Episode 1 Winter Wipeout

Wow! This is incredible!

The Total Wipeout course.

It's beautiful!

Look! Down there.

Is that 20 ordinary, everyday Brits, including a railway engineer,

a poker player and a penguin keeper I can see waving?

Oh, Mr Snowman, if only you could make it so that one of those people

gets crowned our Winter Wipeout Champion and wins £10,000!

What's that, Mr Snowman? You can! Well, in that case, let the games begin!

And please, get me down. I've got vertigo, seriously.

I feel unwell.

Hello and welcome to an all new Winter Wipeout.

So what makes Winter Wipeout all new?

Well, the course is all wintery, the music is all wintery,

and I've been promised that any minute now is going to get wintery in here as well.

I'm anticipating snow, maybe,

or someone in a snowman costume dancing on.

Any minute it will happen.

Ice cubes. That's it.

Fine. Merry winter!

This is what the contestants will face today.

The Qualifier. Doesn't it look seasonal?

Ski Lift. Doesn't it look unreasonable?

Winter Blunderland. That looks unfeasible.

And finally, the Winter Wipeout Zone, simultaneously seasonal, unreasonable and unfeasible.

If anything, I associate ice cubes with summer, so this is kind of the opposite of what I need.

Just get me some wintery props.

Right, now it's time to go over to the wintery course and my wintery co-host, Amanda Byram.

They're dripping. They are.

Eager to get going on this menacingly outrageous course is the small but feisty Mel,

who is a personal trainer from Howden, in Yorkshire.

-How do, Mel?

-How do? Ha-ha-ha!

-You grew up in a farm?

-I did indeed, yeah.

Well, you should have told me, I would have used the correct dialect.

Ooh-ar, get off my land!

COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOO

Yeah, get out there and do it. We are the farmers! Ooh-ar!

Oh, she doesn't look impressed.

This brand new Winter Wipeout course might impress her though.

Step aside, Snowman! Make way for the lasses!

Oh, she's upset the Snowman. Not a good start.

So Mel sets off towards the first brand new obstacle on this Winter Wipeout course.

Now, winter for me is all about warm cups of cocoa, knitted bobble hats and snowball fights in the garden.

With that not really in mind, meet...

..the Nasty Snowballs.

And as the name sort of suggests,

this appears to be two balls on the end of a rotating pole.

Hurdle that, and there's a nasty, loose plank,

followed by an even nastier set of balls and poles.

And that's the Nasty Snowballs.

-So here comes Mel.

-Aah!

Ouch! Oh my, she stayed on. Good work.

Oh, come on, Mel.

-Oh no, they got her.

-Ha-ha-ha!

To be fair, it's all new to Mel. She's kind of a course guinea pig.

First to try now the second set of snowballs.

Uh... Oh, it's going to be cold!

Right, picking her moment.

Oh, she made it!

That's it, well done!

Remember, only the 12 fastest will make it through to the next round.

But now, Mel must take on a terrifying new obstacle, which is called...

..Granny's House.

Is that right? It sounds about as scary as crochet, I'm not sure.

Wow! Look at that! It's a trip past Granny's Pie, and the spinner,

a treacherous door, followed by an angry dog, and another loose door.

Yeah, it's definitely scarier than crochet.

But how will guinea-pig Mel fare?

-She missed Granny's Pie, but not the door!

-Oh, no!

Nice one. Meet Granny.

So it's up the steps for Mel to face another loose door, and...

a dog!

Go on, guinea-pig Mel.

I think she's genuinely scared. It's in the timing! Oh, no!

Oh, ha-ha-ha!

Great dog avoidance, but a shocking display of door acceptance there from guinea-pig Mel.

Bad luck!

That door did knock the stuffing out of this 26-year-old personal trainer.

She might want to take up some rapidly opening door practice when she gets home.

Oh, look! She's got a Santa Claus beard and moustache! Look at that!

Oh, that's kind of nice, it works.

Now, as the Sucker Punch is taking a winter break in Cancun, Mel heads straight to an old favourite.

It's the Big Red Balls, and this year they've been adorned with everyone's favourite airport convenience.

Yeah, the future has arrived on Wipeout.

It is a travelator.

The contestants will be delivered effortlessly to their destination,

which usually is to the bottom of that toxic pool.

I love a good travelator.

Her chin's frozen over.

A frozen chin is not going to help. Come on, Mel, here we go!

-Yes!

-Aahh!

-Oh!

As I predicted, the frozen chin just didn't help.

Chin fully defrosted now.

Ooh-ar, Mel!

Yeah, that doesn't help either.

So Mel is swimming towards the final obstacle,

which is the Log Jam.

Two really wobbly logs and a spinning cross

stand in the contestants' way at the end podium and a qualifying time.

Get it wrong, and it's the long route to the finish.

Come on, Mel.

-She's onto the first.

-Get off that log!

Great work, she's onto the second!

Come on, Mel, one more jump!

Here we go, looking good. It's... No! So close!

Oh, Mel!

I'm told that water actually is cold as well. I mean, properly.

Still, guinea-pig Mel climbs to the finish in a time of three minutes and 46 seconds.

Will that be fast enough to get her into the next round?

Ooh-ar, Mel! That weren't 'alf bad, that weren't.

How are you? How are you feeling after that?

Patronised?

Mel, you were doing so well on every single obstacle, and then you fell off a little bit.

-I fell off at every single thing.

-And you got back up again.

-I did.

-And you fell back off again.

-And I fell back off.

But you got back up again! And then you fell back off again.

Ooh! Ooh-ar!

Get off my land!

Yeah, no need for concern. She is fine. We've had her checked.

Anyway, second onto this wonderful new Qualifier is Ali.

And he's got a seasonal occupation. He is a penguin keeper.

They are 100% real.

Look at them go. This is better than Happy Feet. It's going to be huge!

Make it stop.

-Ali, the penguin keeper. Welcome to Winter Wipeout!

-Lovely to be here, thank you.

They are pretty slippery and slidey agile little fellas, aren't they?

Have you been watching their every move,

getting some techniques in order to do well here on Winter Wipeout?

I don't know if sliding on my belly is the way to go.

Did any of them tell you anything to do?

No, not really... No, not the penguins.

-Waddle!

-All right, thank you, Amanda.

Prepare to watch these Happy Feet march around this course!

Ali is 32 years old.

I mean, seriously.

I think he's a bit more cuckoo than penguin.

So off goes Ali, the penguin king. Hope he can move quickly on land. Here we go!

-Ahh!

-Oh, Ali!

Like his penguin brethren, Ali is pretty nifty in the water.

Look at him go! Look at that!

But don't look at that though.

Oh, not so good on land,

but Ali the penguin king is straight onto Granny's House.

Aahh!

Oh, goodie! He's in the water again. Back on land.

-Ouch!

-Dog got the penguin.

Granny paid a fortune for that dog.

-It's called Tevez.

-Ouch!

So the penguin king is heading towards the king of all travelators.

-Oh, he's marching like the penguins!

-Yes, come on, come on! Oh!

Right in the beak!

If any of Ali's penguins are watching, who gave you a TV anyway?

Just the Log Jam to go.

Yes!

Come on, come on!

-Aah!

-Oh, wintery face plant! First one! Something to be proud of!

Ha-ha! Oh, what a sting! Well done, Ali!

His penguin's swimming skills have taken a knock there, haven't they?

Come on, waddle yourself up the stairs.

Oh, this is good though.

He's three seconds faster than Mel, so good work!

Next to run the Qualifier... Oh, careful!

It's 19-year-Old Lauren from Renfrewshire, and she's got an interesting occupation.

It's really exciting. I get to stuff teddy bears like this wee one called Lovehearts,

and we get to put lovely little love hearts inside them,

and we get to rub them so they are all nice and warm.

And then rub them on our cheeks so they're cheeky.

And then we all give them a kiss and it goes inside, and then we stitch them up. It's an awesome job!

All right, good luck out there today, Lauren.

Thank you very much. Fingers crossed! Aahh!

Ahh!

Oh, careful!

So Lauren is off to stuff the Qualifier. What a link I did there.

Nice music. Oh, this is good!

No, no, it's not!

Ooh, Lauren.

I don't know if I can BEAR to watch this!

Ah! Bear! Ha-ha! Yeah, OK.

-Oh!

-Aah!

Grin and bear it.

Oh, good team work, Amanda. Yeah!

Lauren is looking a little bit grizzly as she approaches The Balls.

Here we go, on the travelator.

Aah!

Oh, no! Negative progress!

Un-bear-livable! Sorry, I'll stop that.

OK, the Log Jam now.

To the first. Oh, oh.

It's all in the timing.

-Oh, Lauren, this is great!

-Aah!

Oh, no!

Grizzly Lauren's taken a bit of a stuffing from the Qualifier, and not of the polyester type.

She climbs to the finish in a bear-ly respectable time of four minutes and 56.

Yes!

Oh, hang on, I'm seeing double! No, I'm not.

-This is Deb and Meg, and they are from...

-Newcastle! Newcastle!

Newcastle! Newcastle!

Ha-ha-ha!

Newcastle! Newcastle!

Oh, colour-coded, very convenient.

This is Deb in the green.

Mega fast Meg, you're not that fast.

I think you're going to probably come last!

Oooooh!

That's right, Deb! You're too slow!

Pump up the jam and watch me go!

Oh, these lasses, they are all full of chat at the top!

So the stage is set for Newcastle lass grudge match.

-Aah!

-Oh!

Yeah, neck and neck on the Nasty Snowballs.

It's two for one, ladies night down at Granny's House.

Aah!

There they are. Heading down the Big Balls market.

Oh!

Come on, girls. Pump up the Log Jam.

I'll stop that now.

Ouch!

So, Deb, or is that Meg, reaches the finish in seven minutes and eight seconds.

But the winner of the Newcastle Lass Off is Meg, or Deb, in five minutes and 42.

Well done, to, to...that one!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Friendship over! That's it!

-Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

Slightly unfair.

This is 36-year-old plumber Rob.

36? Is this right?

Aahh!

He looks about 12. He can't be 36!

Rob, 36? Are you sure?

Yeah, I certainly am.

-No, but are you really, really sure?

-Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, you obviously...you look like a little boy.

Um...what is your secret?

A bit of man cream here and there, that's the way.

I might leave that till later.

So off he goes.

Ooh, and he's quick! Oh, yes!

Oh, he nearly made it!

Oh, Rob!

But he's up and heading towards Granny's House.

Come on, fella! Where are you?

-Now, don't make her angry. Don't make her angry.

-Ha-ha!

Oh, that's too fast! There's no way he's 36! I want to see papers.

-He's a big boy now.

