Episode 4 Total Wipeout


Episode 4

Richard Hammond and Amanda Byram present the game show where 20 contestants take on one of television's largest and most extreme obstacle courses.


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Transcript


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Buenos Aires, Argentina.

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7,000 miles from home.

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20 ordinary British men and women,

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including a police officer, a taxi driver and a hairdresser,

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are about to tackle the toughest and most stupid obstacle course in the world.

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Who will be our champion, and who will crash and burn?

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Time to find out. It's Total Wipeout.

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Let the games commence.

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Welcome to Total Wipeout.

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It's that time of the week again,

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where you get comfy on your sofa and we all watch people fall off stuff.

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And from the letters and e-mails I've been getting,

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it's people falling off those Big Balls that have been concerning you the most.

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Apparently, you think it's impossible.

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But Handsome Ollie nearly made it.

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Dr Dolittle David nearly made it.

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Big Bad Ben SO nearly made it.

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But the question is, will anyone ever actually make it across?

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Perhaps today's the day.

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So we've got a whole new bunch of contestants chasing that £10,000 first prize.

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This is what they face.

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The Qualifier.

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The Sweeper.

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Dizzy Dummies.

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And The Wipeout Zone.

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As always, we start with 20 competitors,

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but only the 12 fastest will make it past the first round, The Qualifier.

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It's the course you've come to know and love,

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but this week we've put in two new, exciting obstacles.

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Firstly, it's The Rolling Logs.

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They're really easy.

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Provided you're a lumberjack, or Michael Flatley.

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Next, our old friend The Suckerpunch.

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Then it's on to the only obstacle that needs no introduction, it's The Big Balls.

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And to finish the course, it's the second of our terrifying new elements,

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introducing The Bubble Bath!

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But I can't make that sound scary. But, actually, it is pretty tricky.

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All our competitors need to do is land in it, and the clock will stop.

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So let's cross over to the top of the course where my gorgeous co-host

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Amanda Byram is with 37 year-old Deano in the blazing-hot sunshine.

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I'm quite happy here in my tiny studio. Can we have the heating on?

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Thank you.

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You are in fact a taxi driver,

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so the question I have for you is, what route are you going to take around this course?

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Well, like all taxi drivers, the quickest.

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Way!

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I must be out of my tiny little mind!

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Come on!

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So here's Deano, taxi driver from Clacton on Sea.

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Mouthful of water there,

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so unfortunately we can't hear his views on speed cameras and West Ham.

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Hauls himself out. He's up and running.

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Now, I always give taxi drivers a tip, so here it is.

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Deano, don't fall off those logs.

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Now, because cabbie Deano made it as far as the second log,

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he doesn't have to start the whole obstacle again.

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So it's on to The Suckerpunch.

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Of course, as a cabbie, Deano is no stranger to fists flying.

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It's just like the nightshift in Clacton. So he brushes it off.

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This probably is unusual. Now he heads up the ramp.

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You knows what's coming. So does he.

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It's The Big Balls.

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Deano the taxi driver has every intention

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of jumping over the first ball and landing on the second.

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She's such a comfort.

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Now, will Deano be the first Brit ever to make it all the way across?

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No!

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Nice shorts, though.

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For England and St George!

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Oh, the dignity.

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But the clock hasn't stopped ticking.

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Deano needs to get up that ladder ready for the final obstacle,

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-ECHO:

-'The Bubble Bath'.

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I still can't make it sound scary,

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-but it's quite a thing to have ahead of you.

-Come on, Deano!

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Remember, only the top 12 qualify, so he needs a good time.

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And he's in! He made it. Wow!

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So cabbie Deano has finished in 2 minutes 48.

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Let's call it 3 minutes, Deano. Keep the change.

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But there are plenty of finely-tuned athletes still to come.

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And then there's also 22 year-old welding student Daniel.

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It's terrifying.

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Daniel, I hear you're a very ambitious young man. Is that right?

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Yeah, it is. I want to be in the RAF.

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I want to do something macho, and...

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there's no point in not being ambitious. I didn't come to lose.

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I'm a winner. I'm a born winner.

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I'm not the last horse in the race.

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I'm there. I'm the top jockey.

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I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be!

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Built up a lot of speed. He's in.

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Yes! Come on, Daniel.

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Yes!

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This is just getting started.

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And we're away. Yes.

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# Like a puppet on a string... #

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On to The Log Roll.

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First step. He's on.

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Yes, yes!

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Oh! Oh!

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I'm afraid, as Daniel didn't make it to the other side of the second log,

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he'll have to go back and have another go. Oh, good.

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Oh, yes!

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This time he did get beyond the second one, so he made it, kind of.

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On to The Suckerpunch.

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For a sturdy fellow he moves quickly. When punched! Ooh!

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Book me into the next CSI when I get back.

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Right, what will Daniel's strategy be for these Big Balls?

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Well, for a man who wants to be in the RAF,

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I'm fully expecting this to be his trajectory. Straight across.

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Yes! Preparing for take-off. That might help. It might help.

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It so didn't help! Look at him.

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Soar like a... Oh, dear, house brick.

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I think I can see Daniel's bum!

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Well, if he wins 10 grand, Amanda,

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he can buy some better shorts. The Bubble Bath.

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Come on, Daniel!

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Yes. Here we go...

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Oh, dear.

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That's not even a noble failure, is it?

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As Wing Commander Daniel missed the bubbles,

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he's got to swim to the podium,

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which he's done.

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Yes! And he's finished in a time of 4 minutes 30.

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Not exactly a vintage performance, Daniel, but can our more vintage competitors do any better?

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Let's start with today's oldest contestant, 60-year-old Tim.

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Well, I'm here now at the top of the course with police sergeant Tim.

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Tim, have you been keeping fit by chasing all those robbers?

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Well, sometimes, Amanda, but do you know, a lot of the time I keep fit by dancing.

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Oh, I think you're just gonna have to give me a bit of a cha cha cha

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to show me how well you can do it.

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MUSIC: "Guaglione" by Perez Prado

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Elvira is a 46-year-old swimming teacher from Belfast.

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She's warmed up for the course ahead,

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as she wouldn't want to hurt herself, now, would she?

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And she's off. Here we go.

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On to the logs.

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Oh!

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-Ow!

-But at least she warmed up.

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Tim's not having much luck with the logs either.

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Meet 48-year-old John from Swindon. He's a skipping teacher.

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We do lots of different skips.

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One that we do is called a pretzel, which goes something like this.

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I've got a skipping rope in my hand, and then skipping like this.

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Ooh! Right in the pretzel!

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Elvira also fills the wrath of The Suckerpunch, right in the face.

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Tim's on The Big Balls...

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and off The Big Balls. Straight away.

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Now it's Skippy John's turn.

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Ooh!

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Great somersault.

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And here's Elvira. Nice dive!

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He looks like a little lost turtle on his back, trying to find home.

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Skippy John heads for the finish.

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Elvira looks like she's wavering, there.

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This is the easy bit, Elvira.

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You've got the hard stuff over with.

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I don't like heights. I cannot do it.

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No, Mandy, you've got the easy bit.

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She's given up, but PC Tim does his generation proud

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and completes the course in style.

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So, whilst PC Tim paddles his way out of that Bubble Bath,

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let's look at where everyone's landed on the leaderboard.

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Skippy John's at the top,

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showing that experience is more important than youth

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with a time of 1 minute 53 seconds.

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He's followed by cabbie Deano and Wing Commander Daniel.

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PC Tim swings into fifth place,

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and Elvira didn't actually finish the course,

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so she'll remain at the bottom of the leaderboard.

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Next up, meet 24-year-old Lucy from Manchester.

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I'm gonna hop, skip and jump all round this course!

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No Big Balls are going to defeat me!

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Lucy works in a fancy dress shop. Might actually help.

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On to The Rolling Logs. How will she do?

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Lucy Liu...

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Looks balanced. Oh! She's down, but not out, by the looks of things.

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SHE LAUGHS

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That is one tactic I have never seen before.

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Dignity, there. Yeah.

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And she's done it.

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Now on to the Suckerpunch.

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Lucy did ask us if she could do this course

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in one of her fancy dress costumes, and we said no,

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because that would make her look silly.

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That's our job.

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See? We're very, very good at it.

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Oh, my God! Oh!

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If she'd come in fancy dress,

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she'd only have come dressed as a pirate,

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because that's the only fancy dress costume you can have.

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# Hit me baby one more time... #

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How would that have helped there? See, it wouldn't.

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Now Lucy approaches The Big Balls.

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And... she doesn't even make the second one!

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It's like it wasn't there!

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Yet another contestant fails to conquer The Big Balls.

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Will anyone ever manage to get across them?

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Now, The Bubble Bath.

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Still can't make it sound scary.

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I'm definitely going for that Bubble Bath.

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Here we go. Up and over... Oh.

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And Fancy Dress Lucy finishes the course in 3 minutes and 36 seconds.

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She'll be hoping that's enough to take her into the all-important top 12.

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Now, obviously, our competitors wouldn't be

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taking on the Total Wipeout course if they didn't think they could win.

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But some have a teensy bit more self-belief than others, naming no names.

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Apart from Steve, James and Jodie.

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How do you rate your chances?

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Pretty good, to be fair. Yeah, if I don't win this I don't know what's gone wrong, to be honest.

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I just absolutely love beating people, really.

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I love the challenge and just kind of like really

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trying my hardest to beat as many people as I possibly can.

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Now, Jodie, this is a competition.

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Are you a competitive woman?

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Very.

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So, our three self-proclaimed champions are off.

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Wow! Amazing! Student James from Kent loves fire-eating,

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fire-breathing and just generally being a hazard at music festivals.

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Here's 26 year-old Jodie from Surrey. A bit more cautious.

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Doing well, though.

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Great effort.

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25 year-old salesman Steve's taking a throw yourself at the logs

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approach, and it works!

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So James got off to the best start out of our three.

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Beautiful. Just like Free Willy.

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With a lifejacket. And a helmet.

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On to The Suckerpunch and humble Steve is the first to go. Oh.

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Yes, that will have hurt.

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Jodie now is losing ground on the boys. And she's in the mud.

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Oh, dear,

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the Suckerpunch has punched the fire-breathing hippy in the face.

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Ah, look at that.

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Surely one of these super-fit athletes will make it across?

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This really could be it.

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The nation's waiting.

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Come on. One of the three.

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Steve first.

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Oh, that's a no from Steve.

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And a no from Jodie.

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And a yes... yes... no from James.

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Brilliant effort, though.

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On to The Bubble Bath.

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And Steve finishes flawlessly in 1 minute 38.

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-Girl power!

-Yes.

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Girl power meet Bubble Bath.

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And she lands perfectly.

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Hairy James now so close to Steve's time, but not quite close enough.

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At least he comes into contact with the first bit of soap in years.

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Did you get a lot of water in that big mouth of yours?

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I sound a bit of a mug, now, don't I? It's a lot harder than I thought.

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It certainly is, Steve, and I'd know because I've now watched

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77 competitors have a go at it this series and not one has finished dry.

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Anyway, three great runs there and we're almost halfway through the qualifier.

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Let's take a look at the leaderboard.

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Steve, James and Jodie have changed everything.

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Our new leader is Humble Steve with 1 minute 38, but he's only three

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seconds ahead of Hairy James, and Girl Power Jodie moves into fourth.

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There are some very quick times this week.

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Wing Commander Daniel will be keeping his fingers, toes

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and wings crossed that the next bunch can't fly as well as he did.

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It's time to meet four competitors who are going to show us how one of

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our new obstacles, The Rolling Logs, is done.

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This is Roy from Bristol.

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Only one member of his family knows he's taking part, although I'm sure he's told his dungeon master.

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Meet Scarlett Stratford-Wright from Essex.

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An Essex girl with a double-barrelled surname?

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That's practically royalty.

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And completing the line-up are 25 year-old Rachel and hairdresser Nicky.

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All right, me barrers?

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Let's get in there and break something, shall we? Ar!

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# Don't you know, I'm still standing better than I've ever been... #

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Nicky doesn't realise she's going absolutely nowhere.

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# Feeling like a little kid.

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Oh, can I do this?

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# I'm still standing after all this time

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# Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

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# I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah

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# I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah. #

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You can just see, in every one of their minds,

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how they saw it was going to go.

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And it didn't. There you go.

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Literally as easy as falling off a log, because it actually was.

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Twelve down, eight to go.

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Now, we've done everything we can to find these contestants.

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We've climbed mountains, swum rivers, we've fought tigers...

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and put adverts in local newspapers, to find people who best represent you, the great British public,

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and I have it on good authority that this next competitor does just that.

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This is Julia.

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She's from the Isle of Man.

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-So are you scared of Total Wipeout?

-Um, no. Bring it on.

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I do hear you're very sporty, though, is that right?

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Yeah, I love dancing. I've got a hobby of hip-hop dancing.

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Amanda!

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Whilst Julie's...

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in the zone, let's meet 25-year-old Faisal from London.

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I'm the winner because I've got the money in the bag!

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Think of the ladies, Faisal.

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Think of them as the big red balls.

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Come on, Faisal. Yes! Oh. Ooh.

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# Let's get it on... #

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Ah, our very own Casanova there, treats the balls like he treats

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his ladies, casually going from one to the next and then getting dumped.

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Come on, Faisal!

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Come on! Hauling himself onto the finishing podium with

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-a very respectable time... 2 minutes 39.

-Woo!

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The ladies'll love that, Faisal.

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Is that it?

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Back to Julia.

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You're now watching Strictly Come Dancing and it's hip-hop week.

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How long will she do this for? If we let her.

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Now, I know just the lady for Faisal.

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-It's customer-service manager Mandy from Sunderland, and she's hot for him...

-Aah!

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You better watch out, because I'm on fire! Because I'm hot! Tsss!

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..or anyone.

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We catch up with Flaming Mandy at The Suckerpunch.

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She says that her years competing in triathlons should help her today.

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Maybe they will.

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Oh!

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It's a shame the traditional triathlon isn't swimming, cycling and being punched by a wall.

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Ta-da!

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You're not over it yet, Mandy.

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Flaming Mandy approaches The Big Balls. Come on!

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You're hot. Tackle them! Yes!

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No. That'll have quenched her fire.

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And it's a strong finish from Mandy, there, in 4 minutes and 13 seconds.

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But will that be enough to put her in that vital top 12?

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Mandy makes The Bubble Bath look easy, there, which is more than

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most of today's competitors have managed to do.

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I did say it wasn't easy.

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Anyway, further back down the course is 34 year-old football co-ordinator Stuart, from East Lothian.

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We're gonna engage!

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# He's got to be strong and he's got to be fast

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# And he's got to be fresh from the fight. #

0:20:290:20:32

Yeah, you did engage, Footy Stu.

0:20:330:20:35

You engaged with a lot of cold Argentinian water.

0:20:350:20:38

Let's see if marketing manager Ali from Belfast can do any better.

0:20:380:20:42

# And he's got to be larger than life. #

0:20:420:20:45

No! She can't.

0:20:450:20:47

Thing is, no matter how much it looks like it hurts, admit it...

0:20:510:20:55

you want to have a go on The Big Balls. You just do.

0:20:550:20:58

# Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy... #

0:20:590:21:05

This is 23-year-old Joe from Birmingham.

0:21:050:21:08

He used to work in the circus.

0:21:080:21:11

Which, as it turns out, is no help at all.

0:21:130:21:16

So that completes The Qualifier and we've now seen all 20 of today's competitors. Wait, no we haven't!

0:21:160:21:23

We've only seen 19. There should of course be 20.

0:21:230:21:26

So who hasn't gone yet?

0:21:260:21:27

Yes, it's Julia. Brilliant.

0:21:330:21:35

Still going.

0:21:350:21:36

My word, that is genius!

0:21:360:21:39

If that doesn't get you through this course then nothing will!

0:21:390:21:42

SIREN SOUNDS

0:21:430:21:45

Well, let's just hope Julia hasn't used up all her energy

0:21:470:21:51

on completely unnecessary street dancing.

0:21:510:21:53

Oh, lord, she has.

0:21:530:21:56

Come on, Julia, dig deep!

0:21:560:21:57

Yes!

0:21:570:21:58

Hip-hop fans will know this move.

0:22:080:22:10

It's the West Coast stumble.

0:22:100:22:13

Ah, almost.

0:22:130:22:15

Oh.

0:22:200:22:21

She's been punched in the face.

0:22:210:22:23

Punch, two, three, four.

0:22:230:22:25

Fall in the mud, two, three... She is good. She's got rhythm.

0:22:250:22:29

Oh, this is cruel.

0:22:310:22:33

Go, Julia, go!

0:22:330:22:34

Oh.

0:22:340:22:35

So another week goes by and no-one's traversed those Big Balls.

0:22:410:22:46

And I had such high hopes for Julia.

0:22:460:22:49

Well, high-ish.

0:22:530:22:54

She really can't see where she's going.

0:22:540:22:56

She's going straight past the ladder!

0:22:560:22:58

Julia, it's over here!

0:22:580:23:00

Oh.

0:23:070:23:08

But not making The Bubble Bath, there.

0:23:100:23:12

Heading for the podium instead.

0:23:120:23:14

Just wait for the victory dance.

0:23:140:23:16

This will be amazing. Here it comes.

0:23:160:23:17

This is going to be brilliant.

0:23:170:23:20

Here we go.

0:23:200:23:21

What, is that it? Julia, we're over here. We're here.

0:23:210:23:25

Oh. Let's see if Julia's made it into that all-important top 12.

0:23:250:23:30

With The Qualifier all done and dusted, here's how the leaderboard looks.

0:23:300:23:34

Taking pole position is Humble Steve,

0:23:340:23:36

followed swiftly by Hairy James and Skippy John.

0:23:360:23:39

Girl Power Jodie, Joe The Clown and Ladies' Man Faisal are in fourth,

0:23:390:23:42

fifth, and sixth, followed by Cabby Deano, Scarlett and Julia.

0:23:420:23:46

All that warming up obviously paid off.

0:23:460:23:49

And finally, Footy Stu, Lucy and Flaming Mandy complete our line-up.

0:23:490:23:52

So those lucky 12 enter the next round, The Sweeper.

0:23:520:23:57

After which, six will be standing proud and six will be thrashing

0:23:570:24:01

about in the water waiting for the Argentinian frogmen to rescue them.

0:24:010:24:05

All our 12 remaining contestants have to do is

0:24:110:24:15

stay on their 13ft-high podiums by hurdling The Sweeper on as it speeds towards them.

0:24:150:24:20

The last six left standing will go through to the next round.

0:24:200:24:26

But The Sweeper cannot be stopped that easily.

0:24:260:24:29

Oh, no. It just keeps on going until, just for fun, we have our last man standing.

0:24:290:24:35

Or woman. The Sweeper is an equal-opportunities obstacle.

0:24:350:24:39

Right, then. Let's get back to the course.

0:24:390:24:41

On the first and second podiums are Flaming Mandy and Joe The Clown.

0:24:410:24:47

On podium three is Cabby Deano.

0:24:470:24:50

These guys stand no chance!

0:24:500:24:52

Mr Knobbly Knees, Clacton 1997.

0:24:520:24:56

Arch rivals Humble Steve and Girl Power Jodie are on four and five.

0:24:560:25:00

On podium six is Footy Stu.

0:25:000:25:03

I'm a big striker. This is a big sweeper.

0:25:030:25:06

-But I know who my money's on.

-Oh, yeah, me too.

0:25:060:25:09

Positions seven, eight and nine go to Ladies' Man Faisal, Hip-Hop Julia and Skippy John.

0:25:090:25:15

On podium ten is Hairy James.

0:25:150:25:18

This is for Queen and country.

0:25:180:25:20

She'll be delighted. Followed by a confident Miss Scarlett.

0:25:200:25:23

I didn't think I'd make it this far, so now bring on The Dizzy Dummies!

0:25:230:25:27

And on the final podium is Fancy Dress Lucy.

0:25:270:25:30

Today is not the day that I want to be swept off my feet!

0:25:300:25:33

Good job you're not next to Faisal, then.

0:25:330:25:35

So, the 12 of them are ready and I can't wait for this.

0:25:350:25:38

Let's rejoin the woman I put on a pedestal, and then knock her down

0:25:380:25:42

with a massive, sweeping mechanical arm.

0:25:420:25:44

It is Amanda Byram.

0:25:440:25:46

This is The Sweeper.

0:25:460:25:49

-Are you all feeling steady?

-Yeah!

0:25:490:25:52

Well, then, ready, steady, three, two, one!

0:25:520:25:58

SIREN SOUNDS

0:25:580:26:00

And they're off.

0:26:010:26:03

Mandy's first to jump. She's looking nervous.

0:26:030:26:06

Oh!

0:26:060:26:07

-She's the first one in the water, too.

-She didn't last very long.

0:26:070:26:10

Oh, my God, that's so fast!

0:26:120:26:13

Faisal, Julia, John, James, was that... Oh, Lucy's gone.

0:26:130:26:19

Maybe Mandy misunderstood the game.

0:26:190:26:21

She jumps onto the bar.

0:26:210:26:24

Flaming awful.

0:26:240:26:26

I tried. I was on the podium and I just fell forward. Ohhh!

0:26:260:26:30

I just wanted to plant one.

0:26:300:26:31

I think if I'd have planted the first one I would have been OK, but ohhh!

0:26:310:26:36

Fancy Dress Lucy opts for the classic face-plant and she's out, too.

0:26:360:26:40

Disappointed. Really disappointed but it was great fun.

0:26:400:26:43

Scary. Really scary!

0:26:430:26:45

Julia squeezes in one final hip-hop move, the West Side Windmill.

0:26:470:26:52

I held it for a few seconds and then fell over.

0:26:520:26:54

Quite gutted that I didn't make the first one.

0:26:540:26:57

It would have been nice just to at least make the first jump, but unfortunately it wasn't my day.

0:26:570:27:02

So back to the action with nine still standing.

0:27:020:27:06

Joe, Deano, Steve, Jodie, Stuart, Faisal, John, James and Scarlett.

0:27:130:27:20

Oh, and the Humble Steve very nearly goes for a dip

0:27:250:27:28

but to his credit, he climbs back to his feet for another go.

0:27:280:27:32

Miss Scarlett's really struggling now

0:27:320:27:35

and it's only going to get worse.

0:27:350:27:36

That bar gets faster and higher with every turn.

0:27:360:27:39

Remember, nine are still in but only six can go through to the

0:27:390:27:43

next round, and we're still looking for our last man standing.

0:27:430:27:48

Come on!

0:27:480:27:49

Come on, you guys! You've been so good.

0:27:520:27:56

Miss Scarlett's down and out.

0:27:560:27:58

She gets one leg over but sort of forgets she's got another one.

0:27:580:28:03

As it was going round, by the end of it I was panicking

0:28:060:28:09

because it was getting higher and higher, and then I think that was...

0:28:090:28:13

the panic made me jump a little too late and that's why I got clipped.

0:28:130:28:16

In short, you fell off.

0:28:160:28:18

Four gone, two to go until we have our lucky six.

0:28:180:28:22

Who will be next to get wet?

0:28:220:28:24

Oh, an amazing flip from Cabby Deano.

0:28:280:28:32

Even Amanda's lost for words. Probably good news for Deano, I suppose. Some comfort.

0:28:320:28:37

What a wicked wipeout. That's what I come to do.

0:28:390:28:42

That was like a double toe-loop or something.

0:28:420:28:45

That was brilliant. So I thoroughly enjoyed it.

0:28:450:28:47

Well, he might be out but at least he's happy.

0:28:470:28:50

So there are seven left...

0:28:500:28:51

Circus Joe, Humble Steve, Jodie, Faisal, Footy Stu, Skippy and Hairy James.

0:28:510:28:58

-Only one more to go.

-We'll soon have our six qualifiers, but who will they be?

0:28:580:29:04

Next guy down...

0:29:040:29:06

Ooh, Circus Joe's lost his balance, and Girl Power Jodie's gone.

0:29:110:29:16

But who hit the water first? This is really close.

0:29:160:29:18

One of them is out of the competition.

0:29:180:29:21

I didn't see anything.

0:29:210:29:22

I just fell and I hit the water. I thought I was out straightaway.

0:29:220:29:25

Ladies' man Faisal went too, but he's safe.

0:29:250:29:28

It's between Circus Joe and Girl Power Jodie for that all-important sixth place.

0:29:280:29:33

And Footy Stu realises he's safely inside the top six

0:29:330:29:37

and calls it a day.

0:29:370:29:38

Just three left, now, so who'll have the honour of being the last man standing?

0:29:380:29:43

Humble Steve, Skippy John or Hairy James?

0:29:430:29:48

It's all about pride!

0:29:500:29:51

They're playing purely for pride now and you know what that comes before.

0:29:510:29:56

Steve's high, dry and gobby.

0:29:570:30:01

John's gone, and James goes with him.

0:30:030:30:05

Have you ever seen anybody wipe out like that before?

0:30:050:30:09

Spectacular.

0:30:110:30:12

-Oh!

-Amanda certainly hasn't.

0:30:120:30:14

Number one, baby. Drop the bomb.

0:30:160:30:19

Yes, Steve... as humble as ever, and today's last man standing.

0:30:190:30:23

But who's following him into the next round?

0:30:230:30:26

Back to Amanda to resolve that sticky little Jodie-Joe issue.

0:30:260:30:30

So I think you can all do the mathematics here today.

0:30:320:30:35

There are seven of you standing with me and, of course,

0:30:350:30:37

only six of you can go through to Dizzy Dummies.

0:30:370:30:40

And that's because, Joe and Jodie, both of you came off

0:30:400:30:42

within nanoseconds of each other.

0:30:420:30:44

One of you is not going to be going through.

0:30:440:30:48

Well, done to you both, because it was so close.

0:30:480:30:50

But I can tell you right now that, Jodie, you are going through,

0:30:500:30:56

and Joe, you're not.

0:30:560:30:59

Sorry, man.

0:30:590:31:01

Don't worry about it.

0:31:010:31:02

Do you think she was pleased?

0:31:050:31:07

Difficult to say. I think she was pleased.

0:31:070:31:09

Anyway, well done, Jodie. So we started today with 20 contestants.

0:31:090:31:13

Now we have six. They have all qualified for the next round, and what a mixed bag they are.

0:31:130:31:18

First up, it's Humble Steve, last man standing in The Sweeper.

0:31:180:31:23

-If I don't win this, I don't know what's gone wrong.

-This is for you, Britain.

0:31:230:31:28

Next is his closest rival, Hairy James. Not bad for a hippy.

0:31:280:31:34

Skippy John...well, SKIPS his way into the next round.

0:31:340:31:38

We're going to engage!

0:31:380:31:41

And Footy Stu makes it four.

0:31:410:31:43

But I know who my money's on.

0:31:430:31:45

Ladies' Man Faisal just keeps on impressing.

0:31:470:31:50

I'm the winner because I've got the money in the bag!

0:31:500:31:53

And finally, like a rose between five thorns, it's the only lady left, Girl Power Jodie.

0:31:530:31:58

Girl power!

0:31:580:32:00

Only one of them will be crowned Total Wipeout champion,

0:32:000:32:04

and they'll have an awful lot to declare when

0:32:040:32:07

they go back through British customs. £10,000, to be precise.

0:32:070:32:10

Now, as you know, the way we turn six into three is by making them sick.

0:32:100:32:16

It is Dizzy Dummies.

0:32:160:32:17

Might not be subtle but it's really effective.

0:32:170:32:20

And really funny.

0:32:200:32:22

For us.

0:32:220:32:23

Here's how this round works.

0:32:280:32:30

The Dizzy Dummy spins our competitors round and round

0:32:300:32:34

and round, until they don't know where they are, or what day it is.

0:32:340:32:39

Then, dazed, they must make their way across a variety of fiendish obstacles.

0:32:390:32:43

The last one to make it across is eliminated.

0:32:430:32:47

The prize for the remaining five, more nausea,

0:32:470:32:50

because they must get back in The Dizzy Dummy and do it all again.

0:32:500:32:54

And we'll keep going until we have our final three.

0:32:540:32:57

The one golden rule - just don't come last.

0:32:570:33:00

Are you guys ready?

0:33:000:33:02

-Yeah.

-Yeah? That sounds like a no. All right.

0:33:020:33:05

Three, two, one.

0:33:050:33:07

SIREN SOUNDS

0:33:070:33:09

The spinning begins.

0:33:090:33:10

I hope they've remembered to put their travel-sickness wristbands on,

0:33:100:33:14

or at least digested the reheated tacos they had for lunch.

0:33:140:33:17

They're off. Let the confusion begin.

0:33:230:33:25

Hairy James is off to a flying start but look at Girl Power Jodie.

0:33:280:33:32

She's sped past him.

0:33:320:33:34

That is a blisteringly fast finish!

0:33:360:33:38

It's amazing. It's as if Jodie forgot to get dizzy.

0:33:380:33:41

The only girl left in the competition is safely across.

0:33:410:33:45

Hairy James is on to the second Tippy Table and looking strong, although John is close behind.

0:33:450:33:50

Ooh, John!

0:33:500:33:51

But Hairy James is over.

0:33:510:33:54

Golden oldie.

0:33:540:33:55

And so is Skippy John, with Humble Steve powering through next.

0:33:550:34:01

But what's this? A late spurt from Stuart, and he bounds past Faisal to snatch the final qualifying place.

0:34:010:34:07

Unbelievable scenes here at Total Wipeout.

0:34:070:34:10

Unbelievable!

0:34:100:34:12

-I'm out?

-Yep, you are, Faisal.

0:34:120:34:15

Footy Stu made that look easy.

0:34:150:34:18

I admire how he left it late, to add a little drama.

0:34:180:34:21

Hang on a second. I blinked and I just missed what happened.

0:34:220:34:25

You just got steamrolled by Stuart.

0:34:250:34:27

Do you know what? I didn't even see it coming! I didn't.

0:34:270:34:30

I thought there was still someone behind me.

0:34:300:34:32

Oh, well there was...it was Stuart, but not for long.

0:34:320:34:35

Top man. Top man. Well done.

0:34:350:34:37

Back in the Dizzy Dummy go the contestants.

0:34:380:34:41

All that stands between them and the finish line now are the Crazy Beams.

0:34:410:34:46

Yep, Amanda, that's how it makes you feel.

0:34:460:34:49

First four across are safe. The fifth will be eliminated.

0:34:490:34:52

They are all fighting for a place in tonight's final.

0:34:520:34:55

Here we go for a second time, then.

0:34:550:34:57

Oh, Steve's fallen in after just one jump.

0:35:110:35:14

Once again, Jodie's leading the pack.

0:35:140:35:16

But all she needs to do is not come last.

0:35:160:35:20

Oh, no. There's a frog in the pond.

0:35:250:35:27

Jodie's fallen, which means

0:35:270:35:29

she must swim right back to the start and do it all again.

0:35:290:35:32

The boys now are doing their best slug impressions.

0:35:330:35:37

That's very cautious.

0:35:370:35:39

Apart from John.

0:35:390:35:41

He's doing it lemming-style.

0:35:410:35:43

Stuart being energy-efficient, perhaps.

0:35:450:35:49

What's James doing? Some feng shui on those Crazy Beams, maybe.

0:35:490:35:53

Steve's going in the wrong direction.

0:35:530:35:56

Steve, this way!

0:35:560:35:57

Come on, Hairy James. Don't fall off at the last minute now.

0:35:590:36:03

Inches from the finish.

0:36:030:36:05

Yes, he is safely across.

0:36:050:36:06

Hairy James is the first person to qualify

0:36:060:36:09

for the final round of Dizzy Dummies.

0:36:090:36:12

And, like True Brits, Stuart and Steve

0:36:120:36:15

are queuing up for that finishing podium.

0:36:150:36:18

Go on, Stuart! Go on. You're almost there, mate.

0:36:180:36:21

Jodie's in again.

0:36:210:36:22

Footy Stu's across and so is Humble Steve.

0:36:220:36:25

And Skippy John grits his teeth and goes for the finish.

0:36:250:36:31

Now, the old man's done it.

0:36:310:36:34

Don't do that, though.

0:36:340:36:37

So it's all over for Jodie.

0:36:370:36:40

She came very close to being first across again,

0:36:430:36:46

but it just wasn't to be for Girl Power Jodie.

0:36:460:36:49

Jodie, you were so close.

0:36:510:36:54

You literally missed that by a foot,

0:36:540:36:56

and I'm not talking a foot in measurement.

0:36:560:36:58

I'm talking your actual foot.

0:36:580:37:00

-You were hanging on for dear life!

-Yeah, that was awesome.

0:37:000:37:04

I just... I slipped off.

0:37:040:37:06

And I could see John slip off the second time but I chose

0:37:060:37:10

the wrong route, because the gap was like the size of...a big...gap.

0:37:100:37:16

I know those gaps, yes. They're pretty big.

0:37:160:37:19

So it's goodbye to the last girl,

0:37:190:37:21

which leaves us with three boys and a real man, skipping teacher John.

0:37:210:37:26

Back in the Dizzy Dummy one last time for those four.

0:37:260:37:29

At stake now is a place in the Wipeout Zone.

0:37:290:37:32

So one more spin.

0:37:320:37:35

In Britain this might be classed as torture.

0:37:350:37:38

Fortunately, Argentinian laws are a bit more lax.

0:37:380:37:40

I'm in trouble with the law, now, I suspect.

0:37:400:37:44

Remember, only the first three across

0:37:440:37:47

will make it to the Wipeout Zone and have a shot at the £10,000.

0:37:470:37:51

James is charging ahead.

0:37:540:37:56

Onto the Tippy Tables.

0:37:590:38:01

Oh, he's tipped Steve into the water, he'll have to start again.

0:38:010:38:05

Stuart's still spinning.

0:38:050:38:08

John's gone in.

0:38:080:38:11

James is the first one across

0:38:110:38:14

and the first one to qualify for today's final.

0:38:140:38:17

Footy Stu is developing his strategy.

0:38:170:38:20

Come on, Stu!

0:38:200:38:22

-Don't give up now!

-Clever.

0:38:240:38:26

He's letting Steve go first.

0:38:260:38:28

What confidence. What self-belief.

0:38:280:38:31

What a mistake! Humble Steve home and dry and second to qualify.

0:38:310:38:36

He is pleased with himself.

0:38:360:38:38

What a surprise.

0:38:380:38:40

John there looks like he's in some pain.

0:38:400:38:43

It's between him and Stuart for that final place.

0:38:430:38:47

He's on to the second Tippy Table.

0:38:510:38:54

If Stuart's waiting to make his move, he should probably pounce now.

0:38:540:38:58

What are you doing, Stuart? Come on!

0:38:580:39:01

-Yeah!

-Too late.

0:39:030:39:04

John's across and is going into the Wipeout Zone with James and Steve.

0:39:040:39:09

It's all over for Stuart.

0:39:090:39:12

Hey, just relax there, Stuart.

0:39:120:39:15

But of course nothing is ever quite as simple as that.

0:39:150:39:19

Well, not out there it isn't, anyway.

0:39:190:39:21

John had hurt his arm earlier in the day and was pronounced unfit

0:39:210:39:25

by the doctor, and so had to withdraw from the final.

0:39:250:39:28

Stuart jumped at the chance to take his place,

0:39:280:39:31

so the plucky Scot completes our line-up in place of John.

0:39:310:39:35

So Stuart, Steve and James are our final,

0:39:350:39:38

final three, and what an emotional journey it's been for them.

0:39:380:39:41

And for me, if I'm being honest.

0:39:410:39:43

I'm a bit apprehensive about facing the Wipeout Zone because I know,

0:39:480:39:52

when night falls, it's going to get pretty scary.

0:39:520:39:55

When you've got this kind of looming on top of you,

0:39:560:39:59

the pressure kind of starts to pile on.

0:39:590:40:03

I think I can 100% get around it. It's just how many times I fall off,

0:40:040:40:08

and how many times James doesn't fall off is what I'm worried about.

0:40:080:40:13

Steve and I have been rivals throughout the whole competition.

0:40:130:40:16

I always wanted to get one better than him.

0:40:160:40:18

Steve reckons he's going to win the money.

0:40:200:40:22

He probably won't say that outright.

0:40:220:40:24

I'm 100% confident in winning this.

0:40:240:40:27

Planned it all out in my head, and I'm sure it will go exactly to plan.

0:40:270:40:31

Everybody does love an underdog, so if I was to beat these two fit guys,

0:40:330:40:37

then I think I might get a bit of a cheer.

0:40:370:40:40

Absolutely brilliant, being here.

0:40:430:40:45

It's every boy's dream, this obstacle course.

0:40:450:40:48

Always enter stuff, always game for stuff,

0:40:480:40:51

but rarely win though, so to be here within

0:40:510:40:54

touching-distance of ten grand is a huge achievement for me already.

0:40:540:40:58

It'd mean everything for me to win.

0:40:580:41:01

I'll have to make sure I win, there's no point going home unless I've won.

0:41:010:41:05

I'm incredibly proud that I've managed to get this far.

0:41:050:41:08

I've really accomplished something for myself.

0:41:080:41:10

But to win, that would be the ultimate goal in this.

0:41:100:41:13

I'd be over the moon if I got that far.

0:41:130:41:17

Our final three contestants have done brilliantly.

0:41:170:41:21

It's taken blood, sweat and tears, mostly from Amanda, to get them to

0:41:210:41:25

where they are now, but it's time to face the biggest test of all...

0:41:250:41:29

the Wipeout Zone.

0:41:290:41:31

This is what our finalists, Stuart, Steve and James, are up against.

0:41:360:41:41

They begin with a high-speed slide down Killer Surf.

0:41:410:41:46

Then they paddle to the Barrel-Run.

0:41:460:41:48

It's a bit like hurdles, but they're moving and they're barrels.

0:41:480:41:53

Next, it's a slippery climb underneath a waterfall,

0:41:530:41:56

before leaping onto the fast-revolving Spinner.

0:41:560:41:58

Next, the Rolling Beam, and finally the Launch Pads.

0:41:580:42:03

The fastest competitor will win £10,000 and after going through all

0:42:030:42:07

of this, they might need to spend it on therapy.

0:42:070:42:09

And a massage. Back to Amanda.

0:42:090:42:11

And now three become one.

0:42:110:42:15

That's right, it's the Wipeout Zone.

0:42:150:42:18

And the first contestant to brave it tonight is Stuart.

0:42:180:42:22

There's no doubting Stuart is the underdog in the Wipeout Zone.

0:42:270:42:31

Don't forget, he's been eliminated and then reinstated.

0:42:310:42:35

Is an amazing comeback on the cards?

0:42:350:42:38

He's off.

0:42:410:42:42

The clock started ticking the moment Stuart began his descent,

0:42:450:42:48

so he needs to get out of that water and on to the Barrel-Run

0:42:480:42:51

as quickly as he can.

0:42:510:42:53

He's taking it slowly.

0:43:020:43:03

OK, now he reaches the barrels. And Stuart's on the back foot already.

0:43:080:43:11

That ramp is covered in grease.

0:43:110:43:15

Hurdling the barrels is the fastest approach.

0:43:150:43:18

Stuart's opted for belly-flopping over them.

0:43:180:43:22

He's looking exhausted already

0:43:230:43:25

and he's not even halfway through the first obstacle yet.

0:43:250:43:28

Come on, Stuart. Hurry up. We only have a finite number of barrels!

0:43:300:43:35

Surely this is overly cautious from Stuart?

0:43:370:43:41

He's taken to crawling like a baby now.

0:43:410:43:45

Look where you're going, Stuart! Ouch.

0:43:450:43:48

Now on to the Climbing Wall.

0:43:510:43:53

He's being very careful here, too.

0:43:530:43:55

Come on, Stuart. You need to chalk up a competitive time.

0:43:550:44:00

The weight of that water against him constantly... Oh, no, he's off!

0:44:010:44:06

It looked like he didn't have enough energy to hold on.

0:44:070:44:11

Had enough energy to hold his nose, though.

0:44:120:44:15

Stuart must now get himself back up that ladder

0:44:160:44:18

and back onto the Climbing Wall,

0:44:180:44:20

to finish that obstacle and make his way to the Spinner.

0:44:200:44:24

As well as gravity and exhaustion, Stuart has to battle

0:44:240:44:27

2,000 litres of water a minute pouring onto his head.

0:44:270:44:31

He's fallen in again!

0:44:350:44:36

That is a massive setback for Stuart,

0:44:360:44:39

setting the benchmark time today.

0:44:390:44:41

That's going to be hurting now.

0:44:410:44:43

This isn't another replay.

0:44:470:44:48

It's Stuart's third attempt at the Wall.

0:44:480:44:51

You can see the pain written on his face.

0:44:510:44:54

If Steve and James could see this,

0:44:540:44:56

they would be smiling, but they're not.

0:44:560:44:58

This is the point where he struggled before.

0:44:580:45:01

Come on, Stuart.

0:45:010:45:04

No. He's admitting defeat.

0:45:040:45:07

Stuart has battled hard but those torrents of water

0:45:070:45:11

got the better of him. He's out of the running.

0:45:110:45:14

Oh, Stuart!

0:45:140:45:16

Stuart's belly-flop technique made a meal of those barrels.

0:45:180:45:21

His efforts were valid but ultimately that waterfall

0:45:250:45:28

got the better of our underdog.

0:45:280:45:30

Stuart, my man! Come on in.

0:45:330:45:36

I mean, you threw in the towel.

0:45:360:45:38

You literally couldn't get a grip.

0:45:380:45:40

So greasy after coming up the ramp, I just couldn't get a grip of anything.

0:45:400:45:44

It's been a long day and I'm absolutely spent.

0:45:440:45:47

It is now down to our remaining two finalists,

0:45:470:45:50

Humble Steve and Hairy James. Steve's next.

0:45:500:45:53

Can he complete the course or will he end up doing a Stuart,

0:45:530:45:56

as I'm now going to call it? It's over to Steve.

0:45:560:45:59

None of our finalists get to watch

0:46:010:46:03

each other on the course, so Steve has no idea Stuart didn't finish.

0:46:030:46:09

Our self-proclaimed favourite has to set the fastest time he can.

0:46:090:46:12

He's already looking quicker than Stuart here,

0:46:190:46:22

but there's a whole lot of course yet to come.

0:46:220:46:25

Will the Barrel-Run humble Humble Steve?

0:46:280:46:31

It is slippy up there today,

0:46:360:46:38

and those barrels are proving a nightmare.

0:46:380:46:41

Steve's having trouble getting over them when they're not moving.

0:46:460:46:50

He's up and running now.

0:46:560:46:58

Much better.

0:46:580:47:00

But looking tired as he approaches the Wall.

0:47:000:47:03

The Wipeout Zone is incredibly demanding.

0:47:030:47:07

He's onto the Wall now.

0:47:090:47:11

Let's hope Steve can keep his mouth shut,

0:47:110:47:13

as there's about to be a lot of water pounding down on him.

0:47:130:47:16

Keeping his centre of gravity low, making great progress,

0:47:210:47:24

but will he do a Stuart at this point?

0:47:240:47:26

He's across. Now he's got to transfer to the Spinner.

0:47:300:47:34

He's on. He's safe. A lot of competitors have fallen here.

0:47:340:47:39

Now he must make the transfer to the next obstacle for the Rolling Beam.

0:47:390:47:43

Round and round Steve spins.

0:47:430:47:45

Yeah, say what you see, Amanda.

0:47:450:47:47

He's done it. He's made it first time. That is not easy.

0:47:470:47:51

He made it look simple. The Rolling Beam now.

0:47:510:47:53

This is free-rolling. He needs balance but speed.

0:47:530:47:56

Ooh, stayed on!

0:47:560:47:58

Two Launch Pads to go and he's finished.

0:47:580:48:02

Just one more jump after this Launch Pad.

0:48:050:48:08

And he's done it! Great job from Steve. Two minutes ten seconds.

0:48:100:48:14

That is one of the fastest times we've seen all series.

0:48:140:48:17

Well, his Barrel-Run wobble aside,

0:48:190:48:22

Steve gave a masterclass in how to tackle the Wipeout Zone.

0:48:220:48:26

Got some humble words for us, then, Steve?

0:48:260:48:29

You have been consistently confident and slightly cocky

0:48:290:48:33

all the way through the Wipeout course. So you think you did well?

0:48:330:48:38

Yeah. It was slowing me up a bit

0:48:380:48:40

on the barrels but then it was easy.

0:48:400:48:43

Clean sailing from then on. Pretty happy.

0:48:430:48:46

So, Humble Steve comes home with a very quick time indeed

0:48:460:48:49

but now it's James's turn.

0:48:490:48:51

And remember, he was only three seconds behind Steve

0:48:510:48:55

in the qualifier so it really is all to play for.

0:48:550:48:57

And off he goes.

0:49:060:49:07

So only James stands in between Steve and the £10,000 cash prize.

0:49:120:49:17

Can he reverse the result from the qualifier when it really matters?

0:49:170:49:21

This is quick start from Hairy James.

0:49:210:49:24

Straightaway, he seems more comfortable on

0:49:280:49:31

the Barrel-Run than Steve.

0:49:310:49:33

Some quality hurdling and no slip-ups

0:49:330:49:35

from our fire-eating student.

0:49:350:49:37

James can't afford any slip-ups if he's going to make

0:49:390:49:42

Humble Steve eat humble pie.

0:49:420:49:44

On to the Wall, now.

0:49:440:49:46

Of course, Hairy James's curly locks may be a hindrance here.

0:49:520:49:55

How much water will they be soaking up

0:49:550:49:58

when he gets under that waterfall?

0:49:580:50:00

2000 litres a minute soaking into his hair,

0:50:000:50:03

getting heavier and heavier.

0:50:030:50:04

James doesn't know that Steve has set an incredibly fast time

0:50:060:50:10

before him, or that Stuart didn't even make it past this point.

0:50:100:50:13

The clock is ticking.

0:50:130:50:15

Cautious approach. Just trying to keep his grip and stay on that Wall.

0:50:150:50:19

Steve took one attempt and one and half revolutions

0:50:190:50:23

to get off the Spinner. Can James match that?

0:50:230:50:26

He's got to get on it first.

0:50:260:50:29

He's on. Good landing.

0:50:290:50:32

He's across straightaway.

0:50:350:50:37

He's ahead of Steve now.

0:50:370:50:39

On to the Rolling Beam.

0:50:390:50:41

Absolutely flawless.

0:50:420:50:45

And he's down!

0:50:450:50:46

He's down between the two Launch Pads.

0:50:460:50:49

He's got to get out of that water quickly now.

0:50:490:50:52

That might cost him the win.

0:50:520:50:53

He was certainly on course for it until that point.

0:50:530:50:57

This is going to be tight now.

0:51:000:51:02

Come on, James.

0:51:040:51:06

Steadying himself.

0:51:060:51:09

One jump to go.

0:51:090:51:10

He's finished!

0:51:130:51:15

But it's not quick enough to beat Steve. 2 minutes 16.

0:51:150:51:19

That fall has cost him.

0:51:190:51:21

£10,000, to be exact.

0:51:210:51:22

It actually looked like Steve

0:51:220:51:24

was going to have to eat his words right up until the Launch Pads

0:51:240:51:28

but neither Steve nor James know who's won,

0:51:280:51:31

so it's over to Amanda to break the news.

0:51:310:51:34

My heart is beating so fast, I cannot even tell you.

0:51:340:51:38

How are you feeling?

0:51:380:51:40

So tired.

0:51:400:51:42

But... I'm very worried now.

0:51:420:51:44

Well, I can now tell you that this was so close.

0:51:440:51:49

There were six seconds in it.

0:51:490:51:52

James, I know you've said that you love the feeling of beating people.

0:51:520:51:56

It's not one of those days.

0:51:560:51:58

I'm sorry to tell you, Steve,

0:51:580:52:00

-you are in fact the Total Wipeout champion...

-Yes!

-..and the winner

0:52:000:52:03

of £10,000.

0:52:030:52:06

Congratulations, darling.

0:52:060:52:08

So, 20 people came from the UK to tackle the great Argentinian

0:52:080:52:12

obstacle course and ultimately,

0:52:120:52:14

we found a warrior strong enough to take on the challenge.

0:52:140:52:18

And that warrior's name was...

0:52:180:52:20

Steve.

0:52:200:52:22

So, statistically, 50% of our winners so far

0:52:220:52:26

have been called Steve.

0:52:260:52:27

That is a fact, and I will keep you updated with any

0:52:270:52:30

further developments as the series progresses vis a vis...Steves.

0:52:300:52:34

But that's it for this week.

0:52:340:52:36

Join us next week when we'll be watching more people

0:52:360:52:39

fall off things. A bit like this.

0:52:390:52:41

Or do amazing things.

0:52:440:52:46

A bit like this.

0:52:460:52:48

Will someone finally manage those Big Balls?

0:52:530:52:56

I for one can't wait to find out.

0:52:560:52:59

From Amanda and me, it's goodbye.

0:52:590:53:00

See you next time on Total Wipeout.

0:53:000:53:02

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:53:230:53:25

E-mail [email protected]

0:53:250:53:27

Richard Hammond presents the game show where crashes, smashes and hilarious mud splashes are on the cards as 20 contestants take on one of television's largest and most extreme obstacle courses.

They journey across the globe to the purpose-built Total Wipeout course in Argentina to put their strength, balance and bravery to the test in the hope of winning the £10,000 cash prize and being crowned Total Wipeout champion.

Amanda Byram assists Richard from the sidelines as contestants take on challenges like the Big Balls, the Sweeper and the awesome Wipeout Zone.


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