Emma and Patrick Don't Tell the Bride

Emma and Patrick are childhood sweethearts.

I've always known that Patrick's the one since I was 15. It was love at first sight.

They have two children, but Emma has been waiting nearly ten years to get Patrick up the aisle.

I just want to be married, just for us all to have the same name.

But Patrick is determined to save up for a house, leaving Emma's big plans on standby.

We would never be able to get married and have a house.

So we're giving them £12,000 towards their big day

and a chance for Patrick to prove himself to the woman he loves.

Is "shapeless" a bra?

But the couple have agreed in the presence of a lawyer

that Patrick will organise the wedding alone.

They'll have absolutely no contact

and the bride won't know a single thing about her wedding until the big day in three weeks' time.

-Bring swimwear?!

-Will Patrick choose Emma's arch-enemy to be his best man?

I hate him with a passion.

That hurt, mate.

Will he remember it's a wedding, not a barbecue he's planning?

Shorts and a T-shirt, that would be my ideal thing.

And how low can one groom go to get himself a bargain?

Can we not do a "buy two, get one free" deal? Can I just hug you quickly? 800,000? I'm gonna cry.

Can this man give this woman the fairy-tale wedding of her dreams?

-Look at this, it's all fallen out.

-Talk about Bridezilla!

Today, computer programmer Patrick is leaving the family home in Horsham, Sussex,

to plan the most important day of Emma's life.

The childhood sweethearts are already parents to Jaden, six, and Josh who's two.

But they haven't always agreed about tying the knot.

-Patrick's scared of being married.

-I'm not scared. I've got someone very nice to marry.

-But you're scared of committing.

-Cooks well, cleans well. Good wife material. I love her.

Patrick's not romantic at all.

Unromantic Patrick is hoping to make amends for his non-existent proposal.

I nagged Patrick to the point where I chose the ring.

We ended up in town and she said, "That's a nice ring." I said, "Would you like it?" She had to say...

"Does that mean we're engaged?" He said, "Yeah." That was the proposal!

I'm looking to give Emma a great wedding to make up for the lack of romance

that came through with the proposal.

The only way Patrick is prepared to take the plunge is to do the wedding his way.

It must have a Patrick feel. I don't have to listen to anybody else. There'll be no bickering,

no arguing, no compromises. Everything is my way.

Emma and Patrick, who was born in South Africa, can't agree on what kind of wedding to have.

I want a traditional wedding. I'd have a castle.

I want everyone to think, "Wow, she just looks like a Disney princess, like Cinderella!"

Belle in Beauty And The Beast!

I would like more of a relaxed wedding.

If I could go there in shorts and a T-shirt, that would just be my ideal thing.

It's not about "I have to have a nice, big dress" and getting driven there in a flashy car.

-That's exactly what a wedding is about.

-The glitz and glamour is important to you.

-That's right.

From the bottom of my heart I believe I deserve a nice wedding.

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

The next time they meet will be at the altar.

I love you.

-Bye-bye.

-Bye-bye.

-I love you.

-I'll see you later, Em.

-Bye-bye!

-Bye!

THEME MUSIC: "The Great Escape"

Patrick is determined to plan this wedding with military precision

and drafts in his troops for a meeting at the pub.

Childhood friend Anthony and younger brother Sean will share best man duties.

-Magazine, check.

-Magazines, check. Wedding book, check.

Patrick's choice of Anthony as best man doesn't exactly sit well with Emma.

I hate him with a passion.

I don't trust him as far as I could throw him, let alone trust him even going near my wedding,

so that infuriates me that he's involved.

There's a lot of things that happened in the past.

I've taken Pat away and we've done some crazy things and he hasn't turned up for two days.

I don't think Emma's too happy about that. People really do change.

And I hope I can just prove that to Emma.

You know? It'd mean a lot to me.

-Dress, bridesmaid's dress.

-A church.

Favours, buttonholes, wedding insurance, invitations. There's three bridesmaids.

Wedding insurance? Looks like Patrick has nailed a plan of attack in 20 minutes flat!

We've made the list. Now we need to prioritise.

But brother Sean has something to say and calls a halt to proceedings.

It's not about us just ticking boxes. Name something about you and Emma's relationship that is unique.

If you were hippies, you'd want a hippy van. What are you guys?

MUTTERS TO HIMSELF

-Christ!

-You're like...weird.

Patrick's stumped, but Sean knows exactly how to give Emma her fairy-tale wedding.

I think Emma would like that, the whole Cinderella look.

It's a shame Sean's not in charge of this operation.

Emma wants to be treated like a princess, like at Disneyland, but she'll feel like an idiot.

I think she'll go, "I don't know if I did want to look like Cinderella on the Disney carousel thing."

To my two best men!

Patrick's not a regular churchgoer,

but that doesn't stop him cold-calling his local Catholic priest.

Hello, Father Terry. How are you?

I have to be married in a church.

If you get married to me, you make your vows and you say them in front of God. That's a big thing for me.

To me, being married in a church would be the right thing to do.

Me and Emma have desperately wanted to get married for two years.

You only get to walk down the aisle in a church once. To me, that's quite important.

I would exhaust every single angle and possibility,

so that we were married by a Catholic priest in the church, but I understand what you're saying.

Having exhausted every single angle and possibility, the priest says no,

but "no" isn't in Patrick's vocabulary.

# Under pressure... #

From my side, I think I've said it all really, that we would envisage getting married in a church.

That's what being married is all about to me really.

18 minutes later, Patrick is still refusing to take no for an answer.

Patrick is the stressiest person I know.

As soon as anything is wrong or not going his way, he just gets so tense.

It's just hard to deal with this.

Thanks. You too. Take care. See you soon. Take care.

No chance, mate.

# Under pressure... #

He can be aggressive when he's stressed. He gets very stressed.

You never listen to me. I said to you, "Do you have that number?"

I wrote it on the piece of paper you asked me for. Hello?

-You need to stop snapping at people.

-I'm not snapping at you.

-You know I'm stressed.

-I know you're stressed. Where's that piece of paper?

-It's just this church thing.

Let me just have my hissy fit.

Blissfully unaware of Patrick's stress levels,

the bride-to-be and her mother Heidi have come to Wiston House in Sussex,

a venue straight from a fairy tale.

-I just want a really "princess" day.

-Lovely.

-You only have one day to be a princess.

-It's your day.

Wow!

This is exactly what I'd choose.

-Everything.

-I think this is exactly what Patrick would choose as well, actually.

Transport that thought to him.

Patrick must be picking up on Emma's vibes.

He's heading to Albury Park Mansions,

a stately home that would certainly be fit for his princess.

The Grade 2 listed building is the family home of Nigel and Jennifer Whalley.

So this is the Great Room, Patrick.

This is where George III had his coronation ball.

It's fairly traditional, but it's top end traditional.

Mum, look, there's a pumpkin! Cinderella!

It's a massive one.

-Then we spill out here to have the champagne on the terrace.

-Yeah.

At Albury Park, it looks like Patrick is on the right path

to giving the mother of his children the wedding of her dreams.

But for him, it's pounds, not pumpkins that will seal the deal.

Basically, if this comes in at five, I'll take it, but I always push for a better deal.

What do you think you could do for us really?

We could probably do the whole package for about £5,000.

OK. I've always been taught you never take the first offer,

but for me to even ask you to do it for less would...

I think it would really ruin... I'm gonna cry, but thank you very much.

# I wish I could cry on demand

# Boo-hoo, boo-hoo... #

Patrick's got exactly what he wanted, but he's walking away without committing.

Good morning, Jennifer. It's Patrick speaking. Patrick McDonogh.

The next day, he's sticking to his guns and trying to knock some more money off the price.

For the 5,000, you're giving us an awful lot.

I felt that it would not only be rude and inappropriate to...

I would've made myself look like a fool to question it.

So he knows it's rude and inappropriate to re-negotiate...

Please don't take it badly or in an insulting way. I'm not trying to do that.

But he's doing it anyway.

But if I could do it at 4,100 with the buffet thrown in there,

I'm really gonna be very happy to take off any...

Pat's got something special. He's got... It's like a gift.

Pat never gives up. He goes for it.

You too. Take care. Thanks. Bye.

-4,000 and she will include the buffet.

-Yes!

Patrick's strategy has saved him another £1,000 and it sounds like he's booked Albury Park.

-That is confirmed?

-Um...

To everyone except Patrick.

I think we need to check out this other venue.

So Patrick has put aside the traditional British venue his bride wants

and is looking at a less formal location to suit himself.

Eastlands Estate held the celebrity wedding of R&B superstar Jamelia.

This is kind of your initial ceremony.

An outdoor ceremony in England? Are you sure?

No beach then.

Still, there's always the option of a pool party.

We're from South Africa. What I like is we can pull off a barbecue here.

We'd look like idiots doing one at that manor house.

Patrick's lost sight of Emma's fairy-tale wedding and he's getting excited about burgers and buns.

-This is really nice.

-Look at this!

It's another golden opportunity for Patrick "never take the first offer" McDonogh

to flex his financial muscle.

You know what we're after, so what's the damage?

It's 9,250 plus VAT.

9,250 plus VAT.

Really... We really can't do anything at those numbers.

I was thinking if you could do it for 3,400?

What, the venue price?

Everything.

-3,400 for everything - venue, drink. We can't do that.

-No.

-No, we can't.

-Have you got your best number that you could give to us?

-7,500 plus VAT.

-Basically, I've got somewhere else at 4,000.

With all due respect, for that money you're not gonna get what we would give you.

What you've got for that price, take it. You'll not get that here.

But this wheeler-dealer won't leave until he gets a better offer.

I don't think we can do it for that price.

Money talks. What would you accept to take this place?

-If they came to us and said 3,000, I would take it.

-Christ!

Basically, what we can do and this is pretty set, for 5K plus VAT.

That is worth 12 grand, that day. And you can have the house for the night as well.

It's too high. I'm telling you, it's too much.

You've got to admire his maracas.

He's battered this celebrity venue down to less than half the going rate.

But now Patrick is pushing his luck.

If you said to me you could do it at 5,000 including VAT,

it's just a nice round number for me that makes life a bit easier.

-£5,000 inclusive of VAT, but done today. I'm a businessman.

-I can see that.

At seven grand off the asking price, Patrick has done the deal of the decade.

But true to form, he's quite prepared to walk away from it.

Time for a catch-up with his trusty sidekicks.

It's between Emma's traditional wedding at fairy-tale Albury Park...

..and Patrick's South African barbecue-cum-pool party at the Eastlands Estate.

Emma's dream wedding would be dreamed up in the old one.

-I reckon the new one.

-New.

-The modern one.

-Modern.

-Anthony, you saw that place yesterday.

-It was very nice.

-It was very nice.

-I did see it.

If you were 40, 45 and getting married, I'd think spot-on, man. It'd be brilliant. But you're not.

-I want to know your gut feeling.

-Old...fashioned.

Patrick knows he should give Emma the traditional wedding that she dreams of, but...

-I want the modern.

-Book it now.

I am more of a risk-taker.

And so for me, I'm gonna go for the modern, I think.

We can bring South Africa to England with the modern one. It's obviously different to what she's expecting.

She'll realise that what we do is better for her than what she was thinking.

Emma's Disney dreams are in cinders, but on the bright side...

You know what? We've got a venue, we've got a venue, we've got a venue.

One week in and Emma's worrying about how she's going to look on her big day.

Jaden, why don't you draw what you think Mummy should wear on her wedding?

My dream dress is like a Disney princess.

I want a meringue dress. Yeah, I want the fattest skirt, can't fit into a car kind of skirt.

-What do you think I should wear on my wedding?

-I think you should wear a good dress.

You can do an orange one because there are orange ones.

-Yeah, some people have orange dresses.

-Wearing a dress...

-This is gonna be like Princess Leia.

-I look a bit like a Dalek!

-No.

At least Jaden is thinking about what Emma should wear.

The dress is the last thing on Patrick's mind.

He's running with his South African theme and designing invitations to match.

What do you want? How many?

-25 invitations.

-Have you got any colours, any themes or anything like that?

We're going for an earthy theme at the moment, so we're going for white, green with a bit of brown.

His scheme is inspired by the colours of the South African bush.

When we're saying green, what shade of green?

-I have to say, really, the colour of your top is perfect.

-OK.

If I can be dead honest without sounding like I've been looking at your top.

What's really the very, very best price that you guys could do?

£100?

£100? Really?

I cringe when Patrick bargains with people in shops

because you see a price and you just expect to pay the price.

I was expecting you to say about 40, then we start negotiating.

I just feel embarrassed. I walk out. I go off. I can't actually be with him.

Could you do it for us for 30?

Done deal? Big, huge favour? Do you know what I'll do?

You can add your names to the list and give yourself an invitation and come to the evening party.

-We'll do it for 30.

-We'll need a list of names.

-Don't worry about that.

But Emma is worrying about her wedding dress.

She's looking for inspiration with bridesmaid Alice,

even though neither of them will have any say on what she wears.

No, that's too plain.

This is bugging me the most.

-Anything else I can deal with.

-It's just the dress.

Because if I look rubbish, then I'm gonna feel rubbish.

I would find a way of getting another dress, even if I have to borrow money to buy my own dress.

He knows how important it is, so he'd better choose a nice one, otherwise I won't marry him.

No pressure then(!)

Oblivious to just how much is at stake, Patrick is on the hunt for a dress that could be a deal-breaker.

-Good morning. How are you?

-Fine, thank you.

-It's a beautiful shop.

-I can see where this is going.

-We're looking at about 500 for her as a whole.

Oh, last of the big spenders!

He's still got half his budget left, but old habits die hard for this bargain hunter.

This one may look promising.

Although he has known Emma for ten years, her size escapes him.

-Does the height of the bride make a huge difference?

-Yes, it does. How tall is she?

-Do you mind if I just hug you quickly and I can tell you?

-Without my shoes on?

-Yeah, without shoes.

If we can just have a little hug and just...

She's about... I would say she's...

-Roughly.

-She's about...

It's getting a bit personal now!

As Patrick gets personal, Emma shows Alice the kind of dress that would make her refuse to get married.

Yeah, that one. That would be my worst nightmare having that.

That's hideous. It's like an old granny dress.

I think this whole rack is for older brides.

Let's put that one on the short list.

Maybe Patrick has forgotten how old his bride is.

He's just short-listed "a granny dress".

Oh, my gosh! I've actually seen the dress!

Oh, my gosh! These are so nice. They're like princess dresses.

Oh, Emma!

This one's very big.

No, straight away. That for me is just... No, there's no way.

She would love this because it's quite Cinderella.

That stuff belongs in fairy tales. It's not real life.

That's the whole point of a wedding, Patrick!

But as per usual, he's not going to give his bride what SHE wants.

HE HUMS "The Wedding March"

I really like it, I have to say. That, honestly, is a beautiful dress. Beautiful.

-For me, this dress is a ten out of ten. Wouldn't you say?

-Definitely.

I really love it.

I love it. This is just the perfect dress. This is the most beautiful thing I've ever put on my body.

I'd have the best day ever if I had this on.

Oh, my gosh, I can't believe it!

If Patrick got me a dress like this... Oh, look how thin I look! It's so nice.

-I think definitely.

-My gut instinct is that dress.

To make matters worse, this dress is a size 14. Emma is a size 8.

I feel like that's the only dress I want now. That's THE dress.

-How much is it? £1,690. I thought it'd be much more.

-More expensive than that, yeah.

I expect about £2,000 for Patrick to pay for a wedding dress.

The price for this dress is £1,150.

Right.

-Here we go again.

-If you could give me really the lowest price...

I wouldn't go to £500 on the dress.

Would you go... Could you go for all of it to 600?

-Would you go for £800?

-I just really can't.

-If we went to 750, we've got a deal.

-700, I shake your hand now.

750...

Please. For me, seven is bang in the middle.

Patrick has finally met his match.

If we went to 750, I'd be happy with that.

-Did you say you could do it for 725 though?

-750.

He's a joker, isn't he?

It was quite an experience. He drove a hard bargain, but I kept my own.

So he's bought Emma the wrong dress for the wrong price in the wrong size.

He may live to regret it.

Emma's got problems of her own. She's with her brother and dad.

He's still coming to terms with having no say in his little girl's wedding.

Yeah, but you're our eldest daughter, our only daughter.

-And it's frustrating sometimes when you can't have an input...

-Into something.

-Even something small.

You feel like you should be doing it as a parent.

You feel like you should be organising it. Sometimes it feels like I'm turning up for a barbecue.

If only you knew, Dad! It looks like Emma's not the only traditional one in this family.

-Do you know what would have been really nice? If he'd have asked for your...

-Hand in marriage.

-Yeah.

He hasn't done that. He's kind of assumed that we're gonna accept it. Of course I am, but...

-It wasn't done traditionally.

-Yeah. Tradition says that you should do it.

Patrick's not doing anything the way tradition says he should.

A week and a half in, he's on a mission to kit out the bridesmaids in his unusual colour scheme.

What I'm thinking is brown dresses...

Brown dresses? OK.

-Is that a bit weird?

-It's different, yeah.

This groom knows exactly how to win the girls over.

None of them are overly tall.

They're around average for girls, but a bit on the shorter side, which is not a problem.

I don't want them to look frumpy. As long as the style of the dresses adds a bit of height to the girls.

What have you got in mind? A pair of stilts?

# Ridicule is nothing to be scared of... #

The girls don't look convinced.

How much are the dresses, just quickly?

115.

I notice you guys have got a sale sign up on there. Could you do something for me on those dresses?

-Coast won't do that, unfortunately.

-That's fine.

Determined to find a better deal elsewhere, Patrick hits the high street.

I have to say, there is something about this that's quite funky that I do like.

Is he blind?

-I'm not trying it on.

-Alice, can I just see it on you?

-You'll look beautiful, Alice.

-Shut up, Patrick!

-I actually look about 50. I'm not joking.

-You're all right.

Nearly ready.

No, it doesn't look right. You look too...

-Fat? Are you saying I look fat?

-No, I didn't say that, Alice. I did not say that.

It doesn't compliment your figure.

# Prince Charming, Prince Charming... #

Suddenly, the original brown dress isn't looking so bad after all.

If he can just get the price down...

-Can we not do like a "buy two, get one free" deal?

-Coast don't do that, unfortunately.

-Is there a manager here?

-I am the manager, unfortunately, for Coast.

You're a brilliant manager. You've been superb.

-I wouldn't say it's the one.

-Definitely.

-I thought it would look better, didn't you?

-Yeah.

-What are they doing, anyway?

-It could look nicer.

-Yes.

How do you feel?

-Um... Not what we thought they'd be like.

-Not terrible.

-I quite like them.

-Do you?

-Mm-hm.

And it's what Patrick thinks that counts.

I love that red(!) Horrendous!

To convince the girls, he digs deep and unearths his inner style guru.

-If you just hold it. Looks like flowers.

-No, it looks like a dress.

With some accessories, you'll be OK.

Now he's swapping the pink sash for white. Whatever next?

Is there a florist in here? I just need flowers.

-Is he for real?

-Are they gonna be that long?

-No, that's just what I could find. That's a done deal.

For the first time ever, he has to pay the full price.

Ouch!

He's feeling the pain.

And so is Emma.

She's called in maid of honour Alicia for crisis talks.

Her mum is not coping with the way Emma and Patrick have decided to get married.

She's kind of cut herself off from the wedding. I'm her only daughter and it must be hard for her

to suddenly just not have any input into the only wedding she'd be able to have an input, but she can't.

At the same time, she should just be happy that we're getting married and we have a chance to be married.

Emma's mum may have cut herself off from the wedding,

but Patrick still needs to ask her for the family guest list.

Hey, Heidi. It's Patrick. Hi, how's it going?

Before I can let people know dates and times, we've got to get invitations done. I need a list.

But Heidi doesn't want to discuss anything with her future son-in-law.

If you give me... If you...

Look, all right, then. Cheers. Thanks. Bye.

I don't think Emma's mum is dealing too well with not knowing details.

Every bride's mum wants to know what's going on with their daughter's wedding.

Patrick isn't flavour of the month with Emma's mum or the bridesmaids,

but he's hoping to win them over with the hen day he's organised.

-He puts in a call to Alice.

-So I've booked a hen day for Emma.

It's a spa day at a local hotel, but there seems to be some confusion.

No, no, no, it's not going into the evening.

In terms of Emma going out and getting paralytic, she's not really like that anyway.

He doesn't like me drinking, really. I don't think any man does.

I think I've done the best thing.

Emma knows Patrick won't plan a big night out for her hen do.

So she's taking matters into her own hands.

-I think we should all wear sashes.

-That's a hen party.

-Oh, my God.

I think I do deserve one good last party before the wedding.

I am allowed to have one last night of just being silly and being with my girls

and doing a girly hen night thing.

-I think that looks so cool.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

We might as well just go all out.

With a healthy four grand left in his budget, bargain hunter Patrick takes to the streets of Horsham

to bag himself some fair game.

First in his sights, two wedding rings

and a bracelet for his bride.

-Are you fixed on the price?

-Yeah.

But 20 minutes later...

he's got himself a 15% discount.

-Instead of the 15, if you could give me 25.

-40 minutes on, his perseverance isn't paying off.

Time for a change of tack - maybe he can get Emma's ring engraved for free.

I'd like "Property of Patrick" on!

Lucky girl(!)

The price started at £750.

After an hour and six minutes, he's batted it down to £600.

That's a grand saving of £150!

Maybe the florist can convince him to part with his pennies.

He wants the works - bouquets, table decorations and buttonholes.

What is the best price that you could do that to us for?

-Probably in the region of £800-£1,000 plus.

-£800,000?!

Steady on, Patrick! It's £800 TO £1,000.

30 minutes later and a whole lot of love from Patrick

and he's sealed the deal at £380,

a boombastic saving of £420!

-Next to be caught in his crosshairs is the transport for his bride to be.

-Let's get down to business.

The price starts at £450.

-Would you be prepared to give me this car for £298 on the day?

-No.

-Or roughly what is the value?

The lowest price is 350.

10 minutes later...

320 as it's only one way.

Patrick's clinched the deal at £320!

A masterful saving of £130.

Penny-pinching Patrick isn't even spending any money on himself.

He's wearing his work suit to the wedding and taking his best men to the sales.

I really like it.

The starting price for two suits in the sale - £365.

£249 on the dot.

-365.

-This time his charm isn't working.

I think you've met your match. He knows how to say no to you.

The final price is £365.

That's a total saving...

of zero pounds!

That's a rip off, that is! I'm only winding you up, mate.

While Patrick's haggling and hugging his way to his perfect wedding,

-Emma and the boys are counting down the days until Daddy's home.

-I miss Daddy a lot.

Me, too. A lot, a lot.

Do you know what getting married means to Mummy and Daddy? Do you know why people get married?

So you can stay together for ever.

And you can... And you love each other.

And you don't fight ever again.

Aww, that's so special. That's exactly right.

OK, bedtime. ..Up! Up, up, up!

-OK?

-Love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

-Night-night!

-Night-night!

Night! Love you!

After two weeks of relentless wedding planning,

it's time for something a bit more macho -

Patrick's stag do!

Coming from Africa, you enjoy this. Reminds me of my childhood.

His childhood was possibly a long time ago.

I thought it was probably a good idea after some wedding planning to do something more manly.

While Patrick is playing Tarzan, Emma and the girls are getting pampered on the girly hen day.

Pull!

-yeah, I'm gunning for a good wedding!

-Bang for your buck.

-More bang for your buck!

-Fire!

-The word I need is "Pull".

-Fire.

-Well done.

I'm that good, boys. That good.

Fire.

Things aren't exactly going with a bang on Emma's hen.

Her mum, Heidi, is still feeling left out of the wedding and the atmosphere has turned sour.

# It's, oh, so quiet... #

This has been a really emotional, traumatic time for her, not having any involvement in anything.

That is so silent!

# And so peaceful until...

# You blow a fuse, zing boom

# The devil cuts loose, zing boom

# So what's the use... #

I think she'll get over it one day, but she's still... She's still quite hurt about it.

So I just have to leave her to deal with it.

Of course, Emma doesn't have any say in her wedding either

and, five days before the big day, the pressure of not knowing anything is starting to get to her.

People keep asking me, "Are you really excited?" Well, no, not really.

I'm not having anything to do with it. I feel really...lost.

She's not the only one who's lost. Patrick's trying to buy her undies.

Is Shapeless a bra?

Shapeless?

-Never heard of that before.

-I need a Shapeless... Strapless!

We have nothing in nice bridal colours unless you want to buy her something for after the wedding.

I'll be too drunk. Got two kids already!

-Anything else you'd like to buy? Any sexy items?

-Aww, no.

-What do you think he's done?

-Is he out with the boys?

What's that?

Emma's still stressing about Anthony's involvement.

He's a bad influence. He makes Patrick do things he'd never dream of doing.

He's just not my favourite person.

What about this?

That hurt, mate!

-Thank you for your help.

-£14.

-Thank you.

-He's clearly too embarrassed to haggle HERE.

Fortunately for Emma, her friends organise her a hen night to remember.

Cinderella shall go to the ball after all.

# That tonight's gonna be a good night

# That tonight's gonna be a good night

# That tonight's gonna be a good, good night

# Tonight's the night Let's live it up

# I got my money Let's spend it up

# Go out and smash it Like oh my God

# Look at her dancing Just take it off! #

Emma's all danced out, but hasn't forgotten who should have planned this.

-Is this the hen night you wanted?

-Yeah, it's really fun.

Do you reckon Patrick could have organised the hen day like this?

Yeah. Hic!

For a bride who knows nothing about her big day, a glimmer of hope.

What is this? Oh, my God. Is this the invite to my own wedding?

Oh, my God. It actually is. Do I open it?

Open it!

I actually feel sick. "Mr and Mrs Kevin Clemence request the pleasure of the company of Emma

-"at the marriage of their daughter with Patrick McDonogh."

-Patrick's included Emma's parents on it.

-It could earn him Brownie points with her mum.

-"Dress code - smart.

"Bring swimwear"?!

What the hell...?!

What is he doing?

Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Patrick. Come in.

Patrick's not going to risk looking like a fool at his nuptials.

He's coughing up for a choreographer to teach him a first dance.

-Bring him in.

-You're doing me a big favour.

You're going to be the girl. All it is is footwork. You do nothing up here at all.

-Forward.

-Yeah.

-Step.

-Yeah.

Forward.

One, two, three.

Right, together. Right.

Back, together, back.

OK.

-Does it sort of make sense?

-No.

Oh, mate, this doesn't feel right.

-Right, together, right.

-Yeah.

Together.

Left, together, left.

Forward, together. Forward, together.

Right, together.

Right, back.

Left, together. Left, together.

Getting hot now, getting sweaty.

It's the day before the wedding and Emma's about to see the dress that Patrick has picked for her

for the first time.

The groom knows exactly what is at stake.

Today's the day when Emma says, "I'm getting married or I'm not". It all depends on the dress.

Emma's mum has finally come round and is there to support her,

but will the dress Patrick has chosen measure up to Emma's Cinderella number?

I'm actually shaking.

-Emma, are you ready for me to show you the dress?

-Yeah.

-Or will it be her worst nightmare?

Hideous!

Is that my size? It looks way too big.

-He bought a size 14.

-I'm a size 8!

-They do come up really small.

-That's...

-Try it on and see.

It's not going to fit. I can't believe he bought a size 14.

-Emma, don't worry about that. That will all be sorted.

-It won't.

Will she like it on?

Oh, Em!

Darling, it's gorgeous.

I love it. It's so beautiful.

Oh, that looks lovely.

That's better.

Oh, my God. It's so nice.

I just love it. It actually suits me.

-Can you do alterations in that short amount of time?

-Yeah. But there is going to be a charge.

-OK.

Hi, Patrick. Listen, Pat, the dress has got to be altered.

And it's going to be £60.

-So that's fine.

-Patrick's agreed to pay for the alterations without daring to ask for a discount.

I think Patrick's got it spot on. It's beautiful.

It's not what I'd have chosen, but I love it so much.

He has avoided the princess dress. Maybe it's a good thing.

The other one seems a bit tacky and a bit Jordan-like.

So I'm actually so glad that he steered well away from that.

It's taken three weeks and cost £12,000, but the day Emma's waited 10 years for has finally arrived.

Oh, I'm feeling so excited now. I just want to put my dress on.

Patrick has organised a special delivery for his bride.

Oh, my God! He's got me...

What has he got you?

Hold ups.

Pants!

-What size are they?

-They're my size.

-Really nice.

She's clearly overwhelmed by her underwear. Will the brown bridesmaid dresses impress her as much?

Oh, my gosh!

I didn't expect brown. As I said, I hate earthy colours, but look how beautiful it is.

I love them. You look so pretty, all of you.

It's the final countdown and a buttonhole is getting the better of Patrick.

How the hell do you do this without two pins?

-Three, two, one, hoorah!

-Hoorah! You're getting married, man!

The time has arrived for Emma to show her family the dress Patrick picked for her.

OK, ready?

Oh, my God!

Emma, you look amazing! Amazing!

God, I'm actually shaking.

-Oh, no, my tail!

-Oh, dear. Now is not the time for a wardrobe malfunction.

-I can feel my hairpiece falling out.

-It won't fall out.

It's got clips all round it.

-It already looks crap, my hair.

-It looks amazing.

-No, this bit looks rubbish.

-Chill out.

BLEEP.

Oh, BLEEP.

It looks amazing. Don't get stressed.

-It's not falling off.

-I don't want to wear that.

-You have to.

-I don't.

This is going to ruin everything.

-It'll stay in if you just...

-As soon as someone touches me, it's going to fall out.

Talk about Bridezilla!

When things don't go my way, like this stupid veil...

I hate it.

Oh, my God, Dad.

-Wow.

-It's like...

Oh, wow! Look at that car.

-Phew! Saved by the car.

-See you later!

Where's the bridesmaids?

-Emma's heart was set on a traditional church wedding, but there's no church.

-Oh, my God.

But everyone's outside.

It's 16 degrees and her civil ceremony is outdoors, but she doesn't seem to mind.

It's so amazing. Look at it. Oh, my gosh!

-I'm really scared. ..Shall I take my chewing gum out?

-Yes!

Yes, Em.

Patrick,

will you take Emma to be your wife?

-To be loving and loyal to her for the rest of your life?

-I will.

Will you take Patrick to be your husband? To be loving and loyal to him for the rest of your life?

I will.

I give you this ring as a sign of my love and commitment.

I promise to support and comfort you, to respect and cherish you, and to be faithful always.

It does fit! That was lucky.

What does your one say?

"Property of Emma McDonogh"!

I give you this ring as my sign of my love and commitment.

I promise to support and comfort you, to respect and cherish you and to be faithful always.

-Is that it?

-Yeah. That's it.

-I now pronounce you husband and wife.

-Oh, my God.

-Thank you. Thank you.

-I've missed you.

-I missed you, too.

-You've done so brilliantly.

Whoa!

Walk slowly, Emma. You've got to walk slowly.

Sean, thank you so much.

Wonderful. And once again!

Just give your wife a little kiss. Mark him out of ten!

-Everything you've done is just not what I would have done, but I love it.

-Good. I'm glad.

I think he's done her proud. From the dress to the car to the venue, everything.

Emma's so bowled over that she even has a few kind words to say to the best man

-she has spent years hating.

-I'm sorry that I'm such a horrible old bitch to you.

-You haven't...

-I have been! Just past experiences, I didn't know how to deal with it.

I'm sorry. You've done amazingly. I appreciate everything you've done for Patrick. You've been there.

-Group hug!

-Don't touch my hair!

-Group hug.

You know, me and Emma have had a chat and things are just...

It's made it a lot easier. That meant a hell of a lot to me.

-So this is the room.

-Oh, my God!

-Do you like it? Do you approve?

-You and Anthony did this?

-Yeah.

Oh, bless him.

Patrick, this is so...beautiful.

Patrick's been so focused on not busting his budget, he's made a wedding planning faux pas.

The table plan and my speech aren't done. I'm sorry. Sean?

-Just stop.

-Just say where Mummy's to go.

-Let's tell the people who's at this table.

-There's no plan for this table.

Sorry, guys. Randolph, Louise and Clive.

Miranda? Don't know where she is.

Louise and Clive?

Sorry, sorry. Heidi, Clem, my mum, my dad.

I've put you guys with Alice. Can I move you to this table?

I can put you guys here. I'm so sorry, man.

17 minutes later, everyone's finally seated.

But then they have to get up again and queue for the barbecue.

-Come with Mummy.

-You guys can come and get something to eat.

And that includes the bride in all her finery.

I just want some chicken.

-You just want chicken.

-That way.

Where's Emma gone?

Patrick is a unique person. If you don't know him, spend 5 minutes with him and let me know.

I've never had a person turn around and say a negative word about my brother to me. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

# Oh, oh, oh, it's magic... #

Patrick's South African pool party finally gets into full swing.

It's quite cold, but... It's freezing!

Will the bride be joining them?

I'm not putting a bikini on on in my wedding. I'm not taking this dress off.

I'm NOT going in there.

Even Patrick can't control the weather.

But all of a sudden he's the man of the moment with Emma's mum Heidi.

-Say that again, Heidi! You just want to say what?

-Don't push your luck, Patrick!

It started with a "th".

-Sorry?

-Thank you.

-It started with a "sorry"!

Listen, you've got my daughter out of this. Look after her. I know you love her.

-We love you, too.

-Thanks, Heidi.

Ladies and gentlemen, give a big round of applause for Emma and Patrick!

The groom's keen to show his bride that he no longer has two left feet.

You didn't want the whole thing at a castle or a manor house?

-I wouldn't turn it down, but this is beautiful.

-Better?

-Yeah.

It's more comfortable.

Yeah, it's been a great day. Patrick's done a top job.

He's done everything Emma would want. And everyone else as well.

I was a bit harsh on everybody.

But he did an excellent job. A fantastic job.

He's married me, finally, after all these years. We finally tied the knot. Husband and wife.

I definitely have married the right man.

I always knew I would marry you. You're the one.

A big round of applause - Emma and Patrick!

As a final touch, Patrick's thrown caution to the wind and spent £150...

of his own money...to pay for the surprise entertainment.

South African gumboot dancers!

CHANTING

THEY SING

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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