Jaydene & Luke Don't Tell the Bride

-From the depths of the Earth to the crests of the mountains...

-My legs have gone weird.

..these crusading grooms must rise to the challenge.

£12,000.

-And just three weeks...

-I love that girl. I love her.

-..to plan a wedding worthy of their betrothed.

-Oh, my God.

What's he done?

He just took my dress.

These fair maidens are bound by contract to be legally wedded...

God, no...

..but have no say in their big day.

Is it just going to be all last minute and just rubbish?

Oh, I hate it. I need to get out of it.

Can these hapless heroes marshal their armies...

I love her but she's a bitch when she's like this.

..vanquished dragons...

Do as your future mother-in-law tells you...

..and conquer all before them.

Get out of my pub!

Or will they be...

..defeated?

I'm not doing it.

Tonight...

-Look, boys!

-Aw, behave!

Roller-hockey-mad Luke attempts to pull off the biggest win of his career...

Yes!

..with an epic roller-skating wedding...

Everyone else is going to be talking about this till like forever now!

..for his traditional bride Jaydene.

What the bloody hell is my dress going to look like?

Will he qualify for a promotion?

This is a load of crap.

Cheers, boys.

Will his budget-busting stag do send him into a spin?

I want people to be talking about this in 20-30 years.

Or will he score a massive own goal?

Why is he making me do it on my wedding day? I'm not doing it.

27-year-old Luke and 24-year-old Jaydene are madly in love.

What I love about Luke is that he always makes me laugh.

Do you know what's really funny,

when you get a bit of bread on their back and they're like "Aaahh"!

IMITATES DUCK

What I love most about Jaydene is A, she finds me quite funny,

B, she kind of looks after me as well, like,

like without her, I would definitely be lost.

So how did our lovebirds meet? Well, it was five years ago.

I was on a night out with my friends.

Next thing you know, Jaydene's walked through the door, dressed up,

looking beautiful and then I was like, "Oh, who's this?"

-All right?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Not too bad. Not bad, not bad.

Luke quickly turned on the charm.

When you finish that, I'll get you another one.

Yeah, you're lovely.

Yep, it was love at first sight.

Well, for Luke, anyway.

I sort of went on the date with Luke to sort of get him off my back. A bit of a sympathy date.

And Jaydene felt so sorry for Luke,

she ended up falling in love with him.

I knew from then that I didn't want to be apart from him.

While Jaydene fell for Luke's boyish charm,

It wasn't long before she realised there's absolutely nothing grown-up about him at all.

Luke?

Luke is definitely a little boy at heart.

Higher, go on.

-Higher, higher!

-Oh!

Even though he's an adult, he still runs around like a little child.

Just because you are a grown-up, doesn't mean

you have to act mature and responsible. You are just older.

Luke's never had to grow up.

In fact, he's never had to do much of anything.

Mum and Nan have always been there for me and they have done everything.

He's not left you that hockey gear again, has he?

Yeah.

I wash his hockey stuff and put it back in his bag all neat and tidy,

I do his packed lunch.

I would say Luke has gone from us,

from his nan and his mum, now to a wife that will look after him.

So Jaydene has to look after all the grown-up matters, especially finances.

When Luke's on his own with his own money, he is horrendous.

And when Luke does get his hands on some cash,

he's like a kid in a sweet shop.

Proper pirate.

I got that from my pirate... For my 21st birthday party. I had a pirate party.

We did pop-up pirates. It was phenomenal, that was.

Yee-ha! Come on!

Whoo!

-You have a go.

-No, put it back.

-You have a go.

Put it back.

But there's one thing Luke takes very seriously

and that's roller hockey.

I love it to bits.

It's, like, my world.

I think roller hockey definitely comes first.

This is much more than a hobby.

It's his way of life.

My uncle Gary,

he played for the very first Maidstone Roller Hockey Club.

My uncle Russell got involved with England,

and my mum was obviously a roller dancer.

Everything is just roller-skating in my family.

Everyone can do it really.

If there's a strong tradition in Jaydene's family,

it's marriage.

Mum and Dad have been married for 26, 27 years,

so there's always been long marriages in my life.

And if there's one thing Jaydene knows about her dream wedding,

it's that you don't mess with tradition.

My ideal wedding would be at West Farleigh Church.

It's where Mum and Dad got married,

and also my nan and grandad, so it's really got family history.

What I always wanted was a big, white wedding day.

Not to worry,

Luke's wedding plan also revolves around family traditions,

although in this case,

it's his family traditions.

My wedding theme is roller-skating.

That's roller hockey, roller-skating,

plus with beach, seaside,

funfair...

hopefully a roller hockey match,

bridal party on skates,

groomsmen coming down on skates.

So it's going to be mental.

To avoid getting a red card from the bride-to-be,

there will be things that make the day special for Jaydene, too, right?

Traditionally, they say the wedding should be about the bride, right?

For me, turn it on its head.

It's all about me.

It's about my day, about the groom.

That's it.

Luke wants a day that revolves around him,

but Jaydene lives in hope that her skater boy can grow up

and give her the day she wants,

without the wheels coming off!

I think it's important for Luke to do this,

to prove to me that...

he can have a bit of responsibility

and he can do it.

It's basically a chance to show to people,

yes, I'm not useless,

I can organise something, I can do something.

And not only that, just give it the biggest, bestest,

craziest thing ever,

and just say to everyone,

"Boom, there you go."

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

Having been together for so long,

and now we're going to be apart again, it just feels a bit...

..a bit scary.

LAUGHTER Are you going to run off

and not even give me a kiss or a cuddle?

Right.

-Love you.

-Behave.

-Yes, I'm going to.

Love you.

-See you at the wedding.

-Yeah.

HE CHUCKLES

I'll try not to blow the house up!

LAUGHTER

Right.

-Be good.

-Be good.

I'll see you at the wedding.

-Yeah.

-Love you.

-Love you.

For the next three weeks,

Jaydene will stay with her parents,

while Luke will live alone for the first time ever.

HE GROANS

She's actually gone and she ain't coming back.

HE GROANS

It's not even funny any more.

Oh!

No.

I am quite worried about Luke...

..with me not being there to help him,

talk to,

sort of support him.

I'm kind of worried how he's going to cope with it all.

I'm so not ready to do a wedding.

HE GROANS

The next time Luke and Jaydene see each other

will be on their wedding day.

It's Luke's first morning without Jaydene.

Time to let his best man Chris

and brother Scott in on his roller wedding plans.

Look, boys!

What are you doing?

-This is the wedding.

-Seriously?

Yeah, Scott.

-Yes!

-Chris, Chris?

-Hockey wedding?

-Yeah, you're going on skates.

-Oh, behave!

-Yes!

Boom.

It's fantastic, Luke, what an awesome idea!

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

-Luke's wedding plans are

very out there, very crazy, very him.

It is all about Luke,

and that's what he likes.

-Jaydene is going to love it.

-I like it.

Well, I don't know if Jaydene is going to love it, but I am.

-Everyone's going to love it!

-The divorce is going to be,

what, a minute after the wedding?

I think it's awesome. I like it,

but Jaydene can't skate.

Who cares what Jaydene can do?!

After all, it's not about her, is it?

Wedding theme sorted, Luke turns his attention to priority number one.

It begins with "st",

ends in "ag" -

Stag! Stag! Stag! Stag! Stag! Stag!

Stag! Stag!

CHEERING Stag do!

We only need two and a half weeks for the wedding.

-We'll smash it.

-You only need two weeks.

It's only ringing round people.

Well, a stag do is fine,

as long as they don't get too carried away.

I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for, like, years.

I finally got an opportunity to take my boys to any theme park

I can get hold of, run around like lunatics

on a stag do, in a theme park.

You in?

-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, yes.

With nothing yet booked for the wedding,

the boys get straight down to business.

Let's smash this stag do out then.

We've got to get flights to PortAventura,

for the theme park out there and the hotel.

They do a premium ticket

where you can go on every ride.

-You don't have to queue.

-Really?

-So, that's the mega pass.

-Mega pass?

-Yeah.

Insane.

And then you get to just run around the theme park,

going on everything, going, "Bye, losers.

"VIP, baby. Whoo-hoo! Yeah!"

Just go past them like,

"Yeah, you wish you had this wristband, but you don't.

"But you don't, cos I've got the wristband."

Or you could be more epic and get a limo from here to the airport,

then we do all that crazy stuff,

then have a limo from there to Alton Towers,

and then a limo from Alton Towers back home.

Wow! Boom!

There you go, so you've got...

And just like that, the boys book an epic theme park adventure in Spain.

Plus a day at Alton Towers when they get back.

A snip at £2,500.

Yes.

Boom!

With no idea that Luke's already blown nearly a quarter of the budget

on his stag do, Jaydene's brought her mum

and sister Jess to their village church.

With lots of family ties,

it's the place she's always dreamed of getting married.

-Jaydene, I'm Peter.

-Yeah, hiya.

-I'm the rector. Nice to meet you.

-And you.

-So what kind of wedding are you looking for?

Something traditional? Or modern and funky? What kind of thing?

-I'm very traditional.

-Are you? OK.

-Yeah, traditional values, brought up in a traditional house.

-OK.

My parents got married here,

and I think perhaps my mum's mum may have got married here,

and all my mum's sisters and brothers got married here.

So, yeah, it brings back...

It's part of the family.

It doesn't feel...

It doesn't feel too big.

It feels quite...

Yeah, you feel very, like, connected with history and...

..the church itself.

Yeah, everything that I've ever wanted,

all right here in one church really.

As Jaydene basks in the splendour of her family church,

Luke is heading to his place of worship,

in the hope of securing a wedding venue suitable

for a ceremony on skates.

The venue I really would like

to get the ceremony at is the arena.

The Herne Arena, the roller hockey arena.

It's like the Wembley of roller hockey, basically.

See the goal?

-So have the goal in the middle, yeah?

-So the goal facing, like,

-out towards everyone, like that, yeah?

-Yeah.

And then like cones down the edge...

So like ribbons, coloured ribbons.

So she skates up the cones.

-Yeah, skates up the aisle.

-OK.

LAUGHTER Yeah.

Then once we've done the ceremony bit, the goal there,

I'd like to skate round with Jaydene, hand-in-hand, you know what I mean?

-Like get some people taking pictures and all that.

-OK.

It seems booking the "Wembley of roller hockey"

is Luke's number one goal.

I've come to talk to someone about a booking this out

as a venue for a wedding.

-Booking what, sorry?

-The hall, the arena.

-The arena?

-The arena, like, yeah, for a ceremony type thing.

-OK.

It's a roller hockey wedding.

Saturday the 28th is the ideal date.

Right.

That is the date I potentially would love.

Unfortunately, all our Saturdays are fully booked

for the next couple of months.

I would leave it with me and...

-..we can discuss that at some point.

-Yeah.

As the wheels threaten to come off Luke's roller wedding already,

back in West Farleigh Church,

Jaydene is learning just what it means to her family.

These are the actual cushions that me and Dad got blessed on,

and they may be Nan and Grandad's as well.

Yeah.

Blimey.

To think that if me and Luke got married here,

we would actually be using exactly the same cushions

that Mum and Dad used,

that maybe even Nan and Grandad used.

I can't take it in, really, that they're actually the ones.

This is just Jay all over,

this church, I think.

It's...

It's not just connected to Jay,

it's connected to our whole family

and I think that's what makes it so important.

Definitely being here has made it hit home

how much family connections are here,

how much it actually means to me as well,

which is making me worry more about what Luke's doing,

and what Luke's done.

Well, he hasn't done anything yet,

except book a huge stag do.

And his plan for a wedding on wheels may have already hit the skids.

I want the idea that I thought of.

I want people to be talking about this in 20, 30 years.

I want people in the pub going,

"Do you remember Luke Jarvis' wedding?

"Oh, my God. That was mental!"

Oh, here we go. The moment of truth.

-Hello.

-I'm really sorry.

I've had a look at the bookings,

we've got a public skate on

and we've got a party at 12 o'clock.

Jesus.

-Oh, well.

-Erm...

We could take the public skate session off the programme...

Yeah.

-..but by doing so, it puts the charges up somewhat.

-Yeah.

So what time's the public skate usually?

It's 10:00 till 11:30.

It's perfect.

How long does it take for a bride to get ready for her wedding?

You've got hair, make up,

getting into the dress,

-then driving here from Maidstone...

-Getting here from Maidstone.

..which is an extra 45 minutes on top.

At the end of the day, I'm making sacrifices in these three weeks.

At the end of the day, I'm putting my bloody...

I'm putting my mind on the line here, you know what I mean?

Eight till...

-12.

-12, wasn't it, yeah?

She's going to hate me, having to get ready that early. Oh, well.

So, Luke books the arena for his ceremony for £500.

Goal!

While Luke's roller hockey wedding is finally on -

well, on a roll -

at her mum's house,

a worried Jaydene is fretting about how he's coping

with having something resembling a responsibility

for the first time ever.

He could be making really stupid, crazy,

totally and utterly ridiculous decisions,

that I'm going to absolutely hate.

It's hard, in a way, not being able to reassure him.

Not having that reassurance...

He's going to struggle, I think.

Ceremony booked,

Luke needs a reception venue.

He's hopped down to Hop Farm,

a family park, because this big kid

has one thing on his mind for the wedding,

and that's fun!

-Hello! You all right?

-Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

So this is what we're looking at.

-Yeah.

-This is a big space, obviously.

-Yep. What I'm after is...

-Perfect.

..kiddie sort of stuff.

-Heaven?

-Yeah, kiddie heaven.

Yeah, I'm talking popcorn, yeah?

With a fish and chip truck, ice cream truck.

We're talking candyfloss machine...

-LAUGHTER

-What else are you going to go for?

A funfair...

-..seaside theme...

-OK.

-..with a roller disco.

-Yeah, possible.

Most definitely possible.

Does the bar come in?

-This space, you get the bar?

-Absolutely.

-What you see is what you get in here.

-OK.

Also you get the marquee...

Cos the shutters ain't going to be down on the day?

No, we'll try and keep them open for you.

Why are you looking up?!

You've got to ask the questions!

You've got to ask the questions, haven't you? You don't know.

Is the bar going to be open! Is it going to be there?

Oh, yes! Sweet!

This place also has room for that one key wedding essential -

a roller disco rink.

Look how big it is!

Chris? Massive!

And with the marquee next door,

this venue is perfect for Luke's kiddie heaven wedding reception.

If the inside wasn't convincing enough,

the outside seals the deal.

Cue excitable Groom.

Yeah, this'll do!

This place - this is like perfect for you, Luke.

Goat! I actually love goats.

-Well, there you go.

-I had a goat, once.

You can stroke the goat.

Amazing!

I'm having it. End of.

Job done.

So, Luke forks out over £3,000

on an empty shell to turn into

a fun-filled, seaside,

roller disco reception.

The groom has now spent half his budget,

but with almost nothing booked for an actual wedding,

what Luke really wants more of is fun.

First up is a roller rink.

-I am on a tight budget, and that is what I...

-What you really want.

-What I really, really want.

-Well, I tell you what,

I'll come down to 17,

-plus VAT, I'm afraid.

-I like that.

I've got to go for it,

because it's the one thing I've got to have at the wedding.

It'll be great.

That's another £2,000.

Everyone else is going to be talking about this forever now.

Everyone's going, "Do you remember Luke Jarvis' wedding?

"He had a bloody roller rink in there. What's that about?!"

And he doesn't stop spending,

adding fairground attractions for his fun-filled seaside reception.

These are a range of all the different stalls that we have.

The milk churns, the tin can alley...

He's actually trying to think about all the people that come on the day

and this whole fun business,

it is literally for everybody that's going to be there.

The whole wedding is like a big fun factory.

Luke And Jaydene's Fun Factory.

After a busy week, Luke's on a high.

But across town at Jaydene's local,

she and her bridesmaids are worried

the roller skating groom might be planning something awful.

WHEELIE awful!

What's the worst thing Luke could do on your wedding day?

What's the worst thing that he could possibly...

Buy an absolutely god-awful wedding dress.

What's god-awful, though? Like, what is...

If I turn up and he's got a red wedding dress

that's really short, that,

like, my boobs are falling out of,

then I'm not going to feel comfortable

as I'm walking down the aisle.

There is an awful lot of pressure riding on it.

I'm just wondering how he's coping with that pressure!

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah.

Not that well, apparently.

Luke and the boys finally sit down to go through that dwindling budget.

At least you know what you've spent...

roughly.

You need to add two and a half for the stag do, that he's spending.

So there you go, nine.

Nine, we ain't even got a ring...

-You've got three grand left, and that's for rings...

-Dress...

-Dresses.

-Suits,

bridesmaids' dresses.

-Anything else I want for the evening.

-Flowers.

-Decorations.

-Decorations.

With three quarters of his budget blown,

the pressure of having to organise,

well, anything for the very first time in his life,

has Luke buckling under the strain.

I don't know any more.

It's kind of you go from this happy place to sad place, to...

And then usually, when I feel like this,

you know, just go and ring Jaydene,

talk to her, see what her opinions is,

see what she says.

Like she's always telling me don't stress, don't stress.

She's not around to say don't stress.

It's just too much.

I thought it was going to be easy, to be brutally honest.

I thought, 12 grand, wedding,

job's a good'un, isn't it?

You know what I mean, fit money in easy.

And now I'm going to have to piss everyone off...

..cos I can't make it work.

Luckily, Luke has the boys to help take his mind off things...

Did someone order some beer?

-CHEERING

-..with a pre-stag do stag do.

CHEERING

Oh, Jesus Christ, Davy!

LAUGHTER

And when you're dressed like a massive pink baby, where do you go?

The football, obviously,

where Luke bumps into a couple of familiar faces -

Jaydene's dad and brother.

LAUGHTER

At half-time, Luke's allowed to take a penalty,

presumably so he doesn't throw his toys out of the pram.

CHEERING

And a cheeky goal later,

he's back to his winning ways.

SHOUTING

It's the start of week two,

and with her roller hockey wedding just around the corner,

Jaydene, along with Mum, Gran and sister Jess,

has come to find the perfect dress for the traditional church wedding

she's always dreamed of.

OK, let's have a look for you.

-This is Riley.

-Oh, my God.

That is nice.

What about a lace fishtail?

-It's got a lovely train on it.

-Yeah.

I think I'm going to like all of them.

LAUGHTER

Jaydene's struggling to choose,

and if she's finding it this hard,

it could be an impossible task for Luke.

Are you panicking you're going to get this wrong?

Of course I am, a little bit.

But then, the way I see it,

the last couple of Christmases,

whenever I've got clothing or the handbag or anything like that,

I've nailed it.

So there's got to be a time when I'm going to get it wrong,

and I'm so terrified that this is going to be the time

that I finally get it wrong.

Luke's hoping his luck will hold today,

and it will need to, because he wants to find Jaydene a dress

short enough so she can roller-skate down the aisle.

-What kind of looked do you want to go for?

-Retro look.

-Retro.

-OK.

-Just below the knee, quite flowy...

-Yep.

-..so it accentuates her figure.

A lot of our brides add a coloured petticoat underneath their dress.

-What's a petticoat?

-It's a big trench coat.

-It's like an underskirt that goes underneath the dress.

-All right.

-Shall we pull out a few styles for you and see what you think?

-Yeah.

Here we go. Dress number one.

Dress number one with the red petticoat.

Yeah, ah, that is a bit... That's very swish.

I think that's definitely Jaydene.

Definitely? Maybe not.

-Oh!

-Wow.

While Luke's looking at something short with lots of red, Jaydene's

found a classic, full-length gown without a hint of colour.

Oh, isn't that neckline beautiful?

And we all cry!

LAUGHTER

Over in Bexley, the boys are still struggling to find

the perfect short dress.

I think that's really nice.

Does she want a sweetheart neckline, or a straight neckline,

-or does she...

-A what?

This has got the sweetheart neckline,

so the line of the bra would obviously have to sit...

No, I want a bit of cleavage for sure.

LAUGHTER

I ain't seen her for three weeks!

I wanted a bit of boom-boom-pow, you know what I mean?

While Luke's getting distracted by a couple of details,

back in Maidstone, Jaydene has found her dream gown -

a floor-length traditional dress with plenty of sparkle,

perfect for a classic church wedding.

-That's lovely.

-That is beautiful.

That is surely one dream dress, Jaydene.

I feel actually like I'm getting married.

Now she's found the perfect dress,

Jaydene is realising just how much it means to her.

I definitely choose this one.

It just...

makes me feel...

really comfortable. It's really...

princessy.

If the dress isn't right for me, it's going to be really...

I don't know, it's going to throw me out for the whole day, I think.

Luke has found his perfect three-quarter length dress

with red sash and petticoat.

-I like it the more I look at it.

-That's good.

Picking the right dress has got to be the hardest task possible.

And finding the money to pay for it is even harder,

especially when you've allowed just £700.

This dress is £1,450.

-LAUGHTER

-Come again? Oh, no!

-Shattered dreams.

-Oh, my God.

Yeah, you know how to kick a man when he's down, don't you?

What have you been spending this money on?

LAUGHTER

That's so Jaydene, it's just...

If it is Jaydene, is doubling the budget worth it,

and then having to scrimp somewhere else?

-Yeah, but it's not somewhere else, it's everywhere else.

-OK, yeah,

-everything else.

-Catering, suits, bridesmaids' dresses, rings...

I just want to curl up and cry.

I would literally get on my hands and knees for 1,000. Oh, please.

Look, I'm a desperate man right now.

Erm, yeah, we're not going to drop it that low,

I'll be honest with you, but we'll meet somewhere in the middle.

-1,100?

-Yep.

-Do it. All in.

-LAUGHTER

-Oh, God!

I'm just hoping when she went to try dresses on,

maybe she tried a couple of short ones on and liked them,

cos if she didn't, and she liked a longer one...

That's literally put us to 1,200 and we haven't even done catering.

At the moment, my guests are going to starve to death.

Luke has blown almost all of his budget.

Time to turn to the one person he knows he can rely on.

He needs Mum's help.

Well, actually, what he needs is her skates.

-I want to do a roller disco reception thing.

-Oh.

So, basically, it's all roller-themed.

So I go do some roller-skating, then?

No, you won't be roller-skating, cos Jaydene needs your roller skates.

Er, excuse me! Excuse me, hold on a sec.

-I've come round to ask!

-Have you asked for these skates?

I never ask!

No, you're not coming just to take my skates.

-You know what they mean to me.

-Do you even still roller skate?

-Of course I can roller skate.

-Not your body, it's broken, isn't it?

-Look!

-SHE GASPS

-I can't believe you said that!

-Don't answer that one.

-Right, where are them skates? Is that them?

-That's my...

You didn't take very good care of them, did you?

Look how dirty they are.

Luke, no, this is the same thing that's happened all your life.

You are given everything and anything that you want,

so there you go.

-Be my guest.

-27 years, it's never changed, has it?

With the skates handed over,

the most important outfit of Jaydene's life is now complete.

It's the end of week two. Time for the hen do.

But for Luke, it's another place to save some cash.

We're giving them all of our alcohol left from your stag do...

LAUGHTER

..which we've got a whole box full of alcohol.

Yeah, seriously, so much booze, like.

That's what I'm talking about.

Wait a second...

CHEERING

Yes!

LAUGHTER

You're giving Jaydene her own drink for her own hen do?

Shh! She'll never know!

DOORBELL RINGS

What on earth is that?

"To Princess and friends,

"For your hen do, meet at casa de Coomba, 6pm,

"for drinks and a meal to be delivered,

"and then transportation to a mystery venue.

"Love, the boys."

What's in the box, then?

Oh, my God!

LAUGHTER

Oh, that's my bottle of wine!

Still, Luke's bargain booze gets the hen party off to a good start.

He's even splashed out on an exotic dinner.

-We have pizza.

-Well, it's Italian.

Just two pizzas.

And a couple of Cokes.

But to be fair, we're probably going to have

to put some crumpets on, aren't we?

Just as the girls are feeling underwhelmed by Luke's cut-price

dinner, bridesmaid Jessica gets a call from the man himself.

-Hello?

-Hello, Jessica, Luke calling.

Hello, Luke. You all right?

The transport's on its way for half eight,

but I think I've got about six, £7 towards the transport,

so you and the girls might have to help out towards it a little bit.

And then...you're going to have to sort the rest of the night out

yourselves, unfortunately. Enjoy your evening. Bye-bye!

The transport will be here at about eight o'clock, half past eight...

-OK.

-Half an hour.

..but, cos the budget's a bit tight, he's only got £7 to put towards it.

Bloody £7?!

They haven't even left the house, and already Luke's thrifty hen do

has his bride-to-be seriously concerned

about how he's spending the budget.

I am a bit let down by him

with his contribution of £7 towards our night.

It makes me wonder how much he spent on his night with his lads.

-That would be £2,500.

-I hope it's not anywhere too far.

Fortunately, it's not too far.

MUSIC: Lose Yourself by Eminem

Where the hell are we going?

Unfortunately, it's really not too far.

We're not going to The Bell, are we?!

-Oh, no!

-Oh, it is!

Yep, it's a night out in Jaydene's local.

They're going to bloody know me in here!

Has the groom put any money behind the bar? No.

He's in trouble. He's got off to a good start(!)

Without even a free drink for the bride-to-be,

the bridal party are getting worried about the big day itself.

I just can't believe it's here.

It's not so funny now, to be honest.

The pizza was funny, but now it's a bit like, well...

This is a load of crap.

-So, he spent 20 quid on pizzas...

-£7 on taxis.

-..and £7 on ta...

£27, he spent. 27 quid on your hen do. That's it.

-He is in so much

-BLEEP

-when I see him.

To get pissed here and go home.

-OK, I've got one.

-Go on, then.

ALL: Film... Two words... First word...

Meanwhile, Luke's spent £2,500 on his three-day stag party...

-Cheers, boys!

-To Luke!

ALL: To Luke!

..and he's off to Barcelona.

Seriously, no talk of wedding, all right?

It's stressed me out enough, right?

I've come away for at least three days to be a child.

CHEERING

We want Luke to forget about the wedding.

That's the whole point of coming here.

Ease a bit of the pressure on him, you know,

just completely forget about what he's trying to achieve at home.

-Leslie!

-We're going the express way.

That's what we've got these for.

That's money well spent, boys.

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

MUSIC: Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne

I'm so scared, yeah? I'm holding on now like that.

Literally holding on.

CHEERING

# I'm going off the rails on a crazy train... #

Back in Maidstone, after the disappointment of the hen do,

Jaydene's sister Jess is worried about the wedding.

With no sign of the bridesmaids' dresses and no invitations,

she's calling Luke to find out what's going on.

Why is it ringing funny? It's like a...

I've no idea where he could be.

Unless he's on the stag do, somewhere abroad. I don't know.

Not just abroad.

Luke's legendary three-day stag party continues in England.

MUSIC: In The Hall Of The Mountain King by Edvard Grieg

Day three of the stag do.

I think, personally, I'm too tired to be thinking

about wedding stuff right now.

A lot of people have been like, "Oh, this process should have made

"you a man, should have given you some responsibility, you need it."

I lost my passport, I lost my phone...

..I've lost tickets, I've lost wallets, Oh, God.

MUSIC CLIMAXES

There's not a lot, really, left.

I've got to do the invites, table plans, bridesmaids' dresses,

I don't even know if that's sorted.

AUTOMATED VOICE: There is no happy ending to this story.

Three days, I can do it, easy. Smash it out.

Into the tomb of death.

One thing's been proven by this.

Give Luke Jarvis responsibility, it all goes a bit Pete Tong, mate.

Into the darkness.

CHEERING

With still no news or a wedding date,

and unable to contact Luke, Jess tracks him down in the local pub.

Where have you been?

LAUGHTER

Did you go on a second stag do?

-Yeah.

-Where have you been?

-I went to Barcelona.

-You went to Barcelona?!

-We did two theme parks in three days...

..in two different countries.

So, how much budget is that that you've spent on that?

Too much money.

-No, it's all right, we're fine. We're all good.

-And we got...

How much did we get? £27.

-30 quid, actually.

-30 quid.

-Yeah!

Jay's going to kill you, I hope you know that.

But there is good news for the bridesmaids.

On the budget, I can get your dresses, but no shoes.

-And how much are the dresses going to be?

-Yeah, how much are we talking?

We are talking...£32 for both.

-£32 for both dresses?

-Yeah.

Back at the house, Jaydene's concerns about Luke's ability

to put on the wedding of her dreams are about to get a whole lot worse.

-On Sunday, him and...four?

-Yeah, there's four of them.

Went to Barcelona to a theme park.

What...the hell...was he thinking?!

If he forgets something now, then it's almost going to refer

-back to the stag do.

-And the time.

That wedding better be good, otherwise...

He's just taking it as, like, a big joke, in a way.

I thought he was actually doing something constructive

and that he had taken it on as a bit of a challenge,

and had risen to it, and it seems like he really hasn't.

Just three days to go until the wedding and lots still to organise.

Luke discovers his budget isn't just running low,

it's completely spent, and so is Luke.

Over. Out.

Done. Finito. Finished.

No bridesmaid dresses...

No nothing.

I'm cancelling the roller rink. That's what I'm going to do.

I don't care if they only give me £600 back.

I love that girl! I love her! This is who I love!

-I don't care about my roller

-BLEEP

-skating! I'm doing it for HER!

So if I need to get grand back, I'll get the grand back!

I think finally the penny's dropped - I need to stop thinking about my

-BLEEP

-self and thinking about the other person in this wedding.

I won't let that girl down.

I won't let the girl down

from the time I marry her... to the time I'm gone.

And I'm not going to let her down now with three days to go. So...

What are your cancellation fees like?

'If I can do it for 1,700 including VAT, how would that suit you?'

1,700 with the VAT? That's a saving of three... That's a saving of 380.

-That's... That's

-BLEEP

-great.

I can get my bridesmaid dresses and everything. Can you?

-Just say yes on that.

-BLEEP

-yes, Simon! You're a diamond!

Disaster averted, having saved £380 on his roller rink,

Luke is back in the market for bridesmaids' stresses.

I do like this one.

See, because the girls are going to be on skates...

I can imagine them in that.

And it's below budget.

With just three days left, Luke is finally getting his skates on.

To turn things around and give Jaydene her dream reception.

-What sort of cake are you looking for?

-A Collie and the Caterpillar cake.

-Really?

Yeah, really.

-Why Collie and the Caterpillar?

-Cos me and Jaydene always had Collie and Caterpillar cakes

growing up for our birthdays,

so I thought it would be quite funny if we had one for our wedding day as well.

I was thinking of doing three to make a little pyramid.

-A pyramid of caterpillars?

-Yeah.

-Right.

Next, the wedding bouquet, with help from Mum again. Obviously.

That would make a lovely bouquet wouldn't it, bunched up like that?

-Yeah.

-What you think?

-They match my jacket, so that's handy.

Cut the bottoms off, take some of the leaves of,

leave a couple of leaves on top and they should be fine for Saturday.

With less than a couple of days' notice,

our big kid finally gets around to sending the wedding invitation,

hidden inside a chocolate bar.

Delivered by an actual kid, two-year-old nephew, Finlay.

-Give that to Auntie Jay, then.

-Thank you!

"To Princess Jaydene.

"We'd like to invite you to a party at mystery venue.

Your pickup is at 8:45am." That's, like, a five o'clock start?

It'll be worth it.

It's the day before the wedding

and Jaydene is about to see the dress

Luke has chosen for her big day.

If she has a dress she doesn't like, it could be the most incredible

wedding but she's going to feel uncomfortable for the whole day.

Jaydene hoped for a long white princess dress,

perfect for her dream traditional church wedding.

Too short. I don't want a shorter dress.

Luke went for a short dress with a bright red petticoat and sash -

perfect for roller-skating in.

I'd quite like a normal sort of coloured wedding dress.

I don't want like, bright red or something like that.

Oh, dear.

-Ready, Jaydene?

-Yeah. THEY LAUGH

Here is your dress.

It's short, which I hadn't even tried a short dress on.

But...

it could have been so much worse! LAUGHTER

I just want to put it on.

So far, so good.

NERVOUS LAUGH

-Oh, wow...

-Ohhh!

Oh, that's nice!

That's not what I was expecting at all.

-You didn't try anything like that.

-No, I know.

-It's really, really nice.

-He's done well.

-He has.

-He's quite good, isn't he?

-SHE LAUGHS

I never even thought of trying on a short dress.

Jaydene, there are other elements to your dress

that you haven't seen yet.

Her relief may be short-lived.

-I'm really scared now!

-I know your feelings on the colour red...

However...

SHE WHIMPERS

I'm a bit... I'm a bit nervous about the colour! I don't understand.

LAUGHTER

BOTH EXCLAIM

Oh, that's cute!

She looks absolutely beautiful.

It wasn't anything that she'd ever envisaged.

She looks so, so gorgeous.

And the final surprise, Luke's bought matching shoes for the reception.

Let's hope she'll be this thrilled with

the roller-skates she'll be wearing down the aisle.

-Oh, my God!

-Oh, wow!

-They're gorgeous!

LAUGHTER

-Oh, they're gorgeous!

-If you'd like to try these.

It is the little things and he's done all the little things, which is shocking to me.

I really thought he'd forget.

BOTH EXCLAIM

Oh, wow. LAUGHTER

I'm actually quite taken aback at how much thought

he's put into actually choosing my dress.

I totally feel like a princess. I feel really special.

I feel like...I'm going to MY wedding! It's MY wedding!

She may be excited about her wedding today,

but how will she feel about Luke's wedding on wheels tomorrow?

It's 6am on the morning of the wedding.

Does everybody want toast?

-You're not getting fryups this morning.

-LAUGHTER

-If there's not a reason we're up this early, he's in for it.

-Yeah.

Jaydene may still be in the dark about her wedding,

but at least Luke, or rather his mum, has remembered some wedding essentials.

-Hello!

-Hi!

-You all right?

-I can't wait! I'm so excited!

-Girls, we've got flowers!

Cute, aren't they?

-Luke's mum done them.

-Oh, really?

-"Mum, I forgot the flowers!"

'I wasn't expecting Luke to even remember flowers,'

considering he didn't know what the hell a bouquet was.

So I'm quite shocked that he remembered flowers. So...

DOORBELL Oh, my God!

And there's more. Luke has even booked hair and make up.

-Hello!

-Hello!

You're that one.

Luke keeps scoring as Jaydene gets her first look

at his last-minute online bridesmaids' dresses.

Oh, wow! LAUGHTER

-Oh, they're really nice.

-Amazing, aren't they?

-He did well.

He did, actually, and they both... really suit you.

With her wedding dress and temporary red shoes on, Jaydene's beginning

to believe her big kid could have pulled this off after all.

Oh, wow.

Oh, you look gorgeous.

I feel nervous, excited.

I just want to know what the hell's going on now.

I'm just so excited to see Luke, really.

Oh, wow. I was not expecting that.

I literally don't understand it.

If there is a significance I have absolutely no idea what it is.

As Jaydene heads off to her wedding, the guests have started to arrive.

Luke is in the changing room

lacing up for the biggest day of his life.

You all right?

Are you nervous yet, Luke?

HE HYPERVENTILATES

LAUGHTER

I'm in the zone. Don't talk to me, I'm in the zone.

Let's get on skates and have a wedding.

We're going towards the coast...

-We going to the seaside.

-In a camper van... It's not...

He hasn't organise something on the beach?

But as she nears the venue, Jaydene realises she may not be

getting the traditional church ceremony she dreams of.

I'm thinking we are going to...

the Herne Bay roller hockey arena.

The penny's dropped that she's getting married

at the Wembley of roller hockey

and she's about to find out that she'll be rolling down the aisle.

-Your worst fear.

-Oh, God.

Sorry, Luke, but I just don't want to put them on.

-You don't want to put them on?

-No.

-Are you going to?

I just don't understand why he's making me put...

Roller-skates on when he knows I can't skate.

If you just try them on...because they might feel all right once...

Because Dad obviously can walk next to you.

I just don't want to hurt myself. That's the fear I've got.

I really don't want to put them on.

Don't do it, then.

Up to you, Jay, your call.

With Jaydene refusing to wear the skates, and the deadline

to get out of the venue fast approaching, the wedding is on hold.

Taking too long, mate, seriously.

We haven't got this venue for hours.

It's a joke.

-Why do you think she hasn't turned up?

-Either the skates ain't fitting or...

she's just full-blank refused to put them on.

Really don't want to put them on.

-I know it's...

-Has it upset you?

-It has upset me, because it's...

He's making it about him. He's not thought of me in it.

He knows I don't do skating. He knows.

But the fact that he knows that I don't skate for a reason,

why is he making me do it on my wedding day?

If I had to say my vows in these, then I'm not doing it.

-Come on...

-I'm cool, I'm cool.

-Come on. Game face.

-It was meant to go like this.

-I know.

-At ten o'clock it was meant...

HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS

-Come on.

-It's just not gone...flowed at all.

We're all waiting! Come on, Jaydene! Hurry up.

With concerns building that there may not be a wedding at all,

worried bridesmaid Jess has one last-ditch attempt to get

things back on track.

Why don't you... Do you want to put them on...and see how they feel.

-All right.

-Put them on, give it a go.

I just can't understand why the heck he's done this!

SKATES CLUNK

I just look like a tit!

He's got some answering to do.

He's going to get a punch in the face!

On my wedding day on roller-skates.

-I'm going to

-BLEEP

-hit him.

But as Jaydene eventually rolls down the aisle...

groom Luke is nowhere to be seen.

Where the bloody hell is he?

The celebrant waiting to lead the ceremony had to deliver

a message on behalf of the groom.

-Jaydene, stop. We need to go over to the computer.

-Oh, God.

If you just press this one here.

BEEPING God...

Oh, my God. LAUGHTER

Right, boys, we've worked three weeks for this.

We've put together probably the biggest wedding of the decade,

so I need you boys to be on point. I need you to get your speeches right.

So let's go out there, let's get me married to the woman

I love more than anything else and let's give her a great show!

Boys, come on! Let's get this wedding going!

Come on!

Finally, after three weeks apart, Luke can make a grand entrance.

LAUGHTER

I'm going to kill you!

Luke...

-Do you, Luke, take Jaydene to be your wife?

-I will.

Jaydene...

Will you, Jaydene, take Luke to be your husband?

Ohhh! Yes.

LAUGHTER I suppose so.

These past three weeks have been the hardest and the longest ever.

You have made me laugh, nearly cry, angry, and made me hate you,

but seeing...

..but seeing you today,

I could only be proud and even more in love with you.

I promise to be the man you want me to be.

Without you I am lost with no direction. With you

I feel like I can conquer mountains.

I promise I will never organise anything without you again.

LAUGHTER

I love you for ever.

By the power of love and commitment,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss.

CHEERING

-Can I take the skates off now?

-Yes.

-They're hurting.

-Yeah, take them off.

I literally am really impressed with you.

-I'm not impressed with the stag do.

-No.

SHE LAUGHS

His roller hockey ceremony forgiven, Luke whisks his bride off to

the seaside-inspired reception he hopes will blow Jaydene away.

Oh...my...God.

Oh, my God.

He's got all the games for kids. Oh, he's got cotton candy, popcorn...

I'm just amazed. It looks so nice. It's very Luke.

-I'm struggling to see where I am in this.

-In any of it.

Confused about her reception theme,

the man himself arrives to enlighten his bride.

-So, the theme for this wedding is... seaside.

-Yeah.

So where's me in it?

Right, the minigolf represents

-that we always play minigolf on holiday.

-Right, yeah.

Candy floss is when we go to Hastings and stuff like that.

The coconut shy was just for fun.

I can totally see why he's done this,

because we do go down to the beach a lot in the summer,

and we do have fun and we do play crazy golf and stuff like that.

So I can understand why he done it. I just...

was a bit shocked by it, I think, more than anything.

At last, Jaydene can see Luke's piece de resistance...

-the roller rink.

-Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

I'm not expected to get on that in roller skates, am I?

-No, we're having our first dance but off the skates.

-Right.

-There you go!

-That's fine.

And with the knowledge that she doesn't have to wear skates again,

Jaydene can finally admit her big kid has grown-up.

-Really, really happy.

-Really, really happy, yeah.

I weren't too sure when Jaydene first come in here

because she was kind of like, "Where's the stuff for me?"

But the thing is, I did have her in mind

when I did do this seaside theme and everything like that.

I can see how much effort you've put in and how much you've

thought about things.

This is so fun!

Luke being Luke, I didn't think he do it,

but he's proved us all wrong and he's given Jay a wonderful day

and I think she's utterly thrilled to bits with it all.

I think the best and the worst bit was the skating. It was brilliant.

It was just Luke all over.

Yeah, I think it's gone really well and I'm really pleased.

I think he's done a really, really good job.

CHEERING

# And all along I believed I would find you. #

It's been absolutely fantastic. Really, really pleased.

Couldn't wish for a better wedding, really.

Especially for your first daughter's wedding.

It's been brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

It's just proving I can organise stuff,

but I was always going to organise my way and how I wanted to do it.

A few days later...

and wearing her own shoes, Jaydene and Luke made the marriage official.

-Next time...

-Arrrr, me hearties!

-..entertainer Matthew...

-Arrrrrrr!

..wants to put on an epic pirate performance.

YELLING

..for his traditional bride, Jamie-Lee.

I don't want it to look like a joke.

But will this loose canon make it to port?

To the pirate wedding!

All: Arrrrrrrr!

Or will he go down with the ship?

-They got your dress! They got your dress!

-Oh, my God!

He just chucked my dress!