Celebrity Special 2 Winter Wipeout

I've been asked to wear a cravat, comb my hair and wear grown-up shoes,

which can only mean one thing.

Someone is throwing me a surprise party.

Think about it, this place is empty, I've got a birthday this year

and I saw a man outside in a hat.

So it all slots together. There's nothing else it could possibly be.

It's a card.

Turns out there is one other thing it could possibly be.

Tonight's show could be a Winter Wipeout Celebrity Special.

It's that one, isn't it?

Here's what this week's famous faces are focused on facing.

Rock'n'roll - it's the Celebrity Qualifier.

Smash, drop and roll - it's Celebrity Ski Lift.

Slip, stumble, slap and roll it's Celebrity Winter Blunderland.

And finally, the most demanding roll of all, cheese and pickle.

I mean, the Celebrity Winter Wipeout Zone. Time to roll.

But I still have to keep my grown-up shoes on,

even though there isn't a party now?

Fine.

Hello and welcome to a star-studded celebrity special of Winter Wipeout.

Now, because celebrities are made of sturdier stuff than the average contestant,

all ten of today's A-listers have to do the Qualifier and Ski Lift.

They get points for both rounds and only the top five will progress.

And when I said A-listers, I was talking figuratively.

No minimum level of star quality is required,

and recognition of said celebrities isn't necessarily guaranteed.

Let's take a look through the limo window and see who is hoping

to win £10,000 for the charity of their choice tonight.

She's good at looking good, it's model Sophie Anderton.

Full-time celebrity, his words not mine, it's Andrew Stone.

A shameless Waterloo Road actress.

Sorry, Shameless AND Waterloo Road actress, Rebecca Ryan.

Green-fingered gardener Diarmuid Gavin.

Liverpudlian, Emmerdalian, it's soapy actor James Sutton.

The broadcasting legend that is Terry Christian.

A record-breaking triple jumper with three little letters after her name.

It's Ashia Hansen MBE.

Antipodean enemy of seriousness, it's Kiwi comedian Jarred Christmas.

Her friends know her as Kim, I don't know her at all.

It's actress Kim Tiddy.

He's the king of rock'n'roll

and I'm pretty sure he's dead - it's Elvis Presley!

Finally, wow, Peter Shilton -

only my favourite ever goalkeeper of all time!

Behind George Best.

No-one can dispute the fact that this is a line-up of people.

So which person's first? I'm guessing it's not Elvis.

Uh-huh-huh.

Joining me now on the Winter Wipeout Qualifier is a man

very appropriately named for winter.

It is comedian Jarred Christmas.

Anything you're afraid of there?

I'm afraid that partway through the course I'll encounter Richard Hammond.

He's over here, isn't he? Where are you, Richard? Richard?

Where are you, Richard?

Are you going to win this today, Jarred?

I'm not out to win. I'm out to enjoy.

If the by-product of that enjoyment is victory, then so be it.

-Hold those. I'll be back for them.

-Can you see where you're going?

See you on the flipside.

It's that way, Jarred, it's... OK.

He can't see a thing with his glasses off.

I'm back. Sorry, what did I miss?

Follow your dreams.

-Luckily, my dream is to look like a massive Smurf.

-It's working.

Winter Wipeout, a land where dreams come true.

There you go.

-Oh! And the fun begins.

-This is going to hurt.

Not as much as it hurts me, Jarred.

Hang on, I got that the wrong way round,

it's going to hurt you more, yeah, it is.

Today's first star stopper is the Nasty Snowballs.

They are nasty because they are angry, and probably angry

because of that pole sticking out of their heads.

Yeah, that'll be sore.

Jarred is going to be first to meet them.

-Oh!

-Rugby tackles a nasty plank.

I think he just broke the obstacle with his face!

What was he thinking - look!

Second set of snowballs now.

Oh, look at these moves!

This guy is on a one-man mission to destroy his face.

-Your face!

-Touche.

But there's plenty more Qualifier left.

Coming up next it's everyone's favourite pensioner.

She may have a little bit of an attitude problem

and a rabid dog, but Granny's doors are always open.

# I wanna do bad things with you... #

Pleased to see Jarred's nose is still technically intact.

Here we go.

Oh, oh!

Granny, knocking him sideways.

# I'll have a blue Christmas without you... #

Just the adorable little pooch, Tevez,

and Granny's back door left to deal with.

Here we go. First the dog. Oh...no!

Come on, Jarred. Atta-boy!

Come on, Jarred.

Mick Hucknall, Ginger Spice

and someone else who's ginger have nothing on these redheads -

it's the Big Red Balls.

# Biggie Biggie Biggie Can't you see

# Sometimes your words just hypnotise me

# And I just love your flashy ways

# Guess that's why they broke and you're so paid. #

I'm going to approach the Big Red Balls like a frog.

Like that, that's the ball. I'm hugging a giant ball.

Jarred "the hopeful frog" Christmas, that's me.

It may help.

Jarred's hero is Bruce Willis.

Would it be inappropriate to mention the words Die Hard here?

Yeah, it would. Here we go.

Oh! Yippee-yi-ay! Muddy funster. Yeah.

Jarred The Frog in flight.

It's a beautiful... Not beautiful, no, it's a thing. Look!

-I'm OK.

-He's OK.

-I'm OK.

-Yeah, he's OK, he's OK.

Yeah, if it's a short swim to the next obstacle, the Log Jam.

It's just like riding a bike,

which when you think about it is really, really hard.

Even with stabilisers on it's tricky, so it's tricky is what I'm saying.

Bedraggled Jarred prepares himself, launches...

Good, I think.

That log's got rhythm! Yeah.

This is excellent work from Jarred The Frog.

He is doing well...is he? Yeah, he is, this is good.

No, he's doing well at falling off.

-I'm OK.

-He's OK.

Jarred The Frog clambers home,

and that will bank him some points to take him to the next round.

How many though, only time will tell.

-Over here.

-I'm OK. I'm not tired at all.

Give me a hug. That was unbelievable. Oh, my God. Are you OK?

-I'm OK.

-Take a look back at that obstacle, the first one you did.

Nailed it.

-You broke it!

-Did I break it?

-Broke the obstacle.

-That's right, Wipeout.

You mess with the best, you die like the rest.

Next to submit to the lure of Celebrity Winter Wipeout is

broadcaster par excellence, Terry Christian.

That's him there, look.

Do you not have a clever masterplan

about how to get around this unscathed, in first position?

Just don't hurry it. Take it slow and easy and know your limits.

The tortoise and the hare.

The race is not to the swiftest, it's to he who endures.

If there was one tune you could have in your head

to spur you round the course today, which tune would it be?

-Everyone's A Winner, Baby.

-And that's OK.

-That's right.

-Good luck.

I'll need it.

Terry currently hosts a radio show in Cheshire

but used to present The Word,

which had a segment where people would do anything to get on TV.

How times have changed! Whilst he's limbering up, let's see who's next.

It's Hollyoaks and The Bill actress, Kim Tiddy.

-Are you a fitty, Kim Tiddy?

-Since I found out I was doing it,

I won't lie, I have been going to the gym, trying to keep fit.

But I don't think anything can prepare you for this, can it?

As a soap star, Kim, I think the best way

for you to prepare would be to release a keep-fit DVD.

All the soap stars have done it -

Natalie Cassidy, Patsy Palmer, Jane Fonda - she was in Brookside.

I'll get you started with a couple of my trademark moves.

Let me get into my sports kit.

I'm ready.

And flex.

And lunge. Feeling the burn! Is that a burn?

It could be indigestion. Calm spin.

And jump - two, three, four. Pout.

Yeah! Run really fast. Wag the finger.

I'm not sure this is working.

Is this working? It's not.

OK, it's about to get serious.

Winners make it happen, Kim, losers let it happen.

Right, here we go.

It's the plank first. Oh!

And punch, and punch.

Show that plank who's boss. Yes, this is good.

And fall, you are doing great.

Swim, that's great exercise, everyone says it.

I'm not joining in with any of this.

I sat back on my stool a long time ago.

OK, now jump that dog.

Yes. Oh, Kim IS doing great.

Dodge that door. No.

Now entering the wobbly log phase of Kim Fit's workout regime.

Blood pumping now, this is looking good.

Kim Fit DVD could be on for a good time here. One last push.

Over that piece of toast. Come on.

And fall. Oh, yeah, and get lost.

After one heck of a workout,

Kim Fit DVD reaches her goal in 3 minutes 41 seconds.

It's made you stronger, Kim, probably.

Phew, I am exhausted after all of that pretending to do a workout!

I think I've pulled a forcep. Should have warmed up more.

Talking of which, how is Terry Christian getting on?

Still warming up.

I expected nothing less than utter dedication and focus from the Mancunian motormouth.

Here's a question.

What do you do if you need to get to the loo

in an English country garden?

I don't know, but Diarmuid Gavin might.

# If you walk through the garden... #

They've only just been planted, hold on!

We do know that winter is quite an unfruitful time of year.

How are you going to cope with all that ground frost?

I like the excitement and all the structures and the vibrancy

and the colour of the snow, so it's going to be brilliant.

-Who is this gorgeous little girl?

-This is my daughter, Eppie.

She is the reason I'm here because she loves Wipeout, so she wants her dad to make a fool of himself.

Oh, no! Let's hope you are not going to make a fool of yourself today here, Diarmuid.

I'm glad he likes the course.

Eduardo spent a lot of time nurturing those Big Red Balls.

Giant greenhouse.

Oh, right in the begonias!

Planted firmly.

Planted, I like it. But can he ROSE to the challenge?

That doesn't work, does it? I've confused myself, I'm going to stop.

I hope Diarmuid will like what Granny's done.

It's a wood-effect sidewall with a snow-clad pathway, no decking, sorry.

Yeah, he's getting a good watering today.

Why not clean him up? Gardeners are always filthy, aren't they?

Dirty fingernails.

Towards Eduardo's horticultural masterpiece, the Big Red Balls.

Grown from big, red bulbs. Look at them!

# Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on a grave... #

Right now he's thinking, I'm looking pretty cool.

Daughter Eppie is thinking, I'm not going to school on Monday, this is going to be awkward.

A brief swim, up some steps and here we go. Logs.

Daughter Eppie is now thinking, I'm never going to school again.

Dirty Diarmuid finishes in 3 minutes and 59 seconds.

Tell me, what do you think of our rather large water feature

that we've put on just for you?

Are you allowed to pee in it? I think I did halfway through.

What do you think Eppie's thinking?

Eppie will be laughing her head off. I haven't surprised her.

I'm sure she's proud, just like we are.

Well done, go get rested, we'll see you later.

Thank you very much.

Right, Terry, I think you should be just about scorching by now.

Warmed up almost too much. Yeah, get on with it.

Just don't hurry it, take it slow and easy. Know your limits really.

Tortoise and the hare.

The race is not to the swiftest, it's to he who endures.

Wise words, Terry, wise words.

So he is finally off.

This is it, slow and steady. Measured approach.

Oh, that looked quite painful.

Face, elbow, everything.

Not a great start.

# Everyone's a winner, baby That's the truth... #

Hang on. What's going on here?

There's two Eduardos - that's never a good sign.

Unfortunately, I think Terry has had a little accident,

come a cropper and done himself a mischief on the Qualifier.