-Um...Macaulay Culkin.

Ouch, oh, no! That looked bad! That... Ah!

Good leap. No...

Onto the first log. This looks like a really quick time.

-Wow!

-Wow, what was that?!

-Oh, that's amazing!

Rob's man cream really is paying off, clearly.

That's just showing off!

Nobody's ever looked good before doing this.

And he's heading for a leaderboard topping time at this rate, here we go.

-Oh...yes!

-No, no, no!

-Oh, yes, he did!

-Oh, did he just do that? The clock is still ticking.

But Rob boy is still top of the snowboard with an amazing two minutes 16.

Speaking of which, Rob boy tops the Winter charts

with Ali the penguin king

and guinea pig Mel in second and third.

Then it's grizzly Lauren, and Meg, or is it Deb, in fourth and fifth.

And in last place is Deb! Or Meg...

You know what? I do feel younger. Right, good news.

The winter prop I asked for has apparently arrived and here it is...

Wow! A massive ice cube!

I know what I can do with that. I can carve it into a sculpture.

Fetch me my ice chisel and hammer, please. No, wait!

It's all right, I've got mine on me, stand down.

Right, whilst I get sculpting, on with the competition!

Now, this is Professor David Spiegelhalter OBE,

and he's a Professor of Risk.

What this means is that if I'm going to qualify, I've just got to get below three minutes.

Oh, right. Below three minutes is the key.

And off goes the Professor towards the Nasty Snowballs.

Yes! Yes! Oh, oh...

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-I know what he did there.

He followed the Y-axis when he should have followed the X.

Onto Granny's House now, a risky destination.

All right, Professor Spiegel-halt!

Oh!

Aah!

He could still be doing this in under three minutes.

All he has to do is clear both logs.

Ouch! Big ouch!

The gentleman doth profess too much.

Despite that risky performance,

Professor David Spiegelhalter OBE climbs to the finish in three minutes and 17.

Just shy of his target.

Now, here's someone else who'd like some letters after his name.

This is PhD student James.

James is studying sleep at Bournemouth University.

There's a course in sleep? I don't get it. Oh!

Ouch!

Now this student is heading to Granny's House for the weekend for a kip, a bit of revision.

Oh, James, our PhD.

Ph-D'oh!

He is impressively quick though. Here we go!

-Ouch!

-Ouch!

Sorry, this is still bothering me - what do you do with a PhD in sleep?

But dozy student beats professor by 17 seconds is the news.

Ph-Did it.

Top marks!

This is 31-year-old Bristolian teacher Carolyn,

and apparently she's got a hobby or two.

Gymnastics, netball, tennis, squash,

lacrosse, athletics, rounders, and then...

That's a long list. Nobody's got enough time to do all of that. What is she, some kind of hobby robot?

-Canyoning, kayaking...

-What?

-Coasteering, white water rafting...

Here goes Carolyn.

Is that a hobby? No, she's running, just running.

-Oh, oh... Oh, she hangs on!

-Oh, Carolyn!

Very impressive stuff, she's up again.

She's being met with resistance.

Oh, laser-beam eyes. Nice!

Oh, look, she's doing it again.

Alien! Definitely alien.

They have a lot of hobbies.

Oh! Come on! Hang on! No!

Here come the balls.

With all those super human abilities, this is going to be good.

Expecting great things! No! That's no good!

Oh!

Crikey!

That's probably broken her lasers.

Despite that clattering, Carolyn is looking very fast.

Oh, this is good!

-Oh, this is better!

-Ooh-ooh!

Wow! She made that look so easy.

Two minutes five, tops the snowboard too.

She is out of this world.

Someone else who's no stranger to winning stuff is Mikey.

Mikey's won holidays to Cyprus, France and Sri Lanka,

so will he be adding winning Winter Wipeout to this illustrious list?

Maybe.

-Oh!

-He may not.

-Oh, god! Mikey!

Quick swim and onto the second set now.

-That's it, that's it, jump!

-Aah!

-Uh-oh!

-Ouch!

-Aah!

Mikey just won a trip to Buenos Aires' hospital.

Yeah, I'll come back to him when he's been discharged from that prize.

HE COUGHS

I haven't started yet. I'm just waiting for inspiration to strike.

But with a massive block to work with, I don't know what to turn it into.

Oh, hold on, got it!

Now, whilst this uniquely talented ice sculptor gets to work,

here are some competitors with their own unique talents.

Meet Jackie from Epsom. She's a voiceover artist.

"Yes. A voiceover artist".

And Jack from Narberth. He does an uncanny impression of Donald Duck.

-Aahh!

-No, that's not it. Obviously that's something else.

Then there's railway engineer Sophia from Kent.

She can turn herself into an actual rail. Wow!

Then there's professional poker player Eugene, from Bexleyheath.

He's got a brilliant poker face. He!

Go on.

Rubbish!

So how will these amazing powers equip this foursome on the Qualifier?

-Who knows?

-Oooh!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Oh! Oh, that's going to hurt!

Ha-ha! Careful! Oh!

What was that!?

So did any of their amazing talents help any of these four onto the snowboard?

As things stand, Carolyn, from outer space, is at the top.

In fourth, Donald Jack.

In eighth, poker-face Eugene.

And clinging onto their places in the top 12 are Meg or Deb,

Sophia, and Deb or Meg.

Back to Mikey, and he's now been going at it for over eight minutes.

