Stuart and Vicki Don't Tell the Bride

Stuart and Vicki are madly in love.

We've been completely inseparable, haven't gone a day without talking.

They're desperate to get hitched, but can't find the funds.

I think it's got a few pennies in it.

We so desperately want to get married, but because of money, it's just near impossible.

So we're giving them £12,000 towards their big day.

-Cheers, mate.

-Cheers.

-But there's a catch.

They have both agreed in the presence of a lawyer that Stuart will organise the wedding alone.

I can't believe they've sent two left shoes.

They'll have absolutely no contact, and the bride won't know a single

thing about her wedding until the big day in three weeks' time.

-Let's just go to the pub.

-Three weeks apart will push their relationship to the limit.

You're meant to be really happy before you get married. I'm not.

Will music lover Stuart remember it's a wedding he's planning,

-not a concert?

-The gig's tomorrow, mate.

Will his ego get in the way?

If I pulled this off, I don't think I could ever do anything wrong.

Come on, quick!

-Or will wedding planning prove tougher than he thought?

-I have absolutely no idea!

Can this man give this woman a day she'll never forget?

-I'm gonna have a

-BLEEP

-breakdown, me.

Vicki and Stuart live with Stuart's dad in Leeds, but today Vicki's moving out.

It's bizarre. I don't feel like we're getting married,

I feel like we're going through a break-up, packing up all my stuff.

The couple met 18 months ago, when they were both working at the same call centre.

It wasn't long before Cupid gave Stuart a nudge in the right direction.

It took a bit off fuel from a couple of bevvies, but he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out

and we have just been absolutely inseparable ever since.

Most things happen when I'm drunk.

After a year or so of dating, Stuart came up with an unusual way

to pop the question - at a Turin Brakes gig.

He even roped the band in.

What I ended up doing was proposing during "our" song,

which is cheesy, but it works, and got those guys involved,

just to ask us how it went and everything.

So, it was different. You can't say

I don't do things differently.

She liked it and said, "yes". Well worth it.

For Vicki, her wedding day can't come soon enough.

It's something that I've been planning since I was probably 16 years-old.

She likes things her own way, so handing over her big day to Stuart won't be easy.

-Make sure you don't make too much mess.

-Yes.

I love controlling things, because I have a tendency

to think that I can do stuff better than others.

-Have you got everything?

-You stand there and I'll pass stuff over.

Will Stuart ever be able to meet her high standards?

The wedding, to Vicki, is massively important. This is massive for her.

If there's ever, in terms of cliches, somebody that sums up

"the biggest day of your life", that's Vicki, through and through.

If he doesn't get it right...

I don't...

To be honest, I don't think he is going to get it right.

I don't think he can get it how I want it.

Don't touch that, don't touch that! Oh!

For the next three weeks, Vicki will be staying at her parents' house.

-Is that it?

-Yeah. That's it, clothes-wise.

It's time for the couple to say their goodbyes.

The next time they see each other will be at the altar.

# Cos you give me

# Something that makes me scared, all right... #

I'll miss you.

I'll miss you, too.

I won't cock this up.

Mwah. See you soon, yeah.

-Love you.

-Love you. See you later.

-Bye, babe.

-Bye.

-Have fun.

I'll try.

She doesn't really mean that, Stuart.

Still, no sooner has she left than salvation arrives in the form of best man, Luke.

# Flash, ah-ah

# Saviour of the universe... #

-You all right, old bean?

-Easy, mate.

-Easy, man, how you going?

-All right?

-Yeah. She's gone.

These two boys have a special bond.

Luke's gonna be awesome with the arrangements.

His enthusiasm knows no bounds.

-I'm just gonna nip to the loo, actually.

-All right, mate.

Hope he washed his hands.

Now, down to some serious decision-making.

Right, are you thinking serious brown accountancy-style pad

or fun colourful octopus, for ideas?

Fun, colourful octopus for ideas, definitely.

My concerns about those two as a pair is that it's kind of the blind leading the blind, really.

Five most important things, maybe.

-Let's go to the pub.

-Go to the pub, yeah?

All I wanna know, really, is what don't I want? I know stuff...

-What don't you want?

-I don't want a church, Vicki's not gonna want a church.

I don't know that the venue's the most important thing.

As long as the dress is right, it'll be all right.

All right, we'll do it. Race ya, race ya.

But it's not just the dress that matters to Vicki.

She spent years dreaming up a vision for her big day.

I would say my taste is very girly and traditional and floaty and lacy,

lots of fairy lights and materials and almost Grecian

in style. That's what I'd like, ideally, for a wedding.

A Grecian wedding in Leeds.

At wedding HQ, the boys are finally knuckling down.

'I think you've got the wrong number.'

-OK, sorry. You

-BLEEP.

-How have you taken down the wrong number?

It's not a good start.

'Thank you for calling. Unfortunately, there is no-one

'to take your call at the moment.

'Office hours are Monday to Friday, 9am to 1pm.'

Let's not bust our brains about this. Let's do what Sundays were built for. Nothing.

Those two can quite easily sit and spend days doing absolutely nothing,

and not even realise where the time's gone.

That looks well hard.

Vicki's not so happy doing nothing.

She's trying to pass the time with chief bridesmaid, Yetmin.

We have been talking about weddings since

we were probably 15, 16 years old.

The one thing I wish more than anything is your dress is perfect.

And my hair and make-up, because there's no point having an

absolutely drop-dead gorgeous dress if my hair is covered

in ten tons of lacquer.

And the bridesmaids' dresses. They are my main things.

It will be perfect, I'm sure.

That is a lot to get perfect.

Well, a venue would be a good start.

Still, at least the boys are finally on their way to see one.

-It looks well nice round here, doesn't it?

-Vicki has grand designs for her wedding.

She's taking another of her bridesmaids,

Elaine, to check out the only place she wants to tie the knot...

Oh, it's so nice, isn't it?

..Ripley Castle.

Nestled in the North Yorkshire countryside,

this is exactly what our Queen Victoria wants for her big day.

Oh, it's completely unspoilt, isn't it?

It's just beautiful. Absolutely amazing.

The boys have something rather different in mind.

They've arrived at their first venue.

The Red Lion Hotel, old bean.

Nice one, man.

-Hi, Stuart.

-Hi, nice to meet you.

-You all right?

-I'm Vicki.

-Only joking, I'm the best man.

-Shall we go and have a look at the room?

The happy couple are shown the simple rustic charms of the Red Lion.

Oh, wow, look at the chandelier.

Oh, so this is the room where you'd have your meal.

Oh, it's really nice, isn't it?

-Pretty, this.

-This would be way your actual ceremony is held.

This is what we are looking for. This kind of thing.

I want my wedding to be better than any wedding I've been to,

or any that I'm ever going to go to.

I'd want cut glass champagne glasses, fancy knives and forks.

The point of your wedding day is that everything is just

a bit more special than what you would normally have.

At the moment, thumbs up for this place, man.

I've struggled to find any negatives about it.

I'd get married here, which is a start.

It's second guessing whether Vicki would.

Now, what would Vicki want?

A castle or a pub?

Castle? Pub? Hmm...

It really does tick all the boxes, doesn't it? Which is why

I would love to get married in a place like Ripley Castle.

For Stuart, it's the Red Lion that ticks all the boxes,

but even he knows he needs to look at something more traditional.

To the venuemobile!

Come on, quick. We've got venues to look at!

Newburgh Priory, founded in 1145 and set in 6,000 acres, including

exquisite ornamental gardens, and completely wasted on these boys.

Nice big hedge boobies on the side...

-Ooh-ooh!

-Ooh-ooh!

It's nice, isn't it? You can't really say fairer than this?

-You must be Stuart, I'm Sarah Robson.

-Nice one.

-I'm Luke.

Look at this.

This is the ceremony room.

I feel like I need a sword.

This looks more like it.

Vicki would definitely give this place her seal of approval.

If I'm going with gut instinct, the minute...

Outside here, I was like, "Be nice."

When I got in there, I was like, "Medieval, smells like a cathedral.

-"A bit dingy."

-Would she prefer something that's

more grand like this, or would she prefer something that's more

homely, country, cottagey?

My head's a bit of a muddle at the moment, because I can see how Vicki might look at this and

I can see how I could be so off the mark, but I just don't like the way it looks.

Did you not think it was all a bit...Gothic?

At the Red Lion, the food is there and made and done for us and that's two jobs, two birds, one johnny.

That's the last thing I expected you to say!

I've talked myself out of this and I think I needed to do that.

-Good chatting. Good chatting, chief.

-Sweet.

Stuart couldn't be more off the mark.

He's turning his back on the Priory...

..and booking the pub.

Time for a sit-down with the manager.

Music-lover Stuart has his own ideas for entertainment.

-Have you thought about music in the evening?

-Yeah.

Whatever it's going to be, we're obviously gonna organise it.

And that is a total of...

-£4,557.20.

-It is.

-Bargain.

So, Queen Vic is getting hitched at the Red Lion.

# Daddy told me look into the future

# Sit at your computer Be a good girl... #

Four days in and all Stuart's sorted is the venue.

For financial adviser Vicki, the devil is in the detail.

I'm worried about what the ceremony's gonna be like,

I'm worried about who's gonna be there, I am worried what he's gonna do with my hair.

I'm worried about the bouquets, about what the bridesmaids are gonna be in.

I'm literally worried about absolutely everything.

# Cos frankly, I don't even care... #

Stuart's not worried about any of those.

He's obsessed with something closer to his heart...

..the entertainment.

-Easy, mate.

-Easy, mate.

We need to start coming up with some ideas of what we want to do,

because that's gone onto the back-burner, hasn't it?

-Yeah.

-Any ideas?

-Erm...

Luke remembers Stuart's proposal to Vicki and their love of live music.

-He has a brainwave.

-Huh, this is an idea.

You could say, "All right, ladies and gentlemen, Turin Brakes"

and then they come out and they play your song

and you have your first dance to that. Amazing!

That is an ace idea, but hinges on a lot.

That hinges on a professional band coming to a wedding somewhere near Skipton.

She'd have no idea. It'd be a massive surprise. Really romantic.

-Let's MySpace 'em.

-Thoughts become things.

It's worked for us so far.

-I mean, look at the venue we've got.

-Yep.

Maybe these lads can make their dream become reality.

What have you got to lose, to ring them now?

-And it's got two 69s in the phone number, if that's not fate, I don't know what is.

-You call them.

Go on, you make it happen.

Stuart's certainly mastering the art of delegation.

Hello, I was just looking at seeing if I could speak to someone about

possibly booking Turin Brakes for a concert, please.

I mean, I don't know if that's something that's within the realms of possibility.

'Not out of the realms of possibility. It's up to their

-'discretion and their timetable.'

-Yeah. That's awesome.

-'Thank you very much.'

All right, thanks very much for your time, take care.

-Oh, good. OK.

-I hope to God that works out, cos that'll be awesome. won't it?

That would be pretty good. I hate it when people say, "That's not beyond the realms of possibility,"

because it gives you a glimmer of hope, and if you...

I've now been set up to be disappointed!

Not necessarily. Thoughts become things,

-what've I been telling you?

-God!

-Mate, I think I'd die if we get Turin Brakes, it's proper silenced me off.

-I can see it in me head.

I can see that they're gonna ring us back and I can see that they're gonna help you out.

The other thing is, as well, I'd love to sing with Turin Brakes, can you imagine that?

This could make your wedding ridiculously unbelievable.

If I pulled this off, I don't think I could ever do anything wrong.

Oh, dear.

Vicki can't plan her wedding, but it won't stop her holding court with her bridesmaids.

The bridesmaids dresses is so important, because the bridesmaids are gonna be in all the photos.

-They're gonna be salmon colour.

-I hope that there is absolutely no pastel shades,

I do not want to see baby blue, lilac, pink, mint green or peach. Anywhere.

-What colour scheme are you wishing for?

-Just very natural shades.

Nothing too bright, because I think that tends to be a little bit too much.

It'll either all be brilliant or it'll all be wrong.

THEY LAUGH

But either way, Stu will never admit to it all being wrong, so it's fine.

Speaking of wrong, today Stuart's shopping for bridesmaids dresses,

and feeling confident, he's decided he's better off choosing without the girls.

I'm the boss, they're gonna wear what they get given, and I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it.

I'm not gonna worry about it too much. I don't think...

I'm going to pick anything hideous, I don't think I'm that bad.

Oh, my God.

He's not making it easy for himself.

He hasn't chosen a colour scheme,

and one of his absent bridesmaids is pregnant.

I'm looking for three bridesmaids, right?

Two are gonna be OK to pick for,

the other one I've got is five or six months pregnant.

You need something that's quite loose, for a pregnant lady.

Stuart's picked up most of the shop...

but three hours later, he's narrowed his choices down to one.

-Time to bring the girls in.

-Hi.

Hello, you lovely, gorgeous, wonderful people.

Whether it matches their taste, I don't know,

whether they like it, I don't know.

Do they have to lump it? Yeah, they're gonna wear it.

Can I get this out of the way and let them see the dresses.

Stuart's confident he's got it right.

-OK.

-You've got to try them on, first.

-That's what I'm saying.

-None of us know what to say.

You had to go for the style in order to fit you and that was the best style that was gonna fit you...

-I like the style.

-The style's fine. The style's good.

But the only thing in that kind of style, you can go and look yourself, is that colour.

-Well, let's try them on, then.

-Yeah, let's do it.

They're gonna look like three prawns when they come out of there.

They're gonna look like they've fallen out of a prawn sandwich.

-Oh, yes.

-Oh, no.

-It's the prawn sandwich brigade.

-I'm gonna kill you.

I think you look all right. I wouldn't have picked pink for bridesmaids but...

-It does suit us all.

-It does.

Do you know what? I think it's just shock.

It seems less pink now than it did when you first put it on.

-It does, yeah.

-You seem to have...

-Blended in to it.

Maybe it's getting redder because you're wearing it.

I've changed my mind about the colour, I like it now.

Good luck. Well done, as well. Don't worry, don't worry.

I'm not worried.

You are! I know that look.

-No, I...

-Pretend, pretend.

-Pretend what?

I'm really scared, because I know she's not gonna like it.

She would never pick that colour in a million years.

Stuart wasn't expecting their lack of enthusiasm,

and his confidence has taken a bit of a battering, poor love.

I think I've probably spent too much on them now.

I can safely say that their reaction will probably mean that I don't spend any more on them either,

so they're gonna sort their accessories, hair and make-up out themselves.

So, you know, they make a rod for their own backs in that respect.

Crikey. On the bright side, that's another box ticked.

Time to get back to the main event, booking the band.

Oh, what's this?

"Turin Brakes and the wedding!"

"Hi, Stuart. I've not heard anything back as yet.

"However, I was wondering if you'd be offering a fee."

At least she's come back to us. She definitely needs calling.

Buoyed by the possibility of a major international act playing at his wedding,

Stuart knuckles down to some of the more mundane matters.

He splashes out the best part of £1,700 on rings...

This is my lucky day.

I'm getting worried about us two,

all this time spent together.

£200 on transport.

And sends out the invitations.

His bridesmaids' prawn-coloured frocks now dictate the colour scheme.

I want flowers that aren't pink at all, but might somehow go with pink.

But he's warming to it.

I might go for pink, take a hit for the girls,

take a hit for the bridesmaids,

I think I've been a bit harsh with them.

A week-and-a-half has passed and they can't put it off any longer.

It's time for the boys to tackle what should have been their main priority -

finding a gown fit for Queen Victoria to wear to the pub.

-Tell me where you're getting married.

-We're getting married in the Red Lion in Burnsall.

-Yes, I know it well.

-It's awesome.

Lovely, very nice. So praying for lovely weather. Is it next summer?

No, it's next week.

Oh, right, OK. Fine.

-Really?

-Next Thursday to be precise.

-Next Thursday?

-Yeah.

-Oh, wow.

Of course, Vicki's got no say in her wedding dress, but a girl can dream.

My ideal is something, you know, really airy, how I was talking about having something really floaty.

That reminds me of my Nan's old nightie.

No offence. My Nan had great taste, it's all right.

And pretty and lacy.

Obviously, lace is what's in fashion at the moment.

I don't think Vicki would be too keen on

all this netting and stuff.

Nothing too backless either.

You don't need your back out.

It's got a nice low back.

Man, I love that. What do you think Luke's taste is in wedding dresses?

I like this.

Let's have this first dance, shall we? See how it goes. I'm liking it.

Don't stand on my dress!

I don't want to look at any more.

Better had. Better had.

Hello, Vivien?

-Are you Victoria?

-I am, yes.

Unable to contain herself, Vicki's come to look for her dream dress.

-This shop is absolutely amazing.

-What sort of ideas have you?

-I want something fairly fitted, sort of angel-like.

-Yeah, floaty fabrics.

Yes, floaty fabrics.

The boys' search continues.

-Hiya.

-Hiya, gentlemen. Just have a look through, guys.

-Nice one.

This bride knows exactly what she's looking for.

Oh, my gosh. This one.

-Do you like that one?

-I love it.

-That is gorgeous.

-I love it.

The back of that's fantastic.

Oh, wow, look at that dress.

Look at how it just floats along.

That's really simple as well.

Oh, my God!

Vicki's found the one, but the boys can't decide.

OK, mate, next one.

Is that one potentially nicer than the one we just looked at?

Definitely considerations.

I like that style of dress, but maybe with a little bit of a bigger back, like that.

-Can we keep them both in the maybe pile?

-Course you can, not a problem at all.

Come on, Vicki, let's have a look at you.

Oh, I think it looks gorgeous.

It's absolutely amazing.

It's beautiful.

I feel like... Like a Greek goddess or something.

-Yeah, put the veil in.

-This is the dress that I want.

-Definitely, I love it.

-It's the one, isn't it?

It's the one.

With all my hair and make-up done,

I just think it is absolutely stunning.

The veil looks gorgeous.

I feel a million dollars.

-How much is it?

-It's about 1,900.

Yeah, just under.

1,900, so what's that out of the budget?

It's about, well...

15%, isn't it?

Nearer 16%,

but we'll let you off, clever-clogs.

I'm gutted, I wish that I could walk away with this dress today.

I wish that I could choose my own.

Don't want to take it off.

-Bye, dress!

-Aww!

The boys have enlisted some help.

This should make things easier.

# I just don't know what to do with myself. #

What do you reckon?

# I don't know what to do with myself. #

I have absolutely no idea.

# Planning everything for two

# Doing everything with you. #

Erm...

# And now that we're through

# I just don't know what to do

# Like a summer rose... #

And now for a game of spot the difference.

# Needs the sun and rain

# I need your sweet love to beat love away. #

Erm...

It's that one out of the two. That's the dress I want to see me bird in.

Bingo!

But this gown isn't Grecian, it's not floaty,

in fact, it's not remotely like Vicki's angel dress.

I ain't gonna mess about any more, for once.

I'm just gonna say, "We're gonna get that dress."

I think it's gonna look brilliant on her.

We're not gonna go for a veil. We'll get a little tiara thing.

I would hate a tiara.

I would absolutely hate having a tiara.

"Oh, I'm getting married, I'm gonna wear a tiara."

How unoriginal.

The tiara and dress are bound to make a dent in Stuart's budget.

I don't even know how much that dress is.

-This dress is 650.

-Is it?!

Yes. Very, very good value.

I thought it was the one that was about a grand.

No, no, no. 650.

-Oh, mate.

-Buzzing, yes!

That's just a third of the cost of Vicki's dream dress.

Feeling flush, the lads are ready to call their musical heroes with a generous offer.

I don't know whether £1,000 is short

or whether it's over the odds.

I don't even know where to start.

I've never booked a professional act before.

So anything you can do, love, there'll be a bottle of wine in the post for you, I promise.

-Can't do much more than that, can you?

-No.

Vicki's not seen her man for two weeks, but he hasn't forgotten her.

-It's time for her surprise hen party.

-Oh, my life.

Oh, my life!

Oh, my God, oh, my God! Come in.

-You need jeans and trainers and scruffy clothes.

-And a towel.

-And a change of clothes for later.

-Scruffy clothes?

Stuart's back in charge of the girls.

This time, from a safe distance.

-Hello.

-Hello.

Oh, no, I'm gonna get to hear him.

-Fingers in your ears.

-Oh, Vicki.

-Stupid.

-Can you hear us?

I'm not gonna tell you what you're doing, you find that out when you get there.

-I'll send you a text message with a postcode on it.

-What?

Some of you are gonna love today, some are gonna hate it, it will be interesting to see who's what.

Send me the postcode and I'm sure I'll kill you when I see you.

Nice one, mate.

Oh, my God.

It's A Knockout.

Looks like Queen Vic will be getting her castle after all.

Her Prince Charming's paid for them to play It's A Knockout with other groups of hens and stags.

-We're gonna

-BLEEP

-kick

-BLEEP.

It's not everyone's idea of a dream hen party, but it appeals to Vicki's leadership skills.

We're gonna head down the middle to avoid as much water as possible,

take it really slowly and be especially careful going over that final bit,

cos it's on a bit of a slump.

She's certainly taking things pretty seriously.

If only her team were as poised.

Looks like she's won the wet T-shirt competition,

but has her team triumphed?

The final scores... Have you all enjoyed yourselves today?

There can be only one winner, so to come forward and collect the champagne, could I have...

this group here!

Ladies and gents... Ladies and...

Hold on, hold on.

Ladies and gents, I said to collect the champagne.

I would like you now to present it to the winning team.

The Formidables!

Hello, all. How's it going?

At Stuart's house, the stags are ready to party hard.

Stress releasing blow-out. It can all start again tomorrow then.

Hang on, Stuart, that's a field.

It's all come over a bit Brokeback Mountain.

# Here we come, here we go

# We're gonna rock

# Fill up my cup

# Mazel tov! #

# RedOne

# Konvict... #

The girls have taken Vicki's hen night on to a mate's flat,

and they're really getting stuck in.

# I've had a little bit too much

# Oh, oh, oh, oh

# All of the people start to rush

# Start to rush by. #

# Slip inside the eye of your mind

# Don't you know you might find... #

Who needs Turin Brakes when you've got Luke?

-You're just not joining in!

-OTHERS LAUGH

'It's a good night. You don't have to spend a lot of money'

on a good night out. As long as you've got football, beers, mates, it's good.

This is for my mate Stuart.

Getting married in five days today...

GUITAR STRUMMING

But it's all a bit of a shock.

-Cos we all thought you were a gay.

-LAUGHTER

# Boom boom boom Gotta get get

# Boom boom boom Gotta get get

# I like that boom boom pow

# Them chickens jackin' my style. #

I'll think of some lines.

LAUGHTER

I'll think of 'em in a tick.

GUITAR STRUMMING

And all I can say...

GUITAR STRUMMING

-..is that Stu's got a small

-BLEEP.

-Yeah!

-LAUGHTER

Yeah, clever(!)

The thing is, with what we've got planned,

we need to hear back from Turin Brakes. That's the main thing.

If we hear back from Turin Brakes, we've got our wedding.

GUITAR STRUMMING

-Hi.

-Nice to meet you.

-Hi, nice to meet you.

Bride-to-be Vicki's pretty particular when it comes to her appearance,

so Stuart and Luke have a meeting to discuss her styling for the wedding.

The two things that can make or break a wedding are probably the make-up and hair.

-Has she got a lot of hair?

-It's probably about there.

-Shoulder length.

Is her hair longer or shorter than mine?

-Probably goes to about there on her back.

-Oh!

At least Luke's got eyes in his head.

-I think so.

-I've got a bad memory, that's all.

The amount of make-up I've got on, would you say that's what she would normally wear

or what you'd want for her on the day?

Yeah, that's exactly what I like.

-Nice to meet you, take care.

-Take care. Speak to you soon.

Being kept in the dark about her wedding is taking its toll on Victoria.

It's just been absolutely awful.

You honestly do wonder if it's worth it.

Cos...

To not talk to him for that long, it's just...

It's really hard.

For the girl who's been planning her big day since she was a teenager,

it's too much to take.

I'm finding the hardest just not talking to him. It's horrible.

It is like I miss him all the time.

And I feel so stupid.

I can't even get excited,

really, about the fact that I'm getting married.

I can't even think about it sometimes.

And that's like...

That's really upsetting as well, because...

Because you're meant to be really happy...

..just before you get married, and I'm not.

Oh, I'm being so stupid.

Stuart still has boxes to tick.

Right now, he's concentrating on the cake.

-Hiya.

-Hi, there. BELL JANGLES

-Oh, God. Is it Trevor?

-It is. Very pleased to meet you.

You able to help me with a wedding cake?

These are just little chocolate gateaux.

Well, cutting the cake is not gonna take long.

-Things like that.

-Brilliant.

Ooh, that's more like it.

This can be done in chocolate sponge

with chocolate truffle filling inside

and then decorated with chocolate roses.

Got anything a bit bigger?

These cakes aren't gonna get cut, are they?

What's the point in ruining something like that? Oh, my God!

When it comes to cake, size really does matter. Hmm...

Something like this, it wouldn't be practical for you to pick up.

It's gonna be finished off with little purple and white orchids...

-Yeah.

-..dotted all around the levels here.

But that's not good enough for Stuart.

He wants to design his own masterpiece.

-Thank you, man. Cheers. Thanks.

-Lovely. Cheers, mate.

The wedding is just three days away,

and the boys still haven't heard from Turin Brakes.

-Back again.

-Everything we've done up to now has sort of come to us.

Everything has found us.

It's just this isn't finding us.

It's just Turin Brakes haven't come back to us. Once they come,

that's it, we've done it all.

It's not going to happen.

They decide to face the music and make the call.

We've been speaking about Turin Brakes' availability for a wedding this Thursday.

Their worst fears are confirmed. The band aren't available.

OK. No worries. Thanks anyway.

Cheers, then. Bye.

Vicki will be disappointed.

Well, she won't, because she wouldn't have known.

But she will be disappointed if she finds out that we tried, which she inevitably will do.

-Erm...

-BLEEP.

He may have rings, flowers, dresses and transport,

but right now, it looks like music-lover Stuart

is going to have a wedding with absolutely no entertainment.

-Everything else compared to that all seems a bit

-BLEEP

-to me.

-I know.

Do you know what I mean?

With the wedding in just two days' time,

the boys put aside their musical worries.

Look at that guitar!

Stuart has relented at the last minute, deciding to buy

the bridesmaids some accessories after all.

STUART HUMS "The Birdie Song"

Suddenly, something catches his eye...

No, it's not exactly the same, is it?

I've just seen exactly the same dresses

in a different colour, which is exactly what I was looking for,

which has pissed me off now.

So I don't know whether to try and exchange the dresses

for a different colour, whether that colour is even any better.

It's a bit late to change the colour scheme from prawn pink to purple.

-Is that the one?

-This offensive little...

Yeah. Look. Look how much nicer that is than this.

Yeah? And look also at how much nicer this is than that!

# Purple rain

# Purple rain... #

-Give up.

-I agree that that's a nicer dress.

It'd be a nice surprise, wouldn't it? If they don't have to bowl up in those horrible...

-This!

-And then we'd just have to start again and get some purple shoes, instead of pink shoes.

Do you have those dresses? We'd be looking for two 10s and one 12.

Right. Let me have a look.

I'll see... I think I've got an 8 on the hanger.

8, 10...

Oh, dear, the colour is right, but the sizes aren't.

You could try White Rose. Can you get to there?

I don't know if I'm going to have time to get to the White Rose today.

Shall we just sack that idea off?

Instant decision, keep it or sack it off?

We've got pink flowers, we've got pink neckties now,

is it worth ringing the flower shop and the necktie shop to change all that when...?

Have you gone with that colour?

Well... Yeah, but...

only on flowers and neckties.

Neckties can be changed at the drop of a hat, and flowers, if possible...

Do you think that dark red, that we've used to tie the pink together, would go with that purple?

-I don't think it would.

-Oh, do you know what?

The bridesmaids have seen it anyway. They're prepared, aren't they?

There's nothing I...

Let's just concentrate on buying shoes.

We're opening too many cans of worms and we haven't got time.

-All right. Thank you anyway.

-No worries.

-Cheers, my darling.

-Cheers, thanks, bye.

The boys have bigger prawns to fry.

Hmm.

They still urgently need some entertainment.

Sometimes, the best solutions are right under your nose.

-All right, how's it going?

-Quality.

-Chris, nice to meet you.

-Luke.

-Stu.

-How you doing, Stu? You all right?

We've got a bit of a pickle on our hands and we're hoping you might be the man to help us out.

-Why, what have you got in mind?

-I'm looking for a...

You know what we don't want is some kind of wedding band.

This is the kind of shit I'm into, if you know what I mean.

All this proper...this. A bit raw, a bit real, you know what I mean?

What we're looking for - we've gone down other avenues that have not necessarily worked out,

which were a bit grandiose in the first place.

Trying to get Rufus Wainwright in, were you?

-No, Turin Brakes, actually!

-Oh, right, OK.

-Listen...

-Cool, let's talk further, make it happen.

-Awesome, man.

Living the wedding dream.

Keep the quid. THEY LAUGH

Cheers, mate(!)

Cheers, man.

Poor Vicki, she dreamed of castles and cut-glass crystal.

Instead, she's got a boozer and a busker.

It's the day before the wedding,

and Stuart and Luke are heading to the Red Lion for a rehearsal.

She's only not going to like it if she's lost all taste in everything.

It's just a gorgeous little building, isn't it?

-I love it.

-I love it.

Through here. So, we'll open the door...

After three weeks together,

it's the end of the line for this happy couple.

# Looking in your eyes

# I see a paradise

# This world that I found is too good to be true

# Standing here beside you... #

-Let's have this first dance, shall we?

-See how it goes.

# ..That I'm feeling for you

# Let them say we're crazy

# I don't care about that

# Put your hand in my hand, baby

# Don't ever look back... #

You're wearing my pants, aren't you?

# ..Just fall apart

# Baby, we can make it

# If we're heart to heart

# And we can build this dream together

# Standing strong forever... #

Now he's got no live band,

Stuart has asked the hotel if he can use their in-house DJ.

Out of the bits and bobs we've got left, how is the DJ looking for tomorrow?

Well, I've tried contacting him

and he's in the Lake District at the moment.

He's definitely back today.

Just to say, worst-case scenario, your DJ isn't available -

and hopefully he is -

do we have any other kind of contingencies? Can we bring somebody?

You can bring somebody if you can get hold of somebody

at this late stage.

While the boys fret over a DJ,

the bride is fretting about her wedding dress.

She's about to see it for the very first time.

-Hiya.

-Hi.

-Nice to see you.

-I'm nervous.

-Aw!

We'll take you through and let you have a look at your dress.

-OK.

-After you.

This is scary.

Oh... That looks like it could be quite nice. It's different!

But the proof of the dress is in the wearing.

-ALL GASP

-Oh.

Does it look nice?

Oh, it's lovely, isn't it?

-Beautiful!

-It really is.

Oh, it's gorgeous, isn't it?

Look how unusual it is. Oh, it's really nice.

It's gorgeous.

The back is beautiful.

Oh, my God, it fits amazing.

Oh, I'm being all red and stupid.

Let me get you a tissue.

I don't even mind the crown.

This dress is amazing.

It's so simple as well, isn't it, the dress?

-He's really got it right.

-He's done good.

There's no way I'd change this.

I wonder...

if it'll go with your dresses?

And his outfit.

And your venue.

Skilful change of subject.

While the girls celebrate, the boys are still worrying about their entertainment.

The busker is only booked 1.5 hours, so they desperately need a DJ.

I'm going to bell the Red Lion, and see what's going on with this DJ.

'Richard can't do it, I don't think.'

Nice of them to let us know.

Luckily, Stuart is a well-connected guy. He calls up an old contact.

I was just wondering if there was anything you guys could do?

'I'm on holiday in Wales.'

# Hey Mr DJ, put a record on

# I wanna dance with my baby... #

The gig is tomorrow night, mate. You're out and about, are you?

He's not answering. He's not even got a voice mail.

With the wedding 24 hours away, Stuart is running out of options.

This guy, Mark did our engagement do, so I'm going to try him first.

RINGING TONE

DOGS BARK >

Shut up.

DISCONNECTION TONE

Who doesn't have a voicemail?!

If you get booked for things for a living...

-You'd have a voice mail.

-You would, wouldn't you?

-Yeah.

-Then Luke remembers an old mate.

-Now then, Walshy!

-Now then.

-Its Luke. Me and my mate are putting on a wedding. Do you still DJ?

-'No.'

-You're joking!

-Sack him.

All right, man. Never mind, never mind.

Last minute DJ Ltd.

Sounds about what we need.

The boys are out of time, and out of ideas.

It's been three weeks in the planning and has cost £12,000.

The day that Vicki has been dreaming about since she was 16 has finally arrived.

I don't feel like I can eat.

-You've got to eat.

-Cheers, mate.

-Cheers mate. The first of many.

30 miles away, the lads, rather prematurely, drink to their success.

-Good morning.

-I'm doing the bride's hair.

I'm one of the bridesmaids. Come on in.

Vicki doesn't know that Stuart has only booked the hairdresser for her.

Who is doing our hair then?

-I have just been booked to do Vicki's hair.

-Who does your hair?

I'll kill him. He's left it this long to tell us.

The venue had better be good if he's scrimping on your hair.

It seems Stuart has started off on the wrong foot.

I can't believe they have sent two left shoes.

This isn't going to do, is it?

-What size are you?

-You can't have my shoes.

I'd do it for your wedding, wouldn't I?

Yeah you would, wouldn't ya?

Marvellous.

It looks lovely.

Are you sure? You like it?

Hello, I'm Lauren, the make-up artist.

Ooh, you have make-up!

Are you just doing Vicki's make-up or our make-up as well?

-I am, I'm afraid, my darling.

-It is just you getting spoiled.

-Basically what he has described as the natural look that you normally wear.

-Bless him for noticing.

While her ladies in waiting get themselves ready,

Queen Victoria gets the look her prince has requested.

It looks lovely.

Yes, it looks really nice.

Am I being a really fussy or do I have loads of lumps under that eye?

It's dry patches, Vicki.

That's the problem, because you have dry skin under your eyes.

Naturally the make-up will settle in dry patches.

Is there not any powder that can go under?

A powder will settle in the lines more than what we had previously.

-I can really

-BLEEP

-see all my make-up.

It is a little bit powdery.

Have you got something more liquid to put under?

I am not leaving this house until my make-up is perfect.

It looks OK. What is wrong?

It is really nice, it is really pearly.

You glow.

-At the pub, the guests are gathering and best man Luke's acting the clown.

-Two left feet.

Hello.

How embarrassing.

Time for Vicki to see her bridesmaids dressed like boiled prawns.

Oh, wow, you're all pink!

The dresses are lovely, they are very pink!

We had the same reaction as you.

-It is pink.

-Very pink.

I need to get my dress on.

I am stressing about my make-up.

Your make-up is fine.

The pressure is starting to get to her.

Why is there so much more blusher on one cheek?

-It is quite dark downstairs.

-BLEEP.

-Maybe she couldn't see.

Seriously... (If you don't like it, take it off.)

-I am going down to

-BLEEP

-tell her. Excuse me.

There seems to be it a lot more blusher on this one than this one.

I don't know if this room's too dark.

Can we even me up blusher-wise?

That is loads better, thank you.

That will do.

What you have got to consider is it has got to last all day, you need to make sure it looks perfect.

You look beautiful, don't worry.

I know, I am just being fussy. I'm not used to having so much make-up on, I think that is what it is.

It is just a lot.

Stuart and Vicki should be married by now but 30 minutes on, there is no sign of the bride.

Look at the state of my face!

Every time I look at myself, it looks worse.

-I'm going to have a

-BLEEP

-breakdown, me.

Come in here,

I need help.

You're not having a breakdown.

-I haven't got

-BLEEP

-dry skin.

My skin has never, ever been this dry.

I put make-up on my face every single day.

-Look at the

-BLEEP

-state of it, it's awful.

Look at my cheeks.

-I look like a clown, it is horrible.

-Breathe.

Take it off, leave your eyes. Be careful round your eyes.

We'll do it slowly. You need to calm down first otherwise you are going to be...blotchy.

He's gonna have to wait as long as it takes to do my make-up.

I am fuming.

With her make-under complete, Vicki is finally ready to leave.

It looks loads better doesn't it?

Now I've done it myself.

She is now running over an hour late.

CAR HORN BEEPS

It's a big embarrassing you-are-getting-married car.

"Look at me, I am getting married!" Oh, bless him.

THEY HUM BRIDAL MARCH

Oh, gosh.

Vicki hasn't been blown away by Stuart's choices so far.

Now the bride who dreamed of a castle is on her way to the pub.

What is this way?

-This is the ring road around Leeds.

-Horsforth, Otley.

-Yep.

There's tons of people.

-Part of an historic church...

-Oh, it's here!

-The Red Lion.

The Red Lion. I'm getting married in a pub.

I hope it is nice in there.

Oh, you have a photographer.

People that aren't with your wedding are here.

Are you all right?

She is an hour and a half late

and rather underwhelmed by the venue, but Stuart's bride is finally ready to take her vows.

-Here are your flowers, how are you feeling?

-I don't really know at the moment.

It just looks like a pub.

No offence to whoever's pub it is.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you all now please stand for the entrance of the bride.

I need to calm myself down.

-Are you all right?

-Yes, no.

Yes, I want a tissue please.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. It gives me great pleasure

to be here today to conduct this ceremony for Stuart and Victoria.

Luke, could I ask you to step forward with the rings?

Victoria, I give you this ring.

-Victoria, I give you this ring.

-As a symbol of my endless love for you.

All that I am and all that I have,

-I bring to you.

-Place that beautiful ring fully on.

-It is lovely.

-You are now...

husband and wife, congratulations.

# Love is in the air

# Everywhere I look around

# Love is in the air... #

The dress is amazing, babe.

One more, why not.

It is just beautiful, I am on cloud nine at the moment.

I am loving it. I don't want it to finish.

I can't imagine two people that are better suited for each other that have ever been made.

To our two good friends, Stuart and Vicki.

ALL: Stuart and Vicki!

I will testify to that boy's grave that he has worked and worked his fingers to the bone over the last

three weeks to make sure Vicki has the best day she has ever had.

There could never be a father who loved his daughter

more than I love you.

I take my hat off to him.

I am very proud to have him as a son-in-law

and proud to have him as part of the family. He has been brill.

The icing on the cake...

I designed this cake, by the way.

To get there and have everything work out, it was perfect for her.

She will remember it forever.

I have to start behaving myself more and letting him have control

over some things because he has done an absolutely fantastic job.

Turin Brakes put in an appearance after all.

This is Forever by Turin Brakes. I only found out about this yesterday, a bit before you I think.

Forgive me if I make a few mistakes.

# Inch by inch

# I'm infected by your love

# From head to toe

# I am chemically changed. #

The intentions were to have Turin Brakes here but it didn't happen.

I know your intentions. I've noticed your intentions.

They are everything and it's just brilliant.

-I am made up.

-Soppy

-BLEEP.

I love you.

-Shall we go in and have a bit more of a dance?

-Yeah.

Come on then. You'll have to help me so I don't get stones

-in my feet.

-Your feet are stoned?

To round things off, Stuart has come up trumps with a last-minute DJ.

# You!

# Your sex is on fire

# You!

# Your sex is on fire

# You!

Five, four, three, two, one!

CHEERING

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