Looks like he's going to withdraw from the competition.

I don't think anybody ever went less distance.

Really, Strictly Come Dancing is more my thing.

If you look really closely, you can just make out tiny little Rebecca Ryan off Waterloo Road.

She won a BAFTA at the age of 12. It took three days to drag it home.

There she is. She'd be smaller than a BAFTA.

Rebecca, I'm a little bit concerned about you

because you are only a dainty, little thing.

And check out that humongous course.

Is it going to eat you alive?

Probably, yes. Probably, because I'm so small.

Help!

Not really, can we send someone to help her? No, they're all on siesta.

Sorry, Rebecca. Away you go.

Oh, I love this song.

MUSIC: "Isn't She Lovely?" by Stevie Wonder

Isn't she tiny?

She was just whacked in the face.

Call the Society For the Prevention Of Cruelty To Celebrities

because this is just mean. I mean... Look...

After all that, she is still standing.

Oh! Jumping high for a teeny, she's made it.

Oh, it's amazing!

Is there anything that you're at all afraid of,

anything you were lying in bed last night thinking,

"Oh, no, no, no... Please, no, no, no...?"

It was actually the Granny House.

LIGHTNING BOLT

Because as soon as I run, the door will come... Right in my face.

Yeah, it is. I must say I'm a little nervous for little Rebecca.

Be nice, Granny. Please...

Past the pie...

Oh, nearly!

Oh...

Past Tevez. Yes.

Oh! No! Door face. Just as predicted.

Oh, oh, oh... She's like the modern-day Nostradamus.

She just knew it was going to happen.

Are you all right, Rebecca?

I'm not sure she is OK. Does she even know who she is?

Oh, this is gruesome. The final stretch for the miniature psychic.

I can't watch, this is too much.

Someone tell me what's happening.

MUSIC: "Isn't She Lovely?" by Stevie Wonder

She's made it! Nostradamus Ryan completes the course

in 3 minutes 21, a fantastic time.

Hang on, just got to do one thing.

Let me check. Yeah, that's all right.

Yeah, yeah, OK. Your face is still intact

which is a big surprise because you got quite a few smacks in it.

Yes... Oh, my God.

I'm just so shocked because you are such a tiny, little thing

and you got the most unmerciful wallops.

Granny's door, right in your face.

I know, but I didn't fall in the water.

I think that whack from Granny has gone to her head because she did.

-Well done, Rebecca, we'll see you later.

-Thank you, see you later.

OK, whilst Amanda escorts Rebecca to Nurse Eduardo,

let's take a look at the first Snowboard.

Although she took one serious beating, Nostradamus Ryan

has amazingly stormed her way to the top of the Snowboard.

It's all about the ladies, with Kim Fit DVD

following closely behind in second.

Dirty Diarmuid has his feet firmly planted in third place

with Jarred The Frog following in fourth.

And, finally, it's Slow But Terry who unfortunately did not finish.

Once upon a time, in 1986, it was the quarterfinals of the soccer ball World Cup.

An incy wincy footballer called Madonna

did a hand goal, which meant England could not play soccer ball any more.

The goalkeeper that day was the legend that is Peter Shilton.

But being the true English hero that he is,

Peter's forgiven, he's forgotten.

He's so over it.

OK, maybe we shouldn't have invited him here,

this was poorly thought out. Kids, don't do this at home. In fact, look away.

OK, see, it's all resolved now, let's never mention it again.

-Good luck out there today, Peter.

-Thank you very much, I might need it.

Hand of God!

-Nice one, Amanda.

-Please don't remind me again.

I'm in Argentina, the home of Maradona,

but I'm not going to cheat, I'm going to win fairly.

This is just awkward all round. I didn't see this coming.

And the Honky whistle's been blown,

Shilton's taking it slow.

As they say, "Softly, softly, catchy Wipeouty trophy."

Yeah, you got it.

You can't do that to him, this man's a legend. Hold on!

Right, new rule - from now on

the course can't knock a legend into the water.

Oh, that's the hand of Granny,

she doesn't play by the rules.

WHISTLE BLOWS

There's the whistle, it must be half-time for Peter Shilton.

Oh, he's got loads in here. No way he'll eat them all!

Right, back to the action. Who's next?

From one sports personality to another,

this is Ashia Hansen the triple jumper.

She's got an MBE and held the world record

for jumping the length of two double-decker buses.

She's basically superhuman, which could be an advantage.

If you could, give me a motivational sentence as to how well you're going to do out here today.

Go for it.

Not looking good. LAUGHTER

Not good so far.

It's not a good start.

If it doesn't smack you in the face, it only makes you stronger!

She's finally found her motivational voice.

Will this smack her in the face, or make her stronger?

Oh, she's not going to let anything smack her in the face.

That's it, hang on.

She's superhuman.

Oh, and now she's super soggy.

She's got over 100 medals.

They must be weighing her down, shouldn't have worn them today.

Onto Granny's House now.

Just steps over Tevez.

The Olympian trying to throw a dummy at the door.

Oh, one of me MBEs!

Granny's a republican, that's the problem.

Now, onto the balls. Ashia can jump the length of two double-decker buses,

so this is just one hop, skip and...

Argh!

Oh, yes... No!

And a plop into the water.

She didn't do it, do it, do it.

I'm faintly disappointed, I don't like to build it up

but you know... OK.

Triple jump is all about timing, you see.

And that was bad timing.

Good hopping, though.

# Jump, jump, jump

# Jump, jump, jump

# Jump, jump, jump... #

Are there any expensive insurance implications here?

So Hip Hop Hansen completes the course

in 3 minutes and 46 seconds.

Meet the multi-talented Andrew Stone.

Singer...

Songwriter...

Dancer...

Choreographer...

Teacher, actor, DJ.

