Episode 8 The Graham Norton Show

-Good evening, I'm Will Ferrell.

-And I'm Mark Wahlberg.

BOTH: Welcome to The Graham Norton Show!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello! It's me!

Hello!

Hi! Oh! Oh!

That is so lovely! Thank you. Hello!

Hello, good evening to you all.

You're all very welcome. We have got a great show for you tonight.

Not only have we got four - count 'em -

four Hollywood hunks, ladies and gentlemen.

CHEERING They're back there, they are.

But also joining them later,

the new Strictly head judge, Shirley Ballas, will be here!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I know! Speaking and that.

Here's Shirley in action.

Look at that! So sexy.

She's even got Bruno interested.

Strictly has got some amazing professional dancers.

There's some - Pasha, Aljaz, Giovanni.

God knows what they'll do after Brexit, but anyway.

They'll be dancing with brooms!

Of course there was the usual trip to Blackpool this year.

You can always tell when Strictly's been to Blackpool.

Telltale sign outside the hotel -

when they've washed off their fake tans.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Let's get some guests on! Later we'll be meeting Shirley Ballas and

we'll have music and chat from pop trailblazer Kesha.

Yeah!

But we start tonight with four stars from the new hit comedy movie

Daddy's Home 2. Our first father and son duo,

one is a double Oscar-winning actor and director,

the other is the star of Boogie Nights, The Departed and Ted -

please welcome Mark Wahlberg and Mel Gibson!

That's them, that is!

Hello! Very good to see you.

Hello!

DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE

You're just there.

That's them.

Have a seat. And also playing father and son,

one is the Emmy-winning star of The Crown and 3rd Rock From The Sun,

the other is the comedy genius behind Anchorman,

Elf and Stepbrothers.

Please welcome John Lithgow and Will Ferrell!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So sprightly. So sprightly.

Hello, I haven't seen you in ages.

Yeah!

Woo!

-Woo!

-Wooooo!

AUDIENCE WHOOPS AND CHEERS

We could just do that all night long.

Some weeks, wouldn't it just be lovely for 45 minutes, just whoop?

AUDIENCE WHOOPS AND CHEERS

Hello, welcome, all.

You are touring the world, promoting this movie.

Is it fun? Because it is the father-son, father-son,

is it a bit like a family holiday? Is it kind of stressful?

I wouldn't call it a holiday.

But these guys are great fun, travelling as press companions.

But making the movie is easy and promoting it is hard.

-There's no doubt about it.

-Don't say that, John!

Don't let light in on the magic.

We've saved you for last.

I don't think we've had any stress, really, the four of us, right?

Why are you asking me?

-I'm asking the group as a whole.

-What did I do?

You didn't do anything.

There has been a lot of stress.

This is one of the few experiences were everybody gets along,

it's been a lovely experience. Usually you're shooting a movie,

people are running right to their trailer.

You know, going off on the phone.

Everybody kind of hung out, same thing.

We're promoting the movie, people are happy to be around each other,

excited about the film as a whole.

-So it's been nice.

-Mind you, Mel Gibson,

some people watching this will be very surprised to see you in a big,

family friendly film like this.

Are you sort of surprised that you've done that,

gone back into the heart of Hollywood?

Sure, after digging ditches for ten years, it's been fun.

Quite frankly it's been a lot of hard work, personally, professionally.

And the work goes on, as I think it does with most of us.

Was there a moment when you think,

"I'm going to give up public life,

-"I'm going to get on with my own life"?

-Oh, no.

There's a thing you've chosen, a career and a calling.

Particularly in directing, where you just have to get back up there and express yourself with storytelling.

That never went away. All those years I was just writing

and conceiving different stories, which I still have.

And back at the Oscars, with Hacksaw Ridge?

Yes, that was nice.

APPLAUSE

-I didn't get the damn thing, but...

-It won Oscars, it did win Oscars.

It was just bait. It was just out of reach.

They gave it to someone else.

Ladies and gentlemen, before we do another thing,

is there a doctor in the house?

Why, yes, there is.

Dr Will Ferrell.

-Whoa!

-I am a doctor.

Since you were last here?

-Yes.

-Who made you a doctor?

The University of Southern California.

-OK.

-Which is my university in Los Angeles.

I received an honorary doctorate.

They say it's honorary, I think it's for real.

I've performed 13 successful surgeries since,

and 100 that didn't go so well.

So I'm currently... I have a lot of malpractice issues.

Yeah, yeah. At these things, you have to do the inspirational speech.

-Yes.

-What did you tell the young people?

I hadn't been put in that position before.

Usually, I just make fun of things, right?

That's easy. But then you have to be earnest.

That was a difficult task.

So, I just told them to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground

and reach for the stars.

LAUGHTER

Which I read on the back of a cereal box.

But then your speech took a very unexpected turn, I feel.

-At the end?

-Yes.

-Yeah, I thought I would inspire the graduating class

by singing a Whitney Houston song to them.

GRAHAM LAUGHS

Which one did you choose, Will?

The theme from The Bodyguard.

-I Will Always Love You.

-I Will Always Love You.

-That's lovely.

-Yes.

Apparently you sang the whole thing.

I started thinking,

do I just sing a couple of lines or do I torture the students and their

parents by singing the entire song?

-And I chose the latter.

-He's not joking. We have a little clip.

-This is just a tiny clip of you. Can I just say, you're rather good.

-Oh, thank you.

# And I

# Will always love you-ooh-ooh

# Will always love you... #

APPLAUSE That's good, that is.

That's not bad.

Did you see me look down to try to remember the words?

"Love...you."

And, John Lithgow, congratulations.

Not saying a doctorate is a joke, but an Emmy is a proper award.

-That is.

-Proper award.

But I don't get called a doctor.

-But you got the Emmy for The Crown, for playing Churchill in The Crown.

-That's right.

-Very good.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You were the only American who snuck through the net into that series?

That's right. It was incredibly intimidating

because everybody in England has his or her own Churchill imitation.

They know his speeches by heart.

It is the most familiar face

and sound of the 20th century in England, I think. And here I was,

this Yank, coming over to play the part.

You had weird techniques for getting the voice, didn't you?

Well, he himself had a very weird voice. If you really listened,

he had an extraordinary lisp that came out of the back of his mouth.

Instead of the front.

And he had a very nasal sound,

as if his entire head was stuffed up like a medicine ball.

And he had this strange honk, which people don't really know.

Just every four or five seconds he would...

HE HONKS NASALLY

..to the extent his speaking voice was really so

bizarre that if you actually duplicated it, nobody would buy it.

So I had to figure out a hybrid.

Mel Gibson, this is an odd thing.

Obviously you're Australian but as a young boy

you had to learn to do the accent?

I had to, because I came from the United States.

How old were you when you left America?

-I was 12 when I went to Australia.

-You just sounded like an American?

-AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:

-I had to bung it on.

I used to use voice exercises, like Barry Humphries.

-You know, Dame Edna?

-Yeah, yeah.

He wrote these songs called Barry's Party Favourites.

He used to sing things like...

# As I walked down the Earls Court Road, into a pub I was lured

# "Where do you come from", said a nosy Pom

# As I downed the amber fluid

# So I told him straight, I'm Australian, mate,

# I'm here and I'm going to get plastered cos the beer is crook

# And all the Sheilas look like you, you Pommy bastard! #

APPLAUSE

It goes on for verses, but I won't bore you with it.

And that's where your accent came from?

-It's a learned...

-Yeah, had to learn it.

Talking of voices, Will, you were saying backstage that, Mark,

-you do a very good English accent?

-He's a master mimic.

He just did a lovely, fantastic version of a...

-COCKNEY ACCENT:

-..high-pitched Cockney woman.

LAUGHTER

Oh, my gosh.

It was 15 minutes of material, it was fantastic.

-He does impressions of John Lithgow.

-He does impressions of all of us.

He does impressions of everybody.

What are you talking about?

I haven't seen your impression of me.

-AS JOHN LITHGOW:

-"Dusty!

"Dusty, give him the stick, Brad."

APPLAUSE

Well done.

Daydies... Daddies? Daydies?

Daddy's Home 2. I should at least get the name right.

Daddy's Home 2.

Already - congratulations - a huge hit stateside.

Now it's open all over the country here.

Obviously the two of you are back as warring dad and stepdad.

So, you've involved grandparents this time, grandfathers.

We kind of pick up where we left off in the first one.

Mark and I are co-parenting the kids together and everything seems very

copacetic. Along comes...

beautiful Don Whitaker, here.

Brad and Don were very emotional, emotionally available to each other.

Very progressive in the way that we talk to each other.

Sloppy, sentimental.

Wherever we greet each other in public, we give a nice kiss.