I guess he could technically be arrested for loitering here.

Oh! Having a little rest on the first log.

No doubt Mikey is gearing up for one big, final push. Here it comes.

Yes, it's going to be magnificent.

He's saved all of his strength. Oh...

-No, he's off.

-Ha-ha-ha!

Showing his impatience there.

And as the clock ticks over the ten-minute mark,

Mikey has won a coveted place in the over-ten-minute club.

Right, who's next?

This is Vegan, from Muscle, aged 100...

Hang on, no, I read the T-shirt instead of the script.

Vegan for life! Come on, vegan muscle!

Oh, she's a vegan called Marina, she doesn't look 100 though.

That must be that vegan diet.

So vegan versus Nasty Snowballs.

Here we go! Oh, she's over!

Oh, but the nasty plank is clearly a meat eater.

Wow, hang on!

-She's across!

-Yoo-hoo!

Who needs a burger when you've got a vegetable?

Vegetable enthusiast to the balls!

Good start! Oh, hang on.

Safely onto the second. Hang on, I've got that funny feeling again!

It's the third...

No one has ever made it across the Winter Balls!

-Until now!

-Yes!

-Marina becomes the first Winter-Ball Crosser.

I might go vegan myself. But I do fancy a sausage, actually, no.

No, not today!

Log Jam! One jump left! Vegan power!

Oh, here we go! Off the last log jam!

This is it!

-Oh! Right in the mungbee! Oh, that's going to hurt!

-Oh!

Marina into the aqua.

This just works out. If she hadn't fallen in, we'd have pushed her.

But no-meat Marina completes the course in two minutes and eight seconds.

She's a one tough-fu cookie! Ah, forget it!

Now, just five Qualifier runs to go, and this is John.

He's a hair replacement salon manager aged 53.

And he is cool.

And this is 23-year-old engineer Ben.

He swaggers, and that's cool.

But who is cooler?

So it's new versus old.

23 versus 53.

Hair against hair.

Who would have thought this would happen in any of our lives?

What time is it? It's Winter Wipeout time! Bring it on down!

Oh, oh! That's painful!

Oh-my-golly-gosh!

-And off goes John.

-Come on, Johnny boy!

In he goes. Yes!

Oh-uh! Oh! No!

No! No! No!

-No...

-That was a hair don't, not a hair do.

Now, this is a hair do.

-It's Ben with protection.

-Ready!

Otherwise the 'fro would be frozen.

Yeah, OK. Here he goes!

Oops, no.

No...no!

No...no!

You're losing!

No...no! No...no!

Ha-ha, yes! Yes! New school wins!

He has made it. Back to old daddy-cool John.

Oh, it's looking good!

Slide! Excellent work!

Dog... Oh! Something about old dog and new trips.

It will come to me, I'll work it out.

New school Ben edging ahead.

Oh-oh...

Yeah, thank goodness for the shower cap. Correct. Cool.

And John's up to the logs like lightening.

Oh, he's getting wiggy with it!

Amazing! He's on the second!

Here's Ben, lagging behind now.

Oh, oh!

Oh, yes!

Now, this is amazing. Two minutes, nine seconds.

-Yes! And he's dancing!

-Amazing!

Ha-ha! Yeah! If that is dancing...

Ben lags behind, but not far, Two minutes 15.

Victory to the old school!

I don't feel too sexy right now, you know.

But I'm sure, in a few minutes, I'll be back to 100%!

Next is Fiona from Truro.

And she plays a musical instrument. I'm guessing...bassoon.

Wait! Apparently, Fiona is actually a saxophone teacher. That explains a lot.

Fiona to the balls!

One, no, not one. She missed one.

That takes talent - straight down the gap. It's a small gap too.

Now, saxy Fiona prepares for the logs.

That's it, Fiona!

That's the first.

Oh, and the second! Amazing!

With just two more contestants to go, saxy Fiona jumps

to the top of the snowboard with a saxy time of one minute and 49.

This is today's penultimate runner, Helen.

Let me guess what her job is from the subtle clues.

Um...I'm going to go with bassoon teacher.

No, turns out Helen is actually a detective.

And she's about to take on the case of the wintery Qualifier.

This course is suspicious, and I'm here to investigate! Wooh!

OK, Granny's House.

Come on, Helen. See what your investigation can uncover.

Oh, I don't know.

Loose doors and a rabid dog, very suspicious.

Suspicious Helen to the balls now.

Oh, dear.

It's going to take more than a deceptively bouncy ball to get Helen off this case.

Just the logs left.

Oh, I detect a potential winner!

If Helen makes this, she will top the snowboard. Here we go!

-Yes! Fastest of the day!

-Yes, it's a raid!

-Oooh!

Suspicious Helen not only solves the Qualifier,

she also grabs first place.

Oh, my god. That was difficult.

And you are now the Usain Bolt of coppers.

-Well done, that was absolutely fantastic.

-Thank you, Amanda.

-'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.

-Yes, bye!

-Suspicious.

Or it could have been indigestion.

Now, for today's final contestant.

By day, he's Barnsley IT Manager Mark.

By night, he's the wrestler Mr Lee.

I'm invincible!

I am the champion of the world!

Old claim, indeed.

Argg! Check out these.

No one can stop Mr Lee. Argg!

In his role as a wrestler, Mark has built up a reputation for falling over really well.

I need a little bit of help here, so if you just give me a little push.

See, that was brilliant!

-Are you all right?

-Yes, yeah.

-That sounded really hard.

-Yeah, that's it.

It's hard, like it's hard ground.

Argg!

Come on, Mark. Here we go!

-Oh, yes!

-Argg!

-Ah, wait!

Oh, hold on, hold on!

No, no! No! No! Oh, no!

Ha-ha-ha!

World-class fall there, I would expect nothing else! Now, here comes Granny! Ha-ha!

He even made it look accidental.

Very clever! That's difficult!

-Knocked out by a dog.

-Yeah.

I'm beginning to see Mark's problem, actually.

It's the tie. The IT side of his personality is holding him back.

Come on, Mark, cast off the tie. You don't need it.

Leave behind the shackles of your office life.

Do it! Do it! Throw them away!

Oh, beautiful!

Yes! He is doing it! This is amazing!

Oh, Mr Lee is having a moment.

And what a moment it is!

Mark has turned a corner!

-So...sort of.

-Come on, Mr Lee.

Oh, this is stirring stuff.

He is climbing the stairs of victory.

He is about to touch the summit of success.

Yes! Come on, Mark! Oh, yes!

Oh, he's on the travelator.

Nonetheless, he's doing it!

Yes! His family must be so proud right now!

What a hero!

He's fallen off. Look, there. Oh...

Argg!

Nearly there, Mark.

Easy does it, wrestling that log like a big Mr Nasty, Mr Lee that he is. Argg!

Come on!

Ah! Yeah! Oh, no! Oh...oh!

Oh, it takes years of wrestler training to fall like that.

You see, right at the end, the worst possible... That is amazing! Yes!

He might not have made the final snowboard, but he is my champion.

Argg!

And Mark reaches the end in seven minutes and five.

Taking the lead is suspicious Helen, followed by saxy Fiona

and Carolyn from outer space.

In fourth, it's ball crossing no-meat Marina. In seventh, Rob boy.

And scraping it through to the next round are

Professor David Spiegelhalter OBE,

Ali the penguin king, and guinea-pig Mel.

All of which means it's time to say goodbye to those eight contestants

who've been cast out into the Winter Wipeout wilderness.

That was sad, but there is some good news, because I finished my ice sculpture.

And here it is! It's too small, isn't it? I've...I've gone too far.

It's just hard to stop chipping away. I'm going to start again.

Another massive block of ice, please. This one is too small.

The 12 remaining competitors must mount the Ski Lift and do their utmost to remain standing.

To help them, they have a podium to perch on, and a bar to hold.

To hinder them, the Ski Lift spins round whilst two giant

rotating arms, known as the Scary Ski Poles,

hurtle round at terrifying speeds whilst getting ever higher.

The last five ski lifters left hanging will go through to the next round.

The rest are eliminated, wet and bruised.

It's a new series and we've got another new game - Ski Lift.

I am so excited!

Calm yourself, Byram.

Remember it's terrifying and the contestants might get smacked in the chops.

Whatever! Are you all ready?

ALL: Yes!

He, he! Three, two, one!

So here are the first ever Winter Wipeout Ski Lifters.

She was fastest in the Qualifier. It's suspicious Helen.

This detective is bringing the fire up!

Closely followed by saxy Fiona and Carolyn from outer space.

Joining them, there's Donald Jack.

Ben, you might think you're cool, but I'm going to steal your swagger points today!

Jack, wake up!

That's fighting talk from new-school cool Ben.

-Old daddy cool John.

-Rob, watch out, you might get a punch!

I got knocked down in round one. Round two is all mine.

And Rob boy.

-Here's guinea-pig Mel.

-Ooh-ar, Mel!

Penguin king Ali.

And ball crossing no-meat Marina.

You carnivores are going down!

There's dozy student James.

And finally, it's Professor David Spiegelhalter OBE.

What am I doing here? I don't stand a chance!

It's snowing!

The ski pole arms have started.

Oh, and they are off!

Now, they will need to jump over both arms, which get raised up as the game goes on.

Remember, the last five still hanging will go through to the next round!

-Oh, Professor Spiegelhalter!

-"I don't stance a chance!"

All making light work of the ski poles so far.

Oh, Ali!

There's penguin king Ali.

No! Oh, slippy, slidey penguin Ali is off.

Ali cleared the sweep, but got nailed by the returned serve. He's heading back to his penguins.

My unhappy feet let me down. It's too big.

Every time I tried to jump the sweep, they just caught.

So one done, 11 to go.

And there's Professor Spiegelhalter OBE, Rob boy...

These poles are getting higher now.

There's John.

And John again.

And James.

-They are not letting go.

-No.

There's Mel. Oh, no, Mel!

-Oh, Mel!

-Mel just couldn't hold on any longer.

-She is out of the game.

-Ooh-ar, get off my ski lift!

-How rude, isn't it?

Guinea-pig Mel showing off a world-class tumble on this brand new obstacle.

I think I'm doing the farmers proud in Yorkshire, yeah!

Yeah, I'll name that fall the Yorkshire slurry flop.

No one else will ever try it.

With an arm getting higher all the time, it is only getting harder.

There's Ben and John. And John getting a pounding.

Oh, no! That's James! Oh!

-Oh, James!

-Let's take a look at that again.

It looks like James was distracted by John's flowery shirt

and then, clean off.

It's smacking you, and these tiny little hands couldn't hold on.

Not so much PhD, more Ph neutral.

OK, I won't try.

