Episode 5 Top Gear USA


Episode 5

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Transcript


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'Now, on Top Gear, we fix GM by using eggs and soda.'

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What is wrong with you?

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'We almost drown while driving.'

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It's cold! It's cold!

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'And we welcome skateboard legend Tony Hawk to our track.'

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Woo! That was so good!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Welcome to Top Gear!

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On this show nobody will be made an ex-top model, nobody will fall off a big, red, rubber ball,

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but if you like cars, this is where you belong.

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I'm Adam Ferrara. That's Tanner Foust and this is Rutledge Wood.

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We start tonight with General Motors. A few years ago, the US Government bought about 60% of GM

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to help save the company for 50 billion.

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That's 50 billion paid to the US Government by you and me.

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That works out to 163 per person.

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And for 163 bucks we all get a part of GM - a very small part.

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It's point zero, zero, zero, zero,

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zero, zero, zero, two percent to be exact.

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LAUGHTER

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So the idea is that if we can find one top-selling car for GM we would all win.

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So we each picked a great GM car from the past.

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We put it through a series of tests to see which one would best protect our investment.

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MUSIC: "Layla" by Eric Clapton

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'We decided to meet in Detroit, Michigan - Motor City, the automotive centre of the world.

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'Adam was the first to arrive.'

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I have chosen the Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme,

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one of the most popular nameplates in automotive history.

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This car was introduced in 1961 and sold 11.9 million,

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until it ended its production life in 1999.

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This car was made when GM owned the American roads and it was BECAUSE of cars like this.

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Look at it! It's frigging beautiful!

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This particular model has the V8, the classic Oldsmobile Rocket 350.

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You can tell by its lines it was designed during the pinnacle of the muscle-car era.

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They also knew how to combine muscle-car stylings with a reasonably upscale interior.

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It was one of the last attractive GM interiors before everything became plasticky and cheap.

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I always liked the roofline on the Cutlass Supreme.

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It was a more formal notchback, rather than a fastback.

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The other thing I love about cars of this era is the high beams are on the floor.

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So when you're driving you can just tell people to get outta my way!

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Tanner's a coke dealer!

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-A Pontiac Fiero.

-This thing could save GM.

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It's like a hero car. It's like an exotic car for every man.

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-It's a chick's car.

-It's the only mass-produced, mid-engine car EVER in America.

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Which they stopped after four years.

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-It's designed after a Ferrari 308.

-It's gold!

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"Fiero" in Italian means proud.

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Absolutely.

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You've brought back a fad, OK? This is basically parachute pants.

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-I had 26 zippers on one pair of pants.

-That doesn't surprise me at all.

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-You found the biggest car in a 50-mile radius and bought it, again.

-Yes!

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-What is up with that?

-It's great! It's a man's car!

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-It's an old man's car.

-No, no, no, my friend. This is the '71 Cutlass Supreme - an executive hotrod.

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-What do you think Rutledge is going to get?

-I have no idea.

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Oh, my God! Mom's here!

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-You're kidding!

-Fellas, allow me to introduce the Buick Roadmaster Estate Wagon.

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-Tell me the inside doesn't smell like Virginia Slim cigarettes.

-It holds eight people.

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You can fit a four-by-eight sheet of plywood and it will tow 5,000lbs.

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-It's got the vista roof.

-Yeah! How about that? This could be the most usable car GM ever produced.

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The fact that it's got that much power makes it really fun.

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It's a total boat. You cruise in style.

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And with this luxury of the vinyl, fake-wood panelling, it let's everybody know, "I'm classy!"

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You know what? I have never seen you and Clark Griswold in the same place at the same time.

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-Let me guess, you bought the Fiero.

-Absolutely, bought the Fiero.

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-Look at it. It just screams, "I love the '80s!"

-Don't be jealous.

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Is Bananarama still together?

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And this? Wow! Where's the mast and the sail?

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-You're kidding! With THIS?

-You've got nothing to talk about on that one, Rutledge.

-This thing's sleek.

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The turning radius on this is Pennsylvania.

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-That could fit in the back if I laid my seats down.

-This is a mid-engine masterpiece.

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-You know what the best part of this mid-engine is?

-What's that?

-It bursts into flames!

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-Can you do a brake stand in it?

-You bet!

-Let's see it.

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Done.

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BRAKES SCREECH

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-She's a Buick all right! Look at that!

-Wow!

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'While the smoke cleared, it was obvious we were never going to agree

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'which out-of-production car was the best.

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'But, fortunately, the producers had come up with a series of challenges to help us decide.'

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"America loves a road trip, so to prove that your vehicle has the stamina

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"for the long haul, you'll need to drive them 100 miles to Marshall, Michigan."

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Are you kidding me? A road trip in the Roadmaster.

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-You're going to be surfing that waterbed. I'll be there waiting.

-Have fun in the Incredible Hulk!

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It's a test colour!

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'We were representatives of the American people

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'and if our hard-earned dollars were going to a car company,

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'we were going to make sure that car was the best.

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'The cars deserved a second chance.

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'Who knows what variables were at play when they were in production that might be different today?

