Episode 8 Family Finders


Episode 8

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Families can be driven apart for all manner of reasons.

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My mum went away and didn't come back.

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And when you do lose touch with your loved ones...

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I never saw Kathleen again.

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..finding them can take a lifetime...

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I wonder where he is. I wonder what he's doing.

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You don't really know where to begin.

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..especially when they could be anywhere, at home or abroad.

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And that's where the family finders come in.

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Hi, it's the Salvation Army Family Tracing Service.

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From international organisations...

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There's never been a day when we have never had new enquiries.

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..to genealogy detective agencies...

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When is it you last had contact with him?

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..and dedicated one-man bands.

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I like to do the searches half the people can't get

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because it makes me feel good.

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They hunt through history to bring families back together again.

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You are my biological dad.

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In this series, we follow the work of the family finders...

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This case came from our Australian colleagues.

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..learning the tricks they use to track

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missing relatives through time.

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I'm 68 years of age, she is 75 years of age,

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and we're just starting off.

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And meeting the people whose lives they change along the way.

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I said, "Well, this is your younger sister."

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It's a miracle.

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I was struck speechless and I couldn't stop crying.

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It's a proud moment for Dad.

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It was the start of finding my family.

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Family break-ups can occur all too easily

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for any number of reasons and, once it's happened,

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putting the pieces back together can feel like an insurmountable task.

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But these days, tracking down

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a lost family member is easier than ever,

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thanks to the ever-increasing number of family finding companies

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who go that extra mile to make, what seems impossible possible.

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You can be dealing with people in emotional situations,

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especially if you're finding living family members.

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But it's really about gathering evidence and investigation,

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and putting evidence together and assessing it.

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These committed detectives work hard to reunite people,

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often with the odds stacked against them.

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You don't often think of the impact that what you're doing will

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have such an effect on somebody, until you get that phone call

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and you can hear it in their voice that they're

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so excited to be in contact with that person.

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Fraser Kinnie runs a family finding agency in Hartlepool

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with the help of his wife Tracey.

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Quite often, when people are doing searches, they kind of...

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They think they want to do the search,

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but they haven't got the resources or the ability to conduct the search.

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Fraser uses his expertise to run an online service that helps

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put together missing pieces of family puzzles

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others have struggled to solve.

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I like to do the searches other people can't get

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because it makes me feel good.

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One of their toughest cases was helping Sandy Smith,

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who lives in North Walsham, in Norfolk.

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With the name Smith, it was going to be hard for a lot of people

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and I think, really... I knew it was going to be hard search,

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but I knew that if anybody could do it we could do it.

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I was born in 1970.

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My mum was called Jessie.

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I lived in a place called Billingham, a nice little town.

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It was a three-bedroom house, it was lovely.

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The neighbours were all nice and we had, like,

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a bit of grass out the front where we could play

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when we were little kids.

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It was lovely.

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Yeah, I've been... I'd say brought up well.

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When she was ten years old,

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Sandy came across a piece of paper with her name on it.

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I was wanting some colouring paper and my mum said, "Go in the cupboard."

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And I found some paperwork.

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I had a look because I knew it said Sandra Smith.

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So I was like, "Oh, hang on, what's this?"

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So I asked my mum, I said, "Who is Sandra Smith?"

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And she said, "Oh, well, I wondered

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"when the time was to tell you.

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"So, you've got another mother,

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"who had to give you up because she couldn't look after you

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"at the time because there were too many in the family.

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"We got you when you were six weeks old

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"and I've brought you up."

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Because, obviously, they couldn't have kids themselves,

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so they adopted me.

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The news that she was adopted came as a huge shock.

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But who exactly was her birth mother?

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My mum told me she was called Janet.

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She was 18 when she had me

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and she was still living with her parents,

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so she couldn't look after

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me because there was still a baby in the family already.

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She was from a family of 13 and I thought, "Whoa."

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It was quite shocking how big the family was.

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So, in a way, I understood why she got me adopted.

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When my mum was pregnant, her mum was at the same time,

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so that's why it was hard for her.

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Sandy had some basic information about her birth mother,

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but it raised as many questions as answers.

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I always wondered, "Well, do I look like my mum?

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"Do I talk like my mum?

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"Do I do the same things?

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"How do I find her? How do I meet her?"

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Because, obviously, I've got a mum that brought me up and I'm thinking,

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"Well, will I hurt her? I don't want to hurt her."

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But, yeah, it would have been nice to meet,

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but my adopted mum wouldn't give too much information to me.

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I suppose I understood in a way

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because, obviously, she's brought me up and she's given me a good life

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of happiness and love and everything.

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Yeah, it was quite hard for her, I suppose.

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Out of loyalty, Sandy didn't search for her birth mother.

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She met her husband Andy and started her own family.

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But just before her first child was born,

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her adoptive mum, Jessie, died.

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When the grieving passed, Sandy felt able to look for her birth mother.

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I always said to myself I wouldn't look for my birth mum

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until this sadness happens.

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Sandy went to see social services,

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who not only had her adoption papers,

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but also a box full of precious mementos,

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saved meticulously by her mother.

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That was your mum's signature there, look.

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This is amazing because I'm surprised they've kept it this long.

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That was what they tie around the crib, when you're born,

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and it's got the weight of...

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It says baby. It's in pink.

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The name was Smith. The weight was 4-14

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and the time of birth was five past three.

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Five past three.

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I remember on the day you were quite tearful, weren't you?

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Because it was quite a shock.

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I was shocked to see that.

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-Do you remember?

-Mh-mm.

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-You're getting all emotional now, aren't you?

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

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Well, that's what I mean, that's what happened.

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Then you get the milk tokens.

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I mean, that's weird, milk tokens.

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Yeah, because you were give tokens so you could buy milk.

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But, like you say...

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I'll keep that forever because

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it's a hard thing to see, isn't it?

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-Don't get upset. Are you all right?

-Fine.

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For Sandy, the box of treasured memories revealed

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that even though their relationship lasted just four precious weeks,

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it was full of nurturing and love.

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One of the things that you said to me

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was, you said, "I don't know whether

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"my mum, did she care for me? Did she not care for me? Was she...?"

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You can tell immediately, when you see all the things, that she probably

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-didn't really want you to be adopted.

-Yes.

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She looked after me in hospital for four weeks until I got to the right

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weight and before I was allowed to leave,

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so that must have been hard for her.

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She's looked after me, fed me, whatever.

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Then, obviously, had to give me up,

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so that must have been heartbreaking really.

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You felt better though, didn't you?

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-Because you knew that she cared for you, then.

-Yeah.

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I remember that was quite a hard time, wasn't it?

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It was just a hard time, 1970, with a big family as well.

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So, obviously she had to do what she had to do, best for me.

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Alongside the precious record of their time together was vital

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new information about Sandy's mum.

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So we went to the records office and we got the birth certificate,

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didn't we? 19... So this was '97, wasn't it?

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Yeah, we got the birth certificate.

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And that's when it had the address on, didn't it?

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Of where your mother lived.

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Now they had an address, they had to decide what to do.

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Instinctively, Sandy wanted to go to the house where her mum lived

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when she was born.

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They left Norfolk and headed to Brafferton, near Darlington.

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Would Sandy's mum still be living there?

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Then we probably sat in the car for, I don't know,

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an hour or something thinking about it.

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Because we found the house and I was looking, saying to you...

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-Can you remember?

-To see if we could see anyone walking about...

-See anyone come out.

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We didn't see anyone, did we, come out of house?

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We were hoping to see, like a... I don't know.

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We thought, "Would she would look like you?" I think, didn't we?

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-We both thought that, yes.

-We were looking then, weren't we? Thinking,

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"I hope a woman comes out who looks like you and I can knock on the door."

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After a long wait, Andy decided there was nothing to lose

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and went up to the house.

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I was knocking on the door and you were in the car, I think.

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A woman came to the door and I asked her and she said,

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"I don't know what you're talking about.

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"Sorry, I don't know anybody of that name."

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We didn't know whether to go on.

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It was a bit of a nightmare, wasn't it, really?

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The trip to Brafferton had failed to unearth any trace of Sandy's mother.

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For now, they'd hit a brick wall.

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Baffled, weren't we?

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Thinking, "What do we do now?"

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It is hard because...

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Like I say, it's hard to describe because you can't give up, can you?

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No, because there's always a gap and you think, "I have to fill that gap."

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I need to find it, find out.

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Sandy's search appeared to be over,

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but unbeknown to her, expert help was just around the corner.

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100 miles away in Merseyside, Alfred Alcorn, born Alfie Denny,

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is on a family finding quest of his own.

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I was born in 1941 in Birkenhead.

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Alfie lived with his mother Anna-Cecilia and older brother

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Tony close to the Liverpool docks during World War II.

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I remember my mum vividly.

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She was alone during the war, of course,

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and I remember her being taken away in an ambulance several times

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to go to the hospital, coughing blood.

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Alfie's mum had contracted tuberculosis, a common

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bacterial disease that, before the advent of antibiotics,

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could prove fatal.

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And then my dad came back,

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he came back from the war.

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He was demobbed, oh, probably 19...

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Late '45, early '46.

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They were together and we were a family for a while.

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Alfie and his brother enjoyed their childhood in post-war Liverpool.

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Very early on, my brother and I had a lot of freedom,

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I was probably six years old.

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You know, we would just hang around the docks and just go for miles,

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walking along the docks.

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We would go down, get on the ferry and go back and forth

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to Liverpool for almost nothing,

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and pretend that we were in the Royal Navy.

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That freedom to hang around was amazing.

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Even as a teenager, I didn't have that kind of freedom.

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But this carefree period didn't last.

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Sadly, Alfie's father became ill.

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I think around 1946, late '46,

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he was diagnosed with leukaemia

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and he died in December of 1947.

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And then my mother's condition worsened

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and she just got sicker and sicker.

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Her condition meant Alfie's mother was unable to care for her two sons,

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so Alfie and his brother were sent to live with his mother's family

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in rural Ireland.

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And that was a total change of life.

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It was a little bit like going back to the 19th century

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because we were picked up at the station in a pony and trap.

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Alfie's ailing mother then wanted to join them in Ireland.

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She wanted to come home but, at that time tuberculosis was, kind of,

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the slow Ebola of the day.

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I mean, people simply tried to avoid it.

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Alfie's Irish relatives made the heart-wrenching decision

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not to allow his mother to return

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and then the news came from Liverpool that she had passed away.

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They held a wake without her body.

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Everybody gathered from around,

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people recollecting what Anna-Cecelia was like.

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You know, I was eight years old at that time.

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We did have a family and then there wasn't any.

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Ah, anyway...

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It's them...

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It was they who suffered.

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Now orphans, Alfie and his brother Tony were adopted by

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his mother's sister in America.

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My mother had a sister, Mary,

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who'd emigrated to America back in the '20s

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and had married a dairy farmer named Alcorn -

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that's where I get the name Alcorn -

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so I went from being Alfred Denny to Alfred Alcorn.

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Now living on a dairy farm, in New England, life was tough.

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My aunt had a terrific temper.

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The feeling was that there was simply not enough

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gratitude in the world to, you know,

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pay for this, to give for this.

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And there was a lot of work to do on the farm,

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but it meant getting up in the morning and helping out,

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and the New England winters are brutal.

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But Alfie came through this tough childhood

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and the States proved to have a lot to offer the lad from Liverpool.

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America had long been a magnet for immigrants from all

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four corners of the globe.

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Alfie's aunt arrived in the 1920s,

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part of an immigration boom known as The Great Wave.

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And for the young Alfie, 1950s America was a land of promise.

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The country's economy was booming.

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With victory in the bag and cash in their pockets,

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Americans could confidently chase the American Dream.

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The ideal that freedom, opportunity and equality

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should be made available to all, regardless of class.

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The frugality of the Great Depression and the war years

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gave way to a period of materialism,

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as society's pent-up demand for consumer goods was unleashed.

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New cars, houses and other luxuries,

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once the reserve of the upper classes,

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were in the grasp of more people than ever before.

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Alfie couldn't have arrived at a better time.

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Alfie took full advantage of what his new life

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across the pond could offer.

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He carved out a successful career

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in the Natural History department at Harvard University

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and became a widely-read novelist and crime writer.

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But he never forgot his roots

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and the family he'd left behind in Ireland and in Liverpool.

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We stayed in touch with the Irish side of the family,

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but that other side of the family just seemed to disappear.

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It became, kind of, like a shadow life before.

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Almost like, did it really happen?

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In the 1980s, desperate to reconnect with his father's side

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of the family, the Dennys,

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Alfie made two separate trips to Liverpool.

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I spent a couple of days in and around Liverpool,

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just trying to find out about the Dennys.

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I couldn't find anything.

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I came back here several years ago with my brother

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and he remembered more, and so we walked over to Limekiln Lane.

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We went along the docks.

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We also found the hospital where we saw our dad for the last time,

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but no Dennys.

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With no living relatives to be found,

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Alfie returned to America disappointed.

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But little did he realise, his Liverpudlian Denny family

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were about to reappear.

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In Norfolk, Sandy Smith's search for her birth mother Janet

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had hit a dead end, but Sandy refused to take defeat lying down.

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She turned to the internet,

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desperate for some kind of breakthrough.

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I went on the internet and typed in, "Find a birth parent."

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I thought I'd type that because I'd never tried that one.

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The combination that you'd tried, probably "find a family," "find a friend,"

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-"find a sister," "find a mother."

-"Find a birth parent."

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Then there were loads of ads on there, what other people had put on

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and I thought, "Oh, that looks interesting."

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Sandy posted a message asking if anyone could help

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and it turned out someone felt they could.

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Sandy had been looking for her mum for 19 years

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and I just felt, you know, after 19 years of looking

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and not being able to find her,

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a little bit of help from us could go a long way in that sense.

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Family detective Fraser Kinnie knows every trick in the book

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when it comes to navigating the internet.

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He saw Sandy's advert online

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and approached her, saying he could find her mum for a fee.

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I think Sandy and Andy were quite wary, as anyone would be,

0:18:210:18:26

when I offered to help.

0:18:260:18:28

But I think it didn't take too long before they realised that there

0:18:280:18:31

was some substance to what I was saying.

0:18:310:18:34

I think then, once you start doing the research

0:18:340:18:37

and you can come up with information about the family,

0:18:370:18:40

they start realising that you're on their side, in a sense,

0:18:400:18:43

there to help them if you can.

0:18:430:18:45

From her adoption papers, Sandy knew

0:18:450:18:47

her mum's name was Janet Smith, born on the 6th of May, 1952.

0:18:470:18:53

In 1952, in the UK, there were 137 Janet Smiths born.

0:18:530:18:57

What we had to do was work out which Janet Smith we were talking about.

0:18:570:19:01

We had a date of birth for Janet Smith,

0:19:010:19:04

which then drastically reduced the number.

0:19:040:19:07

What we then tried to do was close it down by the areas that we

0:19:070:19:10

thought she was born.

0:19:100:19:12

Fraser knew she was born in the Darlington area.

0:19:120:19:15

Out of the 21 possible Janet Smiths,

0:19:150:19:18

there was one born in Northallerton

0:19:180:19:20

and because of the proximity of Northallerton and Darlington,

0:19:200:19:23

my hunch was that it was most likely that one.

0:19:230:19:27

The only way we could prove it was to find that birth certificate and that

0:19:270:19:31

then would confirm the date of birth on this certificate as being

0:19:310:19:35

the date of birth that we knew for Janet.

0:19:350:19:38

Fraser's wife Tracey went to County Durham

0:19:380:19:41

to get hold of the birth certificate.

0:19:410:19:43

Would it match the date of birth on Sandy's adoption papers?

0:19:430:19:47

Tracey went down there, bought that certificate and instantly she phoned

0:19:470:19:50

me up, and it was good news for us because we knew we were right then.

0:19:500:19:54

The dates of birth matched.

0:19:540:19:56

They had the right Janet Smith and now they also had the names

0:19:560:20:00

of Janet's mum and dad, Sandy's grandparents.

0:20:000:20:03

From that information, we could then start looking for Janet's siblings.

0:20:030:20:07

It was a key breakthrough.

0:20:070:20:09

In a matter of minutes, Fraser had tracked down possible

0:20:090:20:12

addresses for Sandy's aunts, Wendy and Linda.

0:20:120:20:16

Tracey was on her way back from Northallerton,

0:20:160:20:18

so I asked Tracey to go up to Darlington and knock on the door,

0:20:180:20:23

and hand the telephone to whoever answered the door.

0:20:230:20:27

I didn't know what to expect, turning up unannounced,

0:20:270:20:30

but as soon as I knocked on the door and once we explained who we were

0:20:300:20:33

and asked Wendy was she the sister of Janet,

0:20:330:20:36

when her niece was trying to contact her,

0:20:360:20:39

-she burst into tears.

-Mh-mm.

0:20:390:20:41

We knew straight away.

0:20:410:20:43

WENDY: I just got a knock on the door.

0:20:430:20:45

She said, "Do you have a mum called Veronica,

0:20:450:20:50

"a dad called Charlie and

0:20:500:20:52

"a sister called Janet?"

0:20:520:20:54

-And I said, "Yeah." And that's what set me off.

-Yeah.

0:20:540:20:56

Because she said, "We've found...

0:20:560:21:01

"Sandy."

0:21:010:21:02

It was the breakthrough Sandy had so desperately been hoping for

0:21:050:21:09

and Fraser got straight on the phone.

0:21:090:21:11

-He told me that he'd found your aunties.

-Yeah.

0:21:110:21:14

And you were still at the school, picking the girls up.

0:21:140:21:16

And when you come in, I told you and you were crying.

0:21:160:21:19

I just burst into tears.

0:21:190:21:21

Wendy and Linda are Sandy's mum, Janet's, younger sisters,

0:21:230:21:27

two of 13 children who grew up in Brafferton in North Yorkshire,

0:21:270:21:30

where their father was involved in pig farming.

0:21:300:21:34

It was very hard then, wasn't it?

0:21:340:21:36

I think she was 18 when she got pregnant.

0:21:360:21:40

With such a big family, there was little room for another.

0:21:400:21:43

I wouldn't have wanted to give it up from six weeks.

0:21:430:21:46

It'd have been a hard choice to make, wouldn't it?

0:21:460:21:49

Yeah, I think it was a decision because there was all of us.

0:21:490:21:53

-We were very young and that.

-Yeah.

0:21:530:21:55

Being so much older than Linda and Wendy,

0:21:550:21:58

Janet was very much a mother figure to both of them.

0:21:580:22:01

-My friends used to think my sister Janet was my mum...

-Yeah.

0:22:010:22:05

..but she wasn't. And when they saw our proper parents, my mum and dad,

0:22:050:22:08

-they used to think that they were our grandparents.

-Yeah.

0:22:080:22:11

Despite the sister's closeness,

0:22:110:22:13

Janet rarely felt able to discuss the child she'd had to let go.

0:22:130:22:17

I never spoke about it because Janet never spoke about it.

0:22:170:22:21

It's only because of what mum said to me, you know what I mean?

0:22:210:22:24

And I just used to say, "You've got a little girl called Sandy?"

0:22:240:22:28

and Janet used to say, "Yeah."

0:22:280:22:30

But if I'd asked any more questions,

0:22:300:22:32

she used to just turn round and say, "I don't want to talk about it."

0:22:320:22:35

Yeah, I think she maybe thought I was too young, to not talk about...

0:22:350:22:39

-But we did know about her, didn't we?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:22:390:22:42

Janet had lost Sandy but went on to live a full life.

0:22:420:22:47

-Oh, Janet was happy-go-lucky.

-Yep.

0:22:470:22:49

She used to love her singing and... Don't know, she just...

0:22:490:22:51

Yeah, used to always get on the karaoke.

0:22:510:22:53

-..loved being around people.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

0:22:530:22:55

Sadly, Janet died in 2002 from cancer.

0:22:570:23:01

12 years later, Linda and Wendy were overjoyed to hear,

0:23:050:23:09

out of the blue, from Janet's daughter Sandy.

0:23:090:23:12

-She rung me and...

-Scared.

0:23:120:23:14

I was talking to her as if I'd known her for years, you know what I mean?

0:23:140:23:17

It was just like...

0:23:170:23:20

-our big sister's come back.

-Yeah.

0:23:200:23:23

Shame she couldn't have met her though, isn't it?

0:23:230:23:26

But the other thing I think now is...

0:23:260:23:29

she's given us the next best thing.

0:23:290:23:32

Sandy has met her aunts just a handful of times and today is a much

0:23:430:23:47

welcomed chance for the three of them to get to know each other more.

0:23:470:23:50

-Hello.

-Hi.

-Long time.

0:23:530:23:56

-Hello, babes.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah, brilliant.

0:23:580:24:02

Remember the first time like this, eh?

0:24:020:24:04

I know, yeah. It's always like the first time meeting

0:24:040:24:07

-when we see Sandy.

-It only seemed like five minutes ago, didn't it?

0:24:070:24:09

It always feels like the first time every time we meet, doesn't it?

0:24:090:24:13

-Yeah, it does.

-We'll never forget that.

-I know.

0:24:130:24:15

SHE EXHALES

0:24:150:24:17

You don't want to start, do you?

0:24:170:24:19

For Sandy, Wendy and Linda, being reunited provides them all

0:24:190:24:24

with a new emotional connection to Janet.

0:24:240:24:27

It feels as if we've known each other for years, doesn't it?

0:24:270:24:29

-It does, yeah.

-It feels like, from the first phone call...

-Clicked, yeah.

0:24:290:24:32

-Yeah, we just got on so well.

-That was nerve racking that, like.

-I know.

0:24:320:24:37

Shall I? Shall I? Yeah, I will.

0:24:370:24:39

It was like our Janet talking to me again

0:24:390:24:41

and that was overwhelming as well, you know what I mean?

0:24:410:24:44

It was like...

0:24:440:24:46

Oh, she's given us a good thing here, you know what I mean?

0:24:460:24:48

You'll know that, won't you? Because, obviously, I've never heard her talk.

0:24:480:24:51

Yeah.

0:24:510:24:53

When it comes out of me, you'll be thinking of your sister.

0:24:530:24:55

Yes, of course. We look at you and we can see her,

0:24:550:24:58

you know what I mean?

0:24:580:24:59

It's scary, isn't it?

0:24:590:25:02

Isn't it a lovely day?

0:25:020:25:04

Today, Linda and Wendy want to show Sandy where her mum Janet grew up...

0:25:040:25:10

and it's a place Sandy recognises from earlier in her search.

0:25:100:25:14

God, it's weird coming back here after 13 years.

0:25:140:25:17

We knocked on that door, trying to find my mum.

0:25:170:25:20

-I know, it's a shame we weren't here.

-Oh, yeah.

0:25:200:25:22

-Because we didn't live here then.

-The woman that...

-Imagine what it'd been like.

0:25:220:25:25

The woman that answered the door, she said she didn't know.

0:25:250:25:28

It's quite nice to come back here with yous.

0:25:280:25:31

You'll have to move here, Sandy, to the village.

0:25:310:25:35

Like, my mum used to knock round here with yous and things,

0:25:350:25:37

-know what I mean?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

0:25:370:25:38

It's quite unreal, to be honest.

0:25:380:25:40

The aunts are keen for Sandy to learn as much as she can

0:25:420:25:45

about her mother.

0:25:450:25:47

They're taking her to meet their older brother Rob,

0:25:470:25:50

who has lots of photos of Janet.

0:25:500:25:52

-Hello, there.

-Hello, are you all right?

-How are you doing?

0:25:520:25:55

I'm fine, thank you. Yeah, you?

0:25:550:25:59

-WENDY:

-Are you all right, Rob?

-Why-aye.

0:25:590:26:02

It's nice to see photos of my mum because, when I look at them,

0:26:050:26:08

I think, "Some of them just look like me."

0:26:080:26:11

-You try and work out what's happened by looking at the picture...

-Yeah.

0:26:110:26:14

-..or what she's been doing.

-It's just...

0:26:140:26:16

As you can see, she's had a fun life.

0:26:160:26:18

-It's the blonde hair.

-I haven't seen them ones before.

0:26:180:26:22

It looks like she's happy enough. I always wondered what she looked like.

0:26:220:26:26

Until you see photos and that, then you don't, so...

0:26:260:26:28

Did you think, "Oh, she just looks like me"?

0:26:280:26:31

-I did, yeah, she's got a look of me, yeah.

-Shocked.

0:26:310:26:34

Because I always wondered, when I was younger, when...

0:26:340:26:37

"Do I look like my mum? Do I look like my dad?"

0:26:370:26:39

You don't know, do you?

0:26:390:26:41

So defo my mum.

0:26:410:26:43

Me mum looks happy holding a baby.

0:26:430:26:45

Yeah, that's what I keep looking at, when she's got hold of the baby.

0:26:450:26:48

-The smile's different.

-Yeah. She must be thinking...

-Memories.

0:26:480:26:52

..of me, yeah.

0:26:520:26:54

Glad I've found yous.

0:26:540:26:58

You can have that now, can't you?

0:26:580:27:00

Yeah.

0:27:000:27:02

Sorry.

0:27:020:27:04

-I did say I wasn't going to cry.

-You're setting me off.

0:27:040:27:07

There's nowt wrong with crying, lass, it just shows that you care.

0:27:070:27:10

I was just looking at the photos and things.

0:27:100:27:13

You can see she's had fun and that,

0:27:130:27:15

even though she had to give me up at the end.

0:27:150:27:18

-It would have been hard for our Janet, wouldn't it, like?

-Yeah.

0:27:180:27:21

Giving you up and then having to carry on with life.

0:27:210:27:24

Because she'd have known in her mind that...

0:27:240:27:26

-That you were there, somewhere.

-..I was there, somewhere.

-Yeah.

0:27:260:27:30

Sandy knows for sure that her mum never forgot her

0:27:300:27:33

and always hoped one day she'd return,

0:27:330:27:36

and she has the proof.

0:27:360:27:38

I got a ring given off one of my mum's friends.

0:27:380:27:43

The words were, my mum said,

0:27:430:27:46

"If my daughter ever turns up, please give her this ring."

0:27:460:27:50

And because I turned up and found you all, she gave me the ring...

0:27:500:27:54

-That's nice.

-..which was quite emotional.

0:27:540:27:56

It'll be with me forever and I'll treasure it as much as I can.

0:27:560:28:00

-She always wore it and she'd expect you to always wear it, wouldn't she?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

0:28:000:28:04

The ring has brought Sandy physically closer to her mum

0:28:040:28:08

and Sandy's return to her family has only strengthened

0:28:080:28:12

her aunts' memories of a much missed sister.

0:28:120:28:16

-Nobody could say you don't look like your mother.

-Yeah.

0:28:160:28:19

You're two peas in a pod.

0:28:210:28:23

The photos, and that, I've seen today were quite upsetting

0:28:230:28:27

because they're all of my mum and the family.

0:28:270:28:29

And it's just upsetting because I think she looks like me.

0:28:290:28:33

Yeah, I got upset. I didn't want to but I did.

0:28:330:28:36

Now I've found my family, I relate my mum through

0:28:360:28:40

my aunties and uncles.

0:28:400:28:42

It still hasn't sunk in properly yet.

0:28:420:28:44

-Yeah, it's only been a few months since we met her.

-I still wake up

0:28:440:28:47

-and think we were just dreaming it, know what I mean?

-Yeah.

0:28:470:28:50

But no, no.

0:28:500:28:51

-It's still emotional sometimes as well.

-Yeah, definitely.

0:28:510:28:54

-Aye, of course it is.

-There's no keeping her away now, is there?

0:28:540:28:58

No, that's it, she's got us all now. She's got us all.

0:28:580:29:01

Might be a long way away, but not in our hearts and our mind.

0:29:010:29:06

I've learnt a lot today about my mum

0:29:060:29:08

and I'm so glad that I've heard such great things about her.

0:29:080:29:13

It's just a shame that I didn't get to meet her

0:29:130:29:15

but, yeah, it's been great today.

0:29:150:29:17

Alfie Alcorn was born in Liverpool,

0:29:240:29:26

but aged just eight, he was adopted by relatives in America

0:29:260:29:31

after both his parents died.

0:29:310:29:33

Alfie's been desperate to track down any family on his father's side,

0:29:330:29:38

but after two separate trips to Liverpool ended in failure,

0:29:380:29:41

he'd given up hope.

0:29:410:29:43

I spent a couple of days, in and around Liverpool,

0:29:430:29:46

just trying to find out about the Dennys,

0:29:460:29:50

but no Dennys.

0:29:500:29:51

But 60 miles away in Colne, Lancashire,

0:29:530:29:56

73-year-old John Denny

0:29:560:29:58

has also been wondering about his father's life.

0:29:580:30:02

Because I was born in the war, like a lot of kids,

0:30:020:30:04

we never knew our fathers.

0:30:040:30:06

My dad was away in active service in Brazil, Argentina,

0:30:060:30:10

all over the world basically.

0:30:100:30:13

And as a child growing up in wartime Liverpool,

0:30:130:30:15

his dad's wider family also remained largely a mystery.

0:30:150:30:19

On my father's side, he was one of,

0:30:190:30:22

I think it was, eight children.

0:30:220:30:24

At that time, you didn't really know just who was who.

0:30:240:30:28

Now kids can ask their parents anything,

0:30:280:30:31

or get told everything by their parents.

0:30:310:30:34

When I was a kid, you wouldn't dare to ask questions.

0:30:340:30:38

John's determination to find out more about his dad's family

0:30:380:30:41

has only grown with time.

0:30:410:30:43

As you get older, people disappear,

0:30:430:30:46

they either leave town or you've been told that they've died.

0:30:460:30:50

It's part of your ageing process.

0:30:500:30:52

I realise now that I didn't know that much about my own family

0:30:520:30:56

and I don't want my granddaughter to not know who her family was.

0:30:560:31:00

So John resolved to create a family tree for his granddaughter.

0:31:000:31:04

During the course of the research, he typed his own name

0:31:040:31:08

into an internet search engine and made a life-changing discovery.

0:31:080:31:12

I used one of the search engines and put my own name in,

0:31:120:31:15

and it came up with the name of Alfred John Alcorn.

0:31:150:31:19

And I thought, "What is Alfred John Alcorn got to do with John Denny?"

0:31:190:31:23

And it turns out he's an American author.

0:31:240:31:27

A little more digging uncovered further details about this

0:31:270:31:31

mysterious Mr Alcorn.

0:31:310:31:33

There was a bio that said that Alfred John Alcorn was

0:31:330:31:38

born in June, 1941,

0:31:380:31:43

and his name at that time was Alfred John Denny.

0:31:430:31:47

So as I read further into his bio, he talks about his dad,

0:31:470:31:51

who was Alfred James Denny,

0:31:510:31:53

and, wow, did that ring a bell.

0:31:530:31:55

That was Pop's brother.

0:31:550:31:58

John had stumbled across a cousin he never knew existed.

0:31:580:32:02

Next, he went on social media and struck gold.

0:32:020:32:05

It showed an Alfred John,

0:32:050:32:08

or Alfred J Alcorn in Boston,

0:32:080:32:11

so I thought, "That's my man."

0:32:110:32:14

I sent him a friend request and,

0:32:140:32:16

although there's a five-hour time lag between here and Boston,

0:32:160:32:20

there was an answer about 20 minutes later.

0:32:200:32:23

"Hi, John. How the hell have you found me?

0:32:230:32:26

"Where are you?

0:32:260:32:28

"I think we're related."

0:32:280:32:29

I wrote back immediately and at first a little bit,

0:32:290:32:33

not sceptical, but since I'd been so unsuccessful,

0:32:330:32:38

not quite believing.

0:32:380:32:40

And then it, you know, became obvious that John was my first cousin.

0:32:400:32:45

He was overjoyed, I think, because I think he'd found the key

0:32:450:32:48

to a side of the family,

0:32:480:32:52

a side of his life, he just knew absolutely nothing about.

0:32:520:32:56

It was a really nice surprise to suddenly think, "Wow."

0:32:560:33:00

You know, again this was this shadow world,

0:33:000:33:04

almost a ghost world,

0:33:040:33:06

that was coming to life.

0:33:060:33:08

Over the past 20 years, the internet has revolutionised

0:33:100:33:14

the process of finding missing relatives.

0:33:140:33:17

Without leaving your home,

0:33:190:33:20

you have a wealth of genealogy research tools at your fingertips.

0:33:200:33:25

Message boards are a great way to share information and to

0:33:250:33:29

connect with other people who are also searching for lost relatives.

0:33:290:33:34

And, of course, there's social media,

0:33:340:33:37

which can be a very immediate way of tracking someone down.

0:33:370:33:41

But if you do find someone quickly via this route,

0:33:410:33:43

don't act straight away.

0:33:430:33:46

Take time to consider how to make contact

0:33:460:33:48

and think about the potential impact this might have on you and them.

0:33:480:33:53

It can be a good idea to use an intermediary,

0:33:530:33:56

especially in cases of adoption, where it's strongly recommended

0:33:560:34:00

you only proceed with the help

0:34:000:34:01

and advice of an experienced adoption counsellor.

0:34:010:34:05

After more than 60 years' separation,

0:34:080:34:10

Alfred has finally found his Liverpool family

0:34:100:34:13

and John now has a new connection to his own father's past.

0:34:130:34:18

I'd felt that our family hadn't treated Alfie

0:34:180:34:22

as he deserved to be treated, following the death of his parents.

0:34:220:34:27

And I wanted to try, if I could, help him in some way.

0:34:270:34:30

Realising Alfie only had faint memories of his father,

0:34:320:34:36

John sent him a photograph.

0:34:360:34:38

I remembered him in my memories,

0:34:380:34:42

but I had no photographic evidence at all,

0:34:420:34:46

and then I got this picture

0:34:460:34:49

of him in his uniform.

0:34:490:34:53

It was the first time Alfie had seen his father's face

0:34:530:34:57

in over 60 years.

0:34:570:34:59

It was just incredibly gratifying

0:34:590:35:02

to be able to look at this picture and remember him.

0:35:020:35:05

And so the memory lined up with the photograph, so to speak.

0:35:050:35:09

And it took me a little while for that to happen, but then it did.

0:35:090:35:13

Now, nine months after they first made contact,

0:35:130:35:17

Alfie's come over from America to Liverpool, with his wife Sally,

0:35:170:35:21

to meet John for what may, or may not, be the very first time.

0:35:210:35:26

I have this very, very faint recollection of visiting this

0:35:260:35:30

family who'd got a couple of kids

0:35:300:35:33

about my age.

0:35:330:35:36

Now, with hindsight,

0:35:360:35:38

it could well of been Alfie.

0:35:380:35:40

It's going to be about 70 years since that meeting,

0:35:400:35:44

if we did even actually meet then, but I'm pretty sure now that we did.

0:35:440:35:48

They've arranged to meet at the Old Docks in Liverpool,

0:35:500:35:53

an area much changed since their childhoods.

0:35:530:35:56

I don't know quite what to expect,

0:35:590:36:03

first cousin, my age.

0:36:030:36:05

I don't think he's a teetotaller...

0:36:050:36:08

SHE LAUGHS

0:36:080:36:10

..so we have some things in common.

0:36:100:36:12

Basically, I just want to thank him,

0:36:120:36:14

you know, for opening up that

0:36:140:36:17

closed chapter of my life.

0:36:170:36:20

I think it will be kind of amazing to find...

0:36:210:36:25

To be able to just speak directly back and forth.

0:36:250:36:28

I'm sure other things will become unearthed.

0:36:280:36:32

In all honesty, I don't know quite what to expect.

0:36:330:36:37

One has a picture of the

0:36:380:36:42

atypical American, sort of loud and brash.

0:36:420:36:45

But then again, the guy is a limey at heart.

0:36:450:36:48

He was born a scouser

0:36:480:36:50

and will be a scouser,

0:36:500:36:53

so we'll just have to wait and see.

0:36:530:36:56

So it all builds up to a degree of,

0:36:560:36:58

shall we say, nervous anticipation.

0:36:580:37:01

It's...

0:37:010:37:02

It's... You know, words fail me.

0:37:020:37:04

It's mega. It really is mega.

0:37:040:37:07

I think I recognise the old, red brick

0:37:090:37:13

more than anything else

0:37:130:37:16

because, like everything else, it's been, kind of,

0:37:160:37:18

tarted up over the years.

0:37:180:37:20

Ah, I love this little, these little docks.

0:37:240:37:29

I get...

0:37:290:37:30

OK... Good God, that's him!

0:37:300:37:33

My goodness.

0:37:330:37:34

-Alfie!

-Cousin!

0:37:340:37:36

You old dog!

0:37:360:37:39

-How are you?

-I'm fine.

0:37:390:37:42

-You've kept me waiting nine months.

-I did, I did. Nine months, yeah.

0:37:420:37:46

-And I've kept you waiting 73 years.

-Exactly, yeah.

0:37:460:37:51

-Hello, lovely to meet you, John.

-And you.

-Great.

0:37:510:37:56

-It's amazing.

-Yes.

-It is. Good for you for pulling this one off.

0:37:560:38:00

Yeah, thank you.

0:38:000:38:02

-Thank you so much.

-Alfie!

-Cousin!

0:38:020:38:05

-God, you're the first Denny I've seen in...

-Ever.

0:38:050:38:09

-..in nearly 70 years.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:38:090:38:13

Aware of all the gaps in Alfie's knowledge,

0:38:130:38:15

John's brought with him a case full of precious memories

0:38:150:38:19

of the Liverpool family he's barely known,

0:38:190:38:22

including the photograph of his father.

0:38:220:38:25

-That's Alfred James.

-Oh, my.

0:38:250:38:29

-Not a bad-looking fella.

-Well, all of the Dennys are handsome.

0:38:290:38:32

Yeah, that's true.

0:38:320:38:34

It is incredible to see another picture

0:38:340:38:37

and what's really incredible is that box of goodies.

0:38:370:38:40

-Well, you've had to wait for that then.

-I know, I know.

0:38:400:38:43

That's going to take us...

0:38:430:38:44

We've got to live a few more years so we can get through that.

0:38:440:38:48

So what do your kids think about this?

0:38:480:38:50

They're happy for me. They think I feel more legitimate now somehow.

0:38:500:38:54

You have made all of the Dennys talk again.

0:38:570:39:01

Really?! OK, well, you made me...

0:39:010:39:03

-You know... It's your fault.

-No, it's not. It's yours.

0:39:030:39:06

Alfie may have the rest of his life to catch up on the family history,

0:39:090:39:13

but he only has a couple of days in his old home town.

0:39:130:39:16

And with his new-found cousin, he's keen to spend time retracing

0:39:160:39:21

his life as a child, growing up around the Liverpool docks...

0:39:210:39:24

..starting with the street where he lived as a little boy.

0:39:260:39:30

-Sherlock Lane, I remember that.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:39:300:39:33

So it's a little bit Sherlock Holmes that we found it.

0:39:330:39:36

A little bit, yeah.

0:39:360:39:37

And then the entrance to the house is up and in to the...

0:39:370:39:42

-It's in the ginnel, is it?

-Do you want to...?

0:39:420:39:44

-Let's give that a go.

-Yeah.

0:39:440:39:46

Alfie's old house is still standing.

0:39:460:39:49

He and his family lived above a shop,

0:39:490:39:51

though things have changed somewhat since then.

0:39:510:39:54

I lived here back in the early '40s...

0:39:540:39:56

-SHOPKEEPER:

-Oh, right.

0:39:560:39:58

..with my bother and my mother and,

0:39:580:40:00

at times my dad, he was away in the war...

0:40:000:40:03

and this was an old bicycle shop.

0:40:030:40:08

It is one of those things that's just simply hard to of imagined

0:40:080:40:12

back then that there would have been this kind of abundance now.

0:40:120:40:17

Then it's time to take a look round the back -

0:40:170:40:20

Alfie's natural playground as a kid.

0:40:200:40:22

We used to have Guy Fawkes bonfires here,

0:40:240:40:28

right on this area right here, yeah.

0:40:280:40:31

And it's not just Alfie for whom memories are stirring.

0:40:310:40:35

I'm pretty sure now that that recollection I've got...

0:40:350:40:40

Because it was the terrace and that was it.

0:40:400:40:43

And I remember coming out through the house, into a back yard,

0:40:430:40:47

which presumably is going to be there.

0:40:470:40:50

-This

-back yard. The

-back yard. Yeah.

0:40:500:40:52

-I think you and I have actually played together.

-We may have, yeah.

0:40:520:40:56

And for two small boys growing up, what could be more exciting

0:40:580:41:02

than a treacle factory on the doorstep?

0:41:020:41:05

These used to molasses then?

0:41:050:41:06

-There were two or three that were molasses...

-Yeah.

0:41:060:41:09

..and they bricked them up against the Luftwaffe

0:41:090:41:12

because you didn't want molasses all over the place.

0:41:120:41:17

You'd come to a sticky end, I should say. But when they trucks would

0:41:170:41:20

pull in, or when they were coming out, would slow down

0:41:200:41:23

and it was still dripping from where it discharged the molasses.

0:41:230:41:27

We'd ride on the back of a truck for a while,

0:41:270:41:30

taking a finger and licking the stuff off.

0:41:300:41:32

Didn't your mum give you some...?

0:41:320:41:34

Sweet memories for Alfie.

0:41:340:41:35

The perfect end to a momentous day, which has put him back in touch

0:41:350:41:39

with his father's side off the family after more than 60 years.

0:41:390:41:43

The whole world has changed,

0:41:450:41:47

so it's coming back to the same area,

0:41:470:41:50

but you're not coming back to the same place.

0:41:500:41:53

I had a link to my past before but now I have a living link.

0:41:530:41:57

It's the other side of my family, where I came from,

0:41:570:42:00

and maybe it's a form of egotism, but I'm very curious about them.

0:42:000:42:05

Coming round with Alfie, it's just blowing my mind away,

0:42:050:42:08

it really is.

0:42:080:42:09

He's really pleased, I think.

0:42:090:42:12

It's a shame that we've missed what we have.

0:42:120:42:15

But I tell you what, the last few days...

0:42:170:42:19

..it's as if I've known the guy all my life, it really is.

0:42:200:42:23

What happened to Alfie has made him what he is today,

0:42:230:42:27

and having seen the surroundings and all the rest of it,

0:42:270:42:30

I don't think Alfie would have achieved half as much.

0:42:300:42:32

I mean, OK, we might have been great mates

0:42:320:42:35

and all the rest of it, and that would have been fantastic,

0:42:350:42:37

but I don't think he'd have been the man he is today

0:42:370:42:40

without all of those formative years,

0:42:400:42:42

however awful they must have been for him and his brother.

0:42:420:42:45

It really is... It is...

0:42:450:42:47

It's moving. I'm sorry.

0:42:470:42:49

John's invited me over, we've come, it's been amazing so far.

0:42:520:42:57

And I think it's my turn now to invite him to the United States,

0:42:580:43:03

to New England, and show him some of the life that I did lead.

0:43:030:43:10

Reunited, the cousins can't wait to make up for lost time.

0:43:100:43:14

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