Episode 8 The Graham Norton Show


Episode 8

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Transcript


LineFromTo

-Good evening, I'm Will Ferrell.

-And I'm Mark Wahlberg.

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BOTH: Welcome to The Graham Norton Show!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello! It's me!

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Hello!

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Hi! Oh! Oh!

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That is so lovely! Thank you. Hello!

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Hello, good evening to you all.

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You're all very welcome. We have got a great show for you tonight.

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Not only have we got four - count 'em -

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four Hollywood hunks, ladies and gentlemen.

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CHEERING They're back there, they are.

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But also joining them later,

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the new Strictly head judge, Shirley Ballas, will be here!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I know! Speaking and that.

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Here's Shirley in action.

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Look at that! So sexy.

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She's even got Bruno interested.

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Strictly has got some amazing professional dancers.

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There's some - Pasha, Aljaz, Giovanni.

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God knows what they'll do after Brexit, but anyway.

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They'll be dancing with brooms!

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Of course there was the usual trip to Blackpool this year.

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You can always tell when Strictly's been to Blackpool.

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Telltale sign outside the hotel -

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when they've washed off their fake tans.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Let's get some guests on! Later we'll be meeting Shirley Ballas and

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we'll have music and chat from pop trailblazer Kesha.

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Yeah!

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But we start tonight with four stars from the new hit comedy movie

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Daddy's Home 2. Our first father and son duo,

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one is a double Oscar-winning actor and director,

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the other is the star of Boogie Nights, The Departed and Ted -

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please welcome Mark Wahlberg and Mel Gibson!

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That's them, that is!

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Hello! Very good to see you.

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Hello!

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DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE

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You're just there.

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That's them.

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Have a seat. And also playing father and son,

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one is the Emmy-winning star of The Crown and 3rd Rock From The Sun,

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the other is the comedy genius behind Anchorman,

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Elf and Stepbrothers.

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Please welcome John Lithgow and Will Ferrell!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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So sprightly. So sprightly.

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Hello, I haven't seen you in ages.

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Yeah!

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Woo!

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-Woo!

-Wooooo!

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AUDIENCE WHOOPS AND CHEERS

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We could just do that all night long.

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Some weeks, wouldn't it just be lovely for 45 minutes, just whoop?

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AUDIENCE WHOOPS AND CHEERS

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Hello, welcome, all.

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You are touring the world, promoting this movie.

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Is it fun? Because it is the father-son, father-son,

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is it a bit like a family holiday? Is it kind of stressful?

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I wouldn't call it a holiday.

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But these guys are great fun, travelling as press companions.

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But making the movie is easy and promoting it is hard.

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-There's no doubt about it.

-Don't say that, John!

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Don't let light in on the magic.

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We've saved you for last.

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I don't think we've had any stress, really, the four of us, right?

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Why are you asking me?

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-I'm asking the group as a whole.

-What did I do?

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You didn't do anything.

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There has been a lot of stress.

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This is one of the few experiences were everybody gets along,

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it's been a lovely experience. Usually you're shooting a movie,

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people are running right to their trailer.

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You know, going off on the phone.

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Everybody kind of hung out, same thing.

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We're promoting the movie, people are happy to be around each other,

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excited about the film as a whole.

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-So it's been nice.

-Mind you, Mel Gibson,

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some people watching this will be very surprised to see you in a big,

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family friendly film like this.

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Are you sort of surprised that you've done that,

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gone back into the heart of Hollywood?

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Sure, after digging ditches for ten years, it's been fun.

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Quite frankly it's been a lot of hard work, personally, professionally.

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And the work goes on, as I think it does with most of us.

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Was there a moment when you think,

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"I'm going to give up public life,

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-"I'm going to get on with my own life"?

-Oh, no.

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There's a thing you've chosen, a career and a calling.

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Particularly in directing, where you just have to get back up there and express yourself with storytelling.

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That never went away. All those years I was just writing

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and conceiving different stories, which I still have.

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And back at the Oscars, with Hacksaw Ridge?

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Yes, that was nice.

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APPLAUSE

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-I didn't get the damn thing, but...

-It won Oscars, it did win Oscars.

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It was just bait. It was just out of reach.

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They gave it to someone else.

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Ladies and gentlemen, before we do another thing,

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is there a doctor in the house?

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Why, yes, there is.

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Dr Will Ferrell.

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-Whoa!

-I am a doctor.

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Since you were last here?

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-Yes.

-Who made you a doctor?

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The University of Southern California.

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-OK.

-Which is my university in Los Angeles.

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I received an honorary doctorate.

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They say it's honorary, I think it's for real.

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I've performed 13 successful surgeries since,

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and 100 that didn't go so well.

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So I'm currently... I have a lot of malpractice issues.

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Yeah, yeah. At these things, you have to do the inspirational speech.

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-Yes.

-What did you tell the young people?

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I hadn't been put in that position before.

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Usually, I just make fun of things, right?

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That's easy. But then you have to be earnest.

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That was a difficult task.

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So, I just told them to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground

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and reach for the stars.

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LAUGHTER

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Which I read on the back of a cereal box.

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But then your speech took a very unexpected turn, I feel.

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-At the end?

-Yes.

-Yeah, I thought I would inspire the graduating class

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by singing a Whitney Houston song to them.

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GRAHAM LAUGHS

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Which one did you choose, Will?

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The theme from The Bodyguard.

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-I Will Always Love You.

-I Will Always Love You.

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-That's lovely.

-Yes.

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Apparently you sang the whole thing.

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I started thinking,

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do I just sing a couple of lines or do I torture the students and their

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parents by singing the entire song?

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-And I chose the latter.

-He's not joking. We have a little clip.

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-This is just a tiny clip of you. Can I just say, you're rather good.

-Oh, thank you.

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# And I

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# Will always love you-ooh-ooh

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# Will always love you... #

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APPLAUSE That's good, that is.

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That's not bad.

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Did you see me look down to try to remember the words?

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"Love...you."

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And, John Lithgow, congratulations.

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Not saying a doctorate is a joke, but an Emmy is a proper award.

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-That is.

-Proper award.

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But I don't get called a doctor.

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-But you got the Emmy for The Crown, for playing Churchill in The Crown.

-That's right.

-Very good.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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You were the only American who snuck through the net into that series?

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That's right. It was incredibly intimidating

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because everybody in England has his or her own Churchill imitation.

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They know his speeches by heart.

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It is the most familiar face

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and sound of the 20th century in England, I think. And here I was,

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this Yank, coming over to play the part.

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You had weird techniques for getting the voice, didn't you?

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Well, he himself had a very weird voice. If you really listened,

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he had an extraordinary lisp that came out of the back of his mouth.

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Instead of the front.

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And he had a very nasal sound,

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as if his entire head was stuffed up like a medicine ball.

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And he had this strange honk, which people don't really know.

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Just every four or five seconds he would...

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HE HONKS NASALLY

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..to the extent his speaking voice was really so

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bizarre that if you actually duplicated it, nobody would buy it.

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So I had to figure out a hybrid.

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Mel Gibson, this is an odd thing.

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Obviously you're Australian but as a young boy

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you had to learn to do the accent?

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I had to, because I came from the United States.

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How old were you when you left America?

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-I was 12 when I went to Australia.

-You just sounded like an American?

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-AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:

-I had to bung it on.

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I used to use voice exercises, like Barry Humphries.

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-You know, Dame Edna?

-Yeah, yeah.

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He wrote these songs called Barry's Party Favourites.

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He used to sing things like...

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# As I walked down the Earls Court Road, into a pub I was lured

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# "Where do you come from", said a nosy Pom

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# As I downed the amber fluid

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# So I told him straight, I'm Australian, mate,

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# I'm here and I'm going to get plastered cos the beer is crook

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# And all the Sheilas look like you, you Pommy bastard! #

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APPLAUSE

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It goes on for verses, but I won't bore you with it.

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And that's where your accent came from?

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-It's a learned...

-Yeah, had to learn it.

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Talking of voices, Will, you were saying backstage that, Mark,

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-you do a very good English accent?

-He's a master mimic.

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He just did a lovely, fantastic version of a...

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-COCKNEY ACCENT:

-..high-pitched Cockney woman.

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, my gosh.

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It was 15 minutes of material, it was fantastic.

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-He does impressions of John Lithgow.

-He does impressions of all of us.

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He does impressions of everybody.

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What are you talking about?

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I haven't seen your impression of me.

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-AS JOHN LITHGOW:

-"Dusty!

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"Dusty, give him the stick, Brad."

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APPLAUSE

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Well done.

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Daydies... Daddies? Daydies?

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Daddy's Home 2. I should at least get the name right.

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Daddy's Home 2.

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Already - congratulations - a huge hit stateside.

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Now it's open all over the country here.

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Obviously the two of you are back as warring dad and stepdad.

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So, you've involved grandparents this time, grandfathers.

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We kind of pick up where we left off in the first one.

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Mark and I are co-parenting the kids together and everything seems very

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copacetic. Along comes...

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beautiful Don Whitaker, here.

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Brad and Don were very emotional, emotionally available to each other.

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Very progressive in the way that we talk to each other.

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Sloppy, sentimental.

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Wherever we greet each other in public, we give a nice kiss.

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-Kiss him!

-There it is, right behind you.

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That could be CGI.

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-We did it.

-I don't remember.

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I want these people to see it in the cinema. For real.

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-You want them to pay.

-Well, that would help.

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The casting does seem perfect.

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The four of you as a kind of father and son, father and son.

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We think so, sure.

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I assumed the dysfunctional purveyor of tough love.

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Whereas I am just sloppy, sentimental,

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brimming over with emotion.

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-Is that you?

-Well, it's a sort of extreme version of me.

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I'm a little bit sentimental myself.

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I am, too.

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-You're emotional?

-That's what connects us.

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-MEL:

-You're always crying.

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I found myself crying on a commercial airline flight

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watching The Parent Trap.

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LAUGHTER

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My wife looked over to me and was like, "What is going on?"

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I'm like...

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You know what's going to happen, they're all going to get back together.

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But I couldn't help it. Tears were streaming down my face.

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Snot, everything.

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John, apparently, you made yourself cry on a plane?

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I was watching Terms Of Endearment for the first time in many years.

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A movie that I was in.

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LAUGHTER

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It's a sort of weird version of narcissism

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to sob at your own performance.

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"I'm so damn good!"

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"You're breaking my heart!"

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"Damn you, John Lithgow. You did it to me again."

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-I mean, Terms Of Endearment is...

-That's so upsetting.

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It's a completely...

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no-fault tear-jerker. It never fails.

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Mark Wahlberg, I've heard you say that as you get older you are

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getting more emotional. You do more boo-hooing?

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-Yes.

-LAUGHTER

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No, there's more. Apparently even Disney's got to you now?

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-Do tell.

-Didn't you cry watching a film with your kids?

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Or maybe you weren't watching with your kids, maybe you were just watching it, I don't know.

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I get very sentimental.

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The biggest ads that get me now, yes, Shrek makes me cry.

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-All of those films make me cry.

-That's cos I'm in it.

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I didn't realise you were in that till the other day.

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I was Lord Farquaad. Very, very moving performance.

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Let's just leave it at that.

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We've got a clip. This is the four of you.

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Mark, your character, his parenting is being called into question.

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-Did you touch the thermostat? Did you turn it up?

-Of course not.

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-Did somebody fiddle with the thermostat?

-Yes, it's 85 degrees.

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85!? Do you have any idea how much even a few degrees can impact the gas bill?

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-Of course I do, it's unthinkable.

-Dad, what's going on here?

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-Why is it so hot?

-Someone fiddled with the thermostat.

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What?! Who would do that?

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-What do you think you're doing?

-It's roasting in here.

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I like to sleep with my window open.

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Hey, kid. Are you allowed to touch the thermostat at your mom's house?

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Pssht, duh.

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-What is going on?

-Adriana, she turned up the thermostat.

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-Said she fiddles with the thermostat in your place any time she damn well pleases.

-Is that true?

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Tell me that's not true.

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Oh, criminy, Dusty. You might as well give her your wallet and your 401K while you're at it.

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-Do you let the kids touch the thermostat at your house?

-What? No!

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The thermostat is a sacred covenant.

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I can't believe we're even talking about this.

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This is madness!

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Do the Brits call it a thermostat? Cos in Ireland, you call it...

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-The immersion.

-The immersion.

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No, they were just messing with your head in Ireland.

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-That's an immersion heater.

-Oh...

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That does the hot water.

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They were implying that heats the entire house.

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-No, they said just the water.

-They did?

-Yeah, you weren't paying attention.

-I wasn't listening.

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Daddy's Home 2, was the whole thing filmed in your stomping ground,

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-in Boston?

-The whole thing was filmed in Boston, yes.

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Which most people think, "Oh, that's so cool. You get to be home."

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I'm like, "Well, I live in LA for a reason."

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It's always the person... John went to school there, went to Harvard.

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"Oh, love it, yes, great experience."

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Yeah, you went to Harvard. Come to Dorchester for a while, you're not going to love it.

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A lot of people show up unannounced, uninvited, that sort of thing.

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Even with all of you there,

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was Mark by far the most famous person in this film in Boston?

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-Oh, yeah.

-He's a folk hero.

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You hear people from across the street yelling his name.

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-And they know him.

-MEL:

-And they all want money.

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-BOSTON ACCENT:

-"Hey, Mark! Mark!

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"It's me, Little Anthony!"

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It's so weird, Mark, this guy, Little Anthony, he's yelling your name.

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He's like, "No, I actually know him."

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But they'll expect jobs, parts in movies,

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trying to figure out other ways to exploit the production.

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Other opportunities to create.

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We were shooting a movie, The Perfect Storm, George Clooney.

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-Sorry.

-LAUGHTER

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I had a bunch of friends visit, show up in Gloucester.

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We were kind of standing around between set-ups and all the

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equipment is there and everything. They're looking at this Panavision camera.

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They're like, "Whoa, what is that?" I said, "It's a camera."

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They said, "That looks expensive." I said, "Yeah, it's expensive."

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They're like, "We should steal that."

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Like, "How much is that worth?" I'm like, "250,000."

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"Oh, we're throwing that in the trunk." I'm like, "What are you going to do with it?

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"Are you going to sell it to the guy in the corner store for, like, 50 bucks?"

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The guy's going to be walking around, filming his kids with a Panavision camera?

0:17:440:17:49

Yes, that was a very, very real incident.

0:17:490:17:52

There's lots of adult laughs in this

0:17:520:17:54

-but it is a movie for families.

-Yes.

0:17:540:17:56

There are lots of kids in it.

0:17:560:17:59

We hear there's a burgeoning romance between the Ferrell clan

0:17:590:18:03

-and the Wahlberg clan. Is this true?

-Well, uh,

0:18:030:18:07

-Mark's daughter...

-Uh, uh, uh...

0:18:070:18:10

What? Spit it out.

0:18:100:18:12

My oldest son told me Mark's daughter requested to follow him

0:18:140:18:19

-on Instagram.

-GRAHAM GASPS

0:18:190:18:21

Oh, now it's following him, huh?

0:18:210:18:24

-Or vice versa.

-Yeah, uh-huh.

0:18:240:18:28

-I don't know how it works.

-What did you call my daughter?

0:18:280:18:31

This is starting to sound like the Montagues and the Capulets.

0:18:310:18:35

-You know what, I did come to grips...

-It burned white hot for one second.

0:18:350:18:39

I did come to grips with the fact that it is inevitable at some point

0:18:390:18:43

she will have a dating life and be involved with somebody.

0:18:430:18:47

And if there were ever two parents...

0:18:470:18:50

What a fun...

0:18:500:18:52

..that would spawn a child that I think would be polite, kind,

0:18:520:18:56

thoughtful, respectful and worthy of my child's time,

0:18:560:19:00

it would be from Will and his lovely wife, Viv.

0:19:000:19:03

-They are spectacular.

-AUDIENCE: Awww!

0:19:030:19:06

APPLAUSE

0:19:060:19:09

And so I decided I wouldn't do anything to the kid,

0:19:090:19:12

but I'll crack Will's fucking head open as quickly as that.

0:19:120:19:15

LAUGHTER

0:19:150:19:19

He's just joking.

0:19:190:19:21

-He's just joking.

-We'll see.

0:19:230:19:26

That's why I'm sitting over here.

0:19:260:19:29

Daddy's Home 2, clearly, the name suggests it is a sequel.

0:19:290:19:33

Here's the thing - is this true, Mel Gibson,

0:19:330:19:35

that there might be a Lethal Weapon... Would it be 5?

0:19:350:19:39

-5, 6, I don't know, I've lost count.

-Another one, anyway.

0:19:390:19:43

-One of them.

-Is it going to happen?

0:19:430:19:45

I'm not sure, but I met with Danny and Donner, the director.

0:19:450:19:48

We watched him in a stage play.

0:19:480:19:49

It was very good. We started incubating the idea.

0:19:490:19:53

It may come to pass, we're not sure. But we're swapping ideas.

0:19:530:19:56

-But have you got the germ of the idea of what would bring them back together?

-Sure.

0:19:560:20:01

I think we'll call it Flaccid Weapon or...

0:20:010:20:05

Maybe Lethal Haemorrhoids.

0:20:050:20:07

LAUGHTER

0:20:070:20:10

We have to mention Braveheart, everybody's favourite film.

0:20:100:20:16

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:20:160:20:18

The Scottish accent in that, how hard was that for you?

0:20:180:20:22

It was difficult, but I was up there and immersed among people who all

0:20:220:20:25

needed subtitles. "What did you say?"

0:20:250:20:28

They'd have to repeat it. Eventually it kind of worked its way into my

0:20:280:20:32

-lexicon.

-Is it true that Sean Connery helped you?

0:20:320:20:35

At dinner one night he did. We were having...

0:20:350:20:39

We were at Andy Vajna's place, and he's Hungarian.

0:20:390:20:41

He made goulash.

0:20:410:20:43

Now, imagine Sean Connery saying that word. He said...

0:20:430:20:49

-AS SEAN CONNERY:

-"I want some bread rollsh wi' ma goulashh."

0:20:490:20:53

Fantastic.

0:20:530:20:56

I've never forgotten it.

0:20:560:20:58

-"Goulashh."

-"Goulashh."

0:20:580:21:01

Makes you just want to say it, right? "Goulashh!"

0:21:010:21:04

Talking about iconic roles, ladies and gentlemen, John Lithgow...

0:21:040:21:07

I did not know this until I was reading about you earlier.

0:21:070:21:11

-Star Wars, Yoda.

-Yeah.

0:21:110:21:13

You played Yoda but on the radio?

0:21:130:21:17

That's right. I... You didn't know this?

0:21:170:21:20

-What is going on?

-What did you talk about on set?

0:21:200:21:24

How did we not get into this?

0:21:240:21:26

It's a little piece of Lithgow trivia.

0:21:260:21:29

Oh, OK.

0:21:290:21:31

About a year after Empire Strikes Back came out as a movie,

0:21:310:21:35

George Lucas produced it as a radio series.

0:21:350:21:37

And he got Mark Hamill and Billy Dee Williams and Anthony Daniels.

0:21:370:21:41

But Frank Oz didn't want to play Yoda merely on the radio.

0:21:410:21:46

I was rehearsing a play with John Madden at the time,

0:21:460:21:49

John Madden the film director back then was a big-time

0:21:490:21:52

radio director.

0:21:520:21:54

And he was directing me in a play.

0:21:540:21:56

And he shared the fact that he just couldn't find anyone. And I said...

0:21:560:22:01

-AS YODA:

-Oh, impatient is he.

0:22:010:22:04

LAUGHTER

0:22:040:22:06

He hired me on the spot. It was the quickest job I ever got.

0:22:060:22:10

-Opportunist!

-If you care to find it, by God, that's me as Yoda.

0:22:100:22:15

-Oh, my God.

-And a very persuasive...

0:22:150:22:17

It makes me cry every time I hear it.

0:22:170:22:19

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:22:190:22:23

Right, let's meet our next guest.

0:22:270:22:29

She is the queen of Latin and new head judge on Strictly.

0:22:290:22:32

Dancing the cha cha chat show anecdote,

0:22:320:22:35

please welcome to the floor, Shirley Ballas! She's here.

0:22:350:22:38

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:380:22:41

Oh, wow! Look at you!

0:22:410:22:43

Wow! Hello!

0:22:430:22:45

Lovely to meet you.

0:22:450:22:47

That's Will. Much hugging, much hugging going on. Will, John

0:22:470:22:52

-and Mel. And Mark.

-Marky Mark.

-OK, lovely.

0:22:520:22:57

She's working the sofa.

0:22:570:22:59

-I'm working the sofa.

-Have a seat.

0:22:590:23:03

How glamorous.

0:23:030:23:05

We all feel a bit underdressed now, Shirley.

0:23:050:23:07

Can I borrow your jacket?

0:23:070:23:10

So now... Shirley is basically head judge on our Dancing With The Stars.

0:23:100:23:15

-Do you all watch Dancing With The Stars?

-Oh, yeah...

0:23:150:23:18

LAUGHTER

0:23:180:23:21

John I believe. The rest, no, I don't.

0:23:210:23:24

A cursive glance.

0:23:240:23:27

So, listen, congratulations.

0:23:270:23:29

-Thank you.

-Because it's Shirley's first year.

0:23:290:23:31

-She's never done this before.

-Never, no TV.

0:23:310:23:35

The show is bigger than ever.

0:23:350:23:37

Were you worried before you kind of get out there?

0:23:370:23:40

Well, I do, I get butterflies, cos I've never done any TV before,

0:23:400:23:44

so... Just going from being a dance teacher and travelling the world

0:23:440:23:48

teaching competitive dancers to dance to suddenly being the head

0:23:480:23:51

-judge on Strictly was a little overwhelming.

-What happens? Because,

0:23:510:23:54

so, you know, you're Shirley Ballas, you're a dance teacher, you're getting on with your life,

0:23:540:23:58

you're pushing your supermarket trolley, nobody knows who you are. And then on the Sunday or the Monday

0:23:580:24:02

suddenly 11 million people have seen you. What happens to your...

0:24:020:24:08

Presumably everyone in the street knows you now?

0:24:080:24:10

No, because they go around with a cellphone like this.

0:24:100:24:13

So I feel pretty safe when I go on the train.

0:24:130:24:15

They just have their cellphone or their earphones in.

0:24:150:24:17

I think maybe three, four, five maximum people have recognised me.

0:24:170:24:21

-You're kidding?

-No.

-Aww, do bother if you see her.

0:24:210:24:24

LAUGHTER

0:24:240:24:26

-I'm OK.

-So, now, your son was sort of pivotal in you getting this job.

0:24:260:24:32

Yes, Mark, he's on Dancing With The Stars.

0:24:320:24:34

-And...

-There he is, there he is, look, on Dancing With The Stars.

0:24:340:24:37

-Yes, with Kim Kardashian.

-How many times has he won?

0:24:370:24:40

He's won it twice.

0:24:400:24:42

And my foster son six times and my foster daughter twice.

0:24:420:24:45

So ten times in all.

0:24:450:24:46

-Holy Moley!

-That's not brag...

0:24:460:24:49

APPLAUSE

0:24:490:24:51

That's impressive, that is impressive.

0:24:510:24:53

So your son is on Dancing With The Stars.

0:24:530:24:56

So what, does he get wind that Len is...

0:24:560:24:58

-Wind?

-Do a lot of dancers get wind?

0:24:580:25:02

He looked odd in that picture.

0:25:020:25:04

-A lot of dancers suffer from wind.

-They do.

0:25:040:25:07

-It gets trapped. It's all that holding it in.

-The diaphragm.

0:25:070:25:11

-So your son, does he hear about Len...stepping away?

-He did.

0:25:110:25:18

-OK.

-He got wind...

-Yes.

0:25:180:25:20

Len was stepping away and he suggested that I go for the job.

0:25:200:25:24

And even though I've done no TV or anything,

0:25:240:25:27

he just thought it would be a good idea.

0:25:270:25:29

So I did and I was fortunate enough to get the position,

0:25:290:25:32

which has been amazing.

0:25:320:25:35

-It's thrilling.

-And here's an odd thing.

0:25:350:25:37

You were at an advantage on the first week.

0:25:370:25:40

When the celebrities walked down the stairs, apparently, you could tell who could dance.

0:25:400:25:44

I can tell by the way people sit, if they've got good posture,

0:25:440:25:47

or if they... If they're using their core,

0:25:470:25:51

if their feet are...

0:25:510:25:54

Thank you, Marky Mark.

0:25:540:25:56

By the way, that... I raised my son with Marky Mark the whole time.

0:25:560:25:59

-Lovely, thank you, darling.

-That's what I was calling him.

0:25:590:26:02

Feet slightly turned out at five to one. Very nice there.

0:26:020:26:05

And good posture. Yes, I can tell them by the way they walk, if they're fluid and flow.

0:26:050:26:09

Now you're going to get locked in that position.

0:26:090:26:11

-Better relax and breathe at some point.

-It's interesting, Shirley,

0:26:110:26:14

because we have a couch of men

0:26:140:26:17

who have quite a lot of dance experience.

0:26:170:26:19

And I know we've shown you some clips of their dances.

0:26:190:26:23

We'd show them on the show but we can't afford to.

0:26:230:26:26

But we showed you...

0:26:260:26:28

We showed you backstage, so now, Will,

0:26:280:26:31

obviously great dance work in Blades Of Glory, but in Old School,

0:26:310:26:34

you did your own choreography, didn't you?

0:26:340:26:37

Yes, a beautiful ribbon dance.

0:26:370:26:40

-We all remember the ribbon dance.

-Yes.

0:26:400:26:43

Look at that air, look at that lift.

0:26:430:26:45

Yes, I did have a little look and I thought he did very,

0:26:450:26:48

very well with his ribbon. His left arm had a lot to be desired.

0:26:480:26:51

-Really?

-And it was a good job your ribbon didn't have feet,

0:26:510:26:54

because you tripped over a little bit in the middle, didn't you? You were a little bit off-balance.

0:26:540:26:58

-Lost your core a little bit.

-I did that because it's a comedy.

0:26:580:27:01

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:27:010:27:04

Now, let's look at Mark Wahlberg. Obviously in Boogie Nights you did

0:27:080:27:11

do boogie, you were on the dance floor.

0:27:110:27:14

Now... This is a terrible question, but...

0:27:140:27:18

Was it in there all the time? Or...

0:27:200:27:23

-Yes.

-Were you dancing around it?

0:27:230:27:25

No, we would have just, like, a bird seed bag at that point.

0:27:250:27:30

Pantyhose with birdseed.

0:27:300:27:32

You could see it dangling around my knee there.

0:27:320:27:35

Is that it? Oh, my God, I do see that.

0:27:350:27:37

-I thought that was... Yes.

-That's why they call it pole dancing.

0:27:370:27:42

Shirley, were you impressed by his pole dancing?

0:27:420:27:44

-What was the birdseed bit? I missed that.

-Have you seen the film?

0:27:440:27:47

-I've seen the film.

-Remember that bit at the end?

0:27:470:27:50

-Yes.

-That's in there.

0:27:500:27:53

It's birdseed in a, in a tight...

0:27:530:27:55

-OK!

-LAUGHTER

0:27:550:27:58

Cos I was going to say I really liked the way he was able

0:27:580:28:01

to thrust his crutch, you know, he had great movement,

0:28:010:28:04

he had beautiful rhythm, very coordinated,

0:28:040:28:07

absolutely coordinated for a dancer.

0:28:070:28:10

And was really, like, rocking it with his pelvic thrusts.

0:28:100:28:14

OK, so Mark's winning so far.

0:28:140:28:17

Mel Gibson in What Women Want.

0:28:170:28:20

Now, I'm no judge, but you looked like you really knew what you were

0:28:200:28:23

doing. Did you rehearse and train for ages to do that?

0:28:230:28:26

Yeah, had a couple of lessons, yeah.

0:28:260:28:28

I mean, you were doing tricks and things.

0:28:280:28:31

I mean, was that all you, or was it a body double?

0:28:310:28:33

Oh, no, that was me. It took a long time.

0:28:330:28:36

They say it was one take, but it was 18 times within a single take.

0:28:360:28:38

Oh, OK. Were you impressed, Shirley?

0:28:380:28:41

Well, your 18 times paid off, because he had a little piece where

0:28:410:28:44

he had his hat on the end of his foot and flicked it, put it on his head, and caressed that hat.

0:28:440:28:50

It was just beautiful the way he twisted it and then threw it...

0:28:500:28:53

that beautiful hat rack, swung it around.

0:28:530:28:59

-Fantastic. You were amazing.

-Very good.

0:28:590:29:02

So, all great dancers on the couch, but, but, but,

0:29:070:29:10

on the couch there is only one...

0:29:100:29:12

-Denier of dance?

-Only one Primo Ballerino, and that is John Lithgow.

0:29:120:29:18

I give you Primo... Here he is with the New York Ballet.

0:29:180:29:23

LAUGHTER

0:29:230:29:26

It looks like they're moving scenery, but that is you up there.

0:29:260:29:30

-That's right.

-But did you dance or were you just...

0:29:300:29:34

Oh, no, I absolutely danced.

0:29:340:29:36

I soloed with the New York City Ballet.

0:29:360:29:39

Now, while we are talking about dancing, we have to talk about

0:29:390:29:42

one of the greatest dance movies of all time. Footloose.

0:29:420:29:45

CHEERING I know!

0:29:450:29:49

You, John, you played the fierce Reverend...

0:29:490:29:52

-Yes.

-..who bans dancing.

-Yes.

0:29:520:29:55

But I heard you tell a story, a really sweet story,

0:29:550:29:58

about when you were on the set of...

0:29:580:30:01

Of 3rd Rock From The Sun.

0:30:010:30:02

Yes. There was an episode of 3rd Rock where the aliens ended up

0:30:020:30:06

performing in a circus and there was a tall, handsome young guy who was

0:30:060:30:12

playing the circus strongman.

0:30:120:30:14

And after rehearsing for a couple of days he took me aside and he said...

0:30:140:30:19

"I was choosing my moment to tell you a story.

0:30:190:30:22

"I come from a small town in Louisiana

0:30:220:30:24

"where my dad was a Baptist minister

0:30:240:30:28

"and he wouldn't let the kids dance or listen to rock and roll.

0:30:280:30:32

"Footloose came to town, I went to that movie, and you were my daddy."

0:30:320:30:39

And the next night, I took my dad to that film

0:30:400:30:42

without telling him what it was about.

0:30:420:30:46

By this time, like, tears were streaming down his face.

0:30:460:30:49

He said, I just have to tell you, because of your performance,

0:30:490:30:54

I was the first one of six children that got to go to his high school prom.

0:30:540:31:00

-Awww! AUDIENCE:

-Awww!

0:31:000:31:02

Now, I never took Footloose that seriously!

0:31:020:31:05

-To me, that was always my kind of teenybopper film.

-Yeah!

0:31:050:31:09

It just, it's the best evidence I've ever heard that you just never know

0:31:090:31:13

what you are throwing out there.

0:31:130:31:15

-That's such a, I love that story, it's so, so sweet.

-Yeah.

0:31:150:31:18

APPLAUSE

0:31:180:31:20

Now, Shirley, you were saying you were in a previous life a dance teacher.

0:31:200:31:25

Have you knocked that on the head now?

0:31:250:31:27

-No, I still do that.

-Oh, really? You will very soon.

0:31:270:31:29

LAUGHTER

0:31:290:31:31

Yeah, that will become tedious to you really quickly.

0:31:310:31:33

Erm... But now, Will Ferrell, you have a love of dance, I know.

0:31:330:31:37

Now, if Shirley volunteered to show you a couple of simple moves...

0:31:370:31:41

Well, yes, I mean, of course,

0:31:420:31:45

but I can already tell she doesn't believe in my ability.

0:31:450:31:49

LAUGHTER

0:31:490:31:51

-I believe in your ability.

-I mean, everyone got rave reviews.

0:31:510:31:54

-You had that funny left arm.

-I had the bad left arm.

0:31:540:31:58

Well, you could make up for it now, right?

0:31:580:32:00

What could you show him that would be very quick?

0:32:000:32:03

-I could show you a cucaracha.

-OK, fine.

0:32:030:32:05

-You know, you're playing Hero, the music?

-OK, yes, yeah.

0:32:050:32:08

-Because that's a rumba.

-OK, a rumba.

0:32:080:32:10

So, a rumba is a sensual dance, it's a dance of love.

0:32:100:32:12

Wait, hold on, are we doing a cucaracha or rumba, which is it?

0:32:120:32:15

-LAUGHTER

-The action is a cucaracha but the dance is the rumba.

0:32:150:32:19

I am totally lost.

0:32:190:32:21

Close your eyes

0:32:210:32:23

and try not to get too excited down in the nether regions.

0:32:230:32:27

LAUGHTER

0:32:270:32:28

How about if you could just go, side, replace, close.

0:32:280:32:33

If you could just do that for me. Side, replace, close. Can you do that?

0:32:330:32:36

I love that I'm the only one who has to do this.

0:32:360:32:38

-LAUGHTER

-Me too, I love it too.

0:32:400:32:42

-Side, replace, close.

-Side, replace, close.

0:32:420:32:46

Are you supposed to say that out loud, right?

0:32:460:32:48

No, no. But whatever I do...

0:32:480:32:51

Side, replace, close. There you go.

0:32:510:32:54

Oh, yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:32:540:32:57

Roll that little hip. Yes, we'll have a bit of that.

0:32:590:33:03

So, no matter what I do, you're going to do that.

0:33:030:33:05

-My left arm is acting up!

-LAUGHTER

0:33:050:33:08

-Ready for the music?

-Yes, we're ready for the music.

0:33:080:33:11

-OK, let's play the music.

-Why are you looking at me?

0:33:110:33:15

MUSIC: Hero by Enrique Iglesias

0:33:170:33:22

-Are you ready? I'll start you.

-Oh, OK.

0:33:220:33:25

-Can you keep that rhythm?

-Probably not.

0:33:250:33:27

LAUGHTER

0:33:270:33:29

-Doesn't matter what I do.

-Oh, I just keep doing that...

0:33:290:33:32

LAUGHTER

0:33:340:33:37

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:33:370:33:41

Beautiful! Oh, my God.

0:33:470:33:50

WHOOPING

0:33:510:33:54

That's the cucaracha! It's Shirley and Will!

0:34:020:34:05

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:34:050:34:08

Oh! Come and sit down!

0:34:100:34:13

Never too early for a 10 from Shirley.

0:34:150:34:18

Beautiful! APPLAUSE

0:34:200:34:23

Right, it's time for music.

0:34:250:34:27

You rocked that so much, you killed it!

0:34:280:34:31

Oh, my God, you were just, dude...

0:34:310:34:34

That's my boy!

0:34:370:34:40

Beautiful. Right, it's time for music.

0:34:400:34:42

And this award-winning hit maker is back with a number one album, Rainbow.

0:34:420:34:45

Performing Learn To Let Go, it is Kesha!

0:34:450:34:50

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:34:500:34:53

# Been a prisoner of the past

0:35:040:35:08

# Had a bitterness when I looked back

0:35:090:35:13

# Was telling everyone it's not that bad

0:35:150:35:19

# Until all my shit hit the fan

0:35:210:35:25

# I know I'm always like telling everybody

0:35:250:35:28

# "You don't gotta be a victim

0:35:280:35:30

# "Life ain't always fair, but hell is living in resentment

0:35:300:35:32

# "Choose redemption, your happy ending's up to you"

0:35:320:35:37

# I think it's time to practise what I preach

0:35:380:35:41

# Exorcise the demons inside me

0:35:410:35:43

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

0:35:430:35:48

# The past can't haunt me if I don't let it

0:35:480:35:52

# Live and learn and never forget it

0:35:520:35:55

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

0:35:550:35:59

# Had a boogeyman under my bed

0:36:030:36:07

# Putting crazy thoughts inside my head

0:36:080:36:14

# Always whispering, "It's all your fault"

0:36:140:36:19

# He was telling me, "No, you're not that strong"

0:36:200:36:25

# I know I'm always like telling everybody,

0:36:250:36:28

# "You don't gotta be a victim

0:36:280:36:30

# Life ain't always fair, but hell is living in resentment

0:36:300:36:32

# Choose redemption, your happy ending's up to you"

0:36:320:36:37

# So I think it's time to practise what I preach

0:36:370:36:41

# Exorcise the demons inside me

0:36:410:36:43

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

0:36:430:36:48

# The past can't haunt me if I don't let it

0:36:480:36:51

# Live and learn and never forget it

0:36:510:36:54

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

0:36:540:36:59

# I'm done reliving my bad decisions

0:37:000:37:03

# I see now maybe there's a reason

0:37:030:37:06

# Why, I, I, I, I, I I been through hell and back

0:37:060:37:12

# Yeah, honestly, it's what made me who I am

0:37:120:37:16

# Holding on to wasted time

0:37:160:37:19

# Gotta learn to let go in life

0:37:190:37:25

# So I think it's time to practise what I preach

0:37:250:37:28

# Exorcise the demons inside me

0:37:280:37:31

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

0:37:310:37:35

# The past can't haunt me if I don't let it

0:37:360:37:39

# Live and learn and never forget it

0:37:390:37:42

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

0:37:420:37:46

# Hey-eh-eh-eh, yeah

0:37:480:37:50

# Hey-eh-eh-eh, yeah

0:37:510:37:53

# Learn to let go, learn to let go

0:37:530:37:58

# Hey-eh-eh-eh, yeah

0:37:590:38:02

# Hey-eh-eh-eh, yeah

0:38:020:38:05

# Learn to let go Learn to let go. #

0:38:050:38:10

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:38:110:38:15

Kesha, everybody!

0:38:180:38:22

Well done, come on over, you!

0:38:220:38:25

Oh, the hat! Beautiful. Hello!

0:38:260:38:29

CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH

0:38:290:38:33

If you could scoot up a bit...

0:38:350:38:37

-If you could all squeeze up a bit.

-Traditional, singers down that end?

0:38:420:38:45

-Now, Shirley, did you watch Kesha walk over?

-Yes.

0:38:450:38:47

-Is she a dancer?

-Yes, she's got rhythm.

0:38:470:38:50

Oh, God. What? Kinda...

0:38:500:38:53

-Now, Kesha, that is off your new album, Rainbow.

-Yeah!

0:38:530:38:57

-And huge congratulations.

-Thank you!

-It's out now.

0:38:570:39:00

First since 2014 but already it's been number one in America, right?

0:39:000:39:04

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:39:040:39:07

-Yes! Yes!

-My fans are the best. As you know.

0:39:070:39:10

-Well, we've had them on here before.

-Yeah!

0:39:100:39:13

And, yeah, they took it to number one.

0:39:130:39:16

And that does feel good, I'm not going to lie.

0:39:160:39:18

-Yeah.

-But they did that, so...

-And listen, on this album,

0:39:180:39:20

there's collaborations with all sorts of people.

0:39:200:39:23

-One of our favourites, Dolly Parton!

-Oh, yes, she's the best.

0:39:230:39:25

-PERSON IN CROWD:

-Woo!

-That one "woo"!

0:39:250:39:28

LAUGHTER

0:39:280:39:31

So... But Dolly Parton, she is connected to you via your mum, is that right?

0:39:310:39:35

Well, yeah, I met her once at the chiropractor when I was 10.

0:39:350:39:39

-It's the only time I've met her.

-I'm sure she does have back problems but anyway...

0:39:390:39:44

LAUGHTER

0:39:440:39:46

But we didn't actually get to be in the same room

0:39:460:39:49

recording the song.

0:39:490:39:51

But my mom wrote a song which she recorded in, like, a billion years ago.

0:39:510:39:55

And then we recorded it together, but separately,

0:39:550:39:58

because of technology, on this album.

0:39:580:40:01

But it is a famous song, it's, "Old flame, can't hold a candle to you?"

0:40:010:40:04

-Yeah, "Old flames can't hold a candle to you."

-Your mom wrote that?

0:40:040:40:07

-Uh-huh.

-Because your mum is credited with lots of songs on here.

-Yeah.

0:40:070:40:10

We write a lot of songs together which is kind of, like,

0:40:100:40:13

weird and twisted because we write, like, songs about eating men...

0:40:130:40:16

-Yeah.

-But also love songs.

-Yeah! LAUGHTER

0:40:160:40:19

So, your mum's around for the album but is she around for the tour?

0:40:190:40:22

Yeah, she comes with me most everywhere.

0:40:220:40:24

-She flew out this morning, so she's not here.

-And is that annoying or great?

0:40:240:40:28

-Super fucking annoying!

-LAUGHTER

0:40:280:40:31

-So, you are like, "bye!"

-I mean, can you imagine?

-I know, it sounds awful.

0:40:310:40:35

-I mean, it's awful.

-I mean, I love my mother but...

-You do.

0:40:350:40:38

Yeah, but you know... Christmas is coming, that'll be fine.

0:40:380:40:41

LAUGHTER

0:40:410:40:43

Well, listen, that was a fantastic performance.

0:40:430:40:45

Thank you for bringing all that glitter and show with you.

0:40:450:40:48

-Thank you.

-And congratulations with the album. Well done!

-Thank you.

0:40:480:40:52

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Kesha, everybody!

0:40:520:40:55

That is nearly it. Just before we go, just time for a visit to the big red chair.

0:40:580:41:02

-OK, who's in the big red chair? OK, hello!

-Hello!

-Hi! What's your name?

0:41:020:41:06

-I'm Tutu.

-Tutu?

-Yes.

-OK. And where you from, Tutu?

0:41:060:41:10

Originally from Ethiopia but I live in Reading at the moment.

0:41:100:41:13

-Now, can anyone hear Tutu?

-Yes, I can hear you!

0:41:130:41:18

LAUGHTER

0:41:180:41:20

So, it's working in one direction. LAUGHTER

0:41:210:41:26

Who did that? Who did that?

0:41:260:41:29

APPLAUSE

0:41:320:41:34

WHOOPING AND LAUGHING

0:41:340:41:36

-Wow.

-I just wanted to show her how to work it.

0:41:360:41:40

This is going to be a trying red chair session, ladies and gentlemen.

0:41:400:41:44

OK, let's try one more.

0:41:440:41:46

-Hello.

-Hello, hello.

-Hi, what's your name?

-My name's Darren.

0:41:460:41:49

Darren, lovely, where you from, Darren?

0:41:490:41:51

-I'm from London and I run a gay travel company.

-A gay travel company?

0:41:510:41:54

-Oh, right.

-You should be booking.

-Yes, sorry...

0:41:540:41:57

LAUGHTER

0:41:570:41:59

-Really?

-I'll give you a special service.

-I love my gay travels!

0:41:590:42:04

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:42:060:42:08

At the gay airport, in the gay plane.

0:42:100:42:13

LAUGHTER

0:42:130:42:15

-Was your name John, was it?

-Darren.

-Darren?

0:42:150:42:18

John's my boyfriend's name, how did you know that?

0:42:180:42:22

Deep. OK, Darren... Off you go with your story.

0:42:220:42:25

OK, so, I used to be a journalist and my old boss was a bit lonely,

0:42:250:42:29

couldn't get any men in her life, so I thought for her birthday

0:42:290:42:32

I'd get her a special present, which was a vibrator.

0:42:320:42:36

I decided to give her a vibrator, she put it in her handbag

0:42:360:42:38

and forgot it was there.

0:42:380:42:40

Next morning, she had to get up for a meeting.

0:42:400:42:42

Where was the meeting?

0:42:420:42:43

Buckingham Palace.

0:42:430:42:45

-Totally forgot that she had the vibrator in her bag.

-Good story!

0:42:450:42:49

She gets to security and has to go through the metal detector

0:42:490:42:52

and the airport security-style scanner.

0:42:520:42:55

It comes up on the screen showing this huge vibrator,

0:42:550:42:58

she suddenly realises it's in there.

0:42:580:43:00

Kind of looks all sheepish, looks at the security man, who sees it.

0:43:000:43:03

Says to her, ahem, we'll just let you through.

0:43:030:43:06

-But that's how she smuggled a vibrator into Buckingham Palace.

-Good story!

0:43:060:43:10

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:43:100:43:12

OK, OK... One more? One more. This is the last one.

0:43:140:43:19

That was a good story.

0:43:190:43:20

OK, he's just being carried away.

0:43:200:43:23

Who's this? Oh, look who's back!

0:43:240:43:28

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:43:280:43:30

It's Tutu two!

0:43:300:43:33

-Hi, Tutu!

-Hi.

-So, now, before you were so rudely interrupted...

0:43:340:43:38

..erm, you were telling us a very complicated where you were from story?

0:43:390:43:43

No, I come from Ethiopia originally

0:43:430:43:45

but I came this country 20 years ago.

0:43:450:43:48

-OK, and where do you live?

-I live in Reading.

-Reading, lovely.

0:43:480:43:51

And what do you do, Tutu?

0:43:510:43:53

I run my own cafe, called Tutu's Ethiopian Table.

0:43:530:43:56

It's called...that! OK.

0:43:560:43:58

So, Tutu, off you go with your story.

0:44:000:44:03

20 years ago, I used to work for Thames Water, with 40 people on

0:44:030:44:07

the team and I used to do data entry at the computer, people's details.

0:44:070:44:12

And I was stuck on what I'm doing and I asked my colleague,

0:44:120:44:16

I say, who's our team leader, to ask, because I was having problems.

0:44:160:44:20

So, he told me, go and ask Ginger Minge.

0:44:200:44:24

-LAUGHTER

-So, that time, I don't understand languages,

0:44:240:44:27

so I went straight to the person. I said, "Hello, Ginger Minge!"

0:44:270:44:31

-LAUGHTER

-So, now I know what that means.

0:44:310:44:35

Yes, I'm sure you do. You can walk, Tutu. Go on! Very good.

0:44:350:44:40

We could have missed that story!

0:44:420:44:45

Well done, everyone.

0:44:450:44:46

If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in the red chair,

0:44:460:44:50

contact us via our website at this very address...

0:44:500:44:52

That is it for tonight. Please say thank you to my guests.

0:44:520:44:55

Kesha, everybody! CHEERING

0:44:550:44:57

Mark Wahlberg!

0:44:570:44:59

Mr Mel Gibson!

0:44:590:45:02

John Lithgow! Will Ferrell! And Shirley Ballas!

0:45:020:45:08

Do join me next week with musical guest P!nk,

0:45:090:45:13

actor and writer Stephen Fry, pop star Robbie Williams,

0:45:130:45:16

actress Carey Mulligan and living legend Sir Elton John.

0:45:160:45:18

I'll see you then, goodnight everybody. Bye-bye!

0:45:180:45:23

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:45:230:45:25

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