Celebrity Special 2 Total Wipeout


Celebrity Special 2

Richard Hammond presents the game show, as ten celebs tackle one of television's largest and most extreme obstacle courses to win £10,000 for a charity of their choice.


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Transcript


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Live from Buenos Aires, it's the obstacle course of the week.

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And tonight, it's a celebrity showdown.

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Take famous faces - an award-winning actress,

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a pair of Olympic legends

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and a state-of-the-art Eurovision champion - who go head to head

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with an array of obstacles, all in the name of charity.

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So let's roll out the red carpet, pop open the champagne and let Celebrity Total Wipeout begin.

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Yes, it's Celebrity Total Wipeout time once again, and you can tell

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that we're in the presence of showbiz legends because I've got my special showbiz shirt on,

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there's this, and for the first time this series,

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Amanda Byram is wearing a clean pair of pants.

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But whilst Amanda and I will be giving today's competitors

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the celebrity treatment, the Total Wipeout course will not.

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That's because the laws of gravity and wetness even apply to famous people.

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Here's what they're going to be up against.

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The Qualifier. A once-in-a-lifetime adventure experience.

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Crash Mountain. Fun for all the family.

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Under-16s not allowed.

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Dizzy Dummies.

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It's a bottom-of-the-range spin-dryer.

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The Wipeout Zone, an all-expenses-paid trip

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across one of Argentina's most breathtaking landscapes. Mini-bar not included.

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Today, all of the celebrities will be attempting the Qualifier and Crash Mountain

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before the eliminations begin, which means double trouble for them.

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And double funny for us, probably.

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Today's winner will be crowned the fourth Celebrity Total Wipeout champion,

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following in the famous footsteps of

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that guy who was in Holby or something,

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that woman, what's her name,

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and Dame Judi Dench.

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They'll also earn ten grand for the charity of their choice.

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Let's reveal this week's line-up.

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Oh, look! It's Eurovision-winning national treasure Cheryl Baker.

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That's Olympic legend John Regis MBE.

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That's... David Bowie? No, can't be!

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Ah! It's actor and TV presenter Jeremy Edwards.

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That's award-winning actress Margi Clarke.

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There's 2001's fastest woman across 400 metres, Katharine Merry.

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And these two come as a pair. It's DJs and presenters JK and Joel.

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Now, star of EastEnders, actress Nina Toussaint-White is next.

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And that's TV presenter Sarah Cawood.

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Finally, comedian presenter and now obstacle-course doer, it's Rowland Rivron.

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So, the course is ready, the celebrities are in place and, as their agents requested,

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the bottles of mineral water have been chilled to precisely three degrees Celsius.

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But now it's time to welcome the biggest diva of them all.

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Down at the course, it's Amanda Byram.

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The first celebrity is one of Liverpool's favourite daughters.

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Star of Letter To Brezhnev and Coronation Street, it's Margi Clarke.

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Do you have what it takes to get through the Total Wipeout course?

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Well, I think the best way to do it is leg it.

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Just leg it over everything, and if that doesn't work, I've got to use my secret tactic.

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-What's that?

-Levitation.

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She can't really levitate, can she?

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She can as well! Cool!

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I'm doing it for the girls!

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Not over the hill so much as down the slide.

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Ouch!

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Yeah, neither legging it nor levitating there,

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just sort of falling over, really. But...

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She's a feisty pink-haired nugget.

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That's never been said before.

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An original description. I like it, Amanda.

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Right, pink nugget Margi heads towards

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the first obstacle of the day.

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From the people who brought you Las Traplonkas!, we proudly introduce All-Star Las Traplonkas! -

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the same game but with added fame.

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It's a must-have accessory for every VIP party-goer.

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But if you're not famous, you're not allowed to play.

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Being famous has never been so much fun!

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All-Star Las Traplonkas!, in celebrity toyshops near you now!

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Probably. So, will Margi be our first

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celebrity Traplonka of the day?

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Here we go. Oh!

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Oh, hang on!

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No, not that time.

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Come on, the pink nugget! Come on!

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Brilliant. She's done the first. Can she do the double?

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No.

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Margi misses the trapeze, and the pink nugget becomes

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a sort of brown-tinged nugget. It's all gone wrong.

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Margi did play a female boxer in the film Blonde Fist,

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so the Sucker Punch may well have met its match.

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Looking good. And she's done it!

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-Easy!

-Maybe so, Amanda,

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but look what's coming up next.

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The pink-haired lady from Liverpool approaches the Big Balls.

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She's going to show these balls what for.

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The motivator lurks above.

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Margi jumps first ball,

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climbed the second ball, and then water.

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I hope that hair dye is waterproof.

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What, it really is that colour?!

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Margi somehow finding the time for a leisurely paddle.

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Come on, girl, get a move on! The final obstacle is waiting for you.

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Now, it's time for the Celebrity Cradles Of Doom.

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They're back, and on a mission.

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Like an angry TV critic, this monster is determined

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to send celebrities plummeting to their doom.

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One little mistake crossing the pendulums is all it takes

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to send the celebrity screaming into the murky depths of Z-list land.

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That's the water, to you and me.

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Let's see if Scouse legend Margi can get across with her dignity

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and her celebrity status still intact.

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She moves up. She's onto the first cradle.

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Remember, the faster she completes the Qualifier,

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the more points she'll get.

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Yes. Come on, Margi.

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Come on. Oh, no! No, she's doomed.

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That's all it takes in celebrity life.

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Doomed to a life of supermarket openings and Channel 5 chat shows from hereon in.

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Oh, well.

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Margi finally finishes the Qualifier in 3:56.

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Well done, pink nugget. Not a bad effort after all, actually.

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I tell you what, you are one feisty little pink-haired mama. That was pretty unbelievable.

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-It's amazing. You want to have a go yourself.

-No, I don't.

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Next to attempt the Qualifier, it's everyone's favourite superstar pop duo, Jedward.

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This is a great booking. Time for some real chart-topping talent.

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I'm so pleased. It's not them, is it? No.

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My mistake. It's not Jedward, it's Jeremy Edwards with bad hair.

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That's disappointing.

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-How are you doing, Jeremy?

-I'm incredibly excited.

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I can't wait to get going.

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My main thing is to try and get over those balls.

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Think of the stories you can tell when you get home, you know. Really macho.

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If I make it across those balls, I'm done.

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-Go out there and do well for me.

-OK, OK, thanks.

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Yes. Go on.

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Look, he can actually dance!

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Definitely not Jedward, then.

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That seals it.

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This course doesn't scare me!

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Right, surf's up.

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And surf's down. Oh, dear.

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A valiant attempt at surfing down the slide.

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Valiant, but funny for us, and that matters more.

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Amongst his irritations on this form here, Jeremy lists cockroaches

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and Richard Hammond's teenager haircut. Really?

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I'm mature enough to deal with that kind of playground taunting.

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Ha! In your face, Jeremy Edwards!

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Teenager haircut coming right back at you!

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As far as celebrity Traplonkas go, I think Jeremy wears the crown. That was spectacular.

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Come on, Jeremy!

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Time for heartthrob Jeremy to take on the Sucker Punch.

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Don't hurt his face, his agent will kill us.

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Oh, he's off! Is his face OK?

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Oh, thank goodness for that. It was a shoulder blow.

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The face is intact.

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Jeremy can do struggling well.

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He should put this into his show reel.

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He probably won't, will he?

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No, he won't.

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OK, this is it. Can Jeremy make it to the big time?

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Hollywood is calling, Jeremy. Don't do anything crazy now.

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Oh! Oh, oh! Disappointing.

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Definitely more Hollyoaks than Hollywood.

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Forget the chat shows, cancel the American tour.

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Just get Holby City back on the blower right now, Jeremy!

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He won't get on to an American talk show,

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but if he clears the Cradles, Jeremy might just make it

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into The One Show. And that's big news.

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Oh, and he's done it! In two minutes, four seconds.

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Oh! Like a dream!

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Yeah, not a bad time for someone who knows nothing about hair!

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Don't listen to him, Richard, you look great.

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You look like Zac Efron.

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So, eight more celebrities to go. And not a bruised limb, angry agent or superstar tantrum in sight. Yet.

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Over the years, history has provided us with some great partnerships.

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Sonny & Cher, Little and Large, Hammond and Byram.

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(I've never actually met her.)

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Here on Total Wipeout, we like to pay homage to great double acts, too.

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So we now bring you kids' TV presenters and radio DJs extraordinaire JK and Joel.

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That's JK on the left.

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And that's Joel.

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He's two years, three inches and ten kilos greater than his on-screen counterpart.

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My money's on the big one.

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I'm not going to beat around the bush here.

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-Which one of you's the fitter one?

-I'd have to go for JK, definitely.

-Yeah.

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Fine line between confident and arrogant. You've got to work out which one it is!

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Yes, I am confident when it comes to stuff like this. I'm a little bit more energetic.

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I've been in secret training, which I don't want to talk about...

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I can't tell you. I can't tell you. No, no, no!

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-It's nothing like that, no.

-Upper-body strength is really good!

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That's it, look at that muscle!

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Good luck out there. May the best man win.

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-I will.

-Thank you!

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OK, Joel skids off...

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..while JK kind of waddles.

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Oh, great jump, though. And a really quick start.

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Encourage them, please. Look at him go!

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Right, JK's at the Traplonks now. And he's over.

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Second one. Oh, amazing!

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JK's the first-ever celebrity Traplonka!

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He'll be proud. So how can Joel outdo JK now?

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Yes!

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Ouch!

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But he's across the first.

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We could have our first-ever pair of celebrity Traplonkas here.

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We could. This would be... Ow! Oh!

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Oh, no.

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Joel bit off more than he could chew there, resulting in a bruised ego,

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and quite possibly a bruised behind to match.

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Ouch. The Big Balls will surely sort the men from the boys

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and the JKs from the Joels.

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Joel is up first,

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setting a benchmark for JK.

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Come on, big man! A nation watches.

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Come on. Come on!

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There he goes, he's off.

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The benchmark has been set at one ball.

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Can JK at least match that?

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Well, surely. OK, JK's attempt.

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One, two...

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Ooh, he's already beaten Joel.

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Three! Could he go all the way? He's looking good.

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Oh, no, the fourth! No celebrity's ever made it across, ever.

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But JK has!

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He becomes the first famous person to defeat the Big Balls.

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No stopping to celebrate,

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this man is on a mission! So JK's traversed the Traplonks.

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He beat the Big Balls. Can he now also conquer the Cradles Of Doom?

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Wow! He's done it. And in one minute, 28.

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Even by civilian standards, that is an incredible time.

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Ow, belly flop there, that will hurt.

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So how will Joel do?

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No pressure(!)

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Slides onto the second cradle.

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Crouches, ready to pounce.

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And he's there! Joel finishes in three minutes, 15 seconds.

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Almost two minutes behind JK.

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But I'm sure he'll be unselfishly thrilled

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for his friend and colleague.

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As soon as we get back to England, he'll be telling everybody, "I got over the red balls."

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Every time we watch this, he'll be going, "Oh, I've done that. I can do that."

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So... Ah, so proud of him.

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Next up, it's star of EastEnders, actress Nina Toussaint-White.

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Nina trained at the world-famous Italia Conti Academy,

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and now it's time for her to take centre stage on the Qualifier.

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-What's happening now?

-It's show time, Nina.

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There you go. Action!

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Nina made her professional debut on Casualty back in 2007.

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Let's hope she doesn't end up back there

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in an impossibly-ironic twist.

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First Traplonk. Oh, oh!

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Oh, that was Dot Cotton - rotten.

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You see? Yeah.

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Sorry.

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Ouch. Sucker Punch now.

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She's on, she's moving well. She's off.

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She's just off that. Right, Big Balls time.

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And especially for Nina, they're EastEnders-themed.

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Yeah, you're right to be scared, Nina.

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-PHIL MITCHELL:

-Oi! Ow! Ricky!

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Right in Phil Mitchell's boat race.

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Great effort, but Nina ended up in the Walford canal.

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She'll love all this when she watches it afterwards. She will.

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Nina, of course, no stranger to cliff-hangers,

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so let's see how she gets on with this.

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-Ah! Ah!

-Tune in to the next episode of Total Wipeout to find out.

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Heh heh heh!

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No, only joking.

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Carry on. There she goes! Nina finishes in two minutes, 56.

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Surely she'll be happy with that.

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Look out for Nina on Crash Mountain, definitely.

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I'm going to wipe them boys out, hopefully.

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Time now for a quick look at the first celebrity leaderboard,

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where ball-crossing JK sits proudly in the top spot.

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Jeremy Jedwards is second, Nina Toussaint-White third.

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JK's other half, Joel, is fourth.

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And pink nugget Margi is down in fifth place.

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So JK becomes the first celebrity to join the exclusive club of Big Ball crossers.

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A club that's so VIP, only he's allowed in it.

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And even he's not allowed in it in those trainers.

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Impressive, but not a patch on the next competitor's most famous achievement.

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Has JK ever won Eurovision and had his skirt ripped off on national TV?

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Yeah. Well, he definitely hasn't won Eurovision.

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Here's a lady who's done both of these things. It's Cheryl Baker.

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I may not be young, and I may not be fast.

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I'll be trying to win, but I'll probably come last!

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I want her to win!

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And she's off.

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She's in. Come on, Cheryl.

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Uh-oh.

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Never mind, there's a pair of Supermen right there.

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That's handy. Yeah.

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-It'll be great when she's got going.

-Absolutely terrified!

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Don't worry, Cheryl, just like back in '81, the country is behind you.

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You can do this. Leave the skirt on, but you can do this.

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# And then you've got to slow it down... #

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Oh, I see, speed it up, slow it down, speed it up, slow it down.

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Look!

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MUSIC SLOWS DOWN

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Oh!

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It's not working.

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That's my childhood hero, that.

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Yeah!

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Yep, United Kingdom, nul points.

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Come on, Cheryl. You're a real live Record Breaker.

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You zipped down the world's longest rope slide,

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been part of the world's longest Riverdance.

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These Big Balls are surely just a walk in the park

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for a lady like you. Yeah!

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Deep breath. Yep!

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Ouch!

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MUSIC: "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite" by REM

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I'd say that fall was maybe more back-breaking than Record Breaking.

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Oh.

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A quick tortoise impression there.

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-"Hello!"

-I'm really scared.

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I'm really scared.

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Looking so brave, so far, Cheryl.

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She's only nice to some, isn't she?

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Come on, Cheryl, you can do this.

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First jump. She may be scared, but Cheryl Baker is no quitter.

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Oh, no, no.

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No, that pesky gravity.

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Brave Cheryl finally finishes the course in just under ten minutes.

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And she's still standing! Just.

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I am so proud of you, do you know that?

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You literally did run out of Fizz half way through that, but you battled on, you kept on going.

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-You did it!

-It was the hardest thing I've done.

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I'm so glad it's over.

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There's more, isn't there?

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It's comedian and TV presenter Rowland Rivron, who's looking a little perplexed.

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Maybe his agent told him he'd been booked for Strictly Come Dancing.

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-That would be a shock.

-How are you doing, Rowland?

0:18:390:18:42

I'm very good. I'm wearing red, the international colour of danger.

0:18:420:18:46

It's also the colour worn by all the characters in Star Trek who end up getting killed.

0:18:460:18:50

So, good luck with that, Rowland.

0:18:500:18:52

OK.

0:18:550:18:56

Oh, that's a cracking start.

0:18:570:18:59

I've never seen the pontoons done like that before.

0:19:010:19:04

It's like watching a foal learning to walk, isn't it? Kind of... No.

0:19:040:19:09

Rowland's T-shirt is signalling the first real sign of danger.

0:19:090:19:13

He jumps.

0:19:130:19:15

-No, he's going in the wrong direction.

-Come on...

0:19:150:19:18

Yes, that's more like it.

0:19:180:19:20

Yes!

0:19:200:19:22

The danger alert is going into overdrive now

0:19:220:19:24

as Rowland approaches the Big Balls.

0:19:240:19:26

I can barely watch, but contractually I'm obliged to.

0:19:260:19:29

I signed the thing. There we go. Oh, comedy gold.

0:19:290:19:33

And there he goes,

0:19:400:19:41

more slap in the face than slapstick,

0:19:410:19:43

but a brilliant effort nonetheless.

0:19:430:19:45

Time now for the terrifying Cradles Of Doom.

0:19:450:19:49

No fear.

0:19:530:19:55

No, all clear. His T-shirt doesn't seem to agree, though.

0:19:550:19:58

Can Rowland make the second cradle? Yes, he can. One last jump now.

0:19:580:20:03

All to play for. He makes it, finishes in three minutes, 38.

0:20:040:20:09

-I'm totally shocked!

-Yes!

0:20:090:20:12

Or, no!

0:20:120:20:14

Rowland Rivron, you are a little dark horse, aren't you?

0:20:140:20:21

I can be, for cash.

0:20:210:20:23

That was the beast that is Rowland Rivron.

0:20:230:20:26

Now it's time for the beauty that is

0:20:260:20:28

TV presenter and former ballerina Sarah Cawood.

0:20:280:20:32

She's doing some ballet moves now.

0:20:330:20:35

That's the half nelson, and that's an up and under.

0:20:350:20:39

I don't know anything about ballet, actually.

0:20:390:20:41

Now, that's another one.

0:20:410:20:43

I'm sacrificing my dignity for light entertainment.

0:20:430:20:46

Now let's watch this former ballerina bounce.

0:20:460:20:49

And she's off!

0:20:500:20:51

It's not a water park, Sarah, but never mind, she's in.

0:20:510:20:55

At least she's enjoying herself.

0:20:550:20:56

So far.

0:20:560:20:58

Sarah was discovered performing in Phantom Of The Opera,

0:21:000:21:03

doing moves very similar to what's going on now.

0:21:030:21:06

I don't want Hammond being sarky

0:21:060:21:07

about the fact that I'm about to go in the mud. But I am.

0:21:070:21:10

Me? No, as if! No.

0:21:100:21:14

Oh, man alive!

0:21:140:21:15

I'm saying nothing. I'm really not.

0:21:180:21:21

Oh, Sarah!

0:21:210:21:23

-Don't provoke them.

-You wouldn't like them when they're angry.

0:21:270:21:32

Told you so. We did warn you. Sarah is no stranger to famous balls.

0:21:350:21:40

She's a former presenter of the National Lottery draw.

0:21:400:21:43

We're using set of balls number four and the machine

0:21:430:21:46

Bouncealot, chosen by Eduardo from Buenos Aires.

0:21:460:21:49

Drawmaster, release those balls.

0:21:490:21:52

Oh! Oh, she's still on.

0:21:550:21:58

This is impressive.

0:21:580:21:59

I should point out that's ball number two,

0:21:590:22:02

and it's its 23rd appearance in the show so far.

0:22:020:22:04

This is looking very promising.

0:22:040:22:07

She's on! That's ball number three.

0:22:070:22:09

An old favourite, 47 appearances this year already.

0:22:090:22:13

This is looking very good.

0:22:130:22:15

Can she...?

0:22:150:22:16

Oh, yes, ball four! Incredible, I can't believe this!

0:22:160:22:19

Sarah Cawood might be about to defeat the balls too.

0:22:190:22:23

Is four going to be Sarah's lucky number?

0:22:230:22:25

Yes, she has! That's two celebrities in one show clear the balls.

0:22:250:22:29

Are we sure? They're definitely the celebrities, not real people?

0:22:310:22:35

Someone sneaking in?

0:22:350:22:36

OK. That is amazing!

0:22:360:22:38

Cradles Of Doom now. Can Sarah continue her winning streak?

0:22:410:22:44

That is a great start.

0:22:440:22:46

-It does take it out of you.

-Really?!

0:22:460:22:48

Onto the second now, this is looking very good.

0:22:480:22:51

So close...

0:22:510:22:54

Come on, finish it, finish it.

0:22:540:22:55

I'm about to fall in the water.

0:22:550:22:57

No, you're not. Come on. And splat, she's done it!

0:22:570:23:01

-Did I just do that?

-Yes, you did!

0:23:010:23:03

-I think you'll find I did!

-Four minutes, two seconds.

0:23:030:23:06

-Thank you!

-No, thank you, please.

-I made it over the balls!

0:23:060:23:09

Not delicately and not gracefully and not with aplomb, but that's not what counts.

0:23:090:23:14

What counts is making it over the balls.

0:23:140:23:16

So, Sarah Cawood joins JK in the celebrity ball-beating club...

0:23:160:23:20

..giving them both super-legendary status.

0:23:220:23:25

Just like the next two famous contenders.

0:23:250:23:28

In lane one, it's Olympic bronze medallist Katharine Merry.

0:23:280:23:32

And, in lane two, it's Olympic gold-winning legend

0:23:330:23:36

John Regis MBE, AKA the Tank.

0:23:360:23:39

Who ate all the pies, eh?!

0:23:390:23:42

I'm being serious here, what's going on?! Can you get us both in, yeah?!

0:23:430:23:47

What do you make of John Regis' chances?

0:23:470:23:52

John's older than me. His age will catch him out today, and his weight as well.

0:23:520:23:57

By the time the man blows the whistle, she'll have pulled a hamstring.

0:23:570:24:01

So I can take it that you're not at all intimidated by the other Olympian in the competition today?

0:24:010:24:06

What's her name again?

0:24:060:24:09

OK, it's time for the biggest Olympic battle since, well, the last Olympics.

0:24:090:24:15

John Regis...

0:24:150:24:16

Come on!

0:24:160:24:18

Fighting words from Katharine Merry.

0:24:180:24:21

In 2001, Katharine was the world's fastest woman across 400 metres.

0:24:210:24:28

So, don't blink, else you might miss her.

0:24:280:24:31

Her running style is a bit more wobbly than I remember.

0:24:320:24:34

I think she didn't look like this before.

0:24:340:24:36

No, she's adapting.

0:24:360:24:39

First Traplonk, and she's making good time.

0:24:390:24:41

Second Traplonk. And... Almost. No, back she goes.

0:24:410:24:45

Oh, here we go and she's... Oh.

0:24:460:24:49

Oops. Well...

0:24:490:24:52

On to the Sucker Punch.

0:24:520:24:53

Takes an early hit, but she's holding on.

0:24:550:24:57

Heads. Heads. Tails.

0:25:010:25:06

Agh!

0:25:060:25:08

Better luck on the Big Balls, maybe.

0:25:080:25:10

Oh, she's down again. Come on, Katharine.

0:25:100:25:13

Don't show John any weakness. It is time to shine.

0:25:130:25:15

Here we go. First ball, second...

0:25:170:25:20

No, not the third.

0:25:200:25:21

Look, it's really difficult, OK?

0:25:240:25:26

Final obstacle, and that's a very neat landing onto the first cradle.

0:25:260:25:30

Oh, belly flop onto the second. There could be some high points

0:25:320:25:35

available here if Katharine makes this final jump.

0:25:350:25:38

And, she's done it, in two minutes, 16.

0:25:380:25:42

Look at that. That there is the face of a champion.

0:25:420:25:45

Right there, lying down. OK, let's see how John does.

0:25:450:25:48

This is Sparta!

0:25:480:25:51

OK, under starter's orders, and he's off. Oh.

0:25:510:25:54

Ooh!

0:25:540:25:55

If this was Sparta, he'd have been left behind for being a bit clumsy.

0:25:570:26:02

That's quite a delicate little run going on as well.

0:26:030:26:05

John, time to man up for the Traplonks.

0:26:050:26:08

Yeah!

0:26:080:26:11

Oh, he flies through the air with the greatest of ease

0:26:110:26:14

and lands with... some difficulty, but he does land.

0:26:140:26:17

One more Traplonk to go.

0:26:170:26:19

Yes, complete the pair. Here we go! Oh.

0:26:190:26:22

OK, can the man mountain scale the Sucker Punch wall?

0:26:240:26:28

Ooh.

0:26:280:26:30

The Sucker Punch is on good form.

0:26:310:26:33

Sadly, you know, maybe John's... Not good.

0:26:330:26:36

No time to wallow - it's on to the Big Balls.

0:26:360:26:38

World champion. Olympian.

0:26:380:26:41

Look at that. Wow!

0:26:420:26:45

And it's graceful, athletic moves like this that make me think

0:26:450:26:49

the Big Balls should be in the 2012 Olympic Games.

0:26:490:26:53

I'll go to a meeting somewhere and prove it.

0:26:530:26:55

Right, time for that sprint finish I mentioned earlier.

0:26:550:26:59

No, not quite the sprint I was looking for.

0:27:020:27:04

Bit of a slip, but here we go.

0:27:040:27:06

Balance achieved. Smooth!

0:27:060:27:10

Not so smooth.

0:27:110:27:13

Lucky for John, the 200 metres isn't held on top of 40-foot foam obstacles.

0:27:130:27:18

If they were, he'd have been rubbish at it.

0:27:180:27:21

So John clambers to the finish line

0:27:230:27:26

with a time of three minutes and six seconds.

0:27:260:27:28

And the Tank that is John Regis

0:27:310:27:33

was beaten by Katharine Merry by a full 50 seconds.

0:27:330:27:37

How will he take the news?

0:27:370:27:38

-Loser!

-It's all the extra weight, son.

0:27:380:27:41

Well, in the next game

0:27:430:27:46

-I shall come back.

-Is he in it?!

0:27:460:27:48

Well, I think I'm in the next game!

0:27:490:27:51

Yes, you are, John. Everybody is. You obviously didn't read the welcome pack we gave you.

0:27:530:27:58

As today's competitors are celebrities, they all get special treatment.

0:27:580:28:02

If you want a definition of celebrity, please press the red button.

0:28:020:28:05

They all go through to Crash Mountain,

0:28:050:28:08

and they're all still in with a chance of trousering that ten grand prize for a charity of their choice.

0:28:080:28:13

Let's take a look at the leaderboard.

0:28:130:28:15

JK's top of the class with ten points.

0:28:150:28:17

Jeremy Jedwards second with nine.

0:28:170:28:19

Katharine Merry's in bronze position.

0:28:190:28:21

Nina's fourth. John Regis is fifth.

0:28:210:28:24

Joel is sixth, Rowland is seventh,

0:28:240:28:26

pink nugget Margi eighth, ball queen Sarah Cawood is ninth.

0:28:260:28:29

And last but by no means least, it's Cheryl Baker.

0:28:290:28:33

Time now for the showbiz event of the novelty-assault-course year.

0:28:380:28:42

The Oscars of obstacles, the BAFTAs of bruises, the TV Quick Awards of, erm... Anyway, it's Crash Mountain.

0:28:420:28:49

The aim of the game is simple.

0:28:490:28:51

Celebrities must step onto the red-carpet arm and strut their way to the central podium,

0:28:510:28:57

avoiding the wrath of the brutal sweeping paparazzi arms as they go.

0:28:570:29:02

First across gets a maximum ten points, second over gets nine points, and so on.

0:29:020:29:06

The scores are added to the points from the Qualifier.

0:29:060:29:09

The five highest-scoring celebrities will progress to Dizzy Dummies.

0:29:090:29:13

The losers will be immediately forgotten.

0:29:130:29:16

Here are the nominees -

0:29:160:29:19

on podiums one and two it's ball queen Sarah Cawood...

0:29:190:29:23

Well, I conquered the balls so clearly it's all about being small and bouncy.

0:29:230:29:27

..and Jeremy Jedwards.

0:29:270:29:29

This game doesn't scare me, it's just like a big clock, and I eat big clocks for breakfast.

0:29:290:29:33

On podium three, it's dangerous Rowland Rivron.

0:29:330:29:36

This game really does scare me and we might see what I had for breakfast in a minute.

0:29:360:29:41

And on four and five it's Nina Toussaint White...

0:29:420:29:46

I may have come fourth last time, but I'm still in it to win it. Come on!

0:29:460:29:50

..and Cheryl Baker.

0:29:500:29:51

I may have come last in the Qualifier, but guess what?

0:29:510:29:54

This time I'm coming second...

0:29:540:29:56

to last.

0:29:560:29:57

On podium six, it's pink nugget, Margi Clarke.

0:29:570:30:01

I survived the sucker punch, so bring it on, kidders!

0:30:010:30:06

On seven and eight, it's ball king JK...

0:30:060:30:09

After the last round, Joel's got a brand new motto.

0:30:090:30:12

It's ready, steady, splash.

0:30:120:30:14

And John Regis.

0:30:140:30:15

In the last game I was a gentleman and let Katharine just beat me, but not in this game!

0:30:150:30:21

On podium nine it's Joel.

0:30:210:30:23

There is only one winner in this JK and Joel team, and you're looking at him - over there.

0:30:230:30:30

And on ten it's Katharine Merry.

0:30:300:30:33

I destroyed Johnny "I'm not fit and fat" Regis

0:30:330:30:36

in the last game by nearly one minute.

0:30:360:30:40

For your entertainment and mine I'm going to do it again.

0:30:400:30:44

So, without further ado, let's rejoin Amanda Byram and get this show on the road.

0:30:440:30:49

Break a leg, everyone. Well, not everyone, we've got a show to do.

0:30:490:30:53

It's tough at the top, as these celebrities know, but not as tough as the top of Crash Mountain.

0:30:530:31:00

Are you ready?

0:31:000:31:02

That was one yes, that means...yes?

0:31:020:31:05

Three, two, one!

0:31:050:31:07

HORN SOUNDS

0:31:070:31:09

And they're off.

0:31:090:31:11

Jeremy makes an early break for it.

0:31:110:31:14

And almost breaks his nose on the base of Crash Mountain. Ouch!

0:31:140:31:19

JK, now, having a go.

0:31:200:31:23

Ducking...

0:31:230:31:25

and standing up at precisely the wrong moment.

0:31:250:31:29

JK tried to hurdle the sweeper arm, something no one has ever managed to successfully do, ever.

0:31:290:31:35

Nina sees her chance. Then sees the water, really close up.

0:31:350:31:39

It's JK's mate, Joel, now, who had a little too much spring in his step.

0:31:390:31:45

He may have failed but at least he's taken it on the chin.

0:31:450:31:49

Jeremy goes again, and falls off again.

0:31:500:31:53

No one's got even close to that centre.

0:31:530:31:56

I spoke too soon, JK was very close.

0:31:560:31:58

Sarah Cawood, poised for action.

0:31:580:32:02

Supportive, comforting and caring laughter from Amanda Byram.

0:32:020:32:06

She was shrieking, actually shrieking.

0:32:060:32:09

Katharine Merry, and she's off.

0:32:090:32:12

Rowland Rivron gives it a go. He's on.

0:32:140:32:16

He's up on his feet, and he's bottled it.

0:32:160:32:21

Didn't expect that.

0:32:210:32:22

Jeremy, mark three.

0:32:260:32:27

And another close look at the base of Crash Mountain.

0:32:270:32:31

If only that arm weren't rotating, Crash Mountain would be much easier.

0:32:310:32:36

JK's on the run again and makes it. Just a straight sprint.

0:32:360:32:40

That is how to do Crash Mountain.

0:32:400:32:42

JK was fastest in the qualifier and now first on the mountain.

0:32:420:32:46

That's another ten points and a guaranteed spot in the next round.

0:32:460:32:49

Who's going to join him?

0:32:490:32:51

The pressure's on now, Joel.

0:32:510:32:52

Joel thinking about it, he doesn't want to be left out.

0:32:520:32:56

Instead he's wiped out.

0:32:560:32:58

That's touching, Joel gives the arm a big hug.

0:32:590:33:03

A slightly soggy big hug.

0:33:030:33:05

Katharine Merry's seen an opening, and...

0:33:050:33:08

Oh! So close.

0:33:080:33:09

EastEnders star Nina having another go. She's ducking...

0:33:090:33:15

She's screaming...

0:33:150:33:18

and she's falling off.

0:33:180:33:19

She just froze there, completely forgot to move

0:33:190:33:23

forwards and instead got brushed aside by the sweeper arm.

0:33:230:33:27

So, JK's still the only celebrity to conquer Crash Mountain so far.

0:33:270:33:33

John Regis now, having a go. Tidal wave!

0:33:330:33:37

This is Nina, now. Staying low...

0:33:370:33:41

She's up, and oh no, the sweeper arm's got her again.

0:33:430:33:47

It's like someone designed this thing to be difficult.

0:33:490:33:52

Still, lots of points up for grabs here. Plus JK's getting lonely in the middle.

0:33:520:33:56

Is Cheryl still with us?

0:33:560:33:57

Yes, she is.

0:33:570:34:00

Katharine Merry makes her merry way all the way to the centre.

0:34:000:34:04

Katharine gets nine points and a big hug from JK.

0:34:040:34:08

Margi Clarke comes out of nowhere, ducks... She needs those points.

0:34:080:34:13

She doesn't need that, though.

0:34:170:34:19

Sarah Cawood now.

0:34:190:34:22

Double rollover!

0:34:220:34:24

OK, Joel again. I'd recognise those shorts anywhere.

0:34:240:34:27

Eight points up for grabs here, can he claim them?

0:34:270:34:30

He's up, he's moving, and he's done it.

0:34:300:34:34

And gets a cheeky little smack from Katharine too.

0:34:340:34:38

Maybe she was winding him.

0:34:380:34:41

Jeremy on, he's running, and he makes it.

0:34:410:34:44

Brilliant effort, seven points in the bag for Jeremy.

0:34:440:34:47

And John Regis is there for six points too.

0:34:470:34:51

So, the remaining five are...

0:34:520:34:55

Cheryl...

0:34:550:34:57

Nina, Margi, Rowland and Sarah.

0:34:570:35:00

Who'll be next to make it across, if anyone?

0:35:000:35:03

Nina's going for it, she's up,

0:35:030:35:05

she's wobbling, and she's done it.

0:35:050:35:07

Yes!

0:35:070:35:09

And that is the noise of someone much better than me at maths declaring the game is over.

0:35:090:35:14

It's now mathematically impossible for the others to qualify for Dizzy Dummies, apparently.

0:35:140:35:19

Let's take a look at that final leaderboard.

0:35:190:35:21

JK is king of the course with a perfect 20 points.

0:35:210:35:24

In second place it's Katharine Merry. Jeremy Jedwards is third.

0:35:240:35:28

Joel's down but not out in fourth.

0:35:280:35:30

And Nina's nifty dash over the Qualifier bags her that final fifth place.

0:35:300:35:34

So that means it's goodbye to John Regis who's now sixth.

0:35:340:35:37

Leaving the competition with him are Rowland Rivron, Margi Clarke, Sarah Cawood and Cheryl Baker.

0:35:370:35:42

Well, that was what well scary. My inners were on my outers.

0:35:470:35:50

My outers were on my inners.

0:35:500:35:52

I think I've proved to women of my own age that we've still got

0:35:520:35:56

the life force coursing through our veins.

0:35:560:35:59

It's much harder than it looks.

0:35:590:36:01

I didn't even get knocked off by one of the moving arms, that's how rubbish I was.

0:36:010:36:06

Entertaining for you lot, though, I guess, right?

0:36:060:36:09

It was going too fast. I'm too old for this, it's a young man's game.

0:36:120:36:15

It is a white knuckle sport, this total dishwash.

0:36:150:36:19

I've been training so hard for this moment,

0:36:190:36:22

and to take home one point from Total Wipeout, it's fantastic!

0:36:220:36:27

The wind was blowing me a bit to the right, and

0:36:270:36:31

every time I attempted to go forward I didn't really cater for the wind.

0:36:310:36:34

But don't worry, I will be back.

0:36:360:36:41

Well, John, it's funny you should say that because Jeremy Edwards has picked up an injury

0:36:430:36:48

and has been advised to withdraw from the competition.

0:36:480:36:50

That means, having just said goodbye to John Regis, I now have to say hello, John Regis.

0:36:500:36:55

Hello, John Regis. There you go.

0:36:550:36:57

So, for JK, Joel, Katharine, Nina, and the newly reinstated John Regis,

0:36:570:37:02

it's time to head for the dizzy heights of the Dizzy Dummies.

0:37:020:37:05

Celebrities are busy people so I'll make this explanation quick.

0:37:100:37:13

Spin, spin, spin, spin, revolving goal posts, blob, bouncy, slip, finished. Last one's eliminated.

0:37:130:37:19

Then it's spin, spin, spin, revolving goalpost, crazy beams - whoa! - and finish.

0:37:190:37:25

Last one's eliminated again.

0:37:250:37:27

Three left, Wipeout Zone, one winner, dinner, home, bed. Got it?

0:37:270:37:31

Celebrity demands? You're about to hear one. Stop!

0:37:310:37:35

It's time for Dizzy Dummies.

0:37:350:37:37

-Are you all ready?

-Yes!

0:37:370:37:40

Let's spin them anyway. Three, two, one!

0:37:400:37:44

As the spinning begins, time for a reminder of who's strapped into

0:37:470:37:50

the poorly constructed wheel of misfortune.

0:37:500:37:53

There is ball-beating mountain slayer, JK.

0:37:530:37:56

Ready, steady, splash.

0:37:560:37:58

Then there's him.

0:38:000:38:01

There's one winner, and that winner is me.

0:38:010:38:04

The one out of JK and Joel who isn't JK, it's Joel. Then there's him.

0:38:040:38:10

I think I'm in the next game.

0:38:100:38:12

Olympic legend and Jeremy replacement, John Regis.

0:38:120:38:16

She's got a quick wit and quick legs.

0:38:160:38:21

Who ate all the pies, eh?

0:38:210:38:22

It's Katharine Merry.

0:38:220:38:24

Then there's her.

0:38:240:38:27

The quiet one, Nina Toussaint White.

0:38:270:38:30

And now the spinning stops, at least for us.

0:38:330:38:38

Athletics legend Katharine is off, and with a running style all of her own.

0:38:400:38:44

Meanwhile, Olympian John is trying to get his bearings.

0:38:440:38:47

Katharine's at the goal post and she's through it, I think.

0:38:470:38:51

Joel stepping up, Joel's turn now.

0:38:510:38:55

Katharine's scorching ahead, she's already on to the blob.

0:38:550:38:59

And now she's already off the blob.

0:38:590:39:01

"Oh no, you first." "No, no, no, you first!"

0:39:040:39:07

So rarely see manners on the Wipeout course, but much appreciated.

0:39:070:39:11

Superstar DJ Joel takes the lead.

0:39:110:39:13

Oh yeah.

0:39:160:39:17

One more jump from Joel and he is through to the next round of Dizzy Dummies.

0:39:170:39:21

Er, I said jump, Joel, not make a bridge for JK.

0:39:210:39:25

This is noble sacrifice!

0:39:250:39:27

JK leapfrogs his DJ partner Joel, but now he's struggling as well.

0:39:270:39:32

This is just a mess!

0:39:320:39:34

THEY SHOUT

0:39:340:39:36

They're both in now. That means it's a swim all the way back to the start.

0:39:360:39:39

John making slow and steady progress now, but can he pull himself up onto that inflatable?

0:39:390:39:46

Use them gunboats, John.

0:39:460:39:48

One of her legs will probably come in handy, too.

0:39:480:39:51

And John's across!

0:39:530:39:55

Back from the losers' bench, he's now the first one through to Dizzy Dummies round two.

0:39:550:39:59

EastEnders actress Nina could be next.

0:39:590:40:02

She is enjoying it really.

0:40:070:40:08

JK and Joel aren't really helping, though.

0:40:080:40:11

Here she goes! Oh, no, that was mean.

0:40:110:40:15

JK and Joel did a blob wobbling job on her there, resulting in an unwanted swim.

0:40:150:40:21

Blob wobbler JK approaching the finish now.

0:40:230:40:26

Almost there. And...he's across!

0:40:260:40:31

But what happened behind him?

0:40:310:40:34

Two celebs off the blob at once, it was a double dunking.

0:40:340:40:39

OK, Katharine's turn now.

0:40:390:40:42

Steadies herself.

0:40:420:40:44

Almost there.

0:40:440:40:47

And she's done it!

0:40:470:40:49

That means either Joel or Nina are about to be eliminated.

0:40:490:40:52

It's DJ versus actress.

0:40:520:40:54

-Oh no.

-NINA SCREAMS

0:40:540:40:57

Joel's at it again.

0:40:570:40:59

More blob wobbling and Nina's off again.

0:40:590:41:01

Underhand tactics from Joel there.

0:41:010:41:03

Yeah, you might look innocent, fella, we saw it.

0:41:030:41:07

And now Joel's off too.

0:41:100:41:12

Serves him right, children.

0:41:120:41:14

OK, Nina, focus,

0:41:140:41:16

you can do this. Come on.

0:41:160:41:20

Yes...yes.

0:41:210:41:23

Ooh, danger lurking behind her.

0:41:230:41:27

Just that crucial dismount now.

0:41:300:41:32

Concentrate, Joel is approaching.

0:41:320:41:35

Yes!

0:41:350:41:37

No...no.

0:41:370:41:38

Yes, come on, Nina, Joel looks defeated as Nina steadies herself

0:41:380:41:43

for a final jump. Can she? Yes, she's there.

0:41:430:41:45

And meany man blob wobbler Joel is absorbed by the blob.

0:41:470:41:51

Talk to me. There's a few people that are going to have a few words to say to you

0:41:510:41:55

because you had this technique of trying to bounce everybody off that big balloon.

0:41:550:42:01

Obviously, as you can see, cheating does not work.

0:42:010:42:04

OK, it does not pay, don't do it.

0:42:040:42:06

OK, round two. Still in the game are two Olympians.

0:42:090:42:11

What does that say about them?

0:42:110:42:13

Well, they're fit and athletic and basically gluttons for punishment.

0:42:130:42:18

Alongside Katharine and John are EastEnders actress Nina and DJ/TV presenter, JK.

0:42:180:42:24

The machine comes to a standstill, but our celebrity heads don't.

0:42:240:42:29

Katharine is first out again, with her special walk.

0:42:290:42:32

Meanwhile, JK is doing his dog impression there.

0:42:320:42:36

Katharine, struggling on the spinner.

0:42:360:42:38

Making circles of her own. Katharine-merry-go-round, anyone?

0:42:380:42:42

She might have Olympic bronze for running but right there it's TV gold...for her.

0:42:420:42:46

No dignity, just gone.

0:42:460:42:50

JK scampers his way up.

0:42:500:42:52

Meanwhile, Katharine and Nina are having a bit of a pile-up.

0:42:520:42:55

JK scores an own goal, and Katharine still working out which way is up.

0:42:550:43:01

Oh, Katharine.

0:43:010:43:02

So JK starts with a casual approach,

0:43:040:43:06

and with no-one behind him leaps onto the first beam.

0:43:060:43:09

Gently does it. This crawling lark seems to be

0:43:110:43:13

working for JK, but the next couple of jumps are going to be difficult.

0:43:130:43:18

Here come John and Katharine.

0:43:180:43:20

John makes it onto the first beam.

0:43:200:43:23

Oh, Katharine hasn't.

0:43:250:43:27

JK is almost home and dry now, this is a great run.

0:43:270:43:31

Oh, yes!

0:43:310:43:32

And JK is safe.

0:43:320:43:35

JK leaps into the Wipeout Zone final.

0:43:350:43:38

Going solo seems to be working out well for him.

0:43:380:43:41

But don't tell Joel, obviously.

0:43:410:43:43

John's taking it slow, he needs to get a wriggle on now.

0:43:430:43:46

Katharine readies herself, aims, fires, and she's on.

0:43:460:43:49

There'll be no third chances today, John, hurry up.

0:43:490:43:54

Come on, fast forward this baby, and let's get you in the Wipeout Zone, Regis.

0:43:540:43:58

Yeah, you tell him, Amanda.

0:43:580:44:00

That's never been said anywhere else. Oh, no, Nina's off again!

0:44:000:44:04

Must be very tiring now.

0:44:040:44:07

John finally goes for it. Oh, no.

0:44:070:44:10

Oh.

0:44:110:44:13

John Regis gets a dunking and that means he has to go back to the start.

0:44:140:44:18

So will Katharine now be second across and take the silver?

0:44:180:44:21

Oh, Nina!

0:44:210:44:23

Carefully does it now.

0:44:230:44:25

That's it, Katharine. That's it.

0:44:260:44:28

Oh, yes, we have a Katharine Merry in the final.

0:44:300:44:34

Just one place left now. Will it be John or Nina's?

0:44:340:44:39

-I can't get up!

-Yes, you can.

0:44:390:44:41

John, inches from victory now.

0:44:410:44:44

Come on, Nina. Oh, no, she's off again.

0:44:440:44:47

John's so close, and now he's made it into the final. What a comeback!

0:44:470:44:52

And spare a thought for poor Nina.

0:44:550:44:57

Did you give up a bit? That's not the name of the game.

0:44:590:45:01

I couldn't get across, could I?

0:45:010:45:02

Raring to go for the Wipeout Zone that you're not in?

0:45:020:45:05

I'm good at cheering, yes.

0:45:050:45:07

Go and get dried off. We'll see you later. Well done, babes.

0:45:070:45:10

So, Nina and Joel will be flying home losers.

0:45:100:45:14

Just imagine how bad they must feel as they sip champagne

0:45:140:45:17

in the first-class cabin on their plane home.

0:45:170:45:20

It's not easy being a celebrity.

0:45:200:45:22

It's not easy booking a celebrity either.

0:45:220:45:24

With those two out of the picture, it leaves TV presenter JK up against

0:45:240:45:28

two of the UK's greatest athletes - John Regis and Katharine Merry.

0:45:280:45:34

So good luck with that, JK!

0:45:340:45:35

Total Wipeout is not athlete-friendly or contestant-friendly.

0:45:380:45:43

It's by far one of the hardest things I've ever put myself through.

0:45:430:45:49

This is for real, hard, physical, mental, training individuals.

0:45:500:45:56

To be in with two Olympic athletes is cool and I'm up there with them.

0:45:560:46:02

I'm European Champion, I'm World Champion, I'm Commonwealth Champion...

0:46:020:46:06

I shall be gold medallist at the Total Wipeout Celebrity Challenge.

0:46:060:46:12

I guarantee you that!

0:46:120:46:14

The only goal I've had

0:46:140:46:16

is to take the Olympic bronze medal I've won and turn it into Total Wipeout gold.

0:46:160:46:21

It's going to happen.

0:46:210:46:23

Being the first celebrity to make those four big balls has been brilliant. I'm happy with that, yes.

0:46:230:46:29

JK is the silent assassin.

0:46:290:46:31

He would love to win it, as would I, as would John.

0:46:310:46:33

John has fluked his way here.

0:46:330:46:35

If it wasn't for Jeremy, then John wouldn't be here.

0:46:350:46:39

I'm Lazarus! I'm the Phoenix! I'm back!

0:46:390:46:42

Back to win! That's the only reason why I'm here!

0:46:420:46:45

W-I-N! Win!

0:46:450:46:49

I'd like to beat the boys as much as I'd like to win the lottery every Saturday for the next ten years.

0:46:490:46:53

I want to win so much and I do fancy my chances, yes.

0:46:530:46:57

Two Olympians, first and second.

0:46:570:47:00

With some DJ fella third.

0:47:000:47:02

So, two record-breakers versus one little fellow who plays records.

0:47:040:47:10

Not exactly a level playing field but then the Wipeout Zone itself

0:47:100:47:13

isn't a level playing field either, because of all the slopes and slides and things, it wouldn't work.

0:47:130:47:19

Anyway, here's what's in store.

0:47:190:47:21

Today's three finalists will have their work cut out as they battle against this watery beast.

0:47:260:47:32

It's the usual sliding, splashing, climbing, falling...

0:47:320:47:38

sploshing, balancing, dashing, swinging,

0:47:380:47:42

jumping and button pushing.

0:47:420:47:45

With a little bit of showbiz sparkle!

0:47:450:47:47

Fastest celebrity wins.

0:47:490:47:52

John Regis, Katharine Merry and JK from JK and Joel must now be really feeling the pressure.

0:47:520:47:58

Well, maybe not John and Katharine so much.

0:47:580:48:01

I imagine they're used to this kind of pressure, having competed in

0:48:010:48:05

any number of Olympic and world class athletic events. Poor JK!

0:48:050:48:08

Anyway, time for today's final act!

0:48:080:48:10

And it's time to sort out the Olympic champions from...well, JK.

0:48:100:48:15

This is the stuff that sporting dreams are made of.

0:48:150:48:19

Two Olympians and a disc jockey.

0:48:190:48:21

It's the Wipeout Zone and the first to run tonight is John.

0:48:210:48:25

John Regis has won gold before but tonight he's bidding for tin, the Wipeout trophy.

0:48:270:48:33

He's off.

0:48:330:48:35

Oh!

0:48:370:48:38

And now he's properly off.

0:48:380:48:40

Oh dear.

0:48:400:48:43

Disaster strikes early for John but it looks like he's OK

0:48:430:48:47

as he heads towards the rapid climb.

0:48:470:48:50

Just a brief swim.

0:48:500:48:53

Once John's pulled himself up on to the slope, he has ten seconds

0:48:530:48:57

before a tidal wave comes crashing down.

0:48:570:49:00

He's on and those ten seconds start now.

0:49:020:49:06

He needs to be fast now.

0:49:060:49:07

Come on. Oh no, John slipped.

0:49:070:49:09

Quick, get up there! Come on, John!

0:49:090:49:11

Sprint! Use that strength!

0:49:110:49:13

Quick, time's running out.

0:49:130:49:15

Too late. Here comes the wave.

0:49:150:49:16

He's in the worst place for it!

0:49:160:49:18

John grabs hold of the rail and he's still on.

0:49:180:49:21

Balance beam now.

0:49:210:49:23

Deftness more important than power here.

0:49:230:49:25

And it looks like John's got both.

0:49:250:49:27

-Come on, John!

-It's crazy sweeper time.

0:49:300:49:34

John was the 200 metres king but that was running in a straight line.

0:49:340:49:38

Not in a wobbling one, with a giant sweeping arm in hot pursuit.

0:49:380:49:44

Oh, second duck. Unusual technique but John's still looking good.

0:49:440:49:48

He's up and sprints for it now ... Oh, but he's paused again!

0:49:480:49:52

It seems like John being, if anything, a bit too cautious here.

0:49:520:49:56

John's doing a great job at staying out of the water.

0:49:560:49:58

This is slowing down his run considerably. Come on, John!

0:49:580:50:02

Get up and run.

0:50:020:50:03

Final splint, and John's across! Oh, close.

0:50:050:50:09

Time to find out how good John's Tarzan impression is with the swing.

0:50:090:50:15

Yeah. Not great.

0:50:150:50:17

No. Best stick to sprinting.

0:50:170:50:19

Yeah.

0:50:190:50:21

John's grip on the rope just evaporated, resulting in his first real error of the night.

0:50:210:50:25

But this is still a quick run from John,

0:50:250:50:29

up on to the turntable now for his final jump.

0:50:290:50:32

Makes it. John crosses the finish line in 2:37.

0:50:330:50:38

A bumpy start for John, slowed by the tidal wave and a lot of ducking on the Crazy Sweeper,

0:50:380:50:43

but he's set a good benchmark, and he's certainly in with a shout at winning that tin trophy.

0:50:430:50:48

Come on out, you speedy sprint legend, you.

0:50:520:50:56

That was absolutely brilliant.

0:50:560:50:58

-How are you feeling?

-That was a lot of fun.

0:50:580:51:00

I'm just gutted I couldn't hold on to the rope. Absolutely gutted.

0:51:000:51:03

Those big muscles of yours, what happened?

0:51:030:51:06

I need more bench. Need more bench press.

0:51:060:51:08

-Yours is the time to beat. You know who's up next.

-Oh, yes.

0:51:080:51:12

My fellow Olympian, Katharine Merry.

0:51:120:51:15

-Let's see how she does.

-Thank you.

0:51:150:51:18

One Olympian down, one to go.

0:51:180:51:20

Katharine Merry prepares to take on the Wipeout Zone.

0:51:200:51:23

On your marks, get set, go.

0:51:230:51:27

Well, she stayed on the ring, which is more than John managed.

0:51:300:51:33

Now she's in the water. Katharine begins her swim towards the rapid climb...

0:51:330:51:38

And it drags herself up on to the slide.

0:51:400:51:43

The ten-second countdown starts soon, so come on, Katharine.

0:51:430:51:47

Come on, Katharine, go, go!

0:51:470:51:48

Oh, no, she's slipping!

0:51:510:51:53

And she's down, and back to square one.

0:51:530:51:57

Come on, Katharine, hold on to the side!

0:51:570:51:59

And what's worse, here comes the tidal wave.

0:51:590:52:01

This is going to get messy.

0:52:020:52:05

Katharine just swept away.

0:52:050:52:07

She didn't stand a chance.

0:52:070:52:08

Look how far away she is.

0:52:080:52:11

Katharine, looking tired, she hasn't even passed the first obstacle.

0:52:110:52:14

-I'm not moving!

-Come on, swim for it.

0:52:140:52:17

She's up again. No tidal wave this time, so it should be easier.

0:52:210:52:25

Katharine does look exhausted already.

0:52:250:52:27

Onto the balance beam. Katharine's challenge is all but over,

0:52:290:52:34

but she won't know that, so she has to keep edging along that beam.

0:52:340:52:37

She's cleared it. OK, on to that Crazy Sweeper,

0:52:370:52:40

and like a true Olympian, she's not letting that setback get to her.

0:52:400:52:44

Waiting for the optimum moment to start the dash. Good duck.

0:52:440:52:48

Katharine staying low, working well so far, but she'll have to

0:52:530:52:56

adapt this technique is she's going to traverse the podiums.

0:52:560:53:00

Copying John's ducking technique here.

0:53:000:53:02

Katharine's assault begins now, skipping over them nicely.

0:53:020:53:07

She's off, but she's holding on. Come on!

0:53:090:53:12

-Katharine, stay down, stay down!

-Advice from John.

0:53:120:53:15

No. No.

0:53:150:53:17

Katharine's still standing, though.

0:53:170:53:19

-And she's beaten the Crazy Sweeper.

-Yes!

0:53:210:53:23

OK, the Tarzan swing now.

0:53:230:53:27

It's a big launch, Katharine's looking good.

0:53:270:53:30

Yes! No! Disaster.

0:53:320:53:35

Are you serious?

0:53:350:53:38

Exhausted now,

0:53:410:53:42

and Katharine Merry finally completes the Wipeout Zone

0:53:420:53:45

in 5:48, which means John remains in pole position.

0:53:450:53:51

Things went from bad to worse for Katharine, but a run of Olympian bravery nonetheless.

0:53:510:53:56

Katharine doesn't know how well John did, so it's time for Amanda to break the news.

0:53:560:54:02

How are you doing? That wasn't an easy ride for you, was it?

0:54:020:54:05

Are you saying I was slow? It's a very scary course, but I enjoyed it immensely.

0:54:050:54:08

I'm so pleased with myself.

0:54:080:54:10

Katharine, I know you said that you were coming out of retirement for one night only, and I'm afraid it's one

0:54:100:54:16

night only, because you weren't quick enough. John was quicker.

0:54:160:54:20

Well played, Katharine. Well played.

0:54:200:54:23

-Good job.

-Wicked. Cheers, John.

0:54:230:54:25

You know what this means. Yours is the time to beat.

0:54:250:54:28

You're an Olympian and he's a disc jockey.

0:54:280:54:31

Yeah, I know, he shouldn't win.

0:54:310:54:32

-He shouldn't win, ladies and gentlemen.

-Let's have a look.

0:54:320:54:35

Well, he definitely shouldn't win on paper.

0:54:350:54:38

Or on an obstacle course. Here's JK.

0:54:380:54:41

There goes the klaxon, he's away.

0:54:420:54:44

Well, it is a great start. JK avoids doing the John and stays on the ring.

0:54:460:54:50

He was the fastest in the qualifier and first on to Crash Mountain.

0:54:500:54:53

How will he do here?

0:54:530:54:55

Rapid climb first.

0:54:550:54:57

Makes it to the base.

0:54:590:55:02

He's going to climb on.

0:55:020:55:03

Where's he gone? He's struggling.

0:55:030:55:06

Oh. Oh, dear.

0:55:060:55:08

Not looking good.

0:55:080:55:10

Three, two, one. Tidal wave!

0:55:160:55:20

JK clings on like his life depends on it. Come on, JK.

0:55:200:55:24

Ooh. He's still on.

0:55:240:55:26

-He held on, look at that!

-That took some real staying power from JK.

0:55:260:55:30

Now he's up the slope without a care. JK onto the balance beam.

0:55:300:55:33

Like John, using the wall to prop himself up.

0:55:330:55:37

This is very close.

0:55:370:55:39

He's across. Crazy Sweeper now.

0:55:420:55:45

John was cautious here.

0:55:450:55:47

JK will need to be a bit bolder if he's going to beat John's benchmark.

0:55:470:55:51

Will he choose to run for it or duck?

0:55:510:55:54

Ooh. He's running, he's running.

0:55:540:55:57

A duck to allow the sweeping arm to pass over him, then he's off again.

0:55:590:56:03

JK now skips over the podiums very quickly, and he's there.

0:56:030:56:08

This is close now.

0:56:080:56:09

If he gets on this, it's game over.

0:56:110:56:13

John fell on the Tarzan swing. Here goes JK.

0:56:130:56:15

And oh, no, he's missed!

0:56:180:56:19

John still in with a chance here, then.

0:56:190:56:23

This is up to the wire, I can't watch! I can't watch!

0:56:230:56:27

There's only a few seconds in this now. If JK avoids errors here, the title is his.

0:56:270:56:32

2:17, JK has won today's Celebrity Total Wipeout.

0:56:320:56:36

Well, JK made a couple of errors, but he survived a tidal wave,

0:56:380:56:41

smashed the Crazy Sweeper, and somehow defeated two Olympians.

0:56:410:56:45

He doesn't know it yet, so it's down to Amanda to make his day.

0:56:450:56:49

How are you feeling?

0:56:510:56:53

A little bit tired. I think I got the full force of the Wipeout wave.

0:56:530:56:58

Listen, it's going to come as no surprise that John was absolutely

0:56:580:57:01

brilliant tonight and this is one of Britain's finest ever athletes...

0:57:010:57:06

that you have beaten tonight.

0:57:060:57:08

You are the Total Wipeout champion!

0:57:080:57:12

-Yes! Yeah! Woo-hoo!

-What a shocker! >

0:57:120:57:16

I beat an Olympic athlete! Yes, I did!

0:57:160:57:20

-You want it? No!

-No!

0:57:200:57:21

So, presenter and DJ JK, aka Jason King, wins the Total Wipeout Trophy

0:57:260:57:32

and £10,000 for his chosen charity, Cash For Kids.

0:57:320:57:36

He also wins the right to show off about the time he beat two Olympians.

0:57:360:57:40

I suspect he'll spend more time bragging about how he beat Joel.

0:57:400:57:43

Mostly to Joel. That's it for today's Celebrity Total Wipeout.

0:57:430:57:48

I have to finish this showbiz special with a bang.

0:57:480:57:51

Not working. Never mind.

0:57:520:57:54

From Amanda and me, it's goodbye.

0:57:540:57:58

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:020:58:05

E-mail [email protected]

0:58:050:58:08

Richard Hammond and Amanda Byram present the second of two celebrity editions of the world's silliest extreme obstacle course-based game show. This special sets celebrities the task of conquering the Sucker Punch, the Big Red Balls and Crash Mountain. For the winner, invitations to appear on a lot of daytime talkshows and a cheque for £10,000 to the charity of their choice. For the losers, a face full of Argentine mud. It's a win-win situation.


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