Episode 2 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents

The freedom of your first ever far-flung long-haul holiday

away with your mates,

6,000 miles away from home to Thailand

where booze comes in buckets...

..boys will be boys...

and girls may be boys too.

I've seen one of theirs willies.

A baptism of fire far from the glaring eyes of Mum and Dad.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Except in this case, the parents have come along too,

spying on the sly...

Oh, my God. I can see him.

..secretly watching their every move.

Oh, jeez.

Drop.

But as the youngsters stumble merrily down the fast lane to independence...

-Go away.

-Look at the state of him.

You've just got to give me a minute.

..one way or another, someone is about to get...

Was that you doing that?

..the shock of their lives.

-Why are you here?

-I'm not doing it.

This programme contains strong language.

Coming up - an Essex gigolo...

Suck it, love.

..and a proud Mummy's boy...

That's too strong for me, bruv.

..take a long distance trek to Ko Pha Ngan in Thailand.

Everyone's having a good time. See where the night takes us.

But will Casanova Pat...

I'd love to have a bit of that.

..regret his womanising ways?

The girl was a boy.

-Oh, jeez!

-No!

And can one-pint wonder Daniel handle a night on the bucket?

HE RETCHES

You've just got to give me a minute.

And when one family is forced to break their cover early...

SHE CRIES

I'm sorry, Daniel.

..just how will the kids react?

Was that you doing that?

SHE LAUGHS

In Sussex...

Can Mummy come in?

-Yeah.

-Sleepy boy.

..20-year-old graphic design student Daniel lives at home

with his big sister, Jess, and doting mum, Jill.

When I'm here, it's all lovely

and then when I go, it's always the tears and water-works.

Yeah, I'd say I'm a mummy's boy in that sense.

-Hello, my darling.

-Hello, Mama.

-Are you all right? You've slept well?

-Yeah.

I like it, I think.

I think it's something that I don't want to let, like...

It's quite sad but I think it's something that I'll never really want to lose ever, really.

-Are you going to get up now?

-No.

-Daniel, get up now.

-No, I'm all right.

'Dan is my baby boy.'

I get great joy by spoiling him in lots of ways.

Love you, Mama.

Love you more!

Daniel enjoys the easy life.

He doesn't do anything for himself when he's here.

He gets his dinner made.

He wants to go shopping, Mum takes him shopping

so, yeah, he's very babied and he loves it.

I'd say people laugh AT me more than with me,

which is kind of a sad thing, I guess,

but I've never really thought of it that way.

Dan is a fairly unique kind of guy, really.

But when away at uni, Daniel is a completely different person.

If my mum knew what I got up to when I was drunk,

she's probably going to be pretty shocked.

One thing Mum isn't aware of

is Daniel's drunken visits to a tattoo parlour.

I got the camel toe and the old barbecue ribs - the classics.

I probably should keep my voice down a little bit, actually.

My mum doesn't quite know.

With Mum having no idea about Daniel's alter-ego,

a night out in Thailand is likely to be a real shocker.

That's the drinking Dan.

That's the different side of me, which I don't think she's ever really seen, to be honest.

Look what Mummy's found for her bubba. Pac a mac.

Oh!

My thoughts on spying on Daniel -

that it will be interesting

to see him embrace another culture

without me or the rest of the family with him

and to see him broaden his horizons, really.

Daniel can do no wrong in his mum's eyes

but big sister Jess is concerned.

Don't take any drinks

that you don't know what's in them.

Don't want you paralytic.

You've heard the stories of...

those buckets and things like that,

so just be mindful of what you're drinking.

What else do we not want you to do?

Maybe no ladyboys, I think would be a good idea.

Hey! What's up? Hey, guys. How you doing?

Accompanying Daniel and hoping to make a splash in Thailand

are best mates Kieran and Sam.

I'd say Sam is going to be the sensible one.

I don't like that. I'm not boring, OK? I'm not boring.

Dan's the one-can man so he can't always keep up.

I'd say it takes me a very little amount of alcohol to get drunk.

Thailand's reputation for cheap booze,

coupled with his mum and sister watching his every move,

could leave Daniel in double trouble, not that he's aware.

I'm so excited to go to Thailand.

It's going to be unbelievable.

I mean, it's just going to be probably the best holiday I've ever been on.

20-year-old part-time waiter Pat lives at home with his mum, Lisa.

Pat is a bit of a playboy.

With girls and that, I suppose I am quite successful.

I know what I'm doing.

I just talk a lot and I just say what's what

and most of the time, it works cos I think if you're just quite confident with some girls,

they don't know what to say so they just go, "Yeah, all right, then."

Mum wishes he would show some responsibility.

I think he goes out too much...

..and that he should be using his energies

into looking at what else is around.

Pat has already quit college, where he was studying to be an electrician.

I kind of got a bit lazy and thought, you know,

"I want to have a bit more fun," so I've been having fun.

I'd like to go back into the electrician thing as I get a bit older

and I think it's getting a bit to that stage now where I've got to start buckling down.

Sometimes gets his priorities wrong.

Thailand is Pat's chance to prove himself.

Just don't be silly.

Don't do things just because it's funny or whatever.

-No, I want to have a laugh, though.

-Yeah, you can have a laugh.

I hope you have a great laugh and a great time

and see something different

and come back with an experience that's valuable,

but I just want you to be safe.

But will Pat take full advantage of this unique cultural experience?

The main thing that I'm looking forward to

has got to be the partying.

Everyone says, "You're going to end up with a ladyboy,"

but, you know, I don't know, cos some of them are really beautiful

and it's kind of worrying that you could end up going back somewhere

and then they turn out to be a fella.

Joining Pat on this Far Eastern extravaganza

are partners in crime Phil and Dan.

If I don't pull or don't speak to girls, I think that's a down night.

-Wouldn't want to make you cry in Thailand, would that?

-I won't cry.

I'm here to have a good time first.

If a girl comes along then, yeah, bonus,

not, "That's my main target."

-That's why I'm going to Thailand.

-To what?

-To bang.

THEY ALL LAUGH

It will be interesting to see

how much he is maybe pushing the boundaries.

I would like to think Patrick has respect for girls...

..and to see what sort of job I've made of bringing him up

and I hope that I'm not going to be disappointed.

You have nothing to worry about, Mum.

Oh, famous last words.

Despite Daniel's mum, Jill, secretly going to Thailand,

she's finding it desperately hard to say goodbye.

-I'll miss you, bubba.

-I'll miss you too, Mum.

I miss you when you're at uni.

Come and give me a big hug, Dan.

-Be careful, yeah? Please. Promise?

-Yeah.

Bye-bye.

Can Daniel survive without his doting mum?

Only time will tell.

Thailand! Whoo-hoo!

Also ready to take flight are Pat, Phil and Dan.

-Right, you all ready, then?

-Yes, everything's all sorted.

Got your passports? Where?

-In my bag.

-Suitcase.

Here you are. There you are. You can have a drink when you get to the airport. Water.

Ta-ra, love.

See you later.

If only Pat knew that his mum, Lisa, was coming along too.

Bye! See ya!

But you won't be seeing me.

Can't wait to meet a ladyboy. THEY ALL LAUGH

I bet you can't.

Birds with bigger Adam's apples than us.

Oh, I can't wait.

Ko Pha Ngan is one of Thailand's most exotic islands,

bursting with breathtaking colour

and renowned worldwide as THE place to party.

Yay!

6,000 miles and 24 hours after leaving the UK,

Pat, Phil and Dan have finally arrived.

-The scenery is really nice, isn't it?

-It's brilliant.

-It's not that sunny all the time.

-It's humid.

-It's humid and wet.

But it's really nice here, though, so far.

-So far.

-So far.

-Seen a couple of birds already.

It's a whole new world for the Essex boys.

In you go, Phil.

Dan has come well-prepared.

Oh, my word.

What are we going to do if we bring a bird back?

HE LAUGHS

-Why have you brought them?

-Just in case.

-You never know.

You never know.

But playboy Pat's not used to playing it safe.

When I get into it,

I don't really have much time for putting on a condom.

Should do, really.

Yeah, I know, I shouldn't really go bareback, but...

On this holiday, the boys plan to stick together

and have even gone to the effort of creating their very own tribute

to a well-known French landmark.

I feel dirty now.

All right, so, we've got Eiffel Tower.

You've got the two fellas, me and Daniel here,

and then we've got the girl... done by Phil.

The girl will bend over like that, boys up behind.

Put their arms up.

Phil's having a great time...or Philippa.

She's having a great time and we're all high-fiving.

Whoo-hoo, in.

Phil...

And it's job done.

All the boys need now are some willing participants.

For Pat, there is nothing much off-limits.

I don't know.

The oldest woman I've shagged is probably about...I think 47.

But she still had it, so she was all right.

Obviously, she weren't, like, a wrinkly old thing.

Right by the poolside!

Also just arrived are Daniel, Kieran and Sam.

-I'm liking what I'm seeing.

-SAM: Very nice. Top location.

-Dude, we're right on the pool.

-Right on the pool.

-It's pretty good.

-There's, like, a pool bar.

Despite Kieran fancying a beer already...

We're a bit early for the bar, maybe.

..Daniel has other ideas -

a gentle swim...

Feeling a little bit tired, I think. Feel a little bit worn out.

..followed by a nice afternoon nap.

At night in Ko Pha Ngan, the locals turn up the heat.

The Essex boys are limbering up

for their first night out on the party isle.

It's a bit boisterous over there, innit? Flames and shit.

Well, I did have fun playing with fire.

Pat is on a mission, to first get drunk...

Thanks, mate.

There you go. Suck it, love.

..and then hit on as many girls as possible.

Everyone I look at, I'm like, "Hmm. Hmm."

To Pat, it's all about a numbers game for him when it comes to women.

But when he's actually drunk,

that's when he actually puts that into practice.

Someone's spilt me drink.

Oi, love, you split my drink, look.

-That definitely wasn't me.

-That was you!

I seen you. You've gone like that. You've kicked me drink over!

Calm down, I'll buy you another one.

He won't talk to a girl when he's sober cos he's, like, quite shy,

but as soon as he's got a little bit of alcohol in him -

not even drunk but just a little bit -

then he's just...turns into an animal.

Pat has hit the ground running

and at this rate, he'll soon be into double figures.

I think if went home with, like, only shagging one bird,

as long as she was Thai, I wouldn't mind.

As long as I can say I came out to Thailand,

shagged a Thai bird and went home, then I'll be all right, but...

if I went home and I didn't shag anyone, I'd be upset.

Across town, Daniel and co are chilling

but already a man down.

How are you feeling, Sam?

Just dandy.

Sam is feeling jetlagged.

I put the "Dan" in "dandy".

But nothing is going to stop Kieran and Daniel hitting the bars.

I don't expect you home early.

Hope you feel better, buddy, OK? Have a good night.

Yeah, you too.

Daniel is in high spirits and drinking by the bucket-load.

That's too fucking strong for me, bruv!

Onto the party!

With the drinks kicking in, Daniel mans up.

Arm wrestle! Huh? You want it? Let's do it!

And he's soon showboating to the crowd.

-MAN:

-Yeah!

Push, Dan! Push! Push!

WHISTLE BLOWS, CROWD CHEERS

They were cheering me on. Who knows who the fuck I am?!

Who cares who the fuck I am?!

They wanted me to win.

Hey!

Wasn't that exciting?

-PAT: I've forgotten her name. PHIL:

-Jessica.

No, Jess was the other girl.

Further up the beach, after a fantastic start,

Pat's pulling power has suddenly deserted him.

Yeah, she's gone home.

Uh, I got with a few girls tonight.

One was from Galway, and she thought I was Irish as well,

cos I told her I was from Cappoquin

and I spoke in an Irish accent, which worked.

I got away with it. Couple of other girls I got with,

they were going home tomorrow, so went home early.

Yeah, it was an eventful night, for the first night.

Certainly eventful... but not a landmark evening.

Eiffel Towering tonight, maybe not so much,

but this is our first night, so we've got a long time to...

Yeah, we've got a long time to see what's...

Six other days to try it.

-Yeah, bedtime, I think.

-Bedtime. Come on, this way.

We're on the left. Come on.

Fucking hell.

I love you, bro.

Two hours since Daniel and Kieran hit the bars,

and they may be a little intoxicated.

Hello!

SLURRING: Am I drunk? Does a cat fucking lick its own fucking balls?

Yeah, I'm fucking drunk.

This fucking place is fucking unreal.

I don't fucking...

I love my...fucking mum,

but what the fuck is going on around here?

That's a fucking good night, Kieran.

Eh? Eh?!

A fucking good night, Kieran!

We're having a fucking good night, yeah?

Dude, let me put my arm around you. Is that cool?

Possibly not so good if he knew who was heading his way.

Let's go together.

After travelling over 6,000 miles to secretly spy on their kids,

the parents have arrived.

And in a double whammy for Pat,

his mum Lisa has brought along her ex-husband's girlfriend, Tina,

who are about to meet Daniel's mum, Jill,

and sister, Jess, for the first time.

You've got boys, girls?

Just my son, Patrick, yeah.

Patrick, right. OK. And who's...?

I'm Patrick's stepmum. No, I'm not.

-I'm his dad's girlfriend.

-OK.

-And you're Patrick's mum.

-I'm Patrick's mum, yeah.

OK. Dan's my brother.

And he's...yeah, a big mummy's boy, really.

What I'm really scared about is if I see him upset

or in a situation that I'm not comfortable in

and I can see that he's not comfortable,

I will really struggle to watch that.

If I see him getting himself into a situation where boys go out,

they drink, they get a bit lairy, bit laddy,

and they get themselves in this situation

that could be a bit frightening.

For me, it's as long as Dan's got a smile on his face, really.

11.30am, and Daniel and the boys are still in bed.

I'm feeling OK.

Are you? I think I'm definitely still drunk.

Maybe, yeah.

I don't actually remember the night, to be honest.

Sam, who came in after who?

-SAM:

-You both came in at the same time.

How are you actually feeling, Sam?

We haven't really asked at all.

-Better, thanks.

-Feeling good? OK.

Ready enough for a bar crawl?

Yep. Are you?

I'm very ready for a bar crawl right now.

We could crawl right now.

I couldn't do anything right now.

Less than half a mile away,

Daniel's mum, Jill, and big sister, Jess,

along with Pat's mum, Lisa, and Tina

are about to get their first look at what their kids have been up to.

Now we've arrived in Thailand, we just can't wait to see

a little bit of footage to see how Dan's settling in.

Hoping that he's loving it.

I'm a little bit apprehensive about seeing...or I just hope that

he's not put himself in any sort of vulnerable situations

and he's just kept his wits about him.

Jill is about to see just how much Daniel really is loving it.

JESS: Oh, he's on the shots. Oh, dear.

What have I told him about taking drinks from strangers?

-TINA:

-Buckets now.

It tastes foul because they're pulling faces.

He doesn't like that!

ALL GASP

Kieran!

-Oh, my God!

-He looked like he hit his head then.

You know what scares me? When they don't know what's in those drinks.

-I know.

-I know.

They're just pouring them down their throats.

Wasn't happy with that.

OK, we need to watch more.

SLURRING: This fucking place is fucking unreal.

ALL LAUGH

I don't fucking...

I love my...fucking mum.

"I love my fucking mum"!

I love that. You've got a mention!

Aw!

I'm surprised he could say the words!

Bless him. I love him.

Pat's mum, Lisa, is more apprehensive.

With responsibilities with women, I hope he's respectful

and treats them with respect.

-Just not nasty with it.

-Not nasty with it.

-That he's considerate towards other people.

-Yeah.

-Look.

-ALL LAUGH

-DAN:

-'You never know.'

-Dan thinks his luck's going to be well in.

When I get into it, I don't really have much time for...

putting on a condom. Should do, really.

You know, I shouldn't really go bareback, but...

-it happens, don't it?

-Hmm.

"I shouldn't really go bareback."

He don't listen to a word I say, does he?

THEY GASP

Right, so, we've got Eiffel Tower.

-You've got the two fellas, me and Daniel here.

-Oh, Pat.

And then we've got the girl...done by Phil.

The girl will bend over like that. Boy's up behind.

Put their arms up. Phil's having a great time, or Philippa.

THEY GIGGLE She's having a great time.

We're all high-fiving.

-Oh, jeez.

-No!

THEY LAUGH

I haven't got a favourite type of woman at all.

The oldest woman I've shagged is probably about...

I think 47. ALL GASP

THEY SNIGGER

I was expecting him to say, "The oldest woman I've ever..."

-28.

-I don't know, about...

No, I was going to say 35, something like that.

I was going to... I was.

Well, at least they weren't older than me.

I don't know what to say. I'm speechless.

That's where he's getting all his ideas from,

these older women that are more experienced than him.

What? A 47-year-old wants to do an Eiffel Tower?

I don't think so somehow. THEY LAUGH

-Are you all right?

-Yeah, I'm all right.

-Are you, though?

-She's all right. She's fine.

A 20-year-old...

Little bit of disappointment, really, that...

he's a little bit brazen and being a bit cocky

and a bit over-the-top with...

..things.

After watching Lisa and Tina have to watch Patrick's video...

..yeah, Daniel appears angelic.

Night two on Ko Pha Ngan

and angelic Daniel is busy making new friends.

-What's your name?

-May.

-May, I'm Dan. Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you as well.

-I'm Sam.

-How are you? You OK?

I don't even know where to start. Like, are you from... Local?

No, like, from Bangkok.

Bangkok? OK, that's cool, that's cool. Uh...

Uh... What do I ask? It's hard. I mean, we should just chill.

-We're having a good time, OK?

-Yeah.

-Um...

Daniel is lost for words.

Maybe a show will inspire him.

What are they doing?

Does she have a penis?

-Well, yes.

-They do?

-How? It's not very big.

-I've no idea.

-How does it work?

-I have no idea.

Do they have balls?

During the interval,

Daniel is invited backstage for a ladyboy masterclass...

..only to reappear as part of the act...

CHEERING AND SCREAMING

..taking "mummy's boy" to a whole new level.

MUSIC: "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred.

Thank you all for coming.

Daniel is feeling proud of himself.

I mean, I knew these guys might find it hard,

but did they dress up like ladies and put bikinis on?

Mm, no, they didn't, actually.

I got turned down, I got turned down.

-I thought I'd keep my dignity intact.

-I got turned away.

-Did I lose dignity?

-Yes, yes, you did.

I thought I gained respect.

MUSIC: "Burn" by Ellie Goulding

Warming up for a second night of partying are the Essex boys.

And playboy Pat has even promised to make it a lads' only night out.

But that was before a bucket.

Tonight's not about birds and you gave that look.

Tonight's not about birds.

For us, not. It's not, but...

..you know, maybe you should be on our level.

I'd really like to meet my wife tonight.

You're no going to find your wife.

Pat simply can't help himself and he's soon eyeing up the locals.

I'd love to have a bit of that, to be honest, cos she's pretty.

But, I don't know if she's got a willy.

To be honest.

If she's beautiful and she rocked out a willy, I think I'd be like...

"Oh, why not?"

Probably not quite what Mum had in mind

when it comes to cultural exploration.

Moments later, Pat throws caution to the wind.

But this girl isn't here on holiday.

If he wants to take it any further, it's going to cost him.

Pat isn't fazed and soon disappears into the night.

Dan is not impressed.

Pat said to me, "Quick, give me 1,000 baht."

I was like, "Why do you want 1,000 baht?"

He goes, "She just said we could have sex for 1,000 baht."

I said, "Why are you going to pay for that? You're an idiot."

If Pat's mum saw him paying for something like that,

she'd think exactly the same as me.

What are you doing? It's stupid.

MUSIC: "Silhouettes" by Avicii

Across the bay, Daniel and co

are celebrating his starring role in the ladyboy cabaret.

That's finished. That's what we like to see.

I don't like to see that.

As the booze flows,

it's not long before they set about losing each other.

I've had a hell of a lot to drink. I've lost everyone.

I've lost Sam, I've lost Kieran. By myself right now.

Fuck those guys. I want to keep going.

But the only place Daniel is going is home.

I've had a fucking good night, to be honest, yeah.

It's been a lot of fun. I don't know how many fucking beers I've drank.

Who gi... Who knows?

I hope Kieran's OK. He'll be fine but he's too drunk.

Once again.

And just to prove a point...

here comes Kieran.

OK. There we go.

Meanwhile, Pat has been busy broadening his horizons.

PAT: I had a great time. It was a good shag.

It's kind of fantastic cos I want to do...

In my life, I want to do every single race going and...

Thai was obviously on the list and now I can tick that one off.

But has Pat possibly ticked off more than he realised?

-The girl was a boy, so...

-No, she weren't a boy.

-OK.

-She was a bloke.

-She was a boy. She was a bloke.

She was a bloke, that's why none of us ... her.

I fucked her in the ... man.

-Give me a fag. Give me a fag.

-Wait, wait, wait. Say that again.

It's bullshit, man. I fucked her. She had a...

-Say that again.

-She had a vagina, mate!

Pat's mission to rule Britannia has sailed into unchartered waters.

Maybe it's been a lads' night out after all.

After a heavy night on the booze, Daniel is feeling rough.

Maybe the buckets haven't helped.

Who do you call when you're feeling ill?

SHE SHRIEKS Oh! Hey, Mum.

Wah. You all right, Mama?

'So, I've just got in.'

Jessica's just pouring me a big glass of white wine.

We're gonna sit down the bottom of the garden.

-I'm not feeling too good, Mum.

-Why aren't you feeling very well?

'What's the matter with you?'

Just feeling really sick and a bad stomach, I guess.

Oh, really?

-'A stomach bug?'

-Yeah, maybe.

You really poorly, then?

DAN COUGHS

Mum, I'll give you a call back maybe in a second.

Yeah? I just need to go. I need to...

OK. Ring me back.

OK. Sorry. Love you.

DAN RETCHES

What do you think about that, then? He's not well.

-He's down the road.

-He'll be fine.

He'll be fine. He'll be OK.

No more cocktails.

Well, you can say... You should have said that on the phone, then.

I know.

"No more cocktails, Daniel, if that's made you feel ill."

But they are 20 and they should make that decision by themselves.

I just want to make sure he's all right, really.

If he's not well, I want to go there.

HE RETCHES AND COUGHS

OK, buddy?

I feel so sorry for him now.

-What colour is it this time?

-Green.

-Green.

HE COUGHS

-That's horrible.

-Not good.

On the other side of town, Pat is facing a ribbing from Dan and Phil.

We woke up this morning, there's a towel on the floor.

There's a massive shit stain and he's trying to say it's not him.

It wasn't me. That's disgusting.

HE LAUGHS

Pat has just woke up.

HE LAUGHS

Mate, that's disgusting.

-You did it.

-Are you joking?

So, yeah. That's it.

It's going to be hilarious.

Look at my bed and do you think I'd do that?

HE LAUGHS

One thing Pat can't deny are last night's international intergender relations.

One main rule when we come out here was no prostitutes.

What's the first thing he goes and does?

Oh, it was spur of the moment.

When I went back with that girl, I paid her 900 baht to have a go at her

but, yeah, weren't a smart move.

I can't believe you paid for a ladyboy as well,

not even like you pulled one, you paid for her.

It's disgusting.

How is it a ladyboy because she had a vagina?

Post-op.

-No, but it was wet.

-Post-op.

It's a little bit gay, really, if you think about it.

Just a little bit gay.

It's disgusting to pay for a woman or to pay for sex for anyone.

I think that's a stupid thing but...

Because I've never done it before as well.

I don't know why I've started in Thailand with what possibly could have been a fella, so...

It's not...

It's not cool.

Pat's mum, Lisa, is about to see what her son got up to last night

and is desperately hoping he doesn't let himself down again.

It's just sad to see that we've seen a grotty part

as opposed to, you know, someone that actually is a lot of fun

and he is a funny, kind person.

He will do anything for anyone.

-Yeah, he's caring.

-And he has a drink and he's lost the plot.

Pat has paid her money to go with that Thai bird.

-Oh, jeez!

-No!

Exactly. Why? Why do you need to pay for that?

Oh, God.

-He ain't redeeming himself, is he?

-He's not, is he?

-No, he's so stupid.

-He's a good-looking lad. Why is he paying for it?

-I don't know.

Patrick definitely has a completely personality change, I think...

Yeah.

..when he's drinking

and just any sense or logic goes out the window

and that is really quite frightening.

He's at a crossroads at the moment.

We was hoping this would sort of like give him a purpose, wasn't we?

Trying to show him what he wants to be or what he should be.

I can't believe you paid for a ladyboy as well.

Not even like you pulled one, you paid for her.

It's disgusting to pay for a woman or to pay for sex for anyone.

I think that's a stupid thing.

It's not...

It's not cool.

Well, he knows. He's knows he's done wrong.

Yeah, but he keeps knowing he's done wrong

and he keeps going and doing more.

I'm trying to find words of comfort.

Yeah, but you always think about the fact

that they learn by their mistakes but Patrick keeps repeating them.

With Patrick, it's not about what he's doing or...

It's the fact he is taking silly risks.

You know, he could be infected by some sort of disease

for the rest of his days, all because he was just a bit stupid.

Daniel's mum Jill and sister Jess

are about to witness the events that led to him phoning home ill.

-I'm hoping Dan is up and running.

-Yeah.

So that's basically what I'm going to be looking for -

seeing my boy back on his feet.

It's not good.

-Ready?

-Yeah.

Oh, my God.

SHE LAUGHS

-Bless him.

-I think that's really funny.

He's in a bikini top.

Buckets!

Oh, that's grim, innit?

That's a lot of different alcohol.

That's a lot of alcohol.

But it's all different types as well, which is a bit scary.

I'm not convinced he's actually full-on having a good time,

whether or not he actually wants to drink all that. What do you...?

-Do you get that from him?

-But it's peer pressure.

-Yeah.

You keep up. You all want to stay out. How do you stay out?

-You stay out by drinking.

-Yeah, OK.

-You don't stay out sober.

You do. You're right.

So you just go with it, don't you?

Until you go, "That is it," or you're sick or you're literally about to fall asleep.

Just a bad stomach, I guess.

OK, ring me back. "Ring me back."

Sorry. Love you.

HE RETCHES

-Oh, my poor boy.

-Oh, my God, Dan.

HE COUGHS

-I feel bad for him. That's horrible.

-OK.

-Horrible.

-You just worry about alcohol poisoning, don't you?

-Absolutely.

Well, we've just got to hope that it's a 24-hour bug.

It's proving difficult for Jill to see her son coping without her care.

I just don't like to think he's not well and as long as I know it's...

..nothing then that will be OK.

I just need to find out that it's nothing.

I think because he's poorly,

he'll definitely be missing you a hell of a lot more.

Don't you think?

-What's wrong?

-I don't want him to miss me.

-Why?

I don't want that.

Why? It's nice that he misses you, Mama.

He misses you when he's at uni. Why would he not miss you when he's here?

Because he shouldn't be. He should be out having fun.

OK, but right now, he felt very ill last night

so, actually, probably talking to you probably did make him miss you.

You've just got to give me a minute.

Goodness sake!

How you doing, boys?

This is great, Pat! "Ride an elephant," he said.

"It won't be scary at all," he said.

Pat has already proved that he's open to new experiences

and today is no exception.

-Scary.

-Can you tell this little bitch to man up?

You're sitting on some big-ass beast.

He's making all these noises. Keeps making me a bit nervy.

-I want to get back on that elephant.

-What are you nervous for?

I'm going to lose my flip-flops. Ah! Me flippy!

There goes me flippy.

No, I've still got it. This is mental when you think about it.

-Oh, are we going in the water?

-It's chilled out, innit?

A sober Pat has found time to reflect on the last few days.

Since I've come to Thailand, there are a couple of little things I regret.

I regret getting so drunk on the first couple of nights.

Even though the first night, I had a good night, the second night, really,

it's funny to look back.

I'm going to laugh about it in ten years' time but at the minute,

I'm quite embarrassed about what happened with the prostitute and stuff like that.

It's just terrible, really.

That's disgusting but it's done now and can't do nothing about it.

I suppose you got to learn your lesson from it.

Oh, wow.

HE LAUGHS

God, I'm scared, though.

So, yeah, I think

I've realised that maybe I should calm down a little.

The afternoon after the drinking session of a lifetime

and Daniel still isn't feeling well.

I've felt better, to be honest.

I had a very, very bad night's sleep.

Just up throwing up the whole time.

I've gone through about two litres, of water, or maybe three.

I think they're 1.5 litre bottles, so three litres of water last night

and just nothing stays down.

Daniel decides to seek a medical opinion.

After a full examination, the doctor gives his diagnosis.

Your heart is beating quickly and temperature is high,

which means you surely have fever.

Before Daniel can call Mum, it gets worse.

I think he should stay in the hospital

for a drip water injection and antibiotics.

I think he will get better quickly.

After travelling halfway around the world,

Daniel has survived without his mum's care for two days.

It's just very upsetting,

I guess, coming all this way to Thailand across the world and...

..I'm being heavily sick.

Daniel is transferred to hospital

and will spend the rest of his holiday on a drip.

Here he is.

You guys can go. Go home.

-All right?

-Yeah. We'll come back and see you later.

See you later. Have a good day.

I hope you're feeling better, man. See you later.

It just hurts. I feel really drained.

I am angry because I feel a lot of pain. My stomach hurts.

Pat and the boys are in a fighting mood...

I can't kick for shit.

..and are completely unaware...

-Not so hard.

-Sorry.

..of two secret spectators heading their way.

Last time Mum Lisa saw Pat, he was cavorting with a prostitute

and she has still not forgiven him.

Go on. Beat him.

Save me doing it.

He's going to be knackered. He's not going to want to go out tonight.

No, that'll be good, won't it?

Right leg don't go up that high.

Can't get his leg over.

It's cos he HAS been getting his leg over he can't get his leg up.

Pat is at least putting the effort into something other

than women and booze.

-He is concentrating, actually.

-Yeah, so he's not going to be bothered.

He is taking it seriously.

Ooh! His leg went up a bit further there.

LAUGHTER

Can't be that good.

It'd be good if he actually got interested

-in something like this, wouldn't it?

-It would be lovely.

Keep him fit, keep him away from the bars.

Thank you.

He's done a little bow, he's finished. We better go careful now.

For Lisa, it's been positive.

-That was good to see, weren't it?

-Yeah.

-Discipline.

-Yeah.

-You know.

I try and instil discipline but I...

I just think, if you're doing something like this...

After last night, I feel absolutely knackered still

and doing that has just fucking knocked me over.

-PHIL:

-I think that was amazing.

-Might take it up when I get home.

-Best ever time. It was great.

-It's fantastic.

-It was. Really good.

-It was one of the best moments, wasn't it?

-Yeah, yeah.

-So far.

I did have a lump in my throat, you know.

And when he does his little giggle and things like that and...

..I've had so many sort of emotions this week.

You know, I've been angry, I've been worried for him and that,

but you just... And you think...

yeah, but, he's still Pat, at the end of the day,

-and there's still that lovely side.

-Hmm, yeah.

-Still want to ring his neck sometimes.

-He's lucky, really.

Cos you're such a forgiving mum.

-But if your mum can't forgive you, who can?

-Who can?

-That's right, yeah.

-So...

BOYS LAUGH

Daniel's mum, Jill, has been told

her son is receiving treatment in hospital.

She is seriously concerned

and an emergency viewing has been hastily arranged.

WOMAN SPEAKS IN THAI

It just hurts. I just feel really drained.

I don't... I don't need to see any more.

-OK.

-Do you?

-He's crap, isn't he?

-Yeah, he...

He looks dreadful.

He looks absolutely dreadful.

He looks really poorly.

I'm sorry, and we need to go and see him.

JESS SOBS

Jill desperately wants to blow their cover

and visit Daniel in hospital,

but despite being upset, Jess has her doubts.

All I'm saying is he's going to be asleep,

and I don't want to wake him up when he's sound asleep.

I hear you, Jessica, but he's being woken up every other hour.

For medication, not because...

OK, are we good medication, Jess?

-I'm sorry.

-I think he's going to be, like...

I think he's going to be so delusional,

and I'm going, "I'm sorry, we've been lying to you,

"we've been spying on you,"

all this crap, at 11 o'clock at night?!

JESS SIGHS

Against her better judgment, Jill finally relents and agrees

to allow Daniel a good night's rest.

The Essex boys however are showing no signs of slowing down.

The guys are attending a legendary half moon party.

It's a heavy mix of music, mayhem and vivid psychedelic colours.

This is the best party I've ever been to. It's mental.

There's a great crowd, like, there's some great people here.

There's some good-looking birds here as well.

Everyone's having a good time.

So I think we're still going to crack on, keep drinking

and then see where the night takes us.

The guys get into the groove.

Despite knocking back the booze,

for once, girls are not on Pat's bucket list.

Six, eight.

I've got a thousand baht in me hand, which is about 25 quid,

which is enough for a few drinks and a couple of balloons.

It is the price of a prostitute,

but I've grown up since the other day, and I ain't doing it no more.

-PHIL:

-Good lad.

-Thanks, Phil.

Pat may be growing up,

but balloons filled with laughing gas are considered dangerous -

hardly the height of maturity.

Phil, where you at?

The boys are certainly determined

to make the most of their last big night out.

I've had a fucking good time. It was fucking crazy.

Finally, after eight hours of nonstop clubbing

and with dawn breaking, the party comes to its climax...

..leaving Pat feeling like a changed man.

Since I've been out here,

I've learned that you don't have to pull birds to have a good time.

You know, I sat there, I danced, you know, I didn't stop dancing at all.

I just kept having Red Bulls. I kept going. And, yeah, I had a great time.

I had a proper laugh.

And, yeah, it's not all about pulling birds any more.

After a sleepless night,

Jess and Jill are tense and uneasy about visiting Daniel in hospital,

and debating whether to blow their cover.

It's just not what we had in our heads, of the reaction,

the situation, like, this is just the worst possible scenario.

Of course. Of course it is.

You know, "We're here. Surprise.

"We've been spying on you."

I feel a bit apprehensive, really. I don't know, I just feel nervous.

-I don't know why, I just feel nervous.

-I feel nervous as well.

Even if he is so much better today,

if he's not firing on all cylinders,

I...

..I just want to give him a hug.

Mm.

Upon arrival at the hospital,

Jill and Jess anxiously await their first sight of Daniel.

Come on, bubba.

-Here he is. He's coming.

-He's here.

I can see they've got him pushing someone.

It's all too much for Jill...

..and they take the drastic action of immediately revealing the truth.

Hello!

What are you doing here?

I wanted you to be here all the time.

Well, actually, we came on your holiday.

-Oh, really?

-We were spying on you.

OK.

Yeah.

-But I just needed to come see you.

-Yeah.

-Are you disappointed?

-Yeah.

I thought you would be.

I'm sorry, Daniel.

I know you're sorry.

Just overjoyed to see him. Overjoyed. And so is he.

So it's a win-win. Just happy to be here with him.

No offence to my friends.

It is 100 times better having my mum and sister here

than having them here just cos it's more...

..uplifting, and it's nicer to have someone there

who's more caring, in a way.

I'm not saying my friends aren't caring, but...

..being able to have to the love of my mum and sister is a lot more

than what they could've given me.

-Waa!

-Waa.

Waa!

You're still my boy.

Exhausted after a week of nonstop partying,

Pat, Dan and Phil are off for a soothing Thai massage.

Hello, are you all right?

-WOMAN:

-Everybody take off.

Are you hurting, bruv?

-Ticklish feet!

-Yeah, I've got a ticklish feet as well!

Maybe they wouldn't be quite so tickled

if they knew who was heading their way.

I am feeling so nervous.

I really...

I don't know about you, but I think, "Oooh."

Most of me is sure that he'll sort of like take it in good heart

and he'll laugh,

but there's just a little bit of me where he might, oh,

be a little bit annoyed.

-What are they doing now?

-I do feel a tad guilty.

I don't.

After a week of seeing Pat downing buckets of booze

and disappearing off with a prostitute,

it's time for mum Lisa and Tina to come clean.

-You turn over now.

-Turn over?

-Yeah.

-Which way?

Oh, fuck off.

Was that you doing that?

SHE LAUGHS

-Oi, oi, Mum.

-Hello, love.

You're browner than me!

Yeah, but I'm up in the daytime.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, Mum.

-Where have you been?

-Hello, you two.

My arse is hanging out and everything.

I brought someone with me cos I couldn't come on my own.

-How are you?

-I'm all right.

Well, thanks, girls.

It's been quite emotional because obviously,

there's things that a mum don't want to be seeing.

And I couldn't believe that you knew you were being filmed

and you were doing some of the things

and coming out with some of the things you were saying.

-Do you hate me now?

-Hate you? We love you.

-That's all right, then.

But hammered, completely hammered.

Second night a prostitute.

-I calmed down after that.

-Yeah, you did get better.

Your mum, she was a nervous wreck, bless her heart.

-At the end of the day, I love you, Pat.

-I love you too, Mum.

We had a good time.

Yeah, that was a bit of a shock coming out and seeing her.

I hope she's not that pissed off with some of the stuff I've done

but, obviously, I've upset her about some things

but I hope she's, you know, she'll laugh about it first

and then have a go at me after about, like, the prostitute.

There's a lot of redeeming to do.

The next day, Pat and his mum have a heart-to-heart about his time away.

Week's come to an end, Pat.

-Been a funny old week.

-It has indeed.

-Yeah.

Started off a bit...

I have to say, I was very stressed at the beginning

and to be so close to you...

..and not be able to come and tell you that I was worried

was really, really hard.

Since coming out here, I think it's weird

because you don't think that you will change in just a week

but you know, I come out here a bit like it was all about girls,

it was all about going out and getting a bit silly

but after a little while, a few days,

it was like, you know, it's not all about that.

I think I've learnt about myself. I just want to keep learning more

and changing and tweaking little bits to make myself better.

Yeah, finding out who you are.

Pat's not the only one who has benefited from this experience.

Seeing Patrick and all his antics

has been funny, sad, you know,

all the emotions, anger, disappointment

and then when it comes down to you,

it's just got better and better and better the whole way through, hasn't it?

Yeah.

We were always amicable, weren't we?

And always spoke and things like that

but now I'd say that we're close.

-I'd say we're friends.

-Yeah, thank you.

-Thank you.

I think before, I was a little bit selfish and put myself first all the time.

Even with my mates, they'd say I'm a bit selfish.

I wouldn't help them out with things

so hopefully, I'll get home and I can help everyone out and just be a better person, really.

You know, if you do things perfect first time all the time

then when something does goes wrong, eventually, you're not going to know how to deal with it

so I think you've got to make mistakes and learn from them

and just try not to make them again.

Finally on the road to recovery, Daniel has been discharged from hospital

and no-one could be happier than his adoring mum, Jill.

There you go. Ladybug.

Cheers to the holiday and to Daniel...

Thanks very much.

..getting better.

-Thank you for doing this for me.

-Pleasure.

I'm not annoyed in any way.

Like, I know they were obviously very uncomfortable

watching me in such a horrible state, like so uncomfortable and ill

so I'm not annoyed that they broke cover.

I think if...in their situation it had to be done, like, yeah,

I'm just not annoyed.

Very happy they did it.

Mm. Nice change to water.

Dan's not quite back to his old self

but there's glimmers that are coming through,

so I'm sure he'll be back to where he was

before we know it, which is wonderful.

It was lovely to see you having a good time, you know,

partying and then, obviously, not so lovely to see you unwell.

Yeah, I mean, I was having a very, very good time at the start.

Like, the weather was quite nice as well

and then, obviously,

illness hit and it wasn't so great after that, was it?

Maybe it was a good thing you saw that I'm still kind of safe

and that I'm still kind of well-behaved in a way.

-And you like buckets.

-Huh?

-And that you like buckets.

-Yeah, I guess so.

In a way, is that a bit of peace of mind for you

that I'm not absolutely crazy and always throwing myself off buildings

or whatever you think I do?

-It's the best thing.

-What's the best thing?

Well, knowing that he's fairly sensible.

-Look at the doggie.

-Oh, he's lovely.

Next time - the fabled full moon party on Ko Pha Ngan,

a big boozing student gets totally hammered...

HE SHOUTS

..and a wild boy lets it all hang out.

-It was awesome.

-In which case, I just dropped.

I think we got this.