Episode 5 The Rob Brydon Show

Tonight on the show, he is the Voice, Sir Tom Jones.

From Silent Witness, Emilia Fox.

And king of the action men, Steve Backshall. Let's go.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, now, that's too much. Thank you very much. Thank you.

We have a mother and daughter here tonight.

A mother and daughter who share an interest.

Where are Lesley and Harriet? Where are...? Oh, they are down...

Oh, hello. There they are.

Well, I don't know, which is the mother and which is the daughter?

-Lesley, the mum?

-Yes.

-Hello, Lesley, nice to have you here.

-Hello, Harriet.

-Hello.

-Oh, what a lovely voice you've got.

-Aww-ww!

LAUGHTER

Not so much when you did that, I'll be honest!

-What's the interest that you share?

-We show miniature horses.

Show them what? Show them a good time?!

-Oh, you exhibit them!

-Yes.

-Wow!

We've just qualified our new one for the Horse Of The Year Show.

He's called Bryn.

No, really!

-Really.

-Named after anybody in particular?

-Well...

Yeah, because we went to Wales to go and get him

and he came from, like, the top of this massive scary hill.

-Well, "bryn" means "hill" in Welsh.

-It does.

-So you've named him after Bryn.

-We did.

Oh, that is lovely. And what sort of horse is he?

He's a miniature one.

LAUGHTER

Cheap shot that, really, wasn't it!

-Is he a male or a female?

-Well, he's in all the stallion classes.

Ah, like myself then! Like myself.

-How tall?

-Erm, he's about 30 inches.

Like myself!

Well, listen, it's wonderful to have you here. It's love...

-HE COUGHS

-Sorry, I'm a little horse.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

We wish you a lot of luck with showing your miniature horses.

OK, thank you very much for coming.

Right, in a moment, Emilia Fox and Steve Backshall.

But first, ladies and gentlemen, the greatest voice of them all,

Sir Tom Jones!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, then...

The first thing to say to you is to congratulate you on The Voice,

because number one, you won The Voice, which was fantastic.

But it must have been...

It went very well, but it was a bit of a gamble for you. It was very different.

Erm, yes. The first time I've ever done a show like that.

-But I watched the one in America and I thought it was a good idea.

-Yeah.

-It was different from other talent shows.

-Yeah.

-I liked the blind-audition thing.

-People loved that, didn't they?

Yeah. That was so... Just listening to singers

and hitting that button when I heard something that I liked.

So you have no preconceived ideas about what people look like.

-You're not getting thrown by your eyes.

-Yeah.

That's all it is, basically, the sound of the person's voice.

Were you often shocked, when you turned, by what you saw?

Erm, not really. Unless, there was a fella on there

sounding like a girl. You know?

Sometimes, you know, you expect a girl

and you turn around and it's a fella.

Yeah, I've been in a few bars like that!

LAUGHTER

Let's talk about the Jubilee.

Lots of people said they thought you were the best thing on it. I was there and it was amazing.

-I remember seeing you talking to Paul McCartney.

-Yeah.

-Two knights of the round table!

-Yeah.

What do you talk about when you get together?

-We talk about the old days.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

A lot of the times, when we did this, TV shows and all that.

But the thing that surprised me, which was a very nice surprise,

Paul said, "Could I introduce you to my grandson?"

-Yeah.

-So I said, "Of course!

"OK."

-So this little boy comes in and he's a charming kid.

-Yeah.

And he said, "I love you on The Voice." I said, "Oh, thanks."

-He said, "I voted for Leanne."

-Aw.

And I said, "Well, you were the one that must have tipped the scales,

-"you know, your vote."

-Yeah.

-"You think so!?"

-So I thought, well, that's great. And Paul said, you know...

-That's lovely.

When have you been in a situation where you've gone,

"Bloody hell, look at this, look who's here!"?

You've met pretty much everybody, haven't you? I could throw names at you.

-Sylvester Stallone, have you met him?

-Yes.

-Do you know him well?

-Yes.

-What does he say to you?

-"Hey, Tommy, how you doing?"

LAUGHTER

-Arnold Schwarzenegger, have you met him?

-Yes.

-What does HE say to you?

Well, I... LAUGHTER

It's very similar. LAUGHTER

-Only with an Austrian accent.

-Bruce Willis?

-Yes.

I sang at his birthday party once.

Demi Moore, you know, his wife, said, "Could you come up and sing?"

I said, "Sure." So, I did. That was nice.

We became friends, so I know Bruce pretty good.

Now, I love talking to you about Elvis and Vegas,

but you've talked about that so much.

I want to talk about the first time you went to America.

Because it wasn't to Vegas, wasn't it?! New York was your first one.

Yeah. I went to do an Ed Sullivan Show.

And then, the same year, I did Dick Clark.

He had a tour going on called, The Caravan Of Stars.

I thought, "Wow, that sounds good."

You know, so I went on there.

-Did you travel down into the Deep South?

-Oh, yeah, we went all over America.

-Cos in those days, there was still segregation?

-Yes.

-When was this?

-'65.

-Oh, right, OK.

-The summer of '65.

So the closest I got to any trouble with that, there was a singer,

a male singer called Mel Carter.

We got friendly. He was a black fella.

We were in one of these coffee shops, somewhere.

And these white fellas took umbrage, you know?

They called him names, so he snapped, and rightfully so.

The paddy wagon came up, you know, the Black Maria.

They slung him straight in the back there

and he was going nuts, you know, trying to...

And the police, of course, were all there. White police!

So I said, "Excuse me..." You know, trying to be...

I said, "You haven't even listened to what happened."

And this policeman said to me, "Stay out of this, boy."

And I'd never seen police with guns.

He put one hand on my chest and he said,

"I'm going to ask you one more time, you going to stay out of this, boy?"

And he went for his gun. It was coming out.

And I saw a headline, you know, "Tom Jones got shot in Mississippi."

I thought, Jesus. When you're confronted with a weapon...

-That's a very upsetting experience.

-Oh, terrible.

And the acts you would have liked from that era were people like Ray Charles?

-Yeah. I was listening to, erm, blues singers like Big Bill Broonsy.

-Yeah.

You know, when I was younger, and then gospel like Mahalia Jackson.

-Yeah.

-And some country people like Hank Williams.

So those people were very important. Brook Benton.

-# Rainy night in Georgia...#

-That's right.

# Looks like it's raining all over the world

# Neon signs a-flashin'

# Taxi cabs and buses passin'. #

LAUGHTER

-Shut your face!

-LAUGHTER

-We are having a lovely moment.

-LAUGHTER

We never... We only ever see you there, entertaining.

What are you like at home? Where do you live? You live in Los Angeles?

-Yeah, yeah.

-And do you sing around the house?

-Erm, sometimes. Yeah.

I've never seen you, ever on any television programme, playing the guitar.

Well, to be honest, I don't play very well.

I only ever learned to strum a few cords.

I never, I never really...

You put that there on purpose, didn't you?

I would never do something... Do you want to have a look at it? I'll just show it to you.

LAUGHTER

Just, just have a little feel of it. Oh, there's no strap on it.

You'll have to sit down. There's a plectrum there, though.

Has anybody ever seen Tom Jones with a guitar? Never.

Well, let me see.

STRUMS

-It's in tune, anyway!

-That's a start.

LAUGHTER

STRUMS AND HUMS

# I just got your letter, baby

# Too bad you can't come home

# I swear I'm goin' crazy

# Sittin' here all alone

# Since you're gone

# I got a mess of blues

# Whoops, there goes a teardrop

# Rollin' down my face

# If you cry when you're in love

# Sure ain't no disgrace

# I got to get myself together

# Before I lose my mind

# I'm gonna catch the next train going

# And leave these blues behind

# Since you're gone

# I got a mess of blues

# Since you're gone

# I got a mess of blues. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Tom Jones!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Tom Jones. Have a seat, Tom. Beautiful.

-Thank you for that.

-That's all right.

What are you like with pathology? Do you like pathology?

If I knew what it was, I could give you an answer.

We're about to find out, please welcome my next guest,

the brilliant star of Silent Witness, it's Emilia Fox.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Emilia, Tom. Tom, Emilia.

-Yes, how are you?

-That was fantastic.

-Thanks.

-That's the highlight of the year, isn't it?

-It's pretty much for me.

-Well, well.

-Now, pathology, Tom...

-Yes.

-The study of dead bodies, et cetera, clues, am I right?

-Yes.

Emilia's in Silent Witness and has done many series of it.

But it must have been a difficult one to research.

To research it properly, you'd have had to have been seeing dead bodies.

-I went to see two autopsies.

-You went to actual autopsies?

-Yes.

-So, you literally saw them...

-Yeah. Mm. All of it.

-What's it like?

Well, erm, I was worried that I was going to be...

I'm very squeamish in real life.

So I didn't want to sort of hold the process up

by being embarrassing or anything.

But actually, it's so riveting, what happens

once they open up the body, and finding out how someone died.

I think that might be why people still like Silent Witness.

The clues are in the body, not just, you know, the sort of whodunit,

"Where were you last night, Mrs Miggins?"

And, so, I became fascinated by that

and it stopped me feeling like I would faint or anything like that.

God, I mean, the first time you see them...

-Stop.

-..put the incision in.

-Stop!

-Does stuff squirt out when they do that?

-AUDIENCE GROANS

You're all wondering it! Does stuff...

-Do you really want to know?

-Yes, I do.

-I do want to know.

-No.

-It doesn't?

-No.

-Some autopsy!

You know, what we...

But the thing is, once they get the saw out to do the brain,

then there are bits that fly out.

-They don't fly out?!

-They do, when you're sawing through something.

LAUGHTER

-And also then, the pulling down of the skin.

-All right, all right.

-We'll give it a rest now.

-You wanted to know!

-Only up to a point. I don't want to upset Tom.

LAUGHTER

-So, you met real pathologists to research for it.

-They're with us all the time.

I presume they have a great sense of humour to sort of compensate for what they're doing.

-They do.

-And they always encourage us to have humour in the show.

-Because it's a lot of medical chat.

-Jargon.

Do you understand what you're saying or do you just go with the flow?

I don't understand it when I read it,

but when I get on set and have it explained by the pathologists,

and then you've got the body there in front of you, and so, it's easy.

You've got a picture to go to.

It's remembering the actual names of things.

-All right, let's put this to the test.

-OK.

I've written a new series, Tom.

-Yes.

-CSI Cardiff.

LAUGHTER

-All right, there's a script for you. You play Doctor Tom. OK?

-OK.

-It's there. Emilia, you play Emilia.

-Yes.

-OK?

-Thanks.

I play Chad.

LAUGHTER

I understand.

So, what's the autopsy result, anything out of the ordinary?

-Blunt force trauma to the trachea.

-What about the thoracic spine exam?

Shows no evidence of vertebral body collapse,

pedicular sclerosis or vocalytic abnormality.

Good, any anterior wedging?

LAUGHTER

No, no, no.

I have to be able to use the word "wedging" without contempt, please.

We'll go back on that line. Sorry, Tom. We'll go back on that line.

Shows no evidence of vertebral body collapse,

pedicular sclerosis or vocalytic abnormalities.

Good, any anterior wedging?

GIGGLING

Mild at the L2 vertebral body,

Schmorl's nodes are evident through the lumber vertebral bodies

and a lumbarised S1 transitional vertebrae is evident.

So what's the verdict?

SHE LAUGHS

I think we need a second opinion.

LAUGHTER

Doctor Tom?

I agree with her.

LAUGHTER

Nice. Nicely done. Very nicely done.

Thank you. That was good. That was very good. That was beautiful.

Tell me about Silent Witness. Is there a new series coming?

-Yes.

-What are you laughing about? What's the matter?

Um, yes, we're filming a new series at the moment.

-What will that be, number...

-16.

-Wow, that's...

That's a very popular show, isn't it?

Let me ask you a question you're not expecting.

What's your favourite animal?

LAUGHTER

-I think today it's flamingo.

-Thank you. Tom?

Erm, I like dogs.

A flamingo and a dog. I'm glad we've sorted that out.

You're going to like my next guest.

From smash-hit programme Deadly 60, please welcome Steve Backshall!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Have a seat, sir. Have a seat.

-Thank you very much.

Deadly 60 is a fantastic show. It is so popular.

This is the Deadly 60 show, Steve goes round the world looking for the 60 deadliest...

-I've seen it.

-You've seen it, Tom, OK.

For those that haven't, before we talk to Steve,

have a little look at this clip. Fantastic.

Here we go.

MUSIC PLAYS

They are absolutely extraordinary snakes.

Oh, my goodness, look at the size of this.

No way!

APPLAUSE

Wow! That's impressive.

The crocodile jumped out at you.

Was that the scariest thing from your point of view? It looked terrifying.

The scariest bit of that was that we were actually lowered underneath

the helicopter, into the nest of a female saltwater crocodile.

She was actually on top of the nest when we did that.

That was very frightening because you are in her environment.

A female crocodile will lay down her life to protect her nest,

her hatchlings, her young. So, yes, that was very intimidating.

Wow, wow. What about the snake?

-That was in a cave, presumably, and it was eating a bat.

-Yes, those are non-venomous snakes.

It wasn't any danger to me, but the kind of freaky part about that was,

I was in the cave for about three or four hours beforehand and they were bothered by the lights.

They wouldn't hunt while the lights were on.

The only way I could do it was by having an infrared camera

and looking into that, having no light on whatsoever.

So, crawling around in this cave with bats coming thundering past,

snakes everywhere, just hoping to get that moment,

when one would snatch a bat out of the air.

-Have you ever been bitten?

-I got bitten on the leg by a crocodile.

Well, it's given me a rather nasty scar to show off at dinner parties.

-Or chat shows!

-Or chat shows!

-Where is it?

-It's down here.

-It's about there. Can you see that?

-Oh, yes, we can. Look at that, yes.

I'll be honest with you, that is disappointing.

LAUGHTER

We were expecting something absolutely dreadful.

So, that was a crocodile. Were you invading their territory and that happened?

I was going through a swamp, looking for green anacondas.

I was feeling around with my feet for the snake

and instead, I trod on a crocodile's head and it bit me, funnily enough.

What's the most dangerous animal you've ever encountered?

Well, it's kind of a dull answer actually, because it's the mosquito.

The mosquito is the only one that is statistically dangerous to human beings.

-Snakes, really, are not dangerous to people.

-They are. They are.

-They can bite you, they can crush you.

-They can.

The one in Jungle Book hypnotised the little boy.

LAUGHTER

There he's working with the element of surprise.

And the hippo. There's the hippo that does the thing with the...

-That's actually far more frightening, I have to say.

-..when you're in the water there.

I'm much more likely to have close calls with things like hippos, buffalo and elephants than with...

There is no snake that can outrun a human being.

In every situation when you're in front of a snake,

it would rather move away from you than attack you.

-Are you sure?

-I promise.

-What if it's sleeping?

-I'm sorry.

-What about if it's sleeping and you sort of...

-Step on it.

-..step on it by mistake?

That's the only time that snakes can be dangerous.

The only places are places like Sri Lanka, Burma and India,

where people work in the fields, and they're walking around barefoot

and there are snakes around that have sit-and-wait attack strategies.

-There is a danger...

-They have a strategy?

-Yes.

LAUGHTER

Bloody hell, those are organised snakes.

LAUGHTER

You have a story, don't you, Tom, about your, erm, your first manager?

The guy that discovered you, Gordon Mills. He loved animals, yes?

Yes, my original manager, you know,

he loved animals and endangered species.

So, he built a zoo in his back garden

on St George's Hill in Weybridge.

-He had a gorilla and an orang-utan.

-A gorilla and an orang-utan?

-Yes.

-In Surrey?

-Yes.

LAUGHTER

And he had leopards and, erm, tigers.

He came up with this idea one day.

He said, "You know what, for a picture,

"a great picture would be for you to go into this cage

"and have the tiger come up with his paws on your shoulders."

I said, "I don't fancy it."

He said, "Don't worry about it, I'll be in there with you."

So there was a photographer that came in there with us.

This tiger took a dislike to him, I suppose, and he pounced on him.

And had him by the head.

And was dragging him through the water,

this pond that was in the middle of the thing. Right?

So I'm like, "Jesus!" Gordon said, "Don't..."

So, I'm right behind Gordon. I've gone right behind him now.

Now, if you've ever had a tiger stare at you, it's unbelievable.

They have these eyes. And I thought, "Oh, I'm next."

Well, I got hold of Gordon

and I had him like a shield.

LAUGHTER

And I was up against the side of the cage, on the inside.

I was moving along like this.

I thought, "If this thing jumps, you've had it!"

LAUGHTER

I just got to the gate and got out.

Then he said, "Oh, we'll calm it down and we'll try again."

Meanwhile, the photographer,

the camera had come up and hit him in the face.

So he was in Gordon's bar, trying to drink cognac.

And I said, "And you want me to go back in there?! No, no."

There's a pattern emerging tonight where your life has been threatened.

If it's not a gun, it's a tiger.

LAUGHTER

Now, Steve, Tom has said how much he loves your shows.

I do, seriously, love the way that kids look up to you. You're such a positive role model.

Are you aware of that, of the example that you're setting?

I'm very lucky. I guess we're always told that kids are fat and lazy

and spend all their time sat in front of the TV or playing on computers.

I just don't see that. I see enthusiastic, active, interested, intelligent young people,

which is one of the great privileges of my job.

By watching YOUR shows, you're kind of taking them in the other direction, which is lovely.

I guess I'm hoping to show that by switching on to the natural world, it can just make life better,

by spending some time outside, by learning about birdsong.

