Israel The World's Strictest Parents


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Israel

Two wayward British teenagers experience strict parenting on the other side of the world, as Gemma and Jack travel to Israel to live with the Orthodox Jewish Schechet family.


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'Many parents raise their kids on a diet of discipline...'

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Don't come back until you've checked your answers.

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-'..rigid boundaries...'

-Drinking, drugs and sex.

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They're selfish behaviours that destroy lives.

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'..and consequences.'

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RINGS BELL

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Some might say that my parents are strict. We'd rather call it love.

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ROCK MUSIC

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'Can traditional parenting change rebellious British teenagers?'

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I need some more booze! Where is my booze?

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If someone says, "You will do this." I say, "No I won't."

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I get away with murder, really! I can do anything I want.

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-Big lack of respect for authority.

-I wake up whenever I want.

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I don't care what anyone thinks about me. It's up to me, isn't it?

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'Two teens who've never met will leave fraught families behind...'

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Don't embarrass your family!

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'..head off to the far corners of the world and live according to rules imposed by new parents.'

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In my house, you're going to do as I tell you.

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Let me make it clear. My children won't defy me.

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This is wrecking my head! This is wrecking...my head!

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When I punish, I punish really hard.

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I'm sick of being treated like a kid.

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Shut up and listen to me.

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In the US, you have to do what an adult says.

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They are actually insane.

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The British people's moral fabric is disintegrating.

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What are you up to tomorrow?

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-Having a party.

-Have you asked Mum?

-Yeah.

-No, you didn't.

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It was, "I'm having a party."

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BLEEP, Mum. I'm not staying in here. You're making that up.

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'16-year-old Gemma Lyons is an angry young woman.'

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I'm going to put that girl in hospital!

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When I'm angry, I don't know. I don't care what I say.

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I shout, scream, push stuff over.

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I am going to knock that boy out.

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She's ASBO personified.

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The pure hatred, I can't understand where it's come from.

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'Gemma was a dedicated student,

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'but she's just been expelled from her second school.'

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I must have spent £30,000 sending Gemma to private school.

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She was downright rude

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in mass, sitting next to one of the old nuns.

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They had to drag her out.

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Swearing at teachers is wholly unacceptable,

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against the college code of conduct.

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Gemma did it. That's gross misconduct. Gemma has to go.

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'With no school and no job, Gemma has plenty of time to party.'

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Gemma's smashed, as always!

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'She's good at getting her own way.'

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She's a pretty girl.

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She flutters her eyelids and the boys come running.

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I can make these boys fall in love with me and become obsessed with me.

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I think it's absolutely disgusting. She uses people, basically.

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ALL SING

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'I would like Gemma to change.'

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The family would get on much better.

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We could do things like go out for a family day.

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She does seem to be getting worse.

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Um... She can just make everyone's life hell.

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You've been kicked out of everything you've been in.

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There's no more last chances.

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What is that?

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-What?

-Up here?

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I got that piercing done, didn't I?

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'17-year-old Jack Travers' obsession with goth culture is driving his mother mad.'

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-What?

-I said I didn't want you to have it.

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It's my decision, isn't it?

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If you were whingeing about one in my face, fair enough.

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-You've got enough in your face!

-It's not on show.

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We're getting booze in a minute!

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He's got into this goth stuff, put himself in this little category.

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It was a conscious effort to change my appearance,

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to be someone who people would like, so I can have more friends,

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not just be the person I was.

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Jack was a very loving boy. He gave me away at our wedding.

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He was proud as punch to take me down the aisle

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and he suddenly changed to...

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-A stroppy teenager.

-Yeah.

-That couldn't care less.

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'Jack's dropout lifestyle isn't the only source of tension.'

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I don't get on with my family at all.

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You constantly have a go at me.

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Nothing I do is ever right.

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'Jack is openly bi-sexual with his friends

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'but refuses to discuss sexuality at home for fear of being ridiculed.'

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-'He's a confused boy.

-Very confused.

-About everything.'

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-He'd play ball then Barbie when he was younger.

-Blame you for that.

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We can't have dinner without someone making some comment about me.

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When he's having a fag, he stands like this.

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He's like a big woman. He's awful.

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I'll come and sit in my room or I'll go out.

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They don't seem to care that it upsets me. They get a laugh.

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I hope that Jack will conform with life a bit more.

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I'm terrified he's going be a dropout.

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'To try and get their lives back on track,

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'both families have agreed to send their teenagers to strict parents on the other side of the world.'

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-Don't embarrass your family!

-I won't.

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Be good.

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Stop mincing. He's definitely mincing.

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They're getting a spoiled little boy. They've got a big shock coming.

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I'm relieved. I need nine, ten days away from her at the moment.

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Someone who's never experienced Gemma, I don't know how they'll react.

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-Hi, are you all right?

-Yeah.

-Good.

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-What's your name?

-Gemma. You?

-Jack.

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-Do you want a fag?

-Oh, go on, then.

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-There you go.

-Cheers.

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'Jack and Gemma are heading here,

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'the Ayalon Valley in the centre of Israel.

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'They'll be living with the Shakeds, orthodox Jews

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'who parent according to laws set out in the Old Testament.'

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WOMAN: We try to instill in our children

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that there's a higher authority governing their words and especially their deeds.

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'Mum Tzippi is a writer. Dad David, a lawyer. They have five children.'

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They are going to be quite shocked.

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But I hope they'll understand that we make good choices

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in life.

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'David and Tzippi emigrated to Israel from Los Angeles

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'to lead a religious life.

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'They rule their home with a quiet authority.'

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'Every individual must fulfil'

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a particular role in this world.

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DAVID: 'We're caretakers of our children, here to make sure they'll be the best they can be.'

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'They restrict access to anything they consider a negative influence.'

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TZIPPI: We're careful as to what we expose our children to,

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where they're allowed to go,

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the kinds of movies or television programmes they're able to watch.

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'We even screen the books that they read for vulgar language.'

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A lot of teens do take part in partying events.

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I'm happy I'm not a part of that.

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TZIPPI: The biggest sin, from a Jewish point of view,

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is not utilising

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your God-given talent and potential.

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'After a five-hour flight, Jack and Gemma touch down in Tel Aviv,

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'Israel's most cosmopolitan city.'

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-I'm excited.

-I'm excited, too.

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Need a fag, though.

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'Israel was created as a Jewish homeland in 1948 after the horrors of the Nazi holocaust.

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'Three-quarters of its population are practising Jews.'

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-We're more into the religious part.

-Religious people get on my nerves.

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'The Shakeds live in a gated settlement 30 miles inland.

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'Each family is vetted by a community council before they're invited to move in.

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'Families that do not adhere to the standards of the cooperative can be asked to leave.'

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ALL: Shalom! >

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Hiya.

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-I'm Jack.

-I'm David.

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-Nice to meet you.

-I'm Gemma.

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Matan.

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-Hi, I'm Ciona. >

-I'm Gemma.

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Nice to meet you.

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'For the next eight days, Jack and Gemma will be required

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'to observe the strict rules of orthodox Judaism.'

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TZIPPI: Our kids are quite musical.

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The two girls play the harp. Matan plays the piano.

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-You guys play musical instruments?

-I can't play anything.

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-I don't, but I love the guitar.

-All right.

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-This is our library. Do you enjoy reading?

-A little bit.

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-DAVID: What's so funny?

-Sorry. Carry on.

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'Neither teen has any idea exactly what they've let themselves in for.'

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OK, Gemma, here's your room. I want you to come on in.

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'I thought it was really rude.'

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He shook Jack's hand but didn't touch mine.

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None of them boys kissed... greeted me.

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All right, Jack. Here's your room for the week.

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Come on in. Relax.

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They're really nice. They weren't what I was expecting at all.

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They don't seem that strict, but they haven't had any reason yet.

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'In Judaism, the fifth commandment states,

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'"Honour your father and your mother."'

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Can you come to the dining room, please?

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'Before the Shakeds fully welcome the teens, they explain the principles that govern their house.'

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Shalom, shalom. We want to welcome you again.

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Now, we'll go over the house rules.

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You're coming into an orthodox Jewish home.

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You're also in a very religious community.

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Girls dress quite modestly. They wear long-sleeved shirts.

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At least up to the elbows.

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I'm sorry, I haven't got any of that so...

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So we have to take care of that.

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A Biblical commandment is that men may not dress in women's clothing.

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Make-up will not be permissible for men.

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-OK.

-You sit there saying OK. It's not BLEEP OK!

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There's no cussing.

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There's no smoking in this community. No alcohol.

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There is no physical contact whatsoever between the sexes.

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Boys may not shake hands with girls,

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and vice versa, until one is married.

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Let's move on to the living room and we'll be with you in a few minutes.

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'To comply with Jewish orthodoxy,

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'David and Tzippi must tackle the teens' outfits urgently.'

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TZIPPI: What we do require is that the clothing you wear

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will conform to community standards.

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To be honest with you, I'll wear what I want.

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Then you'll probably wind up staying indoors.

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That's that, but I will wear what I want.

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You will be ashamed, Gemma, travelling thousands of kilometres.

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-It may be.

-And not being able to see Israel.

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Can I ask, from what I'm wearing, what would you say wasn't OK?

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We would have to get rid of the nail polish, Jack.

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I don't know what you call those wrist guards, whatever it's called.

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Religious Jews cover their hair with a kippa.

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You have two choices.

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Wear your hair up in a baseball cap so they don't see your long hair.

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-Or choose to cut your hair.

-What's wrong with having long hair?

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I've seen loads of people with long hair.

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You're in a religious Jewish community and you won't find one teenage guy with long hair.

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'Neither Gemma nor Jack are at all religious.'

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Just cos they're Jewish, they can do whatever they want.

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They said, "You'll stand out if you don't do this."

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I don't care if I stand out or not.

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I think I'd best give these in.

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They can have one nail varnish.

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I've got another one, so it's all right.

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'Hoping for an easy life,

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'Gemma decides to try and make a good first impression.'

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-Is this OK? Cos it covers...

-Actually, it's not.

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-You can still see here, so I think...

-Oh, come on!

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-You're being a bit picky now.

-I'm being honest.

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-I'm happy to help you find something.

-No, this will be fine.

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Sure, if you'd like to stay in the house, that would be fine.

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I totally understand where they're coming from. It's their religion.

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What I don't like is trying to force them on me.

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Gemma seems to be quite spirited.

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She's really wanting to test the limits with us, pushing it.

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She might just be banging her head against a wall

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because we're not going to be moving, budging.

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'The community is 100% Jewish

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'and promotes education and spiritual growth above all else.

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'The teens will be expected to attend synagogue

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'and observe the Sabbath.

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'For now, Gemma has only one thing on her mind.'

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KNOCKS ON DOOR

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Who is it?

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Huh?

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BEEP

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KNOCKS ON DOOR

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Yeah, hang on.

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-< Please open the door.

-Yeah.

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-Um... You're smoking.

-No, I'm not.

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Two of my kids have asthma and it's a health hazard for them

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to have any smoke anywhere in the house.

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Can I go outside for one last cigarette, one last cigarette please?

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Our standing in the community has to do with how my family's perceived.

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My own children are a reflection of who their parents are.

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Now you've come into our home as a member of our family this week.

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Our family will be... will be watched carefully.

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OK?

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She's just boring me.

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I didn't even listen to the last however long she was babbling on.

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It's the same stuff over and over.

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-Hi, Jack.

-Hey.

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Yeah, I wanted to speak to you...

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'Jack too, has a problem with the Shakeds' regard for their neighbours.'

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To be honest, I don't care what the community think of me.

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I don't see why I should have to do stuff to make them happy.

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It's not so much that we care what you think.

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It's what the standard requirements are so you have to go by it.

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I think you could benefit from us being here.

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Giving us a little bit of leeway, you could benefit from it.

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It's the opposite. You're trying to learn something from us.

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TZIPPI: You should think about it.

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Think about the position that you would be putting us in,

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in terms of the community.

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'The Shakeds moved to Israel five years ago.

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'Their rules aren't open to interpretation.'

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I'm afraid that that's not going to work cos it is quite see-through.

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So we're going to have to try again. Do you have another option?

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Disappointing.

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It's see-through, fair enough, but I have a top on underneath.

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But I can still see... The whole shirt is see-through.

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I think you're being totally unreasonable.

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It's the community norm,

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so I think you're being unreasonable being disrespectful.

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The community norm? You sound like a herd of sheep.

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You follow one another.

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Until you watch your mouth,

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it's such a poor reflection on not just yourself

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-but how your parents...

-Don't bring my parents into this!

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Are you trying to say my parents brought me up badly...?

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You represent who you've come from. I don't know your parents...

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Don't BLEEP stand there BLEEP talking about my parents!

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You need to shut up.

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You have not been brought up to be respectful of adults.

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-Shut up and listen to me.

-Get upstairs. No, BLEEP!

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-Get upstairs.

-BLEEP you!

-You're in my home.

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Until you apologise about slagging off my parents I'm not going.

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-Go up to your room.

-No.

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I'm going to have to ask you, if you don't comply, you're out.

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You are out.

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Let's cut it out. This is not helping.

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This is going at a tangent.

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If you go inside here, I will call the community authorities and you will be...

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Do not leave like this.

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I'm not going after her.

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'Gemma's been in Israel for less than four hours.'

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She's lucky I didn't slap her.

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Gemma, I was talking to you and you picked up and ran.

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I didn't appreciate that.

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-Let me ask you something.

-No. I'm not going to talk until your wife apologises to me.

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-She's not going to apologise.

-Then I'm through talking.

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You came to this country for a reason. Why did you come?

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What's your goal? Why did you come?

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I want to help you out in some way.

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You came, I thought, to get some help,

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to work on yourself in some manner, to go back,

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maybe try to take a different path.

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And the way I feel dealing with you is that we're hitting heads.

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-Is this the first time you've raised your voice to anybody?

-No.

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So maybe it's not us. Maybe there's something in you that's raging.

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That's the reason. It may have nothing to do with us whatsoever.

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Maybe it's something in your past that's bringing this out.

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'The Shaked children have never seen anyone behave like Gemma.'

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I was shocked at how she cursed at my parents. That was very uncool.

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She met my parents this afternoon and already started cursing at them. We don't do that around here.

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There's always a different way to handle a situation

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than just erupting like that.

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What upset me most about Gemma's outburst was that...

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she yelled these profanities in front of my children.

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That's not what they're accustomed to.

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It's not acceptable in my house, certainly not in front of my children.

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I brought you some mineral water.

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'The Jewish principle of forgiveness

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'means feeling empathy for the troubles of others.

0:21:470:21:51

'To help Gemma back down, Tzippi is prepared to make the first move.'

0:21:510:21:56

I propose, let's start over. Let's start from scratch.

0:21:560:22:00

How do you feel about that?

0:22:000:22:03

Would it be all right to give you a hug?

0:22:030:22:06

I need to give you a hug.

0:22:110:22:14

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a hard time.

0:22:140:22:18

I really am.

0:22:180:22:20

I wish I can make it easier for you in some way. I really do.

0:22:220:22:27

'I didn't want to speak cos I'd have just got angry.

0:22:290:22:33

'I'm fed up of making a dick out of myself.

0:22:330:22:37

'I come across as a bitch.'

0:22:370:22:39

I wish I could be able to talk about it calmly.

0:22:390:22:43

'It's the teens' first morning in Israel.'

0:23:040:23:07

I'm going to try not to argue today but...if she says something I agree with.

0:23:070:23:14

I'm not going to sit there and nod my head and pretend everything's OK.

0:23:140:23:19

'Today, the family want Jack and Gemma to experience

0:23:190:23:24

'an integral part of Israeli tradition.'

0:23:240:23:28

Here are some more clothes.

0:23:280:23:30

A lot of people, especially teenage kids, work on the kibbutz when they need you.

0:23:300:23:37

They take their kids out of school and put them on the farm.

0:23:370:23:41

'The kibbutz is a society established on the principle of social equality.

0:23:410:23:47

'Every member is expected to work together for the good of all.'

0:23:470:23:52

The land that we live on is kibbutz land,

0:23:520:23:55

which they gave up to start this community.

0:23:550:23:58

There's a very strong relationship with the kibbutz.

0:23:580:24:02

We believe also for our kids

0:24:020:24:04

it's important to learn the importance of labour.

0:24:040:24:08

'Right from the off, Gemma is putting herself first,

0:24:080:24:12

'and is entirely uninterested in the common good.'

0:24:120:24:16

DAVID: Pull down the shirt. Gemma!

0:24:160:24:18

-I'm hot.

-I got more than one layer, too.

0:24:180:24:22

Everybody's got another shirt on.

0:24:220:24:25

Gemma, until you do, you can stay here. Jack, we're going.

0:24:270:24:32

'It's not being stubborn. It's a simple right to wear what I want.'

0:24:340:24:40

If I'm hot, I'm hot. There's not much I can do about that.

0:24:400:24:44

'Today, less than 5% of Israelis live on a kibbutz.

0:24:460:24:50

'Those that do, embody a traditional Jewish work ethic.'

0:24:500:24:54

Jack, I'd like you to meet Tahl. Tahl, this is Jack.

0:24:540:24:58

Tahl's going to be helping with the work on the kibbutz.

0:24:580:25:03

It stinks! I don't know if I'll be able to do it.

0:25:040:25:08

Just tell yourself you will do it. Don't leave room for doubt.

0:25:080:25:12

Oh, man!

0:25:120:25:14

'While Jack starts work on the farm,

0:25:180:25:21

'Gemma keeps working on her tan.'

0:25:210:25:24

I wish Gemma was here.

0:25:240:25:26

It wouldn't take as long - and I really need a fag!

0:25:260:25:31

I don't think Gemma feels any guilt that Jack is carrying her load.

0:25:310:25:37

I don't think it bothers her.

0:25:370:25:40

Back home, she could use her looks. She's got a strong personality.

0:25:400:25:45

She can use the two of them together to get what she wants.

0:25:450:25:49

Whatever rule might exist, she can manipulate.

0:25:490:25:52

'Bored of seeing Gemma waste everyone's time,

0:25:520:25:56

'Tahl decides that hard work is more important than dress code.'

0:25:560:26:00

-Where you come from in England?

-Um... Near London.

0:26:000:26:04

-So, you are city girl?

-Not really.

-Not really?

0:26:060:26:10

So, this is going to be your area! With the cows and the trees!

0:26:100:26:15

Come, lady.

0:26:150:26:17

He came and got me.

0:26:190:26:21

"Gemma! Come!" So I came. And he was funny.

0:26:210:26:25

'Much to Gemma's surprise, it turns out work can be fun.'

0:26:300:26:36

I absolutely loved working in the farm with the cows.

0:26:390:26:43

I enjoy getting stuck into things.

0:26:430:26:47

-Hiya.

-Hi, Jack.

0:26:520:26:54

'For the Shakeds, praise is as important as punishment, if it's deserved.'

0:26:540:26:59

-How did it go today?

-Good.

0:26:590:27:02

I actually quite enjoyed it.

0:27:020:27:04

-What about you?

-I loved it.

0:27:040:27:07

I got a phone call from Tahl and I want you guys to know

0:27:070:27:11

that he said the kibbutz cow barn has never,

0:27:110:27:14

in the history of the kibbutz, been as clean.

0:27:140:27:18

He was so thrilled with your work...

0:27:180:27:22

'The day's experiences have moved Gemma.'

0:27:220:27:26

When I came home, I changed my outfit

0:27:260:27:30

into something I considered...

0:27:300:27:33

well, the community would consider more respectable.

0:27:330:27:37

This is a consequence of something that Tzippi said to me.

0:27:370:27:42

"See it through their lenses" were the words she used.

0:27:420:27:46

'Pleased with the progress,

0:27:460:27:48

'the Shakeds hope that Jack and Gemma are becoming more receptive to their way of life.

0:27:480:27:55

'Gemma has asked to meet neighbours that make up the community,

0:27:550:28:00

'to ask her own questions about the Jewish way of life.'

0:28:000:28:05

I know that you cover your head when you're married.

0:28:050:28:09

-How come you don't cover your head?

-WOMAN: Can you keep a secret?

0:28:090:28:14

Can you keep another secret? This is a wig.

0:28:170:28:21

-< So is this.

-Really?

-Yeah.

0:28:210:28:24

Looks good. >

0:28:240:28:26

-Is it like your natural hair?

-Yeah.

0:28:260:28:29

-Nothing...?

-Does it look like my natural hair?

0:28:290:28:33

Well, that's a real secret!

0:28:340:28:37

< Like asking a woman her weight!

0:28:370:28:40

The purpose of the wig is to remind us that we're married.

0:28:400:28:44

It's a constant reminder that we have something special

0:28:440:28:48

that only our husbands share.

0:28:480:28:51

-What do you look for in a girl?

-You're looking for an inner person.

0:28:510:28:56

Which might not be reflected in the outer person.

0:28:560:29:00

Everyone has something inside that it's impossible to show outside.

0:29:000:29:04

What do you think about the average age for a girl in England to lose her virginity is about 15?

0:29:040:29:12

Sex is for grown-ups. I'm sorry.

0:29:120:29:15

I am going to totally disagree with you.

0:29:150:29:19

I'm not going to lie to you. I had sex with my first love.

0:29:190:29:24

WOMAN: Where is he now? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

0:29:240:29:28

That was kind of rude!

0:29:280:29:30

I really am sorry.

0:29:300:29:32

Um... For me, it was one of the most amazing nights of my life.

0:29:320:29:39

He made it so special for me. We're still really good friends.

0:29:390:29:43

I wouldn't have asked for anyone better to have lost my virginity to.

0:29:430:29:50

BOY: What about your husband?

0:29:500:29:52

No, because at the time,

0:29:520:29:55

that's who I wanted to be with, that's who I loved.

0:29:550:30:00

He was my best friend. That's who I cared about.

0:30:000:30:03

For me, it couldn't have been more perfect.

0:30:030:30:06

You're lucky that you had a positive experience.

0:30:060:30:11

'I'm proud of myself that I didn't lose my temper when one of the women offended me.'

0:30:110:30:17

I just told her that I found it quite rude, and that was that.

0:30:170:30:22

I was really proud of myself.

0:30:220:30:25

I can't stand the whole community thing.

0:30:250:30:28

I can't do whatever outside, because "the community don't like it".

0:30:280:30:33

"It's not what we do in the community."

0:30:330:30:36

-BEEP

-the community. If I want to stand out, I'll stand out.

0:30:360:30:40

It doesn't matter what I dress.

0:30:400:30:43

I'm not part of the community.

0:30:430:30:45

I don't see why I should follow their rules.

0:30:450:30:49

'The Shakeds have taken Jack and Gemma to classes at the synagogue,

0:30:580:31:03

'to continue discussions about relationships between the sexes.'

0:31:030:31:08

What happens when a beautiful teenage girl meets a man

0:31:080:31:12

and she's dressed in a string bikini?

0:31:120:31:15

That's all he can see.

0:31:150:31:17

He's not interested in anything else other than her physical being.

0:31:170:31:22

He's not seeing who she really is.

0:31:220:31:25

What happens if another boy, then again another boy and another boy,

0:31:250:31:31

then you end up getting married after this?

0:31:310:31:34

What happens to your partner?

0:31:340:31:37

You're comparing between ones you've had before and a new one.

0:31:370:31:42

Do you not think comparisons can make you appreciate something more?

0:31:420:31:47

-It depends if he lives up to the comparisons.

-Exactly.

0:31:470:31:51

If he does live up to the comparisons, even beats them, he's better than the others.

0:31:510:31:57

Do you not think that increases your love for him, makes it stronger?

0:31:570:32:02

-I guess...

-Makes it more special because you haven't found it before.

0:32:020:32:07

What if he's a really nice person,

0:32:070:32:10

but in the physical stuff, he isn't good, does that make him less special?

0:32:100:32:16

'I didn't necessarily agree with what was said in the lesson,

0:32:160:32:21

'but I can see the logic in it.'

0:32:210:32:24

I haven't been brought up like that.

0:32:240:32:26

If my family were strong on religion, I guess I would be.

0:32:260:32:31

I think it's amazing how where you live

0:32:310:32:35

totally defines the kind of person you're going to be.

0:32:350:32:38

If they grew up where I did, they're not going to be like that.

0:32:380:32:43

They'd probably all have had sex, got drunk every weekend.

0:32:430:32:47

'Gemma might be making progress,

0:32:470:32:50

'but for Jack, the lesson touches a raw nerve.'

0:32:500:32:53

At a point in life, all of us feel a need, somewhere deep down,

0:32:530:32:57

to bond with another person in a deep way,

0:32:570:33:01

and to embark upon a journey to share life.

0:33:010:33:04

You know, boy meets a girl and he starts to learn more about her.

0:33:040:33:09

He gets very excited at what he starts to discover.

0:33:090:33:13

What she looks like, where she's from.

0:33:130:33:17

Those are all superficial things.

0:33:170:33:19

Often, before we get to know the real person, we jump in

0:33:190:33:23

to a very physically intimate relationship.

0:33:230:33:27

'The whole lesson was directed at heterosexual couples.

0:33:270:33:31

'Fair enough, but...'

0:33:310:33:33

One in ten people are gay.

0:33:330:33:36

'There were nine or ten other guys there.'

0:33:360:33:41

One of them has to be gay, which means someone must have felt quite awkward

0:33:410:33:47

being told, "When you find a woman."

0:33:470:33:50

I think it's quite bad, actually.

0:33:500:33:52

'Back home, Jack's family regularly tease him about his sexuality.

0:33:520:33:57

'Outside, the lads' innocent banter

0:33:570:34:00

'is making for uncomfortable conversation.'

0:34:000:34:03

-Do you want to marry someone gothic?

-I don't want to marry anyone.

0:34:030:34:08

-How come?

-It's never interested me.

0:34:080:34:11

Don't you think it's good to have someone with you,

0:34:110:34:16

always to care about you?

0:34:160:34:18

I take care of myself. I don't need anyone.

0:34:180:34:21

-< Don't you ever feel lonely?

-No.

0:34:210:34:23

-It's a gothic thing?

-No. Personally, I don't want to get married.

0:34:230:34:27

'Jack's problems at home have made admitting his sexuality in public difficult.'

0:34:270:34:34

It's not something I shout about.

0:34:340:34:36

I don't think it's such a big deal.

0:34:360:34:39

I'm not embarrassed by it. If it comes up, I'll tell people.

0:34:390:34:44

I'm not embarrassed by it at all.

0:34:440:34:46

'Tzippi wants to introduce Jack and Gemma

0:34:500:34:54

'to the most inspiring couple she knows.

0:34:540:34:58

'Sara and Ruben van der Roest are survivors of the Nazi holocaust.

0:35:010:35:07

'Tzippi hopes that hearing about their experiences

0:35:070:35:11

'might help the teens look at their selfish behaviour in a new light.'

0:35:110:35:16

Gemma and Jack have been working all week on a few issues.

0:35:160:35:21

< And perhaps,

0:35:210:35:23

more than so many people in this world,

0:35:230:35:26

you have every reason to feel angry and depressed.

0:35:260:35:32

I felt it would be beneficial for Gemma and Jack to get to know you.

0:35:320:35:37

Do you have a sense of how many Jews perished during the holocaust?

0:35:370:35:42

-I actually don't know.

-100,000?

-100,000.

0:35:420:35:45

Six million people were murdered.

0:35:450:35:50

RUBEN: I'll show you a picture, I'll show you just a picture,

0:35:500:35:55

which might be a little bit more brings it home.

0:35:550:35:58

I was deported to a concentration camp in Bergen Belsen.

0:35:580:36:02

This is me.

0:36:020:36:05

This is nearly the only one who is with you today.

0:36:050:36:10

All of them were murdered. All of them, one by one.

0:36:100:36:13

The whole class.

0:36:130:36:17

I saw my father more or less murdered

0:36:170:36:20

by just...beating.

0:36:200:36:26

He was beaten and er...

0:36:260:36:29

How do you call...

0:36:290:36:32

< Hard labour. Yeah, hard labour!

0:36:320:36:34

This is a real understatement!

0:36:340:36:37

The Germans just decided, by a flick of a switch.

0:36:370:36:42

You go to the right or to the left.

0:36:420:36:45

To the right means to the gas chambers.

0:36:450:36:48

To the left means unbelievable hard labour,

0:36:480:36:51

which very few could live through.

0:36:510:36:55

Having lost so much, why didn't you give in to anger and depression?

0:36:550:37:00

I think the best way was then

0:37:000:37:03

just to live on and to manage with the things you still had.

0:37:030:37:09

You only had one thing to think about -

0:37:090:37:12

how to stay living till the next day.

0:37:120:37:17

The next day, the same thing again.

0:37:170:37:20

You have to choose what way you are going.

0:37:200:37:23

You choose.

0:37:230:37:25

My sister and me,

0:37:250:37:27

we were always quarrelling,

0:37:270:37:29

always angry, one with each other.

0:37:290:37:33

It's a pity that we had to live through a disaster.

0:37:330:37:39

After the war, we never quarrelled again.

0:37:390:37:43

So me, it teaches, that you don't need to quarrel.

0:37:430:37:47

You don't need to be angry.

0:37:470:37:49

And please, don't let there have to be a disaster like this

0:37:490:37:54

to teach you this lesson.

0:37:540:37:56

'It was so touching.'

0:38:010:38:04

You can't comprehend what they went through. It's just unbelievable.

0:38:070:38:12

My mum, we could have an argument, she could go out in the car and not come back.

0:38:120:38:18

Is the last thing you want to say to them to be a big row?

0:38:180:38:22

It definitely made me think about my relationship with my mum.

0:38:220:38:27

In a way, it's selfish to live your life in anger constantly.

0:38:270:38:32

You should appreciate what you have got, like they said.

0:38:320:38:35

I feel totally selfish, the fact that I've been angry at such small things.

0:38:350:38:42

'The teens are halfway through their time in Israel.

0:38:510:38:54

'More farm work gives David the opportunity to find out more about Jack.'

0:38:540:39:01

There's a lot about me you know nothing about.

0:39:010:39:05

When I was growing up, I used to surf all the time. I loved it.

0:39:050:39:09

I noticed a difference between surfing and immersing yourself in the culture of surfing.

0:39:090:39:16

The culture would include hanging out on the beach all day long.

0:39:160:39:20

Drinking a bit, smoking a bit. I said, "That's like vegetating."

0:39:200:39:25

I couldn't see my life vegetating, going nowhere.

0:39:250:39:29

When I talk to you about "goth" it seems that you like the music,

0:39:290:39:34

but from your clothes and piercings,

0:39:340:39:37

you've immersed yourself in the culture.

0:39:370:39:40

Well, OK, I'm definitely not the most hardcore goth there is.

0:39:400:39:45

You see people that are much worse than me.

0:39:450:39:48

The impression I have is that a lot of people who are attracted to it

0:39:480:39:53

also tend to be unhappy with their life.

0:39:530:39:57

I don't know exactly what makes me unhappy.

0:39:570:40:00

I just quarrel all the time.

0:40:000:40:03

I'll have really big down moods and nothing anyone or myself can do

0:40:030:40:08

can bring me back up, I just have to get through it.

0:40:080:40:13

-So what you've got to do in life, you've got to do by yourself?

-Yeah.

0:40:130:40:18

-I would say so.

-Do you feel like you can't trust people?

0:40:180:40:22

You only rely on yourself?

0:40:220:40:24

It's not... I don't know.

0:40:240:40:26

I don't...know if I can trust people or not.

0:40:260:40:30

I'd much rather get on with stuff myself.

0:40:300:40:34

If you're having problems, it's times like that we have to learn to open up,

0:40:340:40:40

-go to the people you know who love you and can help you out.

-Yeah.

0:40:400:40:46

'David's words of wisdom

0:40:460:40:48

'have set Jack to thinking about his relationship with his parents.'

0:40:480:40:53

They say they don't care about my sexuality and I should tell them.

0:40:530:40:58

But why do they keep on asking me and constantly take the piss?

0:40:580:41:03

-KNOCK KNOCK

-Yeah.

0:41:030:41:06

Jack, I got a letter for you from your mother.

0:41:060:41:09

-Read it in private, but if you want to discuss it, I'm here for you.

-OK.

0:41:090:41:14

Cheers.

0:41:140:41:16

"Jack, I have never told you enough that I love you

0:41:190:41:23

"and that I am very proud that you are my son.

0:41:230:41:26

"What you don't know is that I lay in bed worrying about you.

0:41:260:41:29

"Wherever you go in life, I will always be here for you.

0:41:290:41:33

"I want, as any mum does, the best for her children.

0:41:330:41:37

"It does not matter to us whether you are straight, gay or bi-sexual.

0:41:370:41:42

"We love you and always will. Stay safe, Jack. All my love, Mum."

0:41:420:41:47

The main reason why I go out and do all the...

0:41:470:41:50

I don't intentionally do all the stuff she doesn't like,

0:41:500:41:54

go out with my friends rather than see her and stuff.

0:41:540:41:58

But the reason I do go out is I have such a hard time at home

0:41:580:42:03

because of people there.

0:42:030:42:05

I don't think it's down to me to change. It's up to them as well.

0:42:050:42:10

Yeah, I reckon if I didn't get this letter,

0:42:120:42:15

a lot of the stuff in it, I wouldn't have known.

0:42:150:42:19

So I hope we do get a better relationship out of it.

0:42:190:42:24

'With attention lavished on Jack,

0:42:280:42:30

'Gemma has reverted to her couldn't-care-less attitude."

0:42:300:42:35

-Why?

-Why what?

-Why have you done that?

0:42:440:42:48

I'm going to get a tan.

0:42:480:42:50

SINGS

0:42:540:42:57

'Tzippi can't believe her eyes.'

0:42:570:42:59

She is humiliating us.

0:42:590:43:02

She's showing complete disrespect

0:43:020:43:04

and, of course, once again, she's being her own worst enemy.

0:43:040:43:08

# ..so long it's not true! #

0:43:080:43:13

'Gemma's utter contempt for the Shakeds' family values

0:43:130:43:17

'has pushed Tzippi to the edge of her tolerance.'

0:43:170:43:21

I'm hurt that you did this in front of the entire neighbourhood,

0:43:210:43:27

in front of anybody that could possibly see you.

0:43:270:43:31

I feel that...it's a lack of trust.

0:43:310:43:38

And a lack of respect.

0:43:380:43:40

I had commended you

0:43:400:43:43

for rising above some of your desires of wearing immodest clothing

0:43:430:43:49

showing respect for everyone that you've met, dressing accordingly.

0:43:490:43:54

I'm not really sure why you did this but I have to say that, um...

0:43:540:43:59

..it's really over for us.

0:44:000:44:03

There's nothing left for me to say other than I wish you well.

0:44:030:44:08

'Like so many before her,

0:44:130:44:16

'her patience with Gemma has reached its limit.'

0:44:160:44:19

CIONA: Is she going? TZIPPI: Yeah.

0:44:190:44:22

She knows how we feel about respect and showing a lack of respect.

0:44:220:44:30

Making her leave is the only decision we have.

0:44:350:44:39

If she chooses to behave this way in this community, she cannot stay.

0:44:390:44:44

'Being asked to leave is an all too familiar ending for Gemma.'

0:44:460:44:50

Driving away from school when I got expelled.

0:44:500:44:54

Driving away from college, my home when I got asked to leave.

0:44:540:44:58

You would have thought that I learned my lesson the first time.

0:44:590:45:04

That's my life story.

0:45:080:45:10

One step forward, two steps back.

0:45:100:45:13

'In the spirit of forgiveness,

0:45:250:45:28

'David and Tzippi have decided to let Gemma return,

0:45:280:45:32

'but they want her to use this opportunity to teach her a lesson.'

0:45:320:45:37

She has to contemplate what she did,

0:45:370:45:40

perhaps acknowledge that she was wrong, some form of apology,

0:45:400:45:45

tell us that she's sorry and it's not going to happen again.

0:45:450:45:49

'At her hotel in Tel Aviv, Gemma has spent the night

0:45:510:45:55

'wrestling with her own stubbornness.

0:45:550:45:59

'David and Tzippi want Gemma to find the courage to apologise.

0:45:590:46:04

'They hope a letter from home will encourage her to do the right thing.'

0:46:040:46:09

"Hopefully, time away has given you chance to reflect on how you behave, your lack of respect for both of us.

0:46:090:46:15

"Neither of us deserve to be spoken to like you speak to us.

0:46:150:46:20

"At times, we have been so proud of you. At Granddad's funeral...

0:46:200:46:25

"..when you wrote such a heartful poem. You read it with such...

0:46:280:46:33

"poise and maturity, you had the whole congregation in tears.

0:46:330:46:38

"But those words you read don't seem to hold much to you any more.

0:46:380:46:43

"You promised to make Granddad proud of you.

0:46:430:46:47

"Well, we don't think you can say you have kept that promise.

0:46:480:46:53

"We love you very much, Gemma.

0:46:560:46:59

"You're our little girl and always will be.

0:46:590:47:02

"We just try and do what's best for you."

0:47:040:47:07

What can I say? I totally agree with everything here.

0:47:090:47:13

My behaviour is embarrassing because I'm the product of my mum and dad.

0:47:130:47:20

I really want to go back.

0:47:280:47:30

I know it will involve me saying sorry.

0:47:300:47:34

And...

0:47:340:47:36

..swallowing my pride.

0:47:370:47:40

Um... That's something that I find really hard to do.

0:47:410:47:46

But I'd be so proud of myself.

0:47:480:47:50

It would be a huge step for me if I did do that.

0:47:500:47:54

'It's the agreed meeting time in Jerusalem. The family are gathered.

0:48:010:48:06

'But there's no sign of Gemma.'

0:48:060:48:08

I think that Gemma's at a critical junction here.

0:48:080:48:13

She's either going to throw it all out

0:48:130:48:16

and say, "I've messed up yet again and therefore it's finished."

0:48:160:48:22

Or she's going to say,

0:48:220:48:24

"I've been given one last chance to redeem myself.

0:48:240:48:28

"I'm going to take that chance."

0:48:280:48:30

I'm really sorry I offended you.

0:49:030:49:06

OK.

0:49:070:49:09

-Let's go have lunch. OK?

-OK.

0:49:110:49:14

Everyone...

0:49:160:49:19

Gemma's back.

0:49:190:49:21

'I know what enormous strength it took'

0:49:240:49:27

for Gemma to come to meet

0:49:270:49:29

and to apologise, possibly for the first time in her life,

0:49:290:49:34

that what she did was wrong and how she realised that she had hurt us.

0:49:340:49:39

She was able to muster up not only the courage to do this,

0:49:390:49:45

also to overcome her anxieties, her fears of appearing weak.

0:49:450:49:49

One day, if not today, she'll realise that her so-called weakness

0:49:490:49:54

is actually, in fact, her strength.

0:49:540:49:57

DAVID: Good to have you back.

0:49:570:50:00

TZIPPI: We're all glad to have you back.

0:50:000:50:03

'Saying sorry is admitting you were wrong and to swallow my pride.'

0:50:070:50:12

That is so hard to do, but I feel really good after I've done it.

0:50:120:50:17

Hopefully, I can do more in the future.

0:50:170:50:20

'At the Western Wall, one of the world's most holy sites,

0:50:230:50:28

'Gemma gets to enjoy the benefits of simply saying sorry.'

0:50:280:50:33

That is absolutely amazing.

0:50:360:50:39

According to Jewish tradition, this is where God's presence is greatest.

0:50:450:50:50

Everybody who comes puts notes in the wall.

0:50:500:50:53

I'd like you to think about what you want for yourself,

0:50:530:50:57

your loved ones, for the world at large.

0:50:570:51:00

-Note it down and later we're going to go and put it in the wall.

-OK.

0:51:000:51:06

I wrote that I hope today's a new beginning.

0:51:120:51:15

I said thank you for this experience.

0:51:150:51:18

Prayed for my granddad.

0:51:180:51:20

And for my parents.

0:51:220:51:24

I pray that I hope one day I'll make them proud.

0:51:250:51:29

I just wrote about improving the relationship with my mother

0:51:320:51:36

and in general, my entire family.

0:51:360:51:39

To not argue with them as much.

0:51:390:51:41

You know, about finishing college and generally making my life better.

0:51:410:51:47

Jack, our time together is approaching an end.

0:51:580:52:02

And I prayed for you

0:52:020:52:05

that you find happiness.

0:52:050:52:07

A big element of happiness is being happy with who you are.

0:52:070:52:12

-Find the strength to be yourself and follow it.

-OK.

0:52:120:52:17

'It's the end of the teens' time in Israel.'

0:52:190:52:24

-Bye-bye.

-I'll see you later.

-See you soon.

0:52:240:52:29

TZIPPI: 'I learned an enormous amount from both the kids.

0:52:290:52:33

'Their determination to try again.'

0:52:330:52:36

I'll definitely stay in contact.

0:52:360:52:39

At that age, to pick yourself up, to move to a foreign community,

0:52:390:52:45

'being under the glare of so many people all the time.

0:52:450:52:49

'It's not easy at all.'

0:52:490:52:52

They kept it together for most the time, and improved.

0:52:520:52:56

-VOICE BREAKING:

-Thanks for everything.

0:52:560:52:58

'I'm going to try... I am going to improve things'

0:52:580:53:02

with my family.

0:53:020:53:04

'I'm going to stop being on the defensive so much.'

0:53:040:53:08

I need to realise what they do, they think it's the best for me.

0:53:080:53:12

Seeing the way David and Tzippi act, and their kids act towards them,

0:53:120:53:17

they respect their parents a hell of a lot more than I did.

0:53:170:53:21

I want a relationship with my parents like they have.

0:53:210:53:25

All we ask of Jack and Gemma

0:53:250:53:27

is that they don't compare themselves to anyone else,

0:53:270:53:31

they become the best Jack and Gemma they could be.

0:53:310:53:35

Amen.

0:53:350:53:36

-You all right?

-Yeah.

-Have a good time?

-Yeah, really good.

0:53:490:53:53

-I've really missed you. Did you behave?

-Yes.

0:53:530:53:56

I realise that I don't respect you as much as I should do.

0:53:560:54:01

Well done. I'm proud of you.

0:54:030:54:06

-And really missed you.

-I missed you, too. I did.

0:54:060:54:10

-Good. You still love me, then?

-Yes.

-Cos you hated me earlier!

0:54:110:54:16

-Do you want your bacon and eggs?

-Yes, please!

0:54:170:54:20

'I think Jack has changed.'

0:54:230:54:25

He looks happier. His body language has changed.

0:54:250:54:29

He's stood up more. He's smiling, which he doesn't normally do.

0:54:290:54:34

I think it's done him the world of good.

0:54:340:54:36

DAD: Come on, then. How did it go?

0:54:520:54:55

-It's the best experience I've ever had.

-No regrets?

-No.

0:54:550:54:59

I don't regret anything I done.

0:54:590:55:02

Even though it was disrespectful to get into my bikini,

0:55:020:55:06

I don't regret it cos I learnt something out of it.

0:55:060:55:10

How much you get out of dressing modestly. I'm definitely going to continue.

0:55:100:55:15

-How do you think it's changed you?

-If there was something I wasn't happy about, I wouldn't shout.

0:55:150:55:22

I'd want to sit down and talk about it.

0:55:220:55:26

-Peacefully?

-Yeah.

0:55:260:55:28

-You've grown up a bit out there?

-Yeah. Definitely.

0:55:280:55:32

'Next time on The World's Strictest Parents, headstrong Debbie...'

0:55:320:55:37

If someone says, "You will do this." I say, "No, I won't."

0:55:370:55:41

I'm at a loss as to where to move forward from here.

0:55:410:55:44

'And wannabe rock star Daniel...'

0:55:440:55:47

He's got to learn about other things in life as well.

0:55:470:55:51

My life's self-indulgent and decadent.

0:55:510:55:53

'..get new parents in Lebanon.'

0:55:530:55:56

-You must obey rules.

-Don't! I swear I will kick off!

0:55:560:56:00

If we get caught smoking, we get sent home.

0:56:000:56:04

-You are absolutely wrong.

-Yes, I am.

0:56:040:56:07

Find her a cave and live there!

0:56:100:56:12

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:56:360:56:38

Two wayward British teenagers experience strict parenting on the other side of the world, as Gemma Lyons from Farnborough and Jack Travers from Winchester travel to Israel.

For a week they must live under the religious rules of the Schechet family. The Orthodox Jewish Schechets and their five children live in a gated community half an hour from Jerusalem, where every resident follows the strict religious codes. The Schechets expect the British teens to follow the community rules of modest dress for girls and no long hair or make-up for boys, rules that the teens immediately struggle with.

Over the week, the teens challenge the codes of modesty and respect demanded of them, and struggle to overcome their own defiant characters. Can the Schechets' Orthodox parenting and views effect any change in the British teens?