Episode 3 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents

Contains strong language.

The freedom of your first ever far-flung long haul holiday away

with your mates. 6,000 miles away from home,

to Thailand, where booze comes in buckets...

THEY CHEER

..boys will be boys...

-..and girls may be boys too.

-I've seen one of their willies.

A baptism of fire far from the glaring eyes of Mum and Dad.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Except in this case, the parents have come along too.

Spying on the sly...

-Oh, my God, I can see him.

-Oh!

..secretly watching their every move.

SHE GASPS

Drop.

But as the youngsters stumble merrily

down the fast lane to independence...

Go away!

Look at the state of him!

You've just got to give me a minute.

-One way or another...

-THEY GASP

..someone is about to get...

Is that you doing that?

..the shock of their lives.

-Why are you here?

-I'm not doing it.

Coming up...

25,000 people hit the beach

for the world-famous Full Moon Party on Thailand's Koh Phangan.

Amongst them, two young Brits looking for the time of their lives.

THEY CHEER

But will wild boy Lindon...

HE SHOUTS

..get himself in a spin?

Ohhh!

And can high-spirited Callum...

Look at the state of him!

..cope on the slippery slope to independence?

ALL GASP

-We'll have an awesome night.

-And in which case, I'll just drop.

I think we've got this.

Eurgh! Eurgh!

And when the parents break their cover,

just how will the kids react?

-You're joking.

-You are kidding me.

Lindon... He is bad, isn't he?

Yeah, you just lay there(!)

21-year-old builder Lindon lives in Peterborough

with his devoted mum Sarah.

I'll just clean everything up, then.

-Get up!

-SHE LAUGHS

All right, woman! Get off me!

He loves being the centre of his mum's world.

I'm a mummy's boy, and she does everything, really.

I don't do anything.

She likes it, really.

She's told me before it makes her feel wanted, so...

I do it on purpose as a favour to her, really.

-Have a go at folding one.

-I don't want to fold it.

-Just...

I can't fold it.

I do get away with a lot of things.

Sarah feels her mum Doreen was too strict when she was young.

-You are just silly, aren't you?

-I am.

So she's raised Lindon with a softer touch.

I'm rebelling against my mum cos I wasn't allowed to do anything,

and I'm going to let my son do what he wants.

Within reason.

But that's not true, that she wasn't allowed to do anything.

I'll get Dad in on this.

But she was not allowed to stay out all night as she was growing up.

-See? Lindon does.

-You know?

I encourage him to do what he wants to do.

Doreen thinks Sarah is far too easy-going.

He's a bit wayward...

..to what I would have expected from my children.

He goes out too often, and drinks too much drink,

and shows himself up too often.

-No, he don't.

-Yes, he does.

No, he don't to you, but he does to other people.

-No, he's a boy having fun.

-Yeah(!)

Lindon makes the most of the freedom his mum gives him.

On a night out, I'm pretty much guaranteed to pull.

I like to get with as many girls as I can.

And I definitely like to sleep with them at the end of the night.

But I think that's just normal for a 21-year-old, really.

Sarah does set some boundaries,

like not bringing girls home, but Lindon ignores them.

My mum told me if I ever brought back a girl again,

while she's there, she would kick me out.

But I've done it since, and I'm not kicked out,

so I don't think she will kick me out, really.

If Lindon doesn't listen to his mum at home,

he's hardly likely to listen to her

on his first ever big holiday without her.

So what about naked streaking? Is that all right?

-I'd rather you didn't.

-But?

If it happens?

-I'd rather you didn't.

-But if it happens?

I'm not there. I can't do anything about it.

HE CHUCKLES

Getting naked is Lindon's party trick.

Even if I'm in a club and I'm surrounded by people, I could...

sort of drop my kecks and get the old windmill going

and stuff like that, in the middle of the club.

People think it's a bit strange,

but you know, everyone has a laugh about it, so that's all right.

Travelling with Lindon to Thailand are his two girl-mad mates...

-I'll just pull anything, really.

-..Jeffrey and best buddy Luke.

Music, drinks, and watch Lindon make a fool of himself.

LAUGHTER

Three slags is probably the best way to describe us.

We just go out looking to pull, basically.

Every week, we want something new.

And in Thailand, it will all be brand new.

I think we will just see who can pull as many birds

in that week and bang them.

-He does think he's God's gift to women.

-Yeah, he does.

-Doesn't he?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-According to him, he is.

-Yeah!

God's gift or not, Sarah's still a proud mother.

If people don't agree with the way I've brought him up,

then that's their problem.

The idea of snooping on Lindon in Thailand

leaves gran Doreen fearing the worst.

I'm certain he is going to embarrass us a certain amount.

-He will.

-Himself?

-No, he'll embarrass us.

We won't know where to look, I'm sure. Half the time. Yeah.

40 miles away in Leicester,

20-year-old student Callum is looking forward to Thailand.

I'm just excited about getting absolutely off my face

in a different country!

Callum and his rugby playing team-mates are big-time boozers.

We just drink as much as we can, as fast as we can.

Oh, I'm so drunk!

But Callum doesn't know when he's reached his limit.

LAUGHTER

I drink to a point where I probably shouldn't,

and I can't stand or can't talk.

It doesn't happen that often, but it will happen...

it happens enough for people to remember it, if that makes sense.

And there is one recent memorable evening

that Callum would like to forget.

I slipped and I just hammered my face onto a rock,

and you could hear, like, the crunch, and that one there came out,

that one there, the bottom bit all snapped off,

and that one there snapped off as well.

Callum paid a high price for his boozing mishap,

with a £600 dentist bill.

But his Dad Mick feels he himself is somewhat to blame.

I think Callum does enjoy drinking.

I think he might have got it from me,

and I have passed the baton on to him now as I'm getting older,

and he's picked it up, and he's running with it.

Despite feeling guilty,

Mick believes Callum's drinking has reached another level.

Yeah, I mean, originally, he used to just drink beers. Then it was...

various sorts of spirits,

and now they have a couple of bottles of wine before they go out.

So what they're drinking is just going up through the roof.

For mum Nikki, Callum's boozing is a real concern.

If I'm honest with you, Callum, I'm a little bit worried

that you might just go a little bit too far with everything.

-Yeah, probably.

-I know.

Enjoy yourself, by all means, you know?

Once-in-a-lifetime experience, but just pace yourself.

-No, I'm not pacing.

-It's not going to work, is it?

-No. Be all right.

Don't panic as well. Why are you stressing for?

I don't think Mum thinks I know my limits.

She thinks that I just go out to get blitzed, which I guess,

to a certain extent, is right.

She thinks I drink too much and I need to curb it in.

She's probably got a point, but I'm not going to curb it in

for the next 12 months while I'm at university.

I'm not at the point in my life where I need to start

evaluating life choices with regards to alcohol.

Joining Callum at the Full Moon Party

are his uni rugby mates, Luke...

Where's my drinks?

..and Ryan.

-The Full Moon Party is going to be the best night of my life.

-Yeah.

I know as soon as I'm there, I'm not going to remember anything.

-All right, boys?

-Full Moon!

THEY CHEER

We're not looking for girls on this trip, are we?

I think we're more interested in getting drunk

and having a good time with each other.

Awww. See that? Beautiful.

And just how good a time is something Nikki and Mick

are nervously looking forward to.

I'm sure he'll be fine.

I'm looking forward to seeing if he isn't, if he goes a bit too far.

I think that'll be quite interesting.

Because when we've seen him previously, he's been drunk,

but he's been able to hold it together.

Cheers, boys! Thank you.

I think I need to be realistic with Callum's drinking,

but I wonder whether Callum has a cut-off.

It's the start of the epic journey to Thailand,

and the Full Moon Party.

Sarah wants Lindon to think

she's feeling wobbly about him leaving her.

-Oh, we're not going.

-You're not going.

He has no idea his mum and gran are coming too.

Bye. Have a nice time. Love you.

-Love you.

-Love you.

-Bye.

-Bye!

-ALL:

-Bye.

Bye!

Bye, Lindon. I'll be seeing you in 24 hours!

-See you, then, Mum.

-Right, bye-bye. Be very good.

-Yeah, will be.

Yeah, enjoy yourself but be good.

See you, mate.

THEY LAUGH

Have a good time.

In Leicester, Callum and co are also ready

for their first taste of freedom.

-Bye!

-Bye! Have a nice time.

See you soon!

Sooner than you think!

Going all the away. It's happening.

-Should have bought beer for the road, shouldn't we?

-Can we stop off?

Koh Phangan, a beautiful island in the Gulf of Thailand.

Dotted with Buddhist temples and tropical forest.

HORN SOUNDS

But it's best known for its dusk to dawn Full Moon Parties.

CHEERING

Every month, over 25,000 tourists from around the world

head for the music and madness on Haadrin Beach.

After a boozy 15-hour flight, Callum and his mates arrive in Thailand.

All right, let's get a beer.

And while they wait for the ferry, they try the local brew.

Their plans might worry Callum's mum.

I think we've all pretty much come here...

-To get pissed in a new place.

-Get pissed in a new place.

But I just want to take getting drunk to a whole new level now.

Once they're at the hotel, they get properly stuck in.

It's now 18 hours of non-stop boozing,

and Callum fancies a dip.

It goes down well with the girls, but not that well for Callum.

Mate...you're spitting blood.

He's bitten his tongue.

I'm fine.

The boys decide they are safer on dry land.

I bit the shit out of my tongue. By mistake.

-Pretty.

-I think it's pretty.

I thought I gave it a fucking good go, to be fair.

-Would you say I gave it a go?

-Not really.

-No.

It's only a few weeks

since he smashed his teeth whilst drinking to excess.

But Callum is undaunted by his latest mishap.

-I think we'll have a great night.

-Oh, we'll have an awesome night.

And in which case, I'll just drop.

For Calamity Callum, dry land isn't much safer after all.

You... absolute...

HE MOUTHS

Only five o'clock in the afternoon,

and Callum's plans for a big night out already seemed doomed.

I'm all right.

-Are you sure?

-I'll see you boys tomorrow.

-Yeah?

-He's done. He's done now.

-Definitely done.

There is no way of bringing him round. That's what I'm saying.

-Like, he is fast gone.

-It's just embarrassing.

The Peterborough boys have also arrived,

and they are focused on only one thing.

Sex. And lots of it.

We're going to tag team a lady boy.

THEY LAUGH

That's our first mission. Tonight.

The guys' temperatures are already rising.

-It's so hot, I just want to get naked.

-In the sea?

-I just want to get naked.

-Do a windmill, keep everyone cool.

I think we should do a windmill now.

-Sure. Is anyone looking?

-No.

Aaargh!

The boys' motto seems to be "when in doubt, whip it out".

Not that anyone notices.

There is literally just tits and arse everywhere.

Spoilt for choice.

-Oh, my God.

-There's way more birds than lads here.

-That's good!

-You could have two each.

Arriving at the hotel...

Yes! That's what we're talking about, aren't we?

Pussy palace. We are here.

Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

We could have some dirty shit going on in here.

-Hold on, cock train.

-Cock train!

THEY LAUGH

The boys certainly plan to make full use of their amenities.

-Look, boys. Yes!

-Hang on.

Let's put them on. Hang on.

These guys need no excuse to get naked.

THEY LAUGH

It's six hours since Callum crashed out.

-Are you both ready to go?

-Ready to go. Ready to walk out.

His friends are feeling upbeat...

We can't stay in on our first night.

..but Callum isn't.

-I feel horrendous.

-I'm not surprised!

Not only has he spent most of his first day in bed...

Oh, mate, these are drenched.

..Callum's managed to go to the toilet without even getting up.

Look at that. Mate.

That is...a humongous amount of piss.

If that is piss, which we're like 70/30 it is, then...

I think it's 100/0.

-90/10.

-That's 100% piss, mate.

That's just a good effort, that.

Honest to God, I honestly don't remember

coming home from that fucking beach.

Not even a little bit.

A hung-over Callum finally makes it out, but he's worse for wear.

-My tongue is in absolute agony.

-Is it hard to eat?

Every, even, like, movement of my mouth, pure pain.

First day, you've pissed the bed, you bit through your tongue,

you've passed out before five o'clock in the afternoon.

Callum's revival is short-lived.

After a late dinner and a drink, he calls it quits.

-I'm kind of shocked I went out.

-Mate, we are.

I hate hills!

It's time to call it a night.

I'm literally not even taking off my clothes.

For Lindon, Jeffrey and Luke, the night is still young.

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

The boys hit a pool party with only one goal in mind.

Here we go, baby! Thailand style!

This place is mental!

Wall-to-wall fanny.

Lindon is the first to score.

Obviously, I've done the first challenge of who can get with

the first bird, but next challenge, who sleeps with someone first?

So obviously, even if it's pull a pig night,

I'm going home with someone.

Fuck it. Here we go, here we go.

Ohhh! Ohhh!

-He's a DJ.

-I'm a DJ.

-DJ!

Are you? OK.

-Are you getting them out?

-No!

Can I get them out then?

How about if we face this way together?

The boys are determined to make a splash.

But after two hours, it seems the girls have lost interest.

CHEERING

So the boys decide to show them what they're missing.

THEY ALL SHOUT

But once again, no-one seems to care.

Thailand is definitely not ready for me

or me and my friends, you know?

As a group, we're definitely standing out from the crowd.

We're definitely a bit wild.

Undeterred by the consequences of yesterday's boozing,

Callum has decided on a beer-filled brunch,

while his mates sensibly stick to water.

You've got to start on the beer early, haven't you? Just maintain it.

Can't peak and trough like I did yesterday.

If I can fit in two drinking sessions a day,

then it's like I'll have 14 nights out.

It's a good theory.

But I don't think that will work.

Callum's drinking habits are soon to be under secret scrutiny,

as his mum Nikki and dad Mick arrive in Koh Phangan.

OK, lovely.

They're joining forces with Lindon's mum Sarah and gran Doreen.

-Hello!

-Hello, hi!

-Hello.

-How are you doing?

-Hi, Sarah.

-Hi, Doreen.

-Nice to meet you.

-I'm Nikki.

-Come here!

-THEY LAUGH

Nice to meet you too.

Doreen gives the lowdown on Lindon.

Lindon - total mummy's boy.

Absolute mummy's boy.

Because Mummy can't let him go.

Mummy packed his case, Mummy does everything for him.

So how would you describe yourself as a parent, then?

Because we think we're pretty laid-back

and easy-going about things, aren't we?

I am to a certain degree.

They've had rules. Ground rules. And he's stuck to them.

He's been pretty good, really.

Nikki is not feeling as confident about Callum.

-We're going to see him drunk.

-Yeah. We're used to that.

We're going to see him playing the eejit and just being silly.

But I'm not sure, then, about the next bit.

Whatever the next bit is, you can guarantee with Callum,

it will involve beer.

And lots of it.

I'm going to get as steaming as I can every day.

I thought you guys would do the same, but apparently you won't.

Callum, we are drinking. It just affects you quicker than it does us.

Put these shades on, shall we?

Callum's already been drinking for six hours,

and he's convinced his mates are seriously lagging behind.

SLURS: "I'm up for anything!" Except getting pissed during the day.

-Fucking man up and get drunk.

-That's the thing, Cal.

You've had two, three more than us, that's it.

Don't worry about us getting drunk. We'll get drunk. Don't worry.

Yeah, all right, boys.

At their hotel, the families are gathering

for their first taste of their boys' exploits.

Both mums plan their strategy.

-He was led astray.

-He was.

-That'll be our keyword.

Being used to boozy rugby culture, Callum's Dad, Mick, is less nervous.

Straight on drinking. Good lad!

MOTHERS GASP

-Come on, now.

-Oh, no! Look at the state of him!

They shouldn't let him do that, drunk like that.

Ooh! Jesus, Callum.

-MICK LAUGHS

-That was tremendous!

-Right, no more.

Somebody's got a sore bottom.

Ooh! Callum!

What if it had flipped back and hit his head?

Bit disappointed with his tongue.

That'll tickle in the morning. That's really going to hurt.

-I think we'll have a great night.

-We'll have an awful night.

And in which case, I'll just drop.

LAUGHTER

-Which you did.

-Sorry.

-Proper comedy moment.

-I think he's holding up well.

I think Callum's just discovered

he can't drink as much as he thinks he can.

He'll be fine. I didn't think it was too bad.

I thought, really, they look like they're having fun.

I was a bit worried about Callum just... Hurting himself.

We had a recent disaster that cost us a fortune,

and he was in an awful lot of pain,

and, you know, the prospect of all of that happening again is just...

And it doesn't look like he's actually learned from it.

Er... He's on his holidays!

I just wish he'd slow down a bit.

He's definitely inherited his dad's lack of having a switch to stop.

HE CHUCKLES

Now it's the turn of Lindon's strict gran, Doreen,

and soft-touch mum, Sarah.

-I can sit back and watch you now.

-You can, can't you? Cringe!

Let's windmill. Let's windmill it. Shall we windmill it?

He said he's going to windmill. He is.

He did.

-Oh!

-BOYS LAUGH

-And a flower in his hair.

-I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting that.

-Nor was I!

I'm disgusted! SHE LAUGHS

I'm going to thrash him! LAUGHTER

Obviously I've done the first challenge of

"who can get with the first bird?"

but, next challenge - "who sleeps with someone first"?

So, obviously, even if it's pull-a-pig night,

I'm going home with someone.

Fuck it! LINDON SCREAMS

-Tell me when they've stopped.

-No, they're still going, Nikki.

-Tell me when they've stopped.

-They've stopped now.

-OK.

LAUGHTER

How was it for you?

It was all right. Not as bad as I thought.

At least he's not having full sex yet.

-How can you say that? That it's all right?

-I didn't say it was all right.

-You did.

-You just said, "it was all right."

Well, he said he'll do it, he's done it.

And that's what being liberal is all about?

-I'm going to stay Victorian.

-LAUGHTER

-Come on.

-OK, then.

They're quite laid-back.

Sarah and Lindon seem very, very close.

But Doreen's older, so she's probably

got different kind of values.

-You agree with it.

-I didn't say I agree with it.

-Yes, you did.

-I said...

-"That's Lindon."

-That's Lindon.

I don't have to agree with what he does,

but I won't stop him from being his self.

He is Lindon. He's his own person.

-And I'm his mum, and I love him. And that's it. End of.

-I...

-End of.

Yeah, just go. We'll see you in an hour or two.

Callum's plan to take drinking to a whole new level has backfired.

Chin-chin.

It's 8pm, and once again, the afternoon has taken its toll.

And his ability to open doors.

I don't really know what the procedure was with the fucking keys.

Right, fuck it.

Don't give a shit. On the bench.

Literally could not care less. BOTTLE SMASHES

KNOCKING ON DOOR

An hour later, and Callum has somehow managed to get inside,

leaving Ryan and Luke locked out.

Day two, basically all we've done is go to bars and drink.

For the next couple of days, I'd rather see some culture

in the day and then get on the piss for the night.

-Yeah, yeah.

-See what else we're missing, really.

-Yeah.

Callum's second night in Thailand may be a goner,

but over at Lindon's hotel, the lads are gearing up.

Predictably, by getting their gear off.

-Geoff, Geoff. I've lost my dick.

-We've lost our willies.

Look, there it is!

-It's a big problem.

-GIGGLING

And it seems it's not only their trousers the boys are lowering.

The plan is tonight, we're going to lower our standards right down.

-There's no point walking in there being big-headed.

-No.

Like last night. We need to share a bird. We haven't done it.

That's the challenge we wanted. We'll just push the beds together.

-Even if we all get a bird back, halfway through, swap.

-Swap, yeah.

-No.

-At one point we'll all get on one.

What we'll do, we'll leave two waiting, we'll do one. Send her out.

Get a queue outside. We'll have, like, a raffle going on!

And the next!

And the lucky number is!

Cal, are you all right to come out now,

or do you need, fucking, another hour or so?

Mate, I feel fine. I feel absolutely splendid.

It's midnight, and after four hours' sleep,

Callum has sobered up a little.

I'm not slurring, nothing like that. I feel OK. Ready to go again.

Surprisingly, Callum's made it out, but he's not looking to socialise.

He just wants to get back on the beer.

It's quite quiet, but even in like Sheffield,

you know what a night out is.

We find the quiet bar that serves cheap alcohol.

# Can you feel the Love tonight? #

# Woooo! #

Lindon and his mates have made their way to a jungle party,

determined to bring girls home tonight.

-This is crazy!

-It's amazing!

-We've never partied in a jungle.

There's the bra.

We go for double finger action. Aha! I got it! I got it!

The lads give it their all...

Aaaaah!

..keep on trying...

..and get nowhere.

-Let's move. Let's move.

-Lindon's convinced the venue is to blame.

This place is a bit of a shithole, to be honest.

A lot more lads than girls. A bit of a cockfest.

They decide to try their luck elsewhere.

What is wrong with us, Luke?

We're just... I think we're on heat. We need some birds.

Let's go back to the beach, we'll get some birds.

Whilst the boys are away, Sarah and Doreen sneak into Lindon's room,

to see how he's coping without his mum.

See whether it's been used or not. Lindon's dirty washing.

Oh, my God! It stinks in here. Check the loo. Check the loo.

-Check the...? Lift the toilet up?

-You touch it.

BOTH GAG

Oh! Oh!

That is disgusting!

DOREEN COUGHS AND GAGS

-That reeks. That is disgusting.

-That is disgusting.

Why haven't they flushed the toilet? Oh, my God!

They wonder why they can't get laid.

I can't wait to see Lindon.

I can't wait to tell Lindon just what I think.

SHE LAUGHS

It's the night before the Full Moon Party,

but the rugby boys are raving like there's no tomorrow.

By 4am, Ryan is beginning to tire.

He thinks the sensible idea would be to call it a night.

We don't want to ruin the rest of the week by going too hard tonight.

Callum has other ideas.

My view.

Errrrrrmmm... We'll go home.

Go back to ours, grab a few fucking beers, grab some money.

Got some beers at hours, got some money hours.

And then we'll come back out.

We're not pissing about. Were here for seven days.

You're angry, man! Fucking hell!

-Let's just go.

-Smile, smile? Smile, smile?

-Let's go. Let's go.

-What you're doing is funny.

-We need to walk.

-You're not happy, are you?

-If you need to walk, go and walk.

-What's up, mate?

You're just fucking ruining it for everyone, in't ya?

Are you actually annoyed?

Ryan, put your hand up if you're annoyed, honestly.

Ryan feels Callum's drinking is ruining their holiday.

What you two were doing earlier, it's embarrassing.

Could be bedtime, to be fair.

I think it is bedtime, mate.

Last couple of minutes, Callum and Luke, they've done my head in.

They're ready for bed, and I want to stay out, but...

And as much as they say they want to stay out, they can't.

And it'll end up just me looking after both of them.

Which I don't want to do.

I'm here for a week, I want to enjoy it, I want to experience as much

as I can. I want to enjoy it as much as I can.

Lindon's night has also hit a snag.

He's just being sick. He's just being sick, that's all.

Geoffrey.

That's it, that's it, Geoffrey.

But once he's safely tucked up, Lindon's back on his mission.

Obviously, we got a job to do, Luke, and that is pull some slags.

-Do what we came here for.

-Do what we came here for.

We can't rest till we get it.

There are plenty of girls around...

Oi!

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

-Threesome.

-Threesome.

-No, no.

She ain't putting out. Let's go.

Once again, Lindon's out of luck.

Come on, let's go. Are we going home or what?

Despite their big plans for the night, it's time to admit defeat.

We'll get in there tomorrow.

Lindon and the boys are having a late breakfast and after failing to

pull last night, today, Lindon is trying to pull a fast one

by blaming Geoffrey.

Yeah, I had a bird - getting off with her,

she was well up for it and I had to leave her,

because we were carrying Geoffrey home.

I think girls just don't want to know us.

They're just hard to get at the minute.

I think the problem is, we're too busy drinking.

So I think tonight we should slow it down.

I'm not even pre-drinking tonight. No, I'm going out.

-I'm just going to...

-I'm going to get a bottle of Sambuca!

I'm not carrying you home again.

After the previous viewing, the parents have varying

expectations as they prepare for their next glimpse

into their kids' experiences.

Callum's mum has her concerns.

The only thing that worries me

is that through drinking too much alcohol, being drunk, silly games,

that Callum will have an accident and hurt himself,

that's the only thing that jumped out on me yesterday

that could potentially happen this week.

Lindon's mum isn't worried at all, unlike Gran.

After seeing Lindon windmill last night, I think...

..he might go a little bit further.

And if he don't now, he's letting me down because he started it,

he might as well finish it.

What do you reckon to that, Granny?

-I don't think that was funny at all.

-I do.

-You would, but I don't.

-Morning!

-Morning.

Are you ready for this again?

I don't know. Ask me that at the end!

Obviously we have got a job to do, Luke. And that is pull some slags!

'Do what we came here for. We can't rest till we get it.'

Look at him!

-She just got out the way.

-It's funny.

He's not the pulling king, is he?

Not the pick-up artist he thought, absolutely not.

He thinks he's God's gift to women.

And he hasn't been able to get anyone yet.

And I do like that, I think that is hilarious.

-That's a good thing.

-Yeah.

-I think.

-Course it is.

After the slide accident, Callum's parents wonder

if their son has reined in his boozing.

OK, everybody happy?

Happy is probably not the word I would have used.

I can't believe it!

-Man up and get drunk!

-You've had two, three more than us, that's it.

-Were you impressed with that?

-I'm not, no. Not at all.

At the moment he's actually ruining the holiday for the other two

with his drinking.

He hasn't got the handle on his drinking that he thinks he has.

He's just OTT with it.

And he doesn't understand how that then ruins it for everybody else.

Yeah, I agree with that.

There's just no need to get that blasted that quickly.

It was a bit uncomfortable watching that,

because he wasn't having a good time and nor were his friends.

-I think that's what came across.

-Everybody... It was just too much.

Koh Phangan may have all the beach activities you could dream of,

but the main reason to visit the island

is for tonight's legendary full moon party.

Even Callum has managed to stay sober this afternoon.

It kicks off at like 11-ish, it's a late thing.

-I went to get some hi-vis stuff.

-I want to get paint.

-Yeah.

They'd better hurry up as Lindon and his mates are already gearing up.

-Try them on, though.

-I'm not dropping.

The shocking yellow shorts are probably not as shocking

as Lindon keeping his pants on for once.

What do you think?

-Look how see-through they are!

-Exactly.

Trying not to be seen.

Callum's parents Mick and Nikki are on a sneaky mission,

to listen in on their son as he prepares for the full moon party.

You were a dick yesterday, basically.

Always the same when you drink, though. I still love you.

They sound like a married couple.

I have been drinking a fair bit.

I have to calm down a bit today, because I'm dealing with a hangover.

But tonight I'll be back on it,

it's just going down a bit slower than it would normally do.

I feel a bit better watching this than I did early on.

At least I know he hasn't been drinking all day.

-Yeah.

-I'm just a bit worried about what I'm going to see tomorrow!

And the good thing about it is he acknowledges

what he's been like the last two days as well.

-A drunken dick.

-Mm.

-Yeah.

-Have a good night, mate. We'd better go.

-All right, let's do it now.

As Nikki and Mick creep away reassured, Callum's struggling

with the prospect of the mother of all nights out.

-I hate this.

-Callum's done for the night.

I really cannot hack hangovers.

You can't do this tonight. I don't care how shit you feel,

you've got to power through it, fella.

On Haad Rin beach, the full moon party

has attracted 25,000 partygoers.

Callum and his mates are in the thick of it.

Further down the beach, Lindon, Luke and Geoffrey have been distracted.

Slut drop!

-Luke's impressed.

-Do you know what, leave me here.

-Lindon isn't.

Three o'clock, are you going to be here?

There's loads of birds tonight.

We're not concentrating on one, because there's too many.

If we're going to go mingle,

they're waiting, they're last resort now.

Three gate-crashers are also making their way to the Full Moon Party.

Doreen's having an early night

but Mick, Nikki and Sarah have come to spy on their sons.

The mission needs stealth.

Callum might see me, but if I put this on, I'll be all right.

There you go!

He won't know me because I'm in disguise. He won't have a clue!

Spotting anyone in this multicolour chaos is almost impossible.

Keep down, keep down.

This is funny.

But amazingly, Sarah manages to pick out Lindon.

He can't find any birds, he's such a macho man(!)

Nikki has also spotted Callum.

-Oh, my God, look. Look, he's got your headband on!

-Yeah!

Callum disappears into the crowd,

but the parents can guess where he's heading.

Mick, Mick, they're at the bar.

350.

Come closer.

-Can you see him? Red shorts.

-Oh, yeah, yeah!

1am, and it looks as if Callum's attempts at an all-nighter

are hanging by a thread.

-He doesn't look very good.

-No, he needs to go home.

But he's just taking a breather and is soon back on it.

-He's all right now.

-I think he's back in the room.

THEY CHANT DRUNKENLY

Down!

Bearing in mind what time of night it is...

They all seem happy together and seem fine.

He's the Callum we know, isn't he? Mission accomplished?

-We're good at this, definitely, high-five!

-Very good.

And while the parents sneak off,

Callum is beginning to think he's peaked too early.

I've been drinking for the last three days,

I'm trying to get as drunk as I can tonight, it's just not happening.

Those two are loving it, they're having the best night of their lives.

I think tonight is one of the best,

but I'm not getting as drunk as I want to get.

Having had little luck elsewhere, Lindon and the boys

are back to square one, chatting up the girls from earlier.

You can see everything in there.

-Double windmill.

-You can see everything in there.

And getting their privates out.

And for the first time, someone has taken notice.

It's a plainclothes policeman.

Indecent exposure is a crime in Thailand.

The boys are lucky to escape with a warning.

We nearly got arrested tonight for windmilling.

In England, we windmill all the time, takeaways and clubs, whatever,

and nobody bothers. It's a normal thing in England but here,

they seem to be a bit more strict.

We don't want to get arrested and ruin the holiday

so we're going to have to chill it out, slow down, we've got all night.

Lindon and Geoffrey are still convinced they could do better,

and leave Luke in search of more girls.

Trying their chat up lines on anyone who will listen.

-Do you want to be gang-banged or what?

-No!

Oh, this blonde. Oh! Hello!

Look at that! Pull them... Ahh.

It seems the boys have lost their mojos.

Bored of trying it on, the guy's head home alone.

I don't know where Luke is, but...

We've come back to our little love shack.

-He's not here.

-Let's go find Luke.

-Luke!

-Where is he?

-Down there.

-Where?

Luke! Luke!

-Where have you been?

-Are you all right?

-We thought we lost you.

You ditched me. I've been trying to get hold of you for ages.

-How? We've got no phones. OK. Go to bed.

-"Let's go to bed".

Not the end the boys had hoped for.

Back at the Full Moon Party, Callum,

Ryan and Luke are still having it large.

And surprisingly, even Callum makes it through to sunrise.

I don't remember going out on Monday, or Tuesday,

but I remember everything tonight and I really enjoyed myself.

I've loved tonight, it's been one of the best nights of my life.

It's the last day on Koh Phangan, and for the parents,

one last chance to see what their kids have been up to.

-Hello.

-How are we doing?

-Not too bad.

You can't wait, can you?

Waiting for the shock factor.

You can see everything in there!

You didn't tell me.

In England, obviously we go round,

we windmill all the time, takeaways, clubs, whatever, and nobody bothers.

Yes, they do!

'It's just a normal thing in England'

but here they seem to be a bit more strict.

It's not normal in England, to windmill, is it?

Where does he go in England where he's allowed to do it all the time?

He don't where he's allowed to do it.

I think it was worrying that he might be in jail now,

I don't know how the laws are, he's really got to learn,

they've all got to learn to keep it in their pants.

Are you still going to talk to him or are you going to tell him?

Talking to him hasn't done any good.

And telling him won't do any good. He'll make up his own mind.

-What hope have we got, then?

-Obviously none!

-Right.

Yeah...poor boy.

When you lecture him, does he take any notice?

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah, with his arms round me, he gives me a cuddle.

Yeah. The cheeky "love you, Granny,"

-and you laugh at him and that's it.

-Yeah.

-Finished.

Now it's Nikki and Mick's turn

to see how Callum got on after they left the party.

-Let's see what happened last night.

-OK.

Maybe I'm not getting into the whole party spirit,

but I've been drinking for the last three days,

I'm trying to get as drunk as I can tonight, it's just not happening.

Oh, bless him. OK.

Wow.

-So he's holding back a bit.

-He's not holding back,

he's got nothing left. He's running on empty, I think.

Gone too soon, gone too early.

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

-Right. Shall we see what happens?

-OK.

Oh, they made it all night!

Oh, look! Well done.

He's still dancing.

He is dancing! You were right, you were right.

Oh, I'm pleased he made it all the way through.

-He'll remember that now.

-He is a zombie.

Lights were on, but nobody home.

With the viewing yesterday, we were...

We felt as if we'd been hit by a truck, really.

We didn't really recognise it.

And then we forgot about it after the spy mission

and then yesterday evening at the party.

And, you know, today, we knew he'd be jaded.

If I could have spoken to him yesterday I feel as if

I could have just changed the holiday for him in like 20 seconds

by just saying something to him.

Be nice if it just goes round and he finds the answers himself

without anybody having to point it out to him.

Without, you know... That would be good.

As he recovers from his binge,

Callum has been thinking for himself.

It's led to a change of plans for what's left of his holiday.

I'm pretty pleased and happy to spend tomorrow and Saturday

not really drinking, because I'd like to see more of the island.

You can get steaming in Sheffield or Leicester back home,

whereas I'd kind of like to... I've done that now,

I'd like to go and do something else.

Keen to experience the real Thailand,

boozing makes way for an insight into Buddhism at a local monastery.

With help from a local interpreter,

the boys talk to an 82-year-old monk.

He said that coming here, it's good for you guys.

Like, you guys are trying different cultures, learning, and it's good.

He's saying...

after this, just remember that whatever you do, finish it.

It's not wrong to have fun, it's not wrong to party.

But whatever you have to do,

like make a promise to yourself and finish them.

Callum is feeling enlightened about his future.

I think what he was speaking about just relates perfectly to us three

coming to the end of university now.

Just go out and find what you want to do, then follow through with it.

Stick with it. And that's what he was saying. And...

I think he's kind of hit the nail on the head there.

The Peterborough boys are busy trying to work out

where it all went wrong.

A holiday without pulling a single girl.

We've been getting with birds, snogging them and that,

they all seemed to be well up for it, and then...

I ain't got a clue what happens after that, it just seems to go downhill.

Lindon's mum thinks it may be down to his exhibitionism.

I did think that he just did things for the shock factor,

and say things, and I'm pretty convinced now,

at the end of the week, that that's what he's about.

Just showing off.

Doreen has seen far more of her grandson than she wanted.

If it had been a one-off, fine, you know.

You can laugh at that, "Oh, you silly boy," and so on.

But to carry on doing it, no.

There's something wrong somewhere.

Mum and Doreen are about to put those wrongs to rights.

It's their chance to reveal the truth about Lindon's holiday.

-Are you fucking joking?

-Are you joking?

-You are fucking kidding me.

I cannot even believe this. What a stitch-up.

Lindon!

Do we get a cuddle?

-Give your mum a cuddle, Lindon.

-This is unreal.

-All week, we've been here.

Sorry.

Shocked.

-It's good to see you!

-That was a bit language, wasn't it?

-Yeah! It's good to see you!

-It's good to see you, darling.

Sarah may be all nicey-nicey, but that's not Gran's style.

And Doreen doesn't hold back.

-You know what I'm like.

-Come here.

-Oh, my God.

-Come here!

Let go of her, you listen to me for once.

Right. You don't swear.

-Aye?

-Yeah.

-Lecture!

-You don't swear.

-Right.

You don't come all the way over here and show yourself off like that.

-Lindon!

-Your hygiene is not like that.

I'm pleased you didn't get the girls.

-Why?

-Because you were disgusting, with your wotsit!

BOYS LAUGH

Do you feel embarrassed at all, that Granny has seen, or what she's seen?

-No.

-You don't?

-No!

-You couldn't care less?

-No.

Do you know what Mummy's been saying?

She said, "I think he's all mouth and no action.

"So now I'll be able to find out whether that's right or wrong."

You proved her right!

The babe-magnet, is it switched off?

Is that what's happened?

It never started! It never started since we got here, really.

Still trying to make up for lost time, Callum, Luke and Ryan

are at a safari park.

With lots of exotic animals.

Nana?

Whoa!

Get my hand in there.

Yeah, I want to see the snakes!

He's watching you, mate.

He's got you, mate.

Callum has no idea that for one day only,

the safari park features one very familiar species.

We're really excited now about the reveal to Callum.

He doesn't really like animals.

He'll be really nervous and sort of on tenterhooks,

and we're just going to surprise him.

BOYS LAUGH

Don't joke!

It's not a crocodile.

-Hello!

-Hey, Mum!

LAUGHTER

See the crocodiles?

What a reaction!

I'm freaking out from the animals.

And how was your first two days, Callum?

-Do you remember much?

-Couldn't tell you.

-No.

We saw.

Why have you come?

Because we wanted to see what you were like.

You got the full picture!

But having said that, though,

your friends looked after you.

In the first 48 hours.

Looked like you nearly lost your friends at one point.

-Yeah, I think you did nearly lose your friends at one point.

-No!

Can I just say thank you very much?

-It's fine.

-Thank you very much.

-No problem.

Callum, you need to drink less.

I didn't think you'd see all this,

I didn't think you'd get to this stage!

I thought you were going to be... There was a moment

where I thought you were going to be like that the whole holiday.

Later in the day, Callum and his parents have a serious talk.

The first day was funny. We laughed and joked about that.

The second day, from what we saw...

didn't look good from your point of view with Luke and Ryan.

And we actually felt for them. We said that.

We kind of staggered away from the viewing.

We didn't talk for about an hour. And we went for dinner,

and we were like, "I'm just gutted that that's happened.

"Absolutely gutted that he's decided to just go on the piss solidly

-"for a whole week."

-We thought we knew you inside and out.

-There was a little bit of a...

-A doubt.

-Yeah.

I'd say that the trip has changed me, but it's changed for the better.

I know to take it a bit steadier on nights out,

er...and just keep in mind how you're appearing to your friends

more than just what you want to do.

I think we were pretty pleased and proud

that you decided to go and sample the island.

-What we've learned about you is that we don't need to worry.

-No.

It was just nice to know that they feel that I haven't let them down.

That's always nice to hear, isn't it?

Sarah's taken Lindon aside, out of her mother's earshot.

I didn't want to say all this in front of your grandmother,

because you're mine, not hers.

-And...you know how she goes on, she's strict.

-Yeah.

She might think I'm too liberal, but...

you've got your boundaries, you've been brought up properly.

Windmilling.

-We always windmill, every...

-I know, but listen.

Even at home, you can get arrested for it,

cos it is classed as a bit pervy.

OK.

Well, it is.

And you could have got arrested here and put in jail.

For windmilling?!

It's only windmilling to you, it's not to other people.

-Other people are offended by it.

-OK!

OK.

I told him my opinion on what he was doing.

He agreed...that it wasn't the thing to do.

I think with the windmilling, it has got to be toned down, really.

But I think it's definitely going to be something we carry on doing.

Lindon's been talked to, but the discussion on how to raise him

is far from over.

I can sit and talk to him, and that's it.

That's the way I deal with my children.

That... That is why he's as wayward as he is.

Because he just gets a little lecture and that's it.

-You don't know how I discipline him.

-No.

So you can't say that.

I can say what I want, dear.

But you can't say what I do, when you don't see what I do.

No...

-No, I'm saying...

-Just what I do in front of you

doesn't always mean to say it hasn't been took up.

-I'm saying...

-Away from you.

Next time. Will a notorious bad boy...

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, oh, my God.

..take a turn for the better?

And will a good-time girl...

Whoo!

..finally gain independence...

I'm 22 years old, I'm an adult, I do what I like.

-..from her overprotective father?

-I am genuinely shocked. I am.