Nathan and Nicky Don't Tell the Bride

Hold on to your hats.

This is Don't Tell The Bride.

-What do you think?

-You look really nice.

-Do I?

-Only the bravest of brides...

-Oh, I'm really scared.

..Would let their groom organise the biggest day of their life.

-..Alone.

-She'll love it, I know she will. But she'll probably kill me.

The grooms get £12,000...

No strippers!

..And the brides get no say in how it's spent.

With a million ways to splash the cash...

I got married in a battleship!

Black for Vegas, baby.

-..And a million things to organise...

-I don't know what she wants.

He's well stressing me out.

Can the guys pull it off in just three weeks?

I can't do it.

And will it be for better...

..Or for worse?

After 10 minutes, I want to get it off.

You've ripped the whole family apart.

This is hell on earth.

Tonight, the pressure's on for farmer, Nathan.

Buy a pig, cook his head...

..As he attempts to blow away bride-to-be Nicky.

A feast on the eyes.

-But will taking on the weird world of...

-Women things.

I feel like a perv. ..Nipples.

..Get him into deep water?

I'm really gutted.

Yes!

Will he manage to mollify the mother of all brides?

I ain't happy, Nick. This is the biggest day of your life.

-RADIO:

-'We're very cross...'

-Why?

Certain people are not happy.

It's not only Nicky's hopes and dreams, it's my hopes and dreams.

And will his bride even make it to her own wedding?

I won't believe the words.

-Where is she?

-Can this man...

-I've lost my trousers.

-..Give this woman...

-I think my boobs do all the talking.

-..The romantic day of her dreams?

-If you mess this up, you'll be stuffed.

My heart's pounding.

MUSIC: "All Possibilities" by Badly Drawn Boy

Today, 23-year-old Nicky is moving out of the home she shares

with 25-year-old Nathan in Kidderminster.

The couple live with their two dogs, Tara and Leah,

their cat, Fern, and seven chickens.

As their love's grown, so has their flock, but it all started seven years ago in a nightclub in Dudley.

'I remember what she was wearing.'

She was wearing a black dress. It had loads of holes down it,

big holes, here, all the way down.

Thinking back on it now, it was probably like a slutty dress, that is. Really. Is it not?

-Excuse me?!

-Was it not, though?

-Excuse me?

-I don't think you were wearing any pants.

-You were attrac...

I don't think she was wearing... the hole was there.

-I never go out with...

-And the hole was there...

-I never go out commando!

-That's what I thought anyway.

Oh! You were obviously attracted to it, can't have been that slutty.

Going out with a dirty man wasn't top of Nicky's wish-list either.

I never dreamt of meeting a guy that worked on a farm.

Her intended works at Bodenham Arboretum and Farm.

156 acres of managed woodland, with over 3,000 trees and shrubs.

He's the farm's manager, and an expert tree surgeon.

I could be driving tractors...

Driving a digger...

Climbing trees...

Dead wooding or dismantling, or whatever.

Working with sheep, cows, pigs...

MUSIC: "Thank God I'm A Country Boy" by John Denver

Nathan's boss Jim remembers him starting at the farm as a kid.

Spotty 15-year-old, I could describe him as,

but there were always a spark of a young man who wanted to be outside,

and 10 years on, now he's in charge of everybody who works here, basically, on the outside team.

While Nathan's office is the great outdoors,

Nicky studies for a Social Services degree from home.

MUSIC: Theme from "Murder, She Wrote"

I'm the brains and he's the brawn.

Only problem is, the brawn is always bringing the outdoors in.

If it's been raining, he comes in in muddy boots.

It was only this morning I hoovered in here!

I just walked in, didn't I, and forgot.

Nathan! Get the Hoover out and do it properly.

If he's been looking after the pigs that day, he absolutely reeks to high heaven.'

-Maybe you didn't shower properly last night.

-I did.

I'm a man's man, and I always will be, I think.

I'll always get my hands dirty.

And when this man's man popped the question, it wasn't the most romantic of moments.

I said to Nic, "Shall we get married?"

'It was just like a question. It was like,'

"What are we having for tea?"

"Egg and chips?" "OK."

After such a pants proposal,

Nathan has a lot to prove to his bride-to-be.

Because he doesn't tell me

how he feels, I want him to show me how he feels.

So, will Nathan be able to hatch a wedding that shows his chick how much he cares?

It'll be all right.

I hope so.

For your sake.

Ta-ra.

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

Nicky is moving back in with her mum and dad in Dudley.

This wedding will have to impress not just the bride, but also her mother.

It's not only Nicky's hopes and dreams,

it's my hopes and dreams over the last 20 years.

What if I don't like it and you do?

Well, I'm the bride.

-What I say goes.

-What you say goes?

It has got to be the day of her dreams.

Everything, everything depends on this day.

Everything.

No pressure, then!

Luckily for Nathan, best man Nick has come all the way from Newquay to support his childhood chum.

-How's it going, man? Good to see you, kid. I've got some beers.

-Good lad!

If I weren't marrying Nicholla, I'd marry him, I really would.

I love him.

I love him, I really do.

Ah! So, Mr Un-romantic does have a softer side.

Three weeks.

Day one, and Nathan and Nic are off to their local church in Cookley,

10 minutes down the road.

MUSIC: "Prayin'" by Plan B

But at such short notice, the boys are going to have to do a great sales job on the vicar.

I tell you something, that were the hardest thing I think I've ever done.

My heart's pounding.

I need a drink for my hangover.

Nicky and her mum also have their heart set on a church, St Leonard's in Bewdley.

This is the entrance that the bride would come in.

For me, it's not about your wedding, this place.

It's about...

-the essence of the place, it's the feel of the wood, isn't it?

-Mm.

It's just a calmness that comes and descends.

The true essence of marriage is promising in the eyes of God to one another.

Nowhere else can that happen.

It's got to be in the right place. It's got to be, hasn't it?

Got to be in a church.

I cannot do a civil ceremony.

I won't believe the words.

Back at base and the vicar has an answer for nervous Nathan.

So, that's a "no" then, is it?

Is there any way you can think about it and... Can't?

Thank you. Bye.

That's that, then.

It's a no?

What was his reasons for not doing in the church?

-Didn't feel happy about it.

-Didn't feel happy about it?

Oh, man. I'm proper gutted, I am, man.

-Yeah.

-Really gutted.

Faced with no time to find another church, the groom must move on.

But the setbacks revealed a whole new side of Nathan to his best man.

He's not an emotional person at all,

and when I saw the way he reacted when he didn't get a church yesterday,

he didn't get upset for himself, he got upset because he felt he was going to disappoint Nicky.

He must love her, because he's trying to do what he can to make her happy.

The bride-to-be is in need of some distraction.

So she's taking her mother to see her dream reception venue.

Hagley Hall is a fine example of 18th-century Palladian architecture,

set in 350 acres of landscaped parkland.

It's just so elegant.

You could imagine the piano being played when your guests arrive.

It's stunning. It's not your normal venue, is it?

-It's out of this world.

-It is, yeah.

It's every girl's dream.

But it's not Nathan's.

He wants to hold his reception on the farm where he works.

Picture this, posh inside, and have it rustic and stuff outside.

Ah, yes, just picture the posh inside!

Red carpet, into, and then 'ting' this all up.

Bloody hell.

It befits any princess, this does, doesn't it?

A feast on the eyes.

What's this, Nath?

-This is a toilet.

-This is a toilet?!

Imagine it. How good's this?

What about the women?

Tasteful, elegant, sophisticated.

-Women could sit on that, couldn't they?

-You can't do that!

You'll have to get some portable toilets for the women.

We'll put that one on the back burner.

The only word I can describe it is splendid and regal.

That's two words. But here's two more, rural and rough.

BAA!

Hang on, so he's actually going to have his wedding in that barn?

Sadly for Nathan, it doesn't have a wedding licence, so he still needs somewhere to get married.

Somewhere more sophisticated...

I need a BLEEP HE FARTS

Oh dear.

I like the ivy... Oh, Nathan, have you just farted?

You can take the boy off the farm...

Jesus! Get it out before we go in there, man.

What we're actually looking for is, if possible,

just a civil ceremony here, if that's possible?

-Just a civil ceremony.

-We've got a barn, you see, in Wolverley,

which me and Nick, we want to try and decorate it ourselves

and have a whole day of reception ourself, you see.

What numbers are you thinking of?

-Possibly about 80.

-80, no problem at all.

-So is this the patio suite?

-This is the patio suite. The entrance would be though there.

And the bride would be directed round here.

'I wanted to have a church, but we couldn't get a church. So this would be the next best thing.

You could create the aisle with the chairs, so she's got longer to walk in.

-There would be a long aisle, it would be straight.

-Lovely, thank you very much.

No problem at all. I wish you all the very best.

Deal done.

And 650 quid later, the boys have got a registry do

and their reception in the bag.

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

Now all they have to do is transform a dirty old barn

into something that will impress the girl who wants a stately home.

MOO!

But there won't be a wedding at all unless Nicky signs the relevant documents.

Nathan has arranged her an appointment at the local registry office.

This can only mean one thing...

Of all the churches in this bloody area, and he can't get one?

I don't believe that.

He would have tried, but, there's trying and there's trying harder.

I don't want to go in.

I'd rather have no after-venue and just have the church.

If I had to pick.

The church is the important thing.

I don't know what to think.

I really hope it's the case that I don't need to use those notices of marriage.

I really do.

Nicky may be anticipating disappointment,

but that's nothing compared to how her mum's going to take the news.

I've had to go to the registry office.

-So you're getting married in a registry office?

-I don't know.

-It sounds like it.

-Don't know.

-I ain't happy, Nick.

This is the biggest day, one of the biggest days of your life.

-Yeah, but the day...

-I've tried to keep my feelings to myself

so not to upset you and not to wind you up and that,

but really, already you're saying a register office.

-I don't know if it is!

-I'm sorry, no.

You might as well get married on a pub car park or in a public outdoor,

as get married in a register office.

-I don't know!

-I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sorry. No.

I just don't agree with it.

Just what every bride needs, a supportive mum.

So far, Nathan hasn't impressed his future mother-in-law.

Maybe his choice of catering will save his bacon...

Why don't we buy pig,

cut off the pig's head, cook his head,

so you still got the pig's head on the plate?

I ain't picking the pig,

and let him oink at me and look into my eyes...

HE OINKS >

Back at the farm - I mean, reception venue -

and Nathan's hoping to do a deal with his boss, Jim.

I was wondering if I could buy a pig off you?

Good idea to have one of our own pigs, but you're not going to buy it, certainly not.

I'd like to give it to you.

No, no, Jim. We can sort out a pig.

Who else is going to give you a pig for a wedding present?

-Nobody.

-Exactly.

-Only you.

-That's right! So accept.

Most people get strippers.

Some of them are pigs.

Good man, thank you. Can I have this one, cos he's eating my shoe?

That's the wedding breakfast sorted.

Yummy!

But the barn is a different matter.

Nathan's holding his DIY wedding reception in a venue he's attempting to create from scratch.

Today, we've achieved...

We've got a sleeper wall gone in.

All the tractors have come out now.

Final blow over.

The stage is all in for the band.

It's not as hard as I imagined, actually.

We've done it pretty quick.

But it's empty.

With her wedding and her mother on her mind, Nicky meets up with her bridesmaid, former workmate Louise.

My mum keeps worrying about it more than me.

She's had it planned since I've been about four or something silly.

She's driving me mad.

We sat down for Sunday dinner yesterday,

and it was that, "I wonder what Nathan's doing now.

"I wonder what he's planned.

"I wonder when you're going to get your invite.

"I wonder what colour he's picked. Will he forget to do your hair?

"What about your make-up on the day?"

She's taking it harder than me, because of giving up control.

Because it is something that a mother and a daughter normally do together, don't they?

At least you'll be spending more time with her now.

-So that'll be nice for her.

-Yeah.

And as if they're not in each other's pockets enough already, the girls are off on a trip.

When Nicky was 12, she and her mum travelled to Paris.

Ever since, Nicky's mum has dreamed of returning to Europe's most romantic city

to pick out her daughter's wedding dress.

Now you're old enough to appreciate

what my dream was back then.

Is it our dream? It is our dream, isn't it?

We just won't be coming away with the dress.

MUSIC: "Via Con Me" by Paolo Conte

Bonjour.

Looking for, I think, a tight fit to about there and then...

-Fish shape?

-That's it, yeah.

OK, we have some dresses.

Mum knows exactly what she wants.

-Which one was it that you liked?

-It's white, though, isn't it?

-So?

This is ivory.

Yeah, ivory, I like ivory.

That's beautiful. I do like that.

-Try those on first, yeah?

-Yeah.

I've built it up to be such a dream

that I really don't think the dress I imagined exists.

-This is the shape you didn't want me in.

-Oh, it's awful.

You look like one of those tenpins.

I'm sorry, it's awful. I'm sorry!

-I think I need to try a...

-Ah, you want more volume?

Yeah, volume.

-Close your eyes this time.

-I am, I am.

If that dress was total ballerina style to the floor, then sticky out, with lots of diamantes on,

and some sort of diamante trim here,

perhaps a brooch there, a diamante brooch to pick up the sparkle,

and then the crown, that would be the perfect dress.

Can you be a bit more specific?

It's huge.

I don't think I need to say anything, I think my boobs do all the talking!

You don't like it?

No?

No, I don't. No. Do you?

-Do you like it?

-I like the volume.

It makes her look like a...

-Like a porn star's wedding, I'm sorry.

-Don't worry!

And while Nicky's channelling her inner porn star in Paris,

maybe the boys will fare better in historic Kinver.

My heart's pounding being in here.

-It would be, mate. This is it.

-No.

No.

-What about that one, Nath?

-No. Nah, don't like that.

No.

No.

No.

I don't know. You just think...

They all look pretty similar, but they're not.

When you look at them again, you think... What was Kayley's dress like?

It was nice.

-What about that one, Nath?

-I do like these, like, flowery stuff.

It's like trees, isn't it, sort of? Maybe, then.

That'd be quite nice.

Maybe this one? That's heavy, that is.

That's definitely in the 'maybe' pile. Yeah.

-Do you want us to do a catwalk for you?

-If you can, please.

You know, you haven't thought about that, the rustle when it goes down the aisle

so all anybody hears is you, the rustle,

-do you know what I mean? It's all part of the day.

-Yeah.

Mum's off again.

We were looking for something from the waist out.

Grande.

-Grande. Grande.

-Very large?

-Is the bride allowed an opinion?

I like the one in the window with the bow.

-Beautiful.

-No detail?

You know, diamante and that?

-I think it's a simple, elegant dress.

-Try it, then.

With this, I was panicking, but I get to walk away at the end of it.

-If you mess this up, you're stuffed.

-Yeah.

-That's nice, isn't it?

-That's actually pretty good.

It's quite a simple dress for us to actually alter.

The ever-practical groom has even thought about the alterations.

We thought about shortening it with a stapler.

You seriously thought about that, didn't you?

You wouldn't even know, I don't reckon. I'm all for practicality, me.

Oh, now I'm stumped.

-That's different, isn't it?

-That's more of a Nicky dress.

It's got flowers on for your trees and stuff.

That's better than the first one, isn't it? Would your mum influence what you bought?

-If I loved it and she hated it, I would rethink.

-Yeah.

Absolutely love it.

It's nice.

But I think it's elegant, simple.

-It's very classic.

-It is.

It's...

It's classic.

-I think the net ruins it, to be fair.

-I think it does, you know.

-It takes away from the dress.

-Yeah, it's good just with the...

-..headband.

-Again, that's entirely up to you.

-It's whether... That's what makes the mums cry.

-What, the veil?

Not much chance of that happening.

Is nice, too.

That's even better.

-Yes.

-That's even better.

But couldn't you have, as well, just...?

Oh, Mum with the diamantes! Let's go.

Just something diamante there...

-In the middle of the bow?

-Yeah, like a little brooch or something?

And then little diamantes here, and here, and here, here, here?

Just for... Like fairy dust.

And then it's both our dresses.

Two dresses for the price of one.

Yay!

-That's the one.

-Yeah.

-That's the one.

-This is the one, without a doubt.

-It is. It is.

That's the one.

-It is.

-Yeah, that's the one.

-This is the one.

-It is the one.

-This IS the one.

-That IS the one.

Actually, it's not the one.

Shame.

It's the end of week one, and Nathan's got himself

a build-your-own barn, a dress, and a pig.

It must be time for the stag.

# When the weather is fine You know it's the time

# For messing about on the river... #

Nathan and Nick have opted for a day out on a canal boat.

How nice!

But every captain needs his crew.

THEY CHEER

-Do you want to jump aboard?

-No!

That's a BLEEP tower, that is.

THEY CHEER AND LAUGH

Come on, boys, go, go, go!

-There's a barge coming up now.

-It'll be all OK when we get out.

Three cheers for this stag do! Hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!

The fun's over, and it's back to the planning.

There's an empty barn to decorate and a colour scheme to choose.

-We're thinking of burgundy.

-OK, wine burgundy or a very...

-Land Rover burgundy.

-NARRATOR LAUGHS

-The... er...

-Can I go and get my truck?

-Course you can.

-My truck's burgundy.

-OK, bring your truck down, then, and I'll have a look at it.

-Oh, shut up!

-Do you need any thank you bouquets for the mums?

-How much are they?

They tend to start about £20.

-Yeah, I'll have a couple of them.

-Yeah? OK.

-No, no, no.

-That's fine.

-I don't know what I'm thanking them for.

-It's me organising it, not them.

-Right, OK!

The plum...

..is actually a little bit better, rather than having the pink, unless you're going to bring in pink?

-No, plum.

-Right, OK.

So, Land Rover burgundy it is, then.

The lads now need to find bridesmaids dresses to match.

They've got to kit out two girls under the age of five and one adult.

First up, the adult.

-That's a fat person's dress.

-Maxi dresses, these are called.

That's the thing, but it's the wrong colour, isn't it?

-What do you know about her?

-Not a lot. I don't even know her age.

-I don't know what size she is.

-You've never met her, then?

I think I have.

I think she gave me a massage...

-once before.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Naked?

Semi.

-That'd work well with that colour.

-A bit small.

Have they got a kiddie section here? It's got denim on it, though?

Can we take the denim off?

-Too sweet.

-The right sizes, what's the coincidence?

-£16.10?

-Bargain!

Can I pay for them, please? Discount, I like that word.

Time to meet the mystery masseuse.

-All right, Louise.

-Hello, Louise.

-How are you doing?

-Not so bad.

Righto. Red, red for danger.

But maybe Nathan had visions of a younger model.

I don't... I just...

Mutton dressed as lamb? That's what you say, isn't it?

-Digging a deep hole, ain't I?

-I'd shut up, mate.

Yeah, it's all right, that, isn't it? What do you think of that?

-I quite like it, actually.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

-Red.

-That's nice.

-You like that one? I think so. All right then.

-Great. How easy was that?

-High five!

-High five!

Cut off from the wedding plans for 10 whole days,

the mother of the bride's had to distract herself by doing a spot of baking.

She's arranged a surprise bridal shower for Nicky.

I just thought, as a special tribute to Nicky tonight,

that I'd do all her favourite things and give me chance to do

a bit of icing and a bit of, make a few flowers and things.

Wait, wait there a minute.

OK!

Number one...

-come on through.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on, Louise!

# Love and marriage, love and marriage

# Go together like a horse and carriage

# This I tell you, brother

# You can't have one without the other... #

..So happy, darling, if you'd be my wife.

Yes!

-So, what else do we need?

-A cake.

A cake!

Three, two, one!

I'm really sad, really.

I mean, I've seen somebody else make her a paper dress,

somebody make her a cake.

All the things that I should've been doing for her, really,

but let her have her fun. That's OK, she can have her fun.

I don't mind.

I do mind!

I really mind, but still, let her have her fun.

-Let her have her fun.

-Throughout, my mum has always

been focused on what would make the ideal wedding, so it's been

very difficult to manage my mum's expectations

in terms of what she can expect on the wedding day.

But there's only so long this mother of the bride can bite her tongue.

'You need to know about dress sizes for Lily May, yeah?'

I hope not, cos I've got it already.

'You need age five probably five to six.'

I got four to five, and there's no other ones in the shop.

Is there any way...

-if it doesn't fit, you could cut the arms a bit?

-'No!

'Nathan, this is your wedding day, you can't cut the arms!

'And something else, we haven't had an invite yet.'

Yeah, don't worry, it's on the cards.

I'm struggling a bit, though, to be fair, cos...

I've had to acquaint myself with a computer.

'Right, we'll see you on the day.'

-Bye.

-'Bye.'

Poor Nathan, his mother-in-law's meddling has put a cat among the...

chickens.

This groom's got bigger fish to fry.

He's still got the mammoth task of converting his barn into a reception venue.

With a week until the wedding, the barn looks like...

well, a barn. Still, at least everyone's turned up to help.

I wonder if he's regretting his DIY wedding yet?

The bar! Beer! We like our beer.

More beer!

-Ladies drink beer too, you know. Nathan, what you drinking?

-Beer!

-What you drinking, Ben?

-Cider.

-You what?!

Bar's up so that flooring can go down.

But it seems there's no escaping the mother of the bride.

-'You were joking this morning?'

-About what?

'The dress and cutting it?'

No.

'I'm very cross, I tell you. Very cross.'

Why?

'Cos you don't cut a bridesmaid's dress.'

But the thing is, it's what... I can't get...

It means me buying another two dresses.

Not just one dress, it means me buying another two dresses.

'You know, I'm trying to stay calm, but, I tell you, you can't bloomin' cut dresses.

-'This has got to be sorted.'

-Right, see you in a bit.

She said you can't cut a bridesmaid's dress. Why not?

Why can't you cut a bridesmaid's dress?

I don't need this now, cos I thought that was sorted then.

But it's not, obviously.

Oh, well. I think I've got bigger fish to fry than bridesmaid dresses.

The call sets the tone for the rest of the day.

Whoopsie.

With pressure mounting from all angles, there's no time to waste.

But after a team-building session - at the pub -

something crucial's been forgotten.

I've lost my trousers.

I'm not drinking ever again.

Nic!

The morning after the night before. HE LAUGHS

HE LAUGHS

All right, dog.

Mate, we've got to go.

I need a cup of tea.

Got to have a cup of tea this morning.

But more grief is on its way.

Watch out, watch out, there's a bridesmaid about!

Hello. How's it going?

-I'm a bit stressed, I'm concerned.

-About what?

-Nobody's had an invite. What's going on?

-It's all sorted.

But you're the only two going at the minute, cos nobody knows when it is!

-We've done invites...

-Have they gone out?

-Nah.

People are getting worried, luvvie.

Don't worry about them, they'll be all right.

Nick, go and get the invitations.

-We'll take them.

-All right then, Nath, I'm going to make a move.

All right.

-Invitations, I'm on it.

-Today?

Yeah.

And there's no better way for a country lad

to get rid of his hangover than with a spot of urban retail therapy.

Something old, something blue, something borrowed and something...

new. So if I can get some blue underwear...

-Blue.

-Correct(!)

-That might be a bit uncomfortable.

-Incorrect.

-Roomy!

-Then she's got a choice, hasn't she, then?

He's won the battle of the briefs, but now he faces a much bigger challenge.

34E, I think. 34E.

I feel like a perv.

-What's the E bit?

-That's the cup size.

What about if I get some of that tape and tape her up?

-It's holding things together, so you're not actually seeing any underwear at all.

-Nipples.

-That too.

-You've probably seen Victoria Beckham in things that are gaping...

-Not really. Never met her.

-And matching pants.

-No, I wasn't going to. I got these because they're blue.

-Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

-You're a true romantic!

Back at her mum's, Nicky receives the first piece of news about her wedding.

This is going to be the invite, isn't it?

You're what?

"You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of you and me." Aw!

"The wedding shall commence at 1pm prompt. You will be picked up and taken to the secret...

"Make sure you're up bright and early because you will have a busy morning. Love, Nath."

"You'll be picked up..." - Picked up! -

"..and taken to a secret location."

Like, which house? I wanted to go home the night before.

-I want you to be here.

-I don't want to be here, Mum.

I want to get ready for my wedding at my own house.

I don't want to get ready here.

Nathan will have you every other night for the rest of your life.

-I don't care! I wanted the comfort of my own home.

-Stop being selfish.

Stop being selfish?! It's the only thing I wanted!

Stop it. It's not like you. Stop it. I think I better leave you alone.

Just smile and say, "Thank you, Nathan."

At least we know it's Sunday.

That's the bride put back in her box.

Now, if only Nathan could put his mother-in-law back in hers.

Today, I've got to go back to Debenhams

and buy some more bridesmaids dresses.

Because certain people are not happy.

That's easy, wasn't it? White with burgundy leaves.

I hope the wasps aren't going to bother them. That's the best part of £100.

It cost more money than I anticipated, but it keeps Person 1 happy.

I ain't stressing over any more dresses. The dresses are done.

-Move on now.

-The wedding's just two days away.

And it's time for this farmer to clean up his act.

His thoughtful best man's booked him a manicure.

I'm quite happy with my nails.

I would have cut them myself.

How bad can they be?

Oh, my God!

Have you done that on purpose to make them extra bad?

No, honestly. I washed them.

Let me go and get the bleach then. That's awful!

I ain't never getting my hands in there.

-I can't believe this!

-I need a bigger bowl.

-I know.

-I've never been washed like this before.

-I hope it works.

Have you ever seen that film, Never Been Touched?

-Yeah!

-It's like these hands.

-Never been cleaned!

-There's no poo behind your nails, is there?

-No. Not today.

Argh!

Have you seen that? It's like canal water.

Usually you only need one of these for both your hands. We're having one each hand for you.

There you go.

It's like bicarbonate of soda. I use this stuff to clean my flask.

SHE LAUGHS

-Oh, God!

-I feel all tingly.

-You feel all tingly? What do you mean?

-All over.

Because you don't have things like this done usually.

-What do you think?

-Amazing.

I hope I don't get them dirty driving that Land Rover, on the steering wheel.

You can put those on to go home, then!

That's got to be the dirtiest water I've ever seen from a manicure.

Do you want to see the front or back first?

I want to see your palms.

-Bloody hell!

-This is where they've been soaked in the bleach.

How long were your hands in bleach for?

It's the day before the wedding.

And Nicky's about to come face-to-face with the dress that Nathan's chosen for her.

-When you're ready...

-Yeah, I'm ready.

Unfortunately, so is her mother.

If I go to the butcher's, you know I'm upset.

I dread it.

I do, really.

It's going to be off to Paris. I mean it. I mean it.

-What, today?

-Yeah.

-Her mind is already made up.

-I'm not going to like it.

She's going to look like a loo-roll holder.

Oh. It's the best dress ever! It's stunning.

That is absolutely stunning.

Look at the tiara. Absolutely...

Mum, crystal droplets!

I love it.

I love it.

It just shows how much he's thinking of me, really.

He's not just thinking, "Oh, that's what I would like for her."

He's actually thinking, "What would Nicky like?

"What would Nicky want?" I couldn't have chose better myself.

I'm absolutely stunned by his decision. I really am.

When I saw the dress...

it was perfect.

He just knows her, through and through.

And he knows...

He also knows me. He must do.

Because that was my dream dress.

The groom's got one more romantic gesture for his bride.

Nathan's dropped this in for you.

Did you know about this?

Something old, something new...

Oh, I can't believe that he's done this. Bless him. Look at that.

Don't you ever say he's not romantic again!

Don't you ever!

That's lovely, isn't it?

Let's hope Nathan's choice of venue goes down as well.

He's busy foraging for decoration.

# How many kinds of sweet flowers grow

# In an English country garden? #

An egg? Oh, it stinks!

Nathan brings his farmer's flair to the gentle art of floristry.

Just seen you flower arranging.

Says you, playing in this sandpit.

It's all hands on deck, but someone's always got to go and foul things up.

The dog BLEEP in front of the urinal. It's got to be cleaned up.

Nathan's keen for that job!

After three weeks of hard graft, the barn is still nowhere near ready.

I know it's not my role, but crack on. We've got to go.

Go, go, go, go!

His venue may have cost him nothing, but Nathan's had to fork out

over four grand for every single knife, glass, table,

chair and toilet,

all the things that would usually be provided by a wedding venue.

But it's all come together.

From Nathan with love.

I never normally go and do all these things.

All this dress shopping and...

all these - dare I say it - women things.

I literally have come completely out of my comfort zone doing all these things like that.

But I've only done it...

I've done it basically for Nicky. And myself. To make a perfect day.

I hope it will make a perfect day.

I've done it because I love her. That's why.

After weeks of planning, stressing and hard physical labour,

the big day has finally arrived.

Oh, my God! You're in red.

I like it, though. I like the colour.

-Did he pick everything?

-Everything. The shoes, the dress, the necklace.

-Everything. You're impressed, aren't you?

-I am.

You know, we had red. We had red.

Nathan's even had his work truck specially resprayed to match.

I do actually feel fine. I'm not feeling nervous at all.

Once Nicky's seen all the surprises and everything,

I'll feel a lot better. As long as I know that she's happy

with everything that's gone on, that's the main thing.

Hi!

Morning!

Flowers.

That is for the little bridesmaid.

Smile! Perfect.

That's yours.

-Did he pick the colours?

-He did.

And your favourites are lilies, apparently.

Yeah. And they've got the diamante detail.

-Thank you.

-No problem. Good luck.

-Thanks!

-He has co-ordinated, hasn't he?

-Yeah. What do you think of them?

Nice.

The farmer is off to get himself a wife.

Nearly there. That's why we want the size 8 waist.

You need a good pair of legs for a garter.

-You have got a good pair of legs!

-I bloody haven't.

You look gorgeous!

Wow!

Very beautiful.

Don't make me cry.

And for the bridal party, a vintage Jag and matching campervan.

Oh, my gosh!

Gosh.

-Thank you.

-Just one small hitch -

they've locked themselves out and something crucial in.

I need my flowers. Is anyone going to get in the window?

Come on. We'll hold it. You'll be safe.

You're a big boy.

Go in feet-first, darling.

-Big man. Hold on to the window!

-Mind your head.

Don't panic, Mr Mainwaring!

Where is she?

She's not turning up, is she? She's seen the dress I've bought her!

They're half an hour late, but the bridal bouquet's finally on board.

I hope it doesn't jeopardise anything by me being late.

Stone Manor Hotel.

I didn't want to be married at a hotel.

Oh, my God!

That's what the groom's party arrived in.

Nathan chose the theme around his Land Rover!

Ladies and gentlemen, if you could all be upstanding for the entrance of the bridal party.

-I, Nathan Richard Turvey...

-Do take thee, Nicholla Jane Vyse.

-..do take thee, Nicholla Jane Vyse...

-To be my lawful wedded wife.

..to be my lawful wedded wife.

I, Nicholla Jane Vyse...

Do take thee, Nathan Richard Turvey.

..do take thee, Nathan Richard Turvey...

-To be my lawful wedded husband.

-..to be my lawful wedded husband.

You have the rings, don't you?

Now it gives me great pleasure to declare that you are husband and wife.

-And, Nathan, there's a tradition here you may know of.

-No.

-Give him at a clue, Nicholla!

-You may kiss the bride.

-Oh, right.

Mr and Mrs Turvey!

And, with that, Nathan whisks his bride off to the reception venue he's worked so hard to create.

The reception is going to be held at the Arboretum Farm.

We're going to ask you, if possible, to follow the truck.

Could we leave work at home for one day?

That's what's at the back of my mind.

But, then again,

-it's not my wedding, is it?

-No, duck, it's not.

-You're my wife. Mrs Turvey.

-I know.

So, where are we going?

There's only the barns round here.

Nathan!

Oh, look!

Oh, my God, Nathan!

It's beautiful!

Oh, it's...beautiful.

Nobody believed me, that you can turn this into a room.

I won't look at your workplace the same again.

Oh, Nath!

Oh, it's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

It's beautiful. It really is.

I can't believe you've done all this. It's absolutely stunning. And the wedding cake!

They're beautiful.

It's beautiful.

Have you got any toilets? Leah!

Hello.

Have you just realised it's me?

Hello!

Where's the toilets?

-You ain't going in the toilet in this.

-I really need a wee.

-You're having a laugh, ain't you?

-No. I'm not having a laugh.

-This is going to be dangerous.

-I really need a wee!

-Look left.

Oh, no!

I can't get in there!

Are you meaning I've got to squat in a bush or something?

-Go to the house if you want.

-Can we ask him if we can use his toilet?

The barn's gone down a storm with Nicky.

But it's not what her mum's been dreaming about for the past 23 years.

-Is there a cake?

-Yes, of course there's a cake.

Very nice.

It's very nice.

It's just everything I've wanted. I would never have said...

"I want it in a barn."

But that's no ordinary barn. The detail he's gone to is stunning.

11 years ago...

I would never have believed that I would be getting married in a cattleshed.

I'm glad it's not the pigsty. That would stink!

Dinner is going to be served.

I hope everybody loves pork!

But I have had some help.

And the person who's helped me the most is my best man, Nick.

He's a farmer. He likes to cut down trees, mow some lawn,

pick-up dog BLEEP, put his hands up cows' bums.

And for him to step out of it, I think he's done really well.

I'm hoping he's done really well. Even the toilets. The toilets have got the best view ever.

-You don't get that in Wetherspoons!

-We've given everybody the wow.

From a dirty old barn to something hopefully fairly special

-and really appropriate for Nathan to have his wedding in.

-If we could make a toast please...

to me and Nicky.

Sorted.

Even the mother of the bride's had a change of heart.

She doesn't need me any more.

She's going to rely on Nathan.

That's why I was jealous. Jealous, in a way,

that he's going to be doing all the things that we've always done.

That's how I really felt. I was handing her over.

And it just broke my heart, really.

But I've had my day. I've had my wedding.

It wasn't my wedding.

In fact, I'm so proud of him for making Nicky's day so special.

I really am.

So I expect now,

years ahead of me, filled full of romance.

Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

What do you think, Leah? You're wet.

What do you think? Years full of romance?

If you want to keep this Mrs Turvey happy, it will be.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Nathan and Nicky Turvey.

-Next time...

-Rock'n'roll!

Can music lover Howell rock his bride-to-be Becca's world?

Oh, my God!

I'm going to kill him.

Glastonbury, welcome to South Wales. The tables named after bands.

Tickets for invites.

I just don't feel comfortable in a wedding dress.

It's only rock'n'roll, but I like it.

"Some really heavy downpours. A band of rain..."

Not good.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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