Episode 2 The Javone Prince Show
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Transcript
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|---|---|---|---|
The following programme contains multiple scenes featuring black people. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
If you feel any uncertainty, | 0:00:06 | 0:00:08 | |
mild threat or general dizziness, | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
please stop watching now. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
For those of you brave enough to have continued, well done. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:20 | |
To indemnify the BBC against future legal action, | 0:00:21 | 0:00:25 | |
please take this simple test. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
How does this make you feel? | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
What about now? | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
And this? | 0:00:38 | 0:00:40 | |
And these? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
I bet you never thought you'd have this many black people | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
in your front room! | 0:00:47 | 0:00:48 | |
FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
And now, ladies and gentlemen, | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
brethren, lady brethren | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
and the pickney dem... | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
Will you please welcome your host for this evening's bare madnesses... | 0:01:02 | 0:01:08 | |
He's the face of Boiled Chicken | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
and Associated Boiled Chicken Product in Latvia, Estonia | 0:01:10 | 0:01:15 | |
and now, 65% of Belarus. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
It's Javone Prince! | 0:01:18 | 0:01:22 | |
Oh, my... Eat chicken! | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
You know what, that's for you! | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
My can! Oh, nice! | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
You look good, brother! | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Some of that! | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
JAVONE WAILS | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Yo, bruv - you want some ninja nits? | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
You want me to take off my belt? | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
Cos I can, bruv. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
Ow! | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
-What?! -CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
Welcome to The Javone Prince Show! | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
JAVONE CRIES IN PAIN | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
No, I'm joking. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
I can't believe it, they asked us back! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:22 | |
Idiots! | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
Ha, look at this! No expense spared. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:28 | |
They had a sign made and everything. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
And that's expensive, you know? That cost money. That's neon! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:34 | |
Neon is one hard gas, boy. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
Yeah, who remembers them? | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
One of the six noble gases - | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
Neon, xenon, argon... | 0:02:40 | 0:02:44 | |
What else you got? | 0:02:44 | 0:02:45 | |
-Radon? -Ra... Radon! What else we got? | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
-Krypton. -Krypton! Drummer, I'm counting on you, bruv. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
-Helium! -Helium! | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
That's right, real science right here, on The Javone Prince Show. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:58 | |
Who said that the BBC was dumbing down? You idiot. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
Come, come, come, come! | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
That dude with the big head's back on. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
The one that looks like a embryo. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
Boy, I can't believe that the BBC let my man back on TV, innit? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
With his big head. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
I think it's got bigger since last time, you know? | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
My man's lost weight. That's why his head looks bigger. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
-I bet he's had a gastric band fitted. -Mmm. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
"Dear BBC, bring back... | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
"..Lenny Henry... | 0:03:25 | 0:03:26 | |
"..and his normal sized head. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
"Hashtag please get rid of this gastric band prick." | 0:03:29 | 0:03:34 | |
That's getting tweeted right now. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:38 | |
Do it. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:39 | |
'So, my agent said...' | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
Make sure you get your name in the title of the show. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
That way, they can't get rid of you. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
"The Javone Prince Show." | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
That sign - that neon sign - that can't be used for anything else. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:53 | |
You hear me? | 0:03:53 | 0:03:54 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:03:54 | 0:03:58 | |
Oh, man... | 0:03:58 | 0:03:59 | |
OK, moving on... | 0:04:03 | 0:04:04 | |
Tonight on The One Show, | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
we've got all kind of madness for you. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
We've got sketches, we've got live music, | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
we've got dancing, we've got my house band... | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
..led by none other than the godfather of British neo-soul, | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
the legend that is Omar! | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
You going to... do that thing for us? | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
You know, # Ban de ban ban ban, bah neow | 0:04:28 | 0:04:32 | |
