Episode 2 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents


Episode 2

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The freedom of your first ever far-flung long-haul holiday

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away with your mates,

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6,000 miles away from home to Thailand

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where booze comes in buckets...

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..boys will be boys...

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and girls may be boys too.

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I've seen one of theirs willies.

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A baptism of fire far from the glaring eyes of Mum and Dad.

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Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

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Except in this case, the parents have come along too,

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spying on the sly...

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Oh, my God. I can see him.

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..secretly watching their every move.

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Oh, jeez.

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Drop.

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But as the youngsters stumble merrily down the fast lane to independence...

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-Go away.

-Look at the state of him.

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You've just got to give me a minute.

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..one way or another, someone is about to get...

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Was that you doing that?

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..the shock of their lives.

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-Why are you here?

-I'm not doing it.

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This programme contains strong language.

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Coming up - an Essex gigolo...

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Suck it, love.

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..and a proud Mummy's boy...

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That's too strong for me, bruv.

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..take a long distance trek to Ko Pha Ngan in Thailand.

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Everyone's having a good time. See where the night takes us.

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But will Casanova Pat...

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I'd love to have a bit of that.

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..regret his womanising ways?

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The girl was a boy.

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-Oh, jeez!

-No!

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And can one-pint wonder Daniel handle a night on the bucket?

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HE RETCHES

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You've just got to give me a minute.

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And when one family is forced to break their cover early...

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SHE CRIES

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I'm sorry, Daniel.

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..just how will the kids react?

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Was that you doing that?

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SHE LAUGHS

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In Sussex...

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Can Mummy come in?

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-Yeah.

-Sleepy boy.

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..20-year-old graphic design student Daniel lives at home

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with his big sister, Jess, and doting mum, Jill.

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When I'm here, it's all lovely

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and then when I go, it's always the tears and water-works.

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Yeah, I'd say I'm a mummy's boy in that sense.

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-Hello, my darling.

-Hello, Mama.

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-Are you all right? You've slept well?

-Yeah.

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I like it, I think.

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I think it's something that I don't want to let, like...

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It's quite sad but I think it's something that I'll never really want to lose ever, really.

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-Are you going to get up now?

-No.

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-Daniel, get up now.

-No, I'm all right.

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'Dan is my baby boy.'

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I get great joy by spoiling him in lots of ways.

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Love you, Mama.

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Love you more!

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Daniel enjoys the easy life.

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He doesn't do anything for himself when he's here.

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He gets his dinner made.

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He wants to go shopping, Mum takes him shopping

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so, yeah, he's very babied and he loves it.

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I'd say people laugh AT me more than with me,

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which is kind of a sad thing, I guess,

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but I've never really thought of it that way.

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Dan is a fairly unique kind of guy, really.

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But when away at uni, Daniel is a completely different person.

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If my mum knew what I got up to when I was drunk,

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she's probably going to be pretty shocked.

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One thing Mum isn't aware of

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is Daniel's drunken visits to a tattoo parlour.

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I got the camel toe and the old barbecue ribs - the classics.

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I probably should keep my voice down a little bit, actually.

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My mum doesn't quite know.

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With Mum having no idea about Daniel's alter-ego,

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a night out in Thailand is likely to be a real shocker.

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That's the drinking Dan.

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That's the different side of me, which I don't think she's ever really seen, to be honest.

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Look what Mummy's found for her bubba. Pac a mac.

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Oh!

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My thoughts on spying on Daniel -

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that it will be interesting

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to see him embrace another culture

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without me or the rest of the family with him

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and to see him broaden his horizons, really.

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Daniel can do no wrong in his mum's eyes

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but big sister Jess is concerned.

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Don't take any drinks

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that you don't know what's in them.

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Don't want you paralytic.

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You've heard the stories of...

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those buckets and things like that,

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so just be mindful of what you're drinking.

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What else do we not want you to do?

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Maybe no ladyboys, I think would be a good idea.

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Hey! What's up? Hey, guys. How you doing?

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Accompanying Daniel and hoping to make a splash in Thailand

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are best mates Kieran and Sam.

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I'd say Sam is going to be the sensible one.

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I don't like that. I'm not boring, OK? I'm not boring.

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Dan's the one-can man so he can't always keep up.

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I'd say it takes me a very little amount of alcohol to get drunk.

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Thailand's reputation for cheap booze,

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coupled with his mum and sister watching his every move,

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could leave Daniel in double trouble, not that he's aware.

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I'm so excited to go to Thailand.

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It's going to be unbelievable.

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I mean, it's just going to be probably the best holiday I've ever been on.

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20-year-old part-time waiter Pat lives at home with his mum, Lisa.

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Pat is a bit of a playboy.

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With girls and that, I suppose I am quite successful.

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I know what I'm doing.

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I just talk a lot and I just say what's what

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and most of the time, it works cos I think if you're just quite confident with some girls,

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they don't know what to say so they just go, "Yeah, all right, then."

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Mum wishes he would show some responsibility.

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I think he goes out too much...

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..and that he should be using his energies

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into looking at what else is around.

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Pat has already quit college, where he was studying to be an electrician.

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I kind of got a bit lazy and thought, you know,

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"I want to have a bit more fun," so I've been having fun.

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I'd like to go back into the electrician thing as I get a bit older

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and I think it's getting a bit to that stage now where I've got to start buckling down.

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Sometimes gets his priorities wrong.

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Thailand is Pat's chance to prove himself.

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Just don't be silly.

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Don't do things just because it's funny or whatever.

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-No, I want to have a laugh, though.

-Yeah, you can have a laugh.

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I hope you have a great laugh and a great time

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and see something different

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and come back with an experience that's valuable,

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but I just want you to be safe.

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But will Pat take full advantage of this unique cultural experience?

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The main thing that I'm looking forward to

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has got to be the partying.

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Everyone says, "You're going to end up with a ladyboy,"

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but, you know, I don't know, cos some of them are really beautiful

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and it's kind of worrying that you could end up going back somewhere

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and then they turn out to be a fella.

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Joining Pat on this Far Eastern extravaganza

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are partners in crime Phil and Dan.

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If I don't pull or don't speak to girls, I think that's a down night.

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-Wouldn't want to make you cry in Thailand, would that?

-I won't cry.

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I'm here to have a good time first.

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If a girl comes along then, yeah, bonus,

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not, "That's my main target."

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-That's why I'm going to Thailand.

-To what?

-To bang.

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THEY ALL LAUGH

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It will be interesting to see

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how much he is maybe pushing the boundaries.

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I would like to think Patrick has respect for girls...

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..and to see what sort of job I've made of bringing him up

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and I hope that I'm not going to be disappointed.

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You have nothing to worry about, Mum.

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Oh, famous last words.

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Despite Daniel's mum, Jill, secretly going to Thailand,

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she's finding it desperately hard to say goodbye.

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-I'll miss you, bubba.

-I'll miss you too, Mum.

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I miss you when you're at uni.

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Come and give me a big hug, Dan.

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-Be careful, yeah? Please. Promise?

-Yeah.

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Bye-bye.

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Can Daniel survive without his doting mum?

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Only time will tell.

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Thailand! Whoo-hoo!

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Also ready to take flight are Pat, Phil and Dan.

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-Right, you all ready, then?

-Yes, everything's all sorted.

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Got your passports? Where?

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-In my bag.

-Suitcase.

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Here you are. There you are. You can have a drink when you get to the airport. Water.

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Ta-ra, love.

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See you later.

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If only Pat knew that his mum, Lisa, was coming along too.

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Bye! See ya!

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But you won't be seeing me.

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Can't wait to meet a ladyboy. THEY ALL LAUGH

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I bet you can't.

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Birds with bigger Adam's apples than us.

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Oh, I can't wait.

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Ko Pha Ngan is one of Thailand's most exotic islands,

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bursting with breathtaking colour

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and renowned worldwide as THE place to party.

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Yay!

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6,000 miles and 24 hours after leaving the UK,

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Pat, Phil and Dan have finally arrived.

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-The scenery is really nice, isn't it?

-It's brilliant.

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-It's not that sunny all the time.

-It's humid.

-It's humid and wet.

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But it's really nice here, though, so far.

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-So far.

-So far.

-Seen a couple of birds already.

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It's a whole new world for the Essex boys.

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In you go, Phil.

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Dan has come well-prepared.

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Oh, my word.

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What are we going to do if we bring a bird back?

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HE LAUGHS

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-Why have you brought them?

-Just in case.

-You never know.

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You never know.

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But playboy Pat's not used to playing it safe.

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When I get into it,

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I don't really have much time for putting on a condom.

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Should do, really.

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Yeah, I know, I shouldn't really go bareback, but...

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On this holiday, the boys plan to stick together

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and have even gone to the effort of creating their very own tribute

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to a well-known French landmark.

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I feel dirty now.

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All right, so, we've got Eiffel Tower.

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You've got the two fellas, me and Daniel here,

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and then we've got the girl... done by Phil.

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The girl will bend over like that, boys up behind.

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Put their arms up.

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Phil's having a great time...or Philippa.

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She's having a great time and we're all high-fiving.

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Whoo-hoo, in.

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Phil...

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And it's job done.

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All the boys need now are some willing participants.

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For Pat, there is nothing much off-limits.

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I don't know.

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The oldest woman I've shagged is probably about...I think 47.

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But she still had it, so she was all right.

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Obviously, she weren't, like, a wrinkly old thing.

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Right by the poolside!

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Also just arrived are Daniel, Kieran and Sam.

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-I'm liking what I'm seeing.

-SAM: Very nice. Top location.

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-Dude, we're right on the pool.

-Right on the pool.

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-It's pretty good.

-There's, like, a pool bar.

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Despite Kieran fancying a beer already...

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We're a bit early for the bar, maybe.

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..Daniel has other ideas -

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a gentle swim...

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Feeling a little bit tired, I think. Feel a little bit worn out.

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..followed by a nice afternoon nap.

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At night in Ko Pha Ngan, the locals turn up the heat.

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The Essex boys are limbering up

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for their first night out on the party isle.

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It's a bit boisterous over there, innit? Flames and shit.

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Well, I did have fun playing with fire.

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Pat is on a mission, to first get drunk...

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Thanks, mate.

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There you go. Suck it, love.

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..and then hit on as many girls as possible.

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Everyone I look at, I'm like, "Hmm. Hmm."

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To Pat, it's all about a numbers game for him when it comes to women.

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But when he's actually drunk,

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that's when he actually puts that into practice.

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Someone's spilt me drink.

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Oi, love, you split my drink, look.

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-That definitely wasn't me.

-That was you!

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I seen you. You've gone like that. You've kicked me drink over!

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Calm down, I'll buy you another one.

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He won't talk to a girl when he's sober cos he's, like, quite shy,

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but as soon as he's got a little bit of alcohol in him -

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not even drunk but just a little bit -

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then he's just...turns into an animal.

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Pat has hit the ground running

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and at this rate, he'll soon be into double figures.

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I think if went home with, like, only shagging one bird,

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as long as she was Thai, I wouldn't mind.

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As long as I can say I came out to Thailand,

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shagged a Thai bird and went home, then I'll be all right, but...

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if I went home and I didn't shag anyone, I'd be upset.

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Across town, Daniel and co are chilling

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but already a man down.

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How are you feeling, Sam?

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Just dandy.

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Sam is feeling jetlagged.

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I put the "Dan" in "dandy".

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But nothing is going to stop Kieran and Daniel hitting the bars.

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I don't expect you home early.

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Hope you feel better, buddy, OK? Have a good night.

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Yeah, you too.

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Daniel is in high spirits and drinking by the bucket-load.

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That's too fucking strong for me, bruv!

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Onto the party!

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With the drinks kicking in, Daniel mans up.

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Arm wrestle! Huh? You want it? Let's do it!

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And he's soon showboating to the crowd.

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-MAN:

-Yeah!

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Push, Dan! Push! Push!

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WHISTLE BLOWS, CROWD CHEERS

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They were cheering me on. Who knows who the fuck I am?!

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Who cares who the fuck I am?!

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They wanted me to win.

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Hey!

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Wasn't that exciting?

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-PAT: I've forgotten her name. PHIL:

-Jessica.

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No, Jess was the other girl.

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Further up the beach, after a fantastic start,

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Pat's pulling power has suddenly deserted him.

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Yeah, she's gone home.

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Uh, I got with a few girls tonight.

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One was from Galway, and she thought I was Irish as well,

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cos I told her I was from Cappoquin

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and I spoke in an Irish accent, which worked.

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I got away with it. Couple of other girls I got with,

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they were going home tomorrow, so went home early.

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Yeah, it was an eventful night, for the first night.

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Certainly eventful... but not a landmark evening.

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Eiffel Towering tonight, maybe not so much,

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but this is our first night, so we've got a long time to...

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Yeah, we've got a long time to see what's...

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Six other days to try it.

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-Yeah, bedtime, I think.

-Bedtime. Come on, this way.

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We're on the left. Come on.

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Fucking hell.

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I love you, bro.

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Two hours since Daniel and Kieran hit the bars,

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and they may be a little intoxicated.

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Hello!

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SLURRING: Am I drunk? Does a cat fucking lick its own fucking balls?

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Yeah, I'm fucking drunk.

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This fucking place is fucking unreal.

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I don't fucking...

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I love my...fucking mum,

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but what the fuck is going on around here?

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That's a fucking good night, Kieran.

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Eh? Eh?!

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A fucking good night, Kieran!

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We're having a fucking good night, yeah?

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Dude, let me put my arm around you. Is that cool?

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Possibly not so good if he knew who was heading his way.

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Let's go together.

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After travelling over 6,000 miles to secretly spy on their kids,

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the parents have arrived.

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And in a double whammy for Pat,

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his mum Lisa has brought along her ex-husband's girlfriend, Tina,

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who are about to meet Daniel's mum, Jill,

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and sister, Jess, for the first time.

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You've got boys, girls?

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Just my son, Patrick, yeah.

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Patrick, right. OK. And who's...?

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I'm Patrick's stepmum. No, I'm not.

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-I'm his dad's girlfriend.

-OK.

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-And you're Patrick's mum.

-I'm Patrick's mum, yeah.

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OK. Dan's my brother.

0:16:540:16:56

And he's...yeah, a big mummy's boy, really.

0:16:560:17:00

What I'm really scared about is if I see him upset

0:17:000:17:03

or in a situation that I'm not comfortable in

0:17:030:17:05

and I can see that he's not comfortable,

0:17:050:17:08

I will really struggle to watch that.

0:17:080:17:10

If I see him getting himself into a situation where boys go out,

0:17:100:17:13

they drink, they get a bit lairy, bit laddy,

0:17:130:17:16

and they get themselves in this situation

0:17:160:17:17

that could be a bit frightening.

0:17:170:17:19

For me, it's as long as Dan's got a smile on his face, really.

0:17:190:17:24

11.30am, and Daniel and the boys are still in bed.

0:17:270:17:31

I'm feeling OK.

0:17:320:17:34

Are you? I think I'm definitely still drunk.

0:17:340:17:37

Maybe, yeah.

0:17:370:17:39

I don't actually remember the night, to be honest.

0:17:390:17:41

Sam, who came in after who?

0:17:410:17:44

-SAM:

-You both came in at the same time.

0:17:440:17:45

How are you actually feeling, Sam?

0:17:450:17:47

We haven't really asked at all.

0:17:470:17:49

-Better, thanks.

-Feeling good? OK.

0:17:490:17:52

Ready enough for a bar crawl?

0:17:520:17:55

Yep. Are you?

0:17:550:17:56

I'm very ready for a bar crawl right now.

0:17:560:17:59

We could crawl right now.

0:17:590:18:00

I couldn't do anything right now.

0:18:000:18:02

Less than half a mile away,

0:18:040:18:05

Daniel's mum, Jill, and big sister, Jess,

0:18:050:18:08

along with Pat's mum, Lisa, and Tina

0:18:080:18:10

are about to get their first look at what their kids have been up to.

0:18:100:18:15

Now we've arrived in Thailand, we just can't wait to see

0:18:150:18:18

a little bit of footage to see how Dan's settling in.

0:18:180:18:22

Hoping that he's loving it.

0:18:220:18:24

I'm a little bit apprehensive about seeing...or I just hope that

0:18:240:18:29

he's not put himself in any sort of vulnerable situations

0:18:290:18:33

and he's just kept his wits about him.

0:18:330:18:37

Jill is about to see just how much Daniel really is loving it.

0:18:370:18:41

JESS: Oh, he's on the shots. Oh, dear.

0:18:430:18:46

What have I told him about taking drinks from strangers?

0:18:460:18:51

-TINA:

-Buckets now.

0:18:510:18:52

It tastes foul because they're pulling faces.

0:18:540:18:57

He doesn't like that!

0:18:570:18:59

ALL GASP

0:19:030:19:04

Kieran!

0:19:040:19:06

-Oh, my God!

-He looked like he hit his head then.

0:19:060:19:09

You know what scares me? When they don't know what's in those drinks.

0:19:090:19:12

-I know.

-I know.

0:19:120:19:13

They're just pouring them down their throats.

0:19:130:19:15

Wasn't happy with that.

0:19:150:19:17

OK, we need to watch more.

0:19:190:19:20

SLURRING: This fucking place is fucking unreal.

0:19:210:19:25

ALL LAUGH

0:19:250:19:26

I don't fucking...

0:19:260:19:27

I love my...fucking mum.

0:19:270:19:28

"I love my fucking mum"!

0:19:300:19:32

I love that. You've got a mention!

0:19:320:19:34

Aw!

0:19:340:19:35

I'm surprised he could say the words!

0:19:370:19:39

Bless him. I love him.

0:19:400:19:43

Pat's mum, Lisa, is more apprehensive.

0:19:430:19:46

With responsibilities with women, I hope he's respectful

0:19:460:19:49

and treats them with respect.

0:19:490:19:52

-Just not nasty with it.

-Not nasty with it.

0:19:520:19:54

-That he's considerate towards other people.

-Yeah.

0:19:540:19:56

-Look.

-ALL LAUGH

0:20:000:20:04

-DAN:

-'You never know.'

-Dan thinks his luck's going to be well in.

0:20:040:20:08

When I get into it, I don't really have much time for...

0:20:080:20:11

putting on a condom. Should do, really.

0:20:110:20:13

You know, I shouldn't really go bareback, but...

0:20:130:20:15

-it happens, don't it?

-Hmm.

0:20:150:20:17

"I shouldn't really go bareback."

0:20:190:20:22

He don't listen to a word I say, does he?

0:20:240:20:26

THEY GASP

0:20:280:20:30

Right, so, we've got Eiffel Tower.

0:20:300:20:32

-You've got the two fellas, me and Daniel here.

-Oh, Pat.

0:20:320:20:34

And then we've got the girl...done by Phil.

0:20:340:20:38

The girl will bend over like that. Boy's up behind.

0:20:380:20:42

Put their arms up. Phil's having a great time, or Philippa.

0:20:420:20:45

THEY GIGGLE She's having a great time.

0:20:450:20:47

We're all high-fiving.

0:20:470:20:48

-Oh, jeez.

-No!

0:20:480:20:50

THEY LAUGH

0:20:500:20:52

I haven't got a favourite type of woman at all.

0:20:520:20:54

The oldest woman I've shagged is probably about...

0:20:540:20:56

I think 47. ALL GASP

0:20:560:20:59

THEY SNIGGER

0:20:590:21:01

I was expecting him to say, "The oldest woman I've ever..."

0:21:010:21:05

-28.

-I don't know, about...

0:21:050:21:06

No, I was going to say 35, something like that.

0:21:060:21:09

I was going to... I was.

0:21:090:21:10

Well, at least they weren't older than me.

0:21:110:21:13

I don't know what to say. I'm speechless.

0:21:130:21:15

That's where he's getting all his ideas from,

0:21:150:21:17

these older women that are more experienced than him.

0:21:170:21:20

What? A 47-year-old wants to do an Eiffel Tower?

0:21:200:21:22

I don't think so somehow. THEY LAUGH

0:21:220:21:25

-Are you all right?

-Yeah, I'm all right.

0:21:250:21:27

-Are you, though?

-She's all right. She's fine.

0:21:270:21:30

A 20-year-old...

0:21:300:21:31

Little bit of disappointment, really, that...

0:21:330:21:37

he's a little bit brazen and being a bit cocky

0:21:370:21:40

and a bit over-the-top with...

0:21:400:21:42

..things.

0:21:440:21:45

After watching Lisa and Tina have to watch Patrick's video...

0:21:460:21:52

..yeah, Daniel appears angelic.

0:21:540:21:57

Night two on Ko Pha Ngan

0:21:570:22:00

and angelic Daniel is busy making new friends.

0:22:000:22:03

-What's your name?

-May.

-May, I'm Dan. Nice to meet you.

0:22:030:22:05

-Nice to meet you as well.

-I'm Sam.

-How are you? You OK?

0:22:050:22:09

I don't even know where to start. Like, are you from... Local?

0:22:090:22:12

No, like, from Bangkok.

0:22:120:22:14

Bangkok? OK, that's cool, that's cool. Uh...

0:22:140:22:17

Uh... What do I ask? It's hard. I mean, we should just chill.

0:22:190:22:22

-We're having a good time, OK?

-Yeah.

-Um...

0:22:220:22:26

Daniel is lost for words.

0:22:260:22:28

Maybe a show will inspire him.

0:22:310:22:33

What are they doing?

0:22:360:22:37

Does she have a penis?

0:22:380:22:39

-Well, yes.

-They do?

0:22:390:22:41

-How? It's not very big.

-I've no idea.

0:22:430:22:45

-How does it work?

-I have no idea.

0:22:460:22:48

Do they have balls?

0:22:490:22:50

During the interval,

0:22:510:22:53

Daniel is invited backstage for a ladyboy masterclass...

0:22:530:22:56

..only to reappear as part of the act...

0:22:570:23:01

CHEERING AND SCREAMING

0:23:010:23:03

..taking "mummy's boy" to a whole new level.

0:23:030:23:07

MUSIC: "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred.

0:23:070:23:09

Thank you all for coming.

0:23:210:23:23

Daniel is feeling proud of himself.

0:23:240:23:27

I mean, I knew these guys might find it hard,

0:23:270:23:29

but did they dress up like ladies and put bikinis on?

0:23:290:23:31

Mm, no, they didn't, actually.

0:23:310:23:33

I got turned down, I got turned down.

0:23:330:23:34

-I thought I'd keep my dignity intact.

-I got turned away.

0:23:340:23:37

-Did I lose dignity?

-Yes, yes, you did.

0:23:370:23:39

I thought I gained respect.

0:23:390:23:40

MUSIC: "Burn" by Ellie Goulding

0:23:400:23:44

Warming up for a second night of partying are the Essex boys.

0:23:460:23:49

And playboy Pat has even promised to make it a lads' only night out.

0:23:490:23:53

But that was before a bucket.

0:23:540:23:56

Tonight's not about birds and you gave that look.

0:23:560:23:58

Tonight's not about birds.

0:23:580:24:00

For us, not. It's not, but...

0:24:020:24:04

..you know, maybe you should be on our level.

0:24:040:24:06

I'd really like to meet my wife tonight.

0:24:060:24:08

You're no going to find your wife.

0:24:080:24:09

Pat simply can't help himself and he's soon eyeing up the locals.

0:24:090:24:14

I'd love to have a bit of that, to be honest, cos she's pretty.

0:24:140:24:18

But, I don't know if she's got a willy.

0:24:180:24:21

To be honest.

0:24:210:24:22

If she's beautiful and she rocked out a willy, I think I'd be like...

0:24:230:24:26

"Oh, why not?"

0:24:260:24:27

Probably not quite what Mum had in mind

0:24:270:24:31

when it comes to cultural exploration.

0:24:310:24:33

Moments later, Pat throws caution to the wind.

0:24:360:24:39

But this girl isn't here on holiday.

0:24:390:24:43

If he wants to take it any further, it's going to cost him.

0:24:430:24:47

Pat isn't fazed and soon disappears into the night.

0:24:470:24:51

Dan is not impressed.

0:24:510:24:53

Pat said to me, "Quick, give me 1,000 baht."

0:24:530:24:56

I was like, "Why do you want 1,000 baht?"

0:24:560:24:58

He goes, "She just said we could have sex for 1,000 baht."

0:24:580:25:01

I said, "Why are you going to pay for that? You're an idiot."

0:25:010:25:04

If Pat's mum saw him paying for something like that,

0:25:040:25:07

she'd think exactly the same as me.

0:25:070:25:09

What are you doing? It's stupid.

0:25:100:25:12

MUSIC: "Silhouettes" by Avicii

0:25:140:25:19

Across the bay, Daniel and co

0:25:190:25:21

are celebrating his starring role in the ladyboy cabaret.

0:25:210:25:25

That's finished. That's what we like to see.

0:25:280:25:31

I don't like to see that.

0:25:310:25:32

As the booze flows,

0:25:340:25:35

it's not long before they set about losing each other.

0:25:350:25:38

I've had a hell of a lot to drink. I've lost everyone.

0:25:420:25:44

I've lost Sam, I've lost Kieran. By myself right now.

0:25:440:25:47

Fuck those guys. I want to keep going.

0:25:470:25:49

But the only place Daniel is going is home.

0:25:510:25:54

I've had a fucking good night, to be honest, yeah.

0:25:550:25:58

It's been a lot of fun. I don't know how many fucking beers I've drank.

0:25:580:26:01

Who gi... Who knows?

0:26:010:26:03

I hope Kieran's OK. He'll be fine but he's too drunk.

0:26:030:26:07

Once again.

0:26:070:26:09

And just to prove a point...

0:26:090:26:11

here comes Kieran.

0:26:110:26:13

OK. There we go.

0:26:130:26:14

Meanwhile, Pat has been busy broadening his horizons.

0:26:220:26:26

PAT: I had a great time. It was a good shag.

0:26:270:26:30

It's kind of fantastic cos I want to do...

0:26:300:26:33

In my life, I want to do every single race going and...

0:26:330:26:36

Thai was obviously on the list and now I can tick that one off.

0:26:360:26:40

But has Pat possibly ticked off more than he realised?

0:26:400:26:44

-The girl was a boy, so...

-No, she weren't a boy.

-OK.

0:26:440:26:46

-She was a bloke.

-She was a boy. She was a bloke.

0:26:460:26:49

She was a bloke, that's why none of us ... her.

0:26:490:26:51

I fucked her in the ... man.

0:26:510:26:54

-Give me a fag. Give me a fag.

-Wait, wait, wait. Say that again.

0:26:540:26:56

It's bullshit, man. I fucked her. She had a...

0:26:560:26:59

-Say that again.

-She had a vagina, mate!

0:26:590:27:01

Pat's mission to rule Britannia has sailed into unchartered waters.

0:27:010:27:06

Maybe it's been a lads' night out after all.

0:27:060:27:08

After a heavy night on the booze, Daniel is feeling rough.

0:27:180:27:22

Maybe the buckets haven't helped.

0:27:220:27:24

Who do you call when you're feeling ill?

0:27:250:27:27

SHE SHRIEKS Oh! Hey, Mum.

0:27:270:27:31

Wah. You all right, Mama?

0:27:330:27:35

'So, I've just got in.'

0:27:350:27:37

Jessica's just pouring me a big glass of white wine.

0:27:370:27:40

We're gonna sit down the bottom of the garden.

0:27:400:27:42

-I'm not feeling too good, Mum.

-Why aren't you feeling very well?

0:27:420:27:46

'What's the matter with you?'

0:27:460:27:47

Just feeling really sick and a bad stomach, I guess.

0:27:470:27:53

Oh, really?

0:27:530:27:55

-'A stomach bug?'

-Yeah, maybe.

0:27:550:27:58

You really poorly, then?

0:27:580:28:00

DAN COUGHS

0:28:000:28:02

Mum, I'll give you a call back maybe in a second.

0:28:020:28:06

Yeah? I just need to go. I need to...

0:28:070:28:09

OK. Ring me back.

0:28:090:28:10

OK. Sorry. Love you.

0:28:100:28:13

DAN RETCHES

0:28:140:28:16

What do you think about that, then? He's not well.

0:28:180:28:22

-He's down the road.

-He'll be fine.

0:28:220:28:24

He'll be fine. He'll be OK.

0:28:240:28:27

No more cocktails.

0:28:270:28:29

Well, you can say... You should have said that on the phone, then.

0:28:290:28:32

I know.

0:28:320:28:33

"No more cocktails, Daniel, if that's made you feel ill."

0:28:330:28:35

But they are 20 and they should make that decision by themselves.

0:28:350:28:38

I just want to make sure he's all right, really.

0:28:380:28:41

If he's not well, I want to go there.

0:28:420:28:46

HE RETCHES AND COUGHS

0:28:490:28:51

OK, buddy?

0:28:510:28:53

I feel so sorry for him now.

0:28:530:28:54

-What colour is it this time?

-Green.

-Green.

0:28:540:28:57

HE COUGHS

0:28:570:28:59

-That's horrible.

-Not good.

0:28:590:29:02

On the other side of town, Pat is facing a ribbing from Dan and Phil.

0:29:170:29:22

We woke up this morning, there's a towel on the floor.

0:29:230:29:25

There's a massive shit stain and he's trying to say it's not him.

0:29:250:29:29

It wasn't me. That's disgusting.

0:29:290:29:30

HE LAUGHS

0:29:300:29:32

Pat has just woke up.

0:29:320:29:34

HE LAUGHS

0:29:340:29:36

Mate, that's disgusting.

0:29:360:29:38

-You did it.

-Are you joking?

0:29:380:29:40

So, yeah. That's it.

0:29:400:29:44

It's going to be hilarious.

0:29:440:29:46

Look at my bed and do you think I'd do that?

0:29:460:29:49

HE LAUGHS

0:29:490:29:50

One thing Pat can't deny are last night's international intergender relations.

0:29:500:29:55

One main rule when we come out here was no prostitutes.

0:29:570:29:59

What's the first thing he goes and does?

0:29:590:30:02

Oh, it was spur of the moment.

0:30:020:30:05

When I went back with that girl, I paid her 900 baht to have a go at her

0:30:050:30:09

but, yeah, weren't a smart move.

0:30:090:30:13

I can't believe you paid for a ladyboy as well,

0:30:130:30:16

not even like you pulled one, you paid for her.

0:30:160:30:18

It's disgusting.

0:30:190:30:21

How is it a ladyboy because she had a vagina?

0:30:220:30:25

Post-op.

0:30:250:30:26

-No, but it was wet.

-Post-op.

0:30:260:30:28

It's a little bit gay, really, if you think about it.

0:30:280:30:32

Just a little bit gay.

0:30:320:30:33

It's disgusting to pay for a woman or to pay for sex for anyone.

0:30:330:30:38

I think that's a stupid thing but...

0:30:380:30:40

Because I've never done it before as well.

0:30:400:30:42

I don't know why I've started in Thailand with what possibly could have been a fella, so...

0:30:420:30:47

It's not...

0:30:480:30:49

It's not cool.

0:30:490:30:50

Pat's mum, Lisa, is about to see what her son got up to last night

0:30:570:31:01

and is desperately hoping he doesn't let himself down again.

0:31:010:31:06

It's just sad to see that we've seen a grotty part

0:31:060:31:10

as opposed to, you know, someone that actually is a lot of fun

0:31:100:31:14

and he is a funny, kind person.

0:31:140:31:17

He will do anything for anyone.

0:31:170:31:19

-Yeah, he's caring.

-And he has a drink and he's lost the plot.

0:31:190:31:22

Pat has paid her money to go with that Thai bird.

0:31:320:31:35

-Oh, jeez!

-No!

0:31:350:31:36

Exactly. Why? Why do you need to pay for that?

0:31:360:31:39

Oh, God.

0:31:400:31:41

-He ain't redeeming himself, is he?

-He's not, is he?

-No, he's so stupid.

0:31:440:31:48

-He's a good-looking lad. Why is he paying for it?

-I don't know.

0:31:480:31:52

Patrick definitely has a completely personality change, I think...

0:31:520:31:55

Yeah.

0:31:550:31:56

..when he's drinking

0:31:560:31:58

and just any sense or logic goes out the window

0:31:580:32:03

and that is really quite frightening.

0:32:030:32:05

He's at a crossroads at the moment.

0:32:050:32:07

We was hoping this would sort of like give him a purpose, wasn't we?

0:32:070:32:11

Trying to show him what he wants to be or what he should be.

0:32:110:32:15

I can't believe you paid for a ladyboy as well.

0:32:160:32:18

Not even like you pulled one, you paid for her.

0:32:180:32:21

It's disgusting to pay for a woman or to pay for sex for anyone.

0:32:210:32:25

I think that's a stupid thing.

0:32:250:32:27

It's not...

0:32:280:32:29

It's not cool.

0:32:290:32:30

Well, he knows. He's knows he's done wrong.

0:32:300:32:34

Yeah, but he keeps knowing he's done wrong

0:32:340:32:35

and he keeps going and doing more.

0:32:350:32:37

I'm trying to find words of comfort.

0:32:370:32:39

Yeah, but you always think about the fact

0:32:390:32:41

that they learn by their mistakes but Patrick keeps repeating them.

0:32:410:32:46

With Patrick, it's not about what he's doing or...

0:32:480:32:54

It's the fact he is taking silly risks.

0:32:540:32:56

You know, he could be infected by some sort of disease

0:32:560:32:59

for the rest of his days, all because he was just a bit stupid.

0:32:590:33:04

Daniel's mum Jill and sister Jess

0:33:040:33:06

are about to witness the events that led to him phoning home ill.

0:33:060:33:11

-I'm hoping Dan is up and running.

-Yeah.

0:33:110:33:16

So that's basically what I'm going to be looking for -

0:33:170:33:20

seeing my boy back on his feet.

0:33:200:33:23

It's not good.

0:33:230:33:24

-Ready?

-Yeah.

0:33:260:33:28

Oh, my God.

0:33:300:33:32

SHE LAUGHS

0:33:380:33:41

-Bless him.

-I think that's really funny.

0:33:410:33:43

He's in a bikini top.

0:33:430:33:46

Buckets!

0:33:480:33:50

Oh, that's grim, innit?

0:33:500:33:52

That's a lot of different alcohol.

0:33:530:33:55

That's a lot of alcohol.

0:33:550:33:56

But it's all different types as well, which is a bit scary.

0:33:560:33:59

I'm not convinced he's actually full-on having a good time,

0:34:010:34:08

whether or not he actually wants to drink all that. What do you...?

0:34:080:34:10

-Do you get that from him?

-But it's peer pressure.

-Yeah.

0:34:100:34:14

You keep up. You all want to stay out. How do you stay out?

0:34:140:34:16

-You stay out by drinking.

-Yeah, OK.

-You don't stay out sober.

0:34:160:34:18

You do. You're right.

0:34:180:34:20

So you just go with it, don't you?

0:34:200:34:22

Until you go, "That is it," or you're sick or you're literally about to fall asleep.

0:34:220:34:26

Just a bad stomach, I guess.

0:34:260:34:29

OK, ring me back. "Ring me back."

0:34:310:34:32

Sorry. Love you.

0:34:340:34:36

HE RETCHES

0:34:360:34:38

-Oh, my poor boy.

-Oh, my God, Dan.

0:34:380:34:41

HE COUGHS

0:34:490:34:51

-I feel bad for him. That's horrible.

-OK.

-Horrible.

0:34:510:34:55

-You just worry about alcohol poisoning, don't you?

-Absolutely.

0:34:550:34:59

Well, we've just got to hope that it's a 24-hour bug.

0:34:590:35:03

It's proving difficult for Jill to see her son coping without her care.

0:35:040:35:09

I just don't like to think he's not well and as long as I know it's...

0:35:090:35:14

..nothing then that will be OK.

0:35:160:35:19

I just need to find out that it's nothing.

0:35:190:35:23

I think because he's poorly,

0:35:230:35:24

he'll definitely be missing you a hell of a lot more.

0:35:240:35:27

Don't you think?

0:35:270:35:29

-What's wrong?

-I don't want him to miss me.

-Why?

0:35:310:35:34

I don't want that.

0:35:370:35:38

Why? It's nice that he misses you, Mama.

0:35:410:35:44

He misses you when he's at uni. Why would he not miss you when he's here?

0:35:440:35:47

Because he shouldn't be. He should be out having fun.

0:35:470:35:51

OK, but right now, he felt very ill last night

0:35:510:35:53

so, actually, probably talking to you probably did make him miss you.

0:35:530:35:57

You've just got to give me a minute.

0:35:590:36:01

Goodness sake!

0:36:080:36:09

How you doing, boys?

0:36:170:36:20

This is great, Pat! "Ride an elephant," he said.

0:36:200:36:23

"It won't be scary at all," he said.

0:36:230:36:25

Pat has already proved that he's open to new experiences

0:36:250:36:28

and today is no exception.

0:36:280:36:31

-Scary.

-Can you tell this little bitch to man up?

0:36:310:36:34

You're sitting on some big-ass beast.

0:36:340:36:37

He's making all these noises. Keeps making me a bit nervy.

0:36:370:36:41

-I want to get back on that elephant.

-What are you nervous for?

0:36:410:36:44

I'm going to lose my flip-flops. Ah! Me flippy!

0:36:440:36:47

There goes me flippy.

0:36:490:36:51

No, I've still got it. This is mental when you think about it.

0:36:510:36:54

-Oh, are we going in the water?

-It's chilled out, innit?

0:36:540:36:57

A sober Pat has found time to reflect on the last few days.

0:36:570:37:02

Since I've come to Thailand, there are a couple of little things I regret.

0:37:020:37:05

I regret getting so drunk on the first couple of nights.

0:37:050:37:08

Even though the first night, I had a good night, the second night, really,

0:37:080:37:12

it's funny to look back.

0:37:120:37:13

I'm going to laugh about it in ten years' time but at the minute,

0:37:130:37:15

I'm quite embarrassed about what happened with the prostitute and stuff like that.

0:37:150:37:19

It's just terrible, really.

0:37:190:37:20

That's disgusting but it's done now and can't do nothing about it.

0:37:200:37:24

I suppose you got to learn your lesson from it.

0:37:240:37:26

Oh, wow.

0:37:260:37:28

HE LAUGHS

0:37:280:37:30

God, I'm scared, though.

0:37:300:37:32

So, yeah, I think

0:37:320:37:33

I've realised that maybe I should calm down a little.

0:37:330:37:35

The afternoon after the drinking session of a lifetime

0:37:380:37:42

and Daniel still isn't feeling well.

0:37:420:37:44

I've felt better, to be honest.

0:37:440:37:46

I had a very, very bad night's sleep.

0:37:460:37:48

Just up throwing up the whole time.

0:37:480:37:51

I've gone through about two litres, of water, or maybe three.

0:37:530:37:56

I think they're 1.5 litre bottles, so three litres of water last night

0:37:560:37:59

and just nothing stays down.

0:37:590:38:01

Daniel decides to seek a medical opinion.

0:38:040:38:07

After a full examination, the doctor gives his diagnosis.

0:38:120:38:15

Your heart is beating quickly and temperature is high,

0:38:170:38:22

which means you surely have fever.

0:38:220:38:24

Before Daniel can call Mum, it gets worse.

0:38:240:38:29

I think he should stay in the hospital

0:38:290:38:32

for a drip water injection and antibiotics.

0:38:320:38:35

I think he will get better quickly.

0:38:350:38:39

After travelling halfway around the world,

0:38:410:38:43

Daniel has survived without his mum's care for two days.

0:38:430:38:47

It's just very upsetting,

0:38:470:38:49

I guess, coming all this way to Thailand across the world and...

0:38:490:38:52

..I'm being heavily sick.

0:38:530:38:55

Daniel is transferred to hospital

0:38:590:39:01

and will spend the rest of his holiday on a drip.

0:39:010:39:03

Here he is.

0:39:030:39:05

You guys can go. Go home.

0:39:100:39:12

-All right?

-Yeah. We'll come back and see you later.

0:39:130:39:17

See you later. Have a good day.

0:39:170:39:19

I hope you're feeling better, man. See you later.

0:39:210:39:23

It just hurts. I feel really drained.

0:39:260:39:29

I am angry because I feel a lot of pain. My stomach hurts.

0:39:290:39:34

Pat and the boys are in a fighting mood...

0:39:460:39:49

I can't kick for shit.

0:39:510:39:53

..and are completely unaware...

0:39:570:40:00

-Not so hard.

-Sorry.

0:40:000:40:02

..of two secret spectators heading their way.

0:40:020:40:05

Last time Mum Lisa saw Pat, he was cavorting with a prostitute

0:40:150:40:19

and she has still not forgiven him.

0:40:190:40:21

Go on. Beat him.

0:40:220:40:24

Save me doing it.

0:40:260:40:28

He's going to be knackered. He's not going to want to go out tonight.

0:40:310:40:34

No, that'll be good, won't it?

0:40:340:40:35

Right leg don't go up that high.

0:40:370:40:39

Can't get his leg over.

0:40:390:40:41

It's cos he HAS been getting his leg over he can't get his leg up.

0:40:410:40:44

Pat is at least putting the effort into something other

0:40:450:40:47

than women and booze.

0:40:470:40:49

-He is concentrating, actually.

-Yeah, so he's not going to be bothered.

0:40:490:40:52

He is taking it seriously.

0:40:520:40:53

Ooh! His leg went up a bit further there.

0:40:530:40:55

LAUGHTER

0:40:590:41:01

Can't be that good.

0:41:010:41:02

It'd be good if he actually got interested

0:41:020:41:04

-in something like this, wouldn't it?

-It would be lovely.

0:41:040:41:07

Keep him fit, keep him away from the bars.

0:41:070:41:09

Thank you.

0:41:120:41:13

He's done a little bow, he's finished. We better go careful now.

0:41:130:41:16

For Lisa, it's been positive.

0:41:160:41:18

-That was good to see, weren't it?

-Yeah.

-Discipline.

0:41:180:41:21

-Yeah.

-You know.

0:41:210:41:23

I try and instil discipline but I...

0:41:230:41:25

I just think, if you're doing something like this...

0:41:250:41:28

After last night, I feel absolutely knackered still

0:41:280:41:30

and doing that has just fucking knocked me over.

0:41:300:41:32

-PHIL:

-I think that was amazing.

0:41:320:41:34

-Might take it up when I get home.

-Best ever time. It was great.

0:41:340:41:36

-It's fantastic.

-It was. Really good.

0:41:360:41:38

-It was one of the best moments, wasn't it?

-Yeah, yeah.

-So far.

0:41:380:41:40

I did have a lump in my throat, you know.

0:41:400:41:42

And when he does his little giggle and things like that and...

0:41:420:41:46

..I've had so many sort of emotions this week.

0:41:470:41:50

You know, I've been angry, I've been worried for him and that,

0:41:500:41:55

but you just... And you think...

0:41:550:41:57

yeah, but, he's still Pat, at the end of the day,

0:41:570:41:59

-and there's still that lovely side.

-Hmm, yeah.

0:41:590:42:02

-Still want to ring his neck sometimes.

-He's lucky, really.

0:42:040:42:07

Cos you're such a forgiving mum.

0:42:070:42:08

-But if your mum can't forgive you, who can?

-Who can?

0:42:100:42:12

-That's right, yeah.

-So...

0:42:120:42:14

BOYS LAUGH

0:42:140:42:16

Daniel's mum, Jill, has been told

0:42:210:42:23

her son is receiving treatment in hospital.

0:42:230:42:26

She is seriously concerned

0:42:260:42:27

and an emergency viewing has been hastily arranged.

0:42:270:42:30

WOMAN SPEAKS IN THAI

0:42:360:42:38

It just hurts. I just feel really drained.

0:42:390:42:42

I don't... I don't need to see any more.

0:42:510:42:53

-OK.

-Do you?

0:42:530:42:55

-He's crap, isn't he?

-Yeah, he...

0:42:550:42:57

He looks dreadful.

0:42:570:42:59

He looks absolutely dreadful.

0:42:590:43:01

He looks really poorly.

0:43:030:43:05

I'm sorry, and we need to go and see him.

0:43:070:43:12

JESS SOBS

0:43:120:43:14

Jill desperately wants to blow their cover

0:43:150:43:18

and visit Daniel in hospital,

0:43:180:43:20

but despite being upset, Jess has her doubts.

0:43:200:43:23

All I'm saying is he's going to be asleep,

0:43:250:43:27

and I don't want to wake him up when he's sound asleep.

0:43:270:43:30

I hear you, Jessica, but he's being woken up every other hour.

0:43:300:43:33

For medication, not because...

0:43:330:43:34

OK, are we good medication, Jess?

0:43:340:43:36

-I'm sorry.

-I think he's going to be, like...

0:43:390:43:41

I think he's going to be so delusional,

0:43:410:43:45

and I'm going, "I'm sorry, we've been lying to you,

0:43:450:43:47

"we've been spying on you,"

0:43:470:43:49

all this crap, at 11 o'clock at night?!

0:43:490:43:52

JESS SIGHS

0:43:540:43:55

Against her better judgment, Jill finally relents and agrees

0:43:560:44:00

to allow Daniel a good night's rest.

0:44:000:44:02

The Essex boys however are showing no signs of slowing down.

0:44:060:44:11

The guys are attending a legendary half moon party.

0:44:110:44:14

It's a heavy mix of music, mayhem and vivid psychedelic colours.

0:44:160:44:21

This is the best party I've ever been to. It's mental.

0:44:220:44:25

There's a great crowd, like, there's some great people here.

0:44:250:44:27

There's some good-looking birds here as well.

0:44:270:44:30

Everyone's having a good time.

0:44:300:44:32

So I think we're still going to crack on, keep drinking

0:44:320:44:35

and then see where the night takes us.

0:44:350:44:37

The guys get into the groove.

0:44:400:44:43

Despite knocking back the booze,

0:44:460:44:48

for once, girls are not on Pat's bucket list.

0:44:480:44:51

Six, eight.

0:44:550:44:57

I've got a thousand baht in me hand, which is about 25 quid,

0:44:570:45:00

which is enough for a few drinks and a couple of balloons.

0:45:000:45:03

It is the price of a prostitute,

0:45:030:45:05

but I've grown up since the other day, and I ain't doing it no more.

0:45:050:45:09

-PHIL:

-Good lad.

-Thanks, Phil.

0:45:090:45:12

Pat may be growing up,

0:45:140:45:15

but balloons filled with laughing gas are considered dangerous -

0:45:150:45:19

hardly the height of maturity.

0:45:190:45:22

Phil, where you at?

0:45:290:45:31

The boys are certainly determined

0:45:390:45:41

to make the most of their last big night out.

0:45:410:45:46

I've had a fucking good time. It was fucking crazy.

0:45:460:45:48

Finally, after eight hours of nonstop clubbing

0:45:510:45:54

and with dawn breaking, the party comes to its climax...

0:45:540:45:57

..leaving Pat feeling like a changed man.

0:45:590:46:03

Since I've been out here,

0:46:030:46:04

I've learned that you don't have to pull birds to have a good time.

0:46:040:46:07

You know, I sat there, I danced, you know, I didn't stop dancing at all.

0:46:070:46:11

I just kept having Red Bulls. I kept going. And, yeah, I had a great time.

0:46:110:46:15

I had a proper laugh.

0:46:150:46:17

And, yeah, it's not all about pulling birds any more.

0:46:170:46:19

After a sleepless night,

0:46:240:46:25

Jess and Jill are tense and uneasy about visiting Daniel in hospital,

0:46:250:46:29

and debating whether to blow their cover.

0:46:290:46:33

It's just not what we had in our heads, of the reaction,

0:46:330:46:37

the situation, like, this is just the worst possible scenario.

0:46:370:46:40

Of course. Of course it is.

0:46:400:46:42

You know, "We're here. Surprise.

0:46:420:46:45

"We've been spying on you."

0:46:450:46:47

I feel a bit apprehensive, really. I don't know, I just feel nervous.

0:46:470:46:50

-I don't know why, I just feel nervous.

-I feel nervous as well.

0:46:500:46:53

Even if he is so much better today,

0:46:530:46:57

if he's not firing on all cylinders,

0:46:570:47:00

I...

0:47:000:47:02

..I just want to give him a hug.

0:47:020:47:04

Mm.

0:47:040:47:05

Upon arrival at the hospital,

0:47:050:47:07

Jill and Jess anxiously await their first sight of Daniel.

0:47:070:47:11

Come on, bubba.

0:47:120:47:13

-Here he is. He's coming.

-He's here.

0:47:150:47:18

I can see they've got him pushing someone.

0:47:180:47:20

It's all too much for Jill...

0:47:200:47:22

..and they take the drastic action of immediately revealing the truth.

0:47:240:47:29

Hello!

0:47:360:47:37

What are you doing here?

0:47:370:47:39

I wanted you to be here all the time.

0:47:480:47:50

Well, actually, we came on your holiday.

0:47:500:47:52

-Oh, really?

-We were spying on you.

0:47:520:47:54

OK.

0:47:540:47:56

Yeah.

0:47:560:47:57

-But I just needed to come see you.

-Yeah.

0:47:570:48:00

-Are you disappointed?

-Yeah.

0:48:000:48:02

I thought you would be.

0:48:020:48:05

I'm sorry, Daniel.

0:48:050:48:07

I know you're sorry.

0:48:070:48:09

Just overjoyed to see him. Overjoyed. And so is he.

0:48:100:48:14

So it's a win-win. Just happy to be here with him.

0:48:140:48:20

No offence to my friends.

0:48:200:48:22

It is 100 times better having my mum and sister here

0:48:220:48:25

than having them here just cos it's more...

0:48:250:48:28

..uplifting, and it's nicer to have someone there

0:48:300:48:33

who's more caring, in a way.

0:48:330:48:34

I'm not saying my friends aren't caring, but...

0:48:340:48:37

..being able to have to the love of my mum and sister is a lot more

0:48:380:48:40

than what they could've given me.

0:48:400:48:42

-Waa!

-Waa.

0:48:450:48:47

Waa!

0:48:470:48:48

You're still my boy.

0:48:540:48:55

Exhausted after a week of nonstop partying,

0:49:050:49:08

Pat, Dan and Phil are off for a soothing Thai massage.

0:49:080:49:12

Hello, are you all right?

0:49:120:49:13

-WOMAN:

-Everybody take off.

0:49:130:49:15

Are you hurting, bruv?

0:49:190:49:22

-Ticklish feet!

-Yeah, I've got a ticklish feet as well!

0:49:220:49:26

Maybe they wouldn't be quite so tickled

0:49:260:49:28

if they knew who was heading their way.

0:49:280:49:32

I am feeling so nervous.

0:49:320:49:34

I really...

0:49:340:49:35

I don't know about you, but I think, "Oooh."

0:49:350:49:40

Most of me is sure that he'll sort of like take it in good heart

0:49:400:49:43

and he'll laugh,

0:49:430:49:45

but there's just a little bit of me where he might, oh,

0:49:450:49:48

be a little bit annoyed.

0:49:480:49:49

-What are they doing now?

-I do feel a tad guilty.

0:49:590:50:03

I don't.

0:50:030:50:04

After a week of seeing Pat downing buckets of booze

0:50:050:50:08

and disappearing off with a prostitute,

0:50:080:50:11

it's time for mum Lisa and Tina to come clean.

0:50:110:50:14

-You turn over now.

-Turn over?

-Yeah.

-Which way?

0:50:280:50:32

Oh, fuck off.

0:50:330:50:35

Was that you doing that?

0:50:350:50:37

SHE LAUGHS

0:50:370:50:40

-Oi, oi, Mum.

-Hello, love.

0:50:400:50:43

You're browner than me!

0:50:430:50:45

Yeah, but I'm up in the daytime.

0:50:450:50:47

THEY LAUGH

0:50:470:50:50

Oh, Mum.

0:50:500:50:51

-Where have you been?

-Hello, you two.

0:50:550:50:58

My arse is hanging out and everything.

0:50:580:50:59

I brought someone with me cos I couldn't come on my own.

0:51:010:51:03

-How are you?

-I'm all right.

0:51:090:51:11

Well, thanks, girls.

0:51:110:51:13

It's been quite emotional because obviously,

0:51:130:51:16

there's things that a mum don't want to be seeing.

0:51:160:51:19

And I couldn't believe that you knew you were being filmed

0:51:200:51:24

and you were doing some of the things

0:51:240:51:25

and coming out with some of the things you were saying.

0:51:250:51:28

-Do you hate me now?

-Hate you? We love you.

-That's all right, then.

0:51:280:51:32

But hammered, completely hammered.

0:51:320:51:36

Second night a prostitute.

0:51:360:51:38

-I calmed down after that.

-Yeah, you did get better.

0:51:400:51:44

Your mum, she was a nervous wreck, bless her heart.

0:51:440:51:47

-At the end of the day, I love you, Pat.

-I love you too, Mum.

0:51:470:51:51

We had a good time.

0:51:510:51:53

Yeah, that was a bit of a shock coming out and seeing her.

0:51:530:51:56

I hope she's not that pissed off with some of the stuff I've done

0:51:560:51:58

but, obviously, I've upset her about some things

0:51:580:52:01

but I hope she's, you know, she'll laugh about it first

0:52:010:52:03

and then have a go at me after about, like, the prostitute.

0:52:030:52:06

There's a lot of redeeming to do.

0:52:060:52:08

The next day, Pat and his mum have a heart-to-heart about his time away.

0:52:120:52:17

Week's come to an end, Pat.

0:52:170:52:19

-Been a funny old week.

-It has indeed.

-Yeah.

0:52:190:52:22

Started off a bit...

0:52:220:52:23

I have to say, I was very stressed at the beginning

0:52:230:52:26

and to be so close to you...

0:52:260:52:27

..and not be able to come and tell you that I was worried

0:52:290:52:33

was really, really hard.

0:52:330:52:35

Since coming out here, I think it's weird

0:52:350:52:37

because you don't think that you will change in just a week

0:52:370:52:40

but you know, I come out here a bit like it was all about girls,

0:52:400:52:42

it was all about going out and getting a bit silly

0:52:420:52:45

but after a little while, a few days,

0:52:450:52:47

it was like, you know, it's not all about that.

0:52:470:52:50

I think I've learnt about myself. I just want to keep learning more

0:52:500:52:53

and changing and tweaking little bits to make myself better.

0:52:530:52:55

Yeah, finding out who you are.

0:52:550:52:57

Pat's not the only one who has benefited from this experience.

0:52:570:53:02

Seeing Patrick and all his antics

0:53:020:53:04

has been funny, sad, you know,

0:53:040:53:08

all the emotions, anger, disappointment

0:53:080:53:12

and then when it comes down to you,

0:53:120:53:13

it's just got better and better and better the whole way through, hasn't it?

0:53:130:53:17

Yeah.

0:53:170:53:19

We were always amicable, weren't we?

0:53:190:53:20

And always spoke and things like that

0:53:200:53:22

but now I'd say that we're close.

0:53:220:53:24

-I'd say we're friends.

-Yeah, thank you.

-Thank you.

0:53:240:53:28

I think before, I was a little bit selfish and put myself first all the time.

0:53:300:53:34

Even with my mates, they'd say I'm a bit selfish.

0:53:340:53:37

I wouldn't help them out with things

0:53:370:53:38

so hopefully, I'll get home and I can help everyone out and just be a better person, really.

0:53:380:53:42

You know, if you do things perfect first time all the time

0:53:420:53:45

then when something does goes wrong, eventually, you're not going to know how to deal with it

0:53:450:53:50

so I think you've got to make mistakes and learn from them

0:53:500:53:54

and just try not to make them again.

0:53:540:53:57

Finally on the road to recovery, Daniel has been discharged from hospital

0:53:590:54:04

and no-one could be happier than his adoring mum, Jill.

0:54:040:54:08

There you go. Ladybug.

0:54:090:54:11

Cheers to the holiday and to Daniel...

0:54:110:54:14

Thanks very much.

0:54:140:54:15

..getting better.

0:54:150:54:16

-Thank you for doing this for me.

-Pleasure.

0:54:160:54:20

I'm not annoyed in any way.

0:54:200:54:22

Like, I know they were obviously very uncomfortable

0:54:220:54:25

watching me in such a horrible state, like so uncomfortable and ill

0:54:250:54:29

so I'm not annoyed that they broke cover.

0:54:290:54:33

I think if...in their situation it had to be done, like, yeah,

0:54:330:54:38

I'm just not annoyed.

0:54:380:54:40

Very happy they did it.

0:54:400:54:41

Mm. Nice change to water.

0:54:410:54:46

Dan's not quite back to his old self

0:54:460:54:49

but there's glimmers that are coming through,

0:54:490:54:51

so I'm sure he'll be back to where he was

0:54:510:54:56

before we know it, which is wonderful.

0:54:560:54:58

It was lovely to see you having a good time, you know,

0:55:010:55:05

partying and then, obviously, not so lovely to see you unwell.

0:55:050:55:10

Yeah, I mean, I was having a very, very good time at the start.

0:55:100:55:13

Like, the weather was quite nice as well

0:55:130:55:15

and then, obviously,

0:55:150:55:18

illness hit and it wasn't so great after that, was it?

0:55:180:55:23

Maybe it was a good thing you saw that I'm still kind of safe

0:55:230:55:27

and that I'm still kind of well-behaved in a way.

0:55:270:55:31

-And you like buckets.

-Huh?

0:55:310:55:33

-And that you like buckets.

-Yeah, I guess so.

0:55:330:55:36

In a way, is that a bit of peace of mind for you

0:55:360:55:38

that I'm not absolutely crazy and always throwing myself off buildings

0:55:380:55:44

or whatever you think I do?

0:55:440:55:45

-It's the best thing.

-What's the best thing?

0:55:450:55:49

Well, knowing that he's fairly sensible.

0:55:490:55:51

-Look at the doggie.

-Oh, he's lovely.

0:55:510:55:53

Next time - the fabled full moon party on Ko Pha Ngan,

0:55:550:55:58

a big boozing student gets totally hammered...

0:55:580:56:02

HE SHOUTS

0:56:020:56:04

..and a wild boy lets it all hang out.

0:56:040:56:08

-It was awesome.

-In which case, I just dropped.

0:56:080:56:11

I think we got this.

0:56:120:56:13

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