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'The car may have failed because they didn't have the technology to make them competitive.

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'They could have had a bad marketing campaign.

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'Or the design could have been too ahead of its time.'

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The frickin' light doesn't work.

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Come on!

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'We were on a road trip and it was the perfect time to get to know our cars a little better.'

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There's the cops, right there.

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If there's any car that attracts attention, it's the Fiero. This looks fast just standing still.

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In the '80s, Fiero actually took down the almighty Mustangs and Camaros

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at Sears Point, consecutively.

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The balance of the mid-engine is undeniable. Ferrari found success in it - a brand based on racing.

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140 horsepower though.

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I mean, mid-'80s that wasn't bad. 2,500lb car. It's pretty quick, if you put your foot in it.

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ENGINE REVS

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That's not bad.

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The Fiero's really about a great concept in a poor follow through.

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In a large part, it was due to a recall,

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where they actually had to fix every single Fiero ever made.

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Ooh! What's that? Well, power. There we go.

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Under the hood you've got a detuned LT1.

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So it's basically a Corvette motor with a little bit different heads.

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These are geared so you can really get this car up and going. It weighs almost 4,500lbs.

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You need a little torque to get you around.

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Maybe things that aren't so great about it.

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Well, it is a little floaty.

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The suspension could be a bit tighter.

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And the seats don't really hold you.

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-You like my car?

-WOMAN: I do. I love it.

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-It's a Roadmaster. It's a station wagon. You probably didn't even notice!

-I didn't!

-I love you!

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Look at that. Pretty girls talking to me in the wagon. Psst! This thing!

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-How are you doin'?

-I like that car.

-You like my ride?

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Thank you. If we were to bring this car back, would you buy it?

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Thank you so much, darlin'. She likes my ride.

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The Cutlass Supreme was retired in 1997, three years before Oldsmobile went out of business,

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but it really didn't matter.

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By that time, the design evolved into this emasculated front-wheel drive shell of itself.

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Not like this sweet ride I'm in now.

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This is a luxury muscle car. It's got everything in it.

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AM/FM stereo. That doesn't work. Air conditioning.

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That needs to be fixed, but it's got the Rocket 350.

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It handles a little boat-like. Not like Rutledge's Staten Island Ferry.

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This really is one of the best road-trip cars you could have.

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When this was new, you would pack the family into it and head across the country to Walley World.

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Sorry, folks. Park's closed!

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'Even though we were in separate cars, I felt like we were one big family taking a road trip.'

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Phew! Damn!

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This thing is comfy.

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It's like a La-Z-Boy with a steering wheel in front of it.

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'Adam was already complaining.'

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Hot!

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'And Tanner was enjoying his toy.'

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I'm impressed. For a 24-year-old car, it runs nice. Not on fire or anything.

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If you brought back this car,

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you could not only save GM, but you could also make some cool cars.

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'You make the wagon. Off that you build a Caprice, an Impala SS. Cut off the back of the wagon.'

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What have you got? Dun-dun-na-nah! Your new El Camino.

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GM is saved. Thank you, Rutledge Wood!

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Wow!

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So if I was going to upgrade this car, I'd lighten it up a bit.

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Maybe a fibreglass hood or carbon fibre, depending on my cost.

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I'd turbocharge and direct inject the Rocket 350.

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And I'd fix the friggin' air conditioning! Hot!

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Tanner...

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-Are you going to put another tiny, hard-to-work-on V6 back there?

-Negatory, my friend.

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LS7.

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Are you going to change that in your redesign?

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The redesign's going to be epic. It will start with a race car and trickle technology into the road.

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It's going to establish GM as a world racing power and change the brand altogether.

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The majority of you-alls' target market was conceived in the back of a Roadmaster Wagon.

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Granted. You got that one.

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'75 miles into our journey across Michigan,

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'our family dynamic began to break down.

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'Papa Bear was getting annoyed because the cubs were wandering.'

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-Tanner, you might want to just slow down just a hair.

-I'm going the speed limit.

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-Slow down!

-BLEEP.

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BLEEP.

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-Don't make me separate you two.

-You guys can't keep up?

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If you'll slow down and get in the right-hand lane and the three of us get together,

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-then no-one will sound like a

-BLEEP...

-Too late.

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LAUGHTER

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It's like eight year olds with licences.

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That's what a road trip is like with these two.

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'Our cars successfully completed their first challenge -

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'the 100-mile road trip to Marshall.

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'But soon we realised that the producers didn't just send us to any town.

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'Marshall was home to Eaton Proving Grounds,

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'a place where our three cars would enter but only one would leave.

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'The 100-mile round trip in our out-of-production GM cars

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'ended at Eaton Proving Grounds -

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'an automotive torture chamber.

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'This proving grounds was like Marine Corps' training for cars.

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'It had a banked test track designed to wear down every moving part,

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'an intimidating hill that seemed to stretch straight into the sky,

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'and a skid pad so slick you could ice skate on it.

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'Each section was designed specifically to expose a car's greatest weakness.

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'This was not going to be a walk in the park,

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'but it would help us decide which car was best to bring back from the dead.