# There's nothing like this | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
# Not even, round my place. # | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
You going to... You going to do that for us? | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
No. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:43 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Aw... | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
Omar, ladies and gentlemen! | 0:04:49 | 0:04:50 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:50 | 0:04:51 | |
I love that guy! I love... I love that guy! | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
I'm just saying, I don't consider soup to be a main course. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
-That's all I'm saying, that's it. -Ah...that's ridiculous! | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
Because like, think about those like, really hearty broths. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
-No, no... -Yes. Yes. Or like... those erm, South American soups. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
-Yeah, but that's still a soup! -More than a meal. Yeah. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
If it's a soup, it's going to be a starter every time. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
-No, but it's so filling. -Those are the rules. No. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
-I don't know how you can say that? -No. It's a starter! | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
-You...you can't make the rules. -"I am man. Me hate soup." | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
"Me hate soup(!)" For main course, not for starter. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
-Starter, it's fine. -No. That is such a stupid generalisation. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
-Fine, well lets ask Jo. Jo? -Yes. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
Jo, do you think soup is a starter or a main course? | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
And I'm going to take your first answer as well, so no cheating. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
Erm, Oh, no, it's definitely a starter... | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
-You see, that's it! -..and I'm definitely not Jo. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
'White people - | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
'mistaking black people for other black people since 1948.' | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
Guess what? | 0:05:53 | 0:05:54 | |
Ryan got punched in the face by a lap dancer | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
for saying she had corn-fed chicken legs. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
-MOUTHS: -Oh, my God! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
-Well, this is ridiculous, isn't it? -Yep. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
We've been waiting here for nearly half an hour. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
-Are you going to call them again? -I am going to call them again. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
Not that they'll bloody well answer. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
Tim, they're here. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
Are they really? | 0:06:24 | 0:06:25 | |
-BOTH: -What? | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
Hi. Um, sorry, we were just trying to work out | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
if we were early or you were...late. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
It's probably us, isn't it darling? We were early, I think. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
Er, we're always early. Sorry. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
Actually, I think you'll find you're the ones who are late. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
-Oh, my gosh! -Oh, really? | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
-Oh, my gosh! -Oh, really? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
-Oh, my gosh! -Oh, really? Oh, my gosh. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
Oh, really? And what are we going to do about it, then? | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
Are we going to make something of it? | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
And what are we going to do about it, then? | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
Are we going to make something of it? | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
And what are we going to do, then? | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
Well, I... I think actually, I'm well within my rights | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
to phone your head office and complain in no uncertain terms... | 0:07:06 | 0:07:11 | |
I called them for you. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:12 | |
All right. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
Hello? | 0:07:19 | 0:07:20 | |
What's your problem?! | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
No problem. Just... | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
We're just looking forward to getting in there. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:29 | |
Hallway, lounge, dining room, kitchen, downstairs cloakroom. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
I call it "the shithouse". | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
Right... I'd quite like to have a look upstairs, if I may? | 0:07:36 | 0:07:40 | |
OK. I'm going to lay this out for you. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
All of this, yeah? | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
20 foot up. What? | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
Look, I... I'd just like to get an idea | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
whether the box room is big enough for a nursery. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:53 | |
Er, and you're going to breed with that? | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
That's all we need in this world. More weak-faced... | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
-Guardian-reading... -Gluten-free... | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
-Cupcake-baking... -Baba-ghanoush-eating... | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
-Fold-up-your-bike-riding... -..people that look like you. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
Are you going to let them talk to you like this? | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Excuse me?! | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
What was that? | 0:08:10 | 0:08:11 | |
