The Awards Total Wipeout


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The Hubble Space Telescope. The Large Hadron Collider.

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Weston-super-Mare's best kept toilet.

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These are all iconic symbols of mankind's greatest achievements.

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But there is one other more impressive,

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more majestic and more cheaper.

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Tonight, we bring you the Total Wipeout Awards.

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The Total Wipeout Awards.

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There you go. Welcome, one and all.

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Welcome, one and all. Is it finished?

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Welcome, one and all, to the Total Wipeout Awards 2011.

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Like the Oscars, the Golden Globes,

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the BAFTAs and the DVLA,

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these awards have become a Great British institution.

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No expense has been spared. There's the red carpet...tile.

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-Fireworks are on stand-by.

-ROCKET WHISTLES

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And I even have a golden envelope. It's going to be a special night.

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Just look at what's coming up.

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-# Now I know how to get down on the floor...

-Floor!

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# Experienced in moves you can't ignore

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# There's something 'bout this beat that's got me hooked

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# Come over here and take a closer look

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# Cos I can't get enough I can't get enough

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# I can't stay on the ground Whoa!

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# I can't get enough I can't get enough

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# This is taking me now

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# It's taking me higher

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# Higher

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# Higher off the ground

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# It's taking me higher

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# Higher

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# Higher off the ground... #

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Wow! It is amazing what you can fit into an hour of TV.

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Time for the first award, the winner of which will be taking home one of these beauties.

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But they'll also be taking home a belt.

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That's because our first prestigious award is for taking one in the "sub-beltular" area.

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You know, the sensitive zone. It probably hurt, but it'll all be worth it when you see the belt.

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Wow, that is totally worth getting hit in the sensitive zone for!

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Fifth...

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In fifth place, it's Silly Hat Sarah who thought her silly hat would save her. It didn't.

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Maybe if she'd worn some silly, but steel-lined shorts instead.

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Fourth...

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Monkey Man "Ooh Ooh" Dave took one for all the bankers out there.

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The credit risk analyst assessed his chances of crossing Mushroom Madness. He took a risk.

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And that was sub-prime!

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I love this new game.

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Yeah, he definitely got a bum deal there.

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Third...

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Third place goes to Josh from Kent who had a little bit of trouble with the Dangleberries.

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Yeah, I said Dangleberries.

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Oh, that was most definitely below the belt.

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And so was that.

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Yeah, and that.

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Your voice has gone all squeaky as well, hasn't it?

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SQUEAKY VOICE: Just a bit. I'll get through it.

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-You made it, which is brilliant.

-DEEP VOICE: Yeah.

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Second...

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In second place and just missing out on the belt is Scotsman Rob Roy.

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Now, can anyone guess what happened to Roy on the Sucker Punch?

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Yeah. I felt that.

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# Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low... #

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Oh, right in the bagpipes! I don't think Roy will be doing any Highland Games for a while.

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But the winner of the Total Wipeout Below The Belt Belt is Shabba and His Homies.

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He got his award for multiple below the belt hits.

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There was one on the Sucker Punch.

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A few on Crash Mountain.

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# Mr Loverman... #

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And a cheeky below the belt belter on Mushroom Madness.

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That was unlucky and painful, but congratulations, Shabba.

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That belt is on its way to you unless it gets lost in the post.

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The unforgettable Shabba and His Homies wins the first Total Wipeout Award.

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This course might have wiped me out, but I'm still Mr Loverman...Shabba.

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It's easy to think that all this show does is laugh at people hurting themselves, but that's not the case,

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as this next award proves, the Close But No Cigar Award

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in recognition of those special contestants who so nearly made it.

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What do you think the winner of the Close But No Cigar Award will win?

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That's right, no cigar! Seriously? Yeah, seriously.

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# I get tired and upset

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# There's always something to cry about

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# When you're stuck in an angry crowd

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-# They don't think what they say before they open their mouths

-Pack up your troubles... #

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One more time.

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# And bury them beneath the sea

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# I don't care what the people may say

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# What the people may say about me... #

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Fifth...

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In fifth place, it's Phil and his massive tie.

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The bus driver from Derbyshire very nearly made it across the first Traplonka.

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A spectacular nearly moment.

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Close, Phil, but no cigar.

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Fourth...

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It's 24-year-old veteran gymnast and wannabe stuntwoman Jade from London.

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She's got one sock on and one sock off.

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Jade with one sock and no shoe was only five foot two

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and put in a fantastic performance on the Qualifier.

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However, it was the last stunt jump that got her "nul points".

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Here we go.

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Agh!

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Oh!

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Third...

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In third, maths teacher Shaun from Manchester on the Crazy Keys.

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Here Shaun performed a miraculous recovery...

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And then dropped like a sack of potatoes.

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I estimate the maths teacher still hasn't heard the end of this from his Year 10s.

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Close, but no cigar, Shaun.

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Second...

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Second place goes to White Water Siana.

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She started so well...

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But then did just awfully.

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That rake only tips after Siana slips, then it was just downhill from there. Slowly and on her face.

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But the winner has to be Dashing Julian.

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The speedy wildlife vet from Cambridge beat everyone over the Qualifier

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despite doing this on the Balls.

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Oh!

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Excruciatingly close and probably just excruciating too.

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Never has a contestant come so close to beating the Balls and gone face first into the foam.

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But it didn't stop there. Julian made it all the way to the Wipeout Zone.

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He made it all the way to the end of the Wipeout Zone.

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And then missed the Button.

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No! No, no, no!

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Yes.

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That one simple slip lost him the £10,000 prize.

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You don't get much closer than that to winning...no cigar.

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Dashing Julian takes home tonight's second award.

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-You fell off when you got to the end!

-I was gutted about falling off as I landed so well after the Swing.

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But I like to make it a bit exciting.

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It certainly did make it exciting, but still no cigar.

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Anyway, plenty more awards to come.

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The winner of the next award will receive this life-like, plastic, scented, house plant replica.

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It really is a thing of beauty, but keep it out of direct sunlight and away from naked flames and mammals.

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Why a house plant? Well, this prize is for the Finest Face Plant.

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Is it going to be this literal for every award? It is. It's going to be a long night.

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# First time...

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# Ever I saw your face

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# I saw your face

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# Your face

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# Your face

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# Your face

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# Your face... #

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Fifth...

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Remember Catty Davina?

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Yeah, well, Davina took a tiny tumble on the Rakes In The Face.

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A bit like sprinting into a brick wall draped in red plastic.

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Fourth...

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In fourth, the man called Ivor who was a bus driver

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and a massive fan of neon yellow.

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So what route will Ivor the driver be taking around the course today?

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I'll be taking the straight route all the way. All the way down the course. All the way. All the way.

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Yeah, that was no lie. Ivor went straight down the ramp,

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straight over the Catwalk Sweeper...

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and straight into the podium.

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He really couldn't have timed that stumble worse. Right on the chinny-chin-chin!

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Third...

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And so third place goes to Pretend Army Trudy. That's a pretend army exercise she's doing.

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-Trudy didn't get very far at all before doing that.

-Face plant!

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Oh, yeah. That is one bobby-dazzler of a face plant.

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Officially!

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Second...

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Sheepy Jo was a sheep wrangler from Rutland who tried to wrangle Amanda.

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I'm going to wrestle this course like I wrestle my sheep!

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The first half of the Super-Duper Walk of Shame passed without incident, and then this happened.

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Ow!

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Sha-a-ameful! You see what I...?

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Yeah, I'm dispensing with the no doubt highly anticipated sheep puns in favour of just saying "ow"!

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But the winner is Learned Laurence who used to be a butler to the Queen.

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60-year-old Laurence gave us a face plant on the first Catwalk Sweeper, but that was just a warm-up.

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What Laurence served us with next was monumental and a right royal mess.

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Congratulations to Learned Laurence.

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Top drawer timing, sublime trajectory,

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wins the King of Face Plants a cheap plastic house plant.

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Just keep it away from small animals.

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Some you win, some you lose, but only on this show can you win something for losing,

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or more specifically, getting lost in the mud. It's the award for Outstanding Contribution to Mud.

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It's America's sweetheart - Yankee Doodle David.

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I've been told many times that I lack a filter between my brain and my mouth.

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# America... #

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In 1776, America won its independence.

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Today, America's going to win again.

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America may have won its independence,

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but David failed to win his from the Sucker Punch mud pit

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for quite some time.

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David spent a staggering 878 days in the mud

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which, incidentally, is longer than it took Christopher Columbus to sail to America in 1490-something.

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That's it, David. Dig deep.

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Well, at least that's what it felt like for him.

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Incredible dedication and well worth a totally worthless award.

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# From sea

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# To shining sea... #

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He's a big guy with a big heart.

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Congratulations, Yankee Doodle David.

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That's not the only one of those I'll be awarding tonight. There might be one or two more.

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There are two. Two more Mud Awards. But it's out of the frying pan and into the fire for this next award.

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By frying pan, I mean mud pit. And for fire, substitute getting really dizzy.

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Yeah, time for that old family favourite.

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# Upside down

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# Boy, you turn me inside out

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# And round and round

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# Upside down

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# Boy, you turn me inside out

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# And round and round... #

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Third...

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In third, it's sort of Kel who was adamant she could...could... Well, I'm not sure really.

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I've been through this course in my mind a thousand times and Kel Can knows exactly what she's going to do.

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She kept on saying she could. One thing she couldn't do is walk in a straight line after a spin.

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-Staggering!

-Oh, you idiot!

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Literally!

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Kel's trajectory was decidedly unorthodox, possibly not helped by the fire hose.

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Second...

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In second, Slam Dunk James, the poetry loving student from Chichester.

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Plan A, jump high, Plan B, fall small, Plan C, laugh loud

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and Plan D, live tall, as in the end, it's Total Wipeout for us all!

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That was prophetic. I said "prophetic"! It means "good" or something.

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All James had to do was make it over the turntable and on to the Tippy Table Maze.

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Instead, he made it off the turntable and on to the Crazy Beams,

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which was completely the wrong course.

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Oh, hello!

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Yeah, that's right. James should have been doing the other course.

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What a dizzy dummy!

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But taking the number one spot is a very dizzy rat man called Kevin.

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Kevin Masters.

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Kevin's a pest controller in case you're wondering what all that was about.

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Kevin failed to exterminate the scourge of Dizzy Dummy's discombobulating.

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Struggling with a button there...

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And while Andy crosses the finish line, Kevin struggles to stay upright back at the start.

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Then Tom finished.

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Yes. And still Kevin was struggling with the spinning in his head.

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And the spinning in his stomach.

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James, done.

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Kevin, dizzy.

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Finally, Ian made it over.

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Kevin's still trying so hard.

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Poor Kev, one double dizzy loser, which tonight, strangely, also makes him a winner.

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Well done, Kevin. Now go and have a nice sit down.

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Thanks very much.

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-Did you find the dizziness pretty difficult?

-Yeah.

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I couldn't cope with that. It took me a little while to focus myself.

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Enough of the young bucks falling over. In the interests of equal opportunity broadcasting,

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it's time we saw this great nation's more mature citizens getting humbled by red foam and chipboard.

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Time for the Worst Wipeout By A Senior Citizen Award.

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Before anyone complains to the BBC, remember they volunteered for this.

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They're old, so they've probably forgotten what happened anyway.

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Hey, I'm...

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I...

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I'm sorry about this.

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Third...

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That's Hard Nut Harry. He knows a thing or two.

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I've never read a book in my life. I were no good at school, couldn't do anything.

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OK, maybe three tops.

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At 60, he had strength and wisdom on his side to tackle the Big Balls.

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Clearly hadn't read the Big Ball guidebook either.

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# Don't know much about history

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# Don't know much biology... #

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Aagh!

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Second...

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Second goes to Granny McFi, the Penzance dwelling granny aged 44.

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Granny McFi's Qualifier started well.

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Good pace approaching the Heavy Bag Beam.

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Wow! Ow!

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A good wipeout is like a bad wine.

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Good legs, but heavy on the nose and a watery finish.

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# I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby... #

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But who could possibly top that to take first?

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You're 59 years of age. You're clearly extremely fit. Do you think you're going to win here today?

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He's retired, he's from Southampton.

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It's Adalat A-Training. Things didn't go well from the off.

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But the Super-Duper Walk Of Shame produced something super and duper. Oh, my!

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Well, if you're going to fall off something, fall off it properly, like you mean it.

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Adalat, congratulations, old boy, on a sensational senior moment.

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Trust me, it's very hard.

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Even young or old. It doesn't make a difference what age you are. It's a very tough course.

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Sometimes in life you need a little bit of encouragement, a little nudge in the right direction.

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I'm doing it!

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When it comes to the Big Balls, we have just the device to help the competitors on their way.

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Here is the award...

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for Most Motivating Moment.

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If you do that again, seriously, I'm...

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Third...

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In third place, it's Kelly-Ish who's Irish in case you hadn't picked that up from what's happening.

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She lingered, wobbled

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and then got catapulted forwards by the Motivator.

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She didn't see that one coming.

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-# I'll tell you what

-I'll tell you what

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-# What I have found

-What I have found

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-# That I'm no fool

-That I'm no fool

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# I'm just upside down... #

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Second...

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In second place, aspiring actor Darling Dee

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who, being totally honest, wasn't the fastest on the Qualifier.

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If anyone needed a little motivation to get a move on, it was Dee.

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Yes, come on.

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With all that dawdling, she's made it easy for the Motivator, though it took its time.

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It had all the time in the world. There was no need to rush.

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It could pick its moment.

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ALARM SOUNDS

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Still, it was worth the wait.

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Fear, surprise, anguish.

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Dee felt all of that in an instant.

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# I feel it in my fingers... #

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Aagh! Aagh! Aagh!

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Aagh!

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# I feel it in my toes... #

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Unfortunately, the bit-part actor won't get any fees for these repeats. Sorry.

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But the Most Motivating Moment Award goes to Under Par Joy.

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The occupational therapist from Derby should have foreseen the dangers of standing still

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at the top of a ramp.

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That's probably why she decided to sit down instead.

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An act of lunacy which resulted in this.

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# My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang, boom-bang-a-bang when you are near

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# Boom-bang-a-bang, boom-bang-a-bang loud in my ear

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# Boom-bang-a-bang, boom-bang-a-bang when you are near... #

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She's probably fine by now.

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I got to the top of the platform and looked at the Balls and thought, "I can't do this."

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I turned round and next thing I'm on top of the first ball and into the water.

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That's what happens when you have concussion. And so to the second of tonight's special awards,

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another instalment of the Outstanding Contribution To Mud Award.

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Who will be joining Yankee Doodle David in the hallowed halls of fame? Can I have a drum roll, please?

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No, that's a jam roll. They don't even sound similar.

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No, it's all right. I'll keep it. No point in wasting good jam.

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Carry on.

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# Birds flying high You know how I feel... #

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It's the welcome return of Darling Dee.

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# Sun in the sky You know how I feel... #

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Intent on grabbing her 15 minutes of fame, she pretended to be really bad at getting out of mud.

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Hang on. She wasn't pretending, was she?

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-No, this is real.

-# You know how I feel... #

0:24:000:24:04

Dee spent longer in there than it takes most people to complete the entire Qualifier

0:24:040:24:09

and Crash Mountain and Dizzy Dummies and possibly the Wipeout Zone

0:24:090:24:14

and go home and tell everyone about what they did.

0:24:140:24:18

# It's a new dawn, it's a new day

0:24:180:24:20

# It's a new life

0:24:200:24:23

# For me... #

0:24:230:24:25

But credit to Dee - she did eventually make it out by herself.

0:24:250:24:30

At which exact point help finally arrived.

0:24:380:24:42

"Better late than never" is the motto of the Total Wipeout lifeguards.

0:24:420:24:47

Congratulations, Dee, for another Outstanding Contribution To Mud.

0:24:470:24:52

Being on Total Wipeout is a great test of strength, stamina, ability, agility and flexibility.

0:24:520:24:59

Yep, I'm talking about this stool.

0:24:590:25:01

Why does it even need to be this high? Would it kill someone to get me a cushion?

0:25:010:25:07

It's not just tough for me. The competitors have it pretty bad too.

0:25:070:25:11

In honour of their flexibility, here's the next award.

0:25:110:25:14

Oh, matron!

0:25:160:25:18

Fifth...

0:25:190:25:21

Underlay Peter showed us quite how small the human body can get on the Big Balls.

0:25:210:25:27

Pocket-sized!

0:25:270:25:29

He's totally lost his head. I think he was a tortoise in a former life.

0:25:290:25:34

Fourth...

0:25:350:25:37

Just ahead of Peter is a microbiologist with phenomenal chest hair.

0:25:370:25:42

That's not necessary. It's Chest Hair Charlie.

0:25:420:25:46

Charlie found he could move in mysterious ways on the Crazy Keys.

0:25:460:25:50

The Argentinians have a word for this position - "ouch", which translated into English means "oh"!

0:25:530:25:59

Just check out those scissor legs. Good work.

0:25:590:26:02

Third...

0:26:030:26:05

58-year-old maths teacher Mohamed earned his nickname Scorpion King Mo after doing this.

0:26:060:26:13

Aagh!

0:26:160:26:18

Yeah, just there, look, the scorpion tail. Amanda laughing with fear there.

0:26:180:26:23

In a replay, you can see that it's Mo's automatic response to danger,

0:26:230:26:27

trying to sting the letters with his muddy trainers - deadly!

0:26:270:26:32

Second...

0:26:330:26:35

Then there was this delicate young lady who had dreams of marrying a prince.

0:26:350:26:40

It's Wannabe Princess Amy.

0:26:400:26:43

With all the grace and style of a true royal, she managed to cross the Balls elegantly, just like this.

0:26:430:26:49

That was a royal performance.

0:26:550:26:57

And an extraordinary position as her leg actually touched her head.

0:26:570:27:02

If you're watching this, Prince Harry, and you probably are, there is your future wife.

0:27:020:27:07

But the winner is Speedy Gon-Cherry.

0:27:120:27:15

I'm going to be like Speedy Gonzales. Arriba, arriba! Andale, andale!

0:27:150:27:19

Yeah. And like Speedy Gonzales, she was very animated.

0:27:190:27:23

Just check out those splits. Great flexibility.

0:27:270:27:31

Just like Madonna in one of her videos(!)

0:27:310:27:34

But her extraordinary moves didn't stop there.

0:27:360:27:39

She showed us the full extent of human flexibility on the Big Balls.

0:27:390:27:43

She also managed scorpion legs, but it's for bending her legs both forwards and backwards

0:27:470:27:53

that we give her the award for the Most Extraordinary Position.

0:27:530:27:57

Congratulations, Speedy Gon-Cherry.

0:27:570:28:00

I definitely showed off my perfect body. Yes, absolutely.

0:28:020:28:06

How many people out there could dander round that course in the style that I did?

0:28:060:28:12

OK, we've had a lot of fun laughing at people falling off things,

0:28:120:28:15

laughing at people holding on to things, and holding on to things, then falling off them.

0:28:150:28:21

But every now and then, there is one person we can't laugh at,

0:28:210:28:25

someone who is so good that there's nothing left to say.

0:28:250:28:29

Some call these competitors amazing. Others say they're incredible. I find them annoying.

0:28:290:28:34

But here's the Special Recognition Award for Outstanding Achievement on the Total Wipeout course.

0:28:340:28:40

There is only ever one winner of this award.

0:28:400:28:43

Please be upstanding for the winner of the Special Recognition Award, Great Scott.

0:28:430:28:48

And what qualified him for this award?

0:28:510:28:54

Records are meant to be broken. Come on!

0:28:550:28:58

That's exactly what he did. Scott became the first person ever

0:28:580:29:01

to break the minute barrier on the Wipeout Zone.

0:29:010:29:05

And you can see why. From a quick start, he tore his way up the Killer Surf, avoiding the Tidal Wave.

0:29:050:29:12

He made the See-Saw look like a... well, a kiddies' see-saw.

0:29:120:29:15

And then there was the Sweeper which he sort of ignored really.

0:29:150:29:19

This guy was making Bruce Willis look like a pansy.

0:29:190:29:23

Amanda swooned. The crowd cheered. Shabba looked embarrassed.

0:29:240:29:29

Then it was time for the rope swing. A piece of cake.

0:29:290:29:34

His jump was like a step and a new record had been set.

0:29:340:29:39

He had completed the Wipeout Zone in 58 seconds... and totally drenched Amanda.

0:29:390:29:45

Another good reason for his Special Recognition award. Congratulations to Great Scott.

0:29:450:29:51

Now the Total Wipeout course would not be complete without four big red obstacles. So give me a B,

0:29:510:29:57

give me an I, give me a G,

0:29:570:30:00

give me a B, give me a U...

0:30:000:30:02

give me an L...give me an L, give me an S. What does that spell?

0:30:020:30:07

What do you mean "big bulls"? How do YOU spell big balls?

0:30:070:30:12

Oh, an A? That makes sense. Anyway, here's a countdown of some of the greatest big ball moments.

0:30:120:30:18

I thought U...

0:30:180:30:20

-# Goodness gracious, great balls... #

-Award!

0:30:200:30:24

# I thought it was funny You came along and moved me, honey

0:30:240:30:30

# I've changed my mind This love is fine

0:30:300:30:33

-# Goodness gracious, great balls... #

-Award!

0:30:330:30:38

Remember Wholemeal Mark?

0:30:410:30:44

As well as being able to shout, he was and still is a baker's delivery driver.

0:30:440:30:49

And he managed to cook up and deliver this little treat for us.

0:30:490:30:54

-Aaargh!

-Oh!

0:30:550:30:57

Mark took a nasty turn on the balls. Well, about three or four nasty turns, in fact.

0:30:590:31:05

Then we had a true, bona fide WAG.

0:31:110:31:14

Well, her bloke plays for Macclesfield. It's a kind of WAG. Kind of WAG Kerry!

0:31:140:31:20

-Are you here to prove to anyone else you can do it?

-My boyfriend.

0:31:200:31:24

He thinks I can't. He thinks I'm a wimp.

0:31:240:31:28

-Ooh!

-But Kerry wasn't a wimp.

0:31:280:31:30

Needing no motivation, Kerry took one giant leap for a WAG...

0:31:300:31:34

..and one painful plummet for WAG-kind.

0:31:350:31:39

# I wish I was back in Liverpool... #

0:31:390:31:43

She then dropped a couple of leagues under the sea.

0:31:430:31:47

# Where I was born... #

0:31:470:31:50

This dancing man is Precision Ralf. He's German, so he took on the course in a highly efficient manner.

0:31:530:32:00

I hate to buy into stereotypes, but have you put your towel down at the end of the qualifier?

0:32:000:32:07

I was awake at quarter to six to make sure I was prepared.

0:32:070:32:12

Wunderbar!

0:32:120:32:14

Come on now!

0:32:150:32:17

-Aaaargh!

-Oh, yeah. Very efficient.

0:32:190:32:21

And here it is again.

0:32:240:32:26

That really is a beauty, isn't it? A wonderful moment for our German neighbours.

0:32:260:32:33

In seventh place, it's Hatless Martin without his hat. Good job he didn't have a hat.

0:32:360:32:42

Hatless Martin there showing us a classic ball crossing.

0:32:450:32:49

And when I say classic ball-crossing, I mean classic piece of ball headbutting.

0:32:490:32:55

Oh, in he goes!

0:32:550:32:57

if it isn't my old friend Yankee Doodle David.

0:33:010:33:05

This is for American football! You Brits don't know what real football is!

0:33:050:33:10

Oh, my God! Like, gnarly.

0:33:100:33:13

He may have known how to play American football, but he had no idea

0:33:130:33:20

how to play big red ball.

0:33:200:33:22

An exhausted David finally made it to the top of the ramp.

0:33:240:33:29

What could possibly have gone wrong?

0:33:290:33:32

-Aaargh!

-The Motivator strikes fear into the hearts of many!

0:33:340:33:38

-Oh, my God!

-His lifejacket's eating him!

0:33:380:33:42

If David thinks the sand is scary, he should try being hit by it.

0:33:420:33:47

What a big ball moment.

0:33:500:33:52

Splendid stuff.

0:33:520:33:54

Aaargh!

0:33:570:33:58

And after all of that, he made a perfect recovery.

0:34:000:34:05

Where's his head gone?!

0:34:060:34:08

# America! #

0:34:080:34:10

I was analysing what I needed to do and all of a sudden heard a release. I didn't want hit from behind.

0:34:100:34:17

So I just jumped and prayed for the best.

0:34:170:34:21

The top five greatest balls moments are still to come. Now there are many unanswered questions

0:34:210:34:27

when it comes to Total Wipeout. Why are they dressed like that? Why am I wearing animal slippers?

0:34:270:34:33

See? Monkey.

0:34:330:34:35

I guess we'll never truly know, but in the unflinching quest for answers, I give you

0:34:350:34:41

the What Were You Thinking Award. Here are the nominations.

0:34:410:34:46

There's her, him, her, him,

0:34:480:34:51

her, him, her, her, him,...

0:34:510:34:54

I'm going to stop there.

0:34:540:34:56

Ooh la la!

0:34:580:35:00

# Wonder Woman

0:35:000:35:03

# Wonder Woman... #

0:35:050:35:07

Neigh!

0:35:070:35:09

Neigh!

0:35:090:35:11

-# You raise me up... #

-Ay-ya!

0:35:110:35:14

MUSIC: In The Summertime by Mungo Jerry

0:35:140:35:19

And the winner is...

0:35:240:35:26

All 156 people who took part in this series.

0:35:260:35:30

In fact, it goes out to anyone who signed an application form.

0:35:300:35:34

What were you thinking?!

0:35:340:35:37

On behalf of the BBC and Total Wipeout, we're glad you did. Now time for the next award.

0:35:370:35:43

This is a belly.

0:35:470:35:50

Also known as the stomach, the abdomen,

0:35:510:35:55

the tummy. Oh, yeah. They come in all shapes and sizes, have many uses

0:35:550:36:00

like absorbing kinetic energy, especially when falling into water.

0:36:000:36:05

Scientifically known as The Belly Flop.

0:36:050:36:09

In third place, it's Trippy Faye.

0:36:120:36:15

Nothing could have prepared her abdomen for this wallop on the big balls.

0:36:150:36:21

They say cats always land on their feet. Faye always lands on her belly.

0:36:210:36:26

See how she rotates for a perfect belly landing?

0:36:260:36:31

-Stephen, what is it that you do?

-Lifeguard and swimming instructor.

0:36:330:36:37

Lifeguard Stephen treated us to his Baywatch-esque running.

0:36:370:36:41

-I hope his swimming's better!

-He may not be able to run, but he is a champion belly flopper.

0:36:410:36:48

Magnificent. Lifeguard Stephen showing all of his lifeguard skills.

0:36:500:36:55

Terrific belly flop. Here's betting the Hoff can't do that.

0:36:550:37:00

I was trying to think, "Don't drown," and, "Am I bleeding?"

0:37:000:37:04

But the Total Wipeout Biggest Belly Flop trophy goes to this lady.

0:37:090:37:13

-It's May Fiona Be With You.

-Aliens exist. I'm absolutely convinced that they exist.

0:37:130:37:19

There's so much evidence. Pyramids all over the world.

0:37:190:37:23

How could they do that without some form of...? Aliens must have visited us at some point.

0:37:230:37:31

It's really not... No, OK.

0:37:310:37:34

Unfortunately, aliens are one thing May Fiona Be With You didn't discover.

0:37:340:37:39

This is going to be just like Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

0:37:390:37:44

Instead she discovered a whole new world of pain.

0:37:440:37:47

Aaaiieee!

0:37:490:37:50

With all that mud on her face, she became an unidentifiable flying object.

0:37:530:37:59

And like all UFOs she disappeared without a trace.

0:37:590:38:03

Wow! What a backwash!

0:38:030:38:05

Congratulations to May Fiona Be With You.

0:38:060:38:10

-Thank you very much.

-It's a pleasure. Really.

0:38:100:38:14

But it's not all hilarious comedy belly flops. Total Wipeout is a serious sports competition

0:38:140:38:21

and people will do anything to win.

0:38:210:38:23

Butler Maz-ter of Ceremonies suavely pulled Sybille off Crash Mountain.

0:38:230:38:29

And who could forget Dashing Julian heroically clambering over Dilip

0:38:310:38:35

to become a Dizzy Dummies finisher? Such sportsmanship!

0:38:350:38:40

Or not.

0:38:400:38:42

And while I commend that behaviour as a good way of winning,

0:38:430:38:47

I'd also like to recognise those who put others before themselves with true sportsmanlike behaviour.

0:38:470:38:53

Even if it is less funny to watch. It's the Really, Really Nice Award for being really, really nice.

0:38:530:39:01

Does this take long?

0:39:010:39:03

The winner of this Really, Really Nice Award is Personality Ruth

0:39:080:39:13

who helped pull Frankie Incredible through to the next round of Dizzy Dummies.

0:39:130:39:19

So beautiful, so honourable.

0:39:190:39:23

So touching.

0:39:230:39:25

Sadly, however, Frankie didn't return the favour and beat Personality Ruth in the next round.

0:39:260:39:32

That's what I call a chick helping a sister out!

0:39:320:39:36

Still, at least she picked up an award. Congratulations, Ruth.

0:39:360:39:40

That's enough of people being nice. Let's get back to the good stuff.

0:39:420:39:47

I've been looking forward to this. All clear on the floor? Here we go.

0:39:470:39:51

Three, two, one, it's...

0:39:510:39:54

The Big Bang Award.

0:39:570:39:59

Aaargh!

0:40:030:40:04

In reverse order, taking fifth is Prince Ndubisi.

0:40:080:40:12

This African prince made a right royal stuff-up of the keys.

0:40:120:40:17

Oh!

0:40:180:40:19

That is quite something.

0:40:190:40:22

His Majesty has been dethroned by some hinged foam rubber planks.

0:40:250:40:30

Ouch!

0:40:300:40:32

-You're not just blonde and bubbly and all smiles?

-I am. I'm a girlie girl, love my lip gloss.

0:40:390:40:47

Hate getting my hair wet. I'm just girlie.

0:40:470:40:50

It's going to be a bumpy ride!

0:40:500:40:53

She wasn't wrong there. In fourth place, it's Airhead Charlotte, the 20-year-old air stewardess.

0:40:530:41:01

It all started quite sedately on Crash Mountain... until Charlotte tried to stand up.

0:41:010:41:07

A knock to her head and a massive knock to the ribs.

0:41:070:41:11

Charlotte's used to being airborne, but not as abruptly as this.

0:41:120:41:17

The air stewardess suffering a little turbulence there.

0:41:190:41:23

Now you see her...now you don't.

0:41:230:41:25

I'd rather crash in an aeroplane. That was painful.

0:41:250:41:29

Representing Australia, it's Cam-garoo!

0:41:320:41:36

Australians are, on the whole, pretty sporty, so Cam was a favourite to get through here.

0:41:360:41:42

But, instead, Cam did this.

0:41:420:41:45

-Flaming galiah!

-It's pronounced "galah", Amanda.

0:41:500:41:55

Oh, by the way - ow!

0:41:550:41:57

Runner-up is football-playing centre back Laura, who might be used to a few knocks on the pitch

0:42:030:42:10

but she wasn't prepared for that.

0:42:100:42:13

Bam! That really is one big bang!

0:42:130:42:17

But in first place is Jiggedy Biggedy Ali who eats imaginary kebabs to build his guns up.

0:42:240:42:30

Why, I don't know.

0:42:300:42:32

It didn't seem to help him out in Crash Mountain, though.

0:42:320:42:37

Jiggedy Biggedy's on!

0:42:370:42:39

Before he could even digest he was given a right old winding from that giant spoon!

0:42:390:42:45

Oh, bash!

0:42:450:42:47

Had the halloumi knocked right out of him.

0:42:470:42:51

A full 360-degree human spin and crash.

0:42:510:42:55

Should have eaten porridge instead. Congratulations, Jiggedy Biggedy Ali.

0:43:000:43:06

I was like more jiggedy biggedy smack.

0:43:070:43:10

And then splash, actually.

0:43:100:43:14

OK, time for me to admit something. You know that bit where I talk off to the side, like this?

0:43:140:43:20

Well, there's nobody there. I'm completely alone in here.

0:43:200:43:24

The only other thing here is this mop head. That's who I talk to.

0:43:240:43:29

Don't I, Mr Mop Head?

0:43:290:43:31

Ha ha! You're so right! He always cheers me up.

0:43:320:43:36

Anyway, on with the awards. Here's the final winner of the Outstanding Contribution to Mud.

0:43:360:43:43

He's happy.

0:43:430:43:45

Remember May Fiona Be With You?

0:43:500:43:52

Well, she's back and muddy.

0:43:540:43:56

She's going boldly where no one's ever gone before,

0:43:580:44:03

seeking out new worlds,

0:44:030:44:06

but all she found was a mouthful of muck...and this.

0:44:060:44:10

It's a rope!

0:44:120:44:14

Yep.

0:44:140:44:16

That's a rope, Fiona.

0:44:160:44:18

The mud tastes dreadful. Do not go into it. It's horrible.

0:44:190:44:24

Congratulations, Fiona, on a second award.

0:44:240:44:28

This next award is for those spatially-challenged competitors

0:44:290:44:33

whose runs are marred by unfortunate accidents. Basically, the clumsy people.

0:44:330:44:39

I feel for them. I don't suffer from clumsiness at all.

0:44:390:44:44

I'm off to have a run with these scissors. It's the Humpty Numpty Award.

0:44:440:44:50

In fifth place, it's Sonny Side Up. He might have tackled the qualifier,

0:45:170:45:22

but it was the stairs to the finish that finally finished him. What a great Humpty Numpty.

0:45:220:45:28

It's the hardest thing I've ever done. It was incredibly bad.

0:45:280:45:33

Those stairs are incredibly tough.

0:45:330:45:35

In fourth place is Smoking Jo from Cheltenham.

0:45:380:45:42

Fire! Fire! I'll extinguish this course!

0:45:420:45:46

As a fire-fighter and part-time window cleaner, you'd think she'd be handy with ladders.

0:45:460:45:52

She wasn't. What a Humpty Numpty.

0:45:520:45:55

Andale Pete was the first contestant to be flummoxed by the Velcro on the swing thing.

0:45:580:46:04

Humpty Numpty had a great splash.

0:46:130:46:16

In at two, it's Trippy Faye, so called for two reasons.

0:46:200:46:24

She had a tendency to trip quite a lot and she had Faye written on her bottom.

0:46:240:46:31

Oh!

0:46:310:46:32

A name to remember, a performance to forget.

0:46:330:46:37

Another Humpty Numpty. Sorry.

0:46:370:46:40

You kind of fell off everything.

0:46:420:46:45

Yeah, I thought that. I've not done very well on anything so far. But I tried!

0:46:450:46:51

The clumsiest Humpty Numpty by far was this man.

0:46:550:47:00

Not for doing that. That was impressive.

0:47:010:47:04

Unfortunately, this ferocious Tinku warrior dancer wasn't as smooth when crossing

0:47:040:47:10

the swinging letters of SH. He made it past the S.

0:47:100:47:14

Ooh. Took a few knocks, then went for the big finish.

0:47:140:47:19

And missed!

0:47:200:47:23

Technically, it's not an obstacle!

0:47:240:47:27

Mani overshot the end, bounced down the steps

0:47:270:47:31

and landed in the water.

0:47:310:47:33

This Humpty Numpty definitely had a big fall. Congratulations, Mani!

0:47:330:47:38

That was very Tinku warrior-like. Very much indeed.

0:47:410:47:45

I think my instincts took over me, but I am happy, very happy.

0:47:450:47:50

So am I! And so is Mr Mop Head. Aren't you?

0:47:500:47:54

Now it's the time you've all been waiting for. Is it the end already?

0:47:550:48:00

No? It's not the end. Apparently, it's something even better.

0:48:000:48:04

It's the award I get to pick. Not only does the winner get the trophy,

0:48:040:48:09

they also get a unique Hammond hamper. There's some Hammond jam,

0:48:090:48:13

a can of Hammond ham, home-grown Hammond yam...

0:48:130:48:19

and what's that? That's a Hammond...

0:48:190:48:24

It doesn't rhyme. It's a mug with my face on it. Who is the lucky recipient?

0:48:250:48:31

I love this guy.

0:48:390:48:41

Chris the Beaver. The assistant Beaver leader.

0:48:410:48:45

I'm always prepared, but is this course prepared for me?

0:48:470:48:51

Nobody was prepared for you, Chris. Oh, yeah.

0:48:510:48:55

Chris didn't earn any badges on the heavy bags. No.

0:48:570:49:02

He got punched right in the ging gang goolies on the sucker punch.

0:49:020:49:06

And lost his woggle on the big balls.

0:49:080:49:12

But Chris the Beaver came good on the big swing thing.

0:49:150:49:19

After all, why else would he be winning this award?

0:49:190:49:23

-Aargh!

-Don't know. No, he fell off that, too.

0:49:230:49:27

But despite falling off every obstacle, Chris did his best.

0:49:270:49:32

He did his duty, he scraped through and helped an old lady across Crash Mountain.

0:49:320:49:37

Well, I made that up.

0:49:370:49:40

But what a great achievement, a great guy and a great Beaver.

0:49:400:49:45

He wins because he's my hero!

0:49:450:49:48

Congratulations, Chris the Beaver. Well deserved.

0:49:480:49:52

Just be prepared, work hard

0:49:530:49:56

and then maybe in the future you can do this, too.

0:49:560:49:59

That very special hamper is on its way to you, Chris. It is.

0:49:590:50:04

We're legally obliged now. That'll have gone off.

0:50:040:50:08

Earlier on, you saw the bottom five of the Goodness Gracious Great Balls Award

0:50:080:50:13

for contestants who went above and beyond and behind and under and to the side of the big balls.

0:50:130:50:20

Hold on to your hats. Here comes the inevitable Top Five.

0:50:200:50:25

In fifth place, it's DJ Tred.

0:50:280:50:31

He may have looked a bit girlie, but he was no big girl's blouse when it came to the big balls.

0:50:310:50:37

Spectacular wipeout!

0:50:390:50:41

I think he just scratched the deck.

0:50:410:50:44

Here's a quick extended remix of dainty Tred's wipeout there.

0:50:440:50:49

Awesome stuff. Worthy fifth place.

0:50:540:50:56

Fourth place goes to Slam Dunk James, who came second in the Dizziest Dummies Award.

0:51:010:51:07

But what was his approach to the balls?

0:51:070:51:10

-Well...

-Wa-hey!

0:51:100:51:12

Unique, to say the least!

0:51:140:51:17

He's like a clown! "Wa-hey!" Wa-hey-hey!

0:51:170:51:20

Full of poise, promise and mirth in just the right proportions.

0:51:200:51:25

On to the big guns now. The top three.

0:51:250:51:29

-I think it's OK to fail.

-This 30-year-old Glaswegian's nickname was Motormouth Pete.

0:51:290:51:36

They've fear of failure even though they might succeed...

0:51:360:51:41

-I can't for the life of me remember why.

-I...

0:51:410:51:45

-Opportunities come up...

-Maybe he motored over the big balls? No.

0:51:450:51:50

You might not get a chance again.

0:51:500:51:52

Motormouth Pete gave himself a good run up.

0:51:550:52:00

-And then a spectacular misfire.

-Whoo!

0:52:000:52:04

Great stuff there from Motormouth Pete.

0:52:070:52:12

Now remember Personality Ruth who helped Frankie earlier?

0:52:150:52:20

Well, she also did this on the big red balls. One, two, mid-air flip. Three and four!

0:52:200:52:26

-Hang on! Hang on!

-Let me just repeat that - mid-air flip and...fall.

0:52:260:52:32

Fall it turned into. Bad luck.

0:52:320:52:35

Extraordinary acrobatics there.

0:52:360:52:39

We have rarely seen that on the big balls. She came within spitting distance of greatness,

0:52:390:52:45

but then got a mouthful of bog water.

0:52:450:52:49

But the winner of the Goodness Gracious great Balls Award is this lady - Creepy Crawly Rachel.

0:52:530:53:00

-Do ladybugs pee on you?

-They can, but that's not important right now.

0:53:000:53:04

-Rachel avoided the motivator...

-Like a little ladybug.

0:53:040:53:08

She made it to the second ball.

0:53:080:53:11

Things were going well for Rachel. She made it into the third ball.

0:53:140:53:19

You know what happened next?

0:53:190:53:21

She made it onto the fourth ball. What could possibly go wrong?

0:53:220:53:26

-That.

-She's going to bend in half!

-That has literally never happened before.

0:53:290:53:36

Ever.

0:53:360:53:38

A true big ball pioneer. Well done, Rachel.

0:53:400:53:44

I just couldn't get to the end. I was stuck there like this, but it was never going to happen.

0:53:500:53:56

I wasn't going anywhere but down.

0:53:560:54:00

This show's not all about gallant failure. Oh, no.

0:54:000:54:04

There are rare moments when contestants actually succeed, be it through training, judgment

0:54:040:54:10

or, more often, some sort of fluke. But nowhere is the can do spirit more evident than on the big balls.

0:54:100:54:17

Anyone who manages to cross those is a real winner.

0:54:170:54:21

Ball crossers, I salute you. ..I'm not going to actually salute you.

0:54:210:54:26

Chicken Leg Liam - there was nothing chicken about this effort.

0:54:270:54:32

That's it, Liam. Nearly there.

0:54:320:54:35

Katie Who I Was Scared Of, not so scared of the big balls.

0:54:400:54:44

Then there was Modest Mikey. Nothing modest about it. That's showing off.

0:54:480:54:52

But showing off very well.

0:54:520:54:55

Frankie looked like she was in trouble, but she wasn't. That's why she's Frankie Incredible.

0:54:580:55:04

Nanny McFit had a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down.

0:55:050:55:09

I don't know what that means.

0:55:090:55:12

But she did it and she crossed.

0:55:120:55:14

Great Scott, well...great Scott.

0:55:140:55:17

This guy broke records and the big red balls.

0:55:170:55:20

Slam Dunk James returned to prove he was no clown.

0:55:230:55:27

Fantastic technique.

0:55:270:55:29

Remember Fran? Well, look at this.

0:55:310:55:34

That's why she's Frantastic!

0:55:340:55:36

And who could forget Wiggly Wiggly Andy who surprised us first time

0:55:400:55:45

but we didn't expect this. He returned in the series finale

0:55:450:55:50

and did it again.

0:55:500:55:52

-Andy is clinging on for dear life.

-The only person ever to cross the big balls twice.

0:55:520:55:59

-Aaargh!

-So we'll do him a favour and forget about that bit. Sorry.

0:56:010:56:06

Now it's time for the big one, the prestigious Best Total Wipeout Presenter Award.

0:56:060:56:12

I'm hopeful about this one. Right, the nominees are...

0:56:120:56:16

Richard Hammond.

0:56:160:56:19

Amanda Byram.

0:56:190:56:21

Mr Mop Head. Aww.

0:56:210:56:24

And...Huw Edwards?!

0:56:240:56:26

What? Maybe I missed that episode.

0:56:260:56:29

Well, here goes. Fingers crossed. And the winner is... Drum roll, please. No?

0:56:290:56:36

It's Mr Mop Head!

0:56:370:56:39

Oh, congratulations. You really deserve it.

0:56:390:56:44

You want to say a few words? OK.

0:56:440:56:46

Oh, that is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said.

0:56:560:57:01

So for this series, from Amanda, me and the award-winning mop, it's goodbye!

0:57:010:57:07

# Some things in life are bad

0:57:110:57:13

# They can really make you mad

0:57:140:57:18

# Other things just make you swear and curse

0:57:200:57:23

# When you're chewing on life's gristle

0:57:250:57:30

# Don't grumble, give a whistle

0:57:300:57:33

# And this'll help things turn out for the best

0:57:340:57:39

# And...

0:57:390:57:41

# Always look on the bright side of life

0:57:440:57:49

# Always look on the light side of life

0:57:520:57:57

# If life seems jolly rotten There's something you've forgotten

0:57:590:58:04

# And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing

0:58:040:58:07

# When you're feeling in the dumps Don't be silly chumps

0:58:070:58:11

# Just purse your lips and whistle That's the thing, and...

0:58:110:58:16

# Always look on the bright side of life

0:58:160:58:20

# Always look on the right side of life

0:58:230:58:28

Come on, Brian, cheer up.

0:58:280:58:31

# Always look on the bright side of life

0:58:310:58:36

# Always look on the bright side of life

0:58:390:58:44

Worse things happen at sea, you know.

0:58:440:58:46

# Always look on the bright side of life... #

0:58:460:58:51

You come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

0:58:510:58:56

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