Celebrity Special 1 Total Wipeout


Celebrity Special 1

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Celebrity Special 1. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

St Tropez. The Bahamas.

0:00:020:00:05

Richard Hammond's Waffle and Cheese Emporium in West Woodhay.

0:00:050:00:08

These are all places celebrities like to visit,

0:00:080:00:11

as opposed to Buenos Aires, Argentina, where famous people

0:00:110:00:15

go to get covered in mud and smacked in the face.

0:00:150:00:18

Once again, the Total Wipeout course awaits ten intrepid celebrity lemmings.

0:00:180:00:22

Nine will return to a normal celebrity life - whatever that is -

0:00:220:00:26

but one will be crowned Total Wipeout champion,

0:00:260:00:29

and walk away with £10,000 for the charity of their choice.

0:00:290:00:33

Let the celebrity games begin.

0:00:330:00:36

Welcome to the Total Wipeout Celebrity Special,

0:00:390:00:42

which means we have a little bit of extra money to spend this week.

0:00:420:00:46

We spent some on these curtains, some on the podium...

0:00:460:00:49

You know what?

0:00:490:00:50

We should have spent some of that money on the celebrities instead.

0:00:500:00:54

Too late now. So, will the Total Wipeout course be made easier

0:00:540:00:57

for our honoured celebrity guests?

0:00:570:00:59

I'll give you a clue - the answer's no.

0:00:590:01:01

Here's what the fairly famous faces face.

0:01:010:01:03

The Qualifier - from the big time to the Big Balls.

0:01:030:01:07

Crash Mountain - from high-life to pond life.

0:01:070:01:10

Dizzy Dummies - from taking a spin in a limo to...just taking a spin.

0:01:110:01:15

And finally, the Wipeout Zone - from after-show party to after-show ambulance ride.

0:01:150:01:20

The rules today are a little different.

0:01:200:01:23

All ten celebrities will compete on the Qualifier and Crash Mountain.

0:01:230:01:27

That's twice the fun for us, twice the pain and humiliation for them.

0:01:270:01:31

Let's meet the ten lucky celebrities who'll be risking everything in the name of charity.

0:01:310:01:36

It's Really Wild presenter Michaela Strachan.

0:01:360:01:40

Now, who's this? It's former EastEnders actor Joe Absolom.

0:01:400:01:45

And wow! Weather presenting legend Sian Lloyd.

0:01:450:01:48

Anthony Costa from boy band Blue.

0:01:480:01:51

Comedienne Ninia Benjamin, nice.

0:01:520:01:54

TV presenter Jeff Brazier.

0:01:560:01:58

The first female winner of Big Brother, Kate...Llama.

0:02:000:02:03

No, Lawler.

0:02:030:02:05

It's TV chef, Tony Tobin.

0:02:060:02:08

Excellent, double helpings today -

0:02:080:02:10

it's another celebrity chef, Nancy Lam.

0:02:100:02:12

And finally, Olympic 400 metre medallist Iwan Thomas.

0:02:130:02:17

What a fine looking collection of individuals they are.

0:02:200:02:23

My favourite one was the... third one.

0:02:230:02:26

I love him...or her.

0:02:260:02:28

But they are a fussy bunch. Anthony Costa demanded a bed in his room.

0:02:280:02:33

Sian Lloyd wanted a roof over her head, and Joe Absolom wanted running water. Bunch of divas.

0:02:330:02:41

Biscuits!

0:02:410:02:42

Time to hand over to the biggest celebrity in the Total Wipeout stable - Amanda Byram.

0:02:440:02:49

I'm joined now at the top of the Qualifier

0:02:540:02:56

by Big Brother's first ever female winner, Kate Lawler.

0:02:560:03:00

FAINT CHEERING

0:03:000:03:02

What I really want to know, Kate - are you a winner today?

0:03:020:03:06

I'm really not sure. Iwan Thomas is the most competitive person

0:03:060:03:09

I've ever met in my entire life, and I'd kind of like to beat him

0:03:090:03:12

just so I can see him cry on the aeroplane home.

0:03:120:03:14

-Get out there and do us girls proud.

-I will do.

0:03:140:03:17

This is for all the blondes. Wish me luck.

0:03:170:03:20

-OK, good luck.

-Good luck.

0:03:200:03:23

So, tabloid favourite and former Big Brother winner Kate Lawler

0:03:230:03:26

kick-starts today's qualifier.

0:03:260:03:28

She's about to go where no celebrity has gone before.

0:03:280:03:31

It's Celebrity Traplonk.

0:03:330:03:35

A diving board, a trapeze and some mud.

0:03:350:03:39

Followed by a diving board, a trapeze...and some more mud.

0:03:390:03:44

Now, Kate has to do this as quickly as she can.

0:03:440:03:47

The fastest time on the qualifier will score ten points,

0:03:470:03:51

the slowest, a measly one. Here we go, she jumps,

0:03:510:03:55

-grabs, and she's across.

-Good girl.

0:03:550:03:57

And... Oh.

0:03:570:04:00

What's Amanda doing? Is it a book?

0:04:000:04:02

A film? I don't know. Oh, it's how much Kate missed the trapeze by.

0:04:020:04:06

Yeah, more than that.

0:04:060:04:08

Next, it's Celebrity Sucker Punch.

0:04:080:04:11

Kate survived 12 weeks of conflict in the Big Brother house,

0:04:110:04:15

so this should be a walk in the park.

0:04:150:04:16

Will she be Lawler the brawler, or Lawler the faller?

0:04:160:04:20

It's faller.

0:04:220:04:24

-Oh, my God!

-A little bit muddy.

0:04:240:04:25

You're not wrong there, Amanda.

0:04:250:04:28

Even her celebrity eyeballs got muddy, look.

0:04:280:04:31

-Oh my...

-Are you all right?

0:04:310:04:33

-Do I look all right?

-Yeah, you look fabulous, darling, fabulous.

0:04:330:04:37

Next, Kate has to face the Big Balls. What could possibly go wrong?

0:04:370:04:41

Apart from that, and that, and that could happen...

0:04:410:04:45

And that. All of those things.

0:04:450:04:47

Remember, if Kate takes too long to jump she'll get some motivation from

0:04:470:04:52

that massive foam mallet, so she'd better hurry up.

0:04:520:04:56

Here we go. She's on the first ball.

0:04:560:04:58

No celebrity has ever crossed the Big Balls.

0:04:580:05:02

Can Kate Lawler be the first?

0:05:020:05:05

No, she can't.

0:05:070:05:08

While Kate takes a gentle paddle,

0:05:130:05:16

here's a peek at today's final obstacle.

0:05:160:05:19

It would be easy if they were ordinary Cradles of Doom,

0:05:190:05:22

but these are...

0:05:220:05:23

The Celebrity Cradles of Doom!

0:05:230:05:27

Actually, they're exactly the same.

0:05:280:05:31

Right, Kate is cold, wet and probably fed up.

0:05:310:05:34

This should be fun - for us.

0:05:340:05:35

She's up.

0:05:380:05:39

On to the first cradle.

0:05:410:05:42

Can she get the timing right, or will she rush it?

0:05:420:05:46

Oh, great stuff. Just one more leap to go.

0:05:470:05:51

-Come on, Kate.

-Yes.

0:05:510:05:53

And Kate Lawler is the first celeb to cross the course

0:05:550:05:58

with an impressive time of 2:35.

0:05:580:06:00

I didn't mind the swingy bit, I got over the first one...

0:06:010:06:04

FROG CROAKS

0:06:040:06:05

-What's that noise?

-A frog.

0:06:050:06:07

Eurgh, there's a frog here.

0:06:070:06:10

Next up is celebrity chef Tony Tobin from Ready Steady Cook

0:06:150:06:20

and Saturday Kitchen.

0:06:200:06:22

So, Tony, are you going to be cooking up a storm out there today?

0:06:220:06:26

This could be one of my best recipes.

0:06:260:06:27

Well, go get yourself out there and chop up the course

0:06:270:06:30

and steam it and do whatever else you chefs do.

0:06:300:06:33

I never get pudding. If Byram gets pudding on set,

0:06:340:06:37

I demand to get pudding as well or I'm walking.

0:06:370:06:40

And I've watched both of those shows he does. I think.

0:06:400:06:43

Where was I? Oh, yeah, Tony Tobin has set off, sprinting across the

0:06:430:06:47

pontoons and flying towards those Celebrity Traplonks.

0:06:470:06:51

Come on, Tony.

0:06:510:06:53

Yes, yes, here he goes.

0:06:530:06:56

Like a true chef, making a meal out of this.

0:06:560:07:00

-HE CHUCKLES

-Making a meal! He's over, though.

0:07:000:07:02

To be a good chef you need fast hands and perfect timing,

0:07:020:07:05

so Tony should be pretty...

0:07:050:07:08

Lines up the run,

0:07:110:07:13

jumps, grabs thin air, and into the Argentinian mud jus.

0:07:130:07:19

Now, to all those eggs that Tony's beaten over the years,

0:07:200:07:24

it's finally payback time.

0:07:240:07:26

Tony doing well, it looks like those eggs might end up disappointed.

0:07:280:07:32

Nothing worse than that disappointed egg. What am I talking about? Oh!

0:07:320:07:36

Tony getting a thorough basting in the mud there.

0:07:360:07:39

So, how will the Ready Steady Cook veteran fair on the Big Balls?

0:07:430:07:46

How far will he get?

0:07:460:07:48

Will it be green pepper or red tomato? My money's on red tomato.

0:07:480:07:54

Come on, Tony.

0:07:540:07:56

Yes, red tomato.

0:08:000:08:01

Did you hear me? I said red tomato.

0:08:010:08:04

Tony? Oh, there he is. I thought he was stuck in the...

0:08:040:08:08

yeah.

0:08:080:08:10

Just the Cradles of Doom left now then Tony and Amanda

0:08:100:08:12

can have their dessert.

0:08:120:08:13

Safely on to the first. Speaking of dessert, where's mine?

0:08:130:08:17

Come on, Tony, that's it, yes!

0:08:170:08:20

He's gone for the second and he's made it.

0:08:200:08:22

One big jump to go - if Tony makes this jump he'll be the first

0:08:220:08:26

celebrity chef from Reigate ever to cross the Celebrity...

0:08:260:08:29

Oh, my pudding's arrived, fantastic.

0:08:290:08:32

I don't like jelly, have you got anything else?

0:08:320:08:34

Thank you.

0:08:360:08:37

And Tony finishes in 3:15.

0:08:400:08:43

Yes!

0:08:430:08:45

Now it's the turn of comedienne and star of Three Non-Blondes, Ninia Benjamin.

0:08:470:08:53

And here are my muscles!

0:08:530:08:55

But don't look at that bit.

0:08:550:08:57

People are going to be shocked and in awe.

0:08:570:08:59

I'm going to swing, I'm going to climb, I'm going to be so fit

0:08:590:09:02

they're going to go, "Let's get her for the next Bond girl."

0:09:020:09:06

OK, where is she?

0:09:060:09:08

Where's she gone? There she is.

0:09:080:09:10

Now, the perfect platform for Ninia to demonstrate the style and attitude of a true Bond girl.

0:09:100:09:16

KLAXON BLARES

0:09:170:09:19

-Here we go!

-The klaxon means go.

0:09:190:09:23

Yeah, I'm getting attitude.

0:09:250:09:28

I can see style. Now, for that Halle Berry moment.

0:09:280:09:32

I don't hold out much hope for the poor thing.

0:09:320:09:34

Any minute now. Here she goes.

0:09:360:09:38

SHE SHRIEKS

0:09:380:09:41

Is that a seagull? No, that is actually her.

0:09:410:09:44

Maybe she needs time to get into the role.

0:09:440:09:47

It's going to be a long day, people, a long day.

0:09:470:09:52

In the meantime, maybe boy band heart-throb

0:09:520:09:54

Anthony Costa from Blue can get across the course a bit quicker.

0:09:540:09:58

I may be the boy from Blue, but I'll certainly "All Rise" to the occasion.

0:09:580:10:02

I'm sure he changed a tyre for me once. Right, here goes Anthony.

0:10:020:10:05

Oops.

0:10:050:10:07

Either he sat on a gerbil or he picked up an injury -

0:10:070:10:10

let's hope that's not too serious.

0:10:100:10:12

No, he's OK, I think.

0:10:120:10:14

Climbing out on to the pontoons.

0:10:140:10:17

Oh, looking a bit unsteady.

0:10:170:10:20

Not stumbling any more, though, he's got his sea legs,

0:10:210:10:23

let's find out if he brought his circus legs.

0:10:230:10:25

OK, he's on to the Traplonk.

0:10:270:10:29

First of all, jump trapeze, forwards, yes!

0:10:290:10:33

No, backwards, oh, forwards... backwards again...

0:10:330:10:37

If you've got a poster of him on your wall, girls, don't look.

0:10:370:10:40

Oh, dear, he's off.

0:10:400:10:42

-Come on, Anthony.

-Yeah, come on, Anthony.

0:10:420:10:44

Now he's got a feel for this

0:10:440:10:46

I expect he'll do a lot better second time around.

0:10:460:10:49

No, I was wrong there. Quite badly wrong.

0:10:520:10:54

-That's going to Costa him.

-Amanda Byram, there.

0:10:540:10:57

She writes all her own material, you know - in crayon.

0:10:570:11:01

Anthony might be used to the waving, outstretched arms

0:11:020:11:05

of Blue fans, but this represents an entirely different challenge.

0:11:050:11:09

# It's sad, so sad

0:11:120:11:16

# It's a sad, sad situation

0:11:160:11:19

# And it's getting more and more absurd... #

0:11:190:11:22

Certainly is, as a muddy and singed Anthony prepares to take on

0:11:220:11:26

Argentina's most famous four piece.

0:11:260:11:28

It's blue versus red.

0:11:280:11:31

And red wins.

0:11:340:11:36

He is looking tired, we may have broken him.

0:11:380:11:40

Underwater no one can hear you sing.

0:11:400:11:43

Just the Cradles of Doom to go.

0:11:460:11:48

So far today, everybody's made it across,

0:11:480:11:50

so can Anthony Costa be the first today not to make it?

0:11:500:11:55

He's on to the first, halfway there.

0:11:560:11:59

Oh, a little snatch of one of those famous Blue dance routines, I think.

0:12:030:12:09

-He doesn't look happy at all, does he? Look.

-You can do it.

0:12:090:12:13

Don't jinx it for him, Amanda.

0:12:130:12:15

Oh, she jinxed it, that was Amanda's fault.

0:12:170:12:20

She did that. The celebrity Cradles of Doom are all about

0:12:200:12:23

timing and I think Anthony might have missed that memo about timing.

0:12:230:12:28

Not the quickest time overall, but I'm sure Anthony will make

0:12:280:12:31

up for it with a rendition of one of those musical ditties that got him to the top of the hit parade.

0:12:310:12:36

-HE SNORTS

-I don't know that one - was that one of theirs?

0:12:360:12:40

Time to rejoin budding Bond girl Ninia

0:12:400:12:42

as she emerges effortlessly from the water.

0:12:420:12:46

SHE CACKLES

0:12:460:12:47

Muchas gracias!

0:12:500:12:52

After that little setback,

0:12:520:12:54

it's time for Ninia to show us her licence to thrill.

0:12:540:12:59

That's not technically an obstacle.

0:12:590:13:02

This truly is a sterling effort from Ninia. What determination,

0:13:020:13:07

what conviction, what spirit.

0:13:070:13:10

Unfortunately, however, Ninia is being a tiny bit on the slow side,

0:13:100:13:14

and to prevent us from over-running,

0:13:140:13:16

I'm going to give the fast-forward button a bit of a nudge.

0:13:160:13:20

Ah, that's better.

0:13:200:13:22

Making progress.

0:13:240:13:26

Why are we all laughing?

0:13:270:13:29

I don't know.

0:13:290:13:31

Well, she may have avoided the Traplonks,

0:13:330:13:35

but she won't be able to avoid the Sucker Punch.

0:13:350:13:38

Oh, that was in the face, below-the-belt. Oh, ow.

0:13:410:13:47

Yeah, that was...

0:13:490:13:50

tummy, knee, arm, head.

0:13:500:13:52

Just everywhere.

0:13:520:13:54

Oh, so close!

0:13:540:13:56

Not really. It was always miles out.

0:13:560:13:59

Poor Ninia took a bit of a battering there.

0:13:590:14:01

Is there anywhere she didn't actually get hit?

0:14:010:14:04

I think the answer is...

0:14:040:14:05

The Big Balls, now. Ninia has a time so far of five minutes 15 seconds.

0:14:070:14:11

She bottled the Traplonk. She's doomed but will she bottle it here?

0:14:110:14:15

No, this is brave stuff.

0:14:170:14:19

She's on to the first one. Hang on in there, Ninia.

0:14:190:14:21

Now, don't rush this.

0:14:210:14:23

Take your time.

0:14:230:14:26

You've got all the time in the world.

0:14:260:14:29

MUSIC: "We Have All The Time In The World" by Louis Armstrong

0:14:290:14:33

That was a bit more time than I was expecting.

0:14:490:14:51

You're going to need to move, Ninia. Yeah, she moved, she moved.

0:14:510:14:55

I'm going to come back to Ninia.

0:14:550:14:58

Here's someone who should fare better.

0:14:580:15:00

I don't want to big him up too much, but he is a former World,

0:15:000:15:03

European and Commonwealth Champion and Olympic silver medallist.

0:15:030:15:07

It's Iwan Thomas.

0:15:070:15:10

I've taken on the best, now it's time to take on these big red balls.

0:15:100:15:14

-Come on!

-Get ready for something special.

0:15:140:15:16

He's just going to leap over this.

0:15:160:15:19

-Oh!

-Come on, speedy boy.

0:15:190:15:21

Not the catchiest of nicknames, Amanda, but I'll go with it.

0:15:210:15:24

Speedy Boy Iwan clearly means business.

0:15:240:15:28

The Traplonks first.

0:15:280:15:30

Oh, and sailing over the first Traplonk.

0:15:300:15:34

Woah, not the second, though.

0:15:340:15:36

Iwan going for a high-jump record there, didn't quite pull it off, probably because he is a sprinter.

0:15:380:15:43

He holds the British record for fastest time in the 4x400m relay,

0:15:430:15:48

but can he outbox the Sucker Punch?

0:15:480:15:50

No. Because he's a sprinter.

0:15:500:15:56

Finally, time for some sprinting.

0:15:560:15:58

It's there 4x1 Big Ball relay.

0:15:580:16:01

1, 2, 3, wow!

0:16:010:16:03

-I'm speechless!

-Fearless Iwan flies across all four balls.

0:16:050:16:10

That was spectacular.

0:16:100:16:11

The final leg of Iwan's Qualifier approaches.

0:16:180:16:21

It's the Cradles of Doom.

0:16:210:16:24

And this is looking like a very fast time.

0:16:240:16:27

He's up. He's off.

0:16:270:16:31

He's across.

0:16:310:16:32

And he's completely mucked it up.

0:16:320:16:35

Iwan going for a long jump record there, didn't quite pull it off because, yeah, he's a sprinter.

0:16:350:16:41

So, the athletics legend skips up to the finishing podium

0:16:410:16:44

in a time of 1 minute 35.

0:16:440:16:46

That is going to take some beating.

0:16:460:16:48

That is pure guts.

0:16:520:16:54

The 400's guts as well if you go hard, but that run today,

0:16:540:16:57

the Wipeout course, you can't have any fear, don't hesitate.

0:16:570:17:02

Think about things, then make your mind up and go for it.

0:17:020:17:05

Ninia here, now on a time of nine and a half minutes.

0:17:050:17:09

Pushing the boundaries of epic. At least she's still smiling.

0:17:090:17:13

I'm so tired!

0:17:130:17:15

Come on, Ninia.

0:17:150:17:17

Come on.

0:17:170:17:19

I think that smile's ebbed slightly.

0:17:230:17:25

She's on the first one, looking good... ish.

0:17:250:17:29

I don't like it!

0:17:310:17:33

-You're not supposed to! Come on, Ninia, get to your feet.

-I can't!

0:17:330:17:37

Stand up on the one you're on.

0:17:370:17:41

Oh, Ninia!

0:17:450:17:47

Now I've got a problem, I've only been given 11 minutes worth

0:17:470:17:50

of commentary and I've literally run out of words, so, I don't know, let's just sit back and watch.

0:17:500:17:55

This is new territory.

0:17:550:17:57

OK, straight ahead of you, that way, the other way,

0:17:570:18:00

the other way, that way.

0:18:000:18:02

I don't want to go up! I don't want to do it.

0:18:050:18:09

I don't want to go up!

0:18:100:18:13

-You're so close.

-Do I have to go up?

-Yes, you do!

0:18:130:18:17

-Woo-hoo!

-Do I have to stand up?

0:18:250:18:28

Ninia's run will go down in Celebrity Total Wipeout history.

0:18:280:18:33

11 minutes 11 seconds. Wow.

0:18:330:18:36

So, let's have a look at the leaderboard. Iwan Thomas has sprinted

0:18:360:18:40

into gold medal position, while Kate "The Faller" Lawler lies in silver.

0:18:400:18:44

Tony Tobin is in third, in fourth place is Anthony Costa, and epic Ninia is currently in last place.

0:18:440:18:51

But there are still more celebrities to come, so this could all change.

0:18:510:18:55

Though not the last place, probably.

0:18:550:18:57

Now, remember, the slowest to cross the Qualifier will get just one measly point.

0:18:570:19:02

The fastest will get ten.

0:19:020:19:04

Who will it be? If I were to say the name Nancy Lam...

0:19:040:19:08

what would you say?

0:19:080:19:11

Yes, well she's not just a famous... what is she?

0:19:110:19:15

Chef. I reckon she could be today's dark horse.

0:19:150:19:18

I eat prawns like eating lovely sweet,

0:19:180:19:24

but I'm going to try to show you

0:19:240:19:28

those big things, those big red things and go...

0:19:280:19:32

I can't wait to see her in action.

0:19:340:19:36

I'm scared! Who's next?

0:19:360:19:38

Wow! Weather presenting legend, Sian Lloyd.

0:19:380:19:43

I'm forecasting high pressure in charge, glorious blue skies, wall-to-wall sunshine,

0:19:430:19:49

but later on, maybe deep depression moving in, leading to more unsettled conditions.

0:19:490:19:55

That's exactly why you're the best weather presenter in the world. That was brilliant.

0:19:550:20:00

And she's off.

0:20:010:20:04

Yes, little nod to the camera there. Presenter skills coming to the fore.

0:20:040:20:08

Always the consummate professional.

0:20:080:20:10

First Traplonk now. Oh, dear. That was...

0:20:100:20:12

Still, she kept her composure.

0:20:140:20:16

Bravo! Exquisite. Very ladylike.

0:20:160:20:19

Right, the Sucker Punch next.

0:20:210:20:24

Come on, Sian.

0:20:240:20:26

This wall punches back.

0:20:260:20:28

Aargh!

0:20:280:20:29

The voice that soothes millions every evening.

0:20:300:20:33

First few cracks starting to show maybe in that presenter veneer?

0:20:330:20:38

Aargh! Aargh! Aargh!

0:20:380:20:40

Yeah.

0:20:410:20:44

Sian Lloyd's been at the top of her game for 25 years.

0:20:440:20:47

She's demonstrating here how important it is

0:20:470:20:50

to always look her best, regardless of the situation.

0:20:500:20:53

She combines that with the skill of always keeping calm under pressure.

0:20:530:20:57

Aargh!

0:20:590:21:01

See?

0:21:010:21:02

I forecast a weather presenter

0:21:050:21:07

heading south with high pressure as wet conditions are moving in.

0:21:070:21:11

Sian was voted UK Rear Of The Year in 2007.

0:21:140:21:18

Can she eclipse this achievement by adding the title

0:21:180:21:21

of Celebrity Cradles of Doom Crosser?

0:21:210:21:23

-I can't do this!

-Yes you can!

0:21:230:21:26

-Yes you can.

-I so can't!

0:21:260:21:27

-Come on, Sian.

-I'm so scared of this.

0:21:270:21:30

Overcome that fear. Master it.

0:21:320:21:34

Yes! Oh, look at this.

0:21:340:21:36

This is moving stuff.

0:21:360:21:38

Sian Lloyd overcoming her greatest fears,

0:21:380:21:41

tapping into her last reserves of strength.

0:21:410:21:44

Refusing to be overcome.

0:21:440:21:45

Oh.

0:21:480:21:49

Despite a moment of weakness on the cradles,

0:21:530:21:55

Sian Lloyd regains her composure to complete the Qualifier

0:21:550:21:58

in six minutes and 11 seconds.

0:21:580:22:00

Wahey!

0:22:000:22:02

I am zonked!

0:22:040:22:06

-There was zonking?

-I am zonked!

-I didn't see any zonking.

0:22:060:22:10

Anyway, next is TV presenter and former professional footballer, Jeff Brazier.

0:22:100:22:14

You've seen the rest, now witness the best!

0:22:140:22:17

He's on after me.

0:22:170:22:19

Tell me, what do the kids think of Daddy being here?

0:22:190:22:22

It's their favourite programme. They've been talking to me about tactics and what we're going to do

0:22:220:22:27

on the red balls and maybe that will help me to get a good time.

0:22:270:22:30

Jeff says he wants to break the record time for the Qualifier.

0:22:330:22:36

That's 1:08, by the way.

0:22:360:22:38

I'd say there's a fair chance he'll break something tonight.

0:22:380:22:41

In fact, I'm almost certain.

0:22:410:22:42

-Traplonks time. Jeff judges the first one perfectly.

-Yes!

0:22:420:22:47

Oh, and misjudges the second one perfectly!

0:22:490:22:51

Just look at Jeff Brazier, giving 100% here.

0:22:530:22:56

Leaving nothing in the changing rooms.

0:22:560:22:58

Apart from his bag, maybe. Change of clothes, watch,

0:22:580:23:01

-but it's all locked up in a safe.

-Come on, Jeff!

0:23:010:23:04

# Flash, aah-aah! #

0:23:040:23:06

The Sucker Punch now, and wow!

0:23:060:23:08

I've never seen that before!

0:23:080:23:10

That must be a Total Wipeout first.

0:23:100:23:13

If he can do that on the Sucker Punch, what can he do here?

0:23:130:23:18

It's a good effort. It's a good effort.

0:23:200:23:23

Jeff Brazier may not beat the course record, but he's having a very good go at it.

0:23:230:23:27

# Gordon's alive! #

0:23:300:23:32

Who's Gordon? Where does he come in?

0:23:320:23:34

# Flash, aah-aah! #

0:23:340:23:36

Just the Cradles of Doom to go now for Gordon Brazier.

0:23:360:23:40

If he makes these, he'll beat Iwan Thomas's time.

0:23:400:23:43

He's up the ladder.

0:23:430:23:46

He's going for it. Come on! Come on!

0:23:460:23:50

Ooh! He really went straight for it!

0:23:500:23:55

Mmm. No records broken.

0:23:550:23:58

Possibly just his nose.

0:23:580:24:01

And some teeth.

0:24:010:24:02

And our podium. Still, despite that howler,

0:24:020:24:06

Jeff "Gordon" Brazier completes the Qualifier

0:24:060:24:08

in one minute and 44 seconds,

0:24:080:24:10

only nine seconds shy of Iwan Thomas.

0:24:100:24:13

So far, the Qualifier has terrified the celebrities.

0:24:130:24:19

So what's really needed now is somebody who is completely fearless.

0:24:190:24:25

-Brilliant. It's Really Wild presenter, Michaela Strachan.

-Rah!

0:24:250:24:30

I've swam with sharks,

0:24:300:24:32

I've been charged by an elephant, been charged by a rhino.

0:24:320:24:35

So, you know, how difficult can it be?

0:24:350:24:38

I was once bothered by a baboon, but that's a whole different story.

0:24:380:24:42

Michaela Strachan is a wildlife lover and hater of pollution.

0:24:420:24:45

So probably best not to tell her

0:24:450:24:48

this is where the Argentineans store their toxic waste.

0:24:480:24:52

Yes, she definitely doesn't want to fall in there.

0:24:520:24:55

Oh, she's, er, she's fallen in.

0:24:550:24:57

That toxic sludge is emitting 1,000 millisieverts of radiation.

0:24:570:25:02

She's not going to be happy with that.

0:25:020:25:04

Michaela lives in Cape Town

0:25:060:25:08

and looks out of the window every morning to see lions, bison...

0:25:080:25:12

polar bears... and hopefully not that baboon I mentioned.

0:25:120:25:15

That was horrible. Oh.

0:25:150:25:17

Oh! You'd better get out of that stuff pretty quickly as well.

0:25:170:25:21

It burns after a while. Sucker Punch really dishing it out there to Michaela.

0:25:210:25:26

Michaela claims to be fearless.

0:25:270:25:29

Let's find out how well that claim holds up here.

0:25:290:25:32

Now. Can she... oh, she's off!

0:25:320:25:35

She really wants to be careful in that water, the Argentineans use it to strip paint...

0:25:360:25:41

off farm machines. It's true!

0:25:410:25:44

Michaela surprisingly intact as she approaches the Cradles of Doom.

0:25:440:25:49

Ooh, she's onto the first. Come on, Michaela.

0:25:490:25:54

She's up and making a move onto the second.

0:25:540:25:57

One leap to go before

0:25:570:25:58

she can climb into that on-site decontamination chamber.

0:25:580:26:02

-She'll probably make it.

-Yes!

-Michaela's made it in a very good

0:26:020:26:05

two minutes and 11 seconds.

0:26:050:26:07

Thankfully not suffering any ill side-effects... yet.

0:26:070:26:10

What happened?

0:26:100:26:11

-Urgh!

-Oh, dear! That's what I did when the baboon got me.

0:26:110:26:16

Now, get ready to be astounded and have your preconceptions shattered.

0:26:160:26:22

Because Nancy Lam is...

0:26:220:26:24

Oh. Hang on. Yes.

0:26:250:26:28

I've just been told Nancy is retiring from the competition.

0:26:280:26:32

Problems with her blood pressure?

0:26:320:26:34

That's disappointing and a bit of an anti-climax.

0:26:340:26:37

I kind of wish I hadn't bigged her up so much now.

0:26:370:26:39

Or bet my car on her making the Wipeout Zone.

0:26:390:26:43

I'm joined now at the top of the Qualifier by thespian, Joe Absolom.

0:26:430:26:46

-Joe, how are you doing?

-Very good. Feeling really excited by this.

0:26:460:26:50

-The mud's probably going to be a bit difficult.

-Why?

0:26:500:26:54

Because it's muddy.

0:26:540:26:56

This course may be silly, but not as silly as these bad boys.

0:26:560:27:00

Yes, they are quite silly. Yep.

0:27:010:27:03

-Pretty good start from the former EastEnders actor.

-Nice, Joe!

0:27:030:27:07

Onto the pontoons. Joe's appearing on Total Wipeout

0:27:070:27:11

to prove to his three-year-old daughter that he can do it.

0:27:110:27:15

And from the looks of it, yes, he can!

0:27:150:27:18

No, he can't.

0:27:180:27:19

Sorry. Joe provided some comedy there.

0:27:190:27:22

Real acting talent.

0:27:220:27:24

Showing us his versatility as a thespian.

0:27:240:27:28

Joe has often been cast in the role of hard man,

0:27:280:27:30

but so has the Sucker Punch,

0:27:300:27:32

so this should make for some interesting dialogue on set.

0:27:320:27:36

Ah-ha! Yes. Straight in.

0:27:360:27:38

Sucker Punch steals the scene again. Never mind. Big Balls now.

0:27:380:27:43

The stage of many a dramatic encounter.

0:27:430:27:45

Here we go. Ooh. Ooh. Oh!

0:27:470:27:51

Uncanny resemblance to his action scene in Casualty... or The Bill.

0:27:540:27:58

Holby City, Last of the Summer Wine. One of those.

0:27:580:28:01

Joe says he's never won anything, but if he makes it over these

0:28:010:28:05

without a fall, he may well have the winning time today.

0:28:050:28:09

Come on, Joe. This is it.

0:28:090:28:11

Onto the first. Whoa! Yes! Almost falls, but he's recovered.

0:28:110:28:15

This is very quick. One more jump. Wow! He's made it.

0:28:150:28:19

Joe, you are a champion!

0:28:190:28:22

Now, cheer up, please!

0:28:220:28:25

That incredible performance puts Joe at the top of the leaderboard and wins him the maximum ten points.

0:28:250:28:30

Iwan Thomas in second with nine.

0:28:300:28:32

Jeff "Gordon" Brazier still pretty "Flash" in third. Michaela Strachan in fourth.

0:28:320:28:36

Kate Lawler in fifth. Tony Tobin in sixth.

0:28:360:28:39

Antony Costa in seventh.

0:28:390:28:41

In the danger zone are Sian Lloyd with three points,

0:28:410:28:44

Ninia on two and somehow Nancy has one point for not even starting.

0:28:440:28:49

Work that out. But remember, no-one gets eliminated yet.

0:28:490:28:53

Everyone has a chance to claw back some dignity in the next round.

0:28:530:28:57

That's right. It's Crash Mountain. Which is dripping dignity.

0:28:570:29:01

Well, it's dripping something. I think it's hydraulic fluid.

0:29:010:29:04

Ha! It's going to catch fire!

0:29:040:29:06

The celebrities must all dash to the centre podium,

0:29:120:29:15

avoiding that high-speed sweeper arm.

0:29:150:29:17

The first across will be awarded a full ten points.

0:29:170:29:20

The second will score nine, and so on.

0:29:200:29:23

At the end, the points are combined with those from the Qualifier

0:29:230:29:27

and the five highest-scoring contestants will go through to the next round. Got that?

0:29:270:29:31

Good. Let's meet the lucky ten.

0:29:310:29:34

On podium one, it's Nancy Lam.

0:29:340:29:36

Well, it would be Nancy Lam but she's on the "did not start" bench.

0:29:360:29:40

On two and three, Antony Costa...

0:29:400:29:43

I may be the boy from Blue, but boys, I'm coming after you! Woo!

0:29:430:29:47

..And Kate Lawler.

0:29:470:29:49

I'm so excited to be here. Can you see it on my face?

0:29:490:29:52

That girl's got range. On four and five, Tony Tobin...

0:29:520:29:56

Is this my best side, yeah?

0:29:560:29:58

No. And Jeff Gordon Brazier.

0:29:580:30:00

I don't want to swim any more.

0:30:000:30:02

You probably will have to. On six and seven, it's Sian Lloyd...

0:30:020:30:06

This looks pretty stormy to me.

0:30:060:30:08

I'm forecasting unsettled conditions ahead.

0:30:080:30:12

How does she do that? And Ninia Benjamin.

0:30:120:30:14

I may have come last on the thing but on this thing,

0:30:140:30:18

I'm going to come second to last.

0:30:180:30:21

All right! On eight and nine it's...Joe Absolom!

0:30:210:30:24

This arm may be going around but it's not going to take me down.

0:30:240:30:27

..And Iwan Thomas.

0:30:270:30:28

I may have been beaten by the balls, but let's hope this doesn't leave me deflated.

0:30:280:30:33

And finally on podium 10, it's Michaela Strachan.

0:30:330:30:36

I'm going to try and skip across this like a mountain goat.

0:30:360:30:40

That's the plan, anyway. GOAT BLEATS

0:30:400:30:42

All of our celebrities have climbed the slippery slope to success

0:30:460:30:49

and now they're about to come crashing down. It's Crash Mountain.

0:30:490:30:53

-Are you all already?

-Yes!

-No.

0:30:530:30:56

Ah! Oh, celebrities!

0:30:560:30:58

They're always ready for action. 3, 2, 1...

0:30:580:31:02

KLAXON SOUNDS

0:31:020:31:04

So, Crash Mountain begins.

0:31:040:31:07

-No way.

-Well, come on.

0:31:090:31:10

No way. I ain't going.

0:31:100:31:11

No way.

0:31:110:31:15

Not exactly oozing enthusiasm, are they?

0:31:150:31:17

Maybe they're waiting for their agents to tell them to go?

0:31:190:31:22

When do we go?

0:31:220:31:24

Now! Oh great, Tony's off and in the water.

0:31:240:31:27

That's not going to have inspired them to try,

0:31:270:31:29

but at least he did try. Come on, celebrities!

0:31:290:31:32

You're a disgrace to show business, or whatever you variously do.

0:31:320:31:35

Iwan goes for it. So close!

0:31:350:31:37

Ohh!

0:31:370:31:38

-My heart's beating.

-My heart is as well.

0:31:380:31:40

Ninia goes for it.

0:31:430:31:45

Oh, no!

0:31:450:31:46

They do say comedy is all about timing and that was perfect.

0:31:460:31:52

Who'll be next?

0:31:520:31:53

It's Jeff. Good landing.

0:31:540:31:56

Oh, quality ducking action.

0:31:560:31:58

-Come on, Jeff.

-Come on, Jeff!

0:31:580:32:01

-Get up and run!

-Yes, come on.

0:32:010:32:02

Oh, what was that?

0:32:040:32:05

He just chickened out.

0:32:050:32:08

Here's Joe! No.

0:32:080:32:10

That was the best attempt yet.

0:32:100:32:11

He touched the summit... with his face.

0:32:110:32:14

This is impossible!

0:32:140:32:17

-I can't do it!

-It's not impossible for normal humans, Kate.

0:32:180:32:22

But maybe for celebrities, is a mission impossible.

0:32:220:32:24

Mind you, here comes Iwan, and Michaela's off.

0:32:240:32:27

-Come on!

-Yes!

0:32:270:32:29

Iwan Thomas is the first to the centre.

0:32:290:32:32

-Anything is possible!

-He gets ten points.

0:32:320:32:34

Right, who's next, as Iwan rallies the troops?

0:32:340:32:38

-IWAN SHOUTS

-There's a motivational speech.

0:32:390:32:41

Come on. Oh, Antony! Straight into the water.

0:32:410:32:44

-Argh!

-That's the catchy follow-up to his PRRFFFT song.

0:32:460:32:49

Now available to download.

0:32:490:32:51

Kate now and she's in very quickly.

0:32:530:32:59

Ninia again. Ow! That's cruel.

0:32:590:33:03

-Michaela's on.

-Stay down! Get up and run.

0:33:030:33:06

Come on! Come on!

0:33:060:33:08

Oh, no, she's off.

0:33:080:33:10

Jeff again.

0:33:100:33:12

-Oh. Well, that's original and ineffective.

-Oh!

0:33:150:33:18

There is something you don't see every day. Entertaining though.

0:33:180:33:21

Well, oh!

0:33:230:33:25

He'll get gigs of the strength of that.

0:33:250:33:27

Tony's back for seconds... of nasty water.

0:33:270:33:30

Joe now.

0:33:300:33:32

No! Just misses out again.

0:33:320:33:34

We're going to do it, come on.

0:33:340:33:36

Kate's on. Properly now.

0:33:360:33:38

Oww!

0:33:380:33:39

Oh dear!

0:33:390:33:42

Her head just got run over!

0:33:420:33:44

But she is still on. Just needs to get too her feet.

0:33:440:33:47

Come on, Kate.

0:33:470:33:48

Just one more jump. And she's across.

0:33:480:33:51

That's nine points to Kate Lawler, with a little help from Iwan there.

0:33:510:33:55

Bolt her arm back into the socket and she'll be fine.

0:33:550:33:59

Right, now, still points up for grabs. Who will be next?

0:33:590:34:02

Jeff's on. Just hanging on in there.

0:34:020:34:05

Oh!

0:34:050:34:07

Now he's joined by Michaela.

0:34:070:34:10

Just needs to get to his feet.

0:34:100:34:13

Oh, he's chickened out. Again. But Michaela is still on. She needs to get to her feet quickly.

0:34:130:34:18

Good stuff. Good stuff. Ouch!

0:34:180:34:22

No! No!

0:34:220:34:24

Oh dear! That's a no. Still no.

0:34:240:34:28

No.

0:34:280:34:29

Slide up. Slide across it.

0:34:330:34:35

Kate Lawler, Crash Mountain expert there.

0:34:350:34:37

-Joe's made it. Eight points to him.

-Woo!

0:34:370:34:40

Now, can Tony make it? He's on.

0:34:410:34:44

Just needs to get to his feet.

0:34:440:34:46

He's made it to the centre. That's seven points to him.

0:34:480:34:50

Great effort. Made that look easy.

0:34:500:34:54

Now the remaining celebrities need to get a move on. Antony now.

0:34:540:34:59

This might be his final chance to score some decent points.

0:34:590:35:01

Come on.

0:35:010:35:03

No. This could be game over for Antony.

0:35:070:35:11

Jeff now with a last-ditch attempt.

0:35:120:35:15

No! No!

0:35:150:35:17

Yes! Come on!

0:35:170:35:18

I'm not sure if that's legal, but he's across. Four celebs left.

0:35:190:35:22

Sian hasn't tried once.

0:35:220:35:24

Pretty sure Ninia is out. Antony, I'm not sure.

0:35:240:35:27

Michaela, I don't know.

0:35:270:35:29

She's going for it.

0:35:300:35:32

Oh...suddenly this is looking good

0:35:320:35:34

and she's made it.

0:35:340:35:36

Bit of a team effort there earns Michaela Strachan five points.

0:35:360:35:40

-KLAXON SOUNDS

-There goes the klaxon.

0:35:440:35:46

It's game over. There are six on the podium.

0:35:460:35:48

Let's see which five have made it through to Dizzy Dummies.

0:35:480:35:51

I've got to do so maths now, so bear with me...

0:35:510:35:54

Iwan's maximum ten points on Crash Mountain puts the former athlete in top spot.

0:35:540:35:58

Joe is just one behind after his incredible Qualifier run.

0:35:580:36:02

Kate and Jeff are in third and fourth.

0:36:020:36:04

And this is close - Michaela and Tony are tied on 12 points.

0:36:040:36:08

What happens now? In the event of a draw, the person with the fastest Qualifier time goes through.

0:36:080:36:13

So Michaela gets to join the others in Dizzy Dummies.

0:36:130:36:16

-DOWNBEAT JAZZ MUSIC

-It's goodbye to Tony,

0:36:160:36:19

Antony, Sian, Ninia and Nancy.

0:36:190:36:23

I'm sure they'll probably pop up again on The Hole In The Wall or The One Show...some time.

0:36:230:36:29

I gave it two good goes.

0:36:300:36:32

Two good goes and then I decided not to give it any more goes.

0:36:320:36:37

I've got terrible balance. I literally froze.

0:36:370:36:41

I've got the world's worst balance.

0:36:410:36:45

I tried to do it. I was really, really just...

0:36:450:36:49

gutted, man! Bad.

0:36:490:36:53

I'm not happy. I wanted...

0:36:540:36:57

that Wipeout Zone. I really wanted to go to the Wipeout Zone.

0:36:570:37:01

Sorry, kids.

0:37:010:37:03

Watch me, have a good laugh.

0:37:030:37:06

Who cares?!

0:37:060:37:08

MUSIC FINISHES

0:37:100:37:12

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

0:37:130:37:14

Just in case you didn't think I was actually playing it...

0:37:140:37:17

HE PLAYS POORLY

0:37:170:37:19

Yeah.

0:37:220:37:23

Proof. Now it's time for Dizzy Dummies.

0:37:230:37:26

It all starts with a fast spin in the Dizzy Dummy, followed by a clamber over the goalpost.

0:37:330:37:38

Then the celebrities must traverse the Blob.

0:37:380:37:41

Last one across is eliminated.

0:37:410:37:43

Then, more spinning and a trip over the Crazy Beams.

0:37:430:37:47

Again, the last one across is eliminated.

0:37:470:37:50

That's what this show is all about -

0:37:500:37:52

celebrities being sick for charity.

0:37:520:37:55

Want to see a celebrity spinning out of control?

0:37:550:37:58

Well, I've got a treat for you. Here's five.

0:37:580:38:00

-It's Dizzy Dummies. You all ready?

-Yes.

-No!

0:38:000:38:04

This lot were born ready. 3, 2, 1!

0:38:040:38:07

KLAXON SOUNDS

0:38:070:38:10

As the show business merry-go-round begins,

0:38:100:38:12

it's time for a reminder of just who today's Dizzy Dummies are.

0:38:120:38:16

He's used to going this fast, just not round in circles.

0:38:160:38:18

-It's time to take on these big red balls!

-It's speedy boy, Iwan.

0:38:180:38:22

-Agh!

-She's a faller, she's a brawler.

0:38:240:38:26

-Wish me luck.

-It's Kate, "The Faller" Lawler.

0:38:260:38:29

Half man, half... er, lady? I don't know.

0:38:310:38:35

It's ex-EastEnder, Joe Absolom.

0:38:350:38:38

Then there's Emperor Ming's arch enemy - Jeff Gordon Brazier.

0:38:380:38:43

And finally it's Michaela Strachan, who amazingly looks about the same here...

0:38:430:38:50

as she does here.

0:38:500:38:52

Michaela calibrates herself, and they're off! Sort of.

0:38:540:39:00

Lot of staggering.

0:39:000:39:02

Iwan's over the goal.

0:39:070:39:09

And Jeff. And Joe.

0:39:090:39:10

Not Michaela.

0:39:130:39:16

Iwan on to The Blob, racing ahead.

0:39:160:39:18

Oh, no, slips right off!

0:39:180:39:20

400 metres on a running track - fine for Iwan, but five metres on

0:39:200:39:24

an inflatable peppermint, now there's a problem.

0:39:240:39:27

Jeff taking the lead, but Joe's chasing.

0:39:270:39:29

-Come on, Kate!

-Now there's an opening for Kate.

0:39:310:39:33

Steady. This game isn't really about speed, more about balance.

0:39:330:39:38

Michaela's heading the chase.

0:39:380:39:40

Come on. Oh, no!

0:39:400:39:44

She didn't mind the gap, and look what's happened.

0:39:440:39:47

Swallowed by the celebrity-munching Blob. That'll make the papers.

0:39:470:39:52

Michaela in the lead now, will she avoid the gap?

0:39:520:39:55

She's hanging on. Come on, Michaela.

0:39:570:40:00

Oh, no. No. Joe managed to knock Michaela to safety. What a gent.

0:40:000:40:05

-That's it, Michaela.

-One jump now. Michaela's so close. Come on.

0:40:050:40:09

Hang in there.

0:40:090:40:12

Every ounce of strength. Yes. Yes, she's up, and she's made it to the finish line. Incredible.

0:40:120:40:17

Michaela's first through.

0:40:170:40:20

-Yes!

-Clearly, Iwan wants to join her.

0:40:200:40:21

Wow! Oh, dear.

0:40:210:40:25

Slow down, Iwan, this isn't the Olympics. And that certainly isn't a running track.

0:40:250:40:30

Kate once again in pole position. Will she mind that gap the second time around? She misses the gap...

0:40:300:40:36

but still slips in. The Blob causing complete celebrity carnage out there today.

0:40:360:40:40

Jeff taking it steady.

0:40:400:40:42

Very steady. Oh, dear.

0:40:420:40:44

A bit too steady.

0:40:440:40:47

Until the end, which suddenly looks very unsteady.

0:40:470:40:50

Joe, though, back on, and moving like a frog. It's working.

0:40:520:40:56

Big jump required now. Come on...this is looking good.

0:40:580:41:01

Yes?

0:41:010:41:04

Better by the second for Joe. Can he make it? One final jump.

0:41:040:41:08

Yes, Joe is through, which means you, Iwan, Kate and Jeff are competing for just two places now.

0:41:080:41:14

Iwan looking good.

0:41:140:41:17

Well, he was until he disappeared from sight.

0:41:170:41:19

That red top is bringing down more celebs them a...red top.

0:41:190:41:23

Kate back on the Blob, looking focused.

0:41:240:41:28

-Oh, please.

-It's no good pleading, it's the Blob. It won't hear you.

0:41:320:41:36

Needs a good jump now, and she'll have made it.

0:41:380:41:40

Jeff is closing in, though.

0:41:400:41:43

-I've never seen anyone so scared of a pontoon.

-I would jump,

0:41:430:41:46

because Jeff is right behind you.

0:41:470:41:49

-Jump on my feet?

-Yes, yes.

0:41:490:41:51

Jeff jumps, Kate jumps. Oh no!

0:41:510:41:54

Yes! Kate's across, but Jeff is swallowed by the gap.

0:41:540:41:58

So either Iwan or Jeff is about to be eliminated. Here comes Iwan.

0:41:580:42:05

A final dash.

0:42:050:42:08

No!

0:42:080:42:10

Iwan's down. This is looking decidedly dangerous now.

0:42:100:42:14

Jeff. Can he make it? Come on, looking tired.

0:42:180:42:21

This is where it gets dangerous, from here on in.

0:42:230:42:27

Ye-ye-ye-ye-yes. OK, that's it.

0:42:270:42:29

-Take your time, take your time.

-Will Iwan get another chance?

0:42:320:42:34

He's ready and waiting. He might not.

0:42:340:42:36

Jeff is through to the next round, which, unbelievably, means Iwan Thomas has been eliminated.

0:42:410:42:47

You said to me you wanted to get to the Wipeout Zone.

0:42:470:42:50

That's all I wanted to do, but listen, I was beaten by four better people.

0:42:500:42:53

It was tough, but whoever makes it, well done. Make the most of it, because I wanted to do it.

0:42:530:42:58

Listen, hard luck. You've been absolutely fantastic.

0:42:580:43:00

Well done to get this far.

0:43:000:43:02

-Thank you very much.

-Go and get dried off.

0:43:020:43:04

So, incredibly, an Olympic athlete has been beaten by

0:43:040:43:07

two TV presenters, an actor and a Big Brother winner.

0:43:070:43:09

Who knows what's going to happen next?

0:43:090:43:11

Ah well. They're off. Limbering up.

0:43:220:43:25

Getting ready. Joe, first to the goal...ish. No.

0:43:270:43:30

Jeff now quickly up and over.

0:43:330:43:35

A nice acrobatic landing, too. Very elegant.

0:43:350:43:39

So now to the Crazy Beams for Jeff.

0:43:420:43:44

Ooh...

0:43:470:43:49

No. No.

0:43:490:43:51

Back to the start for him. Joe now.

0:43:510:43:55

Kate floundering a bit there.

0:43:550:43:58

Joe taking a measured approach. It's paying off, though. He's staying on.

0:43:580:44:02

It's back to the start for Michaela.

0:44:030:44:06

Kate is still in the running.

0:44:080:44:10

Joe now very nearly across. Come on.

0:44:110:44:15

Just one leap now between him and the Wipeout Zone.

0:44:180:44:23

-Yes!

-He's done it.

0:44:230:44:25

Joe grabs one of the coveted spots in the final.

0:44:250:44:28

Two places remain. Who will be joining him?

0:44:280:44:31

Jeff makes cautious progress,

0:44:310:44:33

gently inching his way towards the finish line.

0:44:330:44:35

Oh! No, Michaela's in the water again.

0:44:360:44:39

Jeff weighing up his next move.

0:44:400:44:43

He's on. But can he stay on?

0:44:430:44:46

-Yes, he can.

-You've got it.

0:44:460:44:48

And, yes! Jeff is through.

0:44:480:44:49

So either Kate or Michaela is about to be eliminated.

0:44:490:44:54

There is just one place left, so they might want to get a move on.

0:44:570:45:01

A fantastic effort from Kate.

0:45:010:45:02

Come on, Michaela. Fight, fight for it.

0:45:020:45:05

It could all be over for Michaela now, and Kate is across.

0:45:050:45:09

Look at her, just beaming from ear to ear. She's enjoying this!

0:45:100:45:13

Michaela, you were so, so close.

0:45:130:45:18

I really struggled getting on that first one.

0:45:180:45:21

Once you're on, it's easy. It probably doesn't help if you're little.

0:45:210:45:25

Because you kind of dive on to it, not quite tall enough to reach.

0:45:250:45:29

They really wanted to get through, and I'm pleased with where I've got.

0:45:290:45:32

And I've had a really good time.

0:45:320:45:34

So, today's Wipeout Zone competitors have been decided.

0:45:340:45:38

Here's an interesting bit of Wipeout trivia for you.

0:45:380:45:41

All three finalists have something in common.

0:45:410:45:44

They all share the same occupation.

0:45:440:45:47

Yep, they're all celebrities.

0:45:470:45:49

Time to see what reaching the final round means to them all,

0:45:490:45:52

even if it means absolutely nothing.

0:45:520:45:54

At least Joe's an actor, so he can lay it on thick for us,

0:45:540:45:57

might even get some tears!

0:45:570:45:59

He is an actor, isn't he, not a racing...? He's an actor.

0:45:590:46:01

My training for this consisted of joining a gym.

0:46:040:46:07

I'm quite lethargic, I think I only went twice to the gym, so...

0:46:070:46:11

Nothing can prepare you for Total Wipeout.

0:46:140:46:17

It's been so much tougher than I expected it to be.

0:46:170:46:20

The bruises won't last too long, but the memories will last a long time.

0:46:200:46:24

People say it's not about the winning, it's the taking part that counts. But to win is really good.

0:46:240:46:29

I'm slightly apprehensive of losing to Kate Lawler,

0:46:290:46:33

that would kill me. Ha! That would kill me.

0:46:330:46:37

I think I've got a very worthy charity to donate 10,000 to,

0:46:380:46:41

and it would be major bragging rights for my kids at school.

0:46:410:46:45

I would love it if I beat Jeff and Joe.

0:46:450:46:47

I would love to win this, love it.

0:46:470:46:49

It would be the best thing I'd ever done.

0:46:490:46:52

A mixture of nerves and excitement.

0:46:520:46:54

It's going to be water, tough, something I've never done before.

0:46:540:46:57

If I get knocked off, I'll get up as quick as I can

0:46:570:47:00

and keep on until there's nothing left in the tank.

0:47:000:47:03

Just give it all. I'll only be here once.

0:47:030:47:05

-I will give it my best shot.

-It really is anybody's.

0:47:050:47:08

Where they're going, there is no guest list.

0:47:100:47:13

There's no red carpet, and there's no VIP treatment.

0:47:130:47:16

It's just them on their own.

0:47:160:47:18

With Amanda. And a cameraman.

0:47:180:47:21

And lots of health and safety people. It's the Wipeout Zone.

0:47:210:47:24

Here's what awaits today's famous competitors.

0:47:290:47:33

Killer Surf, Celebrity Slide,

0:47:330:47:36

Rapid Climb, Showbiz Waterfall, the Balance Beam.

0:47:360:47:41

An all-star Precarious Ledge.

0:47:410:47:44

Crazy Sweeper.

0:47:440:47:45

A glitzy Spinning Arm, followed by a glamorous Rope Swing

0:47:450:47:49

to the five-star Rotating Platform.

0:47:490:47:51

Finishing with a jump to the renowned Podium,

0:47:510:47:54

where the Famous Button stops the Illustrious Clock.

0:47:540:47:57

Fastest one wins a shiny cup and £10,000 for the charity of their choice.

0:47:570:48:04

It's been a long, hard day for our celebrities.

0:48:040:48:07

And it's about to get even longer and harder.

0:48:070:48:10

It's the Wipeout Zone, and the first to brave it tonight is Kate.

0:48:100:48:13

So, Kate "The Faller" Lawler is tonight's first celebrity crash test dummy.

0:48:180:48:22

-Wish me luck.

-Good luck.

0:48:250:48:28

Well, she's away.

0:48:280:48:30

Well, she spins around to perfectly face the Rapid Climb.

0:48:340:48:37

Nice work, Kate. Just a swim to the Rapid Climb.

0:48:370:48:41

She needs to pull herself up as quickly as possible.

0:48:410:48:44

Once on the start of it,

0:48:470:48:49

she's got ten seconds before a tidal wave is unleashed.

0:48:490:48:52

That ten seconds starts now.

0:48:520:48:54

Oh, no, she's struggling already. This isn't good.

0:48:580:49:01

I'm scared.

0:49:010:49:03

-HOOTER BLOWS

-Oh, no, oh, no!

0:49:030:49:05

She really stood no chance against that wall of water.

0:49:110:49:15

A terrible start for Kate. Swept away by the thundering cascades.

0:49:150:49:20

And she now has to do it all over again.

0:49:230:49:25

That has cost her a lot of time.

0:49:250:49:27

Doing much better now, though. Come on, Kate.

0:49:330:49:36

Now Kate reaches the Balance Beam.

0:49:420:49:45

Come on, Kate.

0:49:450:49:46

Her heart will be thumping, but she needs to steady her feet here.

0:49:470:49:51

What's she doing? Shoelace undone?

0:49:510:49:54

That's not balancing, that's crawling.

0:49:540:49:57

She'll be walking funny for days.

0:49:570:49:59

Now she's kind of shuffling along.

0:49:590:50:02

This technique is going to cost Kate even more time.

0:50:020:50:06

Come on!

0:50:060:50:08

I think it would have been easier if you'd done it the normal way, Kate.

0:50:140:50:17

She's cleared it.

0:50:250:50:26

But look at that.

0:50:260:50:27

Taking so much time she's been overtaken by the rubber ring.

0:50:270:50:31

Come on!

0:50:310:50:33

Waiting for the perfect moment.

0:50:330:50:35

All in the timing, she's off.

0:50:350:50:39

And ducking.

0:50:390:50:41

Got to be fast now, that arm is coming back round.

0:50:410:50:45

Go, go, go.

0:50:450:50:47

Yes!

0:50:470:50:48

The Tarzan Swing now. Kate can get back on track here.

0:50:480:50:51

-Oh!

-No. She just ended up getting back in the water.

0:50:540:50:57

Loses her grip mid-swing.

0:50:570:51:00

Yet another time delay for Ms Lawler.

0:51:000:51:02

Nearly there now, Kate. A climb up on to the Turntable.

0:51:070:51:10

And then one final jump to the Finish Podium.

0:51:100:51:13

One last leap now.

0:51:160:51:18

And Kate completes the Wipeout Zone in 5:18.

0:51:190:51:22

With apparently some energy to spare.

0:51:240:51:27

Kate's Wipeout Zone run quickly came unstuck on the Rapid Climb,

0:51:310:51:34

and she never really recovered.

0:51:340:51:36

A gritty effort, but the benchmark she's set could well be beaten.

0:51:360:51:42

You got off to a slow start. What was going on?

0:51:420:51:45

There was, like, water, and a wave.

0:51:450:51:47

I've never seen anything like it.

0:51:470:51:49

Did you see me keep...? Why didn't someone give me a nose peg?

0:51:490:51:52

I tell you now, your time was five minutes and 18.

0:51:520:51:55

Five minutes 18? Dave-istated.

0:51:550:51:58

Absolutely dave-istated.

0:51:580:52:00

But it is the time to beat, so at the moment you're in the lead.

0:52:000:52:03

Well done. Next to run is Jeff.

0:52:030:52:05

Let's watch.

0:52:050:52:07

Jeff Brazier now.

0:52:070:52:08

Five minutes 18 is the time to beat.

0:52:080:52:10

Here we go. Come on, Jethro. Good lad.

0:52:100:52:13

Yep, there he went.

0:52:130:52:15

Wow! A 180 degree flip.

0:52:170:52:20

A spectacular start.

0:52:200:52:22

Hits the water hard.

0:52:220:52:25

Straight into a swift front crawl to the Rapid Climb.

0:52:260:52:29

For the celebrity edition,

0:52:310:52:32

we've imported 10,000 gallons of mineral water.

0:52:320:52:35

But it is still cold and wet.

0:52:350:52:37

Ten second tidal wave countdown has begun.

0:52:370:52:40

Can he reach the top before the torrents are unleashed? Come on!

0:52:400:52:45

It looks like he's going to try and ride it out. Here it comes!

0:52:470:52:51

And he's holding on for dear life.

0:52:510:52:54

Survives the wave.

0:52:540:52:55

Good effort, Jeff.

0:52:550:52:57

He's cleared it. The Balance Beam next.

0:53:000:53:02

Hopefully Jeff will walk on it, not shuffle along.

0:53:020:53:05

On his posterior.

0:53:050:53:07

This is more like it. Come on. Well ahead of Kate so far.

0:53:100:53:14

Just needs to stay on that beam.

0:53:140:53:17

Precarious. But stay on it he has.

0:53:200:53:24

The Crazy Sweeper now. Kate defeated this obstacle in style.

0:53:240:53:28

Can Jeff do the same?

0:53:280:53:30

Picks his moment.

0:53:310:53:33

And he sets off.

0:53:330:53:34

Come on, quick.

0:53:340:53:36

Quick, quick, quick, quick!

0:53:360:53:38

Oh no!

0:53:380:53:39

So much promise, but that arm was nowhere near Jeff.

0:53:410:53:44

He just ducked out. That's going to cost him.

0:53:440:53:47

Into the water, that means a swim and a painful climb.

0:53:490:53:52

Seconds lost there, but this is still looking like a good time.

0:53:520:53:56

The Tarzan Swing. Time to see if his grip is stronger than Kate's.

0:53:580:54:01

He's away, great swing. And he's on to the turntable.

0:54:040:54:07

Just one final push.

0:54:070:54:10

Great finish. And an impressive time. 2:37.

0:54:130:54:18

That was a strong run from Jeff. Slight delay on the Rapid Climb,

0:54:180:54:22

and that voluntary swim on the Crazy Sweeper were the only things that slowed him down.

0:54:220:54:27

Joe will have to do something pretty special if he's going to beat Jeff.

0:54:270:54:31

-How are you doing, young man?

-Good.

0:54:320:54:34

I'm annoyed with myself for slipping off, I think I would have made it round.

0:54:340:54:38

I did the rope well, stayed on there.

0:54:380:54:40

I'm happy with some bits, not with others. But it'll all pan out.

0:54:400:54:44

You were great, Jeff. But, Kate did a fantastic job tonight.

0:54:440:54:47

There's a possibility we could have had a female champion,

0:54:470:54:51

but, I'm afraid not, Kate. Jeff was faster.

0:54:510:54:53

So I'm afraid you're going to have to go to join the others.

0:54:530:54:56

Jeff, it means yours is the time to beat.

0:54:560:54:59

In the lead so far, one guy to go. We'll see what happens.

0:54:590:55:02

Time will tell. Let's watch.

0:55:020:55:03

Good job, man.

0:55:040:55:05

Joe's got his tough guy face on, and he's ready to go.

0:55:100:55:14

2:37 is a hard time to beat.

0:55:140:55:17

Wow! That was fast. But he survived the impact.

0:55:230:55:27

A quick swim to the Rapid Climb.

0:55:270:55:28

Remember, Joe doesn't know how Jeff or Kate have done.

0:55:280:55:32

All he can do is post the best time he can possibly manage.

0:55:320:55:36

And he's up. Ten seconds starting now.

0:55:390:55:42

But Joe's looking fast. He might even beat the wave.

0:55:450:55:48

He has! This is a super fast start from Joe.

0:55:480:55:53

OK, the Balance Beam now.

0:55:530:55:56

He's on.

0:55:560:55:57

And he's motoring across. Well, by Kate's standards, anyway.

0:55:580:56:02

He's cleared it.

0:56:030:56:04

The Crazy Sweeper is where Jeff's most costly error came.

0:56:050:56:08

A slip from Joe here and this could be a very close finish.

0:56:080:56:11

Oh no, he has slipped! But he's back on his feet and sprinting.

0:56:110:56:16

Now jumping across the podiums, that arm is coming back,

0:56:160:56:19

but this is superb stuff from Joe.

0:56:190:56:21

A flawless run so far.

0:56:210:56:23

Two obstacles left.

0:56:230:56:25

Joe is looking like a winner.

0:56:250:56:28

Oh no, the first mistake from Joe!

0:56:280:56:30

His grip seemed to slip.

0:56:300:56:32

And rather than slam into the turntable, he abandoned the rope.

0:56:320:56:36

So it's up the ladder for Joe now.

0:56:380:56:40

Where is the ladder? Here it comes.

0:56:400:56:42

Despite his late error, Joe's time is very fast. A final jump now.

0:56:460:56:50

Joe comes home in one minute 37 seconds.

0:56:500:56:53

An awesome time by anyone's standards.

0:56:530:56:56

Be they celebrity or mere mortal.

0:56:560:56:59

A brilliant run from Joe has won him the title of Celebrity Total Wipeout Champion.

0:56:590:57:03

But he doesn't know it yet,

0:57:030:57:05

so it's time for Amanda to break a celebrity exclusive.

0:57:050:57:09

Joe, Joe, Joe. How are you feeling?

0:57:090:57:13

-Good. Real good.

-Yeah?

-Pleased, yeah.

0:57:130:57:15

I've got to tell you, Jeff was absolutely brilliant out there.

0:57:150:57:19

You two have been fantastic all day.

0:57:190:57:21

Joe, you've seemed really calm, cool and collected.

0:57:210:57:24

And that has just got you the title of Total Wipeout Champion.

0:57:240:57:28

-You're the winner.

-Yes!

0:57:280:57:30

Woo!

0:57:300:57:32

So actor Joe Absolom is tonight's Total Wipeout Celebrity Champion.

0:57:320:57:37

Along with that highly sought-after trophy, Joe also wins £10,000

0:57:370:57:41

for the Dame Hannah Rogers Trust in Plymouth.

0:57:410:57:44

If one celebrity special wasn't enough,

0:57:440:57:47

then boy, do we have a show

0:57:470:57:48

that's pretty much exactly the same as this one for you next time.

0:57:480:57:52

There will be some of this.

0:57:520:57:53

And quite a bit of this.

0:57:550:57:56

From me and Amanda, it's a celebrity special goodbye.

0:57:580:58:01

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:200:58:22

E-mail [email protected]

0:58:220:58:24

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS