Changed My Life The World's Strictest Parents


Changed My Life

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This programme contains strong language.

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Across Britain, many teenagers are out of control.

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Come get me, drinking underage!

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And parents don't know which way to turn.

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I think she's a spoilt little cow. She treats me like a slave...

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I'm not coming back today, by the way. See you in 20 years!

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-Do not swear at me!

-Dad, just be quiet!

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This year, 12 wayward British teens

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volunteered to experience firm discipline and strict rules,

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in the far corners of the globe.

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-Lay off!

-Move out! Move out!

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-Get off!

-Just move out!

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Don't be so useless, man. Come on!

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The world does not revolve around you.

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Trying to walk away, she's following me.

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We find out if their experiences made any lasting impression

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on their lives back home.

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The Lees made me think, Yeah, I can do it. I can do it.

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"If I want to do it, just go for it."

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I am just gobsmacked.

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It's just like a new kid, you know.

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It was definitely the best experience so far, in my life.

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I would not go back if you paid me. I couldn't stand 'em.

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Five months ago,

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Hamzah Wali always liked to act the big man.

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Spending time hitting the town with his mates

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was more important than studying mechanics at college.

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Absent, absent, absent... no, Mum,

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I don't need those exams...

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No, I don't, Mum. Relax.

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I'm not lying.

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Hamzah's behaviour had his traditional

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Pakistani family fearing the worst.

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They pick and choose for me. I don't want that.

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To me, it seems as if Hamzah's just lost that respect,

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and he's lost himself.

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Privately educated schoolgirl Charlie Denny

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treated life like one big joke.

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There's nothing serious to my life

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and I refuse to take anything seriously.

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Come and get me, I'm drinking under age.

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I'll go out about three or four times a week,

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down nine or ten pints.

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Bringing Charlotte up has been a very,

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very challenging experience,

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from day one.

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She has been somebody who does not accept

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the word, "no".

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To make matters worse,

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dad Bob has multiple sclerosis,

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a disease that attacks nerves in the brain cells and spinal cord.

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But no-one talked about it.

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She was quite young when you were first diagnosed,

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probably four or five,

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and probably too young to understand what it was then.

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I don't really talk to my dad about my future or anything

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cos he's probably got his own stuff going on, you know,

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and you know why would he want to hear about that?

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-Hi!

-Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you, too.

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The British teens were sent over 6,000 miles to South Africa,

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to live with the du Toit-de Vos family in Plettenberg Bay.

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Mums Anna-Marie and Suzanne

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fought to change the laws preventing gay couples from adopting children -

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and won. They successfully raised

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two children together.

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As long as you live in this house,

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doesn't matter whether you are 22 or 12,

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you have to follow our rules and principles,

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honesty, responsibility...

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Compassion.

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Charlie and Hamzah

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had no idea who they would be staying with.

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-Are those two blokes?

-No, don't say that. I think that's a woman.

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Actually, no, is it two women?

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Oi, there's two women, what the...

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I didn't want to get out, I didn't want to meet these maties, bro...

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You going? I ain't going. Arrr...

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Two women...

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'And then, like, we got out and met them and I was just

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thinking to myself, "Raw, man."

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Like you could just, straight away, tell,

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my face just dropped.

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-Hi, guys!

-As soon as Suzanne hugged me, I thought,

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"Why is she hugging me? She don't even know me.

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"What's going on here?" I mean, I wasn't used to that.

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Definitely wasn't used to that. I thought to myself,"Raw, bro,

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"where's the other one? If this one's hugging me,

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-"what's the other one going to do?" Know what I mean?

-So...

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Me and Hamzah instantly knew which one was the disciplined one

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and which one was the kind motherly type,

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cos we got Anna-Marie, handshake, Suzanne, hug,

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and I was thinking, "I know who's in charge."

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"That's it, I've been put in my place."

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Barrister Anna-Marie ran a tight ship,

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wasting no time laying down the law.

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No drinking, no drugs,

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no sex or obscene language whilst staying with us.

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Definitely no smoking in the house.

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We get up at six thirty...

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I've got a problem with that.

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You won't have a problem.

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I thought, "I'm not taking rules from women." Fuck that, I'm a man.

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They've got to take rules from me you know, that's how it's going to work.

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It's six thirty.

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As part of the du Toit-de Vos family,

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the British teens were expected to pitch in with the daily running

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of the farm.

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I feel like a slave.

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Fuck this, I ain't doing this, man.

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I think it was eight minutes, I'd say,

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eight minutes before I chucked the spade and walked off,

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I gave up that quick.

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Listen, Hamzah, I'm not quite sure where you think you are.

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Look at me when I speak to you.

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You are a child in this house.

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I am your parent while your parents are not here, OK?

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I don't care whether you like planting trees.

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I don't care whether you think it's a good idea

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or whether it's purposeless or purposeful.

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You know what I care about,

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I care about the fact that you, at the moment,

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are living a purposeless life,

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and you know that and that's why you are here.

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Put down that cigarette.

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-Can I finish it?

-No.

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I have had enough of you, kill that cigarette now.

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Just do me a favour and for once put some

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effort into your life.

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Don't be so useless, man - come on!

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My mum wouldn't come up to my face and do that,

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and a woman doing that, the way she

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came up to my face and had a go at me,

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the way she told me to throw my cigarette away and get in the car

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and she was still having a go at me,

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so I definitely respected her much more,

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and saw her in a different light.

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Hamzah will never forget the day Anna-Marie took him to the township

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to rebuild a shack.

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Definitely made me appreciate a lot of things I've got at home,

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cos they don't have nothing, and I felt so bad for them,

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and I was thinking I need to appreciate more things.

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What do you think, hey?

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-That looks crazy, that does.

-Isn't that brilliant?

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It made me appreciate what Anna-Marie did for me, and me not putting effort in

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is just a big smack in their face.

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The last time I dug a hole, yeah,

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I moaned like a little girl, I admit that.

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And I was a bit stupid, I didn't, you know, see the point of doing it,

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but this time I'm doing it, I'm really enjoying it

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and I never thought I would enjoy it this much,

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and I just want to say, "Thank you so much." Honestly...

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It's an absolute, absolute pleasure. Thank you.

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That's all right.

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When I went there and helped out and I realized, man, you know

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I can do this stuff at home, you know, if I can do it here.

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Charlie finally opened up about her feelings,

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when Suzanne took her to an animal rescue mission.

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It's all right, it's all right.

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There we go.

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The owners stabbed him

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because they couldn't afford to feed him

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and they don't want him back.

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I just think that's, you know, that's awful.

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The animal shelter got to me.

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It's just, like, all these sweet animals and putting them down,

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it was just, like, awful.

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What you did today made a big difference.

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A really big difference.

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I hope so.

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Absolutely. And it was a braver thing than most people do in...

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their lives, sometimes.

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It was so nice to hear that Suzanne telling me how I made her proud,

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and I thought, "I just want to do that with my own parents."

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I didn't really do anything to make them proud

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and that was a bit nasty and made me feel I wasn't achieving anything,

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wasn't getting on with anything.

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Goodbye, my sweetheart. You look after yourself.

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I want to say thank you so much

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for giving us the opportunity

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and you are lovely parents

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and I have a lot of love for you.

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I didn't want to go home, I wanted to stay,

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I wanted to lose my passport, something, please,

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cos they did so much for us in that week, and it went so quick,

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so, you know, I was a little sad that I had to go.

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I know someone who will be pleased to see you.

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God, it's been ten days.

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Hello, sweetie. How are you? All right?

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Before her trip to South Africa,

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Charlie never talked to her dad about her feeling on his illness.

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It worries me sometimes, Dad. It's not like I can pretend

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it's not happening.

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It might be helpful for you to read

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some of the notes from the neurologist,

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cos you're growing up now and that will give you some insight,

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what might or might not happen, we don't know.

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I said, "Dad, we need to talk about this."

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He starts mentioning letters from the neurologist and I'm thinking,

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"No, Dad, it's not about letters from someone else,

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"it's about the words coming from your mouth,

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"what you're saying,

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"not about what some other guy has written a report about you, you know,

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"it's not about that,

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"it's about our relationship about us talking..."

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and so I think that's definitely helped us open up

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and we're definitely getting on much better now.

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You can't go in there, no, what are you doing?

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So turn it... that's it, that's better...

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Maybe the life experience that she's had in South Africa

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has triggered her to think about

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other people a little bit more

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and that includes us.

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Hello, Dad.

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I'll just fold all this, then, yeah.

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My life was in the gutter, I'll tell you that, but now it's not,

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I'm seeing things, quite, in a positive side, you know,

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I'm getting along with people,

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I'm enjoying life more than I used to.

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-I love you!

-Ah, Mumsy...!

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Hamzah understands what I think family values are now,

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and he does value that time

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whether that be spending five minutes with my mum,

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or whether that's five minutes with my dad,

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it's fun.

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Don't get emotional, chill...relax!

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I have been kind of focusing on my religion as well a bit more.

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I've started to go to the mosque, so it's a good thing

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and Mum and Dad are happy with that.

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Before Hamzah went away he wasn't praying at all.

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In that sense I think he's proud of himself that he is trying

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and then it's making my parents quite proud of him as well.

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If it weren't for Anna-Marie and Suzanne

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I wouldn't have seen the stuff that I saw

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and the way I'd be feeling,

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and the way, how I open up and that, so

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I would thank them for making me see you don't need drugs,

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you don't need alcohol, you don't need cigarettes,

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all this kind of stuff to have a good time.

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Shola,

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stop swearing - what's wrong with you?

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Want me to leave the kettle on the cooker?

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She will not be told about anything, thinks she knows everything.

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Three months ago, 17-year-old Shola Bruce-Coker

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only cared about how she looked.

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She wants to shock people all the time

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with her appearance, her language...

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she loves to stand out in a crowd, loves to be the centre of attention.

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Having done OK at GCSEs,

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Shola preferred to study the boys

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instead of the books.

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She's done exams, I've never seen her revise,

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she thinks she's failed already before she's even got the results.

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Her mother Andrea was at her wits' end.

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If this is how she's spending her free time,

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I'm glad I've seen it in my own home

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to know she's more out of control than I thought.

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I love this girl!

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The party doesn't start until I get there!

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Joining Shola was 18-year-old Joiee Birch,

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who was binge drinking in order to fit in with the crowd.

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Your inhibitions go away

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so it's easier to like, talk to people,

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to make new friends, to make conversation.

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Joiee was a shy youngster

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and always found it hard to make friends.

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Unfortunately for him there was nobody around the area

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of his age or that he got on with.

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He's very much a loner

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and suddenly now he's gone the opposite way,

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he's got a large circle of friends

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who we know very little about, to be truthful.

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Despite being talented at art,

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Joiee had flunked out of college

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and spent last year boozing and partying.

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I just feel like I don't really have much direction

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and I think that's partly why I go out and get wasted

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because you don't have to think about reality,

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you just sort of escape it.

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I'm Shola.

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-I'm Joiee, nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

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Shola and Joiee were sent to Gurgaon in Northern India,

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to stay in a luxury gated community with the Virk family.

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For an uncontrolled child,

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definitely whoever comes to live with us

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we're definitely a match for them.

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Education is key to the Virks.

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In 18 days if you tell me there's no Chemistry, well, I'm a fool.

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I am where I am today due to education, you know.

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If there is any page on which you are not circled red

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then you can let me know.

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And if we can shape our children, we can shape any child.

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Arriving in India,

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Joiee immediately resorted to alcohol to deal with his stress.

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I had this bottle of gin and I thought,

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"Put some in a water bottle",

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so I can disguise it because it's clear.

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I didn't know if they were going to search us or anything like that

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so I just thought, "I have to be like one step ahead of them."

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Oh, my God,

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I can see them.

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With introductions out of the way,

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the dad, Ashwani, got straight to the point.

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Wear respectable Indian and Western clothes, Indian girls definitely,

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respect is to cover their body.

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I'm in India but I'm not Indian.

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Sometimes, someone's image means a lot to someone.

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-Of course. The most important, drinking liquor.

-What, like alcohol? No.

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Obviously, I'm wasn't just going to give up my fags and booze.

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Like, what would be the point in going there and being like,

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"By the way, I brought some alcohol and some cigarettes." No.

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HE LAUGHS

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Let's go and get drunk.

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The teens' cunning plan to deceive the family had worked.

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It was part of my plan to be sly and see how much we could get away with.

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I like to think I'm pretty clever at being pretty cunning.

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This is day one and I'm already calling time out, you know what I mean?

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No-one's clocked, I don't think.

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No-one's really... I think they think we're a bit weird.

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But Joiee paid a heavy price when he was woken at 6am the next morning.

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-Joiee, good morning.

-Oh! 'Honestly, I've never had such a bad hangover.'

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Oh, my God, my head was pounding so bad. I've never felt so... It was horrible.

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I think hangovers in India are ten times worse than this country.

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But if it wasn't the booze, it was the fags.

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The minute Shola and Joiee got to school, they sparked up.

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GIRLS INDISTINCT

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We're rebels, we don't care.

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HE LAUGHS

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We started smoking as soon as we got there, obviously.

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I was stressed out about the whole thing.

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I wasn't taking it seriously, I thought it was just a laugh.

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-When the security guard came and asked me...

-HE GIGGLES

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Suspecting more contraband, the head ordered a search.

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Where are you going?

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With gin stashed away, Joiee wasn't keen to co-operate.

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-Get off me, please.

-No.

-Please! Let me calm down then.

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Oh, just get off me!

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I was saying they're not going to search my bag. I was defiant on that.

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But, they weren't backing down either, so I was like, "Fucking hell."

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Oh.

0:16:560:16:58

I was freaked out, to be honest. I'd had enough then.

0:16:580:17:01

Change for Joiee came after he was thrown out of school

0:17:080:17:13

and dad Ashwani tried to understand his bad behaviour.

0:17:130:17:16

I think it's good the fact they want to sit down and talk to you

0:17:160:17:19

and if you've any problems, you get them aired out in the open.

0:17:190:17:23

Everyone says what they think and, after it, you feel a lot better because...

0:17:230:17:27

..it's, like, resolved.

0:17:290:17:31

Whereas in my house, there are issues that carry on.

0:17:310:17:38

There's never a resolution.

0:17:380:17:40

Sparks flew when Shola refused to wear a headscarf

0:17:440:17:47

in honour of Ashwani's dead father.

0:17:470:17:49

You can't just walk out, you have to finish this argument right now.

0:17:490:17:54

-Or you walk out of the house from here?

-I'm not going out.

-You can't go out.

0:17:540:17:58

-You want me to take you out?

-I'm getting a fucking light.

-You said "fucking".

0:17:580:18:02

-0h for...!

-JOIEE: I think she's being disrespectful.

0:18:020:18:06

-Why are you using this word?

-What's your problem?

0:18:060:18:08

-"What's your problem?" Don't say "fucking" in my house.

-Get off me!

0:18:080:18:12

-Just move out of my house!

-Get off me!

0:18:120:18:15

-Don't try to... Get off me!

-Move out!

0:18:150:18:18

-Move out!

-Get off!

-Just move out! You're not allowed here.

-Fuck off!

0:18:180:18:22

I don't even remember what he looked like at time, it was such adrenaline.

0:18:220:18:27

I just remember him chucking me out.

0:18:270:18:30

-Just move out!

-That's what I'm doing. Get off me! I swear to God!

-Outside!

-Fuck you!

0:18:300:18:36

Fuck off!

0:18:360:18:38

As soon as he shut the door on my face, it was like reality.

0:18:400:18:45

In London, if that happened, I'd have friends to stay at. I know my way around.

0:18:450:18:50

But, in India, I was completely isolated from everything and everyone. I didn't have a choice.

0:18:500:18:55

I had to literally sit outside and think about what I was going to do.

0:18:550:18:59

I definitely thought it was disrespectful

0:18:590:19:02

the fact that she kicked off the way she did.

0:19:020:19:05

But, I think,

0:19:050:19:06

I don't know, she probably figured out in the end that she was in the wrong.

0:19:060:19:11

I'm sorry.

0:19:170:19:18

I didn't mean to disrespect, I over-reacted.

0:19:210:19:23

It's really hurt me, by doing what I've done to you, also. Shola.

0:19:230:19:29

Go and sleep and be ready for the morning.

0:19:290:19:32

Even at the time, I didn't think I was right, after he kicked me out, but,

0:19:320:19:36

I didn't want to have to go in.

0:19:360:19:38

I hate saying sorry to people. I hate it. I never say sorry to people.

0:19:380:19:42

So it was really weird. When I eventually said sorry to him, is like a big difference.

0:19:430:19:48

THEY CHANT

0:19:500:19:52

The next day, Shola was on her best behaviour at the temple.

0:19:540:19:58

Surprisingly, I am less bothered about my appearance unless it's a big event.

0:19:580:20:04

Like, I don't mind going down to Sainsbury's in my pyjamas.

0:20:040:20:07

I'm not fussed.

0:20:070:20:08

I don't mind just having no make-up on.

0:20:080:20:11

When Joiee returned to school, he left the booze and fags behind.

0:20:160:20:20

Who wants to talk about the poster they made? Who will come forward?

0:20:200:20:24

Joiee, do you want to take your turn? Would you like to talk about it?

0:20:250:20:29

-Hi.

-HE GIGGLES

0:20:310:20:33

I made my poster. Obviously, it's about water conservation.

0:20:330:20:38

My slogan is "conserving water in the present for a better future".

0:20:380:20:41

Because, obviously, like, you need to, like, prepare for the future,

0:20:410:20:46

-um, by, like, acting now, yeah? That's my poster.

-It's very nice.

0:20:460:20:52

APPLAUSE

0:20:520:20:54

It makes you appreciate the fact that I might have thrown away

0:20:540:20:58

all my education and I didn't give a shit.

0:20:580:21:01

It makes you think, "Right, OK, I got it fucked up in the past."

0:21:010:21:05

But I'm keen to sort of get more focused on the future.

0:21:050:21:09

Having found his voice in public, Joiee made a discovery.

0:21:110:21:16

All gone. 'I've learned here you can deal with problems in other ways.'

0:21:160:21:20

I don't feel I need the alcohol any more. There's no reason to have it.

0:21:200:21:25

It's definitely made me realise how important family is in the grand scheme of things.

0:21:320:21:38

Seeing them, bonding with them as a family,

0:21:380:21:41

in a short amount of time, made me want a better relationship with my mum and dad. Definitely.

0:21:410:21:46

-Bye, Mum.

-You, too. And take care of your mum, as well. Both of you.

0:21:460:21:52

When I spent time with the mum over there,

0:21:520:21:54

it made me want to spend more time back in London with my mum.

0:21:540:21:57

Because, maybe, that's why our relationship isn't that great.

0:21:570:22:02

Shola!

0:22:200:22:24

Mwah!

0:22:240:22:27

-I've missed you so much. Honestly, I really have.

-I missed you.

0:22:270:22:31

Get over that side.

0:22:310:22:33

I'm definitely a lot calmer. That's the one thing I have noticed.

0:22:330:22:37

Before the trip I was stressed about everything. I'd like argue about everything.

0:22:370:22:42

But I've been so calm since I got back. Everything is just easy.

0:22:420:22:47

Now you've got black hair you can wear any colour.

0:22:470:22:50

I just don't want to stand out. I'll look like a big flower.

0:22:500:22:53

Her future does look better than before she went away

0:22:530:22:56

because she was not bothered about even going back to college.

0:22:560:22:59

"If I fail all my lessons, it doesn't matter.

0:22:590:23:02

"I can just go out and get a job." She thinks it is that easy. I think now she realises

0:23:020:23:06

it's harder to get a job, she needs qualifications and she needs to carry on in college.

0:23:060:23:11

I can see a lot more glimpses of the caring, sharing Shola that she used to be.

0:23:130:23:17

It is little steps but eventually I think she'll get there.

0:23:170:23:21

-Hello!

-Hello!

0:23:230:23:25

-Hiya.

-Are you all right?

-I'm fine. Hiya.

0:23:300:23:33

-Did you have a good time, kidda?

-It's been fantastic.

0:23:330:23:37

I think like it made me realise, being in India, how much my parents do actually do for me.

0:23:440:23:49

It's made me want to like give back a little bit, and help out.

0:23:490:23:53

It's not such a bad thing really.

0:23:530:23:55

It's easier to help out when you're sober.

0:23:550:23:58

If you're hungover, it's horrible. But...!

0:23:580:24:02

I definitely would say he's happier. And happier to be at home and be around us

0:24:020:24:06

and not trying to get out with his friends all the time.

0:24:060:24:09

Since I've been home I think I have definitely had more of a focus.

0:24:090:24:14

Like doing my artwork is something I shouldn't have given up on.

0:24:140:24:19

Being in India did sort of reignite that spark.

0:24:190:24:21

to have some motivation and actually do something I'm pretty good at.

0:24:210:24:27

Guys, it's all about me. It's going to be about me anyway!

0:24:310:24:34

Five months ago, 17-year-old Georgie Weare's behaviour

0:24:340:24:38

-had spiralled out of control.

-Georgie!

0:24:380:24:41

Any attempt at challenging her wasn't worth the angry outburst.

0:24:410:24:45

Have you washed your hands?

0:24:450:24:48

-It's Georgie's way or no way.

-What?! Don't stare at me!

0:24:480:24:52

She's smashed things, her language is atrocious.

0:24:520:24:55

She's just a cow really.

0:24:550:24:58

Georgie's parents had had an acrimonious divorce,

0:24:580:25:01

which was tough on her as the youngest.

0:25:010:25:03

-You look very smart.

-You look very horrible.

0:25:030:25:07

-Big day, isn't it?

-You're a bitch!

0:25:070:25:11

I've built up a character of having to be bolshie and loud.

0:25:110:25:14

This is the real Georgie and I feel like having a good drink, having a laugh!

0:25:140:25:18

I was so far down a road, you can't really turn around.

0:25:180:25:21

Joining Georgie was 17-year-old Manchester party boy Callum Watson.

0:25:230:25:30

On a good night out we go in a bar, just have a ball really. It's what you are going out for.

0:25:300:25:34

But it was not just his binge drinking that was worrying his mum.

0:25:340:25:38

I have took LSD, cocaine, ecstasy...

0:25:380:25:41

..weed, MDMA, ketamine. All fun though really!

0:25:410:25:47

The worst thing for me is some policeman knocking on my door

0:25:470:25:50

telling me that they've dragged a body out of the canal.

0:25:500:25:53

With parties and socialising taking priority, Callum struggled with college.

0:25:530:25:58

Callum was pulling As and Bs.

0:25:580:26:01

Now he's pulling Ds. I think he's already had a warning saying he might have to resit the year.

0:26:010:26:07

I'm not getting out of bed. I don't want to yet.

0:26:070:26:09

I can't be arsed with much. I'm just a lazy person.

0:26:090:26:13

-Hello!

-Hello.

-Let's have a hug.

-Aw!

0:26:130:26:16

-Nice to meet you. What's your name?

-Callum.

-I'm Georgie.

-Hello.

0:26:160:26:19

The British teens were sent to Charlotte, North Carolina,

0:26:190:26:22

to live with Chinese-American family, the Lees.

0:26:220:26:25

The Lees had strong family values

0:26:250:26:28

and very high expectations of their two children.

0:26:280:26:32

In a traditional Chinese family, we're all thinking that education is the most important thing.

0:26:320:26:37

My children all understand if they don't do well

0:26:370:26:40

they will bring shame to the family.

0:26:400:26:43

They will face the consequences.

0:26:430:26:45

SCREECHING

0:26:480:26:50

No way! Oh no!

0:26:500:26:52

-I'm Callum.

-Zsa Zsa.

-Zsa Zsa? Hello.

-Benjamin, Benjamin Lee.

0:26:520:26:58

In England you don't really see Chinese people have big houses.

0:26:580:27:01

You just see them like in the Chinese place down there or something like that!

0:27:010:27:05

Or in the chippies! You don't expect to see them with massive houses. It was a culture shock, basically.

0:27:050:27:11

They were stood there on the steps, big cheesy smiles on their face.

0:27:110:27:17

I was like, "Oh my God, they're robots!"

0:27:170:27:19

Rule number one, respect your parents and elders at all times.

0:27:190:27:25

Yeah, that's all right. If we give you respect, we get respect back.

0:27:250:27:29

Smoking and drinking are off limits.

0:27:290:27:33

Absolutely no drugs.

0:27:330:27:36

Do you have any contraband that we should be aware of?

0:27:360:27:39

-Like what?

-Just like, smoke or anything?

-Nope.

0:27:390:27:45

-No, I haven't.

-Are you sure?

-No.

0:27:450:27:49

-The rules are shit.

-Yeah, I know.

-I will have cigarettes.

0:27:490:27:53

When somebody says you can't smoke it makes you want to smoke a lot more.

0:27:530:27:57

So if they were to say, "Right, you're allowed a few", it doesn't bother me.

0:27:570:28:00

But if they say no completely, that's just awful.

0:28:000:28:03

It's just... it's completely stupid. It was a stupid rule.

0:28:030:28:07

-We've got to go.

-And rules are made to be broken.

0:28:070:28:10

-Would you like to hand over your smokes?

-No.

0:28:100:28:13

-If I can just have that one and then that's it.

-No.

0:28:130:28:18

-There! Have it!

-Thank you.

0:28:180:28:21

Looking back on how I reacted, I could have done it differently.

0:28:210:28:25

I could have sat down and talked to them, but instead I stormed off.

0:28:250:28:29

And that was how I reacted at the time.

0:28:290:28:31

When Benjamin took the teens and son Alex to the local rescue mission,

0:28:330:28:37

relationships with the family took a major turn for the worse.

0:28:370:28:41

Yours is really clean. Can we swap because you've got a really easy one? And you're a good child. So, thanks!

0:28:410:28:48

I'm not switching because it's easier for you,

0:28:480:28:51

-I'm doing this because I'll do a better job.

-Whoa!

0:28:510:28:56

This is the first time Alex come out of his perfect shell. I don't know why he did it.

0:28:560:29:01

I was like, how dare you? You've known me for a day. You're not better than me.

0:29:010:29:05

-I didn't say I was. I said I can do a better job on this.

-Am I here doing it? Yes.

0:29:050:29:09

-You're being forced to.

-If I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it.

0:29:090:29:12

I don't do what I don't want to. If I didn't want to do it I'd be sunbathing. But I'm doing it.

0:29:120:29:16

You make me not want to with your attitude. Don't talk to me like that, end of.

0:29:160:29:20

-You have the worst attitude of anyone I know.

-I don't care.

0:29:200:29:24

When he said I had the worst attitude, I wasn't that shocked. I have heard from so many people.

0:29:240:29:31

I know myself that then I had quite a stinking attitude

0:29:310:29:34

and didn't give anyone the time of day.

0:29:340:29:37

But it annoyed me because he didn't even know me yet.

0:29:370:29:41

They really were not doing that good of a job today.

0:29:410:29:44

I think that they're perfectly OK with this because this is how they behave normally.

0:29:440:29:49

George, I don't think you did a good job today.

0:29:490:29:52

Alex talked to me. Come on.

0:29:520:29:56

Georgie!

0:29:560:29:58

She jumped in before she understood everything. She was lucky that I walked away.

0:29:580:30:02

I was so angry... Oh!

0:30:020:30:05

Were you there? Were you there?

0:30:050:30:08

You where not there, that is the end of it. I am very frustrated right now.

0:30:080:30:13

-You just lie!

-Do not yell at my mom.

0:30:130:30:15

Listen to how she's talking to me, and say I didn't fucking try! I am pissed off!

0:30:150:30:20

The world does not revolve around you.

0:30:200:30:22

I am trying to fucking walk away and she is following me.

0:30:220:30:25

'She was chasing me around the house, shouting, "You're a liar!

0:30:250:30:28

"you're a liar!" I was like, I am not a liar.

0:30:280:30:32

-Listen, Georgie.

-You are acting like a very bad kid.

0:30:320:30:35

'I hated her so much.'

0:30:350:30:37

If she came up to me and apologised to me, fair enough, I am not going to hold a grudge, I'm not going

0:30:370:30:41

to be horrible to her, but she didn't, and she should have in my eyes. I still think that today.

0:30:410:30:46

Her relationship with Zsa Zsa never recovered. Benjamin did not give up,

0:30:490:30:52

and took her to the Dove's Nest, the women's section of the rescue mission.

0:30:520:30:57

That is so hard! You, like, jumped! I can't do that.

0:30:570:31:01

I can't do that, that is so hard.

0:31:010:31:03

ENGINE REVS

0:31:030:31:05

Ah, I've lost a wheel!

0:31:050:31:06

The reason I got on so well with women is that they didn't expect anything from me.

0:31:060:31:11

The took it as a clean sheet. They just let me be me.

0:31:110:31:14

I have been a teenager, now I am a mom. So I get to see both.

0:31:140:31:19

Georgie's turning point came

0:31:190:31:21

when she opened up to Cindi about her relationship with her mum.

0:31:210:31:25

We do not talk at all.

0:31:250:31:27

She is out to lunch and doing this and this, and I'm doing my thing, we're just so separated.

0:31:270:31:32

Is hard at is is for you to talk to her, I am sure that is for her.

0:31:320:31:35

I didn't know how to talk to my kids.

0:31:350:31:38

-I love you.

-I love you, too. You taught me a lot.

0:31:380:31:41

I think the Dove's Nest opened my eyes a lot.

0:31:410:31:44

Because these women are trying

0:31:440:31:45

so hard for something I already have. Like, a family.

0:31:450:31:49

Goodbye!

0:31:490:31:50

I realise that I already have that at home and I'm taking it for granted.

0:31:500:31:55

Callum's wake up call happened when he got to know Rico, a former drug addict.

0:32:010:32:07

One of the things that I wish that I could go back and change was the drugs and alcohol.

0:32:070:32:11

For so many years, I got high. But drugs made me happy.

0:32:110:32:15

Made me, you know, I like getting high.

0:32:150:32:18

I never knew that eventually it would almost kill me.

0:32:180:32:23

It kind of reminded me of me a little bit.

0:32:230:32:26

It was kind of thinking, "Right, if I don't stop, I could end up where they are."

0:32:260:32:30

And I know I'm smart, I have this ambition to get, like, and go

0:32:300:32:34

and teach, but if I carry on taking drugs I am not going to reach it.

0:32:340:32:38

-See ya!

-I'll miss you.

-I'll miss you, too.

0:32:400:32:43

The Lees made me think "I can do it."

0:32:450:32:47

If I want to do it I can do it. Just go for it.

0:32:470:32:50

I would easily rather have stayed at the Dove's Nest than at the Lees' house.

0:32:500:32:54

I would not go back to the Lees, even if you paid me.

0:32:540:32:56

-I couldn't stand them.

-And the feeling was mutual.

0:32:560:33:00

I do hope the best for her, but at the same time I am glad she's gone.

0:33:000:33:04

-Oh, freedom! Hello.

-Are you all right?

0:33:090:33:14

I definitely have a better relationship with my mum since I have come back.

0:33:230:33:28

I find it easier to talk to her. I think I have a lot more patience now.

0:33:280:33:33

I still believe there is a lot more that I can do. I do agree with that.

0:33:330:33:37

But I think I have gone a long way from what I was when I was

0:33:370:33:40

so angry and always so abusive and everything.

0:33:400:33:43

My communication was just terrible.

0:33:430:33:46

I do think that overall, it has improved a lot.

0:33:460:33:49

You are too aggressive! You are too competitive.

0:33:490:33:52

I feel we still have a long way to go,

0:33:540:33:56

but I think we are heading in the right direction now. It is getting better. Slowly better.

0:33:560:34:01

I don't care any more!

0:34:050:34:07

Thank you very much.

0:34:180:34:19

Since going to North Carolina, it has changed my life, it really has.

0:34:190:34:24

I think the harmony has been restored in the house,

0:34:240:34:26

in the fact that I know when to respect my mum

0:34:260:34:29

and it has put my ambition back on the right track.

0:34:290:34:32

I want to know when I'm going to go, how I'm going to do it,

0:34:320:34:34

and if I ever need help I can always ask the Lee family.

0:34:340:34:37

Treats you like a baby, doesn't he, mate? 'Callum knows he has to have self-discipline.'

0:34:400:34:44

That if you want to achieve, HE'S got to do it. I can't drag him there.

0:34:440:34:49

He has to drag himself.

0:34:490:34:51

I have got a young man, with aspirations

0:34:510:34:54

and the drive to go through his aspirations now.

0:34:540:34:58

I got two Bs is in biology, two Cs in chemistry and a C and a B in drama.

0:35:000:35:05

-Well done!

-'I am very glad I went on it.'

0:35:050:35:09

It was an experience I will never forget.

0:35:090:35:11

I will never forget the Lee family for what they have done.

0:35:110:35:14

-I just want money!

-I ain't got no money. I gave you - what did I tell you?

0:35:230:35:27

-I don't care, just give me money.

-No, you've got no money.

0:35:270:35:30

You get your own money now, yeah? That's what's going to happen.

0:35:300:35:33

Fucking idiot.

0:35:330:35:36

Two months ago, spoiled college dropout Remzi Tomlin took everything from his father.

0:35:360:35:41

-Can I just have money?

-How much do you need?

-I don't know, just money.

0:35:410:35:47

I will just give you a tenner, that is all I've got.

0:35:470:35:50

Remzi blew all his dad's money on clothes and parties.

0:35:520:35:57

If I see something I buy it, even though I don't need it.

0:35:570:35:58

I know I am spoiled, but if they said no when I was younger,

0:35:580:36:01

I wouldn't be like this.

0:36:010:36:04

Joining him a 16-year-old Btyony Harris, who had a very short fuse.

0:36:050:36:10

I'll get you a drink, but I'll get you a small bottle.

0:36:100:36:12

Dad, that is what you always do! Fucking hell!

0:36:120:36:15

Bryony, please, stop swearing.

0:36:150:36:17

Bryony's anger meant that she was kicked out of every school

0:36:170:36:21

she had ever attended.

0:36:210:36:23

She can get quite angry if she can't get her own way.

0:36:230:36:26

I get so angry, I can literally feel it all... It's horrible.

0:36:260:36:30

Even talking about being angry... makes me angry. I hate it.

0:36:300:36:34

With Bryony's future at a standstill,

0:36:340:36:38

dad Bill had run out of options.

0:36:380:36:40

I think she is a spoiled little cow, yeah. That's my own fault.

0:36:400:36:43

She treats me like a slave. She seems to have no respect for me.

0:36:430:36:47

I feel like from the time I get up in the morning,

0:36:470:36:50

to the time I go to bed, it's just a constant battle.

0:36:500:36:53

Hi, I'm Bryony.

0:36:560:36:58

-I'm Remzi. Nervous?

-Yeah, really nervous.

0:36:580:37:01

The teens were sent to Buenos Aires in Argentina

0:37:050:37:09

to live with the strict Bustamante family.

0:37:090:37:12

The first and most important rule in our house

0:37:120:37:16

is to follow the rules.

0:37:160:37:18

The Bustamante system of parenting worked by their kids earning rights.

0:37:180:37:24

If they respect the rules, they can go to parties.

0:37:240:37:27

If they don't respect the school rules or our rules,

0:37:270:37:31

they know that the answer is no.

0:37:310:37:33

Oh, my God, imagine if we lived there, look at that.

0:37:370:37:39

Look at them houses.

0:37:390:37:41

They better be rich. I can't sit in a hut.

0:37:410:37:43

'It was horrible, I thought we were going...'

0:37:430:37:46

..to stay in a slum, all these buildings falling down and stuff.

0:37:460:37:49

Oh, I wasn't happy.

0:37:490:37:51

You felt like you were in a different country

0:37:510:37:53

when you went in the gated community.

0:37:530:37:56

It was just like America. It was crazy.

0:37:560:37:59

Just to see, outside this wall was a slum

0:37:590:38:01

where people are like starving and stuff,

0:38:010:38:03

and then you've got people that...

0:38:030:38:05

I don't know, it's just crazy.

0:38:050:38:08

Dad Gonzalo had a military upbringing

0:38:080:38:10

and was quick to give the orders.

0:38:100:38:12

The first rule is respect the rules of our family.

0:38:120:38:15

As we tell our kids, school is your job.

0:38:150:38:20

You're going to go to school.

0:38:200:38:23

No, I'm not fucking going to school.

0:38:230:38:25

When we first got told the rules, we were a bit like,

0:38:250:38:28

"some of these rules are a bit stupid." We didn't care,

0:38:280:38:30

we were like, "We're not going to stick to these, what the hell?"

0:38:300:38:35

On the teens' first day at school,

0:38:350:38:38

Bryony's anger got the better of her.

0:38:380:38:40

-You don't want to read and you don't want to work, it's OK.

-I'm listening!

0:38:400:38:43

Yeah, but you're being disrespectful with that attitude.

0:38:430:38:47

I can't deal with fucking English.

0:38:490:38:51

'I've already been to school, I've finished school now'

0:38:510:38:54

and I didn't want to be sitting listening to English.

0:38:540:38:57

I do get a bit claustrophobic, and I was getting so angry,

0:38:570:39:01

'so I was like, fine, I'll just have a cigarette here,

0:39:010:39:04

'but then she snapped it.

0:39:040:39:05

'And then I was trying to get out, it was a bit of a struggle.'

0:39:050:39:08

-You fucking what!?

-Don't touch me.

0:39:080:39:10

Fucking move!

0:39:100:39:12

Don't you fucking do that!

0:39:120:39:13

Fucking move now!

0:39:130:39:15

'But in the end I did push her a bit, a little bit.'

0:39:150:39:18

-Do you want a punch?!

-No.

0:39:180:39:20

-Do you want a punch?!

-I don't need to be aggressive.

0:39:200:39:22

Fuck off.

0:39:220:39:23

'I just felt bad about it, I wish I didn't do it,

0:39:240:39:27

'cos pushing someone's just harsh'

0:39:270:39:31

and there's no need for that, she was just trying to help.

0:39:310:39:34

The turning point for the teens came

0:39:370:39:39

when they helped out at a small nursery school in a slum.

0:39:390:39:43

Never been to a place like this before in my life.

0:39:450:39:48

'When we drove through the gated community to the slums,

0:39:480:39:51

'there was a river of shit, basically,'

0:39:510:39:53

and houses falling into it, and I was just amazed.

0:39:530:39:56

I was really scared.

0:39:560:39:58

They're all just staring. I was like, "I could die."

0:39:580:40:01

I was convinced I was going to die!

0:40:010:40:02

SHE SPEAKS SPANISH

0:40:040:40:07

Bryony and Remzi.

0:40:070:40:09

'I feel like such a mug, like.'

0:40:110:40:13

Them kids, instead of going out roaming the streets,

0:40:130:40:16

I have gone to... basically a youth club -

0:40:160:40:19

what these two amazing people have built on the back of their house -

0:40:190:40:22

to learn.

0:40:220:40:23

Over here, you don't get that but there, it's all about education

0:40:230:40:28

so you don't have to be in that slum.

0:40:280:40:30

It was just mind-blowing, I think.

0:40:300:40:32

The teens were asked to redecorate one of the classrooms.

0:40:320:40:35

Is it going in?

0:40:350:40:36

Bits on the side, so that's fine.

0:40:360:40:38

'They haven't got much but it's a lot to them.'

0:40:380:40:41

They're happy, I didn't think they would be but they're happy.

0:40:410:40:44

It's made me realise that I don't really need all the stuff I've got

0:40:440:40:47

and I get angry if I don't get what I want.

0:40:470:40:50

When Gonzalo discovered the teens had been expelled from school,

0:40:530:40:57

he said they had to earn the right to continue their work at the slum.

0:40:570:41:01

Thursday, I think you are not going again, to the activity.

0:41:010:41:05

You have to earn it.

0:41:050:41:07

But we're not earning, we're helping people who are less fortunate.

0:41:070:41:10

You won't even let us help people?

0:41:100:41:12

If you want to go back...

0:41:120:41:14

I do...

0:41:140:41:15

..show some...

0:41:150:41:17

you know, effort, OK?

0:41:170:41:19

Thank you.

0:41:190:41:20

'When he said we weren't allowed to go back unless we made an effort,'

0:41:200:41:25

I think it hit us, especially me, cos I've really enjoyed it so much

0:41:250:41:29

and I think everything changed then.

0:41:290:41:32

Looking back now, I really understand why he did it.

0:41:320:41:35

It wasn't because he didn't want us to go,

0:41:350:41:38

it was because... we didn't deserve to go.

0:41:380:41:42

To prove to Gonzalo they could change,

0:41:420:41:45

the teens spent a day doing chores.

0:41:450:41:48

And as a reward, they returned to the slums to finish the job.

0:41:480:41:53

Going into that slum, I think that was the highlight of the experience.

0:41:550:42:00

I was just so proud.

0:42:000:42:01

We did a whole room and painted it in like, two days.

0:42:010:42:04

It's the first time I've done something for someone

0:42:040:42:07

and actually enjoyed it and wanted to do it again.

0:42:070:42:10

I just want to carry on.

0:42:100:42:12

They all want to thank you very much for having done the painting

0:42:120:42:16

and the drawings

0:42:160:42:18

and they're very grateful.

0:42:180:42:19

CHILDREN: Thank you!

0:42:190:42:22

CHILDREN APPLAUD

0:42:220:42:24

When I finished that wall,

0:42:240:42:26

after we'd painted it and the kids put their hands on it,

0:42:260:42:29

it was...it was just amazing, it does make me more happy, thinking,

0:42:290:42:33

"I've finished that and they're probably still enjoying it."

0:42:330:42:36

-Bye.

-Thank you so much.

0:42:420:42:44

-I love you.

-I love you, too.

0:42:460:42:48

It was horrible, I didn't want to say goodbye.

0:42:480:42:51

I didn't want to let go, I just couldn't stop crying.

0:42:510:42:54

Didn't want to get in the car and go.

0:42:540:42:56

-Thanks for everything, you have made a big effort.

-I tried.

0:42:560:42:59

-No, you've made an excellent effort.

-Vamos, huh?

-That's right.

0:42:590:43:03

I thought family was nothing, I could stop talking to them when I'm older,

0:43:030:43:06

they don't matter to me, but...

0:43:060:43:08

Your family, like, they're there for you no matter what.

0:43:080:43:11

Your friends could just go away and leave you

0:43:110:43:14

but family are there forever.

0:43:140:43:16

Yeah, I did appreciate my family more after that.

0:43:160:43:18

How's it going, give us a cuddle. Aw, that's nice!

0:43:230:43:26

Good to see you, son. You been all right, yeah?

0:43:260:43:29

Since I've been back,

0:43:320:43:34

I try and get up at ten, have a shower,

0:43:340:43:35

eat breakfast and I'll wash up,

0:43:350:43:37

hoover, then wipe down all the sides and mop if I can.

0:43:370:43:41

I may seem nothing to me cos it only takes me half an hour,

0:43:410:43:44

but to my dad - it's a huge difference.

0:43:440:43:46

He used to come home and have to clean up my mess,

0:43:460:43:48

and wash up after doing a nine-hour shift.

0:43:480:43:50

It was really selfish and horrible.

0:43:500:43:52

I really, honestly didn't think that this day would ever come.

0:43:520:43:56

I'm just...gobsmacked that he's changed everything.

0:43:560:44:02

He's just like a new kid, you know?!

0:44:020:44:05

My dad's wallet was like, my little piggy bank

0:44:050:44:08

but now I'd think, "Do I need it for the day?"

0:44:080:44:11

That's the best thing - not just taking money that I don't need.

0:44:110:44:14

-Hello!

-Hi!

-All right, babe?

0:44:190:44:22

Hello!

0:44:230:44:24

I'll pass it to you, all right?

0:44:260:44:28

Since I've been back,

0:44:280:44:30

I just respect things more

0:44:300:44:31

and I respect what I've got.

0:44:310:44:33

I keep my room tidier, I tidy up, I wash up for my dad.

0:44:330:44:37

I put my washing and ironing upstairs now, and stuff.

0:44:370:44:40

Just little things, it does help and what I didn't think would help,

0:44:400:44:43

it does, it makes a big difference, really.

0:44:430:44:46

I'm proud of Bryony for putting herself up

0:44:460:44:48

and she's growing up, every day she's changing

0:44:480:44:51

and I think she will find some kind of direction in the near future.

0:44:510:44:56

It was a life-changing experience.

0:44:560:44:58

I don't shut up about it, I love it, even the arguments.

0:44:580:45:01

If there were no arguments, I wouldn't have learnt anything.

0:45:010:45:04

It was definitely the best...the best experience so far in my life.

0:45:040:45:08

Three months ago, 18-year-old party girl Jade Bare

0:45:150:45:18

was driving her mum to distraction.

0:45:180:45:21

Her all-night boozing was out of control.

0:45:210:45:24

Start out getting drunk at a friend's house or my house -

0:45:240:45:27

drink a bit.

0:45:270:45:28

On the way here - drink a bit.

0:45:280:45:29

Go to a bar - drink a bit.

0:45:290:45:31

Get here - drink a bit, by the time we leave...legless!

0:45:310:45:35

It's getting out of hand and it's painful.

0:45:350:45:39

To see somebody just... literally destroy themselves.

0:45:390:45:43

We can't walk in our fucking nice heels! What's your problem?!

0:45:430:45:46

Jade's dad died two years ago

0:45:480:45:49

and her drinking spiralled.

0:45:490:45:52

I really, really, really loved my dad.

0:45:520:45:54

He was a proper, main part in my life.

0:45:540:45:57

Now he's gone, I don't care about anyone else.

0:45:570:45:59

If I wasn't going out I'd just be depressed.

0:45:590:46:02

But since I go out, I just think it's fun.

0:46:020:46:04

I don't think there's a point of life if you're not going to go out.

0:46:040:46:08

Over in Swindon,

0:46:080:46:10

Connor Jones' weed addiction was tearing his family apart.

0:46:100:46:13

I smoked it once a week, twice a week

0:46:130:46:16

and then it got to three times a week and now it's every day.

0:46:160:46:19

I now have to smoke more than £10's worth.

0:46:190:46:21

His family even believed he'd stolen money from them.

0:46:210:46:26

Connor, your brother had £10 in his wallet.

0:46:260:46:29

I never touched it.

0:46:290:46:30

-So, who took it, then?

-Fuck off.

0:46:300:46:33

I've sat and cried on me own, and thought, "Where've I gone wrong?"

0:46:330:46:36

I'm just hoping in a few years' time that he realises what he's doing.

0:46:360:46:40

It wasn't just his mum who was affected by his behaviour.

0:46:400:46:44

BABY GURGLES

0:46:440:46:47

I'm a dad. He's six, eh, seven months now. A little kid called Lewis.

0:46:470:46:51

I was with the girl for eight months and she fell pregnant,

0:46:510:46:54

so she had the kid

0:46:540:46:55

and I haven't really paid any attention to it, to be honest.

0:46:550:46:59

For the first two months he was a really good dad,

0:46:590:47:03

and then after that he just started fading away.

0:47:030:47:06

If I had a tenner, I'd think,

0:47:070:47:09

"Lewis and weed - shit, I'd actually buy weed with it."

0:47:090:47:12

-You all right?

-All right?

-I'm Jade.

-I'm Connor.

0:47:150:47:19

The teens were sent 5,000 miles away to Seattle,

0:47:220:47:24

on the west coast of America, to stay with Smith Irwin family.

0:47:240:47:29

Lord God, bless this food...

0:47:300:47:33

Rob and Denise are devout Christians with strong views on parenting.

0:47:330:47:37

Quite often when I'm having conversations I will use the term,

0:47:370:47:40

WWJD - What Would Jesus Do?

0:47:400:47:43

After an accident left her paralysed,

0:47:430:47:45

Denise and Rob's rock-solid faith helped them through.

0:47:450:47:49

You know, every step of our lives and our decisions

0:47:490:47:53

are strongly based on a Christian fundamental belief.

0:47:530:47:57

To us, it's basically a daily part of life.

0:47:570:48:01

-Hi, how are you?

-I'm Jade.

0:48:050:48:07

Connor, Jade, could you guys come down here?

0:48:070:48:11

We'll have a quick talk.

0:48:110:48:12

I didn't really care about the rules cos I knew I'd break them anyway

0:48:120:48:16

so it was just like...

0:48:160:48:18

First and primary things that we insist on is that

0:48:180:48:21

we don't permit drinking, smoking.

0:48:210:48:23

No alcohol, no cannabis, no cigarettes.

0:48:230:48:27

Is there no way we can smoke anywhere outside the house?

0:48:270:48:30

We're expecting that you're going to give up cigarettes

0:48:300:48:33

-and there is not going to be any smoking this week.

-I will not give up my cigarettes.

0:48:330:48:37

Sitting at that table then was so stressful, horrible.

0:48:370:48:41

You're just sat there, your brain's hurting,

0:48:410:48:43

you've been listening to his dull voice for ages.

0:48:430:48:46

You're like, "Come on." I just thought, "I'm going for a cigarette.

0:48:460:48:49

"I've had enough of this."

0:48:490:48:51

An hour after hearing the house rules, the teens were lighting up.

0:48:510:48:54

What a twat. At the end of the day, I want to smoke.

0:48:540:48:57

It's my choice to smoke if I enjoy smoking.

0:48:570:48:59

At the moment, I'm enjoying smoking, aren't I?

0:48:590:49:01

It's like zombified in that house. They need livening up a little bit.

0:49:010:49:06

They need some fucking alcohol in them, that's what they need.

0:49:060:49:10

The second day of their stay in Seattle was Independence Day.

0:49:100:49:14

So you guys know we're going over to a party this evening

0:49:140:49:17

and there's going to be some alcohol there.

0:49:170:49:21

We don't want to take any of that.

0:49:210:49:24

'I didn't really think it was a party because it actually wasn't a party.'

0:49:250:49:29

No-one was having fun. People were obviously having their own fun

0:49:290:49:32

'in their own way, but I didn't think it was fun.'

0:49:320:49:36

It was the shittest party I've ever been to.

0:49:360:49:38

The Independence party was awful.

0:49:380:49:40

'It was so bad. Everybody was just standing around like sardines

0:49:400:49:44

'and had one or two beers.'

0:49:440:49:46

If that was me, I'd be on my ass halfway through that party.

0:49:460:49:49

With free booze up for grabs,

0:49:530:49:55

it wasn't long before the teens were breaking the rules again.

0:49:550:49:59

It wasn't technically stealing cos they were giving it away.

0:49:590:50:02

It's just that we weren't allowed it.

0:50:020:50:04

'Technically, it was just borrowing. I should have put it back,'

0:50:040:50:07

but it was like an alcopop. I don't feel guilty. Connor might.

0:50:070:50:11

What is there to feel guilty about?

0:50:110:50:13

When you're used to drinking vodka and Sambuca and stuff

0:50:130:50:16

'that is just juice.'

0:50:160:50:17

HE BURPS

0:50:170:50:19

Pardon me.

0:50:190:50:21

The following day was a turning point for Jade and Connor.

0:50:210:50:26

Is there anything you need to tell me

0:50:260:50:28

that happened yesterday at the party?

0:50:280:50:30

No.

0:50:330:50:34

I was completely lying out of my ass, it was awful.

0:50:340:50:38

Every sentence I said was a big lie.

0:50:380:50:40

Hmmm.

0:50:410:50:42

'It was really bad cos they brought Connor out first came out first.'

0:50:440:50:47

I was just like, oh my God, what if he said, yeah, and then I say, no?

0:50:470:50:50

Or what if he says, no, and I say, yeah? I got really scared.

0:50:500:50:53

But then when Connor was walking past he said, no, so I was like, OK.

0:50:530:50:57

My initial feeling is that...

0:50:570:50:59

I believe you

0:50:590:51:01

and I'd like to continue believing and trusting you.

0:51:010:51:03

I feel so guilty. I feel so guilty.

0:51:050:51:09

'They are all big about trust and they said they believed us'

0:51:090:51:14

and they trust us so I feel like shit, to be honest, about it.

0:51:140:51:18

The Smith Irwins were determined to show Jade and Connor their future

0:51:210:51:25

if they didn't stop drinking and smoking.

0:51:250:51:28

So they sent them to a local homeless refuge.

0:51:290:51:32

'I walked through the door

0:51:320:51:34

'and I just wanted to turn around and never go back.

0:51:340:51:37

'That place was awful. It was like a zoo.'

0:51:370:51:40

It was awful. I didn't like it at all.

0:51:400:51:43

'I actually really didn't want to be there.'

0:51:430:51:46

It sounds really rude but I felt really dirty.

0:51:460:51:48

What you'll find is it's fun for now

0:51:480:51:50

and you'll have friends who will party with you but let's say

0:51:500:51:54

you don't have the money to buy the drinks

0:51:540:51:57

and you don't have the money to get the pot,

0:51:570:51:59

those friends are going to fade away.

0:51:590:52:01

You're going to be possibly doing stuff

0:52:010:52:04

that you never considered yourself doing.

0:52:040:52:07

'Some of them have had really hard lives

0:52:070:52:09

'but some girls went from just being like me in school'

0:52:090:52:11

going out, having fun and now look where they are.

0:52:110:52:14

It made me realise I probably shouldn't drink as much.

0:52:140:52:17

'The biggest thing I learned was completely, stay off weed

0:52:170:52:20

'and not take anything for granted. I'm definitely glad'

0:52:200:52:23

weed's out of my life cos I was always associated

0:52:230:52:26

as a big weedhead and stuff like that.

0:52:260:52:29

All the time, I'd get texts saying, "Are you coming out for a smoke?"

0:52:290:52:32

I still occasionally get ones now but at the end of the day

0:52:320:52:35

I don't really want that any more.

0:52:350:52:37

As the week drew to a close, Denise wanted to understand

0:52:390:52:42

the reason behind Jade's drinking.

0:52:420:52:44

My dad died when I was 15...

0:52:450:52:48

Yeah, just before my 16th birthday.

0:52:480:52:51

-That was fairly recent?

-Yeah.

0:52:530:52:55

Do you miss your dad?

0:52:550:52:57

I don't know. I'd rather just, like, forget it.

0:52:570:53:00

You know, if you think about it and you talk about it,

0:53:000:53:04

instead of bottling things up,

0:53:040:53:06

if you let things out and discuss them, you feel better inside.

0:53:060:53:09

I don't know.

0:53:090:53:11

'It doesn't make sense'

0:53:110:53:12

but it was like, my dad's just gone away, he's coming back.

0:53:120:53:15

That's what I was thinking, that's why I was like, whatever.

0:53:150:53:18

But when I went away, I talked to Denise

0:53:180:53:20

and it actually made me realise that my dad ain't coming back

0:53:200:53:23

and there's nothing I can do to get him back.

0:53:230:53:25

So it was like, oh, I might as well grieve or whatever you call it.

0:53:250:53:30

Change came for Connor when he attended an activity day

0:53:320:53:37

for disabled children.

0:53:370:53:38

'It reminded me a lot of my son, of how I could be a dad to my son.

0:53:400:53:44

'I did feel good that I was having the experience'

0:53:440:53:46

but I felt really guilty cos we went to the park

0:53:460:53:50

and we were playing all these games

0:53:500:53:52

'and then I would never have done that with my son.'

0:53:520:53:55

Do you want me to clip them up for you?

0:53:550:53:57

'It really made me want to be a better dad. It completely changed'

0:53:570:54:01

the perspective I had over being a dad.

0:54:010:54:03

If I show you...

0:54:030:54:05

Go like that and then like that.

0:54:050:54:07

Do you understand?

0:54:070:54:10

'When we went kayaking, all he wanted to do was go faster

0:54:100:54:13

'and faster and I was really making the effort for him to go faster.'

0:54:130:54:17

I kept picturing my son's head on the back of his head.

0:54:170:54:20

I really wanted him there.

0:54:200:54:22

I just want to say goodbye. Thanks a lot for coming out this week.

0:54:240:54:28

Thanks for having me.

0:54:280:54:29

Their time with the Smith Irwins had come to an end.

0:54:290:54:31

-Bye!

-See ya.

0:54:310:54:33

I've realised that everything I was doing was ruining my life'

0:54:330:54:38

instead of making it better.

0:54:380:54:39

-Hey, Mum.

-Hello, stranger. How are you?

0:54:430:54:46

'When my dad died, I just think'

0:54:490:54:51

I kind of blamed it on my mum.

0:54:510:54:53

But now I don't blame it on my mum, I don't blame anyone.

0:54:530:54:56

Thank you.

0:54:560:54:58

'Being away made Jade realise that...'

0:54:580:55:01

..the way she treats me is not right.

0:55:020:55:05

It made me realise mum isn't going to be here for ever.

0:55:050:55:08

You should cherish all the time that you have with your parents.

0:55:080:55:13

'She should try and remember the positive things

0:55:130:55:16

'she had with her dad.'

0:55:160:55:17

Time is the greatest healer.

0:55:170:55:19

-I missed you.

-Yeah?

0:55:230:55:25

Yeah. How was your week?

0:55:250:55:26

I missed you as well, mate.

0:55:260:55:28

'The biggest change in Connor and the thing I'm most pleased about is'

0:55:290:55:33

him stopping smoking weed. That has made such a difference

0:55:330:55:36

'to his mannerisms, his health, his attitude,'

0:55:360:55:40

totally different personality, totally different.

0:55:400:55:43

That's the thing I'm most happy about.

0:55:430:55:44

Before I went, my relationship with my mum was awful.

0:55:460:55:49

'But when I got back, we were just like best friends,

0:55:490:55:52

'like bread and butter.

0:55:520:55:53

'Everything we do together. We go for walks.'

0:55:530:55:56

We go to the cinema. It's just like little things we do with each other.

0:55:560:56:00

It's really good. We get along.

0:56:000:56:02

'We still have our little arguments but every family has arguments

0:56:020:56:05

'but it's not like it was at all.'

0:56:050:56:07

'I'm really proud of him. Before,'

0:56:070:56:11

he didn't love himself, couldn't be bothered.

0:56:110:56:14

I'm really proud of him.

0:56:140:56:15

'I've been seeing Lewis a bit more since I've been back

0:56:200:56:23

'and it's a lot better.'

0:56:230:56:25

He's actually starting to realise I'm his dad

0:56:250:56:27

and it's really nice to see him smile with me and know who I am.

0:56:270:56:30

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:56:470:56:51

E-mail [email protected]

0:56:510:56:54

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