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'Our first challenge at Eaton was a classic 0-60,

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'and the Roadmaster was ready for it.'

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-What are you going to do in the power wagon there?

-I'm going nine.

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-Days?!

-You guys want to make jokes or watch me haul ass?

-Go!

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40.

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50.

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60!

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A shade over nine seconds.

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-'That's pretty fast.'

-I used most of a tank right there.

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'Rutledge got the Titanic moving quicker than I thought,

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'but it was still going to be no match for my Rocket 350.'

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Shift!

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Shift! 60!

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-The smoky burnout.

-I've got 12 and a half.

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'Tanner was next with a measly 140hp.

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'The Fiero only weighs 2,700lbs. Tanner only weighs 80lb. So he had a power-to-weight advantage.'

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-Are you ready, Breakfast Club?

-Yeah, I'm ready.

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There's 40.

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45. 50. 55.

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60.

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I don't know how that looked from the outside, but, damn, that was so fast inside here!

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-'I love it!'

-Come on, let's go.

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'Tanner's Fiero had beaten the Roadmaster by a full two seconds.'

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'It was time to go on to the next challenge.'

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"You may have noticed a Top Gear production vehicle parked on a 20% grade incline.

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"It's being held by its parking brake. This is your next challenge.

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"Drive up the incline, put your car in neutral, apply the parking brake.

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"Go pick up the bowling ball, put it in your car and drive over the hill."

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-You know what? I'll go first.

-Great.

-Roadmaster should.

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It's just you and me. Got nothing to worry about.

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We're going to pull up this hill. I'm going to put you in neutral and put the parking brake on. OK?

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He's got to get psyched up to do it.

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I need you to brake so I can get that bowling ball.

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Come on, Roadmaster. Here we go.

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Nice and easy up the hill.

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And there's the bowling ball.

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And...

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-Is it going to hold?

-I heard it.

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OK. OK.

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-I don't know if I'd get out.

-That door's going to lock on him.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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He did it!

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He did it!

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BRAKES SQUEAL

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'Adam and the Jolly Green Giant were next.'

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It sounds like it's there. It's not there.

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This is dangerous.

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Uh-oh!

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Was that his phone that just fell off?

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-Oh, dammit!

-It was a good try.

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'The hill was too steep and the E-brake was too tired.

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'AND I needed a new phone.

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'Next it was Tanner's turn.'

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'I didn't know it at the time, but one of the many Fiero recalls was for the E-brake.

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'The transportation safety bulletin on it basically said I was screwed.'

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You're gonna hit my car!

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Oh!

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-What is wrong with you?

-That car hates you, Adam.

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-I think he beat you.

-A little buckle.

-That'll buff out.

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-Ah, ah!

-He's got to do that, too!

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You have to bring the ball here. Thank you.

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-It's plastic. It doesn't dent.

-Yeah, I know.

-I'm surprised you didn't know that.

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'Rutledge was getting so confident that he decided to peacock a bit and attack the 60% hill climb.'

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Oh, I've got this.

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WHEELS SCREECH

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Go!

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I almost had it!

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'Next the producers came up with a challenge that would test

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'our cars' handling capabilities in extreme conditions.'

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"The professionals at Eaton have set up a course on their low-traction skid pad.

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-"You'll need to navigate your way through the cones."

-That doesn't sound so hard.

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"You'll be given ten 32oz cups of soda that all have to be within reach.

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"The car with the fastest time and the least amount of spillage wins."

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It's a manual. That's going to be tough.

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'There would be a five-second penalty for every soda that spilled.

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'And the best news of all - Tanner had no cup holders.'

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One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

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Here we go! Three, two, one, go!

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Oh, God!

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-It's all gone.

-BLEEP.

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Did you see how much just went there?

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-Darn, that's so cool!

-They're all gone.

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I've got to save at least one of them!

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Oh, it's cold! It's cold!

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Mother of all that is sacred!

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-WILD LAUGHTER

-Is that one cup left?

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LAUGHTER

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-What was the bad idea?

-There were two cups.

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'Rutledge was next.

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'Rutledge's La-Z-Boy on wheels was practically built out of cup holders.

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-Now remember, it's a combination of...

-Speed, time...

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-..And spillage. So the time is critical. You ready?

-Go!

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Oh, no! Oh, that's so cold!

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-Hold on! Right.

-Wow! He's going pretty quick, actually.

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-Ah, just let it stop!

-Oh!

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Come on, Rutledge!

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And...

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..Stop.

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Ha!

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Oh, my God! Look at all these. Look at how much I saved.

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-Not bad, Rutledge.

-That's pretty good.

-Gosh. You have five full cups left.

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'That means I was wearing five cups. I didn't feel so bad because Adam was next.

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'And his car didn't have ANY cup holders.'

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Three, two, one. Go!

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Oh!

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Oh! Oh, that's cold!

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I think my left one was just frightened into my body.

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MANIC LAUGHTER

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-Oh, he's spun!

-Oh...

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-That is going to be wet.

-He's getting into the box.

-He's finally getting there.

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Ah, come on!

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And stop.

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'Adam saved four cups. Then the producers made us do our own math to figure out the winner.'

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OK, so I got a 1.09?

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-You had a 1.09 and a half.

-1.09 with a four-cup penalty, which is 20 seconds. So I've got 1.29.

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So I had a 51. So I had about a seven-minute run.

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-Pretty much.

-Really?

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I had a 55-second run and I lost five cups. So that would mean a minute, 20.

0:20:190:20:25

-Oh!

-That means I won! This is awesome! This is awesome!

0:20:250:20:29

What's next? Bring it on! The Roadmaster's ready!

0:20:290:20:34

Wooh!

0:20:340:20:36

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:20:370:20:41

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:20:450:20:48

There is more GM to come.

0:20:480:20:51

But now time for the news. Gentlemen, did you know Google has invented a car that drives itself?

0:20:510:20:57

It uses video cameras, radar sensors and laser rangefinders to quote "see" other traffic.

0:20:570:21:03

And the president of Google, a man named Eric Schmidt, he says, and I'm quoting,

0:21:030:21:07

"It is amazing to me that we let humans drive cars.

0:21:070:21:10

-LAUGHTER

-"It's a bug that cars were invented before computers."

0:21:100:21:16

-Boo!

-What? I can guarantee that man will never set foot in this set.

0:21:160:21:22

Yes! Yes!

0:21:220:21:25

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:21:250:21:28

-But if he's using Google Maps, he'll never FIND this set.

-That is true.

0:21:280:21:33

In other news, Chevy is producing the new Z28 Camaro.

0:21:330:21:37

They're going to put the LSA supercharge engine in. Good for 500hp.

0:21:370:21:43

Maybe as high as 550,

0:21:430:21:45

-which is great news if you're a tree or a ditch.

-LAUGHTER

0:21:450:21:50

It's also great news for the organ-donor programme.

0:21:500:21:55

You've got to admit, a Camaro with that much power would be a fun car.

0:21:550:21:59

Cos that would be an affordable Z06,

0:21:590:22:03

or even ZR1 in comparison for normal people.

0:22:030:22:07

I like the new Camaro, but I can't see out of it. It's like it's chopped.

0:22:070:22:11

-The visibility is really...

-It's a muscle car. It's not...

0:22:110:22:15

You're just supposed to go... Straight line, you know?

0:22:150:22:18

You're supposed to look cool driving! Not like this. Like...

0:22:180:22:22

And, finally, in the news there is a suburb of Philly that is considering getting police

0:22:220:22:27

-to fine people 25 if they leave their cars unlocked.

-What?

-Yeah!

0:22:270:22:32

Shouldn't the fact your radio is like gone be...

0:22:320:22:35

You know, "I forgot to lock my car. My CDs are gone.

0:22:350:22:38

-"Oh! AND I have a 25 fine!"

-LAUGHTER

0:22:380:22:41

To enforce that, they're going to send police around town to check every car to see if it's unlocked.

0:22:410:22:47

-That seems like a great waste of time.

-Mm-hm.

0:22:470:22:50

-That means they're not writing us tickets.

-It's a great idea!

-Yes.

0:22:500:22:54

APPLAUSE

0:22:540:22:57

And now it's time to put a big star in our small car.

0:22:580:23:03

Our guest tonight tried to buy a car that was as much fun to drive as skateboarding is to do.

0:23:030:23:09

But he couldn't. So instead he bought a Honda Civic. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Hawk!

0:23:090:23:14

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:23:140:23:17

Have a seat, please.

0:23:200:23:22

So, Tony...

0:23:230:23:25

-You are a man that's giving hybrids a good name.

-All right.

0:23:250:23:29

You drive perhaps the coolest hybrid out there. It's not a Prius!

0:23:290:23:34

-It is a Lexus on 22's.

-Yeah, 600H.

-How did that happen?

0:23:340:23:39

-From the moment I ever saw my first Lexus, I was obsessed with them.

-Really?

0:23:390:23:44

Yeah. And it came time to actually get a sedan recently

0:23:440:23:49

and so that was the one.

0:23:490:23:52

-Did you put the 22's on there?

-Yeah.

0:23:520:23:56

There's a chance some of you don't know who Tony is

0:23:560:23:59

from his years of professional skateboarding.

0:23:590:24:01

You might know him from one of the most successful video game brands in the world -

0:24:010:24:06

all the Tony Hawk games. Who has some of those? Yeah.

0:24:060:24:10

Thank you.

0:24:100:24:11

If we'd asked you in high school, "Do you think people will one day skateboard with their hands..."?

0:24:110:24:18

No. If you had told me there was even going to be a video game series that features skateboarding,

0:24:180:24:22

I wouldn't have believed you.

0:24:220:24:25

You guys may not realise this, but Tony has also done a little stunt driving in his day.

0:24:250:24:31

-There was a beautiful movie in the '80s called Gleaming The Cube.

-CHEERING

0:24:310:24:37

One of the first mainstream movies to ever feature skateboarding in a big way. Before that...

0:24:370:24:43

-Were you one of the skateboarders in Police Academy?

-I was.

0:24:430:24:46

-I was David Spade's stunt double. And I got fired.

-You got fired?

-I was too tall.

0:24:460:24:51

So you went on from there to drive this...

0:24:510:24:54

-I believe it was an old Ford Courier with a Pizza Hut roof on top of the truck.

-Right.

0:24:540:24:59

-That was some pretty amazing stunt work.

-Thank you very much. It was my first forte into stunt driving.

0:24:590:25:06

You've gone on to better cars. You've gotten a couple up to speed on the autobahn, right?

0:25:060:25:10

Yeah, I was in Frankfurt with Matt Hoffman, the BMX legend.

0:25:100:25:14

The Condor, of course.

0:25:140:25:16

The Condor, yes. We said, "We've got a chance to drive the autobahn. Let's rent a Ferrari." And we did.

0:25:160:25:21

I was driving and he's videoing the speedometer and he's telling me how fast it's going...

0:25:210:25:25

Cos I'm not even looking any more. I'm just, you know... Eyes on the prize there.

0:25:250:25:30

And he's 260, 280, 300. And we got up to 300K.

0:25:300:25:34

-I said, "It won't go any faster." And we slowed down.

-That's 187 miles an hour.

0:25:340:25:39

-We looked online and 300K is THE top speed for that car.

-Wow!

0:25:390:25:42

-So mission accomplished.

-Nice work! That's some big stuff right there.

0:25:420:25:47

APPLAUSE

0:25:470:25:49

-You also have driven a NASCAR stock car.

-Yeah.

0:25:490:25:52

Jimmy Johnson helped me quite a bit. He and I were teamed up in this Gillette celebrity race.

0:25:520:25:57

-He helped me immensely how to go faster going left.

-Yeah.

0:25:570:26:01

Well, a four-time champion would be a good driving coach.

0:26:010:26:04

Did you tell him that it's weird only going left?

0:26:040:26:08

No, he can kick my ass any direction, really. I'm not going to challenge him at all.

0:26:080:26:13

What's Tony Hawk's favourite car?

0:26:130:26:16

My favourite car? It's my Stingray. It was my dream car when I was a kid.

0:26:160:26:21

You know, '64 Stingray. When I first saw it as a kid, I thought it was the Batmobile.

0:26:210:26:25

I've always been drawn to it and got one when I had the means.

0:26:250:26:29

-You've also had a lot of jeeps. You have an SRT8. Correct?

-A-huh.

0:26:290:26:33

But it just wasn't fast enough?

0:26:330:26:35

I had heard that Hennessey Motors in Texas

0:26:350:26:38

-will supercharge any sort of SRT engines and thought, "That's it. Sign me up."

-Wow!

-Yeah.

0:26:380:26:44

-That's 600 all-wheel drive horsepower in a jeep?

-Yeah.

0:26:440:26:47

-It's fun.

-So since you've driven all sorts of stuff, how would you say the Suzuki compares?

0:26:470:26:53

It was fun.

0:26:540:26:57

But with these turns and the hairpins, you can't have a car going too fast.

0:26:570:27:01

Really? You guys want to see his lap?

0:27:010:27:04

-AUDIENCE: Yes!

-Let's play it!

0:27:040:27:08

My imaginary Stig is in my head. Here we go.

0:27:080:27:10

-'The imaginary Stig. Did that help?

-Yeah.

0:27:100:27:13

-'..In my head.

-And you pumped second in a car with almost no power at all.'

0:27:130:27:16

-Is that good?

-That's impressive.

-All right.

0:27:160:27:19

'Coming into turn one. Pretty smooth start.'

0:27:190:27:21

Came in too hard on that last corner.

0:27:210:27:24

'Here we are coming into the Teardrop.

0:27:240:27:26

'That's an easy corner to mess up. If you mess up that, the whole Teardrop is off.'

0:27:260:27:31

I feel good.

0:27:310:27:33

-'This one's tricky. That one's tricky to hit.

-Good start now.

0:27:330:27:37

'You're getting close. Heading to the back stretch.

0:27:370:27:40

'Ooh, drifting way out!'

0:27:400:27:43

I cut that turn a little too tight there.

0:27:440:27:47

You've got a little bump here and then real hard on the brakes before you turn in.

0:27:470:27:52

'This turn is really hard to figure right out here.

0:27:520:27:55

'A lot of tyre smoke as you're heading in the S's.'

0:27:550:27:59

OK, that has blown it. Wow! That didn't work at all. Bad, Tony!

0:27:590:28:04

'Coming through the S's. Up here to the last turn.

0:28:040:28:07

'A lot of speed carrying through and across the line!'

0:28:070:28:11

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:110:28:14

So we're got Kid Rock up there leading the board at 1.43.9.

0:28:160:28:20

Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon, technically at the bottom. How do you think you compared?

0:28:200:28:25

I'd like to say I fell somewhere in between there.

0:28:250:28:28

LAUGHTER

0:28:280:28:30

-OK, let's see. You did it...

-All right.

-..In one minute...

0:28:300:28:34

Forty...

0:28:340:28:36

-Three...

-AUDIENCE: Oooh!

0:28:360:28:40

-Bring it!

-Point two!

-Oh, yes!

0:28:400:28:43

APPLAUSE

0:28:430:28:45

Look at that!

0:28:450:28:46

-The Birdman takes it to the top!

-Thank you.

0:28:460:28:50

-All right!

-Let's give another hand for Tony Hawk.

0:28:500:28:53

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:530:28:57

Tonight, we are testing three old GM cars

0:29:010:29:04

to see which classic design that we, the American taxpayers

0:29:040:29:08

and GM shareholders, want to lobby the company to bring back.

0:29:080:29:11

So far we've driven to the Eaton Proving Grounds and we've tested 0-60, E-brake performance,

0:29:110:29:17

-handling and, of course, interior storage.

-Yeah.

0:29:170:29:20

For our next test we're told to line up in front of a section of uneven concrete,

0:29:200:29:24

known as the rumble strips, where we'd be given our next challenge.

0:29:240:29:27

All right, fellas. "Most cars that are tested on the rumble strip drive at 20mph.

0:29:330:29:38

"You will drive at 30mph. A colander of eggs has been attached to your driver's side headliner.

0:29:380:29:44

"The person with the most eggs left in the colander wins."

0:29:440:29:49

-Really?

-You want to start it off?

-Yeah.

0:29:490:29:52

Uh-oh!

0:29:550:29:56

Wow!

0:29:560:29:58

-Your head needs to go inside the car.

-I know.

0:29:580:30:00

-I'm going to put my belt on.

-That would be a good move, maybe.

0:30:000:30:04

OK. Good luck with that. I'll be over here trying to stay dry.

0:30:040:30:08

OK. This isn't going to be good.

0:30:080:30:13

Awesome!

0:30:130:30:15

-All right, Adam. Are you ready?

-Yeah, I'm ready.

0:30:150:30:18

-Go!

-Go, go, go, go!

0:30:180:30:21

Here we go!

0:30:290:30:32

-That seems so violent.

-Yeah.

-I thought the trunk was going to blow off.

0:30:330:30:38

It doesn't look that bad. Oh, yeah!

0:30:380:30:41

-How would you describe that?

-Er, yolky.

0:30:410:30:45

My cholesterol actually went up.

0:30:450:30:48

-Who's next?

-Tanner's up!

0:30:480:30:52

-Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Go!

0:30:520:30:55

Oh, no!

0:30:580:31:00

'The Fiero's double wishbone suspension

0:31:000:31:02

'was communicating every bit of the rumble strip to the steering wheel as well as the colander.'

0:31:020:31:08

That was... Pttt! Pooar!

0:31:110:31:14

He has got some egg on him now.

0:31:140:31:17

LAUGHTER

0:31:170:31:20

'Rutledge was next.'

0:31:200:31:23

Your head makes that colander look so small.

0:31:230:31:26

Are you ready, Rutledge? Time to make an omelette.

0:31:260:31:29

-Go!

-Go!

0:31:290:31:31

Oh, they're moving! I can hear them moving around in there.

0:31:320:31:35

Oh! Oh!

0:31:350:31:37

-Oh! Oh! Oh-ho!

-He's all over the place.

0:31:370:31:41

Wow, this is rough! This really does feel like I'm in Detroit.

0:31:410:31:46

Whoa! Oh-ho! Oh, no!

0:31:470:31:50

That was awesome! I hope he broke all the eggs.

0:31:500:31:53

I don't have any on me. This is amazing.

0:31:530:31:57

Oh!

0:31:570:31:59

Come on!

0:31:590:32:01

-..What?

-Dry as a bone!

0:32:020:32:06

-No, you've got a shock absorber in there.

-Nothing. It's not my fault. It's the Roadmaster!

0:32:060:32:12

-I say we check the eggs.

-Sure, let's check the eggs.

0:32:120:32:15

-I have seven unbroken eggs.

-Are those hard boiled?

-No!

0:32:150:32:21

-They're not hard boiled.

-Can you hit the middle of his window?

-Yup!

0:32:230:32:28

I think I can hit it from back here.

0:32:280:32:31

Oh!

0:32:310:32:33

Not in the Roadmaster!

0:32:330:32:36

'In the end, we had more eggs on our cars than left in our colanders.

0:32:360:32:42

'The SS Roadmaster was victorious. Up to this point, each of our cars had put up a good fight.

0:32:420:32:48

'There was just one challenge left to determine which car GM should bring back.

0:32:480:32:53

'We asked the producers if we could change our sticky, egg-stained clothes

0:32:530:32:58

'and they were happy to help us out.'

0:32:580:33:02

-You look good.

-Does this suit make me look fat?

0:33:060:33:09

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Really? They're supposed to be slimming.

0:33:090:33:14

'Once two-thirds of us were comfortable in our new outfits, we received the final challenge.'

0:33:140:33:19

"This challenge is to test your cars' build quality.

0:33:190:33:22

"Your cars will be filled to the top with water and then you will drive around the track.

0:33:220:33:28

"When the water level drops below the steering wheel, you stop.

0:33:280:33:31

"The person who drives the furthest is the winner."

0:33:310:33:34

-So the wetsuits make sense.

-How are you going to drive underwater?

0:33:340:33:38

Oh, well, here there's a snorkel and a mask.

0:33:380:33:41

You'll be fine.

0:33:410:33:43

You have a little advantage since this turd bucket only holds like 30 gallons of water.

0:33:430:33:48

-So I've got to shift gears underwater?

-Yes.

0:33:480:33:50

You're hosed. Your car's going to hold a swimming pool inside it.

0:33:500:33:54

-You know how much that's gonna weigh?

-I'm telling you, I'm warm.

0:33:540:33:57

If you get cold in there, they say you're supposed to pee in it.

0:33:570:34:01

You know what helps me? Deep knee bends.

0:34:040:34:07

-Get it right where you need it. A couple of twists here.

-Put your belt on.

0:34:070:34:11

No way. I'm not putting my belt on!

0:34:110:34:14

'Then our water source arrived.'

0:34:140:34:17

It's fire engine water?

0:34:170:34:20

-Yes.

-Oh, that's going to be warm.

0:34:200:34:22

SIRENS BLARE, HORN HONKS

0:34:220:34:26

Oh, my gosh!

0:34:260:34:27

Oh, that is a big hose!

0:34:290:34:32

All right. Are you ready?

0:34:320:34:34

LAUGHTER

0:34:370:34:40

It's cold! It's cold! I can feel the car lowering.

0:34:420:34:46

'The car that can drive farthest before the water level drops below the steering wheel wins.'

0:34:460:34:52

-Yeah, the wipers are going to help with all that egg and soda!

-The mats are floatin'!

0:34:520:34:56

'The Fiero was filled with an aroma of gasoline, rotten eggs

0:34:560:35:02

'and Drakkar Noir.

0:35:020:35:04

'And if that wasn't enough, my car wouldn't start under its own power.

0:35:040:35:09

'So I asked the guys if they would help me out.'

0:35:090:35:12

Oh, how much does that weigh?

0:35:140:35:16

Good God!

0:35:190:35:20

Come on!

0:35:200:35:21

-Hey, wait a minute. We're trying to beat him.

-You're right.

0:35:210:35:26

Bummer!

0:35:260:35:27

'It wasn't looking good for the Fiero to make it back into production.

0:35:290:35:34

'Now it was my turn and without any of those pesky, modern electronics,

0:35:340:35:38

'my Cutlass should do just fine.'

0:35:380:35:41

It's already coming out.

0:35:480:35:50

-He's looking for a gear.

-Look at the car!

0:35:520:35:56

It looks a lot better.

0:35:560:35:59

It's American-built quality right here!

0:35:590:36:02

-All right, Adam!

-Go, go, go!

0:36:020:36:05

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Yeah, baby!

0:36:100:36:14

How's that possible?

0:36:140:36:17

-Oh, look at it!

-That's HOW we do it!

0:36:170:36:20

-He's still going.

-He's still going!

-Look at that!

0:36:210:36:24

Right up on the incline. There you go.

0:36:240:36:27

-That's it, baby!

-Wow! It is out of sight.

0:36:270:36:31

'Even though the Cutlass was leaking badly and weighed a ton,

0:36:310:36:35

'its 350 Rocket propelled the hopester around the track.'

0:36:350:36:39

It smells kinda bad, but it runs really good.

0:36:390:36:42

-No, no, no! Don't pass the Fiero.

-Keep on going!

-Nooo!

0:36:420:36:46

-Keep on going. He's going to lap the Fiero!

-He is right on the steering wheel. That is the end.

0:36:460:36:51

He's pulling over. He's done. He's done.

0:36:510:36:54

Whoa!

0:36:540:36:56

-Oh, wow!

-Mother of pearl!

-That is like a river.

0:36:560:37:00

-How fast she go?

-It's tough to tell. The speedometer was underwater.

0:37:000:37:04

-I think you're up, my friend. Zip up and dive in.

-It's all you, big daddy.

0:37:040:37:08

Did you pee? I peed.

0:37:080:37:10

-I'm downstream from you, my friend.

-I didn't pee now. I peed when I was in it.

0:37:100:37:16

-Can you breathe?

-Yeah.

-How about now?

0:37:160:37:19

-Oh!

-OK. You're good.

0:37:190:37:23

-Hold my glasses.

-Can you see anything without your glasses?

-I cannot.

0:37:230:37:27

'The firemen told me Tanner's Fiero had taken on 500 gallons. My Cutlass - 1,200.

0:37:270:37:33

'And they estimated the Buick would hold 2,500 gallons.

0:37:330:37:38

'That's a staggering 20,000lbs, plus a bowling ball and Rutledge's head!'

0:37:380:37:44

That is a lot of water!

0:37:440:37:46

-Look at the back tyre.

-Oh, my gosh!

0:37:460:37:49

-Get back in there

-That is awful!

-Get in there!

0:37:490:37:53

Get in there!

0:37:530:37:54

Dear Lord, I don't want to die in a Buick.

0:37:540:37:59

-Look at the door handle!

-LAUGHTER

0:37:590:38:02

The back seats are...

0:38:020:38:05

'The Roadmasters' electronics were going haywire.

0:38:050:38:09

'As the water level continued to rise, the wagon made a cry for help.'

0:38:090:38:13

Go! Go! Go!

0:38:130:38:15

HORN BLARES

0:38:150:38:17

I can't see anything!

0:38:170:38:21

Oh! Oh!

0:38:210:38:22

LAUGHTER

0:38:220:38:27

That's 5,000lb driven by a blind man!

0:38:270:38:30

Come on, baby!

0:38:300:38:31

-We should just look for smoke.

-Yeah.

0:38:340:38:36

'My Buick was performing beautifully.

0:38:390:38:42

'If my family truckster

0:38:430:38:45

'could make it past Adam's Cutlass, it would be going back into production.'

0:38:450:38:50

I've got to lower the steering wheel.

0:38:500:38:53

HONR BLARES

0:38:530:38:55

LAUGHTER

0:38:550:38:58

He's still...

0:38:580:38:59

No! Oh!

0:38:590:39:01

'The Buick was victorious. I grabbed my trophy and headed for the winner's circle.'

0:39:010:39:07

HORN BLARES

0:39:070:39:09

HORN STOPS

0:39:090:39:12

-OK, there's your trophy.

-Very well done.

0:39:140:39:18

That is how a Buick Roadmaster gets it done.

0:39:180:39:22

Well, as much as I hate to admit it, you are indeed the Roadmaster.

0:39:220:39:27

Boys, there's just one last thing left to do.

0:39:270:39:29

I'm taking this baby back to Detroit, so hold that.

0:39:290:39:33

Shotgun. Ooh, that means you're riding bitch.

0:39:330:39:37

-We're there.

-Oh! It's going to be a long ride to Detroit.

0:39:380:39:42

There's some sort of electrical noise coming from down here.

0:39:500:39:54

Don't worry about that. It's by your feet.

0:39:540:39:57

-You've got an apple to eat on the way.

-I got hungry.

0:39:590:40:04

Yeah!

0:40:130:40:14

'Dear, GM. Throughout the history of your company

0:40:140:40:18

'you have committed yourself to building great cars for the American people.

0:40:180:40:22

'But we think it's time you do more than build a car FOR us. You should build a car WITH us.

0:40:220:40:27

'This car should have enough space to fit any kind of family

0:40:270:40:33

'and give you the freedom to go anywhere,

0:40:330:40:35

'or do anything you want to do,

0:40:350:40:39

'and have the durability to tread through any hardship,

0:40:390:40:43

'just like America.

0:40:430:40:46

'Thank you.

0:40:480:40:51

'Signed, your shareholders.'

0:40:510:40:53

Good work, fellas.

0:40:590:41:01

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:41:050:41:10

What did you guys think of this? Do you think this would help us bring GM back? Yeah?

0:41:170:41:22

-It was a pretty amazing test.

-And it still runs. We drove it in here. But the message is clear.

0:41:220:41:29

This is the car that, if we remade it, could save GM.

0:41:290:41:32

-Would you guys like to see our version of the new Roadmaster?

-AUDIENCE: Yeah!

0:41:320:41:37

-I'd like to see that.

-Ladies and gentlemen, here it is.

-Ah!

0:41:370:41:42

Look at this beautiful, sleek wagon. It's not your grandpa's Buick. It's totally updated.

0:41:420:41:48

When you see it from the side, you'll see what we're talking about. THAT is a stylish wagon.

0:41:480:41:54

We still, of course, have the applique, vinyl, woodgrain sticker.

0:41:540:41:59

Because you don't want to lose the classic nostalgia of the first one.

0:41:590:42:04

There's no wire wheels. It's got big 20's on it.

0:42:040:42:07

The original Buick portholes are coming back.

0:42:070:42:10

Vista roof is going to run the entire length of the car, rather than just on the back.

0:42:100:42:14

So it's glass, so it's really hot. The children will burst into flames.

0:42:140:42:18

Also - you can't see on here - but there is a hole for a snorkel.

0:42:180:42:23

Which brings me to the interior. It is entirely waterproof!

0:42:230:42:27

The seat covers are also egg resistant, should some jerk throw eggs in your car.

0:42:270:42:33

It will continue to have the rear-facing seats.

0:42:330:42:36

It will hold eight people and... What's that?

0:42:360:42:39

Hey, wait a second! That's a six speed. Oh, yes!

0:42:390:42:43

I mean, the best of all things GM put into one car.

0:42:430:42:47

THIS car could save GM and people would buy.

0:42:470:42:51

I agree. What do you guys think?

0:42:510:42:53

-AUDIENCE: Yeah!

-I'd drive it!

0:42:530:42:56

-I would drive that every day.

-I'm sure you would.

0:42:560:43:01

You'd be the coolest grandfather ever! Yes, you would.

0:43:010:43:04

That's all we've got this week. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.

0:43:040:43:08

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:43:080:43:10

E-mail [email protected]

0:43:100:43:12

Rutledge, Tanner and Adam head to Detroit to choose their favourite old GM cars and put them through a series of crazy challenges to decide which one should be brought back into production. Skateboard legend and game designer Tony Hawk gets on the Top Gear test track.


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