Katie & Kyle Don't Tell the Bride

-From the depths of the Earth...

-Oh, God.

..to the crests of the mountains.

My legs have gone weird.

These crusading grooms must rise to the challenge.

£12,000...

LAUGHTER

..and just three weeks...

I love that girl. I love her.

..to plan a wedding worthy of their betrothed.

Oh, my God! What has he done?

He just took my dress!

These fair maidens are bound by contract to be legally wedded...

I hate it.

..but have no say in their big day.

Is it just going to all be lost? It's just rubbish.

Where does he get green from?

Can these hapless heroes marshal their armies?

Just leave him to drown.

..vanquish dragons...

Do as your future mother-in-law tells you.

..and conquer all before them?

Get out of my pub!

Or will they be...

..defeated?

I'm not doing it.

Tonight, joker and all-round big kid Kyle

wants his fun-filled wedding to go with a bang.

What sort of injuries have you had, then, mate?

Broken fingers, a couple of broken ribs.

I think we'd be able to cope with a broken rib.

While all his bride-to-be Kate wants is for her day to be taken seriously.

I just want, like, a nice, traditional wedding, you know.

A nice sit-down meal for everyone and then, like, a party at night.

With a bridesmaid on the warpath...

Don't tell me it's going to be all right.

It's not going to be all right.

I am not going to look like an absolute frump.

..can the groom put his bride before his banger?

We should have probably got a dress instead of that car,

but that car is loads funnier than a dress.

Or will this wedding end up a write-off?

When 23-year-old Kate first met 25-year-old husband-to-be Kyle,

he made her smile in all the right ways.

I thought you were really funny.

Like, just try to make everyone laugh. Like really, really silly.

I thought she were really good-looking

and she was laughing at my jokes.

So... Winner!

Having a laugh soon turned into falling in love.

Now, with two-year-old son Reggie, they live together in Doncaster.

I wouldn't actually say one specific thing I love about Kate

because there's that many, I just love everything about her.

You could be in the worst mood, feeling down or want to cry,

but I just can't help myself laughing

because he'll just crack a joke.

But there's one thing about painter and decorator Kyle

that doesn't make Kate smile.

Kyle is not really romantic. Are you?

-Buy them for me. They're only £2.99.

-No.

On our first Valentine's Day,

he bought me a "happy 30th birthday" card.

Right... Kyle can turn even the most romantic of moments sour.

Like his sweet attempt at a marriage proposal.

Kyle was consistently pestering me to go and make a cup of tea.

I just went into the sugar pot and there was a box in there.

So I just said to him, "What's this?"

And he was like, "You know what it is. It's a ring".

And I was like, "What's it for?

"Is it for my birthday? Is it an engagement ring?"

She was trying to trick me into saying it.

I wanted him to just say the question.

And then he just went, "You know what it's for. Just put on."

I thought the reaction would be different.

I thought she'd be a bit more happy.

I thought there might have been some tears,

but it went down like a lead balloon, to be honest.

Kyle's proposal wasn't Kate's cup of tea.

Still, she said yes

and now she's given him full control of her wedding.

A wedding day to me is a serious day.

I want everyone to enjoy it.

But Kyle's way of having a laugh is too far, a bit extreme.

So the bride who just wants one day in her life to be taken seriously

has given all control to the biggest joker she knows.

So she is relying on Kyle's best man

and brother-in-law Lee to keep the wedding on course.

Lee, as a person, is absolutely marvellous.

Down to earth. Sound, sound, sound. Really nice guy. Heart of gold.

Only problem is, Lee is just as childish as Kyle.

Yes! Get in! Get in!

They are like two children together.

The egg each other on, wind each other up, just make things...

They're just a pain.

We get told off a lot.

At least there's one person mature enough to keep this wedding on track.

Not him!

It's chief bridesmaid Leanne,

who is also the groom's sister and the best man's wife.

It's one of the biggest days of your life, your wedding,

and all of a sudden we're going to give it to two guys

that, together, just think life is an utter joke.

I would like to make this very clear.

Regardless who Lee and Kyle are, if they did anything to upset Kate,

I would personally make their heads roll and they know that.

Leanne scares me. She is, erm...

..quite a dominant woman.

So with his bride dreaming of the perfect wedding

and his big sister issuing threats of violence, Kyle has his work cut out,

especially as Kate knows exactly what she wants for her big day.

I've got a quite traditional life so I would just like the wedding

to follow on, really, just be a pretty traditional wedding.

My ideal ceremony would be in a nice, big stately home.

Nice gardens to have photos taken.

Then a sit-down meal with all our close family and friends

that were at the wedding.

And there's one thing in particular that's crucial for Kate.

I'd be very upset if the wedding dress wasn't right

because I'm not going to get this chance to do it again.

So that is important to me, that it's the right dress.

But Kyle... Well, Kyle has different priorities.

Girly things at a wedding, I'm not interested one tiny bit.

Wedding dresses, shoes, I don't care one tiny bit.

I'm more about loud noises and car crashes.

Did he just say "car crashes"?

Come on, Kyle, what's your romantic plan?

I'd like to get married at a banger cars event.

Banger what?!

Cars flying around the track.

Bangers smashing each other up,

trying to put each other out of the race.

Really loud, really noisy, really fun and enjoyable.

So it's going to be an actual car crash of a wedding.

No, really. A car crash wedding.

If it were left to Kate, I think the wedding would be nice.

Pretty, flowers, cake, big dress.

All that sort of stuff.

But I just want to create something raw, fun, exciting,

adrenaline-filled and just to get people laughing and smiling

and, above all, a massive joke.

He does worry me, yes.

He just turns everything into something funny

when it's something really serious.

