Celebrity Special 1 Winter Wipeout

The time has come to unlock the eternal mystery

of where celebrities go to in the winter.

Some retreat to the warmth and relative safety of panto.

Some head to the Caribbean for some winter sun.

But what of the others?

Finally, that mystery is solved.

Because these ten celebrities have migrated to Argentina

in order to pit themselves against the foam, rubber and snow

of the Winter Wipeout course.

Only one can become Winter Wipeout Celebrity Champion

and win £10,000 for the charity of their choice.

Let the Celebrity Winter Wipeouting commence.

Welcome to this Winter Wipeout celebrity special.

Being a celebrity does have its perks.

You get to meet other famous people,

plus, if you say a brand name on telly, the company, without fail,

will send you crates of free stuff.

A piece of cake!

See what I mean. I don't even want cake!

Here's what today's celebs will face.

The Qualifier - 15 minutes of fame.

Ski Lift - 15 minutes of pain.

Winter Blunderland - 15 minutes of shame.

And the Wipeout Zone - 15 minutes of insurance claim.

I think before the competition gets started,

I am going to polish off this cake.

No, polish?! I couldn't give a monkeys about polish!

Oh, I'll have to be careful what I say.

So, the course is set.

The free stuff's rolling in for me.

The big question is, which celebrities are going to be

gracing the big red Argentine carpet today?

I don't want any red carpet, by the way.

Laser sword?

Today's famous competitors are...

TV vocal coach, Zoe Tyler.

Sound of music star, Connie Fisher.

Olympian and gold medal winner, Derek Redmond.

Olympian and no medal winner, Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards.

Non-Olympian, but newsreader, Ellie Crisell.

TV presenter, Laura Hamilton.

Model and tabloid favourite, Nicola T,

presumably she's married to Mr T.

And, there's Weatherfield's finest, Steve Arnold.

East 17 pop legend, Tony Mortimer.

And, in the back seat, of the never-ending limo,

it's comedian, Charlie Baker.

So, in summary, the crown jewels of the UK entertainment industry

are all taking part today.

As this is a special show, there are special terms and conditions.

Quite a lot!

I'll paraphrase.

Everyone does The Qualifier, blah, blah, blah.

Everyone does the Ski Lift, blah, blah, blah.

Points are awarded for each place, blah.

Massage... Hot tub...

Dressing gowns.

Points added up after both rounds.

Top five go through to Winter Blunderland.

Right! Over to Amanda at the top of the course.

What, they get dressing gowns?

Why don't I get one? Do they have their names on?

SINGS SCALES OUT OF TUNE

CLEARS THROAT

Yep, voice of an angel...

How is the old voice action, Mrs Voice Coach, Zoe Tyler?

I've heard better.

TUNEFUL SINGING

I'll take it back. That's the voice of an angel.

SHE COUGHS

My son said to me that I can't let him down.

So, when you're out there, that's all you're going to be thinking of,

of not being an embarrassing mum, yeah?

Apparently this is the only cool thing I've ever done.

FANFARE PLAYS

Oh, no, you're being hard on yourself, surely that's cool.

That, not so much. I'm not even sure what that is.

I'm doing this for you, son!

I'm sure Zoe's son, Jake, is enjoying this more than his mum.

Still, let's get on with it.

Zoe's off towards today's first obstacle.

The winter fun starts with some Nasty Snowballs -

giant, rotating snowballs and a frosty plank.

Ow, I'm glad it's not for me.

Zoe's going for it. Nice, oh, then a nasty plank to the face.

Strong arms from Zoe. A stumble.

At least she's not in the freezing water.

Second set. And... Jump!

Jump! Oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh... Ouch!

Nice! Zoe won't enjoy seeing this again.

Son Jake will probably be watching it quite a lot.

LAUGHS

It gets better. That will have hurt. Let's not laugh.

Right, just about got her breath back.

-Aah!

-Yes, there it is.

-Ah!

-Ah!

Nice vocal skills from the vocal coach.

Next, it's Granny's House.

# Welcome to the house of fun, now I've come of age... #

There's no welcome mat for celebrities at Granny's House.

Her dog doesn't like them, either.

Zoe's got her eyes on the pie.

Oh, yes...

-Oh, no, booby trap from behind.

-Oh!

Urgh!

Nice to hear her vocal range is still intact.

Her bottom a bit sore, though.

But, you know, what do you expect?

Now, Zoe, beware of the dog.

We're waiting for Tevez to retreat. Nice.

Just time it... Good work. Just the door to get past.

Or, not! You could play it that way.

Oh, Zoe!

-Oh!

-Yeah...

Zoe's fiance described her as being bossy.

Well, I think, Granny just outbossed her.

Next, it's the bossiest of them all.

It's the Big Red Balls.

These things are so famous, they have their own Winnebagos. One each!

Eh! I don't get a Winnebago.

Here she goes. Do it for Jake, Zoe.

Show him, and all of his schoolmates,

how to do it. How to get a...

Oh, no, no...

How to do that, nice demo.

I certainly think that's cool.

I'd go so far as to say it's "amazeballs".

Oh, that's not going to catch on, is it?

Having survived the Big Red Balls, can Zoe finish on a high note?

Oh!

Oh, yes... Come on.

I can't fall in any more.

That's the right attitude, Zoe. But I do know what's next.

Welcome to the Log Jam, two massive logs, one massive jamming session.

It takes more than just rhythm to stay on.

I've no idea what it does take, but here we go.

Zoe's going for the first log, good work.

Sporty Zoe was once the Northern Cabaret circuit bowling champion.

Apparently.

She was built for this.

Oh, yes!

No, no!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, Zoe!

Could have made better use of her Northern Circuit bowling skills.

Possibly. I don't know.

Come on, vocal Zoe, as fast as you can.

Remember, quickest qualifier gets ten points here.

Yes, you've nearly made it.

Clear your throat and give us a celebratory song.

Here we go...

SHE PANTS

No? Oh, OK, then.

That was vile!

Oh!

I know that you were doing this for Jakey.

He's watching right now.

What do you think he's thinking of Mummy's performance?

ZOE LAUGHS

I think he'll say, "Stay where you are Mum.

"Don't ever come home!"

Who's next? It's Charlie Baker. He's a comedian.

He's an entertainer. He's a very talented dancer(?)

Yeah...

OK... If you want to do that, do it, Charlie. You've done it now.

I'm going to give this 74%.

Ambitious. Go for it.

You're a pretty mean little tap dancer.

I know I'm built for it, is the thing.

I'm a professional assault course runner and dancer.

I think it's the physique you're born with and it tells you what to do.

He's very prancy, isn't he? Look at that.

-Charlie says...

-I'm massively out of my depth.

And, that's why we've given you a life jacket.

OK, he's off, giving it his full 74%. Here he goes.

Ooh, cautious... Yes.

-Oh!

-Ah!

Classic combo there.

Face plant and scorpion kick at the end. Neat!

Nice combo move.

OK, up to the second set of snowballs now.

Oh, on his feet.

A bit of a comedy wobble, doing that on purpose.

Oh, and some more. Good work!

Ow! Having a laugh with the snowball now.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh. Oh!

And, what a fall, perfectly timed.

# Well that's entertainment... #

He's doing this for us, for you, for me

and possibly his agent, I don't know.

Apparently Charlie's done comedy gigs

as far afield as Kazakhstan(?)

It's not hard to look this good.

I should imagine that audience will have been more welcoming

than Granny is about to be.

The only thing that Granny finds funny is, er...

You've guessed it. People getting hurt.

Charlie's fancy footwork helped him to win

Let's Dance for Comic Relief.

Time to dance across those Big Red Balls now. Here we go!

This is going to be magnificent.

Yes. Yes!

What a bounce!

LAUGHING POLICEMAN SINGS

Yeah, and he's still laughing.

If that wasn't enough for you at home, let's look at the replay.

Let's just enjoy it.

Oh, majestic!

Charlie Baker to the Log Jam.

He is looking a bit tired, isn't he?

But he's still smiling, yeah...

I can feel a dive coming on.

Setting the standard. Here we go.

To the first log. Oh! This is great.

And, there is Charlie, on the first log.

He's on the move now. Not entirely of his own volition!

Just got to get to his feet.

Oh... Oh!

That's it, Charlie. OK, jump.

Mind the windmill when you do it.

OK, now, jump!

Jump!

Yes! Yeah...

Hold on.

This advice is helping. No, there's nothing to hold on to.

-That's the problem, there's no handles.

-Argh!

-Oh...

That was cruel.

No, that was Winter Wipeout. That's what it's like.

Charlie finishes in a pretty good four minutes and 40 seconds.

If he'd given it an extra 26%,

-who knows how well he might have done?

-Oh...

Now on Winter Wipeout, contestants sometimes go head-to-head.

You know, like husband versus wife,

or a policeman versus another policeman

or cat versus dog. Have we done that? No?

Make a note, then. Cat versus... Ah, I've forgotten.

For the first time ever, I'm allowed to pick a pair of contestants randomly myself.

Here we go.

Wow! Legendary running hero, Derek Redmond

is going to be running against...

..Nicola T, model and reality TV personality.

It's hardly a fair contest, is it?

Nothing I can do now,

apart from, anyone fancy a gentleman's wager?

A packet of custard creams says Redmond wins.

And here he is!

Former record-holding athlete sprinter man.

Yeah, look at the guns.

Come on, Wipeout, I'm ready for you. Come on.

Yeah, nice one, Del Boy, my biscuits are safe with you.

And here's model Nicola T, not a former record holder.

This is going to be so one-sided. Yeah!

-How are we doing on the fearless front, Nicola?

-I'm really, really scared, to be honest. Yeah.

-I don't actually know why I'm here.

-Are you scared of anything in particular?

Really scared of heights.

I don't really like getting my face in the water.

Let's keep yourself out of the water.

Good luck out there and don't be too scared.

-Thank you very much.

-Boo!

SHE SCREAMS

Oh...

Well...

SHE PRETENDS TO SCREAM

What Nicola lacks in gold medals, she makes up for in flappy hands.

Oh, they're angry.

You can't hide behind that tree for ever.

Let's go. Let's go!

Take 'em on. Yes, here goes.

Argh!

Oh!

Yeah, that is wet hair.

SHE COUGHS

And, possibly, a broken nail, too.

Now, time for Del Boy Redmond.

I still hold the world record for fastest egg-and-spoon race, in my pyjamas at primary school.

-What kind of stuff have you won?

-Erm... Not a lot.

British, European and Commonwealth championships.

I don't know about that.

You know what, this I have to see, actually.

Do my a favour, go down onto the starting blocks, Derek.

OK, I am going to fire my imaginary starting pistol.

Are you ready?

Bang! Go!

-You didn't say, "Get set."

-Oh, right.

Ready, get set... Bang!

KLAXON SOUNDS

That is the sound of the starter's claxon.

No flappy hands from Del Boy Redmond

but then this man is a former British record holder.

Yes, nice manoeuvre.

This is the real deal.

RICHARD LAUGHS

Oh, not ready, or something.

He will not be happy about that.

Oh, for a bloke of his size, he got thrown some distance.

Not to worry, though. I'm sure he'll make up some golden time now.

My biscuits are riding on this. Yes!

Oh! Hang on. What happened?

He only just stood up.

Maybe standing up is not Del Boy's thing.

Much prefers swimming at a leisurely pace... In the wrong direction!

Man, come on!

Stairs over here, Derek.

OK, get stuck in the pontoons, instead.

Oh, for crying out loud!

There's Nicola. She's out of the water and is not

intimated by the Nasty Snowballs.

RICHARD LAUGHS

I shouldn't have said that. She must have seen it!

That's the Winter Wipeout spirit.

OK.

Where are you going?

Again, this is the wrong way.

Celebrities usually have people to read maps for them.

You're going to Granny's House.

Yeah, there's lots for Nicola to flap her hands at there, believe me.

Like that gourmet pie, for instance.

Argh!

Oh!

OK, Del Boy Redmond now.

