Annwyl Bawb O'r Galon


Annwyl Bawb

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-I feel terribly guilty

-because of the attention I get...

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-..from friends and family.

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-I just feel that there's

-nothing wrong with me.

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-I lost friends at school,

-but one has been fantastic.

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-It has affected all sorts of things

-that I can do...

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-..such as writing poetry and songs.

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-It's affected me going to college

-and everything.

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-There was a time when I found it

-very difficult and I felt so low.

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-I felt lonely, that only I knew

-what it was like.

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-I wanted my family and friends to

-understand what I was experiencing.

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-Boys made jokes about it

-and girls didn't know what to say.

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-They understand what's going on...

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-..but they don't want

-to talk about it.

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-I think that most young people...

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-..fear that people's attitude

-to them will change.

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-They don't want to lose friends.

-Some don't know what's going on.

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-They don't want to frighten people,

-but it's scary for them too.

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-Some youngsters stop going out

-with their friends...

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-..because they're too frightened.

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-Dear All

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-I didn't know what was happening

-when I had my first seizure.

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-I couldn't believe it

-when they said I'd had a seizure.

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-I felt a little in denial.

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-I'd never seen or heard of anyone

-who had experienced one.

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-It was hard to take in.

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-I was with Tomos

-when I had my first seizure.

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-His parents were at home.

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-I don't remember anything

-about that night.

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-An ambulance was called and I was

-in hospital in Bangor for four days.

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-They wanted to monitor me

-in case it was a one-off event.

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-They occurred more regularly

-from April onwards.

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-I had a seizure

-every couple of months...

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-..until I was diagnosed

-in August 2007.

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-A friend phoned

-on the night I was diagnosed.

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-She wanted to know

-what the neurologist had said.

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-I felt that I couldn't talk to her.

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-I handed the phone to Tomos

-and asked him to tell her.

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-I was scared of their reaction.

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-I felt my life had been spoiled,

-that there was nothing much left.

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-I couldn't drive

-or go out very easily.

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-I felt all alone.

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-I didn't understand

-what was happening.

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-I thought it was unfair to happen

-to me, and I didn't know why.

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-I was at home

-when it first happened.

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-I was thirteen.

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-It happened

-the night before my birthday.

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-It was a shock for Mam and Dad.

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-They heard a noise

-and didn't know what was happening.

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-It came out of nowhere.

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-I'd had a seizure.

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-I went by ambulance to Bangor.

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-They said that I had epilepsy.

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-It wasn't in the family.

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-It came out of nowhere.

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-They happen to me at night

-when I'm asleep.

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-I'm exhausted after it.

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-It takes a lot out of me.

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-School was hard

-because no-one knew what it was...

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-..why I had to go home, and why

-I was brought work at home.

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-I didn't know much about it.

-I'd never heard of it.

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-No-one talked about it...

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-..and I didn't know anyone

-who suffered from seizures.

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-I didn't know what I had.

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-I know a lot more now.

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-I've met Sheila and I have

-a better understanding now.

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-She's been fantastic with me.

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-Epilepsy has a low profile.

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-People don't really

-understand epilepsy.

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-They don't know

-what people are going through.

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-I decided to raise money

-towards epilepsy.

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-I wanted to raise awareness.

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-I'd been working

-at Ysbyty Gwynedd for ten years.

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-I had the chance to work at the

-Walton Epilepsy Centre, Liverpool.

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-When they needed a specialist

-epilepsy nurse in North Wales...

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-..and a Welsh-speaking nurse...

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-..I knew that's what I wanted to do.

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-I haven't looked back.

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-There are between 4,000 and 6,000

-people with epilepsy in North Wales.

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-Every year, I see

-between one and two thousand people.

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-Epilepsy is a condition,

-not an illness.

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-50% have idiopathic epilepsy.

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-Maybe they were born with epilepsy.

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-50% are epileptic...

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-..because their brain was damaged

-for some reason.

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-They might have fallen and hit

-their head or had a car accident.

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-Some have had a tumour,

-a stroke or meningitis.

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-It's like therapy, really.

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-I paint my models

-to make them look good.

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-I create new characters.

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-I create and shape new people.

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-I'm 17 and legally,

-I could learn to drive.

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-I can't until February

-because of the epilepsy.

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-I'll have been clear

-for 12 months.

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-I'm disappointed

-that I can't go swimming.

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-Swimming is such a popular pastime.

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-I'm a cadet.

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-I take it quite seriously.

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-I've been a sergeant

-for four years.

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-I went to RAF Halton.

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-I went on a low ropes course.

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-It was only two metres above ground.

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-But the doctor told me not to climb

-under any circumstances.

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-I started to panic.

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-I remembered what the doctor said.

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-I left the low ropes course.

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-I asked an officer whether I could

-be excused and I broke down.

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-I was upset.

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-A member of staff

-helped me to cool down...

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-..until I could rejoin the others.

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-There are 38 different types

-of seizure.

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-Most of us could identify

-a tonic-clonic seizure.

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-People don't understand

-what the others look like.

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-People don't know where they are.

-They become forgetful.

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-They're not with you

-for a few seconds.

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-They can't remember

-that it has happened.

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-It's vital to recognize a seizure.

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-Forgetfulness

-and loss of bearings...

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-..can sometimes be

-a type of seizure.

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-Sheila's great.

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-If there's something I don't

-understand about epilepsy...

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-..she's on the case straight away.

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-She's just there, basically.

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-Being diagnosed with epilepsy

-was a shock to the system.

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-It has made people a lot more jumpy.

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-If they hear a thump from my room...

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-..me taking my shoes off, say...

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-..they immediately respond.

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-I don't like being

-constantly watched.

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-It makes it hard

-for me to move around.

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-They don't let me go to places

-that I could go to previously.

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-It's not

-that they don't let me out...

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-..but they're frightened

-to let me go out.

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-RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR

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-Every now and then...

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-..I imagine falling downstairs

-during a seizure.

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-It's not a nice thought!

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-I understand

-where they're coming from.

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-But there are times

-when it's frustrating.

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-RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR

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-I'd like to have some freedom.

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-RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR

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-Dear Catrin...

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-..when I was young, I did something

-stupid with epilepsy tablets.

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-I'd been on them...

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-..for six or seven years...

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-..if that long, I can't remember.

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-I was young and foolish.

-I decided I'd had enough.

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-I wanted to do

-what everyone else was doing.

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-I couldn't go out and have fun

-because of the lights.

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-My friends were good about it...

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-..but I felt that something

-held me back from joining in.

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-I decided to come off the tablets

-so that I could be me.

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-I was fine for nine years.

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-I was fine for nine years.

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-But we lost Nain...

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-..and another relative

-a month earlier.

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-It was down to shock...

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-..and the fact that I was upset.

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-The seizures started again

-two years ago.

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-I was upset because I thought,

-that's it, the end of the world.

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-I'll lose my car and job.

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-When it happens, I feel helpless.

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-After having a seizure...

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-..I can't recognize anyone

-for a few hours.

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-But it all comes back afterwards.

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-I had a very bad seizure

-three years ago.

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-I ended up in hospital.

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-I had about six scans altogether.

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-They said that I had

-temporal lobe epilepsy.

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-It's like daydreaming

-and I'm not aware of it.

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-I ignore people.

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-I remember when I was a child...

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-..whenever I was ill...

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-..or if I had a fever...

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-..I felt that everything

-was rushing around me.

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-I remember washing one morning

-before school.

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-Mam turned the tap on.

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-I said,

-"Slow it down, it's too fast."

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-She turned the tap

-so that the water just trickled out.

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-"That's much better," I said.

-Mam noticed these little things.

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-They told me that I'd had it

-since I was a little girl.

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-I don't notice a difference.

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-When I first started

-taking the tablets...

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-..I'd forget to take them.

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-My family can tell

-if I'm not taking my tablets.

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-They notice how the tablets help.

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-I've been like this since

-I was little. That's life for me.

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-There are two things

-that I really like doing.

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-One is skateboarding...

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-..but I can't do it at the moment

-because I don't have the energy.

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-But music is the big thing for me,

-which is much easier.

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-I've been composing

-since I left school.

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-That's when

-I began to compose a lot.

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-The tablets

-help to slow the seizures down.

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-But composing

-is much more difficult.

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-One thing has improved,

-but the other has deteriorated.

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-It takes a lot of skill

-to learn to play the harp.

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-The guitar was much easier!

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-I'll carry on playing

-and trying to improve.

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-I'll make myself just good enough.

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-It relaxes me.

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-If I'm tense,

-music makes me forget everything.

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-I get lost in that world.

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-I've been looking for a job

-for a long time.

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-I've gone for interviews.

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-They're good interviews.

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-When they ask

-whether I have any illness...

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-..I used to reply, "Epilepsy."

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-But now I say, "Epilepsy,

-but it's controlled by tablets.

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-"It won't affect my work."

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-Whenever I say that, they reply,

-"We'll phone you."

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-When we were younger, my sister

-and I competed in eisteddfodau.

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-I've started singing...

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-..and I'm really enjoying it.

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-That's why I want to do it

-as a business.

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-# You're sitting there

-with nothing to do

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-# Talking about Robert Riger

-and his motley crew #

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-I've just been in a studio.

-I've made recordings and a CD.

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-I'll distribute them.

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-People who take bookings

-will know what my voice sounds like.

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-# Where you're gonna sleep tonight?

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-# You're singing the songs,

-thinking this is the life

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-# You wake up in the morning

-and your head feels twice the size

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-# Where you gonna go?

-Where you gonna sleep tonight?

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-# You're singing the songs,

-thinking this is the life #

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-I didn't tell Ifan straightaway.

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-I left it a few months.

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-I've been with Ifan

-for almost six years.

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-I'm not ashamed of it...

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-..but I wasn't sure

-how he'd deal with it.

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-I know he has to look after me...

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-..if something like that happened.

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-But he's been very good.

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-Unlucky.

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-Another thing that's happened

-is that I'm pregnant!

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-In a year, I've moved house,

-got married and become pregnant.

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-I'm getting more scans

-and I can see Sheila more often.

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-They're keeping an eye on me.

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-Hello! Are you OK?

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-It would be nice to meet

-other people with epilepsy.

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-It's easy to talk to Ifan

-or my parents about it...

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-..but they don't really know.

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-It would be interesting

-to meet people of different ages...

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-..people who have had epilepsy

-for longer.

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-I've only had it for eight months.

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-I'd like to know

-how they deal with it.

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-It could help me to deal with it

-in the long term.

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-Young people with epilepsy

-want to do as much as their friends.

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-They don't want to be different.

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-I don't want to let them down...

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-..because they put

-so much faith in me.

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-It's more than a job.

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-I have to be positive or I'd worry

-about it all the time.

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-I'm taking each day as it comes.

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-I realize now...

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-..how much my friends

-were there for me.

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-It didn't change how they saw me -

-I was still Catrin.

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-It hasn't changed me,

-except to make me stronger...

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-..and closer

-to my family and friends.

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-I'd like to meet other young people

-and help those who have suffered...

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-..and who are

-still finding it difficult.

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-If you or anyone close to you...

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-..has been affected

-by issues raised in this programme...

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-..support is available on

-www.s4c.co.uk/help

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