Whatever you got to say, darling, say it to my face. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
That is just plain rudeness, yeah? | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
Respect your sales professionals. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:20 | |
We were just saying what a great viewing this is. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
And you know, it's a fantastic house and we've got to look at... | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
-Ahh! -So you like the house? | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
It... It's lovely, isn't it, Ellie? It's... | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
Well, it's quite nice, what we've seen of it. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
Ahh! | 0:08:33 | 0:08:34 | |
That is so lovely. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
BOTH: Thank you. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
-So, are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
-Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:45 | |
-Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
-Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:52 | |
-Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:56 | |
-Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
-Are you going to buy it? -Buy it. -Just stop it! Bloody hell... | 0:08:59 | 0:09:02 | |
HE PANTS FOR BREATH | 0:09:04 | 0:09:06 | |
-So are you going to buy it? -Buy it. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
Whatever, yes! We'll buy it, yes. Fine. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
Aww, that is so sweet. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
Welcome home. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:16 | |
Humble abode for two. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
-PHONE BEEPS -Ah... | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
Too late! Under offer. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
Time wasters. You should have got here earlier. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:27 | |
Hashtag time management. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
-Can you come out of the people's own house, please? -You're trespassing. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
-I said, can you come out of the people them house, please? -It ain't your yard. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Can you come out of the people them house, please? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Can you come out of the people them house, please! | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
Dickheads! | 0:09:41 | 0:09:42 | |
So, there's a lot of talk at the moment about black British actors | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
having to go to America to get work. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
All of them over there, none of them over here. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
That's great news if you're a racist, | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
bad news if you make Crimewatch. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
I mean, there's no-one left to do your reconstructions. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
I mean, like last week, I had to play a mugger | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
and the officer who arrested me. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Madness. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
But all of them over there like David Harewood, | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
David Oyelowo, Idris Elba... | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
-Huh, don't talk to me about Idris Elba. -I wasn't, bruv. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
Oh, honestly - I have got major league beef with that guy. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:18 | |
I just want to say, and I'm not casting aspersions, | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
but Idris Elba has muscled in on a lot of my jobs over the years. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:24 | |
-What are you talking about, bruv? -Er, The Wire. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
-I was supposed to play The Wire. -Bruv... | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
..The Wire ain't a person. It's a show. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:34 | |
Luther - what about that? | 0:10:34 | 0:10:35 | |
I happen to know for a fact that was written for me | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
and it wasn't called "Luther". Oh, no. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
It was called "Lucien". | 0:10:41 | 0:10:42 | |
I was to play the part of Lucien, | 0:10:44 | 0:10:45 | |
a maverick vet, operating out of Henley-on-Thames. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:49 | |
-You never knew if I was going to charge for a prescription or not and... -Anyway! | 0:10:49 | 0:10:54 | |
And I was a very heavy pencil for the part of Mandela. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
-So... -And... | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
There's a lot of chat at the moment about black British actors | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
having to go to the States. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:03 | |
But what a lot of people don't know, we've got a very similar thing | 0:11:03 | 0:11:06 | |
coming the other way from the Caribbean. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
'From the people what brung you Luther, comes a new ting...' | 0:11:14 | 0:11:19 | |
Jesus Christ! There's a man under here! | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
What?! | 0:11:48 | 0:11:49 | |
This man looks like he's blasted dead! He's a bloody dead man. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:57 | |
He's not moving, h'Alfred! | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
This is a corpsification of a bloody dead man! | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
-Joshua and Joseph! -Leviticus and Deuteronomy! | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
Revelation, treason and pain! | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Jesus Christ! | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
It's a bloody dead man! | 0:12:09 | 0:12:10 | |
What the bloody hell are we going to do? | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
Tinkin' me, I'm tinkin'. I'm tinkin. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:15 | |
There's only one ting to do 'ere. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
You're going to have to call the bloody police! | 0:12:36 | 0:12:39 | |
Uh...you are the police. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
Yes. Yes, that's right. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
Bloody too right! | 0:12:48 | 0:12:49 | |
Me want de truth. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
Me said me want de truth! THUD | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
-It bloody hurts! -Stop your moaning. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
The blasted hand, it hurts! | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
-Hold still now, man! -Well, be gentle, innit! | 0:13:09 | 0:13:12 | |
Boy, ya better start talking, | 0:13:13 | 0:13:17 | |
before you meet h'officer Raggo! | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
Ya gone deaf, boy? | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
Me bredren say you'd better start talking, don't it? | 0:13:22 | 0:13:26 | |
This is ridiculous, how many times have... | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
-Shut your mouth! -THUD | 0:13:28 | 0:13:29 | |
-That blasted table is hard! -Well, you shouldn't hit it so hard! | 0:13:31 | 0:13:35 | |
-Go easy now, man! -I'm trying! | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
-Take your time. -Well, hold still now, man! | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
FISTS THUD | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
'BBC One soon come.' | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
Following on from a successful tour of art centres | 0:14:01 | 0:14:07 | |
the length and breadth of north London... | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
..with a devastating new critique of something | 0:14:12 | 0:14:16 | |
entirely non-specific... | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
..please, give it up for Dr Afrikkka, | 0:14:20 | 0:14:25 | |
Consciousness X and IllumiNigel. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
The Black Man Group! | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
AUDIENCE CLICKS FINGERS | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
Sheeple! | 0:14:39 | 0:14:40 | |
We are about to create a dynamic aural soundscape. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:46 | |
Dash me a word. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
Police Oppression! | 0:14:50 | 0:14:51 | |
Police oppression... | 0:14:55 | 0:14:56 | |
BONGO DRUMBEATS # What you see, I see too | 0:14:59 | 0:15:03 | |
# But you see me and IC three | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
# Black male on bail Going to jail | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
# Is this beyond the pale...face? | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
# Which isn't my race | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
# The white man wins again. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
-# Again. -Again. # | 0:15:20 | 0:15:21 | |
I rest my case... | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
Africa. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:29 | |
THEY BEATBOX | 0:15:31 | 0:15:32 | |
# Calam calam ma-ma-ma | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
# Africa | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
# Come on | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
# Hala hala-la-la La-la-la-la-la | 0:15:41 | 0:15:45 | |
-# Africa! -Mmm, mmm, mmm! | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
-# Africa! -Mmm, mmm | 0:15:48 | 0:15:49 | |
# Africa! # | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
Wow! | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
Er, guys, you've certainly blown my mind | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
and I, for one, wholeheartedly agree - um... | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
..Africa. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:04 | |
It's time de bredren stop playing by the rule, don't it? | 0:16:11 | 0:16:15 | |
Don't... | 0:16:15 | 0:16:16 | |
I can't take out the... | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
Will you take out all the... | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
THEY MUMBLE | 0:16:22 | 0:16:23 | |
...ya man take out ting ting man... | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
You don't look, man. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
Him say "Ooh ya look, man". | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
"Emsit oyer rook barn"? | 0:16:29 | 0:16:30 | |
Shut your mouth! | 0:16:32 | 0:16:33 | |
The ting, innit? | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
Check out der tickat der ding? | 0:16:36 | 0:16:38 | |
Me de take out de ting of der ting. Me pocket! | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
Me pocket! | 0:16:41 | 0:16:42 | |
Wrong with this boy? | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
Well, put de ting in de ting! | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
Press play? | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
MUSIC: Good Thing Going by Sid Owen | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
Me like this. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
You like Ricky from the EastEnders playing the reggae? | 0:17:10 | 0:17:13 | |
This is just volume one. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
So you'd better start talking. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
-I should go back to the scene... -Stand up yourself now, man! -Get up! | 0:17:19 | 0:17:23 | |
-Move your pelvis area. -OK. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
How does that feel for a white man? You feel loose? | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
-Kind of. -BOTH: -Shut your mouth! | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
# Eternally... # | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
'BBC One soon come...' | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
Shut your mouth! | 0:17:45 | 0:17:46 | |
Guess what? Brian went mad at Christmas party. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:54 | |
Ended up in a threesome with one of the temps | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
and that security guard who's always got cold sores. | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
-MOUTHS: -Oh, my God! | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
Children! | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
I want to tell you | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
the story of when I first saw the light-a! | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
Mmm. Amen. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
When I saw the light, | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
I knew then that my life would change forever. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:27 | |
-# Change for ever -Tell me now | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
-# Change for ever. -Sing it loud. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
# Change for ever... # | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
I knew, if I accepted that light into my life, | 0:18:34 | 0:18:39 | |
my life would change forever. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
That light-a. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
That flashing blue light-a. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
That flashing blue light-a of an ambulance-a. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:49 | |
It changed my life forever. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
# Nee nar, nee nar | 0:18:52 | 0:18:54 | |
# Nee nar, nee nar | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
# Nee nar, nee nar | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
# Nee nar, nee nar... # | 0:18:58 | 0:18:59 | |
And people, let me tell you, | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
let me tell you... | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
I followed that flashing blue light-a. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:06 | |
I chased that ambulance all the way to the hospital. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:11 | |
And there I found... | 0:19:12 | 0:19:15 | |
Mmm... | 0:19:15 | 0:19:16 | |
my destiny, waiting for me in the shape...of a man. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:22 | |
A simple man. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
A humble man. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:27 | |
-# Yes! He's coming up -The humble man | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
# The humble man | 0:19:29 | 0:19:30 | |
# He's coming up He's coming up | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
He's coming up The humble man | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
# The humble man He's coming up | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
# He's coming up The humble man | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
# The humble man | 0:19:38 | 0:19:39 | |
# He's coming up He's coming up | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
-# The humble man... # -Tell the people... | 0:19:41 | 0:19:44 | |
..what happened to you. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:46 | |
I was involved in a, er, road traffic accident. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:51 | |
# He got hit by a lorry. # | 0:19:51 | 0:19:55 | |
Well, it was a bike, actually. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:00 | |
# Sorry. # | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
It's all right. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
So, I was involved in a road traffic accident, but it wasn't my fault. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
-It was not his fault. -No. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:13 | |
I said, there was no culpability on his part. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:19 | |
# No culpability! No culpability! No culpability! No culpability! | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
# No culpability! No culpability! | 0:20:22 | 0:20:23 | |
# No culpability! No culpability! No culpability! No culpability! | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
# No culpability! No culpability! | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
# No culpability! No culpability! | 0:20:28 | 0:20:30 | |
# No culpability! No culpability! | 0:20:30 | 0:20:32 | |
# And I suffered | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
# Quite bad whiplash! # | 0:20:34 | 0:20:38 | |
I suffered quite badly from whiplash. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
He felt the lash of the whip. Ow! | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
-Ow! -Ow! -Ow! -Ow. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
Brother Ian - tell the good people | 0:20:49 | 0:20:53 | |
what the reverend did for you. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
The Reverend managed to secure £15,800. | 0:20:57 | 0:21:04 | |
# The best part of £16,000! # | 0:21:04 | 0:21:09 | |
But after expenses and costs, it was reduced to 957. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:14 | |
Shut your mouth now, no-one needs to know about that. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:17 | |
# You'd better shut your mouth before I reverse that lorry | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
# Back upside-a your head | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
# Brother! # | 0:21:24 | 0:21:26 | |
Well, it was a bike actually. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:29 | |
# Shut your mouth Shut your mouth | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
# Shut your mouth Shut your mouth... | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
-# No win, no fee! -No win, no fee... # | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
Now, go - | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
and have yourself the accident-a you deserve. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:43 | |
Hiya gang. Guess what? | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
It's Friday five o'clock. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
It's Friday five o'clock. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:21:58 | 0:22:03 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:06 | 0:22:10 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:10 | 0:22:14 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:14 | 0:22:18 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:18 | 0:22:22 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:22 | 0:22:26 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:26 | 0:22:29 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:29 | 0:22:33 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:33 | 0:22:37 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:37 | 0:22:41 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:41 | 0:22:45 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock | 0:22:49 | 0:22:53 | |
-# It's Friday... # -Hey! You lot! | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
It's not five o'clock. It's only half four! | 0:22:55 | 0:22:57 | |
Now, get back to work, you lazy bastards! | 0:22:57 | 0:22:59 | |
And clean that up! | 0:23:02 | 0:23:03 | |
It looks like a shithouse. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:07 | |
Nice tea. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
Lovely! Yeah. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
Remember like, remember back in the day before YouTube - | 0:23:18 | 0:23:22 | |
you had to sit and listen to the radio. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
This was before you young ninjas were born. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
And you had to sit there for weeks, | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
just waiting to hear your favourite track. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
But I don't have to do it any more, cos I've got my own show. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
'It's the Javone Prince Show, by the way. Thanks for asking.' | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
"Javone Prince" - is that even a real name? | 0:23:37 | 0:23:39 | |
I know - he should change his name | 0:23:40 | 0:23:44 | |
from Javone Prince | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
to Javone Prick! | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
-HE LAUGHS -Clever wordplay. -I know. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
'Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up...' | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
for one of my favourite songs, by one of my favourite artists. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
The original ladies' man - | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
I've got him right here, on the show! | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
It's Alexander O'Neal! | 0:24:00 | 0:24:04 | |
-Yeah! -CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:24:04 | 0:24:07 | |
I ain't even lying. He's here! | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
MUSIC: Criticize by Alexander O'Neal | 0:24:09 | 0:24:12 | |
# Can't you find something else to talk about | 0:24:14 | 0:24:17 | |
# Is this song the only one you sing | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
# Makes you look better when you put things down | 0:24:21 | 0:24:25 | |
# Value your opinion | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
-# Criticize my friends -Friends, friends | 0:24:29 | 0:24:32 | |
-# Criticize my ideas -Ideas, ideas | 0:24:32 | 0:24:37 | |
-# Criticize my lifestyle -Lifestyle, lifestyle | 0:24:37 | 0:24:41 | |
# I'm fed up cos all you wanna do is criticize | 0:24:41 | 0:24:45 | |
# You've just closed your mind | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
-# You don't criticize -Ooh, ooh | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
# Criticize | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
-# You don't realize -All you wanna do is criticize | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
# I just want what is right Still you say, criticize | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
# Can't we start this over | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
# Over, over | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
-# Cos your conversation ain't right -Ain't right, ain't right | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
-# We can make our love stronger -Stronger, stronger | 0:25:07 | 0:25:11 | |
-# You don't have to think twice -Think twice, think twice | 0:25:11 | 0:25:16 | |
-# Don't criticize my friends -Friends, friends | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
-# Criticize my ideas -Ideas, ideas | 0:25:19 | 0:25:23 | |
-# Criticize my lifestyle -Lifestyle, lifestyle | 0:25:23 | 0:25:27 | |
# I'm fed up cos all you wanna do is criticize | 0:25:27 | 0:25:31 | |
# You've just closed your mind | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
-# Baby, don't criticize -Ooh | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
# Ooh Criticize | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
# You don't realize | 0:25:39 | 0:25:41 | |
# All you wanna do is criticize... # | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
# I just want what is right | 0:25:43 | 0:25:45 | |
# Still you say, criticize | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
# Criticize, criticize criticize... # | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
-# Oh, no, no -Ooh -Come on -ooh | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
-# Criticize -You don't realize | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
-# All you wanna do is criticize -I just want what is right | 0:25:56 | 0:26:00 | |
# Still you say, criticize. # | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
CHEERING Thank you! | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
Thank you. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:15 | |
Alexander O'Neal! | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
Man, incredible! | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
Thank you so much for keeping it real. | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
And as a result, we would like to present you | 0:26:29 | 0:26:32 | |
with some Associated Boiled Chicken product in a can, | 0:26:32 | 0:26:36 | |
as a sign of our mutual love and respect. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
-Whoo! Whoo! Good stuff! -APPLAUSE | 0:26:38 | 0:26:40 | |
So, that's it. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
-We've come to the end of the show. -AUDIENCE GROANS | 0:26:44 | 0:26:47 | |
I know! I hope you had a great time, cos... | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
CHEERING | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
...we did. Yeah, yeah! | 0:26:52 | 0:26:53 | |
There's an old saying, "Always finish with a song." | 0:26:56 | 0:27:00 | |
We're going to go one better than that. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:01 | |
We're going to finish with a song and a dance. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
You know what time it is? It's candy, it's Candy Time! | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
MUSIC: Candy by Cameo | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
You know what to do. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:10 | |
That's right, come on. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
# It's like candy | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
# I can feel it when you walk | 0:27:25 | 0:27:27 | |
# Even when you talk It takes over me | 0:27:27 | 0:27:32 | |
# You're so dandy | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
# I want to know Can you feel it too? | 0:27:34 | 0:27:38 | |
-# Just like I do -Just like I do -Ooh! | 0:27:38 | 0:27:43 | |
# This stuff is starting now | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
# It's the same feeling I always seem to get around you | 0:27:45 | 0:27:50 | |
# There's no mistaking | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
# I'm clearly taken by the simple mere thought of you. # | 0:27:54 | 0:27:57 |