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

Have you got everything?

-I think so.

-Yes?

Let's rock 'n' roll.

For the next three weeks,

Kyle will be moving in with Grandma across town...

I hope it's all going to fit in!

..while Kate and son Reggie stay at home.

-Squeeze!

-Daddy.

Come on, mate. I'll see you soon.

I'm going to go.

Blow kisses.

-See you soon.

-Bye-bye!

-Love you.

-Love you, Daddy.

-Love you, Reggie.

I could feel a bit of a lump in my throat.

So just try and block it out and just crack on, like.

The show must go on.

While Kyle settles in with his nana,

Kate's heading out to meet one of her bridesmaids

for a bit of moral support.

I'm just going to see my friend, Jane, just to have a chat with her

and spend some time with her so I'm not just on my own at home.

He'll be going straight to meet Lee

and they'll be trying to come up with some master plan

between themselves. But, knowing them,

I don't know, there won't be anything getting taken serious.

They'll be having a laugh.

Well, they do have a master plan. But no idea if it's possible.

So the boys head over 100 miles south to find out

what a wedding at a banger race would look like.

And it would look like this.

Smashing!

# Get your motor running... #

A bit dusty, like, isn't it?

# ..Head out on the highway

# Looking for adventure. #

What's happened here?

I can't see. I've got too much dirt in my eye!

# ..Born to be wild... #

And it seems Kyle doesn't just want Kate at the race.

He wants his future wife to take part in it.

What are you reckon, Lee?

Can you see Kate in one of these in a wedding dress?

-I could, yes, mate.

-Honestly?

-I think it's a great idea.

Me and Kate in this little red car here, flying about.

I think it could be up there with one of my best ideas ever.

Yep.

It looks like Kyle might be the first groom ever

who actually wants his wedding to be a car crash.

It's disgusting, it's messy and that,

but I think it will be funny as hell. You know what I mean?

I'll tell you what would be nice, mate,

if we could actually get married bang in the middle

with everyone watching and even cars flying around.

Nice tyres for decoration, smashed-up cars in the background.

A bit of a car graveyard going on.

Aw... Because nothing says "romance" like a car graveyard.

Tell you what, Kyle, you'd look well in there, like.

-With a suit on?

-Yeah.

-You'd look well in there.

-Yeah.

I feel good.

I feel like I'd get on all right in the game, to be honest.

Kyle has no idea if his car crash plan is possible, let alone safe.

Time to find a professional to see if he can

lovingly shove his bride into a race car on her wedding day.

Have you got to wear all the safety kit?

You have whiplash every time you go out, of some sort,

but you don't be a baby.

You'll struggle putting a claim in, won't you?

What sort of injuries have you had, then, mate?

Torn ligaments, broken fingers, a couple of broken ribs...

I think we'll be able to cope with a broken rib,

as long as it's not a broken neck.

-I bet your car insurance doesn't cover you, mate, does it?

-No!

-I've never looked into it.

-Do you feel safe when you're in it, mate?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah... You don't feel safe, don't do it.

Just go and do a bit of karaoke.

THEY LAUGH

# Here you go, way too fast... #

With those words of wisdom ringing in their ears,

the boys head back to the track to mull it over.

-They've flipped over there.

-Got ambulances here...

Hope they're all right, like.

This is what you might have to deal with, Kyle, on the day.

It's obviously quite dangerous and that, but...

What's the chances of owt happening, though?

You could go out tomorrow and get run over by a bus crossing road

with getting some milk, couldn't I?

I don't think you've owt to worry about. I think she'll love it, like.

I think she will.

# I'm on a highway to hell...#

"Love it"?! Will she?

Too late, the decision's made.

Kate will be strapped into a potential death trap,

thrown around a track at breakneck speed

and, presuming she's still conscious,

married in front of a pile of tyres.

It's going to be one bangin' wedding!

-This is it, mate. This is the one.

-You sure?

-Banger racing. Get ready.

We'll get her flying round that track, like.

And then I know as soon as she's done that, she's...

earned herself the right to marry the man of her dreams.

THEY LAUGH

Kate...

get your gloves on. Get your gloves on, girl.

-Get your helmet on.

-Yes...!

-Get in the car.

Plan sorted, the boys head off to find a track closer to home.

# ..Highway to hell. #

Blissfully unaware of Kyle's racy plans,

Kate's having a catch-up with bridesmaid Jade.

I wonder if Jade knows first aid.

Everyone's, like, "Oh, Kyle'll be the joker."

I think...if...

It'll be Lee that keeps him on track. Are you regretting it, yeah?

No, am I heck? It will be worth it. It'll be so funny.

I just can't wait to just... see what he actually does plan.

I think he's going to surprise you.

I really do.

Surprise her? She'll be knocked sideways.

Literally.

With their heart set on a banger wedding,

the boys need a track that's close to home

and has a race in the next three weeks.

They've come to their local track, Scunthorpe Raceway.

-Oh, that's loads better.

-'Tis, innit?

-Loads better!

I tell you what - big space in the middle as well.

-Massive, isn't it?

-I'm just thinking, Lee.

Over there, with all the seating in the stands,

that'd be spot-on to get Nana and that sat down there,

-wouldn't it?

-Yeah.

-All the family and friends.

Let 'em take a pew over there,

-and they could watch all the events as it unfolds.

-That's it.

-It's nice and open...

-This is perfect set-up.

-A bit of an arena, innit?

-Yeah.

I think we'll be able to do something special, here, like.

-Yeah.

-Definitely.

But Kate's idea of special is a million miles away

from a muddy racetrack.

Along with her mum and her bridesmaids Leanne and Amy,

she's visiting Cusworth Hall,

a Georgian manor house with acres of formal gardens.