The next four to fall will be out of the competition.

So there's Fiona. Clear.

And in! Oh!

What's happening! This is... Oh! Just pain everywhere.

What's needed here is a yellow pen. There it is.

Fiona, as you can see, saxy Fiona clears the first sweep, but not the second,

thus setting off a catastrophic chain of events.

Carolyn is destroyed by that ski pole,

and ends up emblazoned all over Ben's podium.

Everything hurts out there!

What can I say?

It was hard. Really, really hard.

-I think I got knocked in the face.

-Yeah, I saw that.

-That was it.

-I was a gonner.

-It's getting really tense now.

The next two to fall will be out of the competition.

Marina, suspicious Helen. Professor Spiegelhalter OBE.

Ouch! Oh, oh! Ouch!

-Oh, no!

-Just presenting himself to that harm there.

So undignified, he-he!

So Professor Spiegelhalter OBE is the next victim of this first Ski Lift.

All according to plan, of course.

The plan was shows of brave, brave, sort of heroic efforts,

and then spectacular failure.

That's what I was going for, and that's what happened.

The next person to fall is out.

Oh, and it might be Ben.

Ooh! Ah!

How is he hanging on?

And there's John.

That's no-meat Marina, in trouble. Hold on.

Oh, hold on!

Ah! No!

Oh, no!

No-meat Marina, so near, but yet so far. And quite badly bruised.

Had I just stayed on for, you know, a few more seconds, I would have gone through.

Now the last five, let's see who's the last man standing.

So left in the game and through to the next round are

John,

Jack,

Ben,

Helen

and Rob.

All now playing for the token victory that is last man hanging.

There's Rob, he's staying on.

There's John.

Oh, he can't find the podium. No!

Look at his little legs!

He can't find where to put his feet on. He's in.

Hair-raising stuff there from the hair replacement manager.

There's Helen. She has shown a faultless display so far.

Oh, until now!

And there's Jack and Helen.

And Jack and Helen.

And Jack and... Oh, jiggled violently, and that's Helen off.

Suspicious Helen gets the biggest pummelling of the show so far.

It doesn't get any better. Ha-ha-ho-ho!

Ah, ah, oh, oh! He-he!

So there's Rob.

Oh!

Rob's off!

Oh, just two left.

Who is it going to be? Is it going to be Ben or Jack? Last man hanging.

Just Ben and Jack remain fighting for the bragging rights to last man hanging.

Here's Jack.

Oh, no!

And with that tumble new-school cool Ben wins the first ever Ski Lift.

It's ridiculous and dangerous, and I approve.

MUSIC: "Unchained Melody" By The Righteous Brothers

Oh, look, this...this isn't going well. Can I get a hand?

Oh, what are you doing here?

I thought you were in the loft looking for the Christmas decorations.

This is my thing anyway, let's move on.

Time for all new Winter Blunderland.

Have you washed?

So this all new round starts with the five remaining contestants

being put through a sickening spincycle.

Then, there's a headlong dash to the finish across the Winter Blunderland course.

As well as lots of rotating foam, they'll also have to avoid

the oversized hockey pucks in today's theme - the ice arena.

Take a puck to the noggin or fall off the foam,

and it's a swim and a climb to get back into the game.

Last one over is out. They then do it all again.

Last contestant to cross is eliminated,

and we have the three Wipeout Zone finalists for today.

This one is brutal. It's Winter Blunderland.

Are you all ready?

Whatever. Three, two, one!

Here's a reminder of today's Winter Blunderers.

He's cool, he's new school. It's new-school cool Ben.

He does an OK duck impression. It's Donald Jack.

No way he's 36. It's Rob boy.

Fastest in the Qualifier. It's suspicious Helen.

And making up the Winter Blunderers is old daddy cool John.

So as the spinner comes to a stop,

the last across the ice hockey rink will be eliminated.

There's Helen and Rob, closely followed by Ben.

There's Helen, darting onto the frosty flipper.

And Rob. Oh! Both in.

They were both looking so good until they got taken out by the icy tee.

It's back to the start for them.

Right, here's Ben.

Ooh, ooh.

Yes! He's over the tee.

Mind the pucks.

Oh, and Jack's joined in, onto the crankshaft.

Come on, Ben.

Oh, Ben. Too cool for school.

Jack's there.

He's hanging on, and he's over.

Oh, and here's Jack. He's in trouble. He's off! Jack is off!

Now, this is Ben making light work of the roterrotator.

Just one jump away, so long as the iceberg doesn't dizzy him too much.

Come on.

Come on, there's Rob. Oh, no! He's in!

Oh, that just sorted out the men from the boys.

With that manly fall, Rob boy will have to head back up the ladder to make another attempt.

Now, there's Ben, picking his moment.

Getting dizzy, I suspect.

And Ben is across. He's safe for now.

-We have Ben.

-And he didn't get his hair wet. Amazing!

John's on the crankshaft.

Oh! This is getting unbearable. There's Jack. Come on.

Someone's got to get over soon.

And it's Jack! Jack is through. Just Helen, Rob and John remain.

Helen now, taking it carefully.

But John closing in. His only hope is that Helen or Rob fall in.

Helen is across and safe, and so is Rob.

And that means old daddy cool John is out of the competition.

-Oh, John. Hard luck, my man.

-Oh, nevermind. I gave it my best shot.

Do you think your big flarey pantaloons got too full of water?

Well, I'm still dancing away. Nevermind.

As they say, hair today, gone tomorrow. Hard luck, John.

-Thanks very much.

-See you later.

-Thank you.

-Bye!

Strangely dignified in the circumstances. Well done.

So it's back on the spinner,

and another nasty experience for Helen, Rob, Jack and Ben.

Three of them are just minutes away from getting into today's all new Wipeout Zone.

Here we go. That's Ben and Rob, dashing to the rink.

Here's Rob. Good jump!

Oh, no! Exactly the same as the first round.

Back to the start for him.

Here we go! Jack is in. Oh, no! There's Ben.

And here's Helen. Hang on, she's in.

Here come the pucks.

There's Ben staying dry again. Here's Rob.

Oh, no!

Ben is looking quick. Can anything stop him?

Yoo-hoo!

What's Jack playing at?

Every time he falls, he's using up those vital energy reserves.

It's another swim back to the start now.

And with this performance Ben is about to get into the Wipeout Zone.

Come on, Ben!

While the rest are way back. Rob now having a go.

Yes! Hold on, hold on! Good!

Ben is on the iceberg.

And new-school cool Ben is into today's Winter Wipeout Zone!

And he looks quite happy, as he should.

That's only upped the pressure for the others, of course.

Here's Jack.

No, after you, please. It's getting crowded out there now. Look at Helen go.

Come on, Helen, nearly there.

Helen is through!

We have a chick in the final.

One place still available in the Wipeout Zone.

Will it be Jack who takes it?

Rob is out ahead.

Jack is not far behind.

One more jump for Rob and it's all over for Jack.

And it is. Rob books the third place in today's Winter Wipeout Zone!

Ooooh!

But Donald Jack's challenge is over.

Oh, Jack, so close, but yet so very, very far!

SPEAKS LIKE DONALD DUCK

All right, you are only 18, so I think it's time to go home to your mummy, all right?

So, tragically, Jack and John have missed out on reaching the all-new Winter Wipeout final round.

And even more tragically, the lights in here haven't been kind to my amazing ice sculpture.

It was a perfect replica of a galleon.

It had like cannons and little pirates on it and everything.

Goodbye, Siren Of The Sea.

I'll do an aircraft carrier next time, with little planes on it and everything.

Anyway, back to business, and today's three finalists!

It hasn't quite sank in that I'm going to be doing the Wipeout Zone.

It's not something that everybody can do.

It's not an experience that money can buy.

My children?

Yeah, they are going to be overjoyed that I got into the final,

cos it's one step closer to the little presents they'll probably be getting.

That's what they'll be worried about.

Me and Rob are probably quite equal.

It will be quite good to see what happens in the final between us.

Helen surprised me.

She's only a real petite girl, but she's really determined.

She just does it, she does it so well. She doesn't see how much potential she's got.

Ben, well, he's just phenomenal.

I might have beaten him in the Qualifier, but he's done phenomenal since that.

Ben's been the man.

Ben's been the man all the time, and I can't believe on the last round

that he never got wet, cos he hates getting wet.

The boy can't swim.

He might be quick when his feet are on dry land, but he really struggles with the swimming.

This is 100% his weakness.

Hopefully, that will give me enough of an advantage that I can beat him.

My biggest fear is

failure and water,

and not necessarily in that order.

If he stays dry, I ain't got no chance. He-he!

But I'd like to win. I didn't come out here to lose.

Just got to take it like a man.

The trophy, you know.

Having that in your front room, over the mantelpiece would be good.

I can do anything if I put my mind to it.

I got to the final, so let's see what I can bring.

It's the Winter Wipeout Zone,

and the three intrepid finalists face -

The Flingamajig.

Ha! Somebody designed that.

Then it's a race against time up the North Pole,

followed by a climb up the Icy Stairs, each one jiggling violently.

If they make it over that without a tumble,

it's a dash past the Ice Picks through the Frightcicles.

Then across the Impossible Snowflakes to the Finish Podium where the clock stops.

The fastest wins £10,000 and the first ever Winter Wipeout Trophy.

We've got snow, we've got smoke, we've got flames.

Did I mention we've got snow?

This is the first ever Winter Wipeout Zone.

And Rob is the first to brave it.

S-mokin'. I mean, s-nowin'.

And as Rob boy waits to be fired into the Buenos Aires night sky,

he must be hoping that this seat has been through a lengthy testing process.

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

It has! It worked! Look at that!

We have lift off!

So it's a quick swim to the North Pole.

Uh, he's slipping already, and he's only just begun.

At the North Pole, now the Icey Stairs.

I don't quite know what happens next. I've never seen it before!

I don't know how you could judge these stairs effectively.

Each one seems to be jiggling mercilessly.

Oh, it's like bouncing on your bed.

Rob on the second set now.

He's actually lifting off.

He seems planted on that step.

Come on, jump, Rob, jump!

Go for it! Onto the third now, making steady progress.

Oh, I'm feeling a little bit nauseous just watching this.

Rob at the top of the stairs now, and as with all treacherous climbs,

it's often the descent that proves the harder.

Oh-oh...

This is ridiculous.

-Oh, no. He's taken a tumble.

-Aah! One more, Rob!

He is still on.

Nearly at the last hurdle.

Yes! Oooh!

Now, for the nasty Ice Picks.

He is picking his moment to pass the first.

-Oh, no! It got him!

-Aaah!

Rob was looking so confident. That second pick just caught...well, it caught his bottom.

So it's a climb to the Frightcicles.

All right, Rob, you are doing it for the kids. Come on.

Here we go. Oh, making this look easy.

Again, this is a timing call, as is so often the case.

Like a scene from Mission: Impossible.

And that was perfectly timed. Just the Impossible Snowflakes to go.

I have a bad feeling about that now.

Oh, no, he's on. Well done, Rob.

-Oh...oh, no!

-No! No!

There's nothing to hold on to there, so it's a swim and a climb to the Finish Podium.

Not an easy feat when your energy level are virtually at zero.

As they must be by now.

And Rob boy, the first ever contestant to run the Winter Wipeout Zone

has done so in three minutes and nine seconds.

Rob, look at you. Smiling to the very end.

That was tough. And when you get catapulted, you don't know where you are.

-And it's really slippery on the steps as well.

-It's icy out there. You know what I'm saying.

-It's snowing, man, come on!

-I know, it's really tough.

I can tell you that you did that in a cool three minutes and nine seconds!

-Yeah!

-Well done, you, but you know that Helen is coming up next.

-Yeah, yeah, she's good as well!

-Pretty speedy.

-Quick, very quick.

-All right, let's watch.

-OK.

Now, I wonder if Bristol CID Officer suspicious Helen has detected

that she's about to get flung 30 feet into the air.

Cos she is!

Wow! That must feel...terrible.

Oh, look at that! What a dive!

D'oh! If I was given a list of things I couldn't do, that's on it!

That's an Olympic dive if I ever saw one!

Ha-ha!

Helen quickly sliding up that North Pole.

The crawling technique.

Onto the Icy Stairs now.

These do not look easy. She's landed on the first one.

They also look ridiculous, which probably makes it harder.

This is good stuff from Helen. Nearly at the summit now.

She's at the top.

I can't even watch it.

Now for that difficult descent. A bit of a slide.

-Oh-oh, she's head down. She's made it!

-Oh, yes!

Rob could be a bit worried there.

Now, dash past the Ice Picks.

It's the second that got Rob. Helen's avoided it.

Oh, but not the third!

The third one got her.

Oh, dear!

In the Frightcicles.

Rob got across this obstacle without falling in.

Helen can't afford a mistake here.

She's moved safely to the centre. Goes for the dismount.

And oh, no, she's in!

That could be very costly.

Right in the kisser.

If Helen gets past the Impossible Snowflakes, she can still beat Rob.

They look impossible.

-Oh, no! She's down!

-Oh!

The Impossible Snowflakes really are impossible.

And with that fall, Helen's challenge is effectively over.

Oh, she's exhausted.

Helen finishes the Winter Wipeout Zone in three minutes and 25.

Helen, my darling, come on out.

Oh, my goodness.

-You took a fair few batterings out there.

-I did, I know.

Both of you were almost neck-and-neck.

It wasn't quite pacey enough, I'm afraid, cos Rob was quicker.

Helen, hard luck. Go join the others.

Rob, you know what this means?

-Ben's up next. Let's watch.

-OK.

So now, only new-school cool Ben can defeat Rob.

Three minutes nine is the time to beat.

His hair is definitely going to get wet this time.

Yes! You kind of want to and don't want to have a go on that.

It's both at the same...I don't, no, I don't.

So Ben quickly heads to the North Pole.

And begins the climbing.

Up he goes. Next, the Icy Stairs. First lot.

Getting jostled about all over the place.

I don't know about you, I hate being jostled.

Oh, my goodness! Oh, Ben!

Oh! No, no, no!

Oh, he's onto the second step!

-And the third.

-See, he's got the hang of it now.

-Yes!

And now he's at the top. This is going well. Now, the descent.

We know what to expect, which only makes it better for us.

Here we go. Oh, he's on!

No, he's down! Ben is down!

Oh, worse news for him. He has to go back to the start of the Icy Stairs and try again.

Deadly combination - painful and ridiculous.

Attempt two. This is going to be disheartening. But Ben is going well.

-He's over this time.

-Oh!

Ben needs a flawless finish now.

But he is passed the Ice Picks.

And he makes it to the middle.

And Ben's over, but what he doesn't realise is he can't beat Rob's time.

As far as Ben's concerned, he's still trying his best, so he's hanging on.

He is...hanging on a bit too long, because now... Oh, no!

Oh, no! No, no!

Oh, he's in! Oh, no!

As if to add insult to injury, he's got his hair wet again.

Yeah, look, definitely wet.

-New-school cool Ben finishes in four minutes, 45.

-Oh, he's done for.

Benny boy. Oh, you do not look pleased.

No. That was a bad effort.

It's a pretty tough course to get around.

The stairs are difficult.

You were fantastic here all day, Ben. Mr Cool.

But I'm afraid you just lost your swag,

because, Rob, you are the very first Winter Wipeout Champion!

Yeah, baby!

So babyface Rob Scott, a 36-year-old plumber from Bedfordshire is the first ever Winter Wipeout Champion.

And if that wasn't exciting enough,

guess what exciting wintery event is only a week away.

Is it the Thanksgiving Special? No?

Easter? Pirate? Christmas!

Are you kidding me! I love Christmas! I'm hoping they'll be lots of this.

-Aah!

-And this.

And maybe some of this.

Ho-ho! And, as I've always said, Ho.

But for now, from Amanda and me, it's a warm winter goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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