The second you go outside, you have all these stories going on.

It has to start in your own backyard because this is our history.

If you live in Surrey, I mean, you could find orang-utans, gorillas, leopards!

Let's have some questions from the audience. First is John Dennis.

Where are you, John? Oh, he's there. Down the front. Hello. Who is you question for?

-I've got a question for Sir Tom.

-Is that a Welsh accent, John?

-It is, yes.

-Cracking.

LAUGHTER

-Tidy.

-Tidy.

-LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Sir Tom, I'd love to know, what's your karaoke song?

LAUGHTER

-Do you ever do karaoke?

-No.

-Of course not, it's Tom Jones.

I mean, I've never sung at a karaoke.

If someone held a gun to your head, which, let's face it,

is quite likely, the way things have gone.

-Yes.

-What would you do?

-It would be a Jerry Lee Lewis song.

-Great Balls Of Fire.

-Could be Great Balls Of Fire, Whole Lotta Shakin'.

-Lovely.

-You know?

-Emilia.

-I'd just hope I wasn't in the same karaoke bar as Sir Tom.

What do you think? Like, Black Velvet or something like that.

# Black velvet...# That's all about Elvis. Did you know that?

-The girl who did it is Canadian.

-Alannah Myles.

What about you, Steve?

I would probably sing something that was so bad,

that I would be forced to give up very, very quickly.

Something by Radiohead and just have people screaming for me to stop.

Yes, I think they would.

LAUGHTER

Paul Hunt. Where is Paul? He's over there. How are you?

-I'm not bad. You?

-Good, thank you. Have you been all right?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-What have you been up to?

LAUGHTER

-Keeping busy?

-Yes, ducking and diving.

-Who's your question for?

-My question is for Sir Tom.

-Right.

Sir Tom, I met you when I was just three years old,

and you picked me up.

I can say now that is not going to happen tonight.

LAUGHTER

What's your question?

Now I'm older, would you fancy a pint with me?

-Are you up for that?

-Yes.

-I have somewhere special.

-OK, you up for it?

-Yes.

-Let's do it. Come on down. Come on down, Paul. This way, Tom. Come over here.

APPLAUSE

Say hello to Sir Tom.

Come around here. There's one for you, look.

Thank you very much.

-And Sir Tom. Here's one for you.

-Thank you.

-One for me.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Cheers. All right, let's have a pint.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Oh, look at the time. Let's drink up.

Lovely.

WHOOPING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MAN: Go on, Tom!

CHEERING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you, Paul. Thanks very much.

APPLAUSE

-Tom, you're going to sing for us, yes?

-Yes.

You're going to do something from the new album. Fantastic.

-Do you want to go over and get ready?

-Yes.

-Thank you, Tom. Tom Jones.

APPLAUSE

And before we hear from Tom, please thank my lovely guests,

Emilia Fox and Steve Backshall.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And now, from his fantastic album, Spirit In The Room,

performing Tower Of Song, ladies and gentlemen, Sir Tom Jones.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC

# Well, my friends are gone and my hair is grey

# I ache in the places where I used to play

# And I'm crazy for love

# But I'm not coming on

# I'm just paying my rent every day

# In the tower of song

# I said to Hank Williams

# "How lonely does it get?"

# Hank Williams hasn't answered me yet

# But I hear him coughing

# All night long

# A hundred floors above me

# In the tower of song

# I was born like this

# I had no choice

# I was born with the gift of a golden voice

# And 27 angels from the Great Beyond

# They tied me to the stage right here

# In the tower of song

# So you can stick your little pins in that voodoo doll

# I'm very sorry, baby, but that doesn't look like me at all

# And I'm standing by the window

# Where the light is strong

# They don't let women kill you Not here

# In the tower of song

# Now, you can say that I've grown bitter

# But of this you can be sure

# The rich have got their channels in the bedrooms of the poor

# And there's a mighty judgment coming

# But I may be wrong

# You see, you hear these funny voices

# In the tower of song

# I see you standing on the other side

# I don't know how the river got so wide

# And I loved you, baby

# Way back when

# And all the bridges are burning

# That we might have crossed

# And I feel so close to everything we lost

# And we'll never

# We'll never have to lose it again

# Now I bid you farewell I don't know when I'll be back

# They're moving us tomorrow to that tower down the track

# And you'll be hearing from me, baby

# Long after I'm gone

# I'll be speaking to you sweetly

# From the window

# In the tower of song. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Sir Tom Jones!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Good night.