Kallie and Grantt Don't Tell the Bride

-Click them together and make a wish.

-'Every girl dreams of her wedding.'

-I want to be you now.

'But what happens when she has no say on her big day?'

-Aghhh!

-'Don't Tell The Bride is back.'

This is all for the name of love.

-'12 gallant grooms...'

-Yeah!

-'..are taking control...'

-SHE SCREAMS

-'..with 12 grand apiece...'

-Give it to me!

-'..and just three weeks to organise a wedding.'

-Absolute idiot.

-'They're more daring...'

-Why are we here?

-'..more ambitious...'

-Why has he done this?

'..and more outrageous than ever before.'

-Ohh!

-It's not a joke.

-Aghh!

-'Will the glass slipper fit?'

-Oh, my word.

-Hell, no.

-'Will true love conquer all?'

-Horrid, horrid, horrid.

-Oh, my God, it's going to be on a beach.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-'And will there be a fairytale ending?

-I don't like it!

-Agh!

-Is it the right ring?

-Turn the camera off.

-'Or just a damsel in distress?'

-Wishes do come true.

-Sometimes they don't.

-Minions, forward!

-'Tonight, geeky groom Grantt...'

-Ohhhh!

-'..plans the performance of a lifetime...'

I want to be her hero. I want to be her white knight.

'..for his scientist bride-to-be, Kallie.'

That's the only dress I actually like.

'But while she dreams of a low-key, meaningful wedding...'

It is upsetting. It is heartbreaking, really.

'..Grantt is set on a show-stopping theatrical fairytale.'

Acrobatic ninjas, fairies popping out of fairy doors.

'Can this white knight win his biggest ever battle?'

I'll probably literally just be defending her and fighting my way through.

'Or will his fairy princess be wishing she could fly away?'

I'm bored! Really, really bored.

This programme contains some strong language.

'English teacher Grantt first met science student Kallie six years ago,

'during a summer break from university.'

It was like that movie moment where you see someone and everything else slows down.

It was literally like that when I first saw her.

SHE LAUGHS

And so much so, I was like, "Way out of my league. I'll be shot down so fast if I even talk to this girl."

SHE LAUGHS

Very quickly I realised he was one of the funniest people that I knew

and he just understood me straight away.

'But it didn't take long for the couple from Gravesend to realise

'they were at different ends of the spectrum.'

Me and Grantt are complete opposite personalities.

I'm an English teacher and I'm a writer and I'm creative.

Kallie, meanwhile, does the opposite. She's a scientist.

She explores the realms of definition. She finds truths.

'Grantt loves fantasy fiction and all things nerdy.

'He even likes dressing up.

'Yep, Grantt loves a good larp.

'It's nothing weird. It stands for Live Action Role Play.

'To you and I, that's dressing up in old-fashioned gear

'and having a good old-fashioned battle. No, nothing weird at all.'

It's like paintballing, but instead of using guns, you use swords.

And I tried to get it, but I didn't get it. I am most certainly not a larper.

It is the voices that do me in more than anything.

She'll hate it if I might accidentally go into a bit of Scottish or something similar.

What's happening here? She doesn't like that. It makes her go, "Eughhh! No!"

'Still, Grantt's unusual hobby does have its benefits for Kallie.

'He's a chivalrous romantic who's taken on the role of his true love's sworn protector.'

He very much sees himself as a white knight and a hero.

He treats me like a princess. He's always doing beautiful things for me.

'And for this white knight, there's no higher honour than praise from his princess.'

I love it when she says to other people, "He's my white knight, he's my Batman,"

because that's my purpose.

'These two polar opposites knew it was love when on an early date

'Grantt brought along blueberry muffins, not knowing they were Kallie's favourite.

'Something Kallie took as a sign.'

It's serendipity. It was the moment where we just knew

that this wasn't coincidence anymore, there was something going on here.

-SHE LAUGHS

-It's just our kind of relationship signature now.

I think we were meant to be from that moment onwards, definitely.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Aww.

'With 25-year-old Kallie still studying

'and 31-year-old Grantt only four years into his teaching career,

'this hard-up couple still live with his mum and dad.'

It's difficult. We're at the stage in our life when we want to make a home for ourselves.

Sometimes it can feel like you're living on top of each other a little bit.

'But for Grantt, living with his mum and fiancee isn't so hard.'

He's got two women looking after him all day every day.

That must be amazing. What Lin doesn't do, I do.

I like having the occasional cup of tea made for me,

I like coming home and someone's done my ironing for me.

So I don't think I'm afraid to move out,

I just appreciate the fact that I have someone there to pick up after me.

Yeah, I'm a mummy's boy. HE LAUGHS

'And this mummy's boy's artistic approach to life can sometimes clash

'with Kallie's more precise, scientific ways.'

Kallie believes that every aspect of her life can be micro-managed and that she can get on top of it

and control it, and if she's in control, she's happy.

I can't be in an environment that's not organised, otherwise I'm stressed out.

'And there's no chance of this Rapunzel letting her hair down.'

Cos my way's the best way. I am always right.

SHE LAUGHS

'Planning the wedding on his own is Grantt's way of wrestling back some control.

'But it's not just Kallie who likes things her way.'

I'm willing to bet the year, two years of planning our wedding

would've resulted in my mum and Kallie falling out, and I say that deadpan honest,

it would have, because they're both such strong characters who want different things.

I think she thinks that she knows what I want,

but I don't think she actually really does know what I want.

I'm so glad to have that opportunity to be able to go,

"Neither of you are touching this because you're just going to kill each other."

Kallie will freak out at not knowing what's happening.

Kallie needs to know what's happening. That's why she's a scientist.

Not knowing anything about this is going to drive her insane.

'And, of course, scientist Kallie has been experimenting with ideas for her big day for years.'

Always been thinking about my wedding day, since I was a little girl.

I want him to promise himself to me properly.

I want it from Grantt, not from Grantt in a character. I want it from him.

Larping is a part of my personality, absolutely.

And it will find a place in this wedding.

So it's going to be interesting, quirky, strange,

a little bit weird, very, very odd, very, very crazy, very, very interesting.

If he makes me look like an idiot in front of everyone, then I just won't do it,

I just won't get married. Full stop.

Oh, God.

'It's time for the couple to say goodbye.'

-I'm going to miss you.

-I'm going to miss you, as well.

'The next time this fairy princess sees her white knight

'will be on their wedding day in three weeks' times.'

-Be happy.

-Yes.

-Only focus on the good things.

-Yes.

-Bad things don't last.

-Yeah, I know, of course.

'It's the longest the couple will have spent apart in their six years together.'

Come on, you can do it. Let's get your stuff in the car.

Cool. Cool. Let's go!

'Kallie's dad, a taxi driver, is on hand to whisk her away to her parents' house a few miles away.'

-Be good.

-Course I will. You, too.

-I love you so much.

-Enjoy yourself.

-I love you.

-See you later.

-See you.

-I have been absolutely dreading this moment.

-SHE LAUGHS

This is going to be the hardest bit, the hardest bit, for sure.

-I'll see you guys later.

-Don't run away. You know your mum.

'Grantt isn't just saying goodbye to Kallie.

'Determined to strike out on his own,

-'he's made the brave decision...'

-Don't get drunk. Bye!

'..to move out of his mum and dad's.'

I've got a big task ahead of me, I've got a massive job,

my Kallie girl's thoughts, feelings are really, really on the line with this,

so I really, really want to make sure that what I'm doing is perfect.

'For the next three weeks, Grantt will plan the wedding with his best man, Ross.

'Like Grantt, Ross likes to dress up in costumes and have a good larp.'

-Oh! It's on!

-It is.

'Unlike Grantt, Ross lives alone in his very own boysie bachelor pad.'

-Hey, fellas.

-'He's invited his brother Scott and a group of friends over

-'to help launch their wedding ideas.'

-This is like a war.

-This is the nerve centre.

Well, the nerd centre, as we like to call it. THEY LAUGH

'With the wedding just three weeks away,

'the boys' usual geeky toys are strictly off-limits.'

This is a PlayStation-free area until you actually pull this off.

'So, no gaming allowed. How about a PowerPoint presentation? Really?'

So, I want to include a really, really odd set-up, something that really blows people's minds,

something that makes people go, "How is that even happening?"

'With the nerd centre buzzing, Kallie's arrived at mum Michelle's house.'

-All right?

-Yeah. Are you all right?

-Yeah, I'm all right.

'Younger sister and chief bridesmaid Annalise is also on hand to lend moral support.'

So, is it a silly question to ask if you're freaking out?

I think I'm freaking out a little bit but I think I'm in shock a little bit at the moment.

He's a very imaginative man, so I think he's going to go out there, I reckon,

-out on a limb, I think.

-Oh, no, no.

The thing is, if it was just Grantt on his own, I reckon eventually he'd be terrified of my wrath

and so he wouldn't do it.

But I think with everybody else there encouraging him to do it,

-he'd be more likely to do it.

-He could. Quite easy.

-That's what I'm worried about.

'The following day and Grantt, Ross and usher Josh

'need to pool their experience and focus on the wedding plans.'

-So how many weddings have you actually been to?

-A few.

-I haven't organised any. How about you?

-This is actually the first wedding I would've ever been to.

-But you have a girlfriend, right, so you can draw on your experience.

-No.

-OK.

-That's fair enough.

-Yourself?

-I'm a determined bachelor. I stay away from them.

# Wild boys...

'With his experienced team behind him,

'Grantt's anxious to get started.'

For me right now, the venue is absolutely important.

That is my creative block. Until I see this place, until I see my stage,

I can't put my actors on it. And it's got to be different.

I want to be her hero, I want to be her white knight.

I don't want to be tied down by any one theme, any one motif or any one image.

This is Grantt. This is a Grantt design.

I'm going to get people calling me, they're going to be like,

"Did you do that wedding that was amazing?"

Grantt, Grantt, I love the humility with which you are approaching this wedding.

'So the humble groom hits the road on the hunt for a stage which he hopes will clarify his vision.

'He's arranged to view The House Meadow in Kent.'

-Wow!

-'Part of a family-run working farm.'

-I like this.

-'It's big, it's grassy, and right now, it's fairly empty.'

The ceremony I want to be as rural and as beautiful as possible,

-really highlight the innocence and romance of things.

-Yep.

Stage two, with the wedding breakfast, I'd like it to be quite inventive, creative.

-OK.

-With lots of really curious things. And then with the evening,

I want it to be a big celebration, not so much noisy or rambunctious,

-but embracing the kind of carnival aspect of things.

-Show-stopping.

-Yeah!

-Makes people go "wow".

-Absolutely, yeah, absolutely right.

The key word at the moment is outdoor.

This is why I'm thinking maybe riding in on horseback,

-maybe...

-The fairytale romance.

-Yeah! Spot on. Fairytale romance, that's it.

-Love that.

-Yeah. Well, then, show me around!

-OK! Shall we go for a wander?

-Yeah.

-Come this way.

'As Grantt sets off to check out his venue,

'bride Kallie is visiting the place she'd have chosen for her big day.'

-Wow.

-'She's brought along her mum, sister and bridesmaid Amy.'

-It's beautiful.

-'It's a 900-year-old church in the village of Dode in Kent.

'Restored to its original state, it holds just 40 guests.

'The perfect place for Kallie's ceremony.'

It is what I always dreamed of, definitely.

It's just beautiful. I can see me and Daddy walking down this path

and everybody's on the inside waiting for us to come down.

It's all scary but beautiful

and the countryside just keeps me calm cos it's so gorgeous.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Oh, it's so gorgeous!

Oh, my gosh, I love this place so much.

-It is beautiful.

-You can kind of feel it, like, it's got history.

That's why I love it. It's just so... old.

At the end of the day, I think your wedding day,

you're making a sacred vow, it is almost spiritual.

Us getting married isn't about having the day and isn't about having some big thing to show off,

it's about us promising ourselves to each other.

'Kallie's ideas are clear.

'She wants sacred and spiritual,

'not some big thing to show off. Got that, Grantt?'

I want the outdoor wedding because it looks beautiful.

I want the outdoor wedding because it's show-stopping, it's creative.

I really want to step out of the mundane world

into something completely magical and completely new and completely crazy.

'Even Grantt needs to consider some mundane practicalities.'

What's the legality of the blessing and the ceremony?

Cos I looked on your website and you can't officiate things.

-You have to have your legal ceremony elsewhere.

-The legal aspect of it I'll do in a room at some point.

'But Kallie's always dreamed of tying the knot somewhere meaningful.'

I love that it's a church and you get married in a place that feels absolutely spiritual.

I just really hope that he makes it about us as a couple

and not about just impressing people.

I don't want my wedding to just be an extension of what he does

for himself in everyday life, and I want it to be about me and Grantt,

and I am concerned that he will get carried away.

-'And he might.'

-I'm thinking with the fact that we can decorate this ourselves,

we might even be able to adapt the theme

and not just have Victoriana England

but maybe even 18th century Japan before the Meiji era.

'Yeah, he's definitely not getting carried away.'

What else is amazing is that these bows could hide a ninja clan

who could jump down on unwary visitors and attack them brutally.

-I'd never thought of that.

-You're telling me no-one's ever done that here before?

-No-one's had a tree full of ninjas?

-No-one has imagination these days.

The possibilities are horses, samurai,

sword duels, acrobatic ninjas,

fairies popping out of fairy doors.

-It's going to be a showcase.

-'A showcase?

'Kallie didn't want a showcase. Even so, the boys are feeling rather pleased with themselves.'

-Let's get this now.

-Can we go by the swing?

'So the bride's leading man has found his stage.

'But she's struggling to let go of her dream church.'

Knowing that you probably won't get married here, seriously, how does it make you feel?

If it's not Dode then it's not my dream. It is heartbreaking, really.

If he gets it really wrong, he's going to need the ability to fly

to get out of Kallie's grips,

cos she'll come down heavy on him. SHE LAUGHS

There will be no venue that can match up to Dode.

There will be no place that makes me feel as special as Dode.

There is a real possibility that if it's completely the wrong venue and nothing like what she wants,

then perhaps there might not even be a wedding.

'There might not be a wedding,

'but there will be a Japanese ninja larping-type thing.'

-It's on. We'll take it.

-'Grantt's forking out half the budget...'

-High-five! Yeah! We'll do it properly.

-'..on an empty field where he can't even legally tie the knot.'

We love it. Thank you very much.

-Nice to meet you all.

-Nice to meet you, too.

There's something about this place which is just so right.

Thanks, Claire.

This is so much of my creative vision instantly.

I needed that venue to have the stage to begin mapping it out

and working out what happens where. This is perfect.

'A few days later, and with his stage now set,

'English teacher Grantt is busy devising the plot for his big day.'

Kallie turns up in a black cab. All she can see in the distance is the gazebo, a bridge and me.

-Already the dream begins.

-'Grantt's using the fact he and Kallie

'have to head to a registry office immediately after their outdoor blessing as part of his story.'

Then at the end of the ceremony, we have the villain,

the rules lawyer, and he has his knights. He'll turn up at the end and go,

"I will stop you from getting to the registrar!"

And then calamity ensues as we courageously battle our way through

-to get to the registry office.

-Mm-hm.

-That's what we're hoping for.

Something unbelievable. Unbelievable I think is the buzzword there.

'Unbelievable it certainly is.

'It's the start of week two and Grantt is visiting his mum Linda and dad Ian.

'Over the past 12 months, Grantt's dad has been seriously ill.'

-Hello, darling.

-You all right, Ma?

-Yes.

'And Grantt has a special request for him.

'But he's also got a special request for his mum.'

I wanted to make sure you were a part of things

so I wondered if you could do my washing.

-Oh, Grantt!

-SHE LAUGHS

-Thanks a lot!

-Cos now you're a part of it.

'Grantt doesn't need a registrar for his outdoor blessing

'as it's not actually a legal ceremony.

'So while Mum gets the laundry,

'Dad gets an offer that'll really put him in a spin.'

We're going to have two ceremonies. For one of them,

we need to have someone... run the ceremony.

Would you marry... Kallie and I

at our wedding, please?

Er... yeah. I mean, of course, I'd love to.

I'd be honoured to do that.

Yeah.

-It just means a lot to us, an awful lot.

-It means a lot to me, as well.

-Yeah.

-It'd be cool.

-I'm going...

All right. Do you want some company?

-She'll be all right.

-Come here, Dad.

-It means an awful lot to me.

-I'm very proud of you.

That was good. You can tell he was... he was definitely, erm...

definitely taken by that. Yeah.

That was... easier than I thought it was going to be,

which is pleasant and good

and I think it's just going to mean so much.

That's going to mean so much to me and Kallie.

'In London, Kallie's on a quest to find the wedding dress she'd choose

'if she was in charge of her big day.'

Agh!

'She's dreaming of a glamorous 1950s-style gown.'

Hate the bling.

Hate, hate, hate the bling.

'Trouble is, nothing quite fits the bill.'

I don't like the flowers and the detail. I'm really not sure about this material.

I just don't think it looks very nice.

Yeah, my wedding dress is the most important thing that Grantt has to get right.

Bling city, let alone the colour.

It's a really, really horrible dress.

If I don't feel comfortable or beautiful on my wedding day, I'm not going to enjoy the day.

I don't like the flowers on it. Uh-uh.

The one is not in the shop. I don't think the one exists.

'Back at mission control, Grantt's come up with a novel plan to find the one.

'He's designing the wedding dress himself from scratch.'

I've had lots and lots of ideas. I've got my top three.

Probably the most interesting is my steampunk wedding dress.

I've got a real kind of angel love and I like that look.

I think that would be a really cool look.

She'd kill me. HE LAUGHS She would totally kill me.

'Blissfully unaware, picky Kallie is still searching for her 1950s dream gown.

'She's come to meet designer Shelley.'

How exciting! Oh, it's so beautiful!

-Oh, my gosh!

-I've got lovely goodies for you to have a look at.

We've got lots of vintage-inspired dresses here,

lots of knee-length, lots of lovely lace, which you're going to absolutely love.

Why don't you go and feast your eyes upon that round there,

-see if there's anything you like.

-Yes.

-You should try lots of things on today, Kallie.

-Yes.

This is the sort of thing I could see me in.

-Fitted round the waist.

-Yes.

-So it can pinch you in at the waist.

-That's what you wanted, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

I quite like that. That's really, really gorgeous.

Erm, in all fairness, I'm really, really picky. That's probably the only dress I actually like.

-SHE LAUGHS Well, you only need one.

-Yeah!

-So, should we go and try it on?

-Yes!

SHE LAUGHS

So, do you trust Grantt?

-THEY LAUGH

-We don't know.

He better come up with the goods, hadn't he? He really better.

'She may only like one, but for Kallie, this really is the one.'

-Wow!

-I love pretty much everything about this dress.

-I love the sleeves.

-That's a really flattering length, that three-quarter length.

-Yeah.

-I love the length.

-It really suits you.

-This is exactly how I wanted the length.

Oh, see, this is what I dreamed about! I only need little buttons down the back and I'm sorted!

This is exactly what I wanted on my wedding day.

Exactly what I wanted.

OK, now I'm quite gutted that I don't get this dress.

-It's so pretty!

-Oh, don't cry!

This is my dream. Ohh!

-What if I don't get it?

-SHE LAUGHS

Oh, I'm so sorry, but I look really pretty!

-I've got to stop looking cos I can't have it.

-Do you want some tissues?

-It's OK. It's fine.

I am concerned. I really do hope Grantt gets this right, for Kallie's sake.

It's something that she has to carry with her for the rest of her life

and he has singularly got that future in his hands

and he can either make it or break it on the day.

And if Grantt doesn't do it, I don't know what's going to happen. She's going to be devastated.

'But Grantt's not playing safe.

'Today he and Ross are in London hoping to turn his wedding design into a reality.'

-Hello.

-Come in.

-Thank you very much.

Please excuse him, he is proper nervous.

'Grantt's hopes are pinned on bespoke dressmaker Katarina.'

Do you have any idea of what she might like?

I like to think I know her pretty well.

In fact, I'd be as arrogant as to say I'd like to think I know her a little bit better than herself.

I call Kallie my fairy and I'm kind of her hero,

so I'm kind of interested in creating a dress for her

that really captures that fairytale element.

My final design that I've come up with, which I think I want to go for

and I think I would like to give a try is this one.

-OK.

-Erm, with maybe a corset-type top, bodice,

and a skirt which is kind of like a mixture of a ballerina's tutu...

-Are you sure about the design?

-Yes. I've got to be sure about something

and I am sure about the design. I think it will suit Kallie perfectly.

'Grantt stumps up £1,300 for a fairy-style tutu.

'Now he just needs someone to take Kallie's measurements.'

-"Hello?"

-Hello, Maureen, it's me.

'And who could be better than his Mum?'

-We need you to go on a mission.

-Top-secret and you have to be stealthy like a ninja.

You have to be stealthy like a ninja. Kallie can't know why.

Just turn up silently, get as many of the measurements as you can

and then just leave, without telling her anything, just so that it really scares her as to what's going on.

-Do you accept this mission?

-"Yes, I do."

-Excellent.

Bye-bye. Love you, bye.

Mother is now in on the mission. She's briefed, she's ready to go.

-Ooh.

-Shenanigans.

-Shenanigans.

-Shenanigans.

-But, love your mum...

-Yeah.

-Love your mum, but... are you sure?

Yeah.

'But what's Kallie going to think?'

(PHONE RINGS)

-Hello?

-Hello, Kallie, it's Linda.

-Hello, Lin. You all right?

-Yeah, I'm all right, darling. Are you?

-Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

-Good.

Grantt needs the measurements, I'm afraid.

-OK.

-And it looks like it's me, being as I've done sewing,

so I'm going to pop round with a list and write it all down, if that's OK with you.

All right, then. Love you, bye.

-She wants measurements.

-Of your bod?

-Mm.

Oh, I hope she's not making my dress.

I really hope she's not making my dress.

-Can she sew?

-Yeah, she can sew.

But she just doesn't get my taste.

I really hope she's not making my dress.

So, around the thigh.

-It's a little bit worrying that he's asking for a thigh measurement.

-THEY LAUGH

-Maybe he's getting you bloomers!

-THEY LAUGH

-Right, now round the top of your arm.

-Yeah, this is the bit I'm worried about.

-Maybe you're getting married in Lycra.

-Thanks, Mum.

-THEY LAUGH

-Or rubber, bit of fetish going in there.

Maybe this is just to make you look stupid.

THEY LAUGH I think that's all.

Hopefully, something wonderful will come out of this.

Yeah, let's hope so.

'With just ten days to go until the big day,

'Grantt is taking the idea of a wedding rehearsal a little bit further than most.

'In Grantt's fairytale vision, he'll be the hero,

'saving his fairy bride from a dastardly sword-wielding villain.'

No, line, line, line, people. Line, line.

'His band of merry men are on hand to help.'

What I'm trying to capture in my wedding is the theme of the hero and the princess/fairy/girl.

At the end of the ceremony, Mark as villain, the rules lawyer,

he will appear and quote from the book of marriage and tell us we're not legally married

and if he can't have Kallie, no-one else will, and the team of heroic groomsmen and the bride

have to fight their way past a hoard of people intent on ruining the wedding.

'But villain Mark has spotted a flaw in Grantt's plan.'

Is Kallie going to know she's not actually getting married at that point?

-No.

-Ooh!

-THEY LAUGH

I would not have had chance to tell her.

-She's going to kick you so hard.

-Well, this is why I'm having a fight.

Because hopefully, all the larp and eruptions happening

will distract her from the fact that, actually, the last hour didn't mean anything legally.

Charge!

Nooo!

'And staging a fight on the biggest day of Kallie's life is starting to make Grantt nervous.'

I haven't really thought about Kallie's reaction beyond the,

"Oh, my God, what's happening? This is silly."

I really do have to consider the fact that it's our wedding

and at that point, she's going to expect us to be married,

and to then have me turn round to her and say,

"Actually, we're not married,"

that's going to be violent.

'Halfway through wedding planning

'and white knight Grantt is feeling lost without his maiden.'

Not contacting her at all is so strange.

We've never gone this long, ever, since the day we met.

'He may not be able to talk to her...'

-Ooh, ooh.

-'..but he can call her sister.'

-Hello, Annalise, how are you?

-I'm good, thanks. You?

I'm really, really good, thank you. Just giving you a quick call

to give you a heads-up for the hen-do.

Ooh! Exciting!

The bridal crew, as it were,

needs to assemble at the Three Daws in Gravesend on Saturday.

-Oh, my gosh. OK.

-More will be revealed then.

-Can we wear heels on the night? Is that practical?

-That's fine.

Yeah, that's not a problem, honey.

Bye! Love you, bye! Bye, bye, bye.

BOTH SCREAM AND LAUGH

That went really well. And I can hear in Annalise's voice

that she understands, she's excited.

-So it's not larping if we can wear heels. It's not larping!

-Hang on, though.

It's a hen-do hopefully we will enjoy.

'A few days later, the hens head to the local pub in Gravesend.'

Aww, that's really cute.

'And Grantt's left more directions inside.'

Found within this scroll and in these packages are your instructions for the evening.

Regardless, you are to use the train tickets to get yourself to the Tower of London.

'And so the bridal party makes the hour-long trip into London.

'And Grantt's big surprise is...'

It's a medieval banquet!

I knew we were going to go back there!

'So Grantt's booked a medieval banquet a stone's throw from Tower Bridge.

'It's popular with tourists and hen parties, but to Kallie, his idea is ancient in more ways than one.'

I've done it before, though. I've seen the show

and I know what to expect.

And the food ain't great and the booze is cheap.

So I'm a little bit worried. I would've rather something a bit more original for my hen-do.

'In Gravesend, the stags are also heading somewhere they've been before - the local. Again.'

CHEERING

'And talk quickly turns to the wedding.'

If you get this right, Kallie's going to be the best thing

that ever happened to you and she will remain that way for the rest of your life.

-If you get it wrong, you...

-Will no longer have testicles.

-..are fucked.

Kallie will be the biggest pain in the arse you have ever known. THEY LAUGH

I'm a betting man, yeah? I'm going to bet you get it right.

I've got £500 says he gets it wrong.

'If the hen-do is anything to go by, that could be a safe bet.

'Kallie can't remember where the banquet hall is

'and the girls have spent 20 minutes walking in heels on cobbles.'

Can we wear heels? "Oh, yes, darling, you can wear heels."

I'm done. I'm done with these.

Ohh! OK. That's better.

'It seems Grantt's romantic idea to send Kallie back to the banquet they both enjoyed

'is more than she can swallow.'

I've done it already!

You can't... It's like, you can't recreate a moment like that.

It's like getting married and then getting married again

and hoping it's going to be the same as the first time you got married. It just doesn't work.

'Well, it worked for Henry VIII.'

It sounds really, really horrible and I'm probably going to come across as such a bitch,

but I'm bored.

Really, really bored.

I think we're going to go home.

'So after just a couple of hours, the girls call it a night.'

# Well, now then, mardy bum

# I've seen your frown and it's like looking down the barrel of a gun

'And it seems the mood is catching, because even Grantt is feeling a little deflated.'

The nerves are there. I just can't tell whether or not it's going to be perfect

and I am feeling anxious because I want Kallie to reach the end of that day and go,

"My God, what happened?"

'She probably will.

'Let's just hope it's for the right reasons.

'With the hen and stag dos out of the way,

'Grantt is in the final week of preparation for the biggest performance of his life.

-'To save cash, the boys have had a crash-course in sewing from Grantt's mum...'

-Ooh.

'..to make flags. As you do.

'They've also picked up giant teacups for the table centrepieces,

'bowler hats for the groomsmen,

-'and not forgetting his scientist bride...'

-60 test tubes.

'..Grantt's bought a bunch of test tubes and beakers to make a chemist's bar.

'With just two grand left, the boys still have lots to sort,

'not least dresses for Kallie's three bridesmaids.

'True to form, Grantt isn't going for the obvious.'

I'm thinking for the bridesmaids, something that's a bit alternative,

not the typical bridesmaids dress.

Less gown, more fun.

Does that cover the backside at all or your sisters-in-law

and your wife's best friend?

'But they quickly find something more suitable.'

I actually really like this.

And they're £18 each.

Ohh, the bargain-hunter in me is like, "Buy them! Buy them!"

-So that's £56.47.

-OK.

-It's a bargain for those, to be honest.

-It is.

-For bridesmaid dresses, three dresses.

-Thanks for your help.

-Good luck. No worries.

-Cheers. Bye.

-Have a great time.

-Rock and roll, fellas. All done.

-'Grantt buys his bargain dresses

'without even letting the girls try them on.

'Now he just has to hope that they like them.'

Yeah, what should we say if we really hate them and are not prepared to wear them?

-Could we be bridesmaidzilla-ish?

-Yeah, just like, "I'm not wearing that. Absolutely not.

-"You'll have to go out tomorrow and buy me something else!"

-Yeah.

-I could be like that.

-Really?

-I think I could.

-Hi!

-Hiya!

-Hello!

-Thanks for coming round.

-No problem.

-Do come through.

'The bridesmaids have no idea of Grantt's plans for the big day.'

OK, ladies, you have to bear in mind

that you've come here with probably hopes, expectations and all sorts of different things.

It's probably best to just abandon them at this point

and be completely and utterly ready for whatever you're about to encounter.

Oh, my gosh!

Wow. They're... orange.

-THEY LAUGH

-Oh, my gosh.

-They're not fancy dress.

-They're not costumes! This is good!

-Just normal dresses.

I think they were expecting me to be the typical gamer, fantasy-lover

and to walk in there and have a load of medieval dresses lined up. That's what they were expecting.

-'It's time for the girls to show off their bargain dresses.'

-THEY LAUGH

-I think they look awesome.

-Looks great.

-Happy?

-Yeah. You look stunning.

He's done a really good job. I'm very happy.

-Well done.

-Thank you for being the bridesmaids at my wedding.

Thank you, Grantt! See you in a bit.

-Group hug.

-'The boys can breathe a sign of relief.

'At least the bridesmaids are happy.

'With just days to go until the wedding, there's still one person

'who hasn't been invited yet. The bride.'

So I'm hoping people get into the spirit of it.

'Time to dispatch best man Ross, in character,

'to finally deliver news of the big day.'

-Hi, this is Ross, best man.

-Oh, hello, Ross.

-Something down at the dog park that might pique your interest.

-We'll be there asap.

Tell me, what? Don't leave me in suspense!

-He said that there is something interesting at the dog park.

-Come on, let's go, let's go!

I hope it's my invite. Be my invite.

-There's someone down by the tree.

-Oh, my God!

-Hello, Mr Gibson!

-Greetings, fair maiden. SHE LAUGHS

-SHE SCREAMS

-This Saturday! Yes!

Your hero and champion cannot be here.

However, like all truly loved-up, doting and sickeningly-sweet men,

-he has sent me to give you this. An invitation...

-Yay!

..to what you have already read will be a spectacle,

an extravaganza, a wonder of an event,

unique in the history of the universe.

Oh, thank you, Ross!

-Now, with this... Back in character...

-'Of course.'

-It's this Saturday!

-SHE LAUGHS

Three long weeks have passed and I wonder how I've managed without you being at home.

I've made all the preparations, readied all the dreams and inspirations,

dazzled fairies with my imagination.

So, baby girl, one day really soon, marry me on the 22nd of June.

-Oh, I miss you!

-SHE WEEPS

SHE WEEPS

Ohh!

Oh, I miss him so much! I can't wait to marry him.

-Is she OK?

-No. She's in floods of tears and squeaking really high.

They're stoked and that was legendary. That was brilliant.

-We're walking a tightrope between...

-Fantasy or farce.

We've got it right with this part. We've just got to make it go right with the rest.

-Are you excited?

-I don't know. What do you think?

-A little bit.

Nah, I don't know. It's kind of boring, isn't it, you know?

-I'm getting married!

-Whoo!

-SHE LAUGHS

'It's the day before the wedding

'and time for Kallie to see the dress Grantt so carefully designed for the star of his show.'

I have no idea where I am,

but I'm guessing it's not going to be a conventional wedding dress store, knowing Grantt.

-SHE SCREAMS

-It's bespoke!

-It's what?

-It's going to be bespoke. It's going to be made.

-SHE SQUEALS

Oh, my God!

-SHE SQUEALS

-Is it going to be a proper one?

-Yeah.

-I kind of got the feeling, after Lin got my measurements,

that he'd be making my dress, so I thought it would be bespoke,

which is amazing cos I've always wanted a bespoke wedding dress! Who doesn't?

There's going to be no girl in the world that has the same dress.

Whatever it is, no girl will have the same dress as me.

-SHE SQUEALS

-Come on, let's go!

'But despite Kallie's excitement, her dad Dave has his concerns.'

I'm a little bit nervous because of how important the dress is for her.

-Oh, my God, you're shaking.

-I'm really excited!

-Let's go straight over.

-I'm a little bit worried about how Grantt's going to fare

if he's got it wrong, given that it's so important to her.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

Oh, my God, oh, my God! It's there! I'm excited!

'Kallie fell in love with a long-sleeved 50s-inspired lace dress.'

-Oh, my God. I'm going to see it.

-'But hopelessly romantic Grantt

'wanted his bride to become a fairy for the day.'

Oh, my God!

That's not a good "oh, my God," is it?

Oh, my God! Oh, it's so unusual!

Oh, it's so beautiful!

-Do you like it?

-Yes.

-ALL CHEER

-SHE SQUEALS

-Please can I try it on now?

'It's time for Kallie to see her designer dress in its full glory.'

Oh, gosh, it's so pretty.

He calls me his fairy.

Oh, she's crying. She's crying. She's gone.

OK. Just...

-Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

-ALL: Oh, my God!

It's amazing!

Oh, my God! You look like a fairy!

-Oh, my God, I look like a fairy!

-SHE LAUGHS

-I like the bottom.

-It's the most unique wedding dress I've ever seen.

-It's so perfect for you. It's so you.

-Kallie, you look beautiful!

It's perfect, Kallie. It's beautiful.

-Nothing that I could've imagined.

-No!

I can't believe it. I'm really gobsmacked.

I had these visions of me walking down the aisle in some ridiculous saloon-girl costume.

Oh, my God!

-Thank you!

-SHE WEEPS

This is the most right he could've ever got it.

It's so you. It just reflects all of you.

I just love the way... The colours are just so clever,

the way he's put all the little coloured bits in the skirt, it's so pretty. This bit is gorgeous.

-I feel like a fairy princess!

-SHE LAUGHS

'Kallie may feel like a fairy princess in her dress right now,

'but how will she feel when she finds out

'she'll be wearing it to a show-stopping extravaganza tomorrow?'

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, Grantt, you're so clever!

'After three long weeks, Grantt's outdoor storybook wedding day has finally arrived.

'But it's a washout.

'And the soggy start has left the groom feeling very gloomy.'

We've got up at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, the weather has turned against us,

which has just made me feel a bit defeatist at the moment,

like it's not going to be a very good day.

'There's no time to dwell on the negatives, though.

'Grantt needs to get into character and don his samurai warrior wedding outfit. What else?'

I've tried to be kind of a steampunk samurai.

So on the top, we've got a nice Victorian shirt and waistcoat.

On the bottom, we're wearing the pleated trousers of a samurai.

So I get to wear a skirt on my wedding, which is kind of awesome.

-Am I supposed to wear that on the right?

-I'm just doing it the other side. You're nervous.

Of course I am. I'm about to get married.

If you weren't nervous, you wouldn't be excited, cos they're the same thing.

That's what it really is. You're excited. You're seeing Kallie in the dress. You're getting married.

'Grantt may be nervous, but as his bride Kallie stayed in a hotel the night before her wedding,

-'she's feeling rather relaxed.'

-Maybe I'll worry more as the day goes on.

Maybe I'm just having the blissful calm before the storm.

SHE LAUGHS

Maybe I trust him too much. Maybe I'm being stupid.

'Mm, maybe. Right now, her groom's decision to have an outdoor wedding

'is looking a little over-courageous.'

-We've had a table disaster.

-That table over there is soaked.

-Absolutely soaked.

-The problem we've got is water's clearly coming through somewhere.

-Right. Can you get a tea towel or something to soak it up?

-I'll go and find out.

'But the samurai warrior in Grantt isn't going to be beaten by the weather.

'He and the boys have decided to do a dance to ward off the rain.'

-Right, just put this arm up...

-'Can't fail.'

-What's this?

-Boom.

THEY LAUGH

'Looks like they might need a wind dance, too.

'At the hotel, Kallie is about to see her bargain bridesmaids outfits for the first time.'

Yeah, I'm ready! Come and show me!

-Ohh!

-Wow, they look lovely.

SHE SQUEALS

-You look so beautiful!

-You're going to ruin your makeup!

Oh, they're so beautiful!

Oh, my God, look at the shoes!

Grantt did good. Grantt is a clever boy.

Oh, come here. My bridesmaids!

'Back at the venue, the final touches are in place for Grantt's fantasy fairytale wedding day.

'Which can only mean one thing. It's time for the swords, chainmail and tabards.

'They must be having a larp!

'And for Grantt, his fantasy wedding is all starting to feel rather real.'

-I'm freaking out, though.

-No.

-Zen calm.

Final mile, mate. Final mile. Whatever happens, happens.

The fact is, you and Kallie will be here, you will get married and you will have a great day.

The weather, nothing can affect it now.

You will get married. Done.

-And no-one will notice if a few details are missing apart from you.

-Yeah, you're right.

'It's finally time for Grantt's princess to put the finishing touches to her own wedding costume.'

-How far down do you want the bow?

-Just make the bow look nice, don't worry about the tassels.

I love real flowers. Yeah, let's go! Let's go and get me married!

-Are we going?

-Yeah, all right.

'As the bridesmaids head off to the venue,

-'there's someone special who still hasn't seen Kallie in her gown.'

-Oh, my gosh!

The only person who hasn't seen me in this dress is my daddy.

And I think he might cry. And I think I might cry, too.

Oh...

'And what maiden wouldn't want to be whisked off to her fairytale wedding

-'in a black taxi?'

-He got the cab!

I always wanted to go to my wedding day in a black cab!

-'Perfect for a cabbie's daughter.'

-It wouldn't feel right if it was anything but a cab!

-Have a good day.

-Hello, hello.

'The guests are starting to arrive at the venue.'

-Good to see you.

-Nervous?

-Yeah, of course I am. You've met Kallie.

'And unsurprisingly, it seems the rain dance hasn't worked.'

-Somebody's going to lose an eye. Be careful.

-THEY LAUGH

'Grantt makes sure his cast are all in position...'

Stand at the back, wait for Kallie. When she comes and meets you, walk down with her.

'..and it's just about show time.'

Oh, my God, it's gorgeous!

-What has he done? Bloody costume.

-HE LAUGHS

'And costumes were the very thing Kallie didn't want on her big day.'

Oh, my God, where are we? What are we doing? This is madness!

I can see men in tabards. I think it's his larp geezers, actually.

-Oh, my God! What is he like?

-SHE LAUGHS

What is he like?

-All right?

-Come on then, Daddy.

-Come on, then, let's go and get married.

-Come on, then, let's go!

SHE LAUGHS

'It seems this maiden is determined to be reunited with her gallant groom.'

I missed you so much!

-You look unbelievable.

-Oh, my God, Grantt, this is amazing.

-SHE LAUGHS

-'But the biggest surprise is still to come.'

-Can we have the priest, please?

-Oh, my God.

Ohh!

I think you'll find that "the priest" is not a good description.

Just someone who loves you.

-SHE WEEPS

-Oh, Ian!

SHE WEEPS

'And Grantt's put his father centre stage in more ways than one.

'Ian's also helped his son to write the vows.'

-Ready?

-Yeah!

-Let's go for it, shall we?

-Let's do it.

-Today I...

-Today I...

-..Kallie Heap...

-Kallie Heap...

-..take you, Grantt Ennis...

-..take you, Grantt Ennis...

-..to be my husband...

-..to be my husband...

-..through good times and bad...

-..through good times and bad...

-..and I give you my hand...

-..I give you my hand...

-..my heart...

-..my heart...

-..and my love.

-..and my love.

-These things I give to you...

-These things I give to you...

-..today and all the days of my life.

-..today and all the days of my life.

-And do you, Grantt Ennis, accept Kallie Heap to be your wife?

-I do.

-SHE LAUGHS Amazing.

-Would you like to take the ring for Kallie

-and place it on her finger?

-Ooh, get it on.

-The problem is, you've got a knuckle!

-There we go!

Having exchanged the vows and rings,

-I think we can safely say that you're a married couple.

-SHE SQUEALS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

'Well, not yet, they're not. Cue the villain.'

-Actually...

-SHE LAUGHS

..I think you'll find, according to my book of rules,

you are not legally married!

But I'm one step ahead of you, rules lawyer,

for I have booked a town hall for us to get genuinely legally married!

That is not acceptable! Minions, forwards!

-Boys, to me!

-Oh, my God!

SHE LAUGHS Come on!

'And so the plot thickens as hero Grantt battles his foes

'to rescue his bride from the wicked clutches of... his mate Mark!'

You may have defeated me, but you have not defeated my ninjas!

-Oh, my God!

-Oh, my God!

I didn't have to larp, so that was OK. I'm glad you did it after we got married.

SHE LAUGHS I'm so glad you like it.

-I'm so glad you like everything so far.

-I love it!

Good. They're the dangerous things I thought you might not like. The rest of the day is pretty amazing.

'Away from the evil villain, the white knight and his princess can finally tie the knot officially

-'at the local registry office.'

-It's my very great pleasure to say

that you are now legally husband and wife.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-We did it! We got married!

-HE LAUGHS

'But that's not where this fairytale ends.

'The new bride returns to her guests on horseback, led by her heroic groom...'

-Ooh!

-SHE LAUGHS

'..who is now officially her husband.'

APPLAUSE

Grantt will be Kallie's superhero, Grantt will be Kallie's knight in shining armour.

-Oh, yes, you can!

-Kallie!

He's done the very most he can

to include his likes but make this her day and he has,

and once again, he's come through and he's definitely her hero.

You look amazing!

I can't believe he got it all together like that.

It's been a beautiful day so far.

-What he's done has been absolutely brilliant.

-Discounting the weather.

Lovely! Thank you very much. That's very quaint and beautiful.

I think today has been absolutely exceptional.

-Aww!

-'Grantt can finally show his princess bride what he's arranged inside their canvas castle.'

Right, first things first. It couldn't all be about me,

-so I made you the chemist's cocktail bar.

-That's so clever!

-Oh, can I have these? There'll be really useful for work!

-Can we have Kallie's cocktail, please?

-You were like, "Have a look at them! It's miraculous!"

-They're amazing!

'And for the cake, there was only ever once choice.'

Oh, God, look at them.

-Oh, my God, it's not a giant blueberry muffin!

-Yeah.

-Oh, my God!

-SHE LAUGHS

-No way! Ohh, Grantt, it's so beautiful!

-SHE LAUGHS

I think Grantt did successfully walk the line

between farce and spectacle.

Have at you, sir! Very good!

The ceremony, it was amazing and a little bit crazy.

It was very much what Grantt is and everything.

I think he's done a really good job!

-Fancy a larp?

-No. No. Let's go. Let's go. Wedding breakfast time!

I don't think it should go unnoticed just what a marvellous effort

that Grantt and his merry men have made for this wonderful wedding! Let's big it up!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

To Kallie and Grantt! APPLAUSE

'So this knight finally has his princess.

'But for Grantt, there's only one true hero in this fairytale.'

We wanted to have my dad there and more than anything else,

to have him there leading the ceremony, unbelievable.

-Totally special.

-It's something that we'll always remember

and he'll always have, is that he helped us become a married couple.

Yeah! Agh, we're married!

You have pulled off

more than any normal, standard human being could ever pull off.

I have loved every single minute of today.

I have been genuinely stunned by everything that he's done.

It's been gorgeous. It's been perfect. It's been absolutely perfect.

I'm sitting on hay bales and it's on a lake

and there's the marquee behind with the circus people

in this gorgeous fairy dress with the man that I love more than anything in the world

-and looks as gorgeous as he does. He's done good!

-THEY LAUGH

'Next time, motorbike-mad Luke

'aims to keep his plans on track with a high-octane wedding...'

-That was incredible!

-'..his traditional bride-to-be won't forget.'

-ALL: Ohhh!

'Will Luke stay in pole position?'

I don't think any of us thought we'd we spending the day shovelling poo.

'Or will he crash and burn before the finishing line?'

I wasn't going to do this over a bloody dress!

# I need a hero

# I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light

# He's gotta be sure and he's gotta be soon

# And he's gotta be larger than life

# Larger than life #

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