Harry and Mellissa Don't Tell the Bride

This programme contains some strong language

48 brave brides...

48 game-on grooms...

dozens of dress disasters...

Don't panic.

..and one near miss.

Please, just get on the plane.

I'm not coming. Game over.

Now, we're back for a whole new rollercoaster ride,

as 12 more blushing brides leave the biggest day of their lives...

Oh, my God.

..in the hands of the men they love.

The grooms get three weeks...

No way!

-..and £12,000...

-12 Gs, man!

-My God!

-Are you ready?

-Born ready, mate!

..and the brides get no say in how it's spent.

I don't want to do this anymore.

So, saddle up for tears...

SHE SOBS

..tantrums...

Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?!

..and total meltdowns.

I can't even get the wedding right. I can't, I can't do anything.

Tonight, does fisherman Harry put his love of the sea...

I bet most people when they wake up and go to work don't see a view like that.

..before the love of his life?

You stink!

With a bride that finds it hard to trust...

I heard Harry was out with some local tarts.

..will loving the booze, and missing the bonking...

It's only been a couple of days for me and Mel apart and I'm struggling.

..lead him astray?

Go and get a couple of hookers and give them a good seeing to.

Can this fisherman really give his land-loving girl...

I'm shit-scared of boats.

..the wedding of her dreams?

Mel doesn't even like the water.

Oh, tough crap, it's my wedding as well and I like the water so we're having it there.

24-year-old Harry is a hard-working fisherman.

I just love the nice views and being out here with the birds and the dolphins,

catching mad stuff like crabs or whelks or sometimes fish.

And when he's not catching fish, he's catching waves. Harry loves the sea.

Look at that, what more do you need? That's the money shot!

Harry lives with his 28-year-old girlfriend Mel in Manorbier,

a pretty seaside village on the Pembrokeshire coast in South Wales.

It's only a small little village... not that many people live here,

and all the people who do live here all know each other and know each other's business,

but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world. I love it.

-'Mel is a mobile hairdresser.'

-Hi, Mels.

-Hi, Laur!

-'Her world is very different to Harry's.'

What are we going to do with your hair today?

Mel is self-conscious and always likes to look nice and presentable.

If things aren't going her way, she'll let you know about it.

Appearance is quite important cos I wanna look good all the time...

..so everyone is jealous.

Mel thinks Harry's a prize catch.

He's generous...

and really good-looking and fit.

And nice curly hair.

And big muscles.

Opposites attract, and four years ago she reeled him in.

One night we were out in the pub and I just pounced on Harry, really.

And it didn't take long to land her catch.

I realised Melissa was the one

the first time we got together in the bedroom.

To keep Harry interested, she spends six nights a week at the gym.

She goes to these things called Body Combat

or Body Pump or Legs, Bums and Tums.

I went to see them once and it's really funny.

But although Mel loves her man, she doesn't love his job.

'When Harry comes home smelling of fish, normally I say,

'"Can you strip off at the front door?"'

You stink!

I don't like the smell of fish. Or whelks. Or fish guts.

Or dead crabs. Or dead dogfish. Cos it stinks!

In fact, Mel doesn't like the sea one little bit.

Even though I've grown up by the sea,

I've always been pretty frightened of it.

I'm scared of boats.

But boats are a big part of Harry's life.

And to earn a living as a fisherman

he's got to be at sea whenever possible.

Harry's job takes up a lot of his time so we don't get as much time as we'd like together.

And when he's not working hard, he's playing hard.

He decided to turn our garden shed into a bar.

It's called Hazza's Bar. Harry has all his friends round. They've got home brew.

A lot of people drink it,

but I don't think they're very well the next day.

Harry's proposal, a year ago, was sweet. Really sweet.

Yeah, he proposed with a Haribo ring.

And I wore it for about ten minutes and then it got a little bit sticky

and all the rest of the sweets had gone, so I just ate the ring.

Not many girls can say they ate their engagement ring!

Harry's now got just three weeks to organise Mel's dream wedding.

But all this lad knows is fishing, surfing and drinking.

Will he sink or swim?

Harry's led astray really easily.

Especially if there's alcohol involved.

And that's not the only distraction Mel's worried about.

Any strippers, any women on stag dos,

anything to do with women, I would go mad.

That is one thing that would annoy me the most.

Before they part ways, Harry wants, finally, to give Mel a real engagement ring.

And, sure enough, he does it by the sea.

My ring!

Thank you, I love my ring.

Harry's choice of ring has gone down well.

But will this fisherman get the rest of the wedding right?

With Mel moving out, the couple will have no contact for the next three weeks.

It could be a struggle.

What am I going to do without you?

No sexercise. Just exercise. How are you going to cope?

Do you want to take a pair of my pants in case you want to sniff them?

-That's your cuddling...

-That's my cuddling blanket, my comfort blanket.

Do you think I'll be able to wash properly without you?

-You won't be able to wash your willy properly!

-HE LAUGHS

It's finally time for Harry and Mel to drag themselves from the bedroom.

Their lips won't meet again until their wedding day.

Now, be a good boy.

Wah!

As Mel makes her exit,

it's time for best man Matthew Tuttle, AKA Tutz, to move in.

I'm going to see Harry now, I've got the beers in the back.

Time to have a little drink, I think.

He's another drinking, surfing, lady-loving fisherman.

I'm a little bit more interested in the beer than the wedding.

And as clueless as Harry about what a woman wants.

As long as you try hard to arrange it all, it can't go that wrong, surely?

Unless it rains and she gets struck by lightning in her dress.

-This could be a disaster.

-HE BURPS

-Oi!

-'Knowing Harry and Tuttle together,

-'they're as thick as thieves.'

-How's it going, Tutzy, boy?! Weeeeey, beers in! Good man!

They'll be off causing trouble somewhere.

Mel will spend the next three weeks living a few miles down the road with mum Barbara.

-I've come home!

-Ah, you've come home, have you? Welcome home!

Have you seen my ring?

Mel's loving her new engagement ring...

even if it did take a year to get hold of.

-She's going to cry now!

-'And now she wants to get one on Harry's finger.'

-He's got a big job.

-I know! He's got a big job.

Harry knows he's got his work cut out.

Unfortunately, he doesn't have a clue where to start.

Wedding cars and carriages. Cakes and favours. What's a favour?

I owe enough people favours as it is.

I don't want to be buying a favour.

Luckily, Harry's got his best man on board.

Right, where are we going to start on planning the wedding?

Er...on the internet.

On the internet. What, type in Google, "How to plan a wedding in three weeks", is it?

"Complete wedding planning check list."

12 months or more? I haven't got 12 months. I've got three weeks!

Mel has lived in Manorbier her whole live

and would love to get married here. There's a strong family connection too -

her dad's ashes are scattered on the beach,

and her granddad is buried in the graveyard of the village church.

Ah, Dad. Ah, bless.

Where are you going to put yours?

I'll put my flowers in here.

He was the best dad in the world.

At least we've put some flowers on now. He can enjoy them.

-Innit?

-Yeah.

Bless him.

Look at the view. You've got the castle, the beach, the fields...

-It'd be amazing to get married here.

-I've been to many a wedding here.

-Yeah.

-Absolutely fantastic.

Me knowing Harry, I think he'll choose this church.

He knows I love this church. I think he'll choose this.

-I'm praying he'll choose this.

-What if he doesn't? Wedding's off?!

I'll have to cry...the next day.

Harry knows Mel wants to get married in a church.

And where do you find one of those? Well, by the sea, obviously.

And the boys have found one...

five miles from Manorbier in Tenby harbour.

St Julian's, fisherman's church.

Now, that is a warm welcome to two hungry fishermen.

-What do you think, mate?

-It's really cool.

It's right on the beach and it's surrounded by boats.

And who doesn't love boats?!

Well, Mel for starters.

Whoa, cool!

It's wicked, look at that!

Looks well good, dunnit?

'But it's not Mel's church.'

Ooh.

This is pretty. Imagine walking back out of here.

-With Harry.

-Yeah!

We're married, yay!

And waving... Goodbye!

Thank you, everybody, goodbye. Going home now.

I'm Mr Cromwell and you're Mrs Cromwell.

Look at that organ.

I like the organ. I love this church.

THEY HUM WEDDING MARCH

MATT HUMS WEDDING MARCH

Look at those crabs!

-That is cool!

-It is cool, actually.

-You don't need to decorate again, do you?

-It's been decorated for us.

I really like it. It's cool.

It's exactly how I imagined my fishing wedding to be.

Cos we're local fishermen, hopefully it'll be in our favour to get this fisherman's church.

Even though we've never been to church, but we won't tell them.

'Harry wastes no time putting a call in to the vicar.'

'Hello, this is Tenby Rectory. Please leave a message.'

Hello, there, this... my name's Harry Cromwell

and I'm hoping to get married in a church down on Tenby beach, the fisherman's church.

If you could give me a call back that would be much appreciated.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Cool, job done.

The harbour setting gives the lads another idea.

The Sailing Club is almost right opposite the church,

so it looks like it could be a possible venue for the reception do.

It's an idea, innit, Matt?

Yeah, especially if they can put the marquee thing up outside.

-Open up the bottom bar there and have a big marquee.

-Yeah.

-It's definitely an idea.

But Harry's on a mission to have a seaside wedding, so he calls the vicar again.

'Hello, this is Tenby Rectory. Please leave a message after the tone.'

Perhaps he couldn't make it to the thing. Hmmm.

'And again...'

'Hello, this is Tenby Rectory...'

HARRY IMITATES PHONE SMASHING

It's quite annoying, to be honest.

'And again.'

'Hello, this is Tenby Rectory.'

God's sake, what is it with these vicars, man? They do my head in.

While Harry waits for a sign from God,

Mel concentrates on her own heavenly bod.

# My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

# And they're like It's better than yours

# Damn right It's better than yours...

-NARRATOR:

-# ..I could teach you But I have to charge

Back at home, Harry has finally made contact.

'Hello.'

-Hello, is that Reverend Davies?

-'Yes, it is.'

Hello, there, I'm hoping to, er, arrange a...a wedding, sorry, in the fisherman's church.

The vicar's happy to conduct the ceremony

but he'll need the approval of his archdeacon.

Harry's dream fisherman's church wedding is now in the hands of the Almighty...

or a bloke who works for him, anyway.

As best man Tuttle heads out on the morning tide to spend the day fishing,

Harry returns to Tenby harbour to check out the sailing club.

Hello, there, how's it going? Nice to see you, Blake, again.

So this is the best view in Tenby, then, is it?

Yes, the best drinking hole in Tenby with the best view.

It's really nice. You can see everything from here, can't you?

I just love the sea theme, I'm always in the water surfing, if not fishing.

-And down here it's so beautiful, like, all the boats and the sea.

-Yeah, it's buzzing.

Despite not knowing if he can get married in the fisherman's church,

Harry goes ahead and books the Sailing Club.

Together with a marquee big enough for 200 guests,

it costs him almost £4,000.

But a marquee in the harbour car park means he'll need an outdoor alcohol licence...

which he doesn't have yet.

But just as everything seems to be falling into place

Harry and Tuttle get a message from the Vicar.

-(AUTOMATED VOICE) 'Message received at 6.39pm.'

-'Oh, hi, it's Andrew.'

'At last I've got hold of the Archdeacon

'and I'm afraid he's not happy about proceeding with this.

'So really it's a no.'

The Archdeacon feels that three weeks isn't long enough to prepare Harry and Mel for a church wedding.

-Well, that's not good news, is it?

-No. That's rubbish.

Unable to convince the church to marry them at such short notice,

he has no choice but to watch his church wedding slip through the net.

With the fisherman's church a no-go,

Harry now needs to find an alternative venue for the ceremony.

And where better than a pub by the sea?

-This is where we hold our wedding ceremonies.

-Yeah, nice.

I like the flowers. They look cool.

The bride and groom normally stand under the archway. The guests can see the view then.

It is a nice view. It does look really nice.

The Longhouse is licensed to hold civil ceremonies

and it's definitely available.

Consider it booked.

-I thought it was pretty good.

-I liked it.

I like the fact that it's not a normal typical hotel.

You can see the beach. You can see the sea.

It wouldn't be the same as getting married in the church, but I think Melissa would like it.

But a pub surrounded by holiday chalets is a far cry

from the village church Mel has her heart set on.

And, if that's not bad enough, the sea-faring groom

now wants to transport his sea-fearing bride to the reception, you've guessed it, by sea.

Come out here. Go on the beach. Go out to sea on one of the boats.

-It will be really good. It's a good idea.

-Yeah?

Back home Harry decides to reveal his venue plans

to brother Sam and mum Sian, but what will they think?

What we're doing,

we're getting married at the Longhouse in Freshwater East.

Me and Mel are going to get on a boat

and then sail right round into Tenby harbour,

We'll have our reception in a big marquee by the sailing club, right on the harbour.

-The car park?

-Yeah.

-I thought you wanted people to come to the wedding?

Shut up, Mum! They'll love it. Don't you like the idea or what?

Mel doesn't even like the water.

Oh, tough, crap, it's my wedding as well and I like the water so we're having it there, right?

I'm really concerned about Mel getting on the boat. That's my main worry.

I mean, poor thing, if she's not expecting it,

she's not going to be very happy.

Particularly as she doesn't like boats.

You can't expect Mel to get on a dirty fishing boat.

She's not. It's going to be clean, Mum, chill out.

It just doesn't have to be clean, it has to be spotless.

And it's not just the boat trip that's worrying mum Sian.

I'm just stressing about the Longhouse.

I think she'll hate it, absolutely hate it.

It's fine for a surfers' party but a wedding,

to actually get married, it's worse than a registry office. Oh, I dunno.

So, four days in, the wedding for a bride who hates boats

consists of a ceremony in a pub,

followed by a trip to Tenby in a boat,

for a reception in a harbour car park. Surrounded by more boats.

Confident that Mel will be pleased with their work,

the boys decide they deserve some fun.

CHEERING

All right, boys. How's it going?

We're in town now. Me and Tuttle. We just want to get a couple of beers down our heads

so we're not feeling so stressed out about the wedding.

Let our hair down and just get drunk.

We'll worry about the wedding in the morning.

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

Later the next day and best man Tuttle is, quite literally, a wreck.

Tuttle...

It's time to get up, man. Come on.

TUTTLE MUMBLES

You've got to get up, you've got to get up, you've got to get up in the morning.

-Come on.

-TUTTLE MOANS

I don't want to have to do this. Look, I woke up earlier.

-We've really got shit to do, man, honestly.

-I know we have.

My head's banging. I've got a really bad headache.

While Harry tries to raise the dead, at her mum's house,

mobile hairdresser Mel, who is used to hearing all the gossip,

has become the talk of the town.

I heard from a client's daughter that Harry was out on the town

with some local tarts.

If that is the case then I want to have a word with him

before marrying him, cos I'm not happy about that.

Sister Sam and her boyfriend Mark try in vain to calm Mel's nerves.

That's just going to eat away at me now.

-There's a reason probably for it.

-I don't know. Hanging around with tarts?

It's just not very nice for you, is it, hearing that he's hanging out with other girls and...?

-I'm annoyed!

-But, unaware of the rumours, Harry has other issues.

We're going to have a look at the tides now.

He's determined to sail his bride to Tenby,

where the reception will be held.

But if they don't arrive at the right time

the sea level won't be high enough for the boat to enter the harbour.

Right, the date of the wedding, Friday 22nd.

-Oh, shit. High tide is at ten in the morning.

-That's all right, isn't it?

-We're getting married at 12.

-You've got to change it.

-To what time?

-Ten o'clock. She can get up two hours earlier.

-Do you reckon? That's too early.

-It's not!

If she wants a nice day she can get out of bed at six.

So it's an early start for Mel. And it's straight on to the next task -

his outdoor alcohol licence.

While I'm sorting this stuff out, now it's important, right,

I need you to sort something out for the stag and hen do, OK?

-Yeah, OK.

-That's your job, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Good boy. All right.

No licence means a dry reception in the harbour car park.

And that's an unthinkable proposition for hard drinking Harry and his fishermen friends.

With the deadline for the application looming he'll have to rush to avoid disaster.

We've got to go to the police station, drop off one licence there,

then we've got to drive to Haverfordwest County Council

and drop off the other licence there

and get it date stamped to make sure they know it's today we got it in by

because if we don't get it in by today it's not happening.

And with Harry going like the clappers...

I've got a letter for the licensing officer.

..best man Tutz and the stag plans are going...

Well, they're going nowhere fast.

Now we're in a mad rush to get to Haverfordwest County Council

to get our other licensing form off with a cheque as well

so it takes a good 20 minutes from here.

Back in Manorbier, Tutz finally leaps into action.

Will Harry make the deadline?

Yes! He's done it! But what's Tutz done?

He should have the stag and hen dos sewn up by now.

-What have you got?

-That's all I could find. I don't know how to work it.

That's all you've done? I've been out all day, getting a licence, going to the police,

going to Haverfordwest, organising three different meetings with the harbourmaster.

I'll work double hard...

And all you've done is found a betting page on Coral?

What have you been doing the whole time I've been away? Sleeping?

-Yeah.

-You have, haven't you? You are...

I can't believe you. You are useless, Tuttle. Fair dos.

Tuttle - he's useless. He's always been useless.

He always will be useless. Everything he does is useless.

-You still love me though!

-Yeah, I still love him though.

But he's still useless.

MUSIC: "Don't Cha" by Pussycat Dolls

At the local leisure centre, Mel's working hard to forget

the nasty rumours that are going around town.

I've just come out of body attack. I feel quite knackered.

And a bit out of breath.

And I really want to see Harry now, I miss him loads now.

I'm not so much angry with him anymore about the rumours.

I would still say something, but I'm not as angry

and as het up as I was before I went in.

I feel like I've released the anger and the energy of the day.

After a long week of wedding planning,

Harry is finding it impossible to resist the call of the sea.

I can't wait to go and make some money now, go fishing.

Make some money, be out at sea, be happy.

It's nice to get away from planning a wedding and get back fishing.

Does my head in planning a wedding, I'm sick of it.

Here's the other fisherman here. Sam Todd.

And Tuttle, my best man, over there.

We're going to beat him now, cos our boat's the fastest.

All right, boys!

The boys are fishing for whelks.

That's the money right there.

Meanwhile Mel is longing for her prize catch.

The worst thing for me is missing him,

like, not seeing each other, no contact, no texting.

Like, each time I go in the blooming post office they're like,

"Oh, Harry's been in." And I'm like, "What did he buy? What did he buy?"

Even though he's out at sea, the wedding's never far from Harry's mind.

There's Tenby over there, where hopefully in a couple of weeks

me and Melissa will be getting married.

But he still needs a boat to get her there and he knows just the one.

Will it be all right to use the boat to get Mel from the Longhouse to the reception?

From the ceremony to the reception?

-Well, yeah, I think so. Should be fine.

-Brilliant, nice one. Cool.

So Mel, who's terrified of the sea,

will now be travelling to the wedding reception in a dirty great big whelk boat.

That's if she can stand the smell.

It's the beginning of week two and Harry's about to undertake his most daunting challenge,

one he definitely doesn't want to face on his own.

There's Tuttle now.

After a 12-hour shift on the boat

in five minutes he'll be in here, stinking, ready to choose wedding dresses.

-All right, boy? Good day or what?

-Yeah.

-Was it?

-Ready to pick a wedding dress or what?

-Yeah.

It was plain sailing getting a boat, but will the fishermen make

heavy weather of buying a wedding dress?

Mel will have no say in what she'll actually be wearing, but she wants to find her fantasy dress.

Hello, how are you? Woooh! That looks big.

Do you know what sort of thing you're looking for?

Maybe some bling and diamonds or something.

Take a look and if there's anything you like we can try them on.

Mum Barbara and sisters Sam and Jess

know how important Harry's choice will be.

I think she'll look good in anything, but whether she'd wear it or not

is a different matter cos if it's not right she'll kick off.

-Oh, she'll kick off.

-She will.

-She'll have a fit.

Harry is a brave man.

He'd better be, because he's about to enter an alien world.

Hello.

Woah! Oh, my God.

This looks really scary up here.

Luckily, manager Emma knows exactly how to put the fishermen at ease.

We need to find out what your wedding's all about,

then we should be able to help you choose the right kind of dress.

And we've got cold beers for you as well. THEY CHEER

That is amazing.

-It's really cold as well.

-You know what, Tuttle? Next time we have a day off

we should just go out and pretend to buy dresses and just get treated like kings.

Mel starts with a Grecian dress with an embroidered diamante waist band.

It's a bit too big and I'd like it a bit more revealing.

I want SOME cleavage on show.

Do you think he might go for something big and fancy?

-He won't go for big and fancy. I hope not.

-You hope!

But big and fancy is exactly what the boys want to see first.

Woah, that's cool.

-The boys are taking it all in.

-That's lush.

This is a princess style. Really fitted onto the waist,

it looks really tiny. but with a nice big fun skirt.

Can you imagine her wearing this coming in and out of the boat?

When you say it like that, it might be a bit tricky.

-We could tie a string onto it.

-You can't tie a string around your wife.

We'll tie her round and haul her up on the hauler!

Catch of the day, boys!

The princess dress doesn't fit into fisherman Harry's plans. Next up...

a simple strapless number.

-Looks nice, doesn't it, Tuttle?

-I like it.

It's really nice. Again, really fitted on the waist it'll make her teeny tiny.

And the best thing about this dress is it's got pockets.

It's definitely more practical, but it's a tough call for Harry.

-I think simple looks kind of nice.

-Yeah.

-Do you think girls think that?

Pick what you think's best.

OK, I'll have her naked then, or in some sexy knickers.

-Do you want another beer?

-Yeah.

-Would that help?

-Yeah!

The last dress should definitely appeal to a fisherman.

-This now is a fitted fishtail style.

-Looks like sort of a mermaid shape.

So really it hugs the curves.

Mel's really curvy. She's got really nice boobs and a really nice bum

and I just think that would like emphasise her nice boobs and bum.

Fishtail is perfect for that sort of shape.

Incredibly, he's thinking along the right lines.

-Wow, I love that one. Beautiful. I love that one.

-It's the best one. I love it.

-You can see your shape.

-Mel's found her fantasy dress.

This is my favourite, this is the one I want cos it's like a mermaid.

I like the ruffling, all this detail here,

I like the way it's fitted and makes you look curvy.

I like a fishtail. I hope he chooses a dress like this.

But Harry's still to decide between a fishtail dress

just like the one Mel wants

and the simple strapless dress with pockets.

Will he choose the right one?

They both feel really nice.

-That one's a bit lighter, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-And it is sparklier.

And it is sparklier. And it's more fitting.

But then this one looks really nice too. And it's got the pockets.

What do you think, Tutz, honestly? It is really difficult.

-Do you think the left one?

-The left one.

-Left one it is, then. I don't want to think about it any more.

If I keep thinking I'll just be like for ever. This one here.

Harry's chosen the one with the pockets

and at £1,100, it's another huge chunk out of his budget.

Harry moves on to spend even more cash -

Over £2,000 on a seafood barbie...

Definitely going to be some bass, mackerel, lobster, spider claws.

..and almost £900 on outfits for the boys...

-Here you are, Tuttle, now you're looking the part.

-Yeah!

Wa-hey!

-..and dresses for the bridesmaids.

-Do you think that's suitable?

And it's got pockets like Mel's, as well.

As he nears the end of the second week,

Harry has less than two grand left.

It's a sobering thought.

Still a lot to get done - little bits of transport

or accommodation, or inviting everybody.

The invitations. Alcohol.

Just... Yeah, so much stuff to do.

But it'll all have to wait...

because the boys are off to Cardiff for the stag!

In typical form, it's time to make like a fish and get battered!

Meanwhile, across town,

Mel and the girls are following suit with the hen do.

I'm not wearing this. How embarrassing!

I've got my pretend Harry. Mwah!

You boys were the selected 27 out of my favourite friends.

I love you all and let's get fucking hammered.

CHEERING

-Three cheers for Harry and Mel, yeah?

-Hip, hip...

And it's not long before things get really messy.

RAUCOUS CHEERING

One week from now, I'll have a ring on that finger right there

and I'll be like, "Oh, my god, I'm married." Aaargh!

With a thumb on my head going, "Harry, do this, the house isn't clean. What are you doing?"

A week tonight I'll be Mrs Cromwell but I'm not thinking of that now.

I'm just going to get loose with my mates.

The next day and Harry's suffering from the hangover from hell.

I'm feeling like... It's about four o'clock now and I'm feeling minging.

For some reason I just woke up really early thinking,

"I've got loads to do today, got to get on with loads of stuff."

All I could think about was getting the invitations sorted and stuff like that, so...

Yeah I just couldn't sleep at all. I'm just...

..I dunno, stressing about it a bit, I think.

There are just five days to go until the wedding

and Harry hasn't sent out a single invitation.

He's hoping to find cards that are classy and sophisticated,

like something to do with the seaside.

I just need something now. There's a couple of nice ones here

of the sea and fish and seagulls

so that pretty much sums me up in a card.

I'm going to go for these, I reckon.

Back at home, it's time to get creative.

I was going to cut out wellies, like, but I can't do it,

it's just too difficult.

Going to do hearts instead. Love hearts, stick 'em in there.

A bit of glue. it's like Art Attack, innit?

Harry needs to send out 50 invites.

How many did I get, again? 25? I need more than 25.

Do you know what I might have to do? I might have to cut these in half.

That way, yeah. Problem solving see, saving money.

Two cards out of one.

-That's not even his biggest problem.

-What do I write in there?

I don't even know what I'm going to write in there.

Erm...

"Dear Barbara, you are invited to Melissa and Harry's wedding."

Wedding day or wedding? My head's not working, man.

More used to fishing and drinking, Harry could be here a while.

I'm really struggling with this. It's doing my head in.

But the invites aren't the only thing troubling him.

I'm hungry, tired, missing Melissa.

Missing her nice treats and the food she makes me.

Missing our bedroom activities.

And after two weeks away from Harry, Mel's pining for her lusty seaman.

I'm really miss him, It just feels weird,

-and every night I've kissed the photo good night.

-Aw.

-Hopefully, he's done the same.

Normally I'd fall asleep quickly

but since staying here, I can't get to sleep.

I just feel knackered and sick of everyone asking me questions...

"When is it? "Where is it? What time?"

I'm just sick of people asking.

I feel like unplugging the phone and telling everyone

to go and ask someone else, cos I don't know any answers.

I just hope he's just remembered all the little things

-and I hope he's spent the money wisely.

-He probably has, knowing Harry.

He's quite a responsible person. He is sensible with money.

I've almost spent all my 12 grand now.

I roughly worked it out earlier and it's like 11 grand, something.

Probably some of the biggest outlays has been marquee,

which has been £3,160 or something...

..wedding dress and shoes, £1,100,

wedding photography, £1,600.

The three venues added together is going to be about a grand.

Catering was a couple of grand, a bit more.

I've still got to buy alcohol, still got to pay for corkage.

I can't cut back on nothing. Everything I've got is what I want and I'm not cutting back for it.

It might be what you want, Harry, but will Mel feel the same?

Feeling the pressure and without Mel to comfort him,

Harry decides it's time for a change of scene.

Plan is go and get some waves. Chill out, have a laugh,

forget about the wedding plans for a couple of hours,

then go home and go to bed. I'm not doing the invitations tonight.

With just a few days to go until the wedding,

the only thing on Harry's mind is the sea.

It looks like those invitations will just have to wait.

The next day, Harry finally gets round to sending out some invites,

while just a few streets away his dad, Ollie, has a special delivery for Mel.

-Ollie, what are you doing here?

-Hello, darling.

-Are you all right?

-Where's my kiss, come on. Mwah.

-Coming in?

-No. I've missed you.

-Are you not allowed in?

-No. And Harry's missed you even more.

-What's this?

-A little present and a little invite.

Harry struggled with what to include on the invitations

but he knew exactly what to put in Mel's.

What the hell is it?

SHE LAUGHS

I hope he doesn't think I'm wearing them.

I'm not wearing these down the aisle, if that's what he thinks.

-Nobody will see them.

-They're disgusting.

What's this?

This must be my invite.

Oh, no!

Are you going to roll it round your finger?

-I'm never going to get it out.

-Shall I get the hammer?

-Yeah.

Ooh!

"Dear Melissa, can't wait to see you on our wedding day on 22nd July at 10:00am"...

-Jesus, I'm going to have to get ready at six.

-Yeah.

Fishes, wellies, fishing socks...

Are we going to be getting married on a fishing boat?

It'll be all right.

I'm shit scared of boats.

Yep, she definitely hates boats. Oh, dear.

With money running out fast, Harry needs to claw back some cash.

If can catch the wedding dinner,

he can cut down on the cost of catering.

We're en route to a little secret spot.

We're going to get, hopefully, at least 30 bass,

so we don't have to buy them off anyone

and I save a bit on the budget, cos at the moment,

the budget is... wheest... tight as a duck's you know what.

In fact it's so tight, Harry's had to make one very drastic cut.

I haven't got any money left for the rings so...

I was going to borrow some rings but I just thought that's not really...

It's not really cool, so I was thinking about

getting a couple of Haribo rings and using them for the wedding ring.

I used the Haribo rings to initially propose to Melissa.

I'm Harry and Mel's a beau, so its good to have a Haribo.

Ah, how sweet(!) Harry sure knows what a girl wants(!)

First cast and it's looks like Harry's plan is working.

Mackers on straight away. Wa-hey!

Good start, Tuttle boy, good start.

Come on, babies, get 'em in. Let's feed my guests.

Just the two.

Eight so far.

Six for me. Two for Harry.

Ah! Loser!

Still early days, boy.

But two hours later and the boys' initial optimism is beginning to wane.

-Where's all the fishes? That's not very fun, is it?

-What?

Not many mackerel.

All I want is a few fish. That's not much to ask for. Come on, fishies.

Don't mess me around today, I need some.

Yeah, I am a little disappointed we haven't had many fish

but at the end of the day, that's fishing for you.

But 13 mackerel isn't enough to feed the entire wedding party, and as darkness begins to set in,

Harry's plan to claw back any money is unsuccessful.

So they head home with their fish tails between their sea legs.

We caught a few mackerel in the first 10-20 minutes but that was it.

Nothing happened. They'll be nice to eat but it's not enough.

We need more.

It's the day before the wedding.

And the moment of truth.

Mel's about to see the wedding dress Harry chose for the very first time.

-I'm here to try on my wedding dress.

-Yes, that he's chosen for you.

-Yes.

-Are you excited?

-Excited and nervous, I think.

-Fingers crossed he knows you that well.

-Hopefully.

-Are you ready?

-Yep.

Mel wanted a fitted fishtail design to show off her curvy figure.

Harry settled for a very simple strapless dress with pockets.

But Mel doesn't seem convinced.

Uh-oh.

Trust me, it's 100 times better when it's on.

-And on your figure it's going to be amazing.

-OK.

-Oh, my God, I love it!

-That's gorgeous.

-He's done a good job.

-You look gorgeous.

-I like it.

I wouldn't have chosen this but I like it.

I like this and I like the flowers. I like here.

Sam's going to cry!

I love it.

Well done, Harry.

-Don't forget the pockets.

-Put my hands in the pockets when I'm bored.

You won't be bored on your wedding day!

Harry's done a really, really good job.

Against all the odds, Mel loves her dress.

But she's still concerned about what tomorrow might bring.

First of all, yesterday when I had the invite,

I was thinking it was going to be like a fishing themed wedding.

But now I've seen that dress I can't imagine I'd be getting married

on a fishing boat with a nice dress like that. Especially one that drags along the floor.

So maybe that invite was just to knock me off the scent, I think.

He's winding me up so I think it's some minging fishing wedding

when really it'll be nice and elegant and romantic and posh.

Well, not exactly posh.

Over at Tenby Sailing Club, the marquee is up in the car park,

and with no money for decorations,

Harry decides to borrow some fishing equipment.

-That's good.

-These stink.

-These buoys?

-Yeah!

-It's absolutely disgusting.

-Smell that, it's not too bad.

-Oh!

What will Mel, who hates boats and the smell of fish, make of his plans?

I might have been selfish with the fishing theme

and doing everything how I want, but at the end of the day, that's me,

that's what Mel's marrying into.

And that should be why she's with me cos she likes them things about me.

Even though the marquee is nowhere near ready, Harry has to go.

Tutz is back in port with a feast of fish.

Unable to resist, Harry finds himself on his best man's boat

at 8:00pm on the night before his wedding, gutting mackerel.

Surely he's got better things to do!

Tuttle, right, the plan, is we're going to Cardiff,

get a load of hookers and give them a good seeing to.

All we got to do tomorrow is turn up and enjoy,

smile and think, "This is cool."

I'm getting married, man.

Is that a good plan or what? Am I a good motivational speaker?

I don't know about that, just get me wasted.

But before Harry can even think about having a good time,

there's one last important job to do.

With dad Ollie drafted in to help,

they need to turn a dirty old fishing boat into a carriage fit for a princess who doesn't like fish.

Eh, do you want one for tea?

Or boats!

It's the day of the wedding.

-Are you all right?

-Good morning!

At her mum's house, bride Mel is completely unaware what the next few hours involve.

A wedding in a pub, a trip on a fishing boat and a reception in a harbour car park.

But it's not long before Mel gets another clue as to what's in store.

My flowers!

That's amazing. Look at the shells! And starfish.

Oh, my god.

It's time to see the dresses Harry's bought the bridesmaids.

Ah-ha-ha! I love them. They look amazing.

-Did Harry choose them?

-Yes!

-Did he really?

He's done a good job. They are lush.

The dresses are a great success,

but the girls sense there's something fishy going on.

-There's shells.

-There's definitely beach, aquatic theme going on but...

As long as it doesn't smell of fish.

As long as it's not on that whelk boat.

Whelk boats are the stinkingest you can get!

After three weeks of hard work, Harry thinks he's done enough.

I just hope everything's to the standard of Melissa's taste.

It's time for the boys to head off,

not forgetting those all-important sweets.

Rings. Got to remember them.

Mel too is ready to go.

CROWD CHATTERS EXCITEDLY

-Pockets.

-That is lush!

Can I try it on when it's all over?

To Melissa and Harry! Yay!

We got to go!

An early start means breakfast on the run for the groom.

With 30 minutes to go, Mel's first mode of transport, a borrowed camper van, arrives.

Cool camper van!

-I love the camper van.

-Beautiful.

Very nice. Good effort, everyone.

As the girls set off to the ceremony at the Longhouse, the guests begin to arrive.

Well, I don't think much of this place, but it's over my head now.

There's nothing I can do about it is there? It's OK, it's by the beach.

It's very Harry, isn't it?

The most things I'm dreading is the rings and the boat ride.

Apart from that I think I've done everything pretty good.

Is she going to get sea sick?

I'm a little worried about how she is on boats

cos when we went on a boat in Bali she was poo-ing it all the way. She was scared.

But before he finds out if she'll climb aboard his boat,

there's a small matter of a pub wedding to get through.

Where are we going?

# Surprise, surprise! #

And Mel quickly realises she won't be getting married

in the pretty village church she had her heart set on.

It's The Longhouse. It's The Longhouse. It's The Longhouse.

Is there silence?

No-one wants to say what they really think about Harry's choice of venue.

But if Mel's disappointed, she's certainly not showing it.

Ta-dah!

Hello. How are you?

Nice wellies.

All right, Tuttle?

I call upon these persons here present...

I call upon these persons here present...

To witness that I, Melissa Jane Coleman...

To witness that I, Melissa Jane Coleman...

To take thee, Matthew Harry Cromwell...

To take thee, Matthew Harry Cromwell...

-To be my lawful wedded husband.

-To be my lawful wedded husband.

And now we come to the exchange of rings.

-Uh-oh!

-In a Haribo bag?

With no money for precious metals, Harry hopes to win his sweetheart over

with an orange-flavoured sticky jelly ring.

I give you this ring...

I give you this ring...

-With love and affection.

-With love and affection.

And it is now my great pleasure and privilege

to pronounce that you are husband and wife together.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's time for the next stage of Harry's plan,

a one-hour boat trip to the reception in Tenby Harbour.

Sit down and put these on.

To keep the boat trip a, mmmm, "lovely" surprise,

Harry asks Mel to put her wellies on for a photo shoot.

-We're going to the beach for photos?

-Yeah.

Mel, who's feeling peckish, doesn't suspect a thing.

-Shall we eat these rings?

-Yeah, all right. Yum!

Now this is a marriage for ever now to be able to eat the ring.

And it's all going inside us so it doesn't matter.

Once on the beach, Harry drops his bombshell.

-We've got a little surprise for you, Mels.

-What is it?

We're going to get on a little rib and then out to the fishing boat.

If Harry can't convince Mel to get on the boat,

his plan to sail her to the harbour reception will be dashed.

-And then that's going to take us...

-I fucking hate dinghies.

-I'm not going on a dinghy.

-You have to.

-Oh, my god, I hate boats.

I'm really nervous of boats like those little dinghies.

I don't like that. There's no seats. What are you meant to sit on?

Oh, my God. I'm not going to smell like a fishmonger, am I?

With Mel wavering, Harry decides it's time for a strong pair of arms.

Harry's got his catch safely on board...

..but he's not off the hook yet.

He's still got to get Mel on to a 30-foot fishing boat.

Oh, my God, I hate boats.

But once she's back on her feet, the Orca doesn't seem so scary,

especially after last night's marathon clean-up.

Harry's bridal fishing boat is the pride of the fleet.

(LAUGHS) This is actually cool. I like it.

Having conquered her fears, Mel is finally embracing Harry's world.

I love the boat now. I don't know what I was frightened of.

It's a romantic idea. And hopefully I'm not going to be seasick.

And after three weeks without any physical contact,

Harry and Mel can't keep their hands off each other.

Woo-hoo!

I love everything that you've done.

When I saw the Haribo rings,

that's Harry all over, that's how he thinks.

Original and spur of the moment.

In Tenby Harbour, all the guests are on the beach,

waiting for the bride and groom to arrive.

I'm just dying to see her coming in now.

I guess they're coming in on a boat.

I don't even know that bit but I guessed that's what's happening.

I just can't wait to get hold of them and give them a hug.

I just haven't had a chance.

After an hour at sea, The Orca sails into Tenby.

I can see a marquee!

"Welcome Mrs Cromwell!"

-SHE LAUGHS

-Mel's spotted the reception venue in the harbour car park,

but before the party can begin, Harry's got a very special surprise in store.

Harry and Mel both wanted a church wedding.

But with only three weeks' notice, the vicar couldn't accommodate their wish.

However, he was more than happy to perform a blessing in the fishermen's church.

Are we going to a church?

Oh, no!

Friends, welcome to St Julian's Church here in Tenby Harbour.

This church was built for the Tenby fishermen. Here they used to bring their catch for God's blessing.

And Harry today has brought his catch for God's blessing.

Harry, you have taken Melissa as your wife.

Will you continue to love her, honour her,

and care for her as long as you shall both shall live?

I will.

Go forth into the world in peace,

and the blessing of God Almighty,

the father, the son and the Holy Spirit, be upon you

and remain with you always.

That was really, really, really cool and amazing.

And I didn't expect it at all.

-You've done an amazing job.

-When they went in the church, that made it.

That's when I started to cry.

I think it hit me that he's actually married now, you know?

He's done a proper job!

Married and now blessed, Mel is beaming.

-But what will she make of Harry fishing-themed marquee makeover?

-Do you like it?

Fish! I guessed it would be fishing.

-Did you do all this?

-Yeah. Like what we've done with the fishing nets and wellies?

-Yeah.

-And the fish on the walls?

-Yeah, it looks really, really good.

-And a lolly for you as a present.

-Woo hoo! Yippee!

And all the decorations on the table, the flowers and the sand...

It looks wicked.

It's amazing! I love those fishing boats.

-They're cool, aren't they?

-Look at all those cakes.

It's me and you on the boat.

It's cool, innit?

I like those big boobs that I've got on that thing!

It's much better than I'd have done.

I wouldn't know where to start. You've done it better than me.

You've done a good job!

I love it.

Harry has nailed it. Fair play.

He's done an absolute much better job than I ever thought he'd do.

It's absolutely wonderful because they do absolutely love each other.

And I know this is going to last forever.

I'm really impressed.

The dress is beautiful. He's done really well.

I don't think she could've done it any better. I think he's done amazing.

Really, really good. And I loved the yellow wellies.

I haven't got much to say.

I'd just like to say that Harry and Mel, you're both really lucky

and as long as the boys and all of our girlfriends can end up

-as happy as you are, we've all done well.

-Aw! Thanks, Tuttle.

And that is it!

Everyone get your drinks and let's get wankered cos I've had enough of this!

Happy days.

I am surprised. I thought it was going to be a balls-up.

But no, it's all right. It's been good.

I'd like to thank Mel's family just for making such a sexy, hot Mel.

And three weeks of no sex, that's the hardest thing out of everything!

It's been a long three weeks,

but it looks like Harry's boat has definitely come in!

ALL: Harry and Mel.

Harry looks SO tired. He looks like he needs looking after.

A kiss might help.

What about a kiss on my willy?

That's what he needs to wake him up a bit! There's public loos over there.

Next time, will party boy Luke really abandon his hedonistic days?

My wife is London. My mistress is Ibiza.

Will he follow his heart and have his wedding in Ibiza?

-Is it really what she'd want?

-Or will he give his bride the wedding she wants?

Registry office - that'd be game over.

-Will he be able to pull off his elaborate plan?

-Turn back into the person you are and I'll speak to you.

-Or has he thrown himself in too deep?

-He's bitten off more than he can chew.

-It's a nightmare.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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