Linda and James Don't Tell the Bride

James and Linda are besotted with each other.

I tell her I love her every day and I show it every day.

We love each other and want to be together for the rest of our lives.

And Linda expects nothing short of bridal bliss on her wedding day.

It's only one day that I'm going to do once, so I want the wedding to be perfect.

But they can't afford the sort of wedding she wants, so we're giving

them £12,000 towards their big day, but there's one big catch...

self-confessed control freak Linda has agreed,

in the presence of a lawyer, to let James organise the wedding alone.

Your wedding is mine! HE CACKLES EVILLY

-And the divorce is mine!

-SHE CACKLES

They'll have absolutely no contact, and the bride won't know a single

thing about her wedding until the day itself in three weeks' time.

-Will James come up with some big ideas?

-Wow!

I said I don't want a themed wedding.

Can he get his bride to the church on time?

Please don't say what you're going to say, Sam, because I'll go mad.

Or will he finally crack under the stress?

Yeah, she'll be getting in the car now.

Can this man give his bride a day she'll never forget?

-The whole day has been ruined! He's just not organised anything!

-SHE SOBS

Today, Linda's moving out of the flat she shares with James just outside Derby,

and for the first time in five years,

she's letting her man take over.

I wear the trousers absolutely 100%.

-And I would just like to say Linda wear the trousers 110%.

-Yep.

I would consider myself to be quite a huge control freak.

Oh, you can't do it by that.

She rules James with a rod of iron at times, and it makes me cringe.

'The poor bloke, I feel quite sorry for him at times.'

All the time... nag, nag, nag, nag.

-It's cute.

-You love it!

22-year-old Linda's

wanted a fairytale wedding since she was a little girl, but what began as a fantasy, has become a fixation.

I want the traditional Cinderella wedding, you know, the white dress,

big church, nice fancy reception with a sit-down meal.

This is to us.

-To us, and our wedding.

-Our wedding...

three weeks.

As a training manager for a mobile phone company,

James is used to responsibility at work, but not at home.

To be wearing no trousers for five and a half years, and then getting

them solidly on for three weeks, is going to be a huge journey.

And he's only too aware how high the stakes are.

If I get this wrong,

then I'm going to be hearing about it on that sofa for many years to come.

This is going to be the first major gig, and if he gets it wrong... oooh, quick wedding, quick divorce!

The time has come for Linda and James to go their separate ways.

I love you. It's going to be fine, you know?

Be brave, yeah?

I'll see you up the end of that aisle, now get out of here before we change our mind.

And after a quick recovery, it's time for him to summon his troops.

She's gone, so just get here as fast as you can.

His second in command is 26-year-old Sam, a sales manager and confirmed bachelor.

I've got no plans to get married myself, and I kind of switch off

whenever anybody talks about weddings and cakes, dresses, flowers and all of that stuff.

Sam might think he's too macho for wedding planning,

but James is certainly in touch with his feminine side.

-Hey, come here!

-Good to see you!

He's very flamboyant, he likes attention, put it that way...

he likes the spotlight.

Good to see you, mate!

Yeah, it's good to see you!

James is bubbling, extroverted,

over the top, camp in some respects.

Just to throw you straight into it, we're going wedding dress shopping.

-Now?

-Now.

-With you?

-With me.

Great (!)

For brides up and down the land, the acid test for a successful wedding is finding the perfect gown.

Ah... there it is!

Surely a metrosexual man like James won't have any trouble?

It's going to be white...

I don't know, there can't be that many dresses to choose from.

These are the wedding dresses!

Oh, my God!

They're all wedding dresses...

There's loads.

-How about this kind of thing?

-Right.

Is there anything about that that you don't like?

I'm not so sure about... I knew you'd be good at this...

I'm not sure about it, so if you've got anything that doesn't have... what's it called? What do you say?

Swathing.

-Yeah...

-The frilly bits.

That's it, cool, and also I don't want anything that necessarily is going to rustle.

On a scale of one to rustliness, how rustly is it?

About five, probably.

Probably about five? Right, OK. What actual material is it?

That's taffeta.

Taffeta, right.

-What is taffeta?

-How do you define...

-it's taffeta!

-All right, OK.

That's a technical term, James.

Up until this moment, as arrogant as it may seem, I didn't think I was going to get this wrong.

I thought that I'd see five or six dresses, and choose one,

but now I'm thinking I am going to get it wrong.

Linda's mum knows getting it wrong isn't an option for her daughter.

I love James, but the thing is, if he brings me a shitty dress,

and he's obviously half-heartedly picked it out,

then obviously he doesn't take into consideration how much it means to me.

Will you be bothered if it's not long?

Yeah, I would,

I'd have to think twice about whether I'd actually wear it.

He knows that the dress is so important to me,

he wouldn't risk mucking that up,

and if I refuse to wear the dress, then...

Would you risk not getting married for the sake of just a dress?

Yeah, potentially, I would.

No pressure, then!

If only she knew that her groom doesn't even have a grasp of the basics!

-So you've got some measurements, and...

-Like her vital statistics?

You want to do the hugging test, don't you?

Yeah, just a little bit taller than yourself, five two?

Three? Four? About 5'3.

Oh, dear! James's chances of picking the right dress already seem doomed.

Meanwhile, his bride knows exactly what she wants,

she chose it three years ago, before James had even proposed,

and today her mum and sister get a peek.

-What do you think?

-That's absolutely stunning.

Have you fallen in love with this one?

Yeah, once you've found the dress, you've found the dress.

This was definitely the dress, I think I tried on perhaps 15, 20 dresses?

-15, 20 dresses... God.

-Yeah, lots of different stores, and then obviously this is my favourite one.

You wouldn't have gone for a two-tone?

No, no, I like this one.

A traditional girl at heart, only white will do.

But what if it wasn't white?

It will be, I'm not thinking about that, I'll get upset!

-I think I was looking for white.

-Is ivory out, or is it just not the first choice?

-I prefer white.

-You will struggle with white, I'm afraid.

You've got to have a good complexion to wear white. Have you got a photo of her?

Here's my little princess.

OK, oh, wow! She's very pale,

if that lady was to come into the store, she'd be asking for ivory.

No, she wouldn't!

Based on what you two guys have said, I'm quite happy, I think,

to have a look at the ivory options, if that's all right?

Back at the boutique, fantasy dress shopping has been all too much for Linda.

We spent hours picking the perfect dress, and I'll never get to wear it.

Obviously, you think about it, but when you come and put on the dress

that you spent so long picking, it's like really, really hard.

It's really important to me, especially standing here

in the dress that I've chosen, it's really hard.

SHE SIGHS

-Yes, or no?

-No.

-No.

-No.

-No.

-No.

-No.

It takes James a whole three days.

-Do you like it?

-Erm...

-Do you think Linda would like it?

-I don't know any more.

-Four bridal shops, six shortlisted dresses...

-Come here, man. Come here...

-Aaw!

-No!

And several hugs.

-I've been looking at tafeka.

-Taffeta?

-Taffeta.

Before he finally makes up his mind...

-Give me some love.

-..and ends up back almost where he started.

Have you got anybody that would be willing to try it on?

You know what? This is the one.

Er, no,... it isn't.

This is the dress, THE dress, that's right.

-The one.

-THE dress.

You know what it is? You know what the whole thing is, the reason why I keep changing my mind,

is that I don't know what I want, but I think that she would like that.

Of course, he doesn't know that there's only one dress for Linda,

so he parts with £750 and seals the deal...

-Give me some of that.

-With a hug, of course.

Whilst James is working hard to give his bride to be her perfect wedding...

-That's yours.

-No!

-You're having some.

-I don't want any!

-Do as you're told!

Linda, now settled in at her parents' house, seems to have little faith in her man.

What do you think then, Linda, what do you think James is going to do?

I think, right about now, he's perhaps

pulling his hair out thinking, "What have I got myself into?"

What do you think, Dad?

I dread to think, I think he's got something very elaborate set up.

-Do you think?

-Yeah, and you'll all enjoy...

As in elaborate, and I'm going to kill him?

Elaborate and you're going to kill him.

She doesn't know the half of it!

With the dress in the bag, James is on a roll. He's got two and a half weeks

to pull off the wedding of the century.

First option would be the idyllic classic elegant wedding,

the second option, I think it would wow a lot of people to be in that elegant environment

then all of a sudden, when they come back after an hour's respite,

just see something completely different, and a completely different atmosphere.

But what will that something completely different be?

The next morning, he has a brand-new master plan.

I want to bring a little bit of something,

somewhere that we've always wanted to go to the wedding,

in a tasteful way, and that's Las Vegas.

And he can't wait to break the news to one of his ushers, Greg.

Traditional ceremony, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Traditional wedding breakfast,

and then Vegas, and when I say Vegas, I mean Vegas...

-I want the wow factor.

-OK.

And without wasting any time, the boys crack on with finding a venue.

Hi, there, this is a message for Langley Priory,

and I just wondered whether you could give me a call?

Hi, this is a message for Helen, a return call would be much appreciated.

I want to discuss you as a possible venue in short notice.

What I want is that I want elegant ceremony,

yeah, elegant breakfast, but then I want to bring Vegas to Makeney Hall.

Right, cheers then, bye-bye.

-That's Makeney Hall.

-That's Makeney Hall,

and I think that it's viable to get Vegas, like proper Vegas,

-I'm not just talking scratch cards and cheap roulette tables!

-No.

I'm talking about hired neon lamps with flowy water, I'm talking about cabaret-type lamps for

the thing, I'm talking about a shrimp and steak buffet, which I think could be right original.

Right original?

Ah, James, you're organising a wedding, not a fancy dress party!

The worst thing for the day would be perhaps having a themed wedding,

if I turned up, and it's all themed, I think I'd be distraught.

Linda's heart is set on a traditional wedding in a traditional church,

a world away from the bright lights of Vegas.

It's lovely, because obviously all the bells are very traditional.

And today she's showing her chief bridesmaid Sarah her dream church.

It's just very pretty, and you can have your choir and all your bells.

-Yes.

-I'd find it really hard to accept if I couldn't have a church wedding,

I think it's always something that I've had in my mind,

that traditional church wedding, and if I had a civil ceremony, I think it'd be very much like, hm.

The boys aren't even thinking about the ceremony.

They've come to see Makeney Hall just outside Derby in the hope

that it will be the perfect setting for their Vegas theme.

Oh, wow!

-Hi, how are you?

-James, congratulations!

-Thank you!

-Nice to meet you, I'm Helen.

-Nice to meet you, this is Greg.

-Greg?

-Hello.

-Hi, nice to meet you.

Thank you for seeing us at such short notice.

My pleasure, come on through.

For a groom with ambition, it's all about the function room.

Around the dance floor and in the middle section of the room,

that's where we can do your casino tables, your blackjack tables...

-all that kind of thing you want.

-And you know what?...

this looks like the entrance hall to the Monte Carlo Hotel in Vegas.

Thought you'd never been to Vegas, James?

Sold already, he discovers that Makeney Hall is licensed for civil weddings.

So we'll put a big red carpet all the way down, and you'll get married in the bay window.

Brilliant, gut reaction's are positive, and you know what?

-If a gut reaction is positive, it's usually the right thing to do.

-Yeah.

And if I spend my life worrying about what she wants, we'll never get married, so let's go.

That's true!

But so far you've done nothing she wants!

Thank you.

It doesn't stop him signing up on the spot for four grand.

I think that this is the perfect venue, I like the layout of the room,

the fact that it's wide, I even like the casino-style red carpet,

so I think that it's going to work. It's going to be a great wedding.

Linda's dream of a church wedding has been firmly pushed to one side.

-How are you, mate?

-Not too bad, how are you?

-Yeah, very good.

Back at base, James brings Sam up to speed with his plans.

We're going to bring Vegas to Derby.

All right!

So I just want you now to help me kind of bring this to life.

I'm impressed!

-Are you impressed?

-I'm very impressed.

Aah... fantastic!

Looks like Vegas has tickled commitment-phobe Sam's fancy too!

Can I just show you that picture when you type Vegas into Google Images?

-I think that would be quite good.

-Oh, no!

Even the small image, you can already... yeah?

Right, yeah...

the whole idea of Vegas isn't a gimmick,

I'm marrying the woman that I love, that I'm going to spend the rest of my time with...

I really shouldn't laugh at that, I'm sorry.

I know it's not funny.

HE LAUGHS

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

Can I actually repeat, or is this like too fuzzy for you?

-No, I think it's absolutely lovely, that's all.

-Yeah, right, Sam!

-I know it's a really silly thing to say...

-Yeah?

Can I just ask, can you pull your trousers up a bit, please?

Fed up of all the wisecracks, James takes Sam on a little field trip.

First stop, a prop shop in York.

Oh, wow!

That's wicked!

Wow!

And a lesson in Vegas history for Sam.

I can't believe how big these things are, can you?

-Can I ask a dumb question?

-Yeah?

-Who's that?

That's Sammy Davis Junior!

-OK.

-You don't know who that is?

But?... all right!

That is the sandman, Sinatra.

-All right, OK!

-And that is Dean Martin.

-I got that one.

-One out of three!

-One out of three's not bad.

I can't believe you didn't high five me. And look at the size of this thing!

I don't want my wedding turning into a circus, I want it to be very elegant,

and I've got it all in my head what I want, and if when I came in,

it was like a multi-coloured swap shop, I think I'd be quite upset!

-But ignorance is bliss, and James is sold, even at the hefty price of two grand.

-Yes.

Always with the bloody hugging!

Oh, for God's sake!

Cool it! Oh, it's my dream!

Whoa, thank you!

And it only takes three hugs to seal the deal.

Yes! For the first time, I'm actually starting to believe, truly believe that we are going to pull this off.

# Viva Las Vegas!

# Viva Las Vegas!

There's just time for a late night stopover at Makeney Hall.

It's huge, isn't it?

-Let me talk you through...

-Walk me through what...

Are going to say "James and Linda welcomes you to the Sands Vegas Derby. Black jack...

-Yeah.

-Roulette, and then you'd have your four gel lights,

one there, one there, one there...

they're going to give the Vegas casino tables that red glow.

I still don't quite believe you're going to get married.

-I'm growing up.

-Oh, don't, it's scary!

I could hug you.

You can't hug me, it's too late for hugging.

I could just give you a quick squeeze right now.

OK, how many tables have we run around this week?

-I'm not running around any more tables, so just... no!

-Please!

-Please!

-Oh, no! It's too late!

-It's too late!

-I love you, mate!

Thank you very much!

Down, boy! Aah, maybe he's just missing his girl.

You're not doing nothing, OK?

She certainly looks like she could do with a hug.

I'm really, really missing him, it's really hard,

and especially at bedtime is the worse, when you're getting into bed,

and you just think, aww, I could really have a cuddle,

and I just like think, yeah,

I hope he's missing me as much as I'm missing him!

So it's quite terrible, and both of us are like kind of shell of a people without each other,

because we're virtually part of each other now, so it's really hard.

Ten days to go before James walks up the aisle, and he's determined to pull out all the stops for his girl.

-If I went with that kind of white...

-That cake with chocolate inside.

First a visit to a local cake maker, and a stab at DIY design.

I'm a boy! I don't know what I'm doing!

And whilst most men wouldn't dream of making their own table decorations...

..James isn't most men.

I bought some charming rose petals and beads to bring a natural glitz

which may look cool or tacky, I haven't decided yet, but you know, in for a penny, in for a pound.

And it doesn't stop there.

Can you make my bride more beautiful?

No, I can enhance her beauty.

Oh, see...

I'm going to have to remember that one!

James takes the risky step of specifying his bride's look.

What about make-up? Am I allowed to ask her anything about it, or have I just got to go in and do it?

You've just got to go in and do it.

I can't ask her anything?

-You can't ask her anything.

-OK.

But two weeks of browsing in bridal shops has taken its toll.

Perhaps like a little bit more brighter on the lips than that?

I think she could look a little bit washed out, with blonde hair?

Right, OK, so that's fine, we're doing...

Oh, my God! Did you just hear that? I can't believe it!

What's happened to me?

That's not a problem, I know what I'm doing.

I used to drink beer and watch football.

Now you're talking about lip shades and tones!

What?... I feel like I've grown a uterus, or something!

But James isn't out of the woods yet,

he's still got to buy the bridesmaids' dresses with Linda's sister Hannah and friend Cathryn,

and that means enduring five hours of shopping...

-No.

-Why not?

-No!

Linda won't like it, I know for a fact she won't like it.

-...before they finally settle on a dress.

-What are you saying?

I like it, it's dead nice, I like this one.

£180 for three frocks.

Thank you for your help, cheers.

Excellent, well done, good work!

The next day, and James is finally back on more familiar territory.

But while Sam likes the traditional tailcoat,

the desperate to be different James favours a more informal brown number.

I just love brown. How do you feel about the cut of that?

It's just a very traditional wedding dress, isn't it?

Ian, what do you think?

It depends on the style of wedding you want,

if you want the traditional thing, go with the tails.

But James is allergic to traditional.

I think the dress does look better with the black.

What do you think, though?

If somebody was in the street in this you would go, "They're going to a wedding".

I just don't like tails, it's just...

I'm not born in the '50s.

I do think the black works.

I just think it's boring.

I just think black is not a wedding colour at all.

And brown is?

Brown it is?

Brown it is. I've made my decision.

While James is having a colour scheme crisis...

..Linda is having crisis talks with her mum.

Lack of control over her wedding is starting to get to her.

Yes, I understand that you can't do certain things, but I'm not asking for blood.

That's the name of the show... "Don't Tell The Bride!"

Yeah, and I'm not asking to be told, I'm being asked to be told the date of my wedding.

Otherwise it's just getting harder and harder every day,

because you're not chilling out, you've got to let it take its course.

Well, can you chill out? Are you in my position?

Have you been like 12 days, without speaking to your fiance or your husband?

No, you haven't, so back off.

But I'm just saying, with you being upset, don't you think that affects me as well?

Of course it does.

So you've got to relax as well, and try and just enjoy the time.

I'm trying, but you can't get up one day and go,

"Well, it doesn't "matter, it's the biggest day of my life, blah, blah"...

it doesn't work like that, one day, you feel fine, the next, you feel crap.

I think she's finding it very hard, like, Linda's always in control,

she always likes to think she's in control of everything,

but now as it is, it's what James wants or what James is going to let her have, so to speak.

That's what it's all about, it's all about the control, or lack of it.

After two weeks of trying to think like a girl,

it's time for James to get tanked up on testosterone.

After all, it is his stag night.

-Now, I've got a present for you.

-All right.

Your stag do starts now.

Ever the non-conformist,

James has got his sister to organise proceedings.

Thank you, thank you guys, that's brilliant. Can I go get a beer?

Can we have clink glasses for the pretty groom?

To the father! I think my sister's done a fantastic job,

I'm loving every minute of it.

What better way to celebrate his final night of freedom than a game of kiss-chase?

COME BACK. DON'T LEAVE ME AT THE ALTAR!

Anyway, guys, thank you all for coming.

Good boy!

Come here!

In Derby city centre, Linda and her hens are also off on their big night out.

We all wish Linda and James a very happy wedding, and Linda...

have a happy hen night! To Linda!

To Linda!

And finally even Linda lets her hair down.

Just 48 hours to go, and there's one last thing on James's to do list.

Right, I'm just about to go get some bridal shoes, fours,

fours, four, four...

she's a four, she's a four.

They're closed toe, they're closed toe.

They're closed toe, they're closed toe... I think I'm going for a four in a closed toe. That was easy.

After three weeks of shopping for Linda, it's hard to tell

where James the man ends, and James the bride begins.

-They're quite elegant, aren't they? And is that ivory?

-They are, yes.

Yeah, I'll take them, please.

-Is that it, done?

-They're beautiful.

-They are gorgeous, yes.

I like them, they're simple, they're elegant, it's exactly what she would like.

-Brilliant!

-Yeah, wicked.

-If you were a bride, right...

-Yep.

-..you've got shoes...

-Yep.

-..you've got a dress...

-Yep.

-you've got a veil, you've got a tiara, you've got wedding jewellery that matches the tiara...

-Yep.

-Is there anything that... flowers?

-Flowers are good, yeah.

Is there anything that, as a girl, that you would think,

what else do I need?

I think it sounds like you're pretty much ready to go.

Which can only mean one thing.

You're looking at the other side of the counter.

Get off! We've done it! We've done it!

Er, not quite, James!

What about Linda's invitation?

Has the post been?

I'm hoping James has remembered.

-I hope he remembers!

-What are you expecting, anyway?

-An invitation.

-I've not been invited yet!

-Look, the postman's here now.

-What's he doing?

-He's running away!

-He's going in the other direction!

It's not the postman walking up the path, but an invitation is still about to be delivered...

Hello, Linda!

...by Austin Powers, sort of.

Your invite comes in the form of me,

with a psychedelic twist for my groovy baby.

On Sunday, you'll be wed, and then it's forever.

See you down the aisle for the start of something new.

Groovy!

Thank you! I'm so embarrassed!

Not as embarrassed as James should be!

I can't quite remember... what day was it?

It was Sunday!

What time, do you know that?

I don't know what the time is, baby!

Thank you!

-What do you think to that?

-Oh, my God! Brilliant!

That reflects James, doesn't it?

I hope that's not reflecting the way the wedding's going to go,

like a themed, like Austin Powers type thing?

What do you reckon, Pete?

-Oooh...

-I said, I don't want a themed wedding.

"Psychedelic, baby!"

-No, don't you start!

-Yeah, psychedelic!

-God!

It's the day before the wedding, and Linda's about to see the dress

that James has agonised over for the very first time.

If she doesn't like it, she's made it quite clear she might refuse to tie the knot.

I'm going home now.

-What I need you to do, inside the fitting room you'll find your shoes and your underwear.

-Right.

I'd like you to get into those and then I'll come into you, OK?

Give me the nod!

Oh, dear! I'm dreading what this is going to be like!

She'll be absolutely fine, I'm sure she'll love it.

-Aah, fingers crossed, anyway!

-Hopefully!

In less than 24 hours, James will be saying "I do",

but he's having a bout of pre-wedding nerves.

I'm just getting sick of the W word,

I'm happy now that I've got all the bits put in place,

and I've got all the core things, and Vegas really excites me as well, which is going to be good.

I just want it done now, do you know what I mean?

I just want it done, and I just want to marry her, I miss her,

and that's why I'm just getting sick of it, I just really miss her.

Sorry, I just can't wait.

We argue like cat and dog some days,

and I don't think we'll ever truly get each other,

but God, I love her!

-Right, I've had a request from James...

-Yeah?

..that at this point I come in and blindfold you.

Pardon?

I can't look, really, seriously.

-Hey, here it goes!

-Carry on, I'm fine.

-Right, now then.

For better or for worse,

Linda's going to have to forget about her dream dress and trust in James's choice.

-Wow, yeah... I do like that.

-Ooh!

-Do you want me to take that off you?

-Aah, he's done a wicked job!

It suits ya!

-All the details.

-Yeah.

-Are you thrilled?

Yeah, I'm really happy with that, really happy.

-So it's made for you, isn't it, really?

-Absolutely, yes.

-He's done a really good job.

-Yeah, he's done a fantastic job,

I'm so chuffed.

Against all the odds,

James has achieved the seemingly impossible

and made his hard to please bride happy.

After three weeks of separation, the big day has finally arrived.

I'm actually feeling really, really excited.

It's 9.30am, just four hours to go before James is reunited with the woman he loves.

Stuff that I need to do today, I just need to get dressed...

yeah, that's about it, really.

This last day,

I wanted to make sure that I didn't have a lot to do, and it looks like I haven't.

There is one thing he still has to do,

and that's deliver the bridesmaids' dresses to Linda's house.

Linda's been awake since six, and she's already worrying about the missing dresses.

That, and the conspicuous absence of anyone to do her hair and make-up.

-Half past nine.

-Still nothing.

I've been up since half six.

Instead of waiting for things to take their course, Linda's getting more and more impatient.

The dresses still aren't here, we have no idea what's happening, who's coming, what.

He knows how stressed I'll be.

We're all have to just pull together, if nothing happens, to get ourselves sorted the best we can.

I'll be happy when the dresses arrive, and when we've got some sort of schedule.

Until then, I'll not be able to rest.

I've just had enough now.

SHE SIGHS

At 10.30, a whole hour later, still nothing, and Linda's anxiety has rubbed off on everyone else.

-Where's the hairdresser?

-No hairdresser, no make-up artist.

God knows what time it is now, and we're still waiting, nobody's about.

It's not funny, this isn't, this is too late.

All right, don't start getting wound up, honestly, not this morning...

Don't get upset about it, don't.

-It's not worth it.

-We will sort it.

The bridesmaids' dresses are not here, so I'm stressing now, I don't know what's happening.

Been looking forward to this and all we want is a smooth run,

but we haven't got it, we haven't got it.

The thing is, Linda's now in tears on the morning of her wedding

over something which James should have sorted out.

The dresses and everything should be here now...

they're not. Why not?

The wedding's just three hours away, so Linda's dad takes matters into his own hands.

-Daddy Linda!

-James, I've got girls crying down here,

I've got girls that are very upset, because they need those dresses.

Right, OK, I've got them in my house now, I will swing them round.

What the hell are they doing there? How long will you be?

I'll be as quick as I can, I'll be 20 minutes.

Make sure it is 20 minutes, we need to get sorted.

All right, OK, will do... speak to you in a second.

-'Right, cheers mate.'

-Bye.

Right, OK, sugar... I need to get the bridesmaids' dresses to the girls.

I forgot about the bridesmaids' dresses!

DOORBELL RINGS

But thankfully, James hasn't forgotten the beautician.

Hi, I'm your hair and make-up lady!

Now, is this everything?

Yes, that's everything.

Is there anything else missing? I won't have to phone you up again?

-There's nothing else missing.

-Okey-dokey.

-All right, see you later.

-All right.

What an idiot, let's just hope there's nothing more missing.

-I know you, you're Linda...

-Cathryn.

Sarah. Hi, there, I'm Sarah.

-Hannah.

-Hannah, right. Cathryn, Sarah, Hannah... OK.

At last, calm is restored,

until the beautician drops a bombshell.

James has asked me to do your hair and make-up in a specific way,

so that's the way I'm going to do it today.

-Right.

-Linda's wedding look is now in the hands of a stranger who's been briefed by a bloke.

He's got a specific idea in mind what he wants the whole look to be

like, that's what we'll go with, but it's very beautiful.

I'll tell you whether I think that at the end!

Fine, nervous that I'm going to have like a crow's nest on my head.

No offence to obviously your styling but obviously James has got ideas

to how he wants it, which is fine, we'll go with it, and see how it turns out afterwards.

While Linda's being made up,

Makeney Hall is also undergoing a facelift...

Vegas style.

Yeah, it looks really smart.

James finally sees his big plans brought to life.

# He's got high hopes... #

-We're having a Vegas night tonight.

-Right, OK.

Just in case you hadn't guessed!

We've got the flame lights, casino tables, there's going to be three,

and the centrepiece, which should be the next thing we make up.

It's now two hours before the ceremony, and after a long session

of lipstick, powder and paint, Linda's also been transformed.

I don't like it.

I like the hair, I do like the hair,

I'm happy with the hair... I hate the make-up, I'm really sorry.

Yeah, I hate my make-up, I feel like an absolute clown, it isn't me,

I won't be going out like this,

I'll be a lot happier when I've got on my stuff, the way I dress,

the way I like to look, the way I imagined...

not like this.

-We can pick them up later.

-Go on, let's just deal with your face.

-Lin, it's OK! Hannah?

-Yeah?

Can I have your cleansing pads? I need to get this mess off her face.

What do you want me to take off? Everything off?

I don't know what time I've got!

Don't worry! Just take the lot off.

-It doesn't matter.

-If I'm late?

It doesn't matter! Don't worry! Come on.

Close friend Becky steps in to remove the warpaint.

An hour to go, and James has

only just got home after dropping off the bridesmaids' dresses.

Jesus Christ!

Sod it!

Extra measure.

It's a 45-minute journey to the venue, and James is worried

that he won't be there in time to greet his bride.

My bride's arriving in like literally half an hour.

-Oh,

-BLEEP!

-Yeah, she'll be getting in the car now,

and I'm not there.

What he doesn't know that she's not even dressed yet, and is currently

having a second lot of make-up applied.

No more tears.

You're making the foundation wet.

Erm...the cars are here.

I want everybody dressed, if the cars are here, you need to be dressed.

I'll sort that, get yourself sorted.

-I want everybody dressed.

-Right, OK, I'll get everybody sorted...

don't worry about that. Don't worry about a thing, all right?

I feel absolutely crap, the cars are here.

I don't want to make you cry.

Absolute rubbish, I'm just,

I can't believe it, everything is so disorganised.

It's 45 minutes before the ceremony begins, and James,

still under the impression he's running late, puts his foot down.

The time is now 12.25,

I need to be there at the very latest twenty to one.

The three weeks of just

graft

rests on...

rests on me getting there in time.

Traffic!

HE SIGHS

Come on!

Mine are just going to slip straight off my feet.

Yeah, so are these.

At Linda's parents' house, things have gone from bad to worse.

These shoes aren't even staying on.

The straps on the bridesmaids' shoes that James bought don't fit.

For Linda, it's the final straw.

-The whole day has been ruined.

-SHE SOBS

He's just not organised anything!

Can you just turn it off a minute?

The ceremony is due to begin in 15 minutes,

and Linda's make-up will have to be re-applied a third time.

It's quarter past,

and I've got no bridesmaids

or any bride,

and it starts in 15 minutes.

But I'm all right, I'm excited,

but I need to shift, because it's quarter past, so...

I'm ready.

But Linda isn't.

I think they've wrapped it round, haven't they? Here you go.

Lift it up, then unhook it.

Up, up!

Half an hour later, with the ceremony now running 15 minutes late

-there's still no news from the bridal party.

-Have a sip.

I know, thank you, I appreciate this.

The key thing is that you get married and you enjoy your day... So let's get married...

This is the most important thing to her, this is what I'm worried about, this is where things start to...

Go wrong?

Could they be any worse?

Everyone's finally ready to go, but now there's a problem with the cars.

We're going to have to do two journeys, I think.

The thing is, we're not going to have the time to do it.

Is there any chance we can get the bridesmaids in the car all together?

We can take three in one car and three in the other, but that means no, it can't be possible,

the daughter and the father will go separately.

Knowing that Linda's in no mood to be flexible, her mum offers to travel separately.

-You two girls...

-But I'm not starting without you!

Stay calm, I will be there, I will not miss your day, right?

-Don't worry.

-I want you lot to take the first two cars then.

-No, no, please.

-No, no, no... I want you to take the first two cars...

I will wait, because the show can't start without me.

-You need to be there.

-No... go!

And he can wait.

-Pete?

-Yes?

There's a problem with the cars.

What's the matter?

They will only take two in each.

-Fine.

-Three, so Linda's saying that she wants to wait here.

As soon as we can come... you go.

-OK.

-Go on.

-Right then, so we'll see you in a bit.

-So we'll see you then.

-All right.

-See you in a bit, it's no problem.

Word's got back that the bride is still at home.

With the ceremony now running an hour late, Makeney Hall's wedding co-ordinator steps in.

Is there anybody that can bring her here?

No, we're going to have to get a taxi.

But... will Linda go with that?

Unfortunately, because of the logistics,

it's either we get married or we don't, I know that's really harsh.

-I wouldn't tell her that!

-No, no!

Let me have a word with Linda, a bit more tactfully than that.

There's a telephone call for you.

-Who is it?

-From Sam, he wants to speak to you.

-Yep?

-Hiya, Linda, how are you?

Fine, what?

Please don't say what you're going to say, Sam, because I'll go mad!

OK, so you wouldn't like your dad to bring you to the...?

I wouldn't.

Let's just put it this way, the day is ruined.

You don't know how mad I am!

The two options we've got is either waiting sort of about an hour for the cars to come back,

-and that really squashes everything in the rest of the day...

-A-hm.

...or getting the cars to maybe meet you sort of quarter of the way here?

I have to squash my dress in their car that's got dog hairs in it?

Is that pretty much a no?

Yes, it is pretty much a no.

At the end of the day, he will have to wait, this is his mess,

he can wait, and he can explain to everybody why I'm not there.

OK, then, no problem.

Bye.

He wants my dad to bring us in their car.

What's the verdict?

Well, the last phrase was, "OK then, bye."

So take a guess. She's waiting for the cars to come back.

Let's send the cars and get her here as fast as we can.

-Thank you.

-Not a problem, my pleasure, my darling.

-All right.

I'm just going to go down here for a second.

And kill myself.

At last in the car, and minutes away from marrying the man she loves,

Linda's dad thinks it's time for a pep talk.

It'll be fine.

-Yeah?

-I know you've had ups and downs this morning,

I know it's been unbelievable, I know you've looked like something out of the Chinese circus!

The panda?!

But, again, you've got to remember now,

is that we've got to get on with it, yeah? We've got to enjoy it.

CHEERING

-Here she is!

-After three weeks of turmoil,

tears and tantrums, a morning of missing dresses and bad make-up,

Linda, the bride, makes it to her wedding.

I've missed you so much! I'm going to love you forever!

James, do you wish to be married to Linda?

Oh, yes!

LAUGHTER

-And Linda, do you wish to be married to James?

-I do.

I, James Philip Willis, do take thee, Linda Karen Gale,

to be my lawful wedded wife.

-I, Linda Karen Gale, do take thee, Gee...

-Gee?

-James Philip Willis to be my lawful wedded husband.

-Thank you.

It now gives me great pleasure to declare you husband and wife.

Never, in the history of mankind, has a groom been so relieved to tie the knot.

My bride! My bride!

My bride, a round of applause.

Thank you!

Do you know how much I've missed you?

Not as much as I've missed you!

'I'm glad I came, it was a bit debateable'

whether I'd actually make it here,

but an hour an a half late, we made it, we're now Mr and Mrs Willis!

Can you pick my train up?

Yes, of course. You do look absolutely stunning.

Do you like the tiara?

-Yeah, you don't know how mad I was this morning, though.

-Sorry.

But we're here.

-I'm sorry.

-I love you so much...

The looks on their faces when they first saw each other,

it was just fantastic, really fantastic.

It's nice to see your baby that happy, isn't it?

It was gorgeous, it really was nice,

It was really lovely. Very emotional for both of them.

I think she looks beautiful, she looks really lovely, and it's all gone really well... finally!

Please be upstanding for your bride and groom.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Everything has gone fantastic,

apart from this morning, and there was going to be something wrong.

He's not that perfect, we're males, what's the matter with you?

Against all the odds, it looks like James has pulled it off,

and given Linda the wedding she's always wanted.

I didn't actually think I was going to be standing here as Mrs Willis,

and there was a minute where I said, "I'm not going!

"He's blown it now, I'm not going!",

but it's the best thing that I ever did, and I'm hoping for

50, 60, 70 years as Mrs Willis,

so I just want to thank my wonderful husband for the great day we've had,

the wonderful dress I've got on today,

which I wouldn't change for the world, and hope you all have a lovely time.

I'm really chuffed, he's done such an amazing job, my dress is great,

he's really thought, planned, little crystals on the table, all of it...

lovely thought, and since I've got here, everything has been perfect, and I wouldn't change anything.

At one point, I wasn't sure that I'd be able to add this on, but thank you Linda for turning up.

I'd like to think that everyone who knows me

knows how much I think of you, but I've just missed you so much.

-Ahhh!

-I love you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So far, so good, but just around the corner, James's ambitious gambling mecca awaits his brand-new bride.

After the morning's chaos, he's not convinced she'll approve.

I'm worried that she'll think that I've just lowered the tone of this beautiful venue. My ring's fell off!

I hope that's not a premonition, do you know what I mean?

The time has come for James to roll the dice, and unveil his big idea.

Oh, God!

James and Linda, welcome to your Vegas!

You know how we said that we always wanted to go?

Yeah, I didn't want it at my wedding.

Are you not impressed?

You're not, are you?

No.

One out of two ain't bad.

The first bit was great!

I'm sorry.

I'm thinking,

worst possible scenario, the thought that this might happen,

lovely traditional first bit of the wedding,

not so lovely bit of the second wedding.

It was a gamble,

it was a risk...

I knew that from the start.

I think my guests are going to love it,

and I'm really excited,

and I think by the end of the night you may get a different response.

-Hit me, 21!

-Yeah!

-Hey!

And as the Vegas party gets into full swing, Linda has a change of heart.

I'm very, very happy, he's done an absolutely fantastic job.

Yes, I didn't want a theme, but he gave me my traditional wedding.

I'm really, really happy and really excited for the future.

Time for the first dance, and James's final surprise - a Frank Sinatra impersonator.

# How lucky can one guy be

# I kissed her and she kissed me

# Like a fellow once says

# Ain't that a kick in the head... #

The whole experience will have taught Linda that James knows her

better than she thinks he does,

and that she can let him have that rein and have a go at it.

I do think that I've learnt to trust James a lot more.

It shows he is capable of organising a lot in a short space of time

and I just need to give him the opportunity to do it.

# Tell me quick

# Ain't love a kick

# Tell me quick

# Ain't love a kick in the head!

# Ain't love a kick in the head. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd