Episode 5 Top Gear USA

'Now, on Top Gear, we fix GM by using eggs and soda.'

What is wrong with you?

'We almost drown while driving.'

It's cold! It's cold!

'And we welcome skateboard legend Tony Hawk to our track.'

Woo! That was so good!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to Top Gear!

On this show nobody will be made an ex-top model, nobody will fall off a big, red, rubber ball,

but if you like cars, this is where you belong.

I'm Adam Ferrara. That's Tanner Foust and this is Rutledge Wood.

We start tonight with General Motors. A few years ago, the US Government bought about 60% of GM

to help save the company for 50 billion.

That's 50 billion paid to the US Government by you and me.

That works out to 163 per person.

And for 163 bucks we all get a part of GM - a very small part.

It's point zero, zero, zero, zero,

zero, zero, zero, two percent to be exact.

LAUGHTER

So the idea is that if we can find one top-selling car for GM we would all win.

So we each picked a great GM car from the past.

We put it through a series of tests to see which one would best protect our investment.

MUSIC: "Layla" by Eric Clapton

'We decided to meet in Detroit, Michigan - Motor City, the automotive centre of the world.

'Adam was the first to arrive.'

I have chosen the Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme,

one of the most popular nameplates in automotive history.

This car was introduced in 1961 and sold 11.9 million,

until it ended its production life in 1999.

This car was made when GM owned the American roads and it was BECAUSE of cars like this.

Look at it! It's frigging beautiful!

This particular model has the V8, the classic Oldsmobile Rocket 350.

You can tell by its lines it was designed during the pinnacle of the muscle-car era.

They also knew how to combine muscle-car stylings with a reasonably upscale interior.

It was one of the last attractive GM interiors before everything became plasticky and cheap.

I always liked the roofline on the Cutlass Supreme.

It was a more formal notchback, rather than a fastback.

The other thing I love about cars of this era is the high beams are on the floor.

So when you're driving you can just tell people to get outta my way!

Tanner's a coke dealer!

-A Pontiac Fiero.

-This thing could save GM.

It's like a hero car. It's like an exotic car for every man.

-It's a chick's car.

-It's the only mass-produced, mid-engine car EVER in America.

Which they stopped after four years.

-It's designed after a Ferrari 308.

-It's gold!

"Fiero" in Italian means proud.

Absolutely.

You've brought back a fad, OK? This is basically parachute pants.

-I had 26 zippers on one pair of pants.

-That doesn't surprise me at all.

-You found the biggest car in a 50-mile radius and bought it, again.

-Yes!

-What is up with that?

-It's great! It's a man's car!

-It's an old man's car.

-No, no, no, my friend. This is the '71 Cutlass Supreme - an executive hotrod.

-What do you think Rutledge is going to get?

-I have no idea.

Oh, my God! Mom's here!

-You're kidding!

-Fellas, allow me to introduce the Buick Roadmaster Estate Wagon.

-Tell me the inside doesn't smell like Virginia Slim cigarettes.

-It holds eight people.

You can fit a four-by-eight sheet of plywood and it will tow 5,000lbs.

-It's got the vista roof.

-Yeah! How about that? This could be the most usable car GM ever produced.

The fact that it's got that much power makes it really fun.

It's a total boat. You cruise in style.

And with this luxury of the vinyl, fake-wood panelling, it let's everybody know, "I'm classy!"

You know what? I have never seen you and Clark Griswold in the same place at the same time.

-Let me guess, you bought the Fiero.

-Absolutely, bought the Fiero.

-Look at it. It just screams, "I love the '80s!"

-Don't be jealous.

Is Bananarama still together?

And this? Wow! Where's the mast and the sail?

-You're kidding! With THIS?

-You've got nothing to talk about on that one, Rutledge.

-This thing's sleek.

The turning radius on this is Pennsylvania.

-That could fit in the back if I laid my seats down.

-This is a mid-engine masterpiece.

-You know what the best part of this mid-engine is?

-What's that?

-It bursts into flames!

-Can you do a brake stand in it?

-You bet!

-Let's see it.

Done.

BRAKES SCREECH

-She's a Buick all right! Look at that!

-Wow!

'While the smoke cleared, it was obvious we were never going to agree

'which out-of-production car was the best.

'But, fortunately, the producers had come up with a series of challenges to help us decide.'

"America loves a road trip, so to prove that your vehicle has the stamina

"for the long haul, you'll need to drive them 100 miles to Marshall, Michigan."

Are you kidding me? A road trip in the Roadmaster.

-You're going to be surfing that waterbed. I'll be there waiting.

-Have fun in the Incredible Hulk!

It's a test colour!

'We were representatives of the American people

'and if our hard-earned dollars were going to a car company,

'we were going to make sure that car was the best.

'The cars deserved a second chance.

'Who knows what variables were at play when they were in production that might be different today?

'The car may have failed because they didn't have the technology to make them competitive.

'They could have had a bad marketing campaign.

'Or the design could have been too ahead of its time.'

The frickin' light doesn't work.

Come on!

'We were on a road trip and it was the perfect time to get to know our cars a little better.'

There's the cops, right there.

If there's any car that attracts attention, it's the Fiero. This looks fast just standing still.

In the '80s, Fiero actually took down the almighty Mustangs and Camaros

at Sears Point, consecutively.

The balance of the mid-engine is undeniable. Ferrari found success in it - a brand based on racing.

140 horsepower though.

I mean, mid-'80s that wasn't bad. 2,500lb car. It's pretty quick, if you put your foot in it.

ENGINE REVS

That's not bad.

The Fiero's really about a great concept in a poor follow through.

In a large part, it was due to a recall,

where they actually had to fix every single Fiero ever made.

Ooh! What's that? Well, power. There we go.

Under the hood you've got a detuned LT1.

So it's basically a Corvette motor with a little bit different heads.

These are geared so you can really get this car up and going. It weighs almost 4,500lbs.

You need a little torque to get you around.

Maybe things that aren't so great about it.

Well, it is a little floaty.

The suspension could be a bit tighter.

And the seats don't really hold you.

-You like my car?

-WOMAN: I do. I love it.

-It's a Roadmaster. It's a station wagon. You probably didn't even notice!

-I didn't!

-I love you!

Look at that. Pretty girls talking to me in the wagon. Psst! This thing!

-How are you doin'?

-I like that car.

-You like my ride?

Thank you. If we were to bring this car back, would you buy it?

Thank you so much, darlin'. She likes my ride.

The Cutlass Supreme was retired in 1997, three years before Oldsmobile went out of business,

but it really didn't matter.

By that time, the design evolved into this emasculated front-wheel drive shell of itself.

Not like this sweet ride I'm in now.

This is a luxury muscle car. It's got everything in it.

AM/FM stereo. That doesn't work. Air conditioning.

That needs to be fixed, but it's got the Rocket 350.

It handles a little boat-like. Not like Rutledge's Staten Island Ferry.

This really is one of the best road-trip cars you could have.

When this was new, you would pack the family into it and head across the country to Walley World.

Sorry, folks. Park's closed!

'Even though we were in separate cars, I felt like we were one big family taking a road trip.'

Phew! Damn!

This thing is comfy.

It's like a La-Z-Boy with a steering wheel in front of it.

'Adam was already complaining.'

Hot!

'And Tanner was enjoying his toy.'

I'm impressed. For a 24-year-old car, it runs nice. Not on fire or anything.

If you brought back this car,

you could not only save GM, but you could also make some cool cars.

'You make the wagon. Off that you build a Caprice, an Impala SS. Cut off the back of the wagon.'

What have you got? Dun-dun-na-nah! Your new El Camino.

GM is saved. Thank you, Rutledge Wood!

Wow!

So if I was going to upgrade this car, I'd lighten it up a bit.

