Nathan and Nikki Don't Tell the Bride


Nathan and Nikki

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Don't Tell The Bride celebrates weddings like no-one else.

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Congratulations.

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This programme contains some strong language.

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-From New York to Glasgow...

-Oh, my God!

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-..Las Vegas...

-Why would the man I love do this?!

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-..to Ibiza.

-I can't even plan a wedding for her.

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And one unforgettable roller-coaster ride.

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Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?!

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And now we're back as 12 more unsuspecting brides

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-prepare for the journey of a lifetime.

-What?!

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The grooms get three weeks and £12,000

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and the brides get no say in how it's spent.

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I would never even imagine Ben could get it this wrong.

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-So get ready to rock.

-I don't even want you at the wedding.

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As the party reaches new heights.

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And sinks to new lows.

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With more fairytale ending than ever before.

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This is supposed to be the biggest day of my life and I'm not happy.

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Switch that off.

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Tonight, fun-loving Essex girl Nikki...

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Eyelash malfunction.

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..gives full control of her wedding to a man stuck in the 18th century.

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I'm not normal and I happily admit that.

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While Nathan's obsessed with all things historical...

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You look like a bit of a knob.

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..hairdresser Nikki lives for the now.

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I love history...

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this much.

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With a bride dreaming of a pink, girly wedding...

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Candles, love everywhere, glitter!

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..know-it-all Nathan refusing to loosen his stiff upper lip...

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-Why don't we go for tea at the Ritz?

-Oh, no!

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..and EVERYONE doubting his choices.

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You're allergic to having fun.

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Just let go for once.

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-Tut-tut, Nathan.

-Will this wedding make history...

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No way, absolutely not.

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You don't have to worry about breaking anyone's legs.

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..for all the wrong reasons?

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I can't believe he's done that.

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Can this history-loving man give this very modern girl...

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What?

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..the wedding of her dreams?

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Oh, I love him, I really love him...

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but he better get it right!

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Nikki Bacon and Nathan Bones grew up

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just 10 minutes down the road from each other,

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but despite coming from the same neighbourhood,

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this Essex couple are worlds apart.

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Born and Bred in Basildon, Nikki stays true to her Essex roots.

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I'm a hair dresser called Nikki!

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Where you going on holiday? Anywhere nice?

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'Proud Essex girl, that's me.'

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But credit advisor Nathan is far from your typical Essex lad.

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The cravat, I think it's nice.

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I like to think Prince William at rest.

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And since a child, Nathan has been obsessed by all things historical.

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I have a love for history, the Royal Family.

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As a kid, I watched the Royal Tournament,

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watched Trooping Of The Colour.

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And if there's one thing that's really Nathan's cup of tea, it's...

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well, a cup of tea.

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I think I'm in a jasmine mood.

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'I'm very serious about tea.'

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Loose leaf green tea, particularly.

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One and a half spoonfuls will suffice. Cast-iron teapot.

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I'm just a passionate person, really.

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But when tea-drinking Nathan met fun-loving Nikki

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on a blind date two years ago...

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their fairytale romance was straight out of the history books.

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You are like the queen of my world.

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-Aww.

-She's just my soulmate, really.

-I like that.

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I don't really believe in a soul,

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but I believe that if two chemical reactions,

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of two people who've been together for a long period of time,

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-then that's fine.

-You just had to...

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Why?! It was nice.

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-Oh, you're my soulmate too.

-Thank you very much.

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What Nathan really loves

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is that down-to-earth Nikki isn't anything like him.

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I would hate to marry someone like me.

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It would be awful, we'd row all the time.

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It would be... Oh! It would be an absolute nightmare.

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And luckily for Nathan, Nikki can't get enough of a man with manners.

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He's always been so attentive - "Are you OK? Are you sure?

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"Right, OK." If I'm OK, the world's OK.

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Nathan not only acts the English gent, he lives the part too.

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So, in typical quirky Nathan style,

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he and Nikki rent a flat in a 19th-century country hotel.

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Have you any post for me, by any chance? Anything...?

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Fantastic. Lovely.

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We have quite an odd living situation.

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Essentially, we're in ostensibly a country hotel.

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-We have access to their various facilities.

-We've got a bar.

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There's bar, there's a reading room, there's a swimming pool,

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There are tennis courts. It's nice.

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-We absolutely love it, don't we?

-We do love it, yeah.

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But with a couple who are this different,

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it's not always domestic bliss.

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Especially when know-it-all Nathan tries to educate his Essex girl.

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The Union flag will always be on the top of the parliament building

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unless the queen is there giving a speech,

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then the Union flag is lowered and the Royal Standard is raised...

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'Some things he says are quite interesting.'

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Just sometimes they're really boring.

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..to show the sovereign is in situ.

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Nope?

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Nothing.

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Oh, Nelson's Column.

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Let's hope Nathan has Nikki's FULL attention on the wedding day.

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Now, that's my sort of architecture!

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If the wedding's too historical, our bride could get hysterical.

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I have worried that he might do a pretentious wedding,

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but I don't think he'd want our guests going, "God, this is awful."

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The wedding I want to give would be as grand as possible -

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it would be a state banquet.

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It will be opulent, it will be regal, it will majestic

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and it will be the day that she deserves

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and the best day that I could give her.

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But the best day for Nikki would be a girly wedding in Essex.

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Ah!

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This is what the wedding could look like, if I was doing it myself.

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'I do want a feminine wedding.'

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I'd want a love heart, a bird sitting there,

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like an owl sitting on a table.

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SHE PANTS EXCITEDLY

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'Everything being pink and love and hearts.'

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I just think it's sweet, nice and girly.

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I'm seeing oak panelling, portraits,

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I'm seeing history, I'm seeing pomp, pageantry.

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I want to give Nik the best day possible

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and I want it to be as grand as I can for her.

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Maybe I could be Nik's prince for the day. I can live for a day.

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With Nikki's happiness on the line,

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will Nathan make history, or become history?

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-Don't cock it up!

-Thank you.

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-Does that make you feel better?

-Shit.

-I'm sure it will be lovely.

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-It will be.

-Please!

-We'll see.

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HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

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I now declare this suitcase closed.

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Ha-ha(!)

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It's time for our couple to say goodbye.

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-I don't really want to go.

-I know.

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The next time they see each other

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will be the most historic day of their lives.

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WHISPERS: I'm going to miss you.

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I'll miss you too.

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The next three weeks will fly by.

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Then no more being apart. That's it. Done.

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You all right? You all right?

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THEY WHISPER: I love you so much.

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-I love you, too.

-Good.

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Love you.

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I'll miss her so much.

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In a way, I feel like she's popped to work or she's popped out

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and she'll be back in a minute.

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It's difficult. So, yeah.

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Got to crack on.

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Start me off very easily.

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Meanwhile, Nikki is checking back in to the hotel of Mum and Dad...

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You silly girl.

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..where her childhood bedroom is a girly, pink shrine

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to the perfect wedding.

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Look at it! It's so pretty. To me, this is, like...

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cute.

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Just pink and girly.

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This is like a wedding. Look - drape-y, roses, beads.

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This is how I want the wedding.

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All the ushers and things and even bits in my dress

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to be like pale pinks.

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All the detail, all the favours and stuff and all the backs of the chairs

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to be pale pink.

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That would be amazing.

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That might be too much to ask.

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Because his favourite colour definitely isn't pink.

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While Nikki dreams of getting married in her bedroom...

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..ten minutes up the road, best man Greg has been summoned to the hotel.

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This 24-year-old drum-and-bass-loving body builder

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is a proper Essex boy!

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He's also Nathan's little brother.

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Hiya, you all right? I'm here for Nathan.

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Can you drop him a call to let him know his brother's arrived?

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No problem.

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PHONE RINGS.

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-Hello?

-Hey, Nathan. I've got your brother down at reception.

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That's great. Send him up. Thank you, bye.

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He said go straight up.

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Cheers, mate. Thank you.

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Party animal Greg is determined

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to pull his brother into the 21st century.

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I like going out a lot more than Nathan

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and just having a good time, really. Nathan's just a bit...boring.

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Nath! What do you look like?

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Who wears a cravat on a daily basis, really?

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-You all right?

-Yeah.

-Good to see you.

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-You too. How are you?

-Not bad.

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Hopefully, for the next three weeks,

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I can bring out the fun in him,

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rather than the uptight, serious Nath that you usually see.

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Most little girls grow up dreaming of their wedding day.

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As a little boy,

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Nathan dreamt of state banquets for his historic day.

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I want to get the venue as grand as possible.

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I want to go for basically a room with oak panels, oil paintings.

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The wedding breakfast to be on a long table, like a banquet.

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Yeah?

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How do you feel about wearing a 19th-century military uniform?

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Nath! I'll look a bit silly.

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But, for you, I suppose I'll do it.

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And also, music, certainly for the ceremony. Prince Of Denmark's March.

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It's the same music that was used in Diana and Prince Charles' wedding.

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That's very traditional. It's very good.

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I've got a great version of it.

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That's the run-down, that's essentially what I'm looking for.

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-It's what I want to do.

-It's not something I would have.

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With Greg not committing to the grand theme,

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Nathan is soldiering on with his plan

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to be Nikki's prince for a day...

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Wonderful. That's...

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..in an 18th-century Napoleonic uniform.

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It just looks amazing. It's brilliant. I love it.

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Whether she will or not... is a completely different story!

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She might think, "Oh, my God. What are you wearing?"

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More than likely!

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Everything else is for her. This is for me.

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This is a bit of self-indulgence.

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Meanwhile, Nikki is blissfully unaware

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of Nathan's ferret-trimmed fantasy.

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-What's the worst he can do?

-I wouldn't like fancy dress.

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That would be pure tacky.

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I don't think he's do that. I HOPE he wouldn't do that.

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If he wants to wear a cravat, he can wear a cravat with a suit.

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I'd like him in a navy suit.

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It's just if he does a really mad theme.

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He wouldn't do that, would he?

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Looks like he has.

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You look like a bit of knob.

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Obviously, I'd go down the street wearing this, but...

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Yeah, right(!) You'd love it.

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What, wearing this?

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If you're getting married in it,

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surely you've got to feel a bit comfortable?

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-I think "Sod it. It's only once."

-One time and one time only.

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Oh, well. I think it's great.

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Mm.

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Go on, Nath. See you later.

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You definitely owe me one.

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So Nathan has his Prince Charming outfit

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and a mortified brother, all for £325.

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With Nathan revelling in pomp and pageantry,

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Essex girl Nikki like things a little less formal.

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Oh, see, look. I bet Nathan wouldn't like this.

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All eyes will be on you at the top table!

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You worry me.

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I haven't got green, have I?

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I feel like I've got a bit of that... What is it?

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Watercress.

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She might not know her manners,

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but Nikki does know exactly what she wants for her wedding day.

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Two o'clock - "I do." Chat, chat, chat, meal, meal, meal.

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Milling.

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Drink, drink, drink. Photos, snap, snap, snap.

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Back in, back in. Sit, sit, sit. Eat, eat, eat.

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Speech, speech, speech.

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Dance till one o'clock in the morning. Done.

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Nikki Bacon's wedding.

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Just get it done, Nath. Get it done.

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Poor Nathan - he's got a lot of pressure.

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I'm not that horrible! I love him.

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Oh, no, I love him! I really love him,

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but he better get it right!

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CROCKERY CLATTERS

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With his military outfit

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setting the bar pretty high on the I-love-history scale,

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Nathan has come the nation's capital

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to find a venue stately enough for his vision.

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And he's thinking historic.

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He's thinking iconic.

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He's thinking Tower Bridge!

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-It's world-famous, isn't it?

-Of course it is.

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One of the most famous buildings in the whole world.

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-Do you reckon Nik would like it as well?

-I think Nik would love it.

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Yeah, it's different, isn't it? Nik loves a bit of...

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Yeah, she'd love that.

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A million miles away from the hustle and bustle of London is Orsett Hall.

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-This would be amazing, wouldn't it?

-It's lovely.

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This Essex venue might be more TOWIE than Tower Bridge,

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but it's modern enough for down-to-earth Nikki.

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And she's brought her mum

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and bridesmaid Faye along to take a look.

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This is exactly what I wanted.

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We've got the bridge, we've got the water, we've got the surroundings.

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Oh, my God. This is nice.

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And I really wanted a bridge.

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I don't know why I want the bridge and the water but it's just romantic.

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Yeah, it's sweet!

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This is it, Nath. I've found the venue. Can you hear me?!

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Nikki has grounded hopes of a quaint little bridge,

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but Nathan has a much more superior idea.

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With its dizzying views of London, Tower Bridge is a unique location.

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But there's a problem.

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It just isn't big enough for Nathan...

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It's too narrow.

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..and the walkway reception room just isn't stately enough.

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It's too industrial-looking. It's not grand enough.

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London's most famous landmark isn't measuring up to Nathan's standards.

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I can't describe really how disappointed I am.

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Cutting the wedding party down by a third, Nath.

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No way. Absolutely not.

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I think my other issue as well... It's iconic on the outside,

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but on the inside it feels like a function suite, which is what it is.

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It's not what I want. You can't polish a turd, unfortunately.

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Not to say that this is a turd. It's an iconic building, but it's not...

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-You know.

-You just called it a turd!

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It's not what I want. I feel a bit disappointed,

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but I feel galvanised and ready to move on to the next thing.

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With Nathan thinking Tower Bridge is a bit, er, poo,

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he has come to see Stationers' Hall,

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just a stone's throw from St Paul's Cathedral.

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As you want a lovely state banquet...

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MUSIC: "Waltz Of The Flowers" By Tchaikovsky

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I love this.

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It's big enough, it's grand enough

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and, at 500 years old, it's historic enough. Even for Nathan.

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Ooh. You can really have a nice waltz in here, couldn't you?

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Very nice. Very grand.

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Yes. This will do nicely. This will do very nicely indeed.

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I absolutely love it. I love the heraldry round the sides,

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the ceiling.

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I love it all.

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Yeah, it's pretty special.

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What do you reckon?

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I'd give it a bit of a....

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GREG GROANS

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I think it's great.

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I beg you don't do the wave on the day!

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-You bet I don't?

-So cringey.

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Who cares if it's cringey for a day?

0:17:250:17:28

Back in Essex, Nikki has found her wedding heaven.

0:17:330:17:37

Ohhhhhh! Look at it!

0:17:370:17:42

And it's a very pretty, pink, girly place.

0:17:420:17:45

-It's amazing.

-Fairy lights. There's fairy lights everywhere.

0:17:480:17:53

It's lovely.

0:17:530:17:54

The tables have to be round.

0:17:540:17:56

Yeah, I agree with that.

0:17:560:17:58

Just traditional.

0:17:580:18:00

If he can just keep everything as traditional as he possibly can,

0:18:000:18:02

then he'll do it fine. Just don't start mucking it up

0:18:020:18:06

and changing things.

0:18:060:18:07

This is where I would like if I could pick

0:18:070:18:10

-where I'd want to get married now.

-But Nikki can't pick.

0:18:100:18:12

And a girly wedding with round tables

0:18:120:18:15

couldn't be further from Nathan's manly venue.

0:18:150:18:17

-It is just your cup of tea.

-It is my cup of tea.

-Right up your street.

0:18:170:18:20

I suppose it's not massively girly, is it?

0:18:200:18:24

But hopefully it's not that much of an issue.

0:18:240:18:27

-It's worth a shot, isn't it?

-Mmm.

0:18:270:18:30

Who wouldn't want to get married

0:18:300:18:32

in the middle of the capital, at the end of the day?

0:18:320:18:35

Nik is done with London, I think, because when she used to work here

0:18:350:18:40

and she used to commute for quite some time.

0:18:400:18:43

But we've had so many happy memories in London and doing things.

0:18:430:18:46

-Doesn't like London?!

-No, she doesn't hate London.

0:18:460:18:49

I think she just disliked the commuting side of things

0:18:490:18:52

-and the rat race.

-Oh, right. You never said that before.

0:18:520:18:55

He wouldn't go out of Essex, I know he wouldn't.

0:18:550:18:57

-We're both from Essex so...

-It makes sense.

0:18:570:19:00

There's no way he would go somewhere else. No way.

0:19:000:19:04

What about London, though?

0:19:060:19:08

-Do you think he might go to London?

-No, I hope not.

0:19:080:19:10

No, he wouldn't because I hate London.

0:19:100:19:13

-She will like it.

-You're worrying me now!

0:19:130:19:15

Don't worry about it. It's fine.

0:19:150:19:17

Like it or not, Nathan has splashed a whooping £6,000

0:19:200:19:25

on the wedding venue and food, slap bang in the middle of London!

0:19:250:19:30

After her brush with Orsett Hall,

0:19:310:19:34

Nikki can't get her dream venue out of her head.

0:19:340:19:37

I'd quite like a nice, little, traditional sit-down.

0:19:370:19:41

-Nice chairs.

-It's not going to happen.

-I wouldn't want...

0:19:410:19:45

Nathan isn't traditional, is he? It's not going to be normal.

0:19:450:19:48

I don't like how confidently you said that.

0:19:490:19:52

-I keep thinking it's going to be a medieval banquet.

-Why?!

0:19:520:19:56

-Well, he's into history, isn't he?

-Yeah.

0:19:560:19:59

-I reckon it's something to do with history.

-Nah, that's boring.

0:19:590:20:02

-Why not?

-No, I don't think he'll be that mad.

0:20:020:20:06

-Am I that deluded that's what will happen?!

-No, no. I think...

0:20:060:20:09

Well, I hope so.

0:20:090:20:11

-Ohhhh.

-I don't think it's going to be run-of-the-mill.

0:20:110:20:15

I think she thinks it's going to be. She's thinking pink dress, bride...

0:20:150:20:20

I don't think it's going to be that.

0:20:200:20:22

Are you starting to panic now?

0:20:220:20:24

I am, because you're quite confident about it.

0:20:240:20:26

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

0:20:260:20:30

I just want it to look like a wedding and not a play.

0:20:300:20:33

Do you know what I mean?

0:20:350:20:37

Just like... Nice placements, round tables,

0:20:370:20:40

not long, wooden, horrible, cold tables and everybody sits... Urgh.

0:20:400:20:45

It's the end of week one.

0:20:470:20:49

And with half the budget spent,

0:20:490:20:50

the brothers are trying to work together

0:20:500:20:52

on the rest of the wedding plans.

0:20:520:20:55

-Hen and stag do, obviously.

-Yep. 'Course.

0:20:550:20:58

-You know that's the most important one.

-No, it's not. Anyway...

0:20:580:21:02

-Is there anything else you can think of?

-OK.

0:21:020:21:06

So, dress, shoes...

0:21:060:21:08

-Also, her underwear as well.

-Come on! No, no!

-No, no, no, no, no.

0:21:080:21:12

Nath! You're saying the stag's unimportant yet...

0:21:120:21:15

underwear for the wedding's important?

0:21:150:21:17

Yeah. I've got to get her a garter.

0:21:170:21:19

I'm sure she's got some all right stuff.

0:21:190:21:22

HE SIGHS

0:21:220:21:23

All right.

0:21:230:21:24

So what do you even think it entails, then,

0:21:240:21:26

if you think it's just completely pointless?

0:21:260:21:28

Going out to sort of, you know... On the razzle for one last big blowout

0:21:280:21:32

and things like that and that's never been me.

0:21:320:21:35

And I don't really see necessarily why I should start now.

0:21:350:21:38

It's your stag do! Surely you can have a little bit of fun.

0:21:380:21:42

You're allergic to having fun.

0:21:420:21:43

-I'm not allergic...!

-Yes, you are!

-I'm not allergic to having fun.

0:21:430:21:46

-Yes, you are.

-I have fun in my own ways.

0:21:460:21:48

You really are.

0:21:480:21:51

So what would you want to do then?

0:21:510:21:52

Can we... Why don't we go for, like, tea at the Ritz?

0:21:550:21:58

Oh, Nath!

0:21:580:22:00

-Seriously?!

-Yeah, it would be nice!

0:22:000:22:03

-The two of us...

-This is something...

0:22:030:22:05

Two stags on the razzle.

0:22:050:22:07

Nathan, I'm not going to go and have tea somewhere for a stag do.

0:22:070:22:11

It's my stag do, though.

0:22:120:22:14

We'll have to sort you out. I'LL sort you out.

0:22:140:22:17

I'll sort you out and we'll have a good night.

0:22:170:22:19

I just think Nathan needs to learn how to have a good time, really.

0:22:210:22:24

He's a bit of an old man.

0:22:240:22:26

And I don't think he's going to change that, but for one night,

0:22:260:22:29

hopefully, we can just put him out of his comfort zone

0:22:290:22:32

and just get him to just let his hair down a little bit.

0:22:320:22:37

The stag thing is annoying me

0:22:420:22:44

because when Greg goes out, he goes OUT out.

0:22:440:22:47

He really, really goes for it.

0:22:470:22:50

And it's not to say that I'm boring.

0:22:500:22:52

People are individuals. People have funny, different ways

0:22:520:22:55

and I don't care if it makes me look boring.

0:22:550:22:57

I'm really, really not interested.

0:22:570:22:59

He might not be as wild as his drum-and-bass best man,

0:22:590:23:02

but Nathan lives for pomp and pageantry

0:23:020:23:04

and he has a classic idea for a wedding entrance.

0:23:040:23:08

OK. So, this song is called Zadok The Priest

0:23:080:23:11

and it's one of Handel's coronation anthems.

0:23:110:23:15

We would at this point be walking up now to the front of the thing,

0:23:150:23:19

the front of the minstrels gallery.

0:23:190:23:22

And then the kiss.

0:23:250:23:27

MUSIC REACHES A CRESCENDO

0:23:270:23:29

# Normally I try to run

0:23:400:23:43

# And I might even want to hide

0:23:430:23:46

# I never knew what I wanted

0:23:460:23:48

# Till I looked into your eyes. #

0:23:480:23:50

I am worried about what music's going to be at the wedding.

0:23:520:23:56

He likes to have...what he likes,

0:23:560:23:59

cos music's obviously the most important thing in the world.

0:23:590:24:03

It's just a bit of music, isn't it? It's just in the background,

0:24:030:24:06

something you can have a little dance to.

0:24:060:24:09

Not listen to music that nobody's heard of. Gets on my nerves.

0:24:090:24:13

-Hoping to find someone to support his plan for a sedate stag...

-Hi!

0:24:140:24:19

..Nathan has come to see his mum and stepdad.

0:24:190:24:21

-Lovely to see you.

-Nice to see you too. All right.

0:24:210:24:24

Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg.

0:24:240:24:27

Oh, yeah, how's it going with Greg?

0:24:270:24:29

Issue.

0:24:290:24:30

-I think he wants to tie me up to a lamppost.

-That's the norm.

0:24:300:24:34

Not for me, it's not. I'm not normal and I quite happily admit that.

0:24:340:24:37

-So what do you want to do, then?

-I considered having tea at the Ritz.

0:24:370:24:41

No, Nath.

0:24:420:24:44

-Just let go for once. Let go.

-Yeah, I know...

0:24:440:24:47

You can't go for tea at the Ritz for your stag do.

0:24:490:24:53

You're being stupid now.

0:24:530:24:54

Nathan does always have this posh persona.

0:24:540:24:59

And yet I would have never, ever, ever in a million years

0:24:590:25:04

thought he'd have a girl like Nikki.

0:25:040:25:06

When he walked through the door with her, I couldn't believe it.

0:25:060:25:11

You know, there's him drinking his tea in his flouncy cups

0:25:110:25:17

and goodness knows what.

0:25:170:25:18

And you know, hairdresser, Essex... Yeah.

0:25:180:25:22

It's...

0:25:220:25:24

Nathan? Snob? Nah.

0:25:240:25:26

After a week apart from party-pooper Nathan,

0:25:270:25:30

fun-loving Nikki has met up with her older, protective brother, Jay.

0:25:300:25:34

-Do you miss him?

-A lot.

0:25:340:25:36

-Really?

-Mmm.

0:25:360:25:37

"Oh, Christ."

0:25:370:25:39

SHE LAUGHS

0:25:390:25:41

Oh, I miss him so much.

0:25:410:25:44

A little tear!

0:25:440:25:45

He is nice though, isn't he?

0:25:450:25:47

-Mmm.

-He's so nice. And handsome.

0:25:470:25:51

When I first met him, he was a little bit Marmite.

0:25:510:25:53

Yeah, but I'm marmite. You won't say it,

0:25:530:25:55

-but people don't all love me.

-Who called you Marmite?

0:25:550:25:59

I do! People don't all like me.

0:25:590:26:01

If he screws your wedding up...

0:26:010:26:04

You don't have to worry about breaking anybody's legs

0:26:040:26:07

or anything cos you won't have to do that with Nathan.

0:26:070:26:10

You don't really believe that.

0:26:120:26:14

He'll have something in there, Jay, that I think, "really?"

0:26:140:26:16

You can't 100% confident in your husband-to-be.

0:26:160:26:20

-Awwww. Husband Bones.

-Yeah.

0:26:200:26:23

Nicola Bacon-Bones. Nicola?! Urgh.

0:26:230:26:27

Nikki Bacon-Bones. Better when you shorten it at the beginning.

0:26:270:26:30

Nikki Bacon-Bones.

0:26:300:26:31

It's the beginning of week two.

0:26:330:26:34

And, putting their differences aside, it's time for the brothers

0:26:340:26:38

to face the day they've been dreading - wedding dress shopping.

0:26:380:26:42

We don't really know what we're looking for. We're not really...

0:26:420:26:44

We can't really relate to women that well.

0:26:440:26:47

I don't want anything that looks cheap.

0:26:470:26:49

It's got to look classy.

0:26:490:26:51

She's a very, very attractive girl. Incredibly attractive.

0:26:510:26:55

New shirt! That's a girl's colour!

0:26:550:26:58

No. In all fairness, up until about the late 18th century,

0:26:580:27:01

up until the Victorian times, pink was a man's colour.

0:27:010:27:04

In fact, actually, until the early 20th century,

0:27:040:27:07

-pink was always the colour of a gentleman.

-Hmmmm.

0:27:070:27:10

As nerdy Nathan muses on the history of gentleman's attire,

0:27:100:27:14

his modern bride is more up-to-date

0:27:140:27:16

and she's brought her bridesmaid, Faye, mum and auntie along

0:27:160:27:19

to show them her dream wedding dress.

0:27:190:27:21

I actually wouldn't mind a slightly blush colour.

0:27:210:27:25

I've seen them in magazines and I don't know if they look a bit much,

0:27:250:27:28

but they look really subtle.

0:27:280:27:30

Really pretty.

0:27:300:27:31

And pink!

0:27:310:27:32

Awww!

0:27:320:27:35

That's amazing. That's actually amazing.

0:27:350:27:38

Looking pretty in pink,

0:27:380:27:40

Nikki has chosen the ultimate in girly dresses.

0:27:400:27:43

-So nice.

-Pink!

0:27:430:27:46

Pale pink meringue, with layered petals,

0:27:460:27:49

lashings of tulle and sequins.

0:27:490:27:52

If it was up to me and I was planning the whole wedding,

0:27:520:27:55

my dress would definitely be pink.

0:27:550:27:56

I definitely, definitely don't want white.

0:27:560:28:00

But because it's not a colour everybody else normally has,

0:28:000:28:03

I think that's mainly the reason why I probably want it.

0:28:030:28:05

It's so nice, Nik.

0:28:050:28:07

Ohhhhh! Nathan, please!

0:28:070:28:10

Come on, Nathan, think pink!

0:28:110:28:14

You're wearing pink. It can't be that hard.

0:28:140:28:17

-Have you got any idea of sort of style?

-No meringues.

0:28:170:28:20

No meringues, OK.

0:28:200:28:21

What about different colour, something like that?

0:28:210:28:25

-No.

-No?

-No, no, no.

-OK, definite no. That's good.

-No?

-No.

-No.

0:28:250:28:30

Absolutely not, no.

0:28:300:28:31

OK.

0:28:310:28:33

-Rejecting pink straight away.

-Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yes.

0:28:330:28:37

Nathan's gone for a white, simple,

0:28:370:28:41

figure-hugging dress with a bosom full of bling.

0:28:410:28:44

I like the layering at the bottom. It looks light as well.

0:28:440:28:50

It looks wearable.

0:28:500:28:52

This is Nik. That's her.

0:28:520:28:54

That's her.

0:28:550:28:57

It's more wearable.

0:28:570:28:59

Yep, it's wearable -

0:28:590:29:01

just what every girl wants on her wedding day.

0:29:010:29:03

It's also unlikely to upstage Nathan's military outfit.

0:29:030:29:07

That is the one. That's the dress.

0:29:070:29:09

Dress fit for a princess.

0:29:090:29:11

Oh! (God.)

0:29:110:29:12

Could be.

0:29:140:29:15

It's not the pink meringue Nikki dreamt of, but as ever,

0:29:150:29:18

Nathan knows best, and at £995,

0:29:180:29:21

the very white dress is sold

0:29:210:29:23

to the man in a very pink shirt, in a very pink shop.

0:29:230:29:27

With a week to go,

0:29:290:29:31

our groom is cracking on with his wedding plans, Nathan-style.

0:29:310:29:34

First up, learning a 200-year-old waltz.

0:29:340:29:36

I think Nik will love this, I really do.

0:29:360:29:39

I can just imagine her in her dress and me in my finery.

0:29:390:29:42

I think it will be very romantic.

0:29:420:29:46

Next, it's the historic invitations.

0:29:460:29:49

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

0:29:510:29:53

Ohhhh, shit!

0:29:530:29:55

Oh, man, that is hot!

0:29:550:29:56

Fucking hot oil.

0:29:560:29:59

Oh, fuck! Jesus Christ!

0:29:590:30:02

And thanks to Nathan's unusual choice of bridesmaid outfits...

0:30:030:30:07

Pull it, pull it, pull it taut. That's it.

0:30:070:30:09

..the girls need a lesson in how to tie a cravat.

0:30:090:30:12

-Good.

-Jade's done this before.

-You're my top student.

0:30:120:30:15

We looks like little mini girly Nathans.

0:30:150:30:18

Seriously, he's actually done that.

0:30:180:30:20

-Ahh!

-Love the cravat.

0:30:200:30:23

With less than a week to the wedding,

0:30:260:30:29

Nathan has called an emergency budget meeting with Greg.

0:30:290:30:32

The registrar was £580.

0:30:320:30:34

-I'd have done it for that.

-I'm sure you would have done, Greg.

0:30:340:30:37

Right, we're on 12 grand.

0:30:370:30:39

Right, OK.

0:30:400:30:42

The evening buffet, we can scrap because it's a late wedding.

0:30:420:30:45

It's a five o'clock wedding. If you think that takes half an hour,

0:30:450:30:49

by the time people sit down to eat

0:30:490:30:50

it'll be six or after six.

0:30:500:30:52

-Cake.

-Right.

0:30:520:30:55

-Would that come with the catering?

-No.

0:30:550:30:58

Worrying times.

0:30:580:31:00

With the money running out,

0:31:000:31:01

Nathan is just about keeping the wedding afloat.

0:31:010:31:04

Meanwhile, Nikki is drifting along

0:31:040:31:07

in the most romantic city in the world, Venice.

0:31:070:31:11

Nikki's mum has treated them

0:31:110:31:13

to a three-day mini-break for her 60th birthday.

0:31:130:31:16

The closest you get to this in Essex is Southend.

0:31:160:31:18

It's not the same, is it? It's like a bit of culture, innit?

0:31:180:31:21

There's not many places you can just sit

0:31:210:31:24

and there's gondolas... up and down next to you.

0:31:240:31:26

MAN SINGS

0:31:260:31:28

Oh, look, they love it.

0:31:290:31:31

I'd love it if he was in my one as well.

0:31:330:31:35

And for once, Nikki is free

0:31:380:31:40

from Nathan pointing out the historical highlights.

0:31:400:31:42

Even so, she just can't keep her eyes off the local sights.

0:31:420:31:47

He's not bad. He's the best one I've seen.

0:31:470:31:49

In particular, the local floating eye candy.

0:31:490:31:52

NIKKI LAUGHS

0:31:520:31:54

He was good looking and all.

0:31:570:31:59

But in a city swimming in history,

0:32:020:32:04

Nikki's mind turns to Nathan... eventually.

0:32:040:32:07

I think that he would love this, wouldn't he?

0:32:070:32:09

He'd be going, "Look at that brickwork over there".

0:32:100:32:13

Nikki might have escaped to Italy for a few days,

0:32:140:32:17

but Englishman Nathan is keeping it British

0:32:170:32:19

with his favours for the wedding guests.

0:32:190:32:23

Currently, I am making my favours.

0:32:230:32:26

Loose leaf tea in chiffon pouches,

0:32:260:32:28

tied with a blue bow.

0:32:280:32:30

What a treat, tea in a sack.

0:32:300:32:34

I just think Nik'll probably think

0:32:340:32:36

"Oh, you," obviously with a little grin.

0:32:360:32:38

It stinks.

0:32:400:32:41

But it's clear to best man Greg

0:32:410:32:43

that this historical wedding is all very Nathan,

0:32:430:32:46

and not one bit Nikki.

0:32:460:32:47

I think Nathan's choices, a lot of it is...

0:32:470:32:50

his choices, where it kind of suits him.

0:32:500:32:54

Do you understand what I mean?

0:32:540:32:56

Yeah.

0:32:560:32:58

'You've got the venue in itself',

0:32:580:33:01

you've got the outfits.

0:33:010:33:02

You know, it's all very Nathan at the end of the day.

0:33:020:33:05

Even the favours - I mean, tea.

0:33:050:33:08

I don't think Nikki's going to be all about the tea.

0:33:080:33:10

She'll be like "What's this?"

0:33:100:33:11

I don't know.

0:33:120:33:14

Thinking about it, it's not girly at all, is it?

0:33:140:33:18

Looks like the only girly thing at this wedding will be the groom!

0:33:180:33:22

-Yeah, all right!

-Could you stop fingering the chiffon?

0:33:220:33:24

Oh...

0:33:240:33:26

Back in Italy,

0:33:310:33:32

Nathan's arranged a pre-wedding surprise for his bride-to-be...

0:33:320:33:36

Have a nice day.

0:33:360:33:39

..instructing her to go to the centre of Venice.

0:33:390:33:42

"Sweetheart, I've organised a private tour for you and your mum today.

0:33:420:33:46

"Think of me as you take in the sights, sounds and smells of Venice.

0:33:460:33:50

"I love you, your Nathan".

0:33:500:33:52

I was hoping for a rose

0:33:520:33:54

and a glass of Prosecco brought to me on a silver tray.

0:33:540:33:58

I'd have gone "Bloody hell, that is good. You've done well there".

0:33:580:34:02

Now I've got a guided tour.

0:34:030:34:05

It's just going to be boring.

0:34:060:34:08

How quickly the tears dried.

0:34:110:34:14

Oh. What?

0:34:140:34:18

Nathan has treated Nikki to a tour

0:34:180:34:19

of the historical delights of Venice.

0:34:190:34:21

So what do you know about Venice?

0:34:210:34:22

It's got Prosecco, it's got ice cream, and it's got...

0:34:220:34:28

lots of water and canals.

0:34:280:34:30

There is something more, a little history.

0:34:300:34:32

This was the richest and most powerful city

0:34:320:34:35

in the Mediterranean Sea before the discovery of America.

0:34:350:34:38

This section here was built in the early 15th century, 1430.

0:34:380:34:43

And then you have the full centre arch...

0:34:430:34:47

Well, I tell you, we can continue then.

0:34:470:34:50

The church in front dates back to the year 1063.

0:34:500:34:53

This might not impress you, but I mean, the oldest building...

0:34:530:34:56

-No, 1063 is definitely something.

-That is something.

0:34:560:34:59

949 years old.

0:34:590:35:01

-Yeah.

-Still standing.

0:35:010:35:03

Particularly because this was all built on a sandbank.

0:35:030:35:06

I hope you discovered more than shopping, shopping, shopping.

0:35:120:35:15

I definitely did.

0:35:150:35:17

I've learnt that I love history...

0:35:170:35:20

this much.

0:35:200:35:21

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you. May I?

0:35:220:35:24

I've learnt that Nathan is very much into history.

0:35:240:35:28

And Nathan would like me to be very much into history,

0:35:280:35:33

and I cannot take it in. I've told him this before.

0:35:330:35:35

So thanks to her husband-to-be,

0:35:350:35:38

Nikki's holiday has ended on a history lesson.

0:35:380:35:41

Let's hope she doesn't mind one on her wedding day.

0:35:410:35:45

The big day is drawing close.

0:35:510:35:54

With the best man doubting the Nathan-themed wedding,

0:35:540:35:57

and most of the remaining budget spent on tea and historical tours,

0:35:570:36:01

a nervous Nathan is in need of some motherly advice.

0:36:010:36:03

So everything's OK, then, Nath?

0:36:030:36:07

Um...

0:36:070:36:08

Yeah.

0:36:100:36:12

Yeah, I think so.

0:36:120:36:13

One of my thoughts for potential pitfalls was...

0:36:140:36:18

alienating people,

0:36:180:36:20

whether people will enjoy it and get into it,

0:36:200:36:24

or whether they'll just be perplexed and puzzled, and think "What?"

0:36:240:36:29

At the end of the day, it's your wedding,

0:36:290:36:33

and she put her trust in you

0:36:330:36:36

to give her a wonderful day.

0:36:360:36:38

But what you've got to be prepared for is the downfall

0:36:380:36:43

that if someone does say something to you...

0:36:430:36:45

..that you just say "Well, this is what I wanted."

0:36:460:36:50

I'm just doing it for her, that's it.

0:36:500:36:52

Yeah, it'll be OK. It will.

0:36:520:36:54

With my flourishes, but it will be OK. It'll be fine.

0:36:540:36:58

But deep down, like Greg, Nathan's mum is worried.

0:36:580:37:02

'He's put her so high on this pedestal...

0:37:020:37:06

'..because he loves her so much,'

0:37:070:37:10

and that's why, if it really did go wrong...

0:37:100:37:14

Mm...

0:37:170:37:18

-Sorry.

-SHE SNIFFS

0:37:210:37:22

'..he will be so, so hurt.

0:37:260:37:29

'He will be devastated.'

0:37:290:37:32

He would never forgive himself, because he only ever did it for her.

0:37:320:37:37

He only ever did it for her.

0:37:370:37:40

Needing a good night out,

0:37:410:37:43

Nathan heads to London to "get on the stag".

0:37:430:37:47

Time for beers, strippers and some bad behaviour.

0:37:470:37:51

# Smack my bitch up. #

0:37:510:37:53

Ooh, and a cream tea.

0:37:530:37:56

I'm going to have some cake, big time.

0:37:580:38:00

Nathan has ignored everyone's advice and dragged his friends

0:38:000:38:04

and Nikki's older brother for a dainty afternoon tea.

0:38:040:38:08

It's not going to sit well for you in the family, this.

0:38:080:38:11

It's not the best start you've got off to.

0:38:110:38:14

He doesn't like having fun,

0:38:140:38:16

-that's his problem.

-That is not true.

0:38:160:38:18

My fun these days is with Nik.

0:38:180:38:20

Having a cup of tea and a bit of cake!

0:38:200:38:22

It does feel weird to think that I'm marrying your sister next...

0:38:220:38:25

like, soon.

0:38:250:38:28

That pales into insignificance.

0:38:280:38:29

You've brought me to a cream tea in the middle of London.

0:38:290:38:32

Everyone goes drinking and partying hard during a stag do.

0:38:320:38:36

To come to a nice hotel and have cream tea and scones,

0:38:360:38:38

and poncey cakes...

0:38:380:38:41

what a numbnut.

0:38:410:38:43

I'm going to have a scone.

0:38:440:38:46

Is it a "skone" or a "scon"?

0:38:470:38:49

I don't care, frankly. I'm losing the will to live here.

0:38:490:38:51

These lads were hoping for D-cups, but all they got was teacups!

0:38:510:38:56

I think you've won.

0:38:560:38:57

I know I've won, Nath. I ain't bloody stupid.

0:38:570:39:00

This was a bad choice, wasn't it?

0:39:000:39:03

With the boys desperate to get to the nearest bar,

0:39:050:39:08

Nathan knows he needs to eat humble pie.

0:39:080:39:10

The cream tea was an absolute disaster. I regret even saying it.

0:39:120:39:15

There's no pomp here, there's no pageantry.

0:39:180:39:20

It's something for a bunch of gentlemen,

0:39:200:39:22

it's just having a bit of fun,

0:39:220:39:23

which I think that I'm more than overdue for.

0:39:230:39:27

And I think that sometimes I avoid...

0:39:270:39:31

But I'm really looking forward to it. Should be good fun.

0:39:310:39:34

# Essex girl!... #

0:39:340:39:37

Essex girl Nikki, on the other hand, doesn't have a problem having fun.

0:39:370:39:41

# Essex, Essex

0:39:410:39:43

# The only way is Essex... #

0:39:430:39:45

Nathan has organised for Nikki

0:39:450:39:47

and her friends to visit a local nightclub for her hen do.

0:39:470:39:50

Suck hard, and swallow.

0:39:500:39:51

Don't be rude!

0:39:550:39:57

Fuelled by something stronger than just Earl Grey,

0:39:570:40:00

Nathan has finally started to loosen up.

0:40:000:40:03

I'm the stag. I'm, like, THE stag.

0:40:030:40:06

I'm, like, THE groom.

0:40:060:40:08

How about this?

0:40:110:40:12

And after a few drinks,

0:40:120:40:14

a new, relaxed, fun-loving Nathan emerges.

0:40:140:40:18

Oh! Woo!

0:40:210:40:24

Woo! Wow.

0:40:240:40:27

While Nathan's giving a proper Essex stag do a shot,

0:40:270:40:29

the cream tea is still stuck in the throat of Nikki's brother.

0:40:290:40:34

Where on earth did that come from, seriously, mate?

0:40:340:40:36

I think you know me well enough now.

0:40:360:40:38

Obviously I don't, because I never thought you'd do a cream tea.

0:40:380:40:42

-Really?

-Yeah.

0:40:420:40:43

-I love her lots.

-Well done you.

0:40:430:40:44

I love your sister.

0:40:440:40:47

-I love her.

-Good.

0:40:470:40:49

Now, I admit, I admit you're all right.

0:40:590:41:02

-I love you.

-He loves me!

0:41:030:41:06

It's the next morning, and there's a storm sizzling at the Bacon house.

0:41:200:41:24

After the cream tea and historic tour,

0:41:240:41:27

Nikki's mum and brother are worried.

0:41:270:41:29

He might have got the bit between his teeth and be thinking

0:41:290:41:32

"Right, I'm in charge. This is what I would like.

0:41:320:41:35

"And this particular time, I can get away with it."

0:41:350:41:39

I think that if he's gone a bit "I might get away with that,

0:41:390:41:42

"it might be funny to do a cream tea or a guided tour"

0:41:420:41:46

of wherever he had a guided tour of,

0:41:460:41:48

then he can get away with that. If he mucks that wedding up,

0:41:480:41:52

there won't be any laughs down the pub

0:41:520:41:54

about the time we went for a cream tea.

0:41:540:41:56

-Oh, you'll be the least of his troubles.

-Yeah. Oh, yeah.

0:41:560:42:00

-He's not stupid.

-No.

0:42:000:42:02

He values life, I think, doesn't he?

0:42:020:42:04

I really don't think he'd do something he thinks she'd hate.

0:42:040:42:06

But he might do something that she thinks, "Really?"

0:42:060:42:09

He'd better not.

0:42:100:42:12

It's the day before the wedding, and a stressed Nikki

0:42:120:42:17

has come to try on her wedding dress with her mum and auntie.

0:42:170:42:20

She dreamt of a girlie pink meringue,

0:42:200:42:22

but she's about see the "wearable" white dress Nathan chose.

0:42:220:42:25

Hello, Nikki.

0:42:250:42:26

-I'm Michelle.

-Nice to meet you.

0:42:260:42:29

-Excited? Nervous?

-Very excited.

0:42:290:42:31

Yeah? I'll pop out and get it ready.

0:42:310:42:34

If you want to have a look around, feel free.

0:42:340:42:37

OK, thank you.

0:42:370:42:38

You all right?

0:42:410:42:42

My stomach hurts.

0:42:420:42:44

I just want to put my dress on.

0:42:440:42:46

OK, here it is,

0:42:560:42:58

if you'd like to follow me.

0:42:580:43:00

She's been really nervous, I think, about the dress.

0:43:040:43:07

It's a major part of the wedding, isn't it, really, for her.

0:43:070:43:12

She wants to look her best for him, I'm sure.

0:43:120:43:15

I'm sure all mums feel exactly the same.

0:43:170:43:20

A stressful time.

0:43:200:43:22

Yeah. Yeah, if she's happy, I'll be happy. Yeah.

0:43:300:43:33

Oh, my God.

0:43:410:43:42

I can't believe he's done that. Oh, my God.

0:43:490:43:52

It's gorgeous, isn't it? It's lovely.

0:43:570:44:01

I absolutely love it.

0:44:040:44:07

Not pink?

0:44:070:44:08

It's completely amazing, even though it is different.

0:44:080:44:11

I just think it's fantastic. He's done a really, really good job.

0:44:110:44:14

It isn't pink but then love is blind

0:44:140:44:18

and somehow, with the help of some rose-tinted glasses,

0:44:180:44:21

Nathan has pulled it off.

0:44:210:44:22

He's just done amazing

0:44:220:44:26

so I think I will marry him now, definitely. Yep.

0:44:260:44:29

Nikki loves her modern wedding dress

0:44:290:44:32

but that's the last thing from this century she'll see at her wedding.

0:44:320:44:36

Fingers crossed her big day won't be a historical drama.

0:44:360:44:40

It's the morning of the wedding and a nervous Nikki

0:44:440:44:48

is unaware of just how historic her big day will be.

0:44:480:44:51

I can't keep still!

0:44:510:44:52

I can't wait to see him.

0:44:560:44:58

MUSIC: "The Blue Danube Waltz" by J Strauss II

0:44:580:45:01

Nathan is also pacing, but to a different tune.

0:45:010:45:05

# Bom bom

0:45:050:45:07

# Bom bom... #

0:45:070:45:09

And Greg has a little surprise from Nikki.

0:45:090:45:11

I've been passed something by the young lady herself, actually.

0:45:110:45:14

Oh, right?

0:45:140:45:15

Yeah.

0:45:150:45:17

Don't do that, mate. Don't start crying.

0:45:180:45:22

Oh, no, no...

0:45:290:45:31

It says, "I love you for ever, NB."

0:45:440:45:48

And on the back, "Our forever begins today."

0:45:480:45:50

Oh, God. That girl!

0:45:540:45:56

Regardless of all my quirks, foibles, eccentricities,

0:45:560:46:00

and all the rest, she sees through it.

0:46:000:46:03

She sees the person...which is more than I could ever ask for.

0:46:030:46:07

Aw.

0:46:070:46:09

Let's hope she also loves

0:46:090:46:11

his eccentric choice of bridesmaid outfits.

0:46:110:46:13

We look like little girly Nathans. Tiny girly Nathans.

0:46:130:46:17

Drum roll.

0:46:170:46:19

I don't want to look.

0:46:190:46:21

Don't be silly. It's gorgeous.

0:46:210:46:24

Oh, my God!

0:46:240:46:25

Oh, my God! Oh, you've got a cravat on!

0:46:250:46:30

You look lovely, all of you.

0:46:320:46:35

Oh, my God!

0:46:350:46:36

I think you should wear a cravat with your wedding dress.

0:46:360:46:38

I doubt it very much!

0:46:380:46:41

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-You can do it, girl.

0:46:450:46:48

Oh, my God.

0:46:480:46:50

Nik, you look amazing!

0:46:500:46:52

That's gorgeous.

0:46:520:46:55

That's absolutely stunning.

0:46:550:46:57

How did he do that?

0:46:570:46:59

I don't know. I feel like a bride.

0:46:590:47:00

Now it feels like you're getting married. It hasn't done until now.

0:47:000:47:05

The boys have arrived at the venue,

0:47:060:47:08

ready to do battle with their outfits.

0:47:080:47:11

I've put this on wrong.

0:47:110:47:13

Sorry.

0:47:140:47:16

That's there.

0:47:190:47:20

Yes.

0:47:210:47:23

I'm so shaky.

0:47:240:47:25

Nathan is stressed out to high heaven at the minute. He's a mess.

0:47:280:47:31

Hopefully, once the service is over, he'll be OK.

0:47:310:47:34

I think he's getting overly stressed at the minute.

0:47:340:47:36

It's going to be all right.

0:47:360:47:38

We're going to be on time and everything's going to be fine.

0:47:380:47:41

I need to go to the toilet before. Is there a toilet?

0:47:410:47:44

Nathan's not the only person feeling nervous.

0:47:470:47:50

With the wedding party en route to the venue,

0:47:500:47:52

a stressed Nikki awaits her ride.

0:47:520:47:54

I'm nervous, I feel sick, can't breathe.

0:47:560:47:59

I can feel my heart coming out of my chest.

0:47:590:48:01

With her dad in tow,

0:48:050:48:07

Nikki can only hope she's heading to a girly Essex venue.

0:48:070:48:10

But 15 minutes into the journey,

0:48:170:48:19

it soon becomes clear that's not going to be the case.

0:48:190:48:23

It's not going to be the hall then. He's going too fast for that.

0:48:230:48:27

Next turning is Ferry Lane.

0:48:270:48:28

I'm trying to think, if we go down Ferry Lane,

0:48:280:48:31

we'll be heading towards Rainham.

0:48:310:48:33

What if he picks London?

0:48:330:48:34

We could be going to London if he stays on this road.

0:48:340:48:37

Thanks to her dad,

0:48:370:48:38

the reality of a London wedding has finally dawned on Nikki.

0:48:380:48:41

Is it all right for Buckingham Palace?

0:48:450:48:48

Nikki's dreams of babbling brooks,

0:48:480:48:50

breezy gardens and iced Pimm's have gone up in smoke.

0:48:500:48:53

I really don't know what to think. No idea.

0:48:530:48:55

Nikki is completely thrown by Nathan's choice of London

0:49:030:49:06

but on the hottest day of the year,

0:49:060:49:08

in an ancient building with no air conditioning,

0:49:080:49:11

Nathan's only regret is his choice of fur jacket.

0:49:110:49:14

Sweaty.

0:49:140:49:16

I feel all right, though. Yeah, I'm ready to get married.

0:49:200:49:23

Come on, let's go.

0:49:250:49:27

Thank you.

0:49:380:49:40

Arriving at the venue,

0:49:400:49:41

a hot and flustered Nikki is eager to get to Nathan.

0:49:420:49:46

I'm so hot and I just want to go in.

0:49:460:49:48

APPLAUSE

0:50:110:50:14

First, can I ask Greg, our best man, to come forward with the rings?

0:50:280:50:32

I'll just get it out of my man bag.

0:50:320:50:35

I've got all the essentials in here, actually.

0:50:350:50:37

You don't know what you might need on your wedding day.

0:50:370:50:40

A couple of bits in here.

0:50:400:50:42

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I,

0:50:440:50:47

Nathan Ashley Peter Bones,

0:50:470:50:49

to take thee Nicola Moira Bacon to be my lawful wedded wife.

0:50:490:50:52

Do take thee, Nathan Ashley Peter Bones,

0:50:520:50:55

to be my lawful wedded husband.

0:50:550:50:57

And now it is my great pleasure

0:50:570:51:01

and privilege to pronounce that you are husband and wife.

0:51:010:51:05

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:51:050:51:09

I know! Come on!

0:51:120:51:14

Nathan might have ruined Nikki's dreams of an Essex wedding

0:51:140:51:18

but how can anyone stay mad with Prince Charming?

0:51:180:51:21

I'll nibble your ears.

0:51:210:51:23

-You're making me hot. Do you not want to take that off now?

-I will.

0:51:250:51:28

-Nathan, it's so hot. It's different, isn't it?

-Different?

0:51:280:51:32

-Its pomp, pageantry. You know?

-What's the theme then?

0:51:320:51:35

-Pomp and pageantry.

-That was your theme, pump and pageantry?

0:51:350:51:38

-POMP and pageantry.

-I've never heard of it. I never heard of it before.

0:51:380:51:43

By the way, that history trip in Venice was really good as well.

0:51:430:51:47

-Was it?

-No, it was shit! Really boring, yeah.

0:51:470:51:49

And with Nikki still unhappy about the historic tour of Venice,

0:51:490:51:53

fingers crossed for Nathan's tour of her historic reception.

0:51:530:51:57

TRUMPETERS PLAY A FANFARE

0:51:570:52:00

Oh, my God!

0:52:010:52:02

-I love it.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

-Do you?

0:52:060:52:10

-That is our coat of arms.

-What does that mean?

0:52:100:52:14

A coat of arms is basically like a family crest.

0:52:140:52:17

-So Bones and Bacon both have red and white.

-Red and white what?

0:52:170:52:21

-In their shield. Red and white colours.

-Right.

0:52:210:52:23

This might take quite a few weeks to explain.

0:52:230:52:26

It doesn't matter, whatever.

0:52:260:52:29

Oh, well! she might not understand Nathan, but Nikki does love him.

0:52:290:52:33

-So you like it?

-I do like it.

0:52:330:52:34

-Not what you'd pick, though.

-No. I picked you, though.

-Good.

0:52:360:52:41

That kind of makes sense, doesn't it?

0:52:410:52:44

Miles from Essex, and without a hint of pink anywhere,

0:52:450:52:48

Nathan has still managed to sweep Nikki off her feet.

0:52:480:52:51

And in true Nathan style, there has to be a grand entrance.

0:52:530:52:57

And he's practised his timing to perfection.

0:53:000:53:03

-You want to get to a specific bit?

-Yes.

0:53:030:53:06

MUSIC: "Zadok The Priest" by Handel

0:53:060:53:08

# Zadok the priest

0:53:080:53:13

# And Nathan the prophet... #

0:53:140:53:19

They can't even see us anyway. They can't see us.

0:53:200:53:25

TRUMPETERS PLAY A FANFARE

0:53:270:53:31

Somehow, history-hating Nikki has been won over.

0:53:380:53:42

Maybe Nathan really does know it all.

0:53:420:53:44

You have made history for our wedding day. It is fun.

0:53:460:53:50

-You've done very, very well.

-Thank you, darling.

0:53:500:53:53

That means so much, coming from you.

0:53:530:53:55

I love you.

0:53:550:53:57

Now onto Nathan.

0:54:000:54:01

We went for cream tea for his stag do that he personally suggested!

0:54:010:54:06

Enough of that, I'll stop ribbing you!

0:54:060:54:09

I'm just reminded of a quote from WB Yeats,

0:54:100:54:13

who said, "Think where man's glory most begins and ends

0:54:130:54:17

"and I would say my glory was I had such friends."

0:54:170:54:20

Thank you.

0:54:200:54:21

It's nice. It's very Nathan, very Nathan.

0:54:300:54:33

I want to know why he's wearing what he's wearing, though.

0:54:330:54:36

-He looks like a rabbit.

-Who looks like a rabbit?

-Nathan.

0:54:360:54:39

-Was it a rabbit?!

-Yeah, rabbit all over him.

0:54:390:54:43

-I thought he was vegetarian.

-He did a really good job.

0:54:430:54:46

What, being a rabbit?

0:54:460:54:47

THEY LAUGH

0:54:470:54:49

It was stylish, it was good, very grand.

0:54:540:54:58

I think me and Nathan have pulled it off. We've done a good job.

0:54:580:55:01

Come on, Nik.

0:55:010:55:03

I'm so proud of them. I really, really am, both of them.

0:55:030:55:08

You've got it.

0:55:100:55:11

'At the end of the day,

0:55:130:55:14

'they're absolutely ecstatic with each other,'

0:55:140:55:16

and that's what it's all about really.

0:55:160:55:19

So if they're happy... I'm happy.

0:55:190:55:21

-We learnt it, we can't remember it.

-We tried, we tried.

0:55:210:55:23

And with the waltz being a step too far,

0:55:230:55:26

he does get one thing absolutely right.

0:55:260:55:30

MUSIC: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper

0:55:300:55:32

I knew you'd pick this song...

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And a groom who's obsessed with the past can finally look to the future.

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Oh, Nath!

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I'm just looking forward to starting my new life

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with, I guess, my new wife.

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-Mr and Mrs Bones.

-That's right. That's hard to say.

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-Let's go back to a flat together.

-To our home.

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You've got to carry me across the threshold,

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-which means you got to carry me up the stairs.

-I'm not doing...

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-Of course you've got to carry me up the stairs.

-Yeah.

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-We can go back to being...

-Us.

-..us. I love us.

-Mm, I do.

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Next time: big spender, Adam...

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Number one, done. That's important. Do you know that?

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..wants the most bling wedding party of all time.

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It's going to be flash, completely over the top, Jay-Z-like.

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But can this wannabe Jay-Z...

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This is what it's all about,

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drinking cocktails and a big Cuban cigar.

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..pull off his-red carpet wedding?

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If Adam has gone tacky, I won't wear it.

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-Or will it all get out of hand?

-We massively screwed up.

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This is it? This is all I get?

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-We've got no money left.

-It's a joke.

-I know.

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# We found love in a hopeless place

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# We found love in a hopeless place

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# We found love in a hopeless place

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# We found love in a hopeless place

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# We found love in a hopeless place

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# We found love in a hopeless place

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# We find love in a hopeless place

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# We found love in a hopeless place. #

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