TV personality, producer...

Andrew Stone, you are one of the busiest people alive!

You've exhausted me saying all of that,

I don't know where I've got the room in my life to do that kind of thing.

I can do this, it's going to be my secret when I get around the course.

Oh, yeah...

Look, he's made it into a magazine,

proper celebrity star.

There you go, look at that.

Star Man has landed, it's time to fly or die.

I'm the triple threat and I'm going to show you why.

Star Man! David Bowie's here. Brilliant!

OK, he's off. Time to put his many talents to the test.

Argh!

Oh, ho, ho!

Oh, what a scoop, Andrew Stone running away from Snowballs.

Too late, Snowballs shopped him, hit and tell. It happens.

From the Big Brother House to Granny's House.

Will he be first out again?

Made a bit of a mess of that. Oh, dear.

Papped whilst being beaten up by an old lady, embarrassing for a celebrity.

Andrew's starting a relationship with the Big Red Balls,

will it be up, down, on, off? Let's see.

Oh, it's on!

99p... Bargain!

Oh, now it's off.

Celebrity relationships can be so fickle.

Yet to witness any of Andrew's actual talents,

maybe the Log Jam is more his thing.

-Here we go.

-Check you out.

Hang on... Wow! It IS his thing.

With a time of 2 minutes 48

that is a pretty hot performance.

Impressive stuff.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, baby.

That's how it's done, man.

Talent ahoy.

OK, boys, it's time to welcome the rather good-looking Sophie Anderton.

She is a model.

That's modelling she's doing there.

This looks funny, is that camera broken?

Just needs a good kick, it'll work in a minute.

Hit it with your shoe.

Are you fit, Sophie?

I'm very fit, and I'm a bit of a health buff these days.

I'm hoping that having long legs and long limbs

is actually going to work in my favour.

How desperately do you want to win this?

Look at my eyes, I'm desperate.

I hope you enjoy, guys.

And it's down the catwalk for model Sophie.

My face, my fortune.

Oh, not the face, not the face.

It wasn't... It was. Right in the money-maker.

Oh, that's bad.

That's going to be expensive.

So the fit model approaches Granny's House.

Granny's into modelling, she makes Airfix Messerschmitts.

# I think you are really fit...

Argh!

# You're fit, but my gosh Don't you know it! #

Hope those long legs are good at swimming.

Sophie and her expensive face approach the Balls.

She'd have been better doing this in her heels.

Yeah, that's definitely the problem. I bet she would be.

Only three more jumps to the finish.

I can't do this.

Come on, Sophie. Oh, she's turning back.

Wait a minute, she's going for it.

She's brave, yes!

Got her second wind.

Oh, that cabbage soup diet does that.

Oh!

Oh, my God, I can't do this.

Oh, still looking fabulous.

-SHE SCREAMS

-Yes!

Over the first piece of toast.

Come on, Sophie. Lending a touch of glamour.

Sort of... Oh, dear.

Not the fastest time, but she did it in style.

Sophie and her expensive face complete the Qualifier in 5.15.

No, you can't have Sophie's number. She wouldn't fancy you anyway.

Yes, I know you went out with Kate Moss,

but that didn't work out, did it?

Models like fine dining and fancy parties.

You like tyre swings and eating bananas.

Frankly, you smell of monkey.

See? Amanda's got a whiff of you.

There's an air of je ne sais quoi in the air.

It's not monkey, it's Emmerdale actor James Sutton's aftershave.

Ladies do love the "Sutton" effect.

One spray and they won't stay away.

I'm coining that, I said it.

You're looking good. Have you done something with your hair?

-You're all right on the eye, boy, you!

-Oh, bless you.

-I'm very well. I'm hot, but I'm very well.

-Very hot.

Fitty McFit in every way.

I think he's put Amanda under his smell spell. It'll wear off.

James Sutton out of Emmerdale Farm is off. Oh!

Stopping... He's off.

Will the nasty Snowballs fall for the Sutton effect? No.

Urgh!

James is the only one doing any falling.

Now, I happen to know that Granny loves a fragrant lothario.

Oh no... Specifically, she prefers the smell of lavender and sprouts.

Amanda's still intoxicated, though. Look at the look...

Now there's a stampede of Argentine girls at the gates,

they must be attracted to his heady aroma.

Here we go. One...

Two...

Let's call it three. The girls must have put him off.

Onto the logs now.

Come on, James!

Amanda's just entranced.

She can't help herself, she'll be writing him poems next.

Almost there...

Second piece of toast.

He's doing well.

He might just make this.

Oh!

Yes, he's done it. Not only is he annoyingly good-looking,

he's also fast, 2 minutes and 40 seconds.

James The Scent Of Sutton is top of the Snowboard.

You were really, really good!

-Was I?

-Yes!

-Did I do it fast?

-You made it to the third ball.

-Did I?

-You did.

Obviously there were a couple of chicks there, I told you to watch your step.

They put me off.

And you did, with your elegance.

I'm sorry, so it's all my fault, is it?

-Shall we have a wet cuddle?

-Go on, then.

Only one celebrity still to finish.

Half-time break is over. I've eaten all the oranges

and Peter Shilton is on the Big Red Balls.

What a hero, what a sporting god.

Oh!

Still a sporting god, just a slightly damp one now. Yeah.

Time is ticking on, but he's not giving up

and that's what makes him so amazing.

I don't care that he fell in - he came, he saw,

he got his revenge on Madonna.

None of the crowd are on the pitch, but I think it is all over.

Score!

It is now - six minutes, 31 seconds.

That may not be the best time but he really gave it his all.

I can't believe that.

-Legend...

-That is so hard.

I think it's not knowing what's going to hit you next.

