Episode 4 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents

This programme contains strong language

The freedom of your first ever far-flung long-haul holiday away with your mates.

6,000 miles away from home to Thailand.

Where booze comes in buckets...

boys will be boys...

and girls may be boys too.

I've seen one of their's willies.

A baptism of fire, far from the glaring eyes of Mum and Dad.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Except in this case the parents have come along too.

Spying on the sly...

Oh, my God, I can see him!

..secretly watching their every move.

-Oh, jeez.

-Drop!

But as the youngsters stumble merrily down the fast lane

-to independence...

-Go away!

-Look at the state of him.

-You've just got to give me a minute.

One way or another,

someone is about to get...

Is that you doing that?

..the shock of their lives.

-Why are you here?

-I'm not doing it.

Yes!

Coming up, two beach-loving Brits have the time of their life

on Ko Phi Phi in Thailand.

I'm loving Thailand, baby!

But will notorious bad boy Josh...

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, oh, my God...

..take a turn for the better?

Quite a lot of shots already but I'm going to have a few more.

And will good-time girl Chiara finally gain independence...

I'm 22 years old, I'm an adult, I'll do what I like.

..from her overprotective father?

I am genuinely shocked.

And when the parents break their cover...

Oh, my God, I can see him!

..just how will the kids react?

-Hello, there.

-Are you serious?!

I'm not doing it.

In Croydon, Surrey...

Not too much, the way I show you before.

-With a spoon, yeah?

-Yeah.

..22-year-old insurance clerk Chiara is still living at home

with her parents.

Mum makes good meatballs, come on.

Her father Antonio is a traditional Italian,

and rather overprotective.

She has to do what I said.

My dad still checks up on me now that I'm age 22,

still, I'm still his little girl.

She knows sometimes I spy on her, if I don't like something.

My dad did once when I was younger follow me clubbing, that was ridiculous.

Don't forget, watching you.

Mum Gilda is less controlling.

We do have to let go of those apron strings because we'll just suff...

suffocate her.

Chiara feels she's no longer Daddy's little girl.

It's the in thing when you're young to do, to get drunk,

make a few mistakes, but you learn from them, so...

Cheers, to Thailand, guys, woo!

She hopes the trip to Thailand will finally offer her some independence.

Anything goes, anything. You've got fire breathers,

performers, it's all done on the beachfront.

It's like a once in a lifetime experience, you know?

Antonio lays down some strict rules.

Never, ever, being offered a drink off nobody, OK, if it's open, OK?

-Yeah.

-Always stay with your friends.

-Yeah.

-Never talk with a stranger.

-OK, Dad, I'm not five years old, I know, I know...

-I know that.

-I'm 22, I know...

-Yeah, but, you know.

-I'll be all right, don't worry.

-Right.

-And I will stay dignified, don't worry,

I'm not going to do anything I'm going to regret. Trust me, Jesus!

Joining Chiara...

That's lovely, hold that for me.

..are best friends Amy...

-I'm the nice person.

-Flick your hair a little bit.

..and Daniella.

I am not at all independent.

Fully admit that, I should learn how to just get off my arse more!

Antonio just can't restrain his overbearing ways.

I just want to be there, just to protect her,

like, you know, an angel, you know, in case, you know, she's in trouble.

20-year-old wannabe barber Josh lives in East Grinstead

with his mum, Steph.

I am really, really proud of you.

They have a close relationship.

Until it comes to the ladies.

So this is how we sneak a girl into my house,

slowly close the door without making a sound.

Is Josh respectful to women?

Creep up the stairs.

I am hoping that Joshua is,

but I have seen and witnessed Joshua not being respectful to women.

My mum's room is only there.

And that really, really gets me.

Quietly close the door...

..and then proceed to make love.

Josh's life has had its ups and downs, to say the least.

Must have been kicked out of about six or seven schools,

started getting in trouble with the police when I was about...14 I think,

spending weekends in cells, in and out of court,

very close to going to prison.

He was arrested many times over his...

from a very, very young age,

and I was continuously having to go into police stations.

He got involved in drugs and I paid off a drug dealer,

and we got threatened, it was just awful.

With help from Steph's partner Ernie,

Josh has managed to turn his life around.

I used to say to Josh, you know, you're as good as anybody,

you know, there's nobody better than you, Josh,

you're not a loser in life, Josh, you're far from a loser in life.

This holiday is Josh's chance to prove

he has transformed his life for the better.

I want people to know that I'm a changed person,

because I'm sure there's a lot of people round here that believe

I'm still the same scummy teenager that I was.

Accompanying Josh on this trip of a lifetime is his best mate, Louie.

He's my closest friend, for sure.

He's like my fourth closest friend!

Thailand is just so different to anywhere we've been.

Different people, like.

Go to Thailand, you'll meet Americans and Australians and...

Go to Malia, you just meet chavvy little English birds.

Yeah, you go Malia, you see loads of Scottish birds and...

What's wrong with Scottish birds?

-I slept with a Scottish bird in Malia.

-So what?

I'm so excited for you.

Don't get too pissed so that you don't know what you're doing.

Please, if you're going to have one night stands,

take some condoms, don't risk... don't take any risks,

don't bring anything back with you that you didn't want to.

Is that it?

Steph is desperate to see Josh do well.

I do believe this is going to be a major turning point for Josh.

And she's going along to Thailand to see if it is.

It's because I care about him

and I want to know that he's safe. That's all I want to know.

If I know he's OK, I'm fine.

The long flight to independence has finally arrived.

Well, I think I've got everything. Let me just double-check it.

-I'm stressed out, I need to relax.

-Take a deep breath.

How am I going to phone you? I'm not taking my mobile.

Well, you know the number. Where's your camera?

My camera, in my bag. Got my camera.

Chiara may be dreaming of Far East freedom...

-Bye, Dad, love you.

-Bye.

I'll bring you back souvenirs, yeah?

..but little does she know, her parents are coming too.

Bye! I'll see you very soon, I'll be watching you. Remember.

-Oh my God, so excited.

-So excited.

So excited, we're on the way to the airport,

-we're going to go on our flight.

-It's really happening.

-We're actually going to Thailand. Ahh!

-Yay!

In East Grinstead, Josh and Louie are also hitting the road.

-Please, please, please be good.

-Bye, Mum.

-Louie!

Bye, Mum.

On your head be it. Be good.

Oh, my God, please, Josh, please don't let me down.

Boom, we're away.

The distant tropical isle of Ko Phi Phi in Thailand,

with stunning beaches, amazing wildlife and exotic foods.

It's a little slice of heaven.

And come evening, a party nirvana.

Whooo!

We love Thailand!

I love Phi Phi!

We love Thailand, we love Thailand, we love Thailand!

This looks like the pictures now,

-this is starting to look like the pictures.

-Yeah.

24 hours, two flights and one ferry since leaving home,

Chiara, Amy and Daniella have arrived in paradise.

Just got a waft of loo then. What is that, like, an open septic tank?

Is that the toilet?

Like, a little potty in the road!

Is that animals? Are we staying on a farm? Oh God!

It looks a bit rough round here.

There's us looking at the beach thinking,

-"Oh, wow, hammocks and stuff."

-We're here, luxury!

And we've just walked through, like, a building site.

This is a dump.

Amy and Daniella are saying nothing.

Oh, my God, it's actually so clean.

What the hell was I worried about? Look at it.

-You're a drama queen.

-I'm not a drama queen.

This is actually really nice.

God, I'm going to sound like such a horrible person saying all that.

-We're literally on the beach.

-I told you to wait till you saw inside.

I feel a lot happier.

-Do you feel like a bitch?

-I feel like a bitch, like a spoilt brat, yes.

Good, you should.

Meanwhile, 6,000 miles since departing,

the boys have also arrived.

They must be thrilled.

Delayed planes, hot airports, bit of a horrible trip to be honest.

-Diarrhoea.

-And diarrhoea, yeah, loads of diarrhoea.

We drunk a bottle of Bacardi.

Delays have caused them to miss the ferry.

They get to travel in style.

And make their way through another bottle of booze

even before they've arrived!

Oh, my God, we don't even have a lot left.

We're drinking strawberry flavoured Daquita. Daquita?

Whoa. Whoa!

Josh and Louie clearly have a serious drinking problem.

Oh, shit.

Getting used to this drink.

Oh, my God!

Fuck's sake!

I've never been anywhere like this in my life.

After that boat journey, my head is, like...pounding.

It's not nice.

-Time to drink?

-Get a drink.

I need some paracetamol first.

They've finally made it.

It's not bad.

I wasn't expecting anything, I didn't have any expectations, so...

You know he said monkey island, do you think that means there's monkeys?

HICCUPS LOUDLY

The revellers are heading out, ready for a night's beachfront clubbing.

Josh and Louie are raring to go.

I don't know why.

Maybe drinking that early was a bit of a mistake, but fuck it,

we're here now.

See what happens, might...

I don't know if I'm in the state to talk to anyone, any birds,

might get some fingers in, you never know.

Hopefully not smelly ones, and no pooey ones,

we're not fingering any ladyboys tonight.

-A few fingers.

-A few fingers.

How many fingers can you fit in a ladyboy?

-Probably not that many.

-None for me, mate.

Whoever coined the phrase "never play with fire"

clearly never came here.

Boozed-up punters are never more than a hop, skip and jump away.

Come on, mate!

Josh and Louie get the party started.

Can I get a bucket of vodka and lemonade, please?

-Yeah?

-Oi! Oi.

I'm not going to creep up to my limits, I'm going

to reach my limit and then...

Then I'm going to slap you and say, "Josh, calm the fuck down."

And I'm going to punch you in the face.

Despite the abundance of girls around,

-tonight it's all about the booze.

-You got a free beer.

Got a free beer and a free shot.

Booze, it seems, leads to bravado.

Louie's about to do the skipping with fire. A bit mental,

I don't know if I'm going to do it.

Josh finds his bottle.

Faster! Speed up, speed up.

We've had quite a good night tonight so we might just drink our shit

and go home and see what happens tomorrow.

We've reached the end of the beach as well, so...

Woo!

A few bars away, the girls are hitting it hard.

I've had two buckets, shamefully I will admit.

I've had two tequila shots and I'm gone.

This is a whisky and Coke and I'm loving Thailand, baby. Woo!

Amy and Daniella are more intent on chilling,

but there's no stopping Chiara.

Woo! Wah! Woo!

Yes! I did it! Thank you!

Woo!

Thank you.

She's lost all inhibitions and she's just going for it, but we...

I'm scared of getting burnt, I don't know, why don't you do it?

I have no rhythm, I can't do shit, I'm like, ah!

Woo!

Did you see that?

The Thai man, instead of lifting me up,

I lifted him up and we went under.

It was so funny. It was so funny, seriously.

My parents would flip.

If they saw me doing fire skipping they would flip,

because fire, dangerous, but it's fun at the end of the day.

I'm here to experience life once in Thailand. I'm going

to try everything they've got on offer. If they don't like it,

I'm 22 years old. I'm an adult, I'll do what I like.

Woo!

I've got blisters on my feet.

Back at the hotel Josh is nursing a burnt foot.

..your sweaty, sandy foot.

First night, amazing, everything, ain't got nothing to...

I ain't got nothing to say badly about Thailand.

Good night out though, proper good night tonight.

It's another beautiful day on Ko Phi Phi.

-The beach, yeah?

-Yeah, that sounds good.

Chiara and co are out early.

I am the one with the massive breasts that has to suffer.

Yay. Oh, wow, look, my cleavage looks amazing right now.

Look at that.

I don't want to do it, I'm going to get lost in the sea.

The boys are still dead to the world, and totally

unaware of some impending visitors.

The parents have arrived and it's the first chance

for Chiara's mum Gilda and dad Antonio

to meet Josh's mother Steph and partner Ernie.

Hello. Hiya. Hiya.

Oh, hiya, hello, hiya.

How are you doing?

I'm Antonio, pleased to meet you.

-I'm Stephanie, you're...

-Antonio, Antonio.

-Hi, I'm Antonio.

-Ernest. Ernesto.

-Antonio. Hi, nice to meet you.

-Gilda. What's your name?

-I'm Steph.

Steph. Gilda. I saw you on the plane, didn't I?

Well, here's the ferry, up we go.

It's just crazy being here in Thailand

and we're going off to see the kids.

And they don't know we're here.

I can't put into words how excited I am.

This beats the River Thames ferry.

This is just absolutely incredible, isn't it?

-Is this a sea or a...

-It's what, sorry?

What sea is this? Is it a sea?

-It's a sea, yeah.

-Yeah, what one?

Not sure which one it is.

Finally up.

I can't even remember doing it.

It's only when I woke up this morning that

I realised I've been burnt.

And the first job of the day for Josh

is to treat his fire-skipping injury.

Clean it up and cream it up basically.

Fuck.

I don't know whether to bandage it up

because, I mean, it's not that bad.

-Ain't that bad.

-But if I don't have a bandage on it it's going to be

-rubbing in my shoes.

-Don't wear shoes then.

Well, what am I supposed to wear?

After making it ashore, both sets of parents are eagerly

anticipating their first peek into what their kids have been up to.

I'd be surprised if Josh didn't exhibit some silly behaviour.

I would be very surprised.

I'd be almost disappointed.

She will do good, she will not like to disappoint her father

and my family back in Italy, you know?

I don't know how you feel but I'm really nervous.

First up is Josh.

Delayed planes, hot airports, bit of a horrible trip to be honest.

That sounds like Josh, doing nothing but moan.

Yeah, loads of diarrhoea.

We drunk a bottle of Bacardi.

Oh, my God.

In the space of 24 hours. My head, yeah, it's been...

I've had a headache for a few days but...

Oh, er, I wonder why.

Well, he's here in style.

Drank a bottle of Bacardi.

I'm a little bit taken aback by how much he's drunk already and...

And he's wondering why he's got a headache.

Yeah, and he's wondering why he's got a headache

but if that's a sign of things to come then God help us.

I don't know if I'm in the state to talk to anyone, any birds,

might get some fingers in, you never know.

-Oh, dear.

-Hopefully not smelly ones,

and no pooey ones because we're not fingering any ladyboys tonight.

-Few fingers.

-A few fingers. How many fingers can you fit in a ladyboy?

No!

Oh, my God!

Oh, dear God, it's just gone down a...

I knew it was good cop, bad cop. Oh, my goodness.

Well.

What do you think? What do you think about...

That's awful, isn't it?

Maybe it's just a bit of bravado talk.

It's just so crude, it's so unnecessary,

why does someone have to talk like that?

But that's what kids do.

Why do they feel the need to shock you like this?

But do they? Is that what they have to do?

Is that what they have to do?

-No. It isn't what they have to do...

-Well, why's he talking like that?

It's what they choose to do, because he's choosing to be cocky, isn't he?

Can't take much more of this, sorry.

Is that fire?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Oh, my God, they're crazy.

Is that on fire?

Yeah, fire, that is fire. Can't they feel anything?

I've got blisters on my feet.

Bloody hell. Has he burnt himself?

Yes.

It was a good night out though, proper good night tonight.

Had a good night... That's a great way to finish.

Yeah.

His liver is shot, no wonder these people...

I don't know, I just feel I'm like... I'm clearly getting old.

I think you're overreacting. I really do, seriously, I think

-you're overreacting.

-I don't care.

With Italian family pride at stake,

Chiara's parents are quietly confident.

I've had two buckets, shamefully I'll admit.

Jesus.

-I've had two tequila shots and I'm gone.

-What the hell.

-This is whisky and Coke.

-Jesus!

And I'm loving Thailand, baby!

Woo!

This I've got to see.

Jesus. Oh, she's too drunk. Oh!

Oh, no.

-Oh, she's very...

-She's having another go.

-And again.

-Going back for some more.

With that skirt.

I'm going to try everything they've got on offer. If they don't

like it, I'm 22 years old, I'm an adult, I'll do what I like.

We'll see.

Well, that told you where to get off.

We'll see, do whatever she want. We'll see that.

How does that make you feel?

That I don't know her as well as what I thought.

-No, she was completely out.

-She was gone.

I never saw her like that, I never saw her so drunk.

But are you genuinely shocked?

I am. I am genuinely shocked. I am.

The way she say, "I'm 22, I'm in Thailand, I do whatever I want.""

I don't think so.

I just hope it isn't going to get any worse, you know?

I just hope she's going to maintain her dignity, you know?

And she remembers what I told her all the time.

No sunshine break is complete...

without a pool party.

Is everyone having a good day?

Raise a cup, give it up for J-Tan.

We're going to have an amazing day, we're going to get mental.

The boys are in the mood and game for anything.

Josh considers himself a big-time drinker.

Everyone, this guy reckons he is the best at doing beer bongs

in this whole fucking pool, all right?

Is there anyone here who thinks they can beat him?

All right, come on, try and stand up, let's go.

Time to find out if he's telling the truth.

Here we go, here we go.

We've got our professional pourers in the place.

All right, he's giving it the big 'un,

he reckons he's the dog's bollocks.

Three, two, one, go!

Go on! Go on!

Come on, pour that shit.

Open your throats, boys, suck it all down.

Yeah, buddy!

Dusty!

Oh, fuck.

And you're the one who said you were the best in the whole place.

-I know.

-Team Canada!

But, yeah, no, that's not good, is it?

I might leave now.

Come on. Who wants to get fucked up with me?

After a failure in the beer stakes, Josh,

who in the past had drug issues, is now wishing he could get high.

If I can't find mushrooms then it will just be booze.

I do want to do it, in a paradise island,

so laying on the beach tripping out.

I know my mum probably wouldn't agree with it, but I want to do it.

Downtown, Chiara, Amy

and Daniella are educating themselves about the 2004 tsunami.

God, just to think in this area,

like, how many dead must have been as well.

The huge wave devastated Ko Phi Phi,

leaving an estimated 2,000 people dead.

They are visiting a memorial bar made from the wreckage.

Landlord Ben lost 18 family members during the tsunami.

-It's memories.

-It's memories, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly, yeah.

It's just seeing, like, the kids' toys and stuff.

It's amazing, what you've done.

-You are very strong and it's...

-Thank you.

Thank you for letting us look around. Thank you very much.

Don't worry, be happy.

-That was really hard.

-Yeah.

That was really hard and, I mean, he kind of jokes around about it

but you can see how devastated he is.

Having learnt about the tsunami has changed the way I look at, you know,

the things my parents do for me, like the simple little things

and me not saying thank you or me getting angry over the stupid

little things, whereas at the click of a finger it could all be gone.

So I'm just going to be more appreciative of what I've got.

Oh, here we go.

He just looked in a mirror and saw his ginger hair.

Back at the pool party...

and there's some surprise visitors.

We're hoping to see him drink sensibly

and, if he is going to chat up women, chat them up...

Whoa! Chat them up with respect. Sorry, I'm ducking the bats.

-I'm loving it. It's an experience for me.

-It is.

A first-time experience for me, absolutely surrounded by bats.

Incredible.

Surrounded by bats, being bitten, in the dark, about to spy on my son.

It can't get any better than that.

I can see him, no, go down, go down. Oh, my God, I can see him.

He's on the balcony.

I can't believe we're here. I cannot believe we're doing this.

He's had a bucket, he's had a bucket. There he is, he's lit up.

We should venture out, go do some skipping with fire.

He's chatting somebody up.

I think that's our main concern, you know, we want him to enjoy himself,

we want him to have a good time, we don't mind him getting a little bit

tipsy, but as long as he treats women with respect

and doesn't come out with any remarks that will shock us

or any parent for that matter.

You know your children, or you think you do,

but when you're actually watching them

and they don't know that you're watching them and it's live

and you're actually seeing them in their natural habitat... I sound

like David Attenborough. And now we see Josh in his natural habitat.

I'm getting a window into his world. Shall we make a move?

-Keep down.

-Yeah, I'll keep down, so he doesn't see us.

He's going to play.

Down on the beach, Chiara is feeling homesick.

It's not a patch on my dad's.

He's a nightmare chef in the kitchen. You do the littlest

thing wrong and he'll pick up on it and he'll say, "That's shit,

"do it again." But it's all in good fun though. I just look at him now

and I think, "Do you know what, you're actually quite a funny guy."

-He is with the jokes, he makes quite funny jokes.

-Yeah.

When you had your party and he was asking for more alcohol. "One more."

Yeah, I had a party and I kept giving out shots.

My parties are just shot, shot, shots, everyone has shots,

jelly shots, the lot, and every time I said, "Who wants a shot?"

he was in there, "Me, me." And I've never seen my dad get

that rat-arsed before, but he got pissed.

Hello?

Chiara calls her parents.

-Hello, lovey, how are you?

-Can you hear me?

Yeah, I can hear you, what are you up to?

She thinks they are back home in Croydon.

Is Dad at home or has he gone out?

But they are actually less than half a mile away.

-Hello.

-Hi, Dad.

-What are you doing? Are you OK?

Hiya, you all right? Yeah, good, you?

Yeah, yeah, not bad.

It's good, like the weather is amazing.

I just thought I'd touch base with you and say I'm OK and...

How nice. Stay away from the drink, please, OK?

I won't drink too much, don't worry.

I bought you a nice present anyway, I bought you some nice sunglasses.

-Right, OK. I love you, baby.

-All right, love you too. Tell Mum I love her too and tell Nan as well.

-I love you.

-Love you. Bye.

All right, love you too. Bye, mum, bye, Dad, bye-bye-bye-bye.

Bye-bye, bye-bye.

Oh, my God.

She says she doesn't drink. What a liar.

Just spoke to my mum and then my dad and it wasn't the greatest

connection because, like, long distance or whatever,

but they seem happy, they seem content that I'm away.

Mum was giving me a bit of advice, you know, "Don't drink too much,"

and my dad was the same, he was like, "Don't make an arse

"of yourself" pretty much, and I was like, "Don't worry, I'm not."

After seven hours of checking out talent at the pool party,

Josh is on the pull.

She's got quite a sexy voice, hasn't she? Oh.

All the screaming, all the...

What, you've been screaming a lot this week?

But, with small talk getting him nowhere, he goes for the jugular.

How about I do that into your mouth?

Nah.

I'm good at getting things in first time.

Hi, you've got really nice boobs, well done.

Me? Well, thanks.

Handshake for that?

-They're fake, they're not real.

-They're fake?

Pool party's going good, couple of girls that want to get fingered.

If you're not going to wait for me I'm going to go home and cry.

Don't want to have sex with a big bird because she'll

suffocate me in the bed, because I'm only quite a small bloke.

Apart from these weapons, everything else is quite small.

No, apart from THESE weapons.

Give me five minutes.

But back in the party the girls have disappeared.

I'm going to look for that girl first.

Give me five minutes, wait here five minutes. Come with me.

Josh is feeling desperate.

Last resort is wait until Louie's asleep,

spraying some lube on his bumhole, pushing it in.

And not only have the girls disappeared

but suddenly the heavens have opened too.

We ain't got nowhere to go, so we're going home.

We're not going to go home.

-Course we are, what are we going to do?

-Well, I dunno.

Exactly, we're going to go home.

I'm naked again so...

The girl that I...

She wasn't there when I got back, so the night hasn't been a fail

completely but it hasn't been the best night, I'm not going to lie.

Early morning and the parents have mixed feelings about what

they've seen so far.

I don't think she's got quite totally respect when we call,

she was lying.

Oh, of course she has.

I feel like I've had almost the worst shock and,

you know, I know it can get worse

but now I know what shock feels like.

-OK, are we ready?

-Let the show begin.

It's not a patch on my dad's.

I have to say that, I have to say it's not a patch on my dad's pizza.

Like when I make pizza with him he's like, "Come on,

"come on," you do the littlest thing wrong and he'll pick up on it

and he'll say, "That's shit, do it again."

My parties are just shots, shots, shots, everyone has shots,

and every time I said "Who wants a shot?"

he was in there, "Me, me," and, like, I've never seen my dad get

that rat-arsed before, but he got pissed.

The truth is out, it's not just the daughter.

Oh, the tables have turned here.

I forgive her for yesterday.

So you don't feel you're being a hypocrite, then?

Yes, there is, there is a lot of hypocrisy.

You've got one set of rules for this or that

and then an entirely separate set of rules...

Oops.

..for yourself. I mean, it is... If you don't

like swearing or you don't like drinking, you don't

like it full stop.

I'm going to watch the other side of the coin probably now.

Joshua, here we go.

Oh, you've got really nice boobs, well done.

-Me? Thanks.

-Handshake for that.

-They're fake, they're not real.

-They're fake?

The pool party's going good,

a couple of girls that want to get fingered.

Oh, my God. Honestly, what do you say?

-I will talk the same, I'm sorry.

-Is that what you were like at 20?

No, no, no, no, no, more to the point, more to the point,

your daughter's on the same strip,

if he's saying...

No, no, no, no, let me finish, if he's saying that, so explicitly what

he wants to do, and all of a sudden you see him with Chiara, are you

going to sit there with a big smile, "It's normal, it's what boys do?"

-That's right, yeah, yeah.

-You would not. You would not.

-I'm cross.

-OK. I don't blame you for being cross.

Steph and Ernie's worst nightmare is to see Josh

relapse into his old addictions.

If I can't find mushrooms then it will just be booze.

I'm going to go on a search because I do want to do it,

in a paradise island, so laying on a beach.

-He just gets worse.

-Oh, Josh.

I know my mum probably wouldn't agree with it, but I want to do it.

Oh, my God.

I can't tell you what I've been through with him.

No-one would believe me. If I...

I've said this to many people, if I wrote a book...

-Well, I believe you.

-You don't believe me, Ernie, because you were the one that said to me

when I met you, "Cut the apron strings, you're too...

"you're too this, you're too that." You don't believe me.

No-one knows what you go through until you're in it.

I don't care what you say, no-one does until he's your own child

and you're watching him lying there completely out of it,

getting thinner and thinner and thinner,

going bluer and bluer. Until you see that you have no idea.

-Steph, I can under... I can und...

-No, Ernie, no, you have no idea.

I just love him and I've loved him so much, but I've loved him

like I've got to save him and save his life all the time.

I don't want to feel like that. I just want to love him

and accept that this is who he is, and if he's a bit crude

and if he's a bit this, I know he's a beautiful person.

-Aye-aye!

-Oh, yes, oh, yes!

Today Chiara and co have decided

to dive deeper into what Thailand has to offer,

with a day's snorkelling.

But here come the parents.

Slippery.

I can't wait to see her, you know, a little bit distant.

Is it deep? Yeah?

The girls are having a whale of a time.

-The same can't be said for Antonio.

-HE VOMITS

Shut up, yeah? That's disgusting.

-Oh, God.

-Knew what you were doing?

-You all right?

-Yeah, it's bloody...

-Sorry I'm laughing.

Stop it.

Antonio finally gets his sea legs.

Yeah, I can see them.

They're over there.

-Can I have a little look?

-Yeah, sure.

Great experience.

Oh, bless her.

She cannot see me.

I'm spying on her

and that's... It's exciting.

I'd love to get in and just grab her ankle.

Gilda is clearly revelling, seeing Chiara having fun so close up.

Antonio less so.

That was so good, I absolutely loved that.

Snorkelling is just amazing.

I'm going to kill her because I feel very sick.

Well, that's love. That is love.

Yeah, I don't know... I need the bucket again.

-Jesus.

-Are you all right?

Yeah.

Here, take a drop of water and swish it round.

As the night draws in...

..the partying begins.

ALL: Wooo!

But not for Josh.

I had a little sleep

and when I woke up I felt a bit sick...

..started being sick...

..and I've just felt weird.

We're ready to go out now. Josh is...

He's gone to bed.

He's dribbling from both ends.

Louie goes it alone.

Daniella is also feeling under the weather.

If it is sunstroke, put aftersun on,

cos you're going to feel shit if you don't put any on.

Thank you.

Chiara and Amy decide to party on regardless.

Did you see him?

Let's do it, let's do it.

BOTH: Wooo!

And while the girls paint the town red,

orange and pink,

lonesome Louie is left feeling blue.

But he needn't worry, as Josh is fighting back.

Laying in bed, couldn't sleep, the music was playing

and I just wanted to come out,

so I'm going to start drinking now, cos I don't..

I feel like I can drink now.

Would have got in that ring if I didn't think someone

would punch me in the stomach and I'd shit myself.

-Proper...

-And I've got a fake tooth

so that would have probably gotten knocked out.

But Louie... Louie should be getting in the ring but he's being a faggot.

Might do later when I'm pissed.

I wouldn't want to fight Thai boy.

Get put in and he'd batter me.

Thai boy wants to fight you, though.

Josh is hoping today he has better luck with the ladies.

Finally, success.

I just kissed some girl.

I didn't even try to talk to her or anything. We just kissed.

A bit random. Apparently that's what it's like out here,

but it's harder than I thought, let's put it that way.

But back inside, once again Josh's girl has disappeared.

Chiara and Amy have been partying like there is no tomorrow,

but there is...

..and it's wet, wild and without a toenail.

Just had a guy step on my foot when we were dancing

and he's managed to pull my entire big toenail off

so it's hanging off

and it's starting to sting now so I'll try and get it off

back in the hotel room.

I've lost it, I've lost a shoe.

Abandon ship, abandon ship!

My toenail is like hanging on for dear life.

How beautiful do I look?

-No.

-Paint is dripping.

SHE HICCUPS

SHE HICCUPS

SHE GROANS AND CHUCKLES

I have no toenail. I have no big toenail.

I've been growing these fuckers for, like, three years,

since my last fucking toenail removal.

So, yeah, that's my toenail, enjoy.

It's 2:30am.

Despite a valiant attempt to party through the pain,

Josh has finally succumbed to his illness.

We're going to go home. I don't feel well.

Because you've got the shits!

-Going to get two cups of tea, the best.

-Got a dodgy stomach.

I'm just sitting there and I don't even want to talk to anyone.

I don't even want to fucking talk to Louie, you know what I mean?

You don't talk to me anyway.

Onwards.

Down.

I ain't having a good night because I can't let myself loose.

Because the whole bumhole will let loose.

Because if I let myself loose, my bumhole's loose.

And everyone just scatters.

Shit's spraying everywhere.

I just can't be...

I can't be cool because I've got too much to think about, man.

-Yeah...

-But I don't want to drink too much and be sick

because if I'll be sick I'll probably shit myself

because of the pressure in my stomach, do you know what I mean?

With the boys almost back at the hotel

and this being the final night,

it seems Josh's chance of pulling

is absolute zero,

but that's before he visits the local shop.

-Name, name?

-El and Em.

Josh has drawn a bit of rep back.

Kind of awkward,

cos I don't know what's going on, there's two of them.

I don't know which one he wants.

OK, I am feeling a bit rough but if they want to sit on my dick, then...

-"Sit on it!"

-Let them sit, let them sit.

With one girl keen to stay and the other keen to go,

Josh has a novel way of deciding.

Rock paper scissors.

If she wins we go up, if you win, then you can do one.

Right, go on, then.

Depends. Oh, shit, we're going up.

Josh wins.

OK, we're in the room.

40 minutes later...

-What have you been doing?

-Having a fucking drink, ain't I?

All right, we're going back to our hotel now.

It was lovely to meet you.

Josh battered that bird.

You twat!

Sorry.

You definitely got battered though.

I was actually sick halfway through dogging her...

THEY GUFFAW

..and swallowed that shit and just kept on pumping.

-Standard.

-Triumph.

Yeah, I was sick afterwards, check the toilet -

there's a bit of sick and a condom in the toilet.

Good night.

It's been a stressful few days for Steph and Ernie,

who are anxiously anticipating the final viewing.

I'm nervous for this viewing

because the last one wasn't such a great viewing

so I'm actually quite nervous of this.

-You ready?

-Ready.

It's Chiara up first.

And, play.

I think when I get home I am going to be very different,

when it comes to respect for my family.

I think, if anything, this trip to Thailand,

and having learnt about the tsunami,

has changed the way I look at the things my parents do for me...

..like the simple little things and me not saying "thank you"

or me getting angry over the stupid little things,

whereas at the click of a finger it could all be gone,

so I'm just going to be more appreciative of what I've got

and what they do for me.

Oh.

OK. That's good.

So she understand the meaning, you know, to be away,

so she will appreciate that's what we do for her.

She's turned out exactly how I wanted.

-She's blossoming beautifully.

-Yeah, she is.

-I would be so proud...

-I am.

..if I heard those words from one of my children.

I would be so proud.

I am absolutely dreading this.

I was actually sick halfway through dogging her...

THEY GUFFAW

..and swallowed that shit and just kept on pumping.

Yeah, I was sick afterwards, check the toilet -

there's a bit of sick and a condom.

Can you imagine her mother?

He was busy.

Let's not be naive,

those girls come abroad for the sex as much as the boys.

They were willing.

They're both consenting parties, you know.

I'm not shocked, honestly, I'm...

I'm OK with it, I'm OK with it, seriously.

As a matter of fact I almost feel like saying, "Well done,"

but I don't want to go too far,

but he's, you know...

If the mother sees this programme, how on earth is she going to feel?

Well, do you think she's naive?

-Well, I clearly am.

-Do you think the mother's naive?

No, but I clearly am, I wouldn't have thought that...

-I don't know, maybe...

-Steph...

I obviously live in...

I live in the past century, quite clear,

I know that you've told me over and over again

how naive I am. Hello -

totally naive.

I feel like I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster

because I came out so excited to see what he got up to and how he was

and I knew...I knew the downfalls,

I knew Josh's history, I knew the past, I knew all of that,

but it's almost like it sort of hit me face on.

Josh has put his mum through a torrid time,

but deep down he knows just how lucky he is.

I couldn't have got through without my mum.

My mum's been...

..amazing, yeah. My mum's been there for me the whole time...

..and if I didn't have my mum, and I did go into care

or go into jail,

my life would be completely different now,

so, yeah, without my mum I'd have nothing,

which I don't really want to think about when I'm drunk

because I'll start crying like a little girl.

So, yeah, my mum's pretty much saved my life.

My mum's pretty much saved my life.

When I hear him say that he knows that he wouldn't have survived...

..I know it's true...

..but it is good to hear that he knows

because it's been the hardest few years.

I suppose it makes me feel proud that I didn't give up,

and, God, there were times when I wanted to.

He will have his strengths. He's got his strengths in other ways.

He has, absolutely, yeah. Yeah.

And it looks as though he is pulling through with those strengths.

I've seen him now recognise

and have an insight into what has happened

and where he wants to go and he does want people to see him

as changed and different,

and the thing is a lot of people watching this, I know, will think,

"Uh, he's this, that and the other," but nobody has seen

how far he's come, because if people had seen him just a few years ago

people wouldn't have thought he would have survived

and I remember telling people

that I thought he was going to be dead by 21.

Well, he isn't, he's out there partying,

and that's only a good thing. He's come so far.

It's the last day on Ko Phi Phi for Chiara, Amy and Daniella,

and for lunch they fancy that well known Thai delicacy,

pizza.

We're going to eat at Alberto's Restaurant again for the third time.

We've found our Italian restaurant.

The girls that come to Thailand to eat Italian, you know -

it's quite funny when you think about it.

And what Chiara doesn't realise

is that today's chef is none other than her father, Antonio.

OK, Antonio.

Grazie.

Perfetto.

I can't wait to see her face.

Ready to order? Do we know what we're going to get?

SHE REPLIES IN ITALIAN

He's going to do a nice pizza for us.

-Grazie.

-OK, prego.

She will probably burst out laughing,

be shocked and then just go into fits of laughter.

-Yeah.

-That's how I think she's going to react.

The moment has come to finally reveal the truth.

Quite nice colours, pink ones, blue ones, green ones...

His really thick, Italian voice, same as my dad. Ahh!

Oh, thank you.

ANTONIO SPEAKS ITALIAN

Oh, my God!

-Hello, dear.

-Are you serious?!

What..? Did you make this..? When did you get here?

Ah, we've been spying on you all the time.

Oh, my God. Hello!

-"Buckets of alcohol"?

-Mum, hello!

-Hiya, you OK?

When did you guys get here?

We've been watching you.

-Oh, my God, serious?

-Been spying on you all the time, yeah.

"Buckets of alcohol", no, no.

-We're very proud of you.

-I fucking know what the show is now,

-fuck's sake!

-Fire skipping, no, no.

Oh, my... Oh, my God.

I knew this was too good to be true,

I fucking knew it was too good to be true.

Chiara, what did I tell you at the beginning? Chiara?

Yes! Why would he have done it?

Why would he have done it?

You guys coming here and, you know, spying on us, spying on me

and, you know, you've been here the entire time.

It doesn't make me angry or upset, it's just...

I feel great that you've seen me, like, with my friends,

this far away, and living my own life.

It makes you think how much, like...

Like, how much I miss you guys and... Sorry.

Being stupid, I'm just being stupid.

But, yeah, I couldn't imagine losing you guys.

-We're safe.

-Yeah, I know.

Chiara, you're fine as you are, love.

-I know, I know, but...

-We're very proud of you.

I just... I could do more.

Make me feel very nice to hear you say these things to us,

and to contribute, you know, at home.

What, me wanting to give you guys something back?

Yeah, maybe it's my paranoia, that's what it is.

But I need to cut the string and let her go.

She's not my little girl no more.

She's my daughter -

sensible...

..young lady.

From now on I can be able to trust her.

I'm just so grateful

that they could have seen all the things I've seen,

that they're proud of me,

they've seen everything I get up to on my own

and they've given me that independence now,

they know that I can be trusted halfway across the world.

Across town, Josh and Louie are off to a tattoo parlour,

but what they don't know is that Josh's mum Steph and partner Ernie

are planning to hijack his visit.

I don't know how he's going to react,

I have got absolutely no idea.

-What do you think?

-It could go one way or the other, couldn't it?

Could go complete rage or...

There's going to be an initial shock, obviously,

when he first sees you and then I pop up.

Joshua in the past would have just gone "Eugh!" and run,

so let's see.

The moment soon arrives.

Josh is about to get the shock of his life...

..but which way will it go?

Hello, mate.

-How are you?

-Good, how are you?

Young man!

-Ha!

-Oh, my God, it's lovely to see you.

Where's your..?

You.

You're OK.

-You, Josh...

-I don't give a fuck.

"Fingers"?

Fingers? How many?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

-Oh, my God.

-Bang out of order.

-Ahh.

Why, Josh? You said you weren't going to be disrespectful.

-No, honestly, Josh.

-Do we have to do this now?

Why did you do that if you knew?

-If you thought I wasn't...

-Because I was drunk.

I wasn't thinking of you, was I?

Mate, she was shocked out of her life, she's been in tears.

I know you have a good time, you guys, but, mate, I tell you...

Is that really you?

-Talking like that?

-Yeah.

About fingers, about fucking, talking about women like that?

It's awful.

I'm not going to change who I am.

-But is that who you are, Josh?

-Yeah.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-You honestly...

I'm still the same person. What, because I say I'll finger someone?

Yeah, but it sounds so awful.

You happy with all that, what you did?

I don't need a lecture from you, I'm on holiday, do you know what I mean?

I don't need to be lectured.

It's your problem, you're out here fucking creeping...

-You wouldn't be out there.

-Why are you so pissed off then?

Not at all.

Just this situation right now, it's sort of pissing me off.

Josh refuses to be filmed any more.

Steph and Ernie try and persuade him.

..had a good old think about it,

whatever you're saying it's just a load of bullshit there.

Just get it out of the way, Josh, and then it's over.

Let people know what you're about. Speak up for yourself.

Tell them how far you've come, where you...

-We've told them how far, mate. You tell them now.

-Yeah.

An hour since his mother surprised him,

-Josh agrees to talk, but there are still issues.

-Josh...

What are you thinking? Are you pissed off with me?

Um, not really.

So how do you feel, looking back on it all?

Do you think you had a good time?

Yeah, over the holiday, I had a great time.

But you look, like, fed up.

-You're fed up with me.

-Well, I don't want to be doing this right now.

-Why?

-Because this is awkward and bullshit,

-I don't want to do it.

-Why is it bullshit?

I'm not doing it.

Sorry.

Well, I kind of had a feeling he might do that.

-So did I.

-No, I..

What is actually awkward about it? What? Because you're embarrassed?

-Yeah...

-Yeah, I know you're not doing it, you've taken your mic off.

-SIGHING:

-God.

Ten minutes later, Josh returns.

Maybe we've embarrassed you.

I haven't told you, Josh, that I am proud of you

and I haven't told you how..

Well, I'm saying it again.

It's difficult, Josh, because we have been through the mill together

and you can't pretend we haven't.

Yeah, I know, I know, so I don't expect you to trust me 100%, but..

-At the end of the day, mate...

-Don't be embarrassed.

..I think you've done brilliant.

You guys are embarrassing.

Eh?

Yeah, but you know that, that's a given.

I'm disappointed in myself that I've upset her,

I'd never upset my mum purposely.

I never mean to...

I think what she doesn't get is that what I say sometimes

may be offensive but in my day and age and, like, my age group

it's pretty much what everyone does.

He'll bounce back quite quickly.

I think it was a terrible shock.

I think when we get home we'll have a chat and we'll be fine.

I love him, so I'll always be proud of him,

just not proud of some of his behaviour traits.

Next time...

-Oh, God!

-..a Geordie boy's flight to independence goes up in flames...

HE SCREAMS

..and a carefree mummy's girl gets more than an eyeful...

I think I've seen one of their's willies.

..in Phuket, Thailand.

Your room is a pigsty!