Maybe a fibreglass hood or carbon fibre, depending on my cost.

I'd turbocharge and direct inject the Rocket 350.

And I'd fix the friggin' air conditioning! Hot!

Tanner...

-Are you going to put another tiny, hard-to-work-on V6 back there?

-Negatory, my friend.

LS7.

Are you going to change that in your redesign?

The redesign's going to be epic. It will start with a race car and trickle technology into the road.

It's going to establish GM as a world racing power and change the brand altogether.

The majority of you-alls' target market was conceived in the back of a Roadmaster Wagon.

Granted. You got that one.

'75 miles into our journey across Michigan,

'our family dynamic began to break down.

'Papa Bear was getting annoyed because the cubs were wandering.'

-Tanner, you might want to just slow down just a hair.

-I'm going the speed limit.

-Slow down!

-BLEEP.

BLEEP.

-Don't make me separate you two.

-You guys can't keep up?

If you'll slow down and get in the right-hand lane and the three of us get together,

-then no-one will sound like a

-BLEEP...

-Too late.

LAUGHTER

It's like eight year olds with licences.

That's what a road trip is like with these two.

'Our cars successfully completed their first challenge -

'the 100-mile road trip to Marshall.

'But soon we realised that the producers didn't just send us to any town.

'Marshall was home to Eaton Proving Grounds,

'a place where our three cars would enter but only one would leave.

'The 100-mile round trip in our out-of-production GM cars

'ended at Eaton Proving Grounds -

'an automotive torture chamber.

'This proving grounds was like Marine Corps' training for cars.

'It had a banked test track designed to wear down every moving part,

'an intimidating hill that seemed to stretch straight into the sky,

'and a skid pad so slick you could ice skate on it.

'Each section was designed specifically to expose a car's greatest weakness.

'This was not going to be a walk in the park,

'but it would help us decide which car was best to bring back from the dead.

'Our first challenge at Eaton was a classic 0-60,

'and the Roadmaster was ready for it.'

-What are you going to do in the power wagon there?

-I'm going nine.

-Days?!

-You guys want to make jokes or watch me haul ass?

-Go!

40.

50.

60!

A shade over nine seconds.

-'That's pretty fast.'

-I used most of a tank right there.

'Rutledge got the Titanic moving quicker than I thought,

'but it was still going to be no match for my Rocket 350.'

Shift!

Shift! 60!

-The smoky burnout.

-I've got 12 and a half.

'Tanner was next with a measly 140hp.

'The Fiero only weighs 2,700lbs. Tanner only weighs 80lb. So he had a power-to-weight advantage.'

-Are you ready, Breakfast Club?

-Yeah, I'm ready.

There's 40.

45. 50. 55.

60.

I don't know how that looked from the outside, but, damn, that was so fast inside here!

-'I love it!'

-Come on, let's go.

'Tanner's Fiero had beaten the Roadmaster by a full two seconds.'

'It was time to go on to the next challenge.'

"You may have noticed a Top Gear production vehicle parked on a 20% grade incline.

"It's being held by its parking brake. This is your next challenge.

"Drive up the incline, put your car in neutral, apply the parking brake.

"Go pick up the bowling ball, put it in your car and drive over the hill."

-You know what? I'll go first.

-Great.

-Roadmaster should.

It's just you and me. Got nothing to worry about.

We're going to pull up this hill. I'm going to put you in neutral and put the parking brake on. OK?

He's got to get psyched up to do it.

I need you to brake so I can get that bowling ball.

Come on, Roadmaster. Here we go.

Nice and easy up the hill.

And there's the bowling ball.

And...

-Is it going to hold?

-I heard it.

OK. OK.

-I don't know if I'd get out.

-That door's going to lock on him.

Ha-ha-ha!

He did it!

He did it!

BRAKES SQUEAL

'Adam and the Jolly Green Giant were next.'

It sounds like it's there. It's not there.

This is dangerous.

Uh-oh!

Was that his phone that just fell off?