This is the bit where he pulls away from Nicola T.

Yes!

No! Not that actual bit.

What's happened to the sporting legend?

The world-beating sprint legend approaches the Balls.

This is where Del Boy will prove, once and for all,

he is superior to us mere mortals

and win me more biscuits. Here we go.

Get in sight, get in sight.

We're ready. Yes!

Oh!

No! Oh!

Yeah, this isn't as one-sided as I had anticipated.

I am actually getting genuinely worried about my custard creams now.

Let's get ready for the sprint finish.

This is actually where he can excel.

Time for Derek to put some distance between himself and Nicola T.

-He's on the first log.

-Think World Championships.

-I am.

This man ran 400 metres in 44.5 seconds. Derek jumps!

And Derek falls into the water immediately.

-Oh, I can't bear it! Is it over yet?

-No, not quite.

Derek finishes the celebrity Qualifier

in a non-record-breaking 4:28.

Are you all right?

Still, I wagered that he'd beat Nicola,

and there she is on the logs.

Minimal hand flappage. Actually, not far behind Derek's time, either.

So this is... she is perched there. Right, here we go.

Yes. Oh, onto the second log. Derek fell off about there.

Surely she can't finish. I wasn't expecting this.

This is all just not... Oh, hang on. What? I don't know what to say.

I can't believe I risked everything.

4:28, the model has matched the athlete.

Treat them like they're your own.

The next celebrity to warmly embrace the freezing Qualifier

is West End musical star Connie Fisher.

Known for playing Maria in The Sound Of Music.

She's so poised and elegant.

Now, all that singing and dancing and throwing yourself around stage,

how is that going to help you out there on the Qualifier, Connie?

I think you've got to have stamina to go on stage,

and you have to have fierce competitive drive, which I've got.

And I have eaten a lot of sugar today, so I am getting down on it.

# Get down on it! #

Wow! That's some sugar rush.

I've had that happen.

# Get down on it! # Woo!

You know what follows a sugar rush? Yeah.

More sugar rush, apparently.

This is endless.

# Don't cry for me, Argentina. # The truth is... #

I will beat those Red Balls! Whooo!

KLAXON BLARES

Right, Connie is off. I wonder if the Nasty Snowballs will become

one of Connie's favourite things.

Oh, no.

Oh, DOE! Oh DEER!

# A female deer # Ray, a drop of golden sun... #

Her little singer's face smashed to bits.

Connie's back up for the second set, and looking, if I'm honest, wobbly.

That sugar rush is probably wearing off.

No, she's making a run for it all the same, and clears it.

Oh, theatrical fall.

Now, everyone knows that grannies love The Sound Of Music,

so Connie will be absolutely fine here.

See? Wet, but fine.

She's hit another bum note!

# Informer, you know say Daddy snow me, I'm gonna blame A licky boom-boom down... #

Right, the Welsh warbler's about to face her nemesis.

They hate celebrities, they hate musicals and they hate the Welsh.

They are the Big Red Balls.

She's sugar-fuelled, but can she hit the high note? Can Connie fly?

Argh! Arrrgh!

Fisher's gone fishing.

OK, final obstacle for Sugar Sweet Connie. And that is the Log Jam.

Not that jam's involved, so please don't lick it.

There's no sugar, just balance.

One small step for Connie, one giant leap for... Still for Connie!

Just one more of those and she'll have... yes! Oh.

Ooh...

Connie possibly not appearing on stage for a while after that.

The hills are alive, and thank goodness,

so is Connie after that enormous smash.

Nevertheless, look at that. 3:36. Yes! Hang on, what's she doing?

Oh, look. It's a tiny handstand.

Wipeout! Oh!

SHE LAUGHS

Time for a snowboard.

Sugar Sweet Connie climbs straight to the top in first place,

with Vocal Zoe tuning in in second.

Del Boy Redmond and Flappy Nics are sitting in joint third.

While 74% Charlie lingers last.

This could all change with five more celebrities to go.

And next is one of Britain's greatest singers ever.

Yes, it's Tony Mortimer out of East 17.

# Baby, if you've got to go away... #

-Oh.

-# I don't think I can take the pain... #

..I am about to get on this...course.

Well, not only was Tony a huge heartthrob in the '90s,

he is also a martial arts expert.

Yeah. Is that it? OK.

Hai-taa!

Oh, I pulled something.

-Yeah, and again.

-What do you want me to do?

-Not that.

Martial arts and Winter Wipeout.

It literally is like a match made in heaven.

It's hand-in-hand, and now I can see why

I've been doing all this training, and it's all going to pay off.

-This is going to get ugly.

-Yeah, that's not good.

KLAXON BLARES

OK, Tony's off. Here we go. Wow!

Amazing!

Roly-poly! That is how to beat the Snowballs in style.

Somebody's actually done something cool on this show.

That's never happened. Tony's back on his feet.

Surely he can't do the same thing again? This is... Oh! Oh...

SHE LAUGHS

Did you see that?!

This man has pure roly-poly talent.

I'm going to enjoy this.

Roly-Poly Tony to Granny's House.

Tony won an Ivor Novello award in 1995.

I don't know, for his kung fu moves? Maybe. I'm not sure.

Woo-ha! Waa!

Amanda's in the zone. Tony's in a different zone. The wet zone.

-Oh. That was disappointing.

-I disagree.

That was action-packed entertainment.

# Everybody in the house of love... #

Can Tony deliver some more action here?

You've got a black belt, for goodness' sake!

I've got three - faux leather.

They were on offer at the pound shop. Brass buckle and all.

Oh, priceless!

Yeah, Roly-Poly Tony's throwing himself at the Qualifier,

and this is excellent.

Now, a real chance for an action spectacular here.

Could this be a blockbuster?

Oh!

No, more of a flop.

Come on, Tone. Do it for Walthamstow. Yes.

Final obstacle now, Log Jam. Firmly in the songwriter's sights.

Onto the first log. This is good. Yes! Not so good.

Maybe he was trying to pull off another roly-poly move, and it didn't work.

Wait, check out those '90s dance moves. Look at that. Oh.

Oh, his legs sort of gave way.

Tony was ready for action, but he forgot to tell his legs.

Left 'em behind.

Nonetheless, Roly-Poly Tony reaches the finish in 3:12.

I think he deserves a rest.

# Who's that lady? #

Who IS that lady? I'll tell you exactly who that lady is.

It's BBC London newsreader Ellie Crisell.

Ellie, what on EARTH are you doing here?!

When you're reading the news, you're behind your desk, you have your papers. It's quite straight.

Sometimes you want to chuck your script in the air, and go nuts.

SHE SCREAMS

-Don't overdo it, please.

-Come on, yes! Come on, bring it on.

I'm up for it. I'm pumped.

KLAXON BLARES

OK, now's her chance to really go nuts with some Snowballs.

Here we go.

Yes... Oh... Ah, not a great start.

That's not becoming of a lady newsreader lady person.

I'm sure her BBC bosses will see the funny side. Possibly.

Back up for the second set. Come on, Ellie. Bring out that inner demon.

-You can do this. Go wild!

-Come on, Ellie! That's it! Good girl!

That's it, Ellie, face those Snowballs head-on.

Oh! OK, maybe not. Anyone else tough enough to tackle the Snowballs?

Well, as luck would have it, here's Laura Hamilton,

daredevil TV presenter.

SHE SCREAMS

It does say daredevil here.

-Are you scared?

-Yeah, I am absolutely terrified.

-And I just hope I don't hurt myself.

-Hurt yourself? Don't be ridiculous.

No-one has ever hurt themselves on Winter Wipeout.

Not that I know about.

My belief in Laura's ability to conquer the Snowballs

is fading a bit. But here we go. Good approach.

This is looking good.

Oh, ow! Takes a smack, but stays on.

-Look at that!

-Determined.

Second set now. Just assessing her options.

Come on, Laura, you can do this. Come on, you can do this.

You can do this. She can't do this.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, no. Snowballed in the stomach.

Laura's currently hosting A Place In The Sun.

Right now, she's found a nice place in the water.

Right, time for a Big Ball bulletin. Quite a scoop for Ellie.

Oh, she's walking with a purpose.

Yes, and she means business. Just remember not to step on the...

Oh, no, you stepped on it. Oh, what a nelly.

Will Laura fare any better? Just mind the red bit at the end.

That bit. Yep. Nope! Almost identical fall to Ellie.

Is that supposed to do that?

Waaaah!

Identical apart from I think she's a lot louder.

But can Louder Laura make light work of the Log Jam?

It's the last obstacle, and her time is looking pretty good, actually.

Here we go. Safely and, more importantly, quietly onto log one.

Taking the bumps in her stride.

Here we go. Yes! That's gone and done it.

Nelly Ellie, the newsreader from Newsround.

For her, the clock hasn't been so kind.

Oh, but this is promising. Two more jumps, and she is home and... wet.

Yes, come on, Ellie. Finish this.

All right, a few more running repairs. High-octane stuff here.

Yes, that's it.

She needs to fix her hair before she goes any further.

Fly, Ellie! Fly!

Ooh!

Ow!

Oh. Yes, that's the least padded corner, that bit. Oh.

Ellie the Nelly hauls herself across the finish line

in a little under five minutes.

That was a mammoth effort, and quite a bruise, I imagine.

But Louder Laura is proud to make the finish.

Have you got a little scream left for us?

-Yeah!

-Hmm. Great(!)

Today's penultimate celebrity is Steven Arnold,

known as Ashley from Coronation Street, who sounded like Alvin from the Chipmunks.

-SQUEAKY:

-What did you say, sorry?

I don't remember it being that high.

Now, let's talk transferable skills, shall we?

Cobbles of Corrie, balls of Wipeout.

I've got to go for the balls of Wipeout. I will just go for it,

get my head down and just try to get going as well as I can.

-I'm looking forward to it.

-Does he really sound like that?

-Wish me luck! I'm going to need it!

-Good luck, Steven.

KLAXON BLARES

And Steven is away and flying. Watch out for the Snowballs.

Oh, ow!

Hang on, Steven!

He is. What a recovery. Is he? Yes!

Oh, he's Rover Returned.

And a nasty plank in front of him, proving a bit of a hindrance.

Argh!

Oh, but he pushes past that as well. Another snowball ahead of him. Ow!

Another... Oh! Ow.

He's up. Down again.

He's up again. He's over!

-Yes!

-Wow.

Steven's mum and dad laughed

when he said he was coming on Winter Wipeout. I can't imagine why.

To be fair, they are probably still laughing now.

He's insured, though, don't worry. Is he?

Steven also says he's not a fan of heights. Or of picking up dog mess.

No dog mess ahead of him there from Tevez. Just door mess.

Steven and the Chipmunks steps onto the travelator,

and here come the Balls.

Here we go. Missed the red thing? Did.

One, two... none.

MUTTLEY SNIGGER

The squeaky man went splash.

Steven is on for one of the day's quicker times at this rate, though.

Just the Log Jam to go. He's just got to wait for the logs to line up

before he jumps to the second.

Minding the Windmill in between, of course.

Oh, they can be so cruel, those logs.

All of a sudden, the ground was gone!

But Steven and the Chipmunks is climbing to the final podium now,

and finishes in 3:02, the fastest of the day.

He certainly finished on a high note.

You're so fit!

Honestly. Struggling to believe it at the minute.

What a performance from Steven.

And what a comeback after that tricky little tram incident in Weatherfield.

It obviously wasn't as bad as we first thought.

Now, time for the final celebrity contestant.

I've got my fingers and toes crossed for someone really great.

Someone who's flown the flag for Great Britain.

Somebody who's won medals for the nation. A man's man. A winner.

And it is...

Eddie the Eagle Edwards. Um... OK, I'll go with it.

I mean, I suppose he does kind of embody

the spirit of the British underdog.

And that's good, isn't it?

Eddie, you're not exactly the young whippersnapper you were when you competed, are you?

No, I'm getting old. I'm a bald eagle now, really.

Age is against me.

Rargh!

But we're all for you.

Actually, I just don't want to come last. Again.

Positive attitude, Eddie.

I'm Eddie the Eagle, and I feel epic!

Epic's good.

Yes, he's off. I'm looking forward to this.

Down the ski ramp. No giant skis this time for Eddie.

Just pure determination for a Winter Wipeout medal.

Past the first snowman! Whoa!

And about to get past the second set, too.

-That's worth a medal, surely? Come on.

-The Eagle is landing!

Can Granny halt the run of my new favourite sports hero of all time ever?

No, she can't.

-Oh, yes, she can.

-Oh, no!

-Leave him alone, Granny.

He's my new hero.

Come on, we all love him. Well, we did. Still do.

Back on his feet and looking pretty quick.

Past Tevez. And the door.

-That's it!

-Oh, this is glorious.

Eddie the Eagle was Britain's first ever Olympic ski jumper

in the '88 Winter Olympics.

So he should be perfect to jump over these.

This is going to be the ski jump of his life.

Yeah! Get ready for takeoff.

Oh, wow, yes! Ooh...

Well, come on. Check out that air dive.

Went for a jump with a unique 360 degree tumble instead.

I don't know if it was intentional, but it was definitely epic.

Look at this time, amazing.

And Eddie has hardly broken into a sweat. I don't think. He's just wet.

On to log one.

He'll make the transfer now to log two. That's another piece of cake.

Surely he can't... He is not going to...

He has done it! 1:32.

Epic Eddie has ski-jumped to the top of the snowboard.

No glorious failure for Eddie today, just glory.

This takes Eddie to the top of the snowboard with ten points.

Steven and the Chipmunks gets nine, whilst Roly-Poly Tony picks up eight.

Louder Laura, Sugar Sweet Connie and Vocal Zoe pick up seven, six and five points.

And then in joint seventh it's Del Boy Redmond

and Flappy Nics both with four points.

Finally, down in the relegation zone, 74% Charlie is on two,

whilst Ellie the Nelly is on one.

These points get carried into the next round and added to the Ski Lift totals.

I'm so inspired by Eddie the Eagle Edwards, I've decided to take up ski-jumping.

Watch...

Yeah? There is one bit of bad news, though.

Ellie the Nelly had a sore neck

and has had to pull out of the competition.

It's a shame it wasn't a sore tummy,

because then I could have said Ellie the Nelly's got a bad belly.

Right, another jump... How high did I go?

Aspen, Whistler and Verbier.

All top-notch ski resorts renowned for their celebrity clientele.

So the Winter Wipeout Ski Lift here's going to come as a bit of a shock.

The aim of the game is to stay on those podiums, hang onto those handles

and hurdle the spinning ski poles for as long as possible.

The first to fall gets a measly portion of points.

Last hanging gets many more. And a go in the Winter Wipeout hot tub.

The ski season is upon us,

and look, the celebs have found the lower slopes already.

But boy have they picked the wrong resort. Are you all ready?

ALL: Yes!

Three, two, one!

Here's a reminder of the remaining nine lucky, plucky celebrities

hung out to dry on Ski Lift.

With just two points currently under his belt, it's 74% Charlie.

No pain, no pain!

Give it a minute, Charlie.

-There's Roly-Poly Tony.

-Find a happy place, find a happy place.

How about first place?

-Vocal Zoe.

-Where is that taxi?

-Refusing to go south of the equator.

-This smile won't be wiped out. Yeah!

-Louder Laura getting louder.

-Then there's Sugar Sweet Connie.

-Woo!

-And Del Boy Redmond.

-Let's get it on!

-Let's not.

-Steven and the Chipmunks.

-This is for you, people.

-Thank you.

-He picked top spot. It's Epic Eddie.

-The Eagle is ready!

A spot of good luck for you there. Finally, there's Flappy Nics.

SHE SOBS

# Shakin' all over... #

Ooer, I think she wants to get down.

-I'm really sorry.

-No, I am, I am.

Fetch a ladder. Look at her. Aw.

Unfortunately, it seems the Ski Lift was just too terrifying

for Flappy Nics, and she's had to withdraw from the competition.

I'd like to propose a moment's silence

to pause and reflect on her bravery so far.

OK, I have reflected.

That means just eight celebrities now remain in the competition,

which will play havoc with the points allocation.

Come on!

Bring on the show!

No, bring on the ski poles, because that's when it gets really good.

And here they go. Connie and Derek safely over. Steven, too.

Eddie soars over.

Charlie, not looking a Charlie. Yet.

Oh, but takes a knock. He's swinging.

-Hold on.

-Oh, Charlie!

Very nearly first to fall.

Those ski poles are inching higher and higher.

Uh-oh, who's this? It's Connie. Oh, ow!

Oh, my God!

That was some wipeout.

Connie gets dealt a back-breaking blow from the first ski pole

and then a back-breaking smack into a podium.

That's twist and bust, all for just three points.

# The hills are alive with the sound of music. #

So, seven left hanging.

But until the scores are accumulated at the end, this game could be anyone's.

Pure determination on Eddie's face.

Ski poles up around knee height now. Charlie struggling with knee height.

Uh-oh, Roly-Poly Tony looks to be in trouble.

Oh, someone else took a whack there. Oh!

Tony took one to the ribs and quickly roly-polied out of control.

And here's a tabloid exclusive. Tony picks up Zoe on the rebound.

Tony gets four points, Zoe gets five.

So, five celebrities still hanging out,

and Derek, Steven, Eddie, they all made that look easy.

Charlie perhaps less so. Still holding on, though.

Come on, Charlie! Hang in there, sunshine!

Those legs, Charlie, lift those legs!

Nope. He's down.

Well, that's six points in the bag. Bravo, Charlie.

Foxtrot over. I sound like a pilot.

Laura's turn now. Well over and in control.

That difficult second pole is looming, though.

This is where it hurts. One hit, two hits. And three!

It takes stamina to last this long in Ski Lift, but those ski poles are brutal.

-Seven points make it all worth it.

-Come on, guys. Three of you left.

-Let's see who's the last man hanging.

-Yes, it's all for pride.

Del Boy now. Clear. Steven, ditto.

Eddie, double ditto. Back to Derek.

An Olympian swing.

Oh, Derek!

No sooner have these three Titans got their breath back than they're coming round once more.

Del Boy, over again. Steven, clear.

No, he's not! No, he's a goner.

That just leaves Eddie and Derek. But Derek's out of there.

The former sprinter is down.

That means, incredibly, the fastest in the Qualifier

is also crowned last man hanging and gets another ten points.

Eddie the Eagle no longer the underdog.

I wish I had a medal to honour him with.

Unfortunately, I just don't have any medals going spare.

I could maybe lend him one of my gold-effect, mother-of-plastic

ribbon-suspended neck fancies.

Nah, it wasn't that good.

OK, time to see who's where on the all-important final snowboard.

I really hope someone else has done the sums.

I hate adding up points with maths.

At the top of the snowboard with maximum 20 points, it's Epic Eddie.

Steven and the Chipmunks is next with a total of 17 points.

Then it's Louder Laura, totalling 14.

Closely behind is Del Boy Redmond on 13 and Roly-Poly Tony with 12.

These five celebrities are through to Blunderland via the hot tub.

Unfortunately, this also means it is time to say

toodle-riddance to Vocal Zoe, Sugar Sweet Connie, 74% Charlie,

Flappy Nics and Ellie the Nelly, who don't get a go in the hot tub.

I would have loved to have a go on Ski Lift.

It was a bit sad having to watch.

I'd like to do this again, maybe when my neck's better.

So I got up onto the Ski Lift,

and I was just petrified.

SHE SOBS

I was a bit of a loser, really. I just thought, I need to get down.

I'm just really sorry.

I tried. At least I got up there.

I can't believe I came off first.

I thought I had glue on my hands.

I was ready, but when that sweeper hit me, that was painful.

Ha! Never again.

I'm not very happy, actually, because I was doing so well.

And what happened?

Tony Mortimer from East 17 smashed straight into me and took me off.

-I always preferred Take That.

-Oh, yeah.

I'm hoping what I've added to the show is...

a bit of slapstick and some good wipeouts. Some good face plants.

So in many ways, I am the winner.

Alpine Lodge welcomes today's guests.

They get the celebrity treatment from the Winter Whizzy.

Past the Frosty Flipper, they get celebrity treatment from Hansel and Gretel - snowballs in the face.

Finally, the Crankshaft and the Roterrortator will give them

the celebrity treatment - right in the face.

Last to finish is eliminated, and then the process is repeated

until there are three celebrities left.

It's Winter Blunderland. Are you all ready?

ALL: No!

But who is getting treated to all this celeb treatment?

I can tell you, because I have a list here. First it's Epic Eddie.

Top of Qualifier, top of Ski Lift

and my favourite celebrity contestant ever in all time.

-Steven and the Chipmunks.

-What did you say, sorry?

-Even he speaks highly of himself.

Louder Laura has screamed her way around the Qualifier and...

Well, screamed everywhere. That's all she does.

Del Boy Redmond, an Olympian with fewer points than Eddie.

I'm not saying anything.

And completing the gang, it's Roly-Poly Tony. What a mover!

So, five dizzy celebrities,

but only three can go through to the Winter Wipeout Zone.

Epic Eddie is trying to counter-spin technique.

Meanwhile, Louder Laura daintily heads for the Frosty Flipper.

Admittedly, this is not the fastest Blunderland beginning I've seen.

Eddie has caught up with Laura. And Tony's sleepwalking.

-Night of the living dead.

-I don't know where he's going.

Watch them go... Or not go. Hang on, finally some action.

Eddie is across, and Laura is hanging by her feet. Interesting.

I have never seen that done. That's a new trick for the TV presenter.

OK.

Eddie the Eagle takes on the Crankshaft now.

Oh, and there squeals Steven. And now Eddie's gone for a swim.

Del Boy making a run for it. How is he holding on there? Oh! Oh, no.

Given up. More of a sprinter than a foam block wrestler.

So, will it be second time lucky for Eddie the Eagle on the Crankshaft?

Look at him! Oh, fantastic. It's Roterrortator time.

And not another celebrity in sight. He's way ahead.

Oh, no!

So, back to the ladder for Epic Eddie.

Tony has woken up from his sleepwalk.

Eddie is back on the Roterrortator.

But look - Tony is storming across.

Epic Eddie transfers perfectly onto the Iceberg.

Oh, and Del Boy Redmond finally beats the Flipper.

One more leap for Eddie. He's done it! Get in.

-Eddie is through to the second heat.

-The Eagle has landed.

-You're just saying that.

Just three places left to fill.

I think the next one has Tony's name written on it.

Yes, Tony out of East 17 is through.

And here's Steven coming up from behind.

And Steven's done it. There's only one space left.

Which means it's between Derek the sprinter and little Laura.

But Derek right now is in the lead.

The slow crawling motion is working. No, it's not working!

Back to square one.

In slow motion, it looks more kind of heroic, but he just fell off.

That's all that happened. TV presenter Laura having a rest.

Ah, the batteries are starting to run out on the Crankshaft, I think.

Oh, yes, that's more like it.

So, while Del Boy Redmond contemplates climbing the ladder, Laura looks at the Roterrortator.

What's he waiting for, a written invitation?

Yeah, to the second round would be nice.

But Laura's on the Roterrortator,

which is also running low on batteries.

Somebody wind a handle somewhere.

This could take a while. There's still another round.

One last jump now from the Iceberg to the finish line. Thank you!

Unfortunately, though, she will have to do it all over again.

Good news, though, for Del Boy Redmond, because he won't. He's out.

Derek, oh! Still spinning.

Now, I would imagine that you were not best pleased about that, Derek.

-Want the honest truth?

-Yes.

-I am. That's impossible.

I felt sick at the beginning. I thought breakfast was coming up.

I kept it down, thought it was coming out the other end.

Managed to keep it up.

OK, so, whilst Derek finds the nearest convenience,

the remaining four celebrities get sent for another spin cycle.

Only three can go through to the Winter Wipeout Zone.

Will it be Epic Eddie, Louder Laura,

Steven and the Chipmunks or Roly-Poly Tony?

Well, it's stopped. And Eddie again using the counter-spin technique.

Tony doesn't look too well. Don't spew. It'll mess up the snow.

No rush, Tony.

Go over there instead, OK. Laura's taken the lead.

And, yes, she's up and running.

Also taking a pelting from Hansel and Gretel.

-She's confident right now.

-Yeah.

Oh, she's causing a pile-up, but she's going for it,

and by going for it, I mean strolling along at an agreeable, sensible pace.

But Epic Eddie is on her tail, which makes her move.

The Roterrortator now. Oh, hang on, wrong way, Laura. Where's she going?

That's one way to do it! The wrong way, breaking the rules.

She'll have to swim back to the ladder.

Get off, Laura. Get off now! Don't waste any more time.

Here is The Eagle. Oh, and he's in the lead. My new hero!

-Oh, that's it. He's off the Iceberg and home and dry.

-Crash landing.

Eddie is the first celebrity through to the Winter Wipeout Zone.

I love that guy. He's a proper legend.

Right, Steven's go, once he's worked out which way's forward.

It's over there.

Now the other forward. No, the other way. Wait till it comes... Yes.

There. Go there. Yes! The soap star has done it.

Oh, we've got another one.

Steven takes the second position

in the Winter Wipeout Zone.

So, either louder Laura or Roly-Poly Tony will shortly be eliminated.

Tony on the Roterrortator and egging on Gretel, who's having none of it.

-Oh, what a shot! Probably a Take That fan.

-Do it!

-You never know, you might beat him!

-Yes!

Less arguing, Tony, more getting on with it.

Come on, because louder Laura is catching up! Concentrate!

Someone's got to... Oh! Yes! Oh-oh! Is it...? Yes. He's done it.

Bad luck, Laura.

Hang on a second. Take me back to the start of that round.

-You were first.

-I know!

-And then, you were last.

Yeah, I got really confused.

I was, like, "I've got to get off", then Eddie came on. Yeah. Never mind.

You're not going to believe this, but in the last 60 seconds,

somebody wrote in to complain.

About me! I know!

Allegedly, I've been supporting one specific celebrity contestant,

thereby breaching the "Be lovely to everybody" clause in my contract.

I refute this.

My professional reputation means everything to me and I can

confidently state that I, Richard Brad George Leonardo Hammond,

have never ever show favouritism towards one specific celebrity ever.

Oh, thanks, guys. These look great. Did you get the whistles?

Well, doing the Olympic Games was probably the most important

thing in my sporting career, but this can come a very close second.

I feel great making it to the Wipeout Zone,

especially competing against Eddie and Tony.

Should be a good battle.

I've run the London Marathon, so I know I've got endurance.

But this is something else. This is an absolute battering.

I started off pretty sharp.

I thought I'd attack it, see if it attacks me back.

And it does. A lot harder.

The other day in the qualifier, to come second,

I was quite proud of myself, to be honest!

It was great to win both rounds. I thought, "Yes, I'm fit, I'm OK!

"Even at my age!"

Eddie is an absolute legend. I'm surprised how nimble he was.

He was like a bat out of hell.

There's a little bit of blood left in me yet.

No-one's beaten the machine that is Eddie.

If you look in one of his eyes,

there's a little red dot, like the Terminator.

-He'll take some licking, Eddie.

-Steven has been very good. He's always been right behind me.

He's the complete opposite to the character we know him as.

Why did you say, sorry, eh?

It's nice to just be yourself

and show people you are different to your character.

Wish me luck, I'll need it!

I think Tony has been the one that's been the most unexpected guy

to get that.

If I won it, it'd be amazing, but I just want to get round the course.

It's going to be brutal.

Winning Winter Wipeout would mean a lot to me, really.

I want to get myself revved up and have a real good go at it,

go out with a bang.

I think if I complete the course tonight and grab that trophy,

I'll round around the whole arena stark naked.

SCREAMING

That'd be a shock for everybody.

We've got it all tonight.

A pop star, a soap star and Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards.

It's like my dream dinner party. I love it!

It's the Celebrity Wipeout Zone

and the first to go is Tony out of East 17.

-Tonight, we dine in hell.

-Ah, get on with it. Oh, he is!

Tony's flying high. It's like 1992 all over again.

Now that's what I call a nose-dive.

Yeah, I think he actually broke the water with his nose.

Tony is quickly out of the water

and on to the first obstacle - the tricky, sticky North Pole.

The clock's ticking.

Tony is setting the time to beat.

Must be feeling the pressure right now.

Oh, it's a solid start but it's on to the Icy Stairs.

Few normals make it over this unscathed,

but how will a celebrity fare?

Oh...

Oh, the jiggling begins in earnest. He's on to the second...

HE LAUGHS

OK, goes to show that '90s pop sensations are just like everyone

else when it comes to mounting juddery steps, if ever you wondered.

Come on. Second set. Here we go.

Yes, he's off.

A bit less jiggling now, a bit calmer. This is better.

Third set, now.

TONY! TONY! TONY!

Oh, he's got the crowd on his side. They're loving it.

-He reaches the summit.

-That's it, Tony!

-Yes.

Yep. Slow but steady. Cautious breathing. The breathing is good.

He needs to do it. Whilst doing the course. OK, he's almost there, now.

Yes. That's the stairs done.

Next, it's the Ice Picks. OK, Tony really is biding his time.

-What are you waiting for?

-I don't know? Taxi? Oh! That!

The perfect time to run! Oh, wow!

Straight over the Ice Picks without a scratch.

Roly-Poly Tony still going, straight into the middle of the Frightcicles,

but the clock is ticking and Tony needs to get out of there.

Can he? Yes! Oh, wow!

This is amazing!

Just the Impossible Snowflakes to go, now.

Can Tony defy the odds and beat the unbeatable?

Well, he's safely on, but getting off is the tricky bit.

-Unless you do that.

-Oh, no!

Exhausted and caked in snow,

the odds were stacked against Tony hanging on, there.

-All that's left now is a climb.

-Come on, Tony!

The Roly-Poly man hauls himself up the final few steps

and...stops the clock on 4:25.

It's like Patch the dog.

Listen, you have been a very cool, laid-back customer all day long.

-Thank you.

-And you have just done that in a very cool time of 4:25.

I'm happy with that. That's cool.

-Yours is the time to beat, but Steven's up next.

-Yeah.

-Let's watch.

OK, let's see how high Steven and the Chipmunks goes here.

-Come on, let's have it!

-Yeah, you can't have it. It's mine.

But this is yours. Enjoy. Ha-ha. Oh!

Oh, after a bit of dramatic mid-air cycling - very nice - he lands.

He's off!

His attempt begins here. 4:25 is the time to beat.

-Come on, Steve, dig in!

-Aww, some great sportsmanship from Tony.

Steven's taking this very carefully. Up the slippery North Pole.

Time for the Icy Stairs, now.

He's on. Oh, a little bit of a bumpy ride.

He looks to be in control, here.

Take your time!

Yep, wise words from Tony, but Steven's not listening

and is just going for it.

-Wooo!

-He's reached the middle.

Now for the tricky descent.

And I say that because... No, I...I... Because that happens.

That's why it's tricky. Oh.

And that's definitely going to cost him valuable seconds,

The recovery speed is important. Up that ladder.

-Come on, Steve!

-Yeah, he is! Just give him a chance!

He's getting on with it. Onto the Ice Picks, now.

These are quite tricky fellas. Oh...!

And there's the proof. That's what they do.

Unlucky, but that clock waits for no man. Or celebrity.

It doesn't wait, that's the point. Gathers himself.

Off he goes. Oh, that was too close! He's just stayed on.

Right, he needs to exit at the first opportunity.

Here is that opportunity coming round.

Go. Go. Go, go, go! Oh!

Oh, no! Again, so close.

Oh, I do not believe it.

No, he's not going to be happy with that.

And to add insult to injury, he also smacked his face on the way down.

Last thing he needs is two giant rotating snowflakes.

Unfortunately, that's what he's got.

-Come on, Steve!

-There they are.

But on the plus side, it's the last obstacle for him to cross.

-Oh! It was worth a try.

-Oh, he's off.

-Hang on. What's he doing?

-Where's he gone?

-Oh, no.

The times are so close. This could lose him everything.

-Oh, no.

-Steven!

-OK...

And he's found his way to the ladder. Almost there!

Up the ladder! Just one button-press left!

Last bits of strength...

Oh, go on! He's done it! Steven completes the course.

Good, but not good enough.

Look at you with your Santa Claus beard! Oh!

-How are you feeling, my love?

-Shattered.

Well, listen, you were both absolutely fantastic here tonight.

You have been the nearly man all day, Steven.

Nearly never won the race, because Tony was faster by ten seconds.

Hard luck, my darling, Go join the others. All right.

Tony, you know what this means. Yours is the time to beat, but...

-It's The Eagle next.

-The legend that is Eddie The Eagle. Let's watch.

-Ottie, Honey, Sam, this is for you!

-Yeah, and this is for you, Eddie.

Are you ready? OK. Oh, there you go. Enjoy! Oh!

He'll be used to that bit. The Eagle has landed.

I've been waiting to say that for 50 minutes. I got in first. Finally.

Yeah.

-Oh!

-Well, Eddie, of course, used to skiing down-hill quite fast.

Now, he must climb up the North Pole.

-CROWD: Eagle! Eagle!

-Yeah, it sounds so good from a crowd, doesn't it?

That works. Yeah. He's up and away. Nicely done. Good balance.

-Come on, Eddie!

-So, to the Icy Stairs.

Tony didn't make it to the summit without falling.

Steven didn't make it to the end. Can Eddie do this in one go?

Unlike the other two? On to the second set. Not bad, so far.

Looking strong and balanced.

OK, brilliant, he's at the top. Only the descent, now.

Oh...bit of a wobble! Oh!

Careful, Eddie! Oh, feeling the tension!

But he's made it to the final set of stairs. Can he make it? Yes.

-Yes!

-Awesome stuff so far from The Eagle.

Next, he must conquer the Icy Picks.

Dodge. Eddie, dodge, dodge...! Oh.

Oh, Eddie The Eagle's first mistake. How costly will that be?

Actually, not at all. This is still an incredible time.

Eddie hauls himself up and now he faces the Frightcicles.

Well, he's on, first time.

Eddie edges round and waits for the gangway to line up.

When the time comes, off he goes. He's brave. We know that about him.

Yes, this is amazing. Eddie's putting in a tremendous performance.

Just the Snowflakes to go. He's on.

He's flailing... He's flailing... He's off.

But even with that fall, Eddie is on for a comfortable victory.

-Oh.

-Is there anything this man can't do?

Britain, this is Eddie The Eagle.

I urge you to erase the memories of '88 and instead,

just remember this glorious victory.

Epic is an understatement.

2:20, and Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards

is the Celebrity Winter Wipeout champion.

CROWD: Eagle!

Come over here, my darling. The legend that is...

How are you feeling after that?

-Knackered!

-Ha-ha!

Aww, well, listen, Eddie, you've been soaring here all day,

but these two guys have had you in their sights.

I've got to tell you,

Tony was absolutely brilliant out there tonight.

But...!

Eddie, the eagle has landed -

you are the Winter Wipeout Celebrity champion!

So, Epic Eddie came and he conquered,

and goes home with a winning title, a trophy, a cheque for £10,000

for his charity, Sparks, and an Argentinian toad.

Called Dave.

So, that's it for this first ever Celebrity Winter Wipeout.

But there is just time to look at tomorrow's front pages.

The Daily Red Bull leads with, "Eagle soars to Wipeout glory."

And the Winter Times, they go with, "Eddie - every loser wins."

Very nice.

And the Wipeout Mail, they've gone with,

"Richard Hammond seems to think he's presenting Newsnight."

Anyway, from all the celebrities, from Amanda and from me,

it's goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd