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-I feel terribly guilty -because of the attention I get... | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
-..from friends and family. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
-I just feel that there's -nothing wrong with me. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
-I lost friends at school, -but one has been fantastic. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:44 | |
-It has affected all sorts of things -that I can do... | 0:00:49 | 0:00:54 | |
-..such as writing poetry and songs. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
-It's affected me going to college -and everything. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:03 | |
-There was a time when I found it -very difficult and I felt so low. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:11 | |
-I felt lonely, that only I knew -what it was like. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:16 | |
-I wanted my family and friends to -understand what I was experiencing. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:22 | |
-Boys made jokes about it -and girls didn't know what to say. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:29 | |
-They understand what's going on... | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
-..but they don't want -to talk about it. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
-I think that most young people... | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
-..fear that people's attitude -to them will change. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
-They don't want to lose friends. -Some don't know what's going on. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:55 | |
-They don't want to frighten people, -but it's scary for them too. | 0:01:55 | 0:02:00 | |
-Some youngsters stop going out -with their friends... | 0:02:01 | 0:02:05 | |
-..because they're too frightened. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
-Dear All | 0:02:09 | 0:02:15 | |
-I didn't know what was happening -when I had my first seizure. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:24 | |
-I couldn't believe it -when they said I'd had a seizure. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
-I felt a little in denial. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
-I'd never seen or heard of anyone -who had experienced one. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:37 | |
-It was hard to take in. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
-I was with Tomos -when I had my first seizure. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
-His parents were at home. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
-I don't remember anything -about that night. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
-An ambulance was called and I was -in hospital in Bangor for four days. | 0:02:55 | 0:03:00 | |
-They wanted to monitor me -in case it was a one-off event. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:05 | |
-They occurred more regularly -from April onwards. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
-I had a seizure -every couple of months... | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
-..until I was diagnosed -in August 2007. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
-A friend phoned -on the night I was diagnosed. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:25 | |
-She wanted to know -what the neurologist had said. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
-I felt that I couldn't talk to her. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:32 | |
-I handed the phone to Tomos -and asked him to tell her. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
-I was scared of their reaction. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
-I felt my life had been spoiled, -that there was nothing much left. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:48 | |
-I couldn't drive -or go out very easily. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
-I felt all alone. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
-I didn't understand -what was happening. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
-I thought it was unfair to happen -to me, and I didn't know why. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:08 | |
-I was at home -when it first happened. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
-I was thirteen. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
-It happened -the night before my birthday. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:27 | |
-It was a shock for Mam and Dad. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
-They heard a noise -and didn't know what was happening. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:35 | |
-It came out of nowhere. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
-I'd had a seizure. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
-I went by ambulance to Bangor. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
-They said that I had epilepsy. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
-It wasn't in the family. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
-It came out of nowhere. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
-They happen to me at night -when I'm asleep. | 0:04:56 | 0:05:01 | |
-I'm exhausted after it. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
-It takes a lot out of me. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
-School was hard -because no-one knew what it was... | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
-..why I had to go home, and why -I was brought work at home. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:24 | |
-I didn't know much about it. -I'd never heard of it. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:31 | |
-No-one talked about it... | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
-..and I didn't know anyone -who suffered from seizures. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:38 | |
-I didn't know what I had. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
-I know a lot more now. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
-I've met Sheila and I have -a better understanding now. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:52 | |
-She's been fantastic with me. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
-Epilepsy has a low profile. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
-People don't really -understand epilepsy. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
-They don't know -what people are going through. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
-I decided to raise money -towards epilepsy. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:19 | |
-I wanted to raise awareness. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
-I'd been working -at Ysbyty Gwynedd for ten years. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
-I had the chance to work at the -Walton Epilepsy Centre, Liverpool. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:38 | |
-When they needed a specialist -epilepsy nurse in North Wales... | 0:06:40 | 0:06:45 | |
-..and a Welsh-speaking nurse... | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
-..I knew that's what I wanted to do. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
-I haven't looked back. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
-There are between 4,000 and 6,000 -people with epilepsy in North Wales. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:06 | |
-Every year, I see -between one and two thousand people. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:11 | |
-Epilepsy is a condition, -not an illness. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
-50% have idiopathic epilepsy. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
-Maybe they were born with epilepsy. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:22 | |
-50% are epileptic... | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
-..because their brain was damaged -for some reason. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:31 | |
-They might have fallen and hit -their head or had a car accident. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:37 | |
-Some have had a tumour, -a stroke or meningitis. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:44 | |
-It's like therapy, really. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:06 | |
-I paint my models -to make them look good. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:12 | |
-I create new characters. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
-I create and shape new people. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
-I'm 17 and legally, -I could learn to drive. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
-I can't until February -because of the epilepsy. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
-I'll have been clear -for 12 months. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:38 | |
-I'm disappointed -that I can't go swimming. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
-Swimming is such a popular pastime. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
-I'm a cadet. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:49 | |
-I take it quite seriously. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
-I've been a sergeant -for four years. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
-I went to RAF Halton. | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
-I went on a low ropes course. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
-It was only two metres above ground. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
-But the doctor told me not to climb -under any circumstances. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:13 | |
-I started to panic. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
-I remembered what the doctor said. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
-I left the low ropes course. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
-I asked an officer whether I could -be excused and I broke down. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:29 | |
-I was upset. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:35 | |
-A member of staff -helped me to cool down... | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
-..until I could rejoin the others. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
-There are 38 different types -of seizure. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
-Most of us could identify -a tonic-clonic seizure. | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
-People don't understand -what the others look like. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:19 | |
-People don't know where they are. -They become forgetful. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:24 | |
-They're not with you -for a few seconds. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:28 | |
-They can't remember -that it has happened. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
-It's vital to recognize a seizure. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
-Forgetfulness -and loss of bearings... | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
-..can sometimes be -a type of seizure. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
-Sheila's great. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
-If there's something I don't -understand about epilepsy... | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
-..she's on the case straight away. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
-She's just there, basically. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
-Being diagnosed with epilepsy -was a shock to the system. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:15 | |
-It has made people a lot more jumpy. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
-If they hear a thump from my room... | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
-..me taking my shoes off, say... | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
-..they immediately respond. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:34 | |
-I don't like being -constantly watched. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:39 | |
-It makes it hard -for me to move around. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:45 | |
-They don't let me go to places -that I could go to previously. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
-It's not -that they don't let me out... | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
-..but they're frightened -to let me go out. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:58 | |
-RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
-Every now and then... | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
-..I imagine falling downstairs -during a seizure. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:12 | |
-It's not a nice thought! | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
-I understand -where they're coming from. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
-But there are times -when it's frustrating. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
-RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR | 0:12:28 | 0:12:29 | |
-I'd like to have some freedom. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
-RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
-. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:48 | |
-888 | 0:12:52 | 0:12:52 | |
-888 - -888 | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
-Dear Catrin... | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
-..when I was young, I did something -stupid with epilepsy tablets. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:12 | |
-I'd been on them... | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
-..for six or seven years... | 0:13:14 | 0:13:18 | |
-..if that long, I can't remember. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:23 | |
-I was young and foolish. -I decided I'd had enough. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:28 | |
-I wanted to do -what everyone else was doing. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
-I couldn't go out and have fun -because of the lights. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:37 | |
-My friends were good about it... | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
-..but I felt that something -held me back from joining in. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:45 | |
-I decided to come off the tablets -so that I could be me. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:55 | |
-I was fine for nine years. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:59 | |
-I was fine for nine years. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:05 | |
-But we lost Nain... | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
-..and another relative -a month earlier. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:12 | |
-It was down to shock... | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
-..and the fact that I was upset. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
-The seizures started again -two years ago. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:26 | |
-I was upset because I thought, -that's it, the end of the world. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:34 | |
-I'll lose my car and job. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
-When it happens, I feel helpless. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
-After having a seizure... | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
-..I can't recognize anyone -for a few hours. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
-But it all comes back afterwards. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
-I had a very bad seizure -three years ago. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:11 | |
-I ended up in hospital. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
-I had about six scans altogether. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:20 | |
-They said that I had -temporal lobe epilepsy. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
-It's like daydreaming -and I'm not aware of it. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:29 | |
-I ignore people. | 0:15:32 | 0:15:33 | |
-I remember when I was a child... | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
-..whenever I was ill... | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
-..or if I had a fever... | 0:15:46 | 0:15:50 | |
-..I felt that everything -was rushing around me. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
-I remember washing one morning -before school. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:59 | |
-Mam turned the tap on. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
-I said, -"Slow it down, it's too fast." | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
-She turned the tap -so that the water just trickled out. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:10 | |
-"That's much better," I said. -Mam noticed these little things. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:15 | |
-They told me that I'd had it -since I was a little girl. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:21 | |
-I don't notice a difference. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
-When I first started -taking the tablets... | 0:16:29 | 0:16:33 | |
-..I'd forget to take them. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
-My family can tell -if I'm not taking my tablets. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:42 | |
-They notice how the tablets help. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
-I've been like this since -I was little. That's life for me. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:54 | |
-There are two things -that I really like doing. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
-One is skateboarding... | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
-..but I can't do it at the moment -because I don't have the energy. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:15 | |
-But music is the big thing for me, -which is much easier. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
-I've been composing -since I left school. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:27 | |
-That's when -I began to compose a lot. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:31 | |
-The tablets -help to slow the seizures down. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:36 | |
-But composing -is much more difficult. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
-One thing has improved, -but the other has deteriorated. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:46 | |
-It takes a lot of skill -to learn to play the harp. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:57 | |
-The guitar was much easier! | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
-I'll carry on playing -and trying to improve. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:08 | |
-I'll make myself just good enough. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
-It relaxes me. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
-If I'm tense, -music makes me forget everything. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:27 | |
-I get lost in that world. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
-I've been looking for a job -for a long time. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
-I've gone for interviews. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
-They're good interviews. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:54 | |
-When they ask -whether I have any illness... | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
-..I used to reply, "Epilepsy." | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
-But now I say, "Epilepsy, -but it's controlled by tablets. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:05 | |
-"It won't affect my work." | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
-Whenever I say that, they reply, -"We'll phone you." | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
-When we were younger, my sister -and I competed in eisteddfodau. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:23 | |
-I've started singing... | 0:19:25 | 0:19:26 | |
-..and I'm really enjoying it. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:31 | |
-That's why I want to do it -as a business. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:35 | |
-# You're sitting there -with nothing to do | 0:19:35 | 0:19:38 | |
-# Talking about Robert Riger -and his motley crew # | 0:19:38 | 0:19:42 | |
-I've just been in a studio. -I've made recordings and a CD. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:47 | |
-I'll distribute them. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
-People who take bookings -will know what my voice sounds like. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:59 | |
-# Where you're gonna sleep tonight? | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
-# You're singing the songs, -thinking this is the life | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
-# You wake up in the morning -and your head feels twice the size | 0:20:08 | 0:20:12 | |
-# Where you gonna go? -Where you gonna sleep tonight? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
-# You're singing the songs, -thinking this is the life # | 0:20:16 | 0:20:20 | |
-I didn't tell Ifan straightaway. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
-I left it a few months. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:28 | |
-I've been with Ifan -for almost six years. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:32 | |
-I'm not ashamed of it... | 0:20:34 | 0:20:37 | |
-..but I wasn't sure -how he'd deal with it. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
-I know he has to look after me... | 0:20:41 | 0:20:45 | |
-..if something like that happened. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
-But he's been very good. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
-Unlucky. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:55 | |
-Another thing that's happened -is that I'm pregnant! | 0:21:00 | 0:21:04 | |
-In a year, I've moved house, -got married and become pregnant. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:10 | |
-I'm getting more scans -and I can see Sheila more often. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:19 | |
-They're keeping an eye on me. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
-Hello! Are you OK? | 0:21:23 | 0:21:24 | |
-It would be nice to meet -other people with epilepsy. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:29 | |
-It's easy to talk to Ifan -or my parents about it... | 0:21:31 | 0:21:36 | |
-..but they don't really know. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
-It would be interesting -to meet people of different ages... | 0:21:40 | 0:21:46 | |
-..people who have had epilepsy -for longer. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
-I've only had it for eight months. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
-I'd like to know -how they deal with it. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:56 | |
-It could help me to deal with it -in the long term. | 0:21:56 | 0:22:00 | |
-Young people with epilepsy -want to do as much as their friends. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:10 | |
-They don't want to be different. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
-I don't want to let them down... | 0:22:16 | 0:22:18 | |
-..because they put -so much faith in me. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
-It's more than a job. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
-I have to be positive or I'd worry -about it all the time. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:38 | |
-I'm taking each day as it comes. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:43 | |
-I realize now... | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
-..how much my friends -were there for me. | 0:22:50 | 0:22:54 | |
-It didn't change how they saw me - -I was still Catrin. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:58 | |
-It hasn't changed me, -except to make me stronger... | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
-..and closer -to my family and friends. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:06 | |
-I'd like to meet other young people -and help those who have suffered... | 0:23:08 | 0:23:14 | |
-..and who are -still finding it difficult. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:17 | |
-If you or anyone close to you... | 0:23:31 | 0:23:35 | |
-..has been affected -by issues raised in this programme... | 0:23:35 | 0:23:39 | |
-..support is available on -www.s4c.co.uk/help | 0:23:39 | 0:23:43 | |
-S4C Subtitles by GWEAD | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
-. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:54 |