Paula and Rodney Don't Tell the Bride

Rodney and Paula are truly, madly, deeply in love.

They've been going out since they were teenagers.

It was her mad, crazy personality to start with.

Not to mention that she had a gorgeous bum!

Paula knew straight away that this was the man she wanted to marry.

It was definitely love at first sight for me. Yes.

13 years later, Rodney has decided to make an honest woman of her, but the couple are strapped for cash.

Everything's down to the penny.

So we're giving them £12,000 towards their big day. But there's a catch.

They've agreed in the presence of a lawyer that Rodney will organise the wedding...alone.

They'll have no contact, and the bride won't know about the plans

until the big day in three weeks' time.

So can Rodney find the perfect venue?

No! It'd be good for a car-boot sale. But not for my wedding.

Will he ever make a decision?

It's got to be the right one. Erm, I don't know.

The decision is, we'll wait until tomorrow.

Or will making his mind up tip his bride over the edge?

I'm a bride under stress, babe. Tell him he needs to come now.

Can this man give his woman a day she will never forget?

Listen to my wrath!

THUNDER RUMBLES

Today is Rodney's birthday.

It's also the day that Paula moves out of their flat in Croydon.

Of all the days of the year, I have to go on his birthday!

The couple have lived together for eight years,

and have rarely been apart.

I'm gonna really miss you.

I reckon you'll be all right for the first week, and then you'll realise just how much you love me.

Rodney modifies sports cars for a living.

It's painstaking work that requires lots of concentration.

Fixing up a car from scratch and selling it

has got to be harder than organising a wedding, it's got to be,

so I reckon I'll be able to do a wedding easily.

So how come it's Paula who's the practical one at home?

When I want something done, I want it done now.

He'll say, "I'll do it in a bit" or "I'll do it tomorrow",

and it won't get done so I may as well do it myself.

-Did you pay the mortgage money into the bank?

-No, but don't panic!

Rodney's so relaxed that Paula's worried it could spell disaster for their wedding day.

He underestimates how much it takes to organise a wedding.

I don't think he has enough fear inside him, he's too cocky for that.

And Paula's not the only one who's concerned.

Rodney's very laid back, very laid back.

What do you call it? Organised chaos?

That's what it's gonna be.

Oh, God!

I said I wouldn't cry, I'm a hard nut.

But will the hard nut crack with laid-back Rodney

in charge of the biggest day of her life?

-You ready, baby?

-Yeah, I'm ready.

-You sure?

-I was born ready.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Come on, you'll be fine.

-I love you so much.

-I love you, too.

I will see you at the altar.

-See you at the church.

-See you at the altar.

-Love you!

I love you too, babe.

-Forever and a day, babes.

-And then the day after that.

All for a good cause. All for a good cause.

In case Rodney needs any reminder of the task facing him,

Paula's left him a birthday present to keep him on track.

No, my days, what has she left me?

Pocket wedding planner.

Wedding, crazy girl.

I guess she doesn't want me to forget that we're getting married.

For the next three weeks, Paula will be staying in Crawley with her younger sister Faye.

-Hello!

-She'll also be seeing more of her mum Kate.

You lot are going to drive me up the wall.

What a cheek!

-You will, you'll drive me mad!

-You're going to drive ME mad!

I think we'll have good and bad days, because she'll miss Rodney.

When Paula has a bad day, she'll have a bad day.

Rodney has arranged a meeting with his best man, Mark,

in an attempt to get his wedding plans off to a flying start.

Mark is renowned for being late.

Do you know what? He's actually quite on time today,

he's probably gonna be late by about 45 minutes.

I don't think he's done too badly. For Mark, this is.

Yes, Rod, happy birthday as well, man!

But Mark is a businessman, and is renowned for his gift of the gab.

-Jeering, jeering!

-No, I'm cool, I'm handling it.

-So the missus has been sent off already?

-She's on her way, bro.

Hang on, the dog's outside.

Rodney's choice of best man hasn't gone unnoticed by Paula.

Mark Rouse of all people, he's the most disorganised person I know.

-Ready?

-You're the one who needs to be ready!

Mark and Rodney together is not a good combination.

-They haven't got much faith in us.

-It will be like the blind

leading the blind - they haven't got a clue.

They think they're Charlie Big Potatoes and can take on the world.

We'll sort it out, and it'll be a good surprise. We need a secretary!

Charlie Big Potatoes and his able assistant get to work.

He's already got some big ideas.

The reception, I want it to have like a slightly carnival feel,

like some West Indian film and a big marquee, and so on,

have that all decorated nicely.

I want this to be a day to really remember.

Rodney and Mark strike it lucky straight away.

They find a mansion in nearby Addington with availability in three weeks' time.

That is gorgeous, that is absolutely gorgeous. That is a venue.

That's the place, she's gonna love that.

With just one venue to see,

the boys decide to kick back and relax for the rest of the day.

I didn't think we'd manage to do much, to be honest,

but from what we've achieved today,

I think we're making a positive start,

I think we could definitely get it done now.

So well, well.

The Lord is good.

Rodney is from a large West Indian family,

and wants to follow tradition by getting married in his local church.

I've grown up in a Pentecostal church.

My family goes there.

It means a lot to me.

I said the Lord is good.

'I think she's gonna love this, she's absolutely gonna love it.'

But God is the creator of us all!

God loves all creation!

Paula's also got tradition on her mind,

but her family is Church of England, not Pentecostal.

She's in Brighton with her mum to see where her parents got married 34 years ago.

I'd love to get married somewhere like this, beautiful, I like it.

-It's lovely, isn't it?

-I might come and get...

I suppose I don't get to choose, do I? I don't get to choose.

-But it's gorgeous.

-Quite awe-inspiring, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-What does that mean?

-It's quite "Oh!"

-Yeah.

-It's lovely, all up there.

-It is, isn't it?

It's a lot prettier than I thought.

It'd actually be quite cool if I could get married here,

where they got married, it worked out well for them.

It's traditional, it's English, it's what I'd want.

If I could pick up the phone now, I would tell him, book it.

Sadly, Paula lost her father to cancer five years ago.

The visit to the church has hit home with mum and daughter.

Does the whole thing remind you of Dad?

Just reminds me of what Dad and I had,

and we had a lovely day,

we had a really lovely day.

-D'you reckon he'll be happy for me?

-Oh, he's looking down, Paula.

-He'll be there with us.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, he'll be there.

-I feel sad he's not giving me away.

-I know.

Never mind.

The pressure is on Rodney - he's got to make Paula's wedding perfect.

But first, he needs to sort out his best man.

Come on, Mark, we are so late to see this venue.

See, how rubbish is that? This is my best man.

We're late, we're late by about 25 minutes, we need to get going.

The boys' one and only appointment is at Addington Palace,

an 18th-century Surrey mansion where Henry VIII courted Anne Boleyn.

Unfortunately, that romance ended in execution.

-I like it through there.

-I'm liking those chandeliers.

Yes, definitely.

A stately home like this would tick a lot of boxes with bride-to-be, Paula.

My ideal venue for the reception would be a stately home,

like a mansion home, with some beautiful grounds,

a big, massive gravel drive, lots of green, lots of flowers.

But Rodney's not considering the house.

He's set his heart on the marquee in the back garden.

So this lawn would be your area

and there's a separate entrance to the marquee up there.

OK, so this is the main marquee.

Rodney plans to invite 250 guests,

and wants the day to reflect his own Barbadian background.

-We want it to have a carnival feel.

-Yeah.

So we want to hang fruit and flowers, make it really colourful as well.

Yeah, you can do what you want,

-you've got a blank canvas, you can decorate it how you want.

-Cool.

-It looks ideal, don't it?

-Yeah.

-OK.

But the marquee would cost him five grand.

That's almost half his budget.

For a tent.

The only problem is the price.

It's snatching a big chunk out of our budget, a massive chunk out of it.

I think we've got to see if we can still negotiate that, get it down.

Rodney's confident he can sort the venue, the invites, the dress and the transport

in time for the wedding, but right now his main priority is the food.

Today, he's off to see family friend and Caribbean caterer Beryl,

in the hope that he can cut a deal.

-Yeah, baby, this is what I'm talking about.

-Curried goat.

-Mm-hm.

Mmm.

-When's the wedding?

-It's on the 26th, so the time is really short.

-Oh, right, like 26th of May?

-26th of this month.

-You are joking, aren't you?

-No, I'm not joking.

-OK!

Definitely the catering, but there's other bits I wanted to ask you about.

Decorating the venue - I know you're skilled at that.

That would be such a wow. Yes!

What kind of budget are we looking at?

-I was thinking roughly in the region of about 2,500.

-What?!

What can you do for us?

-It's a doer.

-Yeah?

-But only because of you.

-I know, thank you!

-It's only because of you.

-I love you, Beryl!

No, the bill ain't coming down any more!

Rodney's charm has paid off,

the catering works out at a bargain bucket tenner a head.

# Don't worry, be happy. #

Day three, and the food's sorted, but the reception venue isn't. However, Rodney has a new plan.

Instead of five grand on a fixed marquee,

he thinks he can save money by hiring his own marquee and finding some land to stick it on.

All we need is the field and the toilet facilities

and we'll be fine, so that'll make things a lot cheaper for us.

-'Sue speaking, how can I help?'

-I'm getting married on the 26th.

I'm getting married on the 26th?

But there's not much land for hire in suburban Croydon.

-Looks like Rodney needs a miracle.

-Come on, God, give us a venue.

-That date's gone.

-The maximum we can accommodate is 100.

-Thank you, bye.

-Bye.

-'We wouldn't allow any outside caterers.'

-I see.

Agh, come on!

With the phones well and truly bashed,

the boys have only found one venue that will accept their marquee,

a local pub with a beer garden.

-What are we expecting from The Bull?

-I'm hoping that the grounds there

are big enough to hold the sort of marquee we're looking for,

and really, that's the main thing. That's all we need, really,

cos if the grounds are big enough, we'll get the marquee down,

and we're set to go.

The boys haven't seen it yet,

but already they think they're on to a winner.

Over at sister Faye's house, Paula's also feeling upbeat.

And I'd like it to be very green,

maybe a little river running round it, a little moat,

-trees, flowers...

-You're not asking for a lot, are you?

There are places like this, Faye, in England.

Do you reckon Rodney will find it?

What do you reckon it would look like with a marquee on it?

I'm saying no. It's your one day, that big day, your special day.

-I know, I'm being reserved, keeping a hold on things.

-Let's be real, OK?

This is you suited, booted, yeah? OK?

Your wife, all the people you love around you,

and you're going to take us here?

-Last resort's come to mind.

-That's not even last resort.

When Paula said she wanted greenery,

it's unlikely she had a pub car park in mind.

It's definitely a bit of a difference compared to Addington Palace.

Yeah, well.

I know.

So far, the boys have a caterer, a church, and a big fat nothing else.

Isn't it a bit premature to celebrate?

I want to be flying, be way ahead of schedule, have everything booked.

-But life doesn't happen like that.

-We'll manage it.

No ifs, no buts, it's straightforward.

-I want to have them all of them eating their words.

-Listen...

"I warned you, Mark, the blind leading the blind!"

If you're still around by the end of the night, they'll be shaking your foot, I'm telling you, yeah.

Shaking your foot?

If only the girls were so laid back.

Paula's been at her sister's less than a week,

-but the cracks are starting to show.

-It's doing my head in.

-It's not, Faye, you love having me here.

-I don't, I actually don't,

it's getting on my nerves. You mess the house up.

You leave dishes in the sink after I've gone to bed, when I wake up.

But you're so anal, though!

There's nothing for me to clean or do, you've picked it up, like.

You leave clothes on the floor after the bath, and then wake up like Satan!

I'm a bride under stress, Faye, look what I have to go through!

-I'm a chief bridesmaid under stress!

-I'm the one that has to go through it.

-What?

-The worry.

Not seeing Rodney for how long?

Rodney doesn't ring my phone moaning, I don't hear him moaning.

You know me well enough to know if I'm without Rodney

I'm gonna be in a bad mood, think about it,

-you knew this when you signed up for it.

-I didn't sign up to nothing.

-You rang and said you're coming to stay for three weeks!

-You love me!

Yeah, a bit, but it's getting on my nerves, I want you to go home.

Shame she's got another fortnight to go!

The boys still have to sort a venue, the guest list, bridesmaid dresses,

flowers, rings and entertainment, but today they have other things on their mind.

-What do you know about wedding dresses?

-All I know is...

most men can't wait to take that wedding dress off!

Mmm, that's good to know.

Rodney choosing the wedding dress definitely worries me.

It's not like going and choosing a pair of jeans and a top.

Do you have any idea on the style you're looking for?

Erm...

This is a fishtail, quite a floaty bottom,

it's a very wow dress. Is that too much for you?

Erm...

It's got quite a long train.

Erm...

Have you got anything in mind, like kind of pattern?

Floral or if it's like broochy, or kind of like that...

-Like beaded or embroidery?

-Yeah.

-Whether it's going to be like...

-A bit of both, really.

Paula's had enough of talking about the big day,

she's desperate to find her perfect wedding dress.

Well, a girl can dream, can't she?

This isn't a hugely full dress, it's a slim A-line.

Oh, that is beautiful!

My God!

-Just like a fairy tale.

-I like that.

That is gorgeous!

I am starting to really wish I could choose my own dress.

That is very, very pretty. Look!

Ooh! I'm gonna look so pretty!

This is gonna be a nightmare, choosing a dress.

To help you out, I'll see if I can get someone

-from outside to try it on.

-Yeah?

OK.

she's got to be fit, curvaceous.

Helpful Mark goes out to find the perfect Paula look-alike.

Maybe...I don't know. How tall are you?

I'm 5' 7"-ish?

5' 7", so we need a few inches more. All right, no worries, no worries.

-How tall are you?

-Look in the eyes, Mark.

-5' 6". You look quite tall, how tall are you? About 5' 8"?

-Yeah.

OK, right, you fit the bill.

-Are you happy to help me and my mate out who are going through a dilemma at the moment, yeah?

-No problem.

Mmm, back to mine(?)

-Yes, Rodney...

-If Mark's picked the model, now Rodney just has to choose the dress.

Right, we'll go from the one that I didn't...

Well, the one that I liked the least to the one that I like the most.

-Why don't you try the one that you like the most first?

-You think so?

-Yeah, why are you going to do the least?

-All right.

That's your favourite dress as well.

-What do you think?

-I actually like it a lot more now that it's actually on.

It does look better on.

You can't even imagine that with it off now, can you?

That's right, exactly.

-It's really nice, I do like it.

-Like kiddies in a sweet shop(!)

While the boys fall for the model...

I mean, dress... Paula's found one of her own.

-Beautiful, innit?

-Oh, my God!

That is gorgeous!

This is the one, Faye!

-Is this the one?

-I think so! The very first one I put on, I love it!

-That is really, really nice!

-This is beautiful!

I want this dress!

I want this dress! If he doesn't pick this dress, I'm going to die!

I think sometimes playing a bit simple is sometimes the best way to go.

-Can we have a look at the behind, please?

-Excuse me?

-I'm not being rude!

Oh, you mean the back.

Yes, behind, yes... The back of the dress. What?

Everyone's going to be seeing, like, your wife from different angles, isn't it? See, that looks wicked...

That is definitely fit for the occasion.

Mark's sold, but it's not fit for Rodney's wedding.

He doesn't want to make any hasty decisions, even if he is short of time.

There's a lot to do, and Rodney's been keeping all his wedding plans in his head.

With 12 days to go, he finally puts pen to paper.

Suits... What else are the bridesmaids going to need?

Shoes.

What else do we need to do?

Guest list, I mean I've got a few bits and pieces sorted,

but there's still so much more to be completed, and so little time.

It's getting tense now, so the pressure is piling, the pressure is piling.

Normally, she's the one that'd be doing all this stuff.

She's so organised she could sort out a wedding from in her head alone.

Trust me, don't try and organise a wedding for your missus!

Right now, Paula's main worry is who will give her away at the church in the absence of her dad.

She would love her brother Ian to do the honours, but he lives 10,000 miles away in Australia.

I know you wanted him there, I miss him as well, you know?

But you've been to Australia to see him, and it's my wedding day.

I thought funerals and weddings, you always come back. That makes me really really sad

-that he's not going to be there, really sad.

-Yeah, I'm sad as well.

-Gutted.

-Never mind.

Paula could be in for the surprise of her life.

Rodney's contacted Ian down under, and is hoping to persuade him to come.

I've booked my flight over so I'm arriving next week.

-Seriously?

-Yeah yeah, serious.

-Now that is a touch.

I'm telling you... That's absolutely going to blow... Especially Paula, that's going to blow her mind.

-I think it'll be a nice kind of little extra wedding present for her.

-Yeah, no absolutely.

Before he goes, Ian wants to check if Rodney's on schedule with the plans for his sister's wedding.

-The wedding's at your mum's church there?

-Yeah, yeah.

-What about the reception? Where's that?

-Right, the reception is at... Well, with the reception,

I've got a couple of ideas, yeah maybe, but we haven't 100% decided yet.

-You haven't done anything?

-Yeah, basically!

Busted!

Rodney may be no wedding planner, but he certainly knows how to put on a party, even if it's Paula's hen.

Rodney has hired you that!

He's thrown caution to the wind, and splashed £300 on a luxury limo for his girl.

Happy hen night to me!

Well, done baby, love you! Mwah!

The girls are primped, their ride is pimped, and they're ready for some nightclub action.

Yeah, I had a bloody good night, and thank you, baby!

Thank you! I love you!

# She's crazy like a fool

# What about it, Daddy Cool? #

Today, Rodney and his posse of ushers are going shopping.

He hasn't chosen a dress for Paula yet,

but his top priority is to make sure he looks his best on the big day.

What I was looking for was quite a traditional-looking suit, but maybe with a slightly modern twist.

I wanted to see what you had.

We have a three-quarter Prince Edward, and a traditional tail coat.

Amazingly, Rodney falls for the first suit he tries on.

Never thought I'd see the day!

To find a suit for myself, easy. I thought it was going to be easy.

I found the suit I wanted to wear on the day of my wedding first time.

A quick decision... Some mistake, surely!

-I reckon I'm about a 30?

-I reckon you are.

It's the boys' turn to get suited up,

but suddenly Rodney's worried that he won't stand out from the crowd.

Have you got a slightly lighter colour, or something?

I want everyone to look good, just slightly different.

With his ushers looking a little too sharp for his liking, it's out with the black and in with the white.

Yeah, and you blatantly stand out without a doubt, bruv. I like the colour.

I'm not going to decide on it yet, though.

Let me wear the white one man, let me wear the white jacket, yeah?

-Let us all wear white ones.

-You're going for the white now?

-No, I didn't say I was going for them 100%. I don't want it to be that different.

-What do you want changing?

-Do you know what? I don't think I want the white, all right!

-You've made a decision.

-Put the black one back on.

-I've made a decision.

-He's made a decision...fantastic.

-No ways!

Or has he?

Definitely black.

Definitely white.

Have you not got another black tail, but slightly different?

No, but that's the whole thing. Do you know what I'm saying?

Something that's slightly different, looks as good but slightly different.

The same colours.

There's tension at the moment, because he cannot make up his mind

-what he wants. We've been here now...two hours.

-Over two hours.

He's still going, because Mr Confused.com over there doesn't know what to do.

-Anyhow, I've got the seat, so it doesn't matter.

-We haven't got that much time.

Come on, Rodney! It's past these boys' bedtime.

The decision is, we'll wait until tomorrow, because I want it to be perfect.

It's ten days before Rodney walks up the aisle,

and right now he's walking a thin line between success and disaster.

He's put off the big decisions on the venue, the dress and his perfect suit,

and now, on the evening of his stag do, he's gone missing.

I haven't got a clue where he is. We're meant to be meeting at 7.30.

From what I can see, there's no Rodney.

Rodney's sister Kerry is also trying to track him down.

'The person you are phoning can't take your call. Please try again later.'

Rodney, where are you?

I reckon he's in bed, and he's just decided he's not picking up his phone to anybody.

Uh-oh!

And he's not answered, has he?

Yeah.

Where's Uncle Rodney gone?

You don't know?

Oh, no!

Three hours later, the boys are waiting outside Rodney's house for his big night out,

but the groom's still AWOL, and his dad Trevor's starting to worry.

I've no idea, I don't know if he's messing about or if he's in trouble,

but it's unusual for him to leave all of his friends standing out on the road like this.

Is he running on BMT time? We don't even know!

That's "Black Mean Time"!

Try ringing him again, see if we can...?

No-one's seen Rodney in the last 24 hours, but at least the limo shows up on time.

Well, this is the first stag do I've ever heard without the main man.

I'm a tiny bit worried, though, still.

But I think we should proceed, anyway.

The boys head to the West End, hoping Rodney will catch up with them,

but party spirit is in short supply.

OK, we're going to have a toast for Rodney.

He'd want us to have a toast, even though he's not here.

I am completely pissed that Rodney's not here, I'm properly pissed!

-To Rodney!

-Easy, Rodders!

-Here's to Rodney!

-Hey!

THEY CHEER

The club's rocking, but the boys aren't.

They spend the whole evening trying to track down the stag.

I don't know whether he's all right,

whether he's like...in a hospital or whatever, I don't know.

Everybody's concerned. We don't know where he is, if he's all right,

whether we should even be here having a drink, enjoying ourselves.

It's 3am, the party's over, and Rodney must be the first groom in history to miss his own stag do.

The next morning, and Rodney has returned with a sob story about a prank that went wrong.

I'm just really upset.

Really really upset. I went out the night before, on, like, a pre-stag do,

and the guys I was with played a stag joke,

and left me really far away, no phone and no money.

When I got to my phone this morning, I had 241 missed calls.

241 missed calls!

I mean, there was all my pals there, my family...

everyone was there waiting for me.

I do feel that I've let them down, they know I'm late, but I'm never late like that,

I never not turn up, I always turn up, even if I'm late.

I should have known better. Now I've got to just put this part behind me, because it's happened,

and get on with... fixing this wedding.

Rodney's got six days left to get his wedding into shape,

and he's only spent a quarter of his 12 grand budget...

..but he still has no reception venue, no dress, no invites and no transport.

Still, at least his six-pack is toning up well.

This is for, like, after the church and after the reception, what's underneath this.

In the next 20 minutes, I have to be down in the bridal shop, so hectic, hectic, hectic life.

Unless he orders a wedding dress today, Paula's going to need to start working out too,

because at this rate, she'll be arriving at the church in her underwear.

-Before leaving this place, I want to have made a decision on the dress.

-Really(?)

-Which is your favourite?

-Now you're asking!

Decisions... it's got to be the right one.

OK, it's that one, definitely.

-That's the one?

-That's the one. What is it called?

-Alfred Angelo.

-Alfred Angelo - he's smashed it.

Well done, Rodney! See? That wasn't so hard, was it?

I think.

Rodney forks out nearly a grand on the dress, and now he's on a roll.

He spends the same again on flowers, the wedding cake

and the rings.

I kind of like that one, actually. This is what I know she would like.

Meanwhile, there's only one thing on Paula's mind.

Still no invitation, I thought one might have turned up today, kind of thing,

so if there's no invitation then there's no venue, there's no venue then...um...

where are people going to go? I just want an invitation!

When I get an invitation, I'll relax and start panicking about the normal things again, like the dress.

If only she knew how right she was. No invitation equals no venue.

Still, today Rodney's finally back on the hunt for a cut-price place to hold his reception.

That's the nursery and the boys' changing rooms.

I built this bit on the end, the outside loos.

At least it has its own facilities!

About a minute up the road, the surroundings are beautiful,

but then this building's in the middle of a council estate.

Come on, please be good.

Aah, the smell of desperation...

It doesn't look very nice, probably good for a car-boot sale, but not for my wedding.

No!

He's out of time, and clean out of options.

They'd be dressed in a nice suit with their Wellington boots.

It'd be like Glastonbury.

Look at this weather!

With Rodney stuck in the mud, Mark calls for crisis talks.

He's convinced that, despite the five grand price tag,

the marquee at Addington Palace is the right venue for the wedding.

Now he's just got to get Rodney to make up his mind.

You can do everything in there, admittedly?

You go straight in there and get straight to work without there being a hiccup.

You can just concentrate on dressing it, rather than having to complain about the marquee off balance,

that ain't stable, there's water coming through the roof,

-the carpet's uneven, do you know?

-Yes...

-But you can do everything in there though, innit?

What plan have you got that's better than that at the moment, honestly?

-BLEEP

-the budget, bruv, I'm sorry, man!

20 minutes later, and the talking-to has worked.

After viewing a total of seven venues, Rodney settles on the very first place he saw.

-Four grand, yeah?

-See what they say.

-Is it still available, or not?

-'It's available.'

Bruv! Yes, come on.

Finally the day has come when we've got the venue, so game on, move on, let's get the ball rolling.

-Right, we'll start...venue?

-Five grand.

-Five grand.

With three days to go, the boys belatedly check the budget,

and see how much of their 12 grand they have left.

That's a grand total...so far...

£10,952 spent.

We've got £1,047 left.

The expensive venue is booked, and most of their credit is crunched.

It's time to take emergency measures.

Have we covered everything, do you reckon?

I don't think that we've covered everything.

I've got that feeling, still!

I don't know, mate. I don't know what's going on with the budget, sorry.

It is f'ed, it is f'ed!

With their budget in the brown stuff,

the boys call in reinforcements to help them write out their DIY invitations.

250 guests still don't know when, where, or even if they're invited to the big day.

OK, there we go...

first invitation out.

It's tiring. It's half-twelve, I'm knackered, I want to go home.

How do you feel, Rod?

-I'm actually enjoying this!

-LAUGHTER

I am enjoying Rodney and Mark squirm.

This is such good fun!

Thanks, Dad(!)

THUNDER RUMBLES

As if Rodney needed any more grief, the female members of his family

have received their invites and are on the warpath.

I wouldn't even give these out for Naria's birthday party.

I think that you need something more.

With the time, the money and everything else...

That's not what we'd do. We'd have it done properly.

It's not classy, no, I know it's not classy, I know.

Rodney's going to sit down now, and you're going to design your own invite,

that you think reflects your relationship with Paula,

the classiness of your wedding, and start as you mean to go on.

-I don't even know if I've got time for this now, but...

-It has to be done.

All right, let's get started.

With the girls pouring cold water on his creative skills, Rodney is feeling the pressure.

Is this a bad omen?

Big, dark cloud following me above my head everywhere I go.

Listen to my wrath!

THUNDER RUMBLES

Excellent(!)

DOG WHIMPERS

It'd better not be like this on Saturday.

Rodney reworks Paula's invite and, just two days before the wedding,

Faye delivers the new improved version to the impatient bride.

-I've got your wedding invitation!

-Thank you.

Aah!

"Paula Maclachlan and Rodney Browne request the honour of your presence

"at their marriage on Saturday 26th April, reception to follow."

You don't even find out where the reception is.

Aaw, look at the two wedding rings, and look at our names!

Aaw, I've missed you!

Paula proves once and for all that love really is blind.

With the effort that's put into the invite, I know, bless his little cotton socks, it was last minute!

Yeah, no I love it, I love it, it's perfect.

You did it... he got them out in the end, I knew he would... better late than never!

SHE LAUGHS

It's the day before the wedding, and Rodney needs to step on it.

He has no transport to get anyone to the church,

he has no shoes for his bride, there's not enough booze, and he still needs to decorate the venue.

I'm off to Addington Palace to drop the flowers off to Beryl - it's a mad rush.

Hiya! Right, OK, so tell me... what are you going to do with this?

I haven't got that much time, Beryl.

We might have to go through that when we're putting them together -

-I need to catch the shops whilst they're open.

-Tell me what time you'll be back?

-Probably about half eight.

-You'll come back up here?

Wherever you want me to meet you to do this.

-OK, that'll be here.

-Yeah?

-We're stressed, and we're kind of like, we're winging it at the moment.

Paula's on a mission too. With the wedding less than 24 hours away, she's finally going to see the dress

-that her man took so much trouble choosing for her.

-Are you excited?

I'm really excited, really excited!

-I am really excited.

-What if it's a bright green dress?

I don't care, I just want to put a dress on!

Oh, and did she mention that she's REALLY EXCITED!

Please be nice,

please be nice!

-Oh, my God!

-Stay here.

Oh, look... It's still concealed!

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

Aaah!

Oooh, it looks gorgeous!

Oh, well done, baby!!

But I've got to see what it looks like on though.

Right, I'm literally running into credit into buying Paula's shoes for her.

Do you know what?... I need to buy my shoes.

But with the money running out, Rodney needs to cut some corners, starting with his bride's shoes.

-They're only eight quid, but who's going to see them anyway?

-They was a bargain.

All right, Mum?

-In the nick of time, Rodney's mother comes up trumps with some extra cash.

-Right, wicked.

A big bottle of champagne, weyhay!

And dad coughs up for the booze.

-Hurry up!

-All right, all right... we're going as fast as we can.

Is it fitting, like roughly?

-It is fitting quite nicely.

-It's fitting, yes.

-Is it?

-Yes.

-Wicked!

Paula, come on! I want to see you!

Oh, you lot are taking ages, come on!

God, it's gorgeous!

It is absolutely beautiful.

Oh, my baby did good!

Do you like it?

-I love it!

-It looks really nice from the back as well.

Ah yeah, it looks lovely.

-He chose really well.

-HE CHOSE REALLY WELL!

-It's wicked!

I knew I had nothing to worry about!

-Yeah, right!

-Don't know whether there's a venue

for us to get married but he got the dress right!

He managed to pull it off, I don't know how, and it fits

perfect, absolutely perfect, doesn't need any alterations whatsoever!...

so, I mean I can't believe it, I hope

this sets the precedent for things to come, because this is a good day!

Paula is ecstatic, she's over the moon, she's so excited.

It's put her in a good mood for the rest of the day.

Thank you very much, Rodney!

Rodney has wowed his bride with the dress, but unless he sorts

out some transport sharpish, she'll be walking to the church.

I'm in such a rush, that I didn't put a ticket on my car.

Oh!

He's spending money like there's no tomorrow.

Great, eight quid, really didn't need that.

And now look, we're in some major traffic. This is a nightmare.

It's rush hour, and he's on one final mission to find the wheels for the wedding.

He's spotted an ad on a van near his house, and gets straight on the phone.

-You do limos for hire?

-'Yes, yes.'

Right, OK, what it is, I'm in a bit of a sticky situation, I don't know if you guys can help me?

Right, where are you guys? Are you close by at all?

'I'm about ten minutes away.'

Hiya, yeah I called you?

-You've left it late.

-Do you know what? It's just been a nightmare, I'm telling you.

The owner knows a desperate man when he sees one. Rodney's skint but in no position to haggle.

-This one is normally £120 a hour.

-Yeah?

How much would you do this one and maybe the Bentley.

I'll tell you now my budget is about £400.

For two cars?

Yeah. Would you do about £450?

There's no way, I can't afford to do that, it's not a charity!

Absolutely, yeah, no I agree. £500?

-For both cars?

-For both cars.

-My missus will kill me, but go on then.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Done, wicked! Wicked.

After three rollercoaster weeks of wedding planning, Rodney's out of cash and out of gas.

I'm knackered, I'm so tired.

Any idea where Rodney is?

Back at the venue, Beryl's still waiting for the weary groom to show up.

I expected Rodney

to have come back at around eight o'clock this evening,

so he could do his bouquets,

and erm,

we're now 9.30, he's not showing up, can't get hold of him, it's going to

answer machine, I've got to take them home and try and see if I can

put something together - if I don't, he'll have no flowers for the wedding tomorrow.

We won't be going to bed tonight.

It doesn't change anything if I'm annoyed, so I might as well channel

my energy into getting the flowers done, and then next week I'm going to put a contract out on him!

The big day has arrived, and Paula's getting ready at Rodney's aunt's.

What do you put at the bottom?

At midday, she's due to meet her man at the altar.

When I say you need to yank, you need to yank

because I want it sucked right in.

This is quite good fun.

11am, just one hour to go, and Rodney's forgotten a crucial part of his bride's get up.

Rodney?

-'Yeah?'

-Where's our shoes?

Yeah, they're at my house, I'll have someone them over, I'll get Mark to bring them over.

Can you get him to do it straight away - we're like... She's got her dress

near enough on, tell him he needs to come right now, because she's got no shoes.

It's half past eleven, and the guests have started arriving at the church.

Rodney's meant to be there to greet them.

ELECTRIC RAZOR BUZZES

-Still no sign of the footwear so the girls make an emergency call to Mark.

-Just chill for a little while.

Everybody's ready. You can't just say chill, you lot need to get your arses ready... NOW!

Oh, man, they're so unorganised, it's a joke.

Hi, Mark!

What would Cinderella do without her shoes?

-She can't go to the ball!

-Exactly!

ALL: Bye, Mark!

I know when I'm not wanted!

-Surely Paula will have something to say about these!

-Ooh, perfect!

Just when it can't get any more perfect, Paula's brother

turns up to walk her down the aisle having flown in all the way from Oz.

MUSIC: "Shaft" by Isaac Hayes

SHE GASPS

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Oh my God!

Oh, my God, what are you doing here?

Oh, my God!

Guess who's walking you down the aisle?

You're walking me down the aisle?

That's a big massive surprise! I think Rodney is absolutely amazing, that's why I'm marrying him!

It is, because something like this, do you know what I mean?

This is from the heart, innit?

I'm rushing like a madman here.

Rodney's running an hour and a half late, and now he's missing a crucial part of his outfit.

-It's a bit too loose?

-Yeah, I need a belt.

While the boys need to belt up, the guests are getting fed up, so the bishop steps in to keep the peace.

Unfortunately, the groom is having some problems.

If we just wait patiently, in a few minutes, as soon as they get here, then we'll start the proceedings.

# Oh, mercy

# I'll take you there... #

It's two o'clock, and the groom's finally ready.

# I'll take you there

# Oh, let me

# Take you there... #

And the girls are given the signal to leave.

Oh, look!... A limo, we're going in style, girls! Come on!

I'm only two hours late.

-It could have been worse.

-Yeah, just a drop in the pond, really.

Had nothing else to do today.

I'm not bothered - they can't start without me.

The boys have made it, but no-one's remembered to bring

Paula's favourite song for the ceremony, so Mark delays the girls yet again.

Park up at the side of the road before coming right outside -

we're sorting out a little something.

We want out of the circle a bit, because he never told no-one he did not have The Power Of Love.

-Do you know where we're going?

-I haven't got a clue.

-Where do you think we're going?

-I think we're going to a church, I don't know what church, though.

St Paul's.

Yeah, St Paul's Cathedral in London, thank you very much!

That's where Lady Di and Prince Charles got married, isn't it?

He's over two hours late, but with the final piece of the puzzle in place, Rodney makes his entrance.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Shiloh, Shiloh Church...

SHE LAUGHS

-So it wasn't St Paul's then?

-No, it wasn't St Paul's... what a shame!

Hello, everyone!

# Your heart is warm and tender

# A love that I could

# Not forsake... #

Are we ready? Let's go!

# Cos I am your lady

# And you are my man

# Sometimes I am frightened but I'm ready to learn

# About the power of love... #

Rodney Browne, will you take Paula Maclachlan to be

your wife in marriage?

-Say "I will".

-I will.

Paula Maclachlan, will you take Rodney Browne

to be your husband in marriage?

-I will.

-I give you this ring...

-In the name of God the Father...

-In the name of God the Father...

-As a sign of our love.

-As a sign of our love.

Stretch your hands towards them now.

May the Lord bless you and take care of you both.

May He be kind and gracious to you, that even

as you go on this wonderful journey, that you may find favour with God.

Everybody say "Amen".

I therefore pronounce them to be husband and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-I love you, baby.

-Come on, make some noise! Make some noise!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-You look beautiful.

-I thought it was wonderful - the service was wicked.

It fulfilled everything that I wanted. All my hopes and dreams, it couldn't have been better.

Amazing, I was crying my eyes out.

Oh, my God, it's amazing that it's all come together, I didn't think it would do.

-Mr Browne?

-Mrs Browne?

So far, so good for Rodney's wedding plans,

but what will his bride make of his Caribbean-flavoured reception?

-So where we going then, baby?

-It's a surprise, you'll see!

-McDonald's?

-Yeah, McDonald's!

The reception's at MacD's in Croydon!

Addington Palace!

Oh, baby, it's very posh!

STEEL BAND PLAYS

A steel band!

Oh, my God!

Rodney asked for a miracle, and it looks like he got one.

Paula's got to be the happiest bride in history.

STEEL BAND PLAYS

My God! It's gorgeous!

Oh, it's absolutely beautiful!

He's so disorganised though!

I know him inside out, back to front, I can't believe he's pulled this off.

With a little help from his friends, of course.

Ha! Ha! You think you're so great!

Dinner is now served.

CHEERING

Beautiful. You've got everything you want.

I'm going to have to undo my dress again.

I'm very very proud of Rodney for what he's done today,

and I really wish them all the best in the future, I know they're going to have a very very happy life.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Rodney, I know my dad would have been so proud of you today for doing

what you've done for Paula, I know he would have wished that he could have been here to see you do it.

Thank you, you've made him happy.

APPLAUSE

I'm glad he's made the choice that he has tonight.

From my heart, I feel good.

Congratulations.

Yeah, on behalf of my wife and I, I'd like to say...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

With all the stresses, with all

the ups and downs, the highs and lows and that, how strung out I was, but do you know what?...

I would do it all again for these moments, I'm telling you. All again in a second, definitely.

# Whatever you want to do

# It's all right with me... #

It's been amazing, such an emotional day, because I know that my sister's so happy, it's just been brilliant.

-I can't believe Rodney pulled it off!

-Paula and Rodney are by far

probably the happiest people that I know right now.

This morning I just felt like death

would have been a pleasure,

but now we're feeling great! It's done! Yeah!

I am amazed that he managed to pull it off, but I think all credit to him,

I think he's done a brilliant job.

He's shown me just how much he loves me, it has proved to me just how much he loves me.

They grew as a couple from childhood

and to now make that big step and get married after all of these years,

I'm sure they're going to live happily ever after.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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