-Kiss him!

-There it is, right behind you.

That could be CGI.

-We did it.

-I don't remember.

I want these people to see it in the cinema. For real.

-You want them to pay.

-Well, that would help.

The casting does seem perfect.

The four of you as a kind of father and son, father and son.

We think so, sure.

I assumed the dysfunctional purveyor of tough love.

Whereas I am just sloppy, sentimental,

brimming over with emotion.

-Is that you?

-Well, it's a sort of extreme version of me.

I'm a little bit sentimental myself.

I am, too.

-You're emotional?

-That's what connects us.

-MEL:

-You're always crying.

I found myself crying on a commercial airline flight

watching The Parent Trap.

LAUGHTER

My wife looked over to me and was like, "What is going on?"

I'm like...

You know what's going to happen, they're all going to get back together.

But I couldn't help it. Tears were streaming down my face.

Snot, everything.

John, apparently, you made yourself cry on a plane?

I was watching Terms Of Endearment for the first time in many years.

A movie that I was in.

LAUGHTER

It's a sort of weird version of narcissism

to sob at your own performance.

"I'm so damn good!"

"You're breaking my heart!"

"Damn you, John Lithgow. You did it to me again."

-I mean, Terms Of Endearment is...

-That's so upsetting.

It's a completely...

no-fault tear-jerker. It never fails.

Mark Wahlberg, I've heard you say that as you get older you are

getting more emotional. You do more boo-hooing?

-Yes.

-LAUGHTER

No, there's more. Apparently even Disney's got to you now?

-Do tell.

-Didn't you cry watching a film with your kids?

Or maybe you weren't watching with your kids, maybe you were just watching it, I don't know.

I get very sentimental.

The biggest ads that get me now, yes, Shrek makes me cry.

-All of those films make me cry.

-That's cos I'm in it.

I didn't realise you were in that till the other day.

I was Lord Farquaad. Very, very moving performance.

Let's just leave it at that.

We've got a clip. This is the four of you.

Mark, your character, his parenting is being called into question.

-Did you touch the thermostat? Did you turn it up?

-Of course not.

-Did somebody fiddle with the thermostat?

-Yes, it's 85 degrees.

85!? Do you have any idea how much even a few degrees can impact the gas bill?

-Of course I do, it's unthinkable.

-Dad, what's going on here?

-Why is it so hot?

-Someone fiddled with the thermostat.

What?! Who would do that?

-What do you think you're doing?

-It's roasting in here.

I like to sleep with my window open.

Hey, kid. Are you allowed to touch the thermostat at your mom's house?

Pssht, duh.

-What is going on?

-Adriana, she turned up the thermostat.

-Said she fiddles with the thermostat in your place any time she damn well pleases.

-Is that true?

Tell me that's not true.

Oh, criminy, Dusty. You might as well give her your wallet and your 401K while you're at it.

-Do you let the kids touch the thermostat at your house?

-What? No!

The thermostat is a sacred covenant.

I can't believe we're even talking about this.

This is madness!

Do the Brits call it a thermostat? Cos in Ireland, you call it...

-The immersion.

-The immersion.

No, they were just messing with your head in Ireland.

-That's an immersion heater.

-Oh...

That does the hot water.

They were implying that heats the entire house.

-No, they said just the water.

-They did?

-Yeah, you weren't paying attention.

-I wasn't listening.

Daddy's Home 2, was the whole thing filmed in your stomping ground,

-in Boston?

-The whole thing was filmed in Boston, yes.

Which most people think, "Oh, that's so cool. You get to be home."

I'm like, "Well, I live in LA for a reason."

It's always the person... John went to school there, went to Harvard.

"Oh, love it, yes, great experience."

Yeah, you went to Harvard. Come to Dorchester for a while, you're not going to love it.

A lot of people show up unannounced, uninvited, that sort of thing.

Even with all of you there,

was Mark by far the most famous person in this film in Boston?

-Oh, yeah.

-He's a folk hero.

You hear people from across the street yelling his name.

-And they know him.

-MEL:

-And they all want money.

-BOSTON ACCENT:

-"Hey, Mark! Mark!

"It's me, Little Anthony!"

It's so weird, Mark, this guy, Little Anthony, he's yelling your name.

He's like, "No, I actually know him."

But they'll expect jobs, parts in movies,

trying to figure out other ways to exploit the production.

Other opportunities to create.

We were shooting a movie, The Perfect Storm, George Clooney.

-Sorry.

-LAUGHTER

I had a bunch of friends visit, show up in Gloucester.

We were kind of standing around between set-ups and all the

equipment is there and everything. They're looking at this Panavision camera.

They're like, "Whoa, what is that?" I said, "It's a camera."

They said, "That looks expensive." I said, "Yeah, it's expensive."

They're like, "We should steal that."

Like, "How much is that worth?" I'm like, "250,000."

"Oh, we're throwing that in the trunk." I'm like, "What are you going to do with it?

"Are you going to sell it to the guy in the corner store for, like, 50 bucks?"

The guy's going to be walking around, filming his kids with a Panavision camera?

Yes, that was a very, very real incident.

There's lots of adult laughs in this

-but it is a movie for families.

-Yes.

There are lots of kids in it.

We hear there's a burgeoning romance between the Ferrell clan

-and the Wahlberg clan. Is this true?

-Well, uh,

-Mark's daughter...

-Uh, uh, uh...

What? Spit it out.

My oldest son told me Mark's daughter requested to follow him

-on Instagram.

-GRAHAM GASPS

Oh, now it's following him, huh?

-Or vice versa.

-Yeah, uh-huh.

-I don't know how it works.

-What did you call my daughter?

This is starting to sound like the Montagues and the Capulets.

-You know what, I did come to grips...

-It burned white hot for one second.

I did come to grips with the fact that it is inevitable at some point

she will have a dating life and be involved with somebody.

And if there were ever two parents...

What a fun...

..that would spawn a child that I think would be polite, kind,

thoughtful, respectful and worthy of my child's time,

it would be from Will and his lovely wife, Viv.

-They are spectacular.

-AUDIENCE: Awww!

APPLAUSE

And so I decided I wouldn't do anything to the kid,

but I'll crack Will's fucking head open as quickly as that.

LAUGHTER

He's just joking.

-He's just joking.

-We'll see.

That's why I'm sitting over here.

Daddy's Home 2, clearly, the name suggests it is a sequel.

Here's the thing - is this true, Mel Gibson,

that there might be a Lethal Weapon... Would it be 5?

-5, 6, I don't know, I've lost count.

-Another one, anyway.

-One of them.

-Is it going to happen?

I'm not sure, but I met with Danny and Donner, the director.

We watched him in a stage play.

It was very good. We started incubating the idea.

It may come to pass, we're not sure. But we're swapping ideas.

-But have you got the germ of the idea of what would bring them back together?

-Sure.

I think we'll call it Flaccid Weapon or...

Maybe Lethal Haemorrhoids.

LAUGHTER

We have to mention Braveheart, everybody's favourite film.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The Scottish accent in that, how hard was that for you?

It was difficult, but I was up there and immersed among people who all

needed subtitles. "What did you say?"

They'd have to repeat it. Eventually it kind of worked its way into my

-lexicon.

-Is it true that Sean Connery helped you?

At dinner one night he did. We were having...

We were at Andy Vajna's place, and he's Hungarian.

He made goulash.

Now, imagine Sean Connery saying that word. He said...

-AS SEAN CONNERY:

-"I want some bread rollsh wi' ma goulashh."

Fantastic.

I've never forgotten it.

-"Goulashh."

-"Goulashh."

Makes you just want to say it, right? "Goulashh!"

Talking about iconic roles, ladies and gentlemen, John Lithgow...

I did not know this until I was reading about you earlier.

-Star Wars, Yoda.

-Yeah.

You played Yoda but on the radio?

That's right. I... You didn't know this?

-What is going on?

-What did you talk about on set?

How did we not get into this?

It's a little piece of Lithgow trivia.

Oh, OK.

About a year after Empire Strikes Back came out as a movie,

George Lucas produced it as a radio series.

And he got Mark Hamill and Billy Dee Williams and Anthony Daniels.

But Frank Oz didn't want to play Yoda merely on the radio.

I was rehearsing a play with John Madden at the time,

John Madden the film director back then was a big-time

radio director.

And he was directing me in a play.

And he shared the fact that he just couldn't find anyone. And I said...

-AS YODA:

-Oh, impatient is he.

LAUGHTER

He hired me on the spot. It was the quickest job I ever got.

-Opportunist!

-If you care to find it, by God, that's me as Yoda.

-Oh, my God.

-And a very persuasive...

It makes me cry every time I hear it.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Right, let's meet our next guest.

She is the queen of Latin and new head judge on Strictly.

Dancing the cha cha chat show anecdote,

please welcome to the floor, Shirley Ballas! She's here.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, wow! Look at you!

Wow! Hello!

Lovely to meet you.

That's Will. Much hugging, much hugging going on. Will, John

-and Mel. And Mark.

-Marky Mark.

-OK, lovely.

She's working the sofa.

-I'm working the sofa.

-Have a seat.

How glamorous.

We all feel a bit underdressed now, Shirley.

Can I borrow your jacket?

So now... Shirley is basically head judge on our Dancing With The Stars.

-Do you all watch Dancing With The Stars?

-Oh, yeah...

LAUGHTER

John I believe. The rest, no, I don't.

A cursive glance.

So, listen, congratulations.

-Thank you.

-Because it's Shirley's first year.

-She's never done this before.

-Never, no TV.

The show is bigger than ever.

Were you worried before you kind of get out there?

Well, I do, I get butterflies, cos I've never done any TV before,

so... Just going from being a dance teacher and travelling the world

teaching competitive dancers to dance to suddenly being the head

-judge on Strictly was a little overwhelming.

-What happens? Because,

so, you know, you're Shirley Ballas, you're a dance teacher, you're getting on with your life,

you're pushing your supermarket trolley, nobody knows who you are. And then on the Sunday or the Monday

suddenly 11 million people have seen you. What happens to your...

Presumably everyone in the street knows you now?

No, because they go around with a cellphone like this.

So I feel pretty safe when I go on the train.

They just have their cellphone or their earphones in.

I think maybe three, four, five maximum people have recognised me.

-You're kidding?

-No.

-Aww, do bother if you see her.

LAUGHTER

-I'm OK.

-So, now, your son was sort of pivotal in you getting this job.

Yes, Mark, he's on Dancing With The Stars.

-And...

-There he is, there he is, look, on Dancing With The Stars.

-Yes, with Kim Kardashian.

-How many times has he won?

He's won it twice.

And my foster son six times and my foster daughter twice.

So ten times in all.

-Holy Moley!

-That's not brag...

APPLAUSE

That's impressive, that is impressive.

So your son is on Dancing With The Stars.

So what, does he get wind that Len is...

-Wind?

-Do a lot of dancers get wind?

He looked odd in that picture.

-A lot of dancers suffer from wind.

-They do.

-It gets trapped. It's all that holding it in.

-The diaphragm.

-So your son, does he hear about Len...stepping away?

-He did.

-OK.

-He got wind...

-Yes.

Len was stepping away and he suggested that I go for the job.

And even though I've done no TV or anything,

he just thought it would be a good idea.

So I did and I was fortunate enough to get the position,

which has been amazing.

-It's thrilling.

-And here's an odd thing.

You were at an advantage on the first week.

When the celebrities walked down the stairs, apparently, you could tell who could dance.

I can tell by the way people sit, if they've got good posture,

or if they... If they're using their core,

if their feet are...

Thank you, Marky Mark.

By the way, that... I raised my son with Marky Mark the whole time.

-Lovely, thank you, darling.

-That's what I was calling him.

Feet slightly turned out at five to one. Very nice there.

And good posture. Yes, I can tell them by the way they walk, if they're fluid and flow.

Now you're going to get locked in that position.

-Better relax and breathe at some point.

-It's interesting, Shirley,

because we have a couch of men

who have quite a lot of dance experience.

And I know we've shown you some clips of their dances.

We'd show them on the show but we can't afford to.

But we showed you...

We showed you backstage, so now, Will,

obviously great dance work in Blades Of Glory, but in Old School,

you did your own choreography, didn't you?

Yes, a beautiful ribbon dance.

-We all remember the ribbon dance.

-Yes.

Look at that air, look at that lift.

Yes, I did have a little look and I thought he did very,

very well with his ribbon. His left arm had a lot to be desired.

-Really?

-And it was a good job your ribbon didn't have feet,

because you tripped over a little bit in the middle, didn't you? You were a little bit off-balance.

-Lost your core a little bit.

-I did that because it's a comedy.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Now, let's look at Mark Wahlberg. Obviously in Boogie Nights you did

do boogie, you were on the dance floor.

Now... This is a terrible question, but...

Was it in there all the time? Or...

-Yes.

-Were you dancing around it?

No, we would have just, like, a bird seed bag at that point.

Pantyhose with birdseed.

You could see it dangling around my knee there.

Is that it? Oh, my God, I do see that.

-I thought that was... Yes.

-That's why they call it pole dancing.

Shirley, were you impressed by his pole dancing?

-What was the birdseed bit? I missed that.

-Have you seen the film?

-I've seen the film.

-Remember that bit at the end?

-Yes.

-That's in there.

It's birdseed in a, in a tight...

-OK!

-LAUGHTER

Cos I was going to say I really liked the way he was able

to thrust his crutch, you know, he had great movement,

he had beautiful rhythm, very coordinated,

absolutely coordinated for a dancer.

And was really, like, rocking it with his pelvic thrusts.

OK, so Mark's winning so far.

Mel Gibson in What Women Want.

Now, I'm no judge, but you looked like you really knew what you were

doing. Did you rehearse and train for ages to do that?

Yeah, had a couple of lessons, yeah.

I mean, you were doing tricks and things.

I mean, was that all you, or was it a body double?

Oh, no, that was me. It took a long time.

They say it was one take, but it was 18 times within a single take.

Oh, OK. Were you impressed, Shirley?

Well, your 18 times paid off, because he had a little piece where

he had his hat on the end of his foot and flicked it, put it on his head, and caressed that hat.

It was just beautiful the way he twisted it and then threw it...

that beautiful hat rack, swung it around.

-Fantastic. You were amazing.

-Very good.

So, all great dancers on the couch, but, but, but,

on the couch there is only one...

-Denier of dance?

-Only one Primo Ballerino, and that is John Lithgow.

I give you Primo... Here he is with the New York Ballet.

LAUGHTER

It looks like they're moving scenery, but that is you up there.

-That's right.

-But did you dance or were you just...

Oh, no, I absolutely danced.

I soloed with the New York City Ballet.

Now, while we are talking about dancing, we have to talk about

one of the greatest dance movies of all time. Footloose.

CHEERING I know!

You, John, you played the fierce Reverend...

-Yes.

-..who bans dancing.

-Yes.

But I heard you tell a story, a really sweet story,

about when you were on the set of...

Of 3rd Rock From The Sun.

Yes. There was an episode of 3rd Rock where the aliens ended up

performing in a circus and there was a tall, handsome young guy who was

playing the circus strongman.

And after rehearsing for a couple of days he took me aside and he said...

"I was choosing my moment to tell you a story.

"I come from a small town in Louisiana

"where my dad was a Baptist minister

"and he wouldn't let the kids dance or listen to rock and roll.

"Footloose came to town, I went to that movie, and you were my daddy."

And the next night, I took my dad to that film

without telling him what it was about.

By this time, like, tears were streaming down his face.

He said, I just have to tell you, because of your performance,

I was the first one of six children that got to go to his high school prom.

-Awww! AUDIENCE:

-Awww!

Now, I never took Footloose that seriously!

-To me, that was always my kind of teenybopper film.

-Yeah!

It just, it's the best evidence I've ever heard that you just never know

what you are throwing out there.

-That's such a, I love that story, it's so, so sweet.

-Yeah.

APPLAUSE

Now, Shirley, you were saying you were in a previous life a dance teacher.

Have you knocked that on the head now?

-No, I still do that.

-Oh, really? You will very soon.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, that will become tedious to you really quickly.

Erm... But now, Will Ferrell, you have a love of dance, I know.

Now, if Shirley volunteered to show you a couple of simple moves...

Well, yes, I mean, of course,

but I can already tell she doesn't believe in my ability.

LAUGHTER

-I believe in your ability.

-I mean, everyone got rave reviews.

-You had that funny left arm.

-I had the bad left arm.

Well, you could make up for it now, right?

What could you show him that would be very quick?

-I could show you a cucaracha.

-OK, fine.

-You know, you're playing Hero, the music?

-OK, yes, yeah.

-Because that's a rumba.

-OK, a rumba.

So, a rumba is a sensual dance, it's a dance of love.

Wait, hold on, are we doing a cucaracha or rumba, which is it?

-LAUGHTER

-The action is a cucaracha but the dance is the rumba.

I am totally lost.

Close your eyes

and try not to get too excited down in the nether regions.

LAUGHTER

How about if you could just go, side, replace, close.

If you could just do that for me. Side, replace, close. Can you do that?

I love that I'm the only one who has to do this.

-LAUGHTER

-Me too, I love it too.

-Side, replace, close.

-Side, replace, close.

Are you supposed to say that out loud, right?

No, no. But whatever I do...

Side, replace, close. There you go.

Oh, yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Roll that little hip. Yes, we'll have a bit of that.

So, no matter what I do, you're going to do that.

-My left arm is acting up!

-LAUGHTER

-Ready for the music?

-Yes, we're ready for the music.

-OK, let's play the music.

-Why are you looking at me?

MUSIC: Hero by Enrique Iglesias

-Are you ready? I'll start you.

-Oh, OK.

-Can you keep that rhythm?

-Probably not.

LAUGHTER

-Doesn't matter what I do.

-Oh, I just keep doing that...

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Beautiful! Oh, my God.

WHOOPING

That's the cucaracha! It's Shirley and Will!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh! Come and sit down!

Never too early for a 10 from Shirley.

Beautiful! APPLAUSE

Right, it's time for music.

You rocked that so much, you killed it!

Oh, my God, you were just, dude...

That's my boy!

Beautiful. Right, it's time for music.

And this award-winning hit maker is back with a number one album, Rainbow.

Performing Learn To Let Go, it is Kesha!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Been a prisoner of the past

# Had a bitterness when I looked back

# Was telling everyone it's not that bad

# Until all my shit hit the fan

# I know I'm always like telling everybody

# "You don't gotta be a victim

# "Life ain't always fair, but hell is living in resentment

# "Choose redemption, your happy ending's up to you"

# I think it's time to practise what I preach

# Exorcise the demons inside me

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

# The past can't haunt me if I don't let it

# Live and learn and never forget it

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

# Had a boogeyman under my bed

# Putting crazy thoughts inside my head

# Always whispering, "It's all your fault"

# He was telling me, "No, you're not that strong"

# I know I'm always like telling everybody,

# "You don't gotta be a victim

# Life ain't always fair, but hell is living in resentment

# Choose redemption, your happy ending's up to you"

# So I think it's time to practise what I preach

# Exorcise the demons inside me

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

# The past can't haunt me if I don't let it

# Live and learn and never forget it

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

# I'm done reliving my bad decisions

# I see now maybe there's a reason

# Why, I, I, I, I, I I been through hell and back

# Yeah, honestly, it's what made me who I am

# Holding on to wasted time

# Gotta learn to let go in life

# So I think it's time to practise what I preach

# Exorcise the demons inside me

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

# The past can't haunt me if I don't let it

# Live and learn and never forget it

# Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

# Hey-eh-eh-eh, yeah

# Hey-eh-eh-eh, yeah

# Learn to let go, learn to let go

# Hey-eh-eh-eh, yeah

# Hey-eh-eh-eh, yeah

# Learn to let go Learn to let go. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Kesha, everybody!

Well done, come on over, you!

Oh, the hat! Beautiful. Hello!

CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH

If you could scoot up a bit...

-If you could all squeeze up a bit.

-Traditional, singers down that end?

-Now, Shirley, did you watch Kesha walk over?

-Yes.

-Is she a dancer?

-Yes, she's got rhythm.

Oh, God. What? Kinda...

-Now, Kesha, that is off your new album, Rainbow.

-Yeah!

-And huge congratulations.

-Thank you!

-It's out now.

First since 2014 but already it's been number one in America, right?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Yes! Yes!

-My fans are the best. As you know.

-Well, we've had them on here before.

-Yeah!

And, yeah, they took it to number one.

And that does feel good, I'm not going to lie.

-Yeah.

-But they did that, so...

-And listen, on this album,

there's collaborations with all sorts of people.

-One of our favourites, Dolly Parton!

-Oh, yes, she's the best.

-PERSON IN CROWD:

-Woo!

-That one "woo"!

LAUGHTER

So... But Dolly Parton, she is connected to you via your mum, is that right?

Well, yeah, I met her once at the chiropractor when I was 10.

-It's the only time I've met her.

-I'm sure she does have back problems but anyway...

LAUGHTER

But we didn't actually get to be in the same room

recording the song.

But my mom wrote a song which she recorded in, like, a billion years ago.

And then we recorded it together, but separately,

because of technology, on this album.

But it is a famous song, it's, "Old flame, can't hold a candle to you?"

-Yeah, "Old flames can't hold a candle to you."

-Your mom wrote that?

-Uh-huh.

-Because your mum is credited with lots of songs on here.

-Yeah.

We write a lot of songs together which is kind of, like,

weird and twisted because we write, like, songs about eating men...

-Yeah.

-But also love songs.

-Yeah! LAUGHTER

So, your mum's around for the album but is she around for the tour?

Yeah, she comes with me most everywhere.

-She flew out this morning, so she's not here.

-And is that annoying or great?

-Super fucking annoying!

-LAUGHTER

-So, you are like, "bye!"

-I mean, can you imagine?

-I know, it sounds awful.

-I mean, it's awful.

-I mean, I love my mother but...

-You do.

Yeah, but you know... Christmas is coming, that'll be fine.

LAUGHTER

Well, listen, that was a fantastic performance.

Thank you for bringing all that glitter and show with you.

-Thank you.

-And congratulations with the album. Well done!

-Thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Kesha, everybody!

That is nearly it. Just before we go, just time for a visit to the big red chair.

-OK, who's in the big red chair? OK, hello!

-Hello!

-Hi! What's your name?

-I'm Tutu.

-Tutu?

-Yes.

-OK. And where you from, Tutu?

Originally from Ethiopia but I live in Reading at the moment.

-Now, can anyone hear Tutu?

-Yes, I can hear you!

LAUGHTER

So, it's working in one direction. LAUGHTER

Who did that? Who did that?

APPLAUSE

WHOOPING AND LAUGHING

-Wow.

-I just wanted to show her how to work it.

This is going to be a trying red chair session, ladies and gentlemen.

OK, let's try one more.

-Hello.

-Hello, hello.

-Hi, what's your name?

-My name's Darren.

Darren, lovely, where you from, Darren?

-I'm from London and I run a gay travel company.

-A gay travel company?

-Oh, right.

-You should be booking.

-Yes, sorry...

LAUGHTER

-Really?

-I'll give you a special service.

-I love my gay travels!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

At the gay airport, in the gay plane.

LAUGHTER

-Was your name John, was it?

-Darren.

-Darren?

John's my boyfriend's name, how did you know that?

Deep. OK, Darren... Off you go with your story.

OK, so, I used to be a journalist and my old boss was a bit lonely,

couldn't get any men in her life, so I thought for her birthday

I'd get her a special present, which was a vibrator.

I decided to give her a vibrator, she put it in her handbag

and forgot it was there.

Next morning, she had to get up for a meeting.

Where was the meeting?

Buckingham Palace.

-Totally forgot that she had the vibrator in her bag.

-Good story!

She gets to security and has to go through the metal detector

and the airport security-style scanner.

It comes up on the screen showing this huge vibrator,

she suddenly realises it's in there.

Kind of looks all sheepish, looks at the security man, who sees it.

Says to her, ahem, we'll just let you through.

-But that's how she smuggled a vibrator into Buckingham Palace.

-Good story!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, OK... One more? One more. This is the last one.

That was a good story.

OK, he's just being carried away.

Who's this? Oh, look who's back!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's Tutu two!

-Hi, Tutu!

-Hi.

-So, now, before you were so rudely interrupted...

..erm, you were telling us a very complicated where you were from story?

No, I come from Ethiopia originally

but I came this country 20 years ago.

-OK, and where do you live?

-I live in Reading.

-Reading, lovely.

And what do you do, Tutu?

I run my own cafe, called Tutu's Ethiopian Table.

It's called...that! OK.

So, Tutu, off you go with your story.

20 years ago, I used to work for Thames Water, with 40 people on

the team and I used to do data entry at the computer, people's details.

And I was stuck on what I'm doing and I asked my colleague,

I say, who's our team leader, to ask, because I was having problems.

So, he told me, go and ask Ginger Minge.

-LAUGHTER

-So, that time, I don't understand languages,

so I went straight to the person. I said, "Hello, Ginger Minge!"

-LAUGHTER

-So, now I know what that means.

Yes, I'm sure you do. You can walk, Tutu. Go on! Very good.

We could have missed that story!

Well done, everyone.

If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in the red chair,

contact us via our website at this very address...

That is it for tonight. Please say thank you to my guests.

Kesha, everybody! CHEERING

Mark Wahlberg!

Mr Mel Gibson!

John Lithgow! Will Ferrell! And Shirley Ballas!

Do join me next week with musical guest P!nk,

actor and writer Stephen Fry, pop star Robbie Williams,

actress Carey Mulligan and living legend Sir Elton John.

I'll see you then, goodnight everybody. Bye-bye!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE