Episode 3 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents


Episode 3

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Contains strong language.

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The freedom of your first ever far-flung long haul holiday away

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with your mates. 6,000 miles away from home,

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to Thailand, where booze comes in buckets...

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THEY CHEER

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..boys will be boys...

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-..and girls may be boys too.

-I've seen one of their willies.

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A baptism of fire far from the glaring eyes of Mum and Dad.

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Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

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Except in this case, the parents have come along too.

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Spying on the sly...

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-Oh, my God, I can see him.

-Oh!

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..secretly watching their every move.

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SHE GASPS

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Drop.

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But as the youngsters stumble merrily

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down the fast lane to independence...

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Go away!

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Look at the state of him!

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You've just got to give me a minute.

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-One way or another...

-THEY GASP

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..someone is about to get...

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Is that you doing that?

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..the shock of their lives.

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-Why are you here?

-I'm not doing it.

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Coming up...

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25,000 people hit the beach

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for the world-famous Full Moon Party on Thailand's Koh Phangan.

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Amongst them, two young Brits looking for the time of their lives.

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THEY CHEER

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But will wild boy Lindon...

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HE SHOUTS

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..get himself in a spin?

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Ohhh!

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And can high-spirited Callum...

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Look at the state of him!

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..cope on the slippery slope to independence?

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ALL GASP

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-We'll have an awesome night.

-And in which case, I'll just drop.

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I think we've got this.

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Eurgh! Eurgh!

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And when the parents break their cover,

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just how will the kids react?

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-You're joking.

-You are kidding me.

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Lindon... He is bad, isn't he?

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Yeah, you just lay there(!)

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21-year-old builder Lindon lives in Peterborough

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with his devoted mum Sarah.

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I'll just clean everything up, then.

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-Get up!

-SHE LAUGHS

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All right, woman! Get off me!

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He loves being the centre of his mum's world.

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I'm a mummy's boy, and she does everything, really.

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I don't do anything.

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She likes it, really.

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She's told me before it makes her feel wanted, so...

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I do it on purpose as a favour to her, really.

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-Have a go at folding one.

-I don't want to fold it.

-Just...

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I can't fold it.

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I do get away with a lot of things.

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Sarah feels her mum Doreen was too strict when she was young.

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-You are just silly, aren't you?

-I am.

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So she's raised Lindon with a softer touch.

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I'm rebelling against my mum cos I wasn't allowed to do anything,

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and I'm going to let my son do what he wants.

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Within reason.

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But that's not true, that she wasn't allowed to do anything.

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I'll get Dad in on this.

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But she was not allowed to stay out all night as she was growing up.

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-See? Lindon does.

-You know?

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I encourage him to do what he wants to do.

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Doreen thinks Sarah is far too easy-going.

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He's a bit wayward...

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..to what I would have expected from my children.

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He goes out too often, and drinks too much drink,

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and shows himself up too often.

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-No, he don't.

-Yes, he does.

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No, he don't to you, but he does to other people.

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-No, he's a boy having fun.

-Yeah(!)

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Lindon makes the most of the freedom his mum gives him.

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On a night out, I'm pretty much guaranteed to pull.

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I like to get with as many girls as I can.

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And I definitely like to sleep with them at the end of the night.

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But I think that's just normal for a 21-year-old, really.

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Sarah does set some boundaries,

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like not bringing girls home, but Lindon ignores them.

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My mum told me if I ever brought back a girl again,

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while she's there, she would kick me out.

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But I've done it since, and I'm not kicked out,

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so I don't think she will kick me out, really.

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If Lindon doesn't listen to his mum at home,

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he's hardly likely to listen to her

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on his first ever big holiday without her.

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So what about naked streaking? Is that all right?

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-I'd rather you didn't.

-But?

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If it happens?

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-I'd rather you didn't.

-But if it happens?

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I'm not there. I can't do anything about it.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Getting naked is Lindon's party trick.

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Even if I'm in a club and I'm surrounded by people, I could...

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sort of drop my kecks and get the old windmill going

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and stuff like that, in the middle of the club.

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People think it's a bit strange,

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but you know, everyone has a laugh about it, so that's all right.

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Travelling with Lindon to Thailand are his two girl-mad mates...

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-I'll just pull anything, really.

-..Jeffrey and best buddy Luke.

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Music, drinks, and watch Lindon make a fool of himself.

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LAUGHTER

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Three slags is probably the best way to describe us.

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We just go out looking to pull, basically.

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Every week, we want something new.

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And in Thailand, it will all be brand new.

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I think we will just see who can pull as many birds

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in that week and bang them.

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-He does think he's God's gift to women.

-Yeah, he does.

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-Doesn't he?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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-According to him, he is.

-Yeah!

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God's gift or not, Sarah's still a proud mother.

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If people don't agree with the way I've brought him up,

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then that's their problem.

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The idea of snooping on Lindon in Thailand

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leaves gran Doreen fearing the worst.

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I'm certain he is going to embarrass us a certain amount.

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-He will.

-Himself?

-No, he'll embarrass us.

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We won't know where to look, I'm sure. Half the time. Yeah.

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40 miles away in Leicester,

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20-year-old student Callum is looking forward to Thailand.

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I'm just excited about getting absolutely off my face

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in a different country!

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Callum and his rugby playing team-mates are big-time boozers.

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We just drink as much as we can, as fast as we can.

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Oh, I'm so drunk!

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But Callum doesn't know when he's reached his limit.

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LAUGHTER

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I drink to a point where I probably shouldn't,

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and I can't stand or can't talk.

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It doesn't happen that often, but it will happen...

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it happens enough for people to remember it, if that makes sense.

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And there is one recent memorable evening

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that Callum would like to forget.

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I slipped and I just hammered my face onto a rock,

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and you could hear, like, the crunch, and that one there came out,

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that one there, the bottom bit all snapped off,

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and that one there snapped off as well.

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Callum paid a high price for his boozing mishap,

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with a £600 dentist bill.

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But his Dad Mick feels he himself is somewhat to blame.

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I think Callum does enjoy drinking.

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I think he might have got it from me,

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and I have passed the baton on to him now as I'm getting older,

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and he's picked it up, and he's running with it.

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Despite feeling guilty,

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Mick believes Callum's drinking has reached another level.

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Yeah, I mean, originally, he used to just drink beers. Then it was...

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various sorts of spirits,

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and now they have a couple of bottles of wine before they go out.

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So what they're drinking is just going up through the roof.

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For mum Nikki, Callum's boozing is a real concern.

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If I'm honest with you, Callum, I'm a little bit worried

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that you might just go a little bit too far with everything.

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-Yeah, probably.

-I know.

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Enjoy yourself, by all means, you know?

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Once-in-a-lifetime experience, but just pace yourself.

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-No, I'm not pacing.

-It's not going to work, is it?

-No. Be all right.

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Don't panic as well. Why are you stressing for?

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I don't think Mum thinks I know my limits.

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She thinks that I just go out to get blitzed, which I guess,

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to a certain extent, is right.

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She thinks I drink too much and I need to curb it in.

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She's probably got a point, but I'm not going to curb it in

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for the next 12 months while I'm at university.

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I'm not at the point in my life where I need to start

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evaluating life choices with regards to alcohol.

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Joining Callum at the Full Moon Party

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are his uni rugby mates, Luke...

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Where's my drinks?

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..and Ryan.

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-The Full Moon Party is going to be the best night of my life.

-Yeah.

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I know as soon as I'm there, I'm not going to remember anything.

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-All right, boys?

-Full Moon!

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THEY CHEER

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We're not looking for girls on this trip, are we?

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I think we're more interested in getting drunk

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and having a good time with each other.

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Awww. See that? Beautiful.

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And just how good a time is something Nikki and Mick

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are nervously looking forward to.

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I'm sure he'll be fine.

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I'm looking forward to seeing if he isn't, if he goes a bit too far.

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I think that'll be quite interesting.

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Because when we've seen him previously, he's been drunk,

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but he's been able to hold it together.

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Cheers, boys! Thank you.

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I think I need to be realistic with Callum's drinking,

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but I wonder whether Callum has a cut-off.

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It's the start of the epic journey to Thailand,

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and the Full Moon Party.

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Sarah wants Lindon to think

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she's feeling wobbly about him leaving her.

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-Oh, we're not going.

-You're not going.

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He has no idea his mum and gran are coming too.

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Bye. Have a nice time. Love you.

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-Love you.

-Love you.

-Bye.

-Bye!

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-ALL:

-Bye.

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Bye!

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Bye, Lindon. I'll be seeing you in 24 hours!

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-See you, then, Mum.

-Right, bye-bye. Be very good.

-Yeah, will be.

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Yeah, enjoy yourself but be good.

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See you, mate.

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THEY LAUGH

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Have a good time.

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In Leicester, Callum and co are also ready

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for their first taste of freedom.

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-Bye!

-Bye! Have a nice time.

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See you soon!

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Sooner than you think!

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Going all the away. It's happening.

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-Should have bought beer for the road, shouldn't we?

-Can we stop off?

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Koh Phangan, a beautiful island in the Gulf of Thailand.

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Dotted with Buddhist temples and tropical forest.

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HORN SOUNDS

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But it's best known for its dusk to dawn Full Moon Parties.

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CHEERING

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Every month, over 25,000 tourists from around the world

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head for the music and madness on Haadrin Beach.

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After a boozy 15-hour flight, Callum and his mates arrive in Thailand.

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All right, let's get a beer.

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And while they wait for the ferry, they try the local brew.

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Their plans might worry Callum's mum.

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I think we've all pretty much come here...

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-To get pissed in a new place.

-Get pissed in a new place.

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But I just want to take getting drunk to a whole new level now.

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Once they're at the hotel, they get properly stuck in.

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It's now 18 hours of non-stop boozing,

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and Callum fancies a dip.

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It goes down well with the girls, but not that well for Callum.

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Mate...you're spitting blood.

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He's bitten his tongue.

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I'm fine.

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The boys decide they are safer on dry land.

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I bit the shit out of my tongue. By mistake.

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-Pretty.

-I think it's pretty.

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I thought I gave it a fucking good go, to be fair.

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-Would you say I gave it a go?

-Not really.

-No.

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It's only a few weeks

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since he smashed his teeth whilst drinking to excess.

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But Callum is undaunted by his latest mishap.

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-I think we'll have a great night.

-Oh, we'll have an awesome night.

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And in which case, I'll just drop.

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For Calamity Callum, dry land isn't much safer after all.

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You... absolute...

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HE MOUTHS

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Only five o'clock in the afternoon,

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and Callum's plans for a big night out already seemed doomed.

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I'm all right.

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-Are you sure?

-I'll see you boys tomorrow.

-Yeah?

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-He's done. He's done now.

-Definitely done.

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There is no way of bringing him round. That's what I'm saying.

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-Like, he is fast gone.

-It's just embarrassing.

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The Peterborough boys have also arrived,

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and they are focused on only one thing.

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Sex. And lots of it.

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We're going to tag team a lady boy.

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THEY LAUGH

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That's our first mission. Tonight.

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The guys' temperatures are already rising.

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-It's so hot, I just want to get naked.

-In the sea?

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-I just want to get naked.

-Do a windmill, keep everyone cool.

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I think we should do a windmill now.

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-Sure. Is anyone looking?

-No.

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Aaargh!

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The boys' motto seems to be "when in doubt, whip it out".

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Not that anyone notices.

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There is literally just tits and arse everywhere.

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Spoilt for choice.

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-Oh, my God.

-There's way more birds than lads here.

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-That's good!

-You could have two each.

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Arriving at the hotel...

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Yes! That's what we're talking about, aren't we?

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Pussy palace. We are here.

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Oh, yeah!

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Yeah!

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We could have some dirty shit going on in here.

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-Hold on, cock train.

-Cock train!

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THEY LAUGH

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The boys certainly plan to make full use of their amenities.

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-Look, boys. Yes!

-Hang on.

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Let's put them on. Hang on.

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These guys need no excuse to get naked.

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THEY LAUGH

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It's six hours since Callum crashed out.

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-Are you both ready to go?

-Ready to go. Ready to walk out.

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His friends are feeling upbeat...

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We can't stay in on our first night.

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..but Callum isn't.

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-I feel horrendous.

-I'm not surprised!

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Not only has he spent most of his first day in bed...

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Oh, mate, these are drenched.

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..Callum's managed to go to the toilet without even getting up.

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Look at that. Mate.

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That is...a humongous amount of piss.

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If that is piss, which we're like 70/30 it is, then...

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I think it's 100/0.

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-90/10.

-That's 100% piss, mate.

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That's just a good effort, that.

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Honest to God, I honestly don't remember

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coming home from that fucking beach.

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Not even a little bit.

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A hung-over Callum finally makes it out, but he's worse for wear.

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-My tongue is in absolute agony.

-Is it hard to eat?

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Every, even, like, movement of my mouth, pure pain.

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First day, you've pissed the bed, you bit through your tongue,

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you've passed out before five o'clock in the afternoon.

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Callum's revival is short-lived.

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After a late dinner and a drink, he calls it quits.

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-I'm kind of shocked I went out.

-Mate, we are.

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I hate hills!

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It's time to call it a night.

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I'm literally not even taking off my clothes.

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For Lindon, Jeffrey and Luke, the night is still young.

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Let's go, let's go, let's go!

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The boys hit a pool party with only one goal in mind.

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Here we go, baby! Thailand style!

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This place is mental!

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Wall-to-wall fanny.

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Lindon is the first to score.

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Obviously, I've done the first challenge of who can get with

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the first bird, but next challenge, who sleeps with someone first?

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So obviously, even if it's pull a pig night,

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I'm going home with someone.

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Fuck it. Here we go, here we go.

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Ohhh! Ohhh!

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-He's a DJ.

-I'm a DJ.

-DJ!

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Are you? OK.

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-Are you getting them out?

-No!

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Can I get them out then?

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How about if we face this way together?

0:17:250:17:27

The boys are determined to make a splash.

0:17:290:17:31

But after two hours, it seems the girls have lost interest.

0:17:340:17:37

CHEERING

0:17:370:17:39

So the boys decide to show them what they're missing.

0:17:390:17:42

THEY ALL SHOUT

0:17:420:17:46

But once again, no-one seems to care.

0:17:460:17:49

Thailand is definitely not ready for me

0:17:490:17:51

or me and my friends, you know?

0:17:510:17:53

As a group, we're definitely standing out from the crowd.

0:17:530:17:56

We're definitely a bit wild.

0:17:560:17:58

Undeterred by the consequences of yesterday's boozing,

0:18:030:18:06

Callum has decided on a beer-filled brunch,

0:18:060:18:09

while his mates sensibly stick to water.

0:18:090:18:12

You've got to start on the beer early, haven't you? Just maintain it.

0:18:120:18:15

Can't peak and trough like I did yesterday.

0:18:150:18:18

If I can fit in two drinking sessions a day,

0:18:180:18:20

then it's like I'll have 14 nights out.

0:18:200:18:22

It's a good theory.

0:18:230:18:25

But I don't think that will work.

0:18:250:18:27

Callum's drinking habits are soon to be under secret scrutiny,

0:18:330:18:36

as his mum Nikki and dad Mick arrive in Koh Phangan.

0:18:360:18:40

OK, lovely.

0:18:410:18:43

They're joining forces with Lindon's mum Sarah and gran Doreen.

0:18:430:18:47

-Hello!

-Hello, hi!

-Hello.

0:18:470:18:50

-How are you doing?

-Hi, Sarah.

-Hi, Doreen.

0:18:500:18:53

-Nice to meet you.

-I'm Nikki.

0:18:530:18:55

-Come here!

-THEY LAUGH

0:18:550:18:58

Nice to meet you too.

0:18:580:18:59

Doreen gives the lowdown on Lindon.

0:18:590:19:02

Lindon - total mummy's boy.

0:19:020:19:04

Absolute mummy's boy.

0:19:040:19:07

Because Mummy can't let him go.

0:19:070:19:09

Mummy packed his case, Mummy does everything for him.

0:19:090:19:13

So how would you describe yourself as a parent, then?

0:19:130:19:15

Because we think we're pretty laid-back

0:19:150:19:17

and easy-going about things, aren't we?

0:19:170:19:20

I am to a certain degree.

0:19:200:19:21

They've had rules. Ground rules. And he's stuck to them.

0:19:210:19:26

He's been pretty good, really.

0:19:260:19:28

Nikki is not feeling as confident about Callum.

0:19:280:19:32

-We're going to see him drunk.

-Yeah. We're used to that.

0:19:320:19:35

We're going to see him playing the eejit and just being silly.

0:19:350:19:39

But I'm not sure, then, about the next bit.

0:19:390:19:42

Whatever the next bit is, you can guarantee with Callum,

0:19:420:19:45

it will involve beer.

0:19:450:19:47

And lots of it.

0:19:470:19:49

I'm going to get as steaming as I can every day.

0:19:490:19:51

I thought you guys would do the same, but apparently you won't.

0:19:510:19:54

Callum, we are drinking. It just affects you quicker than it does us.

0:19:540:19:57

Put these shades on, shall we?

0:19:570:19:59

Callum's already been drinking for six hours,

0:19:590:20:02

and he's convinced his mates are seriously lagging behind.

0:20:020:20:06

SLURS: "I'm up for anything!" Except getting pissed during the day.

0:20:060:20:09

-Fucking man up and get drunk.

-That's the thing, Cal.

0:20:090:20:12

You've had two, three more than us, that's it.

0:20:120:20:14

Don't worry about us getting drunk. We'll get drunk. Don't worry.

0:20:140:20:17

Yeah, all right, boys.

0:20:170:20:19

At their hotel, the families are gathering

0:20:220:20:25

for their first taste of their boys' exploits.

0:20:250:20:28

Both mums plan their strategy.

0:20:280:20:32

-He was led astray.

-He was.

-That'll be our keyword.

0:20:320:20:35

Being used to boozy rugby culture, Callum's Dad, Mick, is less nervous.

0:20:370:20:42

Straight on drinking. Good lad!

0:20:470:20:49

MOTHERS GASP

0:20:510:20:53

-Come on, now.

-Oh, no! Look at the state of him!

0:20:530:20:56

They shouldn't let him do that, drunk like that.

0:20:560:20:59

Ooh! Jesus, Callum.

0:20:590:21:03

-MICK LAUGHS

-That was tremendous!

-Right, no more.

0:21:030:21:06

Somebody's got a sore bottom.

0:21:060:21:09

Ooh! Callum!

0:21:090:21:12

What if it had flipped back and hit his head?

0:21:120:21:14

Bit disappointed with his tongue.

0:21:140:21:15

That'll tickle in the morning. That's really going to hurt.

0:21:150:21:18

-I think we'll have a great night.

-We'll have an awful night.

0:21:180:21:21

And in which case, I'll just drop.

0:21:210:21:24

LAUGHTER

0:21:240:21:28

-Which you did.

-Sorry.

0:21:280:21:30

-Proper comedy moment.

-I think he's holding up well.

0:21:330:21:36

I think Callum's just discovered

0:21:360:21:38

he can't drink as much as he thinks he can.

0:21:380:21:40

He'll be fine. I didn't think it was too bad.

0:21:400:21:44

I thought, really, they look like they're having fun.

0:21:440:21:47

I was a bit worried about Callum just... Hurting himself.

0:21:470:21:50

We had a recent disaster that cost us a fortune,

0:21:500:21:52

and he was in an awful lot of pain,

0:21:520:21:53

and, you know, the prospect of all of that happening again is just...

0:21:530:21:56

And it doesn't look like he's actually learned from it.

0:21:560:21:59

Er... He's on his holidays!

0:21:590:22:01

I just wish he'd slow down a bit.

0:22:010:22:03

He's definitely inherited his dad's lack of having a switch to stop.

0:22:030:22:08

HE CHUCKLES

0:22:100:22:13

Now it's the turn of Lindon's strict gran, Doreen,

0:22:130:22:16

and soft-touch mum, Sarah.

0:22:160:22:18

-I can sit back and watch you now.

-You can, can't you? Cringe!

0:22:180:22:22

Let's windmill. Let's windmill it. Shall we windmill it?

0:22:220:22:24

He said he's going to windmill. He is.

0:22:240:22:29

He did.

0:22:290:22:31

-Oh!

-BOYS LAUGH

0:22:350:22:38

-And a flower in his hair.

-I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting that.

-Nor was I!

0:22:400:22:44

I'm disgusted! SHE LAUGHS

0:22:490:22:52

I'm going to thrash him! LAUGHTER

0:22:520:22:57

Obviously I've done the first challenge of

0:22:570:22:58

"who can get with the first bird?"

0:22:580:23:01

but, next challenge - "who sleeps with someone first"?

0:23:010:23:04

So, obviously, even if it's pull-a-pig night,

0:23:040:23:07

I'm going home with someone.

0:23:070:23:08

Fuck it! LINDON SCREAMS

0:23:080:23:11

-Tell me when they've stopped.

-No, they're still going, Nikki.

0:23:110:23:16

-Tell me when they've stopped.

-They've stopped now.

-OK.

0:23:160:23:19

LAUGHTER

0:23:190:23:21

How was it for you?

0:23:210:23:23

It was all right. Not as bad as I thought.

0:23:240:23:27

At least he's not having full sex yet.

0:23:270:23:29

-How can you say that? That it's all right?

-I didn't say it was all right.

0:23:290:23:34

-You did.

-You just said, "it was all right."

0:23:340:23:37

Well, he said he'll do it, he's done it.

0:23:370:23:39

And that's what being liberal is all about?

0:23:410:23:45

-I'm going to stay Victorian.

-LAUGHTER

0:23:450:23:50

-Come on.

-OK, then.

0:23:500:23:51

They're quite laid-back.

0:23:510:23:53

Sarah and Lindon seem very, very close.

0:23:530:23:55

But Doreen's older, so she's probably

0:23:550:23:58

got different kind of values.

0:23:580:24:00

-You agree with it.

-I didn't say I agree with it.

-Yes, you did.

0:24:000:24:04

-I said...

-"That's Lindon."

-That's Lindon.

0:24:040:24:07

I don't have to agree with what he does,

0:24:070:24:09

but I won't stop him from being his self.

0:24:090:24:12

He is Lindon. He's his own person.

0:24:120:24:15

-And I'm his mum, and I love him. And that's it. End of.

-I...

-End of.

0:24:150:24:18

Yeah, just go. We'll see you in an hour or two.

0:24:210:24:26

Callum's plan to take drinking to a whole new level has backfired.

0:24:260:24:31

Chin-chin.

0:24:310:24:32

It's 8pm, and once again, the afternoon has taken its toll.

0:24:320:24:36

And his ability to open doors.

0:24:360:24:39

I don't really know what the procedure was with the fucking keys.

0:24:420:24:46

Right, fuck it.

0:24:500:24:51

Don't give a shit. On the bench.

0:24:530:24:56

Literally could not care less. BOTTLE SMASHES

0:24:570:25:01

KNOCKING ON DOOR

0:25:040:25:05

An hour later, and Callum has somehow managed to get inside,

0:25:050:25:10

leaving Ryan and Luke locked out.

0:25:100:25:13

Day two, basically all we've done is go to bars and drink.

0:25:130:25:16

For the next couple of days, I'd rather see some culture

0:25:160:25:20

in the day and then get on the piss for the night.

0:25:200:25:22

-Yeah, yeah.

-See what else we're missing, really.

-Yeah.

0:25:220:25:27

Callum's second night in Thailand may be a goner,

0:25:270:25:30

but over at Lindon's hotel, the lads are gearing up.

0:25:300:25:36

Predictably, by getting their gear off.

0:25:360:25:39

-Geoff, Geoff. I've lost my dick.

-We've lost our willies.

0:25:390:25:42

Look, there it is!

0:25:420:25:43

-It's a big problem.

-GIGGLING

0:25:430:25:46

And it seems it's not only their trousers the boys are lowering.

0:25:460:25:50

The plan is tonight, we're going to lower our standards right down.

0:25:500:25:53

-There's no point walking in there being big-headed.

-No.

0:25:530:25:56

Like last night. We need to share a bird. We haven't done it.

0:25:560:25:59

That's the challenge we wanted. We'll just push the beds together.

0:25:590:26:02

-Even if we all get a bird back, halfway through, swap.

-Swap, yeah.

0:26:020:26:05

-No.

-At one point we'll all get on one.

0:26:050:26:07

What we'll do, we'll leave two waiting, we'll do one. Send her out.

0:26:070:26:11

Get a queue outside. We'll have, like, a raffle going on!

0:26:110:26:14

And the next!

0:26:140:26:17

And the lucky number is!

0:26:170:26:20

Cal, are you all right to come out now,

0:26:220:26:24

or do you need, fucking, another hour or so?

0:26:240:26:26

Mate, I feel fine. I feel absolutely splendid.

0:26:280:26:31

It's midnight, and after four hours' sleep,

0:26:310:26:33

Callum has sobered up a little.

0:26:330:26:35

I'm not slurring, nothing like that. I feel OK. Ready to go again.

0:26:350:26:39

Surprisingly, Callum's made it out, but he's not looking to socialise.

0:26:440:26:48

He just wants to get back on the beer.

0:26:480:26:51

It's quite quiet, but even in like Sheffield,

0:26:510:26:54

you know what a night out is.

0:26:540:26:56

We find the quiet bar that serves cheap alcohol.

0:26:560:26:59

# Can you feel the Love tonight? #

0:27:010:27:06

# Woooo! #

0:27:060:27:07

Lindon and his mates have made their way to a jungle party,

0:27:130:27:16

determined to bring girls home tonight.

0:27:160:27:18

-This is crazy!

-It's amazing!

-We've never partied in a jungle.

0:27:210:27:25

There's the bra.

0:27:250:27:27

We go for double finger action. Aha! I got it! I got it!

0:27:270:27:30

The lads give it their all...

0:27:300:27:32

Aaaaah!

0:27:320:27:35

..keep on trying...

0:27:350:27:36

..and get nowhere.

0:27:380:27:40

-Let's move. Let's move.

-Lindon's convinced the venue is to blame.

0:27:430:27:46

This place is a bit of a shithole, to be honest.

0:27:460:27:49

A lot more lads than girls. A bit of a cockfest.

0:27:490:27:53

They decide to try their luck elsewhere.

0:27:530:27:57

What is wrong with us, Luke?

0:27:570:27:59

We're just... I think we're on heat. We need some birds.

0:28:000:28:03

Let's go back to the beach, we'll get some birds.

0:28:030:28:07

Whilst the boys are away, Sarah and Doreen sneak into Lindon's room,

0:28:110:28:16

to see how he's coping without his mum.

0:28:160:28:19

See whether it's been used or not. Lindon's dirty washing.

0:28:190:28:23

Oh, my God! It stinks in here. Check the loo. Check the loo.

0:28:230:28:28

-Check the...? Lift the toilet up?

-You touch it.

0:28:280:28:33

BOTH GAG

0:28:330:28:34

Oh! Oh!

0:28:360:28:38

That is disgusting!

0:28:380:28:41

DOREEN COUGHS AND GAGS

0:28:410:28:44

-That reeks. That is disgusting.

-That is disgusting.

0:28:440:28:47

Why haven't they flushed the toilet? Oh, my God!

0:28:470:28:51

They wonder why they can't get laid.

0:28:510:28:53

I can't wait to see Lindon.

0:28:530:28:56

I can't wait to tell Lindon just what I think.

0:28:560:29:00

SHE LAUGHS

0:29:000:29:01

It's the night before the Full Moon Party,

0:29:050:29:07

but the rugby boys are raving like there's no tomorrow.

0:29:070:29:11

By 4am, Ryan is beginning to tire.

0:29:160:29:18

He thinks the sensible idea would be to call it a night.

0:29:180:29:23

We don't want to ruin the rest of the week by going too hard tonight.

0:29:230:29:27

Callum has other ideas.

0:29:280:29:31

My view.

0:29:310:29:32

Errrrrrmmm... We'll go home.

0:29:320:29:36

Go back to ours, grab a few fucking beers, grab some money.

0:29:360:29:39

Got some beers at hours, got some money hours.

0:29:390:29:42

And then we'll come back out.

0:29:420:29:43

We're not pissing about. Were here for seven days.

0:29:430:29:46

You're angry, man! Fucking hell!

0:29:460:29:49

-Let's just go.

-Smile, smile? Smile, smile?

0:29:490:29:53

-Let's go. Let's go.

-What you're doing is funny.

0:29:530:29:58

-We need to walk.

-You're not happy, are you?

0:29:580:30:00

-If you need to walk, go and walk.

-What's up, mate?

0:30:000:30:04

You're just fucking ruining it for everyone, in't ya?

0:30:040:30:07

Are you actually annoyed?

0:30:070:30:09

Ryan, put your hand up if you're annoyed, honestly.

0:30:090:30:13

Ryan feels Callum's drinking is ruining their holiday.

0:30:130:30:16

What you two were doing earlier, it's embarrassing.

0:30:160:30:20

Could be bedtime, to be fair.

0:30:200:30:23

I think it is bedtime, mate.

0:30:230:30:26

Last couple of minutes, Callum and Luke, they've done my head in.

0:30:260:30:31

They're ready for bed, and I want to stay out, but...

0:30:310:30:34

And as much as they say they want to stay out, they can't.

0:30:340:30:38

And it'll end up just me looking after both of them.

0:30:390:30:42

Which I don't want to do.

0:30:440:30:45

I'm here for a week, I want to enjoy it, I want to experience as much

0:30:450:30:49

as I can. I want to enjoy it as much as I can.

0:30:490:30:52

Lindon's night has also hit a snag.

0:30:530:30:55

He's just being sick. He's just being sick, that's all.

0:30:550:30:59

Geoffrey.

0:30:590:31:01

That's it, that's it, Geoffrey.

0:31:010:31:03

But once he's safely tucked up, Lindon's back on his mission.

0:31:030:31:07

Obviously, we got a job to do, Luke, and that is pull some slags.

0:31:070:31:11

-Do what we came here for.

-Do what we came here for.

0:31:110:31:14

We can't rest till we get it.

0:31:140:31:16

There are plenty of girls around...

0:31:160:31:18

Oi!

0:31:250:31:26

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

0:31:280:31:32

-Threesome.

-Threesome.

-No, no.

0:31:320:31:34

She ain't putting out. Let's go.

0:31:400:31:44

Once again, Lindon's out of luck.

0:31:440:31:47

Come on, let's go. Are we going home or what?

0:31:470:31:50

Despite their big plans for the night, it's time to admit defeat.

0:31:500:31:54

We'll get in there tomorrow.

0:31:540:31:56

Lindon and the boys are having a late breakfast and after failing to

0:32:100:32:14

pull last night, today, Lindon is trying to pull a fast one

0:32:140:32:18

by blaming Geoffrey.

0:32:180:32:19

Yeah, I had a bird - getting off with her,

0:32:190:32:22

she was well up for it and I had to leave her,

0:32:220:32:25

because we were carrying Geoffrey home.

0:32:250:32:28

I think girls just don't want to know us.

0:32:280:32:30

They're just hard to get at the minute.

0:32:300:32:32

I think the problem is, we're too busy drinking.

0:32:320:32:35

So I think tonight we should slow it down.

0:32:350:32:38

I'm not even pre-drinking tonight. No, I'm going out.

0:32:380:32:41

-I'm just going to...

-I'm going to get a bottle of Sambuca!

0:32:410:32:44

I'm not carrying you home again.

0:32:440:32:46

After the previous viewing, the parents have varying

0:32:490:32:52

expectations as they prepare for their next glimpse

0:32:520:32:55

into their kids' experiences.

0:32:550:32:57

Callum's mum has her concerns.

0:32:570:33:00

The only thing that worries me

0:33:000:33:02

is that through drinking too much alcohol, being drunk, silly games,

0:33:020:33:06

that Callum will have an accident and hurt himself,

0:33:060:33:08

that's the only thing that jumped out on me yesterday

0:33:080:33:11

that could potentially happen this week.

0:33:110:33:14

Lindon's mum isn't worried at all, unlike Gran.

0:33:140:33:18

After seeing Lindon windmill last night, I think...

0:33:180:33:22

..he might go a little bit further.

0:33:240:33:27

And if he don't now, he's letting me down because he started it,

0:33:270:33:30

he might as well finish it.

0:33:300:33:32

What do you reckon to that, Granny?

0:33:320:33:35

-I don't think that was funny at all.

-I do.

-You would, but I don't.

0:33:350:33:40

-Morning!

-Morning.

0:33:400:33:41

Are you ready for this again?

0:33:440:33:47

I don't know. Ask me that at the end!

0:33:470:33:49

Obviously we have got a job to do, Luke. And that is pull some slags!

0:33:490:33:55

'Do what we came here for. We can't rest till we get it.'

0:33:550:33:58

Look at him!

0:34:000:34:01

-She just got out the way.

-It's funny.

0:34:040:34:08

He's not the pulling king, is he?

0:34:080:34:10

Not the pick-up artist he thought, absolutely not.

0:34:100:34:13

He thinks he's God's gift to women.

0:34:150:34:18

And he hasn't been able to get anyone yet.

0:34:180:34:21

And I do like that, I think that is hilarious.

0:34:210:34:25

-That's a good thing.

-Yeah.

0:34:250:34:27

-I think.

-Course it is.

0:34:270:34:30

After the slide accident, Callum's parents wonder

0:34:300:34:33

if their son has reined in his boozing.

0:34:330:34:35

OK, everybody happy?

0:34:350:34:37

Happy is probably not the word I would have used.

0:34:370:34:40

I can't believe it!

0:34:450:34:46

-Man up and get drunk!

-You've had two, three more than us, that's it.

0:34:500:34:54

-Were you impressed with that?

-I'm not, no. Not at all.

0:34:570:35:01

At the moment he's actually ruining the holiday for the other two

0:35:010:35:05

with his drinking.

0:35:050:35:07

He hasn't got the handle on his drinking that he thinks he has.

0:35:070:35:10

He's just OTT with it.

0:35:100:35:13

And he doesn't understand how that then ruins it for everybody else.

0:35:130:35:16

Yeah, I agree with that.

0:35:180:35:20

There's just no need to get that blasted that quickly.

0:35:200:35:24

It was a bit uncomfortable watching that,

0:35:240:35:26

because he wasn't having a good time and nor were his friends.

0:35:260:35:29

-I think that's what came across.

-Everybody... It was just too much.

0:35:290:35:33

Koh Phangan may have all the beach activities you could dream of,

0:35:380:35:42

but the main reason to visit the island

0:35:420:35:45

is for tonight's legendary full moon party.

0:35:450:35:48

Even Callum has managed to stay sober this afternoon.

0:35:480:35:52

It kicks off at like 11-ish, it's a late thing.

0:35:520:35:55

-I went to get some hi-vis stuff.

-I want to get paint.

-Yeah.

0:35:550:35:59

They'd better hurry up as Lindon and his mates are already gearing up.

0:35:590:36:04

-Try them on, though.

-I'm not dropping.

0:36:040:36:07

The shocking yellow shorts are probably not as shocking

0:36:090:36:12

as Lindon keeping his pants on for once.

0:36:120:36:15

What do you think?

0:36:150:36:16

-Look how see-through they are!

-Exactly.

0:36:160:36:19

Trying not to be seen.

0:36:240:36:25

Callum's parents Mick and Nikki are on a sneaky mission,

0:36:250:36:29

to listen in on their son as he prepares for the full moon party.

0:36:290:36:33

You were a dick yesterday, basically.

0:36:360:36:38

Always the same when you drink, though. I still love you.

0:36:380:36:41

They sound like a married couple.

0:36:410:36:43

I have been drinking a fair bit.

0:36:430:36:46

I have to calm down a bit today, because I'm dealing with a hangover.

0:36:460:36:50

But tonight I'll be back on it,

0:36:500:36:52

it's just going down a bit slower than it would normally do.