-Oh, dammit!

-It was a good try.

'The hill was too steep and the E-brake was too tired.

'AND I needed a new phone.

'Next it was Tanner's turn.'

'I didn't know it at the time, but one of the many Fiero recalls was for the E-brake.

'The transportation safety bulletin on it basically said I was screwed.'

You're gonna hit my car!

Oh!

-What is wrong with you?

-That car hates you, Adam.

-I think he beat you.

-A little buckle.

-That'll buff out.

-Ah, ah!

-He's got to do that, too!

You have to bring the ball here. Thank you.

-It's plastic. It doesn't dent.

-Yeah, I know.

-I'm surprised you didn't know that.

'Rutledge was getting so confident that he decided to peacock a bit and attack the 60% hill climb.'

Oh, I've got this.

WHEELS SCREECH

Go!

I almost had it!

'Next the producers came up with a challenge that would test

'our cars' handling capabilities in extreme conditions.'

"The professionals at Eaton have set up a course on their low-traction skid pad.

-"You'll need to navigate your way through the cones."

-That doesn't sound so hard.

"You'll be given ten 32oz cups of soda that all have to be within reach.

"The car with the fastest time and the least amount of spillage wins."

It's a manual. That's going to be tough.

'There would be a five-second penalty for every soda that spilled.

'And the best news of all - Tanner had no cup holders.'

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Here we go! Three, two, one, go!

Oh, God!

-It's all gone.

-BLEEP.

Did you see how much just went there?

-Darn, that's so cool!

-They're all gone.

I've got to save at least one of them!

Oh, it's cold! It's cold!

Mother of all that is sacred!

-WILD LAUGHTER

-Is that one cup left?

LAUGHTER

-What was the bad idea?

-There were two cups.

'Rutledge was next.

'Rutledge's La-Z-Boy on wheels was practically built out of cup holders.

-Now remember, it's a combination of...

-Speed, time...

-..And spillage. So the time is critical. You ready?

-Go!

Oh, no! Oh, that's so cold!

-Hold on! Right.

-Wow! He's going pretty quick, actually.

-Ah, just let it stop!

-Oh!

Come on, Rutledge!

And...

..Stop.

Ha!

Oh, my God! Look at all these. Look at how much I saved.

-Not bad, Rutledge.

-That's pretty good.

-Gosh. You have five full cups left.

'That means I was wearing five cups. I didn't feel so bad because Adam was next.

'And his car didn't have ANY cup holders.'

Three, two, one. Go!

Oh!

Oh! Oh, that's cold!

I think my left one was just frightened into my body.

MANIC LAUGHTER

-Oh, he's spun!

-Oh...

-That is going to be wet.

-He's getting into the box.

-He's finally getting there.

Ah, come on!

And stop.

'Adam saved four cups. Then the producers made us do our own math to figure out the winner.'

OK, so I got a 1.09?

-You had a 1.09 and a half.

-1.09 with a four-cup penalty, which is 20 seconds. So I've got 1.29.

So I had a 51. So I had about a seven-minute run.

-Pretty much.

-Really?

I had a 55-second run and I lost five cups. So that would mean a minute, 20.

-Oh!

-That means I won! This is awesome! This is awesome!

What's next? Bring it on! The Roadmaster's ready!

Wooh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

There is more GM to come.

But now time for the news. Gentlemen, did you know Google has invented a car that drives itself?

It uses video cameras, radar sensors and laser rangefinders to quote "see" other traffic.

And the president of Google, a man named Eric Schmidt, he says, and I'm quoting,

"It is amazing to me that we let humans drive cars.

-LAUGHTER

-"It's a bug that cars were invented before computers."

-Boo!

-What? I can guarantee that man will never set foot in this set.

Yes! Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-But if he's using Google Maps, he'll never FIND this set.

-That is true.

In other news, Chevy is producing the new Z28 Camaro.

They're going to put the LSA supercharge engine in. Good for 500hp.

Maybe as high as 550,

-which is great news if you're a tree or a ditch.

-LAUGHTER

It's also great news for the organ-donor programme.

You've got to admit, a Camaro with that much power would be a fun car.

Cos that would be an affordable Z06,

or even ZR1 in comparison for normal people.

I like the new Camaro, but I can't see out of it. It's like it's chopped.

-The visibility is really...

-It's a muscle car. It's not...

You're just supposed to go... Straight line, you know?

You're supposed to look cool driving! Not like this. Like...

And, finally, in the news there is a suburb of Philly that is considering getting police

-to fine people 25 if they leave their cars unlocked.

-What?

-Yeah!

Shouldn't the fact your radio is like gone be...

You know, "I forgot to lock my car. My CDs are gone.

-"Oh! AND I have a 25 fine!"

-LAUGHTER

To enforce that, they're going to send police around town to check every car to see if it's unlocked.

-That seems like a great waste of time.

-Mm-hm.

-That means they're not writing us tickets.

-It's a great idea!

-Yes.

APPLAUSE

And now it's time to put a big star in our small car.

Our guest tonight tried to buy a car that was as much fun to drive as skateboarding is to do.

But he couldn't. So instead he bought a Honda Civic. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Hawk!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Have a seat, please.

So, Tony...

-You are a man that's giving hybrids a good name.

-All right.

You drive perhaps the coolest hybrid out there. It's not a Prius!

-It is a Lexus on 22's.

-Yeah, 600H.

-How did that happen?

-From the moment I ever saw my first Lexus, I was obsessed with them.

-Really?

Yeah. And it came time to actually get a sedan recently

and so that was the one.

-Did you put the 22's on there?

-Yeah.

There's a chance some of you don't know who Tony is

from his years of professional skateboarding.

You might know him from one of the most successful video game brands in the world -

all the Tony Hawk games. Who has some of those? Yeah.

Thank you.

If we'd asked you in high school, "Do you think people will one day skateboard with their hands..."?

No. If you had told me there was even going to be a video game series that features skateboarding,

I wouldn't have believed you.

You guys may not realise this, but Tony has also done a little stunt driving in his day.

-There was a beautiful movie in the '80s called Gleaming The Cube.

-CHEERING

One of the first mainstream movies to ever feature skateboarding in a big way. Before that...

-Were you one of the skateboarders in Police Academy?

-I was.

-I was David Spade's stunt double. And I got fired.

-You got fired?

-I was too tall.

So you went on from there to drive this...

-I believe it was an old Ford Courier with a Pizza Hut roof on top of the truck.

-Right.

-That was some pretty amazing stunt work.

-Thank you very much. It was my first forte into stunt driving.

You've gone on to better cars. You've gotten a couple up to speed on the autobahn, right?

Yeah, I was in Frankfurt with Matt Hoffman, the BMX legend.

The Condor, of course.

The Condor, yes. We said, "We've got a chance to drive the autobahn. Let's rent a Ferrari." And we did.

I was driving and he's videoing the speedometer and he's telling me how fast it's going...

Cos I'm not even looking any more. I'm just, you know... Eyes on the prize there.

And he's 260, 280, 300. And we got up to 300K.

-I said, "It won't go any faster." And we slowed down.

-That's 187 miles an hour.

-We looked online and 300K is THE top speed for that car.

-Wow!

-So mission accomplished.

-Nice work! That's some big stuff right there.

APPLAUSE

-You also have driven a NASCAR stock car.

-Yeah.

Jimmy Johnson helped me quite a bit. He and I were teamed up in this Gillette celebrity race.

-He helped me immensely how to go faster going left.

-Yeah.

Well, a four-time champion would be a good driving coach.

Did you tell him that it's weird only going left?

No, he can kick my ass any direction, really. I'm not going to challenge him at all.

What's Tony Hawk's favourite car?

My favourite car? It's my Stingray. It was my dream car when I was a kid.

You know, '64 Stingray. When I first saw it as a kid, I thought it was the Batmobile.

I've always been drawn to it and got one when I had the means.

-You've also had a lot of jeeps. You have an SRT8. Correct?

-A-huh.

But it just wasn't fast enough?

I had heard that Hennessey Motors in Texas

-will supercharge any sort of SRT engines and thought, "That's it. Sign me up."

-Wow!

-Yeah.

-That's 600 all-wheel drive horsepower in a jeep?

-Yeah.

-It's fun.

-So since you've driven all sorts of stuff, how would you say the Suzuki compares?

It was fun.

But with these turns and the hairpins, you can't have a car going too fast.

Really? You guys want to see his lap?

-AUDIENCE: Yes!

-Let's play it!

My imaginary Stig is in my head. Here we go.

-'The imaginary Stig. Did that help?

-Yeah.

-'..In my head.

-And you pumped second in a car with almost no power at all.'

-Is that good?

-That's impressive.

-All right.

'Coming into turn one. Pretty smooth start.'

Came in too hard on that last corner.

'Here we are coming into the Teardrop.

'That's an easy corner to mess up. If you mess up that, the whole Teardrop is off.'

I feel good.

-'This one's tricky. That one's tricky to hit.

-Good start now.

'You're getting close. Heading to the back stretch.

'Ooh, drifting way out!'

I cut that turn a little too tight there.

You've got a little bump here and then real hard on the brakes before you turn in.

'This turn is really hard to figure right out here.

'A lot of tyre smoke as you're heading in the S's.'

OK, that has blown it. Wow! That didn't work at all. Bad, Tony!

'Coming through the S's. Up here to the last turn.

'A lot of speed carrying through and across the line!'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So we're got Kid Rock up there leading the board at 1.43.9.

Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon, technically at the bottom. How do you think you compared?

I'd like to say I fell somewhere in between there.

LAUGHTER

-OK, let's see. You did it...

-All right.

-..In one minute...

Forty...

-Three...

-AUDIENCE: Oooh!

-Bring it!

-Point two!

-Oh, yes!

APPLAUSE

Look at that!

-The Birdman takes it to the top!

-Thank you.

-All right!

-Let's give another hand for Tony Hawk.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Tonight, we are testing three old GM cars

to see which classic design that we, the American taxpayers

and GM shareholders, want to lobby the company to bring back.

So far we've driven to the Eaton Proving Grounds and we've tested 0-60, E-brake performance,

-handling and, of course, interior storage.

-Yeah.

For our next test we're told to line up in front of a section of uneven concrete,

known as the rumble strips, where we'd be given our next challenge.

All right, fellas. "Most cars that are tested on the rumble strip drive at 20mph.

"You will drive at 30mph. A colander of eggs has been attached to your driver's side headliner.

"The person with the most eggs left in the colander wins."

-Really?

-You want to start it off?

-Yeah.

Uh-oh!

Wow!

-Your head needs to go inside the car.

-I know.

-I'm going to put my belt on.

-That would be a good move, maybe.

OK. Good luck with that. I'll be over here trying to stay dry.

OK. This isn't going to be good.

Awesome!

-All right, Adam. Are you ready?

-Yeah, I'm ready.

-Go!

-Go, go, go, go!

Here we go!

-That seems so violent.

-Yeah.

-I thought the trunk was going to blow off.

It doesn't look that bad. Oh, yeah!

-How would you describe that?

-Er, yolky.

My cholesterol actually went up.

-Who's next?

-Tanner's up!

-Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Go!

Oh, no!

'The Fiero's double wishbone suspension

'was communicating every bit of the rumble strip to the steering wheel as well as the colander.'

That was... Pttt! Pooar!

He has got some egg on him now.

LAUGHTER

'Rutledge was next.'

Your head makes that colander look so small.

Are you ready, Rutledge? Time to make an omelette.

-Go!

-Go!

Oh, they're moving! I can hear them moving around in there.

Oh! Oh!

-Oh! Oh! Oh-ho!

-He's all over the place.

Wow, this is rough! This really does feel like I'm in Detroit.

Whoa! Oh-ho! Oh, no!

That was awesome! I hope he broke all the eggs.

I don't have any on me. This is amazing.

Oh!

Come on!

-..What?

-Dry as a bone!

-No, you've got a shock absorber in there.

-Nothing. It's not my fault. It's the Roadmaster!

-I say we check the eggs.

-Sure, let's check the eggs.

-I have seven unbroken eggs.

-Are those hard boiled?

-No!

-They're not hard boiled.

-Can you hit the middle of his window?

-Yup!

I think I can hit it from back here.

Oh!

Not in the Roadmaster!

'In the end, we had more eggs on our cars than left in our colanders.

'The SS Roadmaster was victorious. Up to this point, each of our cars had put up a good fight.

'There was just one challenge left to determine which car GM should bring back.

'We asked the producers if we could change our sticky, egg-stained clothes

'and they were happy to help us out.'

-You look good.

-Does this suit make me look fat?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Really? They're supposed to be slimming.

'Once two-thirds of us were comfortable in our new outfits, we received the final challenge.'

"This challenge is to test your cars' build quality.

"Your cars will be filled to the top with water and then you will drive around the track.

"When the water level drops below the steering wheel, you stop.

"The person who drives the furthest is the winner."

-So the wetsuits make sense.

-How are you going to drive underwater?

Oh, well, here there's a snorkel and a mask.

You'll be fine.

You have a little advantage since this turd bucket only holds like 30 gallons of water.

-So I've got to shift gears underwater?

-Yes.

You're hosed. Your car's going to hold a swimming pool inside it.

-You know how much that's gonna weigh?

-I'm telling you, I'm warm.

If you get cold in there, they say you're supposed to pee in it.

You know what helps me? Deep knee bends.

-Get it right where you need it. A couple of twists here.

-Put your belt on.

No way. I'm not putting my belt on!

'Then our water source arrived.'

It's fire engine water?

-Yes.

-Oh, that's going to be warm.

SIRENS BLARE, HORN HONKS

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, that is a big hose!

All right. Are you ready?

LAUGHTER

It's cold! It's cold! I can feel the car lowering.

'The car that can drive farthest before the water level drops below the steering wheel wins.'

-Yeah, the wipers are going to help with all that egg and soda!

-The mats are floatin'!

'The Fiero was filled with an aroma of gasoline, rotten eggs

'and Drakkar Noir.

'And if that wasn't enough, my car wouldn't start under its own power.

'So I asked the guys if they would help me out.'

Oh, how much does that weigh?

Good God!

Come on!

-Hey, wait a minute. We're trying to beat him.

-You're right.

Bummer!

'It wasn't looking good for the Fiero to make it back into production.

'Now it was my turn and without any of those pesky, modern electronics,

'my Cutlass should do just fine.'

It's already coming out.

-He's looking for a gear.

-Look at the car!

It looks a lot better.

It's American-built quality right here!

-All right, Adam!

-Go, go, go!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Yeah, baby!

How's that possible?

-Oh, look at it!

-That's HOW we do it!

-He's still going.

-He's still going!

-Look at that!

Right up on the incline. There you go.

-That's it, baby!

-Wow! It is out of sight.

'Even though the Cutlass was leaking badly and weighed a ton,

'its 350 Rocket propelled the hopester around the track.'

It smells kinda bad, but it runs really good.

-No, no, no! Don't pass the Fiero.

-Keep on going!

-Nooo!

-Keep on going. He's going to lap the Fiero!

-He is right on the steering wheel. That is the end.

He's pulling over. He's done. He's done.

Whoa!

-Oh, wow!

-Mother of pearl!

-That is like a river.

-How fast she go?

-It's tough to tell. The speedometer was underwater.

-I think you're up, my friend. Zip up and dive in.

-It's all you, big daddy.

Did you pee? I peed.

-I'm downstream from you, my friend.

-I didn't pee now. I peed when I was in it.

-Can you breathe?

-Yeah.

-How about now?

-Oh!

-OK. You're good.

-Hold my glasses.

-Can you see anything without your glasses?

-I cannot.

'The firemen told me Tanner's Fiero had taken on 500 gallons. My Cutlass - 1,200.

'And they estimated the Buick would hold 2,500 gallons.

'That's a staggering 20,000lbs, plus a bowling ball and Rutledge's head!'

That is a lot of water!

-Look at the back tyre.

-Oh, my gosh!

-Get back in there

-That is awful!

-Get in there!

Get in there!

Dear Lord, I don't want to die in a Buick.

-Look at the door handle!

-LAUGHTER

The back seats are...

'The Roadmasters' electronics were going haywire.

'As the water level continued to rise, the wagon made a cry for help.'

Go! Go! Go!

HORN BLARES

I can't see anything!

Oh! Oh!

LAUGHTER

That's 5,000lb driven by a blind man!

Come on, baby!

-We should just look for smoke.

-Yeah.

'My Buick was performing beautifully.

'If my family truckster

'could make it past Adam's Cutlass, it would be going back into production.'

I've got to lower the steering wheel.

HONR BLARES

LAUGHTER

He's still...

No! Oh!

'The Buick was victorious. I grabbed my trophy and headed for the winner's circle.'

HORN BLARES

HORN STOPS

-OK, there's your trophy.

-Very well done.

That is how a Buick Roadmaster gets it done.

Well, as much as I hate to admit it, you are indeed the Roadmaster.

Boys, there's just one last thing left to do.

I'm taking this baby back to Detroit, so hold that.

Shotgun. Ooh, that means you're riding bitch.

-We're there.

-Oh! It's going to be a long ride to Detroit.

There's some sort of electrical noise coming from down here.

Don't worry about that. It's by your feet.

-You've got an apple to eat on the way.

-I got hungry.

Yeah!

'Dear, GM. Throughout the history of your company

'you have committed yourself to building great cars for the American people.

'But we think it's time you do more than build a car FOR us. You should build a car WITH us.

'This car should have enough space to fit any kind of family

'and give you the freedom to go anywhere,

'or do anything you want to do,

'and have the durability to tread through any hardship,

'just like America.

'Thank you.

'Signed, your shareholders.'

Good work, fellas.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What did you guys think of this? Do you think this would help us bring GM back? Yeah?

-It was a pretty amazing test.

-And it still runs. We drove it in here. But the message is clear.

This is the car that, if we remade it, could save GM.

-Would you guys like to see our version of the new Roadmaster?

-AUDIENCE: Yeah!

-I'd like to see that.

-Ladies and gentlemen, here it is.

-Ah!

Look at this beautiful, sleek wagon. It's not your grandpa's Buick. It's totally updated.

When you see it from the side, you'll see what we're talking about. THAT is a stylish wagon.

We still, of course, have the applique, vinyl, woodgrain sticker.

Because you don't want to lose the classic nostalgia of the first one.

There's no wire wheels. It's got big 20's on it.

The original Buick portholes are coming back.

Vista roof is going to run the entire length of the car, rather than just on the back.

So it's glass, so it's really hot. The children will burst into flames.

Also - you can't see on here - but there is a hole for a snorkel.

Which brings me to the interior. It is entirely waterproof!

The seat covers are also egg resistant, should some jerk throw eggs in your car.

It will continue to have the rear-facing seats.

It will hold eight people and... What's that?

Hey, wait a second! That's a six speed. Oh, yes!

I mean, the best of all things GM put into one car.

THIS car could save GM and people would buy.

I agree. What do you guys think?

-AUDIENCE: Yeah!

-I'd drive it!

-I would drive that every day.

-I'm sure you would.

You'd be the coolest grandfather ever! Yes, you would.

That's all we've got this week. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.

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