Lynn and Liam Don't Tell the Bride

Let's just clip the shoes together and make a wish.

Every girl dreams of her wedding.

I want to be you now.

But what happens when she has no say on her big day?

Don't Tell The Bride is back.

This is all for the name of love.

12 gallant grooms are taking control...

..with £12,000 a piece...

Give it to me.

..and just three weeks to organise a wedding.

What an absolute idiot.

They're more daring...

Why are we here?

..more ambitious...

Why has he done this?

..and more outrageous than ever before.

-Ah!

-It's not a joke.

Ah!

Will the glass slipper fit?

-Oh, my word.

-Hell, no.

Will true love conquer all?

Horrid, horrid, horrid.

Oh, my God, it's going to be on a beach.

And will there be a fairy-tale ending?

Oh, my God, I don't like it. Ah!

Is it the right ring?

Turn that camera off?

Or just a damsel in distress?

Wishes do come true.

Sometimes they don't.

Tonight, UFO believer, Liam...

Come into my house.

..plans an alien wedding that's out of this world...

We're Men In Black. It's a military, covert operation.

..for his super sensible bride, Lynn.

Oh, Liam.

While she's dreaming of a princess wedding...

I can imagine Liam and I walking up here.

..Liam's vision is light years away.

Ladies and gentlemen, aliens and government personnel.

That's not a typical wedding flower.

This isn't a typical wedding.

Can this space-cadet groom...

Go, go, go!

..convince his down-to-earth bride...

That's awful.

..he's not on another planet?

This is what my mind looks like.

-To Liam.

-Liam!

Will this wedding make it into orbit...

Look, there's loads left to do.

..or will it be lost in space?

-I'm not wearing it.

-Liam, I hate you.

If it's a joke, he'll be in big, big trouble.

Epsom item Lynn and Liam made sweet music together

when they first met at a festival.

I saw her big green eyes staring from a distance, like a cat.

Meow.

We went back to my "love tent", shall I call it.

It was, yes, but it wasn't quite like that, was it?

We just carried on talking.

We were talking and then, it was magical.

-Or spiritual, should I say?

-Spiritual.

It's like when we slot together, our souls entwined.

Five years on, they're a family of four

with baby daughter Elloise,

and Daniel, Lynn's 11-year-old son from a previous relationship.

We have a perfect family.

Yes, we do have a perfect family.

We do have a perfect family.

But legal secretary and mum Lynn doesn't just look after the kids.

She also has to take care of Liam.

He doesn't need to be organised

because I do everything for him. I think for him.

I phone him ten times a day.

"Have you rung the doctors? Have you rung the bank?

"Have you done this? What time are you going to be home?

"What are we having for dinner?"

I'm on the phone to him so much he doesn't need to think for himself.

Lynn is a human list. She writes everything as a list.

I love to make lists because it just keeps me organised.

I can start a list and I'll probably keep writing it

for the next couple of days because I add things to it.

I don't know how anyone functions without using a list.

But this couple aren't just worlds apart

when it comes to the daily routine.

Electrician Liam is in a universe all of his own.

I believe aliens have been playing a part of human civilisation,

existence, from the beginning of time. They control the world

and the government and the government's hiding that from us.

MUSIC: "The Imperial March" by John Williams

When I was a kid I saw a UFO.

It was above a football stadium.

Lights all twirled around.

I thought I was going to get abducted then.

Zipped off, pew, gone.

Liam is definitely not normal. There is not one person

who has crossed Liam's path that would call him normal.

Seeing if it was UFO sky out there.

You just don't know.

You just might catch a glimpse of one.

He just comes out with these strange theories, but I love him.

He's just lovely and perfect the way he is.

Liam's head may be in the clouds, but his heart's in the right place

and when it comes to the wedding, family comes first.

I think Liam and I getting married will make my son Daniel

look at Liam with a little bit more security.

I think that he will see Liam as his stepdad and not just my boyfriend.

All right.

It will make us a family.

Super-organised Lynn has super-high standards for her special day.

My wedding would have to be fit for a Queen.

I want it to be stunning.

And she has a list for that too.

Silk place mats. Personalised favours.

Bouquets of lilies on every table. Guest book and photo booth.

Creme brulee is quite nice.

Not to worry, Liam has his own list for the big day,

but it's all in his head.

With this wedding, I want Lynn to understand exactly

what's going on in my mind.

I want her to be a part of my mind.

Aliens.

Conspiracy theories.

I want her to, just for that one day,

be a part of my mind.

I want her to fall in love with my mind.

But will the alien vision in Liam's mind

be enough to seduce his super-sceptical bride?

There's no pressure, but...

Thanks.

I really want the best day of my life.

When I think about it I feel a little bit of...

You know, that feeling inside.

This is a big thing. This is my wedding day.

I'm not going to have another one. You know.

Don't ruin it.

No. Have faith. Have faith, my child.

Yeah.

It's time for Lynn and Liam to say goodbye.

Are you going to miss me?

Yeah, of course I'm going to miss you, darling.

Are you going to be stressed?

I don't do stressed. I'm going to be focused.

The next time they'll see each other will be in three weeks,

on their wedding day.

Say goodbye to Daddy.

Bye-bye.

-Love you.

-Love you, darling.

Bye-bye.

Liam will spend the next three weeks at his uncle's house.

This day means everything to me.

It means so much that our family unites.

I just want a nice, beautiful, stunning wedding

that we can look back on and be proud of,

not look back on and it's a joke.

It's not a joke.

Liam just wants Lynn to understand what makes him tick,

and what makes him tick is, well...aliens and stuff.

He's out UFO-spotting with old school friend and best man Simon,

to share his vision.

It's like I want Lynn to have a glimpse of what is actually

going on in my mind, so that she can actually understand the real me.

All my theories of government conspiracies, aliens, UFOs.

Imagine being in my mind for one day?

I can't imagine that for one second.

But that's what it's going to be like.

How do you foresee this working, Liam?

Imagine an underground, top-secret military base

-that no-one knows about.

-Right.

Having the wedding there and it's like a covert operation.

Alien cover-up. I can see it. I can see it in my mind.

Imagine you got beamed up in a spaceship,

what would it actually look like on that spaceship?

Lights going on.

These rooms off the side where there's alien autopsies going on.

As she goes further in, it's strange.

Suddenly it opens out into this magical, wonderful grotto.

An alien one.

An alien grotto. If she doesn't marry you, I will.

It's a wedding plan, but not as we know it.

Back in the real world,

Liam's sister Kirstie is being probed by Lynn

about her wedding five years ago.

It was really beautiful weather, wasn't it?

It was a gorgeous day. Getting married for me was important

because I wanted to have the same name as my children.

-Also, just to make us a proper unit.

-Exactly.

-You know.

That's why it's so important to us. We've got two children now.

Obviously Daniel's from a previous relationship

and so it means even more that we can come together

as a family of four, with Elloise,

and sort of be, you know, a unit, a family unit.

I think it will be good for Daniel as well.

It's nice for him to know and have that security

that we're married. That's never, ever going to change.

He's got a mum and he's got another dad.

I can't wait to get married. Can't wait.

I know, you know, it is important to have the sort of day you want,

but there is a reason why you're doing it

and that is all that matters.

Exactly. It's going to be a very emotional day.

I know that I'm going to be crying a lot.

Yeah, I think I'll be crying as well.

Hopefully, through happiness.

Yes, and not through wanting to kill him!

Would I let Liam plan my wedding? Never.

I wouldn't let Liam plan anything for me.

He has one shot at this, to get this right.

God help him if he doesn't.

No pressure then.

Liam has started his hunt for the perfect wedding venue.

Imagine, like, a top-secret military base.

Army soldiers and that all lined up at the side here.

I basically want to recreate a government conspiracy

of the existence of aliens

that is being hidden from everyone's prying eyes.

It doesn't get much more hidden than a Second World War bunker

buried 70 feet under ground. He's brought brother Ciaran

and best mate Simon to check out the unusual venue.

-Hi, guys.

-How are you doing, mate? Liam. Nice to meet you.

-So which one of you is the groom?

-I'm the groom, I'm Liam.

So you want to get divorced that quick?

It's all right, isn't it?

All right. It's every girl's dream wedding venue.

-See what you think. Let us know.

-Cool.

-Thank you very much.

-Which way shall we go?

This way.

That way.

MUSIC: "Bonkers" by Dizzee Rascal

It definitely looks the part.

I can see by looking down these tunnels and stuff, it's exactly...

That's what I don't understand, what can you see? I don't get it.

I can't see what you're seeing.

Basically, when they're going to walk in, you know,

they have these different sections.

Maybe lead them through, they've gone through the wrong way.

They're like, "Ah, what's going on?"

There's an alien there having an autopsy.

-Do you know what I mean, leading through.

-OK.

So potentially what you're saying is, this is like the journey

-to the ceremony?

-Yes.

I understand. All round here you've got all weird things going on?

-Yeah.

-You wouldn't actually get married in this space here?

Not in this section here. No.

OK. So let's go look for a place.

-We need a bigger room?

-Exactly.

-Shall we hunt some more?

-Yeah.

-Let's do it. Go!

In a parallel universe, Lynn has arrived at the venue

she's dreamed of since she was a little girl

with her cousin Leah and mum Heather.

Wow, look at the chair covers.

And look the candles up and down the thing, that's what I want.

What a lovely view out the window as well.

The room's just so big and luxurious, isn't it?

It's so light and airy and so spacious.

Some ceremony rooms can be very poky

and you've got your guests standing around the side.

Plenty of room for an aisle, isn't there?

It's just elegant. I'd feel really deflated, probably more so

than I imagined, because this is a dream. This is a dream.

It's my dream.

You just don't know what you're getting,

that's the hard thing, isn't it?

The best thing to do is to expect the worst.

Come here. Ah.

The worst. Like, say, a pitch black, rat-infested hole in the ground.

Listen.

DOOR CREAKS OPEN

Come into my house.

If you were a woman, what would you think?

Ah, mate. Seriously, you'd be sleeping on the settee.

She's marrying me for who I am, and this is who I am.

This is what I'm going to do. This is my mind.

Right here, look.

Seriously, she's going to be angry.

Got to...jazz it up.

Jazz it up!

What are you going to do, put up a couple of fairy lights up there?

It's the space.

You're thinking too traditional.

Why can't people just be, like, standing, you know, like this.

Like this. "We're Men In Black. We ain't got no emotion.

"We're just like that."

It's a military, covert operation going on.

Oh, sugar.

I understand where his imagination is, but it's a dump.

Even though we want to do a very weird and wonderful ceremony

and I said I'm with him 100%, it's still a ceremony that...

I think that he needs to respect the ceremony.

Wow.

I can imagine Liam and I walking up here and just having photos.

It's like a fairy tale.

This is perfection, but that's not Liam.

It wouldn't be quirky enough for Liam.

No. The thing is, he would want people to remember it,

but it would be for completely different reasons to you,

wouldn't it? It wouldn't be because it's so beautiful and stunning.

It would be because it's hilarious and different and unique.

I would kill him if it was not taken seriously.

I would be so upset. I love him and I trust him for a reason.

I don't think he will take it as a joke.

But whether or not he will take it as seriously as I take it,

I don't know.

But because I've had my heart set on this place for so long,

I know if it's not perfect, I will be disappointed.

If he is taking the mick, or if it's a joke,

he'll be in big trouble. He will be in big, big trouble.

# I smell trouble ahead of me. #

It's just the smell of earth.

It smells a lot worse down here.

It smells like badger poo.

It stinks down there, mate. Go and have a sniff.

Yeah, but I'll get air freshener.

We'll help you, no matter what, at the end of the day.

I would like to just always try and be realistic at the same time.

Can we just look at other possibilities, please?

It's exactly what I was thinking of, what I imagined in my head.

Even as I'm coming out I'm getting covered,

it's like a rainforest out here.

Bye. See you later, lads.

MUSIC: "Sound Of The Underground" by Girls Aloud

I can't think of anybody who'd want their bride, realistically,

to get married in a dirty old World War II bunker.

There's rats down there, fungus, all sorts of horrible things.

You'd be looking at a divorce from day one.

Although Liam loves the bunker, his best men have persuaded him

to look at a slightly more practical wedding venue.

An ex-high-security military air base, of course.

But their first stop is another bunker.

Oh, dear.

If you can imagine it, it is secret location.

It's protected by this grass, that you can't see from above.

Blank out the back a bit.

Flowers and candle stands all the way down or something like that.

Bit of music.

Good sweep out.

Good sweep out. Do you reckon we'd be allowed to get the minister

in prosthetics, so you're getting married by an alien, going...

HE MAKES SLURPING NOISES

Trust me. You can make anything look beautiful.

Anything, really?

MUSIC: "Ghost Town" by The Specials

He's sold on this bunker for a blessing to welcome his bride

into Liam's world.

All he needs now is somewhere large enough

to hold the ambitious alien reception to complete his vision.

Nice.

Nice.

It feels like an aircraft hangar

that could have potentially have held a flying saucer, an alien spaceship.

Quite possible.

That looks wicked, that thing.

That's where you want to do your entrance coming in,

smoke, lights, and then the tables set up, like, all round.

So when we come down, like, if I run down here...

Then we walk down, like this,

and then, "Ladies and gentlemen, aliens, and government personnel,"

and then strange things. It's maybe an alien in there

looking at us, we're the experiment.

Like, "look at these humans, how they act.

"They act really strangely." In there, there's like

an alien autopsy with that black light.

We can get luminescent stuff, like the blood coming out.

It's luminescent, like...

Government personnel. Everyone's here, the Men In Black, ain't they?

Everyone's wearing sunglasses everywhere, with their earpieces,

just standing around all the time. It's going to look like,

"What's going on," like.

-I like it though.

-Soldiers.

Soldiers. You know, out the front of here.

No, I like it. It's cool.

Considering what Liam wanted, I think it's spot-on.

Just looking around. It's almost like it was made for him.

So Liam forks out just under two grand for a deserted military venue

that he plans to transform

into alien conspiracy-linked US security base Area 51.

I know it don't sound romantic what I'm doing,

but it is if she's seeing a part of me.

It's like people believe in God.

They have strong beliefs in God and no matter what people say to them,

their faith always, you know, pulls through.

They say, "No, this is what I believe."

I'm exactly the same, but with aliens.

I just think aliens are our gods.

# I saw Elvis in a UFO... #

With the venue secured,

Liam's drawing inspiration from sci-fi film Men In Black

for his big day.

Will Smith wasn't available, so he's come to the local am-dram society

looking for actors.

If you can imagine like a government conspiracy.

That the government are hiding the existence of extraterrestrials

and, basically, we're going to get married by an alien.

THEY LAUGH

OK.

So I was thinking first

you could all try and play one of the Men In Black.

HE MAKES STRANGE HISSING SOUNDS

Sorry, this is a restricted area.

Yeah, I like that.

Look at that intestine.

THEY LAUGH

THEY LAUGH

Liam books a total of 15 actors for £150

and, with a few of his own mates,

he's got his army of government agents.

But he doesn't stop there.

By the end of week one, Liam's spending goes stratospheric

as he blows £300 on alien flowers.

That's not a typical wedding flower.

This isn't a typical wedding.

£400 on spacey special effects.

COUGHING

We're getting married by an alien.

My God. An alien!

-An alien is going to actually marry you?

-Yes.

And another £600 on military muscle motors.

SIREN WAILS Let's go, go, go!

Nearly halfway through wedding planning, Liam is back to work

with a bump. He's at work and the pressure's beginning to tell.

The whole process is hard, trying to live your normal life.

Obviously, trying to plan a wedding in three weeks is tough,

tough going. It's not, you know, easy.

It's hard not seeing Lynn and the kids.

Obviously... Do you know what I mean?

You miss them every day. It's lonely at times.

Sometimes you just want a hug. Do you know what I mean?

That reassurance that everything's all right, but...

you can't.

For once, Liam is thinking more family than alien fantasy,

but he's about to have his own close encounter of the stag-do kind.

Ahhhhh!

Beam him up! Beam him up!

From alien abductions...

Oh, Liam.

..to alien transformations.

This is my worst nightmare.

Liam's planned a night out in London for the girls.

-To Liam.

-Liam!

His choice of extraterrestrial make-up is leaving them

a bit green about the gills.

Liam, I hate you. I absolutely hate you.

I can't believe he's done it. This is not what Lynn wanted at all.

Not at all.

I bet he didn't go dressed as an alien on his stag-do, did he?

I bet he didn't.

Liam doesn't have to dress as an alien. It's all in his mind,

which is exactly what he wants his bride to understand.

The wedding day is so important to me

because I want to show Lynn the true me.

What drives me. What's ticking over in my head.

What makes me think. What makes me smile. What makes me wonder.

Do you know what I mean, the mystery of Liam.

That's what she's going to experience on our wedding day.

Do you reckon this is giving you hope though?

What, an alien mask on my face giving me hope for my wedding?

Not really. I really don't want a themed, joke wedding.

I don't think he would do this for your wedding.

He's getting it out of the way for the hen night

so that it's not at the wedding. I think your wedding will be classy.

Classy, hmm.

There's nothing like feminine intuition.

Liam could do with some now.

It's the morning after the stag and, hungover,

he's in real alien territory, shopping for Lynn's wedding dress.

To make matters worse, neither of his best men have shown up.

Oh, God.

I might still have my beer goggles on.

That's the price you pay for being...

For being drunk.

You're probably wondering what I'm doing,

I'm trying to feel the fullness of the dress.

Knitted curtains.

Eugh.

My God...

I could really do with the boys here, really, do you know what I mean?

Take some of the pressure off me. You know, get a second opinion maybe.

This is it now, if I make an error with this, do you know what I mean,

this could ruin the whole day, potentially.

Hello.

In London, Lynn is looking for the dress that would make her happy

if she had any say in the wedding.

I don't like the lace particularly.

Too fussy. No. That one's too lacy.

This bit's too baggy.

-This one?

-I don't like it at all.

I'm looking for the sweetheart neckline, diamantes across the top.

In at the waist and maybe with some detail here, just here,

in the middle, then down and out and very swishy.

-No.

-I just don't like it.

Finding a perfect dress is proving difficult for this picky bride.

Good luck, Liam.

Liam is going to be under big pressure

because he knows how fussy Lynn is.

She isn't just a bit fussy, she's very fussy

and if he doesn't get it right, she won't wear it.

-To Lynn.

-To Lynn.

Best men Simon and Ciaran have finally rocked up to help.

Cheers.

The boys decide to go for quantity over quality

and try as many dresses as they can.

Pretty, but it's very plain.

Less is more.

Wow. That's beautiful.

Lynn's found the dress she would choose if she was in charge.

This is the one. This is the one.

The way it hangs.

You've got glitter, the neckline, big skirt.

Yeah, I want this one. That is it.

He's going to be hard pressed

to find something that gorgeous, isn't he?

Wouldn't it be a miracle though if he did?

But miracles can happen.

The boys are looking at a dress that's almost identical to Lynn's.

No.

Oh, dear.

It's nice, but it's not, like, wowing me.

-This is my dream dress.

-Yes.

This is what I imagined, exactly.

-I love the way it hangs down with the full skirt.

-It's so you.

-Romance.

-It's fairy-tale-like, isn't it?

That is the dress of your dreams. That is it.

More champagne, thank you very much.

Oh.

Six hours, two bottles of bubbly, and dozens of dresses later,

the boozed-up boys have finally narrowed it down to two.

Can you do some dance moves?

What do you reckon out of ten?

I'd say eight.

That's a good score.

If I was a girl...

No, no, you need to find a ten.

That's beautiful.

I thought they were all going to look the same,

-but that one, actually, I really like.

-That is lush.

Stand like a teapot.

It's 100% the one that I want to get for her.

This is the dress. I just imagine her saying, "I do."

Liam's fallen for a dress with a sweetheart neckline

and swishy skirt. It's perfect in every way, apart from one...

It's damaged at the bottom.

Discount?

We don't mind taking that one if it's for a discounted rate.

-What, with a hole in it?

-We'll fix it.

-Yeah, yeah.

-That is a beautiful dress.

You're only wearing it for one day anyway, you know what I mean?

Exactly, she's never going to wear it again anyway, is she?

Liam's not put off by a damaged shop sample

and an £800 discount can't hurt.

He gets dress, veil, shoes and tiara for just over a grand.

While his vision for the wedding takes shape,

Liam's having a tough time

being apart from the family he's doing it for.

I didn't think it would be this hard, but it's lonely.

I love the kids and I love Lynn.

Got to do it to make this dream come true.

Not even a dream, it's, you know, a piece of me, to be real.

I think what I'm doing is important for Lynn to see

because it shows you...

the deep stuff that's inside me.

It's going to bond us together even more.

It's going to complete our family, do you know what I mean?

We are all one and I'm here to stay.

I'm not just, you know, Mummy's boyfriend.

I'm Daddy.

I'm Mummy's husband. Do you know what I mean?

It may be a top-secret wedding,

but there are some things people do need to know.

Dress code. Women, look your gorgeous selves. Yes?

Yep, yep.

Gentlemen, white shirts, black jacket, black tie.

Top-secret.

First to be briefed...

Oh, "top-secret."

..Bridesmaid Becky.

What's that about then? Oh, my God, maybe it's the wedding invitation?

Yes, it is.

Gentlemen, white shirts, black jacket, black trousers,

black tie, not bow tie.

Why black jacket and black trousers?

What is it, a Men In Black theme?

Men In Black is alien-based.

How are you feeling?

I'm shocked.

You've got a wedding date.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Hmm...

Are you annoyed?

Well, I'm not annoyed, it's just a bit disappointing.

I don't know what to say.

You're still marrying him, aren't you?

Yeah. Looks like it.

It's hard for her, this. Really difficult.

She's used to being in control. She's not sleeping well.

She's stressed to the max.

She's got two kids to think about.

I do worry.

Lynn's son Daniel has a top-secret mission of his own.

Do you miss me?

It's not the same.

He wants to find out what Liam's got planned.

I wouldn't mind what happens.

Really. Mum would.

Mum will mind, will she?

Yeah. Mum minds. It's her wedding,

like, she doesn't want anything to ruin it.

Does make sense.

What I'm doing has never been done.

That's all you need to know.

What is it? You can tell me.

I can't tell you, it's a secret.

It'll ruin the day for you as well.

-It's going to be a really nice experience for everyone.

-No.

That's the whole thing.

It's not just going to be a surprise for Mummy.

It should be, because it's Don't Tell The Bride.

It's not Don't Tell Other People.

Yeah, but people are sharing the experience with you.

So you want them to be a part of your experience, don't you?

It's what I do, yeah? It's because I love Mummy and I love you all.

OK, then.

-Tell me!

-No.

-If you love me, tell me.

These are the reasons why I'm doing what I do.

It's boring like this.

So, no matter what, you just remember that.

That's all you need to know.

With four days left to go, Liam's UFO wedding is still up in the air.

But he gets busy buying costumes for his actors.

Our theme is a top-secret alien cover-up.

A latex mask for the alien conducting the blessing...

This is what my mind looks like.

Don't worry, he's also organised

a traditional registrar to do the legal bit.

Yeah. Everyone says that to me. It's very strange.

That is nice. You can actually see through it, which is wicked.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Three.

But Liam is back on another planet

when it comes to bridesmaids' dresses.

It looks like them cats. You know them bald cats.

-Yeah.

-It looks like one of those.

I think you need colour.

IN CAMP VOICE: Accessorise.

GIRLS CHEER AND SCREAM

Still, he wisely plays it safe with a very terrestrial choice.

You've done really, really well.

You did good.

Greek goddesses.

I thought you was going to dress us all as aliens.

Fashion queens.

Absolutely over the moon. He's done so well.

-I'm actually in shock.

-So am I.

Because I didn't think he'd do it.

I didn't think he'd pull it out of the bag like this.

If he's done this right, then he must have done other stuff right.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

It's the day before the wedding

and there's a lot to do to transform Liam's ex-military air base.

That it's! Whoa!

With all these worries, is it going to get finished in time?

Look, there's bloody loads left to do.

I don't know where to start.

Unaware of her impending close encounter,

Lynn's about to try on the dress

Liam spent six hours choosing for her.

It's the most important thing aside from the venue, isn't it?

-Hello, welcome.

-Hi, I'm Lynn.

-Lynn, the bride.

-Yes.

Lynn fell in love with a strapless gown

with a sweetheart neckline and a big swishy princess skirt.

What will she make of the damaged two-year-old sample

Liam has chosen?

If's if he's got the dress wrong,

then I'm just going to dread the day.

I'm going to dread it, I know it. I just won't even want to go.

I know. Because I just think, "Well, if he can get this so wrong,

"what is coming? What's next?"

Oh, my God.

If you just pop over there, hon. We will see you in a minute.

-Bye!

-Exciting.

Please, Liam. Please, Liam.

-Are you ready?

-OK...

Hmm...

I need to try it on.

She's going to cry.

I don't really like this big belt around the middle.

I hope that can come off.

I don't like it.

-Are you OK, baby?

-Yeah.

She doesn't sound happy.

She's just not going to wear it if she doesn't like it.

No. She won't. I wouldn't. Would you?

No, I wouldn't. Wait and see.

-Are you all ready to see her dress?

-Yes.

Here we come.

Wow!

I was expecting something completely different.

That's beautiful.

Oh, my God. You still look like a princess.

I think I would really prefer the dress without this silly strap.

That bodice bit is stunning and all the sparkles are brilliant.

-I like this bit.

-It's got the swish factor, hasn't it?

It definitely swishes.

I need to see it. I haven't seen it yet.

I think you'll like it a lot more when you look in the mirror.

The moment of truth.

-It's beautiful.

-Oh, yeah.

-Are you happy?

-It's much better than we thought, isn't it?

-It looks much better.

-Yeah, I am.

It's growing on me, actually.

-That's much better!

-Much better. Look at that.

I do like it. I'm happy.

Perfect, apart from one problem...

-Oh.

-What?

-Down there.

-It's got holes in it!

Liam had only spotted a small tear,

but the girls are finding loads more.

There's a big one up here. That's...

-They're everywhere.

-I'm not wearing it.

There's holes in this dress.

The seamstress is on hand for you today,

and what she'll do is put a bit of lace applique over the holes,

so it matches the dress.

But, unfortunately, because of the time scale we had,

he had to have a sample dress straight off the rack.

I can't wear this dress.

Hole, hole, hole...

I can't wear it.

Sorry, darling.

I don't want it.

They're not noticeable, Lynn.

I'm not wearing a dress with holes in it, Leah. I'm not wearing it.

Did he realise that there were holes?

He did know it was a sample.

They're boys. They didn't go over it...

SHE BURSTS INTO TEARS

No!

What am I going to do? I've got no dress to wear.

We'll do something.

There you go, Lynn. Take this.

What am I going to do?

It's disgusting.

I saw one hole, then there was more and more.

It's just full of holes.

I'm disgusted. Absolutely disgusted.

Someone needs to get on the phone to Liam now.

I don't want this dress. It's a dirty, horrible dress.

It's got tears in it.

Lynn, they're not noticeable.

We couldn't do any alterations until you tried it on.

Wait and see.

Once it's finished, you won't see them.

It's dirty. I want my own dress.

I don't want a dress that's been tried on by 50 million other people.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Bridesmaid Leah makes an emergency call to Liam.

Hello.

Hi Liam, it's Leah. I have some very bad news, I'm afraid.

Yeah, what's the bad news?

She really, really liked the dress,

and then we found that there's a load of holes in it.

She's not going to wear it.

She won't wear it. Let me pass you over.

Hi, Liam, how are you doing?

Well, not very good now.

What about the second option that we...

You remember the second option?

Yeah, I do. We can definitely go down that road.

-That's brand-new in.

-OK.

-We'll look after you.

Thank you! Bye.

Liam's arranged for Lynn

to try on another dress he originally looked at.

Luckily, it's the same price as the first.

Yeah. It's really stressed me out.

It annoys me that they don't realise that,

do you know what I mean?

But...there you go.

I could hear in his voice he was really upset.

I think he was sad,

cos I really think he hopes that he'd got it right for you.

He said the second choice is very similar shape.

-Hopefully, it's still what you're looking for.

-OK.

Yeah? Come on, then.

GIRLS YELP AND APPLAUD

-That's amazing!

-That's so much better.

With a sparkly bodice, big skirt and no holes,

the second dress is a hit.

Lynn, this is the dress.

-APPLAUSE

-Yay! Whoo!

I love it. It's perfect.

Things happen for a reason, and the reason is this dress.

Come in for a cuddle.

LAUGHTER

Dress disaster averted, time's ticking for Liam.

Ah! Quick, get that.

He's roped in an army of helpers

to turn his vision into a reality for Lynn's big day.

Not long to go, and the dirty bunker

still needs to be fit for the ceremony.

Liam's booked a hotel for Lynn,

but the problem with the dress has left her worried.

The fact that he didn't notice the tears in the dress,

does make me think, "Has he remembered all the small things

"to do with this wedding?"

I've thought about this for so long and for so many weeks,

and stressed and agonised over it,

that I just need to see now.

I need to see what he's doing.

I just hope that he has pulled together

some of the most important things, like the cake, flowers, table plan.

I just hope that there is some structure to the day

and that he has got a wedding, if you like,

it's not just a mess.

It's the night before the wedding, and at the bunker,

any sort of wedding ceremony is still looking light years away.

No matter what happens,

this room needs to be...done.

If there's one thing that's going to annoy her...

it's going to be this place.

So I need to make it look half decent...

to pull it off. Otherwise, I'm a dead man.

It's the morning of the wedding,

and an early start for the exhausted groom.

None of my blokes are here.

Left me on my own again.

There are just six hours until Lynn and Liam's alien blessing.

No matter what, I'm going to still try and make it

the best day for Lynn, even if it is me on my own.

At this rate, I'm going to be late to my own wedding.

You're very calm today, Lynn.

I've had my fair share of stressing out.

I know.

I can't do it any more. He loves me.

If you're upset, I'm upset. That's how it goes.

Uh-oh, next.

I don't think he would do anything to her that's going...

Yes, but we said that on the hen do

and we all went out with green faces.

No, that is the one night you are allowed to.

At least it's not green, luminous green face paint.

I hope he's not coming in any sort of green alien masks.

That wouldn't be funny.

Well, at least they're not green,

but in a few hours, Lynn will be married by an actor,

complete with alien head.

With three hours to go, Liam finally has some help.

You need to get back and get changed.

No, listen, man, I told you it would be fine.

-You've got to go back and get ready.

-I'm getting changed here.

It's time for Lynn to see the bridesmaids' dresses

that her groom has chosen.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you all look beautiful.

You're angels. Wow.

I'm stunned. How did he do that? You all look amazing.

Beautiful.

I never thought that, on my wedding day,

I'd be getting changed in, like, an abandoned shed.

No mirror to look in.

Freezing, windy.

This is all in the name of love, at the end of the day.

Ah!

Oh, my God, what's he doing? They've got green bobbles on them.

-That is mad.

-They're like aliens.

-That is mad.

-What is that?

-That is alien.

They are the weirdest things I've ever seen in my life!

That's awful.

I don't like that bit.

Wear it with happiness and pride, always.

LIAM: What more can you want?

We're on a military air base with Men In Black.

We've got soldiers and we've got aliens.

Exactly what I said from the beginning.

So I've always stuck with my thing. This is my dream.

Oh, my God. That is amazing.

Oh, my God! Ah!

THE GIRLS CHEER AND SCREAM

Oh, my God!

Excuse me, miss, if you could come this way, please.

THEY LAUGH

My veil! My veil!

Where are we going?

Why is there a man in black?

That is a very good question.

He isn't giving anything away, is he?

He's not giving a dickie away.

It's all very mysterious.

I thought it was going to be a nice day, though. That's the only thing.

-It's better than my planet.

-THEY LAUGH

I don't suppose you've got all that global-warming stuff going on?

-No.

-No.

THEY LAUGH

Everyone, just keep calm.

Hello, Daddy!

Don't be freaked out, everyone.

It's all right, you're with me.

I did hear the Men In Black.

It's a bit of Area 51.

The kids sussed it out, you know, a little bit before the adults.

The adults are very confused as to what is going on, still.

The kids may understand his vision, but will Lynn?

She's about to enter Liam's world.

Oh, my God. We're at a military base. We're at a military base.

Oh, my God.

There's a soldier, Lynn. There's a soldier.

- What the hell? - It's part of the theme.

They're winding us up. They've got to be.

Oh, my God!

SIRENS WAIL

Oh, my God, we're getting an escort.

It does get better, trust me.

Keep hold of them in your pocket.

Are you the man with the rings?

There's nothing here.

Where are all the people?

Are they going to be in one of these horrible buildings?

They're like bunkers. Where the hell is it?

It's a bunker, is it?

There's another Men In Black person.

Oh, my God. What is this?!

Area secure, open the gate.

-AGENT:

-Step out of the vehicle, please.

-It's not very romantic.

-No...

Good luck, darling.

I'm nervous. I was excited but, then,

I've just come here, and now I'm... Why?

Why?

GIRLS SCREAM AND LAUGH

I just hope she understands. We'll see.

After three weeks, and light years apart,

it's finally time for Lynn to experience

the full-scale of Liam's vision.

I'm thinking, "Oh, my God, what the hell is going on?"

It's really grim. It's horrible.

I don't really want to be here on my wedding day.

Horrid, horrid, horrid.

What was he thinking?

This is a joke.

She may not share Liam's sci-fi beliefs,

but she does want to share her life with him.

Do you like this?

-I'm so proud of you.

-I know it seems crazy.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

-But just trust me.

-I do trust you.

-Trust me.

Welcome, Earthlings.

Welcome to this intergalactic occasion.

It's about sharing happiness and laughter through the good times

and, most important, forgiving through the difficult times.

LAUGHTER

Do you take Lynn Teresa Flaunty to be your lawful wedded wife?

I do.

Now, Lynn, repeat after me.

I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and affection.

I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and affection.

Let the universe recognise this marriage.

I pronounce you husband and wife!

CHEERING

-You may now kiss the bride.

-LAUGHTER

You humans are so impatient.

Bizarre. Completely bizarre, but it was still beautiful.

Really emotional. I think not one of the bridesmaids

had a dry eye, so it was really nice.

It's just really surreal seeing that marriage by an alien.

A bit freaky, really. Strange. Very different!

-I'm just pleased that we're all back together now.

-Our family is back.

Yeah. I've really missed you.

The reason why I've done what I've done...

CRYING: I wanted to show you the real me.

I know, darling. I'm really proud of you.

The special things that go on in my mind!

I know. It's not what I would have chosen, as you know.

I know.

There was an alien doing our vows.

That's what happens in Liam's world, and you just walked into it.

-Do you love Daddy?

-Yeah!

That's an improvement.

I'm so happy. He pulled it off.

Her face just changed when she went in there and saw everybody.

Her face just beamed.

She took it a lot better than what I expected.

It was brilliant. Something very magical about it.

Very weird and magical, actually. So, part one - good.

Even Liam is bound by earthly laws.

Luckily, this out-of-this-world venue

has a licensed property next door

for the newlyweds to make the marriage legal.

I'm scared about the next bit.

It's not back in that horrible dump, is it?

You'll have to wait and see, won't you?

This is it.

Beautiful(!)

SHE GASPS

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

-What do you think?

-Ah!

Urgh! That's horrible!

Excuse me.

-What's the matter?

-That's horrible, Liam.

-Sorry.

-That's disgusting.

Do you like my plants, though?

Hmm...

-What?

-Not really.

Not something you would like? It's tropical.

What have you done? Eugh!

An autopsy. Do you not like it?

It's different.

No. Oh, my God.

There's an alien in there.

He's a live one. They've been working together, you see.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You ain't seen nothing yet, darling.

MUSIC: "Alien" by Nerina Pallot

Oh, that's gruesome.

That's pretty good, that.

This is Liam to a T, and he's pulled it off amazingly,

and I'm proud of him. It's nothing anyone would ever want as a wedding,

but it's amazing. Every bit has been amazing.

CHEERING

-OVER PA:

-'Please put your hands together for our brand-new...'

INCOMPREHENSIBLE

You have been fortunate enough to experience my mind.

LAUGHTER

This is why I can't sleep at night.

But welcome to my world.

LAUGHTER

I'd like to say, I missed Lynn so much, and the kids.

You just forget how much you love people, you know what I mean?

Peace out.

CHEERING

I'm not disappointed I haven't got a princess wedding.

This is better. This is Liam's dream and Liam is my dream.

That's all that matters.

Do you want some alien mash potato?

No.

It doesn't really change things.

It's just more love and brings people closer together.

Stuff like that.

Liam's pulled off his extraterrestrial wedding,

but has it given Lynn the insight into his head that he'd wanted?

I don't need to understand what's going up there,

as long as I know what's going on in there. You love me. I love you.

The rest just... You're just nuts.

MUSIC: "Men In Black" by Will Smith

Ah!

What?

A UFO there.

I think they're coming to take us home.

Bye-bye!

Next week, it's time for DJ Lewis...

12k...

..to plan the gig of his life for bride-to-be Sinsee.

Way too much bling.

But while she dreams of a posh country affair...

So beautiful.

..Lewis is tied to his city-boy roots.

This place is perfect.

Can our chilled-out groom...

I'm top dog.

..keep his cool....

Right, think, think, think.

..or will there be murder on the dance floor?

Why are we here?!

What the hell on earth is this?

MUSIC: "Alien" by Erasure

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd