The Legends Total Wipeout


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Transcript


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Buenos Aires, Argentina. Thousands of miles from home.

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Unless you live in Argentina.

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Tonight, 20 Britons who've already failed on the Total Wipeout course

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have come back to fail again.

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But one will redeem themselves and become Total Wipeout Champion.

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Not again. And their name shall echo through the annals of time forever.

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Just like that guy from the last series. What's his name.

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Bloke with the hat. Anyway, this is Total Wipeout The Legends.

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Hello and welcome to the Total Wipeout Legends Special.

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What do I mean by legends?

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Essentially what's happened is that all the worst - but funniest -

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competitors from the last three series have been invited back

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to have another go.

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Let's face it. They all fell off things last time.

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Odds are they'll do it again.

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So, that's what I mean by legends.

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Let's see what the legendary legends will be up against.

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The Qualifier - a thing of legend.

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Crash Mountain -

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another thing of legend.

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Dizzy Dummies - truly legendary.

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The Wipeout Zone -

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really truly legendary because this one's got a ledge and an end.

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Now, I'd like to hand over to someone who's always there to encourage the competitors.

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Someone who brightens up the show.

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Someone who's got a big caring heart and a gorgeous smile.

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Unfortunately though Eduardo's camera shy.

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So, instead let's go over to Amanda Byram who's with today's first competitor.

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Ah, yes. It's 45-year-old Dynamo Joe from Yorkshire.

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Just what's needed. A really strong, confident competitor.

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Who's the daddy? Who's the daddy?

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This guy was one of the bounciest competitors ever seen on Total Wipeout,

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but was surprisingly knocked out by The Sweeper last time around.

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It's been over a year since I've seen you.

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-What did your family think of your performance?

-Ah, they loved it.

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Even my daughter's school friends call her Dynamo Hannah now.

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So it's...you know, it's dropping down from family to... Take that again.

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Take your tie, Joe. Take your time.

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Joe, what are you here to prove?

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I'm doing it for all the little, short ugly blokes, that are balding, getting 47-year-old...

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Oh, no, I've done it again wrong.

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Just breathe, Joe, breathe.

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-Good luck, Joe.

-Thank you. High five.

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Oh, I hope he pulls himself together before he starts.

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You've seen the least from the east,

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and you've seen the rest from the west...

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-Now the dwarf from the north is going to show you I'm best.

-What?

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I think Joe is officially nervous.

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But that's OK. We'll excuse him that.

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BUZZER

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And he's on... Let me do that again.

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He's off! That's it.

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Right the first obstacle for Dynamo Joe is the Dodgeball.

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Oh, yeah! Four legends in their own right,

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and back again to welcome the competitors to the Qualifier,

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by pelting them with small red balls.

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Apparently they can only speak four words.

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Duck, dive, dodge and destroy.

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So, after those early nerves, this looks like a decent start for Joe.

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He's doing well... He's not doing so well.

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Yeah. Takes his first hit.

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But tries to lie down when he probably should have run for it.

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Or something.

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The Sucker Punch. Joe failed to cross the Sucker Punch last time.

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How will he do now, having had that practise? This is...

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this is looking good.

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Oh, yes. Clear!

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Yeah, the Big Balls now. OK, Dynamo Joe, here he goes.

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Yes, yes, oh!

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All that practising that jumping... HE SHOUTS

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Joe, don't interrupt her. Don't ever interrupt Amanda.

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See, it was good bounce and then another good bounce.

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And then... no, it all went wrong. Got wet.

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Now the only thing between Joe and the finish line

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are the Cradles of Doom. Let me explain how these work,

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using a detailed description

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and some state-of-the-art computer graphics.

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You jump across them like that.

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Joe's put his early nerves behind him. Can he finish in style?

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Yes, he can. In a time of 1 minute 44.

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Who's the daddy? Who's the daddy?

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Clearly, Joe's the daddy.

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Dynamo Hannah's daddy. We all know that.

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I was listening to you saying something about

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not Dynamo Joe Mohammed Ali... what was that?

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It's my little rhyme. I was saying to this other bunch,

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float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

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I'm Dynamo Joe, not Mohammed Ali.

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Oh, yeah? Wordsmith as well.

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What a great way to start the Legends Special.

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But now we need someone who can really light up this course.

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Not literally though, obviously. There's a lot of foam out there.

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It's all undergone extensive fire safety testing and everything.

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It failed. They can catch fire really easily.

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I mean, even friction can do it. But I'm sure it'll be fine.

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Now, who's this? I can't quite tell.

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I don't believe it! It's the One And Only Maria.

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A true legend of legends. She wowed the nation with her dancing

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and with her uncrushable spirit last time.

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She epitomised what Total Wipeout is all about.

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Getting coated in mud and falling over a lot.

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Oh, my God. This is amazing!

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So, Maria, have you been doing much of the physical stuff

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in order to prepare you for this, today?

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It's funny you say that, I've been for one run.

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I've done a few sit ups. And a moon walk. I've got that down to a tee.

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So, that'll help me get through.

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Oh, yes. I can't wait to see this moon walk.

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Any minute now she'll do the moon walk. Seriously.

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Any minute she's actually going to moon walk for us.

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It's going to happen.

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-Oh, I nearly fell over there!

-Oh, dear.

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Last time I was the One And Only,

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but this time I'm back,

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for the Final Countdown!

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Because I'm Simply The Best. Whoa!

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Oh, it's a medley!

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Beautiful. I've missed you, Maria.

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A new challenge awaits, of course.

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Oh, no.

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Yeah. Dodgeball.

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Good dodging. Oh!

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Right on the noggin!

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Ow. That's some pretty accurate ball throwing.

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But Maria doesn't move an inch. She's a professional... Oh.

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Yeah, that's to be expected.

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Oh, yeah. She certainly is the one and the only.

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Maria will be hell bent on making it through the Qualifier

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after finishing one place from the bottom last time round.

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A legend.

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A little magic on the balls should go a long way to making that happen.

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Come on.

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Oh, Maria, watch out for the Motiva... ha!

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Yep. That's the Motivator.

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-Oh, the big boom.

-Yeah, it was.

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I can still see the imprint of her bum.

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Maria, you have been motivated.

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See?

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She got a move on, didn't she?

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It does work. Look. One minute - not going. Next minute - going.

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Really fast with her eyes shut.

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Fabulous.

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£75 that Motivator cost.

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Money well spent.

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So, it's on to the Cradles of Doom.

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# Final Countdown La la la... #

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Oh, good. Oh, she's made the first cradle.

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Come on, Maria. A strong finish here.

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Come on, the whole nation is behind you. We are. We want you to do well.

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Come on. Here we go. There she goes...

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Oh, no.

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Oops.

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The One And Only Maria finishes in 5 minutes 24.

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Just one thing left for her to do.

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# I am the One And Only Nobody I'd rather be... #

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That's my girl.

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That was unbelievable.

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Oh! I tell you what...

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Ha, ha, ha. Boom, boom!

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Literally boom.

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Right, who's next? Oh, brilliant.

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It's 38-year-old Sunbed Jonny.

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-Welcome back. Orange as ever I see.

-Yeah, still using the sunbed.

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Hoping to win so I can get another one.

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Listen, a lot's happened since the last time I saw you.

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-Tell me what's been going on?

-My twin brother came, didn't he?

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He won. So I can't go back empty-handed.

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There's a lot of rivalry between us.

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I've just got to beat him. Need to beat him.

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Now, Sunbed Jonny's Dodgeball experience

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from his first time on the show should stand him in good stead...

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if you call getting your head knocked off by a ball "experience".

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Ooh, don't hit me(!)

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So, he's doing better than last time.

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That is, still sort of on his feet.

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Oh, no, spoke too soon.

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Spot the weaker brother.

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If he wins, Jonny has said he's going to buy another sunbed.

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Oh, yup. That's just what that guy needs.

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Another sunbed. Yup, here we go.

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Oh!

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That's not mud splashing out of the water, by the way. That's fake tan.

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Oh, your brother is going to love that.

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Jonny's time of 2 minutes 46 is pretty good

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but will it be enough to see him through to the next round?

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I don't believe it!

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It's 37-year-old MC Philly-Phil.

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He hails from the mean streets of Barnsley.

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He may not look like an MC but check out his flow.

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-RAPS:

-# I'm Phil, I'm 33 I'm in the place to be

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# I want to win this thing on the BBC

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# I got my mamma in the hood Saying I should

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# Try my best to beat the rest. #

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MC Philly-Phil is back no doubt with something extraordinary lined up.

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-RAPS:

-# Obstacles come in different shapes and sizes

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# But the best ones are always the surprises

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# And I know I'll be in with a shout

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# When I find out who's going to wipeout. #

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Yup, that was extraordinary. Phil went out on the Sweeper last time.

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In the words of popular rap artist Mr Snoop Doggy-Dog,

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will he make it to the Wipeout Zone this time round, is all?

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Not if the Dodgeball boys have any say in it he won't. No! Oh, ow.

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Ouch!

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Guessing that kind of hurt.

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What are you here to prove today, Phil?

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I'm here to prove that anybody off the street can become a rapper

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a dancer, a Wipeout celebrity.

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Well, One out of three ain't bad, Phil.

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Yeah. Time for MC Philly-Phil to freestyle with the Sucker Punch.

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Here we go.

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Oh, ah.

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Phil proves he knows how to get down and dirty.

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Very dirty.

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That's a time of 3 minutes 26 in the end. Quicker than Maria.

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Slower than everyone else.

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-And that, my friends, is a wrap.

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-That's four

-legenderous

-performances down.

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-And while I'm making up words, next to run are a pair of

-competitorettes

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from the sunny south coast.

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-Who will be crowned

-betterest?

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Will I start speaking normally again? I really hope so.

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I'm annoying myself.

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Ah, remember Charlene?

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21-year-old make-up artist and former Miss Bournemouth.

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She was a real girly girl. Yeah, she looks so pretty in pink.

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Less pretty after a visit to the Qualifier.

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Well, she's back now to prove she's the queen of the English Riviera.

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While Bournemouth has Charlene, Portsmouth has Amy.

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The 19-year-old model immortalised by a pair of magic shorts.

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She's back to prove she's the south coast's finest.

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Amy, the last time you were here,

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you had what we tend to call them, in the business,

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-quite of few of those wedgy things, didn't you?

-Yeah, yeah.

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I don't care if I get a wedgy.

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I am not pulling it out. I'm going.

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So, Amy is up and away.

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Oh, dear. Did she just...already?

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Yup, the magic's return.

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Hard to believe they are different shorts.

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I'm hopeful Amy will have a strong start

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because she is desperate to make it. Oh!

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Oh, no. I'm way too hopeful.

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The Dodgeball boys are suckers for a pretty face.

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I expect them to go easy on Charlene.

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Yup, they're... definitely going easy on her.

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Oh! I really must stop saying things like that.

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Yeah, this is a disaster waiting to happen.

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I'm not talking about that hit on the bonce.

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Those red balls like totally clash with that pink leotard thing.

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It's terrible. Back to Amy and her new magic shorts.

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She promised she wouldn't pull them out of her bottom.

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Yeah, we can all make promises, but needs must.

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Right, the Sucker Punch.

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And...oh, Amy's already in.

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That mud is almost 30% motor oil.

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So it should help those squeaky shorts at least. No.

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Can Charlene do any better?

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She's so pretty in pink.

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Oh, Charlene got all the way to Dizzy Dummies last time.

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She'll want to make the most of this second chance

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and go one better today.

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The Big Balls now.

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Oh!

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Oh, yup. Sheer delight etched on her face.

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Good to be back, eh, Charlene?

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Quite superb form off that second ball.

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Amy and her new magic shorts finish in 3 minutes 19,

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but Charlene does it in 3 minutes 13,

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and Formerly Miss Bournemouth takes the title.

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-Only one wedgy this time.

-Was there only one? I can't remember.

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Well done, bye.

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So, Charlene is Total Wipeout's south coast queen.

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But can either of them make it into the next round?

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Today's first legends leader's board looks like this.

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Dynamo Joe's up there in top spot,

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with Sunbed Jonny in second and Formerly Miss Bournemouth in third.

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Amy and her new magic shorts are in fourth,

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with MC Philly-Phil in fifth and the One And Only Maria

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in sixth and last place.

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This just gets better. 42-year-old Irish athlete G-Force Geraldine.

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I'm a living legend for life.

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Yeah. Which might not be very long depending how the Qualifier goes.

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42-year-old Geraldine exploded through the Qualifier,

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but surprisingly crashed out on Crash Mountain

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back in the hazy mists of time.

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But she's made it to the balls in super quick time.

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This woman only knows one way.

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Oh, now she knows two ways. Yeah. And that one's the wrong way.

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Geraldine bringing a bit of Irish tradition

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to the Total Wipeout Qualifier.

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Someone really must have a word with the wardrobe department.

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We've all sorts of trouble this week.

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This is looking like a very good time.

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And she's on to the second cradle.

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No, she's overbalanced. Or is it underbalance?

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She's fallen off is what she's done.

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And either way that is the most surprising fall of the day.

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She may be strong but those shorts are very small.

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She must feel the breeze. That is a quick time of 2 minutes 23,

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which puts her in second place for now.

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From one explosive competitor to another.

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It's the quite fantastic Exploding Kenny.

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He was the guy who...

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Well, yeah, exploded.

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That's what he does all day as a science communicator

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at the Glasgow Science Centre. Apparently.

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These legends don't frighten me!

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I'm going to be the most legendary legend!

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Yeah, Kenny. You're supposed to go OUT with a bang,

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not start with one, cos... We'll come back.

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These next two competitors have one thing in common,

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besides them both being men and both being called Ali.

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It's that they both left Total Wipeout

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cursing their size and weight.

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39-year-old Ali had a unique approach to the Big Balls.

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I try to do like jiggedy, biggedy, diggedy, bop.

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But I done like jiggedy, biggedy, splash.

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That... that is the fun, isn't it?

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Ali, how you doing?

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Hello, honey. Nice to see you back. Yes, I am here again.

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And have you been down the gym,

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pumping extra iron, so that you can ensure first place this time?

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No, the first time I was a little chunky and heavy.

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This time is I cut the protein.

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So, Ali reckons he's lost weight.

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Let's have a look.

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It's like a very difficult game of spot the difference.

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Even the vest is the same. I hope he washed it, that's all.

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26 year old Disco Al showed off his dancing skills

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way back in series two.

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Back then he claimed he was going eat the course. No, really. He did.

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Since you've been here last, what have you been up to?

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Well, I've got back from this,

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realised I am grossly overweight. And very unfit.

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So, I've went to the gym and lost three and a half stone, so...

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Good for you. So, you're extra fit this time?

0:16:300:16:32

It may not be like super fit. But it's better than I was.

0:16:320:16:35

I'm here to smash my qualifying time from last time.

0:16:350:16:38

Just lay off the dancing, Al, and you'll be, uh, fine.

0:16:380:16:42

Might have lost the weight. But he hasn't lost that dancing talent.

0:16:420:16:46

You can't lose what you don't have.

0:16:460:16:48

That's a new move there.

0:16:480:16:51

Yeah! Oh, the lawnmower.

0:16:510:16:53

A perennial favourite. Always a good one.

0:16:530:16:55

You, you, you and you... bring it on!

0:16:550:16:57

The only language they understand, Alistair, is pain. Yours.

0:16:570:17:01

Dodgeball is first for Disco Al.

0:17:010:17:04

Yes, successfully batting them away so far.

0:17:040:17:07

Nice, neat. Oh, on his face.

0:17:070:17:10

Up you get, Al. Come on.

0:17:100:17:13

Get off your back, Alistair!

0:17:130:17:15

Oh. No mercy.

0:17:150:17:16

Oh, dear.

0:17:160:17:17

OK, so not a blistering start. But there is a long way to go.

0:17:170:17:21

Can Jiggedy Just-as-biggedy Ali do any better?

0:17:210:17:25

He's doing well so for.

0:17:250:17:27

That ENORMOUS amount of weight he's shifted apparently

0:17:270:17:30

seems to have made all the difference.

0:17:300:17:32

Yeah, do check you've had a spray, Amanda. It's hot out there.

0:17:320:17:36

Oh, getting pretty hot out there on the Dodgeball as well.

0:17:360:17:40

Oh, that's got to hurt. Right on the tip of the nose.

0:17:400:17:43

Back to the disco diva now.

0:17:430:17:46

As he approaches the Big Balls.

0:17:460:17:48

With all the enthusiasm of a man

0:17:480:17:49

who's already experienced just how much they can hurt.

0:17:490:17:52

Come on, Al, come on.

0:17:520:17:55

Bear in mind the Motivator is poised and ready to spring.

0:17:550:17:59

Ah-ha ha! That was brilliantly bad.

0:17:590:18:02

Disco Al slips on the ledge with quite spectacular consequences.

0:18:030:18:07

He really is an all-out entertainer. He's doing it for us.

0:18:070:18:11

Can Ali match that? What's he got lined up?

0:18:110:18:14

How do you feel about the big red balls?

0:18:140:18:16

Jiggedy, piggedy, bom. No... Jiggedy, biggedy, diggedy, bom.

0:18:160:18:20

Yeah, of course. Why would he do anything else?

0:18:210:18:24

Quick glance at the ever-stationary Motivator.

0:18:240:18:27

'Jiggedy, piggedy...'

0:18:270:18:28

..Splash?

0:18:280:18:30

Jiggedy Just-as-biggedy Ali makes it home in 2 minutes 26.

0:18:300:18:35

Which is a good time.

0:18:350:18:36

Now, can Disco Al finish with a bang?

0:18:360:18:39

One Cradle of Doom. Here he goes.

0:18:410:18:45

Oh! When I said bang, that wasn't what I had in mind.

0:18:450:18:50

Ow.

0:18:500:18:51

Disco Al posts a time of 4 minutes 5 seconds.

0:18:520:18:55

A full 8 seconds faster than last time. Well, done, Al.

0:18:550:18:58

No strength left to cheer, but he's happy.

0:18:580:19:00

Right, Eduardo's found all the bits of Exploding Kenny

0:19:000:19:03

and stuck him back together. And defused him.

0:19:030:19:06

Here he is at the Sucker Punch.

0:19:060:19:07

Ow, that looked painful.

0:19:070:19:09

TOILET FLUSHES

0:19:130:19:15

OK, all sorted. Who's next?

0:19:150:19:19

-Marion.

-Who?

0:19:190:19:21

Oh, CSI Marion. Yeah, I remember... ish.

0:19:210:19:25

What was the reason for you being thrown into the water last time?

0:19:250:19:28

Well, initially it was those Dodgeball boys.

0:19:280:19:31

Yes, you took quite a pasting back then.

0:19:310:19:34

And she was blonde.

0:19:340:19:36

Bet that'll fox them.

0:19:360:19:38

But this time I'm not getting in the water at all. I'm staying dry.

0:19:380:19:42

Bold words. 43-year-old police diver Marion

0:19:420:19:45

made it into the top 10 first time around.

0:19:450:19:48

She was tenth.

0:19:480:19:50

But she's going well.

0:19:500:19:51

And she's the first person today to make it past the Dodgeballs.

0:19:510:19:55

Cradles now for CSI Marion.

0:19:550:19:57

One down and one to go.

0:19:570:20:00

Making the transfer... tricky. Easy does it. Two down.

0:20:000:20:03

Still sort of one to go. That final leap.

0:20:030:20:06

Can she complete this as well?

0:20:060:20:07

Yes, she's done it.

0:20:070:20:10

The first to complete the cradles today with a very quick time.

0:20:100:20:13

2 minutes 13. She is today's fastest lady legend.

0:20:130:20:18

Back to Kenny now, who's making good time on the Qualifier.

0:20:180:20:21

He's already at the cradles.

0:20:210:20:22

A good finish here should see him, just about...

0:20:220:20:26

Oh, why do I always do that? Sorry.

0:20:260:20:30

Like a damp squib, Exploding Kenny squelches over the finish

0:20:300:20:33

in 2 minutes 54 seconds.

0:20:330:20:35

Which means he's safely in the top 12 for now.

0:20:350:20:38

He really wants to get that looked at, you know.

0:20:390:20:42

So, that's 10 runners run with several still un-run.

0:20:420:20:46

And already, as I had hoped, the Legends show is delivering.

0:20:460:20:50

They fell off things last time and they're doing it again... lots.

0:20:500:20:54

# You know your love

0:21:030:21:06

# Keep on lifting me

0:21:060:21:08

# Higher

0:21:080:21:10

# Higher and higher

0:21:100:21:13

# I said your love

0:21:130:21:15

# Keep on lifting me

0:21:150:21:20

# Higher and higher. #

0:21:200:21:22

'Boom!'

0:21:290:21:30

Brilliant. But I love these guys.

0:21:300:21:32

Anyway, it's time for another legendary legend.

0:21:320:21:35

I can hardly contain myself.

0:21:350:21:37

Don't worry, I have. It's just this belt's a bit broken and it could...

0:21:370:21:42

but I am contained. Who's next?

0:21:420:21:43

Oh, yes, it's 19 year old former pastry roller from Cornwall, Perran.

0:21:430:21:48

He's got the most spectacular Sweeper Wipeout to his name,

0:21:480:21:51

along with the least spectacular interview technique.

0:21:510:21:55

Perran, you are just oozing cool.

0:21:550:21:57

-Are you excited about the course today?

-Yeah.

0:21:570:22:00

-Really looking forward to it then, are we?

-Yeah, man.

0:22:000:22:03

Can he contain his excitement,

0:22:030:22:05

having been asked back for another bite of the Total Wipeout cherry?

0:22:050:22:08

So, is it good to be back on Total Wipeout, Perran?

0:22:080:22:12

Fantastic.

0:22:120:22:14

Yeah.

0:22:140:22:15

Yeah. he can contain his excitement. He can. Right, he's off.

0:22:150:22:18

And it's Dodgeball first, remember.

0:22:180:22:20

Now these boys are part human, part robot.

0:22:200:22:22

Whereas Perran's part Cornishman, part Wookiee.

0:22:220:22:25

This could be quite a battle. Oh.

0:22:250:22:28

Ah, it's moving, when you see it in slow motion.

0:22:300:22:32

In a really odd sort of way.

0:22:320:22:33

This is a very quick time as Perran speeds towards the Big Balls.

0:22:340:22:38

Whoa, oh, oh!

0:22:380:22:41

That was tremendous!

0:22:410:22:43

That's got to be the fall of the day on the Big Balls. Incredible!

0:22:430:22:46

Perran on to the cradles in a flash.

0:22:480:22:51

Makes his move. Second cradle now.

0:22:510:22:54

Can he finish in style and leap frog Joe at the top of the leader board?

0:22:540:22:58

Yes, he can. In an electric 1 min 34.

0:22:580:23:02

Now, he must have something to say about that.

0:23:020:23:06

Come on, a comment. Yes.

0:23:060:23:08

Give the man a chat show.

0:23:080:23:10

The Legends leader board now look like this.

0:23:100:23:13

With Chatty Perran in top spot,

0:23:130:23:15

Dynamo Joe in second and CSI Marion in third.

0:23:150:23:18

G-force Geraldine is fourth and sunbed Jonny is sixth.

0:23:180:23:22

Exploding Kenny is seventh. Formerly Miss Bournemouth eighth.

0:23:220:23:25

Disco Al is down there in eleventh.

0:23:250:23:27

With the One and Only Maria in 12th.

0:23:270:23:30

They might not have realised it yet,

0:23:300:23:32

but the epithet legend wasn't necessarily bestowed upon this lot

0:23:320:23:36

because of their brilliance.

0:23:360:23:38

Although in Perran's case he is good, isn't he? Chatty, no.

0:23:380:23:43

But good, yes.

0:23:430:23:45

These next two legendary ladies are a right pair of speed queens.

0:23:450:23:49

25-year-old Bouncy Becky was the fastest girl in her show.

0:23:490:23:53

And 30-year-old Can-Can Clair was the quickest in her Qualifier.

0:23:530:23:57

But who can go quickest today?

0:23:570:23:59

And can either of them outpace Perran?

0:23:590:24:01

I bet they can't-can't.

0:24:010:24:03

I don't know. Now, on Becky's previous outing on the Qualifier

0:24:030:24:07

she became one of the very few to manage the dodge part of Dodgeball.

0:24:070:24:10

How will she get on today?

0:24:100:24:12

Oh, ouch. Ow, ow.

0:24:160:24:19

That makes her success first time around

0:24:190:24:21

start to look like beginner's luck.

0:24:210:24:23

Back in her previous show,

0:24:230:24:25

Can-Can Clair screamed around the Qualifier,

0:24:250:24:28

on her way to a lightning-quick time that saw her top the leader board.

0:24:280:24:32

But Dodgeball is a whole different kettle

0:24:320:24:34

of bearded, Argentinean ball-throwing fish.

0:24:340:24:36

Her bottom's eating her shorts!

0:24:360:24:39

Yeah, that is happening.

0:24:390:24:40

And like Amy, Clair ignores her unfortunate wedgy and powers on.

0:24:400:24:44

Meanwhile, Bouncy Becky has reached the big bouncy balls

0:24:450:24:48

in a very fast time.

0:24:480:24:49

Bounce, bounce...

0:24:490:24:50

Yes.

0:24:500:24:53

-Hang on!

-Oh, no.

0:24:530:24:54

It was all going so well.

0:24:540:24:56

Clair and her carnivorous shorts are onto the cradles now.

0:24:570:25:01

The university lecturer and part-time burlesque dancer

0:25:010:25:04

needs a strong finish here.

0:25:040:25:06

There she goes.

0:25:060:25:08

Yes, yes... oh, no.

0:25:080:25:10

Still despite her very obvious impairment,

0:25:120:25:15

Clair reaches the finish line

0:25:150:25:17

in a rather tasty 2 minutes and 8 seconds.

0:25:170:25:19

Recruitment officer Becky is looking even faster

0:25:190:25:22

as she takes on the cradles. Quickly on to the second.

0:25:220:25:25

-And rather too quickly off it.

-Splash.

0:25:260:25:30

Still, a time of 2 minutes and 6 seconds

0:25:300:25:32

puts her up towards the top of the leader board.

0:25:320:25:36

Who's next to go? Ah, yeah.

0:25:360:25:38

It's the 23-year-old puppeteer from Surrey, Catherine.

0:25:380:25:41

My name is Catherine V-Rock. And the V stands for invincible.

0:25:410:25:45

No, no, no, it doesn't.

0:25:450:25:47

V... there's an I. V stands for vincible.

0:25:470:25:50

Which isn't really a word.

0:25:500:25:52

In case you've forgotten,

0:25:520:25:53

Catherine was the one who brought that freaky puppet with her.

0:25:530:25:56

..Nice in a pie!

0:25:560:25:58

Don't be fooled by Catherine's sweet demeanour though.

0:25:590:26:02

She is one tough cookie. Oh, not that tough, obviously.

0:26:020:26:05

# Put your right leg in Your right leg out... #

0:26:080:26:11

It's like being at one of the kids parties she takes that puppet to.

0:26:110:26:14

Right, Catherine the Ventriloquist moves on to the cradles.

0:26:170:26:20

Makes the move.

0:26:200:26:22

She's across! That's a surprisingly good time of 2 minutes 28.

0:26:220:26:27

Before moving on, I'd just like to take a moment

0:26:270:26:30

to highlight a common interest

0:26:300:26:32

amongst lots of Total Wipeout contestants. Amanda.

0:26:320:26:36

Several contestants a week confess their undying love for my co-host.

0:26:360:26:40

Even when she's laughing at them

0:26:400:26:42

wallowing about in the Argentinean mud.

0:26:420:26:46

And these next two are no exception.

0:26:460:26:49

This sexy thing is Dean the Builder from Darlington.

0:26:490:26:53

And this Casanova is Danger Island Tom from Gloucester.

0:26:530:26:57

Last time round, Dean had his eye on just one thing.

0:26:570:27:00

And it wasn't the £10,000 prize.

0:27:000:27:02

Amanda, I'm doing this for you.

0:27:020:27:06

Dean fell for Amanda all right. In fact, he fell for her several times.

0:27:060:27:10

Although I got the sense that Amanda wasn't that impressed.

0:27:100:27:13

But Dean's got some competition.

0:27:130:27:15

Danger Tom is back.

0:27:150:27:17

This is for you, Amanda.

0:27:170:27:19

-Ah!

-Tom's infectious enthusiasm

0:27:190:27:21

and general geekiness had a strange affect on Amanda.

0:27:210:27:24

Please, Sucker Punch, don't get my little Tom.

0:27:240:27:28

And Dean's apparently written a song for Amanda,

0:27:280:27:30

that comes from the heart.

0:27:300:27:32

-SHOUTS:

-My name is Dean and I can't sing!

0:27:320:27:35

You won't hear me whinge or moan!

0:27:350:27:38

As long as I'm in the Total Wipeout Zone!

0:27:380:27:41

Dean, Dean, are you sure?

0:27:410:27:43

Now, can Dean impress Amanda with his performance on the Big Balls?

0:27:430:27:47

What strategies are you going to do differently than last time?

0:27:470:27:50

It's going to be all brain instead of brawn this time.

0:27:500:27:54

Using that. And that's what I didn't use last time.

0:27:540:27:57

That's it, it's all brawn. Totally brawn.

0:27:570:28:01

With obviously a bit more brain.

0:28:010:28:04

It's like listening to Stephen Fry.

0:28:040:28:06

Dean cunningly waits where the Motivator can't get him. Clever.

0:28:060:28:10

-# Can he jump it? Dean the builder. #

-This guy's cleverer than he looks.

0:28:100:28:14

No, no he can't.

0:28:170:28:19

I have to say in his defence, in slow motion,

0:28:210:28:24

that is strangely elegant.

0:28:240:28:26

While Dean's been impressing Amanda, Tom has made it to the Sucker Punch.

0:28:260:28:30

Oh, Sucker Punch, please leave my Tom alone.

0:28:300:28:32

Oh, no. No!

0:28:350:28:37

Yes. That's just rubbing salt in the wound for Amanda.

0:28:370:28:41

It's Dean's turn to shine now.

0:28:470:28:49

Steps casually on to the first cradle. Then the second. Good grief.

0:28:490:28:53

Wow. Well, what woman doesn't like a man

0:28:530:28:56

who can walk quite quickly across foam cradles?

0:28:560:28:59

-And in 2 minutes 22 seconds.

-Bring it on.

0:28:590:29:02

Yes. And Amanda's got to be even more impressed by that.

0:29:040:29:07

It's 2 minutes 7 for Tom.

0:29:070:29:10

Now, who's this? Er...

0:29:100:29:13

Doctor Monkey's back and I'm going to swing through this course!

0:29:130:29:17

Doctor Monkey? Why was she called Doctor Monkey?

0:29:170:29:20

Oh, yeah. She's a doctor.

0:29:200:29:24

Remind us what that was all about.

0:29:240:29:27

I think the best way to describe this, Amanda, is an action.

0:29:270:29:30

OK, nurse, can we get the sleeping gas again, please?

0:29:330:29:37

And the screens.

0:29:370:29:38

Doctor Monkey made it all the way to Dizzy Dummies last time.

0:29:380:29:42

So she'll be determined to go one better today.

0:29:420:29:45

Oh, you can't punch a doctor. It's not allowed.

0:29:450:29:48

The way this is going, Heloise is in for a cracking time

0:29:480:29:51

as she approaches the Big Balls.

0:29:510:29:53

And that is quite a jump.

0:29:530:29:55

Oh, quite a fall. One always follows the other.

0:29:550:29:58

A bit more like a spider monkey.

0:29:580:30:01

# Now I'm the king of the swingers oh, the jungle VIP... #

0:30:030:30:07

It's an interesting technique, actually.

0:30:070:30:10

More like a frog than a monkey, I think, technically.

0:30:100:30:13

Ah, swinging next. This is much more Heloise's thing.

0:30:150:30:20

She does actually seem more comfortable with this obstacle.

0:30:200:30:23

And this is looking like a good time.

0:30:230:30:25

Oh, it is. 1 minute 33.

0:30:270:30:29

That is the fastest time today.

0:30:290:30:32

After that incredible run

0:30:320:30:33

Doctor Monkey is today's most legendary Legend,

0:30:330:30:36

with Chatty Perran in second and Dynamo Joe in third.

0:30:360:30:39

Bouncy Becky is fourth.

0:30:390:30:41

Danger Island Tom fifth and Can-Can Clair is sixth.

0:30:410:30:44

Dean the Builder is in eighth.

0:30:440:30:46

Jiggedy Just-as-Biggedy Ali is tenth,

0:30:460:30:49

with Sunbed Jonny scraping into the top twelve in last place.

0:30:490:30:53

Well, done to those legendary 12

0:30:530:30:55

who are all one step closer to their first visit to the Wipeout zone.

0:30:550:30:59

But you can't have winners without losers.

0:30:590:31:01

That's what I call Total Wipeout karma.

0:31:010:31:04

For every good thing that happens,

0:31:040:31:06

an equally funny thing must also happen.

0:31:060:31:08

So, it's time to remember the losers. For them this is deja vu.

0:31:080:31:13

They've tackled Total Wipeout again.

0:31:130:31:16

And they've lost...again!

0:31:160:31:18

# We are always running For the thrill of it, thrill of it

0:31:210:31:25

# Never looking down, I'm just ignoring what's in front of me... #

0:31:250:31:28

Christopher Columbus sailed the seven seas.

0:32:120:32:16

Sir Ranulph Fiennes conquered Everest.

0:32:160:32:19

And I once swam 25 metres in my pyjamas at Solihull swimming baths.

0:32:190:32:23

But all of these legendary feats

0:32:230:32:25

pale in comparison to this next challenge.

0:32:250:32:27

Only five will stand victorious.

0:32:270:32:29

Seven will ultimately fail.

0:32:290:32:32

It's time for Crash Mountain.

0:32:320:32:34

On podiums one and two, it's sunbed Jonny...

0:32:340:32:37

Ali, you may have the muscles,

0:32:370:32:39

but you haven't go the sun tan. You're going down, boy.

0:32:390:32:42

Fighting talk. I love it.

0:32:420:32:44

..And Catherine the Ventriloquist.

0:32:440:32:46

My name is Catherine V-Rock and the V stands for Vengeance.

0:32:460:32:49

I'm going to beat you, Crash Mountain.

0:32:490:32:51

She's been practicing that. She can spell now.

0:32:510:32:53

On podiums three, four and five, it's Dean the Builder...

0:32:530:32:57

Man versus machine.

0:32:570:33:00

Dean the Legend will be victorious.

0:33:000:33:04

-Whoa!

-Pure poetry.

0:33:040:33:07

..Dynamo Joe,

0:33:070:33:09

looking like a tiny storm trooper,

0:33:090:33:11

and CSI Marion.

0:33:110:33:13

On podiums six, seven and eight, it's Chatty Perran...

0:33:130:33:18

Keep it down, Perran, please.

0:33:180:33:20

..G-Force Geraldine and Jiggedy Just-as-Biggedy Ali.

0:33:200:33:24

Hey, Jonny, the muscles coming from Brussels.

0:33:240:33:27

When you fall down I will laugh loud. Ha, ha, ha!

0:33:270:33:31

Jonny looks scared.

0:33:310:33:33

On podiums 9 and 10, it's Danger Island Tom...

0:33:330:33:36

Where am I look... I don't know. Where I'm looking? There.

0:33:360:33:38

This way, Tom. That's it. There you go.

0:33:380:33:41

-..And Can-Can Clair.

-Oh, oh.

-Uh-uh.

0:33:410:33:43

And finally, on podiums 11 and 12, it's Doctor Monkey and Bouncy Becky.

0:33:430:33:49

I was queen of the Crusher. Now I'm going to be queen of Crash Mountain.

0:33:490:33:52

Legend tells of a game where 12 heroes become 5.

0:33:520:33:56

That is the legend of Crash Mountain.

0:33:560:33:59

Are you all ready?

0:33:590:34:01

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

0:34:010:34:02

Oh, I don't know why I bother asking. Three, two, one!

0:34:020:34:07

So, the legend of Crash Mountain begins.

0:34:070:34:10

For the majority of these competitors,

0:34:100:34:13

those from the first two series,

0:34:130:34:15

Crash Mountain is an entirely new challenge. So, this could get messy.

0:34:150:34:19

Oh, and it's Can-can Clair,

0:34:190:34:20

a Crash Mountain veteran, that makes the first move.

0:34:200:34:24

She needs to time her run.

0:34:240:34:25

Oh, she's down.

0:34:250:34:27

Oh, and so is Perran.

0:34:280:34:30

Clair proving that experience counts for nothing.

0:34:310:34:34

Perran just completely missing the bridge.

0:34:340:34:36

Bouncy Becky and Doctor Monkey both launch themselves and miss.

0:34:360:34:41

As does Sunbed Jonny.

0:34:410:34:44

Nervous Joe is on and swiftly off.

0:34:440:34:47

Jiggedy Just-as-Biggedy Ali's overshot the bridge.

0:34:470:34:50

Still no-one on the middle or even close.

0:34:500:34:53

They're coming thick and fast now.

0:34:530:34:55

I can't keep on top of this. Nor can they it seems.

0:34:550:34:57

There's Perran. Oh, my word.

0:34:570:35:00

Perran up to his old tricks again.

0:35:000:35:02

He's already got the Best Sweeper Wipeout award.

0:35:030:35:06

Obviously after the Crash Mountain one as well. That was brilliant.

0:35:060:35:10

Quality work from Perran.

0:35:100:35:12

There's Marion. She just missed out on the Dizzy Dummies last time.

0:35:140:35:17

She won't want to miss out again.

0:35:170:35:21

-Determined. No, she's down.

-Oh.

0:35:210:35:23

There's Geraldine and Jiggedy Just-as-Biggedy Ali.

0:35:230:35:29

This lot seem to have forgotten the golden rule of this game.

0:35:310:35:34

Avoid the sweeper arm.

0:35:340:35:37

It seems Perran's just diving in the water for fun now.

0:35:370:35:41

Another one for the Total Wipeout archives. Good on you, Perran.

0:35:410:35:45

Still no-one has made it to the middle.

0:35:450:35:48

Right, that's Dean the Builder.

0:35:490:35:53

Come on, Tom.

0:35:540:35:55

The impartial Amanda Byram there.

0:35:550:35:57

Dean will not be amused.

0:35:570:35:59

What can Danger Island Tom do here?

0:35:590:36:01

I'm hoping he'll stand up and skip his way to the middle and...

0:36:010:36:05

Oh, way too hopeful.

0:36:050:36:07

OK, I'm going to make bets

0:36:070:36:09

that Tom doesn't make it across this any time soon.

0:36:090:36:12

Impartial and so supportive. At least diver Marion is on again.

0:36:120:36:16

Quick, quick... no.

0:36:160:36:18

Marion goes for a dip. A real bus man's holiday for the police diver.

0:36:180:36:24

Dean there. He's been surprisingly quiet.

0:36:240:36:26

But he's made it. Well, done, Dean. First of the day.

0:36:260:36:28

Dean the victorious!

0:36:280:36:30

Dean the Builder - can he run it?

0:36:300:36:33

Yes, he can!

0:36:330:36:34

Only four places left up for grabs.

0:36:340:36:36

Who can join Dean the Builder in the next round?

0:36:360:36:39

That's Dynamo Joe making a dash. Can he hold on now?

0:36:390:36:42

Yes. He can with a helping hand from Dean.

0:36:420:36:45

That display of chivalry has got to impress Amanda.

0:36:450:36:48

This is really hotting up.

0:36:480:36:51

It's the last chance saloon for the remaining 10,

0:36:510:36:53

with only 3 places left in the next round.

0:36:530:36:55

Got in the way again.

0:36:550:36:57

This is so tense. I can hardly watch.

0:36:570:36:59

Doctor Monkey's turn. She was today's fastest qualifier.

0:36:590:37:01

She makes a dash...

0:37:010:37:03

and she's done it.

0:37:030:37:05

Yes!

0:37:050:37:06

Only two places left now.

0:37:060:37:09

Perran, he's on. At least he's landed on the bridge this time.

0:37:090:37:13

And he's made it.

0:37:130:37:14

Today's fastest three qualifiers

0:37:140:37:16

have all made it through to Dizzy Dummies.

0:37:160:37:18

One more.

0:37:190:37:21

So, still fighting for that last place in the next round are

0:37:210:37:23

Bouncy Becky, CSI Marion, Danger Island Tom, G-Force Geraldine,

0:37:230:37:29

Sunbed Jonny, Ventriloquist Catherine,

0:37:290:37:31

Can-can Clair and Jiggedy Just As Biggedy Ali.

0:37:310:37:34

Catherine doesn't fancy leaving the show just yet.

0:37:360:37:39

Oh, but Marion's just taken her out.

0:37:420:37:45

She mistimed her jump completely and they're both down.

0:37:450:37:48

Could that be their last chance?

0:37:480:37:51

Sunbed Jonny, he's on.

0:37:530:37:56

Jonny, you've got to get up.

0:37:560:37:58

Come on, Jonny. Oh, no, he's down as well.

0:37:580:38:01

CSI Marion has another go.

0:38:010:38:04

Come on. Go, go, go, go...

0:38:050:38:08

Oh, no! That was so close.

0:38:080:38:11

So close!

0:38:110:38:12

CSI Marion, literally, a fingertip away from a place in Dizzy Dummies.

0:38:120:38:18

Catherine now on for another attempt. Oh, she's slipped off.

0:38:190:38:23

That could be it for her.

0:38:230:38:25

Who is going to make it?

0:38:250:38:28

-Geraldine spots an opening and she's done it.

-Geraldine!

0:38:280:38:33

After her disappointment last time, she will be thrilled with that.

0:38:330:38:37

And you can really see what it means to G-Force Geraldine.

0:38:370:38:40

Total Wipeout, making dreams come true.

0:38:400:38:43

Ah, I tell you, the hairs are standing up on my arms.

0:38:440:38:47

Actually, I think it's a draft from there.

0:38:470:38:51

So, Geraldine, Heloise, Joe, Dean and Perran stay in the competition.

0:38:510:38:56

Sadly for the others their dream of reaching the Wipeout Zone is no more.

0:38:560:39:00

Even more sadly, I can't remember their names

0:39:000:39:03

cos I left my notes in the dressing room.

0:39:030:39:06

Was there a Welding Wendy?

0:39:060:39:08

Little tiny Carrie?

0:39:080:39:10

If only there was a way of remembering who they were.

0:39:100:39:12

Just can't believe it. I've disappointed myself so much.

0:39:150:39:18

I needed to get into that final.

0:39:180:39:20

All my dreams down the pan.

0:39:200:39:23

Oh, it's impossible. It's just really, really slippy.

0:39:250:39:28

And it's moving and you just get flung everywhere.

0:39:280:39:30

Such is life.

0:39:300:39:32

That was a complete disaster for me. I didn't know when to jump.

0:39:330:39:38

And the times that I did jump it smacked straight into me.

0:39:380:39:42

And I fell.

0:39:420:39:44

I was there with my hand in Joe's hand.

0:39:440:39:46

Hoping that he'd pull me up. And I got knocked off.

0:39:460:39:50

Really disappointed.

0:39:530:39:54

I'd like to see Perran throw up his lunch on Dizzy Dummies.

0:39:560:39:59

It would be nice to see something coming out his mouth, anyway.

0:39:590:40:03

Dean the Builder, I think he's got a pretty good chance.

0:40:030:40:06

He really, really wants it. Go, Dean.

0:40:060:40:08

That's jiggedy-biggedy-diggedy splash again. That is...

0:40:100:40:14

Normally, it shouldn't be like that.

0:40:150:40:18

And just like that, they're out of the game.

0:40:220:40:25

But there's no time to mope around on Total Wipeout.

0:40:250:40:27

Let's get on with more of the fun stuff. It's time for Dizzy Dummies.

0:40:270:40:31

This is really simple.

0:40:360:40:38

The contestants are spun in the spinning thing.

0:40:380:40:41

That's then followed by a leap through the goalie thing.

0:40:410:40:46

Then there's the huge blobby thing. There that.

0:40:460:40:49

Last one across that thing is eliminated or something.

0:40:490:40:52

Then it happens all over again.

0:40:520:40:54

But this time, one of the contestants will be squashed out of contention

0:40:540:40:58

with that wall squeeze thing there.

0:40:580:41:00

Leaving the first three across to make it into the Wipeout Zone thing. Easy.

0:41:000:41:04

They've crossed a water-y ravine.

0:41:040:41:07

They've climbed the highest mountain.

0:41:070:41:08

And now for their next adventure, our five heroes

0:41:080:41:11

are going to get spun around really fast on a really, spinney thing.

0:41:110:41:14

Truly the stuff of legend.

0:41:140:41:16

It's Dizzy Dummies. Are you all ready?

0:41:160:41:19

Oh, well, we're going anyway. Three, two, one.

0:41:190:41:24

In case you haven't been paying attention

0:41:240:41:27

or just have an appalling memory,

0:41:270:41:28

here's a reminder of who's in the game.

0:41:280:41:30

That's today's fastest qualifier, Doctor Monkey.

0:41:300:41:34

I'm back and I'm going to swing through this course.

0:41:340:41:36

Cuddling up to her is the Cornish gas bag Chatty Perran.

0:41:380:41:42

Next, is the very bouncy and very nervous Dynamo Joe.

0:41:440:41:47

The dwarf from the north is going to show you I'm best.

0:41:470:41:50

Northern Ireland's finest, G-Force Geraldine.

0:41:520:41:56

I'm a living legend.

0:41:560:41:58

And finally the part-time Lothario Dean the Builder.

0:41:590:42:02

My name is Dean and I can't sing.

0:42:020:42:05

They've stopped and it's G-Force Geraldine out first.

0:42:100:42:13

She will be determined to make the most of this second chance.

0:42:130:42:16

Having been so unlucky in her last show.

0:42:160:42:19

Oh, bit of a road block there as the other four queue up

0:42:190:42:22

to get through the goal.

0:42:220:42:24

What's Dean up to?

0:42:240:42:27

Geraldine's raced ahead.

0:42:270:42:28

But there are no points for being first in the water.

0:42:280:42:31

Doctor Monkey's on.

0:42:310:42:34

Closely followed by nervous Joe.

0:42:340:42:35

-Oh, dear.

-Joe took Heloise down.

0:42:350:42:39

Down to legend town.

0:42:390:42:42

Pulling another contestant down might be against the rules.

0:42:420:42:45

But luckily for Joe, Eduardo has misplaced the rule book.

0:42:450:42:48

So we'll never know.

0:42:480:42:50

Perran's all on his own at the front. Oh, yes, yes.

0:42:500:42:56

Traditional Cornish celebration there.

0:42:560:42:59

This is close. Get up. Yes, he's done it.

0:42:590:43:01

He's a man that lets his actions do the talking.

0:43:010:43:05

Not a word. Nothing.

0:43:050:43:08

Dean the Builder is trying to cross in the sexiest way possible.

0:43:080:43:11

Amanda will be taking note.

0:43:110:43:13

He really has been the surprise package, today.

0:43:130:43:15

Come on now, Dean. He is so close.

0:43:150:43:19

Come on, she's watching. This is looking good.

0:43:190:43:22

He can almost touch the finish line

0:43:220:43:24

-There you go. Oh!

-Oh, no!

-Yeah.

0:43:240:43:28

I think Dean did touch the finish line,

0:43:280:43:30

but forgot to hold on to it.

0:43:300:43:32

Doctor Monkey seems to have made her way to the end of the blob.

0:43:350:43:38

Is she in, though? Oh, she's still here.

0:43:380:43:41

Heloise was knocked out on Dizzy Dummies last time.

0:43:410:43:44

She won't want to suffer the same fate.

0:43:440:43:46

So, she needs to get a move on.

0:43:460:43:49

This is excruciating.

0:43:490:43:52

It's not dignified, but it is excruciating.

0:43:520:43:54

Watch out for Joe! it matters not.

0:43:540:43:56

Doctor Monkey had made it all thanks to her incredible monkey grip.

0:43:560:43:59

Dean the Builder goes again.

0:43:590:44:01

He must be replaying that fall over and over in his head.

0:44:010:44:04

But he needs to put that one side now.

0:44:040:44:06

Come on, Joe. You might as well throw Dean off.

0:44:060:44:09

You've done it to everyone else.

0:44:090:44:11

Oh.

0:44:110:44:13

He's nearly there, he's nearly there. Come on, Dean.

0:44:130:44:16

No... Oh! No, he's off again.

0:44:160:44:18

You can see his frustration.

0:44:180:44:21

Joe just has to make this jump.

0:44:210:44:24

Not as easy as it looks. Then he's set up and ready.

0:44:240:44:27

Can he make it this time?

0:44:270:44:30

Oh, yes. Yes, Dynamo Joe is safe. Well done, Joe.

0:44:300:44:35

Just Dean and Geraldine are left to battle it out.

0:44:410:44:45

-Dean's on first.

-Geraldine and Dean.

0:44:470:44:51

There's only a Gerald between them.

0:44:510:44:52

G-Force Geraldine slips in again.

0:44:520:44:55

This is Dean's big chance now.

0:44:550:44:58

Oh, I don't believe it. Dean the builder is down.

0:44:580:45:00

Could that mean he's going home?

0:45:000:45:03

Geraldine has seen that fall and there is a spring in her step again.

0:45:030:45:07

And her spring in her sort of crawly slithery thing as well. Yes, oh.

0:45:070:45:12

Dean's down.

0:45:120:45:14

Use your little Irish legs to get up then.

0:45:150:45:18

G-Force Geraldine is through.

0:45:180:45:20

She will be relieved.

0:45:200:45:22

Absolutely gutted.

0:45:260:45:29

I know that you wanted, more than anyone, to get through that.

0:45:290:45:33

I did. I wanted to be in the final.

0:45:330:45:36

And I'm absolutely devastated.

0:45:360:45:38

What happened?

0:45:380:45:39

Because there was a moment when you were on the final podium.

0:45:390:45:42

I know. Just slipped.

0:45:420:45:45

Just could not get the grip. Ha!

0:45:450:45:48

Well, unfortunately Dean the Builder could not fix it.

0:45:480:45:52

-Go and let those tears out.

-Thank you.

0:45:520:45:55

He's not really going to cry, is he?

0:45:550:45:57

No, surely. As they head into a spin for one last time, this lot will

0:45:570:46:01

have their sights very much set on a place in the Wipeout Zone.

0:46:010:46:05

Not one of these four has made it to the Wipeout Zone before.

0:46:070:46:10

But now they've been given an opportunity

0:46:100:46:12

to have their names etched into Total Wipeout folklore.

0:46:120:46:17

For Geraldine, Joe, Perran and Heloise, this is their last chance.

0:46:170:46:20

Like four small children chasing an ice cream van, sort of,

0:46:220:46:26

they make their way to the goal.

0:46:260:46:29

And it's Dynamo Joe first.

0:46:290:46:30

Followed by G-Force Geraldine. Joe now, he's miles ahead.

0:46:300:46:35

And this bodes well for the nervous chap from Yorkshire.

0:46:350:46:37

Perran needs to hurry. The others are getting away.

0:46:370:46:40

But they're not having much joy with that wall squeeze.

0:46:400:46:43

Two legends popped through the letter box.

0:46:430:46:45

Well, Joe's made it through.

0:46:470:46:48

But this is going to end in tears for someone...

0:46:480:46:51

Ah, Perran.

0:46:510:46:52

They'll be Perran's tears.

0:46:520:46:53

He landed on Joe, but ended up pushing him on to the pontoon.

0:46:530:46:57

Joe just needs to get through the wall squeeze.

0:46:570:47:01

Only a mistake can stop him from taking his place in the Wipeout Zone.

0:47:010:47:05

Doctor Monkey's just behind.

0:47:050:47:07

Closely followed by Geraldine.

0:47:070:47:10

Perran's in real danger of being eliminated now.

0:47:100:47:13

And Joe is the first through to the Wipeout Zone.

0:47:160:47:18

That must be quite some feeling.

0:47:180:47:21

Any of these three could be joining Joe. And they've all been so strong today. Geraldine's fallen.

0:47:210:47:26

G-Force Geraldine in big trouble.

0:47:260:47:28

Heloise makes her jump.

0:47:280:47:31

And she's through to the Wipeout Zone. Fantastic.

0:47:330:47:37

Now Perran can afford to take his time.

0:47:380:47:40

He focuses, he jumps, and he's made it.

0:47:400:47:42

Perran, Heloise and Joe all take their place in the Wipeout Zone.

0:47:420:47:46

For the very first time.

0:47:460:47:48

Geraldine is eliminated.

0:47:480:47:50

You were very, very close. In fact you were almost on the final podium.

0:47:500:47:54

What exactly happened there?

0:47:540:47:56

My head was too big.

0:47:560:47:59

-Listen, Geraldine. Hard luck. Go join the others.

-Thank you.

0:47:590:48:02

Ah, well done. Hard luck. Bye.

0:48:020:48:04

Geraldine. What a legend.

0:48:040:48:06

She's playing up to the crowd there.

0:48:060:48:09

Oh, that's not supposed to be an obstacle. That's, that's not even on the course.

0:48:090:48:12

Finally Joe, Perran and Heloise get to fulfil their greatest dream.

0:48:120:48:18

That is assuming their greatest dream consists of being pummelled

0:48:180:48:21

with gallons of water and bashed by a knobbly mechanical arm.

0:48:210:48:25

Like mine does. Let's find out what all this means to the three lucky legends.

0:48:250:48:29

I'm sure Perran will have a lot to say about his experience.

0:48:290:48:32

Being back in Argentina is absolutely fantastic.

0:48:370:48:41

I never thought I'd get to those big red balls again.

0:48:410:48:44

To make it to the Legends final, of all the finals, it's going to be the closest final ever I think.

0:48:440:48:49

No chance that I'm going to get beaten.

0:48:490:48:51

To be taking part in Total Wipeout all over again.

0:48:510:48:54

No words to describe it.

0:48:540:48:57

I think I'm going to be the one to beat.

0:48:570:48:59

I'm fit and strong but I'm wise.

0:48:590:49:01

I think I do deserve to be here.

0:49:020:49:04

I've worked very hard. I can't wait. I'm going to love it.

0:49:040:49:07

Definitely doing it for the girls.

0:49:070:49:09

The only words to describe my Total Wipeout experience would be...

0:49:090:49:13

Perran, the man of few words.

0:49:160:49:18

-His actions speak louder than words, though.

-Extraordinary.

0:49:200:49:23

I'm a little guy with a massive heart

0:49:260:49:28

and a zest for life. That's why I'm called Dynamo Joe.

0:49:280:49:32

I don't think there'll ever be an end to the monkey business.

0:49:330:49:36

Somewhere deep within me knows that I'm a champion.

0:49:360:49:39

Let the best man win. Or woman.

0:49:390:49:41

I'm going to be a dynamo tonight, certainly.

0:49:420:49:45

I'm going to sparkle like the biggest diamond in the world.

0:49:450:49:49

Everyone loves me. Everyone cheers for me.

0:49:490:49:51

I'm the best.

0:49:510:49:53

Legend.

0:49:530:49:54

The Total Wipeouts Legends champion will look very nice on my CV.

0:49:550:49:59

Thank you very much.

0:49:590:50:01

So, Perran, Heloise and Joe find themselves face to face with the legendary Wipeout Zone. Killer Surf.

0:50:090:50:17

Don't get killed and try and surf.

0:50:170:50:20

The Rapid Climb. Run rapidly or get rapidly wet.

0:50:200:50:23

The Balance Beam. It's all about one thing...

0:50:230:50:26

balancing and beams.

0:50:260:50:28

The Crazy Sweeper.

0:50:280:50:30

No sweeping but plenty of crazy running.

0:50:300:50:32

The Tarzan swing.

0:50:320:50:33

Swing... well like Tarzan obviously.

0:50:330:50:36

And finally it's The Buzzer, which is all about buzzing.

0:50:360:50:40

It's second chance saloon for three of our legends.

0:50:410:50:44

None of them have ever got this far before.

0:50:440:50:46

It's the legendary Wipeout Zone.

0:50:460:50:48

And the first legend to go is Perran.

0:50:480:50:51

Here he goes. Today's second fastest qualifier.

0:50:530:50:56

You've got to try this.

0:50:590:51:00

Feel the passion. The white hot hunger for victory.

0:51:000:51:04

And he's away.

0:51:040:51:05

Managed to stop talking long enough to hit the water.

0:51:050:51:10

Oh, that is a bumpy landing for Perran. Even in Killer Surf terms.

0:51:100:51:15

He's in the water and that's a strong swim over to the Rapid Climb.

0:51:150:51:20

Battling against that torrent of water is tough.

0:51:200:51:25

And there's now a 10 second countdown

0:51:250:51:28

before it's about to get even tougher.

0:51:280:51:31

That is a fast ascent though.

0:51:310:51:32

Perran reaches the top before the tidal wave is released.

0:51:320:51:35

And now he's on to the Balance Beam.

0:51:350:51:37

Remember this is Perran's first time in the Wipeout Zone.

0:51:370:51:40

He's never tried this before. Missed his chance last time.

0:51:400:51:44

Desperate to succeed now. He's looking a little wobbly.

0:51:440:51:46

Leans the right way though.

0:51:460:51:48

At least he could use the wall to help him along.

0:51:480:51:51

He's got to post as quick a time as he can.

0:51:510:51:54

He's past the beam.

0:51:540:51:55

This is looking like a super fast time on the Wipeout Zone.

0:51:550:51:59

The Crazy Sweeper now.

0:51:590:52:00

Off he goes. He's got to move fast.

0:52:000:52:03

Oh, he's just staying ahead of the Sweeper arm.

0:52:030:52:04

And I mean just. Come on...

0:52:040:52:06

-Oh! Oh, no.

-Oh!

0:52:070:52:09

One jump away from a clean Sweeper sweep.

0:52:090:52:12

That means Perran's had to swim over to the Tarzan swing.

0:52:150:52:18

Which has cost him time.

0:52:180:52:19

To be honest he's still got there pretty quickly.

0:52:190:52:22

Here he goes.

0:52:220:52:24

This is still a good time.

0:52:240:52:27

And it looks good. This is superb.

0:52:270:52:29

What a finish.

0:52:290:52:30

Barely touched the turntable

0:52:300:52:32

and completes the course in a staggering 1 min 33.

0:52:320:52:37

That will take some beating.

0:52:370:52:38

Perran just goes to show that even with a tumble

0:52:380:52:40

on the Crazy Sweeper, it's still possible to set an amazing time.

0:52:400:52:43

The next two legends will have to work very hard to top that.

0:52:430:52:46

Listen, you're a man of very few words. How did it feel for you?

0:52:460:52:49

Fantastic. Do it again.

0:52:490:52:51

That was a very speedy 1 minute and 33 seconds.

0:52:510:52:56

Whey hey! Brilliant.

0:52:560:52:58

Amanda, barely getting a word in edgeways there.

0:52:580:53:01

Doctor Monkey's next. Today's fastest qualifier.

0:53:010:53:04

Here goes nothing Doctor Monkey!

0:53:040:53:06

KLAXON

0:53:090:53:10

She's off.

0:53:100:53:11

Heloise starts the Wipeout Zone with a smile on her face.

0:53:160:53:20

Or it may have been a grimace.

0:53:200:53:22

She's got no idea that Perran's 1 minute 33 is the time to beat.

0:53:220:53:25

And that is going to be tough. All she knows is as fast as possible.

0:53:250:53:30

That's a strong pull up on to the Rapid Climb.

0:53:300:53:32

And the countdown begins.

0:53:320:53:34

10 seconds to tidal torrent.

0:53:340:53:35

Oh, look at her go. Doctor Monkey is pretty much at the top already.

0:53:370:53:41

That is incredible. On to the Balance Beam now.

0:53:410:53:43

And Heloise is neck and neck with Perran at this point.

0:53:430:53:47

Is she tall enough to reach the wall for balance if she needs it?

0:53:470:53:50

Oh, just about.

0:53:520:53:54

Well, it's an unorthodox approach.

0:53:560:53:59

Using her monkey skills and it seems to have worked.

0:53:590:54:04

Yes, well done.

0:54:040:54:05

On to the Crazy Sweeper now.

0:54:050:54:07

Perran took a dive here so Heloise can still afford one mistake.

0:54:070:54:11

Although no mistakes would be better.

0:54:110:54:14

She goes for it.

0:54:140:54:16

She goes.

0:54:170:54:19

Yes, come on, Heloise. What a jump. Fantastic.

0:54:190:54:23

Now if there's one thing a monkey should be good at, it's this.

0:54:230:54:27

Heloise might still beat Perran's time. I've never seen it this close.

0:54:270:54:32

She swings. Yes, good landing.

0:54:340:54:35

One final jump. This is going to be very, very close.

0:54:350:54:39

I don't believe it. The clock stops on 1, 34. 1 second out.

0:54:390:54:45

That is so close to Perran's time.

0:54:450:54:47

And worst of all she doesn't know it yet.

0:54:470:54:50

Another amazing Wipeout Zone run from another amazing competitor.

0:54:500:54:54

Heloise kept up the pace. Pausing only briefly on the Crazy Sweeper.

0:54:540:54:58

But she's lost out by the slenderest of margins.

0:54:580:55:00

Amanda, it's over to you to tell her.

0:55:000:55:03

Oh, my God. My heart is in my mouth. How are you feeling?

0:55:030:55:06

Fantastic. That was so much fun.

0:55:060:55:08

There was one second between you two.

0:55:080:55:12

Perran, you were faster.

0:55:140:55:17

Heloise, I'm sorry. You're out.

0:55:170:55:19

All that stands between Perran and Total Wipeout glory now

0:55:210:55:25

is 45 year old Dynamo Joe.

0:55:250:55:26

-Oh, mother, I think I'm going to pack me pants.

-Ugh. That's...

0:55:260:55:30

well, there's water at the bottom.

0:55:300:55:32

KLAXON

0:55:320:55:33

And he's off.

0:55:330:55:34

Joe crashlands and his attempt

0:55:390:55:41

to beat Perran's incredible time of 1 minute 33 begins.

0:55:410:55:45

It's the Rapid Climb first.

0:55:450:55:48

Both Perran and Heloise outran the tidal wave.

0:55:480:55:51

Can Joe do the same? He's up.

0:55:510:55:53

The 10 second countdown has begun.

0:55:530:55:56

But Joe looks unconcerned. True to his name he's flying up the slope.

0:55:560:56:01

That tidal wave won't be making an appearance today.

0:56:010:56:04

These legends are just too good.

0:56:040:56:06

On to the Balance Beam now.

0:56:080:56:09

Joe opting not to lean on the wall.

0:56:090:56:12

Oh, and that decision has cost him.

0:56:140:56:17

That's his first big mistake.

0:56:170:56:19

There is no room for error now.

0:56:190:56:23

Bad news for Joe is that he now faces the Crazy Sweeper.

0:56:230:56:26

He's dithering. Come on, Joe, you've got to get a move on.

0:56:280:56:32

Now this sprint is crucial. He needs to stay ahead of that sweeper.

0:56:340:56:39

Joe skips across the podiums.

0:56:390:56:41

Go on, go on. Stay ahead.

0:56:410:56:44

Yes, he's made it. He just clears the sweeper arm. And at such speed.

0:56:440:56:48

It's so close. Joe can still win.

0:56:480:56:50

He could still do it from here.

0:56:500:56:53

The Tarzan Swing. Come on, Joe. This is the closest thing I've ever seen.

0:56:530:56:57

He's across. If he makes this he will have pulled off the impossible.

0:56:570:57:01

And no! I can't believe that.

0:57:010:57:04

No-one ever falls off there. But Joe just did.

0:57:040:57:07

And by doing so he has let the trophy slip through his fingers.

0:57:070:57:12

Joe finishes in what is still a very good time.

0:57:160:57:19

He doesn't know he's lost yet.

0:57:190:57:21

As you can probably tell from that reaction.

0:57:210:57:24

After an early mistake on the Balance Beam

0:57:240:57:26

Joe put himself right back in contention.

0:57:260:57:28

Only to make that school boy error at the last possible moment.

0:57:280:57:32

This has been the closest Wipeout Zone ever.

0:57:320:57:35

And it's time for Amanda to reveal the result.

0:57:350:57:37

Joe, how you doing?

0:57:370:57:39

I'm sort of knackered. Didn't quite go to plan but we still worked hard.

0:57:390:57:42

Dynamo Joe

0:57:420:57:45

and Perran,

0:57:450:57:47

I'm going to put you out of your misery.

0:57:470:57:50

Perran, you are the Legends champion.

0:57:500:57:52

Well, done! Joe, I'm so sorry.

0:57:520:57:56

So, an effusive Perran Pryor

0:57:580:58:00

from Cornwall is crowned the Total Wipeout Legends champion.

0:58:000:58:03

In so doing the Cornish motor mouth

0:58:030:58:06

has written a whole new chapter of his life story.

0:58:060:58:09

Honestly, look. I'll read it to you now. Chapter 17.

0:58:090:58:12

I won the Total Wipeout Legends Special.

0:58:120:58:15

It was nice.

0:58:150:58:17

The End. It's an incredible read.

0:58:170:58:20

So, that's it for the first ever Total Wipeout Legends Special.

0:58:200:58:23

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

0:58:230:58:26

If you're thinking, where's my cab home?

0:58:260:58:29

Then you are thinking what I'm thinking.

0:58:290:58:30

HORN BEEPS

0:58:300:58:32

Yeah, it's here. OK, from Amanda and me, it's good night.

0:58:320:58:34

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:380:58:40

E-mail [email protected]

0:58:400:58:42

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