Episode 5 Don't Tell the Bride

You can't beat a good wedding, whether it's Will and Kate's right royal bash at Westminster Abbey,

or little old me getting hitched last year.

-I, Cherry.

-I, Cherry.

-Take you, Rowley.

-Take you, Rowley.

-To be my husband.

-To be my husband.

And weddings don't come any more dramatic than right here,

on Don't Tell The Bride.

I'm not coming.

Please, I love you. Please.

Where we give one bloke 12 grand to organise the biggest day

of his bride-to-be's life.

What could possibly go wrong?

On one condition...

He does it all on his lonesome ownsome.

I don't know what she wants.

This is hell on Earth.

The lady gets no say in the big day.

Bitterly disappointed.

-So all she can expect...

-What?

SCREAMING

..is the unexpected.

That's brilliant.

Oh, Nath!

Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Get me on the phone and I'll tell him what a bitch is.

As we remember the ups...

and downs of our gallant grooms...

Oops!

..and their blushing brides.

I'm going to kill him!

Their laughter...

their tears...

I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.

..and the soppy snogs.

Throughout the series it's been clear

our grooms really love their brides-to-be.

They really try their best.

It's not their fault when things go wrong.

It's not always their fault when things go wrong.

It's just that when everything seems to be going well,

something completely unexpected happens.

PHONE RINGS

An escaped leopard, you say?

-GROWLING

-I did not see that coming.

Sometimes it's not so much an act of God, more an act of dog.

Flake! In!

What's this?

We've been gone half an hour!

-Trashed it, you little

-BLEEP.

I did not need that at all.

It's the whole book. It's the wedding book.

All the invites, everything that was in this,

-it's

-BLEEP

-everything I had.

Oh, my God, Flake.

Just literally torn it to pieces.

That's it. Mother-of-the-bride's coming round,

house is a tip, dog's eaten everything.

Nice one.

Yeah, you might look cute, mate.

Not fooling anyone.

This is your mummy's wedding day.

It'll be me that gets it in the neck if it's not right.

You've destroyed everything, Flake.

Everything.

-Hello.

-Hello. You all right?

No. I've just had a disaster.

That's my wedding book with everything in it.

-No!

-Everything.

-I managed to salvage three that the dog didn't eat.

-Right.

They're not exactly in great nick, and I am very, very sorry.

Ah! The old dog ate my homework excuse.

Here's a tip.

Before you get married, check you can actually get married.

Very nice.

-Very grand.

-It is, isn't it?

It's very what Mark wanted.

Yeah. It's really traditional, isn't it?

-Very traditional.

-Ticks that box, doesn't it?

-Hm.

Have you booked a date for giving notice yet, to get married?

What's that, what's giving notice?

OK, you need to actually...

Both you and your partner need to call your local register office

to book an appointment to give notice.

OK. And how long does that take?

That's 16 days before the notice clears.

-16 days.

-So minimum is 16 days before the date of the ceremony.

-BLEEP.

-What's 16 days from now? What date is that?

You have to give notice by tomorrow.

-That's quite serious.

-You reckon?!

-It is.

You can't do your civil partnership without giving notice.

We have to check if there's one of those registrars available as well.

What's...?

What?!

The person that marries you.

Or that civil-partners you.

Yeah, but when you book a venue, that just comes with it.

-Does it?

-I don't know.

Weddings are special days,

and nothing says special like our top three wedding dances.

At three, Charlotte gets to grips with the best man.

John Scott has been dancing since he was 12,

and has taught professionally all over Europe.

He's hoping he can give Charlotte the confidence

to take centre stage for the first dance.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! That's so embarrassing.

Oh, no! Are you teaching me to dance?

John's... Oh, my word!

That's so... I can't dance with you. I can't dance with you.

I've got two left feet. I'm going to kill you.

Step. It's so easy.

For John Scott, it's just another day at the office.

Just follow what I'm doing.

But for self-conscious Charlotte, it's her worst nightmare.

Stay there.

Luckily, the bruised toes and slightly awkward embarrassment

paid off on the big day.

At two, everybody's gone Greek.

GREEK MUSIC PLAYS

But at number one, Colin's a bit of a Wonka.

# Oompa loompa, do-ba-dee-doo

# I've got a perfect puzzle for you

# Oompa loompa, do-ba-dee-dee

# If you are wise you'll listen to me

# What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?

# Eating as much as an elephant eats

# What are you at getting terribly fat?

# What do you think will come of that?

# I don't like the look of it

# Oompa loompa, do-ba-dee-do

# Do-ba-dee-do. #

What a Wonka!

# Hold your head high

# Hold on Arms open wide

# And the world starts to come alive

# When you stay close to me

# Today this could be

# The greatest day of our lives. #