There were a few things that hit you next

but you got back up again. Well done, Peter. Score, you finished.

-Thank you very much.

-Peter Shilton!

So, how many points will the celebrities be taking into Ski Lift?

The fastest celeb, stealing a whopping 10 points from his rivals

is The Scent Of Sutton.

He's closely followed by the too talented Andrew Stone with 9 points

and Nostradamus Ryan with 8.

Kim Fit DVD has 7 points and Hip Hop Hansen has 6.

Dirty Diarmuid, Jarred The Frog, Sophie and her expensive face

and Lord King Sir Peter Shilton will really have to up their game

if they expect to win £10,000 for their chosen charity.

Sadly, we have to say goodbye to Slow But Terry

who is out of the competition.

So, while Slow But Terry warms down with an apres-ski smorgasbord and aperitif,

it's time for the other celebrities

to get on the Ski Lift, which, ironically, isn't easy to get up to.

They really need some sort of Ski Lift lift which is like a Ski Lift

but it takes you up to the Ski Lift.

Are you with me? I'm not, let's just get on with it.

It's Celebrity Ski Lift... with or without a lift!

What do you get if you make nine celebrities jump over giant ski poles

in a blizzard whilst balancing on a tiny podium above icy water

with only a thin piece of rope to hold on to?

Well, potentially, at least three lawsuits

but let's gloss over that because it's time for Celebrity Ski Lift.

Celebrities and skiing conjure up images of apres-ski,

hot tubs and eggnog, but not for this lot.

It's Celebrity Ski Lift. Are you all ready?

3, 2, 1.

If you've got a short-term memory like me

and can barely remember what you were talking...

Whatever... Here's a reminder of today's ski lifters.

He was the fastest on the Qualifier, it's The Scent Of Sutton.

-I feel handsome in my helmet.

-He's a hottie!

It's the celebrity with the bladder issues, Dirty Diarmuid.

This is Diarmuid here, I'm world champion at falling off.

Good luck! Then there's Nostradamus Ryan.

Followed by legend and all-round hero, Lord King Sir Peter Shilton.

This is so tough, I'm in the relegation zone.

-I need some points badly, help!

-Legend!

Does my bum look big in this?

I'll get in trouble for answering that, it's Kim Fit DVD.

Trying to keep her visage out of danger,

it's Sophie and her expensive face.

I'm flexible and I'm strong and winning is where I belong.

Andrew Stone, his talents know no limits.

Am I supposed to shout it?

You're still not making me motivated, it's Hip Hop Hansen.

Finally, it's Jarred The Frog.

This train is turning into a nightmare, to be honest.

Really tough.

My arms are tired. I'm OK though.

Good, so everyone's happy.

See, look at their smiley, happy faces there.

I do not like this!

Sophie may not find it fun, but I do.

The blizzard has started, it's about to get very slippy.

Activate the scary ski poles - activated.

-There is King Peter.

-Good man, Peter.

Oh, Nostradamus Ryan has been hit, didn't see that one coming.

Swinging wildly now.

The invisible celebrities are doing well there!

Oh, just misses Jarred.

Here's the second pole. Oh, a double hitter.

-Hang on!

-But he's OK.

Hip Hop Hansen, hip hopping over easy.

They're all doing pretty well, I wish someone would fall off already.

Oh, hang on, you wait for one celebrity to fall

and two plummet at once.

Who was that?

I think it was Nostradamus Ryan and Jarred The Frog both went.

Rebecca was just too teeny weeny for this game.

Falling so early on will get her only two points for that.

Jarred The Frog fell spectacularly next. It's not over for them yet,

we'll have to see how this affects their total scores.

Lord King Sir Peter Shilton. Oops!

Oh, referee! Give it a purple card, foul play.

Peter has tumbled out of the game with only three points.

On the positive side, that's a hat-trick, isn't it?

That leaves Ashia, Diarmuid, Kim, James, Andrew and Sophie.

Scratch that, Sophie's just gone there.

They're dropping like celebrity flies!

I don't think Sophie would like being compared to a fly.

Five to go.

A good leap from Diarmuid.

Not such a good leap from actress Kim.

Oh, that was horrific.

That move will probably not make her pretend fitness DVD.

No, that's not good for you, ouch!

-Back to the action.

-Come on, James!

Amanda's still under James's spell.

Athlete as she is, holding on for dear life

and jumping like the pro she is.

Diarmuid not quite so much, but he's still on.

Oh-oh! Took one to the vegetable patch there.

Clinging on like ivy now. James and Andrew over again.

Safely over.

Diarmuid. Deja vu. He is going to get hit again. Here it comes.

Too strong that time. Diarmuid pollarded in his prime.

Ashia, James and Andrew still in the game. Who will get the ten points?

It's not going to be the "too-talented" Andrew Stone.

He is off. He drops like a stone.

He did well to get down to the final three.

He is frothing with talent.

Who will be the last man or woman standing?

Hip Hop Hansen or The Scent Of Sutton?

Good jump, but James is still struggling. He recovers it.

Spoke too soon. I smell failure.

Good news for Ashia. She is last woman standing

and gets the maximum ten points.

SHE WHOOPS

I think she's pleased.

All I need to do is add everyone's points from the Qualifier

to their points from Ski Lift to find out

who the top-five bestest celebrities are.

So, that plus...that.

No. It's way too complex. Only a genius can do that.

I don't think I can... It's just a bit... It's hard.

We're going to have to stop there as those sums are impossible.

It has been a great show. Thank you to everybody. Thank you to you.

To be honest...

Hold on a minute.

Who did that? It must be some kind of genius. They have saved the show.

Was it the janitor? Do we have a janitor? What is a janitor?

Today's celebrity top trump scoring 10 points on the Qualifier

and 9 on Ski Lift is The Scent Of Sutton.

Following closely behind with 17 is the too-talented Andrew Stone.

A spectacular performance on the Ski Lift means

that Hip Hop Hansen is now in third place with 16 points.

Kim Fit DVD is in fourth with 13.

The final celebrity to qualify for Winter Blunderland

is Dirty Diarmuid with 12 points.

All of which means it is time to say au revoir to the losing celebrities.

I am quite relieved that my time is done now

cos it is a lot tougher than it looks.

I will never take the mickey out of a celebrity doing Wipeout ever again.

Obviously finishing at the bottom is not what I'm used to.

I was always up against it, but I managed to not be the first

to come off. That would've been a disaster.

I am disappointed about being the first one knocked off.

No-one wants to be the first one knocked off.

It took a lot out of me, but it was so much fun.

I'm just happy to survive. I went out there

thinking, I'm going to survive.

The one goal was, don't fall off first. I fell off second.

That is a victory.

# Who's going to drive you home tonight? #

Round and round and round it flew -

that death trap made of foam and glue, as the old proverb goes.

Probably.

The celebrities get spun, then try

and make it across a miscellany of rotating obstacles.

Last one across gets eliminated,

then the remaining four do it all again. Same rules apply -

last one over is out, leaving today's three finalists.

To encourage them on their way,

Eduardo and Eduardino will be chucking giant snowballs

from their Alpine Lodge. Nice!

It's Winter Wonderland. Are you ready?

CHEERING

They were born ready. Three, two, one!

That strange homogenised blur of grimacing faces is actually

made up of five distinct celebrities.

She's the pretend keep fit lady who's actually an actress -

Kim Fit DVD.

He's not bi- or tri-talented, he's multi-talented.

He's the too-talented Andrew Stone.

He's filthy from all the gardening he does. It's Dirty Diarmuid.

Just a hop, skip and a jump away from the Wipeout Zone,

it's Hip Hop Hansen.

And fifthly and finally, this actor smells nice,

it's The Scent Of Sutton.

KLAXON

That distinctly underwhelming klaxon means the game is afoot

-and Andrew is off like a shot.

-Andrew Stone, straight out of the gate.

First challenge is The Frosty Flipper.

And out of nowhere, James comes and...

Oh, falls straight in. Oh, and Andrew's in too. Yeah, it's a swim back to the start for them.

Here's Ashia now.

Hop, skip...dunk.

Dirty Diarmuid and Kim Fit DVD's turn now. Go on, give it a go.

-Are you going to go, Diarmuid?

-It's a trick. Don't fall for it, Diarmuid.

-Go on, Diarmuid!

-I knew it, now Kim has the course all to herself.

Here she goes. How does James keep appearing like that?

Oh, dear! It has to be said,

the Frosty Flipper doesn't normally present this much of a problem.

Andrew fires himself at The Flipper and he's up and over.

Next stop - The Crankshaft.

He's on.

Come on, Andrew.

OK, so they are bunching up back at the start

but Andrew's opening up a healthy lead here on The Crankshaft.

Oh, no, less healthy lead now.

You see? Always know where the cameras are. What a pro.

Ashia now. Over.

James and Diarmuid over too, getting crowded now

but James has stolen the lead. Sneaky!

Can he do any better than Andrew on The Crankshaft?

Kim biding her time.

Unusually the snowballs going wide today.

-Ooh...yes!

-Ro-terror-tator next.

-Kim acting like she doesn't know what to do.

-I've got no energy.

One more jump and you can have a banana. They're good for energy, aren't they?

Look, can you not spin it, please?

-Ha-ha!

-No, we can't stop it, James. You just have to get off, and he does.

The Scent Of Sutton is the first one through to Heat Two.

The Too-Talented Andrew Stone now. Onto The Ro-terror-tator not far behind.

And finally Kim has set off.

Oh, that was Dirty Diarmuid going for a dip. That'll clean him up. Andrew now.

Oh, decides to join him!

His talents don't extend to mounting foam blocks, it seems.

Well, good to know what you can't do as well as what you can.

Ashia is next to attempt The Ro-terror-tator.

The dismount, here we go.

Yes, she's onto The Iceberg.

Eduardino's got his eye in, direct hit,

but Ashia's not perturbed. Will she be joining James in Heat Two?

-Yes!

-And yes, she's through.

That leaves Diarmuid The Gardener, Kim The Actress

and Andrew... Not sure what he does.

Oh, that's Diarmuid in. Somehow Kim's out in front now.

Where's Diarmuid going?

-Diarmuid?

-Diarmuid, come back.

What am I doing?

Steeling herself for that final leap...and she's through.

A superb effort, one place left and Andrew wants it.

Ooh, no. That's a bad place to fall with only one spot left in Heat Two.

Either Andrew or Diarmuid is about to be eliminated.

Diarmuid's got the edge on Andrew now. Can he capitalise?

The Ro-terror-tator is running out of diesel. Look, it's slow.

Eduardino isn't, though. Ooh, no, Diarmuid's gone in as well.

That was a carbon copy of Andrew's tumble.

Has Diarmuid just handed the win to Andrew?

Not looking good for the green-fingered Irishman.

Good luck. You're nearly there.

What a gent. Aw, gracious in potential defeat.

And defeated he is. Andrew's safe.

Diarmuid is out of Winter Wipeout. Bad luck.

Diarmuid, oh, no! You were doing so well.

You were such the hardy perennial

and then you turned into a bit of a weed. What happened?

A floating weed! No, it was fantastic.

Exhausting but fantastic. Very slippy up there.

I loved every second of it.

Go get your gear off and get rested. We'll see you later, Diarmuid.

You see, another empty space in The Winter Whizzy

reminds us all of what's-his-name who got eliminated.

All eyes on this four now.

Only three spots are available in tonight's Wipeout Zone.

Once again, the Too-Talented Andrew Stone bolts out in front.

I think Kim's a bit dizzy.

OK, back to Andrew. This is looking better.

Yes, he's across.

Snowballed but taking it in his stride.

Just one of this man's many talents.

Now, had a spot of bother with The Crankshaft last time around.

Let's see if he's learned.

Looking strong, taking it steady into the first notch.

Safely makes Notch Two.

Ooh, he's across. This is looking good.

James and Ashia are not far behind.

But this is a strong display from Andrew.

Onto The Ro-terror-tator now. Just The Iceberg to go.

Kim's struggling. Back in the water.

It's raining snowballs now.

Andrew onto The Iceberg already. One more jump and he's into the Wipeout Zone.

Go, Ash.

He's done it, the Too-Talented Andrew Stone was just too talented for Winter Blunderland. Good effort.

That's probably Kim again. Oh, dear.

But James is onto The Iceberg now. Ashia's not.

But good news for Amanda's nose.

The Scent Of Sutton is into the Winter Wipeout Zone.

Kim seems to be struggling a bit,

or maybe just enjoying a nice swim depending upon how you look at it.

Hip Hop Hansen is so close to stealing that final place

in the Wipeout Zone.

Ooh, but look at this, a late surge from Kim Fit DVD means she's almost caught up.

Ashia needs to pick up the pace if she wants to get into the Wipeout Zone.

Come on, Kim is catching up.

Leaps, and Ashia lands The Iceberg, just one more jump to go. This is exciting!

It's all in the timing... She's done it!

Ashia completes the Wipeout Zone line-up which unfortunately

means actress Kim Tiddy doesn't have a part to play in the final.

-Kim, what happened?

-I just needed her to fall

and I just got off to a bad start, didn't I?

-All right, my darling. Go and get rested, we'll see you later.

-Thank you, bye!

So Kim Fit DVD and Dirty Diarmuid bite the dust.

You see what I did there? Cos Diarmuid's a gardener

and sometimes you might have dust in a garden, and it...

Yeah, I don't think I see what I did.

Dust aside, what a thrilling celebrity final this is going to be.

We've got athlete versus actor versus...um, him.

Hey, you've either got it or you haven't, haven't you?

-BLOWS RASPBERRY

-Winter Wipeout,

compared to the Olympics, Winter Wipeout wins, hands down.

I have got a cold... HE COUGHS DRAMATICALLY

Wherever the opportunity comes, I will try and hop, skip and jump across it, yeah!

Why not?

She's already done her bit, hasn't she?

She's proven to her country she's Number One.

She's fast, she's got a lot of energy, she's got good balance.

-She's an Olympian, for crying out loud.

-SHE SCREAMS

I spend most of my time sat in my pants playing computer games.

-I'm sure she runs six miles before breakfast.

-SHE LAUGHS

Everyone knows how supple I am.

I'm short but I can get my leg over, so that's leverage, you know?

He's a fit guy, don't get me wrong. He's very bendy, but bendy doesn't really help.

If he gets it right, then me and James are both in trouble.

If he wins, he'll be up there pirouetting

and putting his head behind his... licking his big toe. I can't have that.

HE SOBS DRAMATICALLY

-SHE LAUGHS HEARTILY

-I'm not messing about any more. I can't have Andrew win.

Smug little idiot, isn't he? Looks like I'll have to slap his face when I get on that course.

He's like a rabbit, he just scurries along. He's really, really fast.

-So he'd be the one to beat.

-I can't believe she compared me to a rabbit. There are better...

Like a panther or a puma.

Good luck to James, he'll need it!

I'll just have to raise my game and just go for it.

Never mind if I'm absolutely shattered!

I'll be using every bit of my never-give-up-until-you-win attitude tonight.

We're all winners, we're all winners.

We're not all winners, are we? Some of us, obviously, you know.

Da-da-dah! It's the Celebrity Wipeout Zone and Ashia is the first to go.

It's the triple jumper preparing for flight.

This is a shout out.

I like it - brief. That's good. She's concentrating, focused even.

Here we go.

The last time she flew this far, she broke a world record.

Come on, Ashia.

Her daughters, Lola and Maya, will be watching at home cheering her on.

"Yay, Mum's got to the final!" Come on now.

Struggling to get on The Pole. Losing confidence, that's never good.

Come on, Ash!

Steady climb for a long-jumper.

Trying to work out the best way to get on The Icy Stairs.

Here's a tip - there isn't one. And off they go.

Ooh, a cautious approach

but it could be quicker than making lots of mistakes.

You can do it!

Go on, Ashia!

Makes the top step.

Difficult Descent now for Ashia and that clock just keeps on ticking.

Oh, come on, Ash.

Oooh, well recovered!

Careful! Those long legs should carry her across.

Ooh, not far to go now. Final step.

Good work. Onto The Ice Picks without a single fall.

Triple-threat for the triple-jumper.

Ooh, it's close. Oh, superb effort.

Time to show off those jumping skills now on The Fright-cicles.

After a cautious start, this is still a pretty good time.

Remember, this is the time James and Andrew will have to beat.

It's easy to get stuck in the middle here.

-Come on, Ashia.

-She moves and she's out of there.

Approaching the three-minute mark

as she makes her way to The Impossible Snowflakes.

These are notoriously difficult.

Impossible even, some might say... I'd say impossible, yeah.

The crowd on their feet... cos the chairs are wet.

Jumps...and falls! But that's the only time she's fallen in.

That could prove vital. She could still bag a very good time here.

Long and painful climb to the finish button

but she is determined to do it.

Almost there. This has got to be hurting now.

Come on, hit the button... Yes!

