James and Mercy Don't Tell the Bride

Hold on to your hats.

This is Don't Tell The Bride.

-LAUGHTER What do you think?

-You look really nice.

-Do I?

-Only the bravest of brides...

-I'm really scared.

..would let their groom organise the biggest day of their life...

-alone.

-She's going to love it, I know she is.

-But she'll probably kill me.

-The grooms get £12,000.

No strippers!

And the brides get no say in how it's spent.

With a million ways to splash the cash...

I got married in a battleship.

-Black for Vegas, baby.

-And a million things to organise...

-I don't know what she wants.

-He's well stressing out.

-..can the guys pull it off in just three weeks?

-I can't do it.

And will it be for better...

-or for worse?

-After ten minutes, I want to get it off.

You've just ripped the whole family apart.

This is hell on earth.

Tonight, nice guy James attempts to

pull off the perfect big day for his bride, Mercy.

I'm absolutely petrified I'd be bitterly disappointed.

Will this nuptial novice's lack of planning undo his "I do"s?

Exactly what I didn't want!

Could this be Don't Tell The Bride's most laid-back groom ever?

Where's the make-up artist?

The rings. Disaster.

And has he got a chance in hell of delivering a dream Nigerian wedding?

African men don't wear pink.

Oh, James...

Can this man give this woman the most special day of her life?

OK!

Today, 28-year-old human resources manager, Mercy, is moving out

of the house she shares with her fiance, James, in Bedfordshire.

-You got enough for three weeks?

-Yeah.

They've been together for 13 years and

have been engaged for four months.

I look like I'm about three.

Mercy met IT technician James at college

and it was love at first sight.

Do you remember the first day we met?

Yeah, computer room.

-No, that was the cafeteria.

-No, that was... No...

You didn't specifically meet me, but that's where our eyes met

and I was like, "Yeah, baby!"

-The longest they've ever been apart is five days.

-I just jumped on him.

I was like, "Baby, don't ever go.

"I never want to leave you again!"

-And it's clear who manages who round here.

-Salmon fillets.

-No, I prefer those ones.

-OK.

It's going to be very hard for me to let go, because I'm involved in

everything, every decision making about the house or about the bills.

Crusty roll. Look at that.

Not today, Josephine.

Mercy will be like, "OK, shall we do this?"

I'm like, "I don't know. Maybe."

I don't say, "Shall we do this?" I end up saying, "We're doing this. "

-Because if I wait for you...

-If you'd let me finish...

..nothing's going to happen. See? Took control again.

Lo and behold, going to pay for it now and he's gone,

"I don't actually have your card." Why didn't you tell me that about 15 minutes ago when we were shopping?

Typical. I know.

Can disorganised James prove his future wife wrong?

Ah, just great.

See?

I like to think I'm the foreman.

You can't get any more laid-back than James.

This is my time for me to assert myself.

He needs somebody behind him to push him because he's way too laid-back.

I can do it.

Just leave me to it and I'll sort it out.

But the stakes are high.

Mercy has been dreaming about her wedding since she was three.

My personality is very big, so in terms of my wedding, I would like

entertainment to be very flamboyant.

I would like Las Vegas dancers, casino tables,

fire breathers, fireworks. I would want all of that.

If James gets it wrong, I will be serving you divorce papers.

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

It'll be all over before we know it.

-Love you.

-Me too.

Drive safely, OK?

Love you.

The biggest day of Mercy's life

is now in James's hands and he's feeling the pain already.

I've just lost a piece of me.

I know it's only for three weeks, but

it's tough. It's just...

But here comes help in the shape of little bro' and best man, Shane.

Hey!

-I suppose you're up for a tea?

-A tea?!

I'm liking the look of that.

Next to ruck up is childhood buddy and usher, Aswad.

How you doing, bro'? You all right?

Must be beer o'clock.

You've got to stay sober. You've got a wedding to organise.

Down to James.

You're just here to organise...

Organise the beer rotation.

For the next three weeks, Mercy is staying with her sister Dulcie in Bermondsey, London.

And she's already fretting about her man.

I do have faith in James but, because he's never been given the opportunity

to organise anything really, I don't know what he can produce

because he has never had the opportunity to produce anything.

For all I know, he could be really, really

stressed out and low and I can't be there for him and that hurts me.

He could be stressed, but he's not.

Are you confident that you've got everything planned out in your head?

-No.

-No? Oh, gosh.

Day two, and the boys have sorted... hangovers.

Feeling a bit rough this morning. Got a bit of a dodgy stomach.

I don't know whether it's that I drank too much.

I think I need a couple more hours' sleep and I'll be all right.

Hopefully we can get something sorted.

By the looks of James, I don't think he can think of anything today.

With half the morning gone, it's dawning on the boys

how clueless James is about weddings and, more worryingly, his bride.

You know what size she is, right?

Um... yeah.

-Sure?

-Yeah...

I think.

Yeah, I'm 100% confident.

Oh, my gosh! Wow!

-First, he needs a venue.

-It's quite memorable.

-James likes them all and just can't make a call.

-A zoo?

You really want to go to a zoo?

-That would be good, man.

-Mercy would kill me.

Take her round to see the monkeys and that before you tie the knot.

The next day, and James has finally whittled it down

-to two available venues.

-Is this it?

Yeah, I think so.

First up, the Addison Community Centre in Bedford.

I wouldn't like to have a community hall or anywhere

where there's loads of car parks.

It's not a bad location. It's do-able.

-Yeah?

-There's ample parking.

-The first thing you see is just a car park.

-There's flowers there.

Yeah, that fits my greenery criteria.

But does it fit Mercy's?

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, look, there's the swans.

Because this is her dream venue.

It's amazing.

900-year-old Leeds Castle, set in 500 acres of rolling Kent parkland.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!

Greenery as far as the eye can see.

Everything I wanted is actually here.

I'm completely breathless.

You could not feel any more special than this. You just can't.

-You couldn't feel any more special than this.

-No, you couldn't.

You know what you want and you ticked that box, and if he doesn't

tick the box, then there's going to be...

tears and they won't be tears of joy.

Looks like James is going to be needing a lot of tissues.

-It's a bit dark, isn't it?

-I'm sure that will be sorted out.

Nice bit of strategic lighting.

A few candles won't turn this into a castle,

but that's not putting James off.

If we do have a band, have a band up there. Dancers.

And he's not the only one letting his imagination run wild.

-You'd need a butler.

-Yes, I would. All for a day. All for a day.

-It's your special day, isn't it?

-Yeah, it's a once in a lifetime.

You'd want something like this for a once in a lifetime, wouldn't you?

Princess Mercy has fallen in love with her fairy-tale castle.

It's ticked all the right boxes, every single one of my...

-five-page list.

-You couldn't get much more...

-Did you have a five-page list?

-I did have a five-page list.

That list has been growing since I was about three. It's not something

-that just popped out of my head now.

-Since you could write.

-Yeah.

James is more focused on the bottom line. It's 600 quid.

-All right, we'll give it a go.

-I can't believe how cheap it is.

Yeah, that's brilliant.

Imagine if all weddings were that cheap and that simple.

Yeah, just imagine... Mercy's face.

Fortunately, James still has one more venue to visit.

Will it be the rural idyll that Mercy wants?

Not really. He's heading for South London.

We're stepping in the right direction.

I think that's probably why I'm feeling a bit more at ease.

-Dulwich College is licensed to hold civil ceremonies.

-Initial thoughts?

Very nice.

Only problem is, Mercy wants a church.

She's brought best friend Asima to All Saints in Maidstone, Kent.

Because of my religious Christianity beliefs, I want to be able to do it

properly and in a church.

It would be perfect for the whole of your family

for you to get married here.

And my dad would be so proud.

So you just want to start your, like, married life off

-in this way.

-Yeah.

At Dulwich College, James is checking out the room used for civil ceremonies.

Nice and dusty.

Yeah.

It looks nice.

I'm just trying to picture it all now. I have such a weak imagination.

Shame it's a library.

There's not a steeple in sight.

I'm liking this. It's just one room, really,

isn't it? But I can picture this.

Yeah. It's good.

James seems oblivious to what really matters to Mercy.

Very cheeky question. We only budgeted two and a half.

Let me just see if I can do something else.

It's not too over-budget, so James splashes the cash.

That would be lovely. Perfect.

Revelation for us.

A decision at last.

I think it's just a case of pulling a few things back in a few places.

But which places?

Especially when your bride wants the best of everything.

Princess Mercy is having a Cinderella moment

with best mate Asima.

-These would be quite nice.

-Do you like them? For a wedding?

Yeah, they're shiny, sparkly.

This girl has a thing for bling.

What kind of shoes do you think James is going to get you?

I don't know.

I think he's going to go for sparkle.

He knows what I'm like with the shoes. He knows that I like sparkle.

Do you think he's confident of getting everything sorted?

Given the timescale, he's probably got the venue done now...

That's it?

Mercy does end up doing everything, so James takes the back seat.

James likes to just eat and

play his computer, so this is well out of his comfort zone.

In fact, he's so far out of his comfort zone,

he can't see it any more.

That must be why he's throwing caution to the wind

with Mercy's transport.

I want to see the surprise you got for me.

My dream transport to the wedding

would be a white Bentley convertible or a horse and carriage that you can

have a sort of grand entrance. It has to be really, really big,

flamboyant, very grand, just like my personality.

And entrances don't come much bigger than by carnival elephant.

-Wow!

-So she'd be able to drive this, would she?

I can't lift my leg over.

-I can imagine making an entrance on this.

-Can you imagine this?

This would be out of this world.

This could go two ways.

Exactly. I think she can either say, "Wow, you've really got

"creative and got imaginative and pulled it out the bag"

or "What the heck was I thinking?"

Then it's down to you, man.

-I think it's a good idea.

-I don't want to kill my bride

before I get to marry her.

You'd better insure her first, then!

How much is it going to be for the day?

For the day? 1,800 quid for the day.

-OK, cool.

-I'll just leave it up to you.

-You can let me know.

-Absolutely.

OK. I'll let you know as soon as I can.

I feel like a second-hand car dealer!

You buy it!

Do you think she'll like it, or do you think she'll kill him?

I think she'll like it, but then she'll probably

kill him at the same time!

At nearly a sixth of his budget, that's one ma-hoo-sive gamble.

-I don't think we could chance that!

-No!

-I don't think we should chance that!

-Yeah, exactly!

Not only has poor old James got to make Mercy happy,

he's got to keep her traditional Nigerian family onside, too.

So do you want to have

a traditional white wedding dress and then a Nigerian dress?

Yeah. After.

What do you want to say your vows in?

-My wedding dress.

-Which one?

-My Western dress.

-OK.

And then get changed into your Nigerian and start winding out.

Older sister had a traditional Nigerian wedding, and Mercy wants

James to prove that he has a handle on their family traditions too.

My parents are going to be watching him, so he needs to get that right.

It's wonderful, isn't it?!

Ah!

I want my wedding to look like that!

But James comes from a West Indian background,

and they do it different in the Windies.

I have absolutely no idea how I can

integrate the specifics of Nigerian culture into the wedding.

It's going to be an interesting vibe. I don't know where to start.

Trying to get those together is going to be difficult.

It's going to be hard to pull off.

Everyone's got to wear the same colour headdress.

Yeah, can you see everyone's in pretty much the same colour?

-Do you think he knows that?

-No.

Daddy, can you see you?

-Yeah, can you not see?

-Oh, my gosh! I look like a young man there!

THEY LAUGH

Sadly, James can't fly to Lagos on his budget,

so he's off to the next best thing, Brixton Market.

He needs traditional wedding costumes for both him and his bride.

I don't want to get it wrong. I don't want everybody's like,

"Oh, my gosh, what has he done?"

It's not just the Nigerian box he has to tick.

The colour he chooses needs to be specific to Mercy's family's tribe.

I'm not a Nigerian, and I have no idea where to start.

Faced with a rainbow of colours and fabrics,

James considers looking pretty in peach.

I could imagine that, looking all regal!

-Yeah!

-But he's no idea if peach would be an insult

to his bride's tribe.

Did you not do any research before you came out?

Not as much as I thought I needed to.

This boy needs someone to save his bacon.

I just need an idea of where to go and what to look for.

I'm not sure if you know, it's a very small tribe.

-Do you know what part of Nigeria that is?

-Benin.

-OK, that's not too far from where my family are from.

-Brilliant.

You can get a lot of those kind of things from West London.

Petticoat Lane,

round Liverpool Street Station.

There's a lot of shops there that deal in all these kind of things.

-Smashing.

-But how's he even going to know it when he sees it?

Thanks again. Thank you, bye.

James the novice Nigerian tries Petticoat Lane and has the good

fortune to fly straight into the safe hands of an African angel.

Usually a coral colour, pinkish wine....

-OK.

-Colours like that.

So if we go with something like that, that'd be nice.

How about dusky pink, then?

Usually, African men don't wear pink.

You understand?

What about something like this one here?

-One along the bottom.

-This one?

-Yes, you can wear that.

-I see.

James might look like a plonker in pink, but it seems

they can both carry off champagne.

Drunk on his success, it's not long before James is thinking of getting

Mercy the matching bridal head tie.

Hold your horses, mate,

you haven't even bought her white wedding dress yet!

Right, either way I'm going to blow my budget with this.

Tell me, what's your budget like? How much do you want to spend?

I would say, all in all, everything, 300.

So the material and then the outfits, 300.

In an African wedding,

nobody should outstand you, nobody should dress more than your bride.

Your bride should stand out.

To afford the standout dress, James has got to lose the head tie.

Let's hope his princess won't chop off his head.

Welcome to the African world!

Thank you!

But his bride expects two dresses.

Surely he'll find it easier to choose a white one?

Nope.

Have you any idea of fabrics?

Lace or satins or...?

Just something quite fitted?

She's got a good figure, then?

Yeah, very slim. I need to be schooled.

I have no idea where to start!

Decisions just aren't James' thing.

Is she quite girly?

No. Yeah, she's quite girly, fitted stuff.

Yeah.

-Yeah, fitted stuff, really.

-That narrows it down(!)

So which one do you prefer out of these two?

All three of them, in fact.

I like the reverse on this one,

I like this on this one, and I like that top part on that.

Bits of all three!

Let's just mash it all together, we'll have a perfect dress!

Mercy, however, knows exactly what she wants, and her bridesmaids

Dulcie and Natalie seem to agree.

Mercy, you look beautiful.

You look really, really beautiful.

It's got the neckline that you want.

It's got everything.

It's even got the train.

It's really, really lovely. It's really lovely.

It's big, it's bold, it makes a statement when I walk through a room.

It's still elegant, cos I am a very elegant lady!

And it's just got everything about me attached to this dress.

If only James could be that decisive.

Getting the woman's dress is going to be... Ah, gosh.

They're all really nice in their own unique way.

Cos I can picture her just coming in and bursting into tears.

Don't say that!

Princess Mercy's found her

fairytale dress, a hand-beaded ivory gown with a chapel-length train.

It's quite flamboyant, it's very fairytale.

All topped off with a diamante tiara.

You look like a princess.

I do feel like a princess. I'm actually going to throw

the biggest tantrum in the world if I don't get it!

-You don't know anything she would like about a dress?

-No.

Gosh. What do you do when she talks to you?

-I told you...

-Just ignore her?!

It's like a little jingle going on in the back, like Homer Simpson.

Let it be a lesson for all the men out there!

-If I could go back in time...

-Sadly, James doesn't have a TARDIS.

This is the nerve-wracking bit.

It could make or break the wedding. No pressure(!)

I think I've made my mind up already.

Wow!

The first one, I think, is better.

-Amazing. James has made the first quick decision of the week - but is it the right one?

-I know you.

Don't make up your mind because you don't want to do another day of this!

-I like it.

-Don't just make do.

Making do isn't in Mercy's dictionary.

Worst case scenario, if he gets you a dress you really don't want to wear, what are you going to do?

I will go to my sister's house and put some jeans on

and put a T-shirt on, and I will be coming down that aisle with high heels on and a tiara.

That's what I'll be doing, cos I'll not be wearing it!

Um...

So, what's it going to be, James?

-That one.

-This one?

-Yeah.

Yes. This one we can do for £800.

-OK.

-Deal done.

This reluctant groom is now the proud owner of two wedding dresses, and all for 1,300 quid.

There are over 1,000 individual decisions to be made for the average wedding.

So far, James has made three,

and he has less than two weeks till the big day.

Has she ever said to you particular flowers that she really likes?

Have you ever been to weddings together where she's gone, "That's really nice?"

Um... No, I don't think there's been a case where...

She probably did!

This is it, yeah! I tend to zone out after a while.

Good thing this groom has a new strategy - letting other people make his decisions for him.

The caterer has chosen a three grand menu without James even picking up a fork.

Just seeing spring roll at the end, chow mein,

is that common amongst...?

It is. You find most black people,

the easiest takeaway for them to do is Chinese.

Yep, spring roll and chop suey - that's traditional Nigerian, isn't it(?)

And after a Chinese, of course you want...a wedding cake.

So if we go with the three tiers, both sponge and fruit.

PHONE: 'Do you want any little figurines on top?'

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that'd be lovely, yeah, whatever you could do to make it look nice would be great.

-He's not fussed!

-Yeah, I'm just like, "Ah, headache!

"Everything, headache! Aaagh!"

That's not as big as the headache he's going to have when he realises

he's forgotten one of the most important wedding essentials.

I don't know. I don't know.

No. I don't know.

His guests don't just need a time and a place.

Nigerian tradition dictates that they match their outfits to the colour scheme,

which should be on the invites.

-PHONE:

-'So I don't need to talk to him?'

No, don't worry about it.

-'OK.'

-All right then, see you later. Bye.

I've had this vision in my mind that I do want some of the family to wear Nigerian wear.

They need to get their outfits made, they need to go and get their jewellery to match their outfits,

they need to get their shoes, their bag.

Everything's got to be organised and collated together.

Time is running out, and there's still a matrimonial mountain to climb.

But Sherpa James is talking a breather.

It's just a nice little escape for an hour or two.

Just focus on something other than wedding planning!

I'm just getting to the point where it's doing my head in.

Elsewhere, invitation stress is spreading.

The cards should be sent out immediately, so that we know the venue, the time and the date.

Cos when it's too late, they won't know what to wear.

-Some of them, maybe they want to travel.

-Exactly.

They can't get their dresses tailored or anything because they don't know the colour of the garments.

I really want you to point it out quick.

I will sort it out. I will sort it out.

-I'll leave it.

-OK.

For Mercy's family, this is much more than a wedding.

Their pride is at stake. Asima is sent to sort the boys out.

I think we're only down to about £200 now.

For the stag and the hen do.

We see it as a normal night out.

-Hello!

-Hi, babe!

-What the heck are you doing here?!

-Surprise! You all right?

-What's going on, stranger?!

How are you, darling?!

-I'm here for a reason, obviously.

-I don't like these things!

I don't like scares, man!

-I'm here to talk business.

-Oh, mate!

-How are you getting on with the invitations?

-Uh...

Please tell me they're done and you're going to hand them out tonight.

They'll be out by the end of the week.

That's all you need to worry about.

-It's cool.

-End of this week.

This is the issue. They need the invitations because they're hoping from the invitations

they can see what sort of colour scheme you have going on.

Their clothes have to match that.

-Friday, they'll be out.

-I need to hear end of the day.

-End of the day?!

-Yes.

Don't let me down, please, cos I'll be letting them down.

Guess the stag's on ice, then.

See what we can do.

Mercy's parents were saying they needed them two days ago,

so I'm a bit worried about that, because they've told me not to let them down, but clearly I have.

At least it's not my fault, but James didn't know it was that important,

so I'm not really that pleased about it.

HE YELLS IN FRUSTRATION

The family are desperate for the invites.

They needed them yesterday, but incredibly, it's another two days before James pulls his finger out.

I've got 100-plus to do, and I've got a big bag of diamantes.

Sparkle it up, make it look nice.

Where I'm saving money, that's always a source of inspiration!

Couldn't he just have gone to the shops?

The final result.

Looks like it's going to be an all-nighter.

The next day, and Aswad's up bright and early up playing Postman Pat.

Should be fun, yeah?

-HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

-Poppy?

Poppy! How you doing? You all right?

-What are you doing here?

-Special delivery for you.

What's that in your hand?

It's from the one and only Bobby.

Just to show you his love, that he's still thinking of you,

-and that's your invite.

-THE GIRLS SCREECH EXCITEDLY

He did diamantes. Oh, look!

That's your personal invite.

-He's been doing diamantes.

-He done 'em all.

He done every single one by himself.

He was up until late last night doing it all.

Oh, that is bri... Mercy, look at that.

-I've got diamonds!

-It's not even on your fingers. She is so excited.

Have faith in the old James.

Exactly.

-Oh, my God.

-"To my beautiful princess."

Shall I start crying now?

THEY LAUGH

I might be pleasantly surprised about the wedding now, because

the fact he has taken an concerted effort to make a love-heart shape

with diamonds means that there may be an element of attention to detail in some respect.

I've got to get my hair done, my nails done. Oh, my God.

Despite the Blue Peter touches, there's one very important detail missing.

There's nothing on there to indicate what colour.

I'm thinking it might be around this sort of colour.

With just four days to go, James can't be dealing with details.

He's still got to sort the rings, bridesmaid dresses, stag,

hen, shoes, drinks, DJ, transport, photographer...

He's also got to get the boys' suits.

Tricky when some of the lads have gone AWOL.

We're trying on the suits today,

and they're not here.

Have you got their measurements?

No. I haven't got either of their measurements.

I was expecting Lyndon and Aswad to be here and they're roughly the same size.

You can't do that.

I know, but you can roughly...

They're not roughly the same size anyway.

Lyndon's bigger than Aswad.

Details, details.

Have you got the other guys' measurements?

No. I'm not very sure what they are, to be honest with you.

I can probably call some of them.

We can get the sizes.

If he's similar to any of you guys, then we can get another suit that's similar to yourself or yourself.

That's the chance you take. It may not fit.

Time to phone a friend.

Where are you? You at home?

-PHONE:

-'No, I'm just running up the road, mate, to get some food.'

All right. Have you got a tape measure at your house?

You've got a tape measure?

'I should do, yeah.'

-Can you get Emma to measure you up?

-'OK.'

Shane might be struggling to get the lads suited and booted,

-but James seems to know his own mind for once.

-I really like this.

It's really... It's me.

While James plays at being Hugh Grant...

..Mercy is about to have a huge rant.

I don't know what my dress looks like. I haven't had a fitting for the dress.

Time is fast approaching.

What if he gets me this dress and it is either ten sizes too big?

How is he even going to find somebody with my shape and figure?

No, I'm worried about everything.

I'll be the runaway bride.

I'm just going to get there and go, "Oh, my God."

I'm not overly happy with the way things are going. I want red.

I think right now red is the colour of anger and frustration and stress.

So I want red.

Maybe the prospect of the hen night will calm her down.

-Or maybe it won't.

-Can you just open it?

"I would have loved to send you to a spa, but the budget's tight,

"so hopefully you'll enjoy bowling..."

THEY ALL SCREAM

Hold on. "Lots of love, James.

"PS - See you on Sunday." This is what you DIDN'T want, isn't it?

It's exactly what I didn't want! I didn't want to go bowling!

James has bought the girls an hour of bowling time.

Last of the big spenders(!)

I've chipped my nails.

And I got one pin.

Bowling, no drinks. Not impressive at all for a hen night.

It's not exactly your idea of fun, is it, really? Look at these nails.

They won't be bowling.

The girls aren't exactly bowled over.

I would have liked to have gone with all the girls just to a bar

with lots of drinks, cocktails, maybe something like have our own private section,

maybe have done a bit of, I don't know, pole dancing, like.

The stags have also hit the streets.

But they're not going to be able to afford many lap dancers with a budget of zero.

Oh no!

After half an hour, Mercy has blown out the bowling.

We've decided to scrap the bowling and go on to a bar, which we will sort out ourselves with the girls

and have a laugh and leave bowling were bowling needs to be -

in an alley where I am not there with it.

Things are looking up for the girls.

And at the gentlemen's club, too.

I was wondering, if they are going to spend £61 on the stag do...

No, they won't be. Of course they're not.

Luckily for James, his mates are chipping in.

And for the girls, a man with chips.

Doesn't get better than that!

Where is James?

It's just two days before the wedding.

After the lame-duck hen, the bridesmaids need James to

redeem himself with their dresses.

But he's two hours late.

Hello!

-At least someone's got some love for me.

-Not impressed.

They were obviously all a little upset.

So do you have an idea of what we are looking for today?

Um...you know me.

Oh, my God. Colour scheme?

I would have thought by now they would have chosen a dress,

not be coming to pick a dress two days before the wedding.

James is virtually cashless and totally clueless.

He doesn't even have a colour scheme in mind.

And he thought shopping for Mercy was difficult.

I think he's going to do a runner.

-We should do a runner!

-How long have we been here?

Oh, my God.

Two hours.

We haven't even tried on one thing.

This is all hitting home now.

Because if he hasn't even picked anything...

I hope he's picked Mercy's dress.

Somebody give him a hand!

Oh, James... What are you doing?

Hurry up.

-Saved! By Titi, his three-year-old niece.

-Uncle James!

All right, don't kill me.

What do you think? Do you think Auntie should wear this?

If we were 40...

That wouldn't be a problem.

-It's just a bit granny-ish.

-OK.

We can try it on. It might look nice on.

-No, look at these.

-Yeah, I know.

It looks like you've pumped them up.

You know when you have a bike, the air pump? That's what it looks like.

I'm trying to cover my modesty here.

The little that I have.

I think we need to pick something else.

You look lovely.

-It's horrible.

-It's horrible. We don't want to come out.

It's cheap.

It hugs you in all the wrong places. It makes you look so bumpy.

Dulcie's just refusing to come out.

Mercy would cry if she saw us turn up in this dress.

I picked it up and I looked at it...

Sorry, James. You look so disheartened.

Don't worry.

I'm running out of options.

Not really. There's a whole shop of options out there, mate.

You just have to make a decision!

-We kind of customised it.

-Cool.

These are lovely, man.

James is convinced and even the girls realise

that two days before the wedding something is better than nothing.

-Cool.

-Yeah.

-Job done.

I'm hoping a lot more thought has gone into the wedding dress,

because at the moment Mercy is really stressed about it, really stressed about it fitting,

the way it's going to look and so forth.

So I'm hoping a lot more thought's gone into it,

otherwise you're just going to have another

stressful, frustrating day like he had today.

But this groom doesn't do stressed,

even though he still has to buy wedding rings

for himself and his bride.

-Do you know what size she is?

-No.

-I can probably take a fair guess.

-Yeah.

I reckon it's probably that part of my finger.

We'll measure that and try to get a rough idea anyway.

-When's the big day?

-Sunday.

-Sunday?

-Yeah, I'm leaving everything till the last minute.

Really? I hadn't noticed.

James finds a ring,

but they don't have the size he thinks is Mercy's in stock.

I really think that's going to be too small.

Basically, we only have one of each ring on site.

-We're going to see what we can do to get it for Sunday.

-Thank you.

It's now down to the shop assistant

to magic a ring from another store within 24 hours.

As long as they find a store,

it should be OK. It's going to be a mad day tomorrow,

but I've got some good right-hand men.

Just as well, because tomorrow they're going to have their work cut out for them.

I'm nervous about the fact that it's not just about the wedding.

It's going to be the after-effect as well.

Is he going to produce something based on what I would like,

or is it going to be...

what he would like, kind of forgetting

a little bit about me, therefore not really knowing me as a person?

I just don't know if I trust him to be able to deliver the day that I expect.

I think maybe my expectations are too high.

I just don't know if he's going to be able to pull it off.

I'm absolutely petrified that I'm just going to get there

and just be bitterly disappointed.

The wedding is tomorrow and James still needs to book transport

and buy booze, Mercy's wedding shoes and the all-important rings.

Without any one of these things, the wedding will be a disaster.

Gosh, there's so much to do.

For Mercy, it's the moment of truth.

She's about to see her wedding dress.

I feel sick. What if it's, like...

bright red or something?

Or I look like a toilet roll holder or something?

-Barbie pink?

-Oh, God.

Mercy can only hope her man knows her better than that.

I'm nervous. I feel sick. Oh, my God.

Want to pull back the curtain?

OK! I don't know!

Wow.

Oh, my God, it's got a long train!

Oh, my God! I want to put it on!

Can I put it on now?

ALL: Aww!

It is really pretty.

I love it! I really didn't think he'd be able to get me anything...

I love it.

I had this image in my head of the dress that he was going to get me and I was like, "Oh, my God."

And it fits as well!

It actually fits.

He's completely exceeded expectations.

Completely and utterly exceeded expectations.

My dress is amazing.

Just one problem. James has completely forgotten

that his bride needs shoes for the fitting.

-Here we go. Moment of truth.

-Hello?

'Hi, James. It's Natalie.

'We're just wondering, have you got her shoes sorted out?'

Um... You know what, I woke up this morning

thinking, "Oh, my gosh, I haven't got Mercy's shoes."

I'll have it cracked by the end of the day.

We need it now, really, because it's the fitting.

'OK, can you see anything local?'

Is there anywhere you guys can go to,

because I'm going to have to run around and then get down to you guys

and obviously I haven't got them now, so...

It is your choice, so you need to actually pick the shoes yourself.

Come on, James. What programme do you think you're on?

Shocked into action,

the lads finally pull their collective finger out.

They've got just an hour before closing time

to find the most important shoes of Mercy's life.

-You want one of them ones, yeah?

-Yeah.

-She's sparkling for the night.

-Yeah, I like that.

-Yeah?

-What about these?

Quite short.

You can't buy them, no, man! Put them back!

-That's something your nan would wear.

-£16!

But if they're good enough for Nan, they're good enough for Princess Mercy.

-Just time for a dash to the jeweller's.

-Have you got the rings?

Good stuff, that's great. Brilliant stuff, that's perfect. Exactly what I needed. Lovely...

After three weeks of cluelessness and chaos, has James done enough

to make his bride happy?

The big day is finally here.

Stick them all in a bit of water...

Mercy is at her parents' house in South London.

But there's not a carnival atmosphere.

-Why do you look glum now?

-It's raining.

Are you looking forward to today?

-I want my umbrella, cos it's raining.

-Aw!

It'll be fine. It's got to be fine.

But James isn't fine.

His guests arrive in two hours.

And guess what? He's still got loads to do.

Still got to get my hair cut in that time, get dressed,

make sure that the, er, caterers...

Oh, gosh, just the thought of everything,

it's just, er, it's a bit nerve-racking.

-Where's the make-up artist, do you know? Does anybody know?

-I don't know.

It's the day of the London Marathon.

Yay! Do it, do it!

-Come on!

-Mercy's dad is enjoying the race,

but large parts of London are blocked off.

There's just 90 minutes to go, and Mercy's nowhere near ready.

Have you spoken to the make-up artist, cos she's still not here...?

Is she not there yet?

-'Are you able to call her?'

-Yeah, yeah, cool.

Cos basically she can't get dressed without her make-up...

Hi, is that Bolonay?

-'Yes, it is.'

-Hi, it's James, how are you?

'Hi, good morning, and congratulations...'

But James doesn't seem to appreciate the urgency.

-She's where?

-In Lewisham.

-'In Lewisham.'

-What...? Ah...!

Does she know where she's going?

-She's in Lewisham.

-Is she walking here maybe?

Gosh!

After two bottles of champagne, I don't care who does my make-up.

It's fine!

OK...

His guests are due in 30 minutes.

James isn't dressed, and neither is the venue.

-Oh, not good.

-Why?

There's nothing in there, basically.

Where's the caterer?

I phoned him - voicemail.

OK.

-Florist?

-I told her to come for 12.

You told the florist to come for 12?

-Yeah.

-Why did you do that?

-It's fine, isn't it?

-The, um, the meal starts...

-People are getting here at 12.

The florist has got to put the flowers in the church,

in the... Where you're getting married.

No caterer, no flowers, no hair and make-up - what planet is he on?

The wedding's at 12, you can't turn up half-an-hour before the wedding

and go and do it, that's ridiculous.

The groom makes a last-minute dash to his hotel to change, leaving his brother to pick up the pieces.

Hopefully, Shane will get

on top of it, and make sure the florist is there, the caterer...

Um, a little worried that the caterer is not there at the moment,

but I'm sure he'll be there fairly soon.

There's plenty of time anyway. I'm panicking,

panicking, panicking for no reason.

It's the bride's prerogative to be late for the wedding, James!

She still might be, even though her make-up artist has finally arrived.

Because of the Marathon.

My goodness, it's taken like two hours!

I'm really nervous - really, really, really nervous, at the moment.

I feel sick.

I feel like I'm about to pass out, and I just feel

scared, worried, excited.

I think I've got every single emotion in

the dictionary going at the moment.

And so has James.

Amongst all his other worries, he's lost his wedding cravat.

Disaster.

OK, right...

Mercy is ready.

All she needs now is her bridesmaids.

Ah!

Do you like it?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, oh, my God! Ah!

-Is it nice?

-You look fantastic!

-Do you like them?

-Oh, my God!

-Is that a yes?!

-Yes!

-Do you like the colour?

Oh, my God, you look amazing.

-I hate purple. I hate purple!

-It's not purple, it's blue.

It's midnight blue.

It just looks...fantastic.

Let me see the shoes.

Shut your mouth! Oh, my God.

-Do you like them?

-Do I?!

You could have painted your toenails the same colour, though!

They're beautiful.

Oh, my God, you all look beautiful.

Right, but we need to get a move on.

And these are the shoes that James has got you.

Oh, my God, I don't even know what they look like.

-Oh, my God. Ah, bless.

-You know what?

Funnily enough, they're the kind of shoes that I would have picked you.

Ah, do you know what? I love him, I just love him.

-I absolutely love him.

-Yeah, they're her size. They do fit.

They fit! They fit!

And they go with your dress more.

-Yeah, they do.

-Oh, my God, and they actually fit.

Time to get married! Aaah!

Married!

Somebody hold my dress! And my flowers, don't forget the flowers.

Oh, the flowers...

-Go and get them downstairs...

-James has found his cravat.

Um...

Are you sure you've got everything now?

Oh, my gosh!

The rings! Oh...

You are a nut job!

Um... Ah, gosh...

At this rate, mate, your bride will be waiting for you!

Got the rings.

That was...! That was worrying!

-Oh, goodness.

-Oh, my God!

Mercy's wedding transport has arrived.

Fortunately, it's not an elephant.

And it's a sunny, it's sunny!

Oh, my God, I'm a bit tall.

-You'll need to duck your head first...

-Oh, my God, I can't get in.

In the nick of time, James has made it to his own wedding,

just before his bride.

We're pretty much in south London,

-so where are we going that's going to be...?

-We're going to McDonald's.

McDonald's? Oi, less of that!

Where in south is really green and picturesque?

I'm getting confused and scared. Oh, my God.

Well, there's a little bit of green.

And Mercy's family and friends have turned up in full Nigerian dress -

even though he didn't help them with a colour scheme.

Mercy wanted a church wedding.

She wanted a reception in a castle, with swans on a lake.

She's not getting any of those things.

I just want to see him now.

Is James about to get the biggest roasting of his life?

It's the moment of truth...

# My endless love...

# Two hearts

# Two hearts that beat as one

# Our love has just begun

# For ever

# I'll hold you close in my heart... #

You look beautiful.

Do you, James, take Mercy to be your lawful wedded wife, to be loving,

faithful and loyal to her for the rest of your lives together?

I do.

Mercy, do you take James to be your lawful wedded husband, to be loving,

-faithful and loyal to him for the rest of your lives together?

-I do.

Place the ring on the ring finger on her left hand...

Get a bit of a push going on!

Yours fits!

I am very pleased to declare, you are now lawfully husband and wife.

The dress is amazing, the shoes are comfortable. Comfortable!

Your suits are amazing, everyone looks really amazing,

everyone looks really happy. I haven't seen inside yet, so...

Time to reveal Dulwich College's Great Hall.

Oh, my God!

Wow!

It's awesome.

I do have traditional sort of Christian values.

I would have liked to get married in a church - what woman wouldn't?

However, at the end of the day, I was with James -

whether it be in a chapel, walking down the aisle,

or a registry office, it doesn't matter at the end of the day.

Because seeing that emotion that I had when I saw him,

I didn't even look at the setting, I just saw James,

ran down that aisle, and I just saw my man and just hugged him.

So it didn't matter, it doesn't matter.

Even the Chinese buffet's going down well.

Thank you all for coming as well.

I had this nightmare of seeing

all these white tables with nobody sitting on them.

Some of that would have been my fault - half of you probably hadn't had an

invitation, and that was all word of mouth, and that was just my nature. I said I would do it.

But I put it off and I put it off and I put it off.

And that's what I do all the time, so nothing new there.

But as long as you're here, that's the main thing.

I never expected that the venue was going to be so good.

I enjoyed excellent meal and drink. Everybody is happy.

Before this wedding occasion came out,

and he told me, "Mummy, I'm not going to let you down.

"I make sure we are going to be happy."

Really, when I came here today, I feel so proud, and I'm really happy.

To the bride and groom!

-Bride and groom!

-I don't think that it will change him as a person.

You know, I don't think he will next week become a wedding planner,

or become lot more of a proactive person.

What I do think it has done, though,

is that he's become a lot more confident in his belief that

he can actually achieve whatever he puts his mind to.

I reckon Mercy's going to be giving him

loads more jobs now. He's not as silly as he makes out to be.

James has done good, I've got to give it to him. I think like,

um, given the timescale, there's a few things could have been done a bit differently,

but overall, it has been a success. Mercy's happy, and that's the main thing, and James is happy.

They're together, they're married - job done.

Just one more job left, actually - the couple have to change into

their traditional Nigerian outfits.

The traditional wear is absolutely spot-on.

It's beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

-Absolutely fantastic. I think you've done really well, baby.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

'I would have got me a Bentley. Oh, yeah, and the fireworks.'

-Yeah, what else?

-There was no swans.

-Oh, you want swans? And water...

-And there was no lakes.

'To be fair, if I wanted lakes, I'll go and visit a lake.'

What I might do is take my camera with my wedding dress

and go and picture myself outside a lake and pretend I was there.

-Exactly.

-For me, it's almost like, "He can pull this off. So maybe I should stop

-"being a sort of control freak and let you kind of deliver."

-Yeah.

But the only problem with you is, you take too long.

Next time, we're with country boy Nathan...

Got my pig, cook his head.

..as he attempts to blow away his bride-to-be, Nicky.

-He's trying, and he's trying harder.

-Really gutted.

But will his rustic plans be ruined by his meddling mother-in-law?

I ain't happy, Nick - this is the biggest day of your life.

It's not only Nicky's hopes and dreams, it's my hopes and dreams.

-Mum's really cross, I tell you.

-Why?

Certain people are not happy.

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