Christmas on the Slopes Don't Tell the Bride

Don't Tell The Bride is back for a wintry Christmas special...

I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss.

..as chilled out Darren gets ?12,000 and three weeks...

Mum always said I'd be a princess one day.

..to organise a festive wedding...

We've even got, like, Christmas style trees outside.

..his bride-to-be, Bronte, will never forget.

Darren!

GIRLS SCREAM

But with a snowy ceremony abroad...

I've never been on skis before!

..this groom could end up on the naughty list.

If this doesn't go right, it's going to be a disaster.

Is Darren on a slippery slope?

I'm actually in shock.

No!

Will Bronte even make it to her wedding?

I'm getting married in five hours and now I might not be able to go.

Or are this groom's wedding plans totally taking the piste?!

This could well and truly ruin the weekend.

It could ruin whole wedding, yeah.

Cambridge couple Bronte and Darren met four years ago

when she came round to his parents' house to see his sister.

I always remember my mum saying, "When you get older, Darren,

"your sister's going to bring round all these gorgeous girls.

Then sure enough, when you came round, I just remember seeing

this good-looking girl on the sofa, thinking, "She's pretty striking.

"But she really knows that she's quite good-looking

"and she seems quite arrogant,"

so I thought, "She's probably a bit out of my league, though, really."

Even now my friends say that I'm batting well above my average.

Then just 17, charity worker Bronte was four years Darren's junior,

but he had just the recipe to win her over.

I thought, "This is my opportunity," and you said, "I'm hungry."

I went into the kitchen and you made me a cheese sandwich.

Bit of grated cheddar and the rest is pretty much history.

So, Darren's cheesy pulling technique worked.

But just as the love birds were getting close,

they were forced to spend some time apart.

Two weeks into our relationship, Darren got on a boat and left me.

Two weeks in.

I left to go and be a seasonaire in Switzerland.

Like a ski instructor.

Not a ski instructor! Basically... You have to be qualified

to be a ski instructor! It's not a ski instructor.

So yeah, I left, Bronte and my mum at Dover, as I went... Crying.

Both of us crying. So I was supposed to be out in Switzerland for

four months, I think it was. And when you came back, a month and a half

you were out there. I think it didn't help missing me.

Yeah. Missing his family. I wasn't really missing my family.

I was just missing you. Just me? Yeah, I was.

And Darren's job in Switzerland also meant they missed

their first Christmas together.

I want to do this wedding so that she can experience

our first Christmas all over again.

But together, as a married couple.

Recreate the Christmas that we missed.

Three years into their relationship, purchasing manager Darren

popped the question in the grounds of a local stately home.

Bronte's response was...well... different.

I was down on one knee, I pulled the box out.

I said I felt sick. You started crying. Started crying.

I swore quite a bit at him. Quite a lot of emotions all in one

for you to bear with. Way to give a man self-doubt, though!

But it would've been boring if I'd have said yes.

To be perfectly honest, it's not really how I envisaged it.

And unsurprisingly, handing over her Christmas wedding to Darren

hasn't exactly left Bronte feeling jolly.

Darren's organisational skills are rubbish. He's useless.

I do the weekly shop.

I... Make my lunch. Make your lunch.

I get him out of bed. I organise you.

Bronte and her family regard me as this lazy person who doesn't

really do much around the house and doesn't really do a great deal.

So I kind of want to prove to them that I'm quite capable of doing

other things and I'm not just lazy and I'm not useless.

But Darren will need to prove he's more than just capable,

as this bride knows exactly what she wants.

No, not like that!

My wedding day is really important to me.

I want it to be small, classy, intimate, romantic, calm.

If family's all there, that's all that matters.

If it was cold, dirty, raining, it would be disgusting,

it wouldn't be me and I'd feel urgh!

Darren's plans, however, are somewhat more adventurous.

I've got this great idea.

It's nothing at all like what Bronte's going to expect,

or her family or anyone. It's going to be cold, it's going to be icy,

it's going to be at altitude. It's going to be fast-paced.

In that moment she's going to be experiencing adrenaline, rush, panic,

fear, excitement altogether in one mix, right in here as well.

So, yeah, she's got a lot coming for her.

People are not going to know what's round the corner,

and it's definitely going to be different, that's for sure.

But for home lover Bronte, there is only one place to get married.

If I could choose where I wanted my wedding, my dream wedding would be

somewhere that had a history to my family,

in Cambridge.

Bronte might be hoping to stay close to home,

but Darren wants to broaden her horizons.

I think with Cambridge you're pretty limited to what you can do.

You've got a couple of hotels and a registry office.

Bar that, there's nothing else.

I will do something that nobody knows what's going to happen,

what to expect. And let's take her away from her comfort zone.

It's also a good opportunity for me to prove to you that you can trust

me more and I am capable of other things, and I think...

You haven't done the wedding yet, so we'll wait. Yeah. I know.

All I can think about, getting married - scary,

and Darren being in charge of it...

Terrifying.

Oh, God, he might get it wrong.

It's time for Bronte and Darren to say goodbye.

You've, like, packed for every season under the sun. That one.

In the last three years, they've spent just two nights apart.

Are you OK? I don't want you to go any more. It's only three weeks.

I'll miss you. You'll be fine. It'll be all right.

Give me a cuddle. Come on, up. Give me a cuddle. You'll be fine.

Bronte will spend the next three weeks back with her parents

at their family home in Cambridgeshire.

Remember, it's not "goodbye." It's "See you later."

Don't fuck it up.

Take care. Love you with all my heart. See you in a few weeks.

All right, my angel?

Drive safely.

I love you. You'll be fine.

It really pains me when I see Bronte cry.

It hits me right in the heart.

In three weeks, hopefully it's all going to be worth it

and hopefully she's going to really enjoy the day and...

it'll make all the pain that she's felt now worthwhile.

Bronte is welcomed home by her closest family, dad Ivan,

mum Jordis and sister Elsbeth.

Oh, sweetie!

Come on, Bronte. You'll make me cry now.

I feel slightly better now I'm home with my mum and dad and sister.

But still very strange.

It'll be worth it in the end. It better be worth it in the end.

Three weeks, it'll go fast.

Yeah, I hope so.

# Lights will guide you home... #

It's the first day of wedding planning,

and Darren has enlisted two of his best mates to help organise

Bronte's dream day - identical twins and joint best men, Dan and Ben.

We're so excited to move in with Darren.

The boys back together finally!

The boys have been inseparable for 12 years.

Darren can even tell them apart and everything.

Hello, boys! Hello, you.

I think Bronte's got a right to be concerned about us living together.

We won't corrupt Darren too much hopefully.

She'd have full faith in us in organising.

But this is a holiday. Oh, one either side!

Twin sandwich! It's a sandwich. It's what dreams are made of.

Dealing with the pressure? We're here now. Yeah, I know.

I'm glad. We're going to work hard.

Make sure Bronte gets what she wants. Well, what we want for it.

With the twins on board,

Darren can't wait another minute to share his festive wedding plans.

Darren's going to come up with something absolutely mental,

I think. Something crazy. To be honest, it could be anything.

I have no idea. Boys, we're going to Switzerland!

Why? We're going back to Saas-Fee, boys.

I'm going to be doing Christmas there. And we're going to put Bronte

and her bridesmaids on skis, too.

Bronte's being skiing once, right?

In Milton Keynes. Exactly. This, I...

Darren... It's going to end in disaster, isn't it?

I can understand, you know, she'll be falling over in salopettes,

but skiing in a wedding dress...

That's where you two boys come in. You can just prop her up.

And, the other thing is, we're going tomorrow.

How long for? Two nights, three days.

Are we going to get the chance to ski? Yeah.

Get a chance to drink a few beers?

It'd be rude not to, wouldn't it? Totally, mate.

So skiing, then. For a bride who can't really ski.

Oblivious to his wintry plans,

Bronte's family have concerns of their own.

How likely do you think Darren will be to pull off the dream wedding?

My worst case scenario is that he'll forget to invite people,

that the venue will be crap.

And that, most importantly for me, he mucks up your wedding dress.

Will you be upset with him, Dad?

I would be upset for you.

The twins are... Are they helpful? They're helpful,

but I think they go on the wrong... When I got engaged they wanted

to set fireworks off in the day. But you can't see fireworks in the day.

Exactly!

Hopefully when the boys come around he thinks, actually, it's not

a game, it's our wedding day, and I hope the boys help him with that

and don't kind of think it's a party and let's relax now cos I'm gone.

They wouldn't do that - would they?

Two days and 750 miles later, our three wise men have arrived

in Saas-Fee and they're ready and raring to hit the slopes.

Look at the weather today. It's beautiful.

The sun's shining.

We'll go see if we can hire some skis and some boards.

Down the mountain. Should be good. And some organising as well!

We need to do some wedding organising at some point as well.

That probably wouldn't be a bad idea!

There's no time like the present, so the boys get straight to work,

sorting that classic wedding essential - ski hire.

We need to hire two sets of skis and a board for today. Yeah.

For us to go up to the glacier.

And we also need to arrange to hire two sets of skis for the wedding day.

OK. On the wedding day, the plan is to get the bride

and the bridesmaid to ski down the glacier after the wedding ceremony.

And Darren's keen to make sure novice skier Bronte looks her best

as she's tearing, face first, down the side of a mountain.

Guido, also, the boots, for the wedding day, do you have any

white boots? For your wife?

Exactly. Yes. Because it needs to go with the dress.

Yeah, so more or less white.

That'd be perfect. That'll go really well with the dress.

At the end of the day, we'd have paid so much more for actual shoes.

Definitely! Save some money there.

We've got value for money. Not only can she wear them going down,

she can wear them at the ceremony.

We've saved ourselves some cash. We have. Definitely.

We've done well. Good job, I reckon.

Wow! Wedding shoes that are practical and economical.

Every girl's dream(!)

Ski gear sorted, the boys head up the mountain to hit the slopes.

Oh - and check out a venue for the wedding ceremony

while they're there. What a great way to start a wedding.

There's not many wedding arrivals that you get when you're travelling

up from 1,800 to 3,500, is there?

Darren's thinking of getting married in an ice grotto

at the top of a mountain. The good news is,

it's right beside the very best slopes.

The bad news is, it's at the top of a mountain!

I don't know what Bronte's going to expect

when she's coming up here. I think she'll be having

a bit of a panic attack. Not only is she going to be

in a wedding dress, she's going to have ski boots on, not wedding shoes.

So I think she's in for a bit of a shock.

Heading 2km above resort level, the boys take a cable car,

and then another cable car,

and they've still got a mountain to climb!

One more to ride now, guys. Just the funicular. Jesus Christ.

I know. I think Bronte will probably be feeling the same

on the day. It's a long journey.

And I'm just thinking from the point of view of the actual bride,

she's going to be coming up these three, in her wedding dress, she'll be cold.

But it's a pilgrimage, mate. She's making that commitment

to get to the top of the mountain to be with me. All good things to people who wait.

Back in the UK, a blissfully unaware Bronte's dream venue

is just a few miles from her home,

and at ground level.

We can go up here, my dress, take photos.

It's just stunning, isn't it? It's got everything.

She's taken mum and bridesmaid Lora

to see Downing College in Cambridge, one of ten colleges

at Cambridge University where the public can get married.

I mean, this is like the perfect place to get married.

You couldn't get more Cambridge than getting married in a college.

And for you, it means so much to you.

Yeah. I think living in Cambridge is in your blood, isn't it?

It means something, to me, it's close to home,

somewhere I can always come when I'm older.

I don't like the idea of travelling hours to have a ceremony.

I always get bored travelling at weddings.

Oh, dear. At least Darren doesn't get bored by travelling.

Which is just as well, because he's still not made it up that mountain.

This is the final ascent. I think now I don't know what to expect either.

I've never actually been to the ice grotto before. What?

Never been there at all? No.

Why have you shipped us all the way out to Switzerland

to see something for the first time? It was worth the risk, definitely.

Let's hope so. Yeah. I hope so too.

Right, moment of truth.

I've kind of put my eggs all in one basket.

I really have wholeheartedly committed to this.

If this doesn't go right, it's going to be a disaster. Absolute disaster.

A 2km climb up the mountain and the boys have finally reached

the site of Darren's snowy ceremony venue.

It's so Christmassy. So Christmassy.

It's absolutely stunning, Darren.

Wow. That is absolutely amazing.

It takes your breath away. Yeah. It does.

What could be more romantic than this? Look at the roof.

I know, look at the roof. It's incredible. The ceiling is so cool.

It looks like feathers. Look at the altar. The altar is actually ice.

We're going to have to make sure Bronte's dress covers her up

cos it's pretty cold in here. Very cold.

I don't know the temperature, but it's cold.

All that travelling seems worthwhile. Definitely.

The only thing we need to do, probably,

while we're here, is to test run it. Darren, Bronte.

I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss.

No, boys, I said kiss. This is the best day of my life!

Oh, crap! You're my hero!

But Darren might not be Bronte's hero when she finds out his plan.

If her dream venue is anything go by,

she won't be so much "off piste" as "piste off."

SHE GASPS

Lor, it's beautiful. Oh, my God, Bronte!

It's warm, isn't it? Look at the high ceilings.

I love the high ceilings.

I think it would be so special to have everyone here

and everyone sitting together and me and him at the top.

This has got big grand windows. It's not over the top.

It's really free and it doesn't feel like you're closed in.

You won't be stuck in a room, a tiny room. Really dark, dingy room.

What's going on in your head, babe? I don't want to cry!

I'm sad because I don't think he's going to get it.

And it's so beautiful, it means so much.

And I just think it would be perfect for us both to be here.

And you don't think he'll get it? No, I don't think he'll get it.

I hope he gets it but I think I've now come to the realisation

he probably won't get it.

'I think for Bronte it's hit home that she doesn't have any say

'in this wedding at all.'

Darren's going to choose everything. She's just going to turn up

and get married.

And it's probably not going to be in a college!

Probably not. It looks like it's going to be in a cave made of ice.

But don't worry - he hasn't even booked it yet.

And after a hectic morning, the boys have decided to take

some time off.

As they hit the slopes, Darren's confident things won't

go downhill when novice skier Bronte sees where she's getting married.

I'm not too sure how Bronte's going to enjoy it.

She's done a basic snowplough at Milton Keynes.

And that first slope's pretty steep. It's a minor issue.

Minor detail.

I'm sorry, Darren.

Oh! Cheeky.

Back down at the bottom of the mountain,

Darren finally tries to strike a deal on the festive grotto.

A fixed price for the ice pavilion...

And this is 800 Swiss Francs. HE WHISTLES

Wow.

So that's almost ?600 to hire the grotto just for the ceremony.

But with the reception and catering still to book,

Darren's worried the price is too high.

Is there nothing you can do on the price?

Perhaps we can handle something.

But I have to discuss this with the director himself. OK.

'It's just a shame, not getting a price. It's not confirmed yet.

'It would have been a good way to wrap up today.'

It doesn't mean we shouldn't go for a drink today, does it?

Clearly not. Looks like it's time to get merry.

Good to be with you boys - skiing in the sun.

We blew off some steam.

I think more of the same to come, really. Oh, yeah!

I think even though times have changed,

we just pick up from where we left off. Of course.

That's what's great about friendship. When you're such close friends,

it just gels as it was. Yeah.

And we've just got to party the night away tonight. No worries.

Forget about the whole wedding planning thing.

Then tomorrow... Back on it. Let's hug it out, boys.

Awww, yeah. Good work, team, good work, team.

The morning after -

and wedding planning is the last thing on delicate Darren's mind.

I'm not a... He's a broken man.

I am a broken man.

It was a good pre-stag night out.

My stomach literally feels like...like it's doing gymnastics.

But we've actually got to go and sort out the rest of the wedding today.

Well, some more of it.

I don't know if I'm match fit.

Probably cos you haven't drunk for the last four years.

Yeah, that could be another issue.

It's 11am, and with the ice grotto confirmed for a discounted ?480,

the boys force themselves out of bed to check out the chalets

Darren wants for his reception venue and accommodation.

Wow! This is... This is it, Darren.

That's perfect. Sold, boys. Look at that little log fire, the brick work.

I could really envisage making this a Christmas type theme.

You've even got Christmas style trees outside. Exactly.

It comes down to price at the end of the day, doesn't it?

Darren wants to book two chalets - one to house Bronte

and her close family,

and the other will double as the reception venue

and Darren's base with the twins.

We'd like to find out what pricing you can offer us

because ultimately we've got a very tight budget.

The chalet is 1,500 Swiss Francs per night. Per night? OK. So...

For both? No, just for one. ?3,000 a night...

It's going to be 6,000 Swiss Francs.

Would you come down to 4,000?

Please! Yeah, we can do that.

Thank you so much. That's so kind of you.

Darren's booked two chalets for ?2,800,

so he can head home with a ceremony venue,

reception and, most importantly, wedding shoes all sorted.

Back in Cambridge and it's the start of the second week.

Bronte's visiting a high-end wedding boutique to show her mum

and Lora her perfect dress.

Mind your head.

Hello. Hiya. Nice to meet you.

I'm the bride, Bronte. Good to meet you.

It's Bronte's first time in a wedding shop.

And true to form, she's proving hard to please.

That's too high neck. I don't like that.

The boob tube.

Oh. You'd wear it to bed.

That is like a nightie!

These have got loads of bling.

I don't know if I'd even be able to pick out a dress for you

and I've known you for almost 20 years.

Disgusting.

My grandma would wear that. That looks like it's in a charity shop.

Nobody would wear that. B, I don't think you can be that picky. I can!

But if you put it on I think it will look completely different,

like they said, it looks so different off the hanger.

Every dress has something wrong with it at the moment.

It's got to be perfect, Darren Graver, wherever you are!

Across Cambridgeshire, Darren's also out dress shopping, and keen

to find a dress to perfectly suit his bride, he's come up with a plan.

Meet Brontelina.

Hello. Hello.

That's an interesting guest. This is Bronte's twin sister.

Right. It's the better looking version!

She's also quieter as well, so gives me less trouble, calls out less

demands around the house. So hopefully she's going to help us

find a dress today.

With Brontelina looking on, Darren starts choosing dresses.

This looks all right down here, guys.

I really like that one.

It's quite thick. It would be quite warm.

Good bit of insulation on it.

I wouldn't rule that one out.

Much less fussy than Bronte, Darren's got a mountain of dresses

to check out, and the perfect way to model them.

# That's what makes you beautiful. #

Park yourselves down and let the show begin!

I'll tell you what, that face actually helps. It does! It helps!

I'm not feeling it. I think it's just too average.

Definitely a thumbs down, Bronte. That is out of the running.

I think that's a straight out no.

I like that, I think it's just a bit too much.

It has got sleeves as well, though. Nice back.

It's a really nice back.

I'm not feeling that one.

Bronte would just be like, "It's not me. You can't make me wear that."

I think that's nice.

What's the back like, guys? Yeah, that is nice.

Definitely have to see it on someone first.

Yeah, we have to see it on someone. I think that was definitely

?14 well spent of our budget. Definitely. On the inflatable woman.

While Brontelina's tried on enough dresses to fill a couple

of Santa's sacks, there's only one dress for the real Bronte.

I've got butterflies in my stomach. I know - same!

Oh, wow. You look really beautiful.

I really like it. I love it.

Oh, it's so...Hollywood.

I feel quite elegant and sophisticated.

I feel like a bride.

I love the high neck, I like the back, straight down

it's got all the details, can you see the little flowers?

I know. What do you think, Bronte?

Do you think Darren will pick something like this?

I don't think he would pick something like this.

I had no idea, all of the dresses I thought I'd like I didn't like.

So how is someone meant to pick me a dress with not seeing it on?

It would be difficult to go from this to a horrible dress.

What would you actually do, though? I wouldn't wear it.

It wouldn't be the dress I'd want to wear.

And he would have picked the wrong choice.

I hope he takes every step he does, the wedding dress, the venue,

really seriously. If I can see he's messing around

and had a laugh doing it and is taking it for a joyride,

then I'd be really disappointed.

I'd be heartbroken.

It's not the time to fuck around.

He wouldn't, would he?

I don't feel sexy, Darren!

MUSIC: "Dude Looks Like A Lady" by Aerosmith

Wow! He looks like the Frog Princess!

I feel...good.

WOMAN: He's loving it!

I think it's really nice.

I wish there was a little bit of sparkle in it.

That one's got shed loads of sparkle.

So, it's a choice between Ben's blingy dress with sleeves

and Dan's fitted lace dress without.

As a very good friend as Ben is,

he's not the right shape for a wedding dress.

I think if you want to see this one on properly...

Try it myself. Yeah, it maybe needs to be you.

I do think Darren should put it on.

Get me out of this thing!

MUSIC: "Man! I Fell Like A Woman!" by Shania Twain

Mum always said I'd be a princess one day.

I think one good thing about this one is

the fact that it will be warmer. Is it too sparkly? No. It's not. No.

Because the sparkles only come out a little bit.

So are we going to go with this?

You look stunning, Darren. Thank you.

So for ?1,200, Darren's bagged himself a full-length sparkly dress

covered in all the bling that Bronte didn't want.

With Bronte's dress sorted,

Darren books a registrar to perform the ceremony in Saas-Fee.

Thank you very much for your time, Linda.

He then heads out on a Christmas shopping spree.

Red and white, it's the colour scheme of this season, I'm thinking.

Keen to recreate the Christmas they spent apart,

he spends ?250 on Christmas decorations.

Right, then. That'll do us.

?300 on wedding rings.

Brilliant. We've got ourselves a deal. Thank you very much.

?400 on suit hire.

Feels weird. You look dapper!

And he's come up with a risky way to save money on the wedding cake.

How many wedding cakes have you made before, Ben?

I don't know, about 16, I think. No, I haven't actually made any before.

It looks quite weird, the texture. It does. It looks like it's curdled.

Arrrgggh!

Hmm. Good luck with that, boys.

It's the end of week two and Darren's sent Bronte to rainy

Piccadilly Circus in London for a mystery hen do.

GIRLS SCREAM

Sadly, it's much colder than Bronte would've hoped.

Well, start as you mean to go on.

THEY SHRIEK AND GIGGLE

Oh, my God, this is... This is horrible! Ridiculous!

With the downpour over,

ever romantic Darren's left directions on a Christmas card.

"Head west onto Regent Street." That way.

"Turn left onto Heddon Street. Arrive at destination.

"Have a wonderful time. Love, Darren."

THEY CHEER

Oh, I don't want it to be bad, it's my hen do.

It's the most... It's the lead up to the wedding

and it's the first thing he's done

and if it's shit, then what the fuck's the wedding going to be like?

Now all the girls need is somewhere warm and toasty to dry off.

I don't like how I'm cold already

and Lora's saying it's an ice bar. It is, but you get coats.

But I don't drink alcohol!

I really don't think it's going to be the Ice Bar,

cos I don't think it's Darren and Bronte's style.

Bronte doesn't drink. She's not a party animal.

I think I'm here for my hen do. What's the name? Er... Graver?

Yeah, that's fine. Just have a seat in here.

THEY CHEER

# You're as cold as ice... #

Are you excited to be here? Yeah, thrilled. But it's not really me.

I don't drink alcohol.

An ice bar is really nice. I just don't think it's Bronte.

Oh, my God, it's freezing!

Can I have two? I'm cold!

Put your hood up, put your hood up!

I don't drink, so I don't know why it's here.

It's an alcohol bar,

it's where you serve alcohol in the freezing cold.

What would you recommend?

THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE

How many of you there are? For the bride!

No... No! Nine.

I was expecting the theatre, not this ice bar.

It is fucking freezing! How do you get out?

So Bronte definitely isn't a party animal. But Darren is.

UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

Strictly speaking, he's more of a party zebra. Which is normal(!)

I'm not that confident she's going to love it.

I don't really know what she would love or what she would hate.

I've just gone for something that would prepare her for what's to come.

It's just thinking it out for her. I just thought,

"I'll prepare her for these conditions.

"And this is what I am going to do."

ALL: Wahey!

It's the start of week three

and with the hen do her only clue to what Darren's been planning,

Bronte is starting to worry about when and where her wedding will be.

Obviously I'm stressed but...

Most brides have the stress, have they completed stuff,

have they got that done, have they got this done,

and I'm stressing, thinking, "What the fuck is Darren doing?"

It doesn't matter as long as you walk down the aisle

and he's waiting there, I think that's all that matters.

Oh, sweetheart. I'm sorry.

I just want it to be over.

It's so hard not saying good night or not texting or anything.

I've tried to be brave but I've missed him so much.

# Santa Claus is coming to town

# Santa Claus is coming to town... #

Three days to go to the big day and Darren's sent Bronte an early

Christmas present, courtesy of best men, Santa and Rudolph.

Oh, this is embarrassing. First the dress and now this!

Let's make sure we get the right house, though!

# Santa Claus is coming to town

# Santa Claus is coming to town... #

Why are YOU here?

Your invite. Merry Christmas.

What is it? I'm not saying. Is it breakable? No.

I don't like how you've got those costumes. Bye!

Worried Bronte will guess the wedding is somewhere cold,

Darren's come up with a simple solution -

fool her into thinking it's somewhere hot.

Open it! Open it! It's squidgy.

You are...

How small do you think it's going to go?

Getting married.

..this week.

And...

THEY LAUGH

And need... What are you going to need?

What the...? Oh, my God, it's a bikini.

Why the fuck is it a bikini?

And it's disgusting. It can't be a fucking bikini! What does it say?

Passport. So I need a bikini and a passport in Christmas?!

Oh, my God, I thought it was going to be really romantic and it's not.

Why a bikini? You don't go to places abroad. What the hell is he doing?

But where's hot? Where's hot? Europe's still hot.

DAD: Barbados, France. Southern Spain...

Portugal, Greece. Let's go to Barbados, that would be cool.

I'm freaking out. I want it to be in Cambridge.

So everyone could come. Why would he send you away from Cambridge?

Because he thought he was clever.

It's not what I wanted, I didn't want to go abroad.

I was fine not knowing,

but now I know and it's not exactly what I want, I'm freaking out.

With just two days to go until the wedding, picky Bronte

is on her way to see the dress Darren has chosen for her.

Oh... Oh, you can't get in.

Hi.

But still reeling from yesterday's wedding invitation,

Bronte's on the warpath.

If Darren gets it totally wrong, he'll just have to face the fact

he's got it wrong and fork out for something different.

I'm not wearing it at all.

He can fuck off if he thinks I'm wearing it.

So just through here.

Is there any chance she'll like Darren's blingy choice?

It makes me feel sick.

Deep breaths, Mum. Come on.

I don't want to look!

If she doesn't like it, there's going to be trouble.

There's going to be tears!

The moment of truth.

Oh, no, it's quite...

Oh, it's beautiful. I don't know what to say. Oh, my God.

That's my wedding dress.

It's a little Christmas miracle - against the odds,

Darren's picked a wedding dress that Bronte loves.

Even with all the bling.

Oh, my God, are you crying?

Almost.

No, he's done all right.

Aw, that's for Darren!

Well done, boys.

Oh, can I put it on? Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, you look so beautiful.

You look beautiful.

Awww!

You're not meant to cry.

I like the shoulders. The sleeves are gorgeous.

You look absolutely beautiful, Bront, and I'm very proud

to be your sister. I'm just really happy.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, my God. There you go.

Oh...

It's beautiful. I feel really elegant.

I like the arms, I like the shoulders.

He's done so good, look at it all. I couldn't even choose this.

I couldn't, in the shop, did I? No.

Later that evening, and Bronte's family are about to learn

a little bit more about what lies ahead.

"You leave tomorrow, arrive at Trumpington Park Ride at 4.30.

"Bring a passport and your packed bag. See you soon. Love, Darren."

4.30am or pm? AM.

SHE GASPS

I know a little bit more information,

that's the timing, but apart from that, still clueless,

still in the dark. I hope we get on a plane and it's a two-hour trip,

and then we're there and that's it.

But realistically, we're leaving at four in the morning.

We're not going to be arriving afternoon,

we'll be arriving late Friday evening.

And everyone is going to be miserable

and is going to arrive at the destination pissed off.

I fear... I have a feeling, I don't know why, that it's going

to be a really long coach trip

to somewhere. And that it's going to be hot and...smelly.

OK, guys, time to go.

It's the day before the wedding and Bronte

and her family are up early to start their mystery journey.

Everyone's still in bed like we should be. I've got my pillow.

Wherever we're going.

Darren's organised transport to his secret wedding location

in Switzerland. Oh, my God, is that a coach?

And with a good wind, it shouldn't take more

than 17 hours in total, including ferry.

We got up at three o'clock and it's now 5.15.

I don't know where we're going.

I think it's going to be a long trip.

The coach should get Bronte to Saas-Fee at 11pm,

giving her plenty of time for beauty sleep before the big day.

I've seen the sign for Dover,

so I guess we're going to Dover on a ferry.

With the first leg of their journey over and bound for France,

Bronte still has no idea where her journey will end.

We're on a coach. It could take 2 hours, it could take 15 hours.

Bye, England!

Bye! Hello, Darren! Where are you, Darren?

700 miles away in the Swiss Alps, Darren is doing last-minute

preparations for the wedding.

I think Bronte and her family will be enjoying the journey.

Just purely cos they get to look out the window, cos there's a lot to see.

And it's a really, really scenic journey.

They're probably going to start to get a bit tired as the day

gets on because they've been up at four o'clock this morning.

So I think they'll probably have a nap and stuff

but hopefully by the time they pull up into Saas-Fee,

the excitement levels will increase again

and everyone will be buzzing, looking forward to the wedding.

That's the hope, anyway.

# Time goes by so slowly... #

Having been on the road for over six hours,

Bronte and her coach arrive in France.

They might still have another 600 miles to go...

GIRL GROANS

..but they don't know that yet.

I just want to get there now. I'm getting a bit tired of this.

Mama!

# Time goes by so slowly for those who wait

# No time to hesitate... #

Mama!

I'm getting bored.

I've no idea where we're going, I just want to know.

14 long hours after they left home

and with the coach party already bored senseless.

disaster strikes.

At the moment we're at a standstill.

Proper standstill. People are getting out of their cars.

It's gone to the point I don't care.

The gridlock could scupper their chances of even making the wedding.

With everyone anxious, Darren's sister Suri

calls him on the phone.

We're stuck in standstill traffic.

People are getting out of their cars. There's an accident.

They are stuck in traffic. 'Yeah.'

All right. All right, we'll leave you in peace.

All right, speak to you later. Bye. Bye.

Yeah, currently they are gridlocked, stuck in traffic

and people are getting out of their cars.

They're not going anywhere.

There's not even any good points of this, at all.

Obviously, I'm going to have the bride's whole family,

the whole bridal party, pissed off.

This could well and truly ruin the weekend.

It could ruin the whole wedding, yeah.

On the motorway, the traffic is showing no signs of clearing.

Bronte's in danger of missing her own wedding day

and it's all too much.

CRYING: I just need to sleep, but I can't,

because I feel claustrophobic on the bus.

SIRENS BLARE

I don't think we're going to get there until three,

early morning, maybe.

Bronte's got to get up about seven, eight.

So, she's going to have maybe three, four hours of sleep.

No-one could predict this, though. By the time we get there...

Bronte's getting married.

This is supposed to be the best day of her life and it's fucked.

I hate seeing her upset.

This is not how you're meant to have your wedding evening,

is it, stuck on the... I don't even know what it is.

I was about to say A14, but we're in France,

so I don't know what it is. Z25?

We're stuck on it, probably for, what...

Car accidents can take hours, urgh!

God!

After two long hours, the traffic is slowly back on the move.

But a peek at the sat-nav has revealed

they are running very, very late.

It's apparently six hours from here

and coming off the motorway is taking an extra hour.

So, I think we will get there at 4am,

which means we have been travelling

in this coach for 24 hours.

3am in the Alps, six hours after

the hold-up on the motorway,

and the coach has hit another problem.

Bronte's not one for making mountains out of molehills,

but this problem actually is a mountain.

We've been travelling for 25 hours

and now I've been told were on the wrong side of the fucking mountain.

We're meant to be, literally, whoop!

And it's eight degrees. And it's eight degrees.

My husband's been planning this for three weeks.

And now I might not be able to go.

# This is the road to hell... #

# I've been waiting all night for you to

# Tell me

# Tell me that you need me

# Tell me that you want me... #

It's the morning of the wedding and, after 28 hours on a coach,

and almost no sleep the last two nights,

Bronte's finally arrived in Saas-Fee.

With the wedding at 2pm,

Bronte heads straight to her chalet.

Come on, let's go.

And, after a 45 minute nap and a shower,

she has no choice but to power through her big day.

I'm exhausted.

It was the most horrific journey I've ever taken.

I can't even describe how bad it was.

I laugh about it now, because, when you look back at it,

it was like the world was going to end. It was just horrific.

it was like the world was going to end. It was just horrific.

Go, go, go!

Darren's arranged some unusual wedding gifts in a bid to

brighten up Bronte's morning.

Well, his surprises have all gone so brilliantly up till now.

GIRL: How did they get there?

LORA: What shoes are you going to wear, if you've got these?

Am I going to be wearing mountain boots?

Oh, sexy wedding socks!

You don't want grey poking out on your dress.

I'll just have to be cold.

They're out of the game. What's next?

It's the bridesmaid dress.

Let's hope that gets a better response from Bronte.

Oh, pretty bridesmaid!

Yep.

You'll just have to hold it up the whole time.

You look beautiful. You look really beautiful. They've chosen well.

I'm just going to freeze.

With Lora ready, it's now time for Bronte to reveal to her

family the dress that Darren chose for her.

CHILD: You look beautiful, Bronte.

Aww!

Bronte, you look beautiful.

I feel like a princess what can't breathe.

But, an essential part of Bronte's wedding outfit is still missing.

I haven't got any shoes.

While Bronte's barefoot,

Darren's barely an hour to turn the ice cave into an ice palace.

I'm regretting not looking at them before we came up here

and putting them together.

Cos they're pretty shit.

I used to be really good at Lego.

HE SIGHS Success!

Back down at resort level, Bronte's next festive gift has arrived.

But, it's about as welcome as a burnt Brussels sprout.

Oh, my gosh! It's skiing.

You're snowboarding!

Oh, my God!

I've never been on skis before!

Oh, my God, Bronte!

What the hell?!

I can't ski.

I was expecting maybe, like, winter boots, but not ski boots.

I'm actually in shock.

He knows you can't ski. What's he playing at?

Right, let's get them on.

These are a 38, so, I'm assuming these ones are mine.

And these ones look like they could be yours.

I just have no idea what's going through his mind right now.

I really don't.

They're not going to go on. Yes, yes, yes. Push, push, push.

It's really hurting, like painful, ow.

OK, they're in. It's going to be like taking Godzilla down the aisle.

Do we have to wear these today?

Let's go.

Oh, my God. What is he playing at? What's he doing?

This is a joke.

It's going to take for ever!

# These boots are going to walk all over you... #

On my wedding day, can you ever imagine being in ski boots!

At the top of the mountain, the wedding guests have started

to arrive and are making their way into the icy grotto.

I think I needed a coat.

It's cold.

Brrr! Oh, it's chilly.

Where shall we go? You decide.

Wherever you want to go, guys. It's a free-for-all.

And, just as Bronte thinks she's finally arrived at the wedding,

she realises she's still got a mountain to climb.

This journey's never ending!

And the journey goes on.

How many people have travelled so far,

28 hours on the coach, for this?

And on...

It's embarrassing. We look like idiots in dresses.

I'm in a fucking wedding dress,

and these people are in slalom ski stuff.

I feel like a knob.

..and on...

I just want to get off.

I'm feeling a little bit sick. Holy shit.

I'm freaking out a little bit.

I don't like how high we are.

Oh!

Aaargh! Oh, my bum.

This is so romantic...

This is vile.

What is he thinking?

He's picked this dress out that's perfect

and then he's sent me

on a mad goose chase in the dirty, dirty...

I just don't know what's happening. It's filthy.

I just want to be there.

This is ridiculous.

So out of breath.

This is embarrassing, you don't need to clap.

I'm so tired, I can't do this.

After a taxi, a ferry, 28 hours on a coach

and a trek up the mountain in ski boots,

Bronte's finally about to find out

what Darren's been planning all along.

It's going to have to be here.

It does make sense, considering how we went to the...

We went to the Ice Bar for your hen do.

It's freezing! Let's go! Come on!

You're about to see Darren. I need my coat on.

With Bronte running half an hour late, Darren

and their 40 guests can only stand and wait in sub-zero temperatures.

I'm so excited, anxious.

I'm just feeling impatient now and I want Bronte just to come in.

The three weeks has been a killer.

Trouble is, after trekking all the way up the mountain,

she now has to hike back down into the heart of the glacier.

It's freezing.

At the moment, it's meaningful.

It may not be meaningful when I fall down the fucking stairs!

Almost fell down there...

Darren Graver! Jesus!

Where's the bloody end? Are we there?

I don't want to do it any more. I just want to be there.

It's freezing.

I just want to see Darren.

It's cold, I don't like being underground. It's freaking me out.

I've come so far. And the three weeks. I just want to see him.

Finally, after possibly the longest

walk down the aisle in history,

and in ski boots, Bronte's made it.

SHE SOBS

You're fine. You're fine. You're fine.

I'm really cold. You like using the F word at romantic times.

We went on a 28 hour coach journey. Yeah.

I kind of know that, in that we didn't get any sleep,

cos we had someone ringing us...

I didn't have any sleep! I arrived at seven o'clock this morning!

Fucking hell.

Ever the romantic, Bronte.

Darren and Bronte, with your families and friends,

we want to thank God on this special day for the gift of marriage,

which you are about to embark on. So, Darren,

you've come here today seeking a blessing upon your future marriage.

And so I ask, will you love Bronte,

honour and care for her,

be her companion through all the joys and sorrows of life,

each and every day?

I will.

Bronte, you have come here today seeking a blessing

upon your future marriage.

And so I ask, will you love Darren,

honour and care for him,

be his companion through all the joys

and sorrows of life, each and every day?

I will.

Just about. Just about.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's amazing. Very cold, but amazing.

'I think my boy did really well.'

I was really proud of him.

And it was very romantic.

It was worth the journey, cos it was absolutely amazing,

but I would never, ever, do that again. That...

I still haven't recovered. I am knackered.

Ceremony over, the girls have an important question for Darren.

So, where are our skis?

Yeah.

We forgot the skis.

I can't believe we've worn these boots all the way up here,

guys, and now we're not even skiing!

But, however, and obviously Lora's not going to be able to ski,

but Ben and Dan are quite capable of carrying Bronte.

No! Yes!

Come on, come on!

Carried down the side of the mountain?

We'll go down this flat bit here, past those piste bashers.

It looks quite rough. My dress...

It'll be fine. We'll hold it up. You'll be fine.

Take my hand. Let's go.

Skis or no skis, Darren's determined to get Bronte on the slopes,

aided by his not so little helpers.

# We're walking in the air... #

No!

Fuck my life!

I can't do this.

Ready? Let's go.

# The people far below are sleeping as we fly... #

Let's stop, let's stop, let's stop.

All right. Let's stop.

# I'm holding very tight... #

It's been the longest journey, but look where we are.

I'm married, we're in the highest... It's like we're in the heavens.

It's beautiful, I'm with my husband.

I wanted it in Cambridge, but this means so much.

Finally, at the bottom of the mountain,

Darren's arranged an unconventional wedding breakfast -

a pizza buffet.

When Darren gets his heart set on something, whatever it is,

Darren will get it.

Which probably explains why we're here today.

It's been one hell of an experience

and despite the constant fear of failure,

I think he has done a brilliant job.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bronte, I truly hope I've given you a day to remember

and it was better then you could have ever imagined in a place

that is so special to the both of us.

Please can you raise a toast to my wife and soul mate? To Bronte!

ALL: To Bronte!

It's time for Darren to reveal

his Christmas apres-ski themed reception.

Will this melt Bronte's heart?

# Have yourself

# A merry little Christmas... #

Aww!

Look at it!

Look at the cake! Yeah.

You've done such a good job.

I can't believe you've actually done this. You'd never do this at home.

You'd never pay this much detail.

It's amazing. It's beautiful. Well done.

I love it. I love it all.

These should be real presents. Christmas!

I thought, as we didn't spend our first Christmas together,

because I was out at Saas-Fee, I would try

and recreate that Christmas for you this time around.

It's beautiful. I hope you like it.

Of course I do! Don't be ridiculous!

It's beautiful and you've done a really good job.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Thank you, it's beautiful. Good, I'm glad you like it.

Now, let's let all the guests in. Yes, let's let the guests in.

Let's party!

MUSIC: "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday" by Wizzard

LORA: I think Darren's done incredibly well.

Him and the boys have got it down to a T.

And, yeah, OK, a few things went wrong,

but, I mean, out of everything, it was amazing and they did so well.

I don't think Bronte could be happier.

Three, two, one...

CHEERING

Yeah, I think it has ended well.

I've not been here before.

Actually, to go up to the top of the mountain was quite something else.

Cold, but it was good.

So, I'm very proud of them.

It was a perfect end to a day.

# I don't want a lot for Christmas... #

BRONTE: Darren has proved that he can finish jobs.

He's normally very bad at finishing jobs.

Normally the washing, or the ironing, or any general housework.

I think that's because he expects me to do it.

But, he's proved himself, so now I won't do anything for him.

No. I still need your support. But you don't need my support.

Look at it! It's absolutely beautiful. You don't need my support.

You've organised people to come over, you've organised a coach,

even though it wasn't the best coach ride.

It's incredible.

# All I want for Christmas is you... #

But I'm sure, after this, you could let me off a bit of laundry. No!

OK. It was worth a try.

# So, here it is

# Merry Christmas

# Everybody's having fun # It's Christmas

# Look to the future now

# It's only just begun. #