3 minutes 40 seconds, how sweet's that? The crowd love her.

-Ashia, how are you feeling?

-Um...not too bad. But it was tough.

You were one tough chick.

You have just hopped, skipped and jumped your way in a time

-of 3 minutes 40 seconds.

-Really?

-Oh, wow! Fantastic.

-Brilliant.

-Thank you.

Yours is the time to beat, but James is up next. Well done.

That was absolutely brilliant.

Preparing to go next, it's the best-smelling contestant ever, The Scent Of Sutton.

This isn't fun any more, I am really, really scared. Genuinely.

I don't blame you because this is about to happen.

RICHARD LAUGHS

Yeah, he's in, and so it begins.

Amazing!

James is quickly out of the water. And who can blame him? It's cold.

Shoots up The North Pole. That's more like it.

Icy Stairs next.

I don't know how people stay on those.

However James is doing just that.

He's staying on and making very good time as well.

This course was made for James.

Difficult Descent now. She loves him.

Oh, no! That's a long fall.

Looks quite good fun. I think he'd be good in action movies.

Sliding across car bonnets and that sort of thing.

Right, he's got to get back up that ladder.

He's barely even a minute into his run, this is looking good.

How will James deal with these Ice Picks?

Oh, he's just going to go for it. Not a bad idea, but...oh, no!

He was doing so well but that final ice pick

just nudged him off-balance.

Sending him into the freezing water rather than onto The Fright-cicles.

Ooh.

That's a long swim and a ladder climb, he's onto The Snowflakes now.

Come on, James!

Unfortunately I feel Ashia may have lost this one.

James is just too fast. Onto The Impossible Snowflakes...

He's down! This is a super-hard obstacle. James is a fast swimmer,

I can't see that denting his time too badly.

He could still do this.

Just this final climb to go. And...

Go, go, go!

Yes! Oh, wait...

Oh, he tried to press the button too early and that almost cost him.

Just needs to haul himself up. No strength left.

Come on, this is painful to watch! Nearly there.

He's done it. 2 minutes 28, that is an excellent time.

I think James is spent. Hardly surprising.

-You people are sadists!

-Ha-ha-ha!

James, you have been on fire all day.

But Ashia was equally brilliant here tonight.

You're still smoking hot, James, cos your time was faster than Ashia.

Oh, I'm sorry, my darling, but well done.

-Mwah!

-Go and join the others for me, would you? All right.

You know what this means, James. Oh, yeah!

Means I'm still in the game.

You certainly are. But Andrew is up next. Let's watch.

Will Andrew be adding Winter Wipeout Champion to his bulging CV?

-Time to find out.

-This one's for Terry Christian.

Andrew Stone didn't came 4th... Argh!

Sorry, itchy trigger finger. Oh, well. He's off.

He's definitely off. There he goes. Yeah, sorry.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-He belly-flopped it.

-Andrew sets off.

As a dancer he should be light on his feet

just as long as his feet aren't taken out from under him.

Onto The North Pole then. Having similar difficulties to Ashia,

it seems it's hard to get that initial footing.

-He's very limber. I've seen the man warming up.

-He's a limber boy.

That's more like it, he's limbered up now.

-Come on!

-Mind you, he does already seem to be tired

and there's still a long way to go.

Onto the first one. Look at the angle of those Icy Stairs.

He's doing well just to hold on.

Makes the leap to the second set.

Ooh, he's not quite got a grip... Oh, bad timing! Unlucky.

The Icy Stairs jerked up as he jumped for them

and then they just shook him off.

Unfortunately because Andrew didn't reach the top he's got to go back and do The Pole again.

Them's the rules, I didn't write them.

Got to be a daunting prospect, facing these again.

-Come on, Andrew.

-You can do it.

He's going to fall off again!

Just needs to get to the summit,

then even if he falls he can swim to the next obstacle.

That's it, he's safe. It's a tricky climb down now, the descent is harder.

-Oooh, that's not good!

-He's going to get caught in the mechanics.

No, he's on. Nearly there, last step... Oh-ho!

Chosen to do that one in the style of a seal, that's nice.

-Oh!

-Still, he's done it. Ice Picks. Flies across them.

-James's time was 2.28.

-Now, that was balance.

Remember Andrew doesn't know that,

he's just out there doing the best he can.

That has just ticked by. Onto the Fright-cicles

and... Oh, that's not meant to happen.

He may be lithe, but he's having all kinds of problems out there.

Ashia's time was 3.40 and I can't see him beating that either now.

But this man is a trooper if nothing else.

He's ploughing his way through the pain barrier.

One final obstacle to go. Cheeky thumbs-up there.

Here come The Snowflakes.

This bit's really easy!

Yeah, some positive encouragement from Jarred, the liar. He's on.

He's rotating. He's slipped and he's still on!

He's missed his chance... Probably the best option.

An arduous swim to the button

and this tortuous journey will be over for Andrew. Up the ladder.

Come on, Andrew!

And there it is. The boy's done so well. The clock stops

on 4.19. You've got to hand it to him, he doesn't give up, does he?

Andrew. Listen, Andrew, you've got yourself into positions today

that I actually didn't even know existed.

Honestly, your flexibility, Andrew...

unfortunately has not paid off because James,

you are the Winter Wipeout Celebrity Champion!

So, James Sutton, actor, fragrance

and now Celebrity Winter Wipeout Champion wins £10,000

for the Once Upon A Smile charity for underprivileged children.

And unfortunately,

that brings the curtain down on another celebrity special.

All that's left for me to do is say goodbye from Amanda

and literally bring down the curtain. Goodbye.

Right, you guys can go. This is going to take me ages.

That'll teach me to bring in my own soft furnishings from home

just cos nobody else will.

Anyone got a ladder?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd