."

I swore he told me.

It's weird that now, all of a sudden, "San Fran, it was San Fran,

"got transferred." When we were there, you gave me

a very spiritual speech about how it all started,

how your mother held you over this cliff.

"This is the cliff where I was born and my mother gave me..."

This is the problem, yes. I try to be respectful.

Hawaii was beautiful,

beautiful mountainside and lushness

and we shot in this beautiful place called Kualoa Ranch,

where the original Jurassic Park was shot,

and the ones after that as well, and it was just amazing.

-But you didn't like it, Kevin?

-He hated it, this is the problem.

No, I didn't like it at all. I mean,

outside of the spiritual grounds that you took me to, and I swore,

you even sang a song. You were like...

-You don't have to share that.

-I remember, I specifically...

-We will talk about it later!

-How did the song go?

That song, you were like...

# Hakuna Matata. #

Yeah, that sounds like an original.

I didn't like the jungle.

I was very happy at the opportunity, you know,

to get to work with Jack and Dwayne was amazing,

but I'm not an outdoors guy, so insects, bugs are an enemy to me.

We had our fair share of spiders and centipedes,

and he took full advantage of it.

He plays too much. There's a level of cruel, don't know

if you guys endorse bullying but I don't, I think it's hurtful,

and Dwayne does...

-I really do.

-..a lot of mean things with spiders.

-Jessica...

-No, I didn't.

-No, but Jessica,

you just came back from safari, didn't you?

Yes, I spent two weeks in South Africa.

-Wow!

-Yeah. It was scary

because the spiders were as big as my hand.

And it was my honeymoon so I went thinking it was going to be

so romantic, we will be at nature,

then we got this tent on the ground and I went to open my bag and there

-was...

-Oh, God, don't finish.

There was a spider the size of a Cadillac,

just like... And I went to bed that night - because it was also June -

-so it was winter.

-You went to bed?!

I was wearing a hat and a face mask, and my entire body was covered.

That's how white people die! Right there!

You went to bed?

No! No, you've got to stay up until you see that spider leave.

Oh, my God.

Rock, your character's name is Dr Smolder Bravestone.

-Yes.

-And so all the characters have strengths,

so one of your strengths is the smoulder.

An actual smoulder, yes.

It just takes over and I have no control of it.

And did you know you could smoulder?

Like, did you kind of think,

when you read it, did you go, "Oh, yes, I'll do my smoulder"?

You know...

-Is that it?

-No, it didn't come yet.

-OK, OK.

-That literally is where it came from.

That, what you're saying,

this is why he looked at me because it's so frustrating.

Tell the story about your stupid smoulder.

Well...

It's one of those things as we're developing the script, we think,

what could be a fun thing,

well, one of the fun things was he has this ability to smoulder

and it just takes over him,

he has no control over it and it's just one of those things, Graham,

that God delivered, I signed for it.

I just do it, and everyone likes it and everyone loves it,

except one individual...

You know what it is? I can tell you what it is, OK, now,

we are very close.

We are very close as friends, and in this position he's a producer

on the film, so sometimes I just bit my tongue.

So this idea came up from a producer-like mentality.

"You know what would be great for this character?

"If he smoulders."

I'm like, "What?!" And he's like, "You know, if he did a thing."

And I'm like, "What's that got to do with that being, like, in the game?"

-I didn't say it like that!

-He was like, "It's a thing."

Then he brought it back, he was like,

"My mum used to do it to me when I was over the mountain, man."

That's why we listened to him. Everything got tied back to Hawaii,

that's how he did it, Graham.

-Can we see your smoulder?

-I'd be happy to.

-Sit back, boys.

-Smoulder! Smoulder!

AUDIENCE CLAPS

-Yeah, slow clap!

-Smoulder!

-Here we go.

-Here we go.

Can we have a little music, maybe something that's a little ominous?

-DRAMATIC MUSIC

-OK, here we go.

-Whoa.

-Yes, here we go, ladies.

You can do it to me if you want.

Yes!

Here we go.

CHUCKLING

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

Beautiful! Very good.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

That's sustained smouldering.

It's very impressive.

Kevin?

And now Rebel is pregnant.

And now we are having a baby!

From THERE! From that distance!

Rebel's Pebble.

-See, it's a little Rock.

-That's good.

That's why you are who you are, Graham. That's why.

Genius right there.

Rock, Pebble.

Oh, dear! Jack, in the movie, this is something I've heard about you.

For every movie you do,

you write and perform a theme song.

-Well...

-Yet I've seen Jumanji,

and there didn't appear to be any of you.

The movie hasn't been officially released yet...

Is my tie doing something funny?

-I got you.

-Thank you.

I told YOU to fix his tie.

-I told you.

-Thank you, guys for fixing my tie.

I'm getting to talk for the first time.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-The song...

Has this been a very long press tour?

I love these guys.

I co-wrote a song.

We were all kind of messing around with the theme song and me

and Nick Jonas actually put the finishing touches on it

and we shot a music video hoping to release it soon,

-but do you want a little taste of it?

-Please, yes!

This might be the only time you hear it, I don't know

if it's going to make the final cut,

but it's pretty powerful.

# Jumanji

# It's a jungle inside your soul

# Somewhere deep inside at the end of the world... #

Beautiful!

# Jumanji

# And survival your only goal

# Plunge the jewel inside Say the name of the game. #

Here we go.

APPLAUSE

# Jumanji!

# Jumanji!

# Jumanji!

# Jumanji! Jumanji! #

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

-Wow!

Level upon level, beautiful work!

Not saying that that wasn't, but it's time for music.

This man is the genius behind Britpop legends Oasis.

Now he's back with a tenth number one album to his name.

Performing Holy Mountain, it's Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

# Dance, dance, if you do that dance

# I'm gonna let you join my one-man band

# Be my doll, be my baby doll

# Come get to know me like the back of your hand

# I like the name hanging on that chain

# I like the way you do the push and the shove

# You can blow my mind if you're that way inclined

# All I know is that you fell from above

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# Oh, now, pretty baby, come on

# She danced, she danced, right into my hands

# Oh, now, pretty baby, come on

# Be my butterfly

# You and I will shake it

# We can roll in at the top of them all

# And if you feel the need

# I'll send you Godspeed

# To meet your maker at the break of the dawn

# Get out of the doldrums, baby, now

# You liar, set ya on fire

# Get out of the doldrums, baby, now

# Do your thing on the beat of the bang

# I'll put a melody inside of your head

# No need to shout, what you bitchin' about?

# I think those things are better left unsaid

# She had a look you don't find in a book

# And she smelled like 1969

# You could blow my mind if you're that way inclined

# All I know is I'm gonna make you mine

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# Oh, now, pretty baby, come on

# She danced, she danced, right into my hands

# Oh, now, pretty baby, come on

# Be my butterfly

# You and I will shake it

# We can roll in at the top of them all

# And if you feel the need I'll send you Godspeed

# To meet your maker at the break of the dawn

# Get out of the doldrums, baby, now

# You liar, I'll set ya on fire

# Get out of the doldrums, baby, now

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell

# She fell, she fell, right under my spell... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Absolutely amazing, Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds! Come on over.

Wow!

Seriously, that did sound really amazing, really good.

You have a seat at the end.

Noel Gallagher. Just wave, there's too many people!

There we go, there we go. Congratulations.

That sounded fantastic.

Thank you. Did you guys like it?

Yes!

LAUGHTER

I was just saying to Kevin, that's the one!

And what's the Jack Black connection? Do you know each other?

-Do we?

-Do we have a history?

-I don't know.

-It's nice to meet you.

My kids are huge fans of School Of Rock.

I don't think...

OK. Wasn't there something about working together?

No. Now it's embarrassing.

It was his brother, Liam.

GROANING

Wow...

That's all we have time for tonight!

I'm afraid it's a daily occurrence.

I was trying to shut that down with my eye contact to you.

I'm so sorry! I'm really sorry!

Because you were looking so blank and I was thinking,

"That's so weird that he can't seem to remember."

I do find this fascinating, this sibling thing.

You watch each other, so if he was on here,

would you watch him on here?

No.

Oh. So he only watches you?

Oh, he's obsessed.

He will be watching this now. Can we all say hello to him?

WHat camera? Hi, Liam.

I'm still stuck on the kids part.

So they only like School Of Rock, or... There's nothing else?

You know School Of Rock is, like, the second-highest grossing musical

of all time?

APPLAUSE

I mean, they are fans of his but he is off the scale with them.

-I met your boys and your daughter backstage.

-Cool!

Because they came up to me and they were like, "Hey, we love you!"

Usually when I come on this show I'm like, "Do you want to come?" "No, not really."

"The Rock's going to be there," and they were like, "We're there!"

Just the Rock.

So did they know I was here, or...?

They're watching now. They kind of mentioned it backstage,

they were like, "Who's the other fella?"

"Oh, hey, Chris Rock is there!"

So we must mention, that is from the album Who Built The Moon,

which is out now. And it's pretty special,

-this is your tenth consecutive number one album.

-Wow!

-Wow!

That must be some kind of record?

APPLAUSE

Yes, it's a record, I didn't know it was a record until the chart people

called up for a quote for it and we kind of had to do a count

and go, "Wow, it's a record!"

But we celebrated - it went to number one last Friday,

and we celebrated hard, me and my wife, by getting

a couple of bags of Kettle Chips and watching the Graham Norton Show.

Woohoo! That's a night in, that's a proper night in!

Because we watch it every week, and she seems to be on every week.

-Hardest working woman in showbiz!

-OK, it's not Gogglebox, all right.

-This is my favourite show, I will say that.

-Oh, bless you.

See? Nice guest!

Good luck with it. Thank you so much.

Noel Gallagher, everybody.

Right, that is nearly it.

Before we go, it's time for a visit to the big red chair.

Who's there? Hello!

-Hi! What's your name?

-Linda.

Linda, lovely. Where are you from, Linda?

Originally from Glasgow, but I live in London.

Right, and what do you down in London?

I'm an antenatal teacher and a hypnobirthing practitioner.

A hypnobirthing practitioner.

-We were just talking...

-We were just talking about that.

You were just talking about hypnobirthing?!

No, they weren't!

They were just talking about it. Wow.

You were in the car for a long time!

Sorry, we have been distracted.

-Off you go with your story.

-OK, this happened some time ago,

about 20 years ago, when I was young and attractive.

Stop it.

Well, MORE young and attractive.

There you go.

And...my older kids were going into secondary school

and it was a parents' evening and we were meeting the headteacher

and it was all very posh,

it was a very posh school, and I was standing there talking

to the headteacher in front of the buffet.

It was a beautiful buffet, and I'm standing there talking to him and

I looked down and I saw that his jacket was about to fall

into the dip, so, I'm very helpful, so I thought, "I'll stop that,"

so I put my hand out to stop his jacket,

only, my hand slipped and it went under his jacket

and then I found myself

patting him on the testicles.

I hate it when that happens.

I froze, so then I'm cupping him on the testicles...

..and then we both froze and then we just,

I took my hand out and we both walked away.

That's a good story. You can walk, you can walk!

One more? Can we do one more?

Here we go.

-Hello, sir.

-Hello.

-Hi, what's your name?

-Martin.

OK, off you go with your story.

Right, I was on a car journey with my wife and my two granddaughters,

who were in the back seat. I suppose they were about three and a half

-at the time.

-Interesting.

And a car came along and cut me up

and I rammed my brakes on and I was just about to come out

with some real choice words, as one does,

and fortunately I remembered I had my granddaughters in the back,

so I said, "You...silly Billy! Aren't you a silly Billy?!

"Don't you agree, girls, he's a silly Billy?"

And one of them just looked up and said,

"I think he's a fucking idiot."

That didn't happen.

Well done, everyone. If you'd like to join us on the show or have a go

in the red chair, you can contact us via our website at this address.

Listen, that is it for tonight.

Please say a huge thank you to all of my guests. Mr Noel Gallagher...

APPLAUSE

Rebel Wilson... APPLAUSE

Dawn French... APPLAUSE

Jessica Chastain... APPLAUSE

Jack Black... APPLAUSE

Kevin Hart... APPLAUSE

..and Dwayne Johnson. APPLAUSE

Do join me next week with the singer Sam Smith

and a Star Wars spectacular.

We've got Gwendoline Christie, John Boyega, Daisy Ridley

and Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hammill.

I'll see you then. Goodnight, everybody, bye-bye.