Dan and Mark Don't Tell the Bride

Hold on to your hats...

..this is Don't Tell The Bride.

-What do you think?

-You look really nice.

-Do I?

-Only the bravest of brides...

-I'm really scared!

..would let their groom organise the biggest day of their life...

-Alone.

-She's going to love it, I know she is. But she'll probably kill me.

The grooms get £12,000.

No strippers!

And the brides get no say in how it's spent.

With a million ways to splash the cash...

I got married in a battleship!

-The lights of Vegas, baby!

-And a million things to organise...

-I don't know what she wants.

-It's well stressing me out.

..can the guys pull it off in just three weeks?

I can't do it.

And will it be for better... or for worse?

-After ten minutes, I want it off.

-You've ripped the whole family apart!

This is hell on Earth!

Tonight Don't Tell The Bride celebrates its first civil partnership,

as daring Dan tries to plan the perfect day for his partner, Mark.

Performers, maybe some drag.

-It'd be my worst nightmare.

-Can Dan control his spending?

-We started off with £12,000.

-Three days in...

-We've got three. I'm going to have to rent you out!

Will he let his best man go OTT with the campery?

Chin-chin!

Topless waiters! Anyone got a good body? Stop!

Will he be able to pick the perfect wedding suit for perfectionist Mark?

I will not wear for the biggest day of my life, anything that's not right.

Can this man give this man the wedding of his dreams?

I just hope that my suit hasn't come at the expense of some crappy drag queen.

It's just embarrassing.

Today, 29-year-old student Mark is moving out of the flat in central London

that he shares with 28-year-old human resources consultant Dan.

Back to Southend. I can't wait.

You've got quite a lot of luggage there, babes, for three weeks.

Yeah, I've got my clothes, my work...

The couple met in a bar in Sydney six years ago.

God, look at the state of you.

-I love that photo.

-It's brilliant.

-Look at how young you look there.

I'd got to the bottom of the stairs and I was like, "Right, nice meeting you, bye." Then you lunged at me

and stuck your tongue down my throat! I was like "Er, yeah..."

Two months later, and the lads moved in together.

But there's something missing in their relationship.

He would ask me about getting married probably every day.

Every day?!

-Yeah.

-No, I'm not that bad, once a month?

-No, probably about three times a week.

-Three times a month, max!

-Three times a week.

-OK, three times a week.

But they can't afford the wedding Mark is desperate for.

He's still studying and Dan is trying to pay off his student loan.

So now Mark's decided he's going to hand over all control of his big day to Dan.

I knew I would fall into the bride role.

I've planned our wedding thousands of times in my head, so I know exactly how I want it,

where everything is going to be, who's going to come.

I wouldn't say I'm a control freak...

-Aren't you?

-No, I'm not! But I do like things in a certain way.

And when it comes to keeping domestic life blissful, Mark generally gets his way.

I'm really meticulous about how I have things.

You've put the pillows wrong as well. You haven't done the diamond formation,

-you know I like the diamond formation.

-I can't do anything right.

Mark is really persistent and it can be a bit like, "OK, enough already."

So can laid-back Dan live up to meticulous Mark's master plan?

I think it is really important that I grab the bull by the horns and run with it and show Mark

that I can deliver something really spectacular in that time.

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

Mark's parents arrive to take him back to Southend for the next three weeks.

See you when we get there,

and we're walking down the aisle. All right?

-I love you.

-I love you too.

It will be the longest the couple have been apart in six years.

The biggest day of Mark's life is now in Dan's hands.

I'm feeling quite upset that I'm leaving Daniel,

cos I'm just going to really miss him.

I love him so much and I'm so used to being with him every day and speaking to him every day,

so a little bit of trepidation, but some excitement as well,

cos I know that in three weeks' time I'm going to get to see him again and we're going to get married.

DOORBELL RINGS

For Dan, help is at hand...

Hiya, boys!

Hello, sweetheart.

-..in the shape of best men, Andy and Steve.

-We're moving in.

How long are you moving in for?

-Only a couple of days.

-Three weeks of freedom.

-All you've got to do is plan a wedding. Easy.

-Easy.

What's that, a bottle of Taittinger?

We shouldn't go for the Taittinger, that's Mark's.

Sod it. He's not here. We're drinking.

Cheers, Mark. He's going to go ballistic if we drink his champagne.

-Do you reckon? No, he'll be fine.

-I don't really care anyway.

The fear I have is that he's easily persuaded into anything,

so if his friends are like, "Oh, my God, let's get this,"

he'll be like, "I don't know." And they'll be like,

"It'll be fun," and he'll be like "All right then."

I know from first-hand experience how easily persuaded he is.

-I think Mark wants something quite traditional.

-Yawn.

-Boring.

-But it's nice.

But Mark's got no input because he's not here, so it's about what we do.

-So what do you want?

-I guess we can make it a bit more me.

Totally party in the evening.

We could maybe have somewhere we can have some performers, maybe some drag?

You can have topless waiters.

Go showgirly, with topless waiters.

Cos we can kind of make that classy.

I think the worst thing that Dan could do is to just go over the top

with the campery and everything is garish and in-your-face and tacky.

That would be the worst nightmare, that there's no classic or classy stuff and there's no tradition,

it's just tack, tack, tack. I would hate that.

So Dan knows that Mark wants a traditional wedding.

And now he's told his best men. But Steve's not listening.

There's a place in the City called Proud.

That's kind of like, you know what we were saying with the showgirlish?

That's very much like that in there.

-If it's a cabaret venue, we'd have a stage.

-You'd have the stage for the cabaret in the evening.

That'd be pretty cool, wouldn't it?

The problem is, has it got a licence for a civil...?

Why would I know that?

I'm not a wedding planner!

But Mark knows exactly what he wants, and it doesn't include showgirls.

His perfect wedding venue lies among the dreaming spires of Oxford, where he's a student.

He's invited his mum, Jean, to his college, Corpus Christi,

to show her where he'd be tying the knot if he was in charge.

So people would walk in, but they'd be greeted with this beautiful quadrangle.

There's something magical about Corpus Christi.

You get sort of sucked in to its romantic feeling about the place.

It's exclusive to the extent that you can only get married there

if you're a current member of the college,

so it's not something that anyone could just rock up and do.

A really romantic place. It would be perfect for a wedding.

Something nice and tranquil and traditional and beautiful.

I think it'd look amazing, don't you?

Having your ideal wedding here would be just, well, magnificent.

Absolutely magnificent to have it here.

-Dan's been dragged by best man Steve to Proud cabaret...

-Wow.

..a club famous for its cabaret acts and burlesque waitresses.

Just have you and Mark sitting up here on thrones during the evening.

Throughout the whole evening!

We just sit here, have our dinner on trays.

We could be waving.

-Waving out.

-Mark would hate it. Let's do it!

-I really love the venue, though.

-I love it. I actually love it.

Amazing.

I can just imagine everyone coming in, being seated

and being served by smartly dressed waiters and waitresses.

So what is their normal outfit in the venue?

It's a black corset, seamed stockings, full burlesque outfits.

Amazing!

-Showgirl Kylie, we wanted.

-Yeah. I love it.

I've spent so much time thinking about it and visualising it, it would just be...

..very special for myself and Daniel, I think.

Just the perfect place...

-for my son to get married.

-Aw.

Aw, indeed.

But would Jane be as proud if her son got hitched at Proud?

At nearly seven grand, the price is certainly swish.

But Dan's dream venue doesn't have a marriage licence, so he can only have his reception here.

I haven't got a negative for this place.

I haven't got one negative, I can't fault anything.

-Is this where you're going to have your reception?

-Yeah, I reckon it is. It's perfect.

-Chin-chin!

-Ha-ha!

Mark's Oxford dreams are destined to stay just that.

He's met up with best mate Andrew.

They're wondering how Dan's coping without his man.

I think he'll miss your input, because when he's trying to arrange everything,

he'll be thinking, "What would Mark like?"

He'll worry that he's doing things I won't like and that'll stress him out.

But Dan is very organised, so he'll have some kind of spreadsheet with everything set out,

and he'll have the budget, how much he's spent and things like that.

He'll be very cautious about spending money.

Are we talking about the same person?

Dan's already blown over half his budget on a reception venue

before he's even found somewhere to get married.

Fortunately, Islington Town Hall would be a snip at £300.

-This is the room.

-Wow.

-This is really nice, isn't it?

-You two would be sitting on these chairs. Is it the two of you?

-No, no.

-It's actually Mark who's my partner.

-Your partner and yourself?

-Yes.

So it'll be you and your partner sitting here.

-At the end of the ceremony, you'll just come and sign on this table.

-Very nice.

It's very grand, which is very what Mark wanted.

It's really traditional, isn't it?

-Very traditional.

-Ticks that box, doesn't it?

-Have you booked a date for giving notice yet to get married?

-What's that...?

What's giving notice?

Aha. OK, you need to actually, both you and your partner need to

call your local register office to book an appointment to give notice.

OK, and how long does that take?

It's 16 days before the notice clears, so...

Minimum is 16 days before the date of the ceremony.

-(BLEEP)

-What's 16 days from now, what day is that?

You have to give notice by tomorrow.

-That's quite serious.

-You reckon?!

It is, you can't do your civil partnership without giving notice.

-OK.

-Potentially, we've just spent six and a half grand on an evening venue that we can't actually use.

-We might not be able to use.

-And you probably won't even get back again.

Then we'd have how much? £5,400 to do everything in there?

It's either that or me and you will have £6,600 of food and drink to drink on our own in Proud Cabaret,

which will probably be followed by a rather immediate rush to the hospital

-to have our stomachs pumped.

-We'll give it a good go, though!

I suppose we've got to check if there's one of those registrars available as well.

What's one of them?

The person that marries you. Or that civil partners you.

Yeah, but when you book a venue, that comes with it.

-Does it?

-I don't know.

-So you want to book an appointment to give notice for a civil partnership?

-Yep.

-It'll be £67 that you pay Camden.

-Per person?

-Together.

-For the two of them.

-Per person! How many do you want in the wedding?

-We all love each other, we're having four. Sorry.

-It's OK.

I think we're a bit hysterical.

But it's no laughing matter. The town hall is available and affordable, but Dan's not convinced.

He's now leaving himself less than 24 hours to find a wedding venue.

-Let's just hope this is the one.

-I hope so. I really hope so.

Lovely location, perfect for what we're trying to do. And it looks amazing so far.

Desperate Dan's last hope is the Andaz Hotel in central London.

Ta-da!

Oh.

So, yeah, this is the ceremony room.

I think this is amazing.

I think we need to get it.

-The hotel even has a Masonic temple where Dan could hold his drinks reception.

-Oh, my...

-Honestly, thrones! You said about thrones.

-I told you...

Oh, my God.

-It's not Oxford, but it has the tradition that Mark has always dreamt of.

-Dan?

-Yeah.

-The colour scheme's the same as Proud.

It's true.

-The red uplighters.

-I think it's good, don't you?

But nothing's sacred to Steve.

He's got other ideas.

Go-go dancers, up there!

We could have a couple of cages just in the corner.

Steve, you've turned this venue from class to pure class!

Spin the bottle in the middle.

Strip poker in the corner.

You're going to have the most amazing wedding.

Yeah, but it's going to cost a fortune, isn't it?

Might have to rent you out, love.

There goes another two grand.

Dan's spending cash quicker than Kylie at a hotpants auction.

I think it's scary when we started off with £12,000.

-And now we've got...

-Three days in...

We've got three. Three and a bit!

Those were always going to be the more expensive things.

The rest of it is you reining your taste in.

Now, the rest of it is compromise time.

While Dan and Steve come to terms

with their nine grand spending spree,

at his parents' house in Southend,

Mark is also starting to feel the pressure.

I think it's difficult for me to let go of all control.

It's the anticipation of not knowing where it's going to be,

who'll be walking me down the aisle, what I'll be wearing, all that stuff.

It's a bit nerve-racking. I think sometimes he can be indecisive

and he just goes with the flow a little bit, so my only worry is that

in arranging the wedding, he might get caught up in other people's ideas, rather than asserting his own.

Does anyone want to get their top off for an audition

for a topless waiter in ten minutes? Anyone?

Anyone got a good body?

The money to pay for topless waiters is one thing these boys don't have.

What they do have is a plastic megaphone and absolutely no shame.

Stop where you are!

We're looking to...

-cast some topless waiters.

-OK.

-Cool.

-We need someone as a topless waiter.

-You don't need to understand, you just need to take your top off.

-No, no, no!

-Stop, please, stop.

We're looking for a couple of topless waiters to give out some champagne.

-We've got four.

-Four?

What about that one there?

Oh, no, it's a woman!

I think Dan could be led astray on some things.

Too skinny, too bald.

I do love Steve.

But, I think, he is quite a character, isn't he?

We're looking for really hot guys who want to get their tops off.

And he might lead Dan astray.

Do you want to get your top off?

If Mark thought I was sending him down the street getting phone numbers of guys with hot bodies...

I don't necessarily know that the wedding would happen.

And if you blame me, Mark will never speak to me again.

-It's all right.

-You've got somewhere to come when the divorce happens!

After a couple of hours, the boys call it a day.

Probably for the best.

In Southend, Mark's getting to spend some quality time with his mum.

Do you remember when we used to come here when you was little,

-and we'd throw the bread in?

-I loved it. I love this park.

Mark came out as a teenager. It was a huge step.

It got to the stage when I was 17 when I thought "I cannot carry on lying any more or pretending

"that I'm not gay" because it was making me so unhappy, and that's when I told you.

I think when I came out to you, I think everything changed, didn't it?

I think so, yes. It was quite a big thing.

I was totally surprised by it but, I think, I was quite happy.

-I held your hand.

-You did hold my hand.

I said, "It's not a problem," and whatever.

I still loved you, you're still my son. And there wasn't going to be any problems with me accepting it.

And the same with your dad.

-Yes, Dad was really good, wasn't he?

-Excellent, he was.

15 years later, I'm very happy and I've got someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

And for us to now celebrate that in a civil partnership is just perfect.

-Yeah. Very proud.

-Are you?

-Very proud, yeah.

-Give me a kiss. You all right?

-Yeah.

Two weeks to go and Dan may be short of cash, but he's full of ideas.

He and the boys have decided to make Mark a tribute video.

We need to have a good balance, don't we,

of niceness, as well as cheesiness?

-Yeah.

-I haven't seen him for three weeks, so it'll be a nice little tribute.

A nice tribute to Mark in a way that is fitting to you - cheesy, trashy and camp!

Love it!

Sit up.

I need a hero.

Mark may not be there, but at least his head is. Make that two.

Steve, arm.

# He's got to be strong And he's got to be fast

# And he's got to be fresh from the fight... #

Yes, that's brilliant!

# I'm only searching for a hero till the morning light

# He's got to be strong And he's got to be smooth

# And he's got to larger than life Larger than life... #

Director Charlie's creative concept - love songs from Dan to Mark.

# I left a good job in the city

# Working for The Man every night and day

# And I never lost one minute of sleeping

# Worrying about the way things might have been

-# Big wheel keep on turning

-Turning

-# Proud Mary keep on burning

-Burning

# And we're rolling, rolling

# Rolling on the river

You can't fault their enthusiasm.

# Rolling, rolling on the river

# The river Do, do, do, do, do, do

# Do, do, do, do, do, do

# All right! Yeah!

# All right! Uh-huh! #

Cool, let's go, that's a wrap.

# They seek him here... #

While the boys are camping it up around town,

Mark is hitting Savile Row on a very serious mission.

# He's a dedicated follower of fashion... #

Mark wants a tailor-made suit, anything off-the-peg and his day will be ruined.

I quite like it, actually.

I was a bit reluctant before about having tails, but I really like

the fact that it's traditional with more of a modern twist on it.

I think it's pretty sharp. I really like it.

I hope he gets something like this.

Mark may want high end, but Dan can only afford high street, and he wants them in matching suits.

-We could put Mark in white, couldn't we?

-He is the bride.

Dan, what about this?

Fabulous. I'd look good in that.

We could with, like, straw hats.

Like a barbershop quartet?

Listening to this man could seriously damage your marriage.

The suit would definitely have to be tailor-made because of my body shape.

I've got a really long, slight torso and then really long arms.

So, for example, if Dan was to buy something like this off the peg, the arms don't quite fit,

this needs to be pulled in in the back,

the trousers would need to be taken in slightly, for it to fit properly.

That would be massively important. It has to be tailor-made.

He has to get all my measurements.

Dan's forgotten to bring the sizes of Mark.

So we're kind of guessing.

If it doesn't fit, I won't wear it.

-I think I quite like you like that.

-Do you? I could fit a side of beef down here.

You look like you should be on the river, punting!

Or up a certain creek without a paddle?

No.

That's really nice.

It fits better, as well.

-Mark.

-What do you reckon?

-No.

I don't think it looks as bad as I thought it was going to.

-Make him stand out, though, from the crowd.

-But not in a good way. It's not right.

You've got to be really good looking to wear that.

Excusez-moi!

Can you imagine if he got me something like this?

I would be just like "What?"

Even though it's supposed to be my size.

It's ill-fitting, it's got no shape and it just hangs on me.

And if Dan buys something like that?

I will not wear for my wedding, the biggest day of my life, anything not right.

How much did you say in the budget you want him to spend on a suit?

A good £1,000, I think.

Which is more important - the cost or how well it fits?

How well it fits will...

-Depend on the price.

-Depend on the price.

So if he buys a £150 suit, I know for a fact that it won't fit me properly.

Dan couldn't afford socks from Savile Row.

< STEVE WHISTLES

-That's really nice.

-It's really nice.

And it's not, it's not like you're going to work.

-Mark would look really nice in that.

-It's shimmery and shiny.

-He'll love it.

Mark has decided on the tails.

This is definitely the one.

I love it. I really, really love it.

The ivory shirt, tie and then the contrast with the dark black

and the tails. It gives it that classic, elegant look.

I really love it. I want to get married in this suit. How much is this?

-£2,000.

-2,000?

-Yeah.

I'm worth it.

Take the jacket off.

It's here. 100.

-150? Fine.

-Perfect, isn't it?

THEY HUM THE WEDDING MARCH

You look amazing in it. Mark will look amazing in it.

It's within budget. It would be silly not to get it.

I think we should go for these.

-How much of a percentage? 100?

-95.

It's good enough for me.

It may be good enough for Steve, but it won't be good enough for Mark.

With their budget rapidly evaporating,

Dan and Steve go to the local florist, where Steve has a plan.

If you can get it within 400 quid, I say, do it.

Or you're going to have to cut something else out.

We keep overspending. The money isn't there, that's the problem.

-How many would you need in a bouquet?

-At least ten. Those ones are short ones, so after that,

it's depending whether if you really want this size or longer.

-Is shorter cheaper?

-That's the cheapest.

OK, so, buttonholes.

I think Mark and I would want different buttonholes.

-You want something different?

-A bit more extravagant.

-Extravagance.

-I was thinking more them.

-ALL LAUGH

Just imagine, on you.

-It is quite extravagant, isn't it?

-It looks like a javelin!

It's not going to stay.

You could do your first kiss and poke Mark's eye out.

-Can you zhuzh a calla lily differently?

-You could get a larger calla lily.

We can have larger, yeah.

-So they're £4.50 a buttonhole.

-£4.95.

-£4.50? £4.10?

-£4.95!

That's a shame.

At £465, Steve's met his match.

-OK, so it's a yes, we're going to order it all.

-Hurrah!

At the end of the second week, Dan's credit is well and truly crunched.

He's got just 1,500 quid left, to buy the bridesmaids' dresses,

a cake, transport, stag-do, favours, make-up, shoes...

Mark's blissfully unaware of Dan's financial crisis.

He's now dreaming of his ideal wheels for the big day.

There's nothing like travelling in a bit of style.

This is what I would like.

No Jaguars, no Mercedes, no BMWs. It has to be a Bentley.

I would be disappointed if he doesn't get a Bentley. He knows how much I love them.

What wouldn't be ideal is if he just calls a taxi, bus, underground.

It's nice to arrive in style. I wouldn't want to walk to the venue. Could you imagine?

We could go there and up.

No, we want to make the most simple route for everyone.

Up...Blister Street. Which is quite appropriate,

because they'll all have them!

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Dan has decided to make his future husband and 100 guests walk a mile

between the wedding and reception venues.

-It must be that way.

-Let's go that way.

That's if they can find it.

-That way?

-I would say that way.

Which way is Fenchurch Street?

Which way?

I think they'll probably think we're cheap.

They're actually going to walk past quite a few cool buildings.

It's going to be very...different. And I think it's going to be a really cool talking point.

A talking point? For the rest of your married life.

It's actually quite a long walk.

-I'm thinking it's down that way there.

-Yeah.

-That took approximately 20 minutes.

-Perfect.

With six days to go, Dan's in Blackpool for his stag.

He's penniless, so he's got his mates, including bridesmaids Katie and Danielle, to pick up the bill.

Mark is also being indulged.

Dan's arranged some pampering for him and his mates.

He's just not going to be paying for it.

-Oh, good Lord.

-"In case you hadn't already guessed, no money has this stag do been blessed." Thanks(!)

"For it has all been spent on the actual day. It's not for you lot to fritter away.

"I didn't want this to cause a dampener, so I waited to say until after your pamper."

Thanks(!) Yes.

-I'll have to pay for that. You pay for yours.

-No, I'll pay.

No, I'll pay for the other one.

-You pay for yours and then I'll have to pay for the other bit.

-No.

It's not that Dan hasn't put the effort in.

He's booked a restaurant. But guess who's forking out for it?

I'm really enjoying our good night. It's costing me a fortune. Thanks, Dan(!)

He's getting me back for all those years of me spending his money.

Cheers!

Back in Blackpool, and Dan's trying his hardest to put his money worries behind him.

# I want to wake up in a city that never sleeps... #

"A little bit delicate" is probably an understatement of the year.

I am feeling a little bit nervous.

I do really want the day to go perfectly.

That's what I'm most nervous about.

What we get done is what we get done.

What we don't get done doesn't matter. People won't know about it.

So we've done the important stuff now. It's going to go well.

I'm sure.

Hi, Mum. You all right?

With only three days to go, an exhausted Dan heads home to his mum's house in Kent.

-What's been going on?

-Oh, lots to tell.

-Are you hungry?

-A little bit.

How are you coping without young Mark?

It is really difficult, but I guess I am in the kind of privileged

-position that I've got our wedding to organise, so it keeps my mind busy.

-Yeah.

But when you go to bed at night and try and stop thinking about that,

you turn over and the pillow's empty.

-There's nobody then to talk to.

-It's really difficult.

What difference does it make to your life?

I know a lot of people get married to have children and stuff.

For my old-fashioned mind, that is.

-Well, we've been together for six years.

-Mmm.

I think it's really important that we're able to kind of share that

and show people how much we love each other, as well.

The thing for us really is about celebrating it with our friends and our family.

For mum Philippa,

it's a chance to find out exactly how the civil ceremony will unfold.

Dan's decided to ditch tradition and wants their mothers to give them away.

You've asked me to walk you down the aisle, which I'm very proud of.

-Because usually one of you would be down the aisle already, wouldn't you?

-Yeah.

-So will Mark be down the aisle already?

-No.

We both want to have our moment of glory, I think.

SHE LAUGHS

So you and I would walk up and then, once we're, kind of, at the top,

that's when I would then be waiting

and that's when they'd bring Mark in and he would walk up with his mum.

His mum's walking him down and I'm walking you down.

Dads usually walk the girls down, so the mums can walk the boys down.

So how are you feeling about it all, then? What about the ceremony?

I'm looking forward to it.

It's not many mums that'd get to give their sons away, is it? Mums usually have a back seat.

The fact that Daniel's had the opportunity to do this,

which he wouldn't have had years ago - not that many years ago, is it?

So, for me, it will be a very emotional day,

as I'm sure it will be for him, too. Yeah, I'm very proud of him.

Really proud.

You take care.

-Let me know if there's anything you need.

-Will do.

-Stay calm.

-Thinking of you.

-See you on Friday.

See you Friday. Take care, darling.

Back in Southend...

What is it?

Mark finally receives an invite.

It's his first hint of what Dan is planning.

Very slimline card. Silver and white.

Or purple and gold.

Silver and white, probably.

Purple and gold, that'd be...hideous?

It's nice on the invite, but I hope it's not the themed colours.

There is a slight mark on here. That's just like a nice wallpapery pattern on the back.

Hopefully, that's got...

nothing to do with what they'll be wearing.

Or what we'll be wearing.

-Purple suit, gold tie?

-Can you imagine?

Mark won't have to imagine for long. Dan's colour scheme is purple and silver.

With just two days to go, Dan finally braves bridesmaids' dress shopping.

And without his sidekick Steve, this groom is way out of his depth.

I haven't really got a clue what I'm doing.

I've never bought a dress before in my life.

Well, not for somebody else, anyway.

The good news is, there's plenty of purple around.

Is this a dress or a top? I wouldn't really know where to start.

Below the crotch, it's a dress.

Bridesmaids Danielle and Katie arrive to try on the dresses he's shortlisted.

Right then. Here we are. The bridal room.

Very appropriate.

Ah!

I like this one.

Yeah, I like this one.

From your face, I'm not sure what you think.

You do look like two blackcurrants.

-It's not hideous, is it, though?

-No, I quite like it.

Reveal...

I really like it!

-It's all right. I prefer the purple one.

-This is definitely an improvement.

-I don't think you look like prostitutes.

-No. That's good(!)

I really like it.

Have we got you in a dilemma?

A little bit in a dilemma.

But Dan doesn't do dilemmas.

-Fabulous!

-What have you stuffed it with?

That's my T-shirt.

I think it's disturbing how he fits the dress better than me!

It looks pretty good.

And I think, actually, from a bit afar, it's not as blingy as it feels when it's on.

I know I do look fabulous, but I ain't wearing this to my wedding.

But the bridesmaids are. Dan's spent over £300 on their dresses and shoes.

That's twice as much as on Mark's suit.

Let's hope he's not the jealous type.

It's the day before the wedding, and Mark's back in London

to see the shiny off-the-peg suit that Dan has chosen for him.

He's brought his mum and dad along for moral support. He's going to need it.

We're going in Topshop? Are you serious?

It's close to Savile Row, but it's a bit not Savile Row, is it?

Mark's dreaming of a £2,000, bespoke tail suit.

Dan's spent just £150 on the man he loves.

A bit shaky. I'm very nervous about this.

Are you looking forward to the reveal, though?

Um... A little bit apprehensive. Yeah, we'll see.

Nice?

It's a nice colour.

It's not my size, but it's the right colour. It's a nice tie.

It looks fine.

No offence to you, I was expecting a designer suit that costs at least £500 to £1,000.

We're in a high-street chain.

We're not in Savile Row or a designer's, so I'm a little bit disappointed about that.

But I'm just shocked that I'm here.

Again, no offence because I do love this shop, and I buy all my clothes from here.

But I suppose because I buy all my clothes from here, my wedding day would probably not be here.

But perhaps they ran out of money.

Hmm.

Sorry.

I just wanted it to be so special for him.

And it's not. It's not even made to measure, is it?

I don't even know if he'll try it on.

He wanted something made for him for his wedding day.

It's just real disappointment.

Bit of a meltdown there.

I'm all right now.

I'm fine. I'm over it now.

I just was a bit shocked to be here.

But I think we should just try it on.

Keep our fingers crossed that it fits him.

-What do you think?

-It looks really nice, actually. Really nice. Yeah.

-You don't look too overwhelmed.

-It's a nice suit.

The jacket's not fitted enough as I'd have if it was tailor-made.

I'm struggling still to get past the fact that I'm in the biggest high-street store.

-Can this be altered?

-No.

It's not fitted properly.

I won't be borrowing your special cufflinks, I'm afraid.

Because it's just a normal buttoned shirt. Retailing at £29.99.

Does it feel comfortable, though? Is it comfortable?

It's not about comfort, it's about style.

I want to look like a groom going to a wedding,

and not like I'm about to go to a business meeting,

or go to someone else's wedding as a guest.

I think, if anything, it means that they must have run out of money,

and more money will be spent on the day or whatever.

I just hope that my suit hasn't come at the expense of some crappy drag queen.

In which case, I'll be furious.

Because this is so important that I had a bespoke suit.

Can you imagine asking a bride to come into a high-street shop to buy a wedding dress?

You wouldn't, would you? It's just embarrassing.

I might come across as a bit of a mean bitch,

but I'm getting married tomorrow.

I'm not sure if I want to get married in this.

Tomorrow, Dan will have to face Mark.

Will his choice of suit ruin the big day?

It's the morning of the wedding.

After a night to come to terms with his wedding suit,

Mark's putting a brave face on things with the support of his friends.

Ta-da!

Oh, my God! You look so lovely.

Aw, thank you.

-You look so smart.

-It fits you really well.

Do us a little spin.

It's really fitted.

It fits beautifully. Honestly.

You guys have made me feel so much better now.

Yesterday I was a little bit upset

about the fact that I'm wearing this suit to the biggest day of my life,

but today I'm feeling really good about it.

I think I look good, and my friends tell me that I'm looking nice, so that's made me feel better.

I'm not sure what he's spent all the money on.

It certainly isn't the suit,

and I'm yet to see whether there's going to be a nice car picking us up,

or whether we'll be walking or getting a taxi.

-Shall I run and get it?

-It's too late to worry where the money's gone.

With only three hours to go, there's no turning back.

-Do you want a bit of bronzer on?

-I could go a little tiny bit.

Time for Mark to see his extravagant wedding buttonholes.

I'm not sure if this big one might be for you, Mum. What do you think?

-Let's have a look. I wouldn't know.

-It's a bit too big, do you think?

-It's a little bit big, isn't it?

-You don't look impressed!

Maybe someone can give Steve or Dan a call, cos I don't want to be wearing a different one to Dan.

I don't know whether that big one's for me, but that will be too big, don't you think?

Mark's bridesmaid calls an already stressed Steve to check who's meant to be wearing the large buttonhole.

I just went "I'll call you back," cos I was like "Tell him to wear it."

Don't wear it, then.

Right, I'm just going to phone up and say "Don't wear it, then,"

but he won't be matching to Dan. That was the whole point.

He can wear what he wants. I didn't realise it was going to be that big, but...

Hi, it's Steve. Hello, love. Right, that's the flower that Mark's meant to be wearing.

If he doesn't wear it, then that's his choice, but he won't be matching Dan.

We're getting a bit stressed this end,

so whoever wears what flowers wears what flowers, it's cool.

All right. Bye!

Where's the car?

Here's the Bentley(!)

I haven't even got time to think about the fact that it's not a Bentley, but let's get in.

Mark's on the move, and his guests are starting to arrive.

I'm just in panic mode at the moment.

I just want to get there in whatever means possible.

I can't breathe.

Has anyone got a paper bag?

-I've got my asthma pump on me, if you need it.

-I might do.

-I need to calm myself down, actually.

-Just calm down. Just calm down.

You're all right.

With Mark en route, Dan's mum is getting ready for her big moment.

I'm going to walk him down the aisle and I'm very excited. It's the start of a new life for him.

I've heard a lot about it, so this is seeing what he's done over the last three weeks.

Could everybody please stand?

Where are we? Are we here?

Is it a hotel?

This is not how Mark imagined his big day going.

I've spent so much time thinking about it and visualising it.

I would be very disappointed if he doesn't get a Bentley, because he knows how much I love them.

I will not wear for my wedding, the biggest day of my life, anything that's not right.

But while Dan's ready for his big moment, Mark isn't.

I need some more time. Tell him I need some more time.

Nerves have got the better of him.

I feel a bit faint and my hands are really tingling at the moment, so I just need a few more minutes.

Mark's failure to appear is making Dan panic.

(INAUDIBLE)

Is he going to be left alone at the aisle?

APPLAUSE

Could you all please be seated?

Are you all right, darling? I missed you so much.

Dan, will you take Mark to be your civil partner?

Will you be loving, faithful and loyal to him for the rest of your lives together?

-I will.

-Mark, the same for you.

Mark, will you take Dan to be your lawful civil partner?

Will you be loving, faithful and loyal to him for the rest of your lives together?

I certainly will.

Now, if you'd like to take each other's hands.

Dan, you need to repeat after me and say these words to Mark.

-I promise to share with you.

-I promise to share with you.

-All the good times.

-All the good times.

-And the bad times.

-And the bad times.

-To be your best friend.

-To be your best friend.

-Your support and companion.

-Your support and companion.

And to love and respect you.

-And to love and respect you.

-Always.

-Always.

-I give you this ring.

-As a symbol.

-As a symbol.

-Of my love.

-Of my love.

Again, halfway on the third finger. Left hand. That's it.

And say these words.

THEY ALL LAUGH

OK. I give you this ring.

-I give you this ring.

-As a symbol.

-As a symbol.

-Of my love.

-Of my love.

It gives me great pleasure to pronounce you are now legally civil partners.

Would you like to kiss each other?

APPLAUSE

Honestly, I'm the happiest man alive at the moment.

That really sounds corny, but I really am.

Sorry for keeping you waiting.

I was having a bit of a panic attack downstairs!

And then I thought I was going to faint, and I couldn't have come up when I was feeling like that.

-Let's go and get a drink.

-Yeah, let's get a drink.

Guys, I just want to say, if you want to raise a glass in the air

and welcome to the room for the first time as newlyweds, Mark and Dan.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So the boys are finally hitched.

But what's Mark going to make of the hike to the reception?

-It's not a Bentley, no.

-I knew you wanted a Bentley.

I know. I would have thought you would have thought I wanted a Bentley, rather than a Ford, but...

-I did. I got you a Ford Galaxy, that'll do fine.

-All right, yeah.

No, the most important thing is that I'm with Dan and all my friends and family are behind me,

so nothing's going to wipe the smile off my face today.

Not even a purple and silver cabaret venue packed with drag queens?

Proud Cabaret?

Let's go in.

# The club is alive with the sound of music... #

Oh, my goodness!

'When I first walked in, I was a little bit shocked.'

I was a bit like "Um, this is a cabaret venue. I hope it's not going to be too tacky."

I'm not sure how Grandma is going to feel about this.

It's definitely not conventional, but Dan's still sticking to some traditions.

Now, in any wedding, whether it's between two boys, two girls, or a boy and a girl,

the mums always expect to be involved,

and the mums have had a real kind of hands-off approach to this.

So we've got a couple of little gifts to say thank you very, very, very much

for being so supportive of us and so understanding.

Whatever, they're the same price, it doesn't matter!

Thank you, my mother, and my mother-in-law.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's the perfect moment to reveal Dan's cabaret extravaganza.

I would quite like to just know what's going on.

There's more surprises. I think I'm a bit all surprised out.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Oh!

-LAUGHTER

# I tried to be like Grace Kelly

# But all her looks were too sad

# So I tried a little Marky

# I've gone identity mad... #

But not everyone's a fan of drag.

The cabaret was a bit of a shock.

I'm sure Mark would have thought to himself, "What the hell is going on now?"

Are you all right, my dear? You're a bit surprised, aren't you?

Everybody loved it.

-Everybody.

-I...

They did.

I know, darling, I know. Everyone loved it, and I was included in the love of that.

# Should I bend over

# Should I get older just to be put on your shelf...? #

Don't touch me. I don't know where you've been, dear.

It's so Dan, and I love Dan. And if Dan loves that, then that's great.

And the crowd goes wild!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The drag act may have cost Mark his suit, but Dan has one final ace up his sleeve.

We've done a little...

-Wedding?

-Video for you. To show how much Dan loves you.

A tribute to Mark.

It's Dan's special way of showing Mark just how much he loves him.

# I need a hero

# I need a hero till the end of the night

# He's got to be strong

# And he's got to be fast

# And he's got to be fresh from the fight

# And then a hero comes along

# With the strength to carry on

# And you cast your fears aside

# And you know you can survive

# From this moment...

LAUGHTER

# From this moment

# I will love you... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's a triumph.

That was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

That was brilliant. That was so funny.

I laughed from start to finish. It was amazing.

Will you please welcome to the floor, for the first time, your bride and groom -

Which way round you like - for their first dance, Dan and Mark!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I think that this wedding has Dan and Steve written all over it,

with me in mind, and so I think for that reason it's been perfect.

# I want one moment in time... #

It's so different, so wacky, totally different to what we were expecting, and I love it.

He's done a brilliant job. And Mark is so happy.

He's beaming all the time.

I love the whole thing. It's just brilliant.

Really pleased. He's happy. He's married to Dan now, of course he's happy.

# One moment in time... #

'To see my mum and my dad with such massive smiles on the faces,'

and my friends and family coming up to me going this is the best wedding they've been to,

and they've been absolutely ecstatic, I'm just...

That's what we wanted, memorable.

This is my husband, and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Next time, Laura...

-We're just going to have a complete breakdown.

-..and Mitch.

-Just a bit of junkie fun, you know?

If the surf's good, that will take priority over anything else.

-Last surf as a free man.

-The bridesmaids are really funny.

-Nine women.

-It was a pound!

-A pound?!

-Hello, mother-in-law.

-I'm going to break your kneecaps.

-Oops!

-Fancy dress!

Wash away this wedding shenanigans.

# All the lovers

# That have gone before

# They don't compare

# To you

# Don't feel frightened

# Just give me a little bit more

# They don't compare. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]