Episode 1 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents

This programme contains strong language

The freedom of your first-ever far-flung, long-haul holiday

away with your mates, 6,000 miles away from home to Thailand,

where booze comes in buckets...

..boys will be boys...

..and girls may be boys too.

I've seen one of their willies.

A baptism of fire,

far from the glaring eyes of Mum and Dad.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Except in this case, the parents have come along too -

spying on the sly...

-Oh, my God, I can see him.

-Oh!

..secretly watching their every move.

-Oh!

-Jeez...

Drop...

But as the youngsters stumble merrily

down the fast lane to independence...

Go away!

Look at the state of him!

You've just got to give me a minute.

..one way or another,

someone is about to get...

Is that you doing that?!

..the shock of their lives.

Why are you here?

I'm not doing it.

Coming up,

it's sun, sex and a spanking good time.

Two very different groups fly 6,000 miles away from home

for a holiday of a lifetime in Thailand.

20-year-old Alex flashes - and splashes - the cash,

lapping up the ladies of Thailand on a week-long boozy bender...

..right before his mother's eyes.

Absolutely disgusted.

And 22-year-old unemployed Joss...

Argh! I want to go home.

..goes on the road to self-discovery...

Happy that my best friend's gay as well.

There's condoms in the hotel room - ha ha!

..blissfully unaware his mum has come on holiday with him too.

How will the parents cope?

I think a lot of that was him protecting me.

You knew what you were signing up for.

Go away!

And how will the kids react?

In Huddersfield...

How exciting. Cheers!

..20-year-old IT consultant Alex

lives with his mum Suzanna and her partner Paul.

For Alex, it's all about his image.

I love my hair. It's my pride and joy.

It normally takes me about two hours to get ready.

The question is, ready for what?

We don't really know a lot about his love life.

As long as I look good to everyone else and to myself,

it's fine by me.

I know he's very popular with the girls.

Extremely popular with the girls.

My willy is huge.

At least that big.

Alex may be obsessed with his manly measurements...

..but at home, he's still a little boy.

Don't forget these, darling - hair remover.

My mum definitely babies me, a lot.

Is that for your chest hair?

-Is it?

-Yeah, and my ball sack.

Don't be so rude.

She does everything for me.

I pretty much...take advantage of it.

Emergency, sore throat.

In Thailand?

I know I spoil him, but I just can't help it.

Emergency in case you fall over.

No, it's a big plaster.

Shopping, washing, ironing,

cleaning, polishing shoes.

His suits have to be immaculate for work.

Put the soap in, because they probably won't have soap there.

He is my baby, my only son, my baby.

# I want to get my women loud in Thailand... #

Joining Alex on his lads' holiday

are his two best mates, Josh and Tom.

-Pissed, pissed...

-Intoxicated, intoxicated and sick.

THEY LAUGH

The boys have heard good things about Thailand.

Thailand's pretty cheap.

Buckets, buckets of alcohol.

You're going to pass out.

Something like £8 a bucket.

Living at home rent-free

means he's not short of a bit of spending money.

I think Alexander's really good with money.

I'm really, really, really bad with money.

-He works out his budget, doesn't he?

-Yeah.

And he never likes to go over.

Mum and Paul may have been misled.

By the time I've got my pay cheque, it's gone.

-He'll keep it back, won't he?

-Yeah.

-He's good like that.

At least Suzanna can relax,

knowing he doesn't waste it all on beer.

I've never seen him really drunk at all.

Money goes on booze.

He doesn't drink at home.

And in the week, obviously, he won't drink because he's got work.

It's just going to be one massive party.

I can see us being drunk most of the time we are there.

This trip to Thailand could prove to be quite an eye-opener.

Partying, music, booze, girls.

Someone get me a shot of Jager, please.

I think the excitement of going out to see Alexander on holiday...

Please get me a shot of Jager...

..will be to see what he actually does get up to.

# Thailand! #

The person who we describe

isn't always the person that his friends describe.

No kidding...

In Kent, 22-year-old Joss lives with his mum, Penny.

He's a natural entertainer.

Since he was tiny, he used to make up his own plays

and come and perform in front of you.

You go, "That's lovely, darling, thank you!"

Mum, make yourself a nice cup of coffee, why don't you?

I've been in theatre school for four years.

My massive goal and dream would be to perform on the West End stage,

but dreams never come true.

Sometimes they do.

Check, say "Ow!"...

Joss may have big ambitions, but a lack of self-belief

is preventing him from fulfilling his dream.

I've been unemployed for the last, like, seven months,

and I absolutely hate it, oh, my God.

I'm on Jobseekers', it's the worst thing in my life.

You've got to find some sort of a job, because it's not just money -

it's a sense of self-worth, it's getting up in the morning,

it's interacting with other people.

I know, I hate it - everyone judges me,

going, "You're unemployed..."

It's like you don't want a job.

He's desperately looking for a job, he's been looking for ages,

and he does apply and apply and apply.

I just want to get a job. I hate...

All I do is clean, I'm like Cinderella.

Joss is hoping Thailand will give him the confidence boost

he so desperately needs.

Going to Thailand's definitely going to be a fresh start.

I think it'll really restart my life,

cos right now it's gone...downhill, and it's not good.

It may also help boost his knowledge of geography.

Thailand's such different place.

It's near Dubai, innit, Thailand?

It's near Dubai.

Is Thailand near Dubai? It's not near Dubai?

Where is Dubai?

Joss has only been abroad once,

so mum Penny is keen to offer some parental advice.

Sexually, you have got to be very careful.

-Oh, yeah, I ain't popping nothing.

-Well, just be...

I'll bring you back a lady boy to clean the house.

Well...

Despite being close,

Joss isn't open with his mum about everything.

I'm quite a secretive person.

I don't really tell my mum a lot of stuff

about who I pull, who I kiss -

I never kiss and tell.

Bring back nothing you can't leave on the mantelpiece on full display,

nothing that needs ongoing medical attention.

Or...

# La-la-la-la...! #

Joss has found it tough dealing with his own sexuality

and doesn't feel ready to open up.

I think she is aware a little bit about what sexuality I am,

but we don't really talk about it.

He sort of told me a couple of years ago

that he doesn't really know which way he wants to go in life.

He's not talked about it since.

Joss was bullied at school and it knocked his confidence.

It's really hard to do it face to face with people

and go, "This is who I am."

I can't even say the word, I hate the word.

It's the fact it's a stereotype word.

I'm still the same person, but just attracted to different people.

Thankfully, Joss has since met some good friends at drama college

who will be joining him on his holiday.

My two mates are coming - one called Eman,

he's, like, big, black, token gay guy.

-I want to try a deep-fried insect.

-Oh, no...

Give me some deep-fried insect with some chicken wings

-and I'm good to go.

-THEY LAUGH

And my other friend, Danielle, is a brunette girl,

really scatty, really dipsy.

I can be sensible, but I wouldn't trust me with passports

and things like that.

I'm a bit clumsy, and I can lose things.

I want to teach a lady boy how to twerk.

THEY LAUGH

Eman will probably pull a lady boy.

If he was into girls, I'd be like, "Check the third leg.

"Make sure there's not one down there."

Despite her concerns,

mum Penny is hoping the trip to Thailand

will help Joss regain some self-belief.

Maybe it will open their eyes up to the world a bit more, you know?

Make them see things a bit differently

and see themselves differently, as well.

Bye, have fun, see you later. Have fun in Edinburgh.

We'll see.

Bye!

Bye...

See you soon.

Let's get pissed in Thailand!

THEY CHEER

-Love you...

-Over in Huddersfield,

Alex and his mates are saying their goodbyes.

Look after everybody.

I'll try.

Mum Suzanna is getting a little apprehensive.

To follow him out and see what he gets up to,

that's both scary and exciting.

I love you...

'We think we know him - we may not know him at all.'

Bye. See you.

We're going to Thailand!

It may not be just the kids

who are in for the shock of their lives.

See you in a few days.

No trip to Thailand would be complete

without a stopover in Bangkok.

And 16 hours later, they arrive.

With its high-rise buildings, heavy traffic,

intense heat and naughty nightlife,

it's a chance for Alex to let his hair down.

So, Josh, how do you feel

about seeing a girl fire a ping-pong ball out of her pussy?

Yeah, you've got to catch them.

If you catch 'em, I heard you get a free drink.

A free drink if you catch them.

In your mouth.

As the boys check in,

they realise anything is available in Bangkok -

but everything has a price.

Hey, condoms!

It's all right, we've got beer now!

Bagsie having this one.

Alex, you can't make a bed.

I can't make a bed to save my life.

Get my mum to do it.

Or you.

I only ever change my sheets when there's a bird coming round.

I only ever change my sheets after a bird's left.

I want them to come back again.

I don't. I don't even ring 'em the next day.

Player.

6,000 miles away from home,

Joss, Eman and Danielle have landed, and are on a mission.

I do think we should actually go out tonight

and try and see Bangkok's nightlife.

Are you going to bang cock, though?

What's our slogan?

BOTH: Half nine, pulling time.

There's just 24 hours to enjoy everything the city has to offer,

so admiring the sights will be top of their agenda.

THEY LAUGH

-This is the worst view...

-What am I looking at?

I bet your parents' house is better than this view.

Very interesting.

I'm going to get the vodka out, I've had enough already.

-Are you starting already?

-Yeah.

All right, you might as well start me up -

pour me some, pour me some.

Get off me! Off my bed!

Night descends,

and the Yorkshire boys prepare for a night on the town.

When you're in this with some nice Thai bird tonight,

I'm just going to fold you both up in it.

Get off me!

Don't break the mattress.

Josh is going to get some pussy. He's not very fussy.

Where are we going?

-Tuk tuk!

-Tuk tuk!

-Tuk tuk!

-Tuk tuk!

-Tuk tuk!

-Tuk tuk! Tuk...

Argh! There's a fucking car!

Whoo! Hiya!

Oh, Jesus, don't turn like that!

This is mental, ow!

Jesus Christ, my head!

Oh, my hair, my hair's going all over the place.

Every time we turn, I feel like I'm going to tip over.

With the wind in their hair and the sweet smell of Thai air,

there's only one thing on their minds.

Wow, look at her.

We want pussy, we want pussy.

Pussy - where's the best place for pussy in the whole of Thailand?

Possibly here.

Girls on the pole on the sign.

I hope it's not lady boys on a pole, I swear to God.

# One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster

# The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free... #

Alex is true to his words.

Another tequila.

As the girls flash their pants, he's splashing his cash.

I'm a big spender.

Big spender.

# "Pound The Alarm" by Nicki Minaj

Argh! Look at that, mate!

His mum thinks he spends his money wisely.

She may have second thoughts when she sees this.

I'll flash my cash

and I'll put money where my mouth is

and I'll put money...where...where their knickers are.

I don't really care, like.

There's so many Thai birds.

I don't know if they're men or women.

But...

..I hope they're women.

I'm not going to take any girl home, that's not my plan, but...

We'll see how the...the...

Oh, I'm so drunk.

We'll see how the night goes.

Well, if Tom's behaviour is anything to go by,

it could get pretty messy.

Meanwhile, uptown, there is a show of a different kind.

Joss, Eman and Danielle

have come to see Bangkok's spectacular lady-boy cabaret.

They are stunning, they are really, really stunning.

You look at them and go, "Wow."

Some of them have still got a dick.

I'm a bit, like, "I can see your bulge.

"Oh, my God, what is going on downstairs?"

Looking good upstairs - downstairs, not working.

Accepted and celebrated in Thai culture,

the lady boys have left Joss full of admiration

for the country's liberal attitudes towards sexuality.

-Hurry up, go!

-Go and...

-Go, stop being...

They have got a lot of guts, for being who they are,

"This is who I am," on stage, kind of thing,

and all these people here are giving their support,

going, "Do you know what? This is you."

They're loving it.

And another feature of Bangkok's liberal attitude

is its diverse choice of nightlife.

# Y-M-C-A

# It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A... #

Joss and Eman show the locals a few moves.

And as the party moves up a gear,

it's time for Eman to teach them how to twerk.

It appears twerking is something these Thai men

are already pretty good at,

and by the looks of it - unlike Eman -

could probably do all night.

As the party heats up and the clothes come off,

Joss isn't quite ready for the gay nightlife of Bangkok.

We've got dignity, bye!

-Someone tried to pull me...

-It was like, "Come dance with me..."

-And I was like...

-"Cheeky baby!"

"No, sorry, sorry."

That's why the dancing happened, cos I didn't like the fact...

Sorry, no.

A heavy twerking session might be enough to put Joss off his appetite,

but not Eman, who's keen to try out some traditional delicacies.

What's the best one to eat?

VENDOR: Scorpion.

-Scorpion?!

-Yeah, it tastes of chicken.

-All right, I'll have a scorpion...

-No way!

Whoo! I think that's all I can eat.

I didn't realise you could proper see them.

Oh, my... Look at that!

All right, ready.

A fried grasshopper isn't most people's first choice

for a starter.

Oh! Crunches!

-What does it taste like?

-It actually crunches.

Tastes like shrimp.

But then it's small fry compared to eating a scorpion.

I'm scared about this one.

-Oh...

-Do I take the legs off?

-That looks like it's still alive.

You eat the whole thing.

I can't even touch it.

Three, two, one, go!

Oh!

What does it taste like?

-Tastes like chicken?

-Yeah.

-Are you enjoying it?

-Yeah... No.

-Would you eat it again?

-No.

That is disgusting.

Well done, Emmanuel, well done.

No, I'm not eating it, sorry. I can't do it.

Are you OK?

Are you going to be sick?

HE GAGS

Thankfully, Eman is fine,

which is more than can be said for Alex and Josh.

-Third floor.

-Want me to call the lift?

What was it Alex's mum said about him not being a drinker at home?

Well, he's certainly making up for it in Bangkok.

You're fine, you're fine.

12:15am and determined not to call it a night,

he's come up with a cunning plan.

Tactical chunder...

..which means, erm...I'm going to throw up on purpose

so I can drink more and go out for longer.

Are you being sick? Are you being sick?

Even if it's water, it'll make you feel better.

No shit...

Do you want some water?

Don't you feel better now?

Keep going, keep going...

Unfortunately for Alex,

his tactical chunder idea has gone down the pan.

The next morning, a worse-for-wear Alex

is trying recollect what happened...

HE GROANS

..and where all his money has gone.

What the fuck happened last night?

Out of 7,000, I've got 1,000 left.

Oh, no...

I don't have anything.

I've lost the rest of my cash.

Do you not remember buying all the strippers drinks last night

and shoving money down their pants?

You've spent 6,000 baht and you've been putting money in knickers.

I definitely wasn't shoving money down anyone's pants.

That didn't happen.

It's the end of their brief city stopover,

as both groups head to their next destination,

Koh Samui.

I don't think it's sunk in that I'm around the world.

I do genuinely think I'm in, like, London, still.

When you think, "I'm 12 hours away,

"there's not a family member around at all..."

I think I'll get to the island and think, "Oh, my God, where's Mum?"

Unbeknownst to Joss, his mum is closer than he thinks.

Landing on the beautiful island of Koh Samui

are Penny and her partner Roberto,

along with Alex's mum Suzanna and her partner Paul.

-Hi! Suzanna.

-Penny...

To think he has no idea I'm here is just...

It's bizarre.

I hope he has come up with an itinerary

-and looked at a few things...

-Taken in the culture.

Taken in the culture.

Alex has certainly taken in some culture,

but maybe not what his mum had in mind.

And now, along with Joss's parents,

they are about to see what their kids have been up to

for the first time.

OK...here we go.

First up is Alex.

-What'll we get up to?

-I don't know.

-What shall we do?

-Ping-pong shows.

-Yeah!

Girls spread out like that, firing ping pongs...

THEY LAUGH

If you catch them, I heard you get a free drink.

A free drink if you catch them.

In your mouth.

Oh, God...

-Is that him there?

-Yeah.

-Is that Alexander?

He's paying money?

Not for a dance, or something?

-What, the three of them...?

-Giving them drinks or something.

Yes!

Naughty!

It looked all right. They were enjoying it, weren't they?

All still together. All together...

Do you think they were girls or boys or...?

-They looked like girls, they were girls.

-Really?

The only thing that was bulging was the shorts,

the amount of money he was putting in.

THEY LAUGH

I was wondering where his money all went.

-Now we know, don't we?

-Yes.

-Incredible.

OK, let's go...

Penny has a close relationship with Joss

and hopes his Thailand experience will help boost his confidence.

-Let's go, Joss.

-Let's see.

He's posing with them there! Bless him!

Some of them look amazing,

but I noticed some of them still have a dick.

I'm a bit, like, "I can see your bulge."

THEY LAUGH

-PAUL:

-He's going for it...

THEY LAUGH

-He doesn't want to know.

-No.

-He really doesn't want to know.

-They want to go, now.

-They're uncomfortable.

-They've had their fun.

We've got dignity, bye.

"We've got dignity"!

- Oh, wonderful. - Brilliant.

They've had fun and they're happy, so...that's good.

Let's go.

'He's only been abroad once before.'

He's not seen anything, really, other than England,

so it's just such a huge shock to him,

and I knew it would be.

And there's more to come,

as both groups finally arrive on this tropical island paradise.

Welcome to Samui. Whoo!

Koh Samui, the original party destination of Thailand.

Full of bars, buckets of booze and all-day beach benders.

All you need is a hell of a lot of stamina

and a bit of cash in your wallet.

Just didn't give me any cash.

-Serious?

-Did it take your card?

No, I got my card back.

Try a different one. It might have been rigged.

Sadly, it looks like Alex has blown his budget already.

Fuck!

The bank has cancelled my card.

So, after checking my balance, I could not get money out anywhere.

Pissing me off.

Having checked in,

Joss and Danielle's big night out has also been put on hold by Eman,

who has just spent the last half hour on the loo.

That was horrible.

Not the kind of party

Penny and Roberto were quite expecting to spy on

as they listen in from the balcony directly above.

Eman, how did you get sick?

PENNY: Emmanuel's been ill.

It was either the scorpions or...

He's been eating insects, that's what's made him sick.

Grasshopper. It was either the scorpion or the grasshopper.

Oh, they've been eating all sorts of stuff.

Why did I eat it?

THEY LAUGH

Stay in tonight, get better, and do a big, full day tomorrow.

Because Emmanuel's not well, they're going to stay home.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Stay at home.

With nothing much to see or hear apart from Eman's bowel movements,

Penny and Roberto make a not-so-quiet getaway.

I just need to sleep.

ROBERTO KNOCKS

Who's that?

Don't know. Find out.

That's your boyfriend...

-Go on, then, Joss.

-No, you go, you get it...

Oh, you - oh, my God, you're a pair of...

PENNY: I thought we were going to get caught, I really did.

We just legged it, fast as we could go.

-That's true.

-I want my cocoa!

There's no-one there.

Oh...Danielle, get back to your little bed.

What was that about?

I ain't going out now, it might be some mass murderer.

Oh, my God!

Alex has just had a scare of his own.

I'm spending a fucking fortune.

Having checked his bank account,

he's just realised he spent his entire £500 budget

all on the first night.

Oh...

His mum won't be impressed.

Oh, I'm gutted.

I might have to extend my overdraft.

A man's got to do what he's got to do.

Fuck it, let's go out.

Overdraft extended, problem solved - time to party.

# "Drinking From The Bottle" by Calvin Harris feat Tinie Tempah

A few hours in,

and Alex steps outside for a breather.

Just walked down the road

and two girls said, "Thai massage, happy ending."

I'm pretty sure happy ending in Thailand is...

..something to do with your penis.

I'm not going to see.

Tom might.

I'm not.

They could ask Tom - if only they could find him.

Where the fuck's Tom?

Mate, seriously - Tom's disappeared, again.

With hundreds of bars, restaurants and massage parlours,

Tom could be anywhere.

I guarantee Tom is at Sound Club down here.

If he's not, I'm going home.

We'll give up. Leave him to it.

He'll find his own way home, I don't give a shit.

After a fruitless search,

the lads call it a night and head home.

He's a lad, like. He can look after himself.

-He knows how to find his way.

-Yeah.

I reckon he's just been sick again and I'm pretty sure he'll find us.

I'm hoping so, anyway, like...

If he doesn't, I'll be pretty...pretty worried.

It's a new day,

and Joss is still nursing his best friend Eman.

-Eman, are you praying?

-Pardon?

-Are you praying?

EMAN MUMBLES

You've had diarrhoea on day one of your holiday.

Yeah.

-Is it coming out of you like lava?

-Yeah.

Oh...that is a shitty bum.

Hopefully, plans for a day out

haven't gone completely down the drain.

Um...I think I'll be able to go, but we just need to make sure

that we know all toilets are available and free

on the elephant ride.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, God, is that their poo? That's huge.

-They're big animals.

-But their poo is huge.

-You look like you're so comfortable up there.

-Yeah?

-You're born to ride an elephant.

-Yep.

You've both got big schlongs.

Good friend Eman is concerned about Joss

and his struggles with his confidence.

I'm a little bit worried about Joss, because I feel like he needs

to focus on himself, like, what does he want, what is his sexuality?

He hasn't had a proper job, he's never been in a proper relationship.

And it's literally, like, a bubble world.

-Do you feel like you're at home?

-Yeah!

-Here comes Aladdin! Whoo!

I was born to ride Jumbo!

The day he admits who he is, as a sexuality,

he will be so much happier, and he won't care what other...

Like, he says he don't care what other people think about him,

but you can see in his eyes that he does.

You back off! You bugger.

Having a bit of a freshen-up now, just feel a bit dirty.

-Feel minging.

-Do you want some more?

-Yeah.

-This is why it's good, hanging around gay guys!

-Well, one gay.

-Another gay.

-One gay. Fag hags. One gay and fag hags.

-Mind you...

-Shut up.

'People who have relationships, they know what their type is.'

Because I haven't been in relationships,

I don't think I've developed or found a type.

So, I'm still in the whole whirlwind situation of,

"Aargh!," kind of thing, "I just don't know!"

-It's great, hanging around with a gay.

-A gay! A gay! Fag hags.

I'm sorry, but I'm happy my best friend is gay, as well.

Basically, Eman is a poof.

JOSS SQUEALS

Whilst Joss is slowly beginning to regain his confidence,

Alex has found Tom, and a new way to spend his money.

How much is jet skiing?

-But what he doesn't realise is he is being followed.

-1,000?

Can we have 25 minutes for the same price?

And whilst the boys haggle,

Suzanna and Paul are spying from a beach villa just yards away.

This is for one.

-Have to draw some more money out.

-More money!

This is incredible, they're just, like, feet away.

I love shit like this.

I'm all about danger and extreme sports.

-How fab is that? Look!

-I know! Which one's Alexander?

The one at the front is Alexander. He's coming in, turning now.

He's doing that show-off turn now.

Yes, he'll be probably trying to jump over that flag.

-Darling, darling, it's Mummy!

-Here's Mummy!

He's not putting his money into a pair of knickers,

-he's putting it into an engine. Oh, fabulous.

-Is that relief?

-You're holding onto your heart!

-No, no, I'm just waiting. Just waiting.

Further down the beach, Joss is admiring the views.

Maybe he's found his type, after all.

There's a bit of eye candy!

-There's condoms in the hotel room.

-HE GIGGLES

If ever I pull on holiday, there's a bathroom,

so I'd have to go in the bathroom.

Or, um, if Eman likes, he can join.

Three in the bed and the little one said, roll over! That's what I say.

No, I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy. I won't do nothing like that.

Whilst Joss manages to show some restraint, Alex doesn't have

a care in the world, as he dives into an all-day pool party bender.

Not quite the cultural injection his mum was really hoping for.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

As the party gets going, it's not long before the money comes out

and the champagne starts flowing.

We're getting bottles of champagne. Pretty expensive, but...

Champagne! It's all about the champagne.

We love the champagne.

It looks like Alex isn't too worried about his overdraft.

All he wants to do is splash out, show off and enjoy himself.

There is something about the air, I think it makes you even more drunk.

I'm really drunk.

Up the beach, Joss and Eman are having their own crazy pool party.

Right, we're going to have a challenge, to see

who can hold their breath for longest. Three, two, one!

Thailand really does seem to be boosting Joss's confidence.

I feel really comfortable here,

I've enjoyed every single moment of being here.

The fact that I was in the pool with my top off, like,

that's the first time I've done that for ages, like,

so, yeah, obviously, I must feel really comfortable, being here.

Joss is comfortable, and cunning!

That's a fucking lie!

JOSS GASPS

It has been hard, growing up, it's been a hard journey,

hard journey to find out who I am right now.

'When I think about saying things,

'always get flashbacks of what happened in school, kind of thing.'

I got bullied at school, nastily, like.

Things that happened to me, like, I was bricked, I was stabbed,

I was set on fire, I can't remember one single day of school where...

I was happy.

It's like, I remember every single day, getting, like,

pushed down the stairs and dragged across the corridors.

It was nasty, it was horrible, but without that happening,

I wouldn't be the stronger person I am today.

I just feel refreshed, as such, refreshed to go back

and just go, "This is the time to knuckle down."

Back at the pool party,

the lads have been drinking for eight hours solid.

And all social barriers have come down.

Ko Samui is fucking awesome! I want to stay here. I want to live here.

I want to party every fucking night.

Alex has finally pulled. Twice.

And on a quest to take it further,

he's been splashing his cash on endless rounds of tequila.

There's one brunette that I've had my eye on.

I don't know her name, so... I've been buying her drinks.

I don't give a shit. If I get there, I get there.

His generosity has paid off, as Alex heads back to his hotel room

accompanied by the girl with no name.

Aah!

-That's called rape, in my country!

-What's called rape?

-Tackling someone to your bed!

-She loves it.

She might love it, but you need to ask her first.

Things progress to the shower.

Whoo!

Oh, me!

As Alex performs, what he doesn't realise is that the girl with

no name has just made a sharp exit.

But ever the exhibitionist, he decides to show the whole hotel

what she's missing.

Across town, Joss, Eman and Danielle have made it out

and are ready to hit the dizzy heights of drunkenness.

I think it makes you drunk quicker, with your head spinning,

it makes you more dizzy and you feel a bit tipsy for a few seconds.

Fuelled by booze, they hit the dance floor.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

And they are not the only ones dancing.

Across town, Alex has got his clothes back on.

But what he doesn't realise is that mum Suzanna

and partner Paul have also arrived.

This music's banging, mate!

I love the music here.

As they settle in for a late-night peepshow in the manager's office,

Alex has no idea they are watching his every move.

Look, he's right in the middle!

-Yes!

-THEY LAUGH

Thailand's amazing. I want to stay here. The clubs are great.

He's still saying that Thailand is amazing.

He's not seen anything other than the inside of the bars!

Other than wishing Alex would enjoy some culture,

he can do no wrong in his mother's eyes.

He's not even drinking that much, is he?

What's that big jug, in front of him?

That jug is an extremely strong cocktail in a two-litre bucket.

Yet mum Suzanna believes Alex is just a little worn out.

I think he's really tired.

I wish he'd stop dancing, because I think he's just showing off now.

No, he's exhausted. I know what it's like.

Look, he's holding onto the bar, he's tired.

He's just doing... Yeah, he's doing it.

He feels he's got to keep on going.

Drinking by the bucketload is clearly exhausting.

Actually, he's really, really tired. He's collapsed, really.

He is El Collapso!

Suzanna's not shocked, but spying on Alex has got her thinking.

I need to work on myself, really, it's stupid.

It's me that has the changing to do, the letting go,

the undoing of the apron strings.

He's fine, he's having a good time, he has to realise for himself.

We've had enough spying, let's go. Let's go and leave him happy.

It's a new day on Ko Samui and the parents have had time to reflect.

Despite seeing Alex being unable to control his drinking

or his finances, his mum is still refusing to stop the mollycoddling.

I am absolutely not changing, at all, in my original ideas

and how I baby my son, because I'm not ready to cut the apron strings.

Joss's mum hopes he can at last regain some self belief.

I'm hoping to see him happy, and going forward,

more confident to go back and pick up his life and start again.

Right, OK, Joss is up first, let's see what he's up to.

I feel really comfortable here,

like, I've enjoyed every single moment of being here.

Yesterday, I was in the pool with my top off,

that's the first time I've done that in ages.

-Right, we are going to have a challenge.

-Oh, no, not a challenge!

Who can hold their breath the longest?

My God, Joss with no top on, unbelievable!

THEY LAUGH

What a cheat!

-What a cheat!

-My relationship with my mum is really strong,

but I don't tell her as much as I should tell her.

I don't think she needs to know

everything about the homosexuality side.

I got bullied at school, nastily, like.

Like, I remember every single day, getting, like, pushed down

the stairs and dragged across the corridors.

It was nasty, it was horrible, but without that happening,

I wouldn't be the stronger person that I am today.

Oh, isn't that emotional? That's emotional for me!

I know he had a really tough time at school.

At one point, he was really, really badly bullied at school,

and he came home really beaten and...

-He's very strong.

-Good, yes.

-He's really strong inside.

He said he didn't speak to me as much as he should.

I think he knew if he told me

what was going on and how he was feeling, it would upset me.

But he said he didn't know himself.

-No, but I think a lot of that was him protecting me, as well.

-Yeah.

-So... Oh, God. This is a...

-Gosh! This is really emotional.

Pass the tissues!

I hope Alex hasn't got his head down the toilet again!

THEY LAUGH

I said before I came that coming to Thailand would definitely

make me think about what I want to do

when I get back to my home life, and definitely, it has made

a massive, massive impact on me, to go back and go, "Right, this is it."

-Oh, fantastic.

-"It's crunch time, this is what I need to do."

Fantastic.

Oh, that's brilliant, he's really... This has been such a journey.

-And inspirational.

-Yeah, amazing.

He's got more out of it than I could ever have hoped for, he really has.

Oh, I'm just made up for him, I really am.

I just hoped he would just have a really brilliant holiday,

but he's got so much more out of this.

-Amazing.

-Good mum!

I don't really want to see what I saw last night again!

He'll be fine. Let's have a look.

That is disgusting, why is he drinking so quickly?

I don't... I'm not happy with that. Looks stupid.

-Oh, Alexander!

-It's not funny, is it?

I'm not liking this.

SHE GASPS

-Oh, my God!

-You didn't know he smoked, did you?

Oh, my God, oh, my God. He's got a cigarette.

-Oh, my God, I'm absolutely disgusted.

-Are you all right?

Disgusted with him. Did you know?

-Did you know?

-I know nothing!

-No, no, don't be silly.

-I don't know anything, no!

-Come on, let's see the rest.

What's she doing?

I just don't like being a fly on the wall any more.

-You're not seeing what you expected?

-Why? What's wrong with it?

-What do you mean, "What's wrong with it?"

-He's just having fun.

I'm upset about him smoking, I'm upset about seeing him

shoving pints of beer back just like that.

Why is he doing that?

He's just got caught up in the whole scene.

-No, no, that's beyond it.

-He's at a pool party, Suzanna.

You don't see any of the other guys doing that.

-He's at a pool party.

-Oh, Paul, just go away, please.

You don't want to press play?

I don't want you to speak to me.

-OK.

-You ready? You going to do it?

-Yeah.

Everybody? OK, let's do it.

Ugh!

Wooo!

PAUL CHUCKLES

You all right?

Well, it's not like yours, is it?

He's got in a shower with a girl, I think it's the dream.

They're just... They're different groups of kids

coming away with different...

agendas, aren't they? It's going to be different.

Be thankful he's got a big penis.

Oh, Paul! Just go away, please!

You just think this is so funny, just go away!

It's not funny for Suze.

Just go away, really, honestly, you really upset me.

You are upsetting me.

I'm not prepared for, erm, seeing him

sort of just pick up a girl, just like that.

At least he hasn't paid for the girl, he's...

Paul! Please! You're saying...

-I don't want this on there, guys.

-I'm going to go now,

-cos whatever I say...

-Everything he's saying,

Philip will go ballistic about it.

-I don't give a fucking bollocks about Philip.

-Oh, go away!

Fucking bollocks.

Talk shit.

-The man's out on holiday, end of story.

-Just go away.

Yeah, yeah.

You knew what you were signing up for.

He's having some fun.

-It's not Alexander.

-Shut up, not interested.

Just really felt that Suzanna was just overreacting

a bit too much, but I do understand

why she's like that, because...

she's very mothering towards Alexander,

she's very protective over him.

Unaware of the commotion he's caused,

Alex heads to the beach to enjoy the sunset.

-I think we need to do more during the day.

-We definitely do.

We need to stop getting so drunk at night because we're getting up...

-We still need to ride an elephant.

-We're wasting a lot of time,

and that elephant's not going to ride itself, is it?

After recovering from the shock of the morning's viewing,

Alex's mum, Suzanna, is now looking forward to revealing the truth

and giving Alex the surprise of his life.

ADOPTS ACCENT: Mama! Papa! Shopping!

I think this is going to be a mother-and son moment.

I'm excited about surprising him, certainly on this beach here,

and certainly in disguise.

And I think the reason I'm on my own is because it is just for us,

that moment, and I don't need anyone else to be here.

A moment Alex might not be quite so prepared for.

-I really wish I knew my phone number, as well!

-LAUGHING

Obviously we haven't brought phones because it was expensive...

-Shopping?

-I don't have a phone number.

Shopping, shopping?

-No thank you.

-Cheap!

-No, no.

-Shopping?

-No, sorry.

-Very cheap.

Cheap for take-off.

Oh, it's my mum.

-It's your mum!

-Shopping!

Mum?!

No!

-Was it brilliant?

-"Shopping!"

I thought you were just some crazy Thai!

You actually look like one!

I've watched everything.

-Gallons of alcohol...

-I've been stitched up.

Money in the knickers...

Were you there?

I was the stripper that you put the money in my knickers.

ARGH! Fff...

What about the cigarettes?

Ahhh....

-Whose was it?

-Not mine.

I must have been holding it for someone.

-You wouldn't lie to me, would you, darling?

-No.

Honestly, I just can't believe my mum's just come up behind me.

Ahhh.

And she's been watching everything we've been doing.

I love you.

'They were so shocked. They were so shocked.'

it was amazing, absolutely brilliant.

I wanted to appear to be a demented woman

and I certainly came across as a demented woman.

When I get back I think I'll slowly give him sort of

more in-depth talks about money management and not to be, like,

splashing the cash, because I think that people could get the wrong idea,

erm, when he does that, and also more aware of careful drinking.

I think it's been harder for me, but you won't have realised that.

-No, I understand that.

-Do you?

Obviously, I didn't know you were here,

-so I'm just having a great time.

-I know!

And you're there learning stuff about me.

What I did see was you smoking.

Knocking it back like this.

Followed by the cigarette in your mouth.

Followed by this girl with a bare bottom.

Followed by you taking her upstairs to the bedroom.

To be a fly on the wall, it's quite scary.

I've seen him do things that I haven't been happy with.

I've seen him do things that I think that he wouldn't be happy with.

Flashing cash everywhere, everywhere, Alexander.

You were buying drinks for everyone.

-I know.

-Well, does that tell you anything?

I'm just losing my money.

-But you're not losing it, you're giving it away.

-No.

Your hard-earned cash, you're giving it away.

At the end of the day, you know, me, Tom and Josh,

we're on a lads' holiday, somewhere new, halfway around the world,

and we were just enjoying ourselves.

I'm not ready to cut the apron strings.

He's my son, my number one son, my baby,

and he will always be like that.

-But you love me, don't you?

-Yeah. Can you do my washing?

SHE LAUGHS

Across the bay, with their holiday coming to an end, Joss,

Eman and Danielle are making some last-minute wishes.

I think we need a selfish wish and a nice wish.

-There are a couple of things I want.

-World peace.

So, this holiday's really, like,

inspired me to just go back and maybe start

pursuing myself, maybe getting back into the whole acting side again,

and being with two of my friends who are doing what they want to do

and what they set their goals to do,

it's opened my eyes a lot just to basically...

pull myself together and get cracking on with what I want to do

and don't let people get in my way.

To our first holiday.

Joss is now ready to go home with a new-found confidence,

something his mum, Penny, had been wishing for.

Come, baby.

She's done it! Bye!

There it goes.

Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

'Yeah, this is definitely the start of something new.

'I think it's refreshed everyone'

to go back in more of a positive way.

However, one thing they didn't wish for was the imminent arrival of

mum Penny, and partner Roberto.

We're really nervous. Well, I am.

Really looking forward to seeing him, just want to tell him

how proud I am of him, what a fantastic job he's done.

So pleased that he's had such a brilliant time.

We both just want to see him, don't we? Fantastic, can't wait.

Time for Penny and Roberto to make their big entrance.

Oh, fuck off.

Get me out this... No, fuck off.

DOOR SLAMS

Ooooh!

Hello, guys!

Where's he gone?

He's in the toilet.

-Is he all right?

-No, no.

Come out, honey.

This is disgusting. This is horrible.

Penny and Roberto are desperate to see Joss,

but it doesn't look like Joss is desperate to see them.

I shouldn't have done it, should I?

Joss?

-DANIELLE:

-We had a massive conversation before we got here...

MUFFLED CONVERSATION

He just sees it as a betrayal of trust,

and I know exactly what's going through his head.

It looks like Joss is determined to stay in there

until Penny and Roberto have left.

You're going to have to give him a day or something,

he definitely ain't going to come out today.

He's not going to come out today.

He said he didn't want to get on the same aeroplane as you.

'That was...'

That was hard, very hard, because...

it was something that I didn't want.

He just needs a bit of time, bit of space, and then,

hopefully, he will be OK.

The next day, Joss finally feels ready to meet with his mum, Penny.

You've had some time to get over the shock, yeah?

'My mind's just been everywhere, I didn't actually know what to think.'

I just needed to get away from that room and lock myself away from it.

I never expected that my family are round the corner hiding behind a palm tree.

I hated having to lie to you, because I don't tell you lies.

-No, no.

-You know I don't.

It was horrible last night when he was upset by it.

Um, came home and cried.

Despite the initial shock, the holiday has given Joss

a new-found focus for the future.

I definitely think it's been worth coming to Thailand and...

just opening my eyes to a new dimension.

You've seen a whole different world out there, haven't you?

Different culture shock and everything.

-And I think you've made a personal journey, as well, haven't you?

-Yes.

And does that make you feel more confident in yourself,

-or more confused?

-It does, yeah.

'When I've explored myself a bit more'

and realised what I want to do and who I want to be with,

that's when I'll go home and be more comfortable to talk about...

This is the path of sexuality I want to go down and just...

to expand life, kind of thing, and be ready when I'm ready,

not when people want me to be ready.

From what I've seen, you seem like you've got

a whole new determination to go forward with your career and,

you know, you want back with the theatre.

Yes, that's definitely the industry I need to be in.

I know I need to be there.

'I definitely found out the path in life I want to go down'

and basically going back home feeling more fresher, more...

basically more energised and going back

and just really living my life in the way I want to live it.

I know he's overcome so much,

and if he's overcome that, he'll get there.

And one day I'm going to have tickets, VIP tickets

to go and see him in something spectacular in the West End.

Next time...

a lightweight mummy's boy...

That's too drunk for me, bro.

..just can't hack the pace.

-And will an Essex gigolo...

-I'd love to have a bit of that.

..regret his womanising ways?

The girl was a boy?

THEY GASP

And when one family is forced to break their cover early...

(I'm sorry.)

..just how will the kids react?

Was that you doing that?!