0:36:520:36:55

I feel a bit better watching this than I did early on.

0:36:550:36:58

At least I know he hasn't been drinking all day.

0:36:580:37:01

-Yeah.

-I'm just a bit worried about what I'm going to see tomorrow!

0:37:010:37:05

And the good thing about it is he acknowledges

0:37:050:37:07

what he's been like the last two days as well.

0:37:070:37:09

-A drunken dick.

-Mm.

-Yeah.

0:37:090:37:12

-Have a good night, mate. We'd better go.

-All right, let's do it now.

0:37:120:37:17

As Nikki and Mick creep away reassured, Callum's struggling

0:37:210:37:25

with the prospect of the mother of all nights out.

0:37:250:37:28

-I hate this.

-Callum's done for the night.

0:37:280:37:31

I really cannot hack hangovers.

0:37:310:37:33

You can't do this tonight. I don't care how shit you feel,

0:37:330:37:36

you've got to power through it, fella.

0:37:360:37:37

On Haad Rin beach, the full moon party

0:37:430:37:46

has attracted 25,000 partygoers.

0:37:460:37:49

Callum and his mates are in the thick of it.

0:37:540:37:57

Further down the beach, Lindon, Luke and Geoffrey have been distracted.

0:38:090:38:13

Slut drop!

0:38:130:38:14

-Luke's impressed.

-Do you know what, leave me here.

-Lindon isn't.

0:38:160:38:21

Three o'clock, are you going to be here?

0:38:230:38:26

There's loads of birds tonight.

0:38:280:38:31

We're not concentrating on one, because there's too many.

0:38:310:38:34

If we're going to go mingle,

0:38:340:38:35

they're waiting, they're last resort now.

0:38:350:38:37

Three gate-crashers are also making their way to the Full Moon Party.

0:38:390:38:44

Doreen's having an early night

0:38:440:38:46

but Mick, Nikki and Sarah have come to spy on their sons.

0:38:460:38:50

The mission needs stealth.

0:38:520:38:54

Callum might see me, but if I put this on, I'll be all right.

0:38:560:38:58

There you go!

0:38:580:39:00

He won't know me because I'm in disguise. He won't have a clue!

0:39:030:39:07

Spotting anyone in this multicolour chaos is almost impossible.

0:39:100:39:14

Keep down, keep down.

0:39:160:39:19

This is funny.

0:39:190:39:21

But amazingly, Sarah manages to pick out Lindon.

0:39:210:39:25

He can't find any birds, he's such a macho man(!)

0:39:250:39:29

Nikki has also spotted Callum.

0:39:290:39:31

-Oh, my God, look. Look, he's got your headband on!

-Yeah!

0:39:310:39:36

Callum disappears into the crowd,

0:39:380:39:40

but the parents can guess where he's heading.

0:39:400:39:42

Mick, Mick, they're at the bar.

0:39:420:39:45

350.

0:39:470:39:49

Come closer.

0:39:510:39:52

-Can you see him? Red shorts.

-Oh, yeah, yeah!

0:39:540:39:57

1am, and it looks as if Callum's attempts at an all-nighter

0:39:590:40:02

are hanging by a thread.

0:40:020:40:04

-He doesn't look very good.

-No, he needs to go home.

0:40:040:40:08

But he's just taking a breather and is soon back on it.

0:40:080:40:13

-He's all right now.

-I think he's back in the room.

0:40:130:40:18

THEY CHANT DRUNKENLY

0:40:180:40:21

Down!

0:40:230:40:24

Bearing in mind what time of night it is...

0:40:270:40:30

They all seem happy together and seem fine.

0:40:300:40:34

He's the Callum we know, isn't he? Mission accomplished?

0:40:340:40:37

-We're good at this, definitely, high-five!

-Very good.

0:40:370:40:42

And while the parents sneak off,

0:40:420:40:44

Callum is beginning to think he's peaked too early.

0:40:440:40:48

I've been drinking for the last three days,

0:40:480:40:51

I'm trying to get as drunk as I can tonight, it's just not happening.

0:40:510:40:54

Those two are loving it, they're having the best night of their lives.

0:40:540:40:58

I think tonight is one of the best,

0:40:580:41:00

but I'm not getting as drunk as I want to get.

0:41:000:41:02

Having had little luck elsewhere, Lindon and the boys

0:41:030:41:06

are back to square one, chatting up the girls from earlier.

0:41:060:41:10

You can see everything in there.

0:41:100:41:12

-Double windmill.

-You can see everything in there.

0:41:120:41:15

And getting their privates out.

0:41:150:41:17

And for the first time, someone has taken notice.

0:41:190:41:23

It's a plainclothes policeman.

0:41:230:41:25

Indecent exposure is a crime in Thailand.

0:41:250:41:29

The boys are lucky to escape with a warning.

0:41:290:41:32

We nearly got arrested tonight for windmilling.

0:41:320:41:36

In England, we windmill all the time, takeaways and clubs, whatever,

0:41:360:41:39

and nobody bothers. It's a normal thing in England but here,

0:41:390:41:43

they seem to be a bit more strict.

0:41:430:41:45

We don't want to get arrested and ruin the holiday

0:41:450:41:48

so we're going to have to chill it out, slow down, we've got all night.

0:41:480:41:51

Lindon and Geoffrey are still convinced they could do better,

0:41:510:41:54

and leave Luke in search of more girls.

0:41:540:41:58

Trying their chat up lines on anyone who will listen.

0:41:580:42:02

-Do you want to be gang-banged or what?

-No!

0:42:020:42:04

Oh, this blonde. Oh! Hello!

0:42:040:42:07

Look at that! Pull them... Ahh.

0:42:080:42:10

It seems the boys have lost their mojos.

0:42:120:42:16

Bored of trying it on, the guy's head home alone.

0:42:160:42:20

I don't know where Luke is, but...

0:42:200:42:22

We've come back to our little love shack.

0:42:220:42:26

-He's not here.

-Let's go find Luke.

0:42:260:42:30

-Luke!

-Where is he?

-Down there.

-Where?

0:42:310:42:35

Luke! Luke!

0:42:370:42:38

-Where have you been?

-Are you all right?

-We thought we lost you.

0:42:400:42:44

You ditched me. I've been trying to get hold of you for ages.

0:42:440:42:49

-How? We've got no phones. OK. Go to bed.

-"Let's go to bed".

0:42:490:42:54

Not the end the boys had hoped for.

0:42:540:42:57

Back at the Full Moon Party, Callum,

0:43:040:43:07

Ryan and Luke are still having it large.

0:43:070:43:10

And surprisingly, even Callum makes it through to sunrise.

0:43:180:43:22

I don't remember going out on Monday, or Tuesday,

0:43:250:43:28

but I remember everything tonight and I really enjoyed myself.

0:43:280:43:31

I've loved tonight, it's been one of the best nights of my life.

0:43:310:43:34

It's the last day on Koh Phangan, and for the parents,

0:43:460:43:49

one last chance to see what their kids have been up to.

0:43:490:43:52

-Hello.

-How are we doing?

-Not too bad.

0:43:540:43:59

You can't wait, can you?

0:43:590:44:01

Waiting for the shock factor.

0:44:030:44:04

You can see everything in there!

0:44:060:44:11

You didn't tell me.

0:44:110:44:12

In England, obviously we go round,

0:44:150:44:17

we windmill all the time, takeaways, clubs, whatever, and nobody bothers.

0:44:170:44:21

Yes, they do!

0:44:210:44:22

'It's just a normal thing in England'

0:44:220:44:24

but here they seem to be a bit more strict.

0:44:240:44:27

It's not normal in England, to windmill, is it?

0:44:270:44:30

Where does he go in England where he's allowed to do it all the time?

0:44:340:44:39

He don't where he's allowed to do it.

0:44:390:44:41

I think it was worrying that he might be in jail now,

0:44:420:44:45

I don't know how the laws are, he's really got to learn,

0:44:450:44:48

they've all got to learn to keep it in their pants.

0:44:480:44:50

Are you still going to talk to him or are you going to tell him?

0:44:500:44:55

Talking to him hasn't done any good.

0:44:550:44:58

And telling him won't do any good. He'll make up his own mind.

0:44:580:45:01

-What hope have we got, then?

-Obviously none!

-Right.

0:45:010:45:04

Yeah...poor boy.

0:45:040:45:06

When you lecture him, does he take any notice?

0:45:060:45:09

SHE LAUGHS

0:45:090:45:11

Yeah, with his arms round me, he gives me a cuddle.

0:45:110:45:13

Yeah. The cheeky "love you, Granny,"

0:45:130:45:16

-and you laugh at him and that's it.

-Yeah.

-Finished.

0:45:160:45:19

Now it's Nikki and Mick's turn

0:45:190:45:21

to see how Callum got on after they left the party.

0:45:210:45:24

-Let's see what happened last night.

-OK.

0:45:240:45:28

Maybe I'm not getting into the whole party spirit,

0:45:280:45:31

but I've been drinking for the last three days,

0:45:310:45:33

I'm trying to get as drunk as I can tonight, it's just not happening.

0:45:330:45:36

Oh, bless him. OK.

0:45:360:45:39

Wow.

0:45:390:45:40

-So he's holding back a bit.

-He's not holding back,

0:45:400:45:43

he's got nothing left. He's running on empty, I think.

0:45:430:45:46

Gone too soon, gone too early.

0:45:460:45:47

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

0:45:470:45:50

-Right. Shall we see what happens?

-OK.

0:45:500:45:54

Oh, they made it all night!

0:45:560:45:58

Oh, look! Well done.

0:45:580:46:01

He's still dancing.

0:46:020:46:03

He is dancing! You were right, you were right.

0:46:030:46:07

Oh, I'm pleased he made it all the way through.

0:46:080:46:11

-He'll remember that now.

-He is a zombie.

0:46:110:46:13

Lights were on, but nobody home.

0:46:130:46:15

With the viewing yesterday, we were...

0:46:180:46:21

We felt as if we'd been hit by a truck, really.

0:46:210:46:24

We didn't really recognise it.

0:46:240:46:25

And then we forgot about it after the spy mission

0:46:250:46:28

and then yesterday evening at the party.

0:46:280:46:30

And, you know, today, we knew he'd be jaded.

0:46:300:46:32

If I could have spoken to him yesterday I feel as if

0:46:320:46:35

I could have just changed the holiday for him in like 20 seconds

0:46:350:46:38

by just saying something to him.

0:46:380:46:39

Be nice if it just goes round and he finds the answers himself

0:46:390:46:43

without anybody having to point it out to him.

0:46:430:46:45

Without, you know... That would be good.

0:46:450:46:48

As he recovers from his binge,

0:46:490:46:51

Callum has been thinking for himself.

0:46:510:46:54

It's led to a change of plans for what's left of his holiday.

0:46:540:46:58

I'm pretty pleased and happy to spend tomorrow and Saturday

0:46:580:47:03

not really drinking, because I'd like to see more of the island.

0:47:030:47:06

You can get steaming in Sheffield or Leicester back home,

0:47:060:47:10

whereas I'd kind of like to... I've done that now,

0:47:100:47:13

I'd like to go and do something else.

0:47:130:47:14

Keen to experience the real Thailand,

0:47:210:47:23

boozing makes way for an insight into Buddhism at a local monastery.

0:47:230:47:29

With help from a local interpreter,

0:47:300:47:33

the boys talk to an 82-year-old monk.

0:47:330:47:35

He said that coming here, it's good for you guys.

0:47:370:47:41

Like, you guys are trying different cultures, learning, and it's good.

0:47:410:47:45

He's saying...

0:47:490:47:51

after this, just remember that whatever you do, finish it.

0:47:510:47:55

It's not wrong to have fun, it's not wrong to party.

0:47:550:47:59

But whatever you have to do,

0:47:590:48:01

like make a promise to yourself and finish them.

0:48:010:48:04

Callum is feeling enlightened about his future.

0:48:060:48:10

I think what he was speaking about just relates perfectly to us three

0:48:100:48:13

coming to the end of university now.

0:48:130:48:16

Just go out and find what you want to do, then follow through with it.

0:48:160:48:19

Stick with it. And that's what he was saying. And...

0:48:190:48:22

I think he's kind of hit the nail on the head there.

0:48:220:48:25

The Peterborough boys are busy trying to work out

0:48:290:48:33

where it all went wrong.

0:48:330:48:35

A holiday without pulling a single girl.

0:48:350:48:38

We've been getting with birds, snogging them and that,

0:48:380:48:41

they all seemed to be well up for it, and then...

0:48:410:48:44

I ain't got a clue what happens after that, it just seems to go downhill.

0:48:440:48:48

Lindon's mum thinks it may be down to his exhibitionism.

0:48:480:48:53

I did think that he just did things for the shock factor,

0:48:530:48:57

and say things, and I'm pretty convinced now,

0:48:570:49:00

at the end of the week, that that's what he's about.

0:49:000:49:03

Just showing off.

0:49:030:49:05

Doreen has seen far more of her grandson than she wanted.

0:49:050:49:09

If it had been a one-off, fine, you know.

0:49:090:49:12

You can laugh at that, "Oh, you silly boy," and so on.

0:49:120:49:16

But to carry on doing it, no.

0:49:160:49:19

There's something wrong somewhere.

0:49:190:49:22

Mum and Doreen are about to put those wrongs to rights.

0:49:240:49:27

It's their chance to reveal the truth about Lindon's holiday.

0:49:270:49:31

-Are you fucking joking?

-Are you joking?

-You are fucking kidding me.

0:49:330:49:38

I cannot even believe this. What a stitch-up.

0:49:420:49:44

Lindon!

0:49:440:49:46

Do we get a cuddle?

0:49:460:49:48

-Give your mum a cuddle, Lindon.

-This is unreal.

-All week, we've been here.

0:49:480:49:53

Sorry.

0:49:540:49:56

Shocked.

0:49:560:49:57

-It's good to see you!

-That was a bit language, wasn't it?

0:49:570:50:00

-Yeah! It's good to see you!

-It's good to see you, darling.

0:50:000:50:03

Sarah may be all nicey-nicey, but that's not Gran's style.

0:50:030:50:06

And Doreen doesn't hold back.

0:50:060:50:09

-You know what I'm like.

-Come here.

-Oh, my God.

-Come here!

0:50:090:50:12

Let go of her, you listen to me for once.

0:50:120:50:14

Right. You don't swear.

0:50:140:50:17

-Aye?

-Yeah.

0:50:170:50:19

-Lecture!

-You don't swear.

-Right.

0:50:190:50:23

You don't come all the way over here and show yourself off like that.

0:50:230:50:26

-Lindon!

-Your hygiene is not like that.

0:50:260:50:30

I'm pleased you didn't get the girls.

0:50:300:50:33

-Why?

-Because you were disgusting, with your wotsit!

0:50:330:50:36

BOYS LAUGH

0:50:360:50:38

Do you feel embarrassed at all, that Granny has seen, or what she's seen?

0:50:380:50:42

-No.

-You don't?

-No!

-You couldn't care less?

-No.

0:50:420:50:46

Do you know what Mummy's been saying?

0:50:460:50:48

She said, "I think he's all mouth and no action.

0:50:480:50:51

"So now I'll be able to find out whether that's right or wrong."

0:50:510:50:55

You proved her right!

0:50:550:50:56

The babe-magnet, is it switched off?

0:50:560:51:00

Is that what's happened?

0:51:000:51:02

It never started! It never started since we got here, really.

0:51:020:51:06

Still trying to make up for lost time, Callum, Luke and Ryan

0:51:060:51:11

are at a safari park.

0:51:110:51:13

With lots of exotic animals.

0:51:130:51:16

Nana?

0:51:180:51:19

Whoa!

0:51:200:51:22

Get my hand in there.

0:51:220:51:23

Yeah, I want to see the snakes!

0:51:250:51:27

He's watching you, mate.

0:51:270:51:30

He's got you, mate.

0:51:300:51:32

Callum has no idea that for one day only,

0:51:320:51:36

the safari park features one very familiar species.

0:51:360:51:40

We're really excited now about the reveal to Callum.

0:51:400:51:43

He doesn't really like animals.

0:51:430:51:45

He'll be really nervous and sort of on tenterhooks,

0:51:450:51:48

and we're just going to surprise him.

0:51:480:51:50

BOYS LAUGH

0:51:550:51:56

Don't joke!

0:51:560:51:58

It's not a crocodile.

0:51:580:51:59

-Hello!

-Hey, Mum!

0:52:070:52:09

LAUGHTER

0:52:090:52:11

See the crocodiles?

0:52:110:52:13

What a reaction!

0:52:150:52:17

I'm freaking out from the animals.

0:52:170:52:20

And how was your first two days, Callum?

0:52:200:52:22

-Do you remember much?

-Couldn't tell you.

-No.

0:52:220:52:25

We saw.

0:52:250:52:26

Why have you come?

0:52:260:52:28

Because we wanted to see what you were like.

0:52:280:52:30

You got the full picture!

0:52:300:52:32

But having said that, though,

0:52:320:52:35

your friends looked after you.

0:52:350:52:37

In the first 48 hours.

0:52:370:52:38

Looked like you nearly lost your friends at one point.

0:52:380:52:41

-Yeah, I think you did nearly lose your friends at one point.

-No!

0:52:410:52:45

Can I just say thank you very much?

0:52:450:52:47

-It's fine.

-Thank you very much.

-No problem.

0:52:470:52:50

Callum, you need to drink less.

0:52:500:52:52

I didn't think you'd see all this,

0:52:520:52:54

I didn't think you'd get to this stage!

0:52:540:52:56

I thought you were going to be... There was a moment

0:52:560:52:58

where I thought you were going to be like that the whole holiday.

0:52:580:53:01

Later in the day, Callum and his parents have a serious talk.

0:53:010:53:06

The first day was funny. We laughed and joked about that.

0:53:060:53:09

The second day, from what we saw...

0:53:090:53:11

didn't look good from your point of view with Luke and Ryan.

0:53:110:53:16

And we actually felt for them. We said that.

0:53:160:53:18

We kind of staggered away from the viewing.

0:53:180:53:20

We didn't talk for about an hour. And we went for dinner,

0:53:200:53:23

and we were like, "I'm just gutted that that's happened.

0:53:230:53:26

"Absolutely gutted that he's decided to just go on the piss solidly

0:53:260:53:29

-"for a whole week."

-We thought we knew you inside and out.

0:53:290:53:33

-There was a little bit of a...

-A doubt.

-Yeah.

0:53:330:53:36

I'd say that the trip has changed me, but it's changed for the better.

0:53:360:53:40

I know to take it a bit steadier on nights out,

0:53:400:53:43

er...and just keep in mind how you're appearing to your friends

0:53:430:53:48

more than just what you want to do.

0:53:480:53:50

I think we were pretty pleased and proud

0:53:500:53:52

that you decided to go and sample the island.

0:53:520:53:54

-What we've learned about you is that we don't need to worry.

-No.

0:53:540:53:57

It was just nice to know that they feel that I haven't let them down.

0:53:570:54:00

That's always nice to hear, isn't it?

0:54:000:54:02

Sarah's taken Lindon aside, out of her mother's earshot.

0:54:050:54:10

I didn't want to say all this in front of your grandmother,

0:54:100:54:13

because you're mine, not hers.

0:54:130:54:14

-And...you know how she goes on, she's strict.

-Yeah.

0:54:140:54:18

She might think I'm too liberal, but...

0:54:180:54:21

you've got your boundaries, you've been brought up properly.

0:54:210:54:24

Windmilling.

0:54:240:54:27

-We always windmill, every...

-I know, but listen.

0:54:270:54:29

Even at home, you can get arrested for it,

0:54:290:54:32

cos it is classed as a bit pervy.

0:54:320:54:34

OK.

0:54:390:54:41

Well, it is.

0:54:410:54:43

And you could have got arrested here and put in jail.

0:54:430:54:46

For windmilling?!

0:54:460:54:49

It's only windmilling to you, it's not to other people.

0:54:490:54:52

-Other people are offended by it.

-OK!

0:54:520:54:54

OK.

0:54:560:54:58

I told him my opinion on what he was doing.

0:54:580:55:03

He agreed...that it wasn't the thing to do.

0:55:030:55:07

I think with the windmilling, it has got to be toned down, really.

0:55:070:55:11

But I think it's definitely going to be something we carry on doing.

0:55:110:55:15

Lindon's been talked to, but the discussion on how to raise him

0:55:150:55:20

is far from over.

0:55:200:55:21

I can sit and talk to him, and that's it.

0:55:210:55:24

That's the way I deal with my children.

0:55:240:55:28

That... That is why he's as wayward as he is.

0:55:280:55:33

Because he just gets a little lecture and that's it.

0:55:330:55:37

-You don't know how I discipline him.

-No.

0:55:370:55:40

So you can't say that.

0:55:400:55:42

I can say what I want, dear.

0:55:420:55:45

But you can't say what I do, when you don't see what I do.

0:55:450:55:48

No...

0:55:480:55:50

-No, I'm saying...

-Just what I do in front of you

0:55:500:55:52

doesn't always mean to say it hasn't been took up.

0:55:520:55:56

-I'm saying...

-Away from you.

0:55:560:55:57

Next time. Will a notorious bad boy...

0:56:000:56:03

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, oh, my God.

0:56:030:56:06

..take a turn for the better?

0:56:060:56:08

And will a good-time girl...

0:56:080:56:11

Whoo!

0:56:110:56:12

..finally gain independence...

0:56:120:56:14

I'm 22 years old, I'm an adult, I do what I like.

0:56:140:56:16

-..from her overprotective father?

-I am genuinely shocked. I am.

0:56:160:56:20

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