It's the sophisticated location she's been dreaming of.

I can visualise coming down here in a nice car

and having pictures took here.

All the guests here and children playing and...

just having a nice day.

-I love the arch that you come through.

-Yeah!

-That's beautiful.

Got the wow factor that, hasn't it?

Then this has, as well, when you look down to the water.

-Yeah, it's beautiful.

-Yeah, definitely.

The tranquil setting is everything Kate desires.

These grounds would be perfect for lovely pictures.

It's just all beautiful. Just...

a perfect location.

Well, there are plenty of places for pictures here -

just not necessarily nice ones.

The boys are meeting track-owner Rob

to secure their ceremony location.

How many do you get on a race day, mate? Couple of thousand?

-Thousands.

-Yeah. See, that's what I want. I want everybody -

over 1,000 people - everyone cheering, seeing her coming in.

Absolutely. I mean, we've got a great event.

Next great event is on the 15th.

-15th.

-Is that any good for you?

-Erm...

Not too sure, like, about days.

Do you remember what day it's on?

It's the week before, innit? It's a week late.

-I don't think we're going to be able to do it on the 15th, are we?

-No.

No, we're not.

With dates in a muddle, and the next race meeting

more than four weeks away, Kyle's plans have stalled.

This is the only track around here.

And if you can't do it here, then a banger wedding is out the window.

It is out the window, totally out the window.

I'm absolutely devastated, mate.

Kyle's banger-race wedding might have just crashed and burned.

Perhaps Kate WILL get

her picture-perfect country manor, after all.

-I love all the...

-All the high ceilings and that.

A bit posh for us, but, yeah, it's nice, isn't it?

THEY LAUGH

This is our grand salon. Our room that we use for ceremonies.

It's lovely, isn't it? Really nice.

-Nice and traditional, isn't it? It's lovely.

-Yeah.

It's all set out lovely, yeah.

It all looks how I'd like it.

Yeah. I like these flowers, as well. They look nice there.

And it's not just the bride who's blown away.

Leanne's pretty impressed, too.

I think this place is absolutely stunning.

I love the outdoors,

I love the scenery... It wows me.

It makes me feel like...

Like, all gooey!

SHE LAUGHS

The only thing that's likely to be gooey at Kyle's wedding is the mud,

because he's determined to have it here - race or no race.

I know we can't do it on that day,

but as long as everyone's here and we do something with bangers...

we're squared away.

So he has a plan B - set up his own race.

I'll pay you X amount of pounds,

-I want you to

-BLEEP

-smash yourselves to bits.

Smash them into bits so none of the cars...

-I want your

-BLEEP

-tyres on the floor, doors on the floor,

smash yourself to pieces...

Sounds like carnage.

Surely there's rules against this kind of thing?

Surely. Surely... Rob?

We're not set by any rules of any standards.

Scunthorpe Raceway runs Scunthorpe stock racing.

So we can do anything you like.

-I'll shake on that, mate.

-No worries.

-I'll tell you what, mate.

-If you can do something, I'd be absolutely...

-Right! Let's do it.

Awesome.

Agreeing a price of £3,000,

Kyle gets the track for his ceremony

and the promise of some bangers for his big race.

With their unusual ceremony venue booked,

Kyle and Lee head back to their local

to work on the rest of the wedding.

Let's prioritise, yeah?

From one down to whatever, what we need, what's important, yeah?

What would you say is number one?

A dress, I'd say.

A wedding dress. That IS good advice.

-BLEEP

-that, Lee. Don't even mark that, mate.

Oh.

-This is my interpretation of

-BLEEP...

-What you think is important?

-Right, this is number one, yeah?

Red Devils...

slash helicopter.

OK.

Not everyone's first priority for a wedding.

Do you agree with that? That's most important?

It's not what I agree with.

Bucking bronco. That would be fun, that.

Maybe get a bouncy castle for adults and one for kids?

-What else do we need?

-I want something like a candyfloss stall.

Candyfloss goes down here, doesn't it?

I'm just looking at it and thinking, what a wedding list!

I think we're getting carried away a little bit, aren't we?

-Wing it, innit?

-Yeah.

So with Kate's dress way down the list,

the boys start on their wedding priorities.

First, transport.

And you can't have a banger-race wedding

without a banger for the bride.

We're after a limo or something just to smash up.

-Oh, right.

-Have you got owt in?

Yeah. I've got one next door I can show you, if you want.

At least the boys are going for a classy banger.

ENGINE RUNS ROUGHLY

I tell you what, Lee,

she's a beaut, isn't she?!

-We could keep seats in it for her, couldn't we?

-Course you can, yeah.

And just spray it.

This is it. I don't think you'll get owt better than this.

It's only £1,000.

It's perfect for their banger wedding.

The only problem is...

-Unfortunately, it's sold.

-Honestly?

Aw, you're joking me!

-Anything else?

-No, that's it at the minute, I'm afraid.

-Yeah?

Proper gutted about that. Devastated.

While the boys head back to the drawing board to find a car

for the bride to get battered around in,

the lady in question is just up the road getting her hair done.

Well, no-one's told her she'll be wearing a helmet.

Have you any ideas on what you're sort of wanting, or anything?

I just want, like, a nice traditional wedding, you know?

With, like, a nice sit-down meal for everyone and then, like,

-a party at night.

-Have you any ideas for your dress, or anything?

Quite a tight, fitted dress, but then, like, quite big at the bottom.

-Right, yeah.

-Like that.

-Do you want anything like a horse and cart?

-No.

-No, I'm not bothered.

-No. Not really.

-As long as I get there.

As long as you get there.

As long as I'm not, like, on a moped, or something,

-with a helmet on.

-Mess that hair up.

-Yeah!

THEY LAUGH

Ah... Well, there will be a helmet, but on the plus side,

she probably won't be thinking about her hair

when she's hurtling towards a wall at high speed.

I think you'll like this.

Meanwhile, after losing out on the limo,

Lee's tracked down something else he likes the look of.

It's a track car. It hasn't been.... It's still all kitted out inside.

You can do what you want with it. All the seats are still in it.

-How much is it?

-800 quid.

-Are we doing it, or what?

-Yeah, man.

-Buy it now.

-Yeah.

-And then we'll sort it out later.

Buy it, innit?

So the boys blow £800 on a car they haven't even seen.

-Cheers!

-Cheers.

And when they do, it's perfect for the big day.

THEY LAUGH

If the big day in question was...

D-Day.

Is this your love carriage, is it?

So, this splendid limousine comes complete with camouflage,

a water cannon and bullet holes.

Lucky, lucky Kate!

That looks ace, doesn't it? Do you reckon we should spray it up or...?

-No.

-I think it looks good, doesn't it, as it is?

-I would leave it as it is.

-I would. That's it, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-It's character, yeah.

-Take it for a spin.

I love this, like!

He may be revved up about bagging the limo,

but is even Kyle beginning to worry about his priorities?

We should have probably got her dress instead of that car,

but that car's loads funnier than a dress. Just looking at it now,

-I'm just thinking, Kate's nana is going to

-BLEEP

-kill me, man.

-Kate's nana's the least of your problems, pal.

-I know!

After shelling out £800 for the limo and having to get it specially

kitted out for banger racing, Kate's wedding-dress budget is shrinking.

-I'm happy. Are you happy?

-I'm... That's what it's about, isn't it?

What's this about? What is this process about?

-Me and Lee being happy, and we're happy now.

-Very happy.

While the boys are ticking things off their fantasy list,

Kate and bridesmaid Leanne are worried

about the lack of any real news.

I need to know when we will go and get my dress, or whether

I will be going to get it or if someone will bring it to me or...

I don't know, but it would just be nice to know so I've got time,

because what if I need alterations?

I do think they'll be thinking about the main thing, like, the dress.

I don't think he'll think, like, transport.

I've asked and asked, what are we doing about bridesmaid dresses?

When are we going to be going? I said the other day,

"If you think for one minute you are going to bring me a bag and say,

" 'You're all wearing those...' " I said, "It's not happening."

I'm just really, really worried about them picking a dress for me.

Picking the wrong style, not the right size

and then me feeling like an absolute fool in it.

And if they've got your dress wrong, I'll dirty protest.

That'll be it. I will absolutely kick the hell off.

Well, fear not, Leanne -

your brother Kyle has finally started thinking about the wedding dress.

But you might not like what he's thinking.

Why would you buy a dress?

-You're going to buy a dress and it is going to be

-BLEEP

-hung up

-for

-BLEEP

-50 years until you die. What's the point?

Collecting cobwebs and mothballs.

-BLEEP

-it, you might as well bin it, hadn't you?

Get married, set it on fire. Buzzing. Done.

So, instead of splashing the cash...

Do you rent dresses?

No, just sell them.

Do you rent wedding dresses, love?

We don't, no.

No. Do you get many people that rent dresses?

Erm... No. We don't.

No. What, the majority of people buy them?

-Yeah.

-Cheers for your time, love.

-Thanks, bye.

-Ta-ra now. Bye.

It doesn't look good, does it?

Adamant his bride will wear a rented dress and with no luck

on the phone, Kyle heads to a local shop to check out his options.

-What dress size is she?

-I think she's an 8.

-OK.

-I think.

-You think?

Me and my best man, we did a list of priorities, and that,

and my best man wanted to put the dress in the top three

but I put it down. I think it ended up about 14th, 15th in the list.

Well, from a man's point of view, it might be 14th, 15th.

-From a lady's point of view...

-Going to be top three, isn't it?

Definitely. I think you might be in bother if you get this wrong.

I know. I don't think she's going to be chuffed with

some of the decisions we've made already,

so I could do with nailing this one, do you know what I mean?

It seems the voice of reason has had an effect,

and Kyle is suddenly doubting his decision to rent.

Her face is alarming me, like, she's proper not playing about.

She's genuinely shocked. She thinks I'm shocking, and I am.

I haven't got a clue what I'm doing,

so it's quite scary, really, isn't it?

While Kyle slams the brakes on his plans to hire a dress,

Kate is taking her mum, nan and bridesmaids

to find the dress she would choose if it was up to her.

-Hello!

-Is this the first time you have tried on today?

-It is, yes.

Have you any idea of the style that you're looking for?

No, I want to try a few different ones

so I can get an idea of what I'd like.

Yeah, it's nice to try different styles on,

-cos then you can rule things out.

-Yeah.

Oh, here we go. I'm scared.

Oh, my God.

-Oh, that's gorgeous.

-I love trains, me.

I love them when they have got a big, lovely train on.

Right, so, I don't know what your budget is, Kate,

but this one is £1,700.

He would not pay £1,700 for a dress, no.

-I ain't got a chance of that.

-You never know.

-He might shock you.

I think he knows it's an important part.

Every man knows that.

Hmm, not every man.

It's a lesson Kyle has just learnt, and along with Lee,

he's finally decided to set aside his budget and buy his bride a dress.

-What do you reckon, Kyle?

-I think you look right nice, Lee.

Can you see how much this is?

Bit of fishing net, £190.

I'm not being funny, but who...?

Whereabouts are the five people what that fits them? Look at that!

You've got to be about eight-and-a-half foot to wear that.

Yeah, either a really, really tall bride,

or that's the train.

What I'm after is just a nice fitted one.

Sometimes you see it, they start, like, there, going out.

Too big and chunky and flumpy.

You mean like this, Kyle?

Kate's opted for something a little bit less slinky,

and a lot more princess-y.

-Oh, that's nice.

-I like that.

-I do as well.

Wow. Massive, isn't it?

THEY LAUGH

I feel like I'm Tinkerbell or something.

-That's what you look like!

-Stick some wings on you.

-You do look lovely.

-You look like you're floating.

-Oh, she looks beautiful, doesn't she?

-It looks lovely.

It's made me really emotional, coming to see her try her dress on.

My brother's going to make her his wife, and I'm like...

-Put a ring on it.

-Yeah.

And I'm really proud,

and I just hope he does the right thing with her dress.

Otherwise, Mama Bear is going to be on the warpath.

Well, Mama Bear, prepare for battle, because Kyle's first choice of dress

is simple, strapless with a sweetheart neckline. Oh, dear.

That's nice.

Dress doesn't look too bad either.

THEY LAUGH

He's a cheeky bugger, isn't he?

It's, like, fitted, but there's a bit of something... Like it, me.

Like that one. Like it.

And it doesn't look any better for Kate, as his second choice of dress

is still strapless and simple.

-I like the other one better.

-Do you?

-That's what I like, personally.

-And I think she'll like it.

-Do you think she would like that

over this one? If you think of it from her point of view?

-Yeah, I think she'll like it.

-Yeah?

So Kyle goes for a full-length fishtail dress for £650,

and opts for a tiara instead of a veil. Lovely.

-For a groom who thought the dress didn't matter...

-See you later!

..he's surprisingly happy with his choice.

Having realised the dress is important, Kyle's beginning to think

a decent reception might be a good idea, too.

Rather than a booze-up at the racetrack,

he's looking for something with a roof.

But with just two weeks to go, he may have left it too late.

Everywhere that we've got our eye on is booked up, so...

We're just... Yeah, just trying to find somewhere, really,

that's available on our day.

Kyle's found just two venues in the area free on the day.

One is a local pub, the other is a 17th-century manor house.

Think it's a bit posh for me, like.

I'd prefer to be... Doesn't matter where we are,

could be in a big shed, if all my friends and family are there,

I'd still have a good time.

So I'm not really fussed if it's a stately home or not.

So, two very different options.

And while Kyle hits the road, Kate's worried about what he's planning.

I hope he's not just like, "Yeah, I'll do that,

"cos that'll be funny or that'll be a laugh."

I want him to be like, "Yeah, Katie would like that."

Well, Kyle has found something Kate would definitely like.

Walcot Hall, a Georgian manor house set in acres of beautiful gardens,

which sounds a lot like - exactly like - the venue of Kate's dreams.

Quite nice, actually, isn't it?

Look how posh it is.

I've got trainers on and trackies and everything.

-Hiya, you all right? I'm Kyle. Nice to meet you.

-Hi, I'm Cindy.

-It's nice to meet you.

-I'm Julie.

-Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

So what's Katie looking for in an ideal world, do you think,

that would make her whole world rock?

The actual wedding event is absolutely bonkers, like,

so she'll probably want to kill me for that,

and I think she'd appreciate something nice like a stately home.

Do you know what colours... or anything she doesn't like?

I don't actually know any colour schemes or that,

but I don't know, maybe the same colour as my car would be nice.

I'm only joking! I'm only kidding.

The spectacular house and gardens are a world away

from Kyle's banger-race ceremony,

and even further out of his comfort zone.

We talked about the wedding breakfast.

Is that what you call it?

Cos a breakfast to me is, like, egg and chips or something.

When you get married, it's your first meal as a married couple.

I do like the space and that,

but I'm not bothered about being too fancy or owt, know what I mean?

I just want bangers and mash, or something.

He loves his bangers, doesn't he?

Still, he knows it's perfect for Kate, but at a cost -

£5,000 for just 50 guests.

She would absolutely love it here, I think.

I'm struggling, like, because it's going to smash the budget to pieces.

It's going to smash it up.

Undecided, Kyle takes a look at his second and only other option -

a roadside inn.

-Nice to meet you. It's Kyle. You all right?

-Hi, Kyle.

So you'll come into these doors,

-and we'll have a red carpet to bring you in.

-Yeah.

Guests collect in here, have the pre-drinks.

So then when you're ready, you give them the nod and say,

"We're ready to go and sit down now."

There's quite a nice little area in there.

I like the little cake stand and that.

-Would that be operational on the day?

-Yeah, and the idea is you have

your pre-drinks in there,

so that area would be just for you as you walk in.

I didn't know you had all this in the back,

and it is really nice, like.

Kyle's impressed, and for £3,000,

with space for 70 guests, it's on the money too.

Question is, what's more important -

the budget or the bride?

It's just got a different feel, but it's cheaper. It's half price.

Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely cracking.

It's really nice. But it's not a stately home.

It's a difficult decision, but with the help of best man Lee,

Kyle takes the plunge, and alongside his banger-race ceremony, he books...

the romantic manor house reception for a budget-busting £5,000.

We're going to do our absolute best

to give you the best wedding day of your life.

Put me in a predicament financially,

and it's put me in a predicament location-wise,

but the venue is worth being put in that predicament,

cos I think it's...next level compared to anything else

we've seen, and it should take Kate's breath away.

Having slept on his decision to book the manor house,

Kyle's now having serious doubts.

It's just hit me like a tonne of bricks, and I need to just cancel

everything now, because I think I'm doing it for the wrong reasons.

I've got 50 guests - I could fill that twice over with family.

With close, immediate family I've got 70-odd people.

I'm going to have to cut people. I can't do it.

If I start cutting, and I've already looked at my list of people,

if I cut some people off there, my mum will cry.

I can't justify making my mum cry

or making Kate's mum and nana cry.

Can't justify it for a few nice trees and a fountain

and a marquee. Can't do it.

Decision made, again -

this time, Kyle books the pub function room

for his post-race reception.

This will suit our family perfect, you know what I mean?

I'm not sure exactly how many people we're going to get in here,

but I know, price depending, I'll be able to get an extra 20 people here

than what I would in the other place.

With his race day venues all booked,

Kyle can finally invite his bride to her wedding,

and the boys have hatched a fun plan.

I think it's more than likely going to be something silly.

But I just don't know how silly.

Kate and Leanne have been sent instructions

to drive to a mystery postcode.

Meanwhile, the boys are getting busy in a field

somewhere in the Yorkshire countryside.

What are we writing? "Marry me"?

Don't you think that sounds a bit abrupt? "Marry me"?

-I don't want to really give her the option.

-Go on, then.

-LEANNE:

-Oh, no, turn left here. Yeah, we're going in here.

What, so we're going down a lane? Yeah, buzzing.

Kyle's bright idea is to get Kate in one of these.

Oh, my God.

Then fly her hundreds of feet up in the air and over a field,

where he's written her invitation out in huge letters.

-Do you reckon that'll do?

-Yeah, they're going to see that.

Back at the airfield, it looks like the plan hasn't really taken off.

Going in a little plane, but it can be boring,

because what is there to do in there?

Just sit there and look about.

I just don't understand what we're doing here.

Do you like it?

Very nice, mate. Very nice.

I'm going to kill him.

I don't have to wear one of them silly hats, do I?

Our bride is set to fly like a bird,

but it could take an eagle eye to spot Kyle's message.

# Watching every motion... #

Happy with that, mate.

# ..In my foolish lover's game... #

That's us. That's us there, Lee.

-That's it, isn't it?

-That's us.

And it looks like the boys have misjudged just how big

the invite needed to be, as up in the sky,

Kate flies past, oblivious.

Come on!

-THEY LAUGH

-Over here!

Over here!

After a second pass

and a fair amount of squinting...

..Kate somehow spots the invitation.

# Take my breath away... #

And it has the desired effect.

So hopefully that'll pick her up,

keep her spirits high for the next six days,

and then, like I say, she gets to marry the man of her dreams, like.

Yeah, it's really, really shocked me, what he's done.

It's made me have more faith in him, and now I just can't wait to see

what's going to happen on the wedding day.

# Take my breath away. #

# Riding along in my automobile... #

Kate knows when her wedding is,

but not that she'll be spending most of it screaming.

Still, at least she's got a limo,

and Kyle's come to check on its progress.

It looks mean with the windows out and the door cards out and that.

-Start it up. Give it a run.

-Should I?

-Yeah.

ENGINE REVS

Naughty, that, innit?

That sounds bang-on, that.

I hope it puts a smile on Kate's face,

cos the person you love, you want to make them happy,

even if it is something silly like this, know what I mean?

It's showing your love for her.

-THEY LAUGH

-Somehow it is, innit?

It's showing your love somehow, like.

If it comes in the shape of an old limo

with a turret on top, then so be it.

It's less than a week to race day.

My pants don't fit me.

LAUGHTER

Kyle sets about getting his wedding plans over the finishing line,

and he even stumbles on a fruity theme.

-I like lemon.

-That's lemon.

After some lemon accessories for the boys,

next, lemony flowers to match.

I've never been one for flowers, like, but they're really nice.

Finally, some on-message online lemon dresses for the bridesmaids.

I'm relieved now, cos I've just pressed "buy" and I've bought it,

but they'll probably not fit.

Let's just hope Kyle's last-minute bridesmaid dress decision

doesn't leave him looking a bit of a lemon.

With no idea that Kyle has just bought her dress online,

and with no news at all about the big day,

chief bridesmaid Leanne, who threatened to make heads roll,

might be about to make heads roll.

The only thing we pretty much know now is the date of the wedding.

No times, no discussion of whether we're going to have someone

to do our hair and make-up.

I just feel like some really key points have been left out.

Keen to sort out the mess,

she puts in a call to her little brother.

-Ey up, Leanne. You all right, mate?

-I'm just getting a bit concerned.

-What are we doing about bridesmaids' dresses?

-I've just ordered online.

If we've ordered them online, how do you know that

they're even going to fit proper, like a dress fitting?

I don't really, mate, but I've had to risk it, Leanne,

because I've had too much on, do you know what I mean? So...

You are joking me, Kyle, aren't you?

Don't stress, anyway, mate. It'll be all right.

Don't tell me it's going to be all right!

It's not going to be all right if my dress isn't right.

I'm not going to look like an absolute frump. I'm just not.

Don't worry, mate. Honestly, I'm not worrying. Just wait.

If it doesn't fit you, mate, we'll sort it. If it does fit you,

happy days, Kyle's a legend.

Not even funny.

-I'll chat to you tomorrow.

-All right, see you later.

-Bye, mate.

I feel like it's a bit of a joke to him.

I don't want it to be,

"We've just ordered something for the sake of ordering it,"

and I feel like that's what he's just told me on the phone.

"I've ordered it for the sake of ordering it,

"cos I was running out of time."

So what thought has gone into what they are?

Well, you're about to find out how much thought he's put into it,

as the bridesmaids' dresses have arrived.

Just come to drop the dresses off to the girls.

See how many of them don't fit.

Aw... Here we are. Hello!

In fact, Kyle has put so much thought into the dresses,

he hasn't even unwrapped them.

-Can't wait for this.

-LAUGHTER

Let's pass it on till we get to the dress!

What colour are they?

Yellow!

-What the

-BLEEP?!

LAUGHTER

All right, Leanne?

That's not a flower, what is it?

HE GIGGLES

I'll tell you now, I don't think a 10 is going to fit me.

You have to put them on and see if they fit.

-If they don't,

-BLEEP

-knows.

-I think they're happy, like.

-I think they're happy, yeah.

-They look happy enough.

-Yeah.

-No way is that going to fit me.

-It will.

Might not even go over my back.

Doesn't anywhere near fit my back.

-Don't break it, it's not going to go on.

-Innit?

-No.

Three of the dresses fit.

But the boys have got the wrong size

for the one bridesmaid they really needed to keep happy.

I'm not being funny but we're on Wednesday.

It just needs ordering. Like, ASAP.

I don't think they did that size.

Oh...

It's not end of the world, do you know what I mean? We'll sort it.

-We'll sort it tomorrow.

-Get on with it, first job in the morning.

-First thing tomorrow, square that up, smash it off, done.

-Yeah.

It's the day before the wedding.

While the boys try and find a new dress for Leanne,

Kate has come to see the dress Kyle has chosen for her.

A princess dress in the shop window

raises her hopes that it might be what Kyle picked.

-That's a really nice dress.

-Yeah.

-It's lovely.

-Princess-y, isn't it? Big and blingy.

-Yeah.

It isn't.

Ladies, just in through here.

-Right, are you ready to see your gown?

-Yeah.

-Ready?

-Ready as I'll ever be.

I love it. Yeah, it's really nice.

-Yeah?

-It's beautiful, yeah.

SHE LAUGHS

-We're more excited than her.

-I'm going to have a heart attack.

Ohhhh!

Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.

-How well has he done?

-Aw, you look stunning.

You look beautiful, Kate. Yeah, absolutely.

How well has he done? Someone must have given him some tips!

-He's done really well.

-He has, hasn't he?

Lee must have his feminine side getting out.

-Has he picked a veil or anything?

-We've got something for your hair.

Ohhhh, it's going to be a tiara.

-You don't know that!

-Like I'm a six-year-old.

You've always said you didn't want a tiara, haven't you?

-Are you ready?

-Yeah, let's see.

It's not like a tiara, it's just a...head thing, isn't it?

It looks lovely. Yeah.

Rather than a veil?

-I'm gutted I ain't got a veil.

-Are you?

But when Kate gets to see the full effect,

the lack of veil doesn't matter.

Yeah, I love it.

-It's amazing, isn't it?

-Yes.

He's not as daft as he looks, Kate.

LAUGHTER

-Kyle's done good.

-He has. He's done brill.

This is the most romantic and most thoughtful

I've ever seen my brother be in...in all my life.

I feel like a bride.

Yeah, I love it. I just want to wear it now.

Just go home in it. Clean up and still have the dress.

LAUGHTER

It's the morning of the big race

and Kate's preparations are in overdrive.

Kyle's done really well with my hair and make-up.

He knows that I like to have my hair up, so I think that's why

he's asked for me to have it up.

Smiles all round.

All good so far.

Let's hope Kyle's lemony bridesmaid dresses don't turn things sour.

How nice is that colour?

He hasn't done bad, has he?!

And the boys even managed a last minute, if non-lemon,

replacement for chief bridesmaid Leanne.

I love it.

So far, everything is looking rosy for Kate.

Invitation was right.

Dress - perfect.

Hair and make-up, flowers.

What's going to go wrong?

Wish you hadn't asked that.

Across town, the boys are getting ready.

Best man in tails, groom in... racing overalls.

I tell you what, mate, I think you look smart.

All ready for my big day.

Back at home, Kyle's bride-to-be is about to get her first clue

that today might not be

the traditional, civilised affair she dreamed of.

Looks like another dress in there.

Unfortunately, the dress she loved

isn't suitable attire for banger racing.

-What the

-BLEEP

-is that?

-What is it? It's overalls.

-Overalls?

I feel like I am going to go to NASA, or summat.

Well, at least it's white.

That's, like, what mechanics wear.

I'll be fuming if I'm going in some sort of car.

It's a sort of a car...

meets a limo meets a tank.

Anyway, at the track,

Kyle has arrived to check out his bride's banger.

-All right, fellas?

-How you doing?

-How are you, mate? You all right?

Fastened down, stops them coming up and smashing you in the face

-and stuff like that.

-Yeah.

-It will be a bit rough out there,

you're going to be knocked about a bit.

-Yeah, that's what we want, mate, innit?

-That's what we want.

And Kyle's even got his own car for the race

so he won't miss out on the fun.

Fun, carnage, whatever.

I'm excited, mate. I can't wait to get going, like.

Meanwhile, a very confused bride has donned her race gear.

-What the

-BLEEP

-is that?

LAUGHTER

-Are you kidding?

-Is that what he sent for you?

-Yeah.

I don't know where my dress is.

-But I look like I'm going to go and fix someone's car.

-Oh, my God.

I just don't know what to say.

CHEERING

As Kate heads off to her wedding...

..at the track, the guests - and thousands of banger fans

who've heard about the big race - are arriving.

I feel a little bit overdressed, but never mind.

-They're definitely putting her in a car.

-Yeah.

She's going banger racing, boys and girls. Yes, she is.

Whether she will or not, though...

She's going to go absolutely mental.

I'm absolutely chuffed with how many people are here, like.

Win-win, innit? Whatever happens, it's win-win.

As long as no-one dies, we're all right.

Fingers crossed. Although it may be Kate that has murder in mind

when she finds out about Kyle's next surprise.

What the hell? It's a helicopter.

I want to know what I'm doing and get on with it.

Flying up into the sky,

Kate's dreams of a traditional and serious wedding day

are about to come crashing down.

Hurry up, we're going to race in a minute!

Oh, my God, look at them all waving.

I'm happy she's here now. I think she'll be fuming, like.

I don't know. I don't know.

My God.

Now it's down to best man Lee to show Kate to her carriage

and persuade her to get in it.

What the hell is that?

-What is that?

-You like it?

I don't want whiplash!

Oh! No, I'm not wearing a helmet.

No, not wearing a helmet. No.

It's going to flatten my hair!

Have we got a hairdresser for after?

Kyle has no idea that all his plans now rest on Kate's hairdo.

Could not have had it going any better in my head.

Big turnout. Spot-on.

I'm going to feel claustrophobic.

Chuck her in one of these, put a helmet on her

and let's have a good smash-up, innit?

Finally, the bride picks her man over her wedding hair.

Argh!

-I'm going to be sick.

-Get it on.

-I can't, I'm going to be sick.

Let your hair down.

-Push it on, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Ah!

-You all right?

-Yeah. A-Argh!

-All right?

Argh! Feel like I'm having a face-lift.

Oh! Can't even see anything.

So with Kyle in the number 36 car

and Kate in her limo-tank...

..after three weeks apart,

the couple can finally make contact again

as they race towards their aisle.

-COMMENTATOR:

-Here we go!

MUSIC: Highway To Hell by AC/DC

KATE SQUEALS

Oh, there's contact there, he's giving it from the rear!

Oh, my God!

But Kate is well away in that tank.

And here we go...encroaching on all sides of the tank.

SHE SCREAMS

Oh, my God, I'm going to need a shower!

So he gets himself in the lead.

THUD

SHE SCREAMS

Here she goes! But I'll tell you what,

if she's not a banger driver now, she soon will be.

SHE SCREAMS

SHE SCREAMS

And the tank keeps going.

SCREAMING

And Katie gives it to Kyle. Yes!

And by the virtue that Katie did more laps, she is the winner.

20 nerve-shredding laps later...

That was wasted hair and make-up.

..and winner's trophy in hand, Kate can finally stagger down her aisle,

in the middle of a racetrack,

and marry the man that put her in pole position.

APPLAUSE

You're a dick.

LAUGHTER

Do you, Kyle, take Katie to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,

until you part this Earth?

-I do.

-And that could be very shortly, mate!

-CHEERING

-That could be very shortly.

Katie, after what he's just done to you,

do you take Kyle to be your husband,

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better or for worse?

-I'll let you know.

-LAUGHTER

I need an answer.

-Yeah.

-Bless you. I now pronounce you man and wife.

CHEERING

Give her a big, big round of applause.

You'll be all right.

Kate may have won the race...

Better than a church, though, innit?

..but has Kyle's banger-race wedding won her heart?

Crazy. Crazy day.

Has it been fun, though?

Yeah, it's been fun. When I got in it, I was quite buzzing.

-Thank you.

-Honestly?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, thank you.

-I'll take that, like.

Next, Katie's whisked off to the pub...

..where she is finally reunited with her dress.

And for the first time, can see her reception.

Oh, my God.

Ooh! Look at the cake.

-I hope they're happy tears.

-They are.

Oh! Look at them chairs!

Aw, it's lovely, innit?

It's beautiful. It's really shocked me how well he's done.

I can't believe it! Can you?

I just hope you like it, Kate,

cos everything we've done is for you, so...

-I do.

-Give us a kiss, then.

-Thank you.

Please welcome the bride and groom, the new Mr and Mrs Fletcher.

WHISTLING

Right, ladies and gentlemen,

first of all could I just say how beautiful Kate looks today?

Her dress looks amazing. Whoever chose it did a good job.

LAUGHTER

I won't lie, it hasn't been easy.

But we made a good team and we got the job done, didn't we, mate?

So please raise your glasses to the happy couple, Mr and Mrs Fletcher.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's been an emotional day, I think,

to see what my husband, as well, and my brother have done is just...

can't put into words.

The feeling I have, it's just like an immense feeling of pride.

Come on, Leanne!

I'm very proud of Kyle. Proud of myself, really.

Didn't think I'd be able to do something like what I've done.

I think the event was absolutely spectacular.

Can't even explain how happy I am.

It's been perfect, like, you know what I mean?

Kyle's happy with his efforts,

but what about the bride who wanted a serious and traditional day?

Yeah, it's been amazing. Can't think of anything that I'd change.

If you want, I'll buy you your own race helmet.

-No, I don't want my own race helmet!

-You can start racing if you want.

I'm so happy, I've married the girl of my dreams.

I'm just chuffed, know what I mean? Just chuffed.

I think we both should go on the bucking bronco together.

Let's go. In my dress?!

-Yeah, you'll be all right.

-Come on, then.

-You'll be all right.

Two days later, the couple made their union legal.

I pronounce you lawfully joined together as husband and wife.

Next time, professional magician Jack...

-I have 22.

-Not any more.

..wants a show-stopping wedding with his magic centre stage...

We're having a theatre - fact.

..while all his bride Sarah wants is a day without any tricks.

I just want us to be the centre of attention,

not magic to be the centre of attention.

Will Jack sweep his bride off her feet?

Not only is it my first illusion, I'm floating my wife.

Could it be magic, or will it be tragic?

Oh, for goodness' sake, what is he thinking of?

MUSIC: That Set The Wild West Free by The Outlaws