Cariad Sy'n Curo ‹ Cyfres 1

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-Day after day, hour after hour...	0:00:23	0:00:26
-..women are hurting men -and causing them pain.	0:00:26	0:00:30
-She ran in and said, "If you don't -leave, I'm going to kill you."	0:00:33	0:00:37
-I had come to the point...	0:00:37	0:00:40
-..where I put a rope around my neck -and I was ready to end it all.	0:00:40	0:00:46
-If any behaviour -makes you feel uneasy...	0:00:51	0:00:55
-..then it's abuse, -as far as I'm concerned.	0:00:55	0:00:59
-I'm hiding my face -because of the implications...	0:01:06	0:01:09
-..of what might happen -about seeing the children.	0:01:09	0:01:13
-I don't want them -to have any sort of comeback...	0:01:13	0:01:16
-..because their father...	0:01:17	0:01:19
-..has been in an abusive -relationship and been beaten.	0:01:19	0:01:23
-I've been to court...	0:01:23	0:01:25
-..and if I'm recognized -making certain comments...	0:01:25	0:01:30
-..I'll be held in contempt of court.	0:01:31	0:01:33
-Professional actors have been used -to re-enact incidents...	0:01:34	0:01:39
-..in these men's lives.	0:01:39	0:01:42
-The face of this support worker -has also been obscured...	0:01:45	0:01:49
-..in order to protect her identity.	0:01:50	0:01:52
-Traditionally, one tends to think -of women as the victims of abuse...	0:01:55	0:02:00
-..not men.	0:02:00	0:02:02
-Current figures show that 30% -of women suffer from such abuse...	0:02:02	0:02:07
-..and 17% of men.	0:02:07	0:02:09
-But that number has increased -substantially over recent years.	0:02:09	0:02:14
-Many more cases are emerging -every month and every year.	0:02:14	0:02:17
-We know there is -significant under-reporting...	0:02:18	0:02:21
-..and about 20% of all incidents -that come to our attention...	0:02:21	0:02:26
-..are those of male victims.	0:02:26	0:02:28
-Every 17 days, a man is murdered -in a violent encounter at home.	0:02:29	0:02:34
-We've seen the number -of women perpetrators increase...	0:02:38	0:02:42
-..from 800 in 2004-2005...	0:02:42	0:02:45
-..to nearly over 4,000 in 2010-2011.	0:02:46	0:02:49
-We know the police service, working -together with other agencies...	0:02:50	0:02:55
-..is dealing with these issues, -but there is more to do.	0:02:55	0:02:58
-Many men don't come forward -and ask for support.	0:02:59	0:03:03
-That is often the case.	0:03:03	0:03:06
-They should get rid of the stigma...	0:03:06	0:03:09
-..so that other men -can come forward...	0:03:09	0:03:12
-..and be taken seriously -and be protected.	0:03:12	0:03:16
-She worked in a nursing home...	0:03:22	0:03:26
-..looking after my father.	0:03:28	0:03:30
-She was a nice person, -sweet and very friendly...	0:03:30	0:03:34
-..and she was -very good with my father.	0:03:34	0:03:36
-That was one of things -that attracted me to her.	0:03:36	0:03:40
-I had a child -from a previous relationship.	0:03:42	0:03:44
-The day we married, -she warned me to make sure...	0:03:44	0:03:49
-..that the child wasn't to steal -the limelight - it was her big day.	0:03:49	0:03:53
-"Hold on, it's not right," -I thought.	0:03:56	0:03:58
-Then I thought, -"it is her day after all."	0:03:58	0:04:01
-So I didn't take much notice of it.	0:04:01	0:04:03
-I was working full time at first...	0:04:04	0:04:06
-..but after three years -I went part time.	0:04:07	0:04:10
-I did all the housework because some -days she wouldn't get out of bed.	0:04:16	0:04:20
-When I got home, -the children wouldn't have been fed.	0:04:20	0:04:24
-I'd have to make sure -the children were cared for.	0:04:25	0:04:28
-But I also had to earn a living.	0:04:29	0:04:31
-It was difficult doing both.	0:04:31	0:04:35
-The best way I can describe the wife -is like a wolf in sheep's clothing.	0:04:38	0:04:44
-She was a totally different person -at home.	0:04:46	0:04:49
-She'd pick on me for minor faults.	0:04:54	0:04:57
-Perhaps I'd gone shopping -to pick up a few items.	0:04:57	0:05:00
-Everything I'd bring home was wrong.	0:05:01	0:05:03
-The words she used varied from...	0:05:05	0:05:09
-.."You're useless, you're ugly...	0:05:09	0:05:12
-"..you're lucky to have me -because nobody else would want you."	0:05:14	0:05:18
-Constant put-downs until in the end -you start believing it.	0:05:19	0:05:23
-Much more goes on -beneath the surface.	0:05:30	0:05:33
-Many men put up with -public criticism from their wives.	0:05:33	0:05:38
-Their wives humiliate them...	0:05:38	0:05:40
-..and make them feel -emotionally unstable.	0:05:40	0:05:43
-As someone who used to deal with -Family Law, I know it is widespread.	0:05:43	0:05:49
-Abuse manifests itself -in different ways...	0:05:49	0:05:52
-..and its affect on people's lives -differs greatly.	0:05:52	0:05:55
-It can be emotional, -psychological...	0:05:56	0:05:58
-..physical, financial...	0:05:58	0:06:00
-..sexual.	0:06:01	0:06:02
-Rarely is it -only one of those factors.	0:06:03	0:06:05
-It is a combination of them all -in different ways.	0:06:05	0:06:09
-Emotional and psychological pain...	0:06:09	0:06:13
-..is usually -inflicted on men by women.	0:06:13	0:06:18
-Of course, -there are no visible scars.	0:06:18	0:06:21
-We slowly drifted apart.	0:06:27	0:06:31
-You're not aware of it. -We used to go out a lot at first.	0:06:31	0:06:35
-We'd visit friends, go to barbecues.	0:06:35	0:06:38
-But as friends -started having children...	0:06:38	0:06:41
-..she'd make excuses, saying -she didn't like screaming children.	0:06:41	0:06:45
-It was -another excuse for her to kick off.	0:06:46	0:06:49
-You come to expect -the kicking off all the time.	0:06:50	0:06:53
-If I spoke to the woman next door...	0:06:57	0:07:00
-..I was trying to sleep with her.	0:07:01	0:07:03
-If I spent too much time anywhere -doing anything...	0:07:03	0:07:06
-..too much time, as in -taking longer than five minutes...	0:07:07	0:07:10
-..to go to the shop.	0:07:10	0:07:12
-If I took longer, I'd been doing -something I wasn't supposed to.	0:07:12	0:07:17
-It was ridiculous.	0:07:17	0:07:19
-Her jealousy was like a poison.	0:07:21	0:07:24
-For the majority, it's something -that happens over a period of time.	0:07:31	0:07:35
-What it comes down to...	0:07:36	0:07:38
-..is one person -overpowering the other.	0:07:38	0:07:42
-The person who's doing it -chooses to do it...	0:07:43	0:07:46
-..but the person on the receiving -end never chooses to be a victim.	0:07:46	0:07:51
-The relationship was a lot of fun -at the start. I met her at a party.	0:08:00	0:08:04
-I'd say it was love at first sight.	0:08:04	0:08:07
-She was a very affectionate person.	0:08:08	0:08:12
-Soon after we got married -I knew there was a problem...	0:08:14	0:08:17
-..but I didn't know -how to deal with it.	0:08:18	0:08:21
-She used to throw things -all the time.	0:08:22	0:08:24
-Once, my two sons -were holding my hands...	0:08:25	0:08:28
-..and she was -throwing things at us.	0:08:28	0:08:31
-This was the person with whom -I thought I wanted to spend my life.	0:08:32	0:08:36
-She started beating me.	0:08:38	0:08:40
-I could hold her down - I'd been -trained in self-defence. I was fine.	0:08:41	0:08:46
-Then she started getting jealous.	0:08:47	0:08:51
-She had -another go at me in the kitchen...	0:08:57	0:08:59
-..accusing me -of chasing after another woman.	0:09:02	0:09:05
-She grabbed a knife.	0:09:08	0:09:10
-She came at me with a knife -and I disarmed her.	0:09:12	0:09:17
-I cut my hand as a result.	0:09:18	0:09:22
-I had to go to hospital -but I made up an excuse.	0:09:23	0:09:27
-I said I'd been carving the roast -for Sunday lunch and cut myself.	0:09:27	0:09:35
-I can think of four cases...	0:09:42	0:09:45
-..where the woman -has stabbed her husband...	0:09:45	0:09:50
-..with a knife.	0:09:50	0:09:52
-There weren't -any serious injuries...	0:09:52	0:09:55
-..but there were -cuts to hands, necks...	0:09:55	0:09:59
-..and arms.	0:09:59	0:10:02
-I'm starting to see more and more -cases of weapons being used...	0:10:02	0:10:07
-..in domestic attacks.	0:10:07	0:10:09
-There were four times -when I found her...	0:10:11	0:10:15
-..comatose on the floor -and was about to phone the hospital.	0:10:15	0:10:19
-She pleaded with me not to phone, -saying it was just food poisoning.	0:10:19	0:10:25
-I was worried how the children would -cope if they found her passed out.	0:10:27	0:10:32
-I said, "We need to -talk to a doctor about this."	0:10:33	0:10:38
-She said to me, "If you -tell a doctor or anyone else...	0:10:38	0:10:45
-"..I'll say you've been abusing the -boys, that you're a kiddy fiddler."	0:10:46	0:10:51
-Afterwards I went to the GP...	0:10:52	0:10:56
-..and said, -"This is what's going on."	0:10:56	0:11:00
-But they didn't believe me.	0:11:00	0:11:03
-For the people who are suffering...	0:11:04	0:11:06
-..it's sad that they don't have -the information or the confidence...	0:11:07	0:11:11
-..to allow themselves -to confess openly to others.	0:11:11	0:11:14
-That's why it's important -to work alongside GPs.	0:11:14	0:11:18
-Often it's the first -point of contact.	0:11:18	0:11:22
-But if the GP doesn't know where to -send a person, then it's hopeless.	0:11:22	0:11:27
-.	0:11:28	0:11:29
-Subtitles	0:11:32	0:11:32
-Subtitles - -Subtitles	0:11:32	0:11:34
-The Dyn Project is a charity -funded by the Welsh Government...	0:11:37	0:11:41
-..which operates -on a part-time basis.	0:11:41	0:11:44
-However, it is a charity -offering support...	0:11:44	0:11:47
-..to men who are victims -of domestic abuse.	0:11:47	0:11:50
-We're working closely with -the Cardiff-based Dyn Project.	0:11:51	0:11:55
-If anyone wanted to speak to a male, -we'd redirect the call to them.	0:11:55	0:12:01
-If anyone came to De Gwynedd -Domestic Abuse Services...	0:12:02	0:12:06
-..looking for support, -whether they are male or female...	0:12:07	0:12:11
-..they would both -be treated the same.	0:12:11	0:12:14
-At 2.00am, -I was sleeping in the kids' bedroom.	0:12:19	0:12:22
-The door burst open.	0:12:22	0:12:24
-She just ran in and said...	0:12:24	0:12:27
-.."If you don't leave, -I'm going to kill you."	0:12:28	0:12:31
-"I'll stab you while you're asleep."	0:12:32	0:12:34
-I was in shock because I knew -she meant what she said.	0:12:35	0:12:39
-On my way home from working overtime -late one night...	0:12:42	0:12:46
-..I noticed there was a light on -in the Samaritans' office.	0:12:46	0:12:50
-They were the ones who told me -about places where I could get help.	0:12:51	0:12:56
-So I went to a police station.	0:12:58	0:13:01
-I went at night -so I wouldn't be spotted.	0:13:02	0:13:04
-I waited ages for someone to come.	0:13:05	0:13:08
-In the end a female copper came.	0:13:09	0:13:11
-She asked me what had happened -and I told her about the attacks.	0:13:12	0:13:16
-First she told me to tell her -off the record.	0:13:17	0:13:20
-I thought it was strange, -but that's what I did.	0:13:21	0:13:24
-She said, "If an official report -is filed, we must arrest your wife.	0:13:24	0:13:29
-"Do you really want that to happen?"	0:13:30	0:13:33
-It made me feel -that I shouldn't be doing it.	0:13:34	0:13:37
-So she basically convinced me -not to press charges.	0:13:37	0:13:43
-She didn't record any details, -not even my name.	0:13:43	0:13:47
-I know there's no record -of me reporting it.	0:13:47	0:13:51
-From that, I learnt that the system -was definitely against men.	0:13:52	0:13:57
-It ended up in court.	0:13:58	0:13:59
-She made an accusation against me.	0:14:00	0:14:02
-I can't say what it was -or I'll be in contempt of court.	0:14:02	0:14:06
-Due to the way -the justice system works...	0:14:06	0:14:09
-..once an accusation -has been made...	0:14:10	0:14:12
-..the onus is on the individual -to prove it's untrue.	0:14:13	0:14:17
-The police said, "You can't go -within two miles of your kids."	0:14:18	0:14:21
-My stomach was churning.	0:14:22	0:14:24
-I couldn't understand -why the state...	0:14:24	0:14:28
-..could stop me seeing my children -on a false accusation.	0:14:28	0:14:32
-I didn't see them after that -for almost three months...	0:14:32	0:14:36
-..while I was going through -all the legal procedures.	0:14:37	0:14:40
-I had to wait for a court official -to say when I could see my children.	0:14:40	0:14:44
-The court has a queuing system.	0:14:44	0:14:46
-So you're in a queue, -waiting for the chance...	0:14:47	0:14:50
-..to prove you're not a criminal.	0:14:50	0:14:53
-I'd do anything to avoid -going through the court system.	0:14:53	0:14:57
-Once you're there, -you're in a queue.	0:14:57	0:15:00
-Usually, the first concern for -anyone coming through our doors...	0:15:04	0:15:09
-..is the children, not themselves.	0:15:09	0:15:12
-They don't demand to see -the children for their own sake.	0:15:12	0:15:16
-They hear their children asking...	0:15:16	0:15:20
-.."Why can't I see Dad?"	0:15:20	0:15:22
-In an ideal world...	0:15:23	0:15:25
-..there would be -no distinction made...	0:15:25	0:15:28
-..between an abusive woman -and an abusive man.	0:15:28	0:15:31
-The system -is meant to protect everyone.	0:15:31	0:15:36
-Looking back, -I stayed four years too long.	0:15:41	0:15:44
-The day I left the house...	0:15:45	0:15:47
-..before I left, -I made sure that her mother arrived.	0:15:48	0:15:53
-I said, "If you can stay -in this house, I'll leave.	0:15:53	0:15:58
-"But no way am I going until there's -an adult in the house with the kids.	0:15:59	0:16:05
-"I don't know -what she'll do to them."	0:16:05	0:16:07
-She agreed to stay there...	0:16:08	0:16:11
-..and I told her -I'd try to sort something out.	0:16:11	0:16:15
-I stayed for the children.	0:16:16	0:16:18
-A woman can use the children -against the man in so many ways.	0:16:28	0:16:32
-"If you leave, -you won't see the children.	0:16:32	0:16:35
-"I'll say -that you harm the children."	0:16:35	0:16:38
-The courts -tend to view the situation...	0:16:39	0:16:42
-..from the women's standpoint...	0:16:42	0:16:44
-..since they are the ones -who usually look after the children.	0:16:44	0:16:48
-It's difficult for men -to be granted full custody.	0:16:48	0:16:52
-Children are affected -because they hear what's going on.	0:16:52	0:16:56
-If they see their parents...	0:16:57	0:17:00
-..in an abusive relationship...	0:17:00	0:17:04
-..it can have -a lasting effect on them.	0:17:04	0:17:08
-I was playing -hide-and-seek with the children.	0:17:12	0:17:15
-She tripped over something -on her way into the house.	0:17:17	0:17:21
-That was enough to set her off.	0:17:23	0:17:25
-I sent the kids upstairs to play -while I tried to calm her down.	0:17:25	0:17:29
-She just lost the plot.	0:17:31	0:17:33
-She flew across the room, -grabbing a biro on the way...	0:17:34	0:17:39
-..and stabbed me in the chest.	0:17:40	0:17:42
-That's when I thought, -"Wow, there's no love left."	0:17:46	0:17:51
-There's help out there -for women.	0:17:57	0:17:59
-But for men, -for about a year and a half...	0:17:59	0:18:03
-..my best friend was the Samaritans.	0:18:03	0:18:06
-I phoned lots of places and searched -online while she was asleep...	0:18:06	0:18:12
-..to see what I could do -to change the situation.	0:18:12	0:18:16
-In the end, the Domestic Abuse -Service came to my aid.	0:18:16	0:18:23
-The support workers were all female.	0:18:23	0:18:26
-So, for me to meet a woman...	0:18:27	0:18:30
-..in a cafe or wherever, -was a big deal for me...	0:18:31	0:18:34
-..because of the jealousy.	0:18:34	0:18:36
-In the end, I had to travel -about 20 miles from home...	0:18:38	0:18:41
-..and pretend I was working...	0:18:42	0:18:44
-..just to meet this woman.	0:18:44	0:18:46
-Something really simple happened.	0:18:47	0:18:50
-She got up to fetch me -a second cup of coffee...	0:18:50	0:18:53
-..and the fact she gave me a cuppa -without asking if I wanted one...	0:18:53	0:18:57
-..made me realize how long it had -been since anyone was nice to me.	0:18:58	0:19:02
-That was a big wake-up call for me.	0:19:03	0:19:06
-The penny finally drops -and they think...	0:19:06	0:19:09
-.."I've been -living like this for years...	0:19:10	0:19:13
-"..without realizing -what was happening to me."	0:19:13	0:19:16
-She fell pregnant again.	0:19:16	0:19:18
-When she told me that I might not -be the father, I packed my bags.	0:19:18	0:19:22
-I just said, "I've had enough."	0:19:22	0:19:25
-I couldn't kick her out -because she was pregnant.	0:19:25	0:19:29
-The law is on her side as a woman.	0:19:30	0:19:34
-I took my name off the house...	0:19:34	0:19:36
-..otherwise it would have meant -I held a tenancy already...	0:19:36	0:19:41
-..and wouldn't be eligible -for social housing.	0:19:42	0:19:45
-But by doing that, I had -deliberately made myself homeless.	0:19:46	0:19:50
-That counted against me too.	0:19:50	0:19:53
-I went from being a father -and a husband...	0:19:54	0:19:58
-..in a comfortable home...	0:19:58	0:20:01
-..to a tramp -sleeping rough on the street.	0:20:01	0:20:06
-It's grim. -No-one can sink any lower than that.	0:20:07	0:20:10
-You get to the stage where you -think, "Wow, this is ridiculous."	0:20:10	0:20:15
-The whole system is against you.	0:20:15	0:20:18
-I'd hit rock bottom.	0:20:19	0:20:21
-When you're that low -and you're lonely...	0:20:22	0:20:24
-..you're in a very dark place.	0:20:25	0:20:28
-I had come to the point -where I put a rope around my neck...	0:20:28	0:20:32
-..and I was ready to end it all.	0:20:32	0:20:37
-But at that moment, my phone rang. -It was my sister worried about me.	0:20:38	0:20:42
-She came to fetch me and I -was helped by my doctor with stuff.	0:20:44	0:20:49
-But the entire system is buggered.	0:20:50	0:20:54
-When we hear -that the suicide rate in Wales...	0:20:56	0:20:59
-..is higher -than the national average...	0:21:00	0:21:03
-..it becomes a grave concern.	0:21:03	0:21:05
-These men who are suffering -and at risk...	0:21:05	0:21:08
-..day in, day out, -week in, week out...	0:21:09	0:21:12
-..many of them -are going to self-harm...	0:21:12	0:21:16
-..or worse, commit suicide.	0:21:16	0:21:18
-It's imperative...	0:21:18	0:21:20
-..that no cutbacks are made -in this area...	0:21:20	0:21:23
-..despite the current recession.	0:21:24	0:21:26
-Where do I start?	0:21:28	0:21:30
-Everybody accepts -it happens to women...	0:21:31	0:21:34
-..but no one believes -that it happens to men.	0:21:34	0:21:37
-It's time for men to say, -"Enough is enough."	0:21:37	0:21:40
-They shouldn't accept the situation.	0:21:41	0:21:43
-Having said that, there's still -a huge mountain to climb.	0:21:43	0:21:48
-Unfortunately, the percentage -of funding given to support men...	0:21:49	0:21:54
-..is 10% less...	0:21:54	0:21:57
-..than the funding given to women.	0:21:58	0:22:00
-There needs to be -more research and understanding...	0:22:00	0:22:04
-..around what are -the driving forces...	0:22:04	0:22:07
-..that see men experiencing -and reporting domestic abuse.	0:22:07	0:22:11
-It's unclear -what is going to happen...	0:22:11	0:22:14
-..but it may be the case -that services have to be cut.	0:22:14	0:22:18
-Money is scarce...	0:22:18	0:22:21
-..and everybody -wants a piece of the pie.	0:22:21	0:22:24
-For anyone thinking -about commissioning services...	0:22:24	0:22:28
-..that are supposedly meeting -the needs of women and men...	0:22:28	0:22:32
-..it's a bad idea.	0:22:32	0:22:34
-We need to examine and understand -their experiences...	0:22:34	0:22:38
-..and shape those services.	0:22:38	0:22:40
-It's not fair on a man -who's experiencing domestic abuse...	0:22:40	0:22:45
-..to be expected -to receive a service...	0:22:45	0:22:48
-..that's been tailored -to the needs of women over 30 years.	0:22:48	0:22:51
-De Gwynedd -Domestic Abuse Services...	0:22:52	0:22:55
-..took the step some years ago...	0:22:55	0:22:59
-..to support men and women...	0:22:59	0:23:02
-..and it's been a success.	0:23:02	0:23:04
-I don't feel there's a need -for separate services.	0:23:04	0:23:08
-We also work closely -with other organizations.	0:23:08	0:23:13
-The most important thing -I'd like to see happen...	0:23:13	0:23:17
-..is the creation -of a bilingual service...	0:23:17	0:23:21
-..providing non-judgemental support.	0:23:22	0:23:25
-Once a person has taken the step...	0:23:25	0:23:28
-..to admit -that abusive behaviour exists...	0:23:28	0:23:31
-..they need to know that people -are listening to them...	0:23:31	0:23:35
-..and showing them -fairness and understanding.	0:23:35	0:23:39
-By doing that...	0:23:39	0:23:41
-..the statistics will add up...	0:23:42	0:23:46
-..and society will -have to acknowledge this taboo...	0:23:46	0:23:51
-..that has been kept hidden away -behind the closed doors of Wales.	0:23:51	0:23:56
-S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.	0:24:16	0:24:18
-.	0:24:18	0:24:19

Cariad Sy